http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:AntherKaran&section=today deviantART RSS for by:AntherKaran en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Fri, 27 Nov 2009 10:29:37 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://AntherKaran.deviantart.com/journal/28540753/ http://AntherKaran.deviantart.com/journal/28540753/ Tue, 24 Nov 2009 02:00:35 PST
Today, I woke up freezing, as I sleep with no sheets or blankets. It's not a big deal for me, since it gets up to 90 degrees in the afternoons here. 60 degrees while sleeping, it could be worse. Got up, rolled into my yellow churridar, put on my purple-yellow-white necklace, and walked to the program house to check my email.

Soon after, I went to a 5-star hotel for breakfast (thanks to a translator's connections), which had an amazing breakfast buffet for Rs. 200 ($4.50.) I just went shopping for a few hours, getting a necklace for one of my friends and gifts for everyone else. I still have yet to get a particular type of box for each member of my family (and a few of my friends), but I pretty much have everything now besides that. ^__^=

As for my research, bleh. That's all I have to say about it right now.

From Visag,
-AntherKaran

]]> ~AntherKaran http://AntherKaran.deviantart.com/journal/27087280/ http://AntherKaran.deviantart.com/journal/27087280/ Tue, 08 Sep 2009 03:06:54 PDT
001. Real name → Amarikah. Duh.
002. Nickname(s)→ Amarikah, Amp, used to get called ‘smart one’ and ‘crafty owl’ when I was in elementary school. By the gods, I hated those nicknames.
003. Zodiac sign → Taurus
004. Male or female → I’m a masculine female. So there.
005. Elementary → Hermosa Vista, Collierville, Edison
006. Middle School → Forestwood
007. High School → Flower Mound, Collierville
008. Hair color → Strawberry blonde that was once red and just continues to get lighter and lighter.
010. Loud or Quiet → Depends. I’m usually absolutely one or the other, though.
011. Sweats or Jeans → Churidar pants. >w>
012. Phone or Camera → Camera.
013. Health freak → Somewhat, probably because I’m going into a health-related field. (medical and psychological anthropology)
016. Eat or Drink → Drink.
017. Piercings —> None.
018. Tattoos → None.

HAVE YOU EVER?
019. Been in an airplane → Yes.
020. Been in a relationship → Yes.
021. Been in a car accident → Yes.
022. Been in a fist fight → Yes. With other people than my family, a few times.

FIRSTS:
023. First piercing → Nope.
024. First best friend → Chris, a boy that I can barely remember from Silver Spring.
025. First award → Oh, heck if I know.
026. First crush → Christopher H., in first grade
027. First pet --> A goldfish that I couldn’t figure out a name for.
028. First big vacation → NYC, before I can remember.

LASTS:
029. Last person you talked to → Jenn Holmes
030. Last person you texted → David Quackenbush
031. Last person you watched a movie with → John Whitton, Natalie Christensen, Michelle Haffner, and a few others (T4)
033. Last movie you watched → T4
034. Last song you listened to → Chemical Plant Zone, remixed by Luke Terry
035. Last thing you bought → Batteries, TP, and a package of cashew cookies.
036. Last person you hugged → Probably Megan Mcgrath. I don’t frequently hug people here.

FAVES:
037. Food → Ahi Tuna salad from Happy Sumo in Provo, and a good platter of maki sushi.
038. Drinks → Water, milk, blue Kool-Aid
039. Clothing → Something utilitarian and simple. The tank top is an amazing invention.
040. Flower → L’Amour Hibiscus, Gardenias,
041. Books → The Stars, My Destination; Ender’s Game; The Lost Years of Merlin; Pearls of Lutra
042. Colors → Silver, gray, purple, orange, teal, mustard
043. Movies → Way too hard of a question. D:
044. Subjects → Is it interesting?

HAVE YOU EVER:
045. [x] kissed someone
046. [x] celebrated Halloween
047. [x] had your heart broken
048. [] went over the minutes on your cell phone
049. [x] questioned someone's sexual orientation
050. [x] came out of the closet
051. [] gotten pregnant
052. [ ] had an abortion
053. [x] done something you've regretted
054. [x] broke a promise
055. [x] kept a secret
056. [x] pretended to be happy
057. [x] met someone who changed your life
058. [x] pretended to be sick
059. [x] left the country
060. [x] tried something you normally wouldn't try and liked it
061. [x] cried over the silliest thing
062. [x] ran a mile (barely!)
063. [ ] went to the beach with your best friend(s)
064. [x] got into an argument with your friends
065. [x] hated someone
066. [x] done something good for someone else

CURRENTLY:
067. Eating → Cashew cookies
068. Drinking → water
069. I'm about to → Practice my veena
070. Listening to → (Here Comes the Boom by Nelly)
071. Plans for today → getting a veena lesson, translating a poem, and writing field notes on Lebenshilfe
072. Waiting for → To not feel as if I don’t deserve to be as intelligent and socially adjusted as I am.

YOUR FUTURE:
073. Want kids? → I get less and less willing as I age, so for now, a few, and I’ll happily adopt.
074. Want to get married? → Yes
075. Occupation → Student, looking into anthropology and film, have a few fiction manuscripts in the works. Things seem to be going so that I’ll become an autism activist no matter what I do. ^_^;;

WHICH IS BETTER WITH OTHER GENDER?
076. Lips or eyes → That’s a hard question. I’d say about equal in some cases, but often, eyes win out.
077. Shorter or taller? → Taller, taller, taller. I’m almost 6’0 and I’m the shortest adult on my dad’s side.
078. Romantic or spontaneous → I get easily scared and intimidated by spontaneous. ono
079. Nice stomach or nice arms → They usually come together…
080. Sensitive or loud â... ]]> ~AntherKaran http://AntherKaran.deviantart.com/journal/24742035/ http://AntherKaran.deviantart.com/journal/24742035/ Wed, 13 May 2009 17:23:34 PDT
I also have an IRB report to write, which will be a long, boring paper about how I need to take precautions about things that I really have no control over. The attitudes of the IRB department and the IRB guidelines are utterly set against anthropological techniques and methodologies. I'm not excited about finishing that paper, just so I can feed it to the IRB bureaucracy.

The last is covering myself up until my college graduation. However, that's something I'll talk about later.

]]> ~AntherKaran http://AntherKaran.deviantart.com/journal/24590899/ http://AntherKaran.deviantart.com/journal/24590899/ Mon, 04 May 2009 19:14:53 PDT Altisonus. It has been found and is within my posession. Altisonus is a 2 GB SD Card, housed within Amula, the SD Card Reader. There is Ardesco, a 2 GB MP3 player adorned with tiny jade leaves that I've had for two years now. Ausculto is a 512 MB flash drive, and Arioso is an old laptop that I've poured money into.

I finished all of my semester work (110 pages! Whew!), and I now have a IRB proposal to slowly work on during the length of the summer. My sister was able to get me a job, and I need to go apply at another round of places tomorrow. More of an update within the next few days.

]]> ~AntherKaran http://AntherKaran.deviantart.com/journal/24164541/ http://AntherKaran.deviantart.com/journal/24164541/ Fri, 10 Apr 2009 12:20:22 PDT
Six hours of sleep after 42 awake because of stressing out over work that I wrote and then PROMPTLY LOST.

The missionary is pestering me to write through his mass emails.

I was told yesterday that due to my issues and my life experience, I should have a free ticket to the LDS highest level of heaven. I merely raised an eyebrow and shrugged.

]]> ~AntherKaran http://AntherKaran.deviantart.com/journal/23969057/ http://AntherKaran.deviantart.com/journal/23969057/ Mon, 30 Mar 2009 13:54:07 PDT Warning now, lots of unrequited love ranting. If you don't care for it, don't read.

My apologies for the last entry. I just vented a few things that I didn't feel like I can really say to anyone to have them understand what's going on. I'm not talking about the bit about my religion, I'm referring to the part where I ranted again about someone I care about. I miss a person that I'm never going to see again. Sure, I pine. I know I pine and that I pine badly. I also know that I'll take the words of people that I care about and ingrain them to no end. I tried really hard when he left to not care about it, and to just swallow the fact that the person that he was would never exist again. I just hurt myself in the process, and now I'm trying to understand how to do what I need to do--which is just to get over him. I just broke up with his best friend last month over letters.
It shouldn't be a big deal. I haven't seen either of them in over a year, almost two. I'm trying to not make it such.

I'm going home to a family that I hate because my sister promised me a job. I applied to 38 places in this town, and I only got luck with one, which I was fired from without decorum. My sister promised me a job at home, and my parents are now convinced that I'm not going to be able to find another one while I'm there--something that I had continually told them since last August. My family has demanded that I return home and that I not hang out with any of my friends that I have at home, telling me that they're evil and not people that they approve of. It would seem that my family believes that they are my emotional support, and my only needful source of support, and that anyone else is secondary. Anyone else can be cast off as easily as my family moves. My brother has repeatedly had conversations with me about how he's so detached from his friends and how family is everything, and all I can wonder is "Have you ever had a meaningful friendship? Ever?"

My research is cluttered and my grades are going to be shot to sh@t because mentally, I cannot focus. I can't write what I want to write because I'm supposed to be focusing on schoolwork. I can't pursue relationships with women here. I'm living in a community and college where LDS life is law. Yes, I did choose that two years ago, and I'm not happy with it now. I had many choices, and this is the one that I took. I'm going to see it through. Besides, any relationship that I would pursue, man or woman would be to forget the one that I'm never going to have.

]]> ~AntherKaran http://AntherKaran.deviantart.com/journal/23967654/ http://AntherKaran.deviantart.com/journal/23967654/ Mon, 30 Mar 2009 12:29:39 PDT He'll just be another clone among masses that refuse to see from the different perspectives, because God knows that such an idea would take away your brownie points into heaven, because heaven isn't achieved by grace and works, it's always one or the other with EVERYONE that I talk to. There is no happy medium, and no one feels that they are saved. No one can feel happy with themselves or with what they're doing. There's the same lessons over and over and over and over again, and are people emotionally growing? Are they understanding who they are and what they want? For the most part, they define themselves by their religion, and there is no life outside of it. I'm looking over these arguments, and I hate this tower of mollifying, foggy logic used to defend hypocrisy. I can't stay in this world of elitist hypocrisy, but I still treasure my friends that are in the church.
Guh.

]]> ~AntherKaran http://AntherKaran.deviantart.com/journal/23348149/ http://AntherKaran.deviantart.com/journal/23348149/ Sun, 22 Feb 2009 16:47:21 PST :ersonal Update::
--------------
18 credits of school, a 20 hr job, IRB approval for my research...I'm busy.



::Art Update::
--------------

Eladria/Speaker
(Illustration) The Half Sister- 50% colored, inked
(Illustration) Character Concepts (Thalis Markson, Sterling Innes, Endren Gale)- conceptualized
(Writing) Part 2 to Speaker is 60% to completion.

Tales of the Chronicles
Nothing new to report.

Storm of Stars
(Illustration) I still would request some help in conceptualizing the Black Glory. It's a piloted, fighting spacecraft. If this sounds at all interesting, let me know.
(Writing) I was able to pull the info for SOS off of my old laptop, and of course, I hate all of it. So, I'll edit all of that to death.


Crafthand: All artisan craft projects

(Kits) Del's b-day present (50% complete) The box and two charms are done. I would like to add at least one more thing to it, but her birthday is in less than a week.
(Kits) I'm not going to be able to finish Glyf's or Kira's b-day presents on time, so I'll give the kits on Christmas/when I finish/etc.
(Cheagle) Ion, the Fon Master: (No further completion)
:bulletbrown: (Apostles Project) Jesus, Mary, and the 12 Apostles all need distinct designs. I'm going to put a cloth label within the plushies/puppets themselves so that I know which is which.

]]> ~AntherKaran http://AntherKaran.deviantart.com/journal/22672054/ http://AntherKaran.deviantart.com/journal/22672054/ Mon, 19 Jan 2009 11:35:48 PST Ink and Prismacolor
Elemental Series: I started it back in my junior year of high school, and this is pretty much where I got with it:

-(wind) Ventulo: posted
-(water) Procella: posted
-(life) Ardesco: inked, colors picked out (I don't like the concept)
-(earth) Terrigena: half-sketched, lost
-(dark) Tenebrae: 50% concept
-(light) Altisonus: Concept forgotten, half sketched
-(fire) Incendarius: Inked, concept too sensitive to post on DA (new concept needed)
-(void) ???

Eladria
The Half Sister- 50% colored, inked

Tales of the Chronicles
Nigel and Sterling- conceptualized
Father Adan Ersand- conceptualized
Monasteries of Ahira- conceptualized

Storm of Stars
Need help in conceptualizing the Black Glory. :<

-----------------
Writing:

Eladria has been combined with Speaker in order to make a more original storyline.

Storm of Stars is on the backburner until I can get the backlight on my laptop fixed. :<

-----------------
Crafthand:

'Crafthand' is what I'm calling all of the artisan craft projects I'm up to.

Survival Kits
-Del's b-day present (20% complete, 50% planned)
-Glyf's b-day present (75% planned)
-Another friend's b-day present (10% planned)

All three of these projects consist of 5 parts each. I'm being really ambitious with this set of gifts. I've never done metalwork beyond brass and never done much woodworking. These projects will require basic ability, nothing terribly advanced. I have had some experience in leatherworking, so the weapon in Del's b-day present will be one of the easiest of the 15 pieces. I'll post them all on DA.

Cheagles
Sterling, the demon-eyed healer: posted
Ion, the Fon Master: 35% complete
Vandesdelca Musto Fende, the one that would seize glory: Not yet planned
Mystearica Musto Fende: Not yet planned

Amorath, the White Dragon
95% planned, some pieces cut out

Apostles Project
This is a project I have to do for my REL A 211 Honors class (New Testament, Part One.) I'm going to make dolls of all of the apostles, Jesus, and Mary (who accompanied the 13.) If things work out, I'll make other NT characters as well. The project goal is to make some sort of teaching method for small children and family members. I'm somewhat excited for it, considering that I already have most of what I'll need to make them. It does mean I'll have to put aside making Van and Tear for now, though. :/
10% planned (need to work on it!)

]]> ~AntherKaran http://AntherKaran.deviantart.com/journal/22541680/ http://AntherKaran.deviantart.com/journal/22541680/ Mon, 12 Jan 2009 11:30:48 PST
I've never felt this detached before in my life. I keep imagining what it would be like to no longer be considered human on the basis of my body, so that I could finally be something else. Some aspects of my autism have been coming out more clearly, and it's funny to talk to other autistics. They see straight through the entire game and the entire set-up I've made for myself, and know my true emotions without trying.

There is so little that I can find to be sacred or profane. There is so little that really convinces me of right and wrong in an absolute sense. The things that do are a conglomeration of random things I'll find and modern ethics, which is just a reflection of our postmodern times. I can barely understand the logic behind why the hell I would ever want to have friends, let alone lovers. (laughs) Yet, I believe that the only way to live with any logic is to love others.

It's true, I fear life.
However, I've found myself in a spot where I feel I am behind a window, observing myself behind a one-way mirror.
I am a prisoner, sitting inside a complex prison in which I know every single nook and cranny, every color, every stretch of concrete, every sound, and every breath of every soul there.

At one point in Storm of Stars, my sci-fi manuscript, the character Alden asks another character, "What if insanity is happiness? Whatever truth and happiness are, I will take them for what they are." I can finally apply his answer in a way that pleases me. I am surrounded by people who have split their mental faculties into a secular thinking and a spiritual thinking. One of the most unexplored subjects in Mormonism (in canonized literature) is the progression of the spirit. All that is said is along the lines of "grace for grace," adding light to one's being until it is full of light, and so forth. People are respected if they act religious, and so fakers can multiply like bunnies, and people truly searching for truth feel so weak in the faith. In my opinion, secular thinking and spiritual thinking should not be separate. People would argue that doing such a thing would lead people away from spirituality, because it's impossible to think in the same ways and have them both be true.
I think I smell cultural schemas.

In India, the way to show reverence is to be as loud as possible. The goddesses cannot be honored if you're not expressing your devotion with vivid sensory stimuli, such as yelling, body paint, self-mutilation, firewalking, so on and so forth. In Mormon culture, the way to show reverence is stillness of body and mind. Apparently, the spirit cannot be understood or heard if one is not still.

Every day that goes by, I realize more and more that I am a Jedi by the definition of the Academy. ([link])

Current beliefs that might change by tomorrow:
--All things that exist are reflective of patterns, harmonies, melodies, rhythms in one great symphony. All things are made up of frequencies that change with interaction.
--After death, we go to the ones we love. When I say love here, I mean that the love is mutual between the two subjects. All knowledge there is conglomerated, and all beings become that much more omniscient with each death. I believe that the universe is constantly expanding, and that there is no end to time, space, possibility, or love.

]]> ~AntherKaran http://AntherKaran.deviantart.com/journal/21022743/ http://AntherKaran.deviantart.com/journal/21022743/ Thu, 16 Oct 2008 19:48:38 PDT One year left, another year of spiritual wealth
Good luck; I'm still waiting.

]]> ~AntherKaran http://AntherKaran.deviantart.com/journal/20916865/ http://AntherKaran.deviantart.com/journal/20916865/ Fri, 10 Oct 2008 07:21:12 PDT
]]> ~AntherKaran http://AntherKaran.deviantart.com/journal/20888601/ http://AntherKaran.deviantart.com/journal/20888601/ Wed, 08 Oct 2008 11:49:31 PDT
I've involved myself in somebody's life again and he's had me wrapped around his thoughts for months. I've only known him IRL for 3-4 hours, but I fell for this one like a rock. I want to cut myself up for liking someone else again. I hate the fact that I need love and support and that I have to ask for favors just to get by. Over the last year, my ideology of homosexuals living together has changed radically. I would vote a resounding NOOOOO on Proposition 8 if I had the chance. Being bisexual, I can't make the choice for others that I've made for myself--it's very hard. It's really hard to stay straight on a campus that has more women (and a wider range of beauty of women) than men, however, the socio-religious structures here makes it incredibly difficult to get a date with a woman, and I haven't dared try because of my religious beliefs and the fact that I don't have a clue as to what other homosexual/bisexual women are in town. Thank God that I haven't had an incestual urge or dream in ages, or I swear some serious self-harm would be happening.

Usually, I lean more to liking guys, but I feel like I'm in a pool of stereotypes. The one person that has killed every expectation I've had about him tells me that he would die for me. I just asked him in a letter if he would live for me, and I realized post-fact what I could have been implying. So many of my Aspie traits came out in that letter, and goddammit, I did not mean to push the envelope of a relationship yet! It's a year and a half before I'll see the guy again, and my first reaction to a guy caring about me is to get something started?! (resists strangling self) The sane reaction to this is: "If he's really that caring about you, he'll set you straight, if you're off the path at all. If not, he's not for you." I get to wait about two weeks or longer to see what he does.

Classes are hard, and Philosophy is the most boring thing I have ever sat through. I don't have a job. I've applied for 30 jobs, and I've still got nothing. I'm still trying. I'm still fighting. I can't get over something that a good friend of mine said, and so I just get really pissed every single time that I see him. I'm trying to forgive him for what he said, but just thinking about it gets me so frustrated.

I've got a lot of plans. Things have changed for my trip to India. I'm going to leave in Fall, go for the entire semester, and be fluent in Telugu when I get back. If I can't find a job in town, I'm going to go home and work. Either way, I need to finish my thesis proposal for funding if I want to do my ASD project before I go to India...

AUGH, FREAKIN' STRESS! HATESPEEEEEW.

Glyf, I hope your class gets better. D:

]]> ~AntherKaran http://AntherKaran.deviantart.com/journal/20446867/ http://AntherKaran.deviantart.com/journal/20446867/ Thu, 11 Sep 2008 21:23:34 PDT
If you attack me, I won't give much of a care. After two suicide attempts over bullying and some time, I've gotten over the importance of assumptive and casual social relationships. However, if you attack, abuse, or make people I consider my true friends scared, I will not hold back. I will particularly defend people I have made certain promises with. Because of my own issues, I daily reassert the fact every day that I do not fear death. The real challenge is learning not to fear life.

I've realized recently how much of a hermit I would be if I owned my own place and had a steady job. I would never come out of the shell I would build for myself. Deep down, that's one of the reasons I picked anthropology as a subject, as I will always be studying and talking and interviewing people in order to support my work. However, I still want to write fiction more than anything else in my entire life. I'm writing more of Storm of Stars right now. I love this bloody story to death.

]]> ~AntherKaran http://AntherKaran.deviantart.com/journal/20202245/ http://AntherKaran.deviantart.com/journal/20202245/ Thu, 28 Aug 2008 13:31:41 PDT

=-=-=-=

Challenge Themes

1. Life
2. Youth
3. Content
4. Change
5. Dreams
6. Pessimistic
7. Pirate
8. Novel
9. Doom
10. Garden
11. Sadness
12. Confusion
13. Freedom
14. Inevitable
15. Idle
16. Vampires
17. Convention
18. Roleplaying
19. Skull
20. Pain
21. Joy
22. Time
23. Warmth
24. Voodoo
25. Insomnia
26. Solitude
27. Zombies
28. Heaven
29. Evil
30. Weary
31. Candyland
32. Robot
33. Old-school
34. Patriotism
35. Flight
36. Movie
37. What if...
38. Batman
39. Dance
40. Oh, REALLY???
41. Play
42. Uh-oh...
43. Duel
44. coldness
45. Caption
46. Photo
47. Pants
48. Red
49. Fiesta
50. Percent
51. cute
52. playfullness
53. Stress
54. Froof
55. Mutation
56. Skeleton
57. Rock
58. Lies
59. Ninja
60. Message
61. Bugs
62. Effort
63. Band-aid
64. weird
65. Imaginary
66. Fly Me to the Moon...
67. Discovery
68. What?
69. Adhesive
70. Underworld
71. tropical
72. magic
73. Random
74. Video Game
75. Crisis
76. Insanity
77. Ice
78. Working Hard
79. Hardly Working
80. Sandwich
81. Clone
82. Clumsy
83. Keyboard
84. Hope
85. Song
86. Surprise
87. Cursed
88. Awesomeness
89. hate
90. Fire
91. Orange
92. Love
93. Annoyance
94. Misunderstanding
95. Fantasy
96. Puppy
97. Lost
98. Pie
99. Fate
100. Death

=-=-=-=

And if :icon glyfy: or anyone else would like to, I will accept a 100 Challenge from them if they accept to do this one as well. :3

]]> ~AntherKaran http://AntherKaran.deviantart.com/journal/19589739/ http://AntherKaran.deviantart.com/journal/19589739/ Fri, 25 Jul 2008 11:59:09 PDT
]]> ~AntherKaran http://AntherKaran.deviantart.com/journal/19018242/ http://AntherKaran.deviantart.com/journal/19018242/ Tue, 24 Jun 2008 10:45:34 PDT The worlds of billions swivel according to their time as humans continue in their drivel,
While God smiles by the by, and everything continues according to his rhyme.

Eladria, Ithranna, Vinyadar, Telath, Karmina, and all others swirling in their eternities which are no more than a fly's reaction time...

]]> ~AntherKaran http://AntherKaran.deviantart.com/journal/18372347/ http://AntherKaran.deviantart.com/journal/18372347/ Sat, 17 May 2008 19:33:53 PDT It's just been difficult.

]]> ~AntherKaran http://AntherKaran.deviantart.com/journal/17529804/ http://AntherKaran.deviantart.com/journal/17529804/ Wed, 26 Mar 2008 17:50:59 PDT
-Skin on my teeth
-Find the time, Lose the momentum
-You learn the lessons
-Immediately forget them
-Automatic and out of my reach
-Consult all the waste to find the key
-Minimal life, The polysyllabic
-Push the button, pull the rage

I know I also have that elemental series that I was going to do a while back...it's mostly complete.

]]> ~AntherKaran http://AntherKaran.deviantart.com/journal/17423434/ http://AntherKaran.deviantart.com/journal/17423434/ Thu, 20 Mar 2008 09:36:11 PDT
]]> ~AntherKaran http://AntherKaran.deviantart.com/journal/16991289/ http://AntherKaran.deviantart.com/journal/16991289/ Thu, 21 Feb 2008 10:40:27 PST
Well, I've noticed a pattern with my winter semesters. I always end up playing a (Namco Bandai) Tales game all the way through with Kristina and Jenn, whether it was Abyss which took the entire semester, or Symphonia, which only took a month. I also have now set up three couples, one of which is now married, another which has an engagement date, and another couple which is taking it slow. So far, I seem to be a good matchmaker as well as being good at staying out of the way.

For all of you that can't stop hearing about my screw-ups in my love life, I have none right now--thanks to the fact that no one in the Provo area really has my attention. I've got Matt (a friend in Chicago) for emotional support and flirtation, and he's got me for hearing violin performance and promised lessons. Otherwise, that's pretty much it. As for music, has anyone ever heard of the hang drum before? It's Swiss in make, and it's one of the most beautiful percussion instruments I've ever heard. It reminds me of a Rastafarian drum I heard once made from a metal garbage can lid. The sound reminds me of something in between metal chimes, a regular drum, and...strangely enough, water. The sound is just very fluid to me.

[link]

As for Asperger's Syndrome, a growing trend that I've noticed that I hope just cycles out and doesn't stick around is sensitivity to sound and stumbling on my thoughts/words a lot more than usual. My usual depression has relatively faded for the moment, though. I credit that to not having any crushes and helping a certain couple out instead. (makes no references to Erich whatsoever)

I've decided that I've narrowed down my specialty in anthropology down to sociocultural-psychological. I don't want to be a tenured professor; I'd much rather be doing fieldwork. Maybe teaching a class here and there would be great, especially ANTH 101, but I'm really set on my senior ethnography. I want to study high-functioning Asperger's Syndrome/autism/etc. from a cultural standpoint. It really hasn't been examined that way before, and I think an ethnography could work, thanks to the internet. I have said that I wanted to do work for Tibetan refugees, but I don't have as much of a drive for them as I did. I think there's enough work being done there. I still would love to learn Tibetan/Nepalese and go help--it's just that I can personally relate a lot more to the psychological ethnography.

Man, it's nice to not be feeling a thing after 25 hours except for a slight headache from trying to sleep again. I'm seriously wide awake and I have no freaking idea why. So I'll stop here and get ahead on homework.

]]> ~AntherKaran http://AntherKaran.deviantart.com/journal/12603303/ http://AntherKaran.deviantart.com/journal/12603303/ Sun, 15 Apr 2007 09:33:53 PDT
First happy thing of the week: Me and Glyf were roleplaying from 1 AM to 9 AM, resulting in one of the most intense battles we've had. It was just plain awesome. I have never been so psyched in a while (and neither have I ever slept from 9 AM to 6 PM, attended a party half an hour after I got up, ditch the skits and random entertainment of the ward party and went to the store with Glyf and Bosque, go to Hollywood and pick up some movies, and then watched Airplane! and Nightmare before Christmas.) That was really tight, no lies.

]]> ~AntherKaran http://AntherKaran.deviantart.com/journal/12125844/ http://AntherKaran.deviantart.com/journal/12125844/ Sat, 10 Mar 2007 01:58:28 PST
She's completely unpredictable, a bomb waiting to go off or trivia waiting to be uncovered by simple curiosity. She's seen a lot of things. You can tell by the sorrow in her eyes and the smile she tries so hard to keep on her face. You can tell by how she dances and how she speaks. She's seen enough to know that it's pointless to be anyone else besides the person in the reflection. She's a Rosetta Stone. Who has heard of an autistic that can flow into the world without it being known? A right-brained savant?

Her fingers are begging to strum a violin, a guitar, or dart on an ocarina's keyholes. They want to draw whatever fancy passes through the mind. They are begging to write, most of all. They want to write about the feelings that people can't seem to express correctly, like how nostalgia has as many different ways of feeling as taste has flavor. They want to write about the memories that people hide deep inside themselves and do their best to forget, even when they are unearthed by an unknowing comment or other things.

I wipe away the shower dew on the mirror, and see more. Glasses. Despite how much she wants to see other people clearly, she can not do the same for other people, not without her writing, as her tongue has failed her since she can remember. Once the words stumble out of her mouth, they don't stop tripping until she writes down the question or answer. But the reflection laughs.
"Despite everything you have done and trained yourself for...you have done your best to be able to understand the world, and the world is no closer to understanding you. In this darkness of ignorance, all men are blind, even the victims."

"Only we are the victims of our own misunderstandings." I laugh back. There is no one to rescue either of us. I wipe away more shower dew, seeing clothing hiding shame and memories. I see hair, a face framing the glasses, a nose, mouth, eyes, freckles, zits, ears, and everything else that belongs to a face.
"You're an idiot. Every action that you make belongs to everyone. No man can possibly sever himself totally from reality. His absence of action and his action can change the game for eons." The reflection lectures.

I turn away, and ask, "Are dreams the escape, then?"
"There is no escape." I am answered. "Your own dreams depict your death and the death of those you love most in every way possible. You're a soldier, an operative, a warrior, a taker of life, at heart. It is what you become every night. Always another battlefield, always another trench. Will you finally let yourself see that? No matter what your world, you will always find conflict. You will always be looking down the barrel of a gun, aiming for a goal, finishing that goal off with the spray of blood that resonates as glory through your heart."
I slammed a fist against the reflection. She hates me as much as I hate her. "Why do I have to be this way? Why do I hate people, life, this world so much?"

"You're covered in blood, dear. Your own." The reflection laughed. "You attempt mutilation once and also attempt suicide twice and try to growl this in my face? You let your best friend rape you because you were so afraid of losing his friendship? You fight so much because you never want to see me. A whore that screws because she can't face her own lust, a glutton that eats because he can't face his own stomach. You're just as bad as them both. You can not observe your own reflection."

The mist and dew cleared to show the blood on my body and the cuts on my skin. My own cuts from the fencing and the broadsword fighting, the bruises from my own practiced kicks and punches of marital arts, the broken bones from the self-defense I memorized, the deadened limbs from the pressure points I had learned to never use. I was naked now, stripped of all security.
"Overworking your body to protect yourself from men past mental and physical breakdown when your body and psychology craves male presences. Overeating, knowing deep down that this would not attract men, along with your outgoing personality that intimidates men often past friendship. Fear of your father, servile obedience to the alpha members of the family. Your sick, twisted habits of freaking out and turning away the people that would love you most! Continually running faster and faster just to prove to yourself that you can't keep up with your mind! You autistic whore, you piece of worthless shit, you don't deserve to be my body! I may cease to exist the moment you drop to the floor, but I would rather not exist than be you!"

I wake up again, and roll off the bunk of the barracks. Turning to Sgt. Lee, I report the time, 5 hundred hours, and grab my rifle. I'm fully dressed. I always am. Sent along with a different squadron to take out the pillbox at the top... ]]> ~AntherKaran http://AntherKaran.deviantart.com/journal/12034681/ http://AntherKaran.deviantart.com/journal/12034681/ Sat, 03 Mar 2007 01:57:53 PST I completely disagree with that comment. In the last week, I realized that anthropology, creative writing, and film were definitely callings in life for me. Oh my goodness. I saw Eragon at the dollar theatre here, and I couldn't believe how horrific it was. Being told the budget they worked with, I shut my mouth and totally evaluated and analyzed the movie. Holy goodness. I never felt so alive taking apart that movie mentally, by plot twist, by frame, by script, and by notes in the soundtrack. I felt equally alive in laying waste to my beginning of Eladria. It begins from two different viewpoints now, and Matthew isn't at home dreaming, he's at a club performing in a band, sneaking out of his house. The story is way more alive this way, and I love it. Third, I feel so alive when taking apart the reasons for the actions of people. I've got a mad obsession for learning why people do what they do, why people won't look each other in the eyes here, the ideas of privacy, pain, relationships, even why we feel awkward, for even the most 'basic' reasons.
I also found something else out this week. I really don't like it here that much, but it's not as if it would be any different at any other college. I guess I just want to be over with college already, and I'm only half-way through my first semester. I was in such a rush to get out of high school that I want to do the same thing with college, walk in, walk out, end of story. One would ask then, "What do you want to do?"
I want to write. I want to write until my wrists are aching from carpal tunnel because I type so much. I want to scream my lungs out through a character, I want to release myself in the worlds that I construct for myself. I love writing. I've been told for a long time that my writing is fantastic, publishable. I want to prove that to myself so badly, but school and work are always in the way, it feels like. I research what I want to learn in the library, usually taking one to three books home a day in order to learn something more, whether grammatics, for a language I'm trying to invent, Quechuan culture, in order to learn more about Peruvian culture, which I'm not familiar with at all, Japanese and Indian architecture in order to produce a magnificent temple or government building. I can take a book and absolutely suck out all the information in it if I'm given the time to read and research. I used to be able to read so quickly, but I haven't been able to read so quickly since I started writing so intensely.
I feel so restricted by the classroom setting. Why is that? I've felt that way since I can remember, since I could talk, my parents put me into pre-school and onward to elementary school after getting kicked out of one pre-school after another. Man, I was such a bad child before I turned six. Then I completely changed again when I was twelve, when I made friends with most of the people I'm still in touch with in Dallas. It's been gradual changes for me since, except for some things here and there.
Ah yes, and my sister is getting married. ^_^ I'm really happy for her. It is an excuse for my family to get me back to Dallas, though. x.x;;
This has been the source of a lot of my depression lately. I don't ever want to go back to Dallas, ever. I don't want to be here. I don't want to be anywhere at all. What do I do with that? The only place my mind would like to live, not just be is Scarborough Faire. Why? So that I don't look absolutely ridiculous for wearing what I think is comfortable? I love a cloak with a dress and a walking staff. For my lifestyle here, that would be very nice, even practical. Medieval clothing, as warm as it is designed, would be perfect for Provo this time of year. I also realized that I hate humans in general, and when I was regularly getting fainting spells, I never really felt like I was anywhere at all. I felt as if I was somewhere else entirely. Two morning this week, I half-woke up to the option of staying in the dream-world or go to the world of the living. Both times, I stayed in the dream-world, because I didn't want to have to face the world. I'm an assassin there. A soldier, a government agent, a magic user, a swordsman, a skilled marital artist. I think I'm always those things in my dreams because I feel so powerless in real life. It can get infuriating.
I've also gotten addicted to Tales of the Abyss, thanks to Karu-chan and a new friend here, Bosque-chan, who is ten years older than me. XD She's awesome, an illustration major.

]]> ~AntherKaran http://AntherKaran.deviantart.com/journal/11767490/ http://AntherKaran.deviantart.com/journal/11767490/ Sun, 11 Feb 2007 01:19:41 PST Student

2. What color are your socks right now?
White

3. What are you listening to right now?
If Everyone Cared—Nickelback

4. What was the last thing that you ate?
Caesar salad made by Stephen

5. Can you drive a stick shift?
Heck no.

6. If you were a crayon, what color would you be?
A color blender, or metallic silver.

7. Last person you spoke to on the phone?
Jenn Holmes

8. Do you like the person who sent this to you?
Yep

9. How old are you today?
17

10. Favorite drink?
Hot chocolate or milk

11. What is your favorite sport to watch?
Marital arts. You don’t have to look at a TV to watch a sport, Kristina. XD

12. Have you ever dyed your hair?
Only to put in blond highlights once, never again.

14. Pets?
Nope, but I love ‘em.

15. Favorite food?
Sushi, breakfast scones,

16. What was the last movie you watched?
The Two Towers

17. Favorite day of the year?
My birthday, only because it’s usually such nice weather on that day.

18. What do you do to vent anger?
Pray, rant to my friends, shower, hold a conference call with myself by typing out a conversation

19. What was your favorite toy as a child?
A toy piano

20. What is your favorite Spring, Summer, Fall or Winter?
Winter

21. Hugs or kisses?
Both are awesome gifts from God.

22. Cherries or Blueberry?
Cherries.

23. Do you want your friends to email you back?
(smiles big)

24. Who is most likely to respond?
No idea

25. Who is least likely to respond?
Again, don't know

26. Living arrangements?
Apartment-style dorms

27. When was the last time you cried?
Friday night - I cried while praying, singing in what Hebrew I know in order to praise God for helping me feel better.

28. What is on the floor of your closet?
Empty bags, bags filled with compy stuff, shoes

29. Who is the friend you have had the longest that you are sending this to?
Glyf-chama, since 8th grade

30. What did you do last night?
Worked, walked home, danced like mad in the multipurpose center, ate cake at a friend’s apartment, and watched Beetlejuice afterwards, a pretty good night.

31. Favorite smells?
The smell that you can only find in the West right after it rains, almost identical to western mountain air, makes you want to live.

32. What inspires you?
It seems like music, touch, and smell are the most inspiring for me. Sight only seems to inspire me if I remember it later. Taste can be a very interesting medium as well. XD

33. What are you afraid of?
Never ending up with anyone because of my past and never having a family, losing control of my autistic tendencies in public (has happened a few times, usually I just suddenly forget how to make facial expressions for a few minutes. I can’t even remember how to smile when that happens.), getting seriously ill from my chest pains/dizzy spells, being unable to protect myself or my friends (what most of my dreams focus on), my dad, my sister never coming back to the church, my best friend’s brother never coming back to the church…

34. Plain, cheesy, or spicy hamburgers?
No.

35. Favorite dog breed?
Red heelers are awesome, but dogs rock on a whole.

36. Number of keys on your key ring?
One.

37. How many years at your current job?
Writing, four years. Grocery store- 3 months, bakery worker- 1 month

38. Favorite day of the week?
Whenever it rains or happiness happens.

40. Favorite holiday?
A-kon. I don’t care if it’s a convention. It’s a holiday for me.

42. Ever driven a Motorcycle or heavy machinery?
I’ve driven a lawnmower. XD I do want to get an M license though.

43. Who's your favorite NFL team?
Redskins, duh. I was born in the D.C. area.

44. Do you have a house phone that is NOT cordless?
Yes.

45. 10 inches of snow or 100 degree weather?
I don’t think the person that wrote this has ever lived in Memphis, Dallas, or Phoenix, being the alternate to the surface of the sun. 10 inches of snow, definitely.

46. If you could have any occupation in the world, what would it be?
I want to write novels, music, screenplays, sing, draw, work for the Peace Corps, translate between all of the languages that I want to learn. Will life give me a job where I can do all of that and still be a m... ]]> ~AntherKaran http://AntherKaran.deviantart.com/journal/11142292/ http://AntherKaran.deviantart.com/journal/11142292/ Thu, 21 Dec 2006 18:39:27 PST Everyone says that I'm in for the time of my life. I've been told that repeatedly about high school. That turned out interestingly enough, but not necessarily the time of my life. High school itself, anyway. 4th year girls' camp was fantastic, but it all kinda troughed out after that. High school has been fine.

Anyway, I'm leaving for BYU soon. In 10 days, in fact. Crazy, huh? Whee. Chad says that I have no idea of what I'm getting into. Hmm. I still mentally can't accept the fact that I'm going to be in the same apartment building as Glyf-sama in less than two weeks. Holy crap. Right now, I'm still working on Storm of Stars. I've been having a deep urging to get as much done on it as I can. As for Christmas, BYU is Christmas. Enough said, says me family. XD Less is more, anyway. I'll get a few presents and all, though.

I've also finished Procella for the Elemental Series that I'm doing on here. Ardesco is coming along, still finishing the inking for him. Pencil sketching is complete for Incendarius, and I can't seem to find Terrigena anywhere. >.>;;

Incendarius (fire)--(will reveal when scanned)--Pencil done
Procella (water/battle cry)--Tuei Twira--Complete but not scanned!
Ventulo (wind)--Terethan--Complete and Scanned!
Terrigena (earth)--??--Half-sketched and lost
Ardesco (life)--(will reveal when scanned)--Half-inked
Inanio (void)--Matt (from Interior Design class) and a goth chick--mostly sketched
Altisonus (light)--??? (not started)
Tenebrae (darkness)--??? (not started)

Yes. Yay for art. So, merry Christmas to all!

]]> ~AntherKaran http://AntherKaran.deviantart.com/journal/11004307/ http://AntherKaran.deviantart.com/journal/11004307/ Sat, 09 Dec 2006 09:42:23 PST Leader 1: "We need someone to lead Mutual!"
Leader 2: "Well, there's only Heather here."
My mom was so surprised at how it took the leaders literally minutes to finally realize aloud,
"Hey, Amber's a Laurel, maybe she should lead."
By then, the Presidency had arrived, so it was okay. >___< So when my mom told me about this, she gave me a hug and everything. Neither her or I can figure out how people can look at me and think I'm younger than a Laurel when I'm so tall. I figured that my young face and my height are so conflicting that people just subconsciously reject that I'm there. XP It's wierd as well when people call you secretive because you don't talk a lot. You don't talk a lot because people treat you like you're lying when you try to talk about yourself. >__< I know sometimes I sound like I'm lying, but it's because I can't get the words out of my mouth. So yeah. I got called secretive to my face by one of the girls and I resisted the urge to blow up. It's because they either flat out ignore me when I speak or look at me like I'm lying. So I've lived a wierd life. If I am lying, just what kind of life do you think I've led if I am lying every second? X__X
Worst part of it is, Chad sounds just like the kids in my ward when I talk to him. He's turned into a snotface. TT___TT;; My dad swears it's because he went to CA on his mission.

Anyway, I would applaud Avatar: The Last Airbender as the first Ameranime to have such fantastic artwork with a plot that hooks entire families. (Note my cousins and my own family. XD) Out of Nickelodeon, no less: haven of cheaply made, cheap shows! W00t! ^_^ I can't wait 'till March! O__o I probably won't be able to watch it then, anyway. Still, everybody who saw the last episode, who was so hyped over the trailer, and then totally wiped out after the epsiode?! Holy crap. I was amazed by how much different it turned out than you thought it would. Sweet direction, sweet scripting, sweet production design, sweet animation, sweet plot, sweet powers, just holy bypass of awesome. Avatar is an infinite exponention of 10/10. XD

]]> ~AntherKaran http://AntherKaran.deviantart.com/journal/10709629/ http://AntherKaran.deviantart.com/journal/10709629/ Mon, 13 Nov 2006 08:31:57 PST
So for breakfast: a roll with cream cheese, some mozzerella cheese and orange juice. I've got Muenster and Provolone in the fridge too. I could kill for some Brie though. Only when I talked to Glyf about cheese did I realize that not every family is so into cheese. (points at the Bell side of my family)

At least I have time to draw and character sketch for Glyf. ^_^
I went over to the Cluff's house yesterday to practice with the twins in my ward (Alexa and Kendra). We're doing a piece this Sunday on strings, me and Alexa are both on violin while Kendra plays the viola. We're playing the soprano (me), alto (Alexa), and tenor (Kendra) parts of Abide with Me; 'Tis Eventide. Fun stuff, we practiced for two hours.

]]> ~AntherKaran http://AntherKaran.deviantart.com/journal/10692363/ http://AntherKaran.deviantart.com/journal/10692363/ Sat, 11 Nov 2006 17:02:38 PST w< At least I get to go to another meet before I go to BYU. This is really, really fun, but it's not worth all of the other crap here. Ugh.

So anyway, I was at the Summit! XD (Glyf inside joke) I have a dance tonight, and I need to sketch out Rihal and his partner/teamate that's a dancer, along with other team members. And I need to stop eating the Halloween candy. I only have 4-5 pieces a day, but I still feel like I eat too much. .__. Chad made me promise to get thin when I go to BYU because I'll be walking a lot and caring for myself anyway, so coolness.

Let's see...I just watched the Renji episode of Bleach. >w< So cute, and made me actually like him and Rukia when I really didn't like either of them too much. Rukia was all right, I thought Renji was a bore.

]]> ~AntherKaran http://AntherKaran.deviantart.com/journal/10510496/ http://AntherKaran.deviantart.com/journal/10510496/ Wed, 25 Oct 2006 19:21:30 PDT
Anyway, I'm finishing up an English rough draft due tomorrow. I have free reign until Sunday afternoon. >w< Sweetness, nah? But I get to live on my own for three-four days. Fun stuffs. I've found some kawaii Bleach fan art along with some more Kingdom Hearts stuff...kid named Matt in AcDec wondered what was with all of the Kingdom Hearts fanart on my six binders for Academic Decathlon. A girl named Heather (not Rosette-chan, although I know she would) then totally defended it out of nowhere. XD "Don't you be dissing Kingdom Hearts! That game's awesome!" ^_^

Homecoming went well, and I found that me and Derek both like each other. I said it straight to his face, and he answered back in the same fashion. Since I'm going off to BYU though, nothing's going to happen. It was nice to know, even if I'm going. I did talk to him today, but I realized that all I'm doing now is boosting his ego, and only like one out of a hundred guys I know need that, if at all. I'm just trying to be his friend, honestly, even if I would like more. He doesn't act wierd around me after we talked Homecoming night, though, that's the awesome part. Cool stuff, neh? I'm giving up a dude for further knowledge. I feel like a Buddhist. XD Just kidding, it doesn't even come up that way. I've got Glyf, Chad, a few others that I know, and then living on my relative own and education. ^_^
What the heck. I'm in a good mood. I've really been working hard on not cussing. At Homecoming, I didn't cuss at all. I'm really proud of myself for that.
Derek: "You say 'Oh snap' a lot."
Myself: "-laughs- Would you rather I cuss?"
Derek: "No, I'm good, thanks...XD"
Anyhow, past dudes, I have the ACT coming up this Saturday and I have got to get that freaking Algebra II notebook I've been making for myself done, or I am going to die miserably on the test. I have to make a 22 on the Math portion, no matter what. It's for getting out of a class at BYU. I've already been accepted and everything, but yes. I get to stay home and take the ACT while my family happily runs off to Disney World. Weeehihihihooo!!! XD
Now I'm off to finish de paper and stuff. Ja!

]]> ~AntherKaran http://AntherKaran.deviantart.com/journal/10435858/ http://AntherKaran.deviantart.com/journal/10435858/ Wed, 18 Oct 2006 15:41:19 PDT __< But it's all silly drama that I'm trying to avoid. Have people wondered the other possible reasons that I may be graduating early? >w< I guess I'm just accepting the fact that I'm not ever going to be accepted by the youth in my ward.
Anyway, I've been writing a list of stuff that I want to do/learn before I die. One of them is to learn the sitar, and I love listening to it. Actually, there's three different guitars that I want to learn to play. >w< (bass guitar, sitar, and maybe the mandolin) I'm not really into plain acoustic guitar. A lot of it is just publishing all the stuff I've written/been collaborating on.
Pirate Day is tomorrow!! >w< I'm totally dressing all pirate-y again, like I did at the dance. I might post pictures as it's a costume I made. I wonder if I'll get pulled aside and asked to go to the Pep Rally. oxo;; That would be nuts.
Right now, school is so easy. I actually attempted sleeping in class today in a social science class during notes. -Government- (hasn't done that in forever) Because of a wierd schedule, English lasted for two and a half hours...and lucky Mr. Fikes didn't take advantage of it in his lesson plans. >w< But I do have a paper due in there Tuesday. >.> Can't let all laziness get to me.
I need to go study for the math in the ACT. If I get a score of 22, I can get out of the math class at BYU. >x< (must pull up grade from an 18) I got a 27 because my other grades were 26 (science), 30 (English), 31 (another English thing), and 32 (History). My YW leader also wants me and the Cluff twins to do a string triplet, so I have to get back on the violin. So, yeah.

]]> ~AntherKaran http://AntherKaran.deviantart.com/journal/10295271/ http://AntherKaran.deviantart.com/journal/10295271/ Thu, 05 Oct 2006 16:15:58 PDT
What if George Lucas directed Lord of the Rings? = [link]

'oly snap...

]]> ~AntherKaran http://AntherKaran.deviantart.com/journal/10295136/ http://AntherKaran.deviantart.com/journal/10295136/ Thu, 05 Oct 2006 16:02:15 PDT w< I feel wierdly liberated. Totally free like I haven't been in a long while.

Maybe I just don't have a crush right now, and I'm going out with Derek because he looks like I'd have fun with him on a date, not for any drama reason.

...

Holy crap.

Anyway, Derek was acting kind of wierd after school a couple hours after I asked him out. He and Foster were both looking at me like they expected more enthusiasm from me, like I liked him/ liked him more. Silly egos. XD Besides, Glyf told me not to delve into such nonsense, and somehow my body is totally willing to obey that order. I dunno why. Jeez, Glyf, why didn't you just say 'No' before! XD!!! Jk. Whatever you did, it worked. XD

Besides, there's bigger things to fry. My cooking team made a chili for judges to taste, and we had ratings of 7-8, one 10 and a 7 from a culinary degree guy that came in for some reason. I got really conflicting reviews though. One random woman that gave everybody in the room bad reviews said that our chili had really bad texture while the culinary guy said out of the five we had the best texture. O___o I think it was because the woman liked the kind of chili that'll make you zone off your house for a radioactive spill after you go to the bathroom the next day. XD I hate chili that spicy. I don't get why people like such a kick in their mouth.

I had a long talk with my mom this morning mostly about going to BYU and she was flipping out whether I'd get in or not, and costs and hugging me and being all motherly, "Are you going off someplace too?" Kind of empty nest-sounding, but it was a nice reminder that it's not long until I'll be relatively on my own. For the second time, and with a lot less support than the first time. But Chad and Glyf are around this time. My mom's thinking about getting a pediatric job as a secretary where three to five other Mormons work. W00t for awesome co-workers! And it's almost right across from the Flower Mound Library too. I won't be able to work if she has to work, though. I'll stay home and baby-sit and clean because she won't be able to. Not much different from what I've been doing. o_o;; I had been considering getting another job, but I like the fact that I'm making 96+ grades except for Economics (87 >_< I heard from one of the smartest guys in the school that I should be grateful for that grade from that teacher, though, especially in normal Economics. At least I only have to do this for one more week...oh snap, it's that close to finals?!? >~<;; That means that Erin's graduating really soon, too. Remember the one that I nearly got into a fight with? She's in the same Eco. class as me and she's graduating in October. Good luck to her. O_o

Next time I go to the library, I have to get a lot of books on architecture. Last time I got a really detailed book on Japanese architecture and its evolution to present day and I wasn't able to look at it much. I really want to look at the Hagia Sophia/Gothic cathedrals/furniture books for designing ideas. And this isn't because Glyf wants to, I've been wanting to for the last couple weeks. We are so on a vibe. XD I do wish that I could hide out in that gigantic library, though. I will soon, right? X_x;

I've got a fairly sketchy idea of an end for the RSoM idea, but it's not as good as I would like. (decides on a plot twist) >w<

I've got a lot of AcDec homework, Economics to study if I want to bring it up to an A, Economics worksheets to do...and I really want to improve my acting after acting as Horatio/King Claudius for Hamlet in English class. Mr. Fikes rocks. All I've done so far are guy parts, and I even had a guy Queen Gertrude when I was King Claudius. XD We locked arms and pranced out of the class when we were supposed to exit...XD I need to give Mr. Fikes the Italian book he loaned me. It's about a guy that marks his life by saying it's the last smoke he'll ever have. It's kind of sad, but was supposed to be one of Sigmund Freud's cases.
I almost put up some art here yesterday, but I realized that if it's for the RSoM, I can't put it up here. XP Gotta put up something else then. Maybe I'll--no, I'm not going to do fanart. Attempted it=Bleh. x.x;; (goes off to work on RSoM ending, yelling) Crush l... ]]> ~AntherKaran http://AntherKaran.deviantart.com/journal/10230448/ http://AntherKaran.deviantart.com/journal/10230448/ Fri, 29 Sep 2006 21:02:37 PDT w< I didn't even go to the pep rally, I was just walking behind them as they were marching down the main hall. I met up with a lot of people I hadn't seen much in a while, like John (blond sophomore for those of you who know him) and Arun. I see Arun pretty often, but never John.

I gave Dayne and Kyla a ride home, in which I discussed whether or not to tell Alan that I like him, and I'm still debating the idea. Dayne offered to tell him for me, but I haven't taken him up on it yet. I sincerely want to get it out of my mouth and head, but I'm too scared of what'll happen since his dad works with my dad and what not. There's also the fact that he could get casted for a film role as Ichigo Kurosaki if he ever cosplayed as him. O___o Holy crap, the similarity is insanely close. The only difference is that Alan's eyes are this vivid watery blue and Ichigo's are gray/brown. They even have a similar personality: quiet, loyal, sarcastic...I think Alan's more polite, though. I feel like Inoue. oxo;; Should I just say it and maybe screw all later chances, or never know and let it pass by? I know it's not a life or death thing, I'm about to go to BYU anyway. Strange enough, I feel kind of calm about it, just wondering what I should do. I've just got a wierd feeling about this one, different from Greg, even.

My aunt and uncle are over from Denver, which is the first time anyone has visited my family for at least 3-4 years, if not 5-6. I don't quite remember. We're always visiting someone every year or two, but no one ever cares to come down to see us. I haven't seen most of my dad's side of the family in almost eleven years. I don't really know any of them. oxo;;

I'm on a drawing arc right now. I can't really write much, but my profile rewrites for the TG website are coming along well. I feel like posting a pic that I drew. I had been thinking of what could be the opening screen to KH III, and then I thought of Radiant Garden, and I drew where I would want to live in Radiant Garden. (besides Hollow Bastion itself.) I think that desert in the secret movie to KH II could be the other side of the world for End of the World. You know how it has a watery/icy area that Sora has to run across? What if it had another side that was desert, because the planet doesn't revolve or something like that? My ramble senses are tingling. XD

Tomorrow is Conference! ^_^ I hope we get something really smackin' cool, you know what I mean? Not end of the world, but you know...XD I get to go over to Sister Bledsoe's house to watch the second session. Holy crap, they've got a rocking house. O___o They have a kick-* theater room with an alcove set up as a concession stand in front of it. That house is AMAZING. She's an interior designer anyhow, so she does a great job with her own house.

I get to go sleep on the couch! ^_^ Night!

]]> ~AntherKaran http://AntherKaran.deviantart.com/journal/10164410/ http://AntherKaran.deviantart.com/journal/10164410/ Sat, 23 Sep 2006 17:16:09 PDT
And no, it's a total secret! >w<
(runs off to draw)

]]> ~AntherKaran http://AntherKaran.deviantart.com/journal/10093500/ http://AntherKaran.deviantart.com/journal/10093500/ Sat, 16 Sep 2006 17:23:43 PDT
Anyway, I signed myself up for an appointment with my counselor to finish everything up yesterday, and I was first in line. Never called me up, and it kinda pissed me off. >.< Oh well, I'm going straight to the offices Monday morning and then submit my transcript and high school forms from the BYU site.

I might have hit on something for Eladria. I was writing a small side story for Arnos when I came up with this girl that's almost identical to his first love. (story twists there) The side story is so original in comparison to what I had originally planned plot/culturally-wise for Arnos. It's a God-sent inspiration in so many ways...^w^= -slurps macaroni- I can't decide if I want Arnos's girl (Lerial) to be evil or not. There's so much real potential for her that it's not even funny. Heck, she might end up being the main character and not Korin. There's going to be a lot of craziness if they meet up though. >w< But still, I'm still considering whether she'd be Arnos' best friend, Korin's friend, or a foil to either. (or both!)

But now, I'm trying to come up with a group date idea. I have a great idea for the dinner, but what to do otherwise...? I'm not sure. >.>;; Any ideas, appropriate for 3-6 couples? ]]> ~AntherKaran http://AntherKaran.deviantart.com/journal/10081987/ http://AntherKaran.deviantart.com/journal/10081987/ Fri, 15 Sep 2006 15:31:50 PDT 2.- If I were a colour I'd be... silver
3.- If I were an animal I'd be... Haven't we been over this? XD A phoenix/amphisbaena/winged, fire-breathing dragon.
4.- If I were a domestic appliance I'd be...a blender. I'll rip things apart in my mind internally while smiling at you with my reflective glass.
5.- If I were a book I'd be...
6.- If I were a clothing item I'd be... a scarf. Trying to strangle you. XD It's warm and nifty-looking.
7.- If I were a jewel I'd be...probably a dark amythest or
8.- If I were an object I'd be... a hot poker
9.- If I were a car I'd be... a Turbo Dog. XD
10.- If I were an element I'd be... runic/wind
11.- If I were a tree I'd be... a japanese maple. A gigantic one like my grandparents used to have. ^_^
12.- If I were a drink I'd be... milk. Good for the soul.
13.- If I were an ice cream flavor I'd be... rocky road. It's too rad for words.
14.- If I were a person I'd be... myself. I'm afraid for anyone who would want to be me.
15.- If I were a planet I'd be... 'Perelandra' (Venus as described by C.S. Lewis)
16.- If I were an insect I'd be... a ladybug.
17.- If I were public transport I'd be... a magical teleporter. Shoot, you know how much that would save on oil?
18.- If I were a song I'd be... there's a hundred different choices I could say for this. Enya, System of a Down, Flyleaf, Lacuna Coil...
19.- If I were a movie I'd be... Batman Begins
20.- If I were a season I'd be... Winter
21.- If I were a flower I'd be... Orchid
22.- If I were a job I'd be... writing novels
23.- If I were a cartoon I'd be... Get Backers/Bleach/Avatar: The Last Airbender
24.- If I were a place I'd be... Parnuria Isle or R'li Canyon (Eladria)
25.- If I were a gift I'd be... a box of chocolates.
26.- If I were a memory I'd be... an erupting/exploding volcano
27.- If I were a city I'd be... not-Memphis. Don't tell me you want to go there after seeing the alleyways there, let alone meeting the people in the suburbs.
28.- If I were a sense I'd be... thought, or touch
29.- If I were a game I'd be... Quackshot (Sega)
30.- If I were a candy I'd be... Almond Joy
31.- If I were a time of the day I'd be... 7:30 PM
32.- If I were an invention I'd be... requiring at least a 1600-page manual to operate me. XD
33.- If I were a bodypart I'd be... the hair on my head.
34.- If I were a country I'd be... Scotland, regardless of current nationality status.
35.- If I were a flavor I'd be... artificial cherry
36.- If I were a sport I'd be... tennis/soccer/swimming/marital arts
37.- If I were a smell I'd be... the cologne Alan was using at Prom. ^w^ That stuff was fantastic.
38.- If I were a subject I'd be... Ancient/European/Eastern History
39.- If I were a flag I'd be...the Bhutanese Flag
40.- If I were a building I'd be... Hollow Bastion
41.- If I were a month I'd be... last half of April, first half of May
42.- If I were a perfume I'd be... something vanilla-ish.
43.- If I were a gummy candy I'd be... a sour gummy worm!
45.- If I were a toy I'd be... a toy piano.
46.- If I were a textile I'd be... windsor satin or velvet
47.- If I were a shape I'd be... an incomplete yin-yang. Like my avatar.
48.- If I were a answer I'd be... one that would shut you up, whether you started crying or laughing.
49.- If I were a common liquorice I'd be... the anti-liquorice. I haven't liked Twizzlers since 2nd grade.
50.- If I were a word I'd be... Saliant!

I'm going to the temple tonight, so I'll see you later! ^_^ (had a good week, will report soon.) ]]> ~AntherKaran http://AntherKaran.deviantart.com/journal/10013279/ http://AntherKaran.deviantart.com/journal/10013279/ Fri, 08 Sep 2006 20:29:30 PDT and so I need to call her. I just went to half of the football game at the high school tonight, and I only came to hear the band and 'observe' a certain someone there. XD Man, I'm horrific. At least I didn't do anything stupid and just stuck with my family. v_v;; I don't think he saw me, though. I'm really sick of myself having such school-girl crushes, even if I am a freaking school-girl. XP Tomorrow at the dance I'm going to ask him out, or just straight tell him that I like him. Hopefully he's nowhere near as dense as Spoon was and will tell me that he doesn't/does like me back. I just want it all to be over. =x=

A lot of people tell me that I'm brave and loyal (besides either telling me that I look like I'm going to puke -recently I've gotten that a lot- or if I'm about to kill myself because I look sad,). Bravery for me is more like self-apathy. I feel obligated to whatever someone points out just because I'm so bloody insecure, and I just don't care at the same time. I almost don't care about what happens to me, but more, I don't care about squishing the icky spider, flushing the toilet that looked plugged, opening the door for someone else, etc. Why do people have such a problem with stuff like that?
As for being loyal, it's not quite there's much I find to be loyal to. There's my friends, my family, my heritage, my country (when I'm not pissed off at the political parties), and religion. What else would you say I was loyal to? And why do people have such a hard time being loyal and not talking behind each other's backs?

Anyway, it's just ranting. I'm just really tired and don't really know what I'm typing. Oh! I've really gotten to like the opening song to Bleach...~Asterisk~. I really didn't like it when I started watching Bleach. I'm on Episode 17 right now...O___O;;

As for TG, I'm working on rather detailed profiles and the long story.

...

I'm going to bed.

Oh yeah, and if I haven't said it already, I quit Tom Thumb last Friday. Boooooyahh. There was also a guy that dressed up as Steve Irwin and brought along a gigantic alligator that he wrestled in the hall. XD Yay for super-hero day. ]]> ~AntherKaran http://AntherKaran.deviantart.com/journal/9875941/ http://AntherKaran.deviantart.com/journal/9875941/ Sun, 27 Aug 2006 17:25:53 PDT
2. Have you ever met an online friend in person? I have his phone number, but we haven’t done more than talk to each other.

3. Are you athletic? Not much. DDR is my sport, mate.

4. Are you: thin, fat, athletically built etc: I’m not thin or fat, I just need to tone to look really good. XD

5. How much do you weigh? 185-195-ish.

6. What's your height? 5’10 ¾. People at work think I’m up to six years older than I am because I’m taller than all of the managers.

7. Shoe size? 13 ½. I can wear the same shoes as my big brother Chad.

8. Girls- are you tomboyish, girly, normal, etc? I’m tomboyish, but I wear makeup to pacify my mom and society.

9. Guys- Are you girly, or guyish? ---

10. How old are you? 17

11. When's your birthday? May 6

12. Do you like to receive gift-art? Of course!

13. Are you sociable? I put on a great act for everyone to make them think I’m really sociable. Honestly, I only care about other people because I don’t want them to be hurt in the way I was, otherwise I really don’t like humans on a whole. That’s why I’m rude at times if I’m found/approached when I’m alone.

14. Do you have many friends? Not really. Tons of acquaintances, very few friends.

15. What's your race? (greatest to least) Scotland/England/Ireland/Scandinavian/Welsh/German/French

16. Do you like to talk on the phone? Depends on who it is.

17. Are you single or taken? Single and wishing. XD

18. Do you eat meat? Very yes.

19. Are you paranoid? A school counselor told me to my face that I was. I knew before then, anyway.

20. Do you read a lot? I write more, but I’ve been getting back into reading.

21. Do you listen to music, what kind? Alternative, rock, gothic alternative, some hip-hop, soundtracks, new age, J-rock,etc. I’ve got pretty broad tastes, I just don’t like country.

22. Do you play any instruments? Violin and the ocarina. I played piano when I was in second grade, I can’t now.

23. How long have you been drawing? Anime, since 7th grade. I’ve always liked drawing, though.

24.What’s the meaning of life? The meaning of life is that it is a test to survive through and to find yourself in, and make your way to where you wish to go after this world. I think the sub-meanings of it are understanding your surroundings, society, and yourself, so as to find inner peace and make the world respect you and leave you be. ]]> ~AntherKaran http://AntherKaran.deviantart.com/journal/9867012/ http://AntherKaran.deviantart.com/journal/9867012/ Sat, 26 Aug 2006 22:10:44 PDT
Freaking stupid ward. The new twins and Derek and Alise from Ohio have joined the popular side of the rift and I can't stand it anymore. Just when I thought I was going to have a friend, too. Derek isn't completely popular-side, though. He's on that alignment though. Ugh, I try to stay out of gossip, but I was stupid enough tonight to get into a conversation about other people in the ward. Not like I didn't know pretty well about who didn't like me, but now I know perfectly. =___=;; I can't stand this gossipy, almost courtisan Young Women's group. Last week, I was about to just blow up at everyone in my class and tell them that just because they didn't think I was worthy to be in their presence didn't mean that they had to completely ignore me. So *ing stupid.

I hate high school. I never expected any sort of power thrill out of being a senior, and I'm not getting one at all. I really don't care. I hate the fact that I'm barely friends anymore with people that used to be way close, and that so much has changed since freshman year. I miss a lot of people that I know I'm never going to see again, too. I'm pre-missing people, even, before I go to the Y, if I even get in. Economics is stupid, English IV is a breeze, Cooking is a breeze, and AcDec is actually a bit interesting, but a total blow-off class.

My job's no better. None of the managers have it together enough to realize that the scheduling is horrific and that's why people are leaving. I have to close for the third consecutive time: Friday, 5-1:30 AM. For the freaking love, I'm a high school student that gets up for a church class at 5:30 every day.

One nice thing that happened today was that I read a lot of material that I had never read before in the scriptures: the chapters after around 105 in the Doctrine and Covenants. Last night, I saw Alan at work, although he didn't talk to me. I'm getting slightly mixed yet friendly signals, and if I go by experience, I should totally back off and lock myself in a nunnery. XD There was a African American Navy pilot that had a 40-minute long discussion with me about genealogy. That was really nice.

Good night. ]]> ~AntherKaran http://AntherKaran.deviantart.com/journal/9785257/ http://AntherKaran.deviantart.com/journal/9785257/ Sat, 26 Aug 2006 21:16:56 PDT
Last night, I worked from 5-1:30 AM, and my dad is really sick of me being out so much, at least that long with such--

(Aug. 26)
We had sushi at the dance, and I was the most authentically dressed person there. I got comments left and right. ^_^ I danced with 14 guys (all but one I asked to dance). It was close to my record of 18-19 guys in one dance. XD I've only been asked to dance by a guy 6-7 times, 3 being at my second dance when Spoon asked me twice and Glyf's brother Buddy asked me so he could show me different ways to dance. Trevor Perkins had this huge leather hat though, and a good outfit, and Dayne dressed up as Dread Pirate Roberts. When ever I would get in the middle of a circle and dance, there would always be someone cheering, "Go, pirate! Go pirate!" Because it was a bi-stake dance and such. But it was pimpalicious. (where did I get that? O_o) ]]> ~AntherKaran http://AntherKaran.deviantart.com/journal/9669097/ http://AntherKaran.deviantart.com/journal/9669097/ Fri, 11 Aug 2006 13:13:10 PDT
I'm working on Storm of Stars again, as well as Trampoline Gate about equally. Hopefully after this plot twist, Glyf'll have something for Kate to say. XD If I just got emailed the manga before she wrote in the script, I'd be able to give her a lot to say...it's a lack of communication, that's all. Pwah. XP I just need to detail her profile out. Even Carina's a bit of a blah character to me, I get Erin now, though. I need to figure out Carina more, the short story's helping that. Quote: "You've done enough hunting today, stupid! We want to eat!" I still need a straightening out/refresher course on the Council candidates. XD Just personalities and all... ]]> ~AntherKaran http://AntherKaran.deviantart.com/journal/9652423/ http://AntherKaran.deviantart.com/journal/9652423/ Tue, 08 Aug 2006 17:26:32 PDT
Okay, since I made a request on Hoshi-chan's journal, I'll follow the rules. The first five people who make a comment get a free sketch, but then you have to return the favor to the masses. So, request and then let five people have a free sketch of your art!
If it takes a while for me to send you your picture, don't worry. I think I may have an idea on how to use this stupid scanner. (kicks it)

1. Hoshi and fox-Kiba (makes me think of Nyamari and Alden) XD
2.
3.
4.
5.

Have at it! ]]> ~AntherKaran http://AntherKaran.deviantart.com/journal/9607566/ http://AntherKaran.deviantart.com/journal/9607566/ Sat, 05 Aug 2006 12:05:52 PDT < It was important, I know it! It had to do with fighting against a force taking over people/society in general, and working the shift that I just did a few minutes ago. Now, I can barely remember any of it. At least Brian wasn't on when I did my shift. >.>;; Maybe I'm just paranoid, but our schedules corrolate a little too well. To my knowledge, he's still in charge of schedules, and he won't get the bloody point. I don't think it's so bad that I need to quit, but it's freaking annoying at times. On that 20-min. break a week or two ago, I was getting really freaked out. I had been talking to Karu, and he was nearby on break as well. Feeling his eyes on me, I finished up and talked to him, which stretched to nearly a half hour break. While talking, I just wanted to bolt. Eeuughh. X____x
At least I'm back on a good level with Hilary. Suzy's opinion of me is hard to change, good thing it's normal, since she can fire me. Brian can be in a horrible mood, but he will be absolutely civil with me while everyone else is blown off. >x< Hilary's there a lot of the time, and at least all's well with her. Fhew. X_x

It's been a fourth attempt on Eladria, and I just can't seem to make it work. I look at it and I just despise it. I can't drop Korin or Laurina though, they're like my kids. Morrowen and Kimsahar are like my friends, and Arnos is like my brother. I just can't quit them. XD Maybe that's what happens when you work on a book for 4 years. In that case, I really got to keep working on TG/TGR/Storm of Stars. I beat Alden's psyche around so much, and Nyamari just smiles. XD I'm still wondering how the planet should go, if he runs into another Automaton so I can describe them. ^__^ Alden hates the things, so yar. If you have no idea of what I'm talking about, I'm not surprised.

I have softball tournament today! ^_^ I need to call Dayne so I can figure out how the whole-pickup situation will be. Oh, and for those of you who follow along with my drama, I did talk to Alan yesterday. I realized the reason I don't like him as much as I would is because he acts California. I can't stand people acting that way, and it sticks out to me when people act that way. Is that because I've lived in Flower Mound, or Mesa? I don't know. It's just freaking annoying. Maybe I just need to take some anti-aphrodiasics. XD Or maybe I just need to read some more C.S. Lewis. That guy was an amazing Christian. I don't think people know about his Space trilogy, since everyone hears about his Narnia series. There's Out of the Silent Planet, Perelandra, and That Hideous Strength. It's amazingly deep insights into Christianity, and don't read them unless you're ready for some serious philosophical reasoning.

I had a story twist idea to TG that would include all of the TG realms, Telath, Lailokel, Karmina, etc. Poor Hastings, and Bell. I left Bell at a cliffhanger, and I wonder if she'll live. XD ]]> ~AntherKaran http://AntherKaran.deviantart.com/journal/9537085/ http://AntherKaran.deviantart.com/journal/9537085/ Sat, 29 Jul 2006 20:31:17 PDT Has anyone heard of the amphisbaena before? I was looking in a thin little book made for kids (called a bestiary, hah! XD ) and it had a double-headed dragon-like creature. It had heads on opposite ends of itself, like a snake with two legs. To really chase after something, the idea would be that it would make itself a hoop and roll after the victim! XD It was such an awesome idea that I officially say that's what animal I would be. I'ma draw that now. ^_^

Yeah, I'm in a much better mood tonight. Probably because I prayed, read my scriptures, and got done with a 7.5 hour shift. And Bishop Cannon and his wife came in my check-out. >w< I had never met Sister Cannon before, but she was cool. Like me in personality, it seemed. And there was this adorable kid in line before them! He held up a penny and said,
"This is for you!"
Me: (got tipped by a older woman earlier for having taken her stuff out to her car after having searched all over the parking lot for it, rad) "...Thanks, but why?"
"Because I like making friends!"
It was the cutest thing I saw at work ever! I answered,
"Well, you can't buy friends, but if you're as nice as you were then, I don't see why people wouldn't want to be your friend. What's your name?"
And so it went on, and it was so cool! >w
I've never been so excited for school to start back up, and I can see how a lot of things are slowly parting to make way for college, friends and family and such. I'm really only going to miss a few people when I go, and Lewisville-FM area itself. I love it here, it's a wonderful school district, a wonderful stake, work's...okay. XD This place and its people are the best thing that have ever happened to me.
I did go and get the Narnia Soundtrack while I had the house to myself. Barnes and Noble has the most obscure soundtracks, and my mom wanted to get the Chocolat soundtrack when I told her about it. While I was there, I got a job application. I've done bookshelving before, and I know how to work a register now. Maybe I'll apply when I get a little more time in, though. ^_^;; After that, I'll have my janitor job with Karu, and somehow I'm going to have a cooking job. I just feel that, I don't know why. XD

Don't you know who I am? I'm the Amphisbaena, *! (laughs) If you've watched the Juggernaut * video, you get it. It's so bad though! I've really been working on not cussing while I've been at work. I realized that the video was Collierville High School when it came to the language. At least, they would cuss like that on the bus, and one guy flashed the people in the back one time. My dad called up over that. @__@; Blah. I work so little this week that I can go to the church softball tournament and to the ACADECA meeting.

I is happy, even if it's for a brief moment! (grins widely with braces on and revels in warm, fuzzy feeling) I sent Kristina the letter, and I have enough time to watch like ten episodes of Bleach or FMA before my family gets back. I'll probably intersperse that with TG/Storm of Stars writing. I'm too tired of Eladria to go back and work on it, and I wonder if I will. I've been trying multiple different beginnings, but nothing seems to work. I guess it means I should be working on TG/TGReBD. Glyf, can't we have a shorter acronym for that? Like TGR? XD I'm already formulating what evils what I want to do with the main plot. ^_^ Duri won't go evil, I can promise you that. Despite Aulos' angst, I don't think he will either. I'm going to love roleplaying in Naga's hideout to death. I'm still waiting for the letter to reach Karu so she can reply so I can talk about Aulos going to see Naga and such. >w< I've just got the place set up in my mind so well. Poor Kim. Stuck in class while the boys go and have fun. XD

I'm just psyched for the softball tournament now. And for roleplay! >w ~AntherKaran http://AntherKaran.deviantart.com/journal/9525789/ http://AntherKaran.deviantart.com/journal/9525789/ Fri, 28 Jul 2006 17:56:30 PDT XP It was dumb, and I feel like a dork. It was worse when I had to keep going after I had to sign the paper for the write-up, because I can't hide my embarrassment as much as I want. I flush and such, and no matter how much I practice, I can't get over punishment like that in less than half an hour, and that's if I talk to someone. So someone in line put her hand to my head because she said I looked feverish. Ugh. Stupid work.
My family went off to Schlitterbahn without me because I had to work, but I really didn't want to go anyway. The nice thing that's happened today is that I made nice-looking stationary out of some of Glyf's pics of Amorath and Life. ^_^ And I get to watch Bleach! -squee- I just take punishment badly, especially when I know it was a point of miscommunication. Stupid work! Wasn't there another job fair that I could have been dropped off at? Oh well. I guess it's karma for having a 20-min. (instead of 15 min.) break because I was chatting with the manager who knew the older Cangelosi kid that went to Brazil on his mission. He was the same one that hit on me the night I went to the June dance. -pounds head on table- Maybe I'm just asking for crap. I need to call my mom so I can go to the post office and weigh it and drop off the letter, and ask some other stuff.

Bleh. ]]> ~AntherKaran http://AntherKaran.deviantart.com/journal/9501629/ http://AntherKaran.deviantart.com/journal/9501629/ Wed, 26 Jul 2006 13:42:16 PDT
Either way, I have braces. @____@;; I've been told all of my life that I would never need them, and here I am. Oh well. Facially, I look really young, but add my height...people ask me if I'm out of college yet. Once I talked to a Chinese couple at church and they asked if I went to Japan on my mission since I liked Japan and such. @__@; I work in about an hour and a half, I need to catch up with the summer scripture reading program, I want to play DDR, I need to get ready for work, blaaaahhhh. I hit on a really awesome idea that i was going to send in the letter, but the way Glyf has delved into another project, I need to send it now. Oh look, I didn't capitalize the i in the last sentence.

(slides down a slide made from sandpaper and lands in a pool of salt) ]]> ~AntherKaran http://AntherKaran.deviantart.com/journal/9232309/ http://AntherKaran.deviantart.com/journal/9232309/ Fri, 30 Jun 2006 13:18:25 PDT
1. I get really quiet when I get irritated.

2. I join school teams a lot and quit soon after joining more often than not.

3. I'm really sadistic with Legos. (points to the Lego head stuck on a stick with a little matching police sign by it.)

4. I can't stand being around people that remind me of myself as a child because I feel like I'll bust out crying.

5. Sometimes I act like the people out of my books just to see how other people will react. I used to go up the stairs like one race from my book would just to understand how it felt.

6. --? (will write in later)

[link]
[link]
[link]
[link] ]]> ~AntherKaran http://AntherKaran.deviantart.com/journal/9044511/ http://AntherKaran.deviantart.com/journal/9044511/ Mon, 12 Jun 2006 08:02:17 PDT
I had a blast, no kidding. There was more of the whole intrigues of the anime group (which I ignored) and it ended up that I was with Madeleine for the morning, with Nicole and Helen in the afternoon, and Hoshi for the night. With Madeleine's group, I went to the dealer room and got dressed into my outfit (long black velvet suit, a riding coat with a white, frilly 18th century-style shirt under it with nice black pants, black socks and shoes that also fit the time period, a silver chain as a necklace and a whitish-opal ring). I'm finally out of adhesive for my elf ears. O___o In the morning, I got there at about 9:55 and found Madeleine's group, going to the dealer's room (kowtowing to it before I walked inside XD) When we got back up to the room, I was left alone to eat my ramen and I let Nicole and Helen in, who had just got there. (about noon) We then went back to the dealer room, (@__@ I was exhausted already,) and then we sat down at the copic pens stand and played around with those for nearly an hour. And then Marci (Wind, for those of you that are DKI-familiar) came by and hugged me! ^w^= I hadn't seen her since two A-kons back because we had both moved, she had moved to North Carolina. She lost a lot of weight. ^^=
I then went to go see the great Chewbacca, getting his pic, finding Hoshi and Rosette and Ed, and going upstairs and getting my stuff and we camped out in the hall for like an hour. ^^= I then went to the concert for 5 minutes before I had to go home. Even for just one day, it was rad.

Then there was the dance on Saturday, and my manager kinda hit on me when I picked up my work schedule right before I went to the dance, so I was plastered up and the guy's what, 4-5 years older than me? A part of me liked the attention, but it was still freaky, no kidding. O___o I'm letting it go once, but if it happens again...(shivers)
Either way, the dance went from suck to rad. (My big brother says rad all the time now since he got back from his misson in CA...) All of the good songs were more or less saved for the end, and I danced with Alan twice in the thirty minutes he was there at the end. ^_^;; Of course I couldn't take Alex's advice and simply tell him that I liked him...(bangs head against keyboard) The guy doesn't leave me drooling, though, I feel absolutely at calm around him, absolute serenity! I know that's a really good thing, but but yeah...

Oh, I'm thinking of joining/starting a band again. ^_^ Alex's band never got anywhere, this one shows a little more promise. XD It's definitely not going to be a regular garage band though, that's for sure. O__o Singers, piano players, violin and ocarinas? What does that come out as?

Oh yeah, and Trevor Perkins (a friend of Alan's, they're really tight.) said he would tip me if he went through my checkstand at Tom Thumb. XD
The only problem with Alan is that I'm getting distracted from TG and Eladria and everything instead of getting just inspiration. I'm getting both. >_>;;

(runs off to draw DKI/Myst/Hollow Bastion libraries...) ]]> ~AntherKaran http://AntherKaran.deviantart.com/journal/8985574/ http://AntherKaran.deviantart.com/journal/8985574/ Tue, 06 Jun 2006 06:59:51 PDT
Here's my freaking prediction of the world.
Technology is growing faster and faster, resulting in a higher form of communication for the individual. As individuals are supported and can communicate easier, other forms of unification, such as countries and communities, schools, and families slowly start to break down. The end of humanity is going to be when it is one mind and has thrown away every other form of humanity and is swallowed by its freaking drive for information. Technology will be the eventual end of the culture of the nuclear family, and individualism will reign supreme and we will all be pleasure-driven and driven by what lets us keep our laziness: technology. I doubt this would happen in our lifetime, but because of my religious beliefs I think that will be the world's end.

Besides that, I slept well. XD I've got a long day of work ahead of me, and my back is already hurting. Yeah, life sucks, but it's actually all right. There's a guy at work that is so creepily like Spoon-san that I kept myself from screaming,
"I can't believe it's not Spoon!"
Yay for butter references. But there's really distinct features about Daniel that are just like Spoon facially, he's got a more olive skin tone than Spoon with black hair and brown eyes, but I would say that they could have been half-brothers or simply brothers without question. The guy whines to me like Spoon used to! Nyah, it's painful after a while! I just keep my mind focused on my prom date and I'm relatively fine.
Stupid hormones, about as annoying as politics.
Speaking of Spoon, his dad came into my work on our big promotion day and he won a DVD player as part of the promotion. I didn't realize until the receipt printed out that it was Spoon's dad and he had remembered who I was...
.__.;;

Anyway, Eladria and DKI as for ideas and brainstorming are kind of dead in the water. I've been working on Storm of Stars a lot more, and I'm starting chapters on it.

All right, a question! What element/animal would you say I am? Apparently people can't figure out what animal I would be. I guess I don't come off as an animal. ^^ ]]> ~AntherKaran http://AntherKaran.deviantart.com/journal/8929159/ http://AntherKaran.deviantart.com/journal/8929159/ Wed, 31 May 2006 10:16:14 PDT Right now, fate is being neutrally nice, which it NEVER does for me. So I'm trying to be as good as I can and tread softly in case it rears its ugly head and chomps down on me yelling, "How you like me now, *?" Now I'm going to run to work. .___.
-whisper- I still hope I can schedule A-kon in and make enough money in time. I think I should.... ]]> ~AntherKaran http://AntherKaran.deviantart.com/journal/8731776/ http://AntherKaran.deviantart.com/journal/8731776/ Wed, 10 May 2006 15:31:37 PDT There's being locked out and locked in the cage, and I see both. I'm part of the frame of the cage, I fear, as I know most, if not everyone. I think once Lisa goes, so will all of the (more or less) alliances of the cliques.
Oh man, I am so sick of Mormon Hall. I just don't want to go there anymore, not even for talking to Dayne, Jonathan, and/or John. I don't want to go to the anime table, either, as there's no anime and just intrigue.

It's so freaking pathetic in both places. Mormon Hall's boring and there's constant talk of explicit 'adult' themes at the 'anime' table. >o<

There are anime suppliers down by where the crazy freshmen sit, so I may go by there. Alan's over there as well, but I just don't want to get involved right now, for my sake and his. My hormones will definitely have a rebuttal against that, though. (pounds head) I've just been down all day, but I've felt good all week. So as Glyf said: "Be happy, and if you're not, act it." Huzzah.
At least the Reflections RP is back up! ^^= That'll keep my mind off things. I also did my AP Tests for US and Euro History, and I think I at least passed them. Now we're just doing an end of the year project in US and a Risk tournament in Euro. ^^= Otherwise, school is as usual. ]]> ~AntherKaran http://AntherKaran.deviantart.com/journal/8545274/ http://AntherKaran.deviantart.com/journal/8545274/ Fri, 21 Apr 2006 21:06:41 PDT As for my life:
--My book has been going under some really huge revisions, but I've finally figured out what I really want to do for books 2+3. >w< Now I just have to get #1 done. It's been three years since I started, I hope I'm on luck. ^_^
--DKI: Can't run it, can't do anything about it. It's been kind of awkward anyway. I've felt like doing a written version of it, being much different and such, but yeah.
--TG+TGRP: Glyf's on finals, nothing doing except for thoughts on Syvari and Sartus, etc.

Oh, I went out with one of Glyf's brother's old friends, a kid named Alan...really nice guy. Was very gentle to me throughout the entire date, and after a horrible boy-crazy and stubborn-about-religion phase that I've been having since my parents PWNED my lappy, he kind of calmed me down and got me to see what I really wanted not just in a guy but in a friend and such. Very nice dude, and great-looking in a tux. XD
As well, the YW leadership got changed up in my church, which has really helped my mood. I also figured how to write DBQs for my AP history classes, bloody things. I'm pretty content right now, with service projects finished today and some first thing tomorrow. X___x ^^ I'll live.

-Amp ]]> ~AntherKaran http://AntherKaran.deviantart.com/journal/6619411/ http://AntherKaran.deviantart.com/journal/6619411/ Tue, 27 Sep 2005 18:14:50 PDT
Goodbye. ]]> ~AntherKaran http://AntherKaran.deviantart.com/journal/6496683/ http://AntherKaran.deviantart.com/journal/6496683/ Tue, 13 Sep 2005 17:31:48 PDT
Well, life's moving along a bit slower for me and somewhat nicer. Kiba I think is seriously a gift from God, I enjoy being his friend a lot more than I thought. I think it's because he's a mix between me and Spoon, being much more like me. XD I'm really going to miss him when he goes back to New Orleans when the 9-week period is over.
I haven't been having many dreams lately at all. Maybe it's because my mind's too exhausted with all of the work I have to do. XP I should be reading and working on my UIL SS book, but I really don't want to...
(looks over homework)
-Starting French Paper
-Math assignment
-Starting English Research Paper--

GYAHHHH!! *blows up* I can't take that English class anymore! After one girl joked around about/with me-ish (wierd situation that I took calmly), Mrs. Hull told me that the girl had no business talking to me that way and that I had every right to be angry. I then took her words calmly, walking away as soon as I could.
Everything that woman is trying to tell me goes straight against everything I've learned over my life when it comes to crap happening to you and people making fun of you! You tell people your secrets and hidden hurt, but not everything! The only people that know about everything that happened to me I can count on a single hand! You never show hurt or anger at anything the people that make fun of you say, you laugh along with them and cool the anger that does come up inside as best you can! You don't let anything come out that would give them the incentive to say more, only to help deviate the conversation in a different direction! I don't have to be angry all the time! If I was that, I would be cold and angry and like the joke is in class, I would literally kill people; even the ones I cared most about for the most trivial and stupidest things because with my coldness I lose all sense of honor, goodness, positive feeling, and I just go insane! I'm depressed more often than I would like over what's happened to me, but I can't change what happened! I can't hit a freakin' redo button to make it all right!

...

[/rant]

Wait a minute--[rant]
Oh, might I add that this same woman is making us research the Salem Witch Trials? I've just got off trying to practice Wicca, and now I have to freakin' study about how people died for being accused of practicing witchcraft and have to look through and see more Wiccan idealogy, spells, and techniques! I've never enjoyed reading about the Puritans because their interpretation of the Bible was horrendous! What Christian religion that views the Bible as a source of canonized text doesn't believe in repentance? What Christian religion doesn't believe in repentance at all? It's almost the freakin' point of Christianity itself!
(explodes)
[/rant]

Anyway, I've got a little time on my hands this week as we're just starting things...>w< (can't wait for the new Gaia guilds, dances in anticipation) ]]> ~AntherKaran http://AntherKaran.deviantart.com/journal/6487143/ http://AntherKaran.deviantart.com/journal/6487143/ Mon, 12 Sep 2005 16:04:06 PDT .>;;; Now Glyf's got me itching to get the FMA movie, but I wouldn't dare download it on any of my computers...I guess I'll have to get it from Hoshi. (nods absently)

I went to the mall last Saturday for 5 hours with Hoshi and Inu as well as Kiba, who is a refugee from New Orleans. (Davis-kun.) He met up with us at Gameworks and hung out with us until my mom picked us up. Funny enough, he likes it here a lot better than he did N.O. This place is just a great people/anime crossroads. ^_^ (cheers) I also saw Spoon's anime-loving friend at Gameworks, who was an avid fan of DDR. I finally figured him out at the dance, his name's Jonathan and he moved in from Chicago. I talked with him for probably a good hour at the dance, made fun of him dancing with an inflated monkey...we randomly stole a huge inflated punching glove back and forth from each other and everyone else...yeah. He's okay-looking, but after Spoon I'm not ready for any not-platonic relationship. >.>

Well, the last dance was wierd. When Julie ran up to me saying she was going to set me and Spoon up, I involuntarily started crying as I said no. I was so surprised by myself crying that Carly ran up and then asked what was going on. It ended up that I had to explain the situation again to both of them. =_____= Despite the fact that I want to tell people my problems, I can't stand it when people force things out of me, like my English teacher trying to shrink me after school. I've had enough freakin' idiot teachers and counselors try to fix my life. They usually hurt more than they help, like using a rusty knife in surgery.

O____o Where the heck did I get that from? Jeez, I've been sadistically morbid all day, but I've felt fine. As for the dance, I accidentally bumped into Spoon on complete accident when walking into the snack room, which ticked him off...he and Jonathan talked together for at least five minutes after one of them did something...(which really creeped me out) I only asked guys when it was ladies' choice...and I didn't dance otherwise. Figures. >< I only didn't ask because of my parents saying I was being too intimidating/pushy/whatever. My parents realized that I only dance with so many people because I ask and no one else does. Heck, there's only 10-12 people that have ever asked me, adding up to about 16 times. Whatever. I'm certainly sick of Spoon's crap, the FM1 Ward--

Oooh, I can't stand FM1!!! >< Everyone's so stuck up and we never do anything productive for Mutual! We haven't done a single service project or learned anything from members of the ward or done anything that would help us as people. All we do is play around and I don't have time for that. I've got 5 clubs and 4 classes to work on. ><

Speaking of which, if I haven't already:
--Gym (for nine weeks)
--English III (for 18 weeks)
--French II (for 18 weeks)
--Algebra II (for 18 weeks)
Clubs:
--English Honor Society
--StuCo
--French Club
--UIL Social Studies
--UIL Literary Criticism

The UIL teams are horribly demanding, but I can get scholarship money from those (maybe, not sure), and it looks really good on your transcript. After going to the doctor for my heart and my lungs last week, I've just been playing catch-up and now I'm finally back on schedule. With a ton of work from UIL SS. O___O We're doing WWII, just the German front. I'm not a big World War fan, but I can handle what we're doing as I like some aspects of the German front than the Pacific one. (much less dates, islands, and battles than Pacific) I have to read to p.100 and take notes and answer the questions. I also have to go to UNT for a UIL meeting where I take a lot of notes. Joy. @__@

I only half-know what I'm getting myself into, but I won't be able to be on much. I can say that my biggest goal right now is to get into BYU with Glyf-chan. (nods) Nyan, I need to take my inhaler... ]]> ~AntherKaran http://AntherKaran.deviantart.com/journal/6340809/ http://AntherKaran.deviantart.com/journal/6340809/ Sat, 27 Aug 2005 08:36:46 PDT
(pokes everyone to look at TG)

((will finish this journal later)) ]]> ~AntherKaran http://AntherKaran.deviantart.com/journal/6334659/ http://AntherKaran.deviantart.com/journal/6334659/ Fri, 26 Aug 2005 14:27:23 PDT

Grade: Junior
Clubs: English Honor Society, StuCo, French Club, Literary Criticism, UIL Social Studies Team, (French Honor Society, hopefully...)
Ward: FM 1 (was FM2 from beginning of January to end of Feburary)
Laptop: Got it when I was babysitting Kristy's brats in AZ. (about a month and a half ago) It's a Presario M2000. (which will mean even less to you than it does to me...-I don't have a clue on laptops-) Dad ordered it and had it sent to me while Mom and Dad were on their cruise in Alaska. I think it was just a consolation for having to babysit those kids for so long. XO
Coconut Oil: This summer, the youth of FM1 ward had to read all of the New Testament. For those that finished (I thought it was for the entire stake, not just FM1 ward), we had a ginormous party at the Kirkpatrick building. They had a soft-serve ice cream machine as well as a popcorn machine with at least TWENTY boxes of Cici's pizza. The preppy kids got their hands on the coconut oil that you put on the popcorn, right? We then got some empty cups that people had been using for the ice cream machine. Filling up about 2-3 ounces, everyone took them down like shots. (most people gagged on it, I just let it go down my mouth and out again while making it look like I had taken a lot more than I actually did. ^o^ ) One of the kids had completely taken all of his, and he was tearing up and looked ready to puke.
Dane: He's a sophomore that's not quite average and has a problem with being unable to stop watching chick flicks if he starts watching, no matter how much he hates it. Just to restate the facts, I don't like chick flicks that much. >.< He's less than an inch taller than me (I'm 5'11) and is easily amused.
Greg: (blows up) All right, it wasn't him that was pissed off, it was me. What he did was refuse to dance with me when I asked him in a normal/nice way, simply saying "Sorry," and then going outside into the hall. About 5-10 seconds later, he came back inside, making sure that I was dancing with someone, and then ran off back to his brother Garret. My friends ask why I haven't beat him up yet. (not willing to give him enough attention to even beat the crap out of him)
However...: My lack of attention on Greg has pushed my mind back into the elementary school state of "make really good grades and clean up in all of my classes" without the outcast/laughingstock part attached to it. The way I'm going, I'll have three additional graduation cords (StuCo, English Honor Society, and French Honor Society if I take French 3 next semester). I'm also going into UIL English and Social Studies (especially S.S.) .
Jedi Order: Actually, it's just more about being Jedi at heart. We have discussed all the other facets of being a Jedi, though. ^w^ It's not a fan group at all, although I'm usually the one that corrects people that misquote the movies. Oddly enough, it's helped me keep the Spirit close to me on a daily basis because it really focuses on service, charity, controlling your emotions for the sake of others, etc. I wonder how it compares to being a missonary.
Special Clothing: Don't even go there! I wore a Jedi outfit to the third Star Wars, on the third day when nobody was dressing up anymore! >w< I wore a costume to Scarborough Faire and two different versions of the same one at A-kon! ]]> ~AntherKaran http://AntherKaran.deviantart.com/journal/6110496/ http://AntherKaran.deviantart.com/journal/6110496/ Tue, 02 Aug 2005 08:52:56 PDT ~AntherKaran http://AntherKaran.deviantart.com/journal/6061028/ http://AntherKaran.deviantart.com/journal/6061028/ Thu, 28 Jul 2005 19:14:36 PDT
1. The last 3 nights, I've been having serious insomnia which usually never happens to meh.
2. I've had the strangest feelings about Spoon...something about him may be changing. -shrugs-
3. I got me labtop fixed and the TV room is now my domain.

And my nightmares have finally stopped, with some other stuff which I now can't remember. ]]> ~AntherKaran