http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:3an&section=today deviantART RSS for by:3an en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Mon, 30 Nov 2009 09:38:21 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://3an.deviantart.com/journal/26455350/ http://3an.deviantart.com/journal/26455350/ Fri, 07 Aug 2009 22:58:54 PDT I smell sex and candy here..."
~Sex and Candy by Marcy's Playground
♪♪♪

~~~~

Just a quick little update from 3an.

My all~time favourite author is hereby Ayn Rand.

She's written classics such as The Fountainhead (which my new sig is from) and Anthem. She also wrote Atlas Shrugged which I'm working on right now.

Her ideas are the smartest I've ever heard. Close second? Chuck Palahnuik. Author of Fight Club and Choke- both great books. Still, Ayn Rand tops. I mean, she wrote in the 40's. But her ideals and beliefs and so beyond most of modern day culture. It gives sense to the world by proving how nonsensical everything really is.

And it's made me proud to have an ego. When I get home in a week, if I remember, I'll post the quote that gives the previous sentance sense.

Until then,
sending marshmellows and twizzlers to all,
3an

p.s, check the new sig for a quote from The Fountainhead by my favourite character ever, Howard Roark, Architect.

]]> ~3an http://3an.deviantart.com/journal/26276000/ http://3an.deviantart.com/journal/26276000/ Thu, 30 Jul 2009 12:25:23 PDT eighty thousand notes.








Dorktime.



ps i like that 70s show too

]]> ~3an http://3an.deviantart.com/journal/26200159/ http://3an.deviantart.com/journal/26200159/ Sun, 26 Jul 2009 21:51:23 PDT HANGING OUT
DOWN THE STREET
THE SAME OLD THING
WE DID LAST WEEK
NOT A THING TO DO
BUT TALK TO YOU
WE'RE ALL ALRIGHT
WE'RE ALL ALRIGHT!!

HELLO WISCONSON!!!!!!


3an here, sending a PSA [public service anouncement]

That 70's Show is hereby the best show to just watch for hours on end while being bored.


Yet another PSA, staying up until every night is in fact bad for you.

Last PSA of the day, on Saterday, I'll be leaving for my dad's in PA.

That is all.

Signing off to find my lighter,
3an
♥

]]> ~3an http://3an.deviantart.com/journal/26032707/ http://3an.deviantart.com/journal/26032707/ Sat, 18 Jul 2009 19:52:46 PDT
So insterad i have a present:

[link]

oh wait i have another one
[link]

I love that song. it's such an acid trip. BUT WITHOUT THE ACID!!!! HOLY JEEZUS!!!!



I will leave you with a beautifufl haiku:

my heart aches with pain
when i see you, i vomit
die away from me

i love poetry!


PS.
I'm not wearingr pants.

]]> ~3an http://3an.deviantart.com/journal/25908707/ http://3an.deviantart.com/journal/25908707/ Sun, 12 Jul 2009 21:39:17 PDT Little darling, it's been a long cold lonely winter
Little darling, it feels like years since it's been here
Here comes the sun, here comes the sun
and I say it's all right

Here Comes The Sun by The Beatles
♪♪♪♪♪

♫~♫~♫~♫~♫~♫~♫~♫~♫~♫~♫~♫

Sorry about the last journal guys T'was a dark night. But not like that movie, because I didn't like it. *waits for gasps, then moves on*

Anywho, at it is now offically July 13, I'm declaring a day of sun. Because today, I have the sun. (For those of you who don't get the reference, [link] She's a great poet. And this peice was for me. And I loved it. I still do. It captured my emotion perfectly and it was written amazingly.)

So today, this thirteenth day of the seventh month, is a day of sun. A day of owning it. A day of rememberence. A day of being fucking pathetic (me, not anyone else, not being mean, promise). A birthday. The birthday of love.

Love, you're remembered. You're remembered by flame. You are flame. You are love. You're not real, but that's what you are.

A couple wise people once told me, "No matter how hard it gets, don't let go." Well, I haven't. And today, I'm going to celebrate that. I'm going to celebrate him. And me being pathetic.

Happy Birthday, Love.

]]> ~3an http://3an.deviantart.com/journal/25504250/ http://3an.deviantart.com/journal/25504250/ Tue, 23 Jun 2009 20:17:50 PDT When I finally ironed out
All of my priorities
And asked God to remove the doubt
That makes me so unsure of these
Things I ask myself, I ask myself
Do you know what you are getting yourself into

Getting Into You by Relient K
~~~~~


L'ete est ici!

The summer is here!


Yes, this is finally 3an, sorry about being MIA for so long, I seem to weave my way in and out of things these days. Needs come and go. I'm just goin with the flow for now until I figure out a constant.

Not much has been up with me. I'm trying internally to turn off some feelings, so of course I've been a wreck.

Okay, question, do you ever get that feeling when you're talking or typeing or writing that you know everything you're saying is fake? It's generic, it's true, but it holds no truth. It means nothing, it says nothing, and yet it contains all the words in the world? I could be revealing my soul right now, and it wouldn't matter because it's just bland. Like a school paper. Or an article in a magazine.

and it just doesn't matter. Because you may as well be in a crowd, screaming. Lost in a city, speaking a different language. Screaming, crying, flailing, dying and no one turns to even look. And it's not because no one cares. Everyone cares. This is your home, these are your friends, your family, your life, and you're one of their main concerns.

They're concerned. Of course they are. You've been slipping. You've been showing it. Showing your pain, your suffering. Showing that you've been walking with wounds all your life and your legs are about to give out beneath you. They're worried you're losing yourself. They're worried you're going to do something drastic, you're going to hurt yourself. They're worried you're going to leave.

What they don't know is you're already gone. The reason no one in the crowd is turning is becasue you aren't there. You're not in that crowd, you're not in that city, not in that room, not at home. The truth is, you have a family, friends, people who care. They'd give their right arm for you, you're that important. They see you, everyday. You see them. You laugh, scream, talk, and cry. They listen. They care. They sympathize. They want to help. they try to help.

You're beyond it. Beyond reach. Beyond help. Beyond being heard. Beyond everything. Because you're not here. You're gone.



Yeah, it's one of those nights. Sorry for the depression, my dears. It didn't start out that way...

~~~
I love you and that's what you are getting yourself into.

]]> ~3an http://3an.deviantart.com/journal/25150036/ http://3an.deviantart.com/journal/25150036/ Fri, 05 Jun 2009 19:27:30 PDT
]]> ~3an http://3an.deviantart.com/journal/25077965/ http://3an.deviantart.com/journal/25077965/ Mon, 01 Jun 2009 20:10:53 PDT I watched it.
I watched his neck snap backwards, I saw the blood, I heard the crashes and the sick crunch of death.
I was there.

You can not tell me that this is not true. You can not tell me that I am making this up. That I just want attention. I would love for that to be true. I would love to be a sick crazy bitchface who has fake panic attacks and fake flashbacks, who fakes not being able to listen to certain music, to go certain places, to watch certain movies, or to do certain fucking math problems, all this because I want people to notice me. I would love for that to be true, because it would mean that I wouldn't have lost him. That the world wouldn't have lost the best person it can ever hope to get.
I'm not a liar.
I wouldn't lie. I've been lied to too many times to do that to someone else. To anyone else.

Also, in case you haven't noticed, the attention I get from this is not positive. "Oh hey, you just passed out, you're so cool!!!" or "Ohmygod, you just fell over twitching, let's be friends!!!" Really??? I'd love to switch places with you, any of you, for just a day. You'll see the attention that I get.

You can lie to me all you want. You can tell me I'm your friend, you can tell me you love me, but I know that it's all bullshit. People are selfish. People lie and cheat and hurt others for their own personal advancement. We build people up only to destroy them. You can say I'm your friend, I'm your good friend, I'm your close friend, I'm your best friend, you love me, but we all know that that's not really true. As Keane say, Love is just a lyric in a children's rhyme. As I say, Love is just that sweet little interlude between heartbreaks.


This is not about getting attention. This is not about getting revenge. This is not about creating drama. This is about reality. The reality of life. I hope you can all wake up someday soon and realize that you are living the lies created by human corruption. And that one day, when you recognize the truth, remember what I said.
I'm sick of the lies.
I'm sick of the masks and the charades.
I'm sick of the everyday cruelty, of the ignorance, of the greed.
I'm sick of everyone.

Oh snapp. Repetition.
Forty fucking two.

]]> ~3an http://3an.deviantart.com/journal/24599650/ http://3an.deviantart.com/journal/24599650/ Tue, 05 May 2009 11:16:14 PDT Spiderman
Spiderman
Does whatever a spider can...

sorry, thinking about my old student teacher and I couldn't think of a song




~~

Anywho, I'm in English. And I'm bored. So alas, an update on my thrilling life.


Well, here it goes

*lalala*

1.) SICKNESS. I HATE BEING SICK. IT BLOWS. AND NO, TASH, I DO NOT HAVE THE SWINE FLU YOU ASS!

2.) I've been watching hockey, (AMAZING SPORT) which leads to numba threeeeee

3.) Ove got a hat trick last night!!!! SCA-WHORE!!!!! (as in score, it's amazing, not insulting him) but

4.) so did Crosby. Hate him. Grrrrr.

*** side note: a hat trick in hockey is when a single player scores 3 points in a single game. This may not seem like a big deal, but in hockey, it is. ***

5.) I'm tired. Blah.

6.) one of my best friends is suspended for "arson". She's a fucktard. But I love her.

7.) Tash is reading over my sholder. HI TASH! Did I spell sholder right??? No... okay -shrug-

8.) I'M HYPER. but tired. Typer.

9.) I HATE LADY GA GA. SHE'S A FUCKTARD. GA GA!? WHAT THE FUCK!? ARE YOU A BABY!? A BABY SOUNDS BETTER, YOU TARDBUCKET!!!! thanks Tash, for that amazing word. Wicked.

10.) My new word, wicked. It's so.... wicked. Oh yeah.

11.) Jenny just sat next to me. Hiya Jen.

12.) I'm out of ideas for things to say in numbers. But I like numbers. Because Mr Moos defined one for me. Wicked.

13

14

15

16

17

18


19

20 VINGT!!! Lovin French. It's a wicked language.


21- my typing skillz have declined, yo. -cries-

]]> ~3an http://3an.deviantart.com/journal/24466228/ http://3an.deviantart.com/journal/24466228/ Mon, 27 Apr 2009 15:58:32 PDT I don't care
what you think
as long as it's about me

The best of us can find happiness in misery

MY FRIENDS

AND BOYFRIEND


ARE AMAZING


AND TOOK ME


AS A BIRTHDAY PRESENT

TO A







FALL OUT BOY CONCERT!!!!!


it was amazing. And now I'm happy. Yay!!!

]]> ~3an http://3an.deviantart.com/journal/24065852/ http://3an.deviantart.com/journal/24065852/ Sat, 04 Apr 2009 21:40:47 PDT
Ryan Key has joined with some dude from Reeve Oliver named Sean and now they're in the process of creating a new album under the band name of Big If and I mean, it's okay. I've listened to two songs now and sure, it's okay. But it's no where near Yellowcard's musical ability and talent and how the HELL could they break up!?!?!?

I'm sorry for posting this, but I have to let my sorrow out somewhere and it's 12:31 AM and no one's online and I'm hyperventalating and crying and fuck how could they do this!?

I'm going to go cry myself to sleep while listening to the amazing art they made together and morn the loss of such an amazing band.

]]> ~3an http://3an.deviantart.com/journal/23239063/ http://3an.deviantart.com/journal/23239063/ Mon, 16 Feb 2009 16:12:39 PST Lost and insecure
you found me
you found me
Lying on the floor
surrounded
surrounded!
Why'd you have to wait??
Where were you? Where were you!?
Just a little late
You found me
You "found me"...

You Found Me by The Fray
♪♪♪♪
~~~~~~
Do you ever wonder if you'd just be better off as a loner? You wouldn't have to deal with the people you claim as friends. You'd you just to deal with yourself. And the line between friend or foe would never be blurred, it'd be you on one side and the rest of the world on the other. Than all the corny sayings about you being your worst enemy would be true. But they're not all bad, friends. There are rays of hope, times of comfort, smiles that are real. Still...

The rough patches suck. and I hate blaming myself. Because I never know if it's true. and I never know what's real. And lies have hurt so much in the past...

I don't feel it anymore. I made a playlist. Of every song on Tony that gave me that feeling. Because for one stupid night I felt invincible. and then I just couldn't hear anything else... All the songs he gave me. And he liked. And she mentioned... They're all on there. And I listen to it now and I don't feel it. I don't feel the aching in my chest. the throbbing of where my heart got ripped out and stolen. I don't feel the emptiness of losing who I considered my sister, or the lonliness of having my Love stolen from me. I don't feel anything...

But this wasn't suppossed to be about her. Or Him. It was supposed to be about how I'm beginning not to be able to handle them. My friend almost jumped over a table and tackles my other friend. Because both their worlds were crashing. And all I could do was to make her aware if her surroundings. I mean, tackling a girl in the middle of the school cafeteria, regardless of just cause, would not have ended well. But that's all. I couldn't calm her down. I couldn't solve her problems. I couldn't offer words of advice or even comfort. Because I can't solve my own issues, how the hell and I supposed to deal with hers?

and now my other friend is telling me how I'm beginning to sound like someone I don't want to. I mean, she's my friend and I love her to death and all, but she has no emotion any more. And I don't want to become that.

asd'fjlsk'df life would be so much easier if we were all just alone.

]]> ~3an http://3an.deviantart.com/journal/22981490/ http://3an.deviantart.com/journal/22981490/ Tue, 03 Feb 2009 11:00:08 PST

I'M HOT... yeah that's enough.

Anywho, I haven't posted a journal in a while because nothing new has been happening, but I'm currently in my English class with my sucky teacher and I'm bored. So alas, I will write a journal about... nothing.

My friend is playing beer pong on her iTouch thing and she's like "OMG IT'S NOT WORKING, I'M TOO DRUNK! D=" It's funny.




I know I said I'd try writing more, but I can't think of any ideas. So. If you can think of anything you want me to write about, teeelllll meeeee plllleaaassssseeeeeeeeeeee. Anything. Anything at all. -not in the least bit desperate- haha. >.<


Blah. Okay, I'm gonna go now.



jftr, high school sucks ass. >.<



Sending pillows and lullabyes,
`3an

]]> ~3an http://3an.deviantart.com/journal/22691247/ http://3an.deviantart.com/journal/22691247/ Tue, 20 Jan 2009 10:41:23 PST Here I go
Scream my lungs out
and try to get to you
You are my only one
And I know
There's just no one
that gets me like you do
You are my only,
My only one

Only One by Yellowcard ♪♪♪♪♪ [link]

The video is one of the sweetest videos I've ever seen

~♪~♪~♪~♪~♪~♪~

My brother is leaving. By blood, he's not my brother, but in every other aspect, he is. He's my big brother Micha and he's leaving. I'm sitting here, crying, because he's leaving. >.< His parents are kicking him out because he's graduated and he's not in college and he doesn't have a job. Which isn't really his fault. They (his parents) stopped paying for him to go to college and with the way the economy is at the moment, new jobs are like, impossible. And so they're kicking him out.

It makes me scared. Not only for him, though I'm terrified for his future. But I'm also scared for the future in general. I mean, in 2 years, I'll have graduated high school. And then, if I get into college, I'll have to pay for it. And there goes another 4 to 8 years of my life, spent in a school. But then what? I'm... on my own? I'll have to find a job, I know that. But... what else? I just work for the rest of my life? I don't understand. Can someone please explain it to me because I'm currently scared shitless of getting out of school. With school, I have stucture. I have a schedule, I have work, I have friends, a social life, a stimulating environment, I have something I have to do. But once I've done it, I don't know. Once I've done it, I'm lost...

Somebody find me... please... save me from the future...

Scared of tomorrow and sending the night,
`3an

]]> ~3an http://3an.deviantart.com/journal/22558271/ http://3an.deviantart.com/journal/22558271/ Tue, 13 Jan 2009 09:20:23 PST That's the way you like to fuck, clogged up fog alert
Rip the pants and rip the shirt, rough sex make it hurt!

What's Your Fantasy--Ludacris

If you know me at all, I don't need to even suggest how many music notes this song gets. It's way too wheee for a rating. It's also very sexual, if you couldn't tell. It reminds me of how much of a virgin I am.
-ahem-
I feel awkward now
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So....
This is not DanielleJadeEdwards. She said that I can go on here whenever I want as long as I do not mess with the notes section. But I still feel like I'm doing something bad... so if I'm not supposed to be on here, please feel free to yell at me and then delete all of the lovely damage that I have created.

ANYWAY
I am not at school today! You know you all missed me. Especially those of you who I've never met...
I am having a lot of fun making these face thingies, by the way.
But yeah. I'm not at school today, because apparently you're not supposed to move when your leg is the size of a giraffe. That's okay, though...it's my fault for repeatedly jumping off the apex of a swing. Whatever "apex" means...
Not that any of you devoted readers and annoyed people have any idea what I'm talking about...that's okay though! Ignorance is bliss. And any of you knowing what the hell I'm talking about is a sure sign of insanity. Because if you haven't noticed, I'm not exactly right in the head...

Time for an observation--
Okay so two days ago I woke up at around 3 (am) and I noticed that my face was hurting. A lot. And so naturally, I started freaking out. After running into the bathroom to make sure that my head hadn't been chewed off by evil glowy-eyed rats, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. And I was smiling. And that's why my face had been hurting. And suddenly it didn't hurt anymore. It was just so foreign to me though... Not only had I fallen asleep, but I had actually fallen asleep with a smile on my face. It was nice

My lips hurt, too, but it's not because I'm smiling, it's because I have glass stuck in them. But oddly enough, that makes me smile, because it's happy glass. Wow, I must sound totally out of my mind. I probably am, I'm really tired, yo. Fo shizzle.

Oh, by the way, I talked to my grandmother on the phone last night. During our conversation, I was incredibly stupid and decided to test her, casually remarking that I was happy for a friend of mine(a friend that my grandparents like a lot) who has been really happy lately because she has a really cool girlfriend. They spent the next twenty minutes on the phone with my mother telling her that I am no longer allowed to hang out with said friend. Comforting, right?
Aaaah, people are very strange specimens.
And holybajeezus, so are boobs. Seriously, who invented those things??? Goshums.

OHWAIT!!!! Is that thing a flower?????
(from the mood face thingie...I was pondering this question earlier, in case you hadn't noticed)
Wow, that's an ugly piece of foliage.

]]> ~3an http://3an.deviantart.com/journal/22513431/ http://3an.deviantart.com/journal/22513431/ Sat, 10 Jan 2009 20:09:30 PST Seasons are changes and waves are crashing and stars are falling, all for us
Days grow longer and nights grow shorter...
I can show you I'll be the one
I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to heaven...

Your Guardian Angel by Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

~~~~

This is actually me this time. You can tell from the lack of witty, self promoting comments.

Okay, so since the last 3 journals were not in fact, posted by me, I felt I should explain in case you hadn't figured it out. My friend Sarah ScHOEndorf remembered the password to my dA, and she was bored so I told her to have some fun on my account.

If she asked you anything offensive, please forgive, she's just randomly awesome like that.

Anywho, I saw Bucket List today and it was actually really good. I feel really inspired and shizz. which kinda bothers me because there were probably thousands of other people who had the exact same feeling as me because that's what that movie was designed to do. It kinda makes me feel not unoriginal really, but like... fake. Like, I felt since the feeling was designed to be there, it couldn't possibly be as real as a random feeling that was unique. But even with that fake sense of purpose, the movie was wonderful. I recommend it, regardless of that short, random rant.

Advance warning, she'll probably be on my account more because I have no issue with it.

More to myself than to anyone else, I need to pick up a pencil again and feel safe. I'm going to try to write some. It may or may not end up on here, but I'm going to attempt none the less.

confused, yet unafraid while sending pancakes and hugs,
`3an

]]> ~3an http://3an.deviantart.com/journal/22440663/ http://3an.deviantart.com/journal/22440663/ Tue, 06 Jan 2009 18:56:47 PST
[link]

Yesssssss.

]]> ~3an http://3an.deviantart.com/journal/22375278/ http://3an.deviantart.com/journal/22375278/ Sat, 03 Jan 2009 14:03:04 PST Umm... anyway...
Pretend it's italicized. Because I have no idea what I'm doing.

I'm too sexy for my car too sexy for my car
Too sexy by far
And I'm too sexy for my hat
Too sexy for my hat what do you think about that
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'm Too Sexy, by Right Said Fred. That song is about me, jftr. Six zillion and a half music notes.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ohmahjeezus i am hyper like a mofo.
fo shizzle.
smiley face.

I am on DanielleJadeEdwards's dA!!! Hello my lovelies. Please do not choke on a hamburger or a waffle iron. It would make me cry. Or maybe just giggle.

hmmm....what to write...
Well today has been pretty uneventful. Except I think i may have fallen down the stairs a few too many times...
I don't care what you've heard, banisters are painful, homie g.

I just said that my mood is suggestive. Because I am suggesting that you all should shower me with love and affection. Or just a lot of monkeys and some doughnuts. Mhm.

tickticktickticktickticktick

haha that was an inside joke. between me and myself. oops.

wow i'm a mental case.


=]

^ sexy computer smiley. be jealous.

]]> ~3an http://3an.deviantart.com/journal/22374639/ http://3an.deviantart.com/journal/22374639/ Sat, 03 Jan 2009 13:27:13 PST
=]

and ham is food. I asked.

]]> ~3an http://3an.deviantart.com/journal/22299615/ http://3an.deviantart.com/journal/22299615/ Wed, 31 Dec 2008 10:03:43 PST Where's my snare?
I have no snare in my headphones...
there ya' go, yeah, yo', yo'...

Have you ever been hated or discriminated against, I have...

Cleanin Out My Closet by Eminem
♪♪♪♪♪ ♥

~~~~~

Random fact of today, Canada Dry is bottled under the authority of DR PEPPER and Seven Up. I've just found new respect for the amazing canada dry. Now if only they'd add caffeine, it would be a new favorite, after Dr Pepper and Moutain Dew, of course.

Anywho, as we all know, another year has come and is almost over. I'm actually really proud to say I'm coming out of this year with no regrets. For a while, I thought I would have some that I would have to live with for the rest of my life which worried me. But now, I don't have any. It's a great feeling.

In the past year, I made alot of mistakes. I think we all have. I lost myself in 2008. Actually, I lost almost everything in 2008. But more imporantly, in 2008, I found things out. I found out I have an awesome bestie, I have an incredibly sweet boyfriend, I have friends who I would be close with if I just made time, I have time to make for them, I have a sister who is determined to throw her life away and I don't honestly care. I found out exactly how much pain I can take, it was more than I exspected. I found out bonds are often easy to break, but hard to build back up again. I found out that teenage girls define the word bitch, and I found out how to handle that. I found out that if I don't actually start doing shizz on school, they will kick me out. I found myself this year. And I plan to have fun with that fact in the coming year.

So, here's to no regrets. No day but today. Tomorrow will never come, yesterday never happened, and today will never end. So live it up. Do things you didn't imagine you could. Do things they told you you couldn't. Break some rules, have some fun, and open your heart. You'd be surprised by who'll listen once you start talking.

Sending love, joy, and hope,
'3an

]]> ~3an http://3an.deviantart.com/journal/22198496/ http://3an.deviantart.com/journal/22198496/ Thu, 25 Dec 2008 19:42:52 PST I kissed a drunk girl, yes I did
Kissed a drunk girl on the lips
I let my guard down
How could I have been so dumb?
Her eyes were open
I know I am not the one
I know I am not the one
I know I am not the one!!

I kissed a drunk girl
Why do I do these things I do to myself?
I kissed a drunk girl
And now I'm sure I could have been anybody else...

Drunk Girl by Something Corporate
♪♪♪♪

~~~
No, I have no kissed a drunk girl, sorry to disappoint.

I
got
a
camera!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FOMGWOOT!

Just thought I'd make everyone aware.

Happy holidays to all

Sending love, joy, and cookies [in your mind]

'3an

]]> ~3an http://3an.deviantart.com/journal/22110282/ http://3an.deviantart.com/journal/22110282/ Sun, 21 Dec 2008 20:17:43 PST there's only two types of people in the world
the ones that entertain
and the ones that observe

well baby I'm a put-on-a-show kinda girl
dont like the backseat
gotta be first

I'm like a ringleader
I call the shots
I'm like a fire cracker
I make it hot
when I put on a show

Circus by, dare I say it, Brittney Spears.

♪♪♪♪<-four. I'm losing my mind. Or rather, my taste.

~~~~~
I've never been wakeboarding. Sarah called me this morning and I was asleep (technically, it was 12:30, but it was morning to me!) and so I pick up the phone and she goes "Do you like wakeboarding!!?!?!?!?!" And I'm just like "...wha?" and she was like "...oh, you sound dead. Nevermind, I'll ask you later." and she hangs up. O_O So I'm like "...wtf!?" I mean, one minute, I'm going to stab this kid named Oneal because we were in Chemistry and he kept sqeaking some hing thing, which turned out to be the noise my fan in my room was making and the next minute, I'm being questioned if wakeboarding pleasures me. WTF. But then I fell back asleep. Believe it or not, my dreams got weirder after that...

Jftr, my apt is now so seasonal, it's almost sickening. All thanks to moi. I mean, it smells like oranges and cloves which just screams winter. If you haven't smelled it, you probably don't believe me, but it really does. And I put up my bells. those things are so great Like, it's a string of bells, wrapped in holly. And if you press the button, it plays christmas songs and the bells light up to the music and it's just really great. those things are the reason I loved christmas as a child. Screw presents, it was music for me -loser-
And the stockings are up and I've started baking the cookies, but I'm not done yet. All in all, I'm doing entirely too much, but having too much fun to control myself.It's kinda sorta nice.

I'm enjoying break so far, everyone else?

]]> ~3an http://3an.deviantart.com/journal/22034715/ http://3an.deviantart.com/journal/22034715/ Wed, 17 Dec 2008 15:23:26 PST


so no song, just thinking,

screw the sun. Yesterday I had the sun...

but today...

today, I have the moon. I have the strength and the power of mother moon. Cool and caring... stronger than first perception. I don't need the sun. It burns and destroys so much. The sun is a fighter, the moon a lover. We exist on this decaying planet, dumb, deaf and blind, creating mas mayhem as we lie to ourselves, saying we have control of everything. We revolve the sun, it is our center. We circle the very thing that will destroy us all eventually. It gives us life, it keeps us warm, it shines over us and gives us the 'beloved' day so we think it's the greatest thing possible to have. But the moon... the moon circles us. The moon moves our tides and the moon signals night, time to rest our weary bones. Time to recover from the harshness and pain another day has caused us. Time to follow the rules and go to bed like a good child, wait for darkness to end as light to return to us so we can get hurt some more. I say enough. The moon signals night, a time to be alone, yet unafraid. A time to be the only one who can hurt you, the only one in control. A time to be in darkness and hide the pain, heal the wounds, and live to fight another day, brought by the sun. Fight another day, love another night.

Yesterday, I had the sun. I held it near and tight as it lit my world and hid me from darkness. I squeezed it as hard as I could, as close as I could get untill it burned me. Yesterday, I had the sun. Today, I have the moon, no longer scared of night. I'll love the moon and it's comforting gift of night. I'll revele in the cool winds it brings, knowing that it will end soon. Today, I have the moon and tomorrow it'll be gone, because everything leaves and life comes undone. The day after, mother moon will grace me with her presence once more and sing me to sleep. The next, I'll fight the world as the sun lights my way. So I'm no longer going to morn the sun and cry from my loss, I'm going to greet the night and be happy with what's left, knowing a new day will come soon enough.



the above is something I should have said long ago, I just didn't realize it. I'm not trying to bring up the past, stuff just got me to thinking... The sun and moon are equally beautiful, just in different ways, I'm lucky to be graced by either's presence. I'm going to shut up now though. It doesn't mean I don't want said sun, just that I've had a long delayed epiphany. I actually feel alot better now

]]> ~3an http://3an.deviantart.com/journal/22034078/ http://3an.deviantart.com/journal/22034078/ Wed, 17 Dec 2008 14:42:43 PST WARNING: below lies a rant that touches on religion and IDIOTIC FUCKTARDS in my french class. If you feel that you might be offended, please don't read. Before you close this though, read the underlined part, as it may pertain to you.




It kills me not to know this but I've all but just forgotten
What the color of her eyes were and her scars or how she got them
As the telling signs of age rain down a single tear is dropping
Through the valleys of an aging face that this world has forgotten
There is no reconciliation that will put me in my place
And there is no time like the present to drink these draining seconds
But seldom do these words ring true when I'm constantly failing you
Like walls that we just can't break through until we disappear

So tell me now
If this ain't love then how do we get out?
Because I don't know
That's when she said I don't hate you, boy
I just want to save you while there's still something left to save
That's when I told her I love you, girl
But I'm not the answer to the questions that you still have...

Savior by Rise Against
♪♪♪♪♪<---[link] just click it. Amazing song...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
So that was longer than normal, but the song is SO amazing...

Anywho, Calvin (Netti's dearest man toy, he's too old to be a boy toy)gave me the cd Appeal To Reason by Rise Against and oh my dear flip, it is SOOOOOOOO amazing. If you want it and you go to school with me, ask me to borrow because it's SO worth it. But... currently Maya has it, so you'll have to wait untill after Winter Break.

Which, jftr, I'm SO not looking forward to. Two weeks without seeing my friends much does not sound exciting. -heavysigh-

I'm so torn though! Like, I'm really getting into the whole, christmas spirit thing, but that's so not... me. Like, the songs are too damned catchy and the presents are too damned fun to make and GAH! My morals are going "WTF ARE YOU DOING!?", but I can't help it, it's too strong. -bursts out in song- THE FIRRRRST NOOOOOOOEEEELLLLLLLLLLL
I blame french class.

*rant about people in my french class* OH MY DEAR GOD (and I use taht term losely) THEY ARE SO STUPID! The fucking freshmen my frnech class make me want to SHOOT someone. THEM HOPEFULLY. Mme. Cherubin was telling us about christmas in france which I had issues with to begin, cause like, I've been leaning to the anti-reglion side lately. Anyway, she mentions how Christmas was "incorporated" *cough*STOLEN*cough* into Christianity from Paganism and this IDIOTIC GIRL makes the VERY LOUD comment and she goes "Ew, stop talking about pagans, christians are better and christmas has nothing to do with them, shut up" WTF. NO ONE IS BETTER. GET OVER IT. and this other IDIOTIC GIRL goes "what's pagan" and the disgust in her voice was SO frustating. FIRST OFF, pagan is what most of Christianity is BASED off of you FUCKTARD. SECOND, don't judge something before you even know WHAT IT IS! sa;dlfkhsd'f
And NONE of them even REMOTLY respect Mme Cherubin and she's actually a REALLY great teacher. It's SO ANNOYING. Like, if you hate french that much, TAKE SOMETHING ELSE YOU FUCKING IDIOTIC WASTE OF AIR!!

*ends rant*

-ahem- so yeah, that's how my day was. ...how was yours?

'3an

]]> ~3an http://3an.deviantart.com/journal/22002929/ http://3an.deviantart.com/journal/22002929/ Mon, 15 Dec 2008 17:53:35 PST All this time and everything's changed but I still feel the same
All good things eventually end and get washed down the drain...

What If It Was You? by Motion City Soundtrack

♪♪♪♪ [link]
random song, no meaning in my life, but REALLY fun to sing. Check it out, yoz
~~~~~~
Todays was actually pretty ace. Like, For the second time in a week, I was NOT medicated, give me a high five for that. It was clear. Fog was lifted. I enjoyed it. But I'm going to take some medince soon >.<

But the main thing today, in my opinion is quotes. In english, in this poem we read, one really stood out. It was at the end of this poem about two lovers under the moon, proclaiming their love. but they were young and neive and in the poet's opinion, they didn't actually love each other. It goes on to describe the moon as all these different valuble metals and desirable things. And the last three lines were

"People like us,
Us two,
We own the moon"

And those three lines made my day better. And then Dear Prudence...

"the sun is up, the sky is blue, it's beautiful and so are you"

So chea, today was pretty ace. I would also qoute something from the AMAZING movie I just watched, Fight Club. But I would end up qouting the entire movie because it was just THAT good. Like... omg, it changed what I thought about everything.

So chea, I'm smiling, for the most part. Hoping everyone's day was as good as mine,

'3an

]]> ~3an http://3an.deviantart.com/journal/21985124/ http://3an.deviantart.com/journal/21985124/ Sun, 14 Dec 2008 17:22:27 PST Lean like a cholo
Elbows up, side to side...

Lean Like a Cholo by Down AKA Kilo
♪. One note, but if you try the dance, you'll see the epic-ness.
[link]

just try leaning like a cholo. It will change your life.
~~~~~~

Something changing my life right now: Define one. Like... seriously. I can't do it. Define one without using any synonyms of one or derivitives of one.


And I mean, if there's no meaning to one, then there's no meaning to anything else! I looked up the definition to nine and it said "eight plus one" BUT WHAT IS ONE!? The entire system of math would be destroyed and order would be lost. Then words would lose meaning and WHAT WOULD WE BE LEFT WITH!?

So define one please, before the Earth explode.

Thank you and soft dreams,

'3an

]]> ~3an http://3an.deviantart.com/journal/21934232/ http://3an.deviantart.com/journal/21934232/ Thu, 11 Dec 2008 16:15:05 PST She could be money, cars, a fear of the dark.
Your best friend or just strangers in bars
Whoever she is, whoever she may be
One thing's for sure, you don't have to worry...

♪♪♪♪♪<-----------♥

Whoever She Is by The Maine. If you haven't heard it, check it out, yo. [link]
And if you go to my school, vote on that site thingy for them to come to our school because I like them and it'd make me happy.


~~~~~~~
Okays, for those who haven't noticed/didn'thear/want an official announcement:

I'm (atleast semi) back on dA. Not like "omg, imma update everyday and cookies and love for all!!!!!", though I do like giving out cookies. More like "eh, I'll check it but only update when it's important/when I'm bored" and wow I'm using alot of /'s today. That's odd.

So yeah. I wouldn't count this a a fresh start or whatever, but I seem to be rather different. I also seem to need more medicine. And tea. Great.

Man, I kinda missed doing like and using bold/italics.

But more importantly, I kinda missed everyone on here. (even those I don't talk to much)

So sending love (and magical, invisible cookies) to all,

'3an

]]> ~3an http://3an.deviantart.com/journal/18991523/ http://3an.deviantart.com/journal/18991523/ Sun, 22 Jun 2008 22:03:45 PDT When we were only kids
And we were best of friends
And we hoped for the best
And let go of the rest...

Shadows and Regrets by Yellowcard
Apparently this computer doesn't know how to make music, but I would definatly give this song 5 out of 5 musicnotes and add on 3 hearts. It's so... amazing... [link] please, listen?

~~~

So I'm finally updating. Yay, right? Or not... whatever -shrug-

So far in my summer, I've traveled to PA. I'm not sure when I'm coming back yet, but it'll be before the 16 so I'm back for Warped Tour. I guess I might tell you guys when I'm back... -shrug- If you need to know, I'll figure out some way to tell you.

Matt Donnelly also asked me out, so I'm no long single ^_^ granted, my boyfriend is halfway around the world, having fun in Japan (or atleast, I hope he's having fun). So that's one of the reasons I've been in such a slump, but I know that when he gets back, we'll hang out, so I atleast have something to look forward to, right?

So I've been to this webpage atleast 13 times since I've been in PA and I've tried writing a journal saying I'm here and how great my summer had been going and all, but I haven't posted any of them (obviously). I just don't know what to say in these things anymore. I don't really talk to any of you (except Nets and that's only sometimes...) Robert, I barely even know you man. And Moriah, I haven't had an actual conversation with you since... before all this crap happened actually. But I wouldn't count those as actual conversation because most of what was said was lies anyway. But then if I don't count those, I've never actually had a conversation with you at all. Actually, that's pretty funny because you used to be one of my best friends.

I don't think there IS anyone else who actually reads all my crap oter than you two. And I don't even know if Moriah DOES read it. Well I mean, there's you two, and Mr.Moose, who I don't actually know, and Luukie who I hardly ever talk to...

I guess what I'm trying to say is, I don't really see a point to me checking this thing anymore... I haven't for a while now... So I think this'll be it. It's like I'm saying that's all for now, except it's all for ever... Hm... this is an odd feeling.

You know, I really like to go out with a bang. Like, I like to be remembered for having changed something, anything. So as a farewell... I'm going to tell you all exactly what I think. Because to be honest, I don't really do that all too often...

I'll be sending you all (all four of you) notes. Considering it's 1 AM and I'll probably have to get up and watch the kids tomorrow, I may not get done tonight, but I'll finish within the week. I'll then post one final journal telling you all I'm gone. So Friday is it. You have untill then to comment I guess...

]]> ~3an http://3an.deviantart.com/journal/18818182/ http://3an.deviantart.com/journal/18818182/ Fri, 13 Jun 2008 10:27:36 PDT Clouds are marching along,
singing a song,
just like they do.
If the clouds were singing a song
I'd sing along.
Wouldn't you too?
If you just knew what they could do
Oh, if you just knew, what would you do?
And if the birds are just hollow words
flying along, singing a song,
What would they do?
If they just knew what they could do.
Oh, if they just knew.

I know it's sad that I never gave a damn about the weather and it never gave a damn about me...

Do You Know What I'm Seeing? by Panic at the Disco from the new cd Pretty. Odd.
♪♪♪♪♪
~~~

So... I'm back! well, for now at least... I'm leaving tomorrow for PA to vist my dad for 2 weeks. But I won't be on tonight or tomorrow because I have a party to go to. So this is my 'holy hell, the school year is over!' and my 'leaving, ttys' journal. -nod-

I can't believe it's summer already. Freshman year is gone. As dramatic and stressful as it may have been, it was, by far, my favorite school year yet. The good times were extremely good and the bad times were... the worst times of my life to be honest. But what made this year great was that the awesome times outshadowed the crappy times.

So on Monday, I skipped every class other then 1st and 4th (lunch). I basically chilled with Morgan and Matthias and V most of the day. Peace-la visted and hung out 8th period. It was fun Then as soon as school ended, I went to Ocean City with Peace-la and Macy. It was extreme fun. Then I got back and scrubbed the apartment because it was filthy. Apparently I can't be gone for 4 days because no one else in the apartment knows how to clean anymore >.>

That's too bad though because I'm gonna be gone for 2 weeks so they'll just have to deal with that.

I'll update when I get a chance.

♥ 3an

[ending song]
Things are shaping up to be pretty odd
Little Deaths in musical beds...
♥
♪♪♪♪♪

]]> ~3an http://3an.deviantart.com/journal/18711007/ http://3an.deviantart.com/journal/18711007/ Sat, 07 Jun 2008 17:17:38 PDT bah bah bah babashadobedo
Guess we're all in trouble huh?
Black clouds are upon us
It's doomsday on the other side of town
That boys survived a servered head
Most would just give up for dead so I said 'Albi don't get so upsett,
We all get scared of sticking out our necks
it's exspected. So panic
-amazing laugh-

Do The Panic by Phantom Planet
♪♪♪♪♪
[link]

I'll finish later ^_^
tbc
...

~~~
(Continued) Man, I'm so tired. But yesterday was great. That party was crazy. And the mosh pit at the concert... SO MUCH FUN. Like, it was more fun than the mosh at MCR because I knew exactly who was moshing and some of them were my best guy friends. It was great.

Today sucked though. First I was forced to go to a family gathering. It was okay though. Then I got home and realised Freshman year is over on Monday... Man, it was crazy. But it was one of the best years of my life. And I plan to end it with something special on Monday. I'll tell you all about it if it happens.

And now there's a thunderstorm outside so I have to go. ttyl

♥ 3an

]]> ~3an http://3an.deviantart.com/journal/18597383/ http://3an.deviantart.com/journal/18597383/ Sat, 31 May 2008 17:25:00 PDT Speak now, you must have a secret kept down, down where you can keep it. I need you to spill your guts...

Runaway by Cartel
♪♪♪♪

~~~

This is me, stealing Robert's survey-thingie.... yup. Once again, this is the product of boredom. Loves ya all.

btw, if I don't know the song, I'm skipping it. Like now, it's a song by Thrice... it sounds pretty okay, but I don't know it, so it's being skipped.

*****

You have to put your playlist on shuffle, then write the song that comes up for each question.

If someone says, "Is this okay?" you say?
Hello Goodbye by The Beatles ("You say yes, I say no." So apparently, no, it is not okay and you're an idiot. Who would have know?)

How would you describe yourself?
I'm Too Sexy by Right Said Fred (lmfao "I'm too sexy for my shirt, too sexy for my shirt, so sexy it hurts!!!" omg, I so did NOT plan that XD But it's so fitting -winkwink-)

What do you like in a guy/girl?
Longview by Green Day ("bite my lip and close my eyes. Take me away to paradise" apparently, they like to masterbate.... that's.... something I SO did not need to know.... o_O)

What is your life’s purpose?
Your Song by Mayday Parade ("I'll sing every song I wrote if it'll make you wanna stay" hm. I'll sing badly to someone who probably won't care. Sounds like something to look forward to, no?"

What is your motto?
Q by Cartel ("If you're not getting answers, ask better questions" I like that one ♥

What do your friends think of you?
Lying Is The Most Fun A Girl Can Have Without Taking Her Clothes Off by Panic! At The Disco ("A better love deserving of exchanging body heat in the passenger seat" once again, so completly not planned, but apparently, my friends think I'd be good in bed.... O_O Do you guys truely think that? I'm flattered...)

What do your parents think of you?
I'm Sorry by Flyleaf ("I'm only 10 years old!" apparently, I'm childish. huh. -shrug-)

What do you think about often?
Worst Day Ever by Simple Plan ("Yesterday was the worst day ever and tomorrow won't be better. It's history repeating on and on" oddly accurate.... lol)

What is 2 + 2?
Call 'n Return by Hellogoodbye ("don't don't don't think think" fine by me )

What do you think of your best friend?
My Name Is Jonas by Weezer ("come sit next to me. Pour yourself some tea." Apparently, I want their name to be Jonas and I want them to have tea with me. -nodnod-)

What do you think of the person you like?
Hate (I Really Don't Like You) by Plain White Ts ("Hate is a strong word but I really really really don't like you".... uh..... hm.... -thinks- that's not a good sign....)

What is your life story?
Animals by Nickelback ("You're beside me on the seat, got your head between my knees and you control how fast we go by just how hard you wanna squease"... O_O dear god. This survey thinks I'm a slut!!! -cries-)

What do you want to be when you grow up?
Hold Me by Weezer ("You are taller than a mountain," true. Being short sucks.)

What do you think when you see the person you like?
Dance Inside by All American Rejects ("You don't have to move, you don't have to speak. Lips for bitting. You're staring my down, a glace makes me weak" hm. Sounds like some strong emotion. But that's not all I wann do with his lips..... -ahem- next question.)

What will you dance to at your wedding?
If You Were Gay from Avenue Q ("If you were gay that'd be okay." dude, if he was gay, he'd BETTER tell me before the wedding becasue that would NOT be okay if I was gonna marry him. )

What do you think of your friends?
Falling Out ("And I know I'm never falling out of favor with you"... sure...)

What will you post this as?
Runaway by Cartel ("Speak now. You must have a secrect. Kept down, down where you can keep it. I need you to spill your guts"

How am I feeling today?
Pirates Who Don't Do Anything by Relient K ("And if you ask us to do anything, we'll just tell you, 'we don't do ANYTHING'" Once again, true )

Where will I get married?
You Know What They Do To Guys Like Us In Prison ("In the middle of a gunfight..." that sounds like fun!!! 8D)

What is my best friend's theme song?
Look At What You've Done by Jet ("Oh, look what you've done. You've made a fool of everyone." shame on you, Jonas.)

What is high school like?
Come Back To Me by Bowling For Soup ("I used to poprocks were magic." we learn new things everyday.)

What is the best t... ]]> ~3an http://3an.deviantart.com/journal/18495980/ http://3an.deviantart.com/journal/18495980/ Sun, 25 May 2008 14:07:40 PDT I was in my room and I was just like staring at the wall thinking about everything, but then again I was thinking about nothing. And then my mom came in, and I didn't even know she was there. She called my name and I didn't hear her and then she started screaming “Mike, Mike!” And I go “what? Whats the matter?” She goes “whats the matter with you?” I go “theres nothing wrong, mom.” Shes all “don't tell me that! You're on drugs!” I go “no mom I'm not on drugs. I'm ok, I'm just thinking, you know? Why don't you get me a Pepsi?” She goes “No! You're on drugs!” I go “mom, I'm ok. I'm just thinking.” She goes “No! You're not thinking, you're on drugs! Normal people don't be acting that way!” I go “mom, just get me a Pepsi! Please, all I want is a Pepsi!” And she wouldn't give it to me! All I wanted was a Pepsi, just one Pepsi, and she wouldn't give it to me! Just a Pepsi!

Institutionalized by Suicidal Tendencies
♪♪♪

[link] <-- lyrics video (Peace-la, you have to listen to it. There's lyrics on the vid)

~~~~
Man, funny funny song. It's great xD

Anywho, I went trick or treating last night!!! It was great I was a Hippie Cat xD

Man, we got the strangest looks. It was fun. But we did actually get candy!!! This one guy looked at us for a while and then was like "...that has to be the most awesome thing I have ever seen in my life. Hold on" and then he went back inside and got a bowl of candy and was like "Take all you want" and it was Lidnt Chocolate and Godiva chocolate and it was awesome! And then this other lady was like "That's so crazy! Hold on, I need a picture!" so we took pictures for her. It was so much fun.

And then when I got home, I actually ate dinner. And then I went to sleep... for 16 hours.... So now my mom thinks there's somthing wrong with me. So I'm trying to convince her that nothing's wrong...

Yup. So that's what's up with me. That and I had a parade yesterday that was fun. But a MILE LONG! But it was fun anyway. And then I went to Matt Bronw's house for a party. That was semi-fun. I learned how to play.... a game that I can't spell! 8D I'll try anyway.... "Botchi Balls" ... that sounds okay. Yeah, so that was fun. And then trick or treating.

And now here I am! 8D

]]> ~3an http://3an.deviantart.com/journal/18451802/ http://3an.deviantart.com/journal/18451802/ Thu, 22 May 2008 17:38:55 PDT
So today sucked. Like, I'm normally in a semi-bad mood untill 4th period, then Matt (Donnelly) cheers me up and the rest of the day is okay. But A.) Shelby kinda screwed my mood up in 1st period because she kept messing with my iPod. B.) Moriah kinda either ignored me or got annoyed by me (I'm not sure which) during the improv thing, which wasn't that great to begin with. So that, again, screwed up my mood. C.) Third period just sucked in general. People with no acting skill or expirience being forced to act out Romeo and Juliet and completely butchering anything good about it. Not my idea of fun.

And then of course, Matt was taking the Alg HSAs, so lunch was boring as hell. Except not, because I'm sure hell would be more entertaining. >.>

So the rest of the day was crappy, but also unimportant, so I don't feel like typing about it.

And then I stayed after school for the band award thing and I planned on hanging out with Matt and everyone else, but he completely ignored me. And he was on Morgan, like, the whole time. And she told me that she doesn't like him like that, but that she didn't know how to get him to stop. And since I surely wasn't in the mood to play fucking mind games with him, I was like screw that, he can do whatever the hell he wants, I'm sick of trying to figure him out. So that's the mind set I was in when Matthias pulled me aside and had yet another side conversation with me about how I had no spine and how I needed to make a move and I was just thinking shut the hell up. Please. Like, I'm really sick of hearing "Ask him out!!!" all the time. If it happens, it happens. If not, get the fucking hell over it. It's my fucking life.

So Matt was ignoring me and everyone else just kinda realized that I was in a bad mood... I hope. So we go back to school for the actual awards part and Matt sits down and asks Morgan to sit next to him. And Morgan was just like "I want to sit next to Danielle so we can talk during it" So she makes Matt move so I'm sitting next to him and she's sitting next to me. Then Matt had to go answer his phone and when we got back, he sat next to Morgan instead so I was just like "Whatever. I don't even care right now." And then for some unknown reason, he gets in a really bad mood so he's ignoring both Morgan and I and falls asleep. So after, I was like "Matt, what's wrong?" and he just ignored me. Like, he heard me, but he just turned his head and kept walking. So I'm kinda ticked at him. I mean, the least you could do is be like "I don't want to talk about it." or lie and say "Nothing" but really? He just ignored me completely. Thanks alot.

So that's the mood I'm in right now. Great.

]]> ~3an http://3an.deviantart.com/journal/18434643/ http://3an.deviantart.com/journal/18434643/ Wed, 21 May 2008 16:42:45 PDT ~
Lately I've found
You're bringing me down
And I can't stand to see me this way
I'll stick around but I wont make a sound
You already know what I'd say

I'd say you want to hit me where it hurts the most
To get me lyin' down And I'm on to you
Nothing ever works out like it should

Quiet on the front
The sky dropped the sun
It fell down on our faces again
I tried to run
You could see what I'd done
Now it's wearing off, wearing thin

And now we're, how dare
You be full of you enough to think I'm waiting up
And I'm on to you
And nothing ever works out like it should

Light in her eyes
Light in her eyes
Light in her eyes
Light in her eyes
Light in her eyes

I'm changing trains the station remains
Footsteps in the stairwells echo
I lost track of days
I found thousands of ways
But how to quit you, nobody knows

So leave me, you're free
It's three flights down to happiness
Be sure you close the door
And I'm on to you
Nothing ever works out like it should

Light in her eyes
Light in her eyes
Light in her eyes
Light in her eyes
Light in her eyes
Light in her eyes

-------

So for those who noticed that I haven't put up any stories in a while, sorry. I've been having that type of writers block where you get this great idea and you start writing and then you just can't finish and you get half way thourhg, thining "man, this'll be good. I cna't wait to let everyone read it." and then you just either run out of words or you get it to the point where it gets good and you want the next sentance to be perfect and you can't get the wording right and it just bugs you forever. Well, I'm like that with alot of stories. That and some I have this great concept for, but I can't get any of it right with words.

So that's where I am right now. That's all about my current state of mind that I'm willing to publicise. So ttyal

`3an

]]> ~3an http://3an.deviantart.com/journal/18294480/ http://3an.deviantart.com/journal/18294480/ Mon, 12 May 2008 18:12:28 PDT In a city of devils we live...

City of Devils by Yellowcard
♪♪♪

+++++++
I don't care if you skip the survey, but answer the bold question at the bottom please.
*********
okay, so bored, lonlieness and avoiding homework results in...

[x] I am shorter than 5'4.
[ ] I think I'm ugly sometimes.
[x] I have many scars.
[x] I tan easily.
[x] I wish my hair was a different color.
[ ] I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color.
[ ] I have a tattoo.
[x] I am self-conscious about my appearance.
[ ]I have/I've had braces.
[x] I wear glasses.
[x] I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.
[x] I've been told I'm attractive by a complete stranger.
[ ] I have more than 2 piercing.
[ ] I have piercing in places besides my ears.
[ ] I have freckles.
[x] I hate my dad.
[x] I hate my mom.
[x] I have a brother.
[x] I have a sister.
[ ] I've sworn at my parents.
[ ] I've run away from home.
[ ] I've been kicked out of the house.
[ ] My biological parents are together.
[ ] I have a sibling less than one year old.
[ ] I want to have kids someday.
[ ] I've had children.
[ ] I've lost a child.
[x] I'm in school.
[ ] I have a job.
[x] I've fallen asleep at work/school.
[ ] I almost always do my homework.
[x] I've missed a week or more of school.
[x] I've been on the Honor Roll within the last 2 years.
[ ] I failed more than 1 class last year.
[ ] I've stolen something from my job.
[ ] I've been fired.
[x] I've slipped out an "lol" in a spoken conversation.
[ ] Disney movies still make me cry.
[ ] I've peed from laughing.
[x] I've snorted while laughing.
[x] I've laughed so hard I've cried.
[x] I've glued my hand to something.
[x (during pep band one day)] I've had my pants rip in public.
[x] I was born with a disease/impairment.
[ ] I've gotten stitches/staples.
[ ] I've broken a bone.
[ ] I've had my tonsils removed.
[ ] I've sat in a doctor’s office/emergency room with a friend.
[ ] I've had my wisdom teeth removed.
[ ] I had a serious surgery.
[x] I've had chicken pox.
[ ] I was born in a different country.
[ ] I've driven over 200 miles in one day.
[x] I've been on a plane.
[ ] I've been to Canada.
[ ] I've been to Mexico.
[ ] I've been to Niagara Falls.
[ ] I've been to Japan.
[ ] I've celebrated Mardi Gras in New Orleans.
[ ] I've been to Europe.
[ ] I've been to Africa.
[x] I've gotten lost in my city.
[x] I've seen a shooting star.
[x] I've wished on a shooting star.
[ ] I've seen a meteor shower.
[x] I've gone out in public in my pajamas.
[x] I've pushed all the buttons on an elevator.
[x] I've kicked a guy where it hurts.
[ ] I've been to a casino.
[ ] I've been skydiving.
[ ] I've gone skinny dipping.
[ ] I've played spin the bottle.
[ ] I've drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour.
[ ] I've crashed a car.
[ ] I've been Skiing.
[x] I've been in a play.
[ ] I've met someone in person from myspace.
[x] I've caught a snowflake on my tongue.
[ ] I've seen the Northern lights.
[ ] I've sat on a roof top at night.
[x] I've played chicken.
[X] I've played a prank on someone.
[x] I've ridden in a taxi.
[ ] I've seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show.
[ ] I've eaten sushi.
[x] I've been snowboarding.
[x] I'm single.
[ ] I'm in a relationship.
[ ] I'm engaged.
[ ] I'm married.
[ ] I've gone on a blind date.
[x] I've been the dumpee more than the dumper.
[x most of you know who] I miss someone right now.
[not anymore] I have a fear of abandonment.
[ ] I've gotten divorced.
[x] I've had feelings for someone who didn't have them back.
[x] I've told someone I loved them when I didn't.
[x] I've told someone I didn't love them when I did.
[x] I've kept something from a past relationship.
[ ] I've had a crush on someone of the same sex.
[ ] I'm bi.
[ ] I'm gay.
[ ] I've had sex.
[ ] I've had phone sex.
[ ] I've cybered.
[ ] I've had sex in public.
[ ] I've had a crush on a teacher.
[x] I am a cuddler.
[ ] I've been kissed in the rain.
[x] I've hugged a stranger.
[ ] I have kissed a stranger
[x] I've done something I promised someone else I wouldn't.
[x] I've done something I promised myself I wouldn't.
[x] I've snuck out of my house.
[x] I have lied to my parents about where I am.
[x] I am keeping a secret from the world.
[x] I've cheated while playing a game.
[x] I've cheated on a test
[ ] I've run a red light.
[ ] I've been suspende... ]]> ~3an http://3an.deviantart.com/journal/18293546/ http://3an.deviantart.com/journal/18293546/ Mon, 12 May 2008 17:15:11 PDT Quiet on the front
The sky dropped the sun
It fell down on our faces again
I tried to run
You could see what I'd done
Now it's wearing off, wearing thin

And now we're, how dare
You be full of you enough to think I'm waiting up
And I'm on to you
And nothing ever works out like it should

Light in her eyes...

Three Flights Down by Yellowcard
♪♪♪♪♪ Five Stars. You'll only be able to fin a live version of it, but it's worth it. Those are my favorite lyrics ever. In the whole world.

It's because of those lyrics that I love Yellowcard the way I do. "Lately I've found you're bringing me down and I can't stand to see me this way." Even if you don't look up the song, you must look up the lyrics. Please.

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

-is eating unimagionably bland food- blah.

Anywho, this journal is mainly to tell everyone that I'm still alive. That I made it through last week. I can't really remember last Monday, but I know I made it through it, so it's okay. I think the day of last week that's going to saty in my mind the most is Friday because of when Matt, Morgan, Tori, Hilary and I were hanging out at Wendy's. Actually, I don't really remember much of that, but I remember hanging out with Matt... who wasn't here today. Which sucked.

No one was in classes today. Matt and Vie were absent and alot of people had AP testing. It sucked.

'Tis all for now.

-grabs drums sticks and headphones and starts air drumming-

P.S. omg, (random thought) on Saterday, I fell asleep at 7 p.m. and didn't wake up untill 11:30 on Sunday. It was odd...

]]> ~3an http://3an.deviantart.com/journal/18201660/ http://3an.deviantart.com/journal/18201660/ Tue, 06 May 2008 18:27:24 PDT I'll be there for you
These five words I swear to you
When you breathe I want to be the air for you
I'll be there for you
I'd live and I'd die for you
Steal the sun from the sky for you
Words can't say what a love can do
I'll be there for you

I'll Be There For You by Bon Jovi
♪♪♪♪(and a half)

~~~~

Okay, this week is so busy. Today, I had two tests. I'll have at lesat one test tomorrow and atleast one on Thursday. Damned Science and Tech school. >.> They're lucky I love them so much or I wouldn't even grace them with my presence. XD Just kidding.

But so aside from testing my brain out, I'll also be after school every single day.
Tomorrow- Pep Band
Thursday- Massed Band Rehersal
Friday- Concert

And then on Saterday, I'm overbooked. Band practice, the parade... And I'm missing a pep band parade to be places...

Sunday- I'm in DC, forcing a smile and a "Happy Mother's Day" Joy.


MY APOCALYPSE:
okay, first, I really need to learn how to spell our band's name... I had to ask Vie Vie to spell it for me...

Second, okay, don't hurt me yet, but there's a chance I'll be late to practice on Saterday... Completly my fault this time... I'm not sure how late... But don't get mad yet! I'm still not sure... Please don't yell too much guys... -is scared-

Anyone else: If I randomly fall asleep on you, I'm sorry in advance.

'Tis all for now.

]]> ~3an http://3an.deviantart.com/journal/18138389/ http://3an.deviantart.com/journal/18138389/ Fri, 02 May 2008 19:00:33 PDT I want you to want me.
I need you to need me.
I'd love you to love me.
I'm beggin you to beg me.

I Want You To Want Me (it's a cover) by NOFX
♪♪♪♪♪<-five. I love it. It's ice.

=+=+=+=+=+

Aw man, I'm so beat. I think Matt's constant tiredness is beginning to wear off on me... -yawn-

So I needed to update this because I haven't in a while and the last one was really long and made my page long and it bothered me and I've used to many ands in this sentance and I don't care. -sniff- Man, this allergy season sucks for me.

And I have a pep band parade tomorrow... Darn. I don't really want to go... -sigh-

So I truly have nothing to say... I faintly remember this having some form of a point... oh well...

OW! My leg hurts so flippin much! Agh!

]]> ~3an http://3an.deviantart.com/journal/18072364/ http://3an.deviantart.com/journal/18072364/ Mon, 28 Apr 2008 14:47:39 PDT If the above sentance doesn't make sense to you, stop reading now.
This is mainly for Moriah, but I know everyone else will read it too.

Moriah,
I know I said I wanted to do this in person, but I can't wait for your busy ass schedual to clear up. This is in my hands now, not yours. So just sit there, shut up, and read.

Look bitch, you screwed up my life. And I know that may be kinda harsh, but it's true. You did. Granted, you also gave alot to the life before you screwed it up, but you took more than you gave and that's just not fucking fair.

"I'm sorry"

A simple, short phrase. You know how much it would have changed the present? Do you have any idea how much it hurts that you don't care enough to say a simple fucking phrase to my face? Maybe if I heard that, it would be different. But instead you run out of Algebra like that's a fire in the room. Fire. You know how much that word meant to me? Fire. When all else fails, turn to a flame and a melody. That was my moto. Those were my drugs. But you changed that. I lived for something else. I lived for Damien and for Lea and for you. I lived because people were counting on me. People needed me and I felt like I belonged. But it was all a lie. Everything. My love, my friends, my family. LIES LIES LIES

Do you have any idea how much that hurts? Ha. Why am I even asking. You don't. There's no way you could. You can't possibly know what you've put me through. You broke my heart and my trust and it hurts like hell.

Remember all those times where you were going through something? Remember what I said? "I'll always be there for you. No matter what." I meant it with my whole heart when I said it. I trusted you. I would have followed you to the end of earth. You were my sister. My friend. I meant it.

So here I am. Bleeding and crying and wanting to die. But I'm still smiling. So many things about this are so ironically funny. How you've changed the way I write. The proverbs are for you. How I was so stupid. That's what I get for trusting someone. How this won't even make sense because my thoughts are running away from me. How I used to run away from them. It's all so funny.

You were right. I shouldn't have trusted you. Next time someone tells me that, I'll listen. And then I'll check to make sure they're real. Because I'm so sick of this internet crap. Fucking technology.

I forgive you.

I forgive you. I forgive you. You're forgiven. This pain isn't worth it anymore. You can take your figments and your hope and your religion and just shove it up your ass. I don't want it anymore. I don't want any of it. Take it back.

I forgive you. I don't care if you didn't apologize because you're so stuborn that you probably never will. That's not my problem anymore. I won't let it be.

You're forgiven. You wanna try something? Let's start over. Because you'll never be Mo again. Technically, you never were. You'll never be the same friend you were. That ship has sailed. You're lucky I'm willing to try this. Maybe a part of me is still hoping that life goes on. So lets start moving on.

Hello, I'm Danielle. I love music and I have amazing friends. Who are you?

]]> ~3an http://3an.deviantart.com/journal/18053330/ http://3an.deviantart.com/journal/18053330/ Sun, 27 Apr 2008 11:14:44 PDT Cheers to the day I'm on my way
I'm living inside with the words you say
It's killing me
How you're always bringing me now
So put to rest this breath that I can't forget
These marks just left on the side of his neck
It's killing me now
You're always bringing me down

You're Only Young Once by Amber Pacific
♪♪♪♪

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

I've been listening to tons of new bands lately. I found this one called Amber Pacific and I love them. So if you're in the mood to spend a little cash on me, you could totally get me their CD and I wouldn't object. So there are a bunch of new bands that I like that you guys should listen to. If I get any of their CDs, I'll be sure to pass them around.

Speaking of, Mace burned 3 Eve 6 CDs, so I'll start passing them along on Monday, starting with Xan. Please don't take too long with them and return them to me once everyone has them.

So my goal before Warped Tour is to listen to atleast 3 songs by every band playing at Warped tour. Which will take awhile...

'tis all for now.

ttfn, ttyl,
3an

]]> ~3an http://3an.deviantart.com/journal/17964826/ http://3an.deviantart.com/journal/17964826/ Mon, 21 Apr 2008 18:16:06 PDT
'tis all for now.

~Danielle

]]> ~3an http://3an.deviantart.com/journal/17928353/ http://3an.deviantart.com/journal/17928353/ Sat, 19 Apr 2008 13:27:25 PDT
WARPED TOUR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

IT'S COMING ON JULY 16!!!!!!!!!! OMG OMG OMG!!!!!!!!!! TICKETS ARE ONLY $31!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DUDE! LOOK AT THE LINE UP FOR THAT DAY!!!!!!! (it shows when the bands will be there on the right hand side because some don't stay for the whole tour) [link] OMG! AND ALMOST EVERYONE I WANT TO SEE WILL BE THERE ON THE 16! There is no way I will miss this concert. I don't care if I might be in PA for that day. I would walk back from PA just to see this thing! DO YOU KNOW HOW AMAZING THIS IS?!?!?!!!?!?!?!? AHH! So it's at Merriweather Psot Pavillion. "Rain or shine" !!!! OMG! I CAN'T BREATHE! THIS IS JUST TOO AMAZING! AHHH!!!! THERE ARE TEARS COMING FROM MY EYES!

!!!!!!!!

I want to go SO BADLY!!!!!!!!!!!

]]> ~3an http://3an.deviantart.com/journal/17924857/ http://3an.deviantart.com/journal/17924857/ Sat, 19 Apr 2008 09:13:39 PDT So if you (swallow your pride)
Should decide to (spill your insides)
Take your time, find your spine
I swear you'll be just fine
If your backbone should find its way home
Through the hole above your neck (is where the trap is set)

These Backs Are Made For Stabbing by Hit The Lights
♪♪♪♪

~~~~

Does anyone know where we could celebrate Beltane? Beltane is this Pagan holiday also known as May Day on April 30 crossing over into May 1. Research it yourselves if you want to know all the history because I don't feel like typing it... But a field or forest would be best for celebrating. Picking flowers, using a tree as a maypole, jumping over a flame. Sounds like a fun, smile-inducing activity, right? Stress-free and surrounded by friends. So tell me if you're interested so I can plan it please.

Smiles and hugs,
3an

]]> ~3an http://3an.deviantart.com/journal/17883284/ http://3an.deviantart.com/journal/17883284/ Wed, 16 Apr 2008 15:56:18 PDT Maybe when the room is empty
Maybe when the bottle's full
Maybe when the door gets broke down
Love can break in

Punk Rock Princess by Something Corporate
♪♪♪♪♪ <- 5. it's ace. check it out sometime.

~*~*~*~*

So even though I'm still feeling rather crappy, today was fun. I had missed everyone. But everyone greeted me with smiles today (I told most not to hug me...) and everyone seemed happy. It was great. V was happy. Matt was happy. Mo was... Mo was happy for Mo :wink:. Shelby was tired, but that's because it was first period... -shrug- overall, a good day . Other than Xan... Xan was shitty... Hope you feel better bud. You didn't miss much in Pep Band (Morgan gave me a ride) all we did was memorize. joy. But back to being happy . Yesterday, I was laying down, trying to go to sleep, listening to Something Corporate when I get this feeling. (no, I didn't barf...) I got this feeling that everything is gonna be okay. That I'm loved. That even if times are tuff, it won't matter in the end. Because I am loved. Damien loves me. And I love him with my whole heart. You guys love me. And that means so much. You all (as a group) gave me somewhere to fit in. You gave me something to live for. And then I got this other feeling. That there was something greater out there. That God is real to me. And that he loved me too. And that once again, even though times are tough, they're tuff because he is trying to give me the strength to make it though. And then I got yet another feeling. That I was important. And that if something were to happen to me, I'd be greatly missed. That I had made such strong bond with so many people if I were to die or leave or something, at least I had changed someone and that that was what's really important. And those three feelings combined in a single moment in time... I felt the best I had felt in a long time. You may not agree with some of them and that's okay. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, that's part of what makes this world great.

But last night, for the first time in years, I didn't feel sad. I didn't feel like I shouldn't be there or like it's just not worth it. I felt happy. I felt loved and needed and wanted and cared about and it felt amazing. And I realized, I should have known that all along. But that's okay too because at least I know it now.

I guess in order for you all to understand why this was so signifigant to me, you'll have to understand how much I've been fighting myself lately. For awhile now, I've been in this huge debate with myself. The whole "My friends aren't really close to me anymore and they hurt me and I don't know if I should still be friends with them" thing has been tearing me up inside for the longest time. But I think I've got it figured out. You all (Mo and the so-called "figments" and those who know I hung out with alot last year) consider me a friend. And I love you all so much. But it's true that there are two sides now. And I'm fine with that. But I've decided not to try to pick sides. Because I love you all way too much. And I know, most of you are probably thinking "That won't work. Being nuetral hardly ever turns out well". I know. But I think I need to be a little less involved with both sides. Well... mainly what my pal V refers to as the XD Cult. Yeah... I need to be less involved in that side. But I'll still be there. It just won't control my life.

So those are me semi-happy revalations for now. Yes, I figured all this out while I was half asleep and sick. -shrug- I just have moments like that

As Tigger would say "ttfn! Ta Ta For Now!!!" -bounce-

]]> ~3an http://3an.deviantart.com/journal/17844069/ http://3an.deviantart.com/journal/17844069/ Mon, 14 Apr 2008 06:54:16 PDT Glory, like a sunset
One song to redeem this empty life
Time flies
An end, no need to endure anymore
Time dies...

One Song Glory from RENT (Movie version) sung by Adam Pascal, written by the great Jonathan Larson

♪♪♪♪ and a half

~~~

So as most of you know by now, I stayed home sick today. And this time I'm actually sick. Like, I can't breathe, swallow, stand or move without some part of me hurting. It sucks. So I stayed home to get better. Which is why I'm not at school today. I'm not dead. Don't freak.

But this means it's time to bust out the sick movies again. That's what I do when I'm sick and bored and can't sleep anymore. I watch RENT and Phantom and I think I'll add Across the Universe to that list. And normally by the time I'm done, I'm asleep again. So I should be healthier by tomorrow... hopefully...

My apologies Mosies. Sorry I'm not there... you seem to get mad when I'm gone... it's good to know I'm missed

-sniff- that's all for now. Maybe when I can move my head without it feeling like it's exploding, I'll get back on... -shrug-

]]> ~3an http://3an.deviantart.com/journal/17811005/ http://3an.deviantart.com/journal/17811005/ Sat, 12 Apr 2008 10:24:45 PDT
So yo-s to all.

Congrats Peace-la! Yays for you!

Hiya Shelby!

Yola Xanipoo

HI MO MO and EEPOO!!!! XD

Wazzup Tasha-skank??

Hey Mr.Moose

omg, the drinks at that party man, best thing EVER!

So I may possibly be getting sick... not quite sure yet...

I'm also apparently going to use my sister's old Razor phone... But it doesn't have a number quite yet, so I'll note you once I have one.

Mo Mo, you need to tell me how today went once you get back.

Eepoo, Mo Mo says you need to read through her gallery and pick things to song. -nodnod0 So go do that sometime soon.

I think I'm going to decorate my purse today...

Hey Shelby, you can have my scary lion shirt to make into a purse if you want.

ttfn

p.s. Mo Mo, was it 15 or 16? XD

]]> ~3an http://3an.deviantart.com/journal/17766093/ http://3an.deviantart.com/journal/17766093/ Wed, 09 Apr 2008 15:20:03 PDT
Have any of you heard of Andrew McMahon? He is the lead singer and piano player in both Jack's Mannequin and Something Corporate (yes that's why they sound so alike ) So here's this guy who started playing piano at 8, writes his own songs and is lead singer/song writer/ pianist in two huge, hit bands. He also had a solo album (which I need to get) and owns a record company. Wow, right? Well he also has luekemia. He was diagnosed 3 months before the release of Jack's Mannequin's debut album, Everything In Transit (which, if you haven't heard, is amazing. You need to borrow my copy). So of course, he cancelled all tour dates and public appearences untill he got treated. Recently, he went back on tour (this was when we saw them, Xan) and began making public appearences again. While he was in the hospital, he recorded his daily life, going through treatment and everything else. Soon, the documentary will come out.

I just thought you all should know. Because, as I said, he is my new hero.

]]> ~3an http://3an.deviantart.com/journal/17750766/ http://3an.deviantart.com/journal/17750766/ Tue, 08 Apr 2008 16:07:29 PDT If the stars said that you couldn't love me
Are you telling me that you would listen?
If tthe words make thier way from your lips
Don't ask my permission
All is forgiven...

Star Crossed by Scary Kids Scaring Kids
♪♪♪♪♪ <-- yes, five. Search it on youtube or something...

~*~*~*

Kays, so the last journal was V in case you couldn't tell or just don't know her. She somehow convinced me to give her my password so now she has it. I'm not sure if she's going to use it or not, but I'm just preping you so you don't get freaked later. Because she also convinced me not to change it. But she doesn't have my email password or my aim password so that all is still private. I'm also going to tell her that my notes are offlimits. Because I really don't want anyone reading those...


Today:
pretty fun. Hugging people. Pretty cool. Got some odd looks. It was funner when people didn't know why I was hugging them. Some people are really akward huggers. Some are really good though. Lunch was fun. V and I made this rule where if one of us hugged someone, they couldn't count for the other person. So V like attacked Matt when he walked in. And then Teo was walking down the isle between the tables and we like, attacked him. We hugged him at the same time though... But he counted for me because I was underneath of V's arms. Poor Teo... He doesn't even know me... xD But it was a very good day. I thank the hugging. I think I should do this more often.


Alright, personals:

Nets: Your birthday gifty = done. And ace. Just tell me when to give it to yas.

Xan: I still can't remember who the hell died. Shnizz.

Shelby: OMG! I CALLED YOU MACE ONCE TODAY!

Mo: I actually picked up the guitar yesterday. Be proud. But now I can't move my fingers too much. So uh... I'll practice every other day and eventually start writing stuff...

Peace: yo Peace-la.

Ian: you so need a nickname. You'll be getting one soon.

Luukie: HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY!!!! AGAIN!!!

Tasha: wazzup skankerz?

Mo again: Please tell Mr. Sickling that he needs to get his immune system checked. Being sick this often is so not natural. And tell him I miss him so he needs to get better.

Okay, I don't think I forgot anyone... If I did, my bad. But I've been out of it lately. Hence the extreme bipolarness of my recent journals. I'm running on autopiolet. It's not cause I don't love you.

Wellp, I'm tired. So I'm gonna go read... I'm not sure which book yet though... -shrug-

]]> ~3an http://3an.deviantart.com/journal/17727749/ http://3an.deviantart.com/journal/17727749/ Mon, 07 Apr 2008 07:53:52 PDT
Topless by Breaking Benjamin

♪♪♪

btw, none of this is my fault from here out.

~3an

~~~~

Personally, I'd prefer to keep my top ON, thank you very much. Bras are uncomfortable though. I am wearing my sister's bra today. It is blue with stripes and stars. Ughness to extreme quantities. I will proceed to copy/paste what I wrote on the little complicated commenty thingie at the bottom. Here goes...
HELLO!!! I AM HAVING FUN!!! I HAVE TO REMEMBER TO LOG OUT WHEN I'M DONE!!!!!!!!! WHEEEEE!!!

How are you today? I am in room 124. Mr Hahm's name is Juno. I wonder what his middle name is...I like names. Like Danielle Jade Edwards. And DEE DEE RAMONE!!!!! Except his name was actually Douglas Glenn Colvin.

It is NOT a ripoff, childd. And I did NOT click tab, this stupid deviant art thing is just out to get me. Hmph to extreme quantities. Stop laughing at me, you bimbo slut.

I think she's having seizures....

DON'T GIVE UP!!!! SUICIDE IS SELFISH!!!!!!!
...she's still giving up...

I'm the man who murdered love....
WHat do you think to that?


That is COCAINE!!!!

AND IT IS NOT RETARDED, YOU MUFFINTOPPINGSCREECHHEADEDRAWRFACE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

NOT LIKE THE SCARY PENGUIN WITH A BROKEN NOSE ON ACID SIGN!!!!

That little face thing is scary. I agree with you, Xanthosis.

SYnchronization is complete, fool.

DUCK!!!! I ENJOY DUCKS!!!



And cheese.




And pep band.






And Dee Dee.






AAAAAANDDDDD.....





IAN WILMOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Oh man, all this html stuff is giving me Mrs Wheeler flashbacks.
Hey Elph, remember when she lectured me about Santa Clause? That haunts me to this day.


Danielle Jade Edwards just asked Shrader to do her...in red....

She's all happy now. Oh her flip?


I can't do flips. It hurts my little boneses. They go crack. And then I say ow.

You know what else is on crack?




Your nephew.


WHat's his name?

ELIJAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

I made the screen do something funny...that was scary....

I didn't finish my sentence..bad childd.




BYE!!!!!!!!

]]> ~3an http://3an.deviantart.com/journal/17715371/ http://3an.deviantart.com/journal/17715371/ Sun, 06 Apr 2008 12:34:54 PDT throught this night
I'll take this peice of you
and hope for all eternity
for just one second I felt whole
...

uh... It's Sorrow by Flyleaf. But I can't type those lyrics. That song just... ugh. just ignore this. But it gets ♪♪♪♪ and a half

========

Stop fucking saying sorry. This has really been bugging me lately. And nothing you guys said or did provoked this. But it's really annoying. Don't say sorry for crap you can't change. And I do it too, but I'm trying to stop. "My day sucked" "I'm sorry" "It's not your fucking fault damnit! Don't fucking apologize!"

"I'm sorry" means you did something wrong and you want the other person to know you regret it and you haope they forgive you. It shouldn't mean you wish something was different. There should be a different term.

Mo: Remeber that journal you posted a while ago with all your apologies? Take mine back. I'm not going to accept it. It's not your fault. You can wish things were different all you want, but they aren't. And that's not your fault.

Netti: All those times you've read something I've written and it was bad and you said "I'm sorry"? Take them back. It's not your fault. I know, it's the thought that counts, but it changes nothing. And none of it was your fault. Don't be sorry for crap you can't change and had no part in.

Xan: I haven't nothing to say to you. But I'm not sorry for that. I just figured I should mention you.

Danielle: STOP! Stop being sorry for who you are! If other don't like it, it's their fault! not YOURS!

Shelby: same as Xan.

Everone else: If you can't change it and it wasn't your fault, don't be sorry for it.

]]> ~3an http://3an.deviantart.com/journal/17654372/ http://3an.deviantart.com/journal/17654372/ Wed, 02 Apr 2008 16:09:06 PDT More than you ever dreamed.
Have you forgotten just how hard it used to be?"

If I Were You by Hoobastank
♪♪♪♪

~~~~~~~

Sorry about the last journal. As Shelby said, I was being rash. I'll be there. And Nets, I'm sorry.Please forgive me.

That's it because I'm too mad to type anything else calmly and don't anyone dare ask me what's wrong.

]]> ~3an http://3an.deviantart.com/journal/17608447/ http://3an.deviantart.com/journal/17608447/ Mon, 31 Mar 2008 15:14:27 PDT If you could would you?
The things I do to go back to you.
Would you fix what you put me through?
Just not ready, not rady, it's so true.
Was it worth it, tell me was it worth it?

Swallowed by June
♪♪♪♪

----
To those of you going to Supertruth:
I'm not fucking going. Screw you Shelby and Netti. Don't exspect me there. I don't give a fuck what your therapist says. And no Shelby, it's not because I think she's less qualified. I'm not stupid. She did, as Netti so kindly put it, go to college for this stuff. She knows more than I do. She thinks differently. But I think that's it's a horrible idea. And I refuse to participate. So screw you. I'm not fucking going. I don't give a crap if you talk about me while I'm not there. In fact, I encourage you to. Honastly, I want you to. Because the general idea of a supertruth is a great one. So I want those of you who do go to get EVERYTHING out. But I think the way you two are proposing is retarded.

To those of you who have no idea what I'm talking about but read it anyway:
Sorry about the language.

Anyone who doesn't fit into those two catergories:
Hi. I hope you've smiled today.

Shelby and Netti:
What I basically got from our conversations today was "Fuck off 3an. We think it's a good idea and we're not going to even consider what you think. Your opinion isn't important." So just in case you were wondering why I'm being bitchy, that's it. I may not be a therapist, but I sure as hell know my friends better than one.

]]> ~3an http://3an.deviantart.com/journal/17593624/ http://3an.deviantart.com/journal/17593624/ Sun, 30 Mar 2008 16:51:27 PDT Cause I'm in too deep
and I'm trying to keep
up above
in my head
instead of going under again

In Too Deep by Sum 41
♪♪♪

~*~*~*~

So Sprit week is this week. I have NOTHING planned.
I'll probably skip Twin day considering I don't have one and it's sunday night XD
Alter ego day... I was gonna do pink and preppy, but I don't have enough pink. Danielle suggested "Innocent" as my alter ego. XD But... I don't have the clothes for that either! XD Maybe I'll go slutty or something... A mini, some tights or fishnets and a tanktop and half shirt-thing.... -shrug- that's probably what I'll do.
Crazyday I'll just wake up and throw on some layers...
I'll do a wig and possibly a dress for theme day. How do you do Hairspray?! Who picks these things!?
And of course, I'll be all orange for class colour day.

Yesterday was ace. After freezing my ass off during the epilespy walk and taking a bunch of pictures with tourists while playing with stiff fingers, we went to chipoltle which was fun I guess. Good time overall. Just really really cold. Then I came home and chilled. Then I bought Danielle's card (ahahaaa Mr. Roboto) and went to teh partay. Which was fun. But I was dead tired as anyone who was there could tell. But once again, overall, an ace time. So yesterday was pretty ace.

Today I cleaned my room. Like, scrubbed it. And I didn't find my phone. >.> I'll probably end up getting a new one >.>

'tis all for now.
~3an

]]> ~3an http://3an.deviantart.com/journal/17527432/ http://3an.deviantart.com/journal/17527432/ Wed, 26 Mar 2008 15:24:55 PDT
I'm setting up a new rating system for when I tell you guys about music, 5 ♪ notes is the best and no ♪ notes is it's horrible. So, Don't Bury Me... I'm Still Not Dead gets ♪♪♪♪ -nodnod- hardly anything will be all ♪♪♪♪♪, so if anything does get all 5, look it up and see what you think. The rest is your choice.

Well, this journal didn't really have a point. It was more like "that journal about Netti is really bothering me. I need to make a new one." and here I am, rambling to a computer. -nodnod-

Sorry if I've been off lately, I haven't been getting much sleep. So I've been really tired and I get unbearably bitchy when I'm tired... And really bipolar. Like now, the music is really bothering me when 5 seconds ago, it was soothing. >.>

So I'll try to get more sleep. And eat more. And open up more. And smile more. And cry less. And wear more colors. And turn it down a little. And not look like I'm about to kill my self. And not hate Nachelle. And not yell at my mom. And get straight A's. And be the perfect little child. Because that would pleaes EVERYONE now wouldn't it!? Because how I am right now just isn't good enough! So I need to change! Because I'm the ONLY one who can EVER change things. It's all MY FAULT!

... uh... -rereads last paragraph- ... okay, that definatly started out serious... I remember tell myself that I had to do that... I think it changed tones after "cry less"... Not quite sure where that came from... But I'm not gonna delete it because it's true in a sarcastic way and that's my opening for right now.

Sorry about the random journal that was completly insignifigant to your lives and a waste of your time. I'll end it now.

btw, commenting with hugs, however a good thought, doesn't help... So don't bother...

]]> ~3an http://3an.deviantart.com/journal/17491478/ http://3an.deviantart.com/journal/17491478/ Mon, 24 Mar 2008 11:56:34 PDT



It's a day celebrateing you and that night 9 months and 15 years ago when you parents... well.... If ya know what I mean

So just enjoy that pleasent mental image while I sing!!!!

Netti netti netti!
She's really not that bad!
She once deballed this guy though
Because he made her mad!

So get her please to smile!
Make her happy all her days!
Give her gifties on her birthday
And impress her many ways!

Netti Netti Netti!
Her name is really ace
She loves black and skulls
And she has a funny face! (love ya)

So happy Birthday Netti!
I hope this made you laugh!
I hope you read it smiling
Or I'll have to kick your ass!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY NETS!!!!!


That was fun! Let's sing it all our days!



]]> ~3an http://3an.deviantart.com/journal/17471874/ http://3an.deviantart.com/journal/17471874/ Sun, 23 Mar 2008 09:36:54 PDT
And to Tasha and V (who won't see this most likely) thanks for the amazingly funny poem ans song. You guys rock.

Tasha's:
Happy Birthday to 3an
She isn't very mean
She likes to make a scene
Her body is very lean
Happy birthday, dear 3an ^_^

V's:
(to the tune of that annoying 'happy birthday to you' song)

Happy Birthday to us,
We go riding in a bus,
We throw things at Hector,
'Til he spontaneously combusts.

We are some Jesii,
I hate apple pie,
Today is Easter,
So let's all get high.

You now are fifteen,
Soon you'll have to pay for gasoline,
You get to eat lots of ca-ake,
So use some Listerine.

Happy Conceited-day!

Birthday poems are teh aceness!


Add on:

Netti's!!!:

Happy Birthday to you!
If you were a ghost you'd say "Boo!"
But you're not dead because it's your birthday!
So Happy Birthday to YOU!!!!!

]]> ~3an http://3an.deviantart.com/journal/17460606/ http://3an.deviantart.com/journal/17460606/ Sat, 22 Mar 2008 15:20:38 PDT
But my birthday is tomorrow. Just tought I should tell those of you who don't know. Mace, do whatever you want for my birthday. I don't care if you don't get me anything or don't wish me happy birthday. Don't say it if you don't mean it.

It really doesn't feel like my birthday is tomorrow. It feels like I skipped 14 and am already 15. -shrug- maybe that's why it doesn't feel big... because I don't really notice a change...

Mo & Ian: I should get drumsticks soonish. And I'm going to tune my guitar today so I'll start try to write... anything... And Mo, when's the next meeting?

Nets: You left a bookmark in Dreadful Sorry, but it's really cute so I think I'll use it for the rest of your books and just give it back to you with the last one.

Peace: The picture I give to you on Tuesday is NOT to go home with Ringo... I mean Boxxers. I gave him a new name though. His name is now Ringo. For no reason. But really, DON'T LET HIM TAKE IT HOME! Or I hurt you. Badly. I want it back on Wenesday. Not joking.

Xan: Hi.

Anyone else: Hello. I hope your life is happy.

]]> ~3an http://3an.deviantart.com/journal/17401392/ http://3an.deviantart.com/journal/17401392/ Tue, 18 Mar 2008 19:39:26 PDT and sacreligous?" "yeah, but it's the KKK, they don't care." ...."Didn't the KKK start out as some form of a religiuos group?" She didn't know.... but then she was like "Being sacreligiuos is the last thing on the KKK's mind. Trust me, I know.... Not like that. I just know these things."..... Why???? O_O

One of the more peaceful interactions between us.

]]> ~3an http://3an.deviantart.com/journal/17354042/ http://3an.deviantart.com/journal/17354042/ Sat, 15 Mar 2008 21:02:53 PDT
Just letting you guys know that I seem to have... "misplaced" my cell and we still have no house phone... I don't even remember that house phone number anymore.... But yeah, my phone is lost in my apartment and out of batteries so... untill I get up enough energy just don't bother calling. Cause I won't know. So right now, there actually isn't a way to get in touch with me other than dA, AIM, and yahoo. So don't make any spur of the moments plans.

And if you get really bored, call me and leave me an agry message! Because I'm pretty sure I have one from V and a couple from Mo already... So It'll be fun to hear what the rest of you have to say! No joke....

That's all for now. Tonight will be full of advil and passing out. So I probably won't be on very early tomorrow... plus I should probably work on finding my phone.... damn, that means I don't have an alarm in the morning...

It's now 12:01.
~3an

]]> ~3an http://3an.deviantart.com/journal/17329766/ http://3an.deviantart.com/journal/17329766/ Fri, 14 Mar 2008 11:28:18 PDT
Yesterday was really fun untill I got home. Then I walk in the door and tell Nachelle that I needed to computer sometime that night and she's like "fine, whatever" and gets off 2 hours later. -shrug- I didn't care that much. Then I got on and checked everything and Noah asked me to email him a CD which I didn't really mind doing that much. He was actually rather nice on Thursday so I was like, "what the hell, why not?" So he was explaining how to email CDs to me (I've never done it before) and AIM kept on logging me off as normal. So after the 5th time of it logging me off, I was like, fuck this, I'll download the actual AIM program cause this is crap. So I switch off of my account and try to get onto Marks (for the admin privlegdes) and the password was changed. So I'm like "Nachelle, do you know the password to Marks?" "No."... "But you were on it the other day."... "Fine, I know it."..."uh... can I have it please? I need to download something." "Yeah, I'll come type it in." "Actually, can you just right it down in case this doesn't work and I need to try again?" "No."... "Why not?" ... "Because I don't want to." "Fine. Whatever, just log in." *Nachelle precedes to log into Mark's account* *I look at the desktop* "You download Limewire?" ... "What??" "Did you download Limewire without telling anyone? It's on the desktop." ... "Oh... yeah. But don't use it." -I shrug- "Whatever."... -I think about it for awhile- "Wait... Nachelle when did you download it??" "A couple months ago." "You mean when the computer started to get really slow!? You mean when Mom blammed me because I had sooo much music on the computer so she switched everything!?!? Seriuosly!?!?!?" *Nachelle just glares at me* "You know how annoying that was!?!? All my playlists were deleted!!! I can't edit any of the songs or settings! She moved all my music to some other drive and now it's screwed up! Do you have anyckue how made I was at her!? And it's actually YOUR FAULT!? ARE YOU STUPID!?" *Nachelle still glaring* "You need to either tell mom you downloaded it or give me the password." "So now you're going to blackmail me?!" "No, I'm going to give you an option. Pick. One." "I'm not telling mom and I'm not giving you the password." "Fine. Suit yourself." -my mom walks in the door- -Nachelle walks out to take out the trash- "You should ask Nachelle why the computer is actually so slow and see what she tells you." "Why don't you just tell me?" "She download Limewire. And changed Mark's password." -Nachelle walk in door- -Nachelle and my mom procede to yell at each other- -they leave- -I yell and end up kicking the wall in frustration-

How dare she!? You know how annoying it is to not be in control of my music!? Because "all your music is clogging up the computer" ALL MY PLAYLIST AND SETTINGS ARE GONE! I CAN'T EVEN ADD LYRICS! ugh.

So Nachelle has been glaring at me ever since. But then she randomly asked if I would go to the store with her. So I was like "Fine. Whatever" So we go to the dollar store and she buys a lighter and gets me a Dr. Pepper. Then when we walk out she turns to me and goes "Do you mind if I have a cigarette?" "Actually, I do mind. But it's not like my caring would stop you." "Well that's why I asked. You don't have to be so bitchy about it." -I mutter under my breathe- "whatever." -Nachelle lights a cigarette and I walk away quickly. "Why are you walking so fast??" Why the hell do you think!?!?!

]]> ~3an