http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:AwakenEternity&section=today deviantART RSS for by:AwakenEternity en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Wed, 16 Dec 2009 07:38:57 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://AwakenEternity.deviantart.com/journal/25228671/ http://AwakenEternity.deviantart.com/journal/25228671/ Wed, 10 Jun 2009 02:48:17 PDT
]]> ~AwakenEternity http://AwakenEternity.deviantart.com/journal/21973806/ http://AwakenEternity.deviantart.com/journal/21973806/ Sun, 14 Dec 2008 02:49:05 PST I wish i could talk. there are people there to listin but the words...the feelings are soo deep that i cant even begin to think of how to pull them up to the surface. My best friend or who i though he was dosnt want me. If he dose not want me not as a friend am i really worth anything at all?
I know at the end of the day that answer is yes I am. But I dont feel like it is the true answer. Its nice going to the club. No one knows anything that is going on. No one expects anything..I dont have to love or even really like anyone if i choose not to. My friends {if I can trust that word still} I know they want me to trust them that they will be there and i want to but i cant he left he left the way he did he was one person i was safe with the one person who knew all there was to know about me...now there is no safty. I feel guilty that i dont trust them. I want to i just dont have it in me to do so.
I want nothing more then to talk to him just to tell him about life and what is happening. But i cant he would not care he would be more crewl then he has been to me. And i dont understand why....what i did that was soo wrong i must have but again at the end of the day i do know that it is he that was wrong he that is wrong...i still cant get it out of my heart that i ruined something.

]]> ~AwakenEternity http://AwakenEternity.deviantart.com/journal/18042864/ http://AwakenEternity.deviantart.com/journal/18042864/ Sat, 26 Apr 2008 18:03:26 PDT he had to ask me 2 times to be his girlfriend cuz when he asked me first it was March 5th and 5 terriys me more latet.

]]> ~AwakenEternity http://AwakenEternity.deviantart.com/journal/16153975/ http://AwakenEternity.deviantart.com/journal/16153975/ Sat, 29 Dec 2007 14:45:47 PST
So i have this friend who wants no one to know about him. he claims he hates people and likes being a hemitt. Yet he only acts this way at times. But it jurts me maybe i really am just that stupid. but he is such a big part of my life that if people want to know what is going on with me that i have to talk about him. I like to talk about him im very proud of him. I dont give details or anything that would be out of line but his wok and thigs. I cant tell them what he wants to do cuz well i dont even know. he worries well no he dose not even care if i were to get sick of him as he puts it. not that i would it would be he gets sick of me and he dose i jsut wander when he will leave. cuz unlike him everyone gets sick of me my friends my family eve n my mother gets sick of me. i wander when he will. I wander when he will forever be sick of me.

]]> ~AwakenEternity http://AwakenEternity.deviantart.com/journal/16141982/ http://AwakenEternity.deviantart.com/journal/16141982/ Fri, 28 Dec 2007 16:56:53 PST
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]]> ~AwakenEternity http://AwakenEternity.deviantart.com/journal/16110634/ http://AwakenEternity.deviantart.com/journal/16110634/ Wed, 26 Dec 2007 14:26:21 PST Cd but as he has or had no idea waht is on them i still dont know if he will. I had the hardst time findng somethig for JoDeen. I did not want to do basic stuff she means a ton to me and i miss her greatly. But i desied to give her one of my colections. i gave her an egyption glass bottle I use them for oil oh and i gave a neckless that i thought was cute i wrapt it around the bottle neck. The best thing happend christmas day well night I went over there and she thanked me for the gift. Said it was beautyfull and very nice. I told her you know your welcome. I told her that i collect them and i really wanted to give her something from me and what they were and how i use them but that it could be used for any liquid really. And then i went down stairs. It felt like a converstion we would have had. And for a moment i got a glimps of last year....so it could not have been a dream could it.

]]> ~AwakenEternity http://AwakenEternity.deviantart.com/journal/16042886/ http://AwakenEternity.deviantart.com/journal/16042886/ Sat, 22 Dec 2007 11:22:37 PST
]]> ~AwakenEternity http://AwakenEternity.deviantart.com/journal/15988666/ http://AwakenEternity.deviantart.com/journal/15988666/ Tue, 18 Dec 2007 15:24:23 PST I rememeber his laughing at my face that i pulled after trying to soup. He said "iI've seen a bitter beer face in my time...but i've never seen a bitter soup face before".
The bright gleam in his eyes as always.
You know in all this time regarless of how much of last year i wander if it was real of it i imagend it all. The glimmer and bright blue of his eyes have never left never failed to make me smile and remember him.

]]> ~AwakenEternity http://AwakenEternity.deviantart.com/journal/15988525/ http://AwakenEternity.deviantart.com/journal/15988525/ Tue, 18 Dec 2007 15:13:37 PST
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]]> ~AwakenEternity http://AwakenEternity.deviantart.com/journal/15446212/ http://AwakenEternity.deviantart.com/journal/15446212/ Sat, 10 Nov 2007 08:48:52 PST and I am doing better thought the holdays are coming and it is kinda unnerving. with 2 people dead.....i can go to one family and i will still be very very very sad with the others loss or go to the other and miss the one not related to the family with or just stay in my room and do nothing.....but what ever i do there will be a very very huge void in the day of people gone.....i kinda feel guilty about trying to live life and do things normaly as if thye never left...i know that sounds silly but its true. it dose not last long. any way more later mybe today maybe later but more will come and more offten.

]]> ~AwakenEternity http://AwakenEternity.deviantart.com/journal/12329918/ http://AwakenEternity.deviantart.com/journal/12329918/ Sun, 25 Mar 2007 22:48:17 PDT
Back in febuary two (2) deaths happend now niether was affectede by other. My self however was affecfted by both. On Feb 3rd my father inlaw died, and three days later by sister died. both were self inflicted gun shots one to the head the other the chest. I found out about my sister the night of my fathers viewing. alone ript apart by pain from seeing his body i learned my sister had died just a few days before and i got the news alone. then the next day i had to bury my dad. 2 days after that my sister. now to clearafy. i m ont married though most think i should be. i have been best friens with this guy i want to date him i love him i was living (basicly) with him and his family for months before and that saturday i was at the house my friend and i woke up top his mother scared trying ot find her husband who would not answer his ohone. after an hour my friend when to go look at the cemitary to see if dad was there. ( there son/brother had shot himself a year and 6 dayts prior). Well he was found by his son. my b/f found his dad and i was at the house when the news came. at first i was shocked this could not happen to this family again not when we had just gotten past the 1st year. lmy dad was dead. i was alone for it became a family matter i was sent back home where they thught iw oulod be better off. then almost a week later word of my sister. ( i was adopted into this family when i was 16 not leagaly just how i was introduced this is my daughter/sister) well she died and i was alone even more once more. then the next day i bured him. and now i am torn every time i think of one i soon think of the other. I am angry with him I am so angry the word dose not have a strong enough meaning to it. he caused so much pain he left so many people alone and i dont know why.; but with here im not i feel sorrow that she hurt so much. im not mad at her i am at him i am furiuse with him and they both did the same thing. and that makes me feel guilt....if i have a feeling for one i should the other but i dont. did i love one more do i love one more i dont feel more for one than the other. if anything i was hurt more by him than her and i dont know why. they both mean.......ment so much me. i cant deleat iether number from my phone cant say there name with out pause or a tear or both. so why am i mad at only one? is it ok....did i betray him becuse im angry? god i saw him the night befoer we had chines for dinner. he was the onlky one not to open his cookie. should we have knowen something by that should i have? i tell myself no as do others. i went to have chinese the other day...at the mall. I got sick i had to stop eating and get away from there. people looked at me funny but i just got up and left did not throw anything away just left. was i rude. ill dream sometimes that he is alive that we all just sat down to dinner then ill wake up and for 10 sec. ill belive it ill think he's alive i can tell him i love him that i think of him as a dad. that i love his son that i want to marry his son. and then i look around ralize that im alone and that night will slam into me again. and its just as real as the night it happend. i dont have that with her i dont dream that she is alive still do i miss her less. did she hurt less? no but then why is it not the same.

]]> ~AwakenEternity http://AwakenEternity.deviantart.com/journal/9799100/ http://AwakenEternity.deviantart.com/journal/9799100/ Mon, 21 Aug 2006 00:11:57 PDT ~AwakenEternity http://AwakenEternity.deviantart.com/journal/9287119/ http://AwakenEternity.deviantart.com/journal/9287119/ Wed, 05 Jul 2006 23:33:36 PDT ~AwakenEternity http://AwakenEternity.deviantart.com/journal/9098013/ http://AwakenEternity.deviantart.com/journal/9098013/ Sat, 17 Jun 2006 16:38:17 PDT ~AwakenEternity http://AwakenEternity.deviantart.com/journal/9056150/ http://AwakenEternity.deviantart.com/journal/9056150/ Tue, 13 Jun 2006 11:17:30 PDT I finaly got used to my hair. I got a perm like a month ago. i love it now. i love my nails i got them manicured like accrilic. it was fun to get used to them. but as of now not much to write about.
Well i guess i turn 23 in 31/2 weeks. yea and finaly i can be happy for it cuz i am doing something i have always wanted to do live on my own. So yea soon ill be on a cound down to my b-day. kinda funny a dear friend of mine who is in town from Germany leaves....the day before....... tear. Oh well till next time. ]]> ~AwakenEternity http://AwakenEternity.deviantart.com/journal/9031202/ http://AwakenEternity.deviantart.com/journal/9031202/ Sat, 10 Jun 2006 19:58:37 PDT ~AwakenEternity http://AwakenEternity.deviantart.com/journal/8634506/ http://AwakenEternity.deviantart.com/journal/8634506/ Sun, 30 Apr 2006 19:05:59 PDT ~AwakenEternity http://AwakenEternity.deviantart.com/journal/8039886/ http://AwakenEternity.deviantart.com/journal/8039886/ Wed, 01 Mar 2006 17:19:37 PST ]]> ~AwakenEternity http://AwakenEternity.deviantart.com/journal/7869296/ http://AwakenEternity.deviantart.com/journal/7869296/ Tue, 25 Apr 2006 04:55:46 PDT Go check them out, these artists are so talented!

If you would like to make art of me, you may find my stock photos at =Falln-Stock (be sure to follow the rules in =Falln-Stock's journal)

Listed from newest to oldest
Last Updated: 04/25/06

::YinYan:: - [link] by =JunkbyJen

Come to us... - [link] by =slipandslidesuicide

Its Okay - [link] by ~Phreik

A R R I V A L - [link] by ~PyroDemi

Faith - [link] by *LadyTitia

Preview: Pop Art girl - [link] by ~caesaraugustus

Dying in the midsummer rain - [link] by ~MercuryShadow

Prayer - [link] by ~cowluva

A Lazy Morning - [link] by *BondageBark

LA CARTOMANCIEN - [link] by ~angdakilangpampam

MayFly - [link] by =Utopija

The Staff - [link] by *BondageBark

where are you... - [link] by ~randomstarlight

Miss Victorias Characters - [link] by *BondageBark

The Girl No One Remembered - [link] by =iceprincess081685

~AwakenEternity http://AwakenEternity.deviantart.com/journal/7804967/ http://AwakenEternity.deviantart.com/journal/7804967/ Sun, 05 Feb 2006 01:18:06 PST
[link] ]]> ~AwakenEternity http://AwakenEternity.deviantart.com/journal/7766095/ http://AwakenEternity.deviantart.com/journal/7766095/ Tue, 31 Jan 2006 21:43:46 PST I am very happy. I can finaly be compleatly rid of him. No more worries of is he going to contacts me for his things...and other thhings like that. I mean I want him gone. I have been happier scense I pushed him out of my life.
But then there is this part of me that is sad. I hate having to be so short and curt with him. i hate that we can not be friends or aquantenses. I hate that I might be hurting him. I hate the absolue end of a relationship.
Then I am vengful I want to hurt him I want to toy with him...to make him pay for the things he did to me and what he put me through. I want to make him pay for the damage he caused.
I want to know that he suffored as much as I did. I want to know how he suffored.
I still want to be nice to him but I want him to go away. I am happy to see him see if he is doing ok I want to allow him closuer I want to give him peice of mind (if he dose not yet) I want to know that life is going well for him.
I just do not knwo what to do. It is all so very very conffusing. I am lost and conffussed. I mean I in NO WAY want to get back together with him. HELL NO I am very happy with the person I am with. I like him a lot. I mean hell its almost like I want to be able to write every so offten to say Hi how are you. but I do not think that woudl be wise no or ever maybe. I still think about him every now and then and wander if he is ok. And I want to know.
Is there something wrong with me? Why am I like this? ]]> ~AwakenEternity http://AwakenEternity.deviantart.com/journal/7736955/ http://AwakenEternity.deviantart.com/journal/7736955/ Sat, 28 Jan 2006 23:38:14 PST ~AwakenEternity http://AwakenEternity.deviantart.com/journal/7581934/ http://AwakenEternity.deviantart.com/journal/7581934/ Thu, 12 Jan 2006 10:12:19 PST ~AwakenEternity http://AwakenEternity.deviantart.com/journal/7579164/ http://AwakenEternity.deviantart.com/journal/7579164/ Wed, 11 Jan 2006 23:43:18 PST So this is my first journal thing. I am liking being apart of DA. I am new to it as some of you know and how most of you can probably tell. But I like it. I can finaly have all of my pix up in the same page. I am still figuring out how to work withing this place. But I have a great mentore. Li she is great. Li is also my photographer.
Her name btw is FallnAngleTears so you should go look at her site.
Well that is all for now. Thank you for reading. ]]> ~AwakenEternity