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]]> ~BaronVonBarbeque http://BaronVonBarbeque.deviantart.com/journal/24898568/ http://BaronVonBarbeque.deviantart.com/journal/24898568/ Fri, 22 May 2009 21:54:07 PDT
Im really trying to work on improving my photography and it would mean a great deal to me if you could be the harshest critics possible on my stuff. If you see a photo or whatever that you like, i want you to tear it appart and point out all the flaws you see, that way i can get better.

thanks all, and lemme know if you would like me to critique your stuff aswell. i'd be more than happy to.

]]> ~BaronVonBarbeque http://BaronVonBarbeque.deviantart.com/journal/22833355/ http://BaronVonBarbeque.deviantart.com/journal/22833355/ Mon, 26 Jan 2009 20:52:19 PST
The rose tinted glasses of ones youthful memories strangely disappear, leaving one with a strange dichotomy of "hey, life was never this bad! What happened?"

Everything seems to have both changed and totally stayed the same, the people, the biting cold, the astounding natural beauty of the countryside surrounding.

One must look to life for inspiration and focus.

I am inspired and focused on leaving cranbrook once again to rose tinted glasses.

]]> ~BaronVonBarbeque http://BaronVonBarbeque.deviantart.com/journal/21429376/ http://BaronVonBarbeque.deviantart.com/journal/21429376/ Mon, 10 Nov 2008 21:15:30 PST
first from my perspective on happiness in my life.

im happy only when i have a person to share life with. i suppose you could say i am half a soul. depending on who i am with changes who i am at the time. i suppose one could say that my relationships are a little like trying on new shoes. sometimes they are for a reason, sometimes for a special occasion, but sometimes you find ones that are just right and you stay wearing them long untill there are full of holes, smell really funky and are more like an extention of yourself.

and all i have left at the moment are shoes that fit, are pretty comfortable at the moment but clearly showing that they wont last the winter.

adventure is all around us at all times. with a keen eye and an open mind the world will open up to you and show you everything it has hidden away for a brave soul to come across and discover.

i suppose i could sum up my plans for the future as a shopping list.

-shoes that i never want to part with
-a bag of fresh socks and underwear.
-a camera
-time to spend on nothing better than wandering around the world. smelling flowers, eating random food, dancing in the rain.

turns out, shoes that you can do all these things with are hard to find in small towns such as these.

]]> ~BaronVonBarbeque http://BaronVonBarbeque.deviantart.com/journal/21144601/ http://BaronVonBarbeque.deviantart.com/journal/21144601/ Mon, 27 Oct 2008 20:19:51 PDT
so, now that i am back i am slowly but surely remembering all the reasons i left. and it seems in this part of the world things dont really change.

the last three years havent really changed the city itself either. its still small, still boring, and i have taken a job at the possibly sole interesting place to work. the coffee shop that i basically grew up in and took refuge in through my angsty teenage years.

family life is stil trying to spin off the top of my head. the dynamics in my whole family, though not really that crazy are still aggrevating and headache inducing.

and as an added bonus. all the girls my own age have fled to the major cities.

i think it is fairly certain to deduce that my own personal hell looks a lot like cranbrook BC

good god i need a distraction.

i found possibly the worlds second best distraction. right between a job playing videogames and swedish twins.

i bough today, a mask.


no not just any mask. anakin skywalkz.

and not just from the shitty prequils. from the animated prequil.

a grown man wearing that thing is impossible to keep a straight face around. its hillarious. expect pics soon. possibly even a utooob vid sometime. haha

]]> ~BaronVonBarbeque http://BaronVonBarbeque.deviantart.com/journal/20640675/ http://BaronVonBarbeque.deviantart.com/journal/20640675/ Tue, 23 Sep 2008 18:07:38 PDT
twas a weird conversation seriously.

all i can say is.... shit i must be hot.

]]> ~BaronVonBarbeque http://BaronVonBarbeque.deviantart.com/journal/19792906/ http://BaronVonBarbeque.deviantart.com/journal/19792906/ Tue, 05 Aug 2008 15:11:41 PDT
Nor do I ever expect to fully understand this.

All I know, is that it must be written and recorded somewhere. Perhaps this is the place


I have had a moment of... perhaps clarity, a time in which my consciousness touched something greater than myself, or simply that my mind clicked with at least a partial understanding of something that was greater than what we are supposed to know.

The first thing was that, I am simply not natural. Though this should well be common knowledge at this point it goes deeper, I have spent countless days and nights and money and what have you trying to figure out just what the fuck I was meant to be here for. I know within myself now that I am not meant for myself. That my fate is to effect others my touch upon the lives of others is somewhat vital to something greater. I will honestly admit that I am afraid. Perhaps I am crazy. I was once just a lazy guy escaping from life, responsibility and normality. Now to have a feeling that rocked the foundations of my own understanding of self is something not taken lightly.

From there to the second. I have never been a good son to either my father or mother, nor have I been that good of a friend to most close friends. I am a drunk, an addict to many things and in more ways than a few crazy

Christ that was hard to write.

I have been called so many things by so many people. To some I do know that I am the worst of people, a destroyer, to others I am an angel. Of both of these things I have been called to my face without the heat of emotion.

But who and or what am I?

My character is a shifting thing, and now I think I do realize what I am at last.

I am the catalyst.

I touch lives, and it seems that so far my touch has been to those that needed it. A shelter to a lonely wife with a husband that cares nothing of her. A friend to a person who thought they couldn't have one. A lover to one who did not understand the meaning of love. A brother to one in need. To most though I am nothing. Immediately forgettable and passed on as a face in the crowd. with certainty i came in when i was needed.

from here, where?

Soon I leave for my pilgrimage. And I have no idea where it will ultimately lead or climax.

may peace be with you always.
rylan

]]> ~BaronVonBarbeque http://BaronVonBarbeque.deviantart.com/journal/19760562/ http://BaronVonBarbeque.deviantart.com/journal/19760562/ Sun, 03 Aug 2008 21:42:57 PDT
disclaimer, i write to convey an idea in the simplest direct way, spelling grammar and punctuation is in fact of only mild consideration. no one actually cares if i dont capitalize.

every week i read the news, and like clockwork i cant help but run across yet another article of something absurd and silly that the government here has done this time.

i can see why western people who have never been to this country can exclaim "OMFGWTFBBQ! human rights violations! " at almost everything that happens here.

for example the list of things that are banned during the olympics that i have heard of so far.

1. horror movies. im seriously not making this up [link] yup. no "wronged spirits and violent ghosts, monsters, demons, and other inhuman portrayals, strange and supernatural storytelling for the sole purpose of seeking terror and horror,"

2. Bibles or other religious objects whithin the olympic village. [link]

3. live music in shanghai. basically because the gov doesnt want people distracted from watching the games. im seriously not making this up. 2 bars closed so far and all the rest cautioned against having live music.

but here is the rub. no one here cares.

honestly, it would be like one day waking up to find the american government one day banning tube socks or taco bell and having no one bat an eye.

how can this be?

simple fact, the chinese government is a behemoth. basically one big family. you have the top officials who are by and large actually fairly smart, they give jobs to their similarly minded friends. those friends give their friends jobs and so on and so forth down the line.

now what happens is that the lower down on this tree you go the lower the mettle of minds it contains.

on top of that. i could wake up tomorrow to hear that the government has outlawed the selling of shoes. were this any other place in the world you would find people panicking and rushing out to buy a lifetime's worth of shoes.

in china, nothing would change.

sure there would be the decree that henceforth thou shalt not sell footwear. but everywhere you look you would see shoes stores just like before.


the simple fact is. 99% of laws made in china are immediately ignored and forgotten. i skateboard, skateboarding is illegal. if you ask a policeman if you can, he will say no. if you skate past one, he will most likely give you the thumbs up and try and take a picture of you. hell. i live in a building where there is a cop shop on the corner of the street, i skate past them ever morning and wave, they wave back, even though i am likely to be breaking atleast three laws just by skating on the street.

i even occasionally have a beer in my hand whilest doing so.

]]> ~BaronVonBarbeque http://BaronVonBarbeque.deviantart.com/journal/18979153/ http://BaronVonBarbeque.deviantart.com/journal/18979153/ Sun, 22 Jun 2008 07:54:25 PDT [link]

hint, i do a lot of voice acting work

shhhhh

]]> ~BaronVonBarbeque http://BaronVonBarbeque.deviantart.com/journal/18395760/ http://BaronVonBarbeque.deviantart.com/journal/18395760/ Mon, 19 May 2008 09:00:42 PDT
im now a senior teacher at Oxford English.

yes. like the university. at 21 years old, not to shabby i must say.

on top of that, i just got offered a job at, wait for it, A CANADIAN HIGHSCHOOL. teaching english. that was funny.


so im fixing the lightbulb in the dining room of my new apartment, the last one exploding into a miniture made-in-china fireball. i managed to disassemble the lamp it was attached to. in effort to repair the exploded wires.

naturally chinese people ie my room mate are stunned by my somehow magical ability to know how to fix simple things. ie lightswitches and lamps, and shoes.

im just screwing it back together after testing it and making it work. room mate says "hey, your kinda usefull to have around," im like "yea im the bestest boyfriend ever......." she is not my girlfriend. nor is she single, nor am i interested.

there was a good long awkward moment. i made some dumb joke and quickly exited stage left.

oh and no, i didnt die in the earthquake.

]]> ~BaronVonBarbeque http://BaronVonBarbeque.deviantart.com/journal/15469492/ http://BaronVonBarbeque.deviantart.com/journal/15469492/ Sun, 11 Nov 2007 19:25:49 PST
]]> ~BaronVonBarbeque http://BaronVonBarbeque.deviantart.com/journal/14682413/ http://BaronVonBarbeque.deviantart.com/journal/14682413/ Tue, 18 Sep 2007 02:47:53 PDT

AND A FUCKING TYPHOON IS COMING.


THIS IS GOING TO BE SOOOOOOOO FUCKING AWESOME!

]]> ~BaronVonBarbeque http://BaronVonBarbeque.deviantart.com/journal/14612636/ http://BaronVonBarbeque.deviantart.com/journal/14612636/ Thu, 13 Sep 2007 04:39:17 PDT
now all i have to do is find one song out of the 45 gigs of tunes i have, and my computer autogenerates a playlist of similar songs.

so fucking rad.

]]> ~BaronVonBarbeque http://BaronVonBarbeque.deviantart.com/journal/14574118/ http://BaronVonBarbeque.deviantart.com/journal/14574118/ Mon, 10 Sep 2007 11:27:17 PDT
i tried.

drunken alter-ego rylan is just too much fun.

expect drunken stories every so often.

catch yall later.

]]> ~BaronVonBarbeque http://BaronVonBarbeque.deviantart.com/journal/14516030/ http://BaronVonBarbeque.deviantart.com/journal/14516030/ Thu, 06 Sep 2007 12:24:06 PDT
me now have no life.

]]> ~BaronVonBarbeque http://BaronVonBarbeque.deviantart.com/journal/14437225/ http://BaronVonBarbeque.deviantart.com/journal/14437225/ Sat, 01 Sep 2007 07:37:11 PDT
im shitfaced.

off to the meatmarket pickup club.

hillarity will ensue. for when drunk i have superpowers of being far too charming for my own good.

brb going to the moon.

]]> ~BaronVonBarbeque http://BaronVonBarbeque.deviantart.com/journal/14311687/ http://BaronVonBarbeque.deviantart.com/journal/14311687/ Thu, 23 Aug 2007 22:56:09 PDT
y'know, a header for where i went,

a basic rundown of the plethora of drinks imbibed.

not forgetting the random things that happened.

copious use of the enter key, because i feel thats sorta how i talk. heavily punctuating the thoughts that wander out of my brain.

i must have been breakdancing, i dont honestly remember. all i know is that i have a cellphone shaped bruise on my leg, a raspberry on my hip and sore ribs.

all in all though. from drinking and dancing so much lately, i have lost like 10 pounds and now i can actually see my abs, im proud of myself.

]]> ~BaronVonBarbeque http://BaronVonBarbeque.deviantart.com/journal/14197888/ http://BaronVonBarbeque.deviantart.com/journal/14197888/ Thu, 16 Aug 2007 14:46:10 PDT
just got home its 5:30 am here. went to the "abused, perverted and poor" club in shanghai. also known as windows. cheap drinks and strange people abound here. always good for a what the fuck story.

generally when i go to a place like this i come prepared. my money is in my left sock. i drink only redbull whiskeys to be prepared for anything, and wear nice clothes.

this sets me apart from the crowd. i go alone when i go out. i meet more people that way and always have an interesting story to tell at the end of the night.

i start the night drinking by the bar and chuckling to myself about the mish mash of people there.

white people acting like black people. chinese people acting like white people who are acting like black people. black people acting like super stereotypical black people. white people acting white as possible. and my favorite, random ethnically strange people.



in one night (a list because i love lists).

got hit on by a seven foot tall gay chinese man with a flat top.

got offered coke 5 times.

got ordered several rounds of tequila by strange white people who noticed that i have self esteem enough not to pretend i am something im not. ( a rarity in shanghai and generally a focus of attention)

got recognized many times as that guy who wears kilts. (another story for another day)

got in a small fight with a drunken guy for semi seducing his girlfriend. i apologised and said it was an accedent. he was drunk so i helped gravity catch up with him. ( i enjoy fighting drunk assholes. they fall down easily. )

got hauled up on the dancers stage thingie and forced to stay up there dancing for a good hour.

met a 9/10 and spent the rest of the night dancing with her and talking to her. she bought me more drinks. (why must this happen. i love tequila i cant say no!)

got her phone number.

got more tequila from strangers after she went home (she had to work the next day) because i pulled such a hot girl.


i seriously dont even need to make up the shit that happens to me. its weird enough already without adding creative details.


love you all and expect me to get off my lazy ass and write more of these now.

Ry

Ps there really needs to be a WTF smilie under moods.

]]> ~BaronVonBarbeque http://BaronVonBarbeque.deviantart.com/journal/14129990/ http://BaronVonBarbeque.deviantart.com/journal/14129990/ Sun, 12 Aug 2007 18:36:00 PDT
the ones i like cut and run. the ones that stay manipulate and control.

why the fuck do i even bother dating.

honestly, i should just become another nondescript asshole and not worry about this shit anymore.

]]> ~BaronVonBarbeque http://BaronVonBarbeque.deviantart.com/journal/14010311/ http://BaronVonBarbeque.deviantart.com/journal/14010311/ Sat, 04 Aug 2007 03:16:12 PDT
NOTHING BAD HAPPENED IN AUSTRALIA!

so happy right now i cant talk.

]]> ~BaronVonBarbeque http://BaronVonBarbeque.deviantart.com/journal/13996515/ http://BaronVonBarbeque.deviantart.com/journal/13996515/ Fri, 03 Aug 2007 05:10:26 PDT
]]> ~BaronVonBarbeque http://BaronVonBarbeque.deviantart.com/journal/13964480/ http://BaronVonBarbeque.deviantart.com/journal/13964480/ Wed, 01 Aug 2007 00:17:05 PDT
she has been in Australia for 9 days and i still haven't received an email or nothing.

i know for a fact that she has met her old boyfriend there. one would think that she could have gotten onto a computer at some point in time over the last nine days to send me at least an email.

but i have received none.

this shit always happens to me.

i can never find a good girl who actually cares.

life is fucked up.

]]> ~BaronVonBarbeque http://BaronVonBarbeque.deviantart.com/journal/13818037/ http://BaronVonBarbeque.deviantart.com/journal/13818037/ Sat, 21 Jul 2007 07:48:45 PDT
ive met a girl who i share so much in common with. its a little eery some times how similar we think.

the feeling i get as soon as i see her is unexplainable. if it isnt love. well im not sure i know a word to begin to start describing it.

holy sweet fancy fucking moses it was amazing.

so tired now though.

]]> ~BaronVonBarbeque http://BaronVonBarbeque.deviantart.com/journal/13154425/ http://BaronVonBarbeque.deviantart.com/journal/13154425/ Wed, 30 May 2007 17:35:45 PDT
i think it;s cool and im the one who has to wear it.

and my brother just had his baby!

]]> ~BaronVonBarbeque http://BaronVonBarbeque.deviantart.com/journal/12829300/ http://BaronVonBarbeque.deviantart.com/journal/12829300/ Thu, 03 May 2007 15:04:50 PDT
since coming back from honk kong i have flown offf an on ramp and down a hill in a taxy, ( i did punch the driver in the face and take my money back) AND I did get my money back\ (yay)

since then i have ninja'ed my waY out of my ex-gf and mine apartment and into a new place.

since then i have started a new job teaching acting to smaqll expat kids. yaY huge money and little work with super hot co workers.

after that i went to a place called atica which is filled with hot model chicks i danced the dance de le moertas with a super hot chick but it turned out sh ehad a bf and he was an ass. i taught some gongfu to some jewesh guy and i went home alone (sad face) better luck next time.


though i did end up getting wasted on henessy from a guy i havent seen since i got in a fight with 50 cent's dj's bouncer. (look in old journals) fun fun]


blAH SLEEP TIME
HAVE FUN

]]> ~BaronVonBarbeque http://BaronVonBarbeque.deviantart.com/journal/12451578/ http://BaronVonBarbeque.deviantart.com/journal/12451578/ Wed, 04 Apr 2007 01:08:56 PDT
]]> ~BaronVonBarbeque http://BaronVonBarbeque.deviantart.com/journal/12405075/ http://BaronVonBarbeque.deviantart.com/journal/12405075/ Sat, 31 Mar 2007 17:04:51 PDT
ill be in kowloon at the imperial hotel 30-34natan road tsimshattsui

RAWR!

]]> ~BaronVonBarbeque http://BaronVonBarbeque.deviantart.com/journal/12110298/ http://BaronVonBarbeque.deviantart.com/journal/12110298/ Thu, 08 Mar 2007 19:05:20 PST
long story:

so, I'm in shanghai getting an apartment is ridiculously expensive here so i ask my family if they can help me out. (way back in September)

they say no problem. 35 min later my dad's money gets here.

mom, tries to deposit money into my Canadian bank account. (machine says my card is fucked)

no dice on moms money

months go by, repeated failures of mom trying to mail a new card to me.

i get into university to study Chinese. yay! (i have an educations savings fund so i get the paperwork to my mom. she gets the money out)

so she tries to transfer it into my Chinese bank account. no dice again, my mom forgot my middle name. though it was printed clearly on the transfer.

attempt #2 brings an interesting revelation. my mom spells my name wrong. by adding two letters to the end of my middle name. apperantly my mom thinks my name is rylan malcolmai mcphee

so, i call her out on it. asking why the hell she would do that when i needed her help. (at this point i owe a friend for getting me enough money to get the deposit on the place)

the revelation comes that my mom never actually intended to help me. she only was going to continue promising me the money until i got deported. (i was trying to get an X visa. and if my school kicks me out for not paying, visa is terminated. )

sad thing is. i was asking for only $1000 Canadian. my family has about 5 vehicles (could be more a this point) a huge plasma TV and a massive house. 1000 Canadian is not like a huge investment.

i am hugely disappointed in my mother. if anything it has made me even more determined to stay in china and make certain that she doesn't even know if i am alive or dead. i feel betrayed by my own mother. to promise to help and then intentionally fuck up the procedure every single time.

her response to me was "rylan you need to learn to take care of yourself" -- i am 20 years old and have been self reliant for 2 years in a foreign country

]]> ~BaronVonBarbeque http://BaronVonBarbeque.deviantart.com/journal/11426402/ http://BaronVonBarbeque.deviantart.com/journal/11426402/ Sat, 13 Jan 2007 19:17:17 PST
that is all thats new

]]> ~BaronVonBarbeque http://BaronVonBarbeque.deviantart.com/journal/11190947/ http://BaronVonBarbeque.deviantart.com/journal/11190947/ Mon, 25 Dec 2006 15:56:30 PST
i spent most of my christmas getting her to calm down after she exploded over me wanting us to get together with friends for christmas. this happened mainly because she thinks that if i spend any time whatsoever with anything with a vagina i will leave her.

frankly that will happen whether or not i spend any quality time with anything with or without that beloved thing.

i have compiled my main reasons for why i am with her:

Excelent sex.
....
....
....
....

after spending some serious time thinking that is definatly not a good enough reason to stay in this relationship. so next month i will end it. and move into a new appartment.

i have delayed it as long as possible because she quit her job and is now refusing to look for a new one. so right now i am supporting her. (shopping addiction, makup addiction, drinking problem, junkfood addiction, and smoking) and i am also supporting her mother. this is not cool anymore, i loved her. she abused me emotionally, and i dont care anymore the kind of supernova like emotional explosion that will happen when i do. because its not fair to me anymore.

other than that, because of my relationship with her demanding exactly 134% of my free time, i nolonger have friends in shanghia, or really in china for that matter. all of them were left at the wayside.

so right now i am just feeling super lonely

]]> ~BaronVonBarbeque http://BaronVonBarbeque.deviantart.com/journal/9982730/ http://BaronVonBarbeque.deviantart.com/journal/9982730/ Tue, 05 Sep 2006 21:29:09 PDT ~BaronVonBarbeque http://BaronVonBarbeque.deviantart.com/journal/9880720/ http://BaronVonBarbeque.deviantart.com/journal/9880720/ Mon, 28 Aug 2006 04:43:42 PDT
love changes people thats for certain. before she told me that she loved me, she was intelegent and even funny. after she said it the emotion of "puppy-love" just hit her brain like a sledge hammer and left her only capable of talking about how much she loved me, how much i didnt love her, how much i didnt miss her and so on and so forth.

so im back to being single. ]]> ~BaronVonBarbeque http://BaronVonBarbeque.deviantart.com/journal/9846780/ http://BaronVonBarbeque.deviantart.com/journal/9846780/ Fri, 25 Aug 2006 04:19:56 PDT
Quote of the night:

"seventh grade......... i was cybering in times new roman in seventh grade"

dating horror stories

Rylan -- In Love 说:
man it was sad. seventh grade i went out with barbara lancaster
Mark 说:
Sarah Duffey here, /cry
Rylan -- In Love 说:
remember who lance went out wiht in 8th grade
Mark 说:
Haha
Rylan -- In Love 说:
chantelle le lond
Mark 说:
Yeah, after I warned him and everything
Rylan -- In Love 说:
/herpies
Mark 说:
Hey, she tried to date me, remember?
Mark 说:
You bailed me out
Rylan -- In Love 说:
that i did
Mark 说:
"What he's trying to say Chantelle is that you're a gross bitch and he can do way better" or some such
Rylan -- In Love 说:
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHASHAH
Rylan -- In Love 说:
good times
Mark 说:
Man, good times


dating stories continued


Ashlee-Well that made the pain go away 说:
soo...
Ashlee-Well that made the pain go away 说:
convo kinda boring and it's putting me to sleep.
Mark 说:
"man, he could totally be playing with me instead of that blister"
"I know"
Logan: *playing with blister*
Ashlee-Well that made the pain go away 说:
five hours and I should be ggetting up...
Mr B! LANGUAGE!! 说:
it
Mr B! LANGUAGE!! 说:
is cold in here
Ashlee-Well that made the pain go away 说:
lol
Ashlee-Well that made the pain go away 说:
put some clotheson
Rylan -- In Love 说:
slutty girl at logans arm and he is so preoccupied by a bloody blister to notice the girl who would litterally fuck him there in front of everyone
Mark 说:
And we know! She tried with me at least, with rylan probably!
Ashlee-Well that made the pain go away 说:
logan who?
Mark 说:
Vizzolkers
Ashlee-Well that made the pain go away 说:
HAHAHAHAAH
Rylan -- In Love 说:
volkers
Mr B! LANGUAGE!! 说:
you don't want to know
Rylan -- In Love 说:
oh she tried with me to i was with jamie at the time
Mark 说:
She was with Jordan when she tried me
Ashlee-Well that made the pain go away 说:
and that stopped you?
Rylan -- In Love 说:
my horror story was whats her face in grade nine
Mark 说:
Yes it did
Rylan -- In Love 说:
the famous "i just miss flirting so much
Rylan -- In Love 说:
/snap
Ashlee-Well that made the pain go away 说:
zing
Mr B! LANGUAGE!! 说:
yowza
Ashlee-Well that made the pain go away 说:
tickadyboo
Mark 说:
I liked Jordan. The only man I have:
Burned with bacon grease
Stabbed with a fork
Spilled coffee on his RENTED tuxedo
Thrown into a window
Thrown OUT of a window

Rylan -- In Love 说:
then i verbally abused her so much that she gave back the litterally hundreds of dollars of stuff i gave her
Mark 说:
And he never once raised his hand
Ashlee-Well that made the pain go away 说:
he fell down my stairs when he ws litle
Mark 说:
Wow dude
Mr B! LANGUAGE!! 说:
ok, that's it, i'm going to sleep
Mark 说:
Rylan, what was her name?
Mark 说:
Night Caitlyn. Sorry to hear you dated Logan
Ashlee-Well that made the pain go away 说:
ngiht girl
Ashlee-Well that made the pain go away 说:
lol
Rylan -- In Love 说:
hahahahaz
Ashlee-Well that made the pain go away 说:
you dated logan!
Mr B! LANGUAGE!! 说:
night. and yes, it was a very sad time in my life
Ashlee-Well that made the pain go away 说:
wow where have I been druing this convo
Rylan -- In Love 说:
i know where you have been
Ashlee-Well that made the pain go away 说:
shut up
Mark 说:
[link] probably
Ashlee-Well that made the pain go away 说:
nope
Mr B! LANGUAGE!! 说:
i was thirteen and drunk 24/7. my judgment was bad
Ashlee-Well that made the pain go away 说:
lol
Rylan -- In Love 说:
drunk. you have never been drunk
Ashlee-Well that made the pain go away 说:
I have nothing against the guy.
Ashlee-Well that made the pain go away 说:
lol
Ashlee-Well that made the pain go away 说:
but aw
Ashlee-Well that made the pain go away 说:
that's cute
Mark 说:
Hey, I'm nineteen and drunk 12/5, no worries
Mr B! LANGUAGE!! 说:
lol...i wa... ]]> ~BaronVonBarbeque http://BaronVonBarbeque.deviantart.com/journal/9730270/ http://BaronVonBarbeque.deviantart.com/journal/9730270/ Mon, 14 Aug 2006 21:07:11 PDT
naturally my goal for the trip was to meet a long time friend in shanghai that i met via myspace and had infact never actually met IRL. after much putting on as much charm and cleverness i get her to come to the bar with me.

for those of you who know allready i am talking about Qi Qi. we have sorta always been just one notch away from being a couple. (mostly because i was not in shanghai, and secondly because she is amazingly beautiful. kinda hard for me not to think that i am out of my league)

the second we see eachother the sparks start flying whithin moments we are telling eachother that we love eachother. the evening passes in the most perfect way. our bodies even seem to be made for eachother. kissing felt like it was the most natural and perfect thing that could happen. love. its an amazing feeling like that phantom itch in your soul is gone and all there is left is a warm drunken feeling as though you are the same being in two differant yet complementing bodies.

even now i can still taste her lip gloss on my lips as a memory that i pray never goes away. i still feel the weight of her body melting into mine as we hold eachother. i still feel the confusion of wondering what i could have done in a past life to be so lucky as to find a true and perfect match for my soul.

i'd say that this is what love truely feels like.

the hours pass away in perfect contentment. gazing into her eyes and seeing her soul bared to me and feeling mine do the same in return.

eventually as time betrays the moment in its passing we must go back to our places. she in shanghai and me in zhangjiagang. i miss her terribly, but feel the hope of every day is one day closer to me moving to shanghai. ]]> ~BaronVonBarbeque http://BaronVonBarbeque.deviantart.com/journal/9698544/ http://BaronVonBarbeque.deviantart.com/journal/9698544/ Sat, 12 Aug 2006 04:27:38 PDT [link].broken.


[link].shatner.

-ry ]]> ~BaronVonBarbeque http://BaronVonBarbeque.deviantart.com/journal/9537348/ http://BaronVonBarbeque.deviantart.com/journal/9537348/ Sat, 29 Jul 2006 20:59:08 PDT
just though i should inform that the awesome stories probly wont be happening for a long time.

im taking some time to chill out and just figure out what the hell i am doing with myself.

catch you all later. ]]> ~BaronVonBarbeque http://BaronVonBarbeque.deviantart.com/journal/9247883/ http://BaronVonBarbeque.deviantart.com/journal/9247883/ Sun, 02 Jul 2006 03:33:35 PDT
i have a new girlfriend again. and yes i have lost count so far.


lets get to the beef of the issue. so i have this girlfriend, she is beautiful, smart, clever, and an amazing dancer.

the problem you ask

HER MOUTH TASTES LIKE GOD DAMN SULPHER. AND IT DOESNT GO AWAY FOR LIKE HALF A DAY.


so my moral qualms are these.

1. How do you tell your girlfriend who is absolutly head over heels smitten over you that her mouth tastes like the ass end of a steel mill?

2. Is it morally acceptable to break up with her over something like this?

ive tricked her into kissing me after using mouth wash, chewing gum, the whole sha-bang nothing helps.


any advice on this most unusual of situations is appreciated ]]> ~BaronVonBarbeque http://BaronVonBarbeque.deviantart.com/journal/9155458/ http://BaronVonBarbeque.deviantart.com/journal/9155458/ Fri, 23 Jun 2006 04:05:37 PDT
but here is the story.


2 weeks ago i was drinking with one of the sons of a frenchman. and yes that does mean his son is also french.

so as were drinking at the bar i now work at (yes i am a bartender now. FREE BOOZE! WEEE) we descide that we should go watch some world cup football at a differant bar. we get there start drinking and this french guy descides to pick a fight with most of the chinese there (bad idea. there are a lot of chinese in china)

i convince him to get out and go home and i smooth things over as best i can.

buuut on the way back to his hotel a car pulls up and 4 or so chinese guys jump out. unfortunatly for them i am between them and the french moron. one chinese guy of apperantly limited intelegence throws a punch at me. i do my usual drunken gongfu of nocking it out of the way and then slapping them over the ear. (this causes a person to loose all sence of balance then fall down.) after that remaining chinese people leave me alone and focus on making the frenchman pretty.

he goes home with a broken nose and several other parting gifts.

i go home with bruised knuckles.

then a few days ago after said frenchman has started spinning stories ranging from them beating the crap out of me. to me running away he descides to point out a couple of chinese people to his father. father and fathers friend beat them up and in turn get the living hell beaten out of them by the PSB. the PSB are something like the chinese equivelent of FBI.(much to my amusement)

long story short. french kid gets beaten up. father gets beaten up. fathers friend gets beaten up, and all three of them get kicked out of china ]]> ~BaronVonBarbeque http://BaronVonBarbeque.deviantart.com/journal/8879291/ http://BaronVonBarbeque.deviantart.com/journal/8879291/ Fri, 26 May 2006 00:19:25 PDT
Woman--Chemical Analysis

ELEMENT: Woman
SYMBOL: WO+
DISCOVERER: Adam
ATOMIC MAKE: Accepted as 110 lb. but known to vary from 100 to
550 pounds
OCCURRENCE: Copious quantities in all urban areas

PHYSICAL PROPERTIES:
1. Surface usually covered with a painted film
2. Boils at nothing, freezes without reason
3. Melts if given special treatment
4. Bitter if incorrectly used
5. Found in various stages ranging from virgin metal to
common ore
6. Yields to pressure if applied to correct points

CHEMICAL PROPERTIES:
1. Has a great affinity for Gold, Silver, Platinum and
precious stones
2. Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances
3. May explode spontaneously without prior warning and for
no known reason
4. Insoluble in liquids, but activity greatly increased by
saturation with alcohol
5. Most powerful money-reducing agent known to man

COMMON USES:
1. Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars
2. Can be a great aid to relaxation

TASTE:
1. Pure specimen turns rosy pink when discovered in natural
state
2. Turns green when placed beside a better specimen

HAZARDS:
1. Highly dangerous except in experienced hands
2. Illegal to possess more than one at the same time ]]> ~BaronVonBarbeque http://BaronVonBarbeque.deviantart.com/journal/8804098/ http://BaronVonBarbeque.deviantart.com/journal/8804098/ Thu, 18 May 2006 03:18:59 PDT
"Tom, Jerry Bar Room Tech Support and The All Midget Olympics"


So as per usuall i have gotten off work at about 9pm and i am out looking for trouble. (nothing new there really)

so i says to myself. "self. lets go to the bar." this is of course a wednesday night. and i work in the morning.

no big deal teaching english is easy stuff. so off i go to the first bar on my list of places i havent gotten drunk in yet. the place is called "show se" no one seems to know just how to pronounce it. 3 glasses of glenn fiddichs later (good whiskey) I make a few obligitory laps of the bar. and i find that there is a huge projection TV playing oldschool Tom and Jerry cartoons enter another 3 rounds of my buddy glenn. im fairly drunk now but i promised the owner of one bar that i would stop in that night so off i go.

really the bar was next door so not a problem. i get in there and lo and behold they have bought themselves a laptop for music. but as most people would agree. chinese people have horrible taste in music. Enter ME music liason for chinese drinking establishments. a scant 5 min later i have my ipod emptied onto their laptop and the musical situation in my favorite bar has greatly improved. and my reward for improving their audio, another 2 rounds of good buddy Glenn. alas 8 glasses of glenn and the night is still young. a korean patron of that bar descides that he wants to go to a night club but doesnt know any good ones in the city. we work out a deal that if i take him to a good one he will buy me drinks.

we hop in his primo nice car, i cant remember what kind but it was nice. a zo gui and two yo gui's later were in the most expencive club in this city. were talking about 4 times markup on all drinks. korean guy gets 10 bottles of beer. and i hit the bathroom. it should be noted that in this bathroom the guys must urinate into a massive fake waterfall. apon my return to the table the music changes to something like the rocky V theme and 4 midgets take the stage. but of course these were no standard pack of midgets by any stretch of the imagionation. i believe a simple bulittined list would be best to describe what followed


Act 1. 4 midget strip tease/body building exhabition. run of the mill male midget stripshow. nothing all that unique or noteworthy there

Act 2. Crossdressing midget exotic dancing. (those are 4 words i did not expect to see together) one BEARDED midget with water baloons for breasts takes the stage center and struts her(?) stuff for a moment. much to the applause of Zhang Jia Gang elite.

Act 3. Midget Magic Show. one midget fans a deck of cards around for a little while then magically all the cards turn to 5 RMB bills. i was actually fairly impressed by this.

Act 4. All Midget Kung Fu Demonstration. This just made me laugh. Que music from "Once apon a time in china" as two fully dressed up midgets then stage a mock kung fu battle. (COMPLETE WITH BAD SUBTITLES)


after that i think the korean guy dissipeared or was eaten or seduced by a midget. because i quickly found myself dancing all slutty like with some chinese girl. then i went home. i think someone drove me. i dont really know who.


Injuries -

i cut my hand on something.

more liver damage ]]> ~BaronVonBarbeque http://BaronVonBarbeque.deviantart.com/journal/8718202/ http://BaronVonBarbeque.deviantart.com/journal/8718202/ Tue, 09 May 2006 07:50:16 PDT
Tell us 40 random things about yourself.
- im in china... like whoa
- i have been kissed by a transvestite.
- i spend far too much time looking at myself in the mirror
- i like holidays that involve chocolate and other good food
- i am vain. oh so vain... and the song IS ABOUT ME
- i never worry about anything
- i have a tooth that was rotated 180 degrees.
- i hate horses.
- they hate me too
- i am impossible to get angry
- the internet is for porn
- i wear my kilt to class
- i am an english teacher
- most anime is ennoying
- i am displaying my webcam to a random girl in beijing. (she thinks im hot.)
- there are no bagels in china.
- i hate small dogs
- i got a football scarf from istanbul from my brother ( it rocks )
- i like making emo kids angry
- some people have called me a fan girl -_-
- i know kung fu
- in chinese kung fu means nothing. its written gong fu
- i make pretty pictures
- i once ate a live goldfish for 5 dollars
- i dont get hungry... ever
- i enjoy getting gifts but i dont like when people spend money on me
- im in a room full of chinese people. like 300 of them
-blenders rock
- Jrock is ok. chinese pop music it terrible.
- the only thing worse then chinese music is chinese TV
- i havent had a Dr Pepper in over a year. and i still crave them every day
- i like asahi beer. its pretty good
-i have broken many many bones.
- i try not to wear matching socks
- there are clothes all over my room.
- i dont wear hats.
- incence is a funny word
- i am wearing a shirt with a picture of jimi hendrix. the man who rocked so much he died in a pool of his own vomit. ]]> ~BaronVonBarbeque http://BaronVonBarbeque.deviantart.com/journal/8667411/ http://BaronVonBarbeque.deviantart.com/journal/8667411/ Wed, 03 May 2006 23:27:13 PDT
lets get started. now i have to ask one thing of you. trust me, i know i usually have a nack for inflating and embelishing, but todays stories are actually factual (infact probly downplayed a bit from lack of memory due to drinking too much)

ok lets start with what happened in shanghai last.

day one. of kungfu couches and canadians

went partying with some chinese and philipeno friends of mine, hit a few clubs stuff like that, met one girl who i then drunkenly started to teach kung fu to (as an aside, i dont know why it works so well. but every girl i have taught kungfu to here has ended up kissing me.) so naturally we start making out in the back of the van we were in. we get to the next club. drink a little more. kiss a little more and i get what could be the most interesting kiss i have ever had. we will just say it involved a lot of vomit, and not mine for that matter. after that my friends took her home and never came back for me. this didnt worry me in the least, for i have developed what i like to considder shanghai-couch-finding(tm) i have this skill polished to an artform. from there i went outside to talk to some people and found a guy from vancouver. we descide to go to windows (a local hiphop club) and go girl chasing. i cant really remember much from windows but i do remember smoking some pot with a really cool south african guy named peter. after that i dont remember anything.

day two of pool pot and "The Tank"

i wake up at canadain guys appartment after sleeping on his couch, turns out he is a realistate agent in shanghai, offered me a job but i lost his number and he is in taiwan for 2 weeks to go golfing. so its about noon. i made a few phonecalls to find a friend to hang out with in shanghai. with luck my friend chris picks up and we go to play pool for a while. (at this point i am still drunk from the night before. and with luck my anti hangover tai chi is still working) i loose horribly to chis, then an american named conan(unfortunatly he was not a barbarian much to my dissipointment) i leave the pool hall at perhaps 10pm after drinking a little with some germans and a guy from south carolina whos chinese was better then his english (go figure). from there as there was a serious lack of interesting conversation i leave for windows again. lucky for me its only about 2 blocks away. i get there and see my buddy peter again. we sit outside till perhaps 2am talking listening to my ipod and telling stories. (i have developed a serious respect for this man. ) while sitting out there about 4 groups of people came over to smoke with us. at about 2am a couple of black guys come over blinged out. if i had to estimate the cost of his watch it would be in the area of about $20 000-$30 000 the one with the watch turns out to be 50 cents DJ. the guy lives in shanghai and his buddy, whom i will only refer to as "Tank" would have been perhaps 5'10" and somewhere close to 275 pounds descides he likes me and wants to "play" so he takes his shirt off and initiates mortal combat with my 5'11", 160 pound fragile self. lucky for me he has been drinking quite a bit so evading was possible on my part. after a few moments of mad DDR-esque dodging on my part no finishing move was possible and the 30 second timer ended and we called it a draw. (much to my frail exuberance) we go back to sitting down and drinking outside windows and just chill out. after a few more beers we go inside and dance around. after that i met by far the most amazingly attractive korean girl i have ever seen. all i can say is HOLY SHIT. so after china i think korea sounds like a plan. we hang out a bit, unfortunatly my skills with seducing korean girls need more work. i roll critical failure and she goes home. after that i hop 2 subways and take the bus home.

Day three (zhang jia gang) of mafia transvestites and palmtrees

seeing as i am having a marathon drinking clubbing adventure for my 7 day holiday i hit the clubs here. (it should be noted that the clubs here suck horribly, take the worst techno you have ever heard and add random chinese people dancing like Mr Bean and you will have a frighteningly good idea of what its like.) so as the music sucks i bring a few cd's with me to the club and end up DJ-ing for a few hours. (it should be noted also that i have only done this with professional equipment all of once. ) so after a few songs and such i take a break. horrible techno returns and i start my kungfu technique of getting free beer from chinese people. in order to do this all you need is to be white, and the ability to hold your alchahol. step one, walk up to them and ask for a smoke. one can do this without the ability to speak chinese. after that make a play at pointing out the beautifull girls in the immediate area. enter 5 bottles of hai pe jiao (dark beer... ]]> ~BaronVonBarbeque http://BaronVonBarbeque.deviantart.com/journal/8577400/ http://BaronVonBarbeque.deviantart.com/journal/8577400/ Tue, 25 Apr 2006 02:49:10 PDT
aaand as you can guess it involves a thaiwanese transvestite.


so here is how this story goes.

i was at my favorite bar in zhang jia gang (my city) and lo and behold they had a strip show. but wait methinks thats illegal for women to take off their clothes like that for le money, and much to my surprise and accompanied by a quiet chuckle on my part. the stripper was not a woman, it was a he(though thankfully sans penis)

but the story doesnt end there. i get thrown up onto the dance floor by some of the local chinese to get a lapdance from said transvestite.

we will call that lapdance very complete.

so at this point i can actually say i have been groped and molested by a thaiwanese transvestite stripper.

and i should add that this was much to the amuzement of not only me but a scant 100 chinese people.

ttfn ]]> ~BaronVonBarbeque http://BaronVonBarbeque.deviantart.com/journal/8506424/ http://BaronVonBarbeque.deviantart.com/journal/8506424/ Tue, 18 Apr 2006 02:28:54 PDT
so when i get to my appartment i naturally realize that i have no keys.

i explain this to the guards in something of a tournament style charades match and they get my meaning. they look around for a while and apperantly they lost the other set. so am i skrewed?

hells no!

lucky for me i am a master at a game called Prince of Persia. so here is how the real life version goes.

i live on the 5th floor of an appartment building. i never lock my windows becase even if a theif could get into my house he isnt taking a tv out my window.

step one. climb up the drain pipe till you get to the second floor. after that you can climb up the metal bars protecting peoples windows. that will take you up to the 4th floor. so here is where things get a little tricky. i had to go in someone elses window to the left side of the appartments. from there i could reach up to my balcony turned cactus garden and tom cruise myself onto my balcony. from there its just in through my dining room window. (no one thought to build a door onto the balcony, and yes it is a balcony, i have a swingset on it right now amidst my cacti. )

so. I AM THE PRINCE OF PERSIA. (much to the amazement of the chiense security guards who were trying to help me. i am their hero now. ) ]]> ~BaronVonBarbeque http://BaronVonBarbeque.deviantart.com/journal/8452542/ http://BaronVonBarbeque.deviantart.com/journal/8452542/ Wed, 12 Apr 2006 19:27:56 PDT
life is great for me. china is starting to feel like a home to me. might be a while before i come back to canada.

catch you all later!

--- Rylan ]]> ~BaronVonBarbeque http://BaronVonBarbeque.deviantart.com/journal/8222987/ http://BaronVonBarbeque.deviantart.com/journal/8222987/ Tue, 21 Mar 2006 01:01:08 PST
so heres what i have been doing with my life for the past few months.

left my job in chengde under questionable terms. (ie they were trying to fuck me. so i fucked them by leaving. )

moved to shanghai. (technically just a little bit outside of shanghai but not very far)

this city is fucking awesome, and my new job is great. better classes, more money, nice appartment, and most importantly my girlfriend.


thats right. i said girlfriend.

she lives in shanghai. her name is nina, and i am smitten over her. i spend most of my days working and any chance i can i spend in shanghai with her. did i mention that she is also amazing and beautiful. wweeeell she is. <3

right now i dont have a computer i can work on. but that should be happening soon.

if you need me ill be online on msn or aim.



catch you later. ]]> ~BaronVonBarbeque http://BaronVonBarbeque.deviantart.com/journal/7730130/ http://BaronVonBarbeque.deviantart.com/journal/7730130/ Sat, 28 Jan 2006 09:07:33 PST
HOLY SHIT.

i dont care if your a nam vet. if your in iraq right now.

every city street was lit up by a blaze of phospherous. fireworks were raining down from every inch of the sky.

WILD.

there was no silence. just the riotus gunfire of fireworks. every car alarm was going off. but the noise of the explosions overpowered the sounds of the cars.

over the course of an hour there was just fireworks. every moment was bright streaks of fire flying in every direction, not just up. everywhere.

this was nothing like a planned fireworks show. where everything is carefully checked and safe.

i was perhaps 10 feet from 3 launching points. and i figure that was about the safest i could have been aside from inside.

AMAZING.

if next year you have 3k on hand. go spend a month in china on newyears live like a king. and see something that you will tell your grandchildren about. (assuming that after the show you still have the anatomy for it.)

the part that makes me laugh about the whole issue. i was nearly hit about a dozen times by bright hot magenta missiles. i remained uncrippled from the evening of brimstone. though over the hour i was hit 3 times by duds.

i did the mental math while i was out there.

1 block of newyears celebrating enebriated chinese people:

3 small fires

2 minor injuries.

150 000rmb worth of fireworks.





WOWZORS.


yes i will post pix. i just need to get them off the camera. and right now i need sleep. so they will come tomorrow. ]]> ~BaronVonBarbeque http://BaronVonBarbeque.deviantart.com/journal/7589636/ http://BaronVonBarbeque.deviantart.com/journal/7589636/ Fri, 13 Jan 2006 05:27:46 PST
after about 4 hours of searching we found one. a muslim restaraunt in one of the slumier parts of town. the cabdriver assured us the food was good so we ordered a few dishes at random from a chiense menue.

first dish, scrabled eggs. (standard normal eggs. nothing exciting there)

second dish potatoes and beef. (beef kinda sucked and the potatoes were nasty.)

thrid dish. beer. (5:30 am and were starting drinking. why not its chinese newyears.)

fourth dish. (random mutton parts.)

so we dig into the fourth dish. lots of garlic the meat was surprisingly tender though oddly shaped. none of us could place what part of the animal it was from.

UNTILL

after pulling out a morsel for myself i notice that this wasnt a peice of meat. nay, this was no peice of meat. it was an eye. a fucking sheeps eye. NASTY

after that we took a much more descerning look at the rest of the dish.

the best way to describe it is this.

IT WAS THE FUCKING HEAD OF A SHEEP. the meat morsels we were enjouing was mostly its toung, cheeks and such. we found the roof of the god damn sheeps mouth in there, and some other parts that all i can say were oddly textured. one of us nearly retched. i kept my food down with the aid of another beer and we headed home.

beware of what you eat in china, these people are fucking weird. ]]> ~BaronVonBarbeque http://BaronVonBarbeque.deviantart.com/journal/7476399/ http://BaronVonBarbeque.deviantart.com/journal/7476399/ Sun, 01 Jan 2006 08:28:34 PST
RYLAN IS BACK ON DA!

for how long i dont know, but ive actually managed to upload a few peices that i have been tinkering with, all of which i am very proud of.

I'd really like to thank all the beautifull people i have had the pleasure of working with, you all rock, and if i was whithin a few hundred miles of you i would definatly have to buy you a drink or something.

you know who you are and bask in your own personal glory!








booze rules!

under the proper supervision and with the proper safty equipment of course. ]]> ~BaronVonBarbeque http://BaronVonBarbeque.deviantart.com/journal/7101694/ http://BaronVonBarbeque.deviantart.com/journal/7101694/ Mon, 21 Nov 2005 01:11:54 PST
i wanted to take a break from DA, and figured i would have a bit of fun.

Catch you all later! ]]> ~BaronVonBarbeque http://BaronVonBarbeque.deviantart.com/journal/6989428/ http://BaronVonBarbeque.deviantart.com/journal/6989428/ Tue, 08 Nov 2005 10:29:30 PST

i have started to realize what kind of person i have become. and i dont like it.


i am never genuine, nearly everything i do or say is laced with sarcasim and falsities.

i dont help people unless there is something for me to gain.

my life has taken on the charactor of some cocksure arrogent little prick. i can remember back to the

days before jr. high. i was a good person then, i can hardly say that now.


i apologise if you prefer that old charactor, as im sure that most of you do, he is charming,

dangerously intelegent, handsome and charismatic.

none of those things come naturally to me, all of them i have taken from the people who i thought i

wanted to be.


im not sure if i can go back to who i was before, im not even sure who that person is anymore.

chances are i will be away from deviant art for a while.



till then

Rylan. ]]> ~BaronVonBarbeque http://BaronVonBarbeque.deviantart.com/journal/6858256/ http://BaronVonBarbeque.deviantart.com/journal/6858256/ Mon, 24 Oct 2005 18:52:44 PDT
Life is normal.

90% of chinese people ennoy the hell out of me.

Its cold as fnuck

aaandd i get paid today! ]]> ~BaronVonBarbeque http://BaronVonBarbeque.deviantart.com/journal/6581387/ http://BaronVonBarbeque.deviantart.com/journal/6581387/ Fri, 23 Sep 2005 12:24:26 PDT

so heres the story.

last night as i was celebrating the fact that it was friday i drank a lot of whiskey.

while the whiskey was removing some of my more important inhabitions, i managed to cut off a decent part of the tip of my big toe.

naturally this is not a desirable state of being.

while mourning the newfound loss of that part of my toe i was struck by a good idea.

Stop the bleading!

so i quickly made a bandage of toilet paper and some old copies of celein dion lyrics that i found in a desk in my office.

her heart may go on and on but that portion of my toe was most definatly off.

after the pain went away (mostly due to the increased amount of whiskey i was drinking.) i realized i couldnt just go around holding this bandage of toilet paper and Mrs Dions finest to my foot.

this is where another amazing idea hit me.

I have glue.

I have lots of thin paper saturated with a silly rhyme scheme on it

I am going to papermache my toe.

one thing lead to another, and now i have an intire shoe of paper mache attached to my walking device.

OMFG i have Teh Spinnerz!

-- Rylan - master of the drunken logic. ]]> ~BaronVonBarbeque http://BaronVonBarbeque.deviantart.com/journal/6530032/ http://BaronVonBarbeque.deviantart.com/journal/6530032/ Sat, 17 Sep 2005 15:47:43 PDT
im officially 19 as of a few hours ago.

i dont really like birthdays anymore though, i cant help remembering my last one.

I wake up in the morning, about 8am because i couldnt get the day off. get dressed in my lame uniform, whatever i was used to it. go into my kitchen to make myself some food and hear my mom talking to my stepdad about how i was more or less a sub-par human being. i think i had forgotten to wake up early enough to vaccum the living room or some such and it was a greivous enough a sin for my mom to lable me "an inconsidderate and selfish person" and several other choice words. naturally as offended as i was i continued making myself some food quietly, walked into the livingroom promptly thanked my mother for the kind words of wisdom on my birthday. and went to work.

i cant help but wonder what sparked my mom into that lapse of sanity. true like most adolescent children i occasionally forgot to do chores and such things. but to have her say something like that when usually my mom is such an awsome person always will make me wonder.

later on after that episode my mom must have lapsed back into her normal mind and realized what a greivous thing she had done. unfortunatly she tried to apologise by giving me a hallmark card that more or less reaked of " i fucked up on this day of your birth, forgive me "

thanks to all of you out there that care. and tonight i will drink myself into oblivion.

so in recap, i dont like my birthday. and as it stands i dont see that changing any day soon.

-- Rylan ]]> ~BaronVonBarbeque http://BaronVonBarbeque.deviantart.com/journal/6501384/ http://BaronVonBarbeque.deviantart.com/journal/6501384/ Wed, 14 Sep 2005 08:36:59 PDT

ADVENT CHILDREN

just released in japan, so that means it is only a matter of time till its released for the rest of us.

but i live in china so i will be hopefully getting it on friday!

GLEEE! ]]> ~BaronVonBarbeque http://BaronVonBarbeque.deviantart.com/journal/6368166/ http://BaronVonBarbeque.deviantart.com/journal/6368166/ Tue, 30 Aug 2005 10:50:28 PDT
I hate having to spend more then an hour doing anything.

I am going insane with all the vapid people here.

I refuse to draw unless its on people.

I will not learn to draw properly, not because i dont think i can, but because i dont want to draw properly.

I dont clean.

I refuse to smile and wave at anyone I dont actually like.

I refuse to sugar coat anything from now on.



and damnit i am sleeping in tomorrow, to hell with the pre-lunch hours. My day starts when I get up. not the sun. ]]> ~BaronVonBarbeque http://BaronVonBarbeque.deviantart.com/journal/6321088/ http://BaronVonBarbeque.deviantart.com/journal/6321088/ Thu, 25 Aug 2005 01:55:28 PDT Case of the punks
Right from the start
I feel like a glass shrimp in a pink panty
With a saccharine chaperone
Make invalids out of supermen
Call in a "shrink"
And pick you up in a girdle
You used me like an ashtray heart
Right from the start
Case of the punks
Another day, another way
Somebody's had too much to think
Open up another case of the punks
Each pillow is touted like a rock
The mother / father figure
Somebody's had too much to think
Send your mother home your navel
Case of the punks
New hearts to the dining rooms
Violet heart cake
Dissolve in new cards, boards, throats, underwear
Ashtray heart
You picked me out, brushed me off
Crushed me while I was burning out
Then you picked me out
Like an ashtray heart
Hid behind the curtain
Waited for me to go out
A man on a porcupine fence
Used me for an ashtray heart
Hit me where the lover hangs out
Stood behind the curtain
While they crushed me out
You used me for an ashtray heart
You looked in the window when I went out
You used me like an ashtray heart.


i love it! ]]> ~BaronVonBarbeque http://BaronVonBarbeque.deviantart.com/journal/6284017/ http://BaronVonBarbeque.deviantart.com/journal/6284017/ Sat, 20 Aug 2005 23:47:53 PDT
---

I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg.

The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer inwaht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.

Amzanig huh? yaeh and I awlyas thought slpeling was ipmorantt.

--- ]]> ~BaronVonBarbeque http://BaronVonBarbeque.deviantart.com/journal/6229682/ http://BaronVonBarbeque.deviantart.com/journal/6229682/ Sun, 14 Aug 2005 23:11:04 PDT
sometimes its funny to me that i can do things that other people use effort to make. true generally theirs looks a little better, but i spent 4 hours lvling my rogue instead of painstakingly drawing hair.

Rylan FTW ]]> ~BaronVonBarbeque http://BaronVonBarbeque.deviantart.com/journal/6199480/ http://BaronVonBarbeque.deviantart.com/journal/6199480/ Thu, 11 Aug 2005 15:39:42 PDT
I am by nature a very sociable person, i like spending time with my friends. Since i have been here i havent really been able to make many "Real" friends. also the one person that is here that i can speak english with is at best a drain on the psyche.

I am honestly tierd of having to keep up the charactor of a bulletproof, charismatic, adventurous, playboy.

i want to be myself again. ]]> ~BaronVonBarbeque