http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:AngerMouse&section=today deviantART RSS for by:AngerMouse en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Thu, 17 Dec 2009 20:37:02 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://AngerMouse.deviantart.com/journal/12711961/ http://AngerMouse.deviantart.com/journal/12711961/ Tue, 24 Apr 2007 00:02:54 PDT Gravity.

I'm told it's "unpredictable" and "different" and, sometimes, "good".

Anyways, I'm off to grad school in a week, and I was hoping someone might be interested in drawing the next chapter (Chapter 06).

You'll get to work with a hack writer (me), all the exposure my little webcomic can give you, and a little coin on the side (pun intended). Just a warning though, you'll probably make more mowing your neighbour's lawn than you will drawing the chapter.

But yes. Please take a look at the comic. See if it's up your alley. And if you're interested, read this blog entry for more information.

I'll be taking applications until May, but depending and the number and quality of responses, I might extend the deadline.

I hope to hear from you!

]]> ~AngerMouse http://AngerMouse.deviantart.com/journal/9994539/ http://AngerMouse.deviantart.com/journal/9994539/ Thu, 07 Sep 2006 01:21:46 PDT webcomic.

Please? ]]> ~AngerMouse http://AngerMouse.deviantart.com/journal/9444156/ http://AngerMouse.deviantart.com/journal/9444156/ Fri, 21 Jul 2006 02:56:35 PDT
So forgive me if I'm a little giddy. I just started checking my webcomic's site stats a few hours ago, and discovered that in the space of a few hours I had visitors come in from Canada, the US, the Phillippines, Germany, and England.

I can account for most of these visits ... but England?!! Holy shit! Sure it's nothing like my wild imaginings and pop culture sensibilities would have me believe - but still! Fucking England!

That is all. ]]> ~AngerMouse http://AngerMouse.deviantart.com/journal/9347088/ http://AngerMouse.deviantart.com/journal/9347088/ Tue, 11 Jul 2006 19:09:45 PDT
Um ... yay ... ? ]]> ~AngerMouse http://AngerMouse.deviantart.com/journal/9319799/ http://AngerMouse.deviantart.com/journal/9319799/ Sun, 09 Jul 2006 09:59:45 PDT
[link] ]]> ~AngerMouse http://AngerMouse.deviantart.com/journal/9248290/ http://AngerMouse.deviantart.com/journal/9248290/ Sun, 02 Jul 2006 05:17:11 PDT
Which is fine. I'm constantly impressing myself with how quickly I'm picking up this web design crap, considering before this I knew jack about html (jesus, I had to go to the dA help page EVERY TIME I needed to post a link in this journal) and Gravity is turning out to be a pretty good baby for all its faults.

But ...

Wasn't I supposed to be writing a book? Hm. I should get on that; also, that 'social life' thing I hear you kids are into these days. And what is this 'love' of which you speak? IT IS A CONCEPT AS UNFAMILIAR TO ME AS THE YELLOW SUN OF YOUR EARTH. ]]> ~AngerMouse http://AngerMouse.deviantart.com/journal/9074843/ http://AngerMouse.deviantart.com/journal/9074843/ Thu, 15 Jun 2006 08:33:34 PDT
I'm an uncle, of sorts, as are the rest of my friends. It's odd having such a great responsibility bestowed upon a group of jackasses such as we. But my friends, despite their mental flaws, are good guys at heart. I think Mason's gonna be just fine.

Here's to you, little man.

------
ThisIsGravity.com ]]> ~AngerMouse http://AngerMouse.deviantart.com/journal/9058517/ http://AngerMouse.deviantart.com/journal/9058517/ Tue, 13 Jun 2006 15:41:02 PDT [link]

This is where I live now. ]]> ~AngerMouse http://AngerMouse.deviantart.com/journal/8978717/ http://AngerMouse.deviantart.com/journal/8978717/ Mon, 05 Jun 2006 13:43:56 PDT
As for Gravity, with some gentle coaxing from , I've decided to move the comic off of dA because i'm just plain tired of having to explain myself to the dAtards. Once it's on its own site, only the five or six people who actually bother to read the damn thing will annoy me.

Oh, and I'm putting together a collection of short stories which I'll be selling from my Cafepress.com shop. It's still early, but I can see it taking up alot of my time assuming I'm not bogged down by more canker sores and the recurring joke I call my personal life. It will be sold in US dollars, there's not much I can do about that seeing as it's an American site, but I promise it wll be priced as low as possible where I can still turn some sort of pathetic profit. I want people to be able to read the damn thing, I'm not trying to support a family with it. ]]> ~AngerMouse http://AngerMouse.deviantart.com/journal/8950499/ http://AngerMouse.deviantart.com/journal/8950499/ Fri, 02 Jun 2006 13:24:42 PDT
Sometimes I wonder if the inside of my mouth is actually a stage for some sick strategy game. i always get canker sores in the most inconvenient places ... not that there are any convenient places to get them, but for me especially they always find the most debilitating spots. For example, this year I've made the unfortunate discovery that the bloody things can grow on one's tongue. I have one on the side of my tongue right where it meets my molars, which means I can't drink/chew/talk/drink/swallow/spit or do anything sexual or otherwise with my mouth.

Oh, and home remedies SUCK. I mean, you can pour salt on the damn things. It hurts like all motherfuck, but they do heal faster. And after the initial pain, the thing goes numb for about a minute. Hooray. At the very least, you'll know that if you can endure this, you can endure pretty much any form torture including those big black floaty things that Darth Vader used on Princess Leia.

There's one thing that does work for immediate and somewhat lasting relief, but you're not going to like it. I sure as hell didn't. What you do is you grab a tylenol or aspirin and you press it against the sore. For a while. You know what? Might as well just pop the tablet in your mouth and let it dissolve over the owie. Suck on it like a lozenge. Believe me, the level of comfort improves dramatically, especially since the pain medication bypasses your digestive system when it goes straight into the wound ilke that. Of course, you'll be too busy vomiting to notice how much better your mouth feels, because everybody knows that tylenol, aspirin, and advil (once you get past the candy coating) tastes like shit rolled in more shit.

Still, the tylenol treatment should let me eat at least. If that fails, I renewed my fishing license at an outdoors store a couple of days ago and I found out they sell guns. ]]> ~AngerMouse http://AngerMouse.deviantart.com/journal/8940096/ http://AngerMouse.deviantart.com/journal/8940096/ Thu, 01 Jun 2006 12:14:47 PDT
it's functional, you fucktards. the pictures are meant to serve THE WORDS ON THE PAGE. you know, WORDS - those little things that your eyes either completely ignore or that your brains cannot comprehend because you ate too much paint as a child.

READ 'MAUS'. READ 'GHOST WORLD'. If you're going to shit all over me for trying to tell a story as opposed to trying to show everyone just how pretty I can make a fucking brick wall look, then you might as well shit all over Art Spiegelmann and Daniel Clowes too. I'm not saying that I am by any means in their league, mind you ... all I'm saying is that you MISSED THE FUCKING POINT.

YOU LOSE. ]]> ~AngerMouse http://AngerMouse.deviantart.com/journal/8935799/ http://AngerMouse.deviantart.com/journal/8935799/ Wed, 31 May 2006 23:27:46 PDT
I have no time for this. I have a book to write and an online comic to update, never mind the game of San Andreas I have yet to finish. Or the copy of We Love Katamri I bought with KHII and haven't even had a chance to touch yet. Gah. ]]> ~AngerMouse http://AngerMouse.deviantart.com/journal/8819152/ http://AngerMouse.deviantart.com/journal/8819152/ Fri, 19 May 2006 18:25:37 PDT peace out!
____

<------------ This is Gravity. Love it or die. ]]> ~AngerMouse http://AngerMouse.deviantart.com/journal/8804254/ http://AngerMouse.deviantart.com/journal/8804254/ Thu, 18 May 2006 03:56:00 PDT


The first update is due either tonight or tomorrow, depending on how carried away I get with the PS2 I'm buying for my brother. Please add it to your devwatch, tell your friends about it, etc. I'm trying to teach myself how to stay commited to an extended project, and it would help alot if people actually read the damn thing. God knows I've hyped it up enough. And, if you needed another reason to watch :

For Frodo. ]]> ~AngerMouse http://AngerMouse.deviantart.com/journal/8785123/ http://AngerMouse.deviantart.com/journal/8785123/ Tue, 16 May 2006 04:44:31 PDT ~AngerMouse http://AngerMouse.deviantart.com/journal/8706114/ http://AngerMouse.deviantart.com/journal/8706114/ Mon, 08 May 2006 00:40:00 PDT
i've been reading alot of emotionally-charged stuff about it from both sides of the political spectrum. frankly, the idea of approaching the film from a political perspective wearies me. it requires a disentanglement from matters of the heart that i'm not willing to make. even though i have no personal link that i am aware of to the events of 9/11, what happened on that day does resonate with me like nothing else does mostly because my grandmother passed away scant days before it happened. i was still raw from my first brush with death, so you'd better believe i felt the full impact of the next 3000+ deaths in a way I wouldn't have if Grandma were still alive today.

like i said, i've read reactions on the films from both sides. i find it interesting that some people who renounce the film as just another example of Pro-American propoganda have not seen and do not wish to ever see the film. what bothers me is that at least one of these fellows uses the argument 'they had it coming' as a rationalization for their apparent contempt for any attempts to memorialize the lost American lives. i'm not the biggest fan of the United Empire of America myself, but denigrating the end of a life - any life - because of race, nation, creed, etc. is the same kind of thinking that Dubyah and his cronies exploit in their policymaking.

i suppose we've all been made cynical by, say, how the stories of Pat Tillman or Jessica Lynch have been utilized for the misguided war effort; but automatically dismissing any form of commemoration or memorialization simply because there's been an oversaturation of it in the mainstream media is counter-intuitive. yes, memories of the fallen have been, are being, and will always be used to propel some agenda or another. yes, such manipulation is a gutless and amoral technique that only serves to cheapen those sad souls whose names are invoked for ... whatever. but simply telling their names, remembering their lives, honouring their memories is not, i repeat, IS NOT NECESSARILY MOTIVATED BY POLITICS.

i do not hold my grandmother in my heart in order to pump myself up for a jihad on the doctors who failed to save her life. i do not remember her to unite myself with the rest of my estranged family. i remember her because she loved me. i remember her because she lived, and underneath everything we profess to be important and urgent and topical there is the spark of something both beautiful and tragic in every single life. that's how i felt in the days after she died. that's how i felt in the days after the towers fell.

and that's the reason - the only reason - i'm going to see United 93.

anyone want come with? ]]> ~AngerMouse http://AngerMouse.deviantart.com/journal/8529242/ http://AngerMouse.deviantart.com/journal/8529242/ Thu, 20 Apr 2006 08:18:16 PDT
Ah, God bless Tegan and Sara for their sweet lyrics, raspy nicotine-stained voices, and adorable bisexual twin antics.

***

i am writing possibly the last essay i'll ever write. i can't quite say that i'll miss them. but i will miss the idea of them.

oh, and that thing you humans call love? it's unblockable but if you're lucky you can cut it off with a C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER!!! before it finishes you off but good. not that i would mind. there are more shameful ways to die, like HUMILIATION or your opponenet finishing with a PERFECT!!!(... perfect ... perfect ...)

***

I just realized that I used Killer Instinct for a romantic analogy. Jesus Christ am I in a wierd place. ]]> ~AngerMouse http://AngerMouse.deviantart.com/journal/8463132/ http://AngerMouse.deviantart.com/journal/8463132/ Thu, 13 Apr 2006 20:23:47 PDT
OKAY!
(okay!)

BLUE JAYS!
(blue jays!)

LET'S

PLAY

BALL!

That was wonderful! Well done! Give yourself a pat on the back.

See, there's reason for optimism because not only have we gotten better overall as a team, the Yankees and Red Sox have arguably gotten worse. And it always helps that we've signed an automatic closer in B. J. Ryan whose name just happens to be an anagram of my first name and middle initial.

Thank goodness for the start of the baseball season. Now we can watch the one Toronto team that's not 1) captained by a Swedish Skeletor and whose leading scorer for most of the season was a DEFENCEMAN or 2) has defence so bad *I* could probably drop 82 points on them if I felt like it or 3) is completely ignored except for the week of the Grey Cup.

You know. A Toronto team that's actually ... what's the word? Oh yeah. Good. ]]> ~AngerMouse http://AngerMouse.deviantart.com/journal/8379772/ http://AngerMouse.deviantart.com/journal/8379772/ Thu, 06 Apr 2006 00:59:00 PDT
Yeah. I've been saying those words alot lately.

I just finished my last essay. Barring one final exam due three weeks from now, I am officially done. Kaput. It's over. It's time for Peter Pan to toss away his tights and adopt the business casual look.

Unless of course I decide on grad school. And maybe a doctorate. Ha. Imagine me with a PhD.

I doubt it though. Besides, I think I need a break from school. Real life is waiting. I've recently been made aware of the possibilities that have flown over my head because it's been buried in books; guess what? Not all of them are scary. Then again, some of them are scary as hell.

And yet it seems to me that the ones which genuinely scare the living shit out of me are ... I don't know. The nicest ones. Maybe. Who knows?

I might use this time to get away. Find out what that thing called the ocean is all about. Write a little. Draw a little. Learn to dance. See some starlight - I miss how it feels.

Yeah yeah, it's a long way down from this nest. But if all you're falling into is sky ... hell, it can't be that bad.

Can it? ]]> ~AngerMouse http://AngerMouse.deviantart.com/journal/8289931/ http://AngerMouse.deviantart.com/journal/8289931/ Mon, 27 Mar 2006 22:52:03 PST
only about a week left before i take a plunge into the great unknown. school will be done. oh, there's graduation - but that's just unecessary ceremony. the party will be over long before then.

i'll have a degree, and that's about it.

i think maybe that's why i'm pushing myself so hard to get Gravity up and running. maybe that's why there's so much of me in it, too ... because if i can't see myself in something real and something physical, i may as well not exist.

aaaanyways ... i see that i've tailed off with the blog thing again. it has nothing to do with my urge to write, i'm as creative as ever - more so. I think it has more to do with ... I dunno.

Dreams?

I guess I want to hold onto them a little longer.

Don't mind me. I'm just an old man babbling away. You kids are young. Have fun. ]]> ~AngerMouse http://AngerMouse.deviantart.com/journal/8233806/ http://AngerMouse.deviantart.com/journal/8233806/ Wed, 22 Mar 2006 05:56:28 PST
So please, don't post any incriminating comments. Or if you do, at least make them sexy.

Hi Heather! Hi everyone else! ]]> ~AngerMouse http://AngerMouse.deviantart.com/journal/7938167/ http://AngerMouse.deviantart.com/journal/7938167/ Sat, 18 Feb 2006 21:26:23 PST
look at me! i'm diligent! and real excited. sometimes i get discouraged but i just drew an absolutely beautiful picture of jennifer rose (and those of you who know me know that i never use the words 'my' and 'beautiful' in the same sentence) so now i'm back to work.

this is taking so loooong. i'm not even going to bother telling anybody when each chapter of gravity will be out - i never make my own deadlines. gah. just stay tuned. ]]> ~AngerMouse http://AngerMouse.deviantart.com/journal/7859865/ http://AngerMouse.deviantart.com/journal/7859865/ Fri, 10 Feb 2006 20:46:17 PST
when i was younger at least i got a cake and some candles.

and i know i don't place much importance on the b-day but it's still nice when other people acknowledge my existence on a day such as this. interestingly enough, it seems that besides my immediate family, only the people i least expect seem to remember when my birthday actually is. it's kind of bittersweet in a way; i don't go out of my way to remind anyone (or, for that matter, tell anyone) when my birthday is, and yet the people who i normally believe don't really consider me all that important are the ones who send me the messages and stuff. and it's nice and it tickles, and i almost *almost* don't even think to ask myself, 'how about the people I do expect to hear from?'

but i won't. not in the mood to antagonize myself.

and now i'm going to list five moments in my life right off the top of my head that, for some reason, strike me as remarkable:

1) prom night - it was right out of a movie. not the kind of movie where the guy gets the girl after much mishap, mind you; more like the kind of movie where the guy has a disastrous prom and spends the rest of his life living it down. but still, so Hollywood!

2) science fair - i made it to the regionals in grade seven with a robot arm made from paper towel rolls and electric motors. it could pick up a small foam ball.

3) Rita Lima - she moved to Portugal when i was in grade five (six?). it was the first time (and only) time in my life i lost the girl and it wasn't my fault

4) Variety Night - OAC. i wore leather pants and played guitar and sang 'Wish You Were Here' by Incubus. and you know what? i can honestly say, for those two nights at least, I could taste glory. It tastes like cotton candy.

5) 9 jump shots in a row - pretty self-explanatory. but considering there were witnesses, and it was to win a game in which our opponents took us lightly and were trying to show us up, i feel it still deserves mention.

hey, i never said these were the high points of my life. or the most interesting. just the first that came to mind. there's plenty to choose from. and i'm thankful for that.

Happy Birthday, children of February the 10th. ]]> ~AngerMouse http://AngerMouse.deviantart.com/journal/7691661/ http://AngerMouse.deviantart.com/journal/7691661/ Tue, 24 Jan 2006 04:23:36 PST
so far Jennifer Rose's new design is inspired by Jennifer Connelly (because she's, yanno, hot) and Maggie Cayce on Fiona Apple (the saddest kind of pretty i can find). originally I was going to use Audrey Hepburn but I couldn't decide who deserved Audrey Hepburn more. Neither do; Audrey's in a class of her own.

yeah, i know, Fiona Apple. Go figure. ]]> ~AngerMouse http://AngerMouse.deviantart.com/journal/7672484/ http://AngerMouse.deviantart.com/journal/7672484/ Sun, 22 Jan 2006 03:25:58 PST
I was just reading up on a movie The Rock is going to be in (and in which I'm keenly interested) called 'Southland Tales' from the director of 'Donnie Darko' and co-starring Sarah Michelle Gellar ... which led to reading up on Eliza Dushku ... which led to Reading Rainbow. Miss Dushku narrated a story for the show last year.

Reading Rainbow. Fuck. Everyone reminisces about Transformers and GI Joe and Thundercats, and so do I, but truth be told - I was raised on PBS and TVO. Mr. Dressup is a god to me (ok, any kid who grew up in Canada can say the same). But Reading Rainbow was right up there with him.

C'mon. Geordi LaForge hosted the show. Geordi LaForge! And you learned all sorts of neat stuff. And it never tricked you with pupets or songs or flashy gimmicks. It was straight up learnin'. I honestly believe now that I wouldn't love books - and the written word - so much if I hadn't watched Reading Rainbow so faithfully.

Apparently, last year was its final year of production. That's a shame. I truly mourn the fact that most kids these days don't fucking read. Thank god for Harry Potter - and I mean that from a strictly educational point of view. Because now that Reading Rainbow - the show that taught me books are good for more than just propping up the tv - has wrapped up production, I think there's going to be a little less love in the world. For literacy, that is.

Mmm. Eliza Dushku. ]]> ~AngerMouse http://AngerMouse.deviantart.com/journal/7653338/ http://AngerMouse.deviantart.com/journal/7653338/ Thu, 19 Jan 2006 23:03:30 PST
I watch Dancing With The Stars.

I know I always come on here and rant about the pathetic state of network television; and I stand by those words. However, I still follow the show rather keenly.

There are two reasons for this. The first is Stacy Kiebler. My brother watches a horrendous amount of professional wrestling. In fact, if I ever want to connect with him, I have to sit down and watch it too. That said, barring the surrounding circumstances, Stacy Kiebler is drop-dead gorgeous. And from what I've heard, she's also a very kind, sweet, down-to-earth young lady.

And boy can she dance.

The second reason I watch the show: It may seem completely contrary to my personality - even to those who know me personally - but I love dance. Any form of dance that requires a partner, that is. I was even in the art teacher's dance club at high school for a while. Top of the class. No shit. And although the knowledge (and steps) have long since drained from my system, I still appreciate it when people do the tango or swing or whatever and make it look GOOD. Because it's damn, damn hard. If they ever do flamenco on the show, I swear I'll die.

One day I'll probably take tango lessons or something again, just as soon as I get a willing female participant. It's quite difficult to convince women you make for a good dance partner if you're an asshole like me.

PS - For more on the joys of dance, by all means watch the Australian film 'Strictly Ballroom'. Hell of a good movie. ]]> ~AngerMouse http://AngerMouse.deviantart.com/journal/7613614/ http://AngerMouse.deviantart.com/journal/7613614/ Sun, 15 Jan 2006 18:32:45 PST
Song for the moment: 'Vindicated', Dashboard Confessional ]]> ~AngerMouse http://AngerMouse.deviantart.com/journal/7606957/ http://AngerMouse.deviantart.com/journal/7606957/ Sun, 15 Jan 2006 01:25:49 PST
i can only come up with two explanations thus far:

1) my nightmares of being chased by bears are starting to physically manifest themselves
2) while working long into the night on my comic, i'm being abducted by aliens who then erase my memory, resulting in missing time and mysterious injuries.

god, please let it be bears. ]]> ~AngerMouse http://AngerMouse.deviantart.com/journal/7569884/ http://AngerMouse.deviantart.com/journal/7569884/ Wed, 11 Jan 2006 00:42:42 PST
Barring horrible occurences like death or schoolwork, I suppose it wouldn't be unreasonable to expect one new chapter a month at the mad rate I'm going. I've already written the first third of Chapter Two, which gives me motivation to finish Chapter One because there are a couple of characters I just can't wait to draw/write for.

Also, listen to 'Save Me' by Aimee Mann. And 'Wise Up'. Sure, she may be Sean Penn's sister-in-law, but don't hold that against her. She's an excellent songwriter.

PS Just out of curiousity ... is anyone out there actually looking forward to reading Gravity or have I totally put everyone off by my constant delays/false starts/laziness? lol

okay now i sleep ]]> ~AngerMouse http://AngerMouse.deviantart.com/journal/7542644/ http://AngerMouse.deviantart.com/journal/7542644/ Sun, 08 Jan 2006 08:07:16 PST
i like it when i'm busy. they're the only times i allow myself to be selfish. right now none of you bitches matter. ]]> ~AngerMouse http://AngerMouse.deviantart.com/journal/7435733/ http://AngerMouse.deviantart.com/journal/7435733/ Tue, 27 Dec 2005 22:50:48 PST
I know, earth-shattering.

Mark this day on your calendar. It just might become a national - nay, universal -holiday. An occasion of historic proportions.

Or an enormous waste of a hundred and twenty bucks, whatever.

Gimme money! ]]> ~AngerMouse http://AngerMouse.deviantart.com/journal/7382860/ http://AngerMouse.deviantart.com/journal/7382860/ Thu, 22 Dec 2005 13:38:50 PST i will share them with you now.

did you know:

- it is surprisingly easy to defraud the City of Toronto
- the price of a 6 foot hole in the ground is $1600 Cdn
- feces glows under infra-red light

it's amazing the things you can learn when you've been cooped up in your house for a whole week because you have to keep an eye on your father who's coming off of eye surgery AND plumbers who are digging a hole in your basement ineedtogetoutineedtogetoutineedtogetoutW HEREAREMYFRIENDS??!?!?!? ]]> ~AngerMouse http://AngerMouse.deviantart.com/journal/7377016/ http://AngerMouse.deviantart.com/journal/7377016/ Wed, 21 Dec 2005 20:38:55 PST

there's a hole in my basement where the floor should be
who knows where it goes when i take a pee
the pipe is getting fixed because it's blocked
our waste can't get to sewer cuz it's stuffed full of rocks

i'm being a hero by sleeping down here tonight. who knows, i might rediscover a few diseases people have forgotten about. like diptheria. ]]> ~AngerMouse http://AngerMouse.deviantart.com/journal/7371320/ http://AngerMouse.deviantart.com/journal/7371320/ Wed, 21 Dec 2005 09:07:07 PST
in other news, my goal of having four stories done by christmas might actually become a reality. who'd have thunk it.

btw, if you're interested in drawing Gravity for me, by all means let me know. i have no problems with handing creative reins over to people who are capable of knocking my socks off. i'm generally too lazy to be a control freak. so yeah.

gimmie money! ]]> ~AngerMouse http://AngerMouse.deviantart.com/journal/7333029/ http://AngerMouse.deviantart.com/journal/7333029/ Sat, 17 Dec 2005 00:19:18 PST
but here's the thing.

i'm not depressed.

trust me, i know the difference. i've gone for months at a time with no food and no sleep, and it was because something was (no pun intended) eating at me.

but this time is different. i feel perfectly fine emotionally. in fact - more often than not - better than fine. i'm writing again, i have no major arguments with the world, i'm getting along with most people rather well (some people better than i used to).

i'm peachy-keen ... just not hungry.

i dunno what it is. i don't feel sick or anything ... i've been sleepy alot but i blame that on a combination of winter (coming in from the cold is like thorazine to me) and my somewhat erratic sleeping patterns.

lol i can't be wasting away. i'm too content.

PS keep an eye out, soon i'll be having visions of God ]]> ~AngerMouse http://AngerMouse.deviantart.com/journal/7297648/ http://AngerMouse.deviantart.com/journal/7297648/ Tue, 13 Dec 2005 02:57:53 PST
pretty much stayed in the waiting room for a good part of the day. i read quite a bit from my massive Harlan Ellison anthology, started a new story, had a couple of cookies. but mostly i watched other people.

there was this lady and her friend, she was their to see her mother who was in the hospital for some reason or other. some other people drifted in and out, i guess their relatives were in for simple procedures like my dad was.

there was also one fairly large family group. i spent alot of time watching them because i was really really bored.

at first i wasn't sure if they were all together as a group. i didn't feel left out, as i usually do when i'm alone with people who know each other. it felt to me like we were all strangers in there, even though everyone but me was connected by blood. interesting, the walls we make for ourselves.

there were a couple of kids, little girls. the younger one was really shy and quiet, the other one nonchalant as if the hospital trip was something to put up with like grocery shopping. her mother and some man in a suit who i guess is a relative had a few awkward conversations about her sons and sports. they talked, not because there was anything to talk about, but because they felt the need to do something. there was another man and his wife who sat on the other side of me. i guess when he saw me nap for a bit he realized there was no law against it and so promptly passed out.

after a while, the family left. except for the sleeping man.

about half an hour later his wife returned. woke him up and said "something's happened."
"what?" he asked groggily.
"not much. he's gasping. we should be there, everyone else is."
"okay," he said.
and they left, too.

i knew then why they were at the hospital. and from the visible lack of emotion - suit man was the only one who actually looked sad - i suppose that they'd been waiting for it for quite some time. but that's normal. everyone gets used to the idea of death if they've been anticipating it for long enough. that don't make 'em heartless. when it does happens, the dam breaks and you either let it bother you or you try your damndest not to let it bother you. either way, you change. and that's normal too.

i wasn't there when my gramma passed away. none of us were. so this might sound quite a bit morbid, but i envy that family i shared the waiting room with. they got their chance to be there when it counts.

and that's what i did yesterday. how about you? ]]> ~AngerMouse http://AngerMouse.deviantart.com/journal/7261514/ http://AngerMouse.deviantart.com/journal/7261514/ Fri, 09 Dec 2005 03:31:41 PST
Well, they're not evil. They're dragonslayers. So I guess that makes them good. Or something.

Shut up.

Just give me some clever names. They need to have a theme, be it alliterary or allusionary or what have you. And for fuck's sakes, not Curly Larry Moe. That's an insult to you and me and everyone everywhere.

If I happen to use your suggestion, I'll use your own name for a character. Who knows, it might be preserved for posterity. You can use it as your claim to fame, if all else fails.

Take me to see Narnia! ]]> ~AngerMouse http://AngerMouse.deviantart.com/journal/7242755/ http://AngerMouse.deviantart.com/journal/7242755/ Tue, 06 Dec 2005 22:00:44 PST
Now I actually get to work on the things I want to work on.

First priority: A bunch of stories that are like part-done but haven't been completed.

Second priority: Scripting the ideas I have for Gravity.

Third priority: Finding a competent artist who's willing to draw out my scripts for me.

Fourth priority: Drawing the damn things myself because chances are I won't find anyone who'll wants to collaborate with me.

Fifth priority: Christmas family friends etc.

Gimmie a tablet! ]]> ~AngerMouse http://AngerMouse.deviantart.com/journal/7234603/ http://AngerMouse.deviantart.com/journal/7234603/ Tue, 06 Dec 2005 01:27:47 PST
Your whole life is like a network broadcast.

Most people are like non-specialty networks. You know, alot of different shows about everything: A little comedy here, some drama there, maybe a sporting event or two, a news broadcast once in a while.

But, now some people are ... I don't know. Theme networks. Some people are like The Discovery Channel - nothing but science and exploration. Some people are like TSN - physicality and energy and action. Some people are MTV, some people are The WB, some people are frigging Playboy.

Me? I don't know what channel I am. I do know what show I'm running though:

An infomercial for fucking Gingko biloba supplements. ]]> ~AngerMouse http://AngerMouse.deviantart.com/journal/7224550/ http://AngerMouse.deviantart.com/journal/7224550/ Sun, 04 Dec 2005 21:45:30 PST
hoooliday!

HOOOOLIDAAAY!!

by the way, Dumbldore dies at the end of HP: The Half-Blood Prince, so if you haven't read it yet, FUCK SORRY

and i had a dream with Erica Durance standing atop Godzilla and ordering him to commit mass destruction upon the city of London, England. they were eventually foiled by the combined efforts of David Schwimmer and that guy who played Balki on 'Perfect Strangers' - Bronson Pinchot, that's his name!

i'm going to download the theme to 'Perfect Strangers' right now, it's an awesome song to plot murder by ]]> ~AngerMouse http://AngerMouse.deviantart.com/journal/7214974/ http://AngerMouse.deviantart.com/journal/7214974/ Sat, 03 Dec 2005 19:40:32 PST
That's right, we may be considered the worst team in the league, but at least we injured the fucker *and* won our second game in the row.

Fuck you, Stephen A. Smith. Charlie V is making you look like a retard. ]]> ~AngerMouse http://AngerMouse.deviantart.com/journal/7208412/ http://AngerMouse.deviantart.com/journal/7208412/ Sat, 03 Dec 2005 00:11:17 PST
here's a taster:

Good: i found out i'm doing so brilliantly in one class that i've got an exemption from the exam.
Bad: some stuff i won't talk about here
Good: the Raptors won!
Bad: my confidence in my writing was inadvertently destroyed by a close friend
Good: got a pick-me-up when one friend gave me time and another gave me trust - two very precious things if you're a sentimental idiot like me.

god, the blog bug has really got me. i'm summarizing my frigging day. jeebus. now i have to join MySpace and start posting photos of tatoos i drew on myself with a magic marker because i'm so hardcore.

Gimmie money! ]]> ~AngerMouse http://AngerMouse.deviantart.com/journal/7201163/ http://AngerMouse.deviantart.com/journal/7201163/ Fri, 02 Dec 2005 07:11:33 PST
I don't mean the hole in my life that needs to be filled by a significant other. Hell, that was there long before teen-themed dramas and I wager it'll be there long after, barring any pleasantly serendipitous occasions.

Kinda shows how cynical I've gotten if I'm relying on the chances of a serendipitous occasion, but I digress ...

The gaping hole in my life I'm referring to can only be filled by ... well, by Dawson's Creek. Fact of the matter is, I actually enjoy the show. The writing isn't as blatantly retarded as it is in the rest of TV land. The fact that I missed the boat the first time around only fills me with anger. And honestly, I can't be bothered to watch it from the begginning. I'm too many episodes behind. So when I see Pacey and Joey frolicking in the K-Mart afterhours referring to episodes I'd never seen, I can't help but feel like I've missed out.

Oh, wait, I think it reminds me of that other gaping hole in my life after all. But I tihnk I sorta halfway caved that one in with pets and writing. And of course, there's always serendipitous occasions.

Damn you, Dawson's Creek! ]]> ~AngerMouse http://AngerMouse.deviantart.com/journal/7181659/ http://AngerMouse.deviantart.com/journal/7181659/ Tue, 29 Nov 2005 23:50:40 PST
for the first time ever, i've asked for an extension for an essay. and i got it. yay.

normally i'm real good about getting things in on time, but i figure since Christine will give me an extension, why not take advantage and actually do a good essay instead of halfassing it last minute?

and yeah, for some reason i want to write a postmodern musical. think magnolia or eternal sunshine of the spotless mind, but with singing.

I think that's just waaaay too complicated a dream to tackle right now tho. Baby steps, m'boy, baby steps.

PS When Audrey Hepburn was younger she was so beautiful it makes me ache ]]> ~AngerMouse http://AngerMouse.deviantart.com/journal/7164168/ http://AngerMouse.deviantart.com/journal/7164168/ Mon, 28 Nov 2005 04:13:12 PST
There's a species of single-celled organism called Helacyton gartleri which, as of now, is the only confirmed descendant of Homo sapiens (that's people for you uneducated fellers) to have ever evolved.

Confused?

Okay.

Back in the '50s a woman from Baltimore Md named Henrietta Lacks died of a particularly rampant strain of cervical cancer. Before her death, a cell sample was taken for study in a lab. This was standard procedure.

What made this event unique was that, unlike pretty much every other cell sample ever taken, these cells had no difficulty surviving in vitro - that is, outside the human body. Far from it.

In fact, with no help from the perplexed scientists besides food and warmth, they multiplied.

And multiplied.

And multiplied.

The HeLa cells - as they came to be knwon - were quite useful in research; as a common and renewable source of human cells, they began to rival lab mice and fruit flies as top research fodder.

In fact, it was discovered that HeLa cells are so prolific, they've contaminated practically every cell line used for cancer research - which pretty much scraps the results of those studies as invalid.

A close analysis of HeLa DNA shows that it's mutated into several distinctly identifiable strains, all perfectly capable of reproducing on their own.

This, my friends, is what we call EVOLUTION. I know, it doesn't seem like evolution - at least not from a teleological point of view - but it is nonetheless.

So although HeLa cells share a good portion of their DNA with you and me and Mr. Rogers, they are genetically different enough that there exists no chance of HeLa cells interbreeding with human beings or spontaneously developing into human beings. Hence, the argument for their classification as a new species.

Hence, in 1991, HeLa cells were bestowed with their own genus and species, Helacyton gartleri.

If that still doesn't register with you how amazing the natural world can be, here's a really simple evolutionary flow chart any idiot can comprehend:

monkey -> ape -> human -> crazy cancer amoebas

So the next time you feel evil and a Creationist tells you it's impossible for amoebas to have become humans, point out that the opposite pretty much fucking happened. And then laugh when they blame Satan.

I guess that sort of makes me Satan, huh? ]]> ~AngerMouse http://AngerMouse.deviantart.com/journal/7162725/ http://AngerMouse.deviantart.com/journal/7162725/ Sun, 27 Nov 2005 21:51:53 PST
for instance, tonight for some reason or another i began reading about a dinosaur called Eotyrannus. Next thing I knew, I was at an article on Jack the Ripper. Fascinating subject, btw. I ended this particular session on nanobacteria, a controversial subject that is not accepted in all scientific circles.

I don't think Wikipedia-surfing makes me a better person. I do think it betters my chances of winning money on Jeopardy. ]]> ~AngerMouse http://AngerMouse.deviantart.com/journal/7153688/ http://AngerMouse.deviantart.com/journal/7153688/ Sat, 26 Nov 2005 22:24:09 PST
for the first time - possibly *ever* - i'm working on things in advance.

stay tuned when, next week, a passing star knocks the Earth out of orbit, causing it to fly beyond the reach of the Sun's warmth and ushering in a perpetual Ice Age in which hell freezes over. ]]> ~AngerMouse http://AngerMouse.deviantart.com/journal/7149568/ http://AngerMouse.deviantart.com/journal/7149568/ Sat, 26 Nov 2005 13:19:50 PST
i'll probably forget about yesterday the next time my confidence gets shaky, but women grudgingly concede that i'm attractive like once a leap year so I WILL MILK THIS FOR ALL IT IS WORTH.

and yes, I have nothing better to write about. Blame the November Crunch. Frigging school.

Gimmie money!!! ]]> ~AngerMouse http://AngerMouse.deviantart.com/journal/7136016/ http://AngerMouse.deviantart.com/journal/7136016/ Thu, 24 Nov 2005 20:11:00 PST
but i will say this:

if you believe in a higher power(s), lend my friends some prayers. every little bit counts.

and if you don't believe in a higher power(s), or don't want to pray for strangers ... well ... maybe there's someone *you* know who's hurting. give them some love. the world could always use more. ]]> ~AngerMouse http://AngerMouse.deviantart.com/journal/7125755/ http://AngerMouse.deviantart.com/journal/7125755/ Wed, 23 Nov 2005 17:58:47 PST
does anyone want to give/buy me a tablet? i'll be your friend (or if i'm already your friend, i'll be a better friend). purty please? purty purty please? purty please with a marachino cherry on top?

in other news, i've almost finished Quiet Holiday and i've realized i don't quite like it. but i do know what to do with it at least, unlike the shambles known as State of Grace. I have a picture in my head for what I want reworked Quiet Holiday (henceforth known as 'Alistaire's Fair') to be like; if someone GIVES ME A TABLET i might actually be able to post said picture while i'm writing the story.

Gimmie money! ]]> ~AngerMouse http://AngerMouse.deviantart.com/journal/7116414/ http://AngerMouse.deviantart.com/journal/7116414/ Tue, 22 Nov 2005 17:02:47 PST
look, i have no problem making a joke out of myself because i believe that there is more to people than how they present themselves.

apparently, i was mistaken.

if you present yourself a certain way, people will automatically assume you *are* that way. apparently, every single time i have been self-deprecating towards my intelligence, social ability, masculinity, emotional depth, capacity for kindness, moral fiber, and spirituality, i have sabotaged my own image in the eyes of others. because i joke, i am considered a joke.

don't, not for one second, take for granted that anybody is going to bother digging deeper into you than what they see; it's just not going to happen very often.

a friend told me, "you're either going to have to change the way you present yourself, or you're just going to have to accept that people won't take you very seriously".

i refuse to do either.

just because i'm funnier than you
doesn't mean i'm not smarter than you too
because you know what?
i might just be both.

i am not your clown. ]]> ~AngerMouse http://AngerMouse.deviantart.com/journal/7059427/ http://AngerMouse.deviantart.com/journal/7059427/ Tue, 15 Nov 2005 22:27:26 PST
Apparently i've signed up to do a presentation on blogs for my Canadian Life Writing class. Whoopee. Which means that I really have to write in this journal every damn day so that i'll have something to talk about for the seminar. Gah. Even when I have nothing to write about. I dunno, should I write about my feelings?

Screw that, I'm popping open a can of Vienna sausages. That's good shit. ]]> ~AngerMouse http://AngerMouse.deviantart.com/journal/7050965/ http://AngerMouse.deviantart.com/journal/7050965/ Tue, 15 Nov 2005 02:00:05 PST
'Quiet Holiday' is the tentative title. it's inspired by a fascination of mine, one that's sort of a running theme through all of my writing (even 'Gravity') but that i've never adressed explicitly until now.

i guess you can call it a family mystery ... or maybe it's all in my head ... but i doubt it.

the fascination - obsession, even - is with my sister.

those of you who know me personally are probably asking 'what sister?'. don't worry, you have every right. hell, i ask that question from time to time.

it dates back to a time when i was 9 or 10. we were in the middle of a party or something, and i was playing in the basement with my spirograph. out of the blue, my mom comes up to me and says, "Bryan ... how would you feel about a sister?" I guess my Mom saw the expression on my face because she added afterwards, "Don't worry, we can't afford her anyways" or something like that. She tried to pass it off as a joke, but honestly it was the first time my mother ever mentioned the possibility of someone in our family besides my brother and me. of course, being 9 or 10, i immediately forgot about it.

later, when i was in high school - i forget the occasion - i was having a chat with my mom and all of a sudden she mentioned that she had a miscarriage just before we came to Canada. I was 3 at the time. She assured me that everyone was sure the baby was going to be a girl.

Now this is where the story gets tricky. The one time I asked my Dad about her, he just shook his head and didn't say anything. When I asked my Mom, she looked at me like I was crazy and asked what the hell I was talking about. So I really don't know what to believe.

Maybe I made up a sister to explain all the holes in my life; or maybe she's real and I'm mourning both the life she never had and the guy i never got to be. Deep down, I believe it's the second. There's a difference between not having something, and knowing that something is missing. And I know that something is missing.

Heh. I'm a complex little man. As in, I'm a whole bundle of complexes. Let's see, there's my Messiah Complex, my Peter Pan Complex, my Missing Sister (or 'Fox Mulder') Complex ... it's a wonder psychologists aren't running for my door.

Cheers. ]]> ~AngerMouse http://AngerMouse.deviantart.com/journal/7045020/ http://AngerMouse.deviantart.com/journal/7045020/ Mon, 14 Nov 2005 12:56:29 PST
i'm fascinated by the process that has caused this to occur. all it took was one person faving one of the pics to start a chain reaction - now people are faving them right and left, long after i'd forgotten they were even in my gallery.

i guess i should just sit back and be grateful that people are actually looking at my page - god knows i've whined enough about how nobody ever does lol - but you know me. i've always got to look for a deeper meaning.

maybe there's a story in this, i dunno. cheers. ]]> ~AngerMouse http://AngerMouse.deviantart.com/journal/7030996/ http://AngerMouse.deviantart.com/journal/7030996/ Sat, 12 Nov 2005 21:27:24 PST
i dream, of course, but usually about plausible real-life situations that (if they were to happen) would be most unpleasant for me. joy.

last night i had a real dream. gather round, children, and wonder:

I'm at the wheel of my Dad's old SUV ... you know, the one that got totalled. My buddy Fil is in the passenger seat. He's holding the miniature thermonuclear rocket that we're going to use to blow those motherfucking aliens out of orbit.

The sun roof is open. Fil takes his shot.

"It's a miss," he groans, slouching in his seat.

I inspect the onboard computer. The instruments tell me that the aliens somehow affected the rocket's guidance system.

"Lock them out this time," I tell him.

I gun it down the street in front of my house, trying desperately not to hit all the old women and little schoolgirls who have decided they all want to cross directly in front of me. It's damned difficult.

Finally, we near the end of my street. It has been transformed into an enormous harbourfront. Bridges zoom over our head, blocking out the night sky. Ahead of us, coloured lights signal our destination.

Fil and I jump out of the car and point our rocket upwards.

"We've only got one more shot at this," I inform my friend. "These rockets take half an hour to charge and we've only got another minute before the mothership fires."

"Gotcha."

Fil launches the foot-long rocket. It spirals up and away, leaving a vapour trail ribboning through the air.

Something is wrong. The rocket tilts to one side, then another - and slams into a nearby building. The resulting explosion barely damages the structure, leading me to wonder just how thermonuclear the rocket really is.

"Aw shit," Fil says.

I look up and see a beautiful orb of blue-white light growing steadily. And then I understand: I'm going to die.

We are all engulfed by the light. I feel myself disappear, incinerated in the blast. Imagine losing feeling in your everything. That's what it's like to get killed by an alien death ray.

All is dark.

Suddenly, a voice speaks to me. It is neither a man's nor a woman's, and at the same time it is both. It says, "This isn't the way it's supposed to happen. Go back and do it right."

And I'm at the wheel of the SUV again. Fil's next to me, holding the rocket.

This time I take no prisoners. I put the pedal to the metal, giving no thought old spinsters and little girls alike. Fortunately, I don't hit a soul. Only once do I stop: a wide-eyed girl stares up at me, shellshocked. Then she scampers out of the way, and I roar on once more.

Sirens. I pull over, and a couple of cops walk over to my window.

"Sir," the one on the left says, "do you realize how fast you're going?"

The one on the right says nothing, but his demeanour tells me everything I need to know: Don't try anything.

"I don't have time for this," I mutter, and reach out to touch them both on the forehead. Everything I know about the threat, the gravity of the situation, the imminence of annhilation, flows through my fingers and into their minds.

The cop on the left takes off his shades and looks at me in awe. "Well, what are you waiting for?" he demands. "Get moving!"

His burly friend nods in agreement. "You'd better hurry," he says.

Off we go again. This time, as we near the harbourfront, I have a more definite plan. I reach up and slide the sunroof shut.

"We take no chances this time," I tell Fil. I stamp on the accelerator, pleading for just an ounce more speed.

We get out of the car at the harbour - and the mothership is there. By not firing the first rocket this time around, the aliens were not alerted to our strategy. The fools actually came down from orbit.

The ship looks an awful lot like a Covenant ship from HALO, and it has a weapon quite a bit like the death rays from Independence Day. Which means I know how to kill it.

"Don't shoot yet," I order.

"But the weapon is charging," he exclaims.

"Don't shoot yet!"

The alien weapon begins to glow blue. A low hum fills the air.

"Fire!"

The little rocket flies true, and the weapon implodes, followed by the rest of the ship. The thing goes down in flames. I still wonder why the rockets are labelled "thermonuclear" if they're so damn weak.

But whatever. It worked, and the aliens have been defeated. And just as I'm about to let the feeling sink in, just as i'm preparing for all the accolades that are sure to come -

- I wake up.

Boy, do I hate dreaming. All it does is remind me how... ]]> ~AngerMouse http://AngerMouse.deviantart.com/journal/7021168/ http://AngerMouse.deviantart.com/journal/7021168/ Fri, 11 Nov 2005 18:40:17 PST
turns out it wasn't due today. oh well.

i hope i never have to write the names Rosencrantz and Guildenstern EVER AGAIN. ]]> ~AngerMouse http://AngerMouse.deviantart.com/journal/7005416/ http://AngerMouse.deviantart.com/journal/7005416/ Thu, 10 Nov 2005 01:11:19 PST
looking back, i'm a little surprised at the content. thankfully, it's nothing like my old livejournal. but then again, that was high school (and that was livejournal). it's not ... well, you know what livejournal blogs are like. gah.

i'm not going to lie and say that everything i've written about has been sunshine and lollipops; far from it. there's alot of grey and murky here, defintely. but i do not live in a completely negative place. hell no. if you know me, i'm smiling and laughing and genuinely enjoying myself a thundering crapload of the time. it's just that once i'm seated here alone and search for things to write about, the sad and the bitter and the painful is what spills out.

some people say that you're only really yourself when you're alone. i think that's a complete pile of crap. when put in isolation, people do not act like themselves; what they do is they fall apart. different people just happen to do it at different speeds. in my case, it's a quick flight to crazyville; but i'm also quick to get back on my feet.

i'm at my best when i'm with the people i care about. that's who i am, that's what i do. i like to make people laugh; i live to make people smile. but i don't write about it, and nobody ever reads about it, and people assume that i'm some angry jerk who sits in a cave and broods. why is that? why can't i talk about the things that make me happy?

it's funny, considering the amount of introspection that i do, but i've never asked myself that question before. i'm asking it now, and the answer is fairly surprising to me:

i don't write about the things that make me happy because they're the most important parts of my life. i treasure them and i guard them jealously. there are things i do that make me smile, people with whom a few minutes are enough to make my week, words that set my world right, moments that can't help but brighten the darkest parts of my life.

if i write about those specific things anybody could come along and belittle them, or roll their eyes at them, or tear them away, or dismiss them as mere trivialities and illusions.

not just that. once you write down your happiness, it's not yours anymore. people read about your special moments, and then they share their moments, and then you start to believe that maybe there isn't much difference between all the stories. which isn't true, but you feel that way anyways. and your happiness gets cheapened. it's like bringing someone wildflowers picked from a hidden glade only to discover that somewhere along the way they'd been transformed into store-bought roses.

i don't know. from my experience, alot of people express disbelief when i tell them about the things that are really important to me. i guess i don't come off as the real sentimental type. and if i tell people that something they do really makes my day, well, they brush it off and act as if it's nothing. and both those things - the disbelief and the dismissal - well, they hurt. because it makes me feel like the things most important to me aren't really important at all; that when i try to repay people in kind, they don't feel it's as big a deal as i do and i'm probably just wasting their time.

so i keep my happiness to myself, secret and safe. if i believed that there was an endless supply, maybe i'd show it to everyone. but you and i know happiness doesn't grow on trees; otherwise, it wouldn't be so precious.

i know i probably don't affect other people as much as they affect me; that's understandable. everyone finds different things important. that's fine. all i can do is try to be there for the people i care about if they ever need me.

i hope it's enough. ]]> ~AngerMouse http://AngerMouse.deviantart.com/journal/6994617/ http://AngerMouse.deviantart.com/journal/6994617/ Tue, 08 Nov 2005 20:22:28 PST
as i told her, the entire plan just sounded so ... i don't know. like a rock star dream.

writing.

don't i have to be good at that to make any sort of living at it?

i have friends who are going to become artists. and they're damn good at it too. there's no doubt that they can find work in the field - hell, they've got work doing what they do already. so i know that rock star dreams are possible.

but they're good at what they do.

some days i think i'm good; other days i'm not so sure. my friends tell me i'm good, sure, but they're my friends; i'm not sure how many of them even read my stuff, let alone genuinely find it of merit. and sure, i make a little noise on elfwood once in a blue moon; big deal. most of the comments i receive on elfwood are from awestruck teenagers who probably drool over Inu Yasha/HALO/Buffy crossover fanfiction. my archaeology professor encourages me to write fiction in lieu of academic papers, but i think it's just because she gets sick of reading essays come marking time.

it's part of the reason i haven't finished any stories in months. i get halfway, then look back and think everything is junk and end up trying to fix the thing until i'm so thoroughly sick of the story that i just put it aside.

i'm not saying i'm reconsidering my decision. writing is the only thing that has kept me relatively sane since high school - it has to be a part of my life, for life. and i'm willing to sacrifice to get my work out there. i'm probably more afraid of rejection than anybody and yet i've submitted pretty much all my stories to editors (all of whom have rejected me), so you know how serious i am about this.

but as i stood there telling my classmate about how i wanted to be a writer, i realized that millions before me have probably said the same thing, were as devoted and passionate about it as me ... and failed.

i don't want the world. i just want to write a few books, make enough money so that i and the lady i love can live in some measure of comfort, make a couple of babies, move out to a cottage on a lake, spend my golden years fishing and golfing and maybe contributing to the cause of world peace, and then die surrounded by my loved ones while watching a live telecast of humanity's first footsteps on Uranus. it's not too much to hope for.

is it? ]]> ~AngerMouse http://AngerMouse.deviantart.com/journal/6986418/ http://AngerMouse.deviantart.com/journal/6986418/ Tue, 08 Nov 2005 00:12:53 PST
as you know, my vision has been somewhat impaired thanks to an airbag to the eyes; trying to focus on distant objects still causes me some discomfort. immediately after the accident, however, focusing on *anything* caused me discomfort. i took to wearing shades for about a week, not just to hide my hideousness, but to give my peepers a break from harsh light and excessive work. as a consequence, i moved about without paying any particular attention to my surroundings. on campus, for the most part, i can navigate pretty well by memory.

here's the tricky bit:

right now i have no choice but to trust memory. i can't read room numbers or door signs all that great anymore. hell, i can barely recognize faces at a distance of more than fifteen feet. this means that if the part of my brain devoted to direction-finding farts, and i'm not really looking to see where i'm going, something like what happened this morning could result.

i paid a visit to the women's bathroom. there. i said it.

you'd think i'd know it wasn't the right bathroom - all stalls and no urinals - but as i am a stall man i thought they had just finally listened to my recommendations. plus, whatever ladies were in there were hidden in the stalls. in fact, the only reason i even found out it was a women's washroom was when a girl from my class walked in. she already knows i'm an idiot, so no harm there.

thank god i only needed to wash my hands. ]]> ~AngerMouse http://AngerMouse.deviantart.com/journal/6976777/ http://AngerMouse.deviantart.com/journal/6976777/ Mon, 07 Nov 2005 00:25:07 PST
i don't think it's laziness. i mean, once i get working, i'm the model of persistence; i think i just really need the pressure of having to get something done because i have to.

give me freedom and i'll give you inaction.

i tried to look for scholarly interpretations of Superman as a colonial lapdog, but i haven't found any. i guess i'm breaking new ground. heh. Master's Degree, here i come!

that was a joke, assholes. i'm shooting for a PhD. ]]> ~AngerMouse