http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:ApocalypticAtsuko&section=today deviantART RSS for by:ApocalypticAtsuko en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Tue, 22 Dec 2009 06:18:57 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://ApocalypticAtsuko.deviantart.com/journal/28969194/ http://ApocalypticAtsuko.deviantart.com/journal/28969194/ Tue, 15 Dec 2009 19:32:22 PST
I just got a shit ton of new manga supplies and I'm just bomboozled. I look at the nifty paper and it's so nice and clean and ready, I almost can't bring myself to sully it.

I've been thinking of maybe posting the comic in English instead of Japanese.

I've also been thinking of drawing a few new pages to be pages leading up to the page1 and page 2 I have already posted, and going to redraw from there for better readability, layout, wording, etc.

Overhaul! Maybe?

]]> ~ApocalypticAtsuko http://ApocalypticAtsuko.deviantart.com/journal/28868701/ http://ApocalypticAtsuko.deviantart.com/journal/28868701/ Thu, 10 Dec 2009 16:44:40 PST
]]> ~ApocalypticAtsuko http://ApocalypticAtsuko.deviantart.com/journal/28771943/ http://ApocalypticAtsuko.deviantart.com/journal/28771943/ Sat, 05 Dec 2009 17:48:15 PST
I've kinda written (drawn..) myself into a corner with this comic...

What I've realized is that my backgrounds have been so haphazardly drawn that uhhhh the room doesn't really make sense.

SO for future comics, don't be alarmed if the landscape of the house they're currently performing in changes dramatically. i'm not going to re-draw the pages i've already done (not for that reason anyway) because of that, I'm just gonna change it.

That is all.

]]> ~ApocalypticAtsuko http://ApocalypticAtsuko.deviantart.com/journal/28600949/ http://ApocalypticAtsuko.deviantart.com/journal/28600949/ Thu, 26 Nov 2009 22:54:40 PST
Such is not the case, it seems. Page 4 of Doreiseido is now underway, and man I tell you what. It's all just coming back to me. It's like... like... in my drawing hiatus my skills didn't dwindle, they just... got stronger from misuse. I wish my muscles were like that.

Once again, the thing is in Japanese. I'll translate it of course so you can follow the story.It really is shaping up to be a pretty good story. i was just going to make page four the official beginning of all the SEX but... then I decided to take it another direction and start to develop some depth in our co-star, the man. The man will henceforth be named Henry.

So, characters: Man = henry; ponytail girl = Lisa; daya = slave girl.

Another thing I would like to note, in light of some comments made on my most recent page, is that given the adult nature of this work, it should be made known that all characters portrayed in this story are 21 years of age or older. Any character depictions presented in this work are entirely fictional and are not intended to portray any real live persons, real or imagined.

Now that that's out of the way, let's see how this thing goes. Fav the piece if you like it, so i can see just how well received or not this story is.

]]> ~ApocalypticAtsuko http://ApocalypticAtsuko.deviantart.com/journal/28574466/ http://ApocalypticAtsuko.deviantart.com/journal/28574466/ Wed, 25 Nov 2009 18:15:09 PST
"Doreiseido" literally means "slavery". If it wasn't apparent that this is a BDSM flavor story, then you probably are too sheltered to read it.

Well, actually. If you aren't Japanese/don't understand Japanese, then you aren't going to understand it anyway.

Anyway, tis a story about a modern-day slave girl, whom I have for years fondly referred to as "daya". You've seen her glorious images sprinkled through out my art for some time now. This is her story.

This is the story of who she is, what she is, how she became what she is, what she wants to be, where she's going, and how she gets there. It is a story of hardship, romance, and self-discovery, depicting her interactions with the present paired with the memories of her tortured past, and the journey she is on as she shapes her future blah blah blah. I'm hoping it will have a happy ending.

You might notice the first couple of pages suck complete ass. As in, they are on LINED PAPER for one thing...and they aren't inked, no screen tone, no BACKGROUNDS...well nothing pro like I used to do. The subsequent pages will be on plain white paper in much finer detail until I am able to procure for myself a fresh supply of mangaka materials.

There may be an English release in the future... I may post the translations along with the pages. I dunno. We'll see. It all depends on how many people want to read it.

]]> ~ApocalypticAtsuko http://ApocalypticAtsuko.deviantart.com/journal/25806629/ http://ApocalypticAtsuko.deviantart.com/journal/25806629/ Tue, 07 Jul 2009 21:53:44 PDT
Back in May, Ben and I went to Houston for my ex-husband's sister's wedding, in which I was proud to participate as a bride's maid. It was a beautiful ceremony, although it was pouring down rain. Robin was absolutely gorgeous, and I could not have possibly been more happy for her. It was also nice to get to see Ben.

While we were there, we made the dinner circuit and he got to meet my whole family, pretty much. It seemed as though everybody liked him alright. My baby sister liked him A LOT. Probably because she came with us to Kay Jewelers when Ben was buying me a new pair of (*cough* DIAMOND) ear rings and he also bought her and Tiffany some jewelry as well. What a giving, kind, generous man he is.

I've also been talking with Ben's mom on the phone from time to time. She's a very nice lady and now that the cat's out of the bag, his family is asking him about me constantly. I'm supposed to be heading down to Florida with him in December some time to meet the folks. I've got to say, I've never been more nervous about meeting anyone in my life. I'm sure it won't be as bad as I'm afraid it will be... but we'll just have to see.

It's been pretty much decided that when I graduate next year, I'm packing up and moving to Virginia to move in with Ben... And I'm thinking about a year after that we'll be getting married. If all goes according to plan. I do wish we could be together now, but I have bigger fish to fry...like paying off the rest of my credit cards and finishing my AAS degree and bulking up my savings accounts...So much to do, so little time.

Not much else is going on here. just thought I'd drop in.

]]> ~ApocalypticAtsuko http://ApocalypticAtsuko.deviantart.com/journal/24086109/ http://ApocalypticAtsuko.deviantart.com/journal/24086109/ Mon, 06 Apr 2009 00:54:06 PDT
I miss my baby sister too... I miss Crystal and Tiffany more than I miss anyone else at home...

I don't know what to do with myself... I can't be there for them...I'm missing my little sister's childhood... And it's all just so miserably depressing... being alone...

]]> ~ApocalypticAtsuko http://ApocalypticAtsuko.deviantart.com/journal/21997970/ http://ApocalypticAtsuko.deviantart.com/journal/21997970/ Mon, 15 Dec 2008 13:38:58 PST
I have decided to pursue conversion to Orthodox Judaism. I have been contemplating it for some time, but recently I have made the decision that I want to convert and be Jewish.

It all started when I decided I wanted to understand more about my boyfriend's beliefs, since he's Jewish, because I thought it would be good for our relationship. I didn't initially expect to convert, but once I started reading about it, the more I learned, the more I found myself identifying and understanding the beliefs and principals of Judaism.

So, I went to the Jewish Community Center next door to my apartment complex and tracked down a Rabbi to talk to about this matter. She was very receptive and helpful, loaned me a book to read, and told me to give her a call when I was finished...

So, long story short, I read it, and that was pretty much it for me. I spoke with her again, and told her about how I wanted to pursue Orthodox Judaism, and that weekend, I got out of bed at 8 o'clock Saturday morning and took myself down to the synagogue to attend the Shabbat morning service.

Well, it's a difficult thing for me to describe in words. Normally, when I go into a new situation that I'm not familiar with I'm usually very self-conscious, nervous, apprehensive, etc... but when I walked into the Chabad House, it was nothing like that. I wasn't nervous or self conscious at all. It felt like I was right where I needed to be, and it was a feeling that I've never had in my life before that I can remember, not with Christianity or even with Falun Dafa. I felt right at home, and very comfortable.

So, I am going to soon start going to classes through Chabad... and hopefully begin the long, demanding process of Orthodox Conversion.

I firmly believe that everything happens for a reason, and that I have finally found where I belong. I feel like I have finally found that piece in my life that has always been missing in my heart. And it's a very, very good feeling.

I am no longer so restless, or depressed. I am content, and I am excited to begin the process and show the Rabbi that I am sincere in my desire to convert to Judaism and observe the mitzvot in the Torah.

Wish me luck! I certainly have a long row to hoe.

]]> ~ApocalypticAtsuko http://ApocalypticAtsuko.deviantart.com/journal/21583187/ http://ApocalypticAtsuko.deviantart.com/journal/21583187/ Thu, 20 Nov 2008 14:42:30 PST I can't say the words I want to say the most.

The happiness I've dreamed of
is best before it's realized because
If I finally achieve it, I'll be attacked
by my fear of losing it.

So people aren't simple enough
to satisfy me.

Everyone has their wounds,
but sometimes kindness
soaks in. It hurts a lot;
so much that they being to cry.

I'm healed by my loneliness.
I don't want to be alone,
I have you, so
I want to sleep peacefully.

Maybe because someday I'll be able to say
the words I want to, I sing on and on.

Maybe I've come to like this person because
I can't hear the words I want to hear the most.



ROMAJI:


For My Dear...
sakushi: hamasaki ayumi
sakkyoku: hoshino yasuhiko
henkyoku: hoshino yasuhiko

ichiban ni iitai kotoba dake ienakute
kono uta o utatte iru no ka mo shirenai

yume ni mita shiawase wa
tsukamu made ga ichi ban ii
te ni irete shimaeba kondo wa
ushinau kowasa osou kara

da kara tte warikireru kurai
ningen tte kantan demo nai

dare mo ga kizu wo motte
iru kara toki ni yasashisa ga
shimite kite totemo itaku tte
naki dashisou ni nattari suru

samishisa ga jibun o tsukurou
hitori kiri naritakunai kara
watashi ni wa anata ga iru kara
heiki to omotte nemuri ni tsukitai

itsu no hi ka iitai kotoba dake iesou de
uta o utaitsudsukete iku no ka mo shiranai

ichi ban ni kikitai kotoba dake kikenakute
hito o suki ni nattari suru no ka mo shirenai

]]> ~ApocalypticAtsuko http://ApocalypticAtsuko.deviantart.com/journal/21563067/ http://ApocalypticAtsuko.deviantart.com/journal/21563067/ Wed, 19 Nov 2008 08:42:22 PST
I finally told Ben about my move...He wasn't exactly mad, but he DID laugh at me for...quite a while. Oh well...

I've gotta get back on my art or something... I never did get around to finishing that new fairy pic or that other pic I drew... and I don't wanna lose my TALENT.

Be warned kids...going for long periods of time without drawing ANYTHING will induce necrosis in your drawing capabilities. I must fight to over come this.

So anyway, my boss wants me to cook up a turkey bird for the Thanksgiving Partay next week...

This gon'be GOOD.

]]> ~ApocalypticAtsuko http://ApocalypticAtsuko.deviantart.com/journal/21549211/ http://ApocalypticAtsuko.deviantart.com/journal/21549211/ Tue, 18 Nov 2008 11:25:33 PST
He keeps on saying he's just going to "wait and see" with me...

I just feel as though I'm floating about here in limbo... I love Ben very much but he just... doesn't seem interested in me anymore...I don't know...

I just... I don't want to look for someone else... and I have the feeling he's got his eyes open for someone out there... he tells me he isn't looking, but it wouldn't be the first time a man has lied to me just to spare my feelings...

It's probably not just him...I'm just depressed... so depressed. I know I shouldn't be but I just am...

I love Ben, but it doesn't matter one wit to him... I just want to cry...

]]> ~ApocalypticAtsuko http://ApocalypticAtsuko.deviantart.com/journal/21013097/ http://ApocalypticAtsuko.deviantart.com/journal/21013097/ Thu, 16 Oct 2008 07:55:02 PDT
Don't get me wrong, I'm an artist. I just never used my artwork to express anything besides y'know... cool lookin' artwork. Drawin' stuff i like.

I use my MOUTH to express my important messages. That way they're very sure to be clearly interpreted.

It just galls me the way these artsy-fartsy types make all their emotional or political or whatever art work with their "deeper meanings" embedded in them, then write about all this self-righteous, arrogant crap that it's supposed to be about as if I'm not aware of what's going on around me.

Like... they just have to make a statement. WHY does everyone have to make a statement? Ohh I know why. Because as long as there are two people out there in the world, they're all gonna want to feel important and tell everyone what's going on in their head.

Well, I've got news. Human beings, as capable as we all are of feelings and love and caring and all that with our families, we are the most egocentric beings there are. This is why you don't score friends by whining about your own problems, and it helps to listen to all the screwed up things about other peoples' lives.

That's probably why I have no friends.

]]> ~ApocalypticAtsuko http://ApocalypticAtsuko.deviantart.com/journal/20906127/ http://ApocalypticAtsuko.deviantart.com/journal/20906127/ Thu, 09 Oct 2008 13:33:40 PDT own country, which didn't encourage freedom of religion,
freedom of speech, and freedom of the individual.
So they migrated to an uncivilized land inhabited only
by savages. The rock where they landed was to become a
national shrine - and one of the most famous monuments
in the world.

They drove off the natives, built rude shelters and
houses of worship, meanwhile setting aside a special
day to give thanks.

These pilgrims - all stern, austere men - believed in
their God, but they also believed in work. They
established schools under religious leaders that,
in a way, became the first public, free education
in the world.

Through hard, determined labor they forged a colony
while the rest of the world chuckled.

But the pilgrims persevered. Intolerant of wrongdoing,
they used gallows to punish criminals. In their day-to-day
activities they had no patience for the weak and
degenerate, who, if pampered, become the cancer of
a nation.

Shortly, these pilgrims engaged in trade and commerce
as their community grew. In the process, they became
moderately prosperous.

Other colonists came and established other communities.
And some of the noblest words ever written began to
surface. Facades of our modern government buildings
bear some of the the legends written back then:
'liberty', 'justice', 'freedom of worship.'

Then one of the older nations sent tax agents to
exploit the colonists. Alarmed, the colonists sent
their greatest men as representatives to a general
assembly, choosing a gentleman farmer as their leader.
He united them and shook off the shackles of oppression
as they won the fight against the 'old world' and became
a strong nation. That farmer is known as the 'father of
his country.'

The new nation formed two houses of government. The
more powerful was the Senate, whose members could be
elected only if they were men of probity (integrity),
honor, patriotism, and religion. The nation became a
republic, though it is a republic no longer.

Ultimately, a civil war divided the fledgling country.
Its leader, who tried to keep the republic united, was
assassinated in the shadow of government buildings.

Eventually, many of the nation's senators became
ambitious for power. They began to make deals with
leaders of important factions.

And the republic now became entangled in alliances
with foreign nations. The alliances brought wars; the
wars brought taxes. But the citizens didn't seem to
mind. War, after all, also increased trade and industry.
And, besides, the new taxes affected only the rich.

The farmers rebelled, sending petitions for subsidies,
price supports. Government, wanting support for its own
schemes, brought up the surplus crops and stored them
in warehouses, where they rotted. Not to be outdone,
industrialists were next to ask for tax benefits.

Finally, the government became all powerful. It
guaranteed to protect the people from all forces of
nature. And taxation grew and grew. Bureaucracy thrived
as free housing, free food, free entertainment came next.

The middle class declined under the added tax burdens.
And crime became so commonplace that it was dangerous
to walk the streets at night.

A crippled man led the nation into more wars and
foreign entanglements. Patriots became known as radicals.
A general, who had been victimized by the government,
pleaded with the nation to remember her past, to return
to honor, to decent government, to the principles of
the founding fathers. The people scoffed, and he died
bitterly thinking his anguished thoughts.

An honest senator dared to speak out for a halt to
foreign subversion and to constant foreign aid and
draining away from the people's money. The public at
large recoiled, branding him a reactionary.

The nation fell deeper into debt. It joined a league
of the world with enemies that exploited her. She
increased taxes to send her wheat to those enemies.
And she devalued her currency, substituting base
materials for precious metals in her coins.

She became allied with powerful barbarians in still
another stupid war. She sent 'experts' to school the
barbarians in the latest scientific discoveries.

The nation was now totally corrupt. Its middle class
was finally dead. The barbarians moved in... and took
over. And they destroyed the civilization.

That nation's name?

Ancient Rome.

Identification Notes

The pilgrim's rock - Foundati... ]]> ~ApocalypticAtsuko http://ApocalypticAtsuko.deviantart.com/journal/20594895/ http://ApocalypticAtsuko.deviantart.com/journal/20594895/ Sun, 21 Sep 2008 02:23:24 PDT
I uninstalled the program from my computer.

I deleted the client and all files associated with it.


I have better things to do. Nothing but a load of filthy stinking no-life losers who need to stop playing video games and get fucking jobs.

I could feel it draining away my IQ points. Little by little.

Sorry Sora. You're one of the few people I actually enjoyed playing with. But there isn't any point in it for me.

]]> ~ApocalypticAtsuko http://ApocalypticAtsuko.deviantart.com/journal/20593415/ http://ApocalypticAtsuko.deviantart.com/journal/20593415/ Sat, 20 Sep 2008 22:54:53 PDT
Well, as I realized he was overtaking Hillary Clinton (who was ROBBED of the democratic nomination in my opinion), I began doing some digging of my own. I first heard of his affiliations through Rush Limbaugh’s popular radio program. Having been brought up by my father to never just take anyone’s word for anything (not even his own), I began searching the web for reputable articles with information on William Aires and Tony Rezko and Jeremiah Wright to see just what these affiliations are about.

This absolutely appalls me as a tax-paying American citizen. People who so casually dismiss his intimate relationship to Billy Aires and the others are so emotionally enveloped in the vacuous, flowery, empty promises he blathers on about in his speeches, that their common sense has seemingly left the building.

Remove the fact that his policies are so radically to the left that many Democrats in congress are tentative to support them, and that his economic policies spell STAGFLATION for the US economy. Forget that 47% of the time he was either unwilling, or unable to cast a vote of “yes” or “no” in the brief time he has spent in the US Senate, remove the fact that he has absolutely NO executive experience, remove the fact that he was ingrained in the Mayor Daley’s “Chicago Machine” and has never once in his career lifted a finger to uproot the abhorrent corruption in that venue. If you can get past all that, have a look at who he associates with.

William Aires, unrepentant terrorist, who bombed government property (in which several people WERE killed), who, on 9/11, was quoted on the news saying there was an eloquence in bombs. Was a close friend and mentor to Senator Obama. How can you ignore this? The BEST the situation could have been was “well, I disagree with you, but I still respect your opinion and your rights to it (even though that opinion is blatantly anti-American and terroristic).

But how could he disagree with Mr. Aires sentiments, having whole heartedly sat in the pews of Pastor Jeremiah Wright’s church, listening to him rant and rave and spew his anti-American hate-speech? And can you believe how stupid he thinks you are? “That’s not the man I’ve known for 20 years”. Please, Mr. Obama. You yourself named him as your spiritual mentor, who baptized your children, married you to your wife, whom you could no sooner disown than you could disown the black community. You’ve been going to the church and listening to him for 20 years. If you do not know who he is by now, Obama, you are either brain-dead, or you are LYING, and I am far more apt to assume the latter.

Let’s put aside the fact that this election is not about the black community, it is about the country of the United States of America. Let’s look at Michelle Obama, your wife, who only recently became proud of her country for the very first time! so she says. Whose college thesis, written on the divides between white and black society (i.e. how the white man has kept black down), was said to have been removed from the school’s archives, pending the conclusion of the presidential election.

Everything this man is about is to erode the god-given freedoms set forth by our founding fathers. He wants to markedly expand the size of government, and implement all manner of new social programs, all with mine and your money, while the government, run by politician, is in no way qualified to run health care, or the schools, or wall-street.

What I have to say is please, for the love of god people, open your eyes to the fact that this is not the man we want running this country. Please.

]]> ~ApocalypticAtsuko http://ApocalypticAtsuko.deviantart.com/journal/20496442/ http://ApocalypticAtsuko.deviantart.com/journal/20496442/ Sun, 14 Sep 2008 20:07:18 PDT
Not much going on. I'm doing good in math so far. Got off to a rock start but...oh well. I'm gonna do great, I can feel it.

Level 67 on my night elf rogue. Got me some upgrade in Auchenai Crypts and I also ran Slave Pens and Old Hillsbrad with Sora, and a couple other guildies. We had one outsider who was a total bitch through the whole thing. Ugh. BUT it was really cool to actually do something with the guys in my guild.

I know it sounds stupid, but when Dirtyfrank (formerly known to me as.. UncleanFrank for some reason..) came to tank for us, I was a little bit star struck. He is one of our best raiders and he was there running an instance with ME!!! lol I was so nervous, actually. I guess I wanted to impress him... I doubt that I succeeded but I'm getting better!!!

Ben and I are diong good. had a long talk tonight... I gotta say, I've got a lot of hope for the future...

I'm feeling better.

]]> ~ApocalypticAtsuko http://ApocalypticAtsuko.deviantart.com/journal/20420406/ http://ApocalypticAtsuko.deviantart.com/journal/20420406/ Wed, 10 Sep 2008 09:53:35 PDT
I was at the grocery store the other day, and I was casually perusing the cereal aisle, looking for some kind of granola bar or breakfast bar... and this young man who happened to be doing the same thing said something about how many varieties there were and I made a witty remark back and kind of wandered off...

Well, this guy came up to me a few minutes later as I was making my way through the juice aisle, and he said...

"Excuse me, but...you're just...so beautiful. A woman like you must be taken."

well, I was a little taken aback. But we started talking and we strolled around the grocery store for a little while, making conversation... and when I said I need to go, he said "well, I hope whoever you're with understands how lucky he is..."

Well... I don't think he does...

]]> ~ApocalypticAtsuko http://ApocalypticAtsuko.deviantart.com/journal/20411601/ http://ApocalypticAtsuko.deviantart.com/journal/20411601/ Tue, 09 Sep 2008 17:55:40 PDT
Last night, I cried myself to sleep...for no apparent reason. I don't know what was wrong... I was just fine...then I just got miserably depressed.

It has a lot to do with Ben, I'm sure...

Sigh.

I don't know what to say... other than at the end of the day I always have the nagging feeling that I'm going to die miserable and alone...

I ought to just get used to it, I guess. You'd think I'd be used to it by now...

Sometimes I wish that something awful would happen to me. i don't know.. I just see it all falling apart. Me and Ben... every relationship I've ever had...

whenever I express my feelings to him... i'm just making a mountain out of a mole hill, or I'm making an ass of myself.

siiigghhh...

depression hurts...

]]> ~ApocalypticAtsuko http://ApocalypticAtsuko.deviantart.com/journal/20226811/ http://ApocalypticAtsuko.deviantart.com/journal/20226811/ Fri, 29 Aug 2008 21:41:17 PDT
In light of McCaine's choice of Sarah Palin as his running mate, I must say it was a wise move of him to select a woman to run on the ticket with him, considering the fact that all of those snubbed Hillary supporters who were on the fence about supporting Obama after what was done to Mrs. Clinton will now probably vote for McCaine at the very least as a right-back-atcha to the Dems. But that isn't the only reason it was a good choice. I'll go into that in another dissertation.

As for Barack Obama... I'm stunned that he has made it this far without actually have his political background and credentials more closely examined, if examined at all by any of his vacuous headed followers who seem to think he is the Messiah come to lead us into a new era of hope and unity and change. Have these people no brains? Are they illiterate, or are they too lazy to actually look at the political record of this man?

Take away the fact that he is married to a racist whose college thesis, written on racial divides and all the ways the white man has oppressed the black community, was temporarily removed from the Princeton archives until the passing of this years presidential election.

Barack Obama has never stood for change, and has never worked for change in his career. All you need to do to discover this is to carefully examine his years climbing the political ladder in Chicago, a fortunate contributor to Mayor Daley's "Chicago Machine" of crony-ism, nepotism, and corruption, where he continuously supported candidates who he admittedly knew were corrupt, knew were not for change and reform, and knew were on the same side of the line as he was.

Barack Obama did not win elections by being the best possible choice of the people. He won elections by hiring professionals to disqualify his opposition on technicalities, thus clearing the playing field.

Examine Barack Obama's affiliations, if you have the stomach to. His close friend of many years, William Aires, a man who should be behind bars, who admittedly and un-repentantly bombed government property and police stations in New York, has supported Barack Obama and has been a mentor to our supposedly anointed candidate. What do you think he learned from Bill Aires, the unrepentant terrorist?

Let us not forget his pastor of 20 years, the Reverend of the primarily black church with its African Agenda, Jeremiah Wright. Sat in the pews for 20 years listening to this man spewing his America-hating, black-supremacist rag. Was "like a father to him" and "baptized his children" and performed his wedding ceremony. And he wants to claim that he didn't know this man holds the kind of beliefs that he has? PLEASE. So we're to believe, Barack Obama, that you are either a complete vapid moron, or you're lying, and I'm much more inclined to believe that you're lying.

There is nothing, and I mean NOTHING, new about Senator Barack Obama. There is nothing revolutionary, and he does not support reform, and he does not care about YOU. He is not interested in cutting deficit spending. When your taxes quadruple under his regime, the money will not go pay off the colossal national debt, but to his social programs for the lowest common denominator in this country. Barack Obama is poised to devastate this country economically.

He is dangerous because he can go out there and rouse the brainless wonders of the world with his compelling speeches. He is dangerous because for whatever reason (*cough* because he's black) no body wants to question him or dig into his past, or closely examine his qualifications, for fear the Obama camp will point the burning finger of racism upon them. He is dangerous because if he gets into office with a democratic congress behind him, he will do all within his power to bring to an end the freedom and liberty we enjoy as our way of life in the United States of America.

You may call me a racist if you'd like. That's typically what liberals say even as I pin point facts and legitimate reasons I do not want him in office. I don't care what you call me. Those of you who don't work, who do not pay taxes, you people out there who think you'll be getting something for free from Barack Obama, you call me whatever you like, but nothing is free.

I think people in this country need to start waking up to the reality of who Barack Obama really is. Once he gets into the white house it will be too late.

]]> ~ApocalypticAtsuko http://ApocalypticAtsuko.deviantart.com/journal/20139985/ http://ApocalypticAtsuko.deviantart.com/journal/20139985/ Sun, 24 Aug 2008 22:59:02 PDT
It was so wonderful. I'm uploading a couple of pictures of Ben and I, so y'all can see what my sweet heart looks like... I know he probably isn't typically good looking, but to me... He is the most gorgeous man in the world... ;-;

We had such a wonderful time... I just... I hope one of these days, I'm lucky enough to be with him permanently...


;-; When is he gonna ask me to marry him...

]]> ~ApocalypticAtsuko http://ApocalypticAtsuko.deviantart.com/journal/19911391/ http://ApocalypticAtsuko.deviantart.com/journal/19911391/ Tue, 12 Aug 2008 07:43:12 PDT
I always think back to that day... the day I got in my car and drove away from everything and came here... to New mexico... I remember the very first moment I laid eyes on Ben, when I met up with him at that gas station on the corner... I remember all the apprehension I felt...

Oddly... at that time, when he walked over to me, put his arms around me, and hugged me...even though I'd never met him before that, it... didn't feel bad...which says a lot since I usually can't stand anyone within about three feet of me, let alone touching me...but..that's a whole other story...

i dunno what I'm saying here... I just... I dunno... I am leaving on Thursday to go see Ben...


I just hope things haven't changed... at least not too much...

]]> ~ApocalypticAtsuko http://ApocalypticAtsuko.deviantart.com/journal/19616293/ http://ApocalypticAtsuko.deviantart.com/journal/19616293/ Sun, 27 Jul 2008 00:57:31 PDT
It doesn't matter how great my job is... how well I do in school...doesn't matter how good my credit is or how much money I have... I'm always miserable for some reason... I can't help it...

I give all of this just to be with someone that would love me...

but here I am...alone... I'm always alone... I don't trust anyone... I can't get close to anyone... i try to love myself and just...be good enough for me but... that isn't enough...

Even if I had everything I could possibly ask for in the world it wouldn't mean anything if I had no one to share it with... What worries me is that it doesn't look like I'm ever going to have that...

I know I know. "you're so young blah blah you'll find someone blah blah" bull shit... It's crap... I know me... and I know that...when Ben finally tells me we're never going to get married and it doesn't work out... My poor retarded heart will be broken again...

He says the more rejection you take the easier it gets to bounce back... well i don't think that's true...the more rejection i take...the less I care... the more withdrawn i get...

i just know I'm going to die alone... I'm never going to have children... I'm never going to get married again... I'm never going to have my own happy family...

it just... i just can't see it...

]]> ~ApocalypticAtsuko http://ApocalypticAtsuko.deviantart.com/journal/19301067/ http://ApocalypticAtsuko.deviantart.com/journal/19301067/ Wed, 09 Jul 2008 22:04:51 PDT
So, I've cooled it down a bit on the World of Warcraft. But I think there's something wrong with these red beans and rice... I might've left them in the car a bit too long. But I digress.

I've been a bit depressed the past week... Having all sorts of thoughts about me and Ben... bad thoughts... *sighs* I don't know what is wrong with me. I keep having thoughts like he's going to leave me eventually and it's only a matter of time before this is all over too... But...

I guess I'm insecure about our relationship because of my negative past experiences...and he's ambivalent about our relationship because of his past experience. Insecure and ambivalent...there's a great combination. Heh.

I'm just over reacting. Next month, August the... 6th. Will make two years we've been together...He's stuck by me through so much, and I've changed so much since I came here to be with him... Why would he leave me now, when he put up with so much and things are finally getting better for me? He put a lot of work into me after all. Why would he ditch when it's finally paying off? He may still get a return on his investment after all.

Oh, and by the way.
I quit smoking. 10 days ago and counting.

]]> ~ApocalypticAtsuko http://ApocalypticAtsuko.deviantart.com/journal/19048401/ http://ApocalypticAtsuko.deviantart.com/journal/19048401/ Wed, 25 Jun 2008 23:14:40 PDT
God people... i've been sucked into it... the World of Warcraft... I've leveled up almost 30 levels in about 2 weeks. I don't know if that's good or not but anyway...

Life is beginning to adjust, gradually, to Ben's absence. I've always said, it's amazing just what someone can get used to.

I hate to say this... but it's true... when someone leaves my immediate sphere of existence and goes to an inaccessible place... my most immediate, knee-jerk reaction is to forget it. Whenever I drive around town, I make a conscious effort to not think about when, if ever, Ben and I were there together. I try not to think about the time we spent here...

I still can't bring myself to go back to his old apartment... Not that I want to go BACK to the apartment; I can't even drive past the building. i can't even travel the stretch of road between Eubank and Juan Tabo on Lomas Blvd. I just can't. It's the one place that... brings everything back...

So i'm going to see him in August... but i'm still so lonely... so isolated... and so very sad most of the time...

*sigh* So many things are going well for me in my life... so many good things... And it seems that the one thing I can never have is the thing that matters most to me...

/sigh
/logout

]]> ~ApocalypticAtsuko http://ApocalypticAtsuko.deviantart.com/journal/18792388/ http://ApocalypticAtsuko.deviantart.com/journal/18792388/ Wed, 11 Jun 2008 21:15:40 PDT
I really miss Ben. I actually had a dream about him last night... *sighs*

I know I've said it before... I know I don't say it as easily as I did five years ago... But I love him. I was online looking at wedding dresses, and I found the one I want...

Ben SAYS nothing is certain yet... but he talked to his parents and told them about how old I am, and what I'm up to... and they're okay with it. So that's half the battle... All I have to do now is finish college.

He won't commit to anything out loud, but when I graduate from college, and he comes to see me walk across that stage with my Bachelor's degree... oh yes. First thing I'm going to do after I graduate is... God I don't know. Start looking for a job wherever he's at...

What am I saying... oh yes... I love Ben...and we're going to be married... and we're going to be happy...

...and if he leaves me, I'll move to Japan and teach English... yep...


I've got the plan...

]]> ~ApocalypticAtsuko http://ApocalypticAtsuko.deviantart.com/journal/18739891/ http://ApocalypticAtsuko.deviantart.com/journal/18739891/ Sun, 08 Jun 2008 23:20:44 PDT
I don't know if it was or not. I hardly remember it... I slept until noon yesterday... I don't remember what I did Friday. I think I went to meet a co-worker at some restaurant at a hotel... But I felt very ill so I went home and went to bed with a head ache...

So yeah, I got up like...noon... I don't remember what all I did yesterday... damn it... I came home and...jeez... I went out, but where did I go... I went to Costco... then I came home and did the dishes...

Today... I got up and went and did laundry... then I went to the grocery store to get some odds and ends for dinner... I made a roast chicken with potatoes and onions, and corn on the cob... it was delicious... I carved up the bird and put the leftovers in the fridge...

Ben's parents visited him today in Virginia... He was planning on having a talk with them about ... us. Me and Him... I don't know if that went well, I haven't been able to get a hold of him all day... I hope it went alright. I'm very nervous about the whole thing...

But I have nice clean sheets, clean clothing, clean towels, and a relatively clean kitchen... and I'm very tired.

Good night world...

]]> ~ApocalypticAtsuko http://ApocalypticAtsuko.deviantart.com/journal/18419276/ http://ApocalypticAtsuko.deviantart.com/journal/18419276/ Tue, 20 May 2008 17:10:03 PDT
Okay I hope no body thinks I'm shallow or anything, but about a month ago, I started taking this herbal supplement called New Bust which is obviously supposed to naturally make your breasts more developed.

I must admit, I was skeptical of it, but I've never really been happy with my pair, so I decided to give it a whirl. The worst thing that could happen is my boobs wouldn't grow, right? yeah.

TEE HEEE.

It's WORKING. It's been about a month, like I said, and there is a visible difference. They're firmer, perkier (and believe me, at 22, I really didn't think they could GET perkier), and best of all, they're getting bigger!!!

WHEE!!! I don't have to cinch my bra up to my armpits just to get a tiny glimmer of cleavage! I actually am filling out my swim suit top from two years ago now!!! @_@ oh I'm definitely gonna keep taking this stuff.

So to all you less-breasted ladies out there, take heart!!!! There is a natural product out there that WORKS!!! You don't have to have artificial augmentations, or cosmetic surgery! Screw implants!!!

God, I love herbal remedies, don't you?

]]> ~ApocalypticAtsuko http://ApocalypticAtsuko.deviantart.com/journal/18064025/ http://ApocalypticAtsuko.deviantart.com/journal/18064025/ Mon, 28 Apr 2008 00:28:18 PDT
I don't know what to do with myself now that Ben is gone... I miss him so much...

;-; I love Ben... I really really do... this is different... I don't know how to explain... but... I think once I finish my two year degree... if I my functionality keeps improving and maturing at the same pace it has over the past six months...

I think Ben may ask me to marry him...

]]> ~ApocalypticAtsuko http://ApocalypticAtsuko.deviantart.com/journal/17984565/ http://ApocalypticAtsuko.deviantart.com/journal/17984565/ Tue, 22 Apr 2008 22:46:26 PDT
I hardly even know what to say... I've never felt so horrible.

We spent the night together last night...at the Hilton hotel, in a beautiful room overlooking the city... and we had a very special night together... I just wanted to stay there with him, in his arms, just like that forever... I did everything I could to embed those moments in my mind, his face... to savor every second, and hold on to it... but it was all over too fast... the sun came up too soon...

The only thing I can remember wanting more than Ben not to leave was for my father not to die...

So I went to work... and he came and had lunch with me before he set out...and we talked and ate as usual...as if he weren't about to leave... And when he dropped me off at my office, I almost couldn't get out of the car...He held me so tightly, and when I said "I love you", he actually said "I love you too"...

I had to go to his apartment after work to get the rest of the stuff he'd left behind... it wasn't seeing the empty apartment that destroyed me... It was when I went into his bedroom, and looked out on the balcony and saw my wind chimes still hanging from the roof that I just came apart. When I saw them, everything just came back to me... like every moment we'd spent together hit me all at once, knowing it was gone... I've never cried so hard in my life.

So the page turns again... the chapter of me and Ben, this great phase of growth and learning in my life... is over... my mentor...my lover...my friend... is gone. no more watching movies together at his apartment... no more grabbing a bite to eat, no more spending hours working on programs... no more laying in bed together talking and cuddling...

Sure, we'll still talk on the phone, but it won't be the same... he isn't here... and I'm alone. I never did know how to say good bye... I could easily put Zach out of my mind and forget him because of... how he was to me... but Ben... he never once did anything to hurt me... he only changed my life and helped me in every way he possibly could... he gave me my life.

So help me god, I love him. I realize it now more than anything I've ever felt... I love him with all my heart. I had myself convinced once that love was not real, it was all a fraud... but I was wrong. I care for him so much... I love him. I don't care how old he is...

All I know is right now all I want to do is cry.

]]> ~ApocalypticAtsuko http://ApocalypticAtsuko.deviantart.com/journal/17760403/ http://ApocalypticAtsuko.deviantart.com/journal/17760403/ Wed, 09 Apr 2008 08:33:18 PDT
I guess I'm just getting used to the idea of him moving, and seeing how miserable he is here, knowing how much he hated his job here, and his whole experience here (with the exception of the past year and a half. ^_^'... I am happy for him... I'm happy he's going to have a good job that he'll enjoy, and I'm happy he's going to be making the kind of money he deserves and will be able to pay off that debt his ex-wife stuck him with... I'm happy he'll be able to get into a house and get that dog I know he wants so much...

I don't know why, but we are getting along so well now. It's like... strange. He still talks to me about straightening some things out, adjusting my budget, etc, but... In conversation, he talks differently to me... He talks to like... like the way one friend talks to another, between two people who don't owe each other anything... he doesn't talk to me like a parent to a child, or a mentor to a protegeé...

I think his interest in me is actually growing... and the better I do, and the more solid I am, the more interest he has in me... I always thought that we couldn't have a relationship because it would always be him having me do what he thought was best for me... but... I don't think that's how it would be.

There are so many considerations... the age difference... our different places in life... our different religious practices... (a jew and a buddhist...sounds like a good mix.)

I don't know... he and I aren't there yet, but... I just won't think about it until we get there, if we get there.

]]> ~ApocalypticAtsuko http://ApocalypticAtsuko.deviantart.com/journal/17659263/ http://ApocalypticAtsuko.deviantart.com/journal/17659263/ Wed, 02 Apr 2008 21:29:53 PDT
My dear friend and mentor, Ben, is moving to Maryland next month. He's been offered a much better job than the one he has now, and he can't afford not to go...

So, after almost two years of continuous help and support... after completely changing everything about myself and my life as I knew it before... I will be alone again. This time for real...

It breaks my heart to see him go... He's probably one of the most important things that's ever happened to me... and I can count very few people who have had such a significant impact on me and my life. I love this man, be it gratitude or friendship or whatever...I love him.

*sighs*

Where do we go from here...

]]> ~ApocalypticAtsuko http://ApocalypticAtsuko.deviantart.com/journal/17533155/ http://ApocalypticAtsuko.deviantart.com/journal/17533155/ Wed, 26 Mar 2008 21:42:16 PDT
Tonight I went on an 80s music marathon...

I don't know what to say right now... Ben called me this evening, and didn't have a particular reason. That's a change. He always has a specific thing to talk to me about if HE calls ME.

So it was nice... we didn't talk about... anything, we just talked. Like two people that don't owe each other anything. And he said he may have been measuring my progress on a skewed scale, alluding to not giving me enough credit for all I've done.

To me.. this is interesting. He called ME. Not for any particular reason. He just wanted to talk. He was thinking of me so he called. That's never happened before...

But I know he's leaving soon... So what's the point?

]]> ~ApocalypticAtsuko http://ApocalypticAtsuko.deviantart.com/journal/17513897/ http://ApocalypticAtsuko.deviantart.com/journal/17513897/ Tue, 25 Mar 2008 17:32:14 PDT
There was a time when Joe (some names have been changed to "protect" the "innocent") lived with me briefly. It was during this time that the two of us plus good old Jimmy decided to attend a going-away party for an acquaintance of ours who happened to be shipping out with the Navy or Airforce or Army or something like that... Since there was to be some drinking at this party, Jimmy was designated as our designated driver.

Well, in light of the fact that there was alcohol at this jam, I kindly told "Joe" that I didn't mind if he had something to drink, just asked that he kindly not get shit faced... well... he did. He consumed as much alcohol as he could while we were at the party, which unsurprisingly resulted in him evacuating the contents of his stomach and quite possibly small intestine onto our friend's back patio. In addition to some erratic drunken behavior, the subsequent total embarrassing of me in front of people I'd known since 7th grade, and heinous accusations on my moral fiber, we left the party.

To this day (or more accurately, to yesterday), I had always believed that he had done it out of spite, just because I'd asked him not to drink too much. Boy, was I ever wrong.

It was revealed during my conversation with Jimmy last night that there had actually been a PLAN to it all along. He hadn't done it to spite me. No he had drank as much as he could because he was afraid I was going to do something with the numerous under-age high school-going males in attendance at the party.

I required some clarification.

He TOLD Jimmy his plan. I had to ask... Did he intend to get so drunk that I'd have no choice but to stay sober and take care of him, or did he just plan on trying to drink ALL the alcohol, so there wouldn't be any for me?? ... apparently, it was the second one.

There were several cases of different varieties of beer, and a sizable selection of hard liquor at this party. And he had intended to drink it ALL.

The moral of this story is...just when you think a person can't get any dumber, they prove you wrong, even retrospectively. Don't ever say "It can't get any worse"

]]> ~ApocalypticAtsuko http://ApocalypticAtsuko.deviantart.com/journal/17488517/ http://ApocalypticAtsuko.deviantart.com/journal/17488517/ Mon, 24 Mar 2008 08:23:40 PDT
I spent all day yesterday doing ... stuff... with my computers. I learned how to install new hardware, how to set the jumpers to configure devices to Master/Slave, I installed a new OS, a two new hard drives, a new video/sound card, a USB 4-port expansion, two new CD/DVD drives(CD ROM / CD R), and a new 3 1/2 Floppy A drive; I learned how to configure a BIOS, I learned how to partition a hard drive, I learned how to trouble shoot equipment... I learned where everything is on the mother board... I learned what parts should go where, and how to tell where they go... last but not least, I installed a KVM switch so I can operate both machines off of one monitor.

I took most of the components out of an old box Ben gave me... I took that 15Gb hard drive out of that machine, I took the floppy A drive, I took the sound card, the video card... It's my experiment box. It's basically an empty shell now. It's got the motherboard in there and the memory still... but the processor is really old and so is the motherboard. I was considering buying new memory or a new processor for my old machine, but I've gotta look some stuff up on that...

So anyway, I'm turning in to a genuine, Grade-A techy geek. ^_^
Yay!

Just don't ask me to come over and fix your computer unless you want to pay $70 an hour.

]]> ~ApocalypticAtsuko http://ApocalypticAtsuko.deviantart.com/journal/17444842/ http://ApocalypticAtsuko.deviantart.com/journal/17444842/ Fri, 21 Mar 2008 15:20:56 PDT
I always get the feeling when it's going to end... Only this time, I'm not ignoring that feeling telling myself it won't end. I know it's going to, and I'm not afraid of it.

I have learned from hard experience that you can't hold someone in a place you know they can't stay, and you shouldn't even want to if you love them. One of you or both of you are going to change you matter what you do. There's no point in fighting against the inevitable.

I've always had a feeling for these things. In the future, I see myself alone again, and it doesn't bother me this time. I'm strong enough now to let go and move on.

Alone or together, I have no choice but to keep going on. I'm not touched by loneliness in a seemingly endless night. People come and people go, but in the end, I'm happy with myself and that is enough in its self.

* I am SO going to translate this into Japanese and turn it into a song. It's going to be a number one jam in Japan!!!"


]]> ~ApocalypticAtsuko http://ApocalypticAtsuko.deviantart.com/journal/17387851/ http://ApocalypticAtsuko.deviantart.com/journal/17387851/ Mon, 17 Mar 2008 22:14:39 PDT .< I don't know... maybe I'm just tired... and I'm missing something...

]]> ~ApocalypticAtsuko http://ApocalypticAtsuko.deviantart.com/journal/17323145/ http://ApocalypticAtsuko.deviantart.com/journal/17323145/ Thu, 13 Mar 2008 21:03:04 PDT
I am SO tired right now. I've spent MOST of this evening cleaning/ironing/putting away clothes/throwing out trash... ugh. I need to just not let my apartment fall into such a state of...utter disrepair. I haven't even started the dishes...

But anyway. Life is going great! Enjoying life as a TRULY single woman again! Work is going really well. I love my job. I'm getting more and more stuff to do, cutting my teeth on all sorts of things. It's such a great job. I can't believe what a great job I've landed.

Sometime in the near future, I should to be going out to the Metro Detention Center to help those poor people with their data infrastructure... talk about trial by fire!! I've been giving myself a crash course in database design and SQL, even though my first database class is NEXT semester. Fun fun fun fun FUN!

In other news, school goes well. I've got A's on like, EVERYTHING. ^_^ By the end of next semester, I'm hoping to have a GPA of about 3.2, if I work really hard. My work habits are getting so much better. I can't believe what a slacker I was the first few semesters. I'm really enjoying my classes and making good grades feels good. By the end of this year, I'll be halfway to my degree!!!!!!!!!! SO EXCITING!!!!

My mom and sister are coming out to visit me in May, for Memorial day. ^_^ I've got all sorts of fun activities planned for us to do! Finally I get to do some tourism in the "Land of Enchantment" . We're gonna go karaoke, hiking, visit the pueblos, check out the petroglyph monument, do the museums and shopping in old town Albuquerque... This is going to be so much fun!!! My brother said something about him and papa and grandma and Crystal coming out to visit me in April. ^_^ I'm gonna be a busy bee!!

I think that's about all that's going on for now...

]]> ~ApocalypticAtsuko http://ApocalypticAtsuko.deviantart.com/journal/17163428/ http://ApocalypticAtsuko.deviantart.com/journal/17163428/ Mon, 03 Mar 2008 11:45:16 PST
Time for a sheet-cake party!

]]> ~ApocalypticAtsuko http://ApocalypticAtsuko.deviantart.com/journal/17157018/ http://ApocalypticAtsuko.deviantart.com/journal/17157018/ Sun, 02 Mar 2008 22:19:14 PST
I guess it would probably help if I submitted some new artwork every once in a blue moon. i'm gonna do something just to... y'know... cheer me up. Let's see now...

]]> ~ApocalypticAtsuko http://ApocalypticAtsuko.deviantart.com/journal/17149365/ http://ApocalypticAtsuko.deviantart.com/journal/17149365/ Sun, 02 Mar 2008 13:01:59 PST
I think I was just bloated or something... I can explain my sudden increase in appetite... So... I'm not so hungry anymore...

and my head hurts... I go to sleep... screw cleaning.

]]> ~ApocalypticAtsuko http://ApocalypticAtsuko.deviantart.com/journal/17115937/ http://ApocalypticAtsuko.deviantart.com/journal/17115937/ Fri, 29 Feb 2008 11:10:42 PST
Christ almighty, what has gotten IN to me?? For the past MONTH I've been eating like ... like it's going out of style. Like someone's gonna take my food away from me. Like... like a fat kid at the end of a chocolate conveyer belt.

I have put on like 10 pounds in the past 2 months. I think this lethargicly cush office job is starting to get to me. I need to do something about this. SWIM SUIT season is nigh upon us and for the first time in my LIFE I'm not ready to confidently slip into my string bikini and lay out at the pool.

I have got to do something about this horrendous gut... these flabby thighs... I REFUSE TO BUY BIGGER PANTS. NEVER. NEVER, YOU HEAR ME!?!?!?

*pant pant*

no... no sir... I'm not changing my wardrobe because I'm ever so slowly getting fat... I'm gonna get up off my ass and do it like I did it in high school. I'm gonna go out and run, I'm gonna go to the gym and work out... I'm gonna see about getting into some adult dance classes, or getting back into Kung Fu...

I'm so out of shape, it's ridiculous. I've NEVER been this out of shape. Okay, here is the plan:

1. Buy nutritious, healthy foods and pack my lunch with something to the tune of a whole wheat turkey sandwich and a piece of fruit, and a cup of yogurt...and not go out for fast food. I resolve to stop buying "munchy" crap. No more chips, dips, candy, etc. If it doesn't have to be prepared before eating it, I'm not buying it.

2. As mentioned above, I'm gonna do the exercise thing. oh yeah, baby. I'm gonna start taking a 30 minute walk every day at work, and go for a jog on saturday mornings after school, and make a few laps around the block.
In addition to the jogging, my exercise repertoire will consist of probably 200 crunches (to start), 20 full sit ups, and... 15 push ups. Let's feel the burn. Ohhh yeah.

3. I am going to cut back on the smoking. I really, seriously am. It's fucking up my body more than it does most people. As I run more and more, I'm gonna smoke less and less. I'm going to replace smoking with exercise. Every time I feel the urge to smoke a cigarette, I'm gonna bust into some cardio. Get that shit out of my lungs.

Okay, people. This is my three-step plan to successful weight loss. We're gonna do this! I mean... I'M gonna do this... yep. Will keep y'all updated.

]]> ~ApocalypticAtsuko http://ApocalypticAtsuko.deviantart.com/journal/17086116/ http://ApocalypticAtsuko.deviantart.com/journal/17086116/ Wed, 27 Feb 2008 09:08:05 PST
This is what I read on the bumper sticker of an old beat up Volvo stationwagon as I drove to class yesterday evening after work. I must say, I don't think I've ever seen anything so disturbing. Reading such a thing speaks volumes about the "proud" parent that plastered that on the bumper of their car.

What a world it is we live in where someone would put a bumper sticker like that on their car, for all the world to see. There's a difference between being proud of your child because they are your child, and realizing what actions should not be condoned. If my child even so much as attempted to drop out of school, they'd be picking pieces of my boot out of his or her ass for a year.

I'll tell you what that is. It's disappointing. It's a shining example of the lowered expectations parents have of their children in this day and age. These are the people who want universal health care, welfare checks, and the general redistribution of wealth. Anyone who would be proud of the fact that their child has dropped out of high school must have some kind of mental problem, that or it must make them proud to see their self in someone else. Lazy, undisciplined, uneducated people produce lazy, undisciplined children, who then go on to produce more of the same. It is this lowered expectation that keeps the lower class right where they are, and evidence of the true saying "The rich get richer while the poor get poorer."

It wouldn't bother me so much if my tax dollars didn't go to support people like that.

But it's just the fact of life, I guess. College educated people produced college educated children. Lazy, drug using, under-achieving, alcoholic, drop out gas station attendants produce lazy, drug using, under-achieving, alcoholic, drop out fast food workers... because no one wants to work at the same gas station their mom works at. I'm not speaking of anyone in particular, of course... maybe....

And these people have a knack for procreation. Seems like every where you look you see minimum wage workers toting around several children, teenagers getting pregnant, and people that have no business being parents are just multiplying like rabbits. This occurs while intelligent, educated, hard working people postpone starting a family until they are fully ready and capable of supporting and raising children who can eventually be educated, hard working, self-sufficient adults.

Have any of you ever asked yourself the question "Why is it that there are so, SO many stupid people out there?" I've just answered your question. Stupidity reproduces at a rate probably quadruple the rate of intelligence. Stupid breeds with stupid. Smart breeds with smart. It's the old "birds of a feather thing".

But, oh well. I'll keep on working hard so hopefully I can keep some of it for myself after the masses of welfare dependant degenerates have taken their share.

]]> ~ApocalypticAtsuko http://ApocalypticAtsuko.deviantart.com/journal/17048582/ http://ApocalypticAtsuko.deviantart.com/journal/17048582/ Sun, 24 Feb 2008 20:12:43 PST
So, there I was... needing some information from him... so I HAD to call him... and when I did, we got to talking and it turned out we were both confused.... so we went to dinner, went back to his place, watched a movie, ...had some other fun... and I stayed the night and the next day we spent the day on some cleaning "projects" that needed to be addressed... but we went to the store and I helped him pick out the appropriate cleaning supplies and showed him optimal ways of cleaning and we went out and had lunch at a nice mexican restaurant called Guardunos... and we had a nice evening... I took a nap when we got back to his place then we talked a little after that and I came home to clean my own apartment about 6 o'clock this evening...

It was so nice...

You know it really chaps my ass how much older he is than me... We just get along so well, even though we disagree and fight some times... But the sad fact of the matter is he is looking for jobs solely in Maryland and he will be leaving me whenever he finds one... Even though there's no telling how long that's going to be... But when he's gone... God, I'm going to miss him...

We had some hypothetical discussions about how things would be if I accidentally got pregnant... And he finally admits that he thinks I would be a very good mother... but...

That isn't going to happen...

Then there's Kevin... I really like him, but I haven't met him... So, for those of you who have been following my journal for nigh on five years... Here we go again.

]]> ~ApocalypticAtsuko http://ApocalypticAtsuko.deviantart.com/journal/17029110/ http://ApocalypticAtsuko.deviantart.com/journal/17029110/ Sat, 23 Feb 2008 16:59:51 PST
I'm not as upset as I was the last time... I'm not really upset. I'm just kind of resigned, I guess is the right word. It's like I was telling my mom in an email earlier... If that is what he really wants, then that's what he wants and I have no choice but to just accept it.

I've learned my lesson about clinging to the edifice of a decadent past, aka "the good times", for months or years on end, torturing myself with visions of happy memories, reminding myself it's all gone. I wept over my pitiful excuse for an ex husband for way too long...

Ben has been had an incredible impact on my life... for a year and a half now. We have had fights, but we always got over them. We've spent a lot of quality time together, and he's taught me so much about how to live... And yet, here he is, washing his hands of me for no good reason at all. I can say with some certainty this time, this is his problem and not mine.

And so, with all the resolve I've accumulated along my way in the past 18 months, I just pick up and move on with my life. I tell myself, well, that's one more thing over with. And... I just go on.

I'm afraid of the ease with which I move on with my life now. I think I've absorbed one too many of Ben's stellar qualities... To just move along and go on alone without so much as a second thought. I used to care. It used to affect me, people abandoning me... Now it's become such a part of life and I've felt it so much in my short life, that I've become... numb.

As one incredible artist put it...

I was born alone. I'll go on living alone. I thought surely that kind of life was appropriate...

People don't affect me anymore... Love doesn't touch me any more... I mean, love for my family of course does, but... family is a different matter... my family is very tight knit... but when it comes to the "outsiders" as I've come to dub them... It doesn't matter. people come. People go... In the end, there's always just me.

]]> ~ApocalypticAtsuko http://ApocalypticAtsuko.deviantart.com/journal/17015856/ http://ApocalypticAtsuko.deviantart.com/journal/17015856/ Fri, 22 Feb 2008 20:07:16 PST
I searched my parents house in Pearland and zoomed right in close enough to see the cars in the driveway and the patio furniture in the back yard... and I just sat there staring at it... for some time... I moved about this bird's-eye view map, following all the streets I grew up on, that I memorized... I "drove" down the road and looked at my old apartment... I "drove" up the beltway and looked at my very first apartment... I got on the free way and took 45 up to my grandparents house and looked at that for a while...

It was like visiting home...

Suddenly, I was struck with an overwhelming sense of homesickness that I have not felt... in... I don't know how long.

I know I have my duties here to see to... I have my school, my job... the advancement of my education, my credit and finances, and my career... But there's one thing I don't have...

I have no family... I have no friends... I have no one to go to the movies with... to go to the mall with... In the past year and a half, I can count on one hand the number of times I've been to the mall...

I have no one to eat dinner and visit with... I have no one to play the guitar and sing with... I have no one to just... keep me company... no one but my cat... Ben and I are on the outs again, for whatever reason it is this time... I don't even know. I believe I may have spent an unnecessary 10 dollars on something. It feels like we're just growing apart, with my new job, my new found financial stability, my revitalized determination to ace all my classes, and all the work I'm doing all by myself... The more mature I grow, the more determined I become... the less involvement he has in helping me run my life....

And the more apart I grow from him... The more alone I feel. I have never felt more alone in my life... not even when I was marooned in Great Lakes with the Navy, waiting to go home. No, this is different. I'm here, I've been here, and I'm going to be here for a long time, until I finish my degree...

I've come so far in the past year and a half... and I've got so much further to go... I know what I'm in for... You don't get a bachelor's degree in Computer Science in Programming without an excruciating amount of work... This is no paper-weight degree... The classes are going to get so...so much harder... and I'm going to have to scrape through it and work and... I know that the fun is just beginning... The mental obstacles I've overcome up to this point are almost nothing compared to the road blocks that lay ahead of me...

But I'm counting the days, family and friends. I'm counting the weeks and the months... I'm counting the semesters. I'm crossing my T's and dotting my I's. I'm counting down to that day when I can send out my formal graduation invitations. Until that day I can put on my cap and gown once more and walk across that stage and finally be endowed with the accouterments of my hard work and success.

Until that Day...

]]> ~ApocalypticAtsuko http://ApocalypticAtsuko.deviantart.com/journal/16967878/ http://ApocalypticAtsuko.deviantart.com/journal/16967878/ Tue, 19 Feb 2008 19:12:52 PST
Hmm... where to start, where to start.

Not a hell of a lot going on here... Just... chillaxin... Finished one program... starting on another... I've gotta clean up this god damn mess. My apartment stinks like hell... but that might be because of the pot of water I have boiling on the stove continuously to keep the place humidified...

I hate winter...

So anyway... er... like I said, not much going on here... Just hanging out with the Cat. Ben gave me a stuffed bear for Valentines day. It was adorable. It's always touching when people think of me.

Sorry I haven't done much more work on that cute fairy... I've been really busy...

]]> ~ApocalypticAtsuko http://ApocalypticAtsuko.deviantart.com/journal/16885435/ http://ApocalypticAtsuko.deviantart.com/journal/16885435/ Thu, 14 Feb 2008 16:30:04 PST /*Program ID: Homework 2 */
/*Programmer: Amber R. Sherman */
/*Class: CIS 1275 */
/**************************************/

#include
#include
#include
#include

using namespace std;

// FUNCTION PROTOTYPES
void greeting(); //introduce program and objective
void Objective1(); //introduce first function
void Read_Data1(float&, float&, int&; // read data for interest calculation
float Calc_Interest(float, float, int); // calculate simple interest
float Calc_Savings(float, float); // calculate total savings at end of x years
void Print_Data1(float, float, int, float, float); // display results
void Objective2();
void Instructions();

float FtoC(); // calculate Fahrenheit to Celcius
float CtoF(); // calculate Celcius to Fahrenheit
float FtoK(); // calculate Fahrenheit to Kelvin
float KtoF(); // calculate Kelvin to Fahrenheit
float CtoK(); // calculate Celcius to Kelvin
float KtoC(); // calculate Kelvin to Celcius

void Objective3();
float Calc_Velocity(); // calculate velocity
float Calc_Momentum(float); // calculate momentum


int main()
{
// declare local variables
float interest, principal,
rate, savings;

float temp_C=0.00,
temp_F=0.00,
temp_K=0.00;

float momentum, velocity;

int time, choice;


// BEGIN CODING

system("cls");

greeting();
Objective1();

Read_Data1(principal,rate,time);
//cout<<rincipal<
interest = Calc_Interest(principal, rate, time);
//cout<
savings = Calc_Savings(principal, interest);
//cout<
Print_Data1(principal, rate, time, interest, savings);

do{

Objective2();
Instructions();
cout<<"Please enter your choice from the menu(1,2,3,4,5,6,or 7):";
cin>>choice;
switch(choice){
case 1:
temp_C=FtoC();
cout<<"\nYour temperature in Celcius is: "< system("pause");
break;
case 2:
temp_F=CtoF();
cout<<"Your temperature in Fahrenheit is: "< system("pause");
break;
case 3:
temp_K=FtoK();
cout<<"Your temperature in Kelvin is: "< system("pause");
break;
case 4:
temp_F=KtoF();
cout<<"Your temperature in Fahrenheit is: "< system("pause");
break;
case 5:
temp_K=CtoK();
cout<<"Your temperature in Kelven is: "< system("pause");
break;
case 6:
temp_C=KtoC();
cout<<"Your temperature in Celcius is: "< system("pause");
break;
case 7:
break;

}
}
while(choice!=7);


system("pause");

Objective3();

velocity=Calc_Velocity();
momentum=Calc_Momentum(velocity);

return 0; // indicate program terminated sucessfully


} // end of main



// FUNCTION DEFINITIONS

void greeting()
{
system("cls");

cout< cout<<" ************************************************************** "< cout<<"********************************************************************"< cout<<"* Homework Assignment #2 *"< cout<<"* Welcome to Homework Assignment 2. The purpose of this assignment *"< <<"* is to perform various calculations in C++ using modularized pro- *"< <<"* gramming (i.e, performing tasks within functions.) *"< <<"********************************************************************"< <<" ************************************************************** "<
cout<
system("pause");

return;
}


void Objective1()
{
system("cls");
cout< cout<<" ************************************************************** "< cout<<"********************************************************************"< cout<<"* Objective Numero Uno... ]]> ~ApocalypticAtsuko http://ApocalypticAtsuko.deviantart.com/journal/16825025/ http://ApocalypticAtsuko.deviantart.com/journal/16825025/ Sun, 10 Feb 2008 22:00:37 PST
It's been a long week, it feels like... been workin' hard... did some cleaning today... some laundry... went out to eat last night...

haven't been feeling very well lately...

Ben got me a teddy bear for Valentine's Day... that was mighty sweet of him. it's just adorable...

I'm really tired... not much to report right now... Working on that new photoshop picture... It's slow going, considering how little time I have to really work on it... I've finished shading the skin... working on the hair... I envision it taking several more weeks to finish it... Sorry, folks...

I'd like to thank all of my newest watchers, and those of you who continue to frequent my page... I've been working on concepts for the 30K kiriban I plan on doing... but in order to see this brilliant work in the making, I gotta get 30,000 page views... What can I say... Tell a friend? lol...

So... yup... not a whole lot going on here. School is school, work is work... nothing special going on here. Just chuggin' along. Will post again when there's something to say...

]]> ~ApocalypticAtsuko http://ApocalypticAtsuko.deviantart.com/journal/16726062/ http://ApocalypticAtsuko.deviantart.com/journal/16726062/ Mon, 04 Feb 2008 15:54:50 PST
Let's see... What's going on here... I went to my friend/co-worker's house for the SuperBowl... GO GIANTS!!!!!! ... he he eh... That was a lot of fun. It was ... like a holiday. Quite a party. I had fun. Made a new friend too! He's from New Jersey, and he has that New Jersey/ New Yorker accent, just like Joe Pesci. X_x; I love those accents. It's... like... such a novelty to me. But he plays the drums and the guitar so we're gonna hook up and jam some time...

But yeah... The Patriots almost took the Superbowl. Ha ha ha. It was a GREAT game!! I was on the edge of my seat the entire 4th quarter. Oh man, it was awesome. I was contractually obligated to root for the Giants, but still. That was an awesome game.

now the Patriots can say... "Yeah, we only lost one game last season!"
..."well, which one was it?"

"the uh... the Superbowl......yeah..."

ROFL

But anyway, the Fairy pic is coming along swimmingly. This one is going to take me forever to finish. I swear. You kids are gettin' hard and harder to please!!! XD

So, yes... It's snowing out there... not looking forward to it... >.< I left my ear-muffs in the car... Wish me luck.

]]> ~ApocalypticAtsuko http://ApocalypticAtsuko.deviantart.com/journal/16655027/ http://ApocalypticAtsuko.deviantart.com/journal/16655027/ Thu, 31 Jan 2008 07:30:35 PST
I've got some really awesome stuff in the works here. I'm upgrading and improving my skills and my tools, and this next piece I submit is going to be outstanding. Even better than Feirce Atsuko!!! And, yes, I have decided to color the Cute Fairy. She's just so cute, and I've already got it lined in Photoshop. This weekend, the work begins on coloring.

So here's the deal. ApocalypticAtsuko is going for 30,000 views. I know, only 10,000 more to go, but... Traffic to this page has been slowing down dramatically. So, for those of you who enjoy my work and frequent the page to check out what I've got that's new, by all mean, share it with a friend. Send some traffic my way, and something awesome will happen!!

And what would that be, you ask? I'll finally make one of those kiriban things. I'm already designing it. y'know one of those "thank you" pictures.

I dunno... Just... I need a bigger audience... >_<

]]> ~ApocalypticAtsuko http://ApocalypticAtsuko.deviantart.com/journal/16601205/ http://ApocalypticAtsuko.deviantart.com/journal/16601205/ Sun, 27 Jan 2008 17:15:22 PST
I finally got a clue and downloaded the drivers for this glorious wacom tablet I have. God bless the one papa and grandma got me, it served me well, and it will continue to serve me well, once I get BATTERIES for it...

But my baby works again. Kick ass. Now what to color first...

Let's take a vote. Reply on this journal and let me know if you want me to color:

1. Warrior Princess
2. Cute Fairy
3. Ice Princess
4. Fairy Atsuko
5. Elena?

]]> ~ApocalypticAtsuko http://ApocalypticAtsuko.deviantart.com/journal/16524642/ http://ApocalypticAtsuko.deviantart.com/journal/16524642/ Tue, 22 Jan 2008 16:29:03 PST
I was looking at my featured deviation, "Fierce Atsuko", just... poring over all the intricacies and subtleties of the pieces... the multi-dimensional shading, the tiny details on the obijime... the flower on the kimono... the hair, the eyes... the wings... And examining all the other peices I have that i've submitted recently... and it's just... pretty awesome to think "wow, I did that!!"

So... I have to wonder... why is my twin sister the only person (just about) who gives me real comments, or real critique on my work? Why are the majority of the comments I get less than 10 words? Is it an issue of people being too lazy to type? Or can they just ... genuinely not think of anything else to say beside "wow, cool"?

Don't get me wrong. I'm not complaining about getting the few comments I do get. But sometimes I wish there was a little more substance to the feed back I get on my work, considering just how much work goes into them.

I guess if I want more substance in the comments, I ought to have more substance in the artwork, eh? I guess there's more to making great art than just... having an outstanding talent for the most miniscule details of a costume design. It's hard to have a lot of substance when you're drawing anime though...

As much as I hate to say it, I have to admit it. Not only is this web site saturated and packed to the rafters with anime artists, the style of all anime is so similar. Even when you take two artists with completely different style... it's still manga/anime. And for the most part, that's all people see when they look at it. They check it out and just a few things go through the brains: "Is it colorful?... check... Is it proportionate?...check... Is it derived from my favorite anime to be obsessed with? ... oh... no it isn't. Oh well, back on the hunt for Naruto/Inuyasha/Fushigiyugi/Cowboy Bepop/Pokémon/whatever anime you're obsessed with".

I have a few things in the works right now... I'm in a horrible art-rut, in case you guys haven't noticed. But I'm going to make a resolution to actually... start making coherent ART. Like my art teacher tried to get me to do. It'll probably still be loosely wrapped around the concept of anime (or maybe not), but I'm gonna start digging deep for some subject matter, and take some advice from Darth Vader and ..y'know... search my feelings and stuff.

Now, let's see if any of you out there can match wits with my conceptive art.

]]> ~ApocalypticAtsuko http://ApocalypticAtsuko.deviantart.com/journal/16504643/ http://ApocalypticAtsuko.deviantart.com/journal/16504643/ Mon, 21 Jan 2008 11:50:24 PST
#include

void main()
{
system ("cls");

cout<<"Hello world!< cout<<"\tWell, here I am again... just kinda taking a little break from work for lunch. Got a big report to finish today.. The VP gave me a neat pen and a CMS key chain from the provider meeting today... that was nice of him."<
cout<<"And so begins my third week here at Correctional Medical Services... I'm sitting here in my cubicle today, accompanied by my little pet parakeet, Fluffy, who is soon to find a new home with my co-worker's elderly mother... Sitting here looking at this cute little birdy, I suddenly realize how much I'm going to miss her... I guess you never really think about how attached you've grown to something until it goes away... There's going to be not only a huge empty space on my counter now, but a slightly smaller empty place in my heart... So once again I say bye bye to yet another bird... That makes me sad..."<
cout<<"In case no one has noticed, I'm writing this journal in the format of a very basic C++ program. I dunno. I thought I'd mix it up a bit. Gotta get back in the habit, since my classes have started again for this semester. It's going to be a cake walk for me, considering I have already 2 semester experience of basic C++ programming... I just gotta stay awake... That shouldn't be too hard though, because I go to school striaght aways from work on Tuesdays and Thursdays, and my teacher is the kind that... really doesn't care much about anything having to do with deadlines and attendance. Can't get used to that though... Teachers like him are few and far between..."<
cout<<"Well, things are going alright either ways. I've gotta get on back to work. Ciao. "<
system ("pause");

return;
}

]]> ~ApocalypticAtsuko http://ApocalypticAtsuko.deviantart.com/journal/16457278/ http://ApocalypticAtsuko.deviantart.com/journal/16457278/ Fri, 18 Jan 2008 09:48:28 PST
The days of Elite Five, the Pocket Monsters Society... Me, my twin sister, Nicole, Brittni, Flaky... When we'd hit Burger King before school in the morning to get our grubby little mits on those pokémon happy-meal toys... When we'd have our pokémon club on Saturdays that me and the above mentions pals presided over... Hanging out with Nicole, playing video games...

Animé was new to me back then... I was learning to draw it... I was learning to speak Japanese... I was just a kid in school, gettin' along... I had friends. I had Olga, Nicole, and Brittni, and of course my twin sister... Then there was Jerry, Jimmy, Rowan, Carol, Sarah, Stefan, Julie, Mary... Raymond, Chris, Don, Ross, Ian, Robby...Those times when I really didn't have anything to worry about... When me and my friends would go to the bowling alley and have fun... we'd go to the mall and hang out...

We'd have all night video game parties at Raymond's house... We'd all go out to the movies... We'd hang out in school... Those were the good old days...

And something just occurred to me last night... as I was talking to one of those friends that I've had since 7th grade... It just dawned on me...

I don't have any friends anymore...

I mean... all my old-time friend still know me... they still remember me, they still like me... But... I'm alone. They're far away, they have their own friends that are there with them that they hang out with and socialize with and talk to... Sure, I get to chat with them online occasionaly, or send them e-mails but... I really don't have anyone.

I'm not sure what's happening with me in this department. I guess I am just so busy that I never stop to think about having friends or that kind of thing. I don't care about making new friends... It really does not bother me. I don't like going out alone, so I don't go out... In my mind, all that says to me is I save money... I just... honestly, I don't think about it...

I keep on saying I'm so happy... really, I am happy. I'm happy with my life... But it seems as though I've gone from one extreme to the other... I've gone from being wholly and entirely dependant on other people to be happy, to being happy and dandy being completely alone to the point where I really don't even want to have anything to do with anyone else... I don't miss anyone... only once in a very great while do I miss anyone. I have my cat and my other pets, and I'm quite alright all by my self.

So how happy am I really? I remember how much fun I'd have with my friends... And I simply don't have that anymore... I'm kind of confused and I'm not sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing...

The question to me, I guess, is... Why haven't I made new friends? I've lived here going on 2 years and still the only person I ever, ever talk to is Ben... He's still my only friend here, the only person I hang out with or do anything with... My old friends have moved on... they have new friends... they probably go out and have fun and live... and me... all I do is work....

That's absolutely all my life is anymore. Work. Work. Work. 8AM - 5 PM, Monday through Friday, go to work. 40 hours a week, work. Tuesday and Thursday night, class 5:30 to 7:45... When I get home, I have to feed the animals, clean up the apartment, balance my accounts, look after bills, manage my money for a few hours... and study....

Saturday morning, class, 8:30 to 11:45AM. On Saturdays, I get to clean up whatever mess I have in my apartment, spend half the day trying to absorb everything Ben is telling me about investing and credit... and go grocery shopping... study, do homework... organize stuff...

On the rare occasions I do something that isn't work, all that involves is me laying in bed watching a few shows on TV, or watching a movie at home, alone, before going to sleep...

Am I really all work and no play? I mean, Ben and I occasionally go out and have dinner together. I guess that counts as getting out of the house... But... I don't know...

The direction my life is going in is very satisfying and very rewarding, and I'm very excited about the path I'm on and what I'm doing... But I need to rethink the balance of my life... No man is an island unto himself... I need to find the middle between where I was and where I've come to be... I need to arrange my schedule so that I can take care of the business I need to take care of, but also get out there and find new friends and be somewhat more social...

The question is, how do I do that...

]]> ~ApocalypticAtsuko http://ApocalypticAtsuko.deviantart.com/journal/16009127/ http://ApocalypticAtsuko.deviantart.com/journal/16009127/ Thu, 20 Dec 2007 02:32:29 PST
The divorce is... going. Still waiting on the sheriff's office in Kalkaska to serve the papers and send me back the summons so I can file it at the court house here in Albuquerque... but that is also in the works.

And on top of that, I have a wonderful new man in my life who really seems to appreciate me and understand me, and is actually excited at the prospect of having me in his life. I believe I've already said this but I shall say it again! He's dashing and handsome and grounded and romantic and responsible and honest and patient and successful and all sorts of everything I want not only in another person but in myself. He's going to come visit me in January before the new semester starts, hopefully!!! Wow...

I've also received a couple of new books from Ben, which he brought back for me from Florida... One is "The Everything Personal Finance in your 20s and 30's Book" - Erase your debt, personalize your budget, and plan now to secure your future; the other is "Make Money, Not Excuses - Every Woman's guide to getting really, really, rich" ... Which I will begin reading hence forth.

Oh mercy me. I'm also going to be headed back to Houston on December 24th, and I'll be there til the 26th.... then when I get back, on the 28th, I'm having dental surgery to extract my wisdom teeth... Once my dental and medical benefits with CMS kick in after 90 days of employment, I am going to look in to getting braces to have my teeth straightened. It's important for my future in the business world to have a professional, attractive smile. oh whee. This is gonna HURT!!! YAY!

Also, Ben is going to be co-signing for me on a new credit card... The Bank of America American Express card... He's going to co sign for a significant credit limit... And he is going to really help me out by giving my credit a huge push... God I am so thankful for him. He has really helped me help myself... He has been there for me, helping me facilitate all these wonderful changes in my life. I just... I thank God that he appeared into my life out of no where... And he's going to get me some new luggage as a Christmas pressent!!!

I can't... believe it almost. Everything is just... falling in to place. New, better job (the best job I've ever had, actually), new, wonderful man in my life, new finances, new classes, new budget... All sorts of new things to learn... All of which are going toward furthering my goal of a college education, professional work experience, little debt, excellent credit... a happy family, a nice home, financial independence and... security.

When I first came here to Albuquerque, I was such a wreck, and all these goals seemed so far off and almost imaginary... But... I've been making things happen, and the more things that happen, the more real and tangible my big, long term goals are becoming. I just have to keep working hard and keepin my nose to the grind stone and pushing my self harder and harder to achieve all these things.

And off we go in to 2008!!! I wish everyone a happy happy Merry Christmas, and a happy happy New Year!! May 2008 prosper all of you as I am sure it is going to prosper me.



PEACE!

]]> ~ApocalypticAtsuko http://ApocalypticAtsuko.deviantart.com/journal/15871318/ http://ApocalypticAtsuko.deviantart.com/journal/15871318/ Mon, 10 Dec 2007 01:48:57 PST
About a week ago, I was all set. I was perfectly happy by myself, and completely resigned to the idea of going through life on my own. I had decided that love was not my game, and it was all for other people...

Then I discovered something completely unexpected that has been laying right under my nose for about three years.

My friend, Kevin, whose name I didn't even know until just recently. He is absolutely incredible, and he is as head over heels for me as I think I am for him. I can't believe how well we go together. We have so much in common...

And he is my age! I can't believe it. He's just turned 22... Yet he is... responsible, mature, funny, sensitive, down to earth, and romantic. He's got a real-estate license... His main work is web programming and design... He has investments... He's intelligent... Planning on finishing his Bachelor's degree at Harvard... He's honest... He has integrity... He's dignified. He has incredible character. He's made it on his own... And he understands me.

I can't believe how much he understands me. It's been a week and we already finish each other's sentences. We enjoy so many of the same things, and we have enough differences to make it interesting. We laugh and chat and talk and play games for hours upon hours. I never believed another person could make me so happy as he does.

And on TOP of all that... He's incredibly handsome... he's 6'4"... half-italian... American raised... oh he's just... so gorgeous. If you've seen my PAST relationship partners, you would realize that.. in the aesthetic department, it's been pretty slim pickin's. But this guy... Our babies will be smart AND beautiful.

He's coming to visit me for a while in January... when I have the time/money I'm going to go visit him in Boston... I ... don't know where this is going to go, but... I have a very good feeling. I'm not expecting anything though. I am just enjoying this... new found aquaintance. If things develope and go somewhere... I know it will be somewhere incredible. And if for what ever reason they don't... well, hey, we had fun...

It's funny how fast things can change. It just goes to show you that... There are other people out there. A week ago, I didn't believe there was anyone out there for me... That's an idiotic thing for a 21 year old to believe...

Oh... but I've never been so anxious to have my divorce finalized.

]]> ~ApocalypticAtsuko http://ApocalypticAtsuko.deviantart.com/journal/15773673/ http://ApocalypticAtsuko.deviantart.com/journal/15773673/ Mon, 03 Dec 2007 02:41:44 PST
I came here to let you know
The Letting go has taken place
I have held the winter sun
become one, set my pace.

Isn't that what we wanted all along?
Feeling like a stone, maybe we were wrong.
But I can say good bye now that the passion's died.
Still it comes so slow...

The Letting go...

Piece by pice I take apart this complicated heart
and I hope to find
something I can prove is real
I can feel is truth
I can say is mine

That's all I ever wanted to be
the closer that I got, the further I could see.
But when lovers change and night feels strange
we choose our road,

The letting go...

I came here to let you know
the letting go has taken place...

]]> ~ApocalypticAtsuko http://ApocalypticAtsuko.deviantart.com/journal/15706190/ http://ApocalypticAtsuko.deviantart.com/journal/15706190/ Wed, 28 Nov 2007 11:22:52 PST
Here's the beauty of it... I take the deduction now, even though I don't have an IRA, I get the extra money, use my tax return to pay down all of my credit card debts, and put the extra money into the IRA. As long as the money is in the IRA account by April 15th, 2009, when I file next years taxes, it's all good. Then I can really start putting away money.

I'm very interested in creating a diversified investment portfolio... Many young people do not realize the importance of putting away for retirement, getting jobs with retirement benefits, etc. It's very important... By the time my generation is 65, it's very highly likesly that Social Security as we know it will no longer exist, so you have to start saving now if you want to have a comfortable retirement. Also, there is the option of just working until you die.

The invsetments I'm interested in include my 401K account that I will have through my job, Certificates of Deposit, tradition IRA's (Individual Retirement Accounts), IRA CD's, and Mutual Funds. I don't think I'm quite ready to try my hand at investing in the stock market just yet. That is something that will require a lot of time and research on my part first... but in the next few months, I hope to be getting my portfolio started.

It's the age old saying! You've gotta make your money work for you!

It's just amazing how much I've changed since I first created this journal...

]]> ~ApocalypticAtsuko http://ApocalypticAtsuko.deviantart.com/journal/15533494/ http://ApocalypticAtsuko.deviantart.com/journal/15533494/ Fri, 16 Nov 2007 12:39:45 PST
HEAVEN
[link]SRdEHjh2VU&feature=user

BLUEBIRD
[link]

]]> ~ApocalypticAtsuko http://ApocalypticAtsuko.deviantart.com/journal/15385269/ http://ApocalypticAtsuko.deviantart.com/journal/15385269/ Mon, 05 Nov 2007 23:30:02 PST FAQ #94: Can I use the images I find on deviantART?

FAQ #226: Does deviantART own my art?


This is for anyone out there who ever decides it's funny or clever to save my original artwork off of deviant art and use it in any way, shape or form without my express written consent.

I have found this situation occuring in a particular individuals MySpace photoalbum,who has stolen two of my deviations titled "Relax" and "Modest Fairy" and posted them on another site without any mention of or credit to the original artist.

My fans and followers that I love so dear, please, feel free to express your out rage. Also know that all approriate action is being taken to correct this situation.


Zach always has been an art-theif...

]]> ~ApocalypticAtsuko