http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:AyianaFairy&section=today deviantART RSS for by:AyianaFairy en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Tue, 08 Dec 2009 02:34:45 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://AyianaFairy.deviantart.com/journal/11706044/ http://AyianaFairy.deviantart.com/journal/11706044/ Tue, 06 Feb 2007 05:47:22 PST Doesn't feel that long... i cant be bothered to work it out but its been longer since i even submitted anything.... it's not that i haven't been drawing (i find myself doodling without realising it more often than not) I've just been laaaaazy and a lil-bit preocupied...

SO i started college at camden hated it there and moved to westminster kingsway which is better but i still miss the days of year 11 even though college its self is better than school..

I went to Amsterdam with Panos in January which was magical.. For anyone who smokes, drinks, likes magic mushrooms etc it is the place to be.. one of the places we went to was this Hash Cafe called Abraxes which was insane- the first day we got there a bunch of tourists came in, picked up, had a joint each then left... we saw them an hour later in a horse drawn carriage screaming and giggling! The police are really different over there as well, like if your a tourist and stoned out of your mind you can just wander up to them start a conversation and they won't even bat an eye-lid! I think even if your not into any of the above it's still worth going

I will get round to updating shit like my art eventually but part of the fact i haven't is that app. Deviant art own/ have copyright to anything you post .. anyone know if this is true? Anyway hope everyone is enjoying their New Years!

]]> ~AyianaFairy http://AyianaFairy.deviantart.com/journal/9614847/ http://AyianaFairy.deviantart.com/journal/9614847/ Sun, 06 Aug 2006 06:45:34 PDT
Mood: good.. thoughtful
Listening to: Last night- The Strokes

Rules : The first player of this "game" starts with the topic "6 weird habits/things about yourself" and people who get tagged need to write a journal about their 6 weird habits/things as well as state this rule clearly. In the end, you need to choose the next 6 people to be tagged and list their names. Don't forget to leave a comment that says "you are tagged" in their devpage comments and tell them to read yours.

1- I can't just stroke or cuddle one cat in a household.. its not fair on the others

2- The clasp on a necklace has to remain at the back of my neck (( hate it when it rides round/ when my necklaces end up all tangled > T_T ))

3- I'm so much of a fidgit where by if i try to stop myself then i just start twitching or rocking backward and forward.. So i always have to be doing something as well

4- Have to answer the phone on z third ring

5- Always end up visiting the Boggle Tree.. at leist once a day

6- Labels must always remain tucked into clothes.

Goona tag.. Lily, Ruby Lulu, Almaas, Karim, Freya


Life is what you make it and its yours to mold.. Make it good!!
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SMILE!! Today is the tomorrow you where worried about yesterday ]]> ~AyianaFairy http://AyianaFairy.deviantart.com/journal/8765349/ http://AyianaFairy.deviantart.com/journal/8765349/ Sun, 14 May 2006 05:22:48 PDT CYST

Mood: good.. thoughtful
Listening to: Follow the Reaper- Children of Bodon
Reading: Child of a Dream
Watching: A is for Andromeda

Woke up on wednesday, day before my art exam and wtf i could not open my left eye and my vision was completely blurry...
It started with some random itch id been getting for days. Then made the mistake of wearing lots of make-up ((regularly go panda eyed )) and then forgot to take it off =/
So went straight down to the hospital who gave me 3 diff kinds of eye drops and gave me Piriton (Which is an anti-inflametry).. they said it was probably down to "hay fever" (even tho i dont get hay fever.. ever). Spent the whole day at home doing art despite being partially blind, in a lot of pain, dopey as fuck from the piriton and generally not being in a good mood.. Generally just extremely stressed in all major aspects of my life =/
Woke up on thursday at like 6 my eye was hurting sooo much and by this point my vision was soo much worse so i started to kinda freak out.. it being the first day of my exam n all.. so went back to the hospital they flipped my eyelid over (litreally) then came to the conclusion that i had a Cyst running under the whole length of my top eye lid T_T.. They then gave me some anti-biotics n said that i should not go into school for a week and that if it didnt drain off i would have to go back for them to make a small incision to release all the puss.. Nice 0.o *Horified expresion*
So i just went in for the second day of my art exam... Which i managed to catch up on thank fuck and i also have like 1 1/2 extra days to make it up next week for missing thursday *gasps with releif*

Uhhm Friday.. slept ova at Panos' ^-^ Uhhm.. Cant memba what happened. WAIT yes i can on friday got Panos ta come down to Stokey with Alex (yay!) and hung out in clissold park by ze Boggle Tree (surprise surprise ).. Yeah as usual smoked some haaaaash drank some beeeeeeeers.. 's all good. . . surprisingly got to sleep really really early on friday.. But i woke up at like 5 and kinda accidentally woke Panos up lol =/.. So just spent hours and hours cuddling and talking =3 Uhhhm Saturday morning went to see Panos' friend Blake, went out for breakfast etc etc.. went back to hiiiiiiiis then all to soon had to go again T_T
So went home did some work went to clissold.. saw Asher ginger Alex Jack B. Lily Shey Peter and also bumped into some safe year 8s ((Max henry and Simon .. )).. then got a phone call from Panos' friend "Willy of the Drums" ((*cracks up*)) and so Him n Panos dropped by =3... YaY

Something for yew all to think about ((in all positive ways possible))..

"I carry my own church
About under my own hat...
Bricks and mortar won't
make a staircase to heaven.
I believe...
that the human heart
is the best temple."

Have a nice day all

~AyianaFairy http://AyianaFairy.deviantart.com/journal/8659446/ http://AyianaFairy.deviantart.com/journal/8659446/ Wed, 03 May 2006 06:56:01 PDT
Nicked from

Four jobs you have had
(1) Cat sitter ^-^
(2) Scivy in a guitar shop ((soho soundhouse))
(3) Rhythm guitarist in Brave Girl Bob ((still with dat shit man... WOO BRAVE GIRL BOB!!))
(4) .. Uhhhhhhhhhm.. student? 0.o =/

Four movies you would watch, over and over
(1) Spirited Away
(2) Yellow Submarine
(3) The Dark Crystal
(4) Princess Mononoke

Four places you have lived
(1) Agragento, Sicily
(2) Islington, London
(3) Stoke Newington, London
(4) ((it so far ))

Four TV shows you love to watch
(1) Ren 'n' Stimpy
(2) DOCTOR WHO!!!!!!!
(3) Beavis and Butthead
(4) Old School X-Men/ Spiderman ^-^

Four places you have been on vacation
(1) Sicily ((standard))
(2) Monte Rosa ((located in Northern Italy))
(3) Southern Ireland ((toooo young to remember tho))
(4) Corn Wall

Four websites I visit daily
(1) Most obvious... Deviant Art
(2) Myspace
(3) MSN Hotmail ((email..))
(4) Random geetar tab sites... :^-^:

Four of my favorite foods
(1) Enchiladas
(2) Beer??.. tis a form of fewd for me anyway
(3) Maccaroni cheese
(4) SUSHI


Life is what you make it and its yours to mold.. Make it good!!
-----
SMILE!! Today is the tomorrow you where worried about yesterday ]]> ~AyianaFairy http://AyianaFairy.deviantart.com/journal/8380530/ http://AyianaFairy.deviantart.com/journal/8380530/ Thu, 06 Apr 2006 04:08:03 PDT
I note how you are growing more and more out of control. It has made me very unhappy. You blow every situation out of all proportion and are never prepared to compromise or listen to reason. Above all you assume not only that yours is the only opinion but that it is always accurate and that only you can read situations. Daisy you have to think again. You are rude, obnoxious, overbearing and bullying. Both your father and I are reasonable, kind, caring and loving human beings who don’t deserve this treatment. You are disrespectful and take advantage of us at every conceivable opportunity – especially your dad who is always polite towards you and will always back you. You have repayed that kindness with self indulgence and game playing. Tonight was the final straw and I have decided that enough is enough. I have drawn up some rules which I expect you to follow. As a parent I have rights and responsibilities. As a child you have duties. Quite frankly I am really sad and ashamed to say that the difference between you and some of the girls in the brat camps in America is …. very little.

RULES OF THE HOUSE

You will not speak to anybody in this family as if they were beneath you or as if they were stupid,

You will not be rude either to me, your Father or Mimi,

You will speak to us kindly,

You will not assume you can go out without receiving permission,

Going out is not a right – you have to earn it,

If I say no I expect you to respect that view and stick to it whether you like it or not,

I expect a radical change in attitudes and behaviour from you towards both me and your Father,

You will start to do some work around the house after your GCSEs,

You will start looking for a summer job,

Good behaviour will be rewarded."

My Mother is a fucking nut case.. I speak to her the way she speaks to me.. Yesterday when i was leaving the house my Mum started shouting and swearing a fuckload and aftawards Frankie just mentioned how his parents never swear infront of him.. My parents have never not used that kinda language infront of me.. So why do they expect me to be any different? My Mum forgets all the shit i have done/ been through over the years and still she continues to put all the blame within the family on me. So for example.. My parents basically concluded that i was the one person in the family who causes arguments.. which is a) Bullshit b) Extremely rude c) Why do they think they can just pin everything on me, just because i'm not like them??

My little sister talks to me like i am beneith her.. she uses THE MOST PATRONISING tone ever and can just get away with treating me worse than i treat her.. then again maybe thats it? The fact that im older means i am therefore responsible for the way my little sister acts towards me.. *STOP* No. I do not think so.. I meen naturally if i talk to her in a positive way then thats how she responds. But most of the time shes rude. BRASH. Annoying. And really thinks she is better than everyone else...

For the past.. however long it has been i have been trying to explain to my parents what my "issues" or "problems" with them are.. And whenever i bring it up my Mum starts throwing a fit and threatens to smack me, my Dad just misses my point entirely and they just completely decide to be unsympathetic towards me...
I actually just don't want to be living with my parents anymore. My home isn't with them at the current moment in time. I. Want. Out.
They dont even feel like my familly.. they stress me out n really put my nerves on edge.. something a famillys not supposed to do im assuming??

http://AyianaFairy.deviantart.com/journal/8305045/ Wed, 29 Mar 2006 13:23:54 PST
Mood: Good Tired Confused

.. Have you ever made a sacrifice or compromise for someone- so someone you really love and would do anything for ((which i guess is kinda the only reason you made the decision in the first place.. for THEIR hapiness!)).. and ment it with only the best of intentions but just ended up regretting it? .. I've made quite a few of those recently =/
As well.. people forget so easily.. too easily, what you have actually done for them.. and what they have actually done to you (and vice versa).. the good as well as the bad. Mostly just been thinking about all the bad things tho.. But thats because in my mind they just immedietly outweigh all the good in relation to like who it concerns n shit... So their idea of "help" was deffinetly not what i needed or wanted at the period of time im currently thinking of..
But what makes it worse: People don't even realise that they take people- their friends and family for granted.. then when they get upset because they dont understand its somehow your fault and problem? When did we as a race stop appreciating all the small things and just fall into our routines of making the same choices.. same mistakes.. same naivity..
I dont know.. its just really been irritating me recently about like the cycles of human behaviour and nature.. How we do just end up hurting ourselves and making it worse by turtoring or blaming ourselves over it..
Like when you know something, or make a decision and someone tries to say "no thats wrong".. nothing can ever EVER be 100% certain... no ammount of evidence is ever sufficient enough to back something up.. so what makes what they say any more right? Now certain things i can understand people are right but when it comes to how you feel, the decisions you make and have made.. no-one should ever try to influence you or tell you whats right.. Because at the end of the day only you know what is right for you and if you make someone elses decision, try to live someone elses life.. your just going to end up regretting the whole thing .. As well you CANNOT say how someone should or shouldnt feel and should never really try to label it as anything- especially "in comparison" to you.. Other than being rude and stupid it can seriously fuck with someones head.. when you reach a decision thats right for you and someone says NO thats WRONG- CHANGE IT..
I'm just sick of people bullying me, taking advantage of me, trying to tell me how i feel and should live my life, taking me for granted and then just not appreciating anything i ever do for you..

I think people realise when they do it as well.. just they are either too cowardly to own up or are so in denial about it that they twist it.. so other people are the ones with the problem nor you.. but if people are doing it without being aware of it then thats worse? coz that meens that they are out of control and thats when people get hurt... blargh i dont even know anymore.. it just physically. makes. me. feel. sick.

Life wise.. just been trying to get through school crapola.. get it done quickly and efficiently etc etc.. i am virtually counting down the days till the 22nd June.. When i have my last actual exam ((exactly one month before my birthday ^-^))
Blah.. I think to much. And i hate it.. Why can i not just accept things? Let them go..
I know why. Coz that wouldnt be me.
Sleeping pattern is fucked up at the moment... barely getting any sleep and when i do its like i keep waking up n having all these really confusing intense dreams...

URGH i have a headache.. i always have a headache nowadays T_T...

Just re-read this entry and im so frustrated.. i jus cant say how i truelly feel or think.. like the words just wont come out of my mouth let alone flow on a page.. *sighs* =/

http://AyianaFairy.deviantart.com/journal/8207616/ Sun, 19 Mar 2006 13:32:53 PST

Mood: *blank*

Mm i am so tired.. another weekend spent out .. Friday SAINT PATRICKS DAY got fucked in traf with bare peeps was completely M-E-N-T-A-L but so much fun!! Aftawrds crashed at Rubys Saturday had Sat. School *rolls eyes* soo lame and pointless all it fucking does is CONFUSE me.. Sunday: English tutoredge aaaaaaaand then afta saw Aiche which was all good .. I am so tired tho.. like last night was the first night i actually got any proper sleep in a while..
I am not looking forward to the next week of school. i recon i'm in for it one way or another.. I have been running off of luck for so long something is bound to go wrong =/

Make your own Banner Here!

Life is what you make it and its yours to mold.. Make it good!!
-----
SMILE!! Today is the tomorrow you where worried about yesterday ]]> ~AyianaFairy http://AyianaFairy.deviantart.com/journal/8110206/ http://AyianaFairy.deviantart.com/journal/8110206/ Thu, 09 Mar 2006 08:17:42 PST

Mood: =)

Twent well i think.. Surprisingly didnt make that many mistakes saying that i probs sounded shit anyway.. altho i think we could have had a longer set.. sooo many peeps turned up twas most cool ((thanks to everyone who did come btw )) and afterwards we all got toooooo pissed.. twas jokes. Soo much crazy stuff happened it was really random.. ended up back at mine round 1 in the morning with Lily n Shey...
Didnt really do anything out of the ordinary altho saying that woke up at like 5 felt sooooooo ill was like "im not gonna b sick" then had to litreally jump up to my window, open it and stick my head out whilst my body cleared itself of all the alcohol i had ingested.. I think this was partly to do with the fact that i had taken like 4 paracetamol during wednesday so to then smoke and drink probably isnt the best of combos..
Uhh woke up this morning to my alarm clock/ builders next door drilling.. twas moooooooooost annoying. I litreally felt to go n knock a brick on the mans head. Luckily i couldnt move so i didnt even bother to attempt it..
Mimi was the first to discover that Sheymous had also slept over.. ((yeah i had forgotten to mention to them that Shey was also staying with us heh)) so when she came in this morning and we were just allll passed out in bed, she got realllly freaked out because she saw like this pair of feet and then realised that they were infact attached to someone.. funny that
I think i must have done my liver some damage lol.. this morning (( and still now )) i just dont want any form of alcohol or intoxicant... ((i eeeeven rejected joint!!?!)).. only really feel like this when ive managed to actually burn myself out..

Mimi'd b.day tomorrow.. and i still need to buy her a present =/ 0.o ... Shall jus go to Root 73 Kids tomorrow. . . .

Crap i just remembered.. Lily-baby im sorry for not going back to school today i seriously felt too much like shit to leave the house and treck halfway across hackney me sowwee.. Btw i called them up bout your bag and app. dressing room was left unlocked and its been left a tip today so theres a chance your bags there n they said just turn up at any point to come look for it.. *nods*

Uhhhh i think im coming down with the flu

-----------------------------------------

Got this from myspace. I found it interestin ^-^
FILL THIS OUT ♥ =3

Dear -Pixxie-

I have always wanted to_______you.

you have a cute______.

You make me _______.

You should _______.

Someday I will ______.

You + me=________.

If I saw you now I'd __________.

I would build a _______ just for you.

I would get your name tattooed on my __________.

If I could sing you any song it would be _________.

We could __________ under the stars.

My love for you is like that of ____________.

Love,
_______________

(P.S. ______________.)

~AyianaFairy http://AyianaFairy.deviantart.com/journal/8027531/ http://AyianaFairy.deviantart.com/journal/8027531/ Tue, 28 Feb 2006 12:30:41 PST Mood: =).. but vexed >=(

I am so pissed off.. if people have something to say to me they say it to my face being honest like, because i dont want half-truth bullshit, it doesnt walk with me and i can tell when your not being straight. As well i cant be bothered with peoples little games of trying to "mess around" with me or whatever.
As well i'm sick and tired of apolagising for things which yes i am sorry for but its not my fault, i couldnt help it, get over yourself; it is not becoming when you are angry.
..
As well.. i have TOO MUCH FUCKING WORK
It is litreally unbeleiveble. i have to finish writing 2 and 1/2 english essays for tomorrow, finish 3 sketchbooks for art by the end of the week, finish all my mock exams and sculptures, revise, attend band practice for Brave Girl Bob gig next week, go to recordings with people, get to school on time, give up ciggarettes, be a good little girl, pretend not to feel the way i feel because in all honesty- thats what my parents are basicly fucking well telling me to do right now.

As well my Mum keeps threatening to hit me.. And i keep telling her "you hit me i will go and you will not see me for a long while". As well after she originaly did hit me she acted so sorry afterwards.. but i guess it was jus to rid herself of her own guilt. Bah i cannot be bothered with this shit. i just want to be summer so that i can not work and happily melt my brain with my friends ((who i can now say ARE my familly)).


Life is what you make it and its yours to mold.. Make it good!!
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SMILE!! Today is the tomorrow you where worried about yesterday ]]> ~AyianaFairy http://AyianaFairy.deviantart.com/journal/8019270/ http://AyianaFairy.deviantart.com/journal/8019270/ Mon, 27 Feb 2006 15:10:56 PST
Mood: =).. SO COLD!!

.. Yeah.. Band practice today was sick had Lily there was all good.. had some 'innocent fun' before haaand.. yeah.. uhm

Was caught in school smoking this morning. That was FUCKED .. i cant b bothered to type it all up now tho.. too long and im fucking tired.. bubye lol xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

(wow what a pointless entry ^-^ )


Life is what you make it and its yours to mold.. Make it good!!
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SMILE!! Today is the tomorrow you where worried about yesterday ]]> ~AyianaFairy http://AyianaFairy.deviantart.com/journal/7922090/ http://AyianaFairy.deviantart.com/journal/7922090/ Sat, 18 Feb 2006 03:56:42 PST Mood: =)

quiz thingy about u and me fill it out and coment it back and
copy+paste blank copy into your journal and i'll fill in your ansewers.

Stolen from

please do it.

WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF I:
» I committed suicide:
» I lived next door to you:
» I started smoking:
» I stole something:
» I was hospitalized:
» I ran away from home:
» I got into a fight and you weren't there:

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT MY:
» Personality:
» Art:
» Comments:
» Character Designs:

WHAT ABOUT US:
» Who are you?
» Are we friends?
» When and how did we meet?
» How have I affected you?
» What do you think of me?
» What's the fondest memory you have of me?
» How long do you think we will be friends or enemies?
» Have I ever hurt you?
» Would you hug me?
» Are we close?
» Emotionally, what stands out?
» Do you wish I was cooler?
» On a scale of 1-10, how nice am I?
» Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
» Am I lovable?
» Describe me in one word.
» What was your first impression?
» Do you still think that way about me now?
» What do you think my weakness is?
» What about me makes you happy?
» What about me makes you sad?
» What reminds you of me?
» What's something you would change about me?
» How well do you know me?
» Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
» Do you think I would kill someone?
» Are you going to put this on your journal and see what I say about you?

-------------------------

FUCK i have LOST one of MY SKETCHBOOKS!!!?!?!$"£%!


Life is what you make it and its yours to mold.. Make it good!!
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SMILE!! Today is the tomorrow you where worried about yesterday ]]> ~AyianaFairy http://AyianaFairy.deviantart.com/journal/7820270/ http://AyianaFairy.deviantart.com/journal/7820270/ Mon, 06 Feb 2006 15:49:15 PST Mood: =/
Listening to: Born to Be Wild

.. Yeah i just managed to take a small chunk out of my palm heh =/ and the annoyin thing is that it only hurts when i try writing drawing and oh playing guitar .. Most annoying especially as i was about to get onto ANOTHER English Essay ((which- of course- conveniantly enough- has to be hand written)).. So i think i'm SUPPOSED to be gettin on with that.. i should be anyway =/ seein as i have to go to fucking parents evening tomorrow *rolls eyes*

Uhm.. *thnks* *updates*

Friday: hung out with Lily Got to meet her ex and have dinner with him and his familly.. then got to meet his crue (all pretty awesome dudes.. all fuckin lightweights ^-^ twas actually really amusing).. afta went back to Lily's n jus smoooked ((+ attempted to watch Last Days which is a sick film but not when your tired stoned and half sleep))
Saturday: Saturday School ((both lame and dry)).. Its funny people there all ready think i'm a "skater-crackhead" haha
... Aftawards was walking up to the Angel, asked this girl for a ciggarette, started a conversation- one thing led to another and it turned out that she was one of the Queens girls who circulated with Stokey Crue/ Traf. crue etc etc and twas really odd coz she'd like heard of me and the rest of the Boggle Tree jnr Crue ((well.. the girls/ 'crackheads' anyway heh))- but properly by name n shit so that was just a bit freaky..
Also bought Daft Punk cd ( w00t ) Goldie Lookin' Chain Cd XD and Best of JEFFERSON AIRPLANE ^-^ =3 ..
Sunday: English/ History Tutor then went n hung out with Kiwi at hers ..

Mmmmm muuuust gooooo nooooow.. sleepy time ^-^

Life is what you make it and its yours to mold.. Make it good!!
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SMILE!! Today is the tomorrow you where worried about yesterday ]]> ~AyianaFairy http://AyianaFairy.deviantart.com/journal/7732539/ http://AyianaFairy.deviantart.com/journal/7732539/ Sun, 29 Jan 2006 10:05:36 PST

You could say.. i finally got the answers i needed. Twas abit upsetting at first.. then again it really doesnt take much to upset me heh. But i'm so much happier now that i know and i feel like i can actually just be at peace with myself/ the people it concerns.

I will be honest. I cried during the whole- lets say- "interaction".. but it wasn't like i was upset, or dissapointed because im not.. I'm finally fucking releived to finally know the truth!! I feel like i can finally breath. Litreally. Its a such weight off my shoulders..
Things are good dude you can breath if you couldnt already

I can look forward now.. And i dont even know whats going to happen tomorrow for fucks sake, but things are deffinetly not as bad as i thought they were/ looked.

.. And I am so scared. But at the same time a little mournfull- and kinda really excited.. For once i can't wait to see whats in store for me heh .. But at the same time. i couldnt give a flying donkey fuck because its an experience and experiences are what make up life.. The good at the bad. And i think i'm finally learning to appreciate both.

.. I actually feel strong as a person in myself. For the first time ever. Lol- saying that i'm crying now- I'm not even sure why.

This is it. Today is the end to all the fucking shit that i have endured, put myself AND others through.
I'm going to stop dwelling on the past, start living in the now and look forward to the future. I'm going to be honest. I'm not going to be able to change like *clicks fingers* that.. But i think i've come to the start of where i need and want to be. And i'm not going to fuck it up.

And i know i've said it before and i know its cheezy but FUCK I WILL SAY IT AGAIN.. I couldnt be the person i am if it weren't for my friends and familly- You are all so special, amazing, wonderful and beautiful to me.. each in your own ways.. and you've all helped me too and there is no way i can thank any of you for what you have given/ done for me.
All i can do is promise that i will love each and everyone of you till I'm nothing more than a brain floating around in a tank lol

Lifes an experience.. so learn, live and love man!!


-----
*UPDATE* .. WOO i joined a club!


Life is what you make it and its yours to mold.. Make it good!!
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SMILE!! Today is the tomorrow you where worried about yesterday ]]> ~AyianaFairy http://AyianaFairy.deviantart.com/journal/7724558/ http://AyianaFairy.deviantart.com/journal/7724558/ Fri, 27 Jan 2006 15:46:02 PST
Mood: =(

. . . I've been rude to My little sister, my Dad, my Mum..
Worst of all; i was rude to 2 of my friends. neither of them deserved or asked for it. I've just had a very shit day ((but not the way you would have expected))..
I hate being rude ((especially to the people who i love and care about)).. but its not even like its me talking to them when im being rude anymore. Someone else has taken over my mouth and will and i keep saying/ doing things that arent me. And its frustrating because i feel i should be able to take them back because its not me that theyre coming from.. But i've lost my chance...

I keep making excuses for my behaviour.. probably because its easer than having to face up/ acknowledge the truth. I realised today i'm more in denial about shit then i thought i originally way; which is fucked because i already knew i was in denial anyway lol =/

.. I just realised that i also actually need the people i love and care about more that i originally thought ((and that i need them to need me)). I hate being alone.. As in the very thought of it makes me want to run around screaming.

I am infact my own victim. I'm scared of being alone and yet i'm nearly always finding a new way of distancing myself from other people.. getting rid of less bonds.. seperating myself from everything just that little bit further..

I dont want to hurt anyone anymore. and i dont want to hurt myself anymore. and im sick and tired of regretting every other little thing i say. and im sick and tired for feeling stupid for the way i feel when its not stupid.. its just me. and im not stupid. I'm just me.

Are you experienced, not neccessarily stoned, just... Beautiful..
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SMILE!! Today is the tomorrow you where worried about yesterday ]]> ~AyianaFairy http://AyianaFairy.deviantart.com/journal/7695050/ http://AyianaFairy.deviantart.com/journal/7695050/ Tue, 24 Jan 2006 13:05:06 PST Mood: Ill and annoyed

.. Blergh. Today has been different.. stayed home for most of it coz im ill, and had a huge argument with my mother which was basically unnecicery, stupid and upsetting.. also left me feelin pretty shitty and lonesome so i went to Pickle's n saw all ze gang at lunch ((which seriously cheared me up )).. I don't know what i would do/ where i would be without my friends at times. . .

Why do we never realise what we've got till it's gone? I find life really frustrating that way.. its almost like a mocking 'slap in the face' type thing..

Are you experienced, not neccessarily stoned, just... Beautiful..
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SMILE!! Today is the tomorrow you where worried about yesterday ]]> ~AyianaFairy http://AyianaFairy.deviantart.com/journal/7463035/ http://AyianaFairy.deviantart.com/journal/7463035/ Sat, 31 Dec 2005 03:50:21 PST
Mood: =) =D ^-^ <333
Listening to: A merman i should turn to be- Jimi Hendrix =) ^-^

So much has happened and im just such a different person to who i used to be.. I know i wouldnt have made all the changes i did make tho had it not been for me amigos (( Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind i understand that now too.. But thats okay because you should try to value your experiences and try to learn from them ))..

.. Anyway Have a Happy New Year All!! ^-^

Are you experienced, not neccessarily stoned, just... Beautiful..
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SMILE!! Today is the tomorrow you where worried about yesterday ]]> ~AyianaFairy http://AyianaFairy.deviantart.com/journal/7427939/ http://AyianaFairy.deviantart.com/journal/7427939/ Tue, 27 Dec 2005 02:19:30 PST
Mood: =) =D ^-^ <333
Listening to: A merman i should turn to be- Jimi Hendrix =) ^-^

*Sighs* Typical English weather T_T
Still.. Better late than never!

.. Mm so what's been up in my life?? Haven't really had the time to be journaling.. Christmas day was cool spent most of it with my familly (( Even managed to sneak out for a quick jay )).. Didn't get to open our presents till like, 9 in the evening ((as per usual)).. Still it just means that the magic of Christmas Day lasts a little bit longer i guess

.. Boxing Day saw Kiwi and Tink ( Barely ).. I had to go home to see my Godfather and my Godbrother/ Have Christmas dinner with my familly.. Had a really fun time, which i wasnt expecting at all so that was a nice surprise

------------------------------

Tagged like a bihotch by

.. So

5 top songs that loops in my playlist;

• (( Sorry must mention 3 Hendrix songs ^-^ ))
- A merman i should turn to be
- Bold as Love
- Wind Crys Mary - Jimi Hendrix
• Drop the Pressure- Mylo
• She’s not there- The Zombies
• Hocus Pocus- Focus
• ..Mmm.. either Smack my Bitch up or No good- Prodigy.. Some Song by Prodigy

5 movies that i can watch over and over again;

• Rocky Horror Picture Show
• The Last Unicorn
• Yellow Submarine
• Princess Mononoke
• Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas

5 drinks i like

• Hot Chocolate (((Can’t argue with that ^-^)))
• snApple Juice
• Ginger Beer
• Water
• Jack Daniels

5 things i can't live without

• My friends (( Ahh Cheesy )).. Love you Guys!
• Guitar
• MUSIC
• Art.. Drawing Materials
• Ze

Are you experienced, not neccessarily stoned, just... Beautiful..
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SMILE!! Today is the tomorrow you where worried about yesterday ]]> ~AyianaFairy http://AyianaFairy.deviantart.com/journal/7409738/ http://AyianaFairy.deviantart.com/journal/7409738/ Sun, 25 Dec 2005 03:43:19 PST

Mood: =) =D ^-^ <333
Listening to: A merman i should turn to be- Jimi Hendrix =) ^-^

.. Wishing all my friends, familly and general people i care about (on and off of DA) a Very Merry Christmas!! ((w00t!)) and a Happy New Year ^-^

.. I hope you all have a great day

LOVE YOU ALL GUYS!!



Are you experienced, not neccessarily stoned, just... Beautiful..
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SMILE!! Today is the tomorrow you where worried about yesterday
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]]> ~AyianaFairy http://AyianaFairy.deviantart.com/journal/7306885/ http://AyianaFairy.deviantart.com/journal/7306885/ Wed, 14 Dec 2005 05:57:06 PST

Mood: =) =D ^-^ <333
Listening to: A merman i should turn to be- Jimi Hendrix =) ^-^
Reading: Sophie's World
Watching: Harold and Kumar Get the Munchies ^-^

Hmm.. I don't actually have anything much to say really..

Life is what you make it and i think as long as you have some faith in whatever you beleive in, you will get what you deserve

.. Saying that, life isn't a game and it is full of like, disgusting horrible things..

Like the fucking Oil Depot thing in Hertfordshire.. *rolls eyes* T_T

.. In the end all you have is yourself and what you know, so why not just be satisfied with your fucking peice and get on with life.. So working out for your self whats superficial and whats truely real is a good place to start right?.. And like, surely cutting out all the crap is the NEXT step?? ..

It's time for people to stop beating themselves up over every little thing thats gone wrong and to let go.. Struggle lasts only as long as you allow it! .. Its time to make a vow to go forth in confidence and peace and to make the most of your remaining time on this earth. You ARE here for a reason, you know

((( HAH you can always tell when i'm in a sober/ good mood.. Nothing i say will make anysense to anyone but me )))

Are you experienced, not neccessarily stoned, just... Beautiful.. ]]> ~AyianaFairy http://AyianaFairy.deviantart.com/journal/7283807/ http://AyianaFairy.deviantart.com/journal/7283807/ Sun, 11 Dec 2005 15:00:28 PST Mood: Good.. Drain Bead =P
Listening to: A merman i should turn to be- Jimi Hendrix =) ^-^
Reading: Sophie's World

If you read this, if your eyes are passing over this right now, please post a comment with a completely made up and fictional memory of you and me. It can be anything you want — good or bad — but it has to be fake.

When you’re finished, post this little paragraph in your journal and be surprised (or mortified) about what people don't actually remember about you.

Are you experienced, not neccessarily stoned, just... Beautiful.. ]]> ~AyianaFairy http://AyianaFairy.deviantart.com/journal/7245648/ http://AyianaFairy.deviantart.com/journal/7245648/ Wed, 07 Dec 2005 09:36:03 PST Reading: Sugar Sugar Rune =3 =D

10 Things I like:

* Peanut Butter
* Art/ Drawing
* Creative writing
* POI (w00t!!)
* Smilies =3 ^-^
* Marvel Comics XD
* .. rock ^-^
* Music
* Raving
* .. ^-^ =3

3 Things that make me happy:

* People i care about being safe and happy
* Reeses Cups
* Thundercats ^-^

3 Things that anger me:

* .. When your computer crashes, and you haven't saved your work.. T_T
* Mr Lumby when he trys to act all high and mighty and takes advantage of his position (He is so stupid that man)
* .. Injustice *shakes fist*

10 Things That I Hate:

* Wet socks
* Wet hair (frizztastic T_T )
* A good idea that turns bad =/
* Loosing that last blim which you were saving especially..
* People messing around with my stuff without my permision..
* ...
* ..
* ...
* ..
* ...

3 Facts about my name

* I'm named after a flower..
* Consists of 5 letters..
* Comes from "Bellis Peremis" Which is Latin for "The Days Eye" .. something along those lines anyway. . .

5 Facts About Myself:

* I'm 1/2 Sicilian, 1/4 Scottish and 1/4 Irish
* I have 4 sisters
* My parents own 7 cats
* I'm 5"1'
* I'm scared of needles..

2 Things I Expect (At Least For Now):

* .. Will Finish reading Sugar Sugar Rune tonight
* art exam tomorrow T_T

4 Random Thoughts:

* SMILE!! Today is the tomorrow you were worried about yesterday!!
* Nmnyeahh *backache*
* I wish Spinal Tap were a real band..
* "BING" ---- "BONG"

song i am listening to:

Mylo- Drop the Pressure

Time
17:35

10 people i am tagging
Whomever gets this first time round i guess =/

Are you experienced, not neccessarily stoned, just... Beautiful.. ]]> ~AyianaFairy http://AyianaFairy.deviantart.com/journal/7167980/ http://AyianaFairy.deviantart.com/journal/7167980/ Mon, 28 Nov 2005 13:54:01 PST
Mood: Tired.. but Happy =)
Reading: Labarynths (collection of short stories =3)

Time for an update!!

.. So.. Time for a fresh start once more!! .. All too soon for my liking but who am i to challenge life ..

I'm alot happier now (in a sence anyway..). I'm not quite as paranoid as i have been in the past couple of months or so and i'm just getting on with things and letting go of anything thats hurt me rather than clinging on and upsetting myself by dwelling on all the hurt in my life.. life is too short and it doesn't stop to wait up for you so WHY WASTE TIME AND ENERGY..

's also partially along the lines of "i dont want to do anything/ hold anyone back with my selfishness" (( if that makes anysense ))

.. I don't regret anything either.. or want to take anything back. I'm also happy with my current situation..( ish )

.. Artwise i've just been planning for a big canvas painting.. Something really drawn out.. I will update with due course

Are you experienced, not neccessarily stoned, just... Beautiful.. ]]> ~AyianaFairy http://AyianaFairy.deviantart.com/journal/7045962/ http://AyianaFairy.deviantart.com/journal/7045962/ Mon, 14 Nov 2005 14:39:03 PST Mood: ~Deep~.. tired
Listening to: Some random Happy Hardcore Tune =D
Reading: Is it possible to jump into the same river twice?
Watching: Nightmare before Christmas =3

How can you show someone that you truelly appreciate them and that your truelly sorry?? Words are never enough.. We can just speak out from our hearts in the moment and hope that whoever we're talking to understands..
But thats part of being human .. going out on a limb..

You can never tell someone enough how much you love them.. <3

Are you experienced, not neccessarily stoned, just... Beautiful.. ]]> ~AyianaFairy http://AyianaFairy.deviantart.com/journal/7009747/ http://AyianaFairy.deviantart.com/journal/7009747/ Thu, 10 Nov 2005 14:03:13 PST
Mood: Hyped, Equatic =P
Listening to: Bold as Love- Jimi Hendrix <33 (fav. Hendrix song)
Reading: Astonishing X-Men- Gifted
Watching: Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy

YAY OMFG SUBSCRIPTION?!? .. Yeah my Mum subscribed me to Deviant art ..

Urhm.. otherwise had a sseriously crap day.. It started off on a good note but it kinda progressivly got worse.. HOWEVER, i had a few good chats with some friends and i jus realised how much they are there for me and that people do care

.. Message to all my friends.. I love you guys all very very much and you mean the world to me and you all have no idea how much i appreciate you all and wish you the very best, coz its all you guys deserve


((( You know who you are )))

]]> ~AyianaFairy http://AyianaFairy.deviantart.com/journal/6903158/ http://AyianaFairy.deviantart.com/journal/6903158/ Sun, 30 Oct 2005 03:07:23 PST .. There wasn't even anything wrong with her.. she died because my 12 yr old sister was stupid and irresponsible and never payed any attention to anyone reminding her to feed her hamster..

So (natrually) Mimi is devastated. I'm upset and pretty much annoyed with everyone here (as per usual).. My Mum (of course) blames herself and is acting the martyr and my Dad is jus standing around trying to offer "helpful" commentary.. details of starvation, recapping events etc etc..

*sighs* I know i should probably go and comfort my sister.. but whenever i think about her all i can think of is how guilty she is and how innocent miffy was (basic anger combo for me).. so im gonna try and cool off before being nice (which she always rejects anyway) .. she has 2 of her good emo friends with her right now anyway so thinks should perk up.

Urhm.. on the bright side i got my scanner fixed !! And yesterday my parents had a Halloween party which was kinda kewl (( lonesome after Karim left tho ))..

School/ HALLOWEEN tomorrow ( FOR ALL HALLOWS EVE!!).. So thats something to look forward too .. Halloween anyway..

I've actually had quite a good half term.. Revision classes with Lily (at leist they were easy) hanging out with all ze gang ^-^ stealing toilet paper from school on wednesday.. Tee-peeing the piss tree with nat and lily..

OMFG i jus realised i have my maths GCSE in like.. 2 weeksish.. EEP ]]> ~AyianaFairy http://AyianaFairy.deviantart.com/journal/6843658/ http://AyianaFairy.deviantart.com/journal/6843658/ Sun, 23 Oct 2005 09:03:00 PDT

SO ANNOYING.. i had several peices of artwork that i was gonna update with BUT NO because AHIRGHIDFHIhih..

People tell me to be patient with my Dad and to humour him and i WOULD if he wasn't quite so senile (in a bad way), annoying and self pitying T_T..

Aaaanyway... half term!! w00t!! *gets to sleep in* Blargh.. omfg the revision classes T_T so dry..

I LOST TINKERBELL.. and Peter Pan too 0_o grrr..

*rants*

Still.. Imaf convention tomorrow with Karim!! yay!! *smiles happily* soo looking forward to that!!

Blargh.. once again crappy entry 0_o T_T
I may well have to eat my own hand for some excitement today.. ]]> ~AyianaFairy http://AyianaFairy.deviantart.com/journal/6806302/ http://AyianaFairy.deviantart.com/journal/6806302/ Wed, 19 Oct 2005 03:46:04 PDT still had a rocking time at freyas tho ~*rockin' in the free world*~ .. anyway..

So THAT was a fucking dissapointment and a HALF!!! But i can just rev myself up for the next one.. and be dissapointed then too MAN i haven't actually BEEN INTO a whirl-y-gig sinse before the summer and even then we were kicked out after 5 minutes because certain people aren't considerate and cant control themselves..

Okay.. so present day. At home, bored shitless.. jus spent the day so far working at home rather than school coz i didnt get any sleep last night *sighs* .. i blame the stress of GCSE's..

Speaking of GCSE's.. ARGHIWDGYWOEH *runs around pulling hair out* I HATE THEM SOOO MUCH.. i may very well MURDER my tutor (stupid lumpy bitch) by the end of the year, she's soo patronising.. she just completely looks down her nose on all students and funily enough i can't be asked with it!! The fact that she's two faced and doesn't make matters at school in anyway any easier and does just infact add to her uselessness..

On the positive side (i guess you could call it positive) i am actually doin.. *gulps*.. w-w-w-ooork *shudders* (heh ^-^).. which seams to please my teachers (My history teacher ACTUALLY ackowledged my presense yesterday!!).. but im still really paranoid that im gonna fail.. Oh well. THAT jus pushes me to work EVEN HARDER *colapses in exausted pile of jelly*

On the very (very!) bright side HALF TERM NEXT WEEK!!! WOO!! and Halloween is coming up!! And Freyas goona have a rad and hips par-tay for lily (me thinks anyway =/) aaaannd *thinks*.. International Manga and Anime Festial from 21at- 25th in London (ANDNDNDN.. its free!) so i may hafta work now but it does balence its self out in the end ]]> ~AyianaFairy http://AyianaFairy.deviantart.com/journal/6771983/ http://AyianaFairy.deviantart.com/journal/6771983/ Sat, 15 Oct 2005 04:34:22 PDT Lar di dar.. I love autumn.. its so refreshing, its like, cutting so much out of your life and not needing to worry about it (mentally).. just the bare bones of things.

YAY omfg time for another whirly!! I'm kinda nervous (but then again i always am ^-^) but excited (interesting mix) so basically i cant wait till the evening.. but at the same time i can because time is precious and im not going to waste it anymore, and im going to have a good time doing whatever im doing (no regrets =3)..

Still, im gonna take extra care tonight..

I actually feel good this morning I've been sorting through bits of my old child hood junk and it really puts things into perspective.. like generally how much we've grown as people. And i know some of it makes everyone cringe, and other parts laugh but it all helped make us what we are today, and we should learn from that and learn to bare it in mind but not completely look back, because thats when you start to think "where the fuck did i even begin to go wrong".. heh ^-^ non-sensical rambelings ]]> ~AyianaFairy http://AyianaFairy.deviantart.com/journal/6614524/ http://AyianaFairy.deviantart.com/journal/6614524/ Tue, 27 Sep 2005 07:18:57 PDT Mood:
Listening too: Happy Hardcore

Hokay.. Recent days.. Saturday was Freyas Wonderland par-tay and i didnt think i'd be able to go coz i was ill.. till Rory and Peter came n picked me up. So the Pickle Fairys party rocked cocks but i had to leave early coz my Mum was anxious and worried 0_o Sinse then i have been doing nothing but sitting around at home being bored and doing work T_T basically being "a good little girl" (ha). I CANNOT WAIT to be out.. theres so much to look forward to (autumn, the next party, whirly on the 15th October etc) .. Blargh.. YAY yet another pointless entry. ]]> ~AyianaFairy http://AyianaFairy.deviantart.com/journal/6551375/ http://AyianaFairy.deviantart.com/journal/6551375/ Tue, 20 Sep 2005 01:45:22 PDT Day afta was abit lonesome tho i must admit. Like, iv been told by people who have alot of partys that its sucky coz you hafta clean up, and everyones gone etc and i understood that but i didnt clock what it was actually like till saturday..

Still, Soo many things to look forward too.. Freya's Wonderland Party on saturday for one thing =3 *excited yelps*

One thing i am annoyed about tho is missing whirly i have soo much pent up energy that ive been saving for dancing! Grr.. I've been trying to "unleash" it with poi but its not quite the same *deflates*

Oh yeah.. i got my scanner fixed! I shall upload some pictures shortly.. ]]> ~AyianaFairy http://AyianaFairy.deviantart.com/journal/6402720/ http://AyianaFairy.deviantart.com/journal/6402720/ Sat, 03 Sep 2005 05:45:47 PDT
Woah.. i haven't been on deviant art in a while.. No particular reason.

I'm annoyed with myself (surprise surprise).. I always allow myself to down and i kinda wallow in it which pisses me off because i hate being that way.. but at the same time you cant just pull yourself out of it.

Some really good things have happened over the summer.. (some involving various intoxicants good friends etc ) But its all weighed down by the shitty things that just seem to rebound in my life.

I just want to protect the people i love and care about. I'm never able to say the things i want to say.. they always come out wrong and people get the wrong idea which makes me nervous, shy and twitchy *twiches* Lol.

!?ARGH MY SCANNERS BROKEN WZeF?! ]]> ~AyianaFairy http://AyianaFairy.deviantart.com/journal/6084614/ http://AyianaFairy.deviantart.com/journal/6084614/ Sun, 31 Jul 2005 03:09:30 PDT
Writing a journal entry is proving to be ridiculously annoying..
Nothing is happening in my life at the moment..
Go out. Get wasted. Come back. Be bored..

Same shit everyday. ARGH i feel like i'm stuck in a loop T_T *sighs* ]]> ~AyianaFairy http://AyianaFairy.deviantart.com/journal/6064426/ http://AyianaFairy.deviantart.com/journal/6064426/ Fri, 29 Jul 2005 05:05:06 PDT
I feel like i'm finally letting go of the past.. and like a fresh new start is waiting for me (i feel so energized just from thinking about it). One small problem.. where the fuck should i go now? I don't actually know what to do. :S *sighs*

--------------------------------------------------------
I think i've messed so much up. Why do i allow myself to even bother opening my mouth?? I'm good for nothing. Stupid Existance..

Whats the point in fresh starts? ]]> ~AyianaFairy http://AyianaFairy.deviantart.com/journal/6040761/ http://AyianaFairy.deviantart.com/journal/6040761/ Tue, 26 Jul 2005 15:15:46 PDT July 22nd- My Birthday
July 23rd- BLARGH
July 24th- .. T_T
July 25th- Saw Almaas, Lulu, Big Ty, Little Ty and Keischa
July 26th- Pushed around Holloway Road by sisters and mother, Saw various peeps..

Mood: Resent the word
Listening to: Shine on you crazy diamond by Pink Floyd
Reading: Labyrinths by Jorge Luis Borges
Watching: Kiki's Delivery Service :D

YaY Subscription!! I'm confused, i'm not sure where it came from 0.o hmm..

Haven't really been up too much recently. No crazy storys to speak of, nothing that paritcularly stands out in my memory.. nada. Intresting how my life has just broken down into slush (not saying thats a bad thing.. but then again, how can that be a good thing lol).

I kinda realised recently that although i have (at leist) some sence of who i am, and what i'm like i've never really accepted myself.

Blargh. I need to start making the most of life.

I actually have a purpose now tho. I feel like certain people actually need me (a very very pleasant feeling).. i also hafta get round to
a) Tye Dying,
b) Spending all my money on a list of comics that i'v been meening to chase up for a while
and c) Paint up 2 of my pictures to A3 and print them off in poster form..

*sighs* Should keep me content for a while
I'm really happy at the moment. Like, it may not be that obvious and yeah things get me down but this is the happiest i've been in a looong time.. Like i've finaly let go of certain things and they've come back to me. Heh *sighs* I'm rambeling (as per usual)..

]]> ~AyianaFairy http://AyianaFairy.deviantart.com/journal/5987450/ http://AyianaFairy.deviantart.com/journal/5987450/ Wed, 20 Jul 2005 14:35:30 PDT Mood: Fine .. kinda empty i guess
Watching: Pink Floyd - The Wall

Recently i have been feeling very.. "down" i guess. I don't have any structure to my life for the next few weeks.. Except for this friday (my birthday) and even thats just one day that i'm not even keen on celebrating. Recently, things haven't even been going that bad. I just feel very disconnected with everything..

AHH i have no purpose this summer. I need something to do.

Julys been screwy so far.. The bombings in central London for one thing. I knew it was going to happen, but that doesn't make it any less messed up..

Artwise, i have actually finished 2 sureal sketches that i need to load up (soon as my shitty computer is rid of global cake). I'm not actually creativy stumped at the moment (knock wood) i'm just finding getting round to drawing/ writing hard. *sighs*

Everything feels so sureal at the moment... Nothing touches me anymore, however i may react at the time, it just washes out and means nothing.

I'm so tired. I'm just gonna go crash.. ]]> ~AyianaFairy http://AyianaFairy.deviantart.com/journal/5798044/ http://AyianaFairy.deviantart.com/journal/5798044/ Thu, 30 Jun 2005 14:55:16 PDT Mood: Fine n' Dandy (Still Hate the World HATE IT).. quite random today actually
Listening too: Iron Maiden (for like the 3rd time)- Seventh Son Of A Seventh Son
Watching: ASTERIX

"By Isis and Osiris, look into my eyes, You are a wild boar, a wild boar, a wild boar.." (heh LOVE Asterix)

I have just realised that Brave Girl Bob and Baby Got Back are the same in short hand (bgb)..

Had the most random offkey dream this morning (Silver Dreams of Embyros and Brain Boxes..) .. i woke up at 2:33 and i felt like something was trying to break out my head so i got a glass of water and went back to sleep.. Anyway (back to the dream)..

I wake up and its the middle of the night and everything is normal.. then i notice a jar on my table next to me, that deffinetly wasn't there before. I pull it towards me and i pere into the murky green waters inside.. and what should be there but an embryo!! So i swish the jar and its contents round a bit and when i next look the embryo is wearing a clown costume. So i'm like "wtf" and i drop the jar (i hate clowns). Theres like a flash and for a second i feel like im being suspended in murky green water. Next thing i know i'm looking at my floor for the jar and theres nothing there.. so i look up and pr0X1 is sitting on the end of my bed (second time thats happened in a dream), and hes holding a teeny tiny sliver of pink fleshy brain, cupped in his hands. So i ask to see it and he won't allow me too (he just keeps shaking his head with a smile on his face) so i try to get up to go see him (hes put his hands behind his back now) and i can't move.. because a giant purple tye-dye leaf is now holding me down.. so i stop struggeling and i just sink into the fucking bed .. and then everythings black and theres nothing around me, and all i can hear is this heartbeat surrounding me, and strangely enough; i've never felt more safe..

I'm gonna say i woke up here (although i didn't) because 1. I can't be asked to write anymore of my dream up 2. I have to go back to school soon and 3. The rest of the dream is quite fucked up..
It wasn't a bad dream.. i actually quite enjoyed it, but still..

Had an English exam this morning.. I almost couldn't do it (OH how unfortunate) because i forgot my poetry anthology so i "borrowed" one from my english teachers office (i put it back afterwards) and ran back to the exam hall.. i got in just as they were closing the doors.. BAH i have to go back to school in 15 minutes for my Maths Exam (i'm gonna fail so bad) and then i think.. I THINK i might be seein pr0X1 <333 ^-^ (yay)..

-------------------------------------------------------
Journal Update

Maths exam turned out to be okay.. THANK GOD.. i was expecting it to be extremely difficult but i was able to answer all the questions without any major problems.. however, saying that i probably did really badly. Anyway, even a stupid maths test couldn't ruin my afternoon with pr0X1.. We met up, went to my friend Rory's house ending up having quite a bit of fun (some of which behind Rory's LEATHER sofa oioi). Well, i had a good time anyway.. (i find it very hard to not be happy when around pr0X1).

Ended up sitting in Clissold Park, smoking a joint, under a tree, in the rain. A bird also (randomly) took a shit on my leg (lol). I found it really hard to beleive at first like, it was almost impossible to fathom "a bird. has crapped. on-my-leg." I wished for a mind bullet at that moment. Oh well.. My sister Gaby says its goodluck if a bird shits on you.. 0.o

That something-trying-to-break-out-of-my-head sensation has returned. It's either my chip malfuncting again, possesion or my gremlin buddys.. if you can call them that. oo-er.. ]]> ~AyianaFairy http://AyianaFairy.deviantart.com/journal/5724242/ http://AyianaFairy.deviantart.com/journal/5724242/ Wed, 22 Jun 2005 14:02:36 PDT Mood: Fine n' Dandy (Hate the world HATE IT)
Listening too: Slither - Velvet Revolver

FUCK recently i have been so busy, i haven't had time for art - thats something i never thought i'd say..

What's new??.. Well, for one thing i have a boyfriend- eeeeeeeeeeeee- (and its actually someone i like as well!!) Cream <333 ^-^

I lied on the art front. I have an idea for a black and white comic its just getting round to drawing it up.. grr.. I have the style and the story worked out n' everything it's just my stupid lack of time that gets me T_T

Last saturday my band had a gig (Ruby's neighbours garden party) and i have to say, one of our best gigs to date.. I shall upload photos when they become available to me..

I'm going to start on the first page of my comic now actually.. afta which i shall upload it.. I bet you all wanted to know that didn't you ]]> ~AyianaFairy http://AyianaFairy.deviantart.com/journal/5567194/ http://AyianaFairy.deviantart.com/journal/5567194/ Mon, 06 Jun 2005 05:55:46 PDT Listening to: Bobby Brown Goes Down- Frank Zappa
Watching: Nightmare Before Christmas
Reading: Inferno (X-Men, Trade Paperback <33)

I'm so Confused n down and i can't explain why

What to say, What to say?? Today should have been my first day back at school but seeing as i haven't slept in like 5 days and i had the motherfucker of all headaches this morning my Mum figured it would be okay for me to miss one day (Music, Maths and PE.. no big loss).

I finaly got round to putting some more of my old posters back up, but my room still looks really bare.. so I have been amusing my self for the last week or so by drawing up pictures to go on my walls. Trouble is they're still plain with just shading (i need some decent paints/ pencils)..
Been doin alot of surreal work recently..
I have also drawn up a new character. Her name is PiP (short for Pipa). Shes a cat and a complete gem

I keep having conversations with people in my head then getting muddled and think they really happened 0.o its amusing but strange..

Urgh, i don't know why i bother with the journal- theres no point to it, i can't write anything i actually want too in because my little sister reads it and alot of the stuff i want to write about is shit i don't want her reading and telling my mother about *annoyed*

10 Bands you've been listening a lot to lately:
1. Iron Maiden
2. The Doors
3. Jimi Hendrix Experience
4. The Beatles
5. Led Zeppelin
6. Pink Floyd
7. Smashing pumpkins
8. Foo Fighters
9. Bob Marley
10. Mylo (not too sure why)

9 Things you look forward to:
1. Whirly (this saturday w00t)
2. End of School Year (no more work *phew*)
3. Better weather T_T
4. Getting my first tattoo (7 years from now *rolls eyes*)
5. Brave Girl Bob's next gig
6. Tye Dying stuff in the summer
7. Hot Summer Nights/ Days at the Boggle tree (Poi, frisbee, smoking..)
8. Having money to spend on music
9. Nice Smoking session with number of people

8 Things you like to wear:
1. Converse All Stars
2. Doc. Martins
3. Cyberdog t's
4. Braces (not the dentist related kind)- Blue pichachu braces, green braces and red braces <33
5. Stripey Socks
6. Good Band t's
7. Nice graphic t's (t's with meaning as well)
8. Baggy jeans

I phisically have to mention 2 other items of clothing- my road runner boxers (best things in the world) and my cuban pimpett hat <333 ^-^

7 Things that anger you:
1. People making assumptions when it comes to me/ things and the way i am/ things are,
2. People who are concerned with popularity and their "image" n shit,
3. Racists, Sexists, Homophobics..
4. People who steal other peoples ideas and pass it off as their own stuff (Lack of Originality),
5. Hypocrites (lest it be a joke),
6. Liers,
7. People who say "i understand" when really all they are doin is patronising/ attempting to undermine you... on a second thought, people who patronise you/ attempt to undermine you in general

6 Things you say most days:
1. Close Enough
2. Nyea *Shrugs*
3. Wicked
4. DUDE sniget (heh)
5. Qlike (quite/ like)
6. "Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelled of elderberries!" (i dont say it most days but its fucking hilarious)

5 Things you do everyday:
1. Draw
2. Contemplate Existance
3. Annoy people (including myself)
4. Play Tekken/ LoK (complete addict)
5. Steal Road Signs

4 People you want to spend more time with:
Can't name jus 4 people..
1. Freya, Scooty
2. General BGB Crue
3. Seb
4. Cream (nice alternative to real name)


3 Movies you could watch over and over again:
1. Star wars [any of them]
2. Labyrinth
3. Little Shop of Horrors

Pulp Fiction, Spirited Away, Yellow Submarine, Rocky Horror Picture show...

2 Of your favorite songs at the moment:
1. You- Radiohead
2. Club Foot/ Cut off- Kasabian

1 person you could spend the rest of your life with:
1. aaha *taps nose*

Deffinition of Sniget: Someone who is an arrogant stuck up snob, even tho they have absolutely nothing to be snobish/ arrogant about ]]> ~AyianaFairy http://AyianaFairy.deviantart.com/journal/5522932/ http://AyianaFairy.deviantart.com/journal/5522932/ Wed, 01 Jun 2005 15:46:40 PDT Listning to: Kasabian- Club Foot
Curently: Playing with me eye

[link]

At the moment i'm grounded (because i went out yesterday evening) T_T so fucking dry

I've been thinking about drawing myself in a demon- monster type style.. yea my skins scally and has a silvery blue tinge to it- i have mediumish bat shaped wings, but one of them has a tare. i have a long strong, whip-like tale with a forked end. horns that point upwards, pointed ears, abnormaly elongated body, forked tungue. ]]> ~AyianaFairy http://AyianaFairy.deviantart.com/journal/5448340/ http://AyianaFairy.deviantart.com/journal/5448340/ Tue, 24 May 2005 13:16:43 PDT Listning to: The Clash
Watching: Salad Fingers
Reading: Demian by Hermann Hesse (or.. well.. an extract)
Playing: LieroX (attempting too)

Well, i feel better then i did in my last entry..

Recently I've been thinking about shit like "why am i here, what is the purpose or meaning of life, why are we the way we are" etc.

I meen, i think about this stuff all the time anyway, and i always have... but recently i've been going alot deeper with it- like thinking more behinde it and into it before even contemplating even thinking about answering it and i've been applying it to things and making links with other stuff.

I've also realised how fucking important it is to be yourself and to not conform to the system.

DO NOT CONFORM TO THE SYSTEM

May-be i've finally cracked.

... superficially i got wasted on friday at trafalgur, a little out of my head on saturday, went to my friend Islas birthday BBQ type thing and played in the park with a frisbee and my sisters on sunday.

I lost my trolly on saturday too. Or at some point after saturday. *sighs* **thinks lovingly of trolly**

Artwise i've been experimenting with paints in abstract forms (painting to music etc) and continuing with my thought forms. I'll upload pictures later...

BTW konami anyone?? ]]> ~AyianaFairy http://AyianaFairy.deviantart.com/journal/5403905/ http://AyianaFairy.deviantart.com/journal/5403905/ Thu, 19 May 2005 15:50:01 PDT Listning to : Led Zeppelin- Mody Dick (love the drum solo TOO MUCH)

Incase you haven't noticed i feel like crap.

I have a headache (due to a malfunctioning chip implanted in my brain because i refuse to conform to society... )

Also just had an argument with *said family member* and the gist of it is I'm a waste, and a failure as a daughter *sighs*

Going to trafalgur (mabe Southbank**??) tomorrow tho so things should perk up

artwise i've been theorising/ writing for the past week or so in my thought forms book-type-thing

i may upload some pages later on

argh another crappy journal entry that says nothing about me or what ive been doing, xcept my headache really is so bad that i couldnt care less--- ]]> ~AyianaFairy http://AyianaFairy.deviantart.com/journal/5364214/ http://AyianaFairy.deviantart.com/journal/5364214/ Sun, 15 May 2005 14:49:41 PDT Choose a band/or artist and answer only in song TITLES by that band.

Ac/Dc

Are you female or male: Girls Got Rhythm
Describe yourself: Problem Child
How do some people feel about you: Dog Eat Dog
How do you feel about yourself: Damned
Describe your ex girlfriend/boyfriend: Cold Hearted Man
Describe your current girlfriend/boyfriend: Kissin' Dynamite
Describe where you want to be: Down on the Borderline
Describe what you want to be: Boogie Man
Describe how you live: Hell or High Water
Describe how you love: Thunderstruck
Share a few words of wisdom: Rock 'n' Roll ain't Noise Pollution !!!!!

Listning to: Led Zeppelin- Moby Dick
Watching: Thundercats!!!!!!! (was watching Star Wars -1977 film- b4 hand)

I'm quite bored. It's silly actually. The hole in my cat- Flea's- side is better tho which is good...

LoK really is aces i'm so addicted to it at the moment- I need to get some fan art for it done!

Artwise, not much going on- I'm doing alot of poetry/ scripting/ song writing at the moment tho (may well have to upload some soon...ish)-

I'm going to trafalgur again this friday (once again with Alex B. and Amy - voot)

Yesterday i went to camden and i actually found a thunderbirds t-shirt that fits me!! like, properly fits me (yay) i couldnt find a replacement earing tho *sighs*

FUCK i just realised that i'm supposed to be going to see the new Star Wars film on friday with my friend Rory and Frank

I've been smoking too much (as per usual) so i now have a funny silvery haze that covers my vision. it's kinda cool actually...

Wow what a random bullshitty entry (impressive, no?!?)-

[link] ]]> ~AyianaFairy http://AyianaFairy.deviantart.com/journal/5353295/ http://AyianaFairy.deviantart.com/journal/5353295/ Sat, 14 May 2005 04:25:48 PDT Mood: Tired
Listning to: White Room- Cream
Watching: Spirited Away

THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
1. Juno
2. Daz/ Dazzy Bee
3. TRISTAN!!

THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:
1. moonbeam_water
2. junofairy
3. stripey_giraffes (haha so dumb)

THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. My eyes (and hair... to some extent)
2. My sence of self (like, my inderviduality)
3. My sence of music

THREE THINGS YOU DON'T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. I get paranoid and depressed
2. My height
3. My inability to be myself around people who intimidate me

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
1. feet
2. clowns
3. everyone i love and care about dissapearing (hurting, dying...)

it also has to be said that i have a phobia of needles and i cant stand the thought of loosing my sanity...

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1. Musica (cd's, records, tapes... i assume my guitar falls into this catagory too)!!
2. My sketchbook (and something to draw/ write with obviously)
3. Video/ computer games (i have once again become addicted to LoK heehe)..

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
1. Pink Ski Socks (woot)
2. some blu/white stripey pj bottems
3. over sized Led Zeppelin t-shirt

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS (or artists (at the moment)):
1. The Beatles
2. The Doors
3. Iron Maiden

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS AT PRESENT: oo hard erm...
1. Wishful Sinful- The Doors
2. You- Radiohead
3. 51st Anniversary/ star spangeled lover- Jimi Hendrix

FOUR** NEW THINGS YOU WANT TO TRY IN THE NEXT 12 MONTHS:
1. Recording some of our own material with my band,
2. Publish a comic,
3. Learn Japanese/ Italian/ improove spanish
4. Play WoW (suposedly really good)

THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP (love is a given):
1. Trust
2. Honesty (loyalty is given)
3. "Chemistry" (o how cheesy), you should be able to talk and have fun together!!

TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE:
1. I'm supersticious.
2. I own a cuban pimp hat,
3. I live in a tree.

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX (or same) THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
1. Personality
2. That spark that makes that person Unique (and not afraid to express it)
3. General Looks/ Sence of style

THREE THINGS YOU JUST CAN'T DO:
1. Not cuss Fru (this fuctarded boy who made up lies about myself and one of my bestfriends Freya)
2. Befriend someone who's dishonest and boring
3. Roll my tungue

THREE THINGS YOU CAN DO:
1. be annoyed/ agitated (and agrovated)
2. Poi/ Fire Staff (to a much lesser extent)
3. Brain Surgery *nods*

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
1. Playing guitar
2. Drawing
3. Chilling out with people i actually like

THREE THINGS YOU WANT REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
1. To go shopping for some rad comics (most likely marvel ^^) and a new earing (to replace old lost one)
2. To see Mericio/ Collin
3. To be alot better at guitar

THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING:
1. Musician
2. I'm considering recruiting as a Dalek
3. Artist/ Writer (mabe for comics?!)

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
1. South America (Brazil included)/ America
2. Asia (Lou, Cambodia, Tailand...) i cant spell :S
3. Japan

THREE KID'S NAMES:
1. Tristan
2. Mike
3. Rossaline

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
1. Fall in love
2. Produce a good Album with my band
3. Pat Collin on the head (old times sake ^^) ]]> ~AyianaFairy http://AyianaFairy.deviantart.com/journal/5310427/ http://AyianaFairy.deviantart.com/journal/5310427/ Mon, 09 May 2005 11:38:21 PDT Mood: Goowd =3
Listning to: Led Zeppelin- Moby Dick, Radiohead- Ok Computer, Q.O.T.S.A- Infinity

(YES all at the same time!)(ive learnt how to do bold!!)

Past weekend has been mad and hectic!

Trafalgur was mad, i really enjoyed it, i'm deffinetly going again (yay) <3 i made so many new friends, it was just so great

Saturday- woke up at alex's to find out that my 2 compadres- alex and amy- have been making out (good for them). so i walked home from dalston - SO LONG

then i had to go home, and do some gardning! it was okay actually, we had a bonfire at the end. afta which i had to have a shower and eat really really quickly (at this stage i was paniking that i would get there too late to get too whirly) then i realised that i had time, so i watched the new Docter Who- then ran to my friend Freya's house where we were meating.

So when i get in, a shot is imediatly passed to me- i drink it and go and get changed in freyas bathroom. i then go downstairs and all my girlfriends stop and stare: why? because im wearing a dress (without trousers!). i then go on to get ridiculously pissed (but still absolutelly loving it!)- anyway, time goes on and we're 10 mins away from whirly and what happenes (!!) one of our company stops at the bus stop, curls in on himself and says he cant move, hes too fucked (so stupid, don't mix magic mushroom pills, spirits and skunk, its bad news). so we have to cajole him onto a bus and miss it for him. the annoying this is that the minute we get on the bus, he sits up and says "o i feel fine" and when we get back to the house he has another drink and smokes a spliff!!

grr (so very annoying)

but we still had a good time. i spent the majority of the evening drunk in a bathtub with Lily and Freya (hehe) ^-^

so much other stuff happened as well, but i really can't be asked to write it all down

artwise, i have been comisioned by my FABULOUS brand spanking new friend Will to do a drawing for him. he said just to do a sketch but im gonna b nice and do a sketch and then surprise him with a canvas painting (because thats how annoyingly nice i am)... ]]> ~AyianaFairy http://AyianaFairy.deviantart.com/journal/5282834/ http://AyianaFairy.deviantart.com/journal/5282834/ Fri, 06 May 2005 08:41:03 PDT
I'm tired as it is (argh, prematurely old)

school was SO dry today. my science teacher has the hariest hands you have ever seen. you jus glance at them, then your gaze snaps back and then it just draws you in totally. it's quite amusing

i just found out that my friend (and fellow bandmate) is going to have sex tonight for the first time whilst her mother is in the next room. i hope she gets caught (this sounds mean but you haven't met her).

(still miss collin + mericio)

my cat Flea (Sir Flea Django Balthasar*Balzeri) had an absese near his left back leg and the vet had to drain it so now he has this huge gaping hole in his side and i can't look at him

He keeps biting it, which makes it bleed as well...

Artwise, i did a little drawing of my friend Amy's Character (Pea) who's a little Panda (soo cute) and i've been thinking about this idea for a series of canvas paintings that i've been wanting to do... more on those later ]]> ~AyianaFairy http://AyianaFairy.deviantart.com/journal/5266315/ http://AyianaFairy.deviantart.com/journal/5266315/ Wed, 04 May 2005 15:23:02 PDT Listning to: Blink 182- online songs

I really am so tired right now, it's quite ridiculous.... *yawns*

Pretty much spent the day doing artwork for school (DRY) and playing animal crossing ^-^

Highpoint of my day: Receving an email from my new friend Lloyd- hes australian, and i met on work experience- he's a really nice guy
He's going to America for a MONTH soon tho
mmm

I still miss Colin and Mericio like hell as well

*sighs* still, i can visit them soon and i have a party-gathering type thing and whirl-y-gig (i think thats how you spell it) to go to this weekend so i guess it's not all tears. ]]> ~AyianaFairy http://AyianaFairy.deviantart.com/journal/5245016/ http://AyianaFairy.deviantart.com/journal/5245016/ Wed, 04 May 2005 09:47:58 PDT Listening to: R.H.C.P- apache rose peacock (choooooon)
Reading: history essay
Watching: my brain vegitate and gush out my ears

At the moment i'm supposed to be working on my history essay... it's really annoying, i've only got my conclusion to do, but it's the hardest bit (grrr) i hate school, there are about 10000000 things i would rather do then go to school. ahh well not much i can do

On the bright side im going to see this band called "Satans Cock" tonight and i just found a really cool adictive website...
[link]

You get to make faces (so much better than it sounds)!!

I'm quite content at the moment... ]]> ~AyianaFairy http://AyianaFairy.deviantart.com/journal/5235580/ http://AyianaFairy.deviantart.com/journal/5235580/ Sun, 01 May 2005 04:49:03 PDT Listening to: The Doors- Riders on the Storm
Reading: Restaurant at the End of the Universe (hitchhikers guide to the galaxy)
Watching: Docter Who (Tom Baker Series)

I'm really annoyed. I have been trying to post this deviation for the last 3 hours and i've done it before and i've seen people do it before but it's just not "taking" grrrrrrrr
suki intraweb

I miss Colin and Mericio (wahay Mozzer)

*sighs* I woke up today at my friend Islas house with no idea what happened last night. I know I was really out of it, and that 2 of my friends (Lily and Nat) were sick but other than that… *blank*

I'm so tired, i just want to fall into bed and crash... ]]> ~AyianaFairy http://AyianaFairy.deviantart.com/journal/5221648/ http://AyianaFairy.deviantart.com/journal/5221648/ Fri, 29 Apr 2005 12:58:09 PDT Listening to: The Mouldy Peaches- Steak For Chicken
Reading:
Watching:

Grr- my july gig was cancelled yesterday. Stupid ghetto hackney empire.... grrr

today i had to say goodbye to all my new friends at work experience. it was really sad, i felt like i was going to cry- expecially when it came to hugging Colin and Mericio.
Then they give me this box- and whats inside but a guitar pedel (woo). it was the first time theyd ever given a work experience student a present. it was so horrible saying goodbye. i'm just gonna hafta go back every couple of weeks and pester em ^^ *sighs*

Then i catch a Number 19 bus and i get on, sit down, the bus drives along for about 10 minutes- then it hits someone. It was so horrible, everyone started panicking and all rushed to one side of the bus and i just felt sick- people started using their mobiles to ring their friends and give them the gory details. i just got off, left the scene and caught another bus. i hope the mans okay....

I also had to deal with some of my drunk friends today as well

they just bombarded me really randomly and then this boy almaas started wispering in my ear a whole load of crap about this guy peter and how he still likes me- which is just stupid and annoying (especially as i know this boy likes someone else)

guys my age are just so immature and not worth dealing with at all

hm

artwise, i started on this canvas painting for my work experience establishment

it's really cool and abstracty- i hope they like it ]]> ~AyianaFairy http://AyianaFairy.deviantart.com/journal/5204847/ http://AyianaFairy.deviantart.com/journal/5204847/ Wed, 27 Apr 2005 15:00:15 PDT
Spent the last few days playing Soul Reaver, Legacy of Kain (such a good game) on Play Station. Raziel is sooo cool, i love his voice!!

I have also been playing Animal Crossing and Smash Bros (such good games!!)

been trying to design a character for myself (it's not really working). i can't decide about the species!! grr

I'm so tired (which is ridiculous coz its really early) ....... *yawns* :3

wow what a crap entry

i just don't have anything to talk about at the moment- ]]> ~AyianaFairy http://AyianaFairy.deviantart.com/journal/5177089/ http://AyianaFairy.deviantart.com/journal/5177089/ Sun, 24 Apr 2005 14:15:50 PDT
we're supporting the Electric Landladies (wahay)

good day- got some history coursework out the way, had some nice cheap chinese take away for dinner, uploaded some art, spoke to a few people... nothing really to complain about

actually

thats a lie

things are going really well for me but i just feel so empty inside. it's not that i don't appreciate it, its just not fulfilling enough for me. i can't explain it... i'm just not happy. it's like, im perminently looking for something to fill me, and offer me content and i never find it *sighs*

I have started thinking about designing a character for myself... I have drawn anthro style art for quite a few people and never for myself- so thats the next thing to do

In real life i'm about 5'1", i'm quite curvy, i have long curly/ wavy-tousled dark brown hair, big hazel eyes and i'm quite tanned- commen word used to describe me- cute (it gets annoying after a while)- intresting description to work with... I'm toying with the idea of possibly a cat or a panda (mabe a fox??) i really have no clue how to do this :S ]]> ~AyianaFairy http://AyianaFairy.deviantart.com/journal/5164934/ http://AyianaFairy.deviantart.com/journal/5164934/ Sat, 23 Apr 2005 07:11:24 PDT
THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
1. Juno
2. Daz/ Dazzy Bee
3. TRISTAN!!

THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:
1. moonbeam_water
2. junofairy
3. stripey_giraffes (haha so dumb)

THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. My eyes (and hair... to some extent)
2. My sence of self (like, my inderviduality)
3. My sence of music

THREE THINGS YOU DON'T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. I get paranoid and depressed
2. My height
3. My inability to be myself around people who intimidate me

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
1. feet
2. clowns
3. everyone i love and care about dissapearing (hurting, dying...)

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1. Musica (cd's, records, tapes... i assume my guitar falls into this catagory too)!!
2. My sketchbook (and something to draw/ write with obviously)
3. urm... i dunno, i cant think

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
1. black standard converse allstars
2. some worn in carpenter jeans
3. this white vest top with guitars all over it

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS (or artists (at the moment)):
1. The Beatles
2. The Doors
3. Black Sabbath

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS AT PRESENT: oo hard erm...
1. Wishful Sinful- The Doors
2. You- Radiohead
3. 51st Anniversary/ star spangeled lover- Jimi Hendrix

THREE NEW THINGS YOU WANT TO TRY IN THE NEXT 12 MONTHS:
1. Recording some of our own material with my band,
2. Publish a comic,
3. Learn Japanese/ Italian/ improove spanish

THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP (love is a given):
1. Trust
2. Loyalty/ Honesty
3. Heat (if that makes any sence)

TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE:
1. I have been playing guitar for just under a year,
2. I'm wearing a pair of Road Runner Boxers,
3. I'm really a cuban pimp.

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX (or same) THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
1. Personality
2. That spark that makes that person Unique and not afraid to express it
3. General Looks/ Sence of style

THREE THINGS YOU JUST CAN'T DO:
1. Drive a car
2. Fly
3. Roll my tungue

THREE THINGS YOU CAN DO THAT:
1. be annoyed/ agitated (and agrovated)
2. ride a bike
3. eat everything on sight

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
1. Playing guitar
2. Drawing
3. Chilling out with people i actually like

THREE THINGS YOU WANT REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
1. To have a boyfriend who actually cares about me
2. To be as sincere as i can be to myself
3. To be alot better at guitar

THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING:
1. Musician
2. Donating myself to a testing lab
3. Artist/ Writer

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
1. South America (Brazil included)/ America
2. Asia
3. Japan

THREE KID'S NAMES:
1. Tristan
2. Mike
3. Rossaline

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
1. Fall in love
2. Produce a good Album with my band
3. Travel

THREE PEOPLE WHO HAVE TO TAKE THIS QUIZ NOW OR DIE PAINFULLY:

hmmm ]]> ~AyianaFairy http://AyianaFairy.deviantart.com/journal/5159746/ http://AyianaFairy.deviantart.com/journal/5159746/ Fri, 22 Apr 2005 15:58:28 PDT
i made some new friends with some really cool guys and i have spent the majority of my time hanging around with them ^^

At the moment i am really exausted. i went through about an hour of being really hyper and running around and being generally strange then i sit down and VOOM it all hits me... i hate it when that happens.

It's friday night!! i would most like it to be hot (with a nice breeze) so that i could be out with my friends getting hammered (bad talk for one so young). Instead i'm sitting in my living room, on the computer with my brains turning to mush as i type this very entry.
I don't know what the point is
I doubt anyone with ever actually read this *sighs*

Last night i had this really quircky dream...

Hackney (London Borough) was totally flooded and along with the floods came Godzilla (from the film, not the cartoon) and so Godzilla starts smashing buildings when who should come along- but Jim Morrison (love his poetry/ the doors) and Jim Morrison does his Galdulf "You shall not pass thing" and Godzilla (just not looking impressed at all what so ever) eats him. Godzilla then goes on to singing a song (in English, in a deep baratone voice) about how sad he was because jim Morrison was stuck in a vein that he never knew he had...
at which point a blue otter appears, beats the crap out of Godzilla and everything starts to go well. Untill hackney breaks off from England/ UK and floats to New York, where there were a bunch of pirates playing scrabble under a coconut tree.

Very strange dream. it has absolute no relevance to anything in my life. i wasnt listning to the doors the night before (or the day before even) and i havent seen Gozilla in years. hmmm... ]]> ~AyianaFairy