http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:Ambika&section=today deviantART RSS for by:Ambika en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Mon, 21 Dec 2009 04:07:43 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://Ambika.deviantart.com/journal/12944688/ http://Ambika.deviantart.com/journal/12944688/ Sun, 13 May 2007 17:32:08 PDT
]]> ~Ambika http://Ambika.deviantart.com/journal/10085496/ http://Ambika.deviantart.com/journal/10085496/ Fri, 15 Sep 2006 21:47:40 PDT >.-
srsly.
theres only so many bathroom mirror pictures I can take.
meep meep meep.

Dollys all dressed up with no one to dance for. ]]> ~Ambika http://Ambika.deviantart.com/journal/9579143/ http://Ambika.deviantart.com/journal/9579143/ Wed, 02 Aug 2006 16:15:16 PDT ALTHOUGH.
I want to be credited and I want to be linked to the finished product.
Thankies!
~Ambika ]]> ~Ambika http://Ambika.deviantart.com/journal/7974128/ http://Ambika.deviantart.com/journal/7974128/ Wed, 22 Feb 2006 17:41:06 PST
=/ A small kiss can ruin alot but can also create something amazing
dont think I dont want it, but I've made a commitment to him and if I ruin that I'll hate myself until the end of time

I know, I thought about that, I wouldn't want it to ruin what you have with chris, I would feel extermly bad if I did...
..regardless how painstakingly it all seems...
My mind says, its just a kiss, the thing is that we both make a big deal about it because...how much it means to us....its something more than just a kiss...its like Our first kiss....When the dead ends meet...

i would do it
if i knew i could keep it secret
but im a horrible liar
and i always tell chris everything
i mean just the other week i told him about my dream of me making out with adrian, thats how much i trust him


I wouldn't want you to go through the pressure of it all..

stuck in a rut again i guess


Well, on the brightside of things, your affection can be shown in how in essence "make me pretty" I guess. its not the same..but I really think we can get past the 'rut' and move on with the relationship we have now.

you sure?
cause
we're both romantics
and how much more romantic can you get than 'forbidden love'?

I am sure.

Does that make you a fool?

I guess so.... ]]> ~Ambika http://Ambika.deviantart.com/journal/7274632/ http://Ambika.deviantart.com/journal/7274632/ Sat, 10 Dec 2005 14:24:16 PST ~Ambika http://Ambika.deviantart.com/journal/7097733/ http://Ambika.deviantart.com/journal/7097733/ Sun, 20 Nov 2005 14:55:16 PST [link]

Go watch. thankies! ]]> ~Ambika http://Ambika.deviantart.com/journal/6301204/ http://Ambika.deviantart.com/journal/6301204/ Mon, 22 Aug 2005 20:34:32 PDT The dagger rips through my heart and reminds me to inhale.
Slowly I breathe in the fog and my ribs ache when my lungs press against them from not being used.
My heart speeds up and I lay entangled in the blackness.
I watch the figures tell stories on my wall.
Telling me of all the things I shouldnt know.
I can hear the tree moan as it moves.
He tells me of the childrens laughter in the morning hours.
Every wrong we did was caught by the eyes in the leaves.
Dont think no one saw what you did.
Because they tell me all your secrets.
The orange leaves of the trees line this dirt road.
I slowly walk to the mirror at the end.
I am not within its frame.
I lift my hand to touch hers.
Black hair cascading down her white cotten dress, softly speckled with red.
I look into her yellow eyes.
Seeing nothing but my mere reflection.
Green eyes full of sorrow as my black dress slowly dances in the wind.
I touch her hand and watch the electricity jump between us.
We are identicle. As one.
In a blink of an eye.
Shes gone.
I always know that I will find her again on this road.
Shes always been there, and will forever remain there.
Moving me along these bitter days.
I open my eyes to the black.
Green numbers glowing next to me read the numerals un needed.
A warm film coats my skin with calm.
My heart slows and my breath stops once more.
If this is what it's like to die, I want to live forever. ]]> ~Ambika http://Ambika.deviantart.com/journal/6103561/ http://Ambika.deviantart.com/journal/6103561/ Mon, 01 Aug 2005 17:11:02 PDT But anyway I hope you see this.
I love you, welcome home.

Everyone else: I havent checked shit from may so I deleted it all.
If there was anything special you wanted me to see post a link to it here.

btw. go check out cassette is the new vinyl(Richee) at myspace.
his music fuckin rocks

[link]

Im still laughing at the funeral one. Only because I know who princess nukka is..
<3 till next time. ]]> ~Ambika http://Ambika.deviantart.com/journal/5434204/ http://Ambika.deviantart.com/journal/5434204/ Sun, 22 May 2005 23:09:08 PDT Lets dance forever you and me.

These past three days have fucked me up royally. I dont know how to explain but somethings..diffrent. Im not miranda anymore....its like theres this anger and angst swelling inside of me and as the days pass its getting bigger and eating everything it touches..I dont know if I even want to be here. I try breatheing and I try counting back and up from ten. It doesnt work. I need to breathe. to calm down. dance dance dance. Its this masochistic game they play, they want to see me cry. I spent time with him today. helped him. It was okay though. I wanted too. I fed him ice cream because I know how much he loves it. I didnt want to leave. he didnt want me to leave. Id stay in that room forever if I could. but no they're forcing me to school, why? so I can cry? so I can slowly die inside? My dad may be an asshole sometimes but I still fucking love him. this...this puts us back so far. and Jozef never once said sorry. not once. he doesnt even seem like he cares...I stayed with him and watched Law and Order because I know he loves it. I breathed and breathed. I couldnt stand watching him.. Three cracks in the leg and his knee is completely shattered....two breaks in his wrist... he had the surgery for his wrist today. two metal plates. are supposed to fix this? My grandma shes being over bearing. she doesnt know how to cry. She keeps lecturing. She needs to SHUT THE FUCK UP. leave us alone, we'll take care of him, leave us FUCKING ALONE. We dont need you to clean out MY bedroom we dont need you to REORGANIZE our kitchen. We need you to back off. We did fine WITHOUT you BEFORE. we can do it AGAIN. no I DIDNT DESERVE A BETTER FUCKING LIFE. I was perfectly FINE with this one. but YOU had to go and COMPLICATE shit with your goddamn GUILT TRIPS.
BACK THE FUCK OFF. I dont need your SHIT you dont fucking help me THROWING IT IN MY FACE that im not PERFECT like YOU. Ill never be like THEM. im fucking UNIQUE. if you dont like it FUCK OFF.
YOU'RE NOT FUCKING HELPING.

Wont stop till the music ends. ]]> ~Ambika http://Ambika.deviantart.com/journal/5404525/ http://Ambika.deviantart.com/journal/5404525/ Thu, 19 May 2005 16:52:35 PDT So I have tomorrow monday i have to go till 9 and then half day on tuesday.
then one week of pure freedom then to summerschool i go. I feel like.. Im losing something or someone dear to me. I just cant figure out who. but I think I know... Im to shy to say it, I dont want to cause more trouble than I have. So Im going to sit back and watch as they fade away......

like they always do...

]]> ~Ambika http://Ambika.deviantart.com/journal/5383635/ http://Ambika.deviantart.com/journal/5383635/ Tue, 17 May 2005 14:35:13 PDT Theres no one in town I know, you gave me a place to go...

Things have been tough.. I think Im finally going to finish this damn project..
Its the end of the year...
I feel like crying. not because its the end of the year.. but because I wasted this year away. theres not one memorable moment.

I never said thank you for that...now I'll never have a chance....
Thank you....

And if you were with me tonight, Id sing to you just one more time... ]]> ~Ambika http://Ambika.deviantart.com/journal/5332294/ http://Ambika.deviantart.com/journal/5332294/ Wed, 11 May 2005 17:58:45 PDT Im also an attention whore. go me.
Its because Im sick.. whenever i get sick like this i lose all reason and want people to spoil me rotten.
Id love that right now. someone to hold me, feed me, pet me, whisper beautiful comments into my ear till i fall asleep.
But thats not going to happen...

Dont let go, one dance left....





Hes my reason to live..... ]]> ~Ambika http://Ambika.deviantart.com/journal/5285605/ http://Ambika.deviantart.com/journal/5285605/ Fri, 06 May 2005 14:50:48 PDT
on another note, guys suck and Miranda wants to hide in a hole till things figure themselves out. ]]> ~Ambika http://Ambika.deviantart.com/journal/5217075/ http://Ambika.deviantart.com/journal/5217075/ Thu, 28 Apr 2005 21:45:06 PDT Im so sad I feel like dancing.
Just go away inside my head and let the music take me over.
I could spin forever never getting dizzy.
Its settled.
But I still feel...
Sad.
I need to shut down.
Let the music take my mind body and soul...I hope it never lets go. ]]> ~Ambika http://Ambika.deviantart.com/journal/5213206/ http://Ambika.deviantart.com/journal/5213206/ Thu, 28 Apr 2005 21:45:46 PDT Is it wrong for us to still want each other even when we know its wrong.
Is it wrong for me to want him even if its against the law.
Is it wrong that I want to try to go against all rules to be happy.
I guess I'll never know....


--------------------


Im a dumbass for ever thinking I could be happy. ]]> ~Ambika http://Ambika.deviantart.com/journal/5199211/ http://Ambika.deviantart.com/journal/5199211/ Tue, 26 Apr 2005 21:42:14 PDT Please? ]]> ~Ambika http://Ambika.deviantart.com/journal/5186394/ http://Ambika.deviantart.com/journal/5186394/ Mon, 25 Apr 2005 14:22:30 PDT [link]os=0
and type in the search ">~Aerwyn~<"


Go. Flame her. NOW.
You all know you want to. ]]> ~Ambika http://Ambika.deviantart.com/journal/5143848/ http://Ambika.deviantart.com/journal/5143848/ Wed, 20 Apr 2005 22:42:32 PDT
someone just cut my limbs off please and make it stop.

Im so stupid and unsure.

but im not unsure

I like them both.

but do I?

they treat me so nice

thats probably why, they respect you

I wish they would throw me on the ground and spit on me.

make the attraction stop

but it wont.

you always have to have more

one way to win mirandas heart

treat me like the dirt I am

They dont even notice me

yeah thats because someone else has their eye

Im always last in line.

You'll never be that girl.

They're so close to you. just a few miles away.

but so far away



On the day that you needed them the most

Simple cards and things

Rosecolored sunsets no flowers for me

Simple cards and things

Rosecolored sunsets no flowers for me

Lover why do you leave

Lover why do you leave



On the day I want you for me

Say say it ain't so

That she will take you tomorrow

And I will sit here today


































]]> ~Ambika http://Ambika.deviantart.com/journal/5045125/ http://Ambika.deviantart.com/journal/5045125/ Sat, 09 Apr 2005 18:14:47 PDT MY victim and Im just poking it with a stick like a curious 5 year old with a dead cat firmly cemented to the black asphalt.

Who knows. I sure dont.

Do you know what I noticed today?

While I was in the shower, I had like this HUGE revelation. Well not really a revelation, but I just kind of realized something.

I contradict myself a lot, and I mean a lot.

I go around saying that I dont care what people say.

But I care enough to tell people that I dont care about what they say.

So im basicly lying.

Its a big merry-go-round of contradictory.

It can go for hours before someone pulls the plug, and tells us to get the hell off.







I am the pure essence of hypocrisy.














]]> ~Ambika http://Ambika.deviantart.com/journal/3976322/ http://Ambika.deviantart.com/journal/3976322/ Thu, 02 Dec 2004 22:17:21 PST We all loose ourselves.

I guess in the end...
Im just a trendy ass poser. ]]> ~Ambika http://Ambika.deviantart.com/journal/3560614/ http://Ambika.deviantart.com/journal/3560614/ Sun, 10 Oct 2004 21:54:26 PDT
Hi I'm Manda. I'm an artist, a writer, a lover, a girl, a boy, and a child all at the same time. I'm constantly contradicting myself and questioning the unquestionnable. I'm the girl who longs to be heard but never has anything good to say. I like to dance. I strive each day for something better. A different life. I search and search for like minded souls but maybe they don't exist. I feel as though I'm truely destined to be alone. I'm an old soul in a young body. I've experienced alot. I've been burnt but my scars do heal. I have an extremely difficult time trusting people. I'm somewhat a dreamer but it's better that way. When I have a good idea i exhaustr myself until every drop of creativity has left my body. I put my emotions and frustration into my art. This is why only a handful of close friend will see it. It's good to be nice, but it's nice to be good. Though I've got a constant itching to do something naughty. Just like a child. I'm overcome with energy and thoughts and feelings. my mind chatters a million different lines I get lost in my head sometimes. I am me and someday I will be whatever I want to be. But until that day I bid you farewell, leaving you only with a kiss, and a candlelit smile...... ]]> ~Ambika http://Ambika.deviantart.com/journal/3546505/ http://Ambika.deviantart.com/journal/3546505/ Fri, 08 Oct 2004 23:12:39 PDT ~Ambika http://Ambika.deviantart.com/journal/3453767/ http://Ambika.deviantart.com/journal/3453767/ Sun, 26 Sep 2004 19:45:27 PDT I want to die in a sea of bass(not the fish). Just blare kyuss till my ear drums pop.
no one understands me, but i understand why they dont understand.
everyone always says "Oh im going through the same thing as you!" but your not, you dont get it, your just being sympathetic.
If you were going through the same thing as me, if you've been through, seen what i seen then maybe by a slim chance you would understand me or what im going through but probably not even then. No im not saying I'm fucked up beyond everyone else, that no one is suffering too, but everyone is fucked in their own way and see and feel things diffrently.
I dont want to listen to your comments therefore you dont have the chance to make them.
Its funny how people think im "pretty" or "beautiful" all they see is the outer skin but my dear looks lie. If you've ever talked to me, been there for me for years. you might have seen the real me. Not the person who loves music and likes alot of diffrent people. Im talking about the girl that acutally likes to love and be loved. The only person that ever came close to the real me was Oscar. he saw through almost all of it. and i truely loved him. I knew it, He knew it. even if we still deny it to this day we knew it happened. I was inlove with him. it could have been for a split second or days. but im not sure. but i knew at a time i was. I hate when random people tell me im beautiful. it actually makes me loose my self esteem. that everyone only judges me off my looks, people always wonder why i hang out with the 'ugly freakish people' thats because if you actually get to know them, they are the most beautiful people you will ever meet.
I get people, but then i dont. Why do we do the same things everday? we move, act, dress, talk, think. the same thing everyday. People are scared to change. I admit it im afraid of change. but maybe im not. maybe i just love how i am. I change everyday. I see people who wear fishnet, black, and spikes everyday because they dont want to change. I see people wearing pink and bright and flowery stuff everyday because they dont want to change. me. one day ill be wearing a skirt with pants underneath the next im wearing plaid capris the next im wearing black baggy pants. i change because I cant do the same thing over again. it angers me. I want to fit in, but from how i think i know that im not supposed to. I was meant to be that girl that sticks out, but thats because ive given up on being accepted by people, if they cant take me then fine. Some days i can be as serious as a stone, the next im a dorky little girl. Some days i can be loud and anoying the next im quiet and patient. Im diffrent. I know it, somedays i wish i wasnt others im glad i am. Like when i put my pimp hat on at lunch the other day brooke asked "arent you scared ted will think you look like an idiot with that hat on?" and i just responded "If he doesnt like me for wearing a damn hat then that means hes just a waste of time, if i want to express myself by wearing a hat or doing my make up diffrently then let me, if you dont like it get lost"
Ive written a lot. I dont know why though. its quiet pointless. but i guess it makes me feel better. y'know getting this stuff out.Ill probably edit this tomorrow. but as for now im gone.
The Edit
Im crying right now. I dont know why.
Im sad, happy, and mad. Im never going to understand this
why she screams. why she tears at her hair. she falls upon the ground. her final resting place. yes yes the ground a beautiful place. do you get it? i dont. wait yes, wait no. she crys.
why they scream? they step over the lifeless body. no no. they never got it.
she wonders why. why is this darkness so cold? it felt so warm before. trickery she screams. its not fair. never was. never is.
his voice chimes in her mind. everything feels like it was yesterday.
she tastes the memories in everything.
she cant live one day without those thoughts. you wish so hard you could not rember. live the days without knowing anyone without having to remember. heh its funny how this damn world works.
the whole damn world is mad.
just move your body to the rythm and hope you never wake up. ]]> ~Ambika http://Ambika.deviantart.com/journal/3440016/ http://Ambika.deviantart.com/journal/3440016/ Fri, 24 Sep 2004 23:10:47 PDT
yeah. im lost. who would have thought.


good artical written by Dro from DSA.

Someone once taught me the importance of understanding opposites. Unfortunately, We cannot have one without the other. This has always brought a few questions to mind: Do opposites really attract? Do they really need each other to survive? Or does one side exist only so that you may understand the other?

I've noticed a lot of things have changed in the past couple of years. Some people say it's the end of the world, as we know it - or shall I say, "knew" it. Time seems to fly by faster than it used to, days come and go in the blink of an eye. ...Maybe it's a new beginning.

It takes a lot for us to stop, think, and come to the realization of what is happening around us. And sometimes, it only takes one person or thing to make the world of a difference in helping you open your eyes in a world of darkness.




Don’t Hurt me, Don’t Hurt me, Don’t Stop!

What does it mean? Well, have you ever been in the heat of a moment and had someone scratching you until layers of your flesh are under their fingernails? It hurt so badly, but the pleasure of the moment was so good that it took your mind off of the pain. All of a sudden it felt good; it was worth it!

Had you said, "Ouch, " or "That hurts," would it have spoiled the moment and all of a sudden turned into pain?

Now look at it in another way: Everything I've been through, everything we've all been through… Life sucks. So many bad things happen to all of us; it seems like just when things begin to look good, they all come crashing down in our face, leaving us depressed, miserable and, for some... suicidal.

I did a lot of thinking. One night, something really bad happened to me and I couldn't help but think, "Why me? Why us?!" Why do we have to always put up with all this bullshit? It didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out, or at least

understand why we all have to suffer so much for so little. I don't want to hurt anymore, I don't want to suffer anymore, I don't want to put up with any more crap!

... Or do I? It's what got me where I am now. It's what made me who I am. Don't hurt me. Don't stop. Without pain, would I really be able to know pleasure and what it feels like? What Fun would it be to only know one side of the story?


Fallen Angel Revenge

She was once So beautiful. Too much eye candy for one soul. Her words meant more than your life. Her smell awakening all of your senses at one breath. It only took a split second before you could no longer breathe, Before you could no longer see her beauty, before she brought you visions and memories of death, destruction, and anger.



You think to yourself, “How could something so beautiful become something so obscene?.” “Was it always this way? Have I been deceived? How could it be?”

When you think you have it all figured out, You slowly begin to realize how quickly your happiness is fading. You thought you knew, but realized it was the complete opposite in the end. Looks can be deceiving, Emotions can be misinterpreted, and feelings can be mistrusted. It’s a different problem, same solution. The worst is yet to come.

In a spot so sensitive and sore, the meaning of yin and yang.

Pain, or Pleasure. You make the Choice.
Contributed by Dro of Deadstar Assembly ]]> ~Ambika http://Ambika.deviantart.com/journal/3395752/ http://Ambika.deviantart.com/journal/3395752/ Sun, 19 Sep 2004 01:18:46 PDT When everything slowed down... i was happy but sad at the same time...I need someone.


Something inside of me has got me trippin' on you and I cant explain... ]]> ~Ambika http://Ambika.deviantart.com/journal/3373691/ http://Ambika.deviantart.com/journal/3373691/ Wed, 15 Sep 2004 21:46:52 PDT
I had that at a time... But of course I fucked it up. I always fuck it up. I'm just the fuck up of the year.

"I hear your name whispered on the wind its a sound that makes me cry. I hear a song blow again and again through my mind and I dont know why..Trying to catch your heart is like trying to catch a star... Waiting for a star to fall carry your heart into my arms, thats where you belong in my arms baby, yeah.."
-
"Waiting For A Star To Fall" Boy Meets Girl ]]> ~Ambika http://Ambika.deviantart.com/journal/3362420/ http://Ambika.deviantart.com/journal/3362420/ Tue, 14 Sep 2004 13:31:16 PDT Album: Thirteenth Step
Title: Pet


Don't fret precious I'm here, step away from the window
Go back to sleep

Lay your head down child
I won't let the boogeyman come

Counting bodies like sheep
To the rhythm of the war drums

Pay no mind to the rabble
Pay no mind to the rabble

Head down, go to sleep
To the rhythm of the war drums

Pay no mind what other voices say
They don't care about you, like I do, like I do
Safe from pain and truth and choice and other poison devils,
See, they don't give a fuck about you, like I do.

Just stay with me, safe and ignorant,
Go back to sleep
Go back to sleep

Lay your head down child
I won't let the boogeyman come
Count the bodies like sheep
To the rhythm of the war drums

Pay no mind to the rabble
Pay no mind to the rabble
Head down, go to sleep to the rhythm of the war drums

I'll be the one to protect you from
Your enemies and all your demons

I'll be the one to protect you from
A will to survive and a voice of reason

I'll be the one to protect you from
Your enemies and your choices son
They're one in the same
I must isolate you
Isolate and save you from yourself

Swayin to the rhythm of the new world order and
Count the bodies like sheep to the rhythm of the war drum

The boogeymen are coming
The boogeymen are coming

Keep your head down, go to sleep, to the rhythm of a war drum

Stay with me
Safe and ignorant
Just stay with me
Hold you and protect you from the other one
The evil ones
Don't love you son,
Go back to sleep ]]> ~Ambika http://Ambika.deviantart.com/journal/3343940/ http://Ambika.deviantart.com/journal/3343940/ Sun, 12 Sep 2004 00:41:17 PDT Im never going to click. im always going to be alone.

I don't want to be alone anymore... ]]> ~Ambika http://Ambika.deviantart.com/journal/3336409/ http://Ambika.deviantart.com/journal/3336409/ Fri, 10 Sep 2004 23:48:48 PDT ~Ambika http://Ambika.deviantart.com/journal/2570873/ http://Ambika.deviantart.com/journal/2570873/ Wed, 02 Jun 2004 23:51:05 PDT Music:Something To Sing About(Demo)~Buffy
Mood:Wishfull Thinking ]]> ~Ambika