http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:AARSCHIZZORAVER&section=today deviantART RSS for by:AARSCHIZZORAVER en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Sun, 27 Dec 2009 20:09:02 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://AARSCHIZZORAVER.deviantart.com/journal/19725110/ http://AARSCHIZZORAVER.deviantart.com/journal/19725110/ Fri, 01 Aug 2008 19:53:37 PDT Thank you, you guys!

I just wanna say I really miss you all...

Hopefully I'll get a new computer and I'll be able to come on more often.

Oh, btw....

I have obsessions which I love and hold dear to my heart...

Like my obsessions with vampires and other halloween monsters...but mostly vampires...

Aliens...

Mystic and/or celestial beings...

Martial arts!

Ghosts and anything that deals with the dead! <3

And pretty much a lot of things like that....


Yeah...


Hmmm...

Random, buuuuuuuut....

Lately the shows I enjoy the most are: ...character faves in order...

The Avatar: The Last Airbender.
Favorite characters:
Toph, Aang, Zuko, and Sokka.

Hellsing:
Seras
Alucard
Dark Walter
Schrodinger
Alexander (Judas Priest xD )
Pip and Integra

Naruto (AHAHAHA bet you didn't see that one coming.. xP ).
Favorite characters:
Naruto (HAHA)
Orochimaru (scary, neh?)
Kakashi

Death Note:
L
Misa Misa
Light

xP

Teen Titans:
Beast Boy
Raven
Starfire
Slade
Eddie (Kid Devil)

I also enjoy alternate universes of different shows, too... like TMNT. >> Yes, I am still hooked on the alternate universe I created for them... Where Leo and Mikey are instead females...
And I like the alternate universe of Teen Titans... Where everyone has been gender bended...

Of course I love more shows than this... >> These are just the ones I am thinking about right now...

Care to share your's?

-With ,
Lucy Grim
My Live Journal!
My MySpace Page!
HeadSplody!
IZM and Schmiley's Myspace Page ...Because you know they just had to have one. -__-;;


Quote of the Moment:
"I'll give you a HOE!" -Hailyne (younger years)

No stealing!


♥ ♥ ♥

CLUB(S) I OWN:
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CLUBS:
http://AARSCHIZZORAVER.deviantart.com/journal/19712677/ Fri, 01 Aug 2008 05:43:17 PDT
Do not fear for I have not abandoned you...completely. No. No. I haven't. I've just been so freaking busy! Seriously... I'm still in the midst of getting a job during all this chaos. (and I need money...my family and I are BROKE)

Yeah, that's right! You heard me, CHAOS!

I've been through HELL for the past months. HELL.

Sigh. I don't know where to begin...

Okay... I will admit to you all, I've been in my lows... I've been in my downward spirals... I've been on rock bottom... I've been LOW myself... We all lose ourselves from time to time, but like a person should, we wake up and reclaim ourselves or find more than what we've ever dreamed of finding. ...Yeah, I've kind've hit an awakening point, you might as well say. Being in college, you all should know what's out there! BEEN THERE, DONE THAT. YES, I HAVE. ...Not to say I'm proud of myself, either... It was, after all, just part of the growing experience...

But I had fun and that's not what brings me into the state I am right now...

No.

Sure, I could blame myself like any reasonable person. After all, we cause our own pain and afflictions usually...like most of the time. We're the only ones holding ourselves back. I'm been trying not to... Trying to find a way not to. Still searching, too. Still growing...

No... It's not me this time.

And I've been looking at the bigger picture, too. So, I know it's not all about me. I'm not self-centered...

Though the cause of the problem proclaims me to be so.

This problem points out every flaw of my existence...

Filled with hatred, jealousy, and loathing, this problem attacks me and my life!

This problem tries to manipulate me at any turn that this problem sees fit!

This problem wants what the problem wants and no exceptions!

This problem says that I'm the evil "WITCH" who proclaims to be a "SAINT" and wins everyone on MY SIDE... which is not true, I assure you...

To be honest with you... I don't know what this problem's problem is! I don't know how to respond to the problem and it's problems because the fact is that it's the problem's problems to begin with! And to be all the more honest, I am SICK of the problem's negativity and I am SICK of THE PROBLEM.

Now, don't think I HATE the problem... Hate is, in fact, a very strong word. And would it justify me to hate the problem especially with all of the problems it brought me? Possibly... Maybe... But I won't. I'm not that type... The problem wants to convert me, yes, almost worked, but I refuse!

The problem treats me like I'm a RETARD. The problem doesn't like me talking much... Especially when it comes to writing out how I feel or talking to someone whom I trust about the problem.

The problem throws hissy-fits, throws things, kicks things, slams things, and screams and mutters manners of hate-isms at me!

And no, I can't talk to my mother if the problem is present, the problem then might talk ugly while I am on the phone. FYI ...Though the problem wants respect, the problem doesn't give it...

The problem doesn't like happy things... Don't play happy music, especially... Because that enrages THE PROBLEM.

The problem pretends to not know you anymore in any crowd and doesn't treat you like the friend you should be treated anymore, nor accepts hospitality... Though I tell you this, the problem did want it badly when the problem had nothing and now that the problem has everything, the problem believes I owe the problem, but the problem refuses to let me pay back in any way....

The problem goes behind my back to stir up trouble... Talks behind my back with people who I don't trust and with those who I do... The problem tried to get me kicked out but then apologized...little liar... The problem is still being backhanded and trying to find ways to get rid of me...

The problem has been doing very naughty things... Yes, indeed... The problem thinks the problem is cunning but the problem isn't...

The problem used me...and now wants to throw me away...

I nowadays try to avoid the problem...and it's problems.

I am a girl of patience, yes, and I am a forgiver... But even I know when ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. I've had it. That's all I can say... I'm not going to talk to this problem anymore... And I am not going to be friends with this problem until this problem gets the problem's problems straightened out...

I've had enough...

Between the problem and life itself... Life hasn't been easy... But I am grateful..

I mean. I know I am going through a test, I guess. I growing. I'm learning. I am seeing with my own eyes... Hell, I used to be the same way as the problem, but I snapped out of it... It was a long time ago. I learned. I am h... ]]> ~AARSCHIZZORAVER http://AARSCHIZZORAVER.deviantart.com/journal/18693573/ http://AARSCHIZZORAVER.deviantart.com/journal/18693573/ Fri, 06 Jun 2008 08:39:11 PDT
*sigh* Someone stole my flashdrive... Stole my artwork... Failed a class also because of it.

*shakes head*

Life's been a blast.

I just keep on rolling.

...Hey, at least I won an award for best sound in film in The Alpha Channel. That says something. o_o; I'm still surprised.


-With ,
Lucy Grim
My Live Journal!
My MySpace Page!
HeadSplody!
IZM and Schmiley's Myspace Page ...Because you know they just had to have one. -__-;;


Quote of the Moment:
"I'll give you a HOE!" -Hailyne (younger years)

No stealing!


♥ ♥ ♥

CLUB(S) I OWN:
-

CLUBS:



FRIENDS/ARTISTS I LIKE
http://AARSCHIZZORAVER.deviantart.com/journal/17665045/ Thu, 03 Apr 2008 10:18:04 PDT
Been super busy, guys. Sorry!

Video Productions RULES!

-With ,
Lucy Grim
My Live Journal!
My MySpace Page!
HeadSplody!
IZM and Schmiley's Myspace Page ...Because you know they just had to have one. -__-;;


Quote of the Moment:
"I'll give you a HOE!" -Hailyne (younger years)

No stealing!


♥ ♥ ♥

CLUB(S) I OWN:
-

CLUBS:



FRIENDS/ARTISTS I LIKE
http://AARSCHIZZORAVER.deviantart.com/journal/17373391/ Mon, 17 Mar 2008 04:04:00 PDT
> Isn't that just WONDERFUL?

-With ,
Mistress Grimmy
My Live Journal!
My MySpace Page!
HeadSplody!
IZM and Schmiley's Myspace Page ...Because you know they just had to have one. -__-;;


Quote of the Moment:
None.

No stealing!


♥ ♥ ♥

CLUB(S) I OWN:
-

CLUBS:



FRIENDS/ARTISTS I LIKE
http://AARSCHIZZORAVER.deviantart.com/journal/16896123/ Fri, 15 Feb 2008 09:27:32 PST Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

Happy BE-LATED Christmas, New years, and of course... VALENTINES! xD;

Sorry, I've been sooooo busy!

Mostly with school, the Video Production Club that I am not President of.

LGBTQ Club I am running for Vice President...

Sadly, even so... I still lack a job. >>; I am working on getting that, too.

I've been so buuuusssy.

PLEASE DON'T KILL ME!!

Hopefully when I have the time finally, I'll tell you what's up with my life...

Just know this, I've not been on the easy street. o_o;;;



-With ,
Mistress Grimmy
My Live Journal!
My MySpace Page!
HeadSplody!
IZM and Schmiley's Myspace Page ...Because you know they just had to have one. -__-;;


Quote of the Moment:
None.

No stealing!


♥ ♥ ♥

CLUB(S) I OWN:
-

CLUBS:



FRIENDS/ARTISTS I LIKE
http://AARSCHIZZORAVER.deviantart.com/journal/15392406/ Tue, 06 Nov 2007 13:46:15 PST
Nothing new. Just feeling tired, bored, and achey. Augh. ...Nothing to do, want no work to do, have some that needs to be done. Bored. ...Tired. Achey...

I had to register today for my classes next semester. My family doesn't want me leaving that school, yet. They are afraid I won't be able to get into SVA like I hope, if that happens, that's...not a good...thing. So, I registered...before it was too late, before I had to pay 25 dollars which I do not have! OH WELL. I guess it wasn't meant for me to save that 5 dollars for a transcript anyway... I need a job. Seriously. I hate this. In the next semester, I have school every damn day! ...Sadly. I'll also have to work every day if I want to make a living. Hopefully I'll get my own place, perhaps in the gay region of NY, a place acceptable to animals as well! Can't live without my babies forever! Be nice to have a much roomier place, too. Might have a two roomed apartment. I am not sure. I just hope, if you get what I mean. My mom say she might visit if I do... And maybe...someone else could visit as well.. OOoooh.

Anyway. Live or let die. Come what may. ...I wish some guys would quit hitting on me or seeming like they want to. They know I am gay. It makes me so uncomfortable! I keep telling them I am not interesting, they are just...silly perverts! They are my friends, though. They just need...a lover. >>; Who wants no commitments. Most of my friends who are like this, don't want a relationship. I tell them to get...whores. But they won't! Sheesh! ...It's not good to be like this. No. Being like this, hurts people. Just...do your business with someone who wants the exact same thing and...yeah. ...PLEASE. ...And no, it's not like they are really hitting on me. They are just perverted. Boys will be boys. I never was attracted to them in the first place. Don't get me wrong. I like guys, they are like brothers, but that's just about it with me. Plus, some do really rock! But you get what I mean.

Okay, enough of that ramble!

IZM had to make a Myspace page. >>; OH GOD. Let me guess, his lover talked him into it! Schmiley has been wanting one for some time. ...I usually don't allow this, afraid of what outsiders may do... But since they insisted and it is THEM after all.. I finally agreed, after they begged me since....MAY OF THIS YEAR. What's that? ...7 Month? And now, Mister Hyper Happy can be...himself! And they can both rant about...whatever they want. If you decide to watch it, you'll see how both different they are and how much they are alike. So, if you are interested any... Go ahead and watch them. That's their X-mas present from me this year! >>;


...Yeah...


-With ,
Mistress Grimmy
My Live Journal!
My MySpace Page!
HeadSplody!
IZM and Schmiley's Myspace Page ...Because you know they just had to have one. -__-;;


Quote of the Moment:
None.

No stealing!


♥ ♥ ♥

CLUB(S) I OWN:
-

CLUBS:
~AARSCHIZZORAVER http://AARSCHIZZORAVER.deviantart.com/journal/15351024/ http://AARSCHIZZORAVER.deviantart.com/journal/15351024/ Sat, 03 Nov 2007 19:16:14 PDT > Damn. Oh well.

And I have a confession. I found out I am completely gay (mostly, I do sometimes like guys, if they are lucky. I am practically lesbian that's bi-curious)! But I think you know that by now. xD; I finally figured it out finally. >>; I kept trying to be straight, failing miserably. So, I've accepted it. And I am very happy now! I've never felt so releaved and free in my life! And I have so much loving support from loving and understanding people!

I am single still.... HAHAHAHA. o_o; And looking. xD OHBOY. I am wanting to flirt. Bad me. Stop it! Stop it! BAD! Don't go there! *whips self*

AHEM.

I wish to make up my time that I used to have with you guys, but I am constantly busy. When I am not, however, it's either the internet being a bitch or everyone hogging all of the internet space by hogging the lounge that has the wireless internet connections.

...I still need peeps to talk to. I swear. If I cannot talk online. Maybe on the phone. Christina. I need you to call me! I'll leave you my phone number!

Anyway. I like the school I am going to. However, I am at a conundrum. Even though I love it here, I want to do animation as well. Sure, this school is great. But I want more. I am thinking and trying to get a transfer to another school in NYC that has what I want, SVA "School of Visual Arts". This school has both Video and Film production AND Animation, Cartooning, and so much more! Plus, you can get your BCHA, which you cannot get at AI. >>; So, yeah. Busy busy. And I still haven't had a job.

Guys, I have it so bad. You don't know. First off, I am flat broke. Gets worse. I need money for different things. Five for the transcript forms, and more money after that's done, money for laundry, and food... And worse yet. Now, I owe a place I bought food from because I couldn't pay! Amir, Michelle's husband, has had his phone stolen. He got a new one with a new phone number. However, he's called no one since he's had it! Both Michelle and I are suffering because we both need money! >__<

Michelle has left Todd. He was being a asshole, mistreating both Zachery and Alex, and also her! He doesn't even care that they eat or drink! Then he finally kicked her out once Amir came down finally. *Shakes head* AUGH. I HATE IT SO MUCH.

How was you guy's Halloween?

Mine was good. Went to the party at the school, which only lasted an hour, had food, drinks, pumpkin carving contest, costume contest, and candy! Got to meet some people who are really nice. I am happy about that. I have a friend, though not my best friend, who's name is Tayler. We just met. I am glad to see he got Wayne to be his boyfriend. We both met each other at the Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transexual Club! Everyone is nice there! They made me happy and more open than ever before! I am not afraid anymore because I don't feel alone anymore! That is such a horrible feeling! Tayler and I were supposed to go to the parade together, but he got sick, plus he came to the party late when I wasn't there anymore. xD Ohwell. I am still glad for him.
The rest of the Halloween makes me giddy. I dressed as myself and people complimented me! I loved the parade. I couldn't help but be my perverted gay self when the gays were taking the celebration to the top! I love that one float that's "The Kink Costume Club"! Heheehee. You guess what they were wearing. I love what the one guy said "I love pussy! Don't get me wrong, I don't like that kind of pussy, but I love the big pink pussy cat!" I giddled so hard to myself! I loved that float the most! Another was the ones with the dragqueens! Love them! Also, a few ladies were hitting on me. RAR! I flirted back of course! >> One of them was really sexy in that vampire constume! HEEHEEHEE. All of the girls said I was sexy, pretty, and the vampire said I was good enough to eat. I've noticed I only have guys as friends here. >> No guy has hitted on me. And ever since I've came out, people have been giving me more respect and people talk to me more.


Now, roommates. I am getting a new one on Monday or sometime this week. My old roommate has moved out and got a newer, better room (leaving our's a total pigstye!). I hope my roommate is nice. I hope she's not a hater. >__< My friend Tayler's roommate is. He's passive-agressive, treats more Tayler like shit! We both swear he hates gays. His name is James. The worst of it all, though, is when Tayler told me that James did a three-some with these girls while poor Tayler was trying to sleep! They were doing it on the floor! OMG! Poor Tayler! That poor sweety! I always sensed that guy had problems, right from the start. To make matters worse, he's in on... ]]> ~AARSCHIZZORAVER http://AARSCHIZZORAVER.deviantart.com/journal/15182973/ http://AARSCHIZZORAVER.deviantart.com/journal/15182973/ Tue, 23 Oct 2007 04:32:25 PDT
I needed to ask you guys a question...or two.

Does anyone know where I can make animations, like a free program on the web?

Also...

>>;

Angie wishes to know if anyone cares about her at all.


Damn, I need me a MAC! THESE THINGS ARE AWESOME!

-With ,
Mistress Grimmy
My Live Journal!
My MySpace Page!
HeadSplody!



Quote of the Moment:
"*sniff* My heart... My heart! My poor miserable Godforsaken heart! IT'S BLEEDING!" Saige

♥ Saige (c) Me.

No stealing!


♥ ♥ ♥

CLUB(S) I OWN:
-

CLUBS:



FRIENDS/ARTISTS I LIKE
http://AARSCHIZZORAVER.deviantart.com/journal/15158408/ Sun, 21 Oct 2007 12:56:40 PDT >; I don't want a boyfriend. I want a girlfriend, which makes it harder. I feel like I am surrounded by nothing but straight people, but I know that's not true. It's just a feeling. A feeling which I don't like. I am broke. I hate being broke. I need a job. I NEED A JOB.

Well, guys. Nothing new with me, except the usual. Homework. I still haven't gotten myself a job yet. I've been focusing on school mostly and upon other things. I took a long break from my script writing, though. So, I need to get back to that. >>; Yes. I want to publish a book, somewhat of a opener for introducing one of my main characters. *sighs* I have to tone it down since I want this one for all eyes to see. So, not blood. No. And no violence. It's just introducing a character. I'll get back to you guys on that.

The main reason why I want to post in this journal is to give the updates on my characters. I don't give a fuck, excuse my French, if anyone thinks I am weird or if they don't like my characters. I can say what I want to say. I am not pretender.

Anyway.
Back on topic.

It appears that Loki has taken quite well with Schmiley. Amazingly, it only took less than a week before they started dating. Loki is so clingy to him and he is likewise the same. They look so adorably happy together! It's so sweet, it will give you a toothache! I find out why this was so, that how they managed to get together so quickly. Apparently the two already had a relationship in the past. Loki was actually in a love triangle, so to speak, she was caught between two people who she loved very much. Schmiley always seemed more than willing to return his feelings for her. Seriously! He was always all over her and wanted to be with her every waking moment! He was OBSESSED! He loved that girl! While...Damian, well, he didn't return anything. Not until so many eons later. You see, originally Schmiley is part of Damian. They were one at one time, but became their own persons when Damian fell from a treehouse and right onto his head. You can thank AAR and several others for that. AAR took the opertunity to try to use this poor boy, Schmiley, for his powers, to lead Damian away and to push Loki away. ...Well, it turned out to be the opposite. He wanted to lead Loki away instead and push Damian away. HE LOATHES DAMIAN. *cough* Just to make that one clear. He is always filled with this intense jealous, even still, when someone even dares to mention Damian's name! His blue eyes turn red! I am not kidding! This hopless romantic and sweet eccentric boy turns into a raging psychopath when it comes to anything that give him a comeback of bad memories. Trust me. I tried it. I foolishly mentioned Damian's name without really thinking and Sheldon gave me more than just the load down! I thought we might have had to send him to the happy farm! He started rambling, yelling, slinging things, screaming, more screaming, psychotic laughter, chaos (random insanity), and then finally collapsing into tears. The only thing I could manage to get what he was saying was "SHE'S MINE! MINE! MINE! MINE! I SAW HER FIRST! I DESERVE HER! SHE DESERVES BETTER THAN YOU! I HATE YOU! GO DIE! I WISH YOU NEVER EXISTED!" And some other stuff that I nice guy wouldn't, shouldn't be saying. ....I am confused with Schmiley. He's either the light/good side or the dark/bad side. AAR said he's the dark side, Angie said he was, too, and even Schmiley said he himself was the darker side... o_o;; Odd. ...>>; Schmiley seems a lot nicer and he's got more of a in depth personality than Damian. Damian was just BLAH. Anyway. Loki seems to be so incredibly happy, I've never seen her so happy before, not even with Damian. The two actually go out and do things, even with family! Like go dancing, have parties, go places, travel, have fun. ...I'd have to say, Schmiley is, though, still the "woman" in the relationship. He's SO EFFEMINITE (he's not afraid to cross dress and completely act like a woman, even loves and insists in doing the shopping)! And silly! The kids absolutely adore him and have no troubles whatsoever calling him "daddy"! Also, unlike Damian, he's a lot more...hyper. His hair is a lot less curly, it's thicker and heavier... It's more emo. His eyes also have a tendency to turn completely red when in a very bad mood. Yes, this one moodswings a lot, too. He's really random. A lot.

So, that's good news for a happy family.

As for Angie.

I am really saddened.

She came to me, literally sobbing herself to death, clinging to me. A first time ever! She never clings to me!

She said she fell asleep, so she thinks, and she was in this strange place with everyone there. She said Harper was there, but their kids weren't. She said that Harper was so unfeeling, so cold-hearted to her, he practically ignored her existenc... ]]> ~AARSCHIZZORAVER http://AARSCHIZZORAVER.deviantart.com/journal/14940611/ http://AARSCHIZZORAVER.deviantart.com/journal/14940611/ Sat, 06 Oct 2007 12:11:43 PDT
I just want you to know that I haven't forgotten you.

I've just been busy with school, trying to find a job, and just general living... I've gotta find a way to print this one essay... Anyway. I've learned a lot already and I've just begun! o_o I love it here! I love my school! I don't want to ever miss it! ...But damn, I need a job. I am in between a rock and a hard place when it comes with that. >__< Seriously, people. I am flat broke!

I want to draw on my compy so I can give you some art of mine. Most of my art, which is very little, is on paper. xD; I've been drawing a little.

Everyone here says I should become an animator. Duh. That's what I want. But first, I need to learn how to direct and sadly this school doesn't offer animation and nor does it offer bachlor's... Buuut I will be going to another college after this one... I need to make some kind of plans, though not step too far ahead of myself. ...I am mostly going to rest today, really...

Mmm. I need to work on my scripts, my art, my ideas, my plans entirely... I need to get my NY ID and also get help from this state... Slowly, I am learning where everything is. Baby steps. Baby steps. ...First things forts... NY ID. Hopefully the little money my mom sent me for food has come in... If she got the address right. I bet she didn't, so I won't be getting it. It will just sit around at the post office until it is sent back to her... >>;

It's all tidious... But a lot of it is worth it! A hell lot!

Love you guys. Hate the stereo-type assholes. xD Loads of those. EVERYWHERE. I swear. I find myself cursing under my breath every time I bump into them... And they live EVERYWHERE, ALL OVER THIS GODFORSAKEN PLANET. It's nothing personal... Well, maybe it is.. But who likes them, besides themselves? ...Birds of a feather flocked together... My roommate's friend hates me, I swear. She talks about me behind my back, I swear. That's probably why my nice roommate has been avoiding me most of the time. She talks to me.. It's just Karen, or however you spell her dumb name, is being a real ass and I can feel it off her Catholic religious ass! FYI, Religion is not a excuse to be a real prick, bitch! It's cuz I am "goth" and I am open with it... She probably thinks I am a Satanist. ...Sometimes I wonder... I think I should be... Then REVENGE... But inside, my heart isn't like that. I am just...angry, dark, brooding, and everything else a Emo-head is. Also, I admitted my love for pain to her and she looked disgusted.


Let me see if I can post my webcame picky... Last time I tried, DA was being a real dick. Like always.

Again. Miss you. Thanks goes out to all of you for your marvelous comments and for those pride-lifting watches! WHOO!

-With ,
Mistress Grimmy
My Live Journal!
My MySpace Page!
HeadSplody!



Quote of the Moment:
"*sniff* My heart... My heart! My poor miserable Godforsaken heart! IT'S BLEEDING!" Saige

♥ Saige (c) Me.

No stealing!


♥ ♥ ♥

CLUB(S) I OWN:
-

CLUBS:
http://AARSCHIZZORAVER.deviantart.com/journal/14844778/ Sat, 29 Sep 2007 17:29:23 PDT ,
Mistress Grimmy
My Live Journal!
My MySpace Page!
HeadSplody!



Quote of the Moment:
"*sniff* My heart... My heart! My poor miserable Godforsaken heart! IT'S BLEEDING!" Saige

♥ Saige (c) Me.

No stealing!


♥ ♥ ♥

CLUB(S) I OWN:
-

CLUBS:



FRIENDS/ARTISTS I LIKE
http://AARSCHIZZORAVER.deviantart.com/journal/14844752/ Sat, 29 Sep 2007 17:26:51 PDT
Just want you to know that I made it safe and sound in New York. I am currently living in Brooklyn.

I am pretty good, I guess one could say. I am not on my own computer right now, so I cannot be on much or even upload art work or anything. I haven't figured out how to use the wireless free internet. It's not in my room and so far I cannot find it... I'll have to ask around, I guess... So, I am sorry about that, I say pretty good primarily because when I first got my room, it was filthy and a mess, the bed is too hard, things are falling apart and I could go on and on foreaver about the whole mess... (NOTE: The cable wire was fucked up and part of it was broken in that back on the TV, I had to literally shove it back in and take tape to keep it in, so finally I have cable..well, at least something to watch.) Still is that way, for now. My roommate is cool, but she's not always there. I am not so sure if she is as serious as I am... Maybe she is, everyone is just different. I feel great at school, I feel like I belong there, that I am in my element, but here... No. I feel like I am surrounded... As in, I am the only oddball here. ...Being that I am not completely straight, maybe not straight at all... And all the girls keep doing is talk about boys... I feel like a sore thumb, seriously! Where are all the gays here? Hiding in a hole? I know they exist... I just....feel odd. So, I am uneasy about that. And you know how usual straight people talk... I am sooooo... Yeah. And I feel like "Hey, look! Do you guys know I am GAY?" ...I have a funny feeling that some people already know... Like my roommate... She was hanging around me pretty fine in the beginning, as well as the other girl that hangs around her... But now, I feel like I am being completely AVOIDED. What do you think?

Also, Amir tried to have sex with me, tried to invite me out and all. Yeah, you heard me, my sister's husband was coming off on me... So I announced it to the world that I was GAY...and so uncomfortable, I wanted to get the cops, plus he didn' want to give me all of my stuff right away...the stuff I had left last time.. So, I had a big argument with my family about it and set it straight... Amir's pal/roomy, G, I think got freaked out by me because he heard me cry out I was gay... *sighs* Why are there so many damn haters. ... I did get to see a lesbian couple walking down the street in Manhattan... The first time I came, there was one in Union Square, another lesbian couple... So, I've seen two here so far... So, I know I am not completely alone...

I swear. I hate it when people say that gays don't bother them and then they turn around and...well, turn their backs on you because of your difference. I think Lor was like that, too. She supported gay men, but I don't think so much as women... When I confessed that to her, that I was that, she started to slip away more... *shakes head* CAN I PLEASE HAVE REAL FRIENDS PLEASE?

So... I don't know what to do... I don't know where any gay clubs are... Does anyone? Because I seriously need to be more around them... Because this is not working.. Really. Some boys are cute, yes, but I don't see most or all in that...way, if you get what I mean. Besides, I like effeminite to very lady-like men. ...*sighs* I am talking about guys who are so feminine that you think that they were a lady trapped in a man's body... Like me, trapped in a female's body... Because, in my head, I see myself as a guy...

Anyway, school is good. Had my orientation. Everyone who's been there seems to know me... I am also one of the few that aren't shy at all, especially when it comes to speaking up. People are seeming to already choose me as a leader... Even the ones that want to be a director, too!

I really love my school, peeps. I am glad I am here.

I want to join the Video Production club...

My classes start on Tuesday instead of Monday but I'll be going Monday anyway to drop papers off and so on... Say hello and all.

I cannot wait to start! I know I'll be very busy! VERY!

Also, I'll be looking for a job, but one that is flexible... And 20 hours or less, since I will be doing school work and school is my number one priority.

Already, though, I am in between a rock and a hard place... Luckily, I have my credit card... But I cannot use it much because it has a limit on it as well... Same with my cell phone, though momore minutes to it...

So...

All I have to say now is... Wish me luck. Help me to stay in to stay in there, already my my body is responding to the new environment. >>; The girl in my room likes it cold and my body hates aircondition, not cold...just the AC, which is always on.

And I...Miss you!... ]]> ~AARSCHIZZORAVER http://AARSCHIZZORAVER.deviantart.com/journal/14764505/ http://AARSCHIZZORAVER.deviantart.com/journal/14764505/ Sun, 23 Sep 2007 20:46:53 PDT
Big news.

I am going to be away for awhile. Sadly, I don't know how long.

Why?

Because I'll be busy making my BIG MOVE to New York.

I am sorry that I haven't been on.

I've been busy, but also trying to rest as well.

I will be glad to be back up.

In Florida, I am always sick. But up north, I am not.

And besides, I have more reasons than that to why I wanna move up there. The main reasons are school and the desire to always want to live there.

So, anyway. I'll be going to school soon.

I still need to pack, to get a flight ticket up, and pretty much several other things. I'll be busy, busy, busy. ...Moving my stuff up and all and getting a room.

So. Wish me luck!

Always thinking you guys.

Love you.

Oh, and btw, just to say this...

Is everyone sick of the Chris Crocker jokes?

I mean. SHUT UP. It's not funny!

And he's got a point. I may not be a Britney fan, but damn. I feel bad for her myself. It happens, it's possible. One can lose themselves. And the media is usually the number one culprit for why it happens! They bleed her dry!

And anyway. I am sick of the gay jokes.

Go on YouTube. You'll see what I mean.

>__<

Anyway. A new episode of Metalapocalypse is on! I've been waiting for that!

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Quote of the Moment:
"*sniff* My heart... My heart! My poor miserable Godforsaken heart! IT'S BLEEDING!" Saige

♥ Saige (c) Me.

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~AARSCHIZZORAVER http://AARSCHIZZORAVER.deviantart.com/journal/14675841/ http://AARSCHIZZORAVER.deviantart.com/journal/14675841/ Mon, 17 Sep 2007 15:46:43 PDT
I've got great news!

I've got the school loan for college! YAY!

All I need to do now is get to New York, which all I need to do for that is talk to Lesley, set up a flight appointment, and find some way to meet them!

Almost everything is set, guys! But the most important thing is finally accomplished and I am SO VERY PLEASED.

My mom also finally got a job and my sister will soon have one, too! My sister also is finally moving out of Mom's house and getting her that apartment that she's been wanting for so long!

So, it's been a very good week for all of us.

I need to draw some more stuff...


Now, if only I can get off my lazy bum and do it...


I also ingorged myself with food today. I had lots of sweets, especially chocolate... DAMN US WOMEN AND OUR CHOCOLATE.

I need to get my pills changed... It's causing me to have major problems with my body and I've been enduring it for over three months now.



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Quote of the Moment:
"*sniff* My heart... My heart! My poor miserable Godforsaken heart! IT'S BLEEDING!" Saige

♥ Saige (c) Me.

No stealing!


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http://AARSCHIZZORAVER.deviantart.com/journal/14569033/ Sun, 09 Sep 2007 23:09:34 PDT
I want to thank you all for being patient with me and having to deal with me. It means a lot, especially your comments. You guys are really great! No wonder why I love it here. It's you who brightens my dark and dreary days!


-With ,
IZH
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Quote of the Moment:
"*sniff* My heart... My heart! My poor miserable Godforsaken heart! IT'S BLEEDING!" Saige

♥ Saige (c) Me.

No stealing!


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~AARSCHIZZORAVER http://AARSCHIZZORAVER.deviantart.com/journal/14496283/ http://AARSCHIZZORAVER.deviantart.com/journal/14496283/ Wed, 05 Sep 2007 00:20:35 PDT I love this old show on TVland. I've seen all of it, the movies, the cartoon, the new and old show, everything! Love it! Yes, I am obsessed with them! Check it out here - [link] - The ending cracks me up. It talks about toothpaste. xD

I love this darling show, too! - [link]



AND THIS!! - [link] - I wish they came out with a clearer version.

WHEEE!

And just because I love him and this song -- [link]


...So, you know a little bit more about me. Wowsers... Oookaaay. >>; Let me not say that ever again.

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Quote of the Moment:
"*sniff* My heart... My heart! My poor miserable Godforsaken heart! IT'S BLEEDING!" Saige

♥ Saige (c) Me.

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http://AARSCHIZZORAVER.deviantart.com/journal/14496211/ Wed, 05 Sep 2007 00:08:01 PDT
The song is how Schmiley feels about Loki.

[link]

Down below is one of Jack's favorites, and mine!
[link]

And this is for Angie:
[link]
[link]
What's left is nothing but heartache and blackness.

Yes, I am obsessed over my characters and I love it!



-With ,
IZH
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Quote of the Moment:
"*sniff* My heart... My heart! My poor miserable Godforsaken heart! IT'S BLEEDING!" Saige

♥ Saige (c) Me.

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http://AARSCHIZZORAVER.deviantart.com/journal/14476421/ Mon, 03 Sep 2007 17:53:24 PDT She was paired with Sunny, and well, he would aggravate her at times... Anyway, she's been sick, for the longes of time. FOR YEARS EVEN.Though she is quite very young. She had a stroke once, blood went down her face, causing her not to be the same ever again. She had a weird wabbly gate, she would only look up and around with one eye while the other wouldn't... She would always been sensitive towards everything, especially when something would excite her...and that could be the littlest of things. She's been stressed a lot, with a kid always pestering her and the others in the cage out of boredom especially.. She's not used to kids. Heck, Zach aggravates so much, that everyone in the house wants to chace him away, especially Gomez, my pet kitty! Gomez gets very tempermental with him! ...Anyway, I am not going to talk about that, not here, not now at least... Sissy is dead. She fell down, like the million times she did, only this time she couldn't get back up. I took her out of the cage and held her because the cage wasn't safe for her then and because Sunny has a tendency to aggravate... So, I held her for at least fifteen to twenty minutes. Of course everyone had to look, and when I mean everyone, I mean Zachery. (Being that he's a child I excuse it, but you'd think even a child wouldn't be so heartless and laugh at the perdicument that poor Sunny is now going through...grieving.) I watched her as she slowly suffered. She kept having these terrible seizures, head shaking as well the rest of her, not able to catch her breath. She couldn't lift her head up, she didn't have much energy to move. I felt her heat just rising...rising to hot temperatures. Her heartbeat racing like nothing ever before, like she was terrorfied. I won't go into the whole thing...but I watched her die in my hands. She finally lifted her head up, drool just drooping off of her beak, and she died...and fell limp in my hand. ...Mama burried her, while I prepaired her burrial. ...Today isn't a good day to do anything...really. I am sorry.

I made blueberry muffins...

I am still sick... My body isn't acting right.


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Quote of the Moment:
"*sniff* My heart... My heart! My poor miserable Godforsaken heart! IT'S BLEEDING!" Saige

♥ Saige (c) Me.

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http://AARSCHIZZORAVER.deviantart.com/journal/14463239/ Sun, 02 Sep 2007 22:36:35 PDT

However, I did take the liberty to do something I've been always wanting to do...

I made myself a little club. Mhmmm. This time, it's towards a greater love than anything, really. Just go check it out-

I am also accepting mods. So if anyone who would like to be one, please say. Running things alone is hard work in it's own.

I may also come up with another club. I am not sure just yet.


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Quote of the Moment:
"*sniff* My heart... My heart! My poor miserable Godforsaken heart! IT'S BLEEDING!" Saige

♥ Saige (c) Me.

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http://AARSCHIZZORAVER.deviantart.com/journal/14434139/ Sat, 01 Sep 2007 00:18:20 PDT

In The Air Tonight
Phil Collins


I can feel it coming in the air tonight

Hold on

I've been waiting for this moment

For all my life

Hold on

Can you feel it coming in the air tonight

Hold on

Hold on



Well if you told me you were drowning

I would not lend a hand

I've seen your face before my friend

But I don't know if you know who I am

well I was there and I saw what you did

saw it with my own two eyes

so you can wipe off that grin

I know where you've been

It's all been a pack of lies



I can feel it coming in the air tonight

Hold on

I've been waiting for this moment

For all my life

Hold on



Repeat



Well I remember

I remember

Don't worry

How could I ever forget

It was the first time

The last time we ever met

But I know the reason

Why you keep this silence up

No you don't fool me

Well the hurt doesn't show

But the pain still grows

It's no stranger to you and me



I can feel it coming in the air tonight

Hold on

I've been waiting for this moment

For all my life

Hold on

I can feel it in the air tonight

Hold on

I've been waiting for this moment

For all my life

Hold on



-With ,
IZH
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HeadSplody!



Quote of the Moment:
"*sniff* My heart... My heart! My poor miserable Godforsaken heart! IT'S BLEEDING!" Saige

♥ Saige (c) Me.

No stealing!


♥ ♥ ♥

CLUB(S) I OWN:
I closed the one I had. xP

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FRIENDS/ARTISTS I LIKEhttp://AARSCHIZZORAVER.deviantart.com/journal/14433790/ Fri, 31 Aug 2007 23:31:01 PDT
I am sick.

No, I mean, really. I caught something.

I am not exactly sure what it is, but I keep getting worse and woser...

The headaches are what worse. >__< KILLER. SHIT THEY HURT.

I hadn't even left the house when I had so many chances to... And that is NOT like me at all.

So, I don't know when I'll be back on...

Right now, I need some rest... x(


-With ,
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Quote of the Moment:
"*sniff* My heart... My heart! My poor miserable Godforsaken heart! IT'S BLEEDING!" Saige

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♥ ♥ ♥

CLUB(S) I OWN:
I closed the one I had. xP

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http://AARSCHIZZORAVER.deviantart.com/journal/14403659/ Thu, 30 Aug 2007 00:31:31 PDT
You know, I don't know what I really saw in Lor.

I hate to admit, she was first a pest that I had happen to fall in love with... Like a king that falls in love with a jester.. You know the ordeal. The king takes him in. Not any of the meshy lovey dovey stuff, mind you. We were just friends... Well, no. Because friends don't abandon people, they stick beside them no matter what. Even when we hurt each other, friends should forgive... She never did. Never would, never will....

Anyway, I've been sick... And somewhat in a delirium...

*sighs*

Let me say this...

At least this that came to mind...

Okay.

Lor was always a girl that went behind people's backs, even got others to do her dirty work for her since she couldn't come out and do it all by herself. I stood up for her, many times... So did Jade, the one whom we used to talk to.

Lor would always talk crap about people. To keep the peace with her, I would pretend I felt the same way or would just nod my head, like I was listening.. I started to get really tired of her complaining and constant hatred towards people.

Lor didn't like girls. She was biased and told me she HATED girls. She only like homosexual pairings and that boys were cute while girls were stupid... I noticed she changed after awhile after I kept pestering her about it... I didn't like that she hated...people...for no good reasons. Those reasons are retarded and prejudice. She also didn't like fat people... Or blacks, or any colors in general. So, I had to keep my black characters away from her, also my Hespanics, Arabs, and so forth.

Lor kept hurting my characters.. Not once did she ever apologise, to me or to them. Nor will she ever care to. Another thing... Though when mine would play a certain role *cough*EVIL*cough* she had a problem with it. A BIG PROBLEM. She even got Jade involved the first time. And then would complain. She made me change a lot of my characters, most, to fit to her liking. She wanted everything happy and perfect... Even if you were evil, good verses evil wasn't allowed in the traditional forms. It was also very hard to RP with her, causing me to loose a lot of my...style of,..how I used to originally write. Making things action pact was out of the question.. And when I started to involve more than relationships... She got bored, fast. In fact, I came up with most of the junk. She could never come up with anything! It was all me! Heck, I even made most of our shared characters! As time went, she shared and spent little to no time with me... Putting me on a schedule in the end. Like I was some TV program. Or homework.

Lor said ugly things. I am sure you get that. ...But she said some really, really ugly things. Not just to me, but also about others and to others. She wasn't fair with DS and DEMANDED that I stick to her side. I felt like I was being used, especially now that it's over with... She made me hurt DS's feelings by not forgiving her at first... Lor was a sister to me, you got to understand. I was standing up and speaking for a little brat that couldn't do it herself. What else would a sister do for another sister. ...I felt bad of course.. But Lor was so happy, I didn't bother questioning it later on. What's worse, she brought Jade into it. Demanded that we should and would. She wanted Jade on her side, too.. But then talked behind her back, telling me how much of a worthless friend she is. Again, I fed her what she wanted to hear. She told me she hated DS and Jade and would never drop it until we finally had ended our relationship.

Among other ugly things she said was that she was glad to have had DS gave her her old DA account password to delete her (DS) stuff.. She said she enjoyed it.. And that she wished she still had that password because if she did, she would go back in and delete everything she had and ruin her account. I put my hand on a Bible and swear to my grave to this.

She was always mean to other people in her life. Always talked bad about her family, nothing ever good about them. Sure, we have our problems.. But I would never admit to hating my own siblings. She said she hated her own brother (mainly him, and her sister). She even remarked in saying she was going to steal the second movie of Pirates away from him when he got bored of it, and it was his X-mas gift! HIS FREAKING X-MAS GIFT. FROM HER OWN LITTLE BROTHER.

She also used me a lot for art, would always be demanding and angry when no one would make her any.. So I had developed a habbit of making lots for her. ._. She also used me for music, too, and other people as well.

She made fun of a lot of people for who they were... And in the end, turned out to be just like them!

She "finally" befriended people... ]]> ~AARSCHIZZORAVER http://AARSCHIZZORAVER.deviantart.com/journal/14401025/ http://AARSCHIZZORAVER.deviantart.com/journal/14401025/ Wed, 29 Aug 2007 19:29:59 PDT
Why can't I upload art?

I never had problems before...

All it says is either it's my problem, or their's... I am not sure what it is... exactly.

But I cannot upload any art.

Is it just me?

God, please, I hope not. >___< That is all I need!

-With ,
IZH
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HeadSplody!



Quote of the Moment:
"*sniff* My heart... My heart! My poor miserable Godforsaken heart! IT'S BLEEDING!" Saige

♥ Saige (c) Me.

No stealing!


♥ ♥ ♥

CLUB(S) I OWN:
I closed the one I had. xP

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http://AARSCHIZZORAVER.deviantart.com/journal/14389454/ Wed, 29 Aug 2007 01:54:31 PDT
I better head on over to bed...

I can get up and do whatever later.

I don't really have the strength to draw right now... At least not enough.

My bones ache right now...

I think I shouldn't eaten those cookies, the whole freaking pack of Keeblers... That and that half of greesey hamburger and half of greesey tator tots... Oh, and maybe the four peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. ...Could be the milk I drank. I am lactose-intollerant...

OHNOES.




-With ,
IZH
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Quote of the Moment:
"*sniff* My heart... My heart! My poor miserable Godforsaken heart! IT'S BLEEDING!" Saige

♥ Saige (c) Me.

No stealing!


♥ ♥ ♥

CLUB(S) I OWN:
I closed the one I had. xP

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http://AARSCHIZZORAVER.deviantart.com/journal/14387764/ Tue, 28 Aug 2007 21:46:17 PDT

I just want you to know, and so the whole world can see, and I know I shouldn't post it here.. Well, I just wanna say this, and I am not being all ugly or mean or anything in a "GRR I AM AGAINST YOU" way... Though I do feel that way, this is not my mode of intentions here.

Okay.

I am going to keep the art that I drew, regardless if I had drawn it for YOU or if it has one of your characters.

I am going to REPLACE your characters with my OWN, though some may seem somewhat, how do you say, like your's, I am doing this because I refuse to change our shared created characters that we had created together. I refuse to fuck with up in any way because of our friendship that has now been turned into ashes, null and void.

Added to that...note...:
Some characters will pick up where your's left off and some, well, they won't...they'll just be mainly background characters. ...Angie is one of those cases. She doesn't want anyone anymore. So, I can only fill Harper's spot with someone who will never be there, someone who represents him. ...Lots of characters will be representing. I promise that much. But none are YOUR'S. SO YOU HAVE NO SAY OVER THEM, GOT IT? THEY ARE NOT YOUR'S. So, don't you dare pick a bone with me! I am doing my characters a FAVOR. ...Trying to at least.

Besides, it's not like you ever cared to begin with. It's always been about yourself and what you can use.

I may erase your name from my stuff... I don't care anymore if any character belongs to you or not. You never cared about mine, you liar, so I don't care about your's. Okay, I admit. I do... But really. If only you would see.. Heaven, help you.


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Quote of the Moment:
"*sniff* My heart... My heart! My poor miserable Godforsaken heart! IT'S BLEEDING!" Saige

♥ Saige (c) Me.

No stealing!


♥ ♥ ♥

CLUB(S) I OWN:
I closed the one I had. xP

CLUBS:



FRIENDS/ARTISTS I LIKE ~AARSCHIZZORAVER http://AARSCHIZZORAVER.deviantart.com/journal/14385502/ http://AARSCHIZZORAVER.deviantart.com/journal/14385502/ Tue, 28 Aug 2007 18:47:01 PDT
And now, I am bored...

I should doodle some things.

Maybe some fanart, but I already have in my mind some things I want to draw..been wanting to. Doesn't mean I'll do it.

I need some inspiration from people, I guess. Well, inspiration isn't the term, more like modivation...

I got MSN now. Fiddling with it. Bored and confused.

I don't know why I have it. Not like I know anyone who uses it.

No one really even talks to me on Yahoo.

Blah.

I am a computer geek and no one wants to play with meeee.



I miss RPing and stuff. I miss chatting.

I wish I had someone to chat to.

...I am bored.

-With ,
IZH
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Quote of the Moment:
"*sniff* My heart... My heart! My poor miserable Godforsaken heart! IT'S BLEEDING!" Saige

♥ Saige (c) Me.

No stealing!


♥ ♥ ♥

CLUB(S) I OWN:
I closed the one I had. xP

CLUBS:



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~AARSCHIZZORAVER http://AARSCHIZZORAVER.deviantart.com/journal/14374323/ http://AARSCHIZZORAVER.deviantart.com/journal/14374323/ Tue, 28 Aug 2007 02:25:19 PDT
I see nothing. But grey. LOTS AND LOTS OF GREY.

YOU WEATHER PEOPLE LIED TO ME. D:

...Or did you?

Looks like "God's thumbnail" or a wheel of half eaten cheese to me! D:

Or just some big ass rock that perhaps was once part of this miserably little blue planet that we've come to love and know as EARTH...

Meh... My head hurts.

Maybe I should just go to bed already.

HELL WITH IT.

I miss every damn thing ANYWAY.

Plus, slowly my nights and days are getting mixed up...

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Quote of the Moment:
"*sniff* My heart... My heart! My poor miserable Godforsaken heart! IT'S BLEEDING!" Saige

♥ Saige (c) Me.

No stealing!


♥ ♥ ♥

CLUB(S) I OWN:
I closed the one I had. xP

CLUBS:



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~AARSCHIZZORAVER http://AARSCHIZZORAVER.deviantart.com/journal/14373033/ http://AARSCHIZZORAVER.deviantart.com/journal/14373033/ Mon, 27 Aug 2007 23:09:39 PDT
CURSES!

CURSES, I SAY!


...That ends my broadcast.


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IZH
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Quote of the Moment:
"*sniff* My heart... My heart! My poor miserable Godforsaken heart! IT'S BLEEDING!" Saige

♥ Saige (c) Me.

No stealing!


♥ ♥ ♥

CLUB(S) I OWN:
I closed the one I had. xP

CLUBS:



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~AARSCHIZZORAVER http://AARSCHIZZORAVER.deviantart.com/journal/14357411/ http://AARSCHIZZORAVER.deviantart.com/journal/14357411/ Sun, 26 Aug 2007 23:10:26 PDT
Also why I kept getting ZIM as for my personality/character...

When someone hurts me, they become my enemy..

And no matter how hard I try to fight it...

I end up hating them...

I mean, REALLY hating them.

I can't seem to let things go.

I don't like fakes and posers... Flakes as well.

I don't like liars...

I hate promise breakers...

And I most certainly loathe anyone whom treats people as entertainment, throwing them away like a used up and useles wrag once they are finished or see no point in using you anymore.

I HATE..no, LOATHE, USERS.

And with that, I will ALWAYS HATE THE ONES WHO DEEPLY HURT ME.

No matter how hard I try to forgive...

It just won't come.

I know I am highly emotional at times. I am bipolar. Plus, it is in my nature. Cancer Moon affects my moods and emotions. My main powersource, of all things, is Scorpio. I get it TWICE for a dominant sign in my astrology. I have more Scorpio and Pisces tendencies than ANYTHING. Cancer comes next.

*sighs*

And even though Cancer wants to forgive, she can't forget... And Scorpio REFUSES to do so.

When I get angry. I use more than just my horns.. When I get angry, I do more than headbutt or charge. When I get angry, officially angry, when someone tries to get under my skin and literally mar me.. My claws will clamp onto the person who's doing such an evil, and then my stinger comes out and stings the mud out of you! Quite literally. When I get back...or say, when I get angry, I hurt people. But it takes a lot for this to happen... And apparently some people were foolish to think that they could get away with this ever so easily.

I don't know how I will official vent my rage... I don't know how I will finally let go. Possibly never will. It's not in my nature to.

I don't know what will happen, to be honest. And God forgive me.. It's my other personality, my dark side, who really wants revenge...

AND THE URGE IS STRONG!

VERY MUCH SO!

I CAN FEEL IT!

THE HATRED!

THE EVIL!

COURSING THROUGH MY VEINS.

PULSING, LIKE A PULPUTATING HEARTBEAT.

MY HEAD JUST GETS DIZZY AT THE THOUGHTS.

I BECOME LOST INSIDE MY OWN DARK WRETCHED WORLD.

IMAGING, IMAGINING, FEELING THE PAIN YOU'VE CAUSED ME. AND GETTING, YES, GETTING THAT EVER DESERVING REVENGE. TO BE FINALLY VINDICATED. FREE FROM IT ALL.

I HOPE YOU KNOW I HATE YOU.

AND I DESIRE NOTHING MORE THAN TO SEE YOUR FALL.

YOU DID THIS TO ME!

YOU HURT ME!

MADE ME CRASH AND BURN, THEN LEFT ME FOR DEAD!

...AT LEAST THAT'S WHAT YOU HOPED.

I'LL NEVER FORGIVE YOU FOR WHAT YOU'VE DONE.

YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE, TRAITOR.

I HOPE YOU LIVE A MISERABLE LIFE, MUCH LIKE MY OWN. THEN. THEN YOU'D SEE THE OTHER SIDE. YOU SPOILED LITTLE BITCH.

I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU IHATEYOUIHATEYOUIHATEYOUIHATEYOUIHATEYOU UUUUUU!

I HATE YOU MOSTLY FOR WHAT YOU HAD DONE...TO MY CHARACTERS! *SOBS* YOU MADE ANGIE A FUCKING ZOMBIE, YOU UNGRATEFUL BITCH! SHE'LL NEVER BE THE SAME. EVER! NEVER EVER BE THE SAME! IN FACT, SHE WANTS NOTHING MORE THAN YOUR HEAD AND HARPER'S! SHE HATES HIM NOW, TOO! LOATHES HIM LIKE NOTHING EVER BEFORE, AND NOR WILL SHE EVER FEEL THE SAME FOR HIM EVER AGAIN. SHE LOATHES HIM! HIM AND THAT SELFISH LITTLE BRAT MONA. SHE MADE ELITA/PAIN CRY AND LOSE HIMSELF! HE'S AN EMOTIONAL ROBOT. S/HE DOES NOT BELIEVE THAT LOVE EVEN EXISTS, THANKS TO HER.

AND LET'S NOT GO TO WHERE THE OTHERS CURRENT STATES ARE!

SAIGE HATES YOU, TOO! YOU RIPPED HIS HEART OUT, YOU WHORE! YOU LOST INTEREST IN HIM SO QUICKLY, YOU MADE HIM FEEL LIKE HE WAS BLEEDING INSIDE, WHERE HIS HEART IS, BECAUSE YOU FUCKING BROKE IT! HE SAID HE HOPES THAT YOU GO DIE! DIE! "GO DIE AND BURRY YOURSELF, CUPCAKE, BECAUSE NO ONE FUCKING LIKES YOU ANYMORE!!" ...He screamed that.

ALL MY CHARACTERS HATE YOU. EVEN LOVABLE CARRISON! HE WISHES TO STAB YOU, BUT HIS HEART IS STILL WITH KREDON. ...Poor thing. HE REFUSES TO GET OVER HIM, TOO.

AND THIS IS WHY I AM LIKE ZIM! I HATE MY ENEMIES! AND I WANT NOTHING MORE THAN DOOM! THEIR UTTER DESTRUCTION!

BWAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA! DIE!

I HOPE YOU READ THIS!

READ IT AND WEAP!

YOU WRETCHED LITTLE USER!

YOU LIAR!

YOU LIED TO ME!

YOU SELF-CENTERED SPOILED BRAT THAT'S A POSER AND AN UTTER FLAKE!


*PANTS, BREATHES, CATCHE... ]]> ~AARSCHIZZORAVER http://AARSCHIZZORAVER.deviantart.com/journal/14341194/ http://AARSCHIZZORAVER.deviantart.com/journal/14341194/ Sat, 25 Aug 2007 22:16:45 PDT
I have to head towards bed soon anyway... But it's a bummer I can't check out you guy's art right now...

Just so you know, I am thinking of you all constantly.

I got so much to do. In my mind, it's overwhelming, so I don't do it. >>; I guess. I need to work on my scripts. I need to draw more. I need to come up with Ideas for B-day gifts.. I need to do so much it seems. I need to call my school. I need to make sure everything is alright. I need to ask them questions in regarding school and staying in the dorm rooms. I need to figure out how I am going to live up there in New York. I need a job, can't get one here.. Why bother anyway when I have less than a month in staying here? I don't know how long I will be here. I don't know how long I will stay offline when I finally go. My family has problems. They are driving me insane.

I did have a good day today, somewhat. I went to a spring with Melissa and her kids, Zachery came along, too. Everything was great... Except the fighting and complaining that Zachery and Emilio get into... Yeah. Always about food and other items, what belongs to who and who has the most stuff... Threatening and hurting.. Blah. What's new? ...They seemed pretty interested in looking for green pebbles, believing that they were gems in the water...that were worth "a FORTUNE". >> Heh. Had to leave, though, do to thunderstorms. The boys wanted to stay, but lightening is dangerous... Zachery doesn't understand that when you hear thunder, lightening isn't far off..and well, being in the water isn't the best place to be.

My family complains. A lot. Did I not tell you this already?

They fight about everything.

Rarely anyone is happy in my family.

Lots of feuding going on...

Had chinese. Had to beg. Went in my night clothes, mainly my underwear because I had no clothes... They were still drying. >>;

I don't go into much... At least not right now.

My eyes hurt. They've been hurting.

My nose is runny.

I think about bad things... all of the time.

I am angry.

Very.

I hate someone, no, loathe them very much so... Had and always will.

I can't move on, bitch. Don't think I ever will. You know who you are.

I don't appreciate your kind.

I keep thinking of the past.

I hate that person.

I hate that person.

I HATE YOU OH MOST HATED PERSON WHO WAS NO DOUBTLY A BIG MISTAKE IN MY LIFE.

I HOPE YOU GO DIE AND BURRY YOURSELF!

*Seethes* Okay. Enough. I needed that. Venting is good.

Very good, venting is.

I need not ramble...

Not here, not now.

Move on, stupid self. Move on... OR ELSE.

I'LL BASH YOUR BRAINS OUT, SELF!

*sighs*

Okay.

Lorenzo had a tootheache... No worries. It's a loose tooth.

My manic depression came out a little today.

...I scare people.

And that's my fabulous... Life, today.

Blah.


-With ,
IZH
My Live Journal!
My MySpace Page!
HeadSplody!



Quote of the Moment:
"Come, sit on my face!" Mania to Angst... The PERV!

♥ Angst and Mania (c) Me.

No stealing!


♥ ♥ ♥

CLUB(S) I OWN:
I closed the one I had. xP

CLUBS:
http://AARSCHIZZORAVER.deviantart.com/journal/14218482/ Fri, 17 Aug 2007 22:21:15 PDT
*sighs*

Anyway, because I just want to... I'd like to invite everyone to Headsplody. It's not busy, no. That's the problem. I need people... People who like to chat and RP about just anything! So, if you are interested in that. Please go to this [link]

Thank you.


-With ,
IZH
My Live Journal!
My MySpace Page!
HeadSplody!



Quote of the Moment:
"Come, sit on my face!" Mania to Angst... The PERV!

♥ Angst and Mania (c) Me.

No stealing!


♥ ♥ ♥

CLUB(S) I OWN:
I closed the one I had. xP

CLUBS:



FRIENDS/ARTISTS I LIKE
http://AARSCHIZZORAVER.deviantart.com/journal/14187680/ Wed, 15 Aug 2007 21:58:40 PDT
Oh, btw, go ahead and check out my MySpace page - [link]

I've been meaning to tell you all, but I have been... Lazy. >__<

So, yeah. And I also update about myself there. I am all.. Spread out. *rolls eyes and snorts* Whack me!

I like the current song that is playing by Cold, "No One"... It reminds me of poor Jack... My poor character. That's how he feels about life... Well, in the beginning at least. He feels all along most of the time... Lots of extreme loneliness and...moodswings.. He's a Scorpio, you must forgive, it's in his nature to be...so complicated. It's really amazing that Hailyne and he finally hit it off.. Being that she's an Aries and all.. Like me. >>; Two dominate characters... Well, they do manage to make it work, so that's good.

That's my little insight on them for...right now.

Damn, I wish I can draw beautiful pics of them, SO BADLY. ;-; They truly became my most favorite couple of all time! They grew on me! First I wasn't so sure...but BANG. DAMN IT HAPPENED. Didn't expect it.. It just... Happened... So, yeah.

What's up?

Any comments?


-With ,
IZH
My Live Journal!
My MySpace Page!


Quote of the Moment:
"Come, sit on my face!" Mania to Angst... The PERV!

♥ Angst and Mania (c) Me.

No stealing!


♥ ♥ ♥

CLUB(S) I OWN:
I closed the one I had. xP

CLUBS:



FRIENDS/ARTISTS I LIKE
~AARSCHIZZORAVER http://AARSCHIZZORAVER.deviantart.com/journal/14170255/ http://AARSCHIZZORAVER.deviantart.com/journal/14170255/ Tue, 14 Aug 2007 19:28:06 PDT

I feel like I am about to throw up...

I've had this burn since Saturday...

I think it's finally gotten to me, even though most of the pain has subsided...

I couldn't lay down for days, still hurts to, too. ;-;

-With ,
IZH
My Live Journal!

Quote of the Moment:
"If you are going through hell, don't stop!"

♥ Angst (c) Me.

No stealing!


♥ ♥ ♥

CLUB(S) I OWN:
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~AARSCHIZZORAVER http://AARSCHIZZORAVER.deviantart.com/journal/14109077/ http://AARSCHIZZORAVER.deviantart.com/journal/14109077/ Fri, 10 Aug 2007 17:34:45 PDT !

I hope it's a great one!

Many blessings to you and your family.

...Even though you no longer talk to me. I at least never forget one's birthday... *is hurt at a fact that she never remembered mine*


On a personal note, I am back. I don't know how long that will last. I am going back up north again. Loved New York City, just so that you know. I am not planning on staying here permenantly much longer...

My patience is a little thin right now. Been better, seen both better and worse days.

I've changed some more, for the better. Yes.

I've finally accepted my powers...

Have been tired and drained for a while, a good while.. Been eating a lot... Packed on some pounds, even though my family says I look a lot better now than before. They said I looked almost like a skeleton before... Augh. I'd rather be a skeleton. I am not completely comfortable with myself when it comes to appearance and such. I am confident... I just, you know how it is, like when there's something you don't like about yourself? There. ...That and I do have a bad temper... I am a REDHEAD after all. ... xP

I need to go back to working on my ideas, projects and stuff.. I've been taking a long break. This place is overly crowded... Plus, I feel like it's family time right now, for real. To focus on that and other things. Friends and family especially.

Speaking of that. I won't be using that fancy art program. Augh. My computer is to blame pretty much for that, that and I left most of my stuff in New York, including that software... I hope Amir takes proper care of my stuff.. That's my work and ideas there, especially my art work! AUGH.

The older I get the more I question...

Guys, I am not just Christian anymore, I am also a New Ager and a Wiccan! I've always been in fact, I just didn't know... And I had been fighting my true self... Well, I am not doing that anymore. All it caused me was grief and unhappiness! I am WAY more content and a lot less angry than I've ever been in my entire life! It's like... I've found some sort of peace. A sense of more peace with myself. Plus, I am learning to also be a medium, since I am psychic already, and I've been desiring to use my powers to help people. After all, my spirit guide pretty much said that's why I have them for and that I shouldn't deny my powers or myself of them. ...So, pretty much, I am a white witch... Like Harry Potter. xD;; OH JEEZE. I love you Harry, no offense, it's just the teasing I had always been gettings, especially now since I wear glasses.

...I guess the pathetic closed minded-ignorant peeps had a good reason or two to call me what they did. All my life I was called a witch. I guess it's safe to say that for sure now.


-With ,
IZH
My Live Journal!

Quote of the Moment:
"If you are going through hell, don't stop!"

♥ Angst (c) Me.

No stealing!


♥ ♥ ♥

CLUB(S) I OWN:
I closed the one I had. xP

CLUBS:
~AARSCHIZZORAVER http://AARSCHIZZORAVER.deviantart.com/journal/13677889/ http://AARSCHIZZORAVER.deviantart.com/journal/13677889/ Mon, 09 Jul 2007 22:53:41 PDT
Sorry, I've not been here... And sorry I cannot be for awhile.

I am very busy...

With the process of moving,

Manic Depression...

And just life in general...

I've not been doing much but eating... And eating... The stress is somewhat mind boggling...

Amir, I told him that he was a liar, for that's what he was... To further know what I am talking about... Read my journal... Of what I've so far written about it... I cannot go into it now.. I need sleep, for we might be leaving tomorrow morning.. Don't know yet. Amir lies too much. Says one minute he's sending Michelle money, then comes up with another. He wants my mom's pin number to her account. She laughed sarcastically... Then got REALLY PISSED. She's very pissed at him... He made us all miserable. He's making my own mom pay for gas, black mailing her... Saying that if she doesn't pay, I can't go. He's a very cheap bastard, people... He always wants to save that extra dollar. Mom says she forgives him, but doesn't want him near her, nor ever in her house, less she literally kills him! He's less than a man to her, he's less than a nobody to her, he is scum. And we all agree. And he whined at Michelle because I called him a liar... Because he kept coming up with excuses of why I shouldn't come, all which aren't good except one... It's a small place, but I can make do like the rest... Had to finally talk him into it, though, even though he's blackmailing. He just wants to be in control, so he can FUCK. o_o Seriouslly. It's like that! And he knows I don't take shit from no one.. And that I am the type of person...that's scary, I guess. I scare people. It's a natural thing with me.. But yeah. *sighs* A BIG PILE OF SHIT which I do not need to go into right now...

Please just wish me luck...

I still need to talk to my financial aid director, and my director, and fill out those papers, take those tests, get a job and get on my feet...

I seriously won't doubt that Amir will be more than happy once I leave that place, that and he'll bug me to no end. He doesn't want me there, it's clear... He never did... He doesn't even want little Zachery up there, Michelle's older 8 year old son! It's sad... In fact, sick! He's jealous even over HIM! o__O;;

Mama is worried about me, she wants me to go, but doesn't... She still fears that Amir will throw me out of his apartment, which I wouldn't put it pass him, he already suggested that I'd move in with a roommate...

*sighs*

Mama made sure we had to clear things up with him, even though it was hard...with his constant yacking.. He purposely doesn't let a word in inch wise! ...And when I told him that he was a liar, that all he told was lies, and that it's impossible to believe a liar... He said I was right, that he is a liar...and laughed... Then went silent... I didn't wish to say anything further with him. I just wanted him to shut up.. Which he did. I couldn't stand it. AUGH. JUST SHUT UP!

In short, Amir is a BIG JERK... And that's putting it kindly.

And enough is ENOUGH! NO MORE GAMES, DAMMIT!

I just want us all to move on... But he's making it excrutiatingly HARD.

...Forgive my spellings... I don't have my glasses on...


G'night, everyone...



-With ,
IZH
My Live Journal!

Quote of the Moment:
"If you are going through hell, don't stop!"

♥ Angst (c) Me.

No stealing!


♥ ♥ ♥

CLUB(S) I OWN:
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http://AARSCHIZZORAVER.deviantart.com/journal/13477902/ Sun, 24 Jun 2007 21:53:33 PDT
Just wanted to tell ya what I learned today...

You see, I watch TV [DUH WHO DOESN'T?], and today I was watching it with my mom, like I usually do, especially on Sunday. Not to bring up religious matters, but some of the teachers were talking about friendship and they brought up a few of the best points, regardless of one's faith or orientation or whatever!

"THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS A EX-BESTFRIEND! They are either your friend continuously, or they weren't your friend to begin with! There's no such thing as 'USED TO BE'-friends!"

Of course they did mention about emotions and situations regarding certain circumstances, but REAL FRIENDS STAY BESIDE YOU NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, NO MATTER WHAT MAY COME, AND NO MATTER WHAT WRONG YOU'VE DONE, NO MATTER HOW MANY FLAWS YOU HAVE, ETC. TRUE FRIENDS STICK BESIDE YOU UNTIL THE VERY END AND LOVE YOU REGARDLESS OF ANY CIRCUMSTANCES OR WHATEVER WHATSOEVER!

WHEEEE! AND I NEED NOT WORRY OR CARE ANYMORE ABOUT THOSE WHO WERE IN MY PAST! EVERYONE COMES ACROSS LOSERS, ABUSERS, AND USERS, ALL OF THE TIME! I NEED NOT THE BAGAGE THAT THEY WANT TO THROW UPON ME! I REFUSE TO CARRY THEM!

WHAT MATTERS IS TRUE FRIENDSHIP, REGARDLESS OF WHO THEY ARE OR WHAT THEY MAY BECOME. AND WHAT ALSO MATTERS IS BEING WHO YOU TRULY ARE AND BEING THE BEST FRIEND YOU CAN POSSIBLY BE!

All those who have hurt you... They were never your friends. Real friends will hurt you, but not intendedly do so. REAL friends are honest, not people who are fake, dishonest, using, and will stab you in the back and/or leave you there after they are done with using you, getting what they want, or grow bored stiff of you! Real friends aren't that!

And that concludes my happy message!

SEE WHY I AM SO INSANELY PLEASED? AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA! @.x

-With ,
IZH
My Live Journal!

Quote of the Moment:
"If you are going through hell, don't stop!"

♥ Angst (c) Me.

No stealing!


♥ ♥ ♥

CLUB(S) I OWN:
I closed the one I had. xP

CLUBS:



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~AARSCHIZZORAVER http://AARSCHIZZORAVER.deviantart.com/journal/13440696/ http://AARSCHIZZORAVER.deviantart.com/journal/13440696/ Fri, 22 Jun 2007 01:01:48 PDT
I am sorry I've not been on recently. I've been so busy with life.

Been overly stressed, I must note to you all... With all of the moving and all of the family situations and delays and all of the bullshit that's going the hell on! ...Just go to my journal, you'll know what I am talking about. -__-;;

Oh, and to update that situation since I am here and I won't do it on LJ since I am doing it on here..

Amir is changing his shit again. NOW he wants to help, mainly out of his own selfish desires of wanting to have Michelle's car, which she was going to leave here, so he won't have to use his "pretty" Cad. It's an Escl. I don't know how to spell the names, so I won't embarrass myself with trying to spell them out incorrectly! IT'S A BIG SUV! A SUV THAT NO ONE WANTS, NOT EVEN HIMSELF. He just got it because it was the SPUR OF THE MOMENT, two weeks after my sister told him not to get anything and wait, since he was getting a vehicle for their whole family... >>; So, he's coming down here, saying that THIS time we will bring all of our stuff with us, making Michelle get out her stuff back out of storage, which she just got and put in a few days ago and just finished putting everything away! Me, I have to do the same! And watch, he'll change it AGAIN. He's making us wait an extra two weeks AGAIN because he keeps changing EVERYTHING. AUGH. IT'S SO STRESSFUL AND THIS ISN'T EVEN HALF OF THE BULLSHIT THAT'S GOING ON IN MY FAMILY.. And let me not go into how he's so indecisive and so immature, it's not even funny! And dreams? HA. Talk is cheap, whisky costs money!

Forgive me for my misspells.. Peeps, my eyes are burning from being so upset and so forth...

And the stress... Sadly, has made me sick even. I can't seem to eat right, my digestive track is off...key. I am either constipated or having THE RUNS. I can't lose weight, I keep gaining. I keep my weight at a certain number due to health issues. And I can't sleep at night, I am broke out! I am in pain, constantly because of the lack of rest! I can't concentrate, I am overwhelmed and over frustrate! I haven't done much of anything but be in misery! Didn't write much as much as I wanted, nor drawed or anything. And my family keeps coming over, dumping shit on mom and my's backs! Unleashing their burdens onto our already heavy loads! THE WEIGHT OF THE FREAKING WORLD. And nothing is EVER RIGHT. AUGH.

Oh, and Michelle and Zach might be living with us for awhile... Augh. I love them, but we really don't have much room, and everything is already a mess as it is, with all of my stuff scattered and so forth... And both of them, especially Zach, have no respect for anyone or their stuff! ESPECIALLY ZACH! I know he's a little boy, but he makes not only MY patience thin, but also my mom's and even his OWN MOTHER'S. It's because he can be a little brat, doesn't want to listen to anyone, and likes destroying people's stuff, evidently, because he's BORED. ...>___< And he's SO NOISY. He won't give anythinga REST. Today, when we went walking, he tried to destroy the car, so I got onto him and gave him a piece of my mind, because no one else was doing it, and mom she would complain, like always, about it later! Plus, he needs to show people and their things RESPECT. Ohhhh. He doesn't want to mess with me, ol' little cynical me! He'll learn to know his place...soon. OH YES. And he seriously needs to learn anyway, especially to watch his mouth, because when he moves up to New York with us, people up there won't take that shit like they do down here. *shakes head* Like my mom said and always will say, Michelle needs to teach him to mind... Or to mind BETTER. Both the girls have problems with letting their kids run the show.

...Don't ask me, these girls always seem to... Augh. Just put it this way, they can do wrong, but you can't... Because they'll never let it down, though you forgive them for all the stupid crap they do. Family is a pain. I don't see why people are so afraid of people out in the world when it's family that hurts you the most and will go out of their way to and NOT CARE AT ALL. My family thinks it's all about them anyway... *sighs* I've dealt with too many people like that. And to be frank with you, I AM SICK OF IT.

I'll shut up now and go to bed...

Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.

Today I went off like a volcano because of all of the bullshit hat goes on... I am just sick. Utterly sick of it. No wonder why I am MENTAL.

...I'll have to check you guys's stuff some other time.. I don't know when, though... Since I am in the process of moving...and in torment..

-With ~AARSCHIZZORAVER http://AARSCHIZZORAVER.deviantart.com/journal/13225166/ http://AARSCHIZZORAVER.deviantart.com/journal/13225166/ Tue, 05 Jun 2007 08:34:42 PDT
I'm sorry I've not been drawing anything. I've been doing some writing, you know, here and there...

I also like to announce that since I hate my name Tiffany so much and wish I wasn't born with it, I wish to be called IZH instead! It's pronounced like "Iz-sh". It's like Ish, only with a Z, and I am indeed Ishy-wise. I can be all kinds of Ishs! Like...freak-ish, daze-ish, irk-ish... xD; You get the general idea. Plus, it's a nickname of mine and I'd rather really be called this instead of that annoying word "Tiff" or "Tiffy!" Augh. Nothing personal, peeps. Just never liked my name. xP

Also, gradually I will be transforming my journal here... Oh, btw, I've got me a new LJ and I've made it more public so you guys can catch my rantings and other updates there!

I am going back to writing now.

...Or something like that.

WHOO!

-With ,
IZH
My Live Journal!

Quote of the Moment:
"OH NOES! NOT THE GAS!" -Angst

♥ Angst (c) Me.

No stealing!


♥ ♥ ♥

CLUB(S) I OWN:
I closed the one I had. xP

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http://AARSCHIZZORAVER.deviantart.com/journal/13194064/ Sat, 02 Jun 2007 20:09:25 PDT
No, I really don't feel like going into the whole thing at the moment, perhaps sometime in the future when I am more ready, or perhaps never. I am just happy to be willing to move on. After all, this is only making me stronger! Not my loss!

Dundunnana NO MORE TEARS! ...Love that song!

Anyway, I may or may not draw anymore original stuff..well, not as much as I used to. But I will be coming on more like I've promised, and I am willing and liking and hoping to draw more fanart now than ever before. I will still draw my characters. I am just more busy writing about them..

I tell you one thing, I do desire me some Mmy/Nny vice-versa stuff! I may be drawing some Mmy art in the future since you know I love him! You know you do, too!

I am moving on and I am open-minded to accepting more people to getting to know me, to get close. I am open for friendships. And many of them! Heheheh. I love you guys! You mean lots to me, just so that you know! I enjoy talking to all of you!

]]> ~AARSCHIZZORAVER http://AARSCHIZZORAVER.deviantart.com/journal/13192444/ http://AARSCHIZZORAVER.deviantart.com/journal/13192444/ Sat, 02 Jun 2007 17:33:48 PDT
So, yeah, I've been used.

Not the first time, I'm afraid. I was right when I said those things, she is like all the other people whom I've met. She doesn't even value friendship! Heck, does she even know what it means? After all, I wasn't the only one who got angry at her at times for being thoughtless, but everyone else gets off the hook, but not me... Oh, not poor little ol' me.

No, Lor, you aren't like Tina, Tina is WAY nicer than you! She forgives me and still cares about the characters, that I cannot say for you since you don't care about what our characters had for each other and you certainly don't care about mine. I stood up for your's, against Tina, stood up for you, because you valued your characters and you seemed like the person whom I thought was great! Now.. Well, I am thinking differently. Was it even a blessing to know you? Should anyone know you? Are you worth being friends with, after all you've put me through? Talk about being unforgiving. No, Lor, you are like Tiff. I was only useful until I time I seemed obsolete, all because we had an argument and told me I was a bitch, telling me she has better friends now, only coming around the corner sometime later, acting as if she wanted something from me...

Yeah, sometimes I really wonder.. What the term "friendship" really means. People have abused me, used me, and just flat out ass ran over me.. I don't even know if I have any friends! Do I have friends, people? Do I? I don't see anyone whom I thought might be hanging around me!

So, I am somewhat depressed.. No, not depressed, darkened. I am not depressed in the sense of "BOOHOO", no. I am dark, as in, gloomy, but in a scary confident kind of way. I know I will heal, I will move on. I will improve. I will do better! Much better! I will have what I want, what I desperately crave for, and have GOOD LOYAL FRIENDS is one of them! I will find love! I will make my dreams come true! I will be better! I will make myself better, better than ever before, to prove that I am so much a better person than most people I know, or who I thought I knew.. More like it. I will prove to the world who I really am and I will be blessed, happy, and people will know and love me! I refuse to be some poor sap who's kicked down into the dirt and left there deserted! NO! I'll fight back! I'll bite! I'll laugh! I'll be something to recogn with!

I WILL BE MADE NEW!

Mark my word, this has not crushed nor defeated me!

I am STRONGER!

I AM A CONQUEROR!

]]> ~AARSCHIZZORAVER http://AARSCHIZZORAVER.deviantart.com/journal/13164980/ http://AARSCHIZZORAVER.deviantart.com/journal/13164980/ Thu, 31 May 2007 14:26:14 PDT
ME!

I AM BACK!

I've got me a new computer! A laptop, more precisely, a Sony Vio! I wanted a different version than the one I have now, but this one was on sale... AHHHH. I love it, though! Can't complain! It's great to be back!

However, I will be moving shortly. Mhmmmm. >> I might tell you... Maybe not. I don't want to jinx it! Just know this, I am moving! YIPPEE! Yippee for me because I hate it here and let's face it, too many bad memories and pain and nothing here for me! NOTHING! No opertunity, zip! NADA! No jobs either. Worked for a week at Sonic, quit because I hated it so fucking much! All you can get here sadly is fastfood and they won't even look at you! It's really sad! Florida is for tourist and for retirees! @.x NO ONE ELSE! I love the heat, yes, I love the sun..somewhat, but it's time for me to move on! FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, FINALLY! I will be moving wherever my sister Michelle goes...

I have not been drawing, digitally that is, but on paper... Sadly, I have no scanner.. And lately I've been lazy...

I've got me some new software, but it seems to be giving me shit, or at least it was...

Don't know much about that... >>;

The new Vista software is confusing..and constipating!

Anyway, I miss you guys so much! SO SO MUCH! ;-;

If you want my new YAHOO! name, just send me a note!


Love Tiffhead!

]]> ~AARSCHIZZORAVER http://AARSCHIZZORAVER.deviantart.com/journal/11840560/ http://AARSCHIZZORAVER.deviantart.com/journal/11840560/ Fri, 16 Feb 2007 10:01:40 PST
Apologies to all for the way I've been acting.. I've been hurting so much.. I've not had the spirit.

I have some scary confessions. Upon being in misery and countless hours of crying for weeks, I have made myself terribly sick and I am striving to get well again. I have a broken spirit, you know.. And it hurts. Also, from all of the crying, my eyes have gone from bad to worse.. And they don't seem to be wanting to recover. .__. I am scared. I keep backspacing and backtracking to see if I am spelling anything right here.. If not, I am sorry. I am trying to type the best I can. If I type really good for someone will very poor eyesight at the current moment, well, lucky me.. But yes, I am sick.. And at one point, I thought I might have needed to go to the hospital. My family is both supporting me and threatening me to give up trying on the relationship Lor and I have..or used to have. I am trying so hard, but she said I hurt her for all I said. I apologised for that a long time ago.. And she never told me anything until now.. She say she don't think she wants to talk to me anymore. She even deleted all of her art on DA, just because she wanted to. Because of me. She hates me.. She wants nothing of me.. Or our characters I bet..

And so here I am.. Sobbing.. And asking why?

Lor, I am sorry, please believe me!

I am not perfect!

People fight that care for one another, like we've both said before!

I am sorry for the words I said, but you know you are just as guilty as me. Everyone says it, too, my family does, and so do the others I talk to for advice. I keep going out for advice and people either say "She's not worth it", "Bummer..That sucks! What a prick!" "I wouldn't deal with that shit! Forget her!" "..Well, give her a chance just like you said you wanted to do.. Doesn't mean she's gonna be friends with anymore. She's already made up her mind. It sounds like it to me." "Stop crying over it! She's not worth it!" "We know your pain, sadly, everyone goes through it over and over again.. She wasn't your real friend to begin with. All she said was just words." "She's just a spoiled little brat!" "Don't cry. Everything's going to be alright. You have to move on. She already has." "You are better than that. I know you blame yourself for the whole thing, but it's just as much as her fault as your's." "Well, she's a loser, that's what. HER LOSS. TOUGH TITS." "Hey, if she can't forgive you, then she's not worth knowing, is she?" "Don't kill yourself over this! We're worried about you! That girl, forget her, she doesn't care about how you feel right now! And I bet she never did before so why now?" "I'm tired of seeing you cry all of the time because of her.. It hurts me to see you in pain." "This is ridiculous. Just get over it! It's over! Move on! She has already, without you and she's not looking forward to making any ammends!"

And I've those and many more.. From so many people, but mainly from my family. I keep praying to my God to help me, to give me strength and patience..

Lor, I am not perfect. ._. Why didn't you ever tell me what's been going on until now?

Was it because I wasn't on and you had nothing to do but instead dwell on one angry rant I made all because I was severly upset. Lor, you've been upset many times and have even said things about me. Have you forgotten that? Have you forgotten how much I care? All the times I stood up for you? All of the things I did and all I wanted was for you to enjoy them, but I needed to know that you did but instead you said nothing.

Lor. I miss you. I love you like a sister.

You've talked to me about how I've hurt you, but you've hurt me very deeply as well, for a long, long time. I am willing to change if you are willing to take chances.. I keep trying, Lor. I didn't know what to think. I didn't know if you were telling me the truth or not.

Lor, you said I was saying you should destroy your life. If you are thinking about that one line I said in that rant. I was angry and I told you in that very same thing that I didn't mean it..that I was angry and in the whole post I told you I was venting and that all I wanted was for you to show that you truly cared. And Lor, if you are saying that on the behalf of how you complained about your friends and your problems. Yo... ]]> ~AARSCHIZZORAVER http://AARSCHIZZORAVER.deviantart.com/journal/11812202/ http://AARSCHIZZORAVER.deviantart.com/journal/11812202/ Wed, 14 Feb 2007 09:39:54 PST
I just don't know what to think.

I am sorry people.

I am not in the mood to say much of anything, plus I am running out of time anyway. I posted a long message again on LJ for her to read.

Still nothing. .____.


-With ,
Tiffy! (CALL ME FRED! EVERYONE'S DOING IT!)
My Live Journal!

Quote of the Moment:
"*purrs* Aren't you a pretty pretty prince, with your pretty pretty hair.." - Anti. "I am not a girl!" - Ozzy.

♥ Anti (c) Me.

♥ Ozzy (c) ~InvaderLor

No stealing!

♥ ♥ ♥

CLUB(S) I OWN:
...Shush!

CLUBS:



FRIENDS/ARTISTS I LIKE
- Bestestbestfriend is now a new word. >> Also, she's a great artist and is very fun and creative. I love her ideas and I enjoy RPing with her! Visit her work or I'll clobber you!
- Awesome artist that draws THE BEST Mmy/Nny slash around! 8D His work is also very sweet and a lot of times hilarious and adorable! I envy his talent! If you're a true fan of JtHM and like Mmy and Mmy/Nny slash, YOU MUST VISIT! And if you are a hater, go away. >:C
- This artist has VERY original work as well as style! 8D A must see!
- This artist has awesome Invader Zim slash art! 8D HURRAY for RAPR and ZADR!
- One my good old friends since 2004! She's a sweet girl, really, and I demand you to visit her site! Be nice, now, or I'll come after youuu.
~AARSCHIZZORAVER http://AARSCHIZZORAVER.deviantart.com/journal/11744871/ http://AARSCHIZZORAVER.deviantart.com/journal/11744871/ Fri, 09 Feb 2007 08:28:05 PST
I called Tuesday, her father answered the phone, said she wasn't there, and hung up on me like I had nothing to say. So, I don't know what's going on with her.. And it deeply troubles me.

With having that to put up with, since it's costing me sleep and I've been hurting so emotionally, it's affecting me physically and mentally that I am even in terrible physical pain! I don't know if she cares anymore or not.. ._. I wonder if she's okay. Please, let nothing bad happen..

I don't know if I'll get a computer any time soon.. Not sure when or how. Please pray and hope for me to get the job I need and desire so I can have money to pay for one, especially if it turns out my mom can't help me. So far we know she's not getting much back at all! .__. This government is horrible! She works so hard! And being that I am a dependant, with my age and all, they make it much harder for her! ..Just like when my mother was willing to pay for me to have health insurance, they just cancelled me off like I am a number and now I can't go to the doctor unless I have something really bad and wrong with me.. And I take meds!

I heard some of your comments, peeps, and I appreciate them, too bad the internet access in this library is limited or I would reply. ._. I am sorry.. I'll have to get back to you all some other time. I miss you all as well.

I do believe I might have some time to post some art.. I've not been drawing much.. Too much depression from the hurt.. I've been spending most of my nights crying. .__.

Lor, where are you?


-With ,
Tiffy! (CALL ME FRED! EVERYONE'S DOING IT!)
My Live Journal!

Quote of the Moment:
"*purrs* Aren't you a pretty pretty prince, with your pretty pretty hair.." - Anti. "I am not a girl!" - Ozzy.

♥ Anti (c) Me.

♥ Ozzy (c) ~InvaderLor

No stealing!

♥ ♥ ♥

CLUB(S) I OWN:
...Shush!

CLUBS:



FRIENDS/ARTISTS I LIKE
- Bestestbestfriend is now a new word. >> Also, she's a great artist and is very fun and creative. I love her ideas and I enjoy RPing with her! Visit her work or I'll clobber you!
- Awesome artist that draw... ]]> ~AARSCHIZZORAVER http://AARSCHIZZORAVER.deviantart.com/journal/11695004/ http://AARSCHIZZORAVER.deviantart.com/journal/11695004/ Mon, 05 Feb 2007 09:29:38 PST
Guys, I am afraid I have not much time to discuss why this is. Just know my computer was hacked into by a hacker and the sucky computer I once had.. Well, is void..

Also, I can't comment on any art or anything right this moment, perhaps never until I get a new computer..

Right now, I am upset.. Not just about having my computer hacked into and all and not being able to go on DA.. But also because my friend, Lor, pretty much put me on the back burner, or perhaps forgot all about the fact that I exist.. She doesn't say a thing on the internet, not about herself or anything in regards to how I feel.. And she doesn't contact me by phone or by mail. She's completely put me off..

I am currently in a bad world of hurt. I've been crying for over a week now since she's not even tried anything.. Apparently she doesn't care..

I am taking drastic measures now because I am sick of the way she's been acting, putting our friendship on the end of a wire.. I can't take it anymore! I wish she would do something, but she won't!

If anyone would like to talk to her for me, please IM her on Yahoo, Itsnotwiz.. I normally wouldn't do this.. But I'm desperate here! She's upsetted me so much, if only you guys knew! It's been going on for so long how she treats our friendship, I don't know what to say or do!

PLEASE, SOMEONE HELP ME!


-With ,
Tiffy! (CALL ME FRED! EVERYONE'S DOING IT!)
My Live Journal!

Quote of the Moment:
"*purrs* Aren't you a pretty pretty prince, with your pretty pretty hair.." - Anti. "I am not a girl!" - Ozzy.

♥ Anti (c) Me.

♥ Ozzy (c) ~InvaderLor

No stealing!

♥ ♥ ♥

CLUB(S) I OWN:
...Shush!

CLUBS:



FRIENDS/ARTISTS I LIKE
- Bestestbestfriend is now a new word. >> Also, she's a great artist and is very fun and creative. I love her ideas and I enjoy RPing with her! Visit her work or I'll clobber you!
- Awesome artist that draws THE BEST Mmy/Nny slash around! 8D His work is also very sweet and a lot of times hilarious and adorable! I envy his talent! If you're a true fan of JtHM and lik... ]]> ~AARSCHIZZORAVER http://AARSCHIZZORAVER.deviantart.com/journal/11536625/ http://AARSCHIZZORAVER.deviantart.com/journal/11536625/ Tue, 23 Jan 2007 00:07:44 PST
Anyway, I've not been drawing much.. I need to start drawing more in my spare time.. I've got some ideas, some inspiration, but I need to quit being lazy and get off my ass and draw some more.. It's just this lousy computer and having only Paint to draw with, which is another downer for me.. If I had something better perhaps, I wouldn't just draw my own creations, but also some fanart as well.. In short, yeah, I know, I need to draw more stuff..

Lately, I've been getting inspired with new ideas.. Not that I'll draw them.. But they are ideas.. I used to draw my ideas more frequently, but.. Yeah, you get my point with having only Paint to draw with.. -_-;;

What ideas have I been having, you ask?

Well, let alone having my own creative ideas of my own personally owned stuff.. But I've been getting some ideas for fan based things, too. Not just that of my old fan-creations of related SG stuff, but also of Metaloclypse, too!

I know that some of you don't like slash, in fact perhaps disgusted by it.. Well, I am not, even though it is basically against my religion, I still love the stuff and I do have an open mind.

However, I haven't been coming up with slashy ideas, though. Much to some of you guy's dismay (and some perhaps pleasure of knowing). I will admit my favorite Metaloclypse slash pairings are that of the obvious. Skwisgaar/Toki, Nathan/Murderface, Pickles/SnB, And pretty much all of the rest you can mix them up with.. I have an open mind, like I've said before. I also like the Pickles/Toki pairing and basically Toki really is my most favorite character.. Murderface seems to come next, though, almost tying with him, and then Nathan and Pickles, then Skwisgaar.

"You're free! Runaway, Skwisgaar!" ..Love that quote. xD

Mmm, anyway.. About my ideas. They aren't slashy, one bit.. Well, perhaps, kind of. But it has nothing much to do with the main characters we all know and love, in fact, since I love doing this, it's a future generation thing. This is how I see it, Dethklok isn't completely gay, perhaps bi, but I don't see the completely gay thing.. No, they flirt with women. At least bi if not straight..

Anyways, they have kids, you see. The main members in the band are guys, except one, which is a girl. They all have siblings that live with them, except the girl that's in the band. She doesn't have any brothers and/or sisters.

I see Nathan having an older son, who's the leader of the band, okay. And I can see him having a daughter as well, who isn't much younger than his oldest. They are both dark and brutal, like their father, but the son is even more intensely brutal than the daughter, and plus, like father like son.. The daughter is smarter than her older brother. And she has an attitude, but so does he, much like their father, only the girl is more prone to grouchy-ness. The both have black hair, but the boy has brown black eyes while the girl has green. They both tend to fight here and there with each other, argue, but they are both protective over each other..

I see Pickles having two to three sons. One who's the oldest, duh, the second one not so younger than the first, but the third being the youngest. The oldest is almost exactly like his father, with the drinking and taking drugs, and all of that stuff.. The second seems to be almost like his older brother, but smarter, like Pickles is when he comes up with ideas. The second one has more of a temper than his older more passive brother. The third is too young to count since he's still a little boy "fer Gad's sakes!" >> They are all redheads!

I also see Murderface having twins, one's a boy, and the other's a girl.. They are almost identical, except their sex is different.. Duh. That's all he has. They are both exactly alike and exactly like their father, both badasses and both sick, and both curse up a storm. The girl is more prone to moodswings, though, duh, we all know why. Doesn't take a rocket scientist. They both have brown hair and the same eye color, duh. They always seem to pick on each other and fight and they'll even say they hate each other, but deep right down, perhaps they don't..as much. They fight a lot, given whatever situation it is.. >>; The girl claims she has a split evil personality that wants to choke and kill people and can take over at any given time.

I see Skwisgaar with on... ]]> ~AARSCHIZZORAVER http://AARSCHIZZORAVER.deviantart.com/journal/11512506/ http://AARSCHIZZORAVER.deviantart.com/journal/11512506/ Sun, 21 Jan 2007 01:01:05 PST
Ahem, anyway, besides that, nothing new. >>;

Oh, and I've updated my stuff in my posts as you can tell below..

Myeah, I am still working on it, folks! Don't worry about it..

Man, I feel like opening that Zorak club back open..

I miss it.. And SpaceGhost Unlimited..

Hmmm.

Sadly, the club I currently have isn't doing much.. Hopefully in the next months something does or I am gonna get rid of it. I know I sound evil, but really! >>; No one is joining much or anything..

Man, I am freezing!

Oh, btw, I would love to thank *silvolf for the lovely pic she surprised me with! ;-; Thank you so much! I love what you've done with Zigor!

Maybe one day Zorak will meet him.. It would be nice.

Sadly, Zigor isn't the only one with parental issues..

Tyra is, too, she basically never had both of her parents, her father being Brak and Brak doesn't even know he has a daughter or else he would have grabbed her a long time ago.. Tyra's grandparents (Brak's parents) either kept it a secret or couldn't reach him.. Perhaps both. >>; Her mother basically didn't want her to the point of either getting a abortion or suicide to get rid of her.. She basically killed herself not too long after Tyra was born. >>;

"The more you know.."

-With ,
Tiffy! (CALL ME FRED! EVERYONE'S DOING IT!)
My Live Journal!

Quote of the Moment:
"*purrs* Aren't you a pretty pretty prince, with your pretty pretty hair.." - Anti. "I am not a girl!" - Ozzy.

♥ Anti (c) Me.

♥ Ozzy (c) ~InvaderLor

No stealing!

♥ ♥ ♥

CLUB(S) I OWN:
...Shush!

CLUBS:



http://AARSCHIZZORAVER.deviantart.com/journal/11393481/ Thu, 11 Jan 2007 00:55:25 PST
NOT SO..Good News..: I am bored. And I would love to draw, but I need inspiration. I haven't drawn SGC2C characters in a long time when I tried, it didn't look right.. Ehh, it was more like in my style, kind of.. Pfffft. I am so USED to drawing in my own style, it's ridiculous. I used to draw in many styles instead of just my own. >>; That and I am used to drawing either humans or my alien-super-powered-super-natural-beings. I am sad. It's a burdon. I have perfectionism. NOOOO. *beats self with a rake!*

Anyway, now that that is over..

Who loves DETHKLOK?

I LOVE THAT SHOW, Metalloclypse! If I have spelled it right.

I try to watch it every night and the episodes are never boring to me!

BEST SHOW EVER!!!

In my opinion.

I love the gore, the brutality, I love the music (favorite kind), I love the strangeness, I love how sometimes they can be adorable with their..weirdness of trying to learn things, and I love the characters entirely, the plot, and the whole show! I LOVE THE WHOLE SHOW! ;-;

I love all of the characters, but my heart goes out to Toki and Pickles most. But I SO love the others, too!

Toki, I love him so much because he reminds me of one of my characters. Is cute and adorable, but is also dark, brutal, and hardcore! I REALLY love him! MOST FAVE!

And Pickles.. I CAN'T HELP BUT THE THAT IRISH REDHEAD..and those braids.

I LOVE MURDERFACE. MURDER! HE IS AWESOME.

And Nathan? Who couldn't love him and his random..ness..and his ideas. >>

And Skwisgaar, I love his accent! And I love how he plays his guitar and his crude comments.

With love ,
Tiffy! (CALL ME FRED! EVERYONE'S DOING IT!)
My Live Journal!

Quote of the Moment:
"It cries out for thee" - AAR

CLUB(S) I OWN:
...Shush!

CLUBS:



FRIENDS/ARTISTS I LIKE
- Bestestbestfriend is now a new word. >> Also, she's a great artist and is very fun and creative. I love her ideas and I enjoy RPing with her! Visit her work or I'll clobber you!
- Awesome artist that draws THE BEST Mmy/Nny slash around! 8D His work is also very sweet and a lot of times hilarious and adorable! I envy his talent! If you're a tru... ]]> ~AARSCHIZZORAVER http://AARSCHIZZORAVER.deviantart.com/journal/11344039/ http://AARSCHIZZORAVER.deviantart.com/journal/11344039/ Sat, 06 Jan 2007 23:45:28 PST
Anyway, I hope she feels better soon. Mrrf. She's really got it bad. Puking and and all.

I'll admit, I am used to being sick, I am used to constantly feeling pain and never feeling good and a lot of occasions, even sickly.. I am a sickly person after.. I constantly have a bug for life, it seems. Oh, well. I am used to it.. I just can't seem to get a grip on things anymore. It's the emotional and psychological stuff that now gets to me. I've been through a lot in my last few years, in the last of my teen years.. I am slowly but surely recovering from all of the psychological and emotional trauma. I pray that I some day get over completely and be over with it in my life..

Anyway, something much less depressing..

I am proud of my Jasper picky, though I didn't shade anything because I wanted to keep it basic. >>; Just so you know.

I am trying to make up for all of those times I haven't drawn.

I hope I can keep it up.

With love ,
Tiffy! (CALL ME FRED! EVERYONE'S DOING IT!)
My Live Journal!

Quote of the Moment:
"It cries out for thee" - AAR

CLUB(S) I OWN:
...Shush!

CLUBS:



FRIENDS/ARTISTS I LIKE
- Bestestbestfriend is now a new word. >> Also, she's a great artist and is very fun and creative. I love her ideas and I enjoy RPing with her! Visit her work or I'll clobber you!
- Awesome artist that draws THE BEST Mmy/Nny slash around! 8D His work is also very sweet and a lot of times hilarious and adorable! I envy his talent! If you're a true fan of JtHM and like Mmy and Mmy/Nny slash, YOU MUST VISIT! And if you are a hater, go away. >:C
- This artist has VERY original work as well as style! 8D A must see!
- This artist has awesome Invader Zim slash art! 8D HURRAY for RAPR and ZADR!
http://AARSCHIZZORAVER.deviantart.com/journal/11335306/ Sat, 06 Jan 2007 09:50:52 PST
._.

I feel bad.. And for her.

But..

Is it bad that I feel like someone has cried wolf too many times to me?

I don't think that's the right way to put it..

But with all the things she's done in the past and all of these mistakes.. And one big one she finally did because she totally couldn't help it, I feel like I can't fully believe the words she says.

Her words are turning empty to me.

And I don't like that.

I don't know what to believe..

So, I guess I will believe what she says..

But I don't feel it as much anymore.

And no matter how many times she says she cares, I just don't think she really does.. I mean, people change, I know, but what's she's turning into isn't something.. Well, I hate the rat-race trend. But she apparently hangs around with friends that she doesn't seem to like too much.. I have a feeling she might talk about me, too..

I don't know what to believe.

I hope she's not lying to me.

With love ,
Tiffy! (CALL ME FRED! EVERYONE'S DOING IT!)
My Live Journal!

Quote of the Moment:
"It cries out for thee" - AAR

CLUB(S) I OWN:
...Shush!

CLUBS:



FRIENDS/ARTISTS I LIKE
- Bestestbestfriend is now a new word. >> Also, she's a great artist and is very fun and creative. I love her ideas and I enjoy RPing with her! Visit her work or I'll clobber you!
- Awesome artist that draws THE BEST Mmy/Nny slash around! 8D His work is also very sweet and a lot of times hilarious and adorable! I envy his talent! If you're a true fan of JtHM and like Mmy and Mmy/Nny slash, YOU MUST VISIT! And if you are a hater, go away. >:C
- This artist has VERY original work as well as style! 8D A must see!
- This artist has awesome Invader Zim slash art! 8D HURRAY for RAPR and ZADR!
-... ]]> ~AARSCHIZZORAVER http://AARSCHIZZORAVER.deviantart.com/journal/11329294/ http://AARSCHIZZORAVER.deviantart.com/journal/11329294/ Fri, 05 Jan 2007 19:46:16 PST
Okay. I am peeved, yet also worried.

-.-;

I have a friend, a dear friend online who hasn't been online all night.

Isn't the first, really. She's been upsetting me a lot, actually.

I try not to let it get to me, you see, because I care and I don't wanna lose her. However, she's practically making me lose it myself.

Anyway, she hasn't been on all night, you see. She has no messages or anything to tell about her not being on and the reasons why. That's the thing, she doesn't talk much about her life in her journal anymore so I don't know what the hell goes on. She just posts random things like "I'm going here" or whatever. And she doesn't talk to me as much as she used to either. I know she's busy, but when she possibly might even have time, she doesn't come on, I believe, because it's always the same time or LATE. Usually LATE.

Anyway, I am worried about her, but I am also pissed to.. Because I feel deeply hurt.

I am tired of the guessing games. I don't know if she's putting me off and pushing me to the side or is mad at me..

I'm just sick of it.

It's literally bringing me down and into tears.

I don't know how many times I've cried, especially this past week.

I'm sick of it..

And Friday and Saturdays nights we usually talk the most.

She's not on though.

I'm tired of this.

I don't wanna lose a friend.

BUT I AM TIRED OF THIS ENDLESS CHARADE.

._. I don't even believe her when she says she's sorry anymore.

My trust is slipping..slipping away.

I feel like she's everyone else I knew in my life.

My mom was right. She was so right when she said she'd move on, I guess. She said she won't, but she keeps doing the same thing over and over again.. I don't know what's wrong with my friend! She doesn't view my art anymore or leave comments, even when I post them on my journal she doesn't say anything until I mention them.. And she doesn't even leave comments in my journal unless I beg or something.. I don't know. I just don't know.

And today I drew her something, hoping she would get to see it. I bet she did, but didn't say or do anything and now she's ignoring me.. Or something..

I feel so used and neglected right now..

And I am tired of feeling that and hearing me say that and repeat that to her!

My own Bestestbestfriend...

PLEASE. SOMEONE HELP ME!

With love ,
Tiffy! (CALL ME FRED! EVERYONE'S DOING IT!)
My Live Journal!

Quote of the Moment:
"It cries out for thee" - AAR

CLUB(S) I OWN:
...Shush!

CLUBS:



http://AARSCHIZZORAVER.deviantart.com/journal/11253119/ Sun, 31 Dec 2006 03:28:18 PST
How're you?

How was your holiday? Christmas or whatever you celebrated, I hope it was great!

Mine was okay, my family seems to be losing the meaning of Christmas.. Well, not really, some of us haven't, it's just.. Well, my sister Melissa went away for Christmas and we didn't see her or her kids.. And Alex, Michelle's youngest son, has problems with being spoiled and getting his way, I tried to set him straight, because really a spoiled brat doesn't need anything. And I haven't seen my grandparents in years. I miss them. *sighs* I miss the true happiness of the holidays and I had that when I got to see most of my family members. It's what really made me happy.

Anyway..

Nothing new with me, same ol thing.. Except I've been getting worse off.. I don't know what's wrong with me. So many people have been wanting me to see a doctor, but..I am afraid since I don't work, not really sure if I am really able to, that and my mom's insurance coverage for me is GONE. I am afraid of putting my mom in deep debt just to see what's wrong with me. I know there's something wrong.. Something's not right.. I've been having nightmares, here and there, but a year almost ago, and before that even, I've had some bad dreams, the dreams that tell me things that are gonna happen.. Apparently I am sick, I know that, perhaps with something I am not pleased with having.. Not sure yet since I haven't got it looked into.. But I know I am sick. I just know it. I have so many symptoms.. I don't know how I make it each day. And they are the BAD KIND. The scary kind.

Anyway.. Enough of that.

What's everyone's New Year's resolutions?

Mine is to do better, hopefully.. And draw more and accomplish more or something..

Well, I will end it here.. Bad headache to the point of fainting and passing out.. @.x I get these a lot. Feel so weak, so much pain.. breathless, even. Hurts to breathe.

With love ,
Tiffy! (CALL ME FRED! EVERYONE'S DOING IT!)
My Live Journal!

Quote of the Moment:
"It cries out for thee" - AAR

CLUB(S) I OWN:
...Shush!

CLUBS:



FRIENDS/ARTISTS I LIKE
- Bestestbestfriend is now a new word. >> Also, she's a great artist and is very fun and creative. I love her ideas and I enjoy RPing with her! Visit her work or I'll clobber you!
- Awesome artist that draws THE BEST Mmy/Nny slash around! 8D His work is also very sweet and a lot of times hilario... ]]> ~AARSCHIZZORAVER http://AARSCHIZZORAVER.deviantart.com/journal/11056601/ http://AARSCHIZZORAVER.deviantart.com/journal/11056601/ Wed, 13 Dec 2006 22:03:07 PST

So, I have this one thing to ask of you guys, if you'll answer one question from me because I will probably ask more than this one. ...How're you so far this season?

And if you'd like to tell me... What do you look forward to these holidays?

Sad to say, I am not looking forward to much. Last year Christmas was like it didn't exist, now it's coming back to life, but the spark isn't so strong or so bright.

Tough times. Tough times this year.

I need inspiration, but when I have it.. I have no willpower to do anything about it. Very rarely I do. ..I don't know what's wrong with me. I get sicker and less energetic each year, each passing month, week, day, hour, second..whatever. I am a sickly person, I know. But here I am, nineteen and I feel Ninety! ...I blame most of it on my Manic Depression.. It's awful, but at the same time.. I still don't want a cure, even though I cry about needing one. *sighs*

With love ,
Tiffy! (CALL ME FRED! EVERYONE'S DOING IT!)
My Live Journal!

Quote of the Moment:
"It cries out for thee" - AAR

CLUB(S) I OWN:
...Shush!

CLUBS:



FRIENDS/ARTISTS I LIKE
- Bestestbestfriend is now a new word. >> Also, she's a great artist and is very fun and creative. I love her ideas and I enjoy RPing with her! Visit her work or I'll clobber you!
- Awesome artist that draws THE BEST Mmy/Nny slash around! 8D His work is also very sweet and a lot of times hilarious and adorable! I envy his talent! If you're a true fan of JtHM and like Mmy and Mmy/Nny slash, YOU MUST VISIT! And if you are a hater, go away. >:C
- This artist has VERY original work as well as style! 8D A must see!
- This artist has awesome Invader Zim slash art... ]]> ~AARSCHIZZORAVER http://AARSCHIZZORAVER.deviantart.com/journal/10641928/ http://AARSCHIZZORAVER.deviantart.com/journal/10641928/ Mon, 06 Nov 2006 21:00:17 PST
My computer is really being a bitch now and the only hope there is now is restarting and fixing it.. I mean, I have to restore the computer from scracth again! It's a BITCH.. A long and terrible process! -__-;;

This is why I haven't been on much, too. My computer can't handle this site! Even when restored!

I AM SO SORRY!

With love ,
Tiffy! (CALL ME FRED! EVERYONE'S DOING IT!)
My Live Journal!

Quote of the Moment:
"It cries out for thee" - AAR

CLUB(S) I OWN:
...Shush!

CLUBS:



FRIENDS/ARTISTS I LIKE
- Bestestbestfriend is now a new word. >> Also, she's a great artist and is very fun and creative. I love her ideas and I enjoy RPing with her! Visit her work or I'll clobber you!
- Awesome artist that draws THE BEST Mmy/Nny slash around! 8D His work is also very sweet and a lot of times hilarious and adorable! I envy his talent! If you're a true fan of JtHM and like Mmy and Mmy/Nny slash, YOU MUST VISIT! And if you are a hater, go away. >:C
- This artist has VERY original work as well as style! 8D A must see!
- This artist has awesome Invader Zim slash art! 8D HURRAY for RAPR and ZADR!
- One my good old friends since 2004! She's a sweet girl, really, and I demand you to visit her site! Be nice, now, or I'll come after youuu.
WHOO! SHE'S BACK! 8D GO SEE NOW! D: *HUGS*

~AARSCHIZZORAVER http://AARSCHIZZORAVER.deviantart.com/journal/10186830/ http://AARSCHIZZORAVER.deviantart.com/journal/10186830/ Mon, 25 Sep 2006 20:39:06 PDT
Seriously. -.-; Always gives me a headache. This is why I don't go much on DA. This is why I don't reply much or at all on people's art or pages.

I HATE YOU DA!

First off, I CANNOT SEE WHAT I AM TYPING WHEN I AM SIGNING IN.

I CANNOT REPLY TO PEOPLE ON MY PAGE! THE HELL WHY IS THAT?

YOUR DAMN SITE SLOWS MY COMPUTER DOWN AND KICKS ME THE HELL OFF!

YOU ARE ALWAYS DOING SOME SHIT WITH THIS SITE..

*sighs*

I am..beside myself with anger right now..

My sincere appologies to the rest of you. ._.

With love ,
Tiffy! (CALL ME FRED! EVERYONE'S DOING IT!)
My Live Journal!

Quote of the Moment:
"It cries out for thee" - AAR

CLUB(S) I OWN:
...Shush!

CLUBS:



FRIENDS/ARTISTS I LIKE
- Bestestbestfriend is now a new word. >> Also, she's a great artist and is very fun and creative. I love her ideas and I enjoy RPing with her! Visit her work or I'll clobber you!
- Awesome artist that draws THE BEST Mmy/Nny slash around! 8D His work is also very sweet and a lot of times hilarious and adorable! I envy his talent! If you're a true fan of JtHM and like Mmy and Mmy/Nny slash, YOU MUST VISIT! And if you are a hater, go away. >:C
- This artist has VERY original work as well as style! 8D A must see!
- This artist has awesome Invader Zim slash art! 8D HURRAY for RAPR and ZADR!
- One my good old friends since 2004! She's a sweet girl, really, and I demand you to visit her site! Be nice, now, or I'll come after youuu.
http://AARSCHIZZORAVER.deviantart.com/journal/9970740/ Mon, 04 Sep 2006 21:25:17 PDT I want to cry, but the tears just won't come..

He truly was a great man, even though many people made so many jokes about him... *sigh*

Steve, we shall remember you well.

With love ,
Tiffy! (CALL ME FRED! EVERYONE'S DOING IT!)
My Live Journal!

Quote of the Moment:
"It cries out for thee" - AAR

CLUB(S) I OWN:
...Shush!

CLUBS:



FRIENDS/ARTISTS I LIKE
- Bestestbestfriend is now a new word. >> Also, she's a great artist and is very fun and creative. I love her ideas and I enjoy RPing with her! Visit her work or I'll clobber you!
- Awesome artist that draws THE BEST Mmy/Nny slash around! 8D His work is also very sweet and a lot of times hilarious and adorable! I envy his talent! If you're a true fan of JtHM and like Mmy and Mmy/Nny slash, YOU MUST VISIT! And if you are a hater, go away. >:C
- This artist has VERY original work as well as style! 8D A must see!
- This artist has awesome Invader Zim slash art! 8D HURRAY for RAPR and ZADR!
- One my good old friends since 2004! She's a sweet girl, really, and I demand you to visit her site! Be nice, now, or I'll come after youuu.
WHOO! SHE'S BACK! 8D GO SEE NOW! D: *HUGS*

http://AARSCHIZZORAVER.deviantart.com/journal/9942884/ Sat, 02 Sep 2006 16:53:44 PDT

With love ,
Tiffy! (CALL ME FRED! EVERYONE'S DOING IT!)
My Live Journal!

Quote of the Moment:
"It cries out for thee" - AAR

CLUB(S) I OWN:
...Shush!

CLUBS:



FRIENDS/ARTISTS I LIKE
- Bestestbestfriend is now a new word. >> Also, she's a great artist and is very fun and creative. I love her ideas and I enjoy RPing with her! Visit her work or I'll clobber you!
- Awesome artist that draws THE BEST Mmy/Nny slash around! 8D His work is also very sweet and a lot of times hilarious and adorable! I envy his talent! If you're a true fan of JtHM and like Mmy and Mmy/Nny slash, YOU MUST VISIT! And if you are a hater, go away. >:C
- This artist has VERY original work as well as style! 8D A must see!
- This artist has awesome Invader Zim slash art! 8D HURRAY for RAPR and ZADR!
- One my good old friends since 2004! She's a sweet girl, really, and I demand you to visit her site! Be nice, now, or I'll come after youuu.
http://AARSCHIZZORAVER.deviantart.com/journal/9846811/ Fri, 25 Aug 2006 04:25:33 PDT
Sleep tight..I mean..rise and shine..for most of you, I guess. >>;

With love ,
Tiffy! (CALL ME FRED! EVERYONE'S DOING IT!)
My Live Journal!

Quote of the Moment:
"It cries out for thee" - AAR

CLUB(S) I OWN:
...Shush!

CLUBS:



FRIENDS/ARTISTS I LIKE
- Bestestbestfriend is now a new word. >> Also, she's a great artist and is very fun and creative. I love her ideas and I enjoy RPing with her! Visit her work or I'll clobber you!
- Awesome artist that draws THE BEST Mmy/Nny slash around! 8D His work is also very sweet and a lot of times hilarious and adorable! I envy his talent! If you're a true fan of JtHM and like Mmy and Mmy/Nny slash, YOU MUST VISIT! And if you are a hater, go away. >:C
- This artist has VERY original work as well as style! 8D A must see!
- This artist has awesome Invader Zim slash art! 8D HURRAY for RAPR and ZADR!
- One my good old friends since 2004! She's a sweet girl, really, and I demand you to visit her site! Be nice, now, or I'll come after youuu.
WHOO! SHE'S BACK! 8D GO SEE NOW! D: *HUGS*

~AARSCHIZZORAVER http://AARSCHIZZORAVER.deviantart.com/journal/9810282/ http://AARSCHIZZORAVER.deviantart.com/journal/9810282/ Mon, 21 Aug 2006 22:51:16 PDT >;

With love ,
Tiffy! (CALL ME FRED! EVERYONE'S DOING IT!)
My Live Journal!

Quote of the Moment:
"It cries out for thee" - AAR

CLUB(S) I OWN:
...Shush!

CLUBS:



FRIENDS/ARTISTS I LIKE
- Bestestbestfriend is now a new word. >> Also, she's a great artist and is very fun and creative. I love her ideas and I enjoy RPing with her! Visit her work or I'll clobber you!
- Awesome artist that draws THE BEST Mmy/Nny slash around! 8D His work is also very sweet and a lot of times hilarious and adorable! I envy his talent! If you're a true fan of JtHM and like Mmy and Mmy/Nny slash, YOU MUST VISIT! And if you are a hater, go away. >:C
- This artist has VERY original work as well as style! 8D A must see!
- This artist has awesome Invader Zim slash art! 8D HURRAY for RAPR and ZADR!
- One my good old friends since 2004! She's a sweet girl, really, and I demand you to visit her site! Be nice, now, or I'll come after youuu.