http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:Arfea&section=today deviantART RSS for by:Arfea en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Tue, 08 Dec 2009 10:52:24 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://Arfea.deviantart.com/journal/24471756/ http://Arfea.deviantart.com/journal/24471756/ Mon, 27 Apr 2009 21:10:21 PDT I'm old!
But before that I skydived. Weeeee!!!!!
yes, I jumped out of plane with a guy strapped to my back. He pulled the parachute and he's the one that jumped.
We free fell for 40 seconds starting at 10,500ft.
I got to steer us around in the parachute.
^.^
I think I'm going again.
But anyways, my parents are insanely amazing! And I'm very happy that people remembered my birthday. (Most due to facebook but w.e)
I've been sick all day and got a bruise in softball but it was still a great day.

]]> ~Arfea http://Arfea.deviantart.com/journal/24137338/ http://Arfea.deviantart.com/journal/24137338/ Wed, 08 Apr 2009 20:44:48 PDT hulu.com has every episode.
Then find Serenity and watch that too.
"Dear Buddha, I want a pony and a plastic rocket..."
Anywhoos, break now. Papers need to be written.
augh.
Gonna miss my boy. :/

]]> ~Arfea http://Arfea.deviantart.com/journal/23651122/ http://Arfea.deviantart.com/journal/23651122/ Wed, 11 Mar 2009 20:37:36 PDT
















SEE WATCHMEN NOW! PREFERABLY IN IMAX!!! IF YOU SEE SOMEONE UNDER 17 THERE KICK THEM OUT!!!




Now Go!!!

]]> ~Arfea http://Arfea.deviantart.com/journal/23567202/ http://Arfea.deviantart.com/journal/23567202/ Sat, 07 Mar 2009 01:24:56 PST However really looking forward to it I didn't read all of the graphic novel so I don't know too much of the story. (Shame on me, I know) But at least I know all of the names of the "heroes" unlike my boy, who only knows Dr. Manhattan.
Tonight my university had a free showing of Milk so I took advantage and had a gander. WOW. It was great. I really enjoyed it. Got teary eye'd and all. Sean Penn was great, he really became Harvey. Supporting cast was excellent and good lord is James Franco gorgeous!!! And talented! He's versatile and I'm enjoying seeing more of him. He's quickly becoming my top boy in movies. Surprised to see Lucas Grabeel in a serious role. He was good! For those not in the know, he was in all 3 High School Musicals. X_X
Also watched Unbreakable, which was M. Night Shyamalan's 2nd movie he made, after Sixth Sense. Honestly it's my favorite of his. Which isn't saying a lot, I know, because only 2 possibly 3 of his are any good at all. But I like Unbreakable more than Sixth Sense, although I'm not sure why. I guess because it isn't a horror movie, it's a thoughtful movie with an excellent job by Samuel L Jackson in a role you don't often see him in. Bruce Willis was good in it as well.
In conclusion, MOVIE WEEKEND!!!!

]]> ~Arfea http://Arfea.deviantart.com/journal/23147167/ http://Arfea.deviantart.com/journal/23147167/ Wed, 11 Feb 2009 20:56:07 PST However: I am looking forward to it because it's a special combined date for my and the boy. We're combinin our 9 month anniversary with VDay.
No gifts.
Aaaaannnd he fails at planning.
But I still can't wait.
Augh we've been together as long as women carry babies.
Weird.
Anyway I hope VDay isn't so terrible for all the singles out there, as well as the people who can't be with their special someone.
It's really so commercialized at this point that I'm not sure it's worth it as a holiday, but restaurants have special menus for it, so yummy food!!!
<3s

]]> ~Arfea http://Arfea.deviantart.com/journal/22892340/ http://Arfea.deviantart.com/journal/22892340/ Thu, 29 Jan 2009 19:02:15 PST
I'm talking about toxic people, not just boyfriends/girlfriends. I've had so many toxic friends in my life and each has left a scar on me that I won't be able to be rid of.
I just don't understand why these people exist. What gives them the right to take completely from someone else and then run away before they have to return it?

I've had many a friend where I gave them my all, helped them in any way I could, really cared about them, just to have them throw me away like I'm last year's model.
And I'd just like to know why. Why is it so easy to throw away that deep connection for something new? Why would you want to throw away a friendship that had lasted so long, throw away someone who knew you and knew your past and wanted to help you?

I don't get how people can do that. Especially if there wasn't even a goodbye, it was just sort of a disposal without any indication to the other person that you were done with them and didn't want to talk anymore.

That's disgusting. Absolutely putrid. A person who does that is the lowest form of being I can think of. Just a filthy devious person who in the end will be alone if they keep doing that. Sooner or later it catches up to you.

Although I will say that I'm a bit happier without these sorts of people. Toxic people don't just take from you, they put you down along the way. My toxic friends never made me actually feel good about myself or the person I was.

So I'm glad that I'm rid of them, I just wish they could have been human enough to step up and let me know it was over.

Sadly I think they rubbed off on me a little. I'm working to get rid of that mindset but it's difficult. Fortunately I have good friends to help me through it.

Side note: O.o I've been dating my boy for almost 9 months!!! Crazy!!! It never feels like it's been that long.

]]> ~Arfea http://Arfea.deviantart.com/journal/22401157/ http://Arfea.deviantart.com/journal/22401157/ Sun, 04 Jan 2009 18:31:41 PST Upside: my boy has been very supportive and understanding. I love him so much.
Miss my college friends, glad to see my friends from home enjoying lazyness before homework starts in again...augh!
Life is weird.
Yay for a New Year but augh for this year meaning that I've lived on this planet for 2 decades!!!
Crazy
I already ranted about relationships but I'm still stressing everything I said then.
OMG....I've been with my boy almost 8 months!
Time flies fast!!!!!!!(but only during Ramadan....hee hee)

]]> ~Arfea http://Arfea.deviantart.com/journal/21477443/ http://Arfea.deviantart.com/journal/21477443/ Thu, 13 Nov 2008 21:56:19 PST Because I don't believe that's real. Unless one person is completely submissive and the other is completely dominant, and then what sort of relationship is that?
Relationships take work. I know, what? Love? It's supposed to be so simple and not need work.
But you're wrong. Love is wonderful yes, but a relationship must be worked on if you both are actually truthful to one another. People disagree, everyone disagrees on something. It takes time to get to know one another and I feel that there must be bumps along the way. Without the bumps, how can you test your bond? The true test of a relationship is the first fight, I mean BIG fight. How do you both handle it? If one of you decides that it isn't worth it to resolve, well then it wasn't really a good relationship to start then was it?
People say that they fall in love so quickly and with just about anyone it seems. Well no, it's not love, it's infatuation. Love takes time to cultivate, it isn't right away and it isn't permanent.
Its hard to distinguish infatuation from actual love and no matter how many times people say "this one is different" that isn't always the case.
Look, I love my boy, I do. But we fight and we have to discuss stuff that bothers us and I don't love every single little thing he does and vice versa. But we work on our relationship, if there's a snag, we both come together to fix it, because we want to stay together and see where our relationship takes us.
And don't even get me started on the physical part of relationships. Look, if physical stuff moves SUPER fast or is the reason for the immediate connection, I'm sorry but generally it's doomed to fail. Physical stuff can only get you so far if there's no emotion to go with it. And don't jump immediately into intimacy just because "everyone does it" or it will make the relationship seem more "adult". Because it won't. The less emotionally intimate and the more physically intimate you get, the worse off you are. Physical intimacy heightens EVERYTHING, the good and the bad. And, even worse, people are out there for just another warm body.
Love seems like it ought to be so easy, and maybe love is, but a relationship is anything but. Once the initial phase of the relationship is over, then the testing of the relationship really begins and only then can you tell if it truly is love or not. Can you weather the good and the bad times? If you can, then it is love. But don't ever think that it's easy and simple.
And when you are in love, it isn't really overwhelming happiness so much as contentment. If you sit there with your partner and can just enjoy the other's presence without talking or doing much else, then yes, I believe that is what being in love truly feels like. And it is wonderful.

]]> ~Arfea http://Arfea.deviantart.com/journal/20977296/ http://Arfea.deviantart.com/journal/20977296/ Mon, 13 Oct 2008 20:38:07 PDT Burning bridges seems nice at first, but if there isn't closure, then burning a bridge is a nice way to ruin that chance for yourself.
But then again, I'm used to stuff being really open ended, after all, I have no idea at all about the people who created me. My birth parents are such a mystery to me that any other mystery seems so tiny in comparison.
Don't get me wrong, burning certain bridges is what I needed to do to help myself and keep myself sane. I needed a break from certain people to save myself. But I do feel like there are still empty spots that could be filled.
But I've begun to realize that some spots won't be filled, and I can't go my whole life thinking about them. So I'm working on forgetting those spots and possibly even forgiving, but that's too soon to say.
I really am happy with the person I am at the moment, and I'm even more happy at the fact that I'm working towards being the person I've wanted to be for years. Despite other people, I have made myself better with the help of people who really care about me.
Those few negative people left in my life I'm no longer willing to deal with and I'm going to change my interactions with them.
I've had my ups and downs, my rock bottoms and i think once a high point, but I'm working through everything and maybe someday soon life and I can agree on the same sorts of things.

]]> ~Arfea http://Arfea.deviantart.com/journal/20214423/ http://Arfea.deviantart.com/journal/20214423/ Fri, 29 Aug 2008 07:22:12 PDT I'm so happy to be back with all of my friends and though now we are separated by a building, they are never so far away that a few minutes walk doesn't bring me to them.
Being back on campus makes me feel like I haven't really left, although a few new additions makes this place much more awesome than it was last year. ^.^ We have a Quizno's now, which means yummy subs!
I'm happy to be with my boy and I know he's happy to be back with me.
I'm finally happy again, truly happy. And it's a great feeling!

]]> ~Arfea http://Arfea.deviantart.com/journal/20100103/ http://Arfea.deviantart.com/journal/20100103/ Fri, 22 Aug 2008 17:13:24 PDT Home isn't home anymore. My bed is new and different and foreign, I haven't even slept on it a week, nor will I before I go back to college. Home also feels so empty without Castle. My heart no longer rests in New Hartford, if it ever did. And I'm not talking about a specific person, I'm just talking about Boston in general. I've always loved the city and being around it, and now that I get to live so close throughout most of the year I think I've found where I should be. Nature I will always love, but Boston has a hold over me that I cannot shake. New Hartford was always much too small for my plans about the future.
I also cannot deny that I miss all the people from college so much, these past 3 months have seemed like forever, much longer than it seemed with my separation from my high school friends. I miss my tall red headed loveable french speaking best friend, or the Shapiro crew with their random movie selections ranging from My Neighbor Totoro to Borne Identity to the Little Mermaid to American History X. I miss my buddy from karate, anth and CGX who I know is probably much tanner now. I miss my girls from the forced triple that ended up with 5 people sleeping in it. I miss my friend who if you turned your back for a second was gone in an instant and could be found hours or days later with a brand new story to tell. I miss my tall, cuddly, model/artist who knows what time flies are. I even miss my friend who cannot seem to go a week without a brand new drama in her life that demands immediate attention.
I cannot deny that I also miss my boy and will enjoy not having to take a train to see him for a few days once a month.
But overall..I'm just tired of being where I am right now. I want to go back to studying what I love, being with people that i've missed, and having much more freedom.
Just gotta survive tonight and tomorrow. Sunday morning we leave to return me to the life I enjoy.

]]> ~Arfea http://Arfea.deviantart.com/journal/19643238/ http://Arfea.deviantart.com/journal/19643238/ Mon, 28 Jul 2008 13:55:22 PDT Losing Castle is the most difficult experience for me.

]]> ~Arfea http://Arfea.deviantart.com/journal/19571008/ http://Arfea.deviantart.com/journal/19571008/ Thu, 24 Jul 2008 10:52:00 PDT Despite my love for my friends at home,
my heart no longer rests in that small town.
I just want to go back to college!
I remember being told that college friends are completely different than high school friends, and I scoffed at that.
Now I realize how true it is.
I miss staying up til the wee hours of the morning watching a movie or playing monopoly or just acting crazy.
I miss staying up until around 5:30am, agreeing that everyone will meet in an hour to watch the sun rise, then just passing out until noon.
I miss walking back from class and just detouring to my friends room to hang out until dinner, then hang out more until I'm too tired to function, let alone think about homework.
I also miss being with my boy almost all day, then sharing a bed at night.
I miss the classes that are soooo much better than high school.
I miss having the ability to just walk everywhere and not drive.
Overall I just miss college so much I'm glad I'm going back in about a month.
Love my hometown friends but, this small place isn't for me anymore.

]]> ~Arfea http://Arfea.deviantart.com/journal/19263340/ http://Arfea.deviantart.com/journal/19263340/ Mon, 07 Jul 2008 21:29:43 PDT

it really does.

]]> ~Arfea http://Arfea.deviantart.com/journal/19097286/ http://Arfea.deviantart.com/journal/19097286/ Sat, 28 Jun 2008 18:12:07 PDT I miss him.
:<
But at least I talk to him everyday. ^.^ He's so sweet and I know he misses me too, cause he tells me all the time.
I can't wait until I can sleep next to him again. (Except when he accidentally chokes me, *sigh*)

]]> ~Arfea http://Arfea.deviantart.com/journal/18855468/ http://Arfea.deviantart.com/journal/18855468/ Sun, 15 Jun 2008 13:19:55 PDT I was so broken and he seemed whole and together
then, as it turns out, he was just as broken
as I was
and I thought, if I could help fix him
he'd return the favor.
But I couldn't fix him when I was broken myself
Couldn't we fix ourselves together?
But then I went away
and began to heal and mend
I had the tools to repair myself
on hand.
And suddenly I was fixing myself
but he remained broken and unable to use his tools
and I don't think
he could handle that.
He needed control
to control something in his life
when everything seemed out of his hands.
And he could break me again just as easily
as I repaired myself.
But as the foundation I had built myself
grew stronger
his crumbled further
and his control was slipping
and I wasn't the broken person
I had been.
I wasn't the same
and the repairs I'd made
became stronger
until he couldn't break them again.
And that last little thing that he had control over
was lost to him.
But he pushed too hard
he threw that vase
that was more glue than porcelain
and it held up this time.
And so I walked away from that,
don't get me wrong,
I'm still broken in places
but I've begun repairs
and now it will take more
than what I've faced in the past
to truly break me again.
The little boy lost his toy
and so he blames it on
everyone else
because he can't bear to admit
it was his own doing.
I'm NO ONE's toy anymore.

]]> ~Arfea