http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:AquaSilenti&section=today deviantART RSS for by:AquaSilenti en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Sat, 19 Dec 2009 20:21:58 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://AquaSilenti.deviantart.com/journal/19209303/ http://AquaSilenti.deviantart.com/journal/19209303/ Fri, 04 Jul 2008 20:51:51 PDT The only true focus is to believe... the only true thought is the one still sought/dreamt...the truest reality is the one you work for and make/create this very moment/minute...
Be so damn stubborn, that only the hands/touch of the one who loves you, truly... can caress/hold your heart... pierce it with the clear awareness/perception that has dropped the maddest/cleanest of men to their knees with just a tender glance...
Why do we fall??? So we can learn to get up again...
But remember, get up for something, and when you can't get up for something... then just get up... because I asked you too... In the words of Rocky Balboa " I didn't hear the bell ring, one more round... "

]]> *AquaSilenti http://AquaSilenti.deviantart.com/journal/15476278/ http://AquaSilenti.deviantart.com/journal/15476278/ Mon, 12 Nov 2007 09:26:44 PST My body laid trembling on my mattress... cocooned in my sheets...my heart cried out, yet... its screams were as invisible as its tears... Did the temperature drop? Why doesn't it stop...!!! Please, someone just tell me if I should just vomit or pass out... Why do I sweat when I have not taken a step...
Yet!!!
Was it your touch I felt? Was it your warm embrace...
Was it your legs holding me down as your arms held me in place...
Who's voice did I hear...?
Who's hand held mine...
So firmly, near my heart, in this time of fear..
Was it you my love?
Is it you my love???
Are my ears ringing, or is it the speed your heart now pumps... my love...
Am I dreaming or am I awake...
Are you here...are you near???

]]> *AquaSilenti http://AquaSilenti.deviantart.com/journal/13460956/ http://AquaSilenti.deviantart.com/journal/13460956/ Sat, 23 Jun 2007 14:32:15 PDT
A fierce...unexpected...yet, gentle ocean breeze threw me of course...
In fright/scare I quickly glanced in every direction to try to find a sanctuary/save haven...
Or simply an inviting place... so I could stop, take a deep breath...listen...
I found my new destination, in an open hand... who's palm I came to land...
as it lay not to far from the soft inviting eyes of its owner...
I spent a great deal of my time, focused on those delicate eyes that belonged to this woman...
They engulfed me, as I looked at them in inquiry and curiosity...
In them, I flew/glided again... freely...
On a different ocean breeze...
I could not contain my self ( my joy ) any further...
I began to sing...
As she sweetly smiled at me...

Originally, This piece was written as part of a birthday present, for what I'm finding out to be a new and dear friend... This small gift is still... will always belong to her...
Thank you, Andrea...
For letting me rest, giving me shelter... As I landed for a moment or two in the palm of your hand...
Thank you, for letting me soar freely inside you... inside the clear night of your eyes... The stars there did finally guide me to the right destination...

]]> *AquaSilenti http://AquaSilenti.deviantart.com/journal/12393539/ http://AquaSilenti.deviantart.com/journal/12393539/ Fri, 30 Mar 2007 19:31:46 PDT So do I need a bit of treatment in my pollution...
I once was able to see... almost feel the bottom in my fingers/hand without even breaking the crust of the water...
Once people too... could see...feel... my soul/essence threw my eyes...
Now...there's just darkness... sadness... silent rage...
What is a liquid that is not clear anymore???
What is a stream that has no longer a drive, flow, or direction...
Water that holds no life in it, but crude memories/emotions of waste discarded by the actions of others...
If my appearance isn't enough of a warning to keep away...then read the "signs"...
All who seek a drink from me now, risk my poison in their system...
I will not let this be...

Yet you my "Pebble" defy me, the hand that tosses you in me defy's me...
In frustration, fear, with love you are the dam that holds me...
And gives a Dam...
Thank you...

]]> *AquaSilenti http://AquaSilenti.deviantart.com/journal/12167703/ http://AquaSilenti.deviantart.com/journal/12167703/ Tue, 13 Mar 2007 10:50:47 PDT Oooh Yeah!, You love them...thats right...
I believe some of these upcoming days will truly be difficult...
(((pauses)))

I wouldn't have it any other way...
If it wasn't truly hard, then that which I feel...is...
Would not be as true or intense as I know it is...
Some say I am foolish to feel...I say you are foolish not too...
The loyalty of love... Is the undying energy/will of it...
The will is the choice you make, the act/action that you follow with...and threw...
A stone heart may last...
Threw many storms and times...
But can a stone say," I feel a life!!!... was at least once in my life..."
Let yourself experience/be touched by true love...
< close your eyes... take a deep breath...inhale, savor it >
Now you know what it means to be ' alive '...
< Still keep your eyes closed, Let go... Exhail...feel yourself crumble/weaken... destroyed/defeated...
Know, listen...
There you will find the strenght of our humanity...
Can you hear them... those who have loved you, those who love you, those who will love you...
"Rise up, I am with you..."
Can your body feel it...
( like low whispers )
It flows in you, rises from inside you...
Your heart still beats!!! It just may be beating for the very first time...
Has it been this long?...
((( closes eyes )))

- I miss you...already...
So much of me, fights/doesn't want to let you go, yet...
Thank you so!!! ...
I love you... I always will... never forget this... please...
Please... Never let yourself forget...

This is my last confirmation/proff, a bit further of my deterioration...
Even when now I say good-bye...
I still think of you...belong to you...believe in you...

Always will...

]]> *AquaSilenti http://AquaSilenti.deviantart.com/journal/11566812/ http://AquaSilenti.deviantart.com/journal/11566812/ Thu, 25 Jan 2007 16:05:41 PST To at least hear their voice for a second today...
To be forgiven...
To Have peace of mind/heart, to feel tranquility...
To have a silent mind...and a heart with faith and hope...
To have the strenght of mind, heart, soul to always stand and fight...
Or at least look up and sweetly smile as you are given the lethal blow...
To be able to love...
To feel...
To go back to school... To be able to finish...
To be financially bettter so I could help those my heart beats for...
To feel those (((I love ))) that left me... just for a few seconds...
To beleave again...
To Hug my Stuffed animal... " Pooky "
To make you smile...
To drive my, " Hope "
To relax in your arms/embrace once again...
To be cradled in your love...
To touch your heart and feel your warmth...
((( closes eyes )))
Just one more time...

Thank you, All for your friendship, brotherhood, pure passion...just love...
(((smiles sweetly)))

]]> *AquaSilenti http://AquaSilenti.deviantart.com/journal/11429001/ http://AquaSilenti.deviantart.com/journal/11429001/ Sat, 13 Jan 2007 23:58:29 PST Please...
These entries/journals have grown to be my sanctuary a small salvation, to the screams of madness and agony inside me...
Thank you, for this courtesy...

*written on an earlier date/hour*
I take my final steps now in a journey/pilgrimage of redemption, of punishment...
My steps are watchful, for one small slip may cause me to fall on the rocks...
At last, I reach my destination...
A long, thin, dark sanded beach... ( closes eyes and breaths in )
The clouds are strong... defined above me...
I look out into the Atlantic, to the horizon,
to the tides...
They seem restless/concerned of my presence...
My legs tremble, my knees seem to break...
I fall violently to the ground...
Still looking up...
My tears begin...
My hands reach out as if handcuffed together imprisoned by no living being...dead entity, or God...
I appear to be melting...
the mixture of tears and mucus seem to run down my face in a snail like movement/trail...
As I pull my hands back towards my face to try to hide the shame, hatred I feel towards myself...
My heart suddenly wailed, and my lungs responded, as if a lion roared,
So did I...
Trembling/a little light headed...
( unconsciously )
I began to rock my body back and forth...
As if all my emotions in one brief second were born then died...
A feeling of being hollow over took me...
A wave of weakness engulfed me...
I fell...
Was I still crying...?

]]> *AquaSilenti http://AquaSilenti.deviantart.com/journal/10874815/ http://AquaSilenti.deviantart.com/journal/10874815/ Tue, 28 Nov 2006 01:52:01 PST That cool wetness, that held my breath, and journeyed with it inside me...
Have you poisoned me or have you finally given me life???
Something stirs...
part beast... part man...
What is it that lusts???
What is it that only asks permission to love???
My heart pounds faster...
My mind is focused...
My desire is you...
To dream was never this sweet...
Was being truly awake ever this cruel...
Let my hands be my eyes...
Let my eyes be my hands...
I am your slave...
I am your master...
Teach me what is pleasure...
Let me teach you what is hunger...

]]> *AquaSilenti http://AquaSilenti.deviantart.com/journal/10672234/ http://AquaSilenti.deviantart.com/journal/10672234/ Thu, 09 Nov 2006 18:36:35 PST
A frighten man asks the heavens...
When he should be asking his heart...himself...
Dought/Hesitation...
Why do your whispers...bellow over/above my own speaking voice...
I once looked up to you/silence/light/hope...
Have I stopped believing...have my wounds/scares/defeats/deaths fogged my line of sight...
Was I only looking straight...and no other direction?
Has anger/hatred's touch pressed so hard on my heart...
Have I stopped caring...
Am I cold...
Dead...
What is self destruction?
To every man or woman it comes in different meanings...
A loss...
A failed dream...
A Frustration...
A betrayal
A lie...
The Understanding of a truth...
A love that is not shared...
A life that was never given a chance...
A wrong/pain/crime deliberately or accidentally done to another...to yourself...
to one's self...
We are our own salvation...
We are our own self destruction...
Choose life and with it you choose Pain/Agony...
But there is a balance...
Happiness/Bliss...
I choose to live...
For in choosing to live I choose to feel...
And in feeling both...
I finally am a life...and human...
Was I ever anything else...
At least, in still feeling pain I know I still do care...
And if I care there is still hope...
And with hope...
Who knows ...


]]> *AquaSilenti http://AquaSilenti.deviantart.com/journal/10465995/ http://AquaSilenti.deviantart.com/journal/10465995/ Sat, 21 Oct 2006 13:20:32 PDT
I have been absent to long...
My mind is upset, my body lags behind...
I feel like I have lost, and am... lost...
When my promises become disapointments...
And my lies..., truth's, to those around me... those I love...those my smile touches...((( closes eyes/feels a sharp pain/agony in writting this now...)))
To say I am a shadow of my old self is to compliment me now...

I want to be touched by the world/life around me...
To dream again...
To be silent and just feel...
Yet, I am only closed and open to pain...
I want to feel it... may, even deserve it...
guilt?
Is it fear...???
'Our deepest fear is not that we are inadiquete...
Our deepest Fear is that we are powerful beyond measure...'

Or is it just a madning anger inside...
I have surpressed so long, that now its trainning is complete, and it faces me...for justice or balance...

I try to pray but ' rituals/habits '/' madness/and what I know and feel to be evil...that hurts ...impeed me from letting go...and just being free... talking/praying...doing...
I feel obsessed in 'not giving up'...And though I don't ever want to give up...refuse to...
((( closes eyes...small breath )))
The obssesion is not on what... I'm obssed in the obssesion of not giving up ...on anything/on anyone... in anything I believe to be 'evil'...
(((sarcasticly smiles to himself)))
I sometimes wonder if I need more a psychologist or a priest...
(((Closes eyes and whispers to himself, " help me...please...I need help..."

Am I fighting my own maddness,fear,remorse,or is it just..
Me...

]]> *AquaSilenti http://AquaSilenti.deviantart.com/journal/9151636/ http://AquaSilenti.deviantart.com/journal/9151636/ Sat, 24 Jun 2006 17:24:07 PDT
We are only strong/young for a brief moment in our lives... so we can help the weak (children,elderly,needing)...
For when we are weak...hopefully those that are strong/young can help us...

Treat those the way you wish to be treated....

Plant it...
It will grow...
Nurture it...
It will love...
Take care of it...
And it will last...

Love without hesitation or dought....
Hope...as if the power/miracles of the Heavens, Creaters, Life , and one's
(((your)))
Dream's...
Are in your hands...
As you bring them together in prayer...

Be compassionate, forgiving, open minded, patient...and most of all always follow
your heart...

Hope/Inspiration/Passion...
Have it as well as give it...

Think ahead...

Always place yourself in another's shoes...walk in there steps...and hardest of all... let yourself feel what they feel...understand/let go... care...
And let yourself be human...

Truth is Freedom...
To be Free is to truly live...and be alive...

Hold...be patient...breath...feel the touch of silence...
its caress...
And you will understand,preceive,be aware to so much more around you...

Close your eyes and open them again...the answer you seek you shall find...

Teach curiousity...

Always ask why???

Ask questions...seek all answers...
Seek no answer...except both sides...

Be loyal...
There is a nobility in it far greater than any blood line...

Respect/trust everyone... Unless they prove to you they do not deserve it or want that of you...

Dream and Wish...
Never forget how it felt to be a child once...keep that spark/radiance alive...

Remember there is a Phoenix inside us all... we call it the human spirit...

Have faith...

Do/act now... instead of later...

Do not fear...but rise...stand up and face...defy!!!

If we must die? Let it be here and now!!!...
Together, in battle, with meaning, because one/you care and love...

Courage is not the absence of fear but its presence...and the choice to go on...

live...

Understand that nothing/no one...
lives/lasts forever...know that what we do, what we are, those...that which we love... does...

To stand you must first know how to kneel...
To lead you must first know how to follow...

Ask...

Just Do...don't ask...
Just help...don't wonder...
Don't expect/want anything in return...

be humble...

Smile...

If I fall rise in my place ...do my will...

Hold moments...memories...smiles... and than give birth to more...
And let me just be held by you...

Explore your senses,emotions,feelings...your very essence...
Explore your very being...

Learn...
and when your done don't forget to play...

In simplicity we find truth...

Forgive...
and just Love...



]]> *AquaSilenti http://AquaSilenti.deviantart.com/journal/9040488/ http://AquaSilenti.deviantart.com/journal/9040488/ Sun, 11 Jun 2006 21:37:59 PDT When we know... understand, or in the very least have an idea of the consequences to our actions...
We still do badly,wrong, and even worse nothing at all... just to see the outcome...
I guess there are lessons we must do/go threw...to truly learn, or not learn and repeat over and over again...till the mere whisper of it, to those that love you and in the end yourself, brings this nauseating feeling, betraying thoughts, this horrid taste to the back of your throat...
That even swallowing at times becomes a task... to hard to do...
Why do we at times get so much pleasure in beating ourselves up/punishing our minds, body's, emotions...feelings...etc.
so much...
Is it a distant... yet, very present pain...
From a past... lingering in the present... that can dictate the future...
Something we did not make true peace with, in letting go, in forgiveness...excepting its existence/or occurrence... in our life's...
Is it because we don't feel we're worth it...any good??? < low self esteem >
I don't know, I sometimes admire a good sarcastic/cocky S.O.B. if he or she has a good heart underneath it all...
noble intentions...can simply inspire me to do better/be better...that cares...
Is it... just to challenge ourselves...???
So if we do fall, we can learn to get up again???
Or do we just like to ' battle ' by nature...
Are we not satisfied with what we are blessed/given...
Ever???
Happy in what... we are???

' To find true happiness, we must first find our true self, except it...
And mold it/ripen it to be ( what we wished/dreamed to be, were given the gifts
to be ) what we have always been... inside... to break throw the shell
of our current outside... and finally feel free... alive...and be it...'

To be brave is not the absence of fear..., but its presence...
and the choice/to choose to go on...

]]> *AquaSilenti http://AquaSilenti.deviantart.com/journal/9014958/ http://AquaSilenti.deviantart.com/journal/9014958/ Fri, 09 Jun 2006 05:32:23 PDT Touched...Cradled...
It fills my lungs with the breath of life...
Sooths my very spirit with life... My mind lets go...'silence'...gives in...
My heart remembers...
It beats!!!
I feel you still... whispers old names...Luisa,...Heather,...Clara,...
Ali,...
Danielle,...
Sara,!!!
But, finds himself being held by only two...Debora...Maria...
You are the two half's... major chambers of my heart/life...
The blood/hope which flows/nurtures me...
Is sent from you...
In you I am given life...
am alive...

Reborn too/by love...you...
Be stubborn my passionate one's...
Do not give up on me...please...
I pray you choose to stay...
and forgive me...
For I need, want, choose to love you, so...

From you I know how to live...
Beside you is how I wish to die... ]]> *AquaSilenti http://AquaSilenti.deviantart.com/journal/9003011/ http://AquaSilenti.deviantart.com/journal/9003011/ Wed, 07 Jun 2006 20:17:50 PDT to change...
To turn around against any odd and face... your past/present, yourself,
fear...
(all that comes from it/afterwards... fustration, hesitation, pain, regret, agony, anger, hatred)
Anything...
To stand and not budge, to kneel and not faulter, to look up...
And when its done be no more...
Yet, be more than ever you could of dreamt, or ever ment to be in this world/existence...
To defy destiny, is not to defy it at all... its to choose it...
(((Free Will...)))
To choose YOUR destiny...
To make it...
And in so, having one...

By our hand shall we deal our fate...
And shall our fate deal with us...

Have Hope...
Something/someone has in us...

Belief/Hope some of the greatest weapons in 'defiance' we possess, use them...
Act...

Moments...
Moments define us...but in seconds we can become legends...

Don't ever forget to have compassion, mercy, forgiveness, love...
((( smiles sweetly ))) ]]> *AquaSilenti http://AquaSilenti.deviantart.com/journal/8969927/ http://AquaSilenti.deviantart.com/journal/8969927/ Sun, 04 Jun 2006 15:22:37 PDT And I feel I will loose every living person's or dead alike...
Respect, admiration, any dignity I ever had in anyones eyes...or thought I did...
I will more than loose right now...
((( Screams at the top of his lungs )))

"I'm a member of the Garfield Fan Club, and I'm D*** proud of it..."
Yes, I was just excepted into my first club here in deviant Art...
< smiles sweetly >Thank you... ' lambini '
Small/ minute milestone...for some...
But to me,...It has become a wonderfully large smile...
That refuses to leave or withdraw from my face...
Ooohhh...No!!!...
My cheecks have just achieved ' dipple phase '...
(((giggles)))
Aaaaahhh!!!
(((wink))) ]]> *AquaSilenti http://AquaSilenti.deviantart.com/journal/8910202/ http://AquaSilenti.deviantart.com/journal/8910202/ Mon, 29 May 2006 10:24:51 PDT

Its sad when my thoughts do nothing but try to engage me in combat...
This is a battle that never takes place,
yet...
Always finds time to be fought...
It's strange... to understand me...
I worry...
When questioned...
of myself...
True is my folly which is my own hand/my own will...
No! It's but my dearest fear!!!
That I will never be a percent of my potential...
(((takes a deep breath, and speaks threw grinding teeth)))
Wow... how incredible is my mind when the only fear that holds me is the fear of a
' Lost Boy ' - good book -
I pray so...
I am loved...
Guided/held by that love embraced with its life giving cent of
" esperanca "
Can not a fool hope...
I can only ...((( looks upward gently with sad, wanting eyes )))
Can it be my will my end...please...
But I must have a beginning, its now!!!
Is it now??? Do without thought follow threw with emotion... every emotion???
That is why I fear....
To let go truelly...
of everything...
Even myself.
What is good as well as what is horribly bad...
My greatest wrong/unforgivable sin...Is not to have acted...not to have had the will/state of mind to do...
No excuses...
fear of loosing control...my heart
in my....wish to be...
It is my heart that keeps me in check...holds me in a world were true control...is to know it is only an illusion...and still believe in it and follow threw...
I don't ever want to forget how to love...
And to truely feel love you must feel what is its pain...
To feel the pain it can bring as well as its happiness...
And still choose it...
After you loose everything...
lost everything...
Then you understand what is to truely love...
I fear to loose this...the pain ..that keeps me in check...that lets me understand how special/unique love truly is....
My eyes are open...do not close them...
One easily learns ( the true meaning of) how to except forgiveness/mercy...
Can compassion be the only savevier of mine when the time comes for me to let go...
Teamed up, with my will... it will have to be!!!

A child walks hand in hand...
With her father...
Almost pulled unknowing off the ground ((( skyward )))
Holding... being lead by the hand of a child...

May fate love those that can smile... ]]> *AquaSilenti http://AquaSilenti.deviantart.com/journal/8895123/ http://AquaSilenti.deviantart.com/journal/8895123/ Sat, 27 May 2006 17:35:00 PDT All know my heart, and know nothing but truth, of me...
For to lie to them, is not to even begin to love them...
I fell into love, as if I was born into its world...
In a way, I was... I was one of the lucky ones...the true lucky ones....
I was nutured/was cared for... I am loved...
I was (((forgive me Anne Rice))) ' A Brat Prince ' of love...
((( lowers eyes )))
And then I found loss...I learned its definition...true meaning...
I learned how to appriciate love/ value it for what it trully is... a priceless gift...
< My heart still weeps, I can't understand why I deserve it...I am not that good!!!
While some others never known it/had it....and for it < it saddens me to say >they can't even understand it >
This last statement hurts me most inside...
Maybe, thats why I refuse to give up on anyone, refuse not to care or in time even love anyone...((( In the end the truth is we all deserve it... but I'm defiant...and stubborn so for now I'll say except me...)))
Maybe thats why I can forgive, if ment...by another...
Why I believe so much in that one word...

You think me silly...I do so too at times...

All of them have ' Me ', but only one of them has my body...
I'm not a good man, I refuse to spit in the face of the only thing I believe ...truely inside...
Can one truely control who one loves... lieing to oneself you don't...
So I will love you in silence...in actions...and only ask from you...one thing... find your true happiness...live...and in it I will find my peace...and I will love you even more...
So my heart loves more than one woman...Damn me!!!
It is one of my most beautiful gifts...one of my most horrible tortures...
But I would not change this for the world...drive me mad, drive me insain... please, just drive me...I trully find passion/inspiration when you do....

I feel a guilt inside...
But I embrace it, for I tell you all my immortal beloved's...

You are worth it...
To love you the way I do may be my fatal sin... but not to, is an even greater crime against not only myself/my being, but you.... ]]> *AquaSilenti http://AquaSilenti.deviantart.com/journal/8888061/ http://AquaSilenti.deviantart.com/journal/8888061/ Fri, 26 May 2006 22:05:24 PDT
Yet, there is light....

((( A peaceful light eluminates from my computer screen )))

And life...
Emotion....

((( Tenderly looks down at his hands as they lay at rest on my keyboard )))

Have I grown so old??? The wrinkles and scares seem to show more these days...
((( My fingures reach out in a drowsy stretch and slowly seem to close upon an object that they have obtained or reached for... ((( Did I ever possess it...will I???)))
They gently caress the keys in there journey inward, and settle back into there relaxed, yet ready state...

I have so many Questions....
But they always seem to lead me back to you...
Help me answer them...

((( eyes close...listens...feels... ))) ]]> *AquaSilenti http://AquaSilenti.deviantart.com/journal/8877852/ http://AquaSilenti.deviantart.com/journal/8877852/ Thu, 25 May 2006 20:15:28 PDT
Many babes are given birth from a woman, never did I imagine one kiss could countless times give me the same ...
life...

((( smiles sweetly ))) Its incredible how emotions define us...

Dreams will us...
Love nutures and forgives us...

To be whole...
every man dreams of this, knowing or not we strive day after day of our lifes to find ____ ((( My fingers halt/pause... as my eyes stair at nothing, yet everything...)))
This next word... is a whisper inside us all...inside your heart...it is the melody/the sound which can beat as a thunders cry and slumbers in those brief milliseconds which our heart calls rest...

I find silence to be a beginning and an end...

... ]]> *AquaSilenti