http://Akila-Ishtar.deviantart.com/journal/20211239/ Thu, 28 Aug 2008 23:56:00 PDT
Oh. SCORE, is because, I GOT INTERNETZ IN MY ROOM. FOR REAL. IT'S NOT GOING AWAY. I ARE HAPPY! SRRY PEOPLE WHO I DIDN'T UPDATE ROLEPLAYS FOR. I DIDNT HAVE WEBZ UNTIL NAO. 8D

Anyway, figured I'd put my class schedule up here, just for the hell of it. Mostly for people who need to get a hold of me, and are wanting to know when or if somebody wants

Monday:
10:00 -10:50: Intro to Psychology
1:00 - 2:50: Outdoor Painting
Tuesday:
2:00 - 3:50: Drawing II
4:00 - 5:50: Photography
6:00 - 9:00: 2D Design
Wednesday
10:00 -10:50: Intro to Psychology
1:00 - 2:50: Outdoor Painting
Thursday
2:00 - 3:50: Drawing II
4:00 - 5:50: Photography
Friday
10:00 -10:50: Intro to Psychology

.... so, Tuesday I'm fucked. But Friday is great.

Yea DUDE. LOOK AT THAT TUESDAY. WHEN DO I GET TO EAT DINNER, HUH? CAFE CLOSES AT 7:30. *dies*

Anyway, that's all for now. I'm enjoying the nets. >3

Requests

Slots:

1.(KK and Max)
2. (Finished:[link])
3. (Finished: [link])
4. (started) (tentacle rape) (collab.)
5. (OtogixMalik)
6. (YuugixMokuba) (started)

FULL FOR NOW But go ahead and make a request if you have one and I'll give you a slot once I finish some of those. <3 Probably.

Gift Art

You guys are all awesome. And make me feel happy and stuff.

http://Akila-Ishtar.deviantart.com/journal/20186917/ Wed, 27 Aug 2008 16:27:14 PDT EDIT::::

OMG THANK YOU OIT FOR FIXING MY WIRELESS INTERNET. IT IS STILL CRAPPY, YES, BUT WHEN IT IS NOT BEING CRAPPY IT WORKS!! SANNKU!!!


PLEASE READ, PPLZ. I R SAD.

So, yea, I'm in school again. Crappy wireless is predictable. EXCEPT THIS IS BEYOND CRAPPY WIRLESS.

See, for some reason, the wireless is coming in but it will not let me LOG IN. >>; So like, I entered my username that I've had since last year, and it sayz, "INVALID USERNAME"... then I tried Chris' and it said "INVALID USERNAME" and we were like, wtf. So then we decided to keep trying... >>; Then they said "SYSTEM DOES NOT REGISTER IP ADDRESS." Uhm? Hello? Since when is THAT necessary. (btw it's not.) Uhm, then it banned me from trying again.

After I'm done using the DELL in the library to finally get online, I'm gonna hit up OIT and see what the friggin' problem is!! D<

Anyway. I got a Live Journal. D8 I dunno, it looked like a good way to kill time. (UHM, 'CEPT, GUESS WUT, NET DON'T WORK NAO)

Go here, and add me!! ^3^ [link]

Yea, it's really retarded right now. But that's cause I haven't been able to get online. D8

So, I've been watching Princess Princess, which Meg kindly let me borrow... for... well, hours on end now. Just cuz. I have NOTHING ELSE TO DO.

But it's cute. The three main dudez, are sooo like, pretty!! I CAN'T DECIDE. o.o I WANT ALL OF JOO. NAO. 8D

I'm pretty excited about my floor this year. Apparently we are the GREEN FLOOR. And it's sort of like being in a club/community more than it was before. And the RA is super awesome and has all these activities planned, so us New Hall people (trapped in the jail cells) can actually make FRIENDS which each other and shit! So I'm excited! Oh and they are gonna hook us up with freshmenz too. This is one really good thing that is happening. :3

My classes started today. Psychology seems like it'll be awesome. I have Sister Carol, who is like this super sweet lady and I can't wait to take her class. Then at 1, I have Outdoor Painting with Robert... can't say I'm too excited about that one. Oil painting... is something I've never done. I'M SCARED. D8 Erm, plus it's gonna cost us hella monies... and I still haven't seen wut I need to buy for my classes tomorrow. BUT. I am assuming, I'll need Photography stuff ( a camera!! OMG IM GONNA BE BROKE) and w/e the hell 2d Design is. As far as Drawing goes, I should be covered, aside from that big paper we always have to use. *Grunt* Yea, bigger isn't ALWAYS better.

Yesterday was alright. Chris and I had a CAR for the day!!! >D We drove to Target, Staples, Coffee and Hillsdale. Suprisingly, we didn't get lost. TELL ME WHY, someone from Hawaii knows their way around this are better than me! D< Oh well. Haha.

ZOMG. HOT TOPIC WANTS ME TO SPEND ALL MY MUNNIES THERE! CUZ, LIKE, THEY HAD RAINBOW SOCKS. *__* AND A RAINBOW WRIST BAND. AND BELT. AND I WANT ALL OF IT. IONO. RAINBOWZ ARE PRETTY. X__X I WANT TO COSPLAY SUPER GHEY PRIDE MALIK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Complete with HANDCUFFS for a lil ghey S&M)

So tell me? SHOULD I DO IT? >3

And I'm tired of my wig. IT'S TOO SHORT. I need a new one. But the color is FAB-O-LOUS! Really, darlings, it is. It makes mah skin tingle in pleasure. *3*

Although, because of the lack of internetz I wanna go home today! Gotta wait one more day. My room is so BO-RING. >>: Can't wait to decorate. I think I want a GIANT CHAIR for the room. I was having furniture-gasms at Target the other day. Everything is so pretty. I want a pretty room that I can force my friends to come to and hang out or spend the night or something!! :3 That'll make me happy.

All in all, I'm happy to be able to caress the sweet plastic of a keyboard once more. Because I miss you internetz. I really doez.

._____.


Slots:

1.(KK and Max)
2. (Finished:[link])
3. (Finished: http://Akila-Ishtar.deviantart.com/journal/20153090/ Mon, 25 Aug 2008 17:12:42 PDT
Gawd, I need Nicole here to make me social again! XD;

But anyway. It's okay. I'll see how things are once I start classes again. And I think it'll be fine until Chris leaves. Then I'll be... super special emo~! And everybody is asking me about Chelsea... and I'm like... ._______.;;

Ah well. So. Last night was being being in denial and not wanting to pack and shit like that ... then this SPIDER attacked me and I really couldn't pack and I was freaked out and like,... hyperventilating. So I didn't get much sleep. XD;;;;;;;;;

Tomorrow and the rest of the day should be boring, cause classes don't start until weds. (Honestly, thank Ra) But tonight I'm going out to dinner with Chris.. MUST. HIT. UP. SUSHI - MONSTA~~!! And then go back to my room and be bored, probably... *shrug*

I don't have any food except my Honey Bunches of Oats. XD;

And lyke, I didn't have time to pack much, so I have like, nothing but a book, 2 DVD's, clothes and paper and stuff. XD;;;; yea, I'm lame. All my other roommates like, moved in a whole HOUSE. Lawl.

Trying to get people to visit my school. Cause that'd be cool. I'm hoping the work load isn't so bad.

I want to make friends with the freshmen but I don't wanna seem like a total loser going up to people and saying "HEY ARE U A FRESHMEN WHO NEEDS FRIENDS?' I guess if I was charismatic I would. Or maybe I should tell Chris we should go up to people sitting alone and ask to eat with them. Tomorrow maybe. Tonight is going out night. SO yay. Going out as in, walking down a hill and across the street. X3

DAMN, the good thing about Forsh orientation was being forced to meet new people. Now I'm on my own... :/

Wish me luck.

.__.;

Requests

Slots:

1.(KK and Max)
2. (Finished:[link])
3. (Finished: [link])
4. (started) (tentacle rape) (collab.)
5. (OtogixMalik)
6. (YuugixMokuba) (started)

FULL FOR NOW But go ahead and make a request if you have one and I'll give you a slot once I finish some of those. <3 Probably.



You guys are all awesome. And make me feel happy and stuff.

http://Akila-Ishtar.deviantart.com/journal/20078091/ Thu, 21 Aug 2008 12:52:30 PDT

Cause I'm bored.

RULES
1. You must tag at least 6 people.(WHAT IF I DONT HAVE 6 FRIENDS, BEETCH?)
2. No tag backs. (WAH?)
3. Tell the truth. (NEVAH!)

1. What is your DeviantArt name and what does it mean?
Akila-Ishtar. I saw the name when I was looking through Egyptian baby names and I thought it was super pretty. It also sounded like the Japanese name I got on a personality test. (Aki/Akiko) And then I wanted Ishtar, cause I'm an obsessive Malik fan. Durh.

2. Why did you join this site?
I dunno. I loved looking at peoples art I wanted to be able to fave it and eventually upload my own and see what people think.

3. What fandom were you obsessed with when you joined?
Sonic/Yuugiou

4. How many watchers are currently watching now?
60... But they are all awesome. I don't really care about numbers, cause these people are all sexyfine. >3

5. Your first gift ever was to?
Wah? Like I could remember that?! Y'mean on dA? It was probably to K-chan... but iono, maybe I'm wrong. *too lazy to check*

6. List five things you are a fan of?
1- Yuugiou
2- Death Note
3- Sonic/Anthros
4- Inuyasha
5- Pokemon

8. List four people you look up to the most?
Gail... erm... and other people who aren't here anymore.

9. How many pets do you own?
One puppy named Kaya and a cat named Ed.

10. Who is your most played character?
Uh...? You mean roleplayed? Malik Ishtar then. >3 And then like, Ryuuji Otogi I think.

11. What do you prefer, Red or black?
GAH. THEY ARE BOTH AWESOME. *__*

12. Name 3 aspects of your personality?
1- Uh... Paranoid. o___o
2- Emotional
3- Obsessive (WOW I SOUND ANNOYING.)

13. If you could have a power what would it be?
I would like telekinesis 'cuz then I could move shit with my mind AND be able to fly. 8D *slapped*

14. Who was the last person you talked to?
Talking to Meg and Melissa right now.

15. Who was the last person you said "I love you" to?
.... I have no idea.

16. Write the first five things that pop into your head?
1 - Malik-sama
2 - Art
3 - Video Games
4 - Love
5- Wishing

17. What are the things you wish you could do better?
...draw better... be better in social situations... not get jealous and obsessive and paranoid over stuff. >>;

18. Do you like who you are?
Enh... >>; It's what I'm used to. But sometimes I wish I was easier to people to get along with.

19. Summer or winter?
Summer

20. Rain or sun?
Sun.

21. List 2 odd things about yourself?
1 -
2- .

22. Pop or Hip hop?
Pop. :3

23. How many scars do you have?
... *too lazy to count*

24. Do you wear spiked wristbands, Collars & belts?
Haha no, but I might?

25. Do you own anything from Hot Topic?
Hellz ya.

25. Windows or Mac?
Mac, fo' sho.

26. Nyc Trpp or Lip Service?
..... uhm... uhm... YOUR MOM.

27. What brand of stereo/Amp do you own?
Umm... my computer?

28. Steak or Chicken?
Chicken. >3

29. Favorite Color(s)?
Ah iono, almost all colors are awesome! But purple, I suppose.*shrug* OR - NO, WAIT TEH RAINBOW. 8D

30. Anime or Manga?
IDUNNOTHEYAREBOTHGOOOOD.

31. Beer or wine?
Ugh. None~? Smirnoff plz?

32. Goth or Emo?
Uh, Emo, I guess. I think I'd be more of that then Goth.

33. How many pairs of shoes do you have?
Iono.. I have like 10 flip flops, one pair of heels, one pair of vans, one pair of boots and one pair of w/e u call those shoes Malik wears.

34. What is the most amount alcohol you ever drank in one day?
A bottle and a half or something.

35. Cold or Hot?
HAWT. HAWT AND SEXAH LIKE MALIK ISHAR.

36. Favorite pair of pants?
My black ones. They are flattering. >D

37. Do you like your user name?
Yes. >3 I'm Akila hear me roooar.

38. Have you tried any drugs?
Naw, I'm crazy enough without um.

39. If you have? what drugs?
No thanks.

40. Do you have a myspace/Facebook page?
FACEBOOK. ADD ME!!! X3

41. Pizza or Kebabs?
Pizza I guess. Iono.

42. Are you are nice person?
Uh. Hell no.

43. How old are you?
19... GAH IM OLD.

44. Spikes, studs or eyelets?
Studs.

45. Do you like your music loud?
Heck ya.

46. Kind he... ]]> *Akila-Ishtar http://Akila-Ishtar.deviantart.com/journal/20061207/ http://Akila-Ishtar.deviantart.com/journal/20061207/ Wed, 20 Aug 2008 14:09:48 PDT
And so, with trying to avoid pain, I feel just emptiness...

I have zero desire to return to school. My friends aren't coming back. They hurt me. I know they didn't mean to. But it's like... we had so much and they are just going to leave... like... we had nothing...

...and I have to do everything Darin says or he'll never take me back...

...and I get jealous of everything, everybody... I just hate happy people so much some times.

The people I used to talk to that would cheer me up, those people I loved so much, those people that made me so happy, they are either gone now, or they are way too unhappy for me to bother. I don't want to give my friends more trouble... I know Gail is sick of life as well and when we were talking all I could say to her was, "hey, at least we're alive. " I just can't give her more advice than that. I understand how she feels in many ways, but in other ways our problems are completely different.

The only thing I've been doing on my own that has given me any joy is listening to music. I'd fucking die without music.

I had a bad dream about going to AX in the future.

I keep reminding myself of what I've had. Missing K-chan and Kara. They are still around... but... keeping them in my heart is too painful.

....my irl friends are so busy with work, and they are either miserable or happy. I can't really hang out with either. ._____. So it's just... empty.

So I'm sorry I haven't replied to comments or anything. I do appreciate them. I just don't feel much right now.

....and y'know, if people wanna bitch about me writing about being unhappy in my journal that is just fine. But where else am I suppose to do it? Two non-confrontational people do not make for a good couple. But I suppose two confrontation people don't either. :/

Meg has been very good to me though. It's nice to have some sort of company in this time of lonliness. The one problem is that...while new friends are always awesome with lots of promise for the future and what not... you still always miss the old ones. Even if there isn't much hope to mend those old relationships... you still feel empty when they are gone... and nothing can really heal those scars...

.___.

So I probably won't be active for a little while. Maybe I will when school starts. I can draw when I'm feeling bursts of emotions. But emptiness isn't really helping my muse.

Sorry folks. Love you - loyal watchers and friends. <3

Requests

Slots:

1.(KK and Max)
2. (Finished:[link])
3. (Finished: [link])
4. (started) (tentacle rape) (collab.)
5. (OtogixMalik)
6. (YuugixMokuba) (started)

FULL FOR NOW But go ahead and make a request if you have one and I'll give you a slot once I finish some of those. <3 Probably.

Gift... ]]> *Akila-Ishtar http://Akila-Ishtar.deviantart.com/journal/19945105/ http://Akila-Ishtar.deviantart.com/journal/19945105/ Fri, 15 Aug 2008 20:57:55 PDT


A little girl I knooooe, drew me this picture of Malik licking his lips. Check her out, kay? She normally doesn't draw Yuugiou fanart, so this must've been hard for her... (or maybe not) ...but it looks like, super amazing!! I mistaked you for a Yuugiou artist, for a second there, dear. X3

Annnnd, if you haven't seen the gift art from mah last post....




.... is awesome, and shit. Yes. I've been having some problems in my life but then this beautiful drawing of one of mah favorite pairings totally cheered me up. Yesh.

Send THEM LOVE. I demand it.

I have wonderful friends.

Requests

Slots:

1.(KK and Max)
2. (Finished:[link])
3. (Finished: [link])
4. (started) (tentacle rape) (collab.)
5. (OtogixMalik)
6. (YuugixMokuba) (started)

FULL FOR NOW But go ahead and make a request if you have one and I'll give you a slot once I finish some of those. <3 Probably.

Gift Art

You guys are all awesome. And make me feel happy and stuff.

*Akila-Ishtar http://Akila-Ishtar.deviantart.com/journal/19871589/ http://Akila-Ishtar.deviantart.com/journal/19871589/ Sun, 10 Aug 2008 00:20:47 PDT
Two of my friends just broke up... and I dunno, reading what the journal of the one who did the breaking up... it made me really sad... and confused... People shouldn't have to go through that... it's so unfortunate.

I think it's funny... I always get annoyed when people get together, but I feel really terrible when people break up... ._. I don't understand myself.

...Everytime I talk to Darin, I feel less and less for him... I'm preoccupied, I get angry... I feel like he's doing everything wrong... maybe I'd be happier with somebody else. I know I'm being mean too, but that's cause I'm scared to let go and yet I just want some space too.

I mentioned us breaking up to him, and he's been guilt tripping me, ever since. I don't want to hurt him. He's also one of my best friends.... I don't want to go on without him... but the way we are now... we just need to grow more before we can decide if it was meant to be... I think we just aren't mature enough right now to really know.

I dunno, I'm very confused...

It's because, well, I'm the kind of person who HATES change above anything. If I could be the same age forever, I would... (not this age, of course... so far I'm not likin' 19...) ....and have it so I'd have my friends and we'd always be friends and I wouldn't worry about them going anywhere, or moving away for school, or starting a life with a guy and growing up and leaving me behind...

....so... to choose something that will result in inevitable change, is hard for me to grasp.

But I want to find somebody... maybe that's foolish... just somebody to help me get over things, change my perspective a bit, somebody who can help me experience college properly... I dunno... and it's not like I want anything permanent... I just want to ENJOY life for once. I dunno if it's possible, but I just want that... or at least to be happier... maybe not happy ALL the time, but just once in awhile?

My boyfriend keeps saying all this stuff, 'leave me, i'll die alone'.... he's making me sad. I don't want to... I just... emotionally it's hard to be with him.... and hell, I love him, but I know we're done... we're so done... each day I feel the last connections breaking... but he's my best friend too...

...I just want somebody who will give me space... but also always be there for me... somebody to balance my negativity... somebody who I can crawl next to and cuddle with when the going gets tough... but somebody who will let me play video games and watch my favorite anime without nagging me to pay attention to them...

I don't understand how people find somebody to be with them. No matter how much you love somebody that doesn't make them love you back. That doesn't make you right for each other either. And sometimes the people you love most are your best friends. Which isn't really fair - because in the end, they'll love some guy better. Even if you stay with them your whole life until they meet some special person.... then you'll always be second place.

I don't want second place. But hell, I don't even know what I want.

I need change. I know it. I can't cry and cry and cry year after year and say I tried to make a difference, because my life hasn't changed much... yea, I went to college, and that made it worse, but, it's still really similar... and yea, more bad shit has been happening since I started college, but I guess that's just life, and shit, I just can never relax, and he isn't helping with that...

...but how am I supposed to let go, when I feel like it's all I've got sometimes....

...when you can't see your best friends when you need them most... when it always seems like the tears come when it's the darkest and lonliest hour at night..

...and when you can't find anybody online to talk to... so you rant about it on your blog....

...and I know.... he's around... but he just keeps hurting me...

...and sometimes I try to hit my head against the pillow and hope that I'll like, just explode or something, but it doesn't work, no matter how hard I scream....

...then that sad song comes on the radio, the one that says just the right words, to tick you off....

...


...I'm getting worse and worse at writing these things each time.. D: Please don't pay attention to the style or the grammar or anything, these are just my feelings and shit... ._.;; I don't feel like proofreading them... x.x


EDIT:: LOLWUT: [link]

Requests

Slots:

1. *Akila-Ishtar http://Akila-Ishtar.deviantart.com/journal/19862639/ http://Akila-Ishtar.deviantart.com/journal/19862639/ Sat, 09 Aug 2008 13:07:47 PDT
[link]

AND I WILL NAME IT MALIK-SAMA.

Because he should be Pharaoh, damn it.

HE'D BE WAY SEXIER.

And that is all that matters. D<

DUH.

Requests

Slots:

1.(KK and Max)
2. (Finished:[link])
3. (Finished: [link])
4. (tentacle rape) (collab.)
5. (OtogixMalik)
6. (YuugixMokuba) (started)

FULL FOR NOW But go ahead and make a request if you have one and I'll give you a slot once I finish some of those. <3 Probably.

Gift Art

You guys are all awesome. And make me feel happy and stuff.

Stamps

http://Akila-Ishtar.deviantart.com/journal/19813923/ Wed, 06 Aug 2008 18:03:30 PDT

^^ Hehe, this is fun.

1. Choose a few of your own characters. Five at the most.
2. Make them answer the following questions.
3. Then tag three people.
4. Feel free to go ahead and add some question yourself!!

CHARACTERS:

I'm going to pick all of my favorite echidna girlies. And Minty. For entertainment purposes. *is shot*

Kari-Da (DL)
Dimi-Tra (DL) (deceased)
Minty (DL)
Flare (FG)

Who/What are you?

Kari-Da: My name is Kari-Da, daughter of Kragok, current leader of the Dark Legion and future dictator of the Moubian Moon.
Dimi-Tra: *smile* I'm Dimi-Tra, daughter of Chase who was one of the lead inventors for the Dark Legion when he was alive and Kari-chan is my best friend. :3
Minty: I'm MINTY!!! 8D
Flare: Names' Flare. I'm an echidna, basically. :/

YOU WANT A HUG?? XD

Kari-Da: ....
Dimi-Tra: Uh, sure??
Minty: Eww! No way!
Flares: ..... riiight.... *backs away slowly*

You got any bad habits??

Kari-Da: Sex. Drugs. Killing. *shrug*
Dimi-Tra: Uh, well, I talk too much. And I come up with some wicked bad schemes that sometimes get me in trouble... :/
Minty: No. I'm perfect.
Flare: Yea, but mostly personality flaws rather than bad habits.

Are you a boy or a girl??

Kari-Da: ... You can't tell by looking at my boobs!? D:
Dimi-Tra: A girl! And what are you? A monkey! *laughs*
Minty: A GIRL!!! D:<
Flare: I'm a girl... *looks offended*

Do you have any brothers or sisters?

Kari-Da: Hell if I know.
Dimi-Tra: I think so. But I don't know where she is....
Minty: No. Just an annoying cousin.
Flare: ... can't remember.

Are you a virgin?

Kari-Da: No. Who do you think I am?!
Dimi-Tra: ;
Minty: .... ((Nobody will sleep with her.. she's embarrassed)
Flare: Yes.

Who's your crush/mate/spouse?

Kari-Da: ...
Dimi-Tra: Heh. That's private. Yesh.
Minty: Mistress Kari-Da!!! ((it's pretty one sided though))
Flare: ^_^;

Do you have any kids?

Kari-Da: Hell if I know.
Dimi-Tra: Not yet.
Minty: No way!!
Flare: Uhm, hell no.

What's your favorite food?

Kari-Da: No time for food. I inject supliments into my body daily and I don't have any favorites with those.
Dimi-Tra: ...before I joined the Dark Legion, I liked rocket popsicles a lot.
Minty: Uhm, Mint? Duuuh!!!
Flare: Ant-chiladas!

Have you ever killed anyone?

Kari-Da: ... yes.
Dimi-Tra: Yes.
Minty: Dunno. *looks disinterested*
Flare: No.

Do you hate/dislike anyone?

Kari-Da: I hate many.
Dimi-Tra: Naw.
Minty: YES. FLARE. FLARE SHALL PAY. For being ugly... and stuff.
Flare: I. DUN. LIKE. MINTY. *glares and scowls*

Do you love anyone?

Kari-Da: Not anymore.
Dimi-Tra: ...perhaps.
Minty: YES. I LOVE MISTRESS.
Flare: :/ Not that I know of.

What is your job?

Kari-Da: Leader of the Dark Legion, and future ruler of the Mobious Moon.
Dimi-Tra: I'm a solider in training.
Minty: 2nd in command of the Dark Legion, dudes!
Flare: I'm one of the co-leaders/founders of the Freedom Guardians aaand I make sure stupid people don't join our crew!!

What do you do to relax?

Kari-Da: I polish my metal claw.
Dimi-Tra: Hang out with my best friend, write in my journal, excerise.
Minty: ... I don't get much relaxing time.
Flare: Mhm, I love music and just enjoying time with my friends.

There's a person who's teasing you, what would you do?

Kari-Da: Kill them.
Dimi-Tra: Uh, figure out how to make them even more foolish then you.
Minty: I tell somebody to take care of it.
Flare: Punch 'um in the face. That'll teach 'um!

Let's say there's a person you really care about but she/he doesn't know your feelings. How do you tell her/him?

Kari-Da: .... caring abo... ]]> *Akila-Ishtar http://Akila-Ishtar.deviantart.com/journal/19758012/ http://Akila-Ishtar.deviantart.com/journal/19758012/ Sun, 03 Aug 2008 18:48:27 PDT

Coming home Tuesday. I've been meaning to update this every time I got the chance to, but I've been... I guess, enjoying being disconnected?

But a lot of things remind me of things I've lost, or things I miss.

I think I can stay out of depression until I go home at least. It's nice to visit family, which is what we do out here.

So, the first few days we went to New York. I... was really apathetic about it.. don't wanna talk about why, but it was nice. I still like San Fransisco a bit more, but NYC was much more flashy and stuff at night which was neat.

Then we went to Maine and stayed for a couple nights with my Aunt Judi and Uncle Al. Maine is beautiful. I want to stay a summer there -- so if anybody else is up for it, they have lots of guest rooms and you should come with me! X3

Judi's old dog, Tyra had to be put to sleep... ;^; ... but she had a new dog at the house, a golden red colored lab named Shamus. (dunno how to spell it) My aunt is a vet. assistant and apparently Shamus had been brought in as a puppy to be put to sleep because his legs were paralyzed. D: The original owners had kept him in the crate too long or something like that, and his legs didn't work at all, but my aunt saw him and adored him. Even though he had to scoot his butt around the floor cause he couldn't walk, his tail was always wagging. She told them not to put him to sleep and she said she'd buy him a cart so he could wheel around the house. Anyway, five days later his legs worked! All he needed was some TLC. It was a miracle! And Shamus is such a great dog, super friendly and loyal, it's so sad to think he was going to die because of neglegince.

My Auntie Jen was throwing a party back in Mass so we drove back down for Saturday and we saw most of our cousins, all of our aunts and uncles, and a handful of new babies that are my and cousins now.

For once I was able to talk to everybody (I used to get really shy around them) and it was a lot of fun. But my favorite part was when four of the guys started playing guitar and all the women were singing and dancing. It was so awesome. They sounded great too. Its' really nice having such a big family, it's just sad that I never see them.... :'(

... so I was in a good mood for a few days until we got home last night... My nana is one bed short and, well, let's just say the sleeping arrangments for me, involved very little sleep. That's why I'm at my Aunt Jen's and Uncle Rob's house for the night. (stealing their internet, btw) Hopefully I'll sleep here.

Last night for some reason, all the problems I left at home, came back to me when I was trying to find another place to sleep at 6:00 am... I was crying cause I was tired and the floor was hard, but then I started remembering things and this and that and I got all these terrible longings and shit and it SUCKED. x.x But, at least, I think that will be my only bad night here. :/

*sigh*

So tomorrow we go to Boston, with some family. (haha, but it might end up being more than 'some' I dunno what we are doing yet, but I'll be fine as long as we can get some Chowder - or Chow-da, as they say here.

Love you all, but I'm glad to be away from the internet for the most part. Especially because when I contacted my friend from school on Facebook the other day, I found out he might not come back... so I'm trying not to think about it, because I might just cry if both of the people I was best friends with in school don't come back... it really, really sucks. I hate losing friends.

Good thing family usually sticks around, huh? Even if they are way over here, they'll always take me back. :'3

Requests

Slots:

1.(KK and Max)
2. (Clock) (half way done)
3. (Finished: [link])
4. (tentacle rape) (collab.)
5.http://Akila-Ishtar.deviantart.com/journal/19619958/ Sun, 27 Jul 2008 08:55:41 PDT

Leaving to New York this morning. I will rant about swimming later. :/ And other stuff. I suppose.

I guess I'm glad to get away from HERE, from life for once. I'll hopefully feel better. YESH.

Only bad news is there is supposed to be terrible weather. D:< Oh well.

So we're going to NY, then Mass, then Maine. Coming back August 5. I'll try to get on here when I can, and I'll def. have time to work on requests now that swimming is over and I won't be working.

<3 you guys.

P.S. Mah best friend Nicole who cosplayed as Otogi at Fanime, finally got her net working. Visit her dA, or elllseee XD: She needs luv too!

Requests

Slots:

1.(KK and Max)
2. (Clock) (waiting for reference)
3. (Finished: [link])
4. (tentacle rape) (collab.)
5. (OtogixMalik)
6. (YuugixMokuba)

FULL FOR NOW But go ahead and make a request if you have one and I'll give you a slot once I finish some of those. <3 Probably.

Gift Art

You guys are all awesome. And make me feel happy and stuff.

Stamps

*Akila-Ishtar http://Akila-Ishtar.deviantart.com/journal/19541653/ http://Akila-Ishtar.deviantart.com/journal/19541653/ Tue, 22 Jul 2008 17:26:40 PDT

I AM SO STUCK ON POKEMON DIAMOND. HOW CAN I BE SO RETARDED? ~_~;;; Uhm, yes. If anybody is good at this game - HELP?

xD;; *is loser with not life*

Today my mom went to the doctor and she told me the good news.... OUR SCALE IS TEN POUNDS WRONG!

The other day I had a panic attack because it said I had gained like 13 pounds... but I guess I only gained like 3. Oh thank god, I was totally freaking out, and feeling all in the dumps about it... cause I don't feel much fatter. And THAT SCALE IS SO DUMB. But yes. We are not the fat people we believed ourselves to be.

:/

Wow, that was my most pointless journal yet.

Requests

Slots:

1.(KK and Max)
2. (Clock) (waiting for reference)
3. (Finished: [link])
4. (tentacle rape) (collab.)
5. (OtogixMalik)
6. (YuugixMokuba)

FULL FOR NOW But go ahead and make a request if you have one and I'll give you a slot once I finish some of those. <3 Probably.

Gift Art

You guys are all awesome. And make me feel happy and stuff.

Stamps

*Akila-Ishtar http://Akila-Ishtar.deviantart.com/journal/19528041/ http://Akila-Ishtar.deviantart.com/journal/19528041/ Mon, 21 Jul 2008 22:51:36 PDT

I learned an important lesson today. Do not be honest with your feelings or else people will bitch at you and call you emo.

Instead, it is best to act like a robot so that everybody is oh so happy. Yay. Let's pretend we aren't upset and keep everything inside of us. I hope I don't explode one day.

Girls are bitches and men are assholes.

I wish I was asexual.

Oh, and today I met an oh so special new friend. And I am so very happy.

YAY. ISN'T LIFE GREAT. I LOVE IT SO MUCH. And I love all my special friends too.

LOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVE.

If this offends anybody, keep in mind it is MY JOURNAL and I can say what I want.

But it shouldn't offend nobody. Cause I'M SO FUCKING HAPPY I COULD JUST DIE OF HAPPINESS.

YAY.

Requests

Slots:

1.(KK and Max)
2. (Clock) (waiting for reference)
3. (Finished: [link])
4. (tentacle rape) (collab.)
5. (OtogixMalik)
6. (YuugixMokuba)

FULL FOR NOW But go ahead and make a request if you have one and I'll give you a slot once I finish some of those. <3 Probably.

Gift Art

You guys are all awesome. And make me feel happy and stuff.

Stamps

... ]]> *Akila-Ishtar http://Akila-Ishtar.deviantart.com/journal/19436908/ http://Akila-Ishtar.deviantart.com/journal/19436908/ Wed, 16 Jul 2008 22:32:26 PDT

I'm having many inner conflicts right now. I think I'm going through a depression again... I know I ended a long term depression when school got out... and then I started on one right after Fanime... I'm assuming this is the same one... erm, it started fading for awhile and I was somewhat happy for the end of June... but ever since July started I've been one giant mental wreck.

I've... really never felt so confused in my life... I have so many different emotions I'm going through and I have NOBODY to talk to. I mean, I know people on here give me support and shit... and that is nice and all... but there are certain people... I need and they aren't... uh... around anymore...

Swimming ending... fear of losing a purpose... losing something so important to me for years and years - even longer than high school... the stress of trying to be faster and running out of time....

.... this sinking feeling... this anger... these... desires... no way to get back at them.... hopelessness, helplessness... being in love...

...can I? Be in love with two people? Is it selfish...? I suppose both of them are... dying loves... one person hurts me so much mentally... the other.... the memories... and the longings... not being able to get close... nowhere close... can't even... see them....

and then... he... he likes another girl.... so I guess I went off and did the same thing... but I don't have anybody ... so he shouldn't... he shouldn't do that.

And my sex crazy co workers... telling me he wants to move on cause he just wants to get laid.. and stupid men. I hate stupid men... or maybe I just want to? I don't even know... men and women alike seem to make me cry... maybe I should just be asexual...

.... I'm not PMSing or anything... but I've been crying so hard... I want somebody to fall in love with me and hold me when I'm crying... or be a best friend maybe... or just... make me smile... for long periods of time...

I'm selfish, because I want to be happy. I stress people out because of this... but... it's not fair.... so much wasted energy.... I wanted you when you didn't even know you were wanted...

I hate unrequited love. And why must all good things come to an end? The only happiness I could find during the school year... she's so far away... and then the only happiness I could find during the summer.... it's going away too... and I'm... sad... and I have so many longings...

...

I'm done.

Requests

Slots:

1.(KK and Max)
2. (Clock) (waiting for reference)
3. (Finished: [link])
4. (tentacle rape) (collab.)
5. (OtogixMalik)
6. (YuugixMokuba)

FULL FOR NOW But go ahead and make a request if you have one and I'll give you a slot once I finish some of those. <3 Probably.

Gift Art

You guys are all awesome. And make me feel happy and stuff.

http://Akila-Ishtar.deviantart.com/journal/19307132/ Fri, 11 Jul 2008 16:56:10 PDT