http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:AtypicalEssence&section=today deviantART RSS for by:AtypicalEssence en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Sun, 06 Dec 2009 20:54:05 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://AtypicalEssence.deviantart.com/journal/20068696/ http://AtypicalEssence.deviantart.com/journal/20068696/ Wed, 20 Aug 2008 21:53:40 PDT
To all my friends, how I adore you. My life is such a beautiful place because of all the wonderful people in it. Thank you for being so amazing, always. <3

]]> ~AtypicalEssence http://AtypicalEssence.deviantart.com/journal/15798680/ http://AtypicalEssence.deviantart.com/journal/15798680/ Tue, 04 Dec 2007 19:19:01 PST
I'd love to see what it would be like living life as a morally corrupt person, as someone who doesn't stop to care about every other person in their life. Do I care to much? Definitely. Everything that matters to me, matters far more than it should. People, my grades, my artwork, everything. And yet I'm afraid to show that, because in this world, people like me are taken advantage of. I'm not so ignorant to think that we are rewarded for loving, all the time.

I try so hard, and yet everything crashes down, over and over and over. I find myself sick from stress nearly every week. And I don't understand. Why? Why has society turned into this beast, where the only way to be "successful" (a term equated with happiness) is to practically give up everything else in your life. I was not born into an affluent family, I am reminded of that every day as I am asked why, oh why, do I have a hole in my shirt, or paint on that sleeve, or have my skirt pinned because I've lost weight and it no longer fits tightly around my waist. To everyone else, it doesn't make sense that I can't just run out and buy a new wardrobe of uniforms when they run 40$ a pop, and I just deal with hand me downs from my brother and other students.

Money doesn't buy happiness - I know that for a fact. I'd be hard pressed to say that any of my wealthier friends are happy, truly. Ignorant? Surely. But still, it's hard not to be jealous when I spend my weekends babysitting after weeks of grueling hours of homework (a result of my 'scholarship appropriate level classes' which give me a minimum of four hours a night) while they gallivant, get drunk and high and laid, and then have the nerve to scoff at me for being boring.

It was the first night of Hanukkah and I looked around an apologized because I hadn't had time to make anyone gifts, let alone the money to buy any. And if I did have any spare cash, well, I'd love nothing more than to get gifts for all the wonderful people in my life. I can't stand spending on myself, so it isn't that I am being selfish...still, it feels terrible to sit there, embarrassed and empty handed.

Oh, and to continue to moan, I find myself increasingly wrapped up in someone I'd sworn to forget, and am forced to chose between spending time with him, or go to the holiday party I am helping plan for my Choir, or spend time with my family because the rest of the weekend is filled with work, marching band, and all my other activities.

In a perfect world, I could forgo it all and be somewhat of a nomad. I'd be somewhere not plagued by these egos and expectations, somewhere I could spend my time pursuing my art, music, writing - the things which make me happy - and enjoying the company of my friends. Instead, I am forced to choose, to even question wanting a relationship with somebody for fear that I'd never be able to spend the time I'd want to with them.

The hardest part is, though I'm hardly gifted at art or music, I've been told I have somewhat of a gift for the written word. Yet my journal is filled with empty pages where I fell asleep before writing my daily bit of poetry, which I dedicate myself to in order to continue to improve. And, with guilt, I read works of those taking private writing classes at my school, and think that I am at leas their equal...yet I have to take this AP, and that Pre-Ib, so I don't have the time.

Do I want to do Chemistry, European History, Calculus? No. Hardly. But it's the way the world spins.

And now, I sit thinking of the ten minutes I've wasted writing this. But I guess it's worth it, or I may just implode.

(my apologies for all the whining. i'm horrid about it.)

OH and, go to [link]. Because we all need to care a little more often.

]]> ~AtypicalEssence http://AtypicalEssence.deviantart.com/journal/14538904/ http://AtypicalEssence.deviantart.com/journal/14538904/ Sat, 08 Sep 2007 00:22:51 PDT
When finally pulling all my old files off the other computer, I uncovered a ton of photos, so I'll be doing a good bit of uploading, fitting in a few whenever I have time....which is practically never.

I may start working for a woman who is a professional web designer. I was offered some freelance projects, as she apparently isn't too fond of logo design or other such more creative pursuits. I'll have to see if I have time, though, as school's insane right now.

That's about all. Busy, but ordinary.

]]> ~AtypicalEssence http://AtypicalEssence.deviantart.com/journal/13352447/ http://AtypicalEssence.deviantart.com/journal/13352447/ Fri, 15 Jun 2007 06:59:14 PDT
]]> ~AtypicalEssence http://AtypicalEssence.deviantart.com/journal/10640450/ http://AtypicalEssence.deviantart.com/journal/10640450/ Mon, 06 Nov 2006 18:41:25 PST
Thats probably the only place you'll see any traditional art from me..Just so you know..

]]> ~AtypicalEssence