deviantART: by:Archadia http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:Archadia&section=today deviantART RSS for by:Archadia en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Sat, 19 Dec 2009 22:58:21 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png Beloved http://Archadia.deviantart.com/journal/27860584/ http://Archadia.deviantart.com/journal/27860584/ Mon, 19 Oct 2009 18:43:57 PDT
]]> ~Archadia Devious Journal Entry http://Archadia.deviantart.com/journal/23278624/ http://Archadia.deviantart.com/journal/23278624/ Wed, 18 Feb 2009 19:43:07 PST

]]> ~Archadia Happy Holidays 2008 http://Archadia.deviantart.com/journal/21658817/ http://Archadia.deviantart.com/journal/21658817/ Tue, 25 Nov 2008 05:29:33 PST
I have one last commission on hold until I get the bulk of the gifts done, but you should see, after the holiday, some digital, traditional, textile, and culinary work in here.

Hold on to yourselves this holiday.

=D

]]> ~Archadia ... http://Archadia.deviantart.com/journal/20799686/ http://Archadia.deviantart.com/journal/20799686/ Thu, 02 Oct 2008 19:46:24 PDT And all my nightmares want to do is play.

]]> ~Archadia Video games http://Archadia.deviantart.com/journal/20627397/ http://Archadia.deviantart.com/journal/20627397/ Mon, 22 Sep 2008 20:48:21 PDT
"Can't you see I'm busy? God dammit, go away!"

One day I am going to really do it, and then maybe they will realize their words were a little harsh.

]]> ~Archadia Just Say It http://Archadia.deviantart.com/journal/20514711/ http://Archadia.deviantart.com/journal/20514711/ Mon, 15 Sep 2008 23:21:23 PDT Just say it's over, all we've become
Just say it's time to lessen the sum
To tear down the bridge and build a divide
Erase all the memories drawn inside

Has your heart really gone so empty? Have I exhausted my share?

Why do you torment me?! You just... stopped. Where are you? You said you would be there! You said you would be there...

When I needed you...

I need you now!

"I need to be alone tonight."

You have been alone for weeks! You have been alone your whole life by your own choice!

I miss you, Christopher. I chose not to be alone. I chose you, remember?

If I was a mistake, tell me now, but know I made no mistake in loving you!

]]> ~Archadia Like the deserts miss the rain... http://Archadia.deviantart.com/journal/20476673/ http://Archadia.deviantart.com/journal/20476673/ Sat, 13 Sep 2008 18:06:30 PDT one more hug, one more kiss. One more. Don't leave me.

And there he goes. I my eyes followed him as we pulled away.

When will I ever see you again?

]]> ~Archadia =( http://Archadia.deviantart.com/journal/20319962/ http://Archadia.deviantart.com/journal/20319962/ Thu, 04 Sep 2008 06:59:39 PDT
That was the scariest shit.

]]> ~Archadia A song for your heart, but when it is quiet... http://Archadia.deviantart.com/journal/20066917/ http://Archadia.deviantart.com/journal/20066917/ Wed, 20 Aug 2008 19:43:51 PDT
It's kind of strange, because I keep having dreams where I have disappeared, or I am talking, but everyone ignores or can't hear me. Up until today, this was so much like life, I didn't even wonder from where this dream seed came. Interesting that I disappear on paper as well.

I want to feel very important again. I guess I need to go back on the medicine. Keeping my mood up is so strenuous, it leaves no room for anything else. It's everything I can do to not go on disability and live on ramen and state-funded insulin for the rest of my life. The weight loss program has me absolutely exhausted. I can't lose it fast enough to keep me happy and motivated, but I know it's as fast as possible, healthily, anyway. I keep cheating myself out of things. Punishing myself, not letting myself send a text or go to a place I wanted to go or make a phone call I wanted to make because I feel too ugly to be seen or heard from. I can't taste things. I don't enjoy cooking. I don't enjoy much.

When I was watching a retro cartoon with Sabr today, I needed to choke back a tear, because it was the one legend about Strong Wind, the man who could turn invisible and fly.

I told Sabr I wished I could be invisible.

I lied. Because most of the time I feel like I already am. And I wished I wasn't.

Or maybe I didn't lie... because sometimes I am so ashamed of myself I wish I could disappear. There are rare, few people that can make me feel beautiful any more. Those two know who they are.

I am trying not to bother my friends. Especially my boyfriend. Everyone is getting tired of me. Probably my whining. I need to keep myself busy. I am sure I can think of something to do. If I can't, perhaps it's best to send myself to bed. Taking a walk is always a 50/50. I don't trust myself on walks by myself any more, because I am feeling sick, and those old urges are coming back again and again, as are those compulsions I get. No one would ever forgive me if I caved to those.

A song for your heart,
but when it is quiet
I know what that means and
I'll carry you home.

]]> ~Archadia Tear-free Zone http://Archadia.deviantart.com/journal/19867491/ http://Archadia.deviantart.com/journal/19867491/ Sat, 09 Aug 2008 18:54:37 PDT
Then I would wake up and rub my leaky face all over him, because I was four, and kids do that. Loud sniffling optional.

He didn't seem to care. He just kind of smiled, but not like I was lowly. Not like I upset or annoyed or amused him. Just like he knew. Like things were really fine, and he was there to remind me of that, but only after I had mourned whatever put me there. Because it was okay for me to cry. He used to pet my hair and my back. I still love when people do that. I loved having a safe place to be vulnerable. I felt safe there.

It's kind of not fair that I had to give up my Safe Place To Cry as an adult, but it's really unfair I had to go without it at five. =/ But I had it, and for that, I am lucky.

I want to go home.

]]> ~Archadia O! Say, can you see? http://Archadia.deviantart.com/journal/18962308/ http://Archadia.deviantart.com/journal/18962308/ Sat, 21 Jun 2008 06:54:56 PDT to-do list in LiveJournal. I can put in things as they occur to me, then put in how important they are, when they are due, make them private if I need to... stuff like that. It's helping me decide what to do with myself.

Staind and Mudvayne need to go on my wish list. As does Coldplay. Something else... hmmm... Snow Patrol. Disturbed, System of a Down, all that hard stuff I actually like listening to when I am too bored or angry for Enya. Wow... I don't have any Tool either. Lots of 3 Doors Down I like that I don't have, too. I also want a copy of that CD Sabr has in his car. If I get Sarah's B-sides and rarities I have ALL of her CDs. ;_; I am so much music whore. Why do I have to like everything? Wish list time! I need to bug Solanth and see if he can peddle me an Art of Dying CD. Dammit a lot of good musicians in Canada.

Speaking of lists... and things I needed to do...

One of the things that I hoped I would get to do is see a baseball game at Camden Yards. Not that I am really into baseball. I mean I know the team and the players from back in the day, when I used to watch it with Nana. She was a big Orioles fan.

Well, thanks to Chris and his dad and step-mom, I got to see my first game at Camden Yards. I was trying to not show I was floored, but I must have looked awestruck. They were club seats and they bring you food you order and everything and they wipe off the seats for you before you sit down. I must have given them a funny look... because the guy who seated us laughed. I couldn't help it... there was nothing wrong with the seat and when I imagined a baseball game, I thought everyone would be sitting in the bleachers. I saw the furry running around in the O's bird suit. I could see the faces on the players. It was pretty close. It was close enough so that, when a foul ball was hit, I felt like covering myself.

That woulda been cool - catching a ball hit by my favorite team. Anyhow, I was pretty floored: we won. The other team was some team I never heard of: Houston Astros? Well whatever. Their pitcher kept throwing the ball to first base whenever one of the players would lead off it because he was afraid to pitch and it got old after a while. People even started booing, which I hated. I hate when people boo at public entertainment. Poor Chris was so bored.

Man that place is huge. It reminds me of the airport. I probably won't go a lot: a bottle of water is $4 (Thank you, Mr. Keith!). A pretzel dog is $6.50 (Thank you, Chris!). Holy shit. But... but free hat! And they gave me my first Orioles shirt (Thank you, Betsy!). The hat was a retro hat that they gave out at the gates, and the kind Nana would have loved to have. I feel like I should put it on her grave or something.

One Life Goal: accomplished.

Now for the rest of them. Promising things in the future include video games, skating, swimming, making furniture together, mutual naps, boating, snowboarding, and and and... holy shit I sound like I have hobbies!

And, on a separate note, a not so fun thing. A frustrating thing. A thing that made me totally blow up at Sabr today and I am so sorry but I already told him and dammit I wish I was back on his list. =/ Anyway... At work, Pete changed the schedule without calling me. He also cut the lock off my locker without calling me. There was an extra key in the office that I gave to him for this very reason. I would have unlocked it for him anyway. He also ripped open a bag of my personal things, containing food items, that I wanted to keep. Now they are stale, open, and violated. This was also done without my consent. To make matters worse, the database, that I was very good at using to price items not having a tag, has been removed from the POS system. Now it really is a POS POS. The thing I was best at in the whole store, better than everyone else, is removed. All these things, coupled with the discrimination I suffer at the face of Pete, have convinced me to look even HARDER for another job. Also I may be calling the ethics committee on him. He basically lied to me and stole from me.

You know... what's worse... the lock he cut? Not mine. Seiko's.
/_\ I can't be trusted with anything.

I am hungry so much. I have no moneys. I need a better job. This one treats me like a sack of shit.

Well... there goes my phone... telling me that I need to do paperwork. See you guys later.

... by the dawn's early light ... *hums*

]]> ~Archadia A Toast! http://Archadia.deviantart.com/journal/18759111/ http://Archadia.deviantart.com/journal/18759111/ Tue, 10 Jun 2008 01:31:24 PDT see the quickening of my heart rate, the nervous muscle tightening in my palms, the fluttering in my stomach, the happy wave of chills from my hips to my neck, the dry mouth. It's so strange, almost like a fight-or-flight response, only it feels good. It's an adventure. He's an adventure.

I remember that night when he kissed me. He kissed me. His heart was beating so hard I could hear it even if my ear wasn't on his chest. I could see his pulse in his neck. He wouldn't even make eye contact. We were just talking about things that made us crazy with grief and guilt. Most of them turned out to be the same things. We were connecting and I didn't understand why it would upset him so much to be releasing all of this to me. I just rested my head quietly on him, then remarked: "Your heart is beating so hard... are you okay?"
"A little."
" 'A little' okay?"
"Yeah..."
And then I felt him twitch. Ooooh... that's why only a little okay. We talked about things that we were afraid of. I stroked his stomach and he jumped now and then, turning red. He knew I'd felt that twitch. He said, "I am always afraid I'll ruin everything..."
I was too.
"I would kiss you right now but I am afraid I'll mess that up, too."
Now my heart fluttered. Hadn't been kissed in a long time. Not by anyone conscious, anyway (long story). "Well..." I said, staring him right in the eye, "What's the worst that could happen?"
"Well... I mess it up! I don't know...!"
"And then what happens?"
"I... I don't know... you never want to talk to me ever again..?"
"No... I just... tell you. That's not so bad right?" I cataloged a bunch of constructive criticism beforehand. If he made this mistake or that mistake, which was likely for a first-timer, I would be ready with the words to tell him what he could do.
"Maybe!"
"Oh that's very cu-..."
And he didn't wait for me to finish the sentence. He went for it and I have to say... all those things I had thought of to say... they were gone. It was ... I mean... I had nothin'. He was tender. He was patient. He even held me just right. I even thought a few times, he can't be a virgin he just can't. I mean... Oh my god. I shook. I was so happy I shook. It was a long kiss. It was a good kiss. No. It was a great first kiss. He'd better be proud of that one. A month ago tomorrow, he gave me the best kiss I ever got in my entire life. I like that, through the month, I've gotten many more. Also many more firsts for me:
*First time a boy bought me earrings (I've not taken them off yet!).
*[censored out of respect, but you can ask me in private about this and his other honorable mentions!]
*First time I actually went out on a date with a guy before being his girlfriend. First gradual relationship, in a sense. (As in, NOT: "Hey wanna be my girlfriend?" "Okay sure." Like before...)
*First time someone admitted, "I was trying to think of romantic things we could do when..."

He makes me excited.

Excited! Instead of afraid! It's amazing. People have said I am a better person around him and it is because I am casting aside my fears in exchange for a few doses of healthy excitement. I don't worry so much. My paranoia rests a little. Now, if I can start to do that even when he is not around...

He's come at a very good time for me; my wanderlust is back and the computer is causing me more stress than not. I am growing increasingly paranoid of boring everyone I talk to on the computer, disappointing them, something. I need to move. I need to get out and hear birds and feel sunshine. As much as I hate summer, I need it. It's hot and miserable and moving these creaking tendons is a task at times, but I need it. I am just too pent-up, and, lately, when I give myself too much pause, I start thinking, fearing. When I am too sedentary, I start to go stale and my body's build up kicks me into depressed or manic mode. It's as if I lose hope when I stop moving. People underestimate the therapeutic benefits of just moving your body.... ]]> ~Archadia Kisses! http://Archadia.deviantart.com/journal/18525540/ http://Archadia.deviantart.com/journal/18525540/ Tue, 27 May 2008 11:05:50 PDT "I should go... it's late..."
"Yeah... it's late..."
10 minutes later:
"Oh geez, it's late..."
"Yeah we should get going..."
30 minutes later:
"Okay I am really getting out of the car now, Chris..."
"You say that, but I know I can keep you here as long as I want by just doing this..."
*kiss* *melt*
*whine* "I know; that's the problem."

=3
*sparkle*

(This message sponsored by gentle, tender kisses in the moonlight.)


]]> ~Archadia *Purr* http://Archadia.deviantart.com/journal/18331589/ http://Archadia.deviantart.com/journal/18331589/ Thu, 15 May 2008 05:44:32 PDT
Suggestions?

]]> ~Archadia Take On Me http://Archadia.deviantart.com/journal/16637826/ http://Archadia.deviantart.com/journal/16637826/ Wed, 30 Jan 2008 02:08:03 PST I'll Be Gone
In a Day or Two...

]]> ~Archadia Commissions http://Archadia.deviantart.com/journal/15106671/ http://Archadia.deviantart.com/journal/15106671/ Thu, 18 Oct 2007 02:45:17 PDT
--Update--
1. Please still credit me with my art. Do not alter it and call it your own, for that is 'not cool'. You can use it for icons and profiles and stuff like that, though, I don't mind =3. And if you bought a full-sized art, say, a desktop background, I would certainly not mind making you an icon or banner from that image for free, as long as you talk to me about it.

2. I have the right at any time to refuse to do your commission. (Sorry... if I end up in a car accident with both arms broken, for example, it will be kind of hard to finish.)

3. I will tolerate edit requests. One edit is fine. Two is okay. Three is pushing it, and by four I will probably say... well... no, but I will not make you pay for something you don't like. Just don't buy it if you do not like it. Remember I have my own personal style. You can avoid lots of edits by being more specific in the beginning.

4. These rules may be changed or added to at any time by me.

Decided on general prices. Final price to be agreed upon between seller and buyer.

--Digital work:--
I give you the digital work for download(with my signature still on it but the copyright watermark taken off) after payment and can even make you a print if you like. You decide the size in pixels.
*$10 for lineart. (Coloring book style. Please do not color on and pretend it is yours.)
*+ $5 for shading. (Black and white portrait.)
*+ $5 for color.
*+ $5 for each additional character.
*+ $5 for a background (an original by me).

I use Photoshop Elements 2.0 for my Digital art and now my tablet.

--3-D work:--
Depends on the cost of the materials, so please discuss this with me.

]]> ~Archadia 2-D: The Return http://Archadia.deviantart.com/journal/13018219/ http://Archadia.deviantart.com/journal/13018219/ Sat, 19 May 2007 20:45:30 PDT
Here are a list of titles in my WIP folder at the moment:
Cuddles
Debi
Featherpoof
Lance
Plushies
Poings (I may not develop this one)
Rana-Jacel-Archadia
Securityblanket
Seiko
Squabbles
Treddygift
Waterfall
Yinyang

I am also working on some 3-D projects, one of which is a surprise and one of which is a windchime I am making out of dream catchers. I will post one of the dreamcatchers pretty soon. Being made of brass and being a ring, they make a very nice resonating sound if not wrapped. I got bigger beads to make it work.

So that's what I'm working on.

*hugs* Thanks!

]]> ~Archadia 2-D on hold... http://Archadia.deviantart.com/journal/10816856/ http://Archadia.deviantart.com/journal/10816856/ Wed, 22 Nov 2006 21:51:35 PST
]]> ~Archadia To Do List http://Archadia.deviantart.com/journal/10522049/ http://Archadia.deviantart.com/journal/10522049/ Thu, 26 Oct 2006 21:47:55 PDT
Things in my WIP folder:
*'The Birth'
*'Cuddleplushies!'
*'Drel'
*'Ridayah'
*'Anubis (female) and Fox'

]]> ~Archadia Trade with me? http://Archadia.deviantart.com/journal/10286121/ http://Archadia.deviantart.com/journal/10286121/ Wed, 04 Oct 2006 18:45:29 PDT Though I am always excited about an art trade.

]]> ~Archadia An Offah Ya Cayn't Refuse.. http://Archadia.deviantart.com/journal/10136158/ http://Archadia.deviantart.com/journal/10136158/ Sun, 24 Sep 2006 18:18:06 PDT Have fun =)
no cheating with html or photoediting...

yeah i know you're cute =p

]]> ~Archadia So what next? http://Archadia.deviantart.com/journal/9616531/ http://Archadia.deviantart.com/journal/9616531/ Sun, 06 Aug 2006 10:51:08 PDT ~Archadia Brushes! http://Archadia.deviantart.com/journal/9311967/ http://Archadia.deviantart.com/journal/9311967/ Sat, 08 Jul 2006 12:59:24 PDT They all say you have to use at least 7.0. That is going for around $400. :dead: $649 for :new:CS2. :depressed: :doh: Oh well I will add them to my favorites until one day I get my hands on a photoshop that can use them... ]]> ~Archadia New method. http://Archadia.deviantart.com/journal/5085766/ http://Archadia.deviantart.com/journal/5085766/ Thu, 14 Apr 2005 09:44:20 PDT
But I promise I will start producing. ]]> ~Archadia *Empty Space* http://Archadia.deviantart.com/journal/3983749/ http://Archadia.deviantart.com/journal/3983749/ Fri, 03 Dec 2004 22:26:03 PST
So gneh. ]]> ~Archadia My LJ http://Archadia.deviantart.com/journal/2875937/ http://Archadia.deviantart.com/journal/2875937/ Tue, 13 Jul 2004 21:19:20 PDT [link]
for all who wanted to know. I like advice. ]]> ~Archadia