deviantART: by:AiShindou

deviantART: by:AiShindou http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:AiShindou&section=today deviantART RSS for by:AiShindou en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Fri, 27 Nov 2009 09:36:43 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png SY| Your 2 Cents' Worth vs Your Voice http://AiShindou.deviantart.com/journal/28007586/ http://AiShindou.deviantart.com/journal/28007586/ Wed, 28 Oct 2009 07:08:42 PDT I consider myself quite a learned man, educated, intelligent, civil, considerate to the social good, and most importantly respectful. And as some learned men and women do, I read the paper. I love reading the paper online because there is so much that isn't included in the daily newspaper (could be because they're going green--and I surely hope so, though I am betting a lot gets omitted in editing), and I find it a great source for information...

...until that is, you turn to the Opinion/Life section.

My rant, it begins.

*ahem*

Seriously? How the hell do these GROWN ASS ADULTS get away with some of the immature shit they say?? Like, wow! I have been stricken with such ignorance, it caused my jaw to drop and my palm to make good friends with my face since I am constantly SLAPPING it. Seriously, check your local newspaper, and chances are, they have a website. Go to the Opinion or Life section since I'm sure every paper has one. In mine, we have what is called "Your 2 Cents' Worth" where every jackass and their DHS fearing baby mamas can shoot out the mouth. I guess I'm just shocked because I had the idea that those who put their opinion forward would at least do it in an educated manner, that I would hear from people I considered my intellectual equals and betters. Oh boy was I dead wrong.

Why am I bringing this to attention?

Well, I was told that we have a voice, so we should use it. I myself write letters to the editor and have my opinion heard, but I don't just jump the gun with my words and thoughts, I..y'know..DO MY RESEARCH and make sure everything sounds all nice and neat, and most importantly I try to remain impartial and objective. Its like, every racist, old and stubborn, and uneducated jackass comes out of the woodworks to say something so asinine that you would think the editors would just leave it out because it lacked any value whatsoever. To the subject, the way a voice is heard is grouping public opinion, and a good way to do that is the newspaper medium. But if the messages that I have been reading are average Americans speaking out, then no wonder everything is all to shit.

Everyone wants to have an opinion about something, and I don't mean to say that one person's opinion is any more or less weighted than the other, but I do know that the message can get across if one uses different words, and thus it can mean something different. If we do have a voice, then we must use it, and the only way that will happen is if we make our opinion mean something.

Make your opinion count; that's why I didn't act on the last issue with the DDs, because though I put my opinion out there, it was more or less open ended and had no real significance--I was just speaking my immediate thought. Well, if I wanted something to change, then I needed to give that opinion some meat, if you will, and so I bring this message to you, to the people who watch me--which now should be like, what, three?--and I say this: when you speak, make every word mean something.

Also, be active. That is one thing I want to attack when it comes to that paper. I see the same people troll that place, and these are grown adults in careers and whatever else, and y'know, you can bitch and moan all you want to but unless you ACT, then expect nothing. Our society is growing FAR too comfortable sitting around and complaining, and THAT'S truly what it means to have a voice, because by taking a stance, you're already acting, and when you take that further and actually get up and DO, then you're only helping your cause all the more.

Oh and uh, don't do what all these old farts are doing and just blurt out nonsense because you think you have the right. Everyone is blurting, and no one is listening or hearing. Find the proper approach and follow through.

I write letters to the editor, blog in informative websites, visit my council meetings when I can, go to marches, protests, charities, and take an active interest in the things around me. What are YOU doing?

I wish you luck.

http://AiShindou.deviantart.com/journal/27719332/ Mon, 12 Oct 2009 11:13:30 PDT So I'm sure you've seen the GLORIOUS PENIS in the Daily Deviations, right?

Why do I have the feeling that it didn't take a monkey with a camera to think of something like that? The little foggy blurry effects were not flattering, and guess what? Its just. A penis.

But aaaaaaaooow lawdeh, don't disagree, or you get rules thrown at you. Jesus Christ e_e

Here's the art. [link]

And here's Rule #18 and glorious #873.

Who selects the Daily Deviation and how is it chosen?
The Daily Deviation is a daily staff feature chosen from the galleries here on deviantART.

The selecting administrator may be a Volunteer Gallery Moderator or other staff/volunteer member who has been granted the necessary access to the special selection tools.

A small assortment of submissions are chosen each day by this select group of staff/volunteer members who wish to showcase an image which they found impressive or otherwise interesting enough to deserve being brought to the attention of the community-at-large. It is important to note that selections need not be of professional quality in order to be featured for the day.

Individual staff/volunteers may show different levels of activity which may lead to certain genres or types of artwork to be chosen more often than others. If you believe that a certain type of artwork is being overlooked or under-represented please feel free to offer suggestions by noting or emailing the appropriate staff/volunteer member listed below. NOTE: Anyone can suggest a daily deviation.

What do I do when I disapprove of a Daily Deviation feature?
A Daily Deviation is intended to give an artist a chance to be seen by a large portion of the community and as not everyone has the same tastes, it is obvious that you may not appreciate every piece that is selected as a daily deviation.

If you have a problem with a particular Daily Deviation feature, do NOT leave your disapproval among the other comments on the piece. It is disrespectful to the artist featured, the person who chose it and/or the person that suggested it.

If you absolutely must voice your disapproval of a selected feature, feel free to note $Moonbeam13 however, unless the image violates policy in some way, it is highly unlikely it will be removed.

In severe cases, if you "flame" or harass a featured artist, you may be banned.

Now, I gave a comment like "Lovely? Possibly, how how this is worth a daily deviation is beyond me." Nothing too negative, just an open-ended statement expressing my confusion. And I got commented back by two people who all they did was throw rules at me. And I can meet them halfway--if I truly didn't like it, I didn't need to comment, but I WANT to know why this was so great. Seriously!

And you know what happened? In a respectful way mind you, I was told "We cannot tell you WHY it's great, however, don't tell US that you think it's not."

And to put it simply?

And when the gallery mod told me that daily deviations aren't chosen on worth, I HIIIIIGHLY disagree. These moderators underestimate the power of a DD and what it means to the artist and the community. I got a Popular once, and I felt hugely honored--did I expect negative comments? YES. BECAUSE I AM AN ARTIST, DAMN IT. Its what we DO, we take BOTH criticism spectra, don't we?? To get a Daily Deviation, a moderator endorsed piece of art, it should be an honorable experience, because if their precious rules don't lie, and ANYTHING can be chosen, then your art has to have SOME kind of worth, doesn't it? Of COURSE, or you'd see a flurry of cellphone pics and notebook doodles on your front page!! Tell me I'm not crazy!!

And, back to the subject matter--a PENIS guys, one taken at mid view--abs to thigh--under a grayscale filter. Glorious, amirite?

And I will not dock artistic nude--some people here do beautiful work! Perhaps though I think it gets overexposure when there are so many deviants doing such great things.

And then as an artist, I cannot forget my roots, and whatever happened to the masterp... ]]> =AiShindou SY| Guess who hates Final Fantasy XIII? http://AiShindou.deviantart.com/journal/27590617/ http://AiShindou.deviantart.com/journal/27590617/ Mon, 05 Oct 2009 03:28:33 PDT That's right

Iiiiiiiiiii dooooooo~

Why??

BECAUSE I CAN ALREADY SEE WHERE ITS GOING.

Finally--FINALLY--Squeenix gives us a black guy, with the nose and eyes and grin and fro and EVERYTHING!! And what do they do?? They WHITE HIM UP. DAMN IT. I HAD FAITH IN HIM.

But there was always Snow, right?? R-RIGHT?? D:

WRONG. WHAT DO THEY DO?? What they ALWAYS do to manly men, and give him a HUUUUUUUUGE dose of "ohmaigod, i'm a pussy plz".

........................

My heart...seriously sank when I saw him get all sentimental and BULLSHIT. HE'S SIX FUCKIN FIVE AND FIGHTS WITH FISTS AND IS A GIANT, C'MOOOOOOON, WHYYYYYYY SQUARE!?!? And did you see when Hope blasted him?? HOPE. THAT ANDROGYNOSU LITTLE FUCK. LITTLE TWIT. BLASTED SNOW. And got him real good too!!
...*takes a deep breath*
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!

As I said to a friend last night, "I was impressed for like, five minutes B[ " That was it. It looks like another XII with X's Spira.

Will I still get it? Yes, because the gameplay looks badass. More tactical than X, faster than X-2, and freer than XII? Yell hes I'm getting it! Those battle systems kicked ass and now they're gonna make a MEGA battle system? Oh I'm on dat shiat, yo. But the story is already painfully gay. And I pray I am proven wrong.

This gets to be in bold, and I hope Tetsuya Nomura reads it. Square Enix is so good at giving us a good thing and then taking it right the hell away. I am so sick if limping back to them hoping they've changed--Squeenix is like a bad boyfriend who you WANT to love and you HOPE he'll change, and then he will, but he reverts faster than you can blink, goes back to his old ways, and leaves you heartbroken, but you LIMP back and forgive him because you KNOW there is love there--that and the sex isn't EPIC but its pretty damn good--even though you KNOW it will just happen again

FACK.

...

So with that said, time for a dose of binging and purging. YES. I'M BULIMIC NOW. SURPRISE.

No, I would never do that....~~againCOUGH~~

I am however cleaning all the crap, and its odd...

Looking back at certain memories, I smile, and yet, something about it makes me cringe. SO off they go :>

This is more than just journals, but like, my gallery for a second time is having the crap scraped out of it.

I really think I should be doing art, and I do want to draw, but my Genius SUUUUUUUUUCKS AND I HATE IIIIIIIIIT. So if I can sell it... Eh, I liked Wacom anyway.
What can I say, I'm an artist, and a musician to be more specific, so I know its what I know and do best. Whenever there lies a place for musicians here, I'll jump on it. I have a plan for flash makers and I really hope to utilize my talent soon.

So. I have an hour to clean my room up, clean the basement, clean my journals and gallery, and then do my hair and make uh omlette foar brekfust

and then since I APPARENTLY DIDN'T SLEEP LAST NIGHT, hope I can pull enough energy out my ass to survive, WOOOOO.

I hate life plz

=AiShindou SO. YEAH. I NOTICED YOU'RE... http://AiShindou.deviantart.com/journal/27405759/ http://AiShindou.deviantart.com/journal/27405759/ Fri, 25 Sep 2009 08:19:00 PDT ..NOT TALKING TO ME.

MY JOURNALS, MY SHOUTBOX, MY PROFILE COMMENTS, ALL BEAR.

LOVE ME WITH YOUR COMMENTS AND SHOUTS PLZ.

...i-its..s-so lonely ;_;

Oh yeah, also, I made a news review, and I would appreciate your support and insight! I think I did well, don't you? I hope it gets approved cuz I think its highly informative.

]]> =AiShindou SO YEAH, I Hate Lawyers... http://AiShindou.deviantart.com/journal/27108197/ http://AiShindou.deviantart.com/journal/27108197/ Wed, 09 Sep 2009 05:09:40 PDT I mean seriously! When are they gonna get done practicing law??

But seriously, I have a new tablet coming, and I got it for a bargain! So when it gets here I'm gonna do a news article and compare the two, since my last was a Wacom and this was a Genius.

Just an update saying I'm doing well, I'm alive, and I'll have art soon.

But as for my friends...WELL its just goes to show you, white people be crazeh and my grandma didn't lie lol. Stupid decisions all around, all held up with their rebellious, foolish pride and too stubborn to admit to their wrongs. Love is lost, people stray, friendships are severed, and for naught. Meanwhile I sit back and shrug and smile because well hey, what more can you do, huh, its life.

Just makes me wonder why people exist in the first place. Also..when will I find the right people to compliment my own existence.

OH I think I'm gonna make a new dA layout soon. I'm getting bored with this one but I do wanna keep the buttons. What will I go with now I wonder? Don't know, but I bet you its still gonna be blue HURR.

Y'know what I don't hate?

I don't hate vests.

]]> =AiShindou SO YEAH. Just Screw It (p3) (Dear Meg) http://AiShindou.deviantart.com/journal/26583514/ http://AiShindou.deviantart.com/journal/26583514/ Sun, 16 Aug 2009 22:03:35 PDT Well well well, I never wanted to go back, I really didn't, but boy, how I miss staffing conventions...

Anime Iowa...after so many years of avoidance, I return.

I shall log my process here. This will be an ongoing and updated journal, and I hope to hear what you all think of my experience. I also has vids cuz I vlog, BUT YOU CANNOT SEES. Well mebeh, but for now, here I am and here we are.

I'll do my best to give the people who heard those drama llamas creative names to prevent further bullshit they bring, since I know they still stalk me and read my stuff. Drama may be half the fun, but not for me, I'm too grown up and beyond their bullshit, BUT I'm not above calling them out indirectly, TEE HEE.

Well then, let us dance, shall we?

Day 1, Thursday

So, I don't sleep and pack all night, prep body, and STILL haven't waxed my brows yet but damn it I'm gonna today. I spend so much time prepping and stressing I lose myself. I am told a meeting date of noon and I wait.
And wait.
....

. . . .

...and wait

gawdamn it Gen <_< only frustrating cuz I haven't, y'know, SLEPT and could have used a nap, but everything worked out I guess.
Talking to Kim about the lolita meetup, she hyped me to like, sew an outfit for my bear and its SO CUTE OMG LIKE A LIL MAID! Pics soon. And I do small things of bullshit like that, ie polish my leather pants, epoxy my accessories, find small odds and ends, run around the house, anything to keep me awake until Gen got there. And finally she did FOUR AND A HALF HOURS LATER. And some time in the van I sleep and I don't know a) where we're going, or b) how long its gonna take to get there, all I knew is I wanted sleep |: so I get it and the next thing I know I'm slammed against the van door and I instinctively think "OH SHIT DEATH, IS IT HERE MAN, IT IS FUCKIN HERE D: " cuz I've no seat belt and am leaned all against the door like I'm challenging it to open and Gen smiles and says "..well, we're here guys!" Oh yes, perfect way to wake up, indeed. Yeah ]|

The room we're staying with has this really nice girl who I will now dub as "Nice Girl" or NG and she had EVERYTHING and gave away EVERYTHING....seriously, wth?? I haven't met a person so willing and helpful but she was just a blessing! Talked a lot and loudly but hey, she offered me a cheap spot and stuff and offered me necessary food to survive, SO I like her so far :3
Then it came time to explore the digs cuz I've never been to this hotel before. Its pretty big for what it is...not bad, and brainstorm, let's con for FREE. Staff plz.
Yes?
Great :> glad we got that handled.

I helped the Reg staff by making a database so they didn't need to do analog records--computers babe, they be AWESOME in a CAN, use them people. And though I haven't got my badge yet cuz the Execs needs to sign off for it, I'm sure that the two databases I made and the gophering I've been doing has solidified my spot for the weekend.

So its late and I remember that I'm human and need sleep |: so I find this couch..chair..thing..er, yeah, and crash, only to wake up with the most pain in my neck that I've felt in a long while--like, if I could give it a metaphor, its a crazy straw, no lie.

Day 2, Friday

Leather pants. Are the devil.

That is all.

Not really lol, I had such a fun time Friday it wasn't even funny. I'm kinda UPSET that there was NOTHING to do! Everything was so..organized! I have never seen a con run so smoothly! It made me feel insignificant as a staff member, and I guess that's good as far as con-ops is concerned.

I cosplayed one of my fav cosplays, Klavier Gavin, and damn it, when I actually FIXED the wig, I was the best muthafuckin fop EVAR. But those lethar pants take energy to wear, energy that I apparently don't have D: it took naps in between cons to ensure I had energy to go on. Poor me, rite??

I can't remember a lot cuz I got trashed...so very trashed...seriously I'm awake now looking for my glasses and wondering why I'm not in my pjs...

Um...Mello and Near were okay, but distant...to themselves... and I wanna apologize to Matt for I had such a blast and all the good shit happened AFTER he left lol. The shadows remain silent when I'm around and I wonder if this beautiful distance I'm creating is for the best. It seems that ever day I throw a memory away, and I wonder...aaah, nah nothin, its just odd now watching the shadow's social awkwardness at a distance; when I embraced the shadows, it wasn't anything I paid attention to, now that I walk into the light, I find it annoying and pat... ]]> =AiShindou SO YEAH, Leather FUCKIN Pants http://AiShindou.deviantart.com/journal/26501815/ http://AiShindou.deviantart.com/journal/26501815/ Mon, 10 Aug 2009 09:48:12 PDT SO.

This crash diet of mine. Its been WORKIN.

Guess who can hit in his leather FUCKING. PAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANTS.

Heheheehehahahahahahaha....

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!

The Glimmerous Fop is BACK, BIOTCH!

]]> =AiShindou SO YEAH, Nervous as SHIT. http://AiShindou.deviantart.com/journal/26211999/ http://AiShindou.deviantart.com/journal/26211999/ Mon, 27 Jul 2009 13:02:53 PDT OH GOD...

OH GOD...

WHY'D I JUST DO THAT...

I'M NOT READY!!! I'M NOT REAAAAADYYYYYYYYYYY!

WHY DID I JUST DO THAT?? FUCKIN WHY??

I applied for a job at NAMCO|BANDAI and...well..BAW, I FEAR SUCCESS, THERE I SAID IT. I FEAR IT LIKE BURNING. IF I'm chosen, I'm moving. But the proposal I sent wasn't asking for a job, it was actually asking for assistance. I don't expect to hear back from them, but if I do and they provide the info I asked for..well..moving might actually be a reality and that would make me really happy. I hate it here, I hate the people here, I hate the fact that I grew up and everyone else clings to their high school mentality, and I hate the fact that my perfect career is never going to be found here. I've been looking for this break since 18 and if I get it, then I'm taking every inch of it.

I have been applying for many jobs and internships lately at a lot of video game companies, and I hope you all wish me a whole bunch of luck! Let's hope that I'll come to you with oodles of good news next update :>

]]> =AiShindou So Yeah, A Couple Irritating Things I've Noticed http://AiShindou.deviantart.com/journal/25936917/ http://AiShindou.deviantart.com/journal/25936917/ Tue, 14 Jul 2009 07:54:37 PDT Trust your head around, it is all around you
All is full of love, it is all around you

A person who I used to know...every time that song plays, they come to mind. The message lets me know they're going to be okay.

BUT you're not here for my sentiment are you? So let's cut to the chase.

I told you well early on that I go around and comment to random deviants, special thanks to my spiffy journal buttons. I've made an effort to see at least 2 new deviations a day, and that's give or take, and that number is only increasing. And because I see so many deviations I also see many comments.

There is an irritating pattern that I'd like to bring to your attention. And you know Ai, this will probably make you hate the site more.
_{And yet we come limping back for some stupid fucking reason... -_- god, what is wrong with us lol}

The Sup Guy

-You know who I'm talking about; you're at a public place and you see this guy you kinda know? But not really? And you pass and he kinda gives you that bullshit slow nod and goes "*nod* Sup?" in that stoner 'I COULDA been high but not really, just kinda out of it' voice? YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKIN ABOUT. Yeah, it feels like that. When you have commenters who just say things like "cool" or "nice" or "awesome" or any derivative of that (ie "coolness" or "awesomesause") its like going to my art, NODDING at it, and saying "sup?" Yeah, I hate you.

The Lol Guy
A spin on this is the guy who always comments with "lol." Doesn't that just CHAFE you?? He's LIKE the Sup Guy but different that instead of saying just "awesome" his comments are usually "lol that's awesome" or "lol that's nice" forming what SEEMS to be a complete sentence but isn't. The Lol Guy and the Sup Guy must be best friends or something because they're both just as stupid.

Kawaii Desu Syndrome

-You've heard me comment about that though. "Kawaii Desu Syndrome" YES, syndrome is the plague on this site where everything is what they refer to as "kawaii desu" which apparently means cute. Everything you do is cute, and oh no, not just cute, but weeaboo cute, meaning all those Narutards and Squeenix whores are all bouncing and jittery over your shit. Eww, rite? I did not become an artist to make CUTE deviations, did you? HELLZ TO THE NO you didn't. Think of it as the wapanese "sup" guy except that since THIS brand of people has to be SO EMOTIVE you THINK they're meaning it but really, they're not.

The EXTREME Commenter

-THEY'RE GONNA TELL YOU ABOUT YOUR PIECE AND YOU'RE GONNA KNOW ABOUT IT GOD DAMNIT! EXTREEEEEEEEME! Caps lock is their best friend, and shouting isn't below them. They see something amazing, the first thing they do: "OMG THAT'S AMAZING!" or "HOW'D YOU DO THAT, WOW!!" These guys pop up time to time, commonly seen in things like ' Popular ' or ' Daily Deviations. ' You want to know why its so amazing; instead, you get shouted at. I no, rite?

EmotiSpam

-Don't have time for a comment but want to show your appreciation anyway? Try emoticons! Everyone is doing it!! Pick an exquisite piece and tell the artist how it affected your artistic world with a

or a

because they just LOVE THAT!! >/ [/sarcasm]

Faux Fan
-You can call them anything really, ass kissers, fanboys or girls, ANNOYING, but they are the faux fan commenters, who no matter what you do, they'll give you an "oh my GOD this is the BEST EVEEER! My GOD you look gorgeous! THIS is gorgeous! EVERYTHING YOU DO IS--" yeah you get it, right? They pump up deviants with tons of false praise and not many truly deserve it. Some do it just for spite. Example, you have the ONE deviant who actually gave an honest critique and ooap, here come the faux fans with thousands of "don't listen, you're awesome!" and "well I thought it was great!" so the artist can counter with "well everyone ELSE said" but really, if they paid attention they'd realize that these guys probably didn't even look at the deviation being defended. You see a lot of these with considerably popular deviants, because comments equal exposure, and if it brings someone to their page, then telling a lie or stretching the truth or even omitting their opinion is nothing.

Picture Unrelated
-Of course, the last group, and possibly the most facepalm worthy of them all, the people who say nothing that means nothing to anything that you're doing artwise. Its like going to you... ]]> =AiShindou SO YEAH, DEAR KAMIJO... http://AiShindou.deviantart.com/journal/25883054/ http://AiShindou.deviantart.com/journal/25883054/ Sat, 11 Jul 2009 15:57:03 PDT Yeah, you're a little BITCH, and I saw what you did there

Cheah, god? My ASS.

.:~Aoi

]]> =AiShindou SO YEAH I AM SO HAPPY RIGHT NOW IT ITCHES!! (Edit) http://AiShindou.deviantart.com/journal/25832643/ http://AiShindou.deviantart.com/journal/25832643/ Thu, 09 Jul 2009 06:40:38 PDT Though this might come with an edit later lol depending on the outcome of an upcoming meeting.

BUT AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH YEEEEEEEEEEEES!!!

Oh my FUCKING GOD this took TOO LONG!

So I remember in spring when my creds were evaluated. 22 credits left. That is two more semesters. Yeah, that one hurt my ballsack, because I hate living here and want to go so far away I forget myself in the process.
Then I had my advisor reevaluate them. Turns out? EIGHT CREDITS LEFT! EIGHT! THAT'S FUCKIN...HALF STATUS! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!! And then I can FINALLY go BACK to the coast and go to graduate school and forget I ever even came home!!

Life WANTS to throw curve balls at me, it WANTS to, I FEEL IT like BURNING. Everything wants to fall apart around me, everyone wants to sling their arrows, BUT NAY, I have rose above the strife and I can do this! Just a half a year more, Shin, just a half a year more...

...EEEEEEEEEEE SORRY HAD A JOYGASM

I've been writing again, and dude, I spawned a powerful and SEXY muse and I can't wait to draw him!! Mmmmm he is sexy in a can, man, in a CAN. And SO BADASS, YEARGH, MANLY, AAUGH. So you might see some writing soon.

Still compiling that poetry, but I have three good ones on the way. The thing is though I want to play with more open styles, because my specialty is fixed but it gets old after a while; I just kinda like to rhyme, lol I know dorky rite?

OH and SCREW YOU KOF CREW, NO ONE IS COMING SO SCREW THE IDEA. I think I'm doing The World Ends With You instead...but before I make it official I want to choose who I'm gonna be, because that game kinda SUCKED ASS, but the character concepts were ~~washed, rinsed, and repeated Kingdom Hearts~~ pretty interesting.

SO UNTIL THEM BAIBAI I'M GONNA DANCE NOW...

..and then...I'll take a potato chip...

...

...

...and EAT IT! :iconyagamiplz:

[EDIT]

As promised, here's a test strip of my new collab coming up.

Request anyone that you want, these just happen to be the fightable reapers. I think I'm going to choose Megs, because I love me some Kitaniji. I'd choose Kariya but no one in the world seems to appreciate Megs so I'll take him (unless anyone else wants him cuz we can trade o3o )

]]> =AiShindou SO YEAH, Read This. Important Info. KOF REVIVAL! http://AiShindou.deviantart.com/journal/25790001/ http://AiShindou.deviantart.com/journal/25790001/ Tue, 07 Jul 2009 06:44:02 PDT Wow, just wow.

I guess the last time I purged my journals it DIDN'T WORK AT ALL, so I did it again..and god damn, it just makes me think of the kind of awful person I was back then, and I aired all my business and acted as if it were nothing. To think of the people I villainized...even myself...it just amazes me that as I read those words that is who I used to be. Still can't believe you allowed it too; let's blame it on the fact that we were young and naive back then.

I do have some news for you, though I think I lied about the important part lol.

NEWS ONE IS I'M BRINGING BACK THE KOF CREW! King of Fighters, look it up bitches, and if you want uh icon then just tell me who EXCEPT FOR K DASH BECAUSE I CLAIM THAT MUTHAFUCKA. It was a toss up between him and Louise, and well, I can't ignore my K muse so ta-da! And since there are SO MANY CHARACTERS in that game I take it upon a first come first serve request.
If you know anyone in the old KoF Crew, tell them Ai's AT IT AGAIN D:

I recently returned from Otaku Omaha. It was...interesting to say the least. Quaint. Very quaint.

I am going to reopen music commissions soon and am looking for lame flash script to make stuff. This way you can hear my talent as I go along. Sorry, no remixes, since now that I'm full blowing as a musician I know the legal issues and blah blah blah. And DON'T SUGGEST OVERCLOCKED because I DESPISE DJ PRETZEL. Long story. BUT this is a GOOD thing because you'll actually get to hear my talent! Sweet deal, eh?

I am also going to be redoing this CSS, but don't know to what. I'll think of something, I just want it to kick ass.

I want to draw right now but caaaaaaaaant without my tablet ;_; and a new one seems kinda expensive and I'm running low on the munnies. But I'll do what I can and see if I can't make a miracle happen. I might have some writing for you very soon and I hope you all like it. I have been working on some poetry again here and there, don't know why, but I'm driven again.

Right now I'm deprived of sleep so I should soon. But yeah, just a warning, when I do formally take commissions, I'll be making a series of blank journals for navigation purposes so DON'T RESPOND TO THE JOURNALS THAT SAY DO NOT RESPOND, OKAY? Thanks!

]]> =AiShindou SO YEA, MY TABLET IS DEAD http://AiShindou.deviantart.com/journal/25628611/ http://AiShindou.deviantart.com/journal/25628611/ Mon, 29 Jun 2009 12:17:22 PDT NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!

IT CAN NO LONGER BE RECOGNIZED!!!

Now it is official, I need a new one, especially cuz I owe Rika-face a drawing, DAMN IT DAMN IT DAMN IT.

I can't even sell it on eBay! BAW, FUCKIN WACOM.

...TO EBAY!

]]> =AiShindou SO YEAH, I Need Corset Assistance http://AiShindou.deviantart.com/journal/25487795/ http://AiShindou.deviantart.com/journal/25487795/ Tue, 23 Jun 2009 04:25:57 PDT Well, to complete a costume of mine, I need an overbust corset to really cinch the waist up. I've done a bit of shopping around and found a great vendor but I just don't have 400 dollars to just drop like nothing.

I do have money, but I want to reserve it. It doesn't need to be special, I can take care of that. What I'm looking for is something solid, black, something you can get real tight, a reasonable price, yeah pretty much that. Really, I'm getting it to take solid notes for the future of costume designing, cuz apparently I'm into that :V and didn't even know.

Thank you so much for your assistance.

]]> =AiShindou SO YEAH, Don't Take It Personal... http://AiShindou.deviantart.com/journal/25280880/ http://AiShindou.deviantart.com/journal/25280880/ Fri, 12 Jun 2009 20:44:05 PDT Cha, I'm talkin to YOU bitch.

I've noticed such a degradation in humanity and I can no longer stand it. Everyone wants to lose control of their emotions and no one wants to own up for them. Their stress, their pain, their fabricated realities, it is everyone and everything's fault, but never their own.

I.

Am sick of it.

Why can't people just simply get over themselves? Why do people WANT to be hurt? Must everything BLEED and OOZE emotion? Must everyone have the MOST this and the LEAST that?

Why is everyone in a "my horse is bigger" contest with society?

Unfortunately there is one truth in this situation. Until everyone can get over themselves and realize that there are others who experience qualms just as they, nothing will solve, no one will grow. I myself find it easy to ignore everyone's bullshit, and though I have a judgmental eye, I keep my judgments silent (until I of course explode TEE HEE and/or vent like I am now) and let humans be humans. But I have also incurred a lot of bullshit, and thus I know how to deal with it. Not everyone can be like me and ignore everyone's flaws for the greater good, not everyone can let stuff go as easily as I.

Its funny, for talking like this, I seem rather forgiving. I'm not and then I am. There is stuff that I just won't tolerate, but for the most part I take a very "psss" and "pfffff" stand to everything--trust me, ask anyone I know, I truly am the sarcastic ball of BAW you see here lol.

To the point, it just hit my mind that someone somewhere wants something to go wrong or wants to feel some extent of pain and suffering more than everyone else. And the funny thing is? There is no martyr uprising if this theory is correct, no, its just a society of jaded, perverted, selfish whiny bitches.

Oh humanity, I hate you and yet you make me lawl

]]> =AiShindou SO YEAH, Wow. This Really Sucks Balls. Srsly. http://AiShindou.deviantart.com/journal/25154718/ http://AiShindou.deviantart.com/journal/25154718/ Sat, 06 Jun 2009 02:48:32 PDT Warning: I swear a fuck lot in this journal, and I use the term "you." No, not referring to anyone personally, especially my beloved watchers. I am referring to "you" as the douche bags--oh yeah, I use douche bags a lot in this journal too lol--who think its cool to be ideal thief. Fuck them.

Yeah. So. Anger. It ensues.

I'm really REALLY getting sick of all the theft around here. Really. Fucking. Sick. Especially in the QUOTE Fan Art Section END QUOTE.

Tch. What the fuck ever dA. Get on your damn job. Or better? Get someone to DO it. Because the current mods are apparently sitting on their asses as it all happens. I know that I applied, where's my yes or no? Cuz I can PROMISE shit would get done with me as a mod. And I already have a plan of attack even before I get hired--I no, rite? So awesome, he'd totally be perfect.

Now, I'm not saying that one massive clean up is going to stop the theft, nor the effort of a few diligent mods. But seriously, can they at least TRY??

Let me make it clear to every prospective douche bag. WALLPAPERS ARE NOT ART when you take official and copyrighted art. That is PHOTO MANIPULATING and there is a SECTION for that, but even STILL you CAN'T submit it because THE COPYRIGHTS ARE NOT YOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUURS.

Oh my GOD I am so SICK and fucking TIRED of galleries FILLED with screen caps and sprite rips!!! WHY! WHY I ASK YOU! I mean GOD DAMN if THAT was art, then let me just load my fuckin gallery right the fuck now and totally carry all kinds of false pride and artistic integrity--ITS WORKING FOR THE REST OF THE WORLD

Another thing. TRACED AND MANIPULATED DEVIATIONS ARE NOT ART because it doesn't take a douche bag to copy something line by line, nor does it take one to take a piece into a program like Adobe Photoshop, add some bullshit artistic effects, and be like "HEY, THIS IS ART, I TOTALLY HAD SOMETHING TO DO WITH THE ARTISTIC PROCESS!" Um, no you FUCKING didn't you GIANT ASS FUCKING DOUCHE. BAAAAAAAAAAAW

And another thing? GIVE CREDIT WHERE IT IS DUE because there are scenarios where when you don't do it that IS stealing on a level. When you're drawing a pose that you see from an official and copyrighted piece? MENTION THAT. It isn't hard, and its only fair.

Why?

Do you know how fucking hard it is to be an artist in this world? It is damn near impossible, especially now, thanks to the fucking internet e_e now any DOUCHE can just right click and steal away! And when a person works hard--HARD--on doing their DAMN best to make an idea perfect and original for YOU douche bags, it HURTS to see people just take it so flippantly. Tch, the fuck do YOU care? It isn't hurting you, right? But the original artist, what of them? What of their life? This is how some people make a LIVING and you are just taking that from them?? Oh, yooouuuuu doooouuuche

Let me give you an example. If I were an artist for a video game company, you know, I'd be flattered to see fan art of a character I made the concept for. However, I'd be totally insulted if I went to some art gallery and saw some snot nosed twit claim my shit. It was ME who put the hours into it, it was ME with the vision, so who the hell are YOU to take that away from me?
And would YOU feel the same way? If the answer is yes? Then STOOOOOOOP DOING IIIIIIIIIIIT.

Same goes for the people who put painstaking hours into original art and concepts. We artists work hard for our ideas, for in the end, that's all we have. Idea, something intangible and dear to any artist. And to see someone steal something INTANGIBLE like that and not even care and think about the consequences...tch, might as well steal my PRIDE and DIGNITY and SOUL while you're at it, you're doing a good job SO far.

You see this face?

this is my TTLY SRS face.
LEARN SOME ARTISTIC COURTESY YOU DOUCHE.

=AiShindou SO YEAH, 50K! Art Trade, Anyone? http://AiShindou.deviantart.com/journal/25117914/ http://AiShindou.deviantart.com/journal/25117914/ Thu, 04 Jun 2009 01:27:38 PDT HEY HEY HEY, guess who's subscribed again!

And good too, cuz I plan on doing more art!

SO LET'S SET UP A QUEUE!

Current Pending Trades
1.

with a request for Anji Mito
2.
3.
4.

Current Requests
1.
2.
3.
4.

Um, as an update, life sucks 8D

I need a new tablet like burning. My current one has a wire issue. Luckily, grant money will pay for eeeeeeverything |D
I got an odd new job, and its odd and new, but hey, its a job. Two jobs agian, oh boy...but I can handle it, cuz I NEED THE MONEY so I damn well better.
Gong to summer school too, I hate it. I hate school. But I'm going to major in eeeeeverything! Tch, at least that's how its looking.

The band is seeing success too and I'm glad. Though I had a brain fart the other day and it just hasn't functioned since. But it will work soon.

I have a legit update coming soon, but I'm just happy to see after this long my pageviews mean something. So...yay for me! *claps*

Ciao!

]]> =AiShindou SO YEAH, The Mighty Approval Process http://AiShindou.deviantart.com/journal/24515010/ http://AiShindou.deviantart.com/journal/24515010/ Thu, 30 Apr 2009 14:20:49 PDT HEY GAIS. Still remember that application for moderation I sent earlier? Well I actually happened to get a note from $Moonbeam13 today, and she said...ITS STILL PROCESSING!

Wait,

Hey, haven't been rejected yet, THAT'S good, right?

So yeah, in art news, I learned how to do perfect lineart recently, and when I get a trustable tablet, which SHOULD be next week, I'm going to have a lot of art to dump! But I still want to know how to color, so in the meantime, anyone have any lineart I can color for practice plz? :3

Life still sucks everyone 8D so do what I'm doing and not give an ass!

I CAN'T STOP PLAYING GAZETTE.

HOSHIT--DONTA COMA NIYA MEEEEEEEE! Best. Line. EVER.

Oh and recently my eyebrows were waxed, one of them almost nearly the fuck off--THANKS ASH. But they look good now.

I'm starting to think this whole band thing is possible now :> I'm kinda getting the hang of all this girly stuff which I hate.

Oh, by the way DON'T TOUCHA ME, DON'T TOUCHA HER, DON'T SHOOTA DA FACE, I DON'T WANNA DIE.

Oh Jesus, thank you for your pain~

(If you don't get it? GOOD)

]]> =AiShindou SO YEAH, You're Bullshit dA (Plz Read) http://AiShindou.deviantart.com/journal/24267031/ http://AiShindou.deviantart.com/journal/24267031/ Thu, 16 Apr 2009 01:17:21 PDT I don't mean to put words in dA's big, idiot mouth, but...

We, the unsubscribed peons, aren't good enough to critique art.

Because we, the financially downtrodden, financially inconvenienced, and/or the luxury-apathetic, do not feed the mighty corporation that is deviantART, our very artistic integrity is apparently devalued.

Layman's terms? Because you don't have a sub, YOUR OPINION MEANS SHIT 8D

Piss on you dA, piss on you with burning urine.

If a petition isn't already started, I'm inclined to start one. You guys just say the word.

[Edit] SO GET THIS DA!

This is an average supporter of this bullshit move 8D

When asked about the fairness of the critique feature...
As quoted from *coughAVERAGEUSER*AmoAngelus*cough*, [I think its] Very fair. Premium members pay, they deserve more thasn freeloaders."

WE'RE FREELOADERS! WHO DON'T HAVE AN ARTISTIC OPINION!

Cha, further proving the bullshit which is this move kthnx.

]]> =AiShindou SO YEAH, Ask Me Anything http://AiShindou.deviantart.com/journal/24019819/ http://AiShindou.deviantart.com/journal/24019819/ Thu, 02 Apr 2009 08:40:08 PDT YEAH RIKA-FACE, I STOLE THAT SHIT.

Okay, I'm jipping class, I'm bored, I don't have many subscribed days left--enlighten me.

]]> =AiShindou SO YEAH, My Band Has a Club! JOIN IT http://AiShindou.deviantart.com/journal/23976164/ http://AiShindou.deviantart.com/journal/23976164/ Mon, 30 Mar 2009 20:21:07 PDT I'M SHAMELESS AND PLUGGING MYSELF, HURR!

Re:MIND

We decided this because a) after just 1.5 months we're skyrocketing in popularity, and b) we want an artistic outreach. I would LOVE to see what you guys could create for us, and we need everything and anything. Fliers, business cards, T-shirts, buttons--you name it, we need it.

SO YEAH. HELP PLZ KTHNX.

Love ya!

]]> =AiShindou SO YEAH, It was good getting rid of the memories.. http://AiShindou.deviantart.com/journal/23870542/ http://AiShindou.deviantart.com/journal/23870542/ Tue, 24 Mar 2009 17:06:02 PDT FIRST OF ALL, BEFORE I BEGIN, CAPS LOCK IS NOT CRUISE CONTROL FOR COOL, CONTRARY TO WHAT THE INTERNET SAYS, QUIT LETTING ME TYPE IN IT.

As I was saying...

It was...relieving to be rid of all the old memories of 2005 and beyond. I'm still not through with '05 yet, I journal'd so much...and there's so much still to go. But looking at the old journals, it made me reflect on just how I've changed over the years. I used to be such a homo spaz with little self esteem and no direction in life, and the people who claimed to be my close friends turned out to be manipulative bitches in the end (unless they didn't go crazy, because a good portion of them did...or get pregnant, cuz srsly, a baby is the new black).
I underline bitches because that's what they were, bitches. Under the rouse of a sheep lie wolves waiting to sink their teeth into anything and they preferred to live in their special words where life fell apart around them. It seems that every year or so I let a big group of people I know go because I outgrow them or am simply beyond their menial concepts. To think my company was made up of people who made fun of others, were ashamed of me, and were all out rude...what kind of judge of character was I back then, I wonder. When I look back, it is obvious I've changed, but the fact that they haven't, even when pining about how much they have...I pity them, really...

But its beyond me now. What got me most upset is how I built up my popularity. It wasn't my art, it was my ranting and my annoying spaz-tastic attitude. I will never understand why my true friends and watchers allowed me to be that way to this day, but...that too is beyond me now.

It just lifted my heart with ever deletion of the old me and what used to be what I was about. And now I feel as if a huge burden of my past has been lifted away. I hope this means I can fully move on.

Beyond this, the band is going EXCELLENT and I am so proud of our progress. I'm not going to spoil anything for you, but know that I NEED artists to friend an account very VERY soon. Like srsly, a spammy Mc spam spam poll is coming up. And you better be there.

I want to give a special shoutout to my number one fan Caterfree. No matter what I ask, you just do it, and I..honestly don't know why lol but know that none of your good deeds went unnoticed and for being so BLINDLY loyal to me, you'll be getting something very soon.

Until then, keep dreaming in technicolor.

Aoi

]]> =AiShindou SO YEAH, DeviantMODERATING Sucks Like Woah--Help http://AiShindou.deviantart.com/journal/23730591/ http://AiShindou.deviantart.com/journal/23730591/ Mon, 16 Mar 2009 14:19:57 PDT So why am I trying so hard to be one?

Well, for starters, it sucks.

Here is the latest example of ^devart ball suckage.

My friend and all around lovable slut whore ~Orideth made this piece, entitled Fallen Angel. Neat piece, huh? ~ShadowOfTheDeity was even there when he colored it! Which he also submitted in his gallery.

So in Popular today, I encounter this by ~freedomfantasy, also entitled Fallen Angel

WOW, SHE DID A GOOD JOB, HAO SHE DU DAT SHIN, HAO SHE DU DAT?? Well, I know it isn't traced, but you cannot deny the uncanny appearance.
So. Get this.
Shadow reports it.

Your Art theft (General) Violation Report on Fallen Angel was reviewed by a member of the staff and action was taken, marking the report as Invalid.

Additionally, the following comment was provided:

No action taken.

So I try. I even took it a step further. I took that shit in Photoshop and put her piece on a Multiply over his. I had to size hers down a tad, but the back, the butt, and the wings were almost identical to Orideth's lines, as well, you can tell by the legs, Orideth drew them out of proportion. So did she. Coincidence?

deviantART Staff's response:

Your Art theft (General) Violation Report on Fallen Angel was reviewed by a member of the staff and action was taken, marking the report as Invalid.

Additionally, the following comment was provided:

No action taken.

SO WHAT HAVE WE LEARNED TODAY, KIDS? 8D

We learned that devSTAFF apparently don't give an ass! Even when you point out wrong in black and white. And I was all polite and shit about it too, y'know? All I wanted was for her to give credit.

HOLD ON...WAIT FOR IT...

Your Art theft (General) Violation Report on Fallen Angel was reviewed by a member of the staff and action was taken, marking the report as Invalid.

Additionally, the following comment was provided:

No action taken.

So.

IF you think this is wrong, I want you to let them hear it, because it keeps happening, and its been happening to a lot of my good dA friends. Are they even trying up there?? And I mean, god damn, give me a REASON why you don't give an ass so I can better understand it instead of douchebagging your way out of it!

...Okay, rant over, action tiem iz nao.

]]> =AiShindou SO YEAH, God Bless You, Firefox + Plz Read http://AiShindou.deviantart.com/journal/23658803/ http://AiShindou.deviantart.com/journal/23658803/ Thu, 12 Mar 2009 12:25:32 PDT It made deleting the gay journalry so much easier ;_; tabs are Jesus epitomized.

Seriously, were we all that immature then? My god, I'm so glad we grew the fuck up.
And you know, when I say it THAT way, hell, I'm glad we did it together.

For the Plz Read Part, I have a request--for those who I am not watching, please tell me in this journal. I want all our relationships to be mutual and friendly and I want to catch up on your life like you do mine. So let me know, and I loveses you, kay?

And my band also has a deviantART and will be holding a contest soon, so look for THAT too.

OH. I set up my PERSONAL music MySpace and soon there will be pics and stuff on it and stuff. So my next journal update will have one, if not both of the MySpace links. Friend me and whoar me to all your friends and n00bs plz, for I want to get famous and throw a big party for you guys.

Other than that, just BARELY passed mid-terms, HO HO HO, I'M SUCH A BRILLIANT STUDENT! And I'm so glad my friends are grasping sanity again, it makes me feel better about everything.

Oh yeah, still trying to learn clean lineart techniques and coloring shiz, so again, I ask for assistance.

I'm contemplating another--oh shit--ICON COLLABORATION SOON! But what? Cuz my fandom meter has been like, fuck low since nothing seems to impress me. Any ideas?

SO YEAH BAI AND ILU.
Oh, and I still hate you for the fact that four years ago you just LET me act like some homo in my journals and didn't stop me. You're not getting Christmas this year >:\

]]> =AiShindou SO YEAH, Deviations And Journals to be Purged http://AiShindou.deviantart.com/journal/23639722/ http://AiShindou.deviantart.com/journal/23639722/ Wed, 11 Mar 2009 08:42:17 PDT Why? Well simple.

You guys pumped me up for it. I'm contacting dA. I'm going for modship. And I wanna look clean and proper. Cross your fingers guys.

Not gonna delete eeeeeverything, but all that faggotry of my fag years is definitely going bai-bai.

Shadow keeps on saying we need a community--well I'm for it, and if this falls through then I'm making it and I want your help. However if this IS a success and I DO get it, I'm STILL gonna need your help, so I'LL MAKE THE COMMUNITY ANYWAY!!

Look out thieves and those of ignorant bliss, for there's about to be a revolution.

...SKY PIRATES 8D *inside joke, lol*

[EDIT]

Wow Shin, you've chaaaaaaaaaaaanged.

I grew from some immature weeaboo faggy faggy gay boy to this angry indifferent sexually confused man. I am not sure the change is for the best, but I like IT compared to THAT.

WHAT KIND OF FRIENDS ARE YOU!?? You actually let me WRITE that shit!???
I HATE YOU ALL D:<

]]> =AiShindou SO YEAH, People Apparently Like To Steal Here! http://AiShindou.deviantart.com/journal/23625773/ http://AiShindou.deviantart.com/journal/23625773/ Tue, 10 Mar 2009 12:40:10 PDT OH YEAH, SHOUT IN MY BOARD AND VOTE IN MY POLLS AND COMMENT TO ME AND STUFF...ETCETERA.

Liek, srsly.

I was doing a fanart search for a certain fandom I've been in love with.

12 times.

I saw the same image 12 different times.

Wow, people really suck. So you know, if you're like me and really don't care I still suggest you be careful, because no one is safe from art theft, and just when you think you got an original idea, it gets ku-sniped out of your hands.

Seriously, what bullshittery was that!?? 12!!!??? COME ON PEOPLE! It was so you couldn't even tell who the original artist was anymore!!

And the screepcaps and official art that totally ISN'T theirs, UUGH, do dA mods even CARE anymore? My vote: no.

Maybe I should find a way to apply, because for the four and some odd years I've been here I've just seen this place get worse and worse and they seem so caught up in money that preserving the very name of art comes at second priority.

Bullshit.

]]> =AiShindou SO YEAH, Now I'm Down & Burnt Out (Edit) http://AiShindou.deviantart.com/journal/23602990/ http://AiShindou.deviantart.com/journal/23602990/ Mon, 09 Mar 2009 02:37:03 PDT Wow...I never thought I'd see it again.
I never thought I'd go back THERE again. Yet there I was, prepping for something new, and there it was, a shining moment of my past...

A far outdated journal with an entry of our first moments as a happy couple...I'm not sure you remember...I mean, it was three and more years ago--a seemingly long time. But as I read it, I found myself wanting, and then..well..crying (YEAH I'M A MAN AND I AM ANGRY AND JADED AND AN ASS AND I STILL CRY...APPARENTLY, DEAL WITH IT BASTARDS). I was longing, but for what? Its not that I don't love you, I still do, but when I think of you, it isn't like before, you know? I guess I just found myself missing being in love...

I miss being held and loved and I miss being a couple...I miss going out on dates and holding hands, and I miss doing spontaneous stuff with friends and displays of affection. I just miss being in the warm arms of another...and I guess when I read it, I got a just of just how badly. And after all was said and done, I just felt..lonely.

I don't know what I want...the last time I fell in love, it ended so poorly and scarred me deeper than I'll admit...and maybe I am afraid to do it again--no, I AM afraid to do it again, because that pain hurt so bad...I mean, I was head over fuckin heels and I never let that happen until that point. But I wouldn't care, I'd take that pain, if only to remember how it felt to be romantically loved again...

Aww, fuck me

I had a fuckin AWESOME day, and WHAT does love do? It RUINS it. FUCK. And what do I do to block out my longing? I scorn love's name, spit on it, even mock those around me who are in it. And I'm sorry you guys, though in all fairness even if I was in love and/or perfectly happy, I'd still mock you, so get over it lol.

And it isn't helping that I am creatively burned the fuck out and have to work through the pain. People are waiting for me, for the band, and there's no room for error.
ON THE BRIGHT SIDE, HAVE A CSS'D LAYOUT 8D

Imma cry myself to sleep nao, brb.

Kazu, you're right, love is worthless and unnecessary. But this is where we differ, for as foolish as it is, I find myself craving it and I can't shake it. Heh, maybe you're stronger than me in that sense, who knows.

[EDIT]WAIT WAIT, HOLD ON GAIS, I FOUND FIVE DOLLARS, SO ITS ALRIGHT NOW

]]> =AiShindou SO YEAH, I'd Love a Sub, But...HELP http://AiShindou.deviantart.com/journal/23535450/ http://AiShindou.deviantart.com/journal/23535450/ Thu, 05 Mar 2009 05:28:07 PST ^{I only one for one month only, just to see if I want it again. And I don't want billed once a month, I just want one pre-paid month of subscribed service.

Um...is that not possible anymore?

Or let's say its not. Can I cancel the monthly billing with little hassle?}

]]> =AiShindou SO YEAH, Being Drunk is the Shit http://AiShindou.deviantart.com/journal/23461462/ http://AiShindou.deviantart.com/journal/23461462/ Sun, 01 Mar 2009 00:45:37 PST ^{Dude, I totally forgot how awesome it was to take shots and drink a case down.

This shit? Feels aaaaaaaaawesoooooooooooome

IMMA DO THIS SHIT LIKE, EVERY OTHER DAY.} ]]> =AiShindou This is so much harder than I thought... http://AiShindou.deviantart.com/journal/23412750/ http://AiShindou.deviantart.com/journal/23412750/ Thu, 26 Feb 2009 08:59:04 PST ^{Oh, as a special announcement, all my messages have been cleared. I hope this gives me an opportunity to properly catch up with the proper of you. I will be undergoing a SEVERE filter, so if you care at all about my commentary and/or existence, give me a holler.

Alright, not a proper journal, but I feel I just need to get this out for the sake of my sanity.

I have been working so hard...so damn hard for my band Re:MIND and I just don't know what to do anymore.

I'm stuck and need a break--WE need a break. I never knew it was so much pressure to be not only the synthesizer and main audio guy, AND double as bassist and vocalist, BUT to be the acting band manger as well? I think I'm over my head.

I work, and I work, and I work...I work on concept designs and label designs, business card designs, CD cover and hard disk layouts, web page layouts (which, by the way, I suck ass at because I just don't do that shit well), I talk with big wigs in the biz, I send countless e-mails to the point where my fingers hurt from typing and my eyes hurt from staring at this idiot screen...
Not to mention that now I'm tackling the budget and that in its own is just ridiculous. It is all boiling down to dollars and cents and that is just something I myself cannot provide and there's no way I can ask that out of the other two.

The problem I'm running into now is this: people want industry representatives, and to be in industry, it takes well...being in industry. That means I have to have our shit together, that means studio time every week or other week, that means money and we just can't afford the outrageous prices here or trust me, I WOULD have had it done. I want our EP and Maxi out so bad...but...I don't know anymore. I won't give up, but what from here? We try gigs, but our music is so different, so selective...we're not normal rock, after all, we're J-rock, and worse, Visual Kei, so yeah, like we can just pick up a venue any old where and be happy with it. We're TOO different...and I never thought I'd say that, but here I am.
To get in industry, we need money. To get money, we need gigs. To get gigs, we need to be in industry. See my dilemma? And its racking my brain because I really can only do what I'm doing now, what more CAN I do?

Which leaves me with two options. One, suck it the fuck up, swallow my tears, and hope for a break. Or two, cater to our audience here, do hippy rock and drop this act and wear punky clothes and do just what is expected and conform to something common and typical. And anymore pride is not an issue--and don't get me wrong, I certainly wouldn't be proud of that--but even with pride aside, I just don't think I can do that.

We're talented. We got that THING. And if we didn't, I wouldn't invest this stress. But talent isn't enough. I guess I HAVE to be a MySpace whore, don't I? I HAVE to do what they're all doing, hell, THEY'RE getting somewhere, aren't they? And here I sit. *scoff* gosh I hate this mood I'm in.

I just need help tackling this on...but what kind of help I don't know. Legal help would be great, I need a copyright lawyer like burning. It also wouldn't hurt to have a proper music manager instead of just me winging everything. And I'm doing a bang ass job, but any professional help = do want plz. I need studio time. Badly. And affordable time at that.

I need to get the hell out of here --_-- being in a place which has little to no support of the music scene whatsoever isn't helping at all.

Ash, Kaz, if you're listening, then I need you not to question me in the next decisions I'm about to make for us. Time is too precious and you're just going to have to trust me fully. If I tell you to jump, then just jump and know that I won't make you jump off a bridge, got me? My stress can't take the resistance anymore, and we can't afford to waste any more time.

I hate being stuck, I hate feeling helpless, and I just uuuuuuuuuugh...I just got the third e-mail out of like..what..25? Give or take a few? Giving me a flat out no. No, we're not interested, no, thanks, try again, no, we're full as it is, but we're very flattered. And put that on every other thing else...god, I have never been so discouraged.
And I hate just oozing out nothing but my depressions and worries and all of the above to you, but...I don't know...
I just don't know...

You know...when it was just me solo, I took whatever I got and I didn't care who did what and how, as long as I got something. And because I was strictly electronica, there was no fuss no hassle, no expensive excursions, it was just sending them a demo and bam, I got a gig. But now that I'm working with a real band doing real things, its just...uugh.

My head is pounding, and if I'm not mistaken, I think I'm even shedding tears. This dream,... ]]>} =AiShindou SO YEAH, What The Fuckery Ahead http://AiShindou.deviantart.com/journal/23378443/ http://AiShindou.deviantart.com/journal/23378443/ Tue, 24 Feb 2009 09:44:08 PST ^{SO YEAH, I SHOULD BE STUDYING RIGHT NOW, so WHY THE FUCK AREN'T I?

Gosh what the hell is WRONG with me lately? Right now? I SHOULD be in class. What am I doing? Jipping, because I'm making up for shit I missed being sick. That and Mr. Weiss SUCKS ASS AND HIS CLASS IS BORING AS FUCK. And I swear he has teacher's ADD. We can never focus on one point, one FUCKING point, DAMN IT MAN, MAKE SENSE.

I told myself I wouldn't procrastinate this sememster...must have decided to wait a bit, lol. And it isn't helping that I use "I'm sick" as an excuse. Even though I am, I can still write shit for class, right? NOPE, cuz I have an INGENIUS philosophy that homework is for suckers, and if I can't do it in class, it isn't worth it. INGENIUS |D hey, its been working THIS far, right? One tenth of a grade point from the Dean's List, so yeah, I'm so smart when I bullshit with no extra added effort.

I suck while being made of win all at the same time |D oh me *handflop*

Life has been rather dull actually, and I wish it would go SOME where but so far not much luck. Though I am happy about some new developments. I'm going for a nice scholarship that if received I won't have to worry about tuition for a while, and that makes me happy. I might have a study abroad thing set up for FUCKIN JAPAN BITCHES, HU HU HU OH YEAH BABEH and albeit brief, I'm totally excited for it. My band and I finally had a breakthrough after a week of confusion and maybe a slice of anger/resentment/whatever, we're all kinda lost-ery. But I'm glad there's ONE person, including me, who understands why I make the decisions I do. Its because I'm smart, aduuuuuh~ Speaking of, I found this badass 5 string bass and I fucking want it. So with money from work I'm gonna try to get it soon. Other than that I've been writing up a storm and that's been the thing pacifying this pain I feel from being sick. Don't know if I'll submit anything here, but if you're lucky...

Oh, I've noticed a trend in journals and polls going "OH MY GOD U GAIS, WHO WATCHES ME, HURR" well I know that I have, out of the hundreds upon hundreds of watcher, only 10 people who seemingly care. And you know...that used to chaffe my ass, but now I frankly don't care. Art is art, and its not that I'm pumping out Mona Lisas every five minutes, so I guess I'm okay. And to those ten people who've stuck by me? Thanks.
I'm kinda curious to see who else cares, but then again, good old apathy leads me to NOT care if people care SO its a vicious cycle, lol.

Still hunting down a good lineart and coloring tutorial since I truly do want to get better--if you got help for me, I'd greatly appreciate it. I might have a mini manga series to post up soon, so look for it.

Oh and MUSIC GETS THE BEST OF ME. But guess who gets the rest of me, babeh? Oh yeah, I blared up my bassphones even though it hurt my ears like fuck, and it just felt so good. I fell into depression a tad, but the moment I played music, it all went away. It was like a moment of clarity...like, I finally understand now what I must do with my life. I just CAN'T be away from music, its too much a part of me. And when I hopped behind my synth, it made me so happy, you don't even know, man! So even though I'm in dire pain of painery, I'm going to force myself to listen to music every day, if only to keep my sanity, and practice my piano and guitar every evening. I might have a song or three to pitch to you guys soon~ so look for that too.

Now SRSLY, I need to get to fuckin work before I get killed my my boring ass professor. Ciao!} ]]> =AiShindou SO YEAH, King of Faggots--I MEAN FIGHTERS http://AiShindou.deviantart.com/journal/23228651/ http://AiShindou.deviantart.com/journal/23228651/ Mon, 16 Feb 2009 05:25:23 PST BY THE WAY, I NOTICED HOW MUCH OF MY BIRTHDAY IT WAS A COUPLE DAYS AGO AND HOW MUCH PEOPLE CARE. BAW.

^{I'm sorry, but there was a lot of faggotry in King of Fighters 06, including all the shit that comes with it, like Maximum Impact, Maximum Impact 2, and Maximum Impact 2 Regulation A.

And where do I begin with my lolrage?

FIRST. OMG KYO LIKE, CONVERTED INTO A BIG ASS JERK. Srsly. I remember back in the good ol days of 99 and everyone was like OMG KYO, MY HERO *_* and what is he doing now? NOT graduating high school THAT'S for sure. When did HE wake up and think his shit didn't stink?? I hope Iori eats his face.

I played Japanese sub style. And that engrish, oh god it hurts me. FAMOUS ENGRISH LINES IN KOF.
"JISUSU KURAISUTO!"
"HORI HELL!"
"KAMON, GAT SERIUSU!" but the best one:
"SHEET!" Fuckin lulz, oh Terry you're so American

I hate the fact that there are characters I love? BUT THEY'RE ALL LOADED WITH GAY. For example. Rock Howard. I HATE him! I...don't know why, but I JUST DO, OKAY? But he's a lot of fun to play. But he's SEXIST and STUPID and ANGRY FOR NOTHING. GET OVER YOURSELF, ROCK. And that homo Normal and Another option, GOSH, JUST WEAR A RAINBOW WHYDONCHA. And the sad thing is, I see myself cosplaying him in the future...gosh, I hate you Rock.

K and Iori got an injection of JERK too, tch, the way they talked to Louise like that. She was only trying to be nice too, GO TO HELL THE BOTH OF YOU.

Jivatma... and his ANOTHER outfit? DDDD8888
And if I had to hear him explain that "blah blah blah I am the sponsor of this shindig blah blah blah leader of Kuseil blah blah blah pencil pusher blah blah blah all the same blah blah collect the strongest--" OH GOD TL,DR MAN. And no, you couldn't be different for anyone, you had to say the SAME DAMN THING. Tch, some creative villain YOU are.

And really?? Did Yuri try to become friends with Iori? AGAIN? There's another person Iori can bite the face off. Because YOU DON'T DO THAT MAN, YOU JUST FUCKING DON'T DO THAT. He EATS PEOPLE, did we forget that?? AAUGH DX

Billy Cane is a dumbass. That is all. And he only redeems himself because Lilly is FUCKING ADORABLE.

Louise is probably THE MOST BEAUTIFUL creature to grace the game, nuff said. And playing her? Oooooh I am fuckin LETHAL; I've yet to lose with her, with her spinning sweeps and her hands of beautiful doom. That and she's so pretty to just watch. I sometimes like to just watch her fight and lose on purpose because I get entranced lol.

WHAT. IN FUCK. HAPPENED TO ASH CRIMSON'S PENIS. It is GONE. Oh Regulation A how you fail me. Yes he's all beautiful but you can't even tell he's fuckin MALE. And his JUNK. Its all rounded out! Which further proves my theory that he's pre-op'ing right now. Does he kick ass? Definitely. But without his penis I don't know what to think of him anymore.

From old school to new school, a) Ralph? STILL ANNOYING, b) Yuri? STILL FUCKING SUCKS. LIKE WOAH SHE SUCKS. and c) Athena is still a cheaty cheaty bitch but I still love her as one of my classic favs.

And I didn't want to like Alba and Soriee, but after playing this game, I can't help it. Soriee is just awesome, and all he wanted to do was dance ;_; I PURPOSELY lost to Louise HOPING there would be a scene where they danced!! AWW MAN, DELIVER SNK, DELIVER. And I remember having a thing against Alba in that one animated movie, but now I just feel kinda bad for the guy...I hope he comes back in the next game with a vengeance.

I recently got the game to borrow though I played it waaay some time a couple years ago at a con and didn't understand it at all. Glad I do now; they brought back some old school mechanics that made me smile. The game had its redeeming qualities. Like Louise mentioned above. And nice addition of Ninon Beart--who can pass up a bitch who dresses in lolita and is a complete bitch sorceress? Recipe for win right there. And good ol Terry Bogard! Aaah Terry, we go way back, don't we? He's still awesome. And he got bigger! YEAH MUSCLES. And still sexy in that badass sorta way. And I can never pass up a chance to play Mai, she was the first character I picked up in KoF 97 (I think it was 97) and well, two words to describe her? Giggle giggle. Lol game physics} =AiShindou SO YEAH, Desperate Artist--NEED HELP NAO PLZ http://AiShindou.deviantart.com/journal/23052474/ http://AiShindou.deviantart.com/journal/23052474/ Sat, 07 Feb 2009 01:56:16 PST

SO YEAH, I am in despair!

WHY?

I...can't...color!!! D:

I'm MADE for oekaki boards, and I HATE that cuz I WANT to get good and do photoshoppery like all the big shots! But no matter how many tutorials I make, I SUCK and I DON'T KNOW WHY.

If you are one of the big shot artists I idolize in private, ASSISTANCE PLZ cuz I KNOW I have the potential, and DAMN IT...DAMN IT DAMN IT DAMN IT, what is it I'm doing WRONG??? My "Bad Boy of Shibuya" piece is something I'd love to do over in PS, but...well...when I did it, oh lord, the FAILURE, THE UTTER FAILURE. It looks great the way it is don't get me wrong, but I wanna make it better. I want to do that perfect lineart and color and smudge and dodge and highlight like all the rest o'yas! I've been practicing this for years--no dice. If you could help me, I'd greatly appreciate it. Link me to tutorials, hold my hand and walk me through it, TRADE MY BRAIN I DON'T CARE JUST MAKE IT HAPPEN.

In other news, my tablet is dying. Surprise surprise. I need a new one, so luckily my birthday is coming up and I know how to use eBay.

I wish I didn't fail at art :<

]]> =AiShindou SO YEAH, I'm Totally Drugged Out http://AiShindou.deviantart.com/journal/23033400/ http://AiShindou.deviantart.com/journal/23033400/ Fri, 06 Feb 2009 03:16:58 PST

By the way, before I begin I want to point something out.

Every year, I have a different theme for my journal entries. The first year was CS, Complete Spontaneality (though the word is "spontaneity" I felt too good for it and made my own up because I AM NOT A ROBOT), the second was Blue Diaries, each entry being a page, the third was Turnabout related titles. And THIS year, I notice I say "SO YEAH" a lot when I begin stuff, at least when I blog. So yeah, that's gonna be the theme. YOU GUYS PROBABLY DIDN'T NOTICE BECAUSE YOU GUYS DON'T EVEN FUCKING CARE, GOSH, I'M LEAVING DA FOREVER, I HATE YOU ALL

So yeah, moving on

Alright, I've been wanting to make music. BADLY. And CAN'T. WHY? Because of that FUCKING ACCIDENT a month ago. My ears? Are FUCKED. Burns up and down reaching to my neck and it HUUUURTS. So I have to totally sedate myself just to survive the pain, and it sucks because I feel that my band is actually making progress and I'm slowing them down by not doing tracks. But wearing these bassphones for an extended amount of time is just too much some days. I think Kazu reads this at least, so yeah, THAT'S why I've been sluffing, sorry dude, I'll try to overdose on ibuprofen and kick my ass this weekend I swear, just bear with me for now.

I've been on Tegaki's cock for a while and don't know why. Also, I'm angry that I just can't bring my beautiful stuff into Photoshop and just FINISH IT, BAW. But I've been making some cool art, and now that I know bodies, I'm gonna experiment with a manga or doujin style something, I unno, might as well, right? It even sounds like fun. I'll have art soon.
BTW STALK ME ON TE KTHNX.

I found my King of Fighter muuuuuuuse! OH BLESS. I LOVE THAT GAME. MUST PLAY MORE. BRING BENIMARU BACK PLX.

Writing, oh boy, my fingers have typed nonstop it seems, yet...it isn't striking me like it should, don't know why. I've just been...bleh.

And I think its because I've been sooooooo medicated lately x_x oh god, the drugs just don't END. I am overdosed just to survive, PLEASE take the pain away someone!

Oh, and its my birthday next week. Hu-FUCKING-zzah I'm getting older, oh wee for me e_e srsly, I just wanna evoke all kinds of Persona all over this wall if only to give myself mercy.

I want to say more, but I'm so drugged out right now my fingers feel numb when I type. SO YEAH, bye guys!

Oh and I miss the old KoF crew. IF YOU'RE STILL OUT THERE, GIMME A HOLLER, BENI-NIICHAN MISSES YOU AND IS VERY ANGRY CAPCOM FORGOT HIM.

]]> =AiShindou SO YEAH, Its my dA Anniversary! http://AiShindou.deviantart.com/journal/22784788/ http://AiShindou.deviantart.com/journal/22784788/ Sat, 24 Jan 2009 15:08:07 PST WOOOOOOOOOOOO!

^{To think, I joined this place in '05 at this date...wow, the time, where does it go?

Four long years here...and though the ones I love are now moved on, a couple of you still linger, and for those who've stuck by me during my trialing journey, I want to say, from the bottom of my heart...}

Thank You

^{Oh, and I promise not to be an angry angst-muffin this hear <3}

~

]]> =AiShindou A Synapse & A New Beginning...Whatever. http://AiShindou.deviantart.com/journal/22532990/ http://AiShindou.deviantart.com/journal/22532990/ Sun, 11 Jan 2009 19:52:47 PST ^{So.

This is where I should talk about my past year of shit and predict my future year of shit. Here goes nothing.

Past year. Failure. Until the very last part where I just relaxed and did NOTHING. I was in an AWFUL situation in the beginning, a lot of shit happened, and ho ho, I'm in a safe place for once. My grades were GREAT and they'll only get better. There's so much I WANT to gripe about, but anymore, apathy's kicked my sorry ass and I just don't have the energy.

As for the year to come, I don't know. I'm losing art and its a frightful thing. I still don't know who I am or what I want out of life, and I have a year to decide. I get my associates FINALLY by the end of this year, and I have to really consider my graduate school well. Its a lot of pressure; after all, I'm virtually choosing my career since I assume my next school will be specialized. I just hope I get the answers in time.

I've finally come to realize that y'know, I am just not happy with myself and I need to get in a good place. So much has dragged me down, and I want to be pulled back up again. I wish I could take the years back and do it again, take it back before I met you and you screwed me over, before I met YOU and YOU used me and everyone around you, and before life kicked YOU in the ass and you lost all hope, and you three KNOW who you all are, so...yeah. But I can't. I just wonder how I'll make due with the year to come.

I would continue further, but a) no one reads this shit, b) no one cares, and c) if this truly is an art site and NOT an emo weblog, I will use it as such. I guess I'll update my journals from now on as an update on what has been affecting my art, as they should be used (in my humble opinion so no slings and arrows kthnx).

If there is one thing I can put here, I just wanna lose my apathy. I hate not caring...and I want to care again. But I have so little to care about, I don't even care about myself anymore. I want 2009 to be my revival.
Wish my journey luck.

To anyone who has been loyal to me and loves me from afar, hi, I miss you, I'm sorry you have to see me this way, and this time around, let's not lose touch with each other, hmm?

~}

]]> =AiShindou I Am So Very Done (Big Fuckin Rant Ahoy) http://AiShindou.deviantart.com/journal/21510378/ http://AiShindou.deviantart.com/journal/21510378/ Sat, 15 Nov 2008 23:59:38 PST will miss my pretty handmade CSS, but I can do without; at least until I give in and pay for the shit again.

Not as if you guys care, or do you? Which leads to my first rant.

1. So when I first joined, and I was a total fanboy faggot, and squeed this and kawai desu'd that, you were all over me. When I got into flame wars and aired out my dirty laundry, oh the attention!
And yet when I take my life and my art seriously, what, I get shafted?

I will admit, I could always deviate more for more attention, but what's the point? No one gives me construction, I get Kawai Desu Syndrome, which I cannot stand. I have been taking a lot of outside time perfecting my art and honing my skill, and have been keeping that back yes, but the original thought still stands. And I write and write, and my writing gets ignored, and I pour my heart and soul in my poetry and prose. So why continue if this is only going to perpetuate? Because I'm not a PERFECT artist, that's why I'm here, but am I getting much help? No.
My pageviews have screeched at a halt because I'm not doing what a considerably bad deviant would do...um, cha, wtf mate?? And I make an effort to say hi to someone new and comment to some new art every day that I'm here, you KNOW I'm pro community (and not $spyed's idiot view either, because he doesn't know shit--that little journal of his was a joke) and yet that doesn't reflect back to me??
I get more favs for a bullshit stamp which took me fuckin five minutes of bullshitting in Photoshop to make, and yet something I DO care about and love and nourish gets ignored and cast to the side?? Isn't that a bit backwards??

2. Writers get ignored here. Period. And why?? Isn't prose art in itself?? Poets too, here comes the deviantSHAFT. And it doesn't help that my forte is music, and my original shit rocks ass, and they'll flash scrip for video but not music?? Does dA know how large they can be if they expand that?? Perhaps I'm not fit for this site, yet again, perhaps my innovative thinking is. Who knows but time?

3. Why must I kiss ass to get ahead? Anywhere?? I'm sick and tired of pleasing everyone, especially when here I sit thoroughly unpleased. And its not as if the people who are so ready for that ass kiss are doing anything for me anyway, yet out of formality, habit, and respect I pucker up. I'm so fed up with it.

4. When did the world get so fucking sensitive?? Everyone wants to be the victim, everyone wants to jump on something and get so offended and give others this bullshit nonsensical power over them, and FUCKING STOP IT. Grow balls and move on, not everyone's out to get you, the world doesn't hate you, and the biggest enemy is yourself with your own fuckin defeat.

5. WHY DO I GET JEALOUS OF PEOPLE WITH DRAMA when I don't fucking want it?? Srsly, I wish my life was fucked up, THEN I can bitch and moan like the rest of them.

6. And this is the biggest part, as well as the conclusion of this rant. Logic & Reasoning, where for art thou???? SRSLY, FUCKIN WHERE BECAUSE PEOPLE ARE OUT OF THEIR FUCKIN MIND.

No one considers practical repercussions anymore, and its getting on my nerves. I'm sick of everyone affinity to avoidance resolution. Running away from your problems solves NOTHING. If your problem manifested into a demon, you're not just gonna stand there and watch it destroy your life, you're gonna find a way to destroy it before it destroys you. But no, people want to throw their lives away so FUCKIN badly and make all these reckless and idiot decisions. They WANT their lives to be destroyed. They WANT to give other people power over them. Because they WANT their lives in disarray. That's right, I said it--you WANT it this way!! Because you're NOT helpless, so GET OVER IT.
I believe it is the Serenity Prayer which says it all. (and no, no religious shit here, keep that at the door, I'm just using this as a reference)

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
Courage to change the things I can;
And wisdom to know the difference.

You cannot change the minds around you. The world will remain in its state. You just need to accept that you can't change a DAMN THING.
The only thing you truly have control over is your perspective of the world. Accept the fact that the world is how it is, be... ]]> =AiShindou I Saw My Mother Crying http://AiShindou.deviantart.com/journal/21329795/ http://AiShindou.deviantart.com/journal/21329795/ Tue, 04 Nov 2008 21:44:27 PST I saw my mother crying this evening...

The call was made, the polls were in...and a dream...a dream which spanned not 40 years ago...
A dream which had been oppressed not short of a sesquicentennial...
A dream, passed to me from my forefathers, and their forefathers before them...

I saw my mother crying this evening...

After years of segregation, discrimination, oppression, ignorance, and hatred...
For a moment, it lifted...for a moment, all hearts of America were connected...
For a moment, we saw it...that small pinlight of hope, it grew...

I saw my mother crying this evening...

And I cried too...and I shouted and I screamed and I rejoiced...
I thought of the people who were there, and the people who wish they could be there...
I thought of the things that have happened, and the things yet to happen...
I saw the road we have taken...and though we have a long way to go, just look how far we've come...

I saw my mother crying this evening...
And together
She
I
We
The Nation
Made history today

Our voices, which have been straining and straining for years, it has now been heard. And to be a part of that history is so overwhelming, I cannot even begin to describe the emotion I feel. But I thank you, Barack Obama, I thank you.
Because of you, I was driven to help, driven to get young people excited, involved
Because of you, I cast my social apathy aside; I became involved in something much bigger than even now I conceive it to be
Because of you, I see hope, I see chance, and it is my honor to feel that with three generations of my family and friends

Political views and biases aside, I cannot deny; today was the beginning of a long road to change. And perhaps now, now that I am contemplating on conceiving children, perhaps now that I am just taking my first steps in this cruel cruel world, perhaps now that this world is rushing onto, into, and unto me...
Perhaps now, I can walk with hope to a promise of change.

I Saw My Mother Crying

]]> =AiShindou Dear Internet (Turnabout Edition) http://AiShindou.deviantart.com/journal/20664177/ http://AiShindou.deviantart.com/journal/20664177/ Thu, 25 Sep 2008 07:17:49 PDT *ahem*

Dear Internet,

No.

Love, ~~Gaa~~ A.S.

* * *

Now then, where to begin, shall we?

Well let's start with home, hmm? deviantART. Still crap. It was once SO GOOD! Like, remember the days of 2005 and before? When art was awesome? And people weren't chosen for Daily Deviations because they were:
A) Weeaboo fantards
B) Squeenix skanks
C) MySpace whores
D) Cosplay time wasters?

PEPPERIDGE FARM REMEMBERS.

And remember when journals weren't littered with drama, vendettas and obnoxious wars, and other random and useless personal crap??

AGAIN, PEPPERIDGE FARM, IT REMEMBERS.

And y'know, its just a common theme now. People WANT drama, so they create it. And from a person who drama once haunted me like a shadow, YOU DON'T FUCKING WANT IT. And if you do? PLEASE TAKE MINE BECAUSE I CAN SURE AS HELL DO WITHOUT IT.

I tried, World. I really did. Maybe looking back at it now, I might seem like a hypocrite to some--oh well; I'm not who I was when I first joined, you'll get over it

I tried being a fanboy, I tried being a yaoi fan, I tried causing drama here with wars, I tried every kind of lifestyle offered damn near. And you know...what is there to gain? Seriously?? Yet THEY get attention and appraisal, and those who act civil and mellow are lost in translation. Lolwut mate??

Back to the art thing: where is the GOOD art?

Let me give you a suggestion--last week, there was a Daily Deviation entitled "click" I forget who it was by. But if you remember, it was of a guy...
Naked...
With a camera before his junk...
...in front of a toilet.

I think I speak for the human race when I say this comment.

|: |

Now then, it is artistic this and perspective that and subjective blah blah blah--let's break this down OBJECTIVELY shall we? Would you EVER see that in a museum? And don't give me that modern art bullshit either, because I will argue you down, bitch! I've did it before, and I am totally filled with energy drinks and rage, so try me mate, try me!

Oh, and people? Suck. That is an objective fact that the human race cannot escape. They just. Fucking. Do. But the government TRIED! They TRIED to make the internet a better place!
Remember in 1996? The "Communications Decency Act"? Saying to govern decency was unconstitutional? Well in a way, yes, First Amendment and all that jazz, but can we trust humans to act, you know...with common sense, common courtesy, and common decency? HELL TO THE FUCK NO.

Oh and don't even get me started on the sociopaths which plague it.
Those who do not have social lives beyond their screen? Cha, now tell me THAT doesn't get annoying. Cuz it does, and you've dealt with them, I know you have, we all have. There are those who would totally disband the real world if all they could have is plastic, metal, and wires. Lolwut?
Say something nice to them. They'll crush on you after you just being nice. Say something critical. Good lord, you just destroyed their constructs and they're gonna make you feel it; them and their hundreds of fanfreaks. I hate to quote Kim Possible, but "SO not the drama" |<

The internet: a means of pornography, hate groups, iDrama, shameless self whoring, ephemeral "love", and a place where the intelligent are bashed and mocked, the idiots are appraised as gods, and opinions are deemed obsolete if they go against the majority--hell, opinions are deemed so if they even EXIST.

Or do you prefer this?

The internet: a means of global communication, commerce, and the mass sharing of ideals.

Long story short: people ruin everything. We give them diamonds and they turn them into dust. We give them children and they neglect them until death. We give them opportunity, and they lay it flat, spread it wide, and proceed with a good thorough raping.

okay I'm done raging for five minutes, I just needed to get that out of my system.

http://AiShindou.deviantart.com/journal/20106377/ Sat, 23 Aug 2008 01:36:01 PDT Dear deviantART,

There is still faggotry. I thought my first angry letter would have fixed it. It didn't. So I will keep writing until one day I am listened to, cuz THAT'S MY RIGHT AS AN AMERICAN!

Perhaps the favorites to popularity system could use a tweak, for all the Narutardery, Bleach faggotry, furry painness, and camera whorery is making my face furrow something fierce.

Next time it won't be a letter--we'll start kicking innocent children!

* . * . *

SO I'm in a new place doing new things--the story of my life. But I'm finally in a place where I can settle down. My brother left for college, I wish him luck. As well I've been drawing nonstop in a means to reteach myself.

Wish me luck, ja?

]]> =AiShindou Okay, What The Turnabout Is This?? http://AiShindou.deviantart.com/journal/19497268/ http://AiShindou.deviantart.com/journal/19497268/ Sun, 20 Jul 2008 09:44:21 PDT Srsly dA. Srsly.

Dear deviantART

WTF? dAv.6 is good and all, but didn't you just change dA not too long before that? And wasn't THAT fine? I thought it was fine, and I'm sure a lot of other people did too. But when you just pump dA with features, its like, buying a car. We were getting from point A to point B just fine. I don't NEED your little anti-lock automatic windows and button press startup, I was fine doing it myself...y'know? It was almost a challenge to get used to it, y'know what I mean? Maybe it was too much?

Oh, and I see all kinds of Naruto on your front page now, and its like, d00d, why are you letting the Weeaboos run your site, yo? We GET IT, okay?? Lol ninjas, WE GET IT! But damn, how many times can you see Sasuke and Naruto, liek, 4 srl??

And LOLCATS FAGGOTRY?? Oh, come on deviantART, I thought you were above that!

The pages load slower IF at all, have more errors, and srsly? Why are Dailys on the bottom now instead of the top? If they're DDs, then shouldn't they get more exposure? Like being at the TOP?

And your search system! Its so crap!! Like, 4 reel, ITS CRAP! Its crap in a hat dA, just crap in a hat! Try looking for something! Don't know what I mean? Well then search for a tutorial on how to draw hands! And ONCE YOU SEE ALL THAT FURRY YIFFING then don't say I didn't warn you how fucked up the search system is now.

I suggest more fine tuning--something about the classic deviantART relieved me. It was simple, and had less fagottry.

Love, Ai

* . * . *

IN OTHER NEWS, things are happening! My location will soon change, as will my life. And I'm happy.

]]> =AiShindou A Burst of Turnabout! (Responses Encouraged) http://AiShindou.deviantart.com/journal/19259728/ http://AiShindou.deviantart.com/journal/19259728/ Mon, 07 Jul 2008 17:46:04 PDT LOL HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAII!!

SO. My CSS is working nicely, my Paypal is having no problems, my eBay account is updated, music is going along nicely, and my donations page no longer has errors.

I'M WINNING 8D

Yeah yeah, AX passed and I missed it--BIG DEAL, WAIT TILL NEXT YEAR.

For now though, I've been preoccupying my time with staffing for conventions and picking up new crafts, as well as improving old ones. After all, college alone is so droll, right?

However, what I encountered was...an accident?

Sudden burst of creativity, GO.

I never thought I could benefit from the stupid, ravetastic, lolita-esque shit I do...but I caaaaaaaaaaaaaan! I had a friend go to me and go "HOMG THAT SKIRT IS SO CYUUUUTE" and I'm like..."It...is?" "YEAH, I WANT ONE, MAEK NAO." "Um..okaaay, but it isn't for free" "DATS FINE, STILL WANT."

But...er...weeeeell...okay, fine, I can make you a simple alternative skirt with frills...hell, let me make you some arm bands and leg warmers to complete the deal, eh?

But that was just one...and it didn't hit me that these skills were desirable until I had another friend go "AWW, I WANT ONE TOO." "Um...sure?" "Oooh and that hair would be neat too! MAEK ME SOME." "Um...okaaaay, but that's gonna cost--" "THAT'S FINE, STILL WANT."

It just makes me wonder...who here is into the alternative scene? Rave and industrial? Lolita?

I'm not the best, but I know some phenomenal teachers. And I don't mind making this stuff as long as I have an audience.
Interested?

If a new set of corset sleeves turns you on?
If the thought of wild colored falls tickles your fancy?
If you could use a new skirt to go a 'ravin in?
Or maybe an accessory has been on your mind?

If there IS an audience for this, then tell me.

]]> =AiShindou . : Blue Commissions : . http://AiShindou.deviantart.com/journal/19258781/ http://AiShindou.deviantart.com/journal/19258781/ Mon, 07 Jul 2008 16:45:12 PDT

]]> =AiShindou Turnabout To The World (2) http://AiShindou.deviantart.com/journal/19167014/ http://AiShindou.deviantart.com/journal/19167014/ Wed, 02 Jul 2008 18:56:29 PDT Well well, its been some time, eh?

Sorry I went on a hiatus, but I didn't want to come back unless I had news.

And I do!

As you noticed, my CSS has changed, and you know? I don't think I want to fall into fan pleasing again...its..a long story. But well...the other journal stuffs didn't seem to fit me, y'know? I need to start expressing my individuality more, and why not start here?

THIS is a nice CSS I'd like to call Electric Blue, I MAEDZ IT MA-SELF! I love the combo of a bright blue against black, its so cold and eyecatching, isn't it? Its under a little construction, so expect the journal entries to change gradually--if at all completely!

As far as icon collaborations go, as fun as they would be, I only have so many participate. Unless I can be proven my icons reach out to the community, then for now, they shall rest.

I feel like my account is dying. And why? Well...considering I haven't art'd in a while, that question answers itself doesn't it?
I do have a bit of good news though...

I got a tablet! Which means it won't be long before I start CGing and getting art commissions started.
And music commissions are now open as well!
And PLEASE commission me! Commission me like crazy!! I live off these now!! This is how my bills are paid!! First one to ask gets it for free!!! ASK NAO.

If you are viewing this journal now, then this is a short version. I am editing images and whatnot to put in here, as well I have a clever new interface which will be in my footer soon. So...be patient, ja?

[Edit]
haHA, the interface is up! Check out the footer! As well, a couple more updates:
-My donation page has been fixed. Its fully operational, and I am very much verified--don't hesitate now ^_~
-My shoutboard is changed. I am going to include a "Love Feature" section, where I will feature someone I see every week. And THIS time I'm staying active enough to keep that promise! Want a feature? Its as simple as asking.
-I'm going to bug you with a couple journals soon concerning my comissions--just need to set up some links. Thought I'd give you a heads up.
-If you are seeing my CSS and its leaking off your page? GOOD full fiew my journal, damn it!
-Please report any and all bugs with my journal or donation page to me directly. Thank you.

]]> =AiShindou Turnabout _______ http://AiShindou.deviantart.com/journal/18546599/ http://AiShindou.deviantart.com/journal/18546599/ Wed, 28 May 2008 16:00:23 PDT And why do I call it that?? I DON'T KNOW, that's the thing!! MY BRAIN IS JUST GONNA TYPE RANDOM THOUGHTS, SO PREPARE, MOUTHBREATHERS.

Let me update a bit, shall we?

Okay, so I went home like, last week, and boy oh boy did it feel good to go and have freedom and just be there. Finally my family treats me with respect and I'm all adult like and my brother hates it. Oh well, love being 18 while you can bro, cuz I r old now that I'm 21. And drinking--DRINKING, that was like, my FAVORITE past time!!--isn't even fun anymore, OH GOD THE APOCALYPSE WHYYY...
BUT...it was fun to spend my time with a couple old friends. Sorry Megan that there wasn't much to do, but you should learn how to value just hanging out like I do. I love being in your company, even if we do nothing. And to Bobbi and Sara, hoemgee did I miss you guys!! I love you both so much, and you BETTER keep practicing every day. I have a guitar here to practice on, and before you know it, I'll fuck up my fingers just like you did 8D And to everyone else, it was good to see you all again. Now that we're older life has changed. But know that our friendship will remain as long as you want it.

My brother grajitated from high school, yay him...though funny, I won the academic letter for four years and he didn't, TEE HEE I R THE SMARTERER BROTHER, TAKE THAT. But I'm still proud of you bro, and enjoy college. I know I do.

I finally chose a major, but it is subject to change again XD silly bitch, that Tai.

And um...now to the point. I need direction!!! HALP ME PLZKTHNX. I need to do something graphic, so I need some new CSS, and with THAT comes new icons and possibly a collab. Which would you like to see?

Soon to get a scanner and tablet, so hold your breath yall and cross your fingers.
Was there a collab I said I'd do after I jipped this one? I forget...

Oh, btw, check out my friend :iconcold-city: he's cool people. I owe you a drawing, so ... um...I'll have it soon, I hope, I just need something to scan it in with.

THERE'S A MURDER ON THE DANCE FLOOR, BUT YOU BEST NOT KILL THE GROOVE!
Damn it, I'm in a random mood today!! Its just goot to be back.

And I've also noticed a buttload of favs of my gallery. FINALLY, I'm being noticed!! ;D To all who faved me, thank you ever so much ^__^

And remember: vengeance is a dish best served cold, and nothing goes better with cold vengeance than warm chicken. Doesn't make sense to you?? GOOD, IT SHOULDN'T DX

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=AiShindou Turnabout Request http://AiShindou.deviantart.com/journal/18345484/ http://AiShindou.deviantart.com/journal/18345484/ Fri, 16 May 2008 01:23:57 PDT

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]]> =AiShindou At Long Last, Oh Turnabout http://AiShindou.deviantart.com/journal/17925639/ http://AiShindou.deviantart.com/journal/17925639/ Sat, 19 Apr 2008 10:13:48 PDT Been a while, eh kiddies?

I...haven't made a real update in a long while. And for that, I'm sorry. I just had a lot of opposing obstacles which prevented me. And I'm not just talking journals, I am also referring to my icon collaborations, art, poetry, all that is me here. I feel almost too bad that I'm not taking advantage of my subscription!

It is partly because there are those who like to take my words, whatever they may be, and twist them against me. I was STALKED before, my every word being closely monitored. And if I said something forces disagreed with, oh boy would I hear about it later; and that got so fucking annoying--as if I couldn't have the right to my opinion. Well forces know who they are (because if they still keep their stalk-esque attitude, they are watching this now) and on behalf of myself and the deviantART community FUCK YOU :3 and do us all a favor and quit worrying so much about your social standard, buy a life, and put it to good use.

I live in a different place now, and though it is still a shaky place to be, I don't regret it. My friend Kim has taught me a lot of things, and one of them is saying your piece and not holding back. So I don't any longer, and it feels real good. I feel...liberated even. I don't deal with bullshit hypocritical bitches anymore, and that is good because I would like to believe that every life has their bouts of drama, and I don't need anyone else's.

I AM DRAWING AGAAAAIIIIN!! And here I thought I forgot! And...though my scanner is in need of fixing, for now, know that when I do get it up and running, I have stuffs for you :3 I have also been writing a couple of really good stories, a good chunk of them fanfictions. Some funny, some ero (oh yeah baby), some serious and heartfelt, and I can't wait to share them with you guys. As far as poetry is concerned, I'm on a block...:/ hope it leaves soon as well.

I have been cosplaying an awful lot lately as well, particularly EGL. Why? Um...I don't know! But it is a lot of fun, and my lolitas are quite neat and fun to wear. And yeah, most of them are crossdressing, but SO WHAT I'M A PRETTY PRETTY PRINCESS >:E

I made a lot of friends at Towson University this year, and we have kinda formed this gang which does everything together. And y'know...that's kinda what I've always wanted. Even if some drive me nuts, we're still cool in the end, y'know? I am still in college, and this winter, I SHOULD be getting my associates--though maybe not

I'm kinda beginning to believe college isn't for me. I sat in Western Civ and I was like..."Dude...I TOTALLY don't wanna be here right now" and almost walked out. I fuckin HATE college! I just want the stupid piece of paper saying I poured my life into something damn near fruitless just to make society smile smugly. Who knows maybe that will change. But for now? Pffft, fuck college and the university experience, it is overrated.

I feel so bad because I finally feel I found a way in the big city, and I might have to move back home to Nothingsville. My aunt is in intensive care at the moment...undergoing dialysis day by day. I just hold my head up--she's the stubborn one, so I'm sure she'll fight it.

My current wannabe collab is canceled btw, so you can change it, as I will mine soon. But...if I DO do another one--which you will hear from next week--then it is TOTALLY gonna be Brawl, omg I am obsessed. And I played Fire Emblem, and totally underestimated Ike and how hot he can be, how foolishly foolish I am. Though I think his victory slogans are stupid, ie "AI FITE 4 MAI FRENDZ HUUUUUUR :B " his sword is a monster and no man is man enough to take it; not even Marth, who most likely has in more ways that one.
Did I mention Brawl? Cuz omg Brawl! And I love the Subspace; seeing Peach serve tea made having a Will so worth it...soooooooo worth it...

I have music to direct, so ta-ta for now. But I'll try to update more frequently.

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http://AiShindou.deviantart.com/journal/17620343/ Tue, 01 Apr 2008 04:23:00 PDT
I totally call SAGE on this.

welcome to /d/eviantART, people 9_9

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]]> =AiShindou Sweet Dreams, Turnabout http://AiShindou.deviantart.com/journal/17361584/ http://AiShindou.deviantart.com/journal/17361584/ Sun, 16 Mar 2008 11:14:10 PDT
Lawrence Stuckley, chairman of T-Mode, has passed away on Wednesday of last week.

And though his head was in the clouds a lot of the time, I still considered him my boss. He was an amazing guy, really, and to be a part of his dream, his dream of making a small anime convention with a big con feel...I feel honored as his past Music and Cosplay Coordinator, and as his current Events Coordinator, to be a part of that.

Will T-Mode still happen? No one can say yet, but I'll keep you informed.

Spirits up, hopes high, keep the love alive. That's what we need right now.

.:Ja:.

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]]> =AiShindou Birthdays, V-Days, Cosplays, and Turnabout http://AiShindou.deviantart.com/journal/16861858/ http://AiShindou.deviantart.com/journal/16861858/ Wed, 13 Feb 2008 10:20:10 PST

So my birthday...you forgot about it.

NO MATTER, KATSUCON HOMG.

Can't wait to go.

I'm wearing at least 8 different cosplays.

Not much of an update because I'm still behind a sewing machine, but yeah, ttyl hopefully with pictures.

21st birthdays RAWK.

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]]> =AiShindou The Sudden Turnabout http://AiShindou.deviantart.com/journal/16683091/ http://AiShindou.deviantart.com/journal/16683091/ Fri, 01 Feb 2008 23:17:28 PST Hello all, been a while, huh? My icon collaboration is postponed until I fix my computer.

A lot has happened since I last updated, one of those things being I have moved out of my apartment, albeit suddenly.

But I'm in the big city now, and I cannot say that I do not unlike it. My friends are now ten minutes away until thirty, which means its not out of their way to come see me. I have a job coming--YAY. And the family I'm staying with, la famalia Hernandez, has been so good to me I am at a loss for words. My room is so quaint ^_^ and cuuuuute! And the only worry I have is commuting from Baltimore to Annapolis for school. But hell, my other friend takes THREE BUSES to get to hers, and damn it, what's two buses and a lightrail, srsly? I can handle dis shit, yo!

My brother/subordinate Andrew is doing good too, now that he's grown up a tad, life is easy for him. Home will do him some good, and I know he will step up and take his duties as a man.

Matt and Danielle are engaged now, I wish them luck. They've a trial ahead of them which will either bear fruit, or end in ruin. The ending result is up to them.

OH SPEAKING OF MY COMPUTER, HP is giving me 1300 dollars to buy a new one.
Period.

Because it cannot connect to certain intarwebs no more (it had struggles before) the right speaker is dying, and my ethernet pins need fixed, as well the USB ports sometimes lawl out on me, and I just don't like it anymore. In fact, I HATE YOU HP. I was FORCED to upgrade my warranty! And DAMN IT ALL...UUUGH, I'M SO JEALOUS OF EL'S TOSHIBA...*growl*

I'm kinda tipsy, so this is where I stop. Until next time, where I will have for real real updates, yo.

And one last note to "The Misguided One"...
As long as you continue to live in the past, and judge others by their pasts, you will never be able to move to the future.
You cannot change the past.
You can ensure for a better future, however.
Good luck.

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]]> =AiShindou With A New Year... http://AiShindou.deviantart.com/journal/16231906/ http://AiShindou.deviantart.com/journal/16231906/ Wed, 02 Jan 2008 21:50:40 PST Holiday Spiriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit!!!

Ai don't got any.

WELL I'm back everybody, risen from the dead. HELLO. I have a lot to update, no? A LOT to update. But I can't do that right now for this journal is still in the process of being constructed.

First, thanks y'all for joining my last icon collab, Heaven or Hell.

I have a neeeeeeeeeeeew oooooooooooooone...can ya guess what it is yet?
If ya can, YOU CAN GET AN ICON!

I now feature my latest collab:

Phoenix Wright/Gyakuten Saiban Icon Collaboration

You all know the drill, right? So let's see them requests a comin! No preferences this time either, so nothing is reserved. Except Mayudzuki from GS4. NO ONE CAN TOUCH HIM :< Mine.

I'll have a real journal when my CSS is better put together, but for now, Its good to be back, and HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

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http://AiShindou.deviantart.com/journal/15614697/ Thu, 22 Nov 2007 03:09:44 PST

I will have a pretty journal later.

SO, WHO THE FUCK SUBSCRIBED ME??

. . .

...thank you...*sniffle* I loveded you...

WHOEVER DID IT, I OWE YOU SOMETHING REALLY SPECIAL. SHOW YOURSELF DAMN IT!

Oh, and Anji-san ^_^ I'll have your CSS soon, sorry, been hella busy and hella stressed.

Oh yeah, HAPPY WE-TAKEM-YOUR-LAND-AND-RAPEM-YOUR-WOMEN DAY!

Commissions | Donate

]]> =AiShindou p23 LONG LOST LOVE http://AiShindou.deviantart.com/journal/13451055/ http://AiShindou.deviantart.com/journal/13451055/ Fri, 22 Jun 2007 19:03:24 PDT

Blue Diaries : Page Twenty-Three

My change is going very well, and I feel...natural now, like, I don't need to try to hard to impress. And that's a relief. But that's not what this journal is for.

My laptop is back...

...

I CAN SING A SONG FOR YOU AND ME, I CAN SING A SONG FOR OLD FUFFY LOVE!!!!!

Needless to say, LEAVE ME ALONE FOR AT LEAST ONE DAY, KTHXBAI.

Love, Ai / Aoi

]]> =AiShindou p22 Cocoon http://AiShindou.deviantart.com/journal/13405706/ http://AiShindou.deviantart.com/journal/13405706/ Tue, 19 Jun 2007 10:44:22 PDT

Blue Diaries : Page Twenty-Two

_{Who am I?

Its a question I ask myself every day...but this weekend rose a different question.

What have I become?

So a lot happened this weekend. And its causing me to go away. Yeah yeah, miss yall too...but I must change myself into something I can finally say I love to be, because personally, I cannot stand myself, nor can I stand why I changed from what I used to be. I know now what I must do, and it will cause me to secede for a while. But I hope to be back a changed MAN.

I don't think I'll be able to live with myself if I lose another again...

Excuse me while I regrettably go through my Squall-esque change <_< Ciao.

And if I'm lucky...I'll emerge out of this wounded cocoon and rise above the skies as the beauty I always wished to be...

-Ai Shindou}

]]> =AiShindou p20 A Night To Remember http://AiShindou.deviantart.com/journal/13272662/ http://AiShindou.deviantart.com/journal/13272662/ Sat, 09 Jun 2007 01:28:06 PDT

Blue Diaries : Page Twenty

_{The funny thing is, YOU probably didn't even miss me...

So I'm awake from the dead, eh? Well not quite, but gettin there.

This title has a double meaning. Well...if you can remember the trials and tribulations I had last year, then you'd be well aware of my ex, right? Well...its been a little over a year since we started dating and we're going to meet next weekend. Am I nervous? As shit I am <_< I mean, I feel I have so much to prove, when in actuality its the other way around. I'm going on a lil crash diet (just so the clothes wear that much better) and upping this and that, and balancing that with a full time job. I have sought a lot of advice on how to deal with any situation given to me for next weekend. But even with that I sitll don't know what to expect...I'm scared to say the least, even though if you were to ever ask me in person, my cocky ass would hardly show it. Just...wish me luck...

And I named my journal that because I want to give you a hypathetical to ponder:

Okay, its a--let's say Thursday--night, you're out of school for the summer, and you and your five friends go out that night. You're drivin them around--it was your turn this time--and you guys are laughin and jokin and havin a ball. You drive down a gravel road and who knows; you might have been distracted, you might have drove too fast, you might have missed it completely. But your car loses control and you flip around a couple times. You look to the passenger to see your best friend dying, and check the back seat to see another friend of yours bleeding out the mouth while the remaining either moan out of pain or begin to panic. You are all rushed to the hospital and looked at immediately...but its too late for one of them...

Find this untrue? Too fictional? Or perhaps TOO real? Could this ever happen to you?

Well it has happened--to my baby cousin. And as the driver, that's a heavY--HEAVY--burden to bear for the rest of your life. I'm rushing to see my family at the beginning of July...he raelly needs his family.

But I want to say as a young driver it just might have been HIS fault--though I dare not ask now.

Think about it, and most importantly, think about how YOU drive.

I have a couple speed demon friends and they're BEGGING to get their licenses taken away. They TAUNT that speed limit as if it was merely there to mock them. And I have a handful of ditzoids who just don't watch where they are going and miss a sign or a merge or a curb. And though they are getting off easy now...I hope for those who are listening they heed my words. Be. Careful.

Sorry loves, not living just yet, my comp has yet to come back to me. But for now, my innanananet is working and I can whore off my new roomie's laptop for a while.

Take care.}

]]> =AiShindou p14 The Ripple Effect http://AiShindou.deviantart.com/journal/12650940/ http://AiShindou.deviantart.com/journal/12650940/ Thu, 19 Apr 2007 05:21:48 PDT

Blue Diaries : Page Fourteen

_{Have you ever thought about your life, and what it means to you and others?

I have given this some thought and I am going to explain to you my theory and my dilemma. You tell me your thoughts if you can.

People effect others similar to a drop of water in a still lake or pond. It starts with you, then in theory effects the closest to you. In turn, they are somehow effected and that effects the others around them and the ripples continue to grow until they are subsided.

So who are you effecting?

Admittantly, this thought process was brought about because of the events in Virginia Tech. I thought of the 33 people who passed away, and considered the 33 now broken families and their grieving. Talking with a student who went there, I asked him if he knew anyone who was involved. He did, but they were not that close; however when I was told this, he seemed passive, and in MY mind, I was like "...but he was just shot ._. " and wondered why that did not effect him greater. It seems that you have to really make a mark in order to be noticed. (Yet again, if you apply the ripple effect, if he was not close, he wouldn't be as severely effected as say, a friend or family member, so even through a tragic death his responce is understandable)

And then I started thinking: if I were to just die right now--If something crazy were to happen and my life were taken--who would really care?

Of course there's my family, but I expect that; they're family after all.

And when it comes to my friends, it would prove how much I meant to them. For those who would grieve to those who would dually note it and be on with their lives. And the sad part about that is, I don't know among my friends who is the first or who is the second, of if there is a combination of in between.

And then through my art and music there are the communities I join and help out, similar to this one. Would I be missed? Would I even matter?

And then there's you. Am I merely another account name? Or am I a little bit more? You may say otherwise, but if this were my goodbye and you'd never hear from me again, would you even give yourself five minutes to reflect?

Perhaps I am thinking too much into this, but I would still want feedback if possible. All the above applies to me as well, for I am no different. Its a scary thought because I do not want to seem insensitive...but would I be? Or would I be selfish and use the excuse that I am too caught up in my own life?

I made a vow to effect as many lives as long as I was here...so I wonder how well I'm doing--if at all.

So many questions, and I lack so many answers. As is life, I guess.

This is merely some food for thought; most of it being me thinking aloud. Comment if you'd like.

Click above for commission information.

Let's hope the next turned page brings good news.}

=AiShindou p3: A Heart's Homecoming http://AiShindou.deviantart.com/journal/10668613/ http://AiShindou.deviantart.com/journal/10668613/ Thu, 09 Nov 2006 11:56:02 PST

Blue Diaries : Page Three

_{To my devoted friends, watchers, and loved family...it has been too long...

I come back to deviantART to see me spammed with comments generally saying "HOMG AI! Where'd you go?"

You really have missed me, haven't you?

I know I have. I am on SheezyArt most of the time now, and that's if I can even find time for that. Man, college is a stress out, but I cannot deny, I am having so much fun, it is almost a dream.

I am making so many friends, its hard to keep track of them all. My room has somehow turned into the "party room" for some, the "nerd's room" for others, and the "gamer's room" for the bums (I mean...when do I ever turn off my PS2 anyways?) I love meeting new and interesting people, and I love all that I am doing here. Just hope that I don't fail or become too poor, cuz damn, college is money

With my new friends come my old friends, and the ones who I had the deepest connections with. It is so amazing to see the people who were quick to forsake me now return to me with open arms. And I would never deny them--that's just not me. We all make mistakes, do we not? And mistakes are forgivable, no? I would really like my new friends to meet my old--each holds different sides of me, and I think they'd get along just fine.

I sit here and ask myself, "Why have I not updates this place lately? Why have I closed deviantART out of my life?" Well...that gets complicated.

-For ONE, I check my gallery, and again, it has endured another deviantRAPE, and I'm getting quite fed up. I put my heart and soul in my art, and no one will ever have the right to take it away from me. EVER. That is my mission as an artist.

-And another, which I hate to admit, but when I look here, I see so much of my past here...who I used to be--From a year ago, where I was an annoying brat who was not living his own life, to this summer, when I was a love stricken fool who though justified, was maybe a tad extreme in his actions. But for the ones who have stayed with me, thank you. And for the ones who truly know me, then you know now--I never regret anything I do, and I do things for a reason, even if it is the wrong thing. I may have lost dear things and people in the process, but I have no regrets, nor will I. I am a person who understands consequence, and am man enough to bear any and all responsibility for my actions, for I feel that's how people should be. This generation...seems to be forgetting this simple truth...and I can see the world suffering because of it.

So many memories, but that's all they are, no? Its past, and this is now, so let us move on.

"I've been changing, but you'll never see me now..."

When I see this line, I reflect--I have changed, quite a lot. From that obnoxious yet lovable loaf who some of you first met I have grown up. I have a backbone now, I live my own life. I think clearly now, and don't get lost in a false reality. You saw that change, don't you remember? From a whiny child to am emotional enigma, to a lost soul, and then to a stable fool, but a personality which I could finally call my own.

And wow time moves quickly doesn't it? It seems forever since we last spoke, and yet...I feel I am talking to you for the first time. I'm not who I used to be, and it is sad--the people who this should have mattered are no longer with me. But I know they're watching over their rose, I can feel them. So I will share this with you:

My life goes well, and I have not lost my affectionate smile. Though my roses were once torn and tattered and my soil impure, I grow and live above that. I am wiser now, and see the world for just what it is. I am not afraid to be myself and I do not fear my future, or the possible pain that comes with it. Out of the storm a single red rose still grows, and I grow for you, but now I know more than ever, I am doing this for myself--for my soul, for what I feel I must do.

When it comes in terms of art, I am sorry, but my well runneth dry lately I don't have much to give you other than my words, love, and support. Please...let that be enoug... ]]>} =AiShindou Blue Diaries - The First Page http://AiShindou.deviantart.com/journal/10356670/ http://AiShindou.deviantart.com/journal/10356670/ Wed, 11 Oct 2006 09:35:23 PDT

_{And the page turned...

My my, it HAS been too long hasn't it? Hello and well wishes to all my old friends, and to the new, welcome. I have direly missed you all, and my apologies, but I have merely been caught up in my life. Now I can actually sit down and slow down. I have not updated in a while, and expect many updates soon.

With a new page comes new adventures in cosplay. My Squall is nerely complete and my Yazoo is totally done, and I an totally excited for three cons coming up. I hope to go to Anime USA with Dani and Frank, but naturally have a backup plan if they don't. There's also a con in DC I heard of coming up, and one on West Virginia. My friends here and I are... ]]>
=AiShindou

The Death of CS
http://AiShindou.deviantart.com/journal/10198238/
http://AiShindou.deviantart.com/journal/10198238/
Tue, 26 Sep 2006 21:25:58 PDT}

_{I can remember...

It was early May, 2005. I made a journal every day to every other day. Most of those would make no sense. And thus, the imfamous "Complete Spontaneity" was born...

But it would seem now that my journals are hardly spontaneous anymore! I have become far too serious and very personal and in depth with you all as time went on and I grew; and you grew with me and watched. Not all of you approved right away with everything I said, but I did not hold back. I told you...everything...

Why you might ask?

You are all my closest friends and family. You know me, I don't believe in secrets, nor did I keep any back. I told you how I felt pretty much when I felt it. You helped me through a lot of things, and you have opened my eyes to so much, especially my last happenstance. Nothing felt better than knowing I have true friends who even though they did not support my earlier decisions helped me with future ones.... ]]>
=AiShindou}