http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:Berjj&section=today deviantART RSS for by:Berjj en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Sat, 05 Dec 2009 22:51:14 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://Berjj.deviantart.com/journal/28771680/ http://Berjj.deviantart.com/journal/28771680/ Sat, 05 Dec 2009 17:31:46 PST
I always found it comfortable that whenever I recieve a comment on a forum or community I don't have to answer that very moment. Sometimes I just don't have the energy and sometimes I can think of some witty response 'till later if I'm unsure what to say. The problem with this is that sometimes I wait too long and even forget to reply or post a comment. Most notably on facebook, UP and here on dA.
I have comments among my messages rangang back to July which I've simply just forgotten to reply to because I thought I'd do it at a later time.

Every now and then I like to spend and hour or so and go through the "popular" section here ond dA and browse through the most popular images the last 24 hours. Whenever I find something that looks interesting I open it up in a new tab (that goes for youtube videos and other sites as well) and continue browsing. By the time I'm done I filter out those I feel like commenting on and those I feel like adding to my favorites, then close all other tabs. By the time I'm done however, there might be quite a few deviations to comment on, and since I think a simple "nice, dude!" is a rather dull comment, I usually spend a lot of time writing a comment once I've decided to do so. But because I have so many tabs open I end up having a vast number of deviations to comment and fave, so I end up leaving those tabs open to comment for another day, and because faving without leaving a comment beforehand is such a HUGE crime here on dA I usually never add anything to my favorites before commenting... which I'll leave 'till later...

Basically, the number of open tabs increases until I accidentally close firefox without saving my tabs or until UnrealED starts complaining that it wants more free memory. Currently firefox is eating up 500 MB of my RAM, and that is after I closed a bunch of tabs. In the end I usually just decide "fuck it!" and add all interesting deviations to my favorites without commenting and then close all the others.

Where was I going with all this anyway?

In other news, there are now 2 weeks left of my internship and I graduate. I will officially be unemployed then. Yay! I could use some holiday. Too bad christmas sucks.

Stay well people.

]]> ~Berjj http://Berjj.deviantart.com/journal/28102790/ http://Berjj.deviantart.com/journal/28102790/ Mon, 02 Nov 2009 09:13:01 PST
It's now 18:08 and I don't know how the hell I'm gonna stay awake 'till dinner. (At least this gives me a stupid reason to update my journal hardly anyone ever reads anyway.)

Somebody fucking kill me already.

]]> ~Berjj http://Berjj.deviantart.com/journal/27377751/ http://Berjj.deviantart.com/journal/27377751/ Wed, 23 Sep 2009 15:46:31 PDT
I also realized that I've begun shutting myself away from people. About two weeks ago I was planning on calling a friend of mine so we could hang out. I never made the call, and when another friend of mine gave me a call and asked if I wanted to come over and play Starcraft multiplayer I declined, saying I had promised another friend of mine to hang out that night.

This has to change. My friends have always meant much to me and I can't stand distancing myself from them like this. In general, I could use to get out a bit more. I'm isolated way too much these days. I guess I could partially blame my current internship for that.

When thinking about my future I've come to realize that maybe I'm actually ready to move away from Sweden soon. There is a certain goal I've set up before myself I'd like to achieve before I leave however, but I've been thinking about rewriting it a little and if I just get things moving I should be ready by the time my internship ends.

I guess it's time to shape up and grab destiny by the balls!

]]> ~Berjj http://Berjj.deviantart.com/journal/27020532/ http://Berjj.deviantart.com/journal/27020532/ Fri, 04 Sep 2009 17:50:49 PDT
There are two other things that occured to me recently.
One: A lot of people I know seem to move away from home. Some of them move pretty far and I I'm unable to see them for a long time, which is a shame, but a part of growing up I guess. I've also come to realize that I'm in need of moving out myself as my own plans and needs may conflict with those of my parents. Earlier today my father came down to me and asked in an annoyed tone if I wasn't done with my work so I could help make dinner. >.>
This won't happen until I know who'll hire me once my internship is over. I might have to move away from Sweden altogether. Something I'd rather not do for the next two years or so. I still feel like I have things here to do, although I'd love to live in the states at some point.

Two: My father likes telling stories of his youth. From what he's told, a lot of really close friends to him have suffered death throughout the years, most of them at around 20. No-one I've known have died so far, but some of my friends haven't been so lucky. A childhood friend of mine had her ex and one of her best friends killed in a car accident earlier this summer. Another had a friend who took an overdose of something and didn't survive. A third had his father pass away due to cancer...
I can't help but wonder, when will this happen to me? Will I someday pick up the phone, call my best friend to ask him if he'd like to go see a movie only to have his sobbing mother pick up the phone instead? Maybe that mother will be mine, telling my friends of my unfortunate demise?

Life goes on I guess. And childhood slowly fades behind me.

Oh, also, I started writing some song lyrics a few days back. They're about taking control of your life and reaching out for your dreams. I might upload them later.

]]> ~Berjj http://Berjj.deviantart.com/journal/26821576/ http://Berjj.deviantart.com/journal/26821576/ Tue, 25 Aug 2009 17:15:02 PDT Me and a friend even managed to guess how the whole thing would end, and boy what a finale it was! I COMMAND YOU TO GO WATCH IT!!

In other news, I had a terribly realistic dream last Friday, at least I believe it was a dream.
I was drifting in and out of sleep early Friday morning when suddenly someone spoke to me. I don't remember the words, but it ended with “Christian”, so it was definitely for my ears. I didn't recognize the man's voice, so I rolled over to face the entrance. My vision was all blurred as I'd been sleeping, but I could make out a man's face peeking inside, and it was definitely not someone I knew. He seemed alarmed when I noticed him however and disappeared almost immediately. If I ever was asleep, this is the point where I woke up. I was facing the doorway in the exact same angle, and couldn't tell if I had just opened my eyes or if they had been open the whole time. I called out, but none responded. I was alone.
It kinda freaked me out, but I don't believe in ghosts, even though I want to. And if there really was a man there who peeked into my bedroom, I guess all he wanted to do was wish me a happy birthday.

Now I better shut up and go to bed. I've got a long day ahead of me and won't be getting nearly enough sleep.

]]> ~Berjj http://Berjj.deviantart.com/journal/26466926/ http://Berjj.deviantart.com/journal/26466926/ Sat, 08 Aug 2009 15:10:52 PDT

A few sidenotes:

- I didn't win anything in MSUC (Means I placed somewhere between 10'th and 6'th). I'm a little disappointed, but I must agree those who won deserved it better than I.

- The heat is fucking killing me, I think my AC might have broken down. Dang.

- I know that comic I mentioned still isn't up yet, and neither is the colored version of chained dogs. I'll get to it eventually, I just have too many things going and can't seem to prioritize my hobbies properly. There are also a few levels I need to finish, ugh!

]]> ~Berjj http://Berjj.deviantart.com/journal/26262925/ http://Berjj.deviantart.com/journal/26262925/ Wed, 29 Jul 2009 19:47:56 PDT It has not yet been revealed which levels are still competing for best visuals in map, but I honestly doubt I'll even achieve an honorable mention in that category. Both levels can be downloaded from my site here: [link]

Apart from that, I watched Underworld yesterday and it inspired me to draw a short 2-panel comic strip which will hopefully be done sometime tomorrow or the day after.

Take care y'all!

]]> ~Berjj http://Berjj.deviantart.com/journal/26074240/ http://Berjj.deviantart.com/journal/26074240/ Mon, 20 Jul 2009 20:05:59 PDT
I've been drawing a lot and really feel like I've improved a lot. Still, most of the stuff I draw turns into garbage and never makes it past the sketch phase, but at least I'm moving forward. Me and a friend started to talk about gargoyles after spotting some on a church. I've always been mildly fascinated by gargoyles but never drawn any, so we both decided to draw one when we got home. I looked up Disney's "Gargoyles" series on youtube and watcehd a few episodes for inspiration. It's pretty childish (but really, what do you expect from disney?) but it's great for inspiration.

On the to-do list for these next two weeks are:

- Meet up with some childhood friends.
- Make 1 or 2 comic strips.
- Finish the colored version of "Chained Dogs" with a complete BG.
- Redesign my portfolio site "berjjet.se".
- Draw some kind of Gargoyle
- Finish my entry for 's vamp character contest.
- Keep working on a pimped version of my UT2004 map "CTF-Vengeance" (screenshots will follow.).
- Go through 707 deviations and over 50 journals.

Not to mention all the people I'll want to meet and hang out with. At least I won't get bored.

]]> ~Berjj http://Berjj.deviantart.com/journal/25607845/ http://Berjj.deviantart.com/journal/25607845/ Sun, 28 Jun 2009 13:33:21 PDT
Me and a friend of mine (Ruffa, don't ask why we call him that.) arrived at Gothenburg station by 4 PM and met up with another friend (Andreas). Upon arriving at the pub we came to realize that the pub was more like a larger apartment converted into a pub for the people living in that apartment building. In other words, we had pretty much invited ourselves into a private party without knowing anyone there. We (Me and Ruffa) decidedthat we'd probably be better off staying somewhere else. The entire Thursday was spent looking for a place to live. In the end we found a hotel that had a room for the night, then we bought a cheap tent the following day and checked in at Liseberg Camping. Luckily we had brought our sleeping bags along for the ride, but nothing soft to sleep on. The nights were pretty uncomfortable, but at least we had somewhere to sleep.

On saturday the festival began. We (Me, Ruffa, Andreas) decided to arrive in time to see Pain play but didn't expect the que to take over an hour, thus we missed them. The bands we did see the first day were:

---Napalm Death---

These guys played Grindcore, a genre I'm not such a big fan of. However, I was pleasantly surprised as they were far more melodic than those grindcore bands I've previously heard. To me they sounded like a mix of Death and Thrash Metal.

---Trivium---

I didn't see much of these guys and I had mixed feelings regarding their material. Still, not bad. They might be worth checking out. Appearantly their music style is a mix of Thrash and Metalcore.

---Meshuggah---

I started listening to these guys recently and was anxius to see how they'd perform. While the sound was pretty good the vocalist did little to get the crowd going. His sarcastic jokes were more irritating than anything else to me. I'm really unsure what genre these guys are. My guess would be Technical Death Metal.

---Children of Bodom---

I finally got around to see COB perform live! They started playing 15 minutes earlier acording to schedule and ended 15 minutes too late. Not that I mind, they were pretty damn good! They started out not so good with a bunch of songs from "Are you dead yet?" and it made me realize that I'm starting to get rather tired of them. Later on however, they continued with "Downfall", a long quote from "American Psycho" followed by "Angels don't Kill" and then ending it all with "Hate Crew Deathroll", it was great! They started playing "The final countdown" and one of Michael Jacksson's songs in honor of his work, but then stopped suddenly and started bitching with eachother on the scene."Why did you stop playing?" "Why didn't you sing?" "Trust me, it's pretty fucking much better if I don't fucking sing, ok?". It was great! These guys really have a sense of humour.
I'm not gonna go into which music genre they are since there's enough trivia about that as is.

---Volbeat---

Saw a bit of them. Sounded more like old school heavy metal and was refreshing from hearing all that growling and fast guitars/drums. I don't remember much about them now however, I guess they were pretty overshadowed by Mustasch the other day...

---Disturbed---

Only reason I went to see these guys was because me friends dragged me along, but I'm glad they did, they were awesome! I usually don't listen to the kind of music they play, but the vocalist did an amazing job. His vocals were clear and easy to make out. He also did an excellent job encouraging the crowd to sing along and headbang. I'm going to remember them for a long while. For those of you who didn't know, they play Nu Metal.

---Slipknot---

I'm not a big fan of Slipknot. They do have a few songs I really like, but for the most part I really dislike them. I've heard rumours they were supposed to be amazing live though and decided to go see them anyway. Guess what? They were nothing short of amazing. It was almost like watching a theater act with all the crazy masked guys running and climbing around on stage. Reckless and brutal are the first words that come to mind. I didn't watch the whole show though as I was dead tired and broke my voice very quickly. We left as they were playing People=Shit, but in hindsight I kinda regret not staying just a little bit longer.

---

The next day my neck hurt like crazy and I could feel a cold trying to pull me into it's embrace. Still, I was determined to see the day through and watch as many bands as possible. ~Berjj http://Berjj.deviantart.com/journal/25519618/ http://Berjj.deviantart.com/journal/25519618/ Wed, 24 Jun 2009 14:33:39 PDT
I'm planning to see:

Meshuggah
Children of Bodom
Slipknot
Mustasch
Opeth
Cult of Luna

I might also consider seeing the following bands (Depending on whether any of my friends are interested):

Napalm Death
Pain
Disturbed
Dragonforce

will probably drag me along to see Dir en Grey also.

We've had soem trouble finding a place to live (turns out the original place we had booked was located 120km away from Gothenburg ) so in order to make a long story short, we'll be spending the nights at a pub some distance from the festival area.

I don't think I'm gonna be able to sleep at all tonight, I'm basically bursting with excitment!

]]> ~Berjj http://Berjj.deviantart.com/journal/25259502/ http://Berjj.deviantart.com/journal/25259502/ Thu, 11 Jun 2009 17:38:39 PDT
]]> ~Berjj http://Berjj.deviantart.com/journal/25161012/ http://Berjj.deviantart.com/journal/25161012/ Sat, 06 Jun 2009 12:08:16 PDT [link]), I know it doesn't look quite proffessional, but I'm no webdesigner and I was running out of time. With the site done, a fairly large load has been let off my shoulders and I should be able to return to social life and the actual homework again. Speaking of homework, I'm currently working along with 2 other people to create a short singleplayer adventure in Unreal Tournament 3. It's going to be puzzle based in a fucked up alternative reality. No guns, no enemies, just puzzles. If it turns out well I'll upload some screenshots and maybe a video playthrough.

Yesterday I went and saw Terminator Salvations. I'm a huge Terminator fan and have been dying to see this movie. It's worth seeing alright, better than T3 but it's nothing grand. The special effects look great and there's an interesting twist in the plot. It's just too bad they actually reveal it in the trailer. =/

On the other hand, some characters don't really feel that important. All Bale does is basically shout at people which felt kinda lame to me. The focus throughout the entire movie is on Marcus, no exception. There's also a few wierd cuts/scene changes in the movie that throw the viewer off-guard which is a bit annoying.

There's also a rather huge plot hole in the story unless I've overlooked something major, which is a possibility considering I was drunk while watching it.

Now I gotta go grab something to eat.

]]> ~Berjj http://Berjj.deviantart.com/journal/24199682/ http://Berjj.deviantart.com/journal/24199682/ Sun, 12 Apr 2009 11:24:24 PDT
I guess this journal could be labeled under the "Aww, poor me" category so you might just want to skip it altogether. I just needed to pass some time. >.>

I'm still recovering from that cold I caught in Birmingham. It's basically gone now, but I'm still coughing and sneezing a lot. I noticed one of my eyes was slightly red last wednesday, but I thought it'd be gone in a day. It turned out to be an eye infection however and now both eyes are red and gooey (eww). However, I'm washing them a couple of few times a day with some kind of sterilized water and they're getting better... But (Takes deep breath) yesterday I was feeling slightly dizzy the entire day, and after dinner I had to spend some time by the toilet due to feeling heavily nausiated (spelling?) and shaking. I haven't thrown up in over ten years, I feel like I've forgotten how to do it. It seems my body still wants to try every now and then however... After a while I fell asleep and went to bed as soon as I woke up. Today I've been feeling slightly dizzy and nausious the entire day and couldn't really squeeze down much food during the dinner. I might be doomed to the horrible fate of feasting on salad for a few days. >.>

On top of everything I haven't been able to sleep for more than 5 hours/night this last week. It's getting pretty bothersome, but at least it's moments like these that make you appriciate good health all the more.

]]> ~Berjj http://Berjj.deviantart.com/journal/24030576/ http://Berjj.deviantart.com/journal/24030576/ Thu, 02 Apr 2009 19:56:03 PDT [link]

They are comparing Unreal Engine 3, a three (or more?) year old engine with the yet unreleased CryEngine 3. Now, I believe it's fairly obvious that that CryEngine would be the victor here (Unless the developers really manage to screw it UP). UE3 is three years old and CE3 isn't even released yet.

But how are they comparing the engines? Well, certainly not very acurately.

The first screenshot shown is probably the "most" acurate as they are both jungle settings. But still, the textures and materials are different, the lighting is different etc... The only way to truly compare engines with screenshots would be to render the EXACT SAME SCENE with either engine once. That would require the same models, materials, light setting etc which isn't done here at all. Some of the scenes compared with one another aren't even comparable!

I mean, in one screenshot there's a scene rendered in CE3 showing a fortress on a cliff above an ocean. It is night and rainy. The UE3 screenshot compared with this one is a bridge built from completely different material, different color, dawn and no rain. What made them compare these two? There's nothing to compare! The worst is probably the last picture where they compare the paralax mapping material (Which is a 2d-shader applied to a plain surface, made to look 3-dimensional). UE3 has this feature too, but instead they choose to compare it with a friggin' machine gun, and the ground isn't even paralax mapped! Those small pebbles are all modelled, they're polygons! They're actually comparing a 2d-material with a 3d-model? The hell?

The article doesn't bring up any specs either, so unless you've used both engines you won't really know what they each excell at or what their downsides are!

What I've gathered so far about CryEngine 2 (Yes, the OLD engine) is that it renders most things realtime. Of-course that also makes it a lot heavier for the CPU/GPU. UE3 on the other hand uses static lighting for the most part which means it can cast beautiful shadows with almost no performance loss. Static lightmaps however can't be used to create dynamic shadows which means that things like dynamic day/night cycle is a no go unless the developers can find a workaround (which usually can be found with a little creativity. Still it's more time consuming than letting the engine handle it for you instantly.).

However, full dynamic features will eat away your FPS and the engine will have to compensate that in some other way unless you want that FPS hit. Sometimes that means less detail in the environment, level of detail scaling (LOD) or a maximum render distance for objects. These can also be worked around depending on what kind of game and levels you are making.

What I'm saying is that whether you want your engine to look as good and realistic as possible or run as optimized as possible, you're going to run into different sorts of problems. All engines have their ups and downs after all and the article doesn't bring any of it UP.

It's frightening how ignorant some people commenting to that article are. Seriously, if you don't know anything about game development, DON'T OPEN YOUR MOUTH!
Someone even said he prefered CE3 because the TEXTURES in UE3 didn't look as crisp.
...
If you import those very same textures into UE3 they'd look IDENTICAL. If you however wanted to create materials (shaders) I wouldn't be surprised if there'd be differences. I remember some really impressive paralax mapping in one of the levels in Crysis, questions is, would they look as impressive in UE3?
The same guy even took character design into question when comparing the engines. That's art design and has NOTHING to do with the engine.

The third image in the article compares a large building rendered in CE3 with an old temple with some slight vegetation, rendered in UE3. Here the UE3 image looks a LOT better than the CE3 image. This doesn't have anything to do with the engines specificly, but rather the scene that has been set up poorly. Had the same scene been rendered with UE3 I doubt it would have looked any better.

So where did I want to go with all this? Well, don't open your mouth unless what you know what you're talking about (I half expect someone to tell me I'm wrong now! XD ).

Also, I've been sick this last week and just feel bored out of my mind. Probably wouldn't have bothered writing all this otherwise. >.>

Anyways, that's enough of my silly ranting. Why the hell are you readint this anyway?

]]> ~Berjj http://Berjj.deviantart.com/journal/23765838/ http://Berjj.deviantart.com/journal/23765838/ Wed, 18 Mar 2009 15:21:55 PDT We've obviously got some stuff planned, but if you happen to know of a nice bar or pub I'd be happy to hear about it.

Who knows, maybe we'll even run into an UP'er or two?

]]> ~Berjj http://Berjj.deviantart.com/journal/23139202/ http://Berjj.deviantart.com/journal/23139202/ Wed, 11 Feb 2009 13:32:54 PST But just as your body fluids are about to give the pavement a free paint job you suddenly open your eyes and find yourself panting and sweating in your bed. Sounds familiar? Everyone seem to be having dreams of falling and then suddenly waking up just before you hit the ground at some point. Death in a nightmare seems in general pretty non-existant from what I've heard people I know say. However common this may be it is not always the case. Personally I have yet to wake up before hitting the ground, before the axe separates my head from my shoulders, before the bullet enters my forehead...

I don't wake up when I'm about to die in a dream.
"So what happens then, you just... die?" - People ask me when I tell them. It depends. Sometimes I seem to have god mode turned on, but that doesn't mean I can't feel pain, and let me tell you, being beheaded does NOT feel nice, and I wouldn't say being shot up is any better. I once had a dream in which I was standing in the middle of a desert and there was this machinegun turret there for some reason. The only thing I could do to avoid being shot at that point was to hide behind a rock until I either woke up or I started to dream of something else. I don't remember how it all ended, but I remember being bored out of my mind behind that rock for a reaaaaally long time. But at least it was better than the alternative.

So, are there moments when I don't have god mode on? Yes there are. At those moments I just die. But is that better than lying headless on the ground with a rocksplitting pain in the neck? Hard to tell. Whenever I die in a dream I am sucked to "the other side". It feels as if I'm being sucked through a black hole or something. Then I arrive in a big room or something filled with nothingness. Wherever I look there are black and white dots all over the place, just like a TV-screen not recieving a signal. There's a sound here, a deafening buzz that just won't go away. I can't shut it out because I have no hands to block my ears with. I probably don't have ears either for that matter since my soul has left my body (If there now is such a thing), so just how I'm able to hear is up to discussion, but hey, it's a dream, everything is possible. Finally, I can't breathe while stuck here. I feel the urge to take a deep breath and constantly try to, but it's as if there was something blocking my lungs (which I probably don't have anyway).

All this lasts for some time until I am sucked back into the real world and life starts anew. Sometimes I'm reborn as another human, sometimes as an animal and sometimes as myself. But I'm always reborn as a partially grown creature as if my soul just replaced someone else's. Then it usually doesn't take to long until I die again and the cycle is repeated.

I seldom have these kinds of dreams nowadays luckily. But I came to think of it today and just felt like sharing it. Take care, and sweet dreams!

]]> ~Berjj http://Berjj.deviantart.com/journal/22096909/ http://Berjj.deviantart.com/journal/22096909/ Sun, 21 Dec 2008 05:46:22 PST

In either case, had this meme tag thingy in her last journal, and it looked like fun so I'll use it as an excuse to get rid of this last journal I've had up for some time now.

Let's begin!

--

INSTRUCTIONS:
-Paste this into your journal and tell who tagged you.
-Fill this out as honestly as possible.
-Tag 3-5 other deviants.

Tagged by: Myself I guess.

--

#1. Why did you decide to fill this out? Were you bored?

- Fun! Memes or tags or whatever they're called are always fun to do due to some unexplainable reason.


#2. How many people on here do you actually know in reality? Post their avatars.

Attends the same school as I, but studies animation instead of Level Design.
Fellow classmate and Level Designer.
Same as Anla. Has a really good taste in music.
An old buddy of mine. We're currently writing a couple of Death Metal songs that will hopefully see the light one day.
Another old buddy of mine. We hang out pretty much all the time.
The brother of another of one of my friends. He's got a bunch of crazy and cool people hanging around him.
We attended the same school in high school and studied Japanese together. I don't meet him that much nowadays except during the occasional reunion dinners we attend every now and then.


#3. What do you typically post on deviantArt?

- Whatever I make and consider art really, including drawings, sketches, short stories, lyrics, photos etc...


#4. Tell everyone your favourite song, and why it's your favourite.

- I gave this quite a thought yesterday. Although I have a ton of songs I just love my favorites are the following (In no particular order):

- Welcome Home (Sanitarium) - Metallica. Awesome song! Slow melodic and soothing from the beginning. It slowly takes a heavy turn, but not nearly as heavy as their heavy songs.

- Death in Fire - Amon Amarth. I fell in love with this song the first time I heard it. It has everything I love about Amon Amarth. It's heavy, really heavy, chaotic, dark and evil sounding. Just when you wonder if the entire song is going to be the same it takes a sudden melodic turn without losing any speed or calming down. Johan Hegg really pull of some great vocals in this entire album.

- Colony - In Flames. No matter how many times I listen to it, I never get tired of it. The slow and calm sampled sound... ]]> ~Berjj http://Berjj.deviantart.com/journal/21646768/ http://Berjj.deviantart.com/journal/21646768/ Mon, 24 Nov 2008 12:17:03 PST
First things first: School. It's eating me up whole! Fun as hell, but exhausting nevertheless! I nearly left the AFF mod team today. I've been wrestling the thought for over a week now and finally decided to go on the IRC channel and let the guys know what was on my mind. The others seemed shocked almost, definitly saddened. However, a lot of them have been taking rather long breaks every now and then, but unlike me they've stayed on IRC most of the time and stayed in the loop. "If you need some time off, then take som time off and come back when you're ready" - I totally didn't expect this response, and it made me really happy. I'll take a break and see if I can re-ignite the fire. Nothing new really I guess, but I just feel like I've averted a big crisis.

Despite all this I'm on my way to release a new map after all these years. I made it during two weeks for a school assignment and then took two or three days extra to finnish it up. Right now I just need to solve a texture bug (TC_Clamp isn't behaving properly on the skybox texture) and add bot pathing and I'm all set.

Also, I was surprised to find myself standing face to face with Hourences ([link]) in the classroom last Thursday. Appearantly he now lives in Sweden since a year back and is working for Starbreeze studios. He held a lesson about a bunch of stuff involving UnrealED 4 and also displayed some of his own works and went through the creation process which I found very enlightening. I hope he'll be back again sometime.

In other news, I bought a friend's old guitar the week before last and have been practicing every now and then. As for the song(s) me and another mate are working on (Waiting in Line, Giant Burning Zombie) are progressing slow but steady, we'll try to keep this project alive and well.

I guess that's all for now.

]]> ~Berjj http://Berjj.deviantart.com/journal/20621221/ http://Berjj.deviantart.com/journal/20621221/ Mon, 22 Sep 2008 14:47:19 PDT
No more than 24 hours after my last day at work I was contacted by who invited me to the AFF UT3 mod team ([link]). Since then I've been working on various futuristic maps as well as been playing with a huge stock of custom content created by other team members.

I can't believe how lucky I am to run into all these strange yet extremely fortunate events. Almost 4 years ago I joined the UCMP mapping team ([link]) and learned a ton of cool stuff. Little did I know then that it would be the first event to set further actions in motion.

I went back to school tuesday last week and boy am I excited about it all! The class consists of a ton of very different and interesting people. One of the guys is a mapper for the Black Mesa Source mod for HL2. I'm feeling confident and comfortable about the situation and am anxious to see what the future holds.

The whole point of the journal is kinda to say that I'm still around, but I'm quite busy and don't know when I'll be able to upload something again.

]]> ~Berjj http://Berjj.deviantart.com/journal/20166642/ http://Berjj.deviantart.com/journal/20166642/ Tue, 26 Aug 2008 12:40:58 PDT

There are a crazy amount of ideas spinning around in my head and I want to play around with them all, but I don't have the time! I'll be unemployed for two weeks before school starts and I'm looking forward to some spare time for mapping, drawing and possibly something else.

I've been reading this webcomic for a while: [link]

I find it very inspiring as the art style is VERY simple (you may even call it messy and rushed) yet the artist progresses and grow more skillful along with the comic. This is nothing new, it applied to all webcomics, but something about this made me feel very comfortable about myself. I might throw myself into such a project (or not, depending on whether I can keep the fire fueled) as I've always wanted to do some kind of comic. I think my greatest problem in drawing is that I spend too much time finetuning petty and unimportant details far too long and eventually lose interest. Maybe I should try out a more sketchy and unrefined style? I did some sketches earlier today and felt pleased with the results.

I guess that's it for now, I've made up my mind. I gotta draw something before bedtime.

]]> ~Berjj http://Berjj.deviantart.com/journal/20005408/ http://Berjj.deviantart.com/journal/20005408/ Sun, 17 Aug 2008 13:44:11 PDT 's profile.

Rules:
1. tag 10 ppl (not the one who sent it to you!)
2. answer all truthfully
3. take it in public!
4. tell all tagges on their profile that they have been tagged,
and link to your journal.

---------------------------------------------

Info
[ ] I am shorter than 5'4.
[ ] I think I'm ugly sometimes.
[ ] I have many scars.
[ ] I tan easily.
[X] I wish my hair was a different color.
[ ] I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color.
[ ] I have a tattoo.
[X] I am self-conscious about my appearance.
[ ] I have/I've had braces.
[ ] I wear glasses.
[ ] I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free
[X] I've been told I'm attractive by a complete stranger.
[ ] I have more than 2 piercing.
[ ] I have piercing in places besides my ears.
[ ] I have freckles.

Family/Home Life
[X] I've sworn at my parents. (Mainly behind their backs)
[ ] I've run away from home.
[ ] I've been kicked out of the house.
[X] My biological parents are together.
[ ] I have a sibling less than one year old.
[ ] I want to have kids someday. (VERY uncertain about this for now.)
[ ] I've lost a child.

School/Work
[ ] I'm in school
[X] I have a job
[X] I've fallen asleep at work/school. (School)
[ ] I almost always do my homework.
[ ] I've missed a week or more of school.
[ ] I've been on the Honor Roll within the last 2 years. (What's that?)
[ ] I failed more than 1 class last year (Nope, but a few years ago...)
[X] I've stolen something from my job. (Pencils count, right?)
[ ] I've been fired.

Embarrassment
[X] I've slipped out a "lol" in a spoken conversation.
[ ] Disney movies still make me cry.
[ ] I've peed from laughing.
[X] I've snorted while laughing.
[ ] I've laughed so hard I've cried.
[ ] I've glued my hand to something.
[ ] I've had my pants rip in public.

Health
[ ] I was born with a disease/impairment
[X] I've gotten stitches/staples.
[ ] I've broken a bone
[ ] I've had my tonsils removed.
[ ] I've sat in a doctor's office/emergency room with a friend.
[ ] I've had my wisdom teeth removed. (Nope, but one of my front teeth as a kid)
[ ] I had a serious surgery. (Nope, but two minor ones)
[ ] I've had chicken pox.
[ ] I've had measles

Traveling
[ ] I've driven over 200 miles in one day.
[X] I've been on a plane.
[ ] I've been to Canada.
[ ] I've been to Mexico.
[ ] I've been to Niagara Falls.
[ ] I've been to Japan.
[ ] I've celebrated Mardi Gras in New Orleans.
[X] I've been to Europe. (I friggin' live in Europe.)
[ ] I've been to Africa.
(Why is there no "I've been to America" option?)

Experiences
[ ] I've gotten lost in my city. (Maybe as a kid, but I don't remember it.)
[X] I've seen a shooting star.
[X] I've wished on a shooting star
[ ] I've seen a meteor shower.
[ ] I've gone out in public in my pajamas.
[X] I've pushed all the buttons on an elevator.
[ ] I've kicked a guy where it hurts. (Nope, but I've been on the recieving end.)
[ ] I've been to a casino.
[ ] I've been skydiving.
[ ] I've gone skinny dipping.
[X] I've played spin the bottle.
[ ] I've drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour.
[X] I've crashed a car.
[X] I've been Skiing.
[ ] I've been in a play.
[ ] I've met someone in person from myspace.
[X] I've caught a snowflake on my tongue.
[ ] I've seen the Northern lights.
[ ] I've sat on a roof top at night.
[ ] I've played chicken.
[X] I've played a prank on someone.
[X] I've ridden in a taxi.
[ ] I've seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show.
[X] I've eaten sushi.
[ ] I've been snowboarding.

Relationships
[x] I'm single
[ ] I'm in a relationship
[ ] I'm engaged.
[ ] I'm married.
[X] I've gone on a blind date. (And got totally rejected )
[ ] I've been the dumped more than the dumper.
[X] I miss someone right now.
[ ] I have a fear of abandonment.
[ ] I've gotten divorced.
[X] I've had feelings for someone who didn't have them back.
[X] I've told someone I loved them when I didn't.
[X] I've told someone I didn't love them when I did.
[ ] I've kept something from a past relationship.

[ ] I've had a crush... ]]> ~Berjj http://Berjj.deviantart.com/journal/19583631/ http://Berjj.deviantart.com/journal/19583631/ Fri, 25 Jul 2008 02:33:04 PDT
I'm trying to do something productive during working hours though, so I've been writing and drawing (productive huh? ) a lot. I really need to practice drawing hands and clothes, it looks fucking terrible when I draw them.

Me and some mates were going to get together this weekend and record part of that song we're working on, but it seems like Hakan (Guitarist/song writer) is needed at work during that time, so we'll have to delay some more. Instead I'll be seeing The Dark Knight with some other mates. I'm really looking forward to that.

Anyways, if anyone knows of some good webcomic or anything else I can do to occupy myself during "working" hours that'd be great. Thank's.

]]> ~Berjj http://Berjj.deviantart.com/journal/19372389/ http://Berjj.deviantart.com/journal/19372389/ Sun, 13 Jul 2008 13:09:58 PDT

I haven't been UP to much these last few days. Hardly any drawing, level design or anything such. I've entered a new area however...

A few weeks back me and a mate were waiting in line to pay for a sandwich (spelling?) we found in a Seven Eleven store. The line was so awefully long I couldn't help but think that one could write a Death Metal song based on someone who waited in such a line until he/she died. Another few weeks passed, and a dull day at work I actually started to write some lyrics. Now I've convinced one of my mates to come up with some guitar riffs and we're in the middle of writing that song!

Currently, we've got a 2.30 minute long track played with an aucoustic (spelling?) guitar and some pretty out of sync vocals. It's a start however, and the project moves forward at a steady pace and is very fun working on.

If we ever finnish it I might find a way to upload it to dA.

]]> ~Berjj http://Berjj.deviantart.com/journal/19051033/ http://Berjj.deviantart.com/journal/19051033/ Thu, 26 Jun 2008 05:15:48 PDT [link]

It seemed like a good way to kill some time, so why not?

Rules are simple. You reply to the journal and answer the questions. Then you post the exact same questions in your own journal and wait for someone to come around and answer them. Uh... this may be kinda difficult since I've never actually met ANYONE here IRL (except two of my IRL buddies, and they haven't checked dA for the last year or so), so in that case just fuck it.

(I decided to rewrite the questions as I thought they were a bit confusing at first.)

a.) What made you befriend/watch me here on dA?

b.) Associate me with something - fandom, a song, a colour, a photo, et cetera.

c.) Tell me something you like about me.

d.) Tell me about a memory you have of me. (Remember the UP spam wars me and MickeyB had some years ago? Harr harr!)

e.) Ask something you've always wanted to know about me. (You may just skip this one, I've never even thought about asking Barrin84 anything.)

f.) In return, you must post this in your journal.

AAAAaaaaaaaaand DONE!! That killed a few minutes of boredom! - Now get lost!

]]> ~Berjj http://Berjj.deviantart.com/journal/18996123/ http://Berjj.deviantart.com/journal/18996123/ Mon, 23 Jun 2008 06:54:45 PDT
Since I got my computer working I've found myself increasingly interested in gaming once more. Not as much as I was in the past when I could spend my entire free time playing games online and forget all about my homework, but I usually have a good time beating up some people online in Unreal Tournament 3 for an hour and a half a day. Mapping is progressing fine too, I just need to find some time to draw, but I guess I could get something done during "working" hours.

For as long as I can remember, I've been awefully tired all the time since sometime during pre-highschool. During high school I sometimes fell asleep while sitting in front of the computer or while taking a dump at the restroom. Since I started working not a day has gone by without me falling asleep on the train to work. At first I thought it was due to lack of sleep as I used to stay up WAY too late at night many months in a row. However, since I got employed I started taking sleep seriously, but still felt very tired during daytime. Some months ago I started having difficulties falling asleep at night or I woke up and wouldn't fall asleep anew. During this time, work was pretty dull and little happened during the days, so I thought maybe it was due to lack of exercise? I started punching on the punching bag more often, for longer periods. Then I started doing pushups and situps. Not only do I sleep well at night now, but about two weeks later at work I suddenly realized that I wasn't tired, not at all. Looking back I also realized I hadn't been tired for at least a week if not even longer. Is this why I've been so tired all these years? Lack of exercise? Many years back I used to do pushups and go out for long walks and have done so from time to time, but maybe I so too seldom? About two months have passed since I took up exercising again and I feel a lot better! I slept for about 6 hours last night (I usually need at least 8 hours of sleep in order to operate normal during a day) and I'm hardly tired at all.

Someone once told me that if you exercise enough it becomes like a drug, I'm starting to see what he meant, though it's a lot healthier drug than that crap my friends a smoking.

Hmm, I should update my journal more often... I already have something else I feel like sharing. I'll save it for another time though. Take care people!

]]> ~Berjj http://Berjj.deviantart.com/journal/18709290/ http://Berjj.deviantart.com/journal/18709290/ Sat, 07 Jun 2008 06:34:00 PDT
I just got the motherboard and CPU replaced and the computer lives! Better yet, it works nearly perfectly! No more bluescreening ever so often, no more corrupt downloads! UT3 runs like a dream on highest settings, even on 2048x1536 the fps is stable with just about no jerkiness, freezing or fps drops.
Crysis is one hell of a system hog though. Although it is definitly playable and enjoyable on highest settings, one could always wish for the fps to be just a bit more stable, but maybe that's asking for too much? The only problem I have right now is that the sound card won't work properly, so I'm using the integrated card while I figure out what's wrong. The sound quality is still way better than that of my old PC.

Apart from that life goes on as usual. I saw In Flames live in Stockholm some weeks ago. They played way too many songs from their latest album, but that's forgiveable as they also performed "The quiet place", "Only for the Weak" and my all time favorite "Colony".
I met a cool guy there who introduced me to a band called Arch Enemy. I used to hate them, but that was before I got into death metal. I bought two albums with them last week, they're awesome! ;D

On a sad note I got a letter from SOFE (School of Future Entertainment) college in Blekinge and they rejected me. =/ Not all that strange since I know nearly nothing about Maya and some of the applications they recieve are just sick! I still have my fingers crossed for The Garden in Tumba though.

]]> ~Berjj http://Berjj.deviantart.com/journal/18396164/ http://Berjj.deviantart.com/journal/18396164/ Mon, 19 May 2008 09:35:12 PDT
I've had it! Why should I ever bother with mechanical "toys"? I finnished building the computer last week, but there's no fucking image when I start it UP! The screen is black! I know I've connected everything right, I even had a mate look at it, then we swapped some of my parts and tried them with his motherboard. Worked without problems. In other words, I got a defect motherboard. Why does this shit keep happening me? This is the third computer IN A ROW I've bought which something is VERY VERY wrong with. Just a few minutes ago I decided I was gonna take my mind off it, re-sign up to xbox live and try out GTA4 multiplayer. HOWEVER, every time I press "Edit profile options" in order to access the payment method it fucking reboots! SO, I've got 3 screwed up computers, one Xbox which only works offline and an internet connection which works anywhere between perfect to slower-than-56k 50% of the time (The other 50% it doesn't work at all!). WHY DO I STILL BOTHER?!? Maybe I should just step outside and socialize with people? Oh... wait... People I know either live too far away, I barely have time to get there, or, they are hooked on World of Warcraft or crack! SHIT!!

]]> ~Berjj http://Berjj.deviantart.com/journal/18255471/ http://Berjj.deviantart.com/journal/18255471/ Sat, 10 May 2008 10:25:55 PDT
I must seriously suck at this becouse I've been going for about five hours straight now and I'm still not done! The CPU fan turned out to be of monstrous size and a pain to install. My guess is it's gonna vibrate and sound like hell once I turn it on. The video card too was of enormous size and I had to remove a HDD shelf from inside the chassi in order for it to actually fit! And now I can't figure out how the hell I'm supposed to attach the hard drives so they won't suffer any damage when I move the computer around! :S

Once I solve that issue, I just need to attach the DVD player and connect all the wires (Which I am completely clueless to as where they should go! xD) before I'm done.

Anyways, now I'm friggin' hungry and thirsty, so I'll grab something to eat, then give my mate a call and see if he's got some spare time to waste.

]]> ~Berjj http://Berjj.deviantart.com/journal/18137698/ http://Berjj.deviantart.com/journal/18137698/ Fri, 02 May 2008 18:08:46 PDT
There's a reason why I don't think machines are going to rise against us and annihilate us all. Well, more than one actually... If Skynet was real, there would be panic for a few weeks, months maybe, then everything would settle as more and more of the killing machines bluescreen, suffer hardware malfunction, overheat etc... Skynet wouldn't be able to move freely over the web or however it was supposed to take control over all the computers on earth, because every now and then some kind of malfunction would make sure the web went down for short (or long) periods of time.

Machines don't fucking work! They never have, never will!

A little more than 2 years ago I bought this PC I'm sitting by, typing this, at this moment. The first 24 hours it bluescreened and crashed three or four times if not even more. Since then it's just gone worse and worse. I once got BSOD 19 times in a row, during a single day. Then I gave UP and went outside instead. Anything I download WILL be corrupt, sometimes that happens just by viewing images on the web and I'll have to clear out the cache and refresh the page. Now it sometimes happens to the images I've got on my HDD. They turn all black or don't show UP at all. A reboot usually solves it, but now I've got to reboot a few times a day extra, as if it weren't enough with the bluescreening. The PC seems slower than usual, but I can't find any spyware/trojans/viruses with any scanning software I've tried so far. Sometimes UnrealED locks UP, crashes or is just painfully slow. I would reformat if it weren't for the fact that I ordered parts for a new PC just a few days ago. However, each day I log onto the site to see the shipping status it seems to have been delayed two more days because they don't have the fucking GPU in stock! If it's gonna take much monger I might cancel the GPU and order it alone elsewhere. I'm getting paranoid, one of the fans in the current PC seems to be giving UP any moment now, it makes an uncomfortable rattling noise all the time.

My internet connection has also been a pain for the last few weeks. I tried downloading an UPdate for my xbox 360 yesterday but I cancelled it after 10 minutes when it had reached half of the progress bar. Usually such an update takes between two and four seconds. Browsing dA (or any page for that matter) has been nigh impossible. I've been blocked out from the internet completely for a few days too. There's just so many computer related problems during my free time now that I think I'm gonna go nuts!

Right now I'm really worried about the new PC parts I ordered. It's the most expensive thing(s) I've bought with my own money ever, and I worry that it will turn into a new disaster like this one I'm currently sitting by. I fucking hate computers...

]]> ~Berjj http://Berjj.deviantart.com/journal/17779767/ http://Berjj.deviantart.com/journal/17779767/ Thu, 10 Apr 2008 13:10:41 PDT
It's time to apply for collage, and I'm looking to apply to a school such as SOFE that deals a lot with game design. I've been mapping a LOT these past days so I have some fresh stuff to show in my portfolio. I'm also pretty psyched about the "Make something Unreal" contest Epic Games recently announced. It's a completely new map I'm working on, and I'll throw in some images once I close in on BETA stage.

Apart from that everything is going well, life goes on I guess. Work is getting kinda heavy though, there's little free time to spend on mapping or other activities now.
On a side note I'm a bit surprised at how many young (and hot!) girls work at the banks where I (and two really great co-workers) work on installing new computers. I'm surprised to see so many young people there at all, I thought the people working there were going to be 40+ or something like that.

I'm currently stationed in a pretty large office building and working on a project to install about 300-400 new computers there over the next few weeks. They have a small shop there (more like a desk stading in a corner actually) where they sell candy and a small selection of fast food. Me and my co-workers sometimes go there to buy something during our short afternoon-break and the girl holding the shop is actually a bit cute. I went there today to buy something to eat while my co-workers were standing a bit further away and talking with eachother. When I got back one of them looked at me seriously and said: "Dude! Did you flirt with her? What did you say?" And I'm like: "What the heck are you talking about? I went over there and bought a candy bar!" and he replies: "No way! Didn't you see how she blushed?".

Either they're pulling my legs or I really am somewhat color blind! =X

/End of long random rant.

]]> ~Berjj http://Berjj.deviantart.com/journal/17407052/ http://Berjj.deviantart.com/journal/17407052/ Wed, 19 Mar 2008 08:28:41 PDT
Are you fucking kidding me? D=<

]]> ~Berjj http://Berjj.deviantart.com/journal/16946329/ http://Berjj.deviantart.com/journal/16946329/ Mon, 18 Feb 2008 13:13:07 PST ), air drums or just bang your head like crazy when you hear a really wicked tune. Me? Yeah, I like it too, but it's distracting when you need your hands for something else, like drawing, browsing or mapping, so I usually sing along to whatever I'm listening to, granted no-one is anywhere near hearing range (Hey, why not spare people around me from uneccassary suffering? ).

I can't imagine it sounding well, but I keep singing, be it something really calm and slow paced to fast paced death metal.
Since I've become really fond of melodeath since the summer I've started to try doing deathgrowls. I have no idea how my deathgrowl sounds, but like my singing, I can't imagine it being pretty, and I try sparing people the pain of hearing me as best as I can.

Of-course you can't always be 100% sure no-one's around and it's happened more than once that I stare focused into the monitor while singing along to an aggressive tune by metallica, only to suddenly realize my mom is standing right next to me.

That doesn't beat the moment I was listening to in flames while cooking dinner. I try to imitate Anders's growl as best as I can and scream at the top of my lungs. While doing so, I turn around only to bump right into my father whom I didn't even know was home at the time. The first thought that came running through my mind was: "Uh... hi. I'm not a retard! Promise!"

Anyways, it's time to take a somewhat too long shower and then return to bed. I'm dead tired.

]]> ~Berjj http://Berjj.deviantart.com/journal/16750816/ http://Berjj.deviantart.com/journal/16750816/ Wed, 06 Feb 2008 08:07:25 PST

They pay me 98.80 SKR/hour but has promised me to pay at least for 133 working hours/month, even if they wouldn't have any client interested that month (That's about 15.6 USD/hour I believe).

My first day is tomorrow at 08:30. I'm thrilled!

]]> ~Berjj http://Berjj.deviantart.com/journal/16551736/ http://Berjj.deviantart.com/journal/16551736/ Thu, 24 Jan 2008 13:29:03 PST
People used to upload IDENTICAL photos of this scene (and still are, I just spotted yet another in the popular section.) and I can't for my life understand why. Is it becouse it's a popular motif and you want fame and popularity? What's the point with popularity if you gain it by riding in on the waves of other people?

Art isn't about popularity or copying other artists, and I'm getting kinda sick of seeing others do this. I once saw someone upload a deviation with this motif, only the artist had used three different rings right next to eachother. Each ring also had a piece of glass with a different color attached to it and as the light passed through it, the colors of the shadow mixed on the book's pages. Personaly I think that's a pretty good idea. It's the same old concept I'm sick off, but with a twist of originality to spice it UP.

Whatever, maybe I'm just being an ass? I'll quit bitching for tonight...

]]> ~Berjj http://Berjj.deviantart.com/journal/16157855/ http://Berjj.deviantart.com/journal/16157855/ Sat, 29 Dec 2007 20:11:51 PST Either my head is filled with dark and creepy images, and if I try to think of something else, I always end UP thinking about some really dark and depressive story, something I'd also just love to write down and share.

Why can't these things come UP at daytime when I could use them? Instead I just take notes of my thoughts and add them to an already pretty long .txt file where I write down all my cool ideas.

On another note, I watched "Shoot 'em up" earlier tonight with a few mates and I must admit it was really fucking entertaining. I had heard it was VERY exagurated, but I didn't know it was going to be THIS exagurated! Seriously, Star Wars is more realistic. Keep that in mind, and remember it's just one of those movies you watch for it's craziness and action and you'll probably enjoy the ride.



Finally. I watched the last episode of "Higurashi no naku koro ni kai" a few days ago, and my final verdict of the second season is... IT SUCKED! Big time! I only sticked around to see how the series would end, but not even the ending was very satisfying. I totally loved how crazy the first season was, and the bittersweet ending made me burst with joy! It was a friggin' masterpiece!
What happened to all the tearing off nails, hammering people's hans full with nails and pulling out their still pulsing organs from their bodies? Not to mention Rika's extremely brutal and morbid suicide in the second arc.

Instead of killing eachother off, everyone tried to cooperate with eachother to find a way to stop Oyashiro sama's curse, fight child abuse and a lot more slow and uninteresting events.

I loved the first season as you didn't really know what was going on. Little girls predicting future events with precise precision, an angry god, the mysterious hinamizawa murders and of course, the curse. One constantly asked oneself if it all had a scientific explanation or if it really were supernatural forces in action.

All that magic was stripped away from the second season as about everything was explained. Most things had a scientific explanation, and the few supernatural events that had taken place were explained in detail and quickly became very dull.

Oh well, at least the first season rocks!

Good night people, I'm off to bed.

]]> ~Berjj http://Berjj.deviantart.com/journal/16068463/ http://Berjj.deviantart.com/journal/16068463/ Mon, 24 Dec 2007 02:14:04 PST

]]> ~Berjj http://Berjj.deviantart.com/journal/16011660/ http://Berjj.deviantart.com/journal/16011660/ Thu, 20 Dec 2007 08:42:55 PST
I'm getting back into mapping! (Again) The new UnrealED 4 is sah-weet! There's some awesome stuff that can be done with this beauty. I'm really really really dissapointed with the dynamic shadows as they have very sharp edges and aren't the least blurry like epic went on about UE3 supporting and blah blah blah. Maybe I have still to find some kind of setting that blurs the edges, maybe they really look like that? There's a tap in the generic browser called "Dynamic shadow stats" which has me quite intruiged, but I have no idea what it's for or how to use it.

In any case. The detail level between the stock maps in UT3 and UT2004 are almost at the same level of UT99 and UT2003. That said, it's a bit different mapping for UT3, however, there are some überdetailed UT2004 custom maps out there that do reach UT3's level, but not many. There's a lot less material to pick from when making maps, and the BSP surface material is almost nonexistant, meaning you have to cover UP almost every surface with meshes for your maps to look any good at all. On the plus side, all the material is very well organized (no more packages with fucked UP names containing weird meshes you have no idea what to do with) and it's easy to find what you want, which in turn speeds UP the mapping process.

Some things takes some getting used to, but all in all I'm totally digging most of the changes from UED3. Now I'll get back to the Editor before I talk you all to death!

]]> ~Berjj http://Berjj.deviantart.com/journal/15436470/ http://Berjj.deviantart.com/journal/15436470/ Fri, 09 Nov 2007 15:36:12 PST
I seriously can't stop reading them! Once I start there's no turning back, unless the story doesn't develop and the art is annoying. But if it contains wrewolves, vampires or any other supernatural entity I'm almost certain to get hooked!
Yesterday I came across a comic called "Paradigm Shift" and couldn't tear myself away from the monitor until it was 01:30 in the morning (And I had to get to work this morning).

The comic follows two detectives as they investigate a series of abnormally brutal murders (Supposedly caused by a werewolf). The story is interesting and I really like the art style (Apart from one of the characters's hair which drives me crazy!).

In any case, I need to get this addiction under control as it causes me to stay UP far too late at night when I find a new comic that seems interesting.

I'm currently checking the following comics regulary for updates:

*VGCats - Awesome and hilarious in every way!
*Natch Evil - Ever seen someone cut someone's head off with toilet paper?
*Comedity - Don't step on the penguin!
*Alpha Luna - No updates for quite some time. Hope Leon is still alive... =X
*Sorcery101 - A mix of most supernatural stories out there!
*Lunatic Chaos - Becouse werewolves are good to your health... well, at least they're amusing...
*Hellbound - A guy, a thief, a succubus and a possessed dog. Need I say more?
*Darken - "Why save the world when you can rule it?"
*Zebragirl - My #1 favorite webcomic of all time!
*Looking for Group - All hail Richard!
*Dr.McNinja - Even ninjas need a second occupation at times...
*Undeath is Unfair - Awefully cute, but too funny to make me look away!
*Drowtales: Moonless Age - Cute, but different and interesting.
*Drowtales: The Longest Wait - Takes place in the same universa as Moonless Age.
*Ever After - A fairytale gone awefully awefully wrong...
*Post Nuke Comic - A lone guy and his dog living after the appocalypse.
*Gone with the Blastwave - What would you do if your every moment could be your last?
*Grim Tales - A fancomic mix of various TV shows and comics.
*Paradigm Shift - A series of grissly murders unlike any other...

]]> ~Berjj http://Berjj.deviantart.com/journal/15227479/ http://Berjj.deviantart.com/journal/15227479/ Fri, 26 Oct 2007 10:03:13 PDT
In any case, I tried to relax by the toilet and stayed there for about 45 minutes or something, forcing anything that came up back down again. Now, it turns out that might not have been the best of ideas... (Surprise, huh?). After a while I fell asleep and stayed asleep for about 15 minutes before I decided it was time to get home and take it easy.

As I didn't throw up, it went through the hole system and has to come out by the other end (No need to get into detail here folks. Let's just say I had to visit the toilet a few more times than usual.). When I went to bed I had become slightly dehydrated and had a terrible headache. I managed to fall asleep anyways and stayed asleep for 5 or 6 hours before I woke up becouse of intense pain pulsing through the middle of my chest.

I thought it was nothing special and got dressed, ate a little, drank a LOT and went back to my room to find something that would distract me for the rest of the day. The pain became less intense as the hours passed and I paid it no attention any longer. But then it came back, and more intense than ever!

I couldn't ignore it, I couldn't be distracted by anything, it just hurt too damn much. This could only mean trouble, so I went UP to my father and asked him to drive me to the hospital. Once at the hospital, we found out there was nothing wrong with my heart, which is quite a relief (19 years and heart trouble, yay!).

The doctors believe the pain is caused by my stumache, and that it's hardly dangerous. It just hurs like fucking hell! Maybe I gained small internal wounds caused by the puke constantly going up and down my throat the other day? I don't know. In any case, we've gone and bought some stumache medicine as well as some kind of painkillers and it seems to be working. Right now I'm just a bit dizzy and tired from the lack of sleep/food/water, but that'll probably be taken care off in time as I feel better.

Hmm... Well... *Reads through massive collumn of text. Wow, I can't help but feel somewhat like an attention whore right now.

To sum it all UP nicely, I currently feel like hell, but it's not dangerous and it'll pass in time...

]]> ~Berjj http://Berjj.deviantart.com/journal/15200969/ http://Berjj.deviantart.com/journal/15200969/ Wed, 24 Oct 2007 11:45:48 PDT
I might have found a full-time job! O.o I'm currently in the middle of a trial period of two months on a dry cleaner. It's not a tidy job, but it's simple and there's a lot of nice people who work there. It's not as strict as the job I had during the summer and we're allowed to listen to music and use MP3's if we wish, which is a great relief as it helps a LOT!
It's a bit different from what I'm used to. Most of the personell consist of people with foreign background. All but 4 (me being included) speak with a strong foreign accent, some hardly speak any Swedish or English at all and are a bit tricky to communicate with! There's this 20 year old Chinese guy I usually work together with who only knows a few sentances of Swedish. We usually have a laugh as we're both having trouble understanding eachother, but we try, and we usually succeed in the end... usually...

The job itself is pretty boring, but it makes sure I'm occupied and will hopefully bring in som cash soon enough.

The only real problem I have is that I always decide to stay up FAR too late at nights, making me very tired at work. I once fell asleep during the afternoon break with the MP3 plugged into my ears. I was waken UP 10 minutes after the break ended by about five guys leaning over me looking really worried. Appearantly they had been calling out to me for some time, and as I didn't respond or wake up, they had thought I had had a heart-attack or something (Since my hair now hides most of my ears, it's quite possible they didn't notice me wearing my earphones.)!



Taking care of different matters... The Unreal Tournament 3 Beta Demo has been released some time ago and I've been playing it like crazy. I was afraid UT3 would become a disaster, but after a few minutes playing, I realized UT2004 was dead and burried, and that UT3 could well be the best UT yet! The graphics are breathtaking! And the beta demo only shipps with medium quality textures lacking face distortion mapping (Or whatever the heck it was called. Shit, how many mapping technieqes are there? =S). The gameplay is much wilder and much more focused on killing rather than staying alive, which is good, since in UT2004, skilled players were impossible to beat down by someone who hadn't played more than a year or two.

The vehicles work great for once. And they removed that lame green sticky web shooter thingy the scorpion had (joy!). I can't wait to get my hands on UnrealEd 4! It's gonna be great!


Hmm, I'm pretty sure there was more to come but I seem to have forgotten about it, lol. Oh well, I'll update when (and if ) I remember.

]]> ~Berjj http://Berjj.deviantart.com/journal/14374313/ http://Berjj.deviantart.com/journal/14374313/ Tue, 28 Aug 2007 02:24:08 PDT Well, I CAN run it on maximum settings, but only becouse Bioshock is't as fast paced a game as Unreal, so low FPS is acceptable. In a few areas however, I found it somewhat difficult to aim, and I doubt fighting the big daddies would be possible at all! Also, Bioshock is just a corridoor shooter. What of UT3? It's using the same engine but with VAST OPEN AREAS. And then there's Crysis... Oh well, at least I'll meet the minimum specs. But let's leave this money and game rant for a later time.

I've noticed a lot of of people are making their own pixel ID's (Well, seriously, who hasn't noticed by now? ), and I must admit it seems really fun. I'm usually not very fond of pixel art (It's usually just a way to ruin the quality of a good drawing/painting) but this is a pretty interesting and original idea (Well, it was ). Maybe I'll make my own some day? I'm having a LOT of fun looking at other people's.

]]> ~Berjj http://Berjj.deviantart.com/journal/14167976/ http://Berjj.deviantart.com/journal/14167976/ Tue, 14 Aug 2007 16:35:14 PDT

The same day I returned, one of my mates returned from his army service for two days and there was somewhat of a party at his place. It was great. It's the first time for almost a year they hardly even mentioned drugs, and I felt really close to them.

I barely recognized my room when I came home. There was an unfamiliar smell in it, but I don't mind. Now I don't have to sleep in the same room as someone who keeps waking me up by talking to me in his sleep! The last few nights were truly peaceful and nice.

Although there was much happiness, there's always sadness lurking just around the corner. I got a letter from the cleaning company I worked for this summer and I was made aware of how much money I had made. It was a riddiculously low amount, even before taxes! To be fairly honest, I think I had more money BEFORE I went there. Oh well, at least I had something to do.

Also, my mate just told me that his father, who had cancer, passed away at the hospital a few hours ago. It's truly sad, I almost wish I could have met him one last time, just to say goodbye. But in the end it went frightningly fast! One better stay healthy! =X

I'm slowly cleaning UP my messages and deviations, but it seems like it's gonna take a couple of few days before it's done.

In any case, now it's time to grab some tea and get into mapping.

]]> ~Berjj http://Berjj.deviantart.com/journal/13930938/ http://Berjj.deviantart.com/journal/13930938/ Sun, 29 Jul 2007 18:00:40 PDT
First of all, Arvika was great. A bit different than I had imagined, but still very good. It started off really badly though with me and my mate (along with another really nice guy we met at the bus station) loosing ALL our stuff when the buss decided to drive away without us right after we put our stuff in the luggage area of the buss. We lost our tent, our sleeping bags, food, clothes, and worst of all, the beer... There was some panicking for a while, but in the end the company apolegied to us and paid a taxi to drive us all the way to the train station where we could retrieve our stuff. We had however missed our train and had to get on another one which left about 5 hours later.

I'm happy it went the way it did though, if we hadn't missed our train we wouldn't have met a certain girl who was also going to Arvika. We had a blast on our way there, talking about everything between heaven and earth. Once we got to Arvika we started to walk towards the camping area, but took a brake in the middle of a forest somewhere, the girl opened a martini which resulted in all of us getting drunk and staying there for about an hour.

I really liked it at first when I got to the camping as well. There was no such thing as a "normal" person there. All kinds of steriotypes could be found, and they were all equal in numbers. It somehow felt like I belonged there, and I liked it. Until it started raining like hell and the camping turned into a swamp that is...
Me and my mate made a good choice not setting up our tent. Instead we slept in other people's tents wherever there was space. A lot of people left their tents there becouse they were so wet and muddy they just wanted to throw them away.

Time spent in the camping was time wasted. I never really had a good time, it didn't matter whether I was drunk or sober. I met up with a large bunch of my mates there, but I feel we're all slipping so far away from eachother, I just don't have so much in common with them any longer. Whenever they are together, 80% of all discussions are about one and single subject: Drugs. And they refuse to understand why I don't feel like exploring it like they do.

In any case, I saw a few bands live while I were there, and I always had a great time! First I decided to go and see "The Ark", not becouse I like them (Becouse, really, I hate their music!), but becouse if somebody ever asked me, I could always tell them I'd seen 'em live. I must admit I had surprisingly fun. While their music isn't really the kind I listen to, the put up a great show and I knew that if I had known the lyrics, I would have sung along.

The second band I saw was "Dark Tranquility". The sound quality wasn't that great, and all the people there seemed really stiff, but I liked what I heard, so I'll definitly have to look up some of their songs and listen to them at some point.

Then, I went and saw "In Flames". They were everything I had hoped for and more! I prayed they would play either "colony" or "the quiet place" that night, since they are my favorite songs by them. They played both. I screamed until my throat went dry, and then I screamed some more. I jumped around until I was too tired, and then head-banged 'till I thought I was gonna puke, then I started jumping around again... They finnished with a rain of confetti and fireworks worth of almost $50000 while playing "My Sweet Shadow". Looks like somebody recorded it and put it on youtube. --->[link]

It wasn't good at all times, but I enjoyed myself somewhat most of the time, so it was well worth the money.

For those of you that are interested in anime and the likes, a few days ago I was made aware that there's a second season of "Higurashi no naku koro ni" being aired right now! I'm completely thrilled! The first season had me completely hooked, so I have big expectations for this one! I've only seen two episodes of it so far and they were rather dull, but I remember the first season starting in a somewhat similiar way so I'll keep my hopes up.

One last thing though. My mate whom I share this caravan with is talking in his sleep rather often. I had no idea of this until now. He usually just mumbles weird things, but sometimes I ask him what the hell he's talking about, and then he replies without waking up! Although his answers seldom make any sense at all, I'm gonna see if I can start up a little longer conversation with him tonight without making him wake up. http://Berjj.deviantart.com/journal/13579571/ Mon, 02 Jul 2007 14:43:39 PDT
So, what's on my mind right now? Well, my job sucks, it really does. We only work about 5 hours a day (With a 30 minutes lunchbreak.) but the work we do isn't exactly fun, and the pay is FAR worse than I first thought. The letter I got at the beginning of summer stated that we would recieve 90 SKR (Swedish Kroner, 1 USD = 6.5 SKR or something like that.) for each hour we worked. I thought a day at work would last about 6 hours at least. But we only work for 4 hours and 30 minutes, and we earn 81 SKR an hour! Where'd the other 9 SKR go? And why are the days so short? While I'm here, me and my mate have to pay for food and drink as well as entrance tickets and train tickets for the arvika festival. I don't know if this job will earn me any money at all, considering all the things I had to buy in advance for this trip I might actually lose money becouse of this stupid job.

For those of you who don't know, I work as a cleaner on a hotel in Strömstad (Near the Swedish/Norwegian boarder).

Some co-workers have told various stories of nasty surprises they've gotten while cleaning a room. I'm not going into detail, but know this: A lot of people don't seem to care about us cleaners. It's almost like some people expected the mess they leave behind to vanish by magic when they leave their fucking room. Some really simple stuff makes work for us a lot easier, but people don't care. "I don't want to take care of this shit, so I'll leave it behind becouse someone will eventually come in here and clean up this mess for me!" It makes me so fucking angry sometimes.

It's not all bad though. Most rooms don't look that bad, and my co-workers are a bunch of great people. We usually hang out in the staff kitchen a few minutes after work to grab a soda and talk bullshit about our bosses. Good times indeed!

I'll (hopefully) be going to the arvika festival in 8 days or so and will probably make a short update by then. I try to check dA as regulary as possible, but I've completely lost track of the UP forums.

I'll hopefully be able to get back into UP (And UT ) by the time I get back home again.

Cheers. ]]> ~Berjj http://Berjj.deviantart.com/journal/13409676/ http://Berjj.deviantart.com/journal/13409676/ Thu, 21 Jun 2007 15:24:22 PDT
It is planned that me and my mate will be living in that caravan until at least the sixth of august. We've been emplyed as cleaners on a hotel in Strömstad over the summer and will be working there for the most of the time.

We'll be bringing a laptop each and will have access to the internet at all times (Although only one of us at a time, limited at 384kbit/s.) so I'll probably have time to check by on both UP and dA at times as well as log onto msn when I feel like it.

I believe I've already stated this in previous journals though, I just wanted to confirm that, well, now I'm leaving, and I'm not entirely sure when I'll be coming home.

Cya all, I'll stay in touch.

/Berjj

EDIT: We arrived at Strömstad a few hours ago. The caravan is now standing next to my uncle's (And his wife's) house. We're not living in it yet since they'll receive a lot of guests during mid-summer, so if we could keep away from there 'till monday it would ease things for them. Right now We're living in a house we've hired for a few days together with my parents.

I'm just checking in to say hi and confirm that the wireless modem works flawlessly (Although somewhat slower than at home). I'll be updating my journal (If there's need to) and check through the art section during my stay here. I also just confirmed that MSN works properly, so I'll have access to most things I had access to at home.

]]> ~Berjj http://Berjj.deviantart.com/journal/13242667/ http://Berjj.deviantart.com/journal/13242667/ Wed, 06 Jun 2007 17:44:01 PDT
If you don't give a F' about what happened during my graduation, please skip to part #2 or simply don't read this journal at all.

My highschool graduation took place last friday. All graduating students had dinner together at a restaurant before the teachers held speaches and we recieved our grades. It was during the dinner that I finally realized that I would probably never meet a lot of these people ever again, and I'm not the kind of guy who starts a conversation on MSN.

Everyone ran around and asked everyone they knew somewhat to write down a short note in their hat (In Sweden it is customary to wear a certain white hat during graduation and to let other students write things on it's inside. Dunno how graduation works in other countries. lol.)

One of the girls in my class wrote "Happy Emo ^_^" in mine. She's one of those people I wish I had gone to know a bit better, she's very funny (and pretty cute too! ).

After the graduation had taken place, I returned home and celebrated with a bunch of friends and relatives. I had no idea it was customary to give graduating students a gift of some kind and was shocked as my parents handed me a paper, stating they had opened an account for me with an insane amount of money on it!

It would be foolish to spend it on small stuff (Like a new computer which I desperately need since this one's a piece of shit, and a nintendo Wii. ) so I'll be saving it 'till later.

But... ehm... this isn't what this journal was supposed to be about, so here follows the real deal:

PART #2.

Me and a mate of mine are going to Strömstad, near the norwegian boarder to live there on our own for 6 weeks during the summer, starting June 20. We've managed to get summer jobs as cleaners on a hotel. It'll be nice to stay away from my parents for a while and live on our own. We're bringing two laptops with us so we'll be able to talk with the people at home still.

Me and my mate decided that we wanted to take this time to start a few projects. Projects such as daily excercise (Weight lifting and Running. I already do those today, but not daily!), trying to learn more about programming (Though we haven't decided which language yet!) as well as trying to learn how to play an instrument. I've already made a deal with another mate of mine who's going to let me borrow his guitar during my time away.

The 12'th of July (Or perhaps a day before then) we're taking a break from work to camp and party at the Arvika festival with a bunch of mates. At first we were about to go to Hultsfred, but since no-one seemed to like the bands that were going to play there and since the tickets were SO FUCKING EXPENSIVE!! We decided to go to Arvika instead. It's a bit sad since I noticed Korn are going to play at Hultsfred, but In Flames will be playing at Arvika, so it'll be sweet nontheless.

I wonder what'll happen once we get back home though. How much will we have made by them? What about further emplyment? I need a job since I won't be studying next year! I'll suppose we'll cross that bridge once we get to it.

I don't think I'll be able to upload anything to dA during my time away, but I sure as hell will be drawing a lot.

Hope the rest of you have a great summer vacation.^^

]]> ~Berjj http://Berjj.deviantart.com/journal/13099098/ http://Berjj.deviantart.com/journal/13099098/ Sat, 26 May 2007 09:34:43 PDT
I were a bit worried at first, but in the end I managed to pass all classes and actually nailed some pretty descent grades in religion and philosophy as well.

I don't go to school anymore (Like all other students) since my grades have already been decided. I'm just waiting for the official graduation which will take place the first of june. Feels a bit weird knowing I won't be going back to school once the summer's over... I better start looking for a job.

Cheers.

]]> ~Berjj http://Berjj.deviantart.com/journal/13004145/ http://Berjj.deviantart.com/journal/13004145/ Fri, 18 May 2007 17:41:59 PDT This year it went too far...

I stayed up until 5am this morning and got about an hour of sleep that "night". Why so? Well, I had to finnish my religion assignments, my programming assignments and my philosophy assignments 'till today. I got far with my philosophy and programming, but not far enough for me to pass any of the classes, meaning that I should fail at least three classes this year. Heh, it's been over four years since I last failed a class...

However, I do believe someone up there smiles upon me, and that someone does so a lot of the time. The second major characteristic I possess is my disgustingly large amount of luck. Seriously, people have become VERY angry with me becouse through luck, I've earned things I don't really deserve, and I can understand that. Today I understood those people more than ever, I actually feel ashamed for being so lucky at times.

This morning when I went down to school, I knew I had still 5 more hours that day to finnish my assignments. I was planning on working on my programming assignments so that I could present to my teacher, at least half of the assignments, completely finnished while the other half was half finnished. I prayed he would look kindly on me and at least allow me to pass with a half-shitty grade. I thought the same about philosophy, I was already half done when I got to school and thought that 2 hours should maybe be enough to finnish what I had left and hope for my philosophy teacher to pass me as well. I knew for sure my religion grade was lost, but it wouldn't have any significant impact on my grades.

So, I started off with showing my philosophy teacher what I had so far, and as we talked with eachother, I brought up how much I had to do today and how naive and stupid it had been of me to start working on it so late. He replied: "Well, let me know if you don't have time to finnish your assignments, and I could put your grade on hold 'till monday. Think you could finnish it 'till then?"

I just didn't know what to say. I thought I finally were seriously fucked, but instead I had been granted a second chance! I asked the other teachers as well, and they too, gave me 'till monday to finnish all my work. This might be enough time to finnish all assignments, and thus save all my grades! If I blow this chance I'm never gonna forgive myself!

I'm too tired tonight for studies, but I'll start working on them first thing in the morning. I better catch some sleep tonight...

In other news, I've started drawing again! I'm currently working with coloring a drawing in PS, but I'm not very likely to put too much time on it until I've got all my homework straightened out.

]]> ~Berjj http://Berjj.deviantart.com/journal/12895485/ http://Berjj.deviantart.com/journal/12895485/ Wed, 09 May 2007 04:03:52 PDT
WoW seems like it's always the same 'till you hit level 60 (or is it 70 now? Whatever...) and start raiding instances, you reach a new area, complete all the quests (of which are almost identical to the old ones) just so you can progress to the next area and start running quests there. GOD IT'S FUCKING BORING! I quit at level 12. I don't care if the game gets fun at 60, until then, the game sucks, and so does leveling by botting.

So, I gave it a second chance and created an Undead male warrior. Ths too was fun at start, but I never progressed beyond level 6. Different enviroments, different enemies, but most of the quests were identical to those I completed as a druid! After 5 days of WoW I uninstalled it. I now have even more reasons to hate this friggin' game. At least I don't have to fight WoW addiction now.

So uh... just to calrify, what is written above just states my own thoughts regarding the game. So don't come telling me that "the game doesn't suck!", becouse to me, it does, and I hate it!

Hmm, maybe this wasn't such a quick update after all? Oh well, have a good day people.

]]> ~Berjj http://Berjj.deviantart.com/journal/12778589/ http://Berjj.deviantart.com/journal/12778589/ Sun, 29 Apr 2007 13:00:20 PDT
I noticed a few other things that looked out of place compared to what they had looked like during the night. There could only be a single reason for all this, I had been dreaming it all.

It's a long time since I last had a realistic dream, but this one even beat my nightmare I had way back (I wrote a story based on it, you can find it among my deviations). I'm dead certain I were awake that night and looked up at the watch at least twice. It'll be interesting to see wha other things I dream in the near future.

In other news, my mate who I spent my weekend with finally managed to convince me to try WoW (Gasp! Now I've done it! O.o). Let's just hope I have my sanity intact after this 10-day trial is over!

I still haven't drawn anything worth mentioning, but I've come UP with a few interesting character ideas that might take shape on paper at some point. Hopefully sooner than later.

So, see you later some time.

]]> ~Berjj http://Berjj.deviantart.com/journal/12555252/ http://Berjj.deviantart.com/journal/12555252/ Wed, 11 Apr 2007 15:08:19 PDT

]]> ~Berjj http://Berjj.deviantart.com/journal/11735631/ http://Berjj.deviantart.com/journal/11735631/ Thu, 08 Feb 2007 13:51:57 PST
Ever since I joined Unreal Playground in september 2003, I've been making maps and learning about the tools for UT2004. But about a year ago I lost my inspiration, and stopped working on a half-finnished deathmatch map.

When I started working on the first map for the mod my inspiration had still not returned to me, and the work went slow. Later on I got stuck and didn't know how to proceed, so I opened up that old deathmatch map I started working on a year ago thinking maybe working on it would give me some ideas.

And suddenly it all came back to me. The inspiration I lost so long ago was once again fueling me and all obstacles had vanished! I thought this mod would be my last work, but that probably isn't the case. Funny how things come back to you after so long when you least expect it.

]]> ~Berjj http://Berjj.deviantart.com/journal/11262280/ http://Berjj.deviantart.com/journal/11262280/ Sun, 31 Dec 2006 17:27:14 PST

]]> ~Berjj http://Berjj.deviantart.com/journal/11178646/ http://Berjj.deviantart.com/journal/11178646/ Sun, 24 Dec 2006 17:05:17 PST

]]> ~Berjj http://Berjj.deviantart.com/journal/10902455/ http://Berjj.deviantart.com/journal/10902455/ Thu, 30 Nov 2006 14:13:44 PST
I've been thinking about it a lot as of lately. Some time ago a girl in my class approached me and asked: "Are you feeling better today? You don't look as emo as you usually do!". I laughed at her and didn't really think any more about it. A few days later I learned that a very close friend of mine thought I was suicidal! WTF? I'm not emo!

So I started taking a look at my suroundings and suddenly realize that most of my drawings are either very violent or depressive, my nick on msn is also pretty emo and stuff like that. Does this make me emo? Hell no!

There was a time in life when I probably was, but that's behind me now and I see no reason to going back.

Most of my clothings are black, there are times when I come to school solely in black (even my underwear are!). So what? I happen to like black, does that make me emo?
I draw a lot of dark and depressive stuff. My mates constantly ask me why I make so many drawings of people crying blood. I can't really explain why, I like to do it, and blood is very fun to draw too (Especially in small amounts). The avatars I use on msn, deviantart, various forums etc... as well as some signatures may appear dark and/or depressive. Well, what can I say? I like trippy stuff, but that doesn't make me emo.

I have no goal in life other than finding a goal and sticking to it. And untill then, I want to live a happy life with my mates and make the best out of it. Ending my life, or causing harm to myself in any physical or mental way is IMO the greatest sin I can perform in this world (With the possible exception of causing mental or physical harm to others). Life has it's ups and downs, and despite that I want to live happily.

So, am I emo? No way!

]]> ~Berjj http://Berjj.deviantart.com/journal/10467040/ http://Berjj.deviantart.com/journal/10467040/ Sat, 21 Oct 2006 15:18:58 PDT
For those of you who are into anime, you might want to check out Death Note and "Higurashi no naku koro ni" (Translates as "when cicadas cries" or something like that). Quite a few people on DA are already watching Death Note but I don't know about the other one...

Both animes can be watched on youtube (For those of you who don't feel like emptying your pockets but still want to stay legal). A note about "Higurashi no naku koro ni", don't let the cute design fool you. Personally I was taken aback at first becouse I hate cute things, but I absolutely love this anime so trust me when I say it is far from cute (It is actually pretty dark and brutal once you get into it).

"And that's all I have to say about that!"

Take care all.

]]> ~Berjj http://Berjj.deviantart.com/journal/10201990/ http://Berjj.deviantart.com/journal/10201990/ Wed, 27 Sep 2006 09:02:20 PDT
Ok, so here's my first journal entry, next time I update I might actually put something useful here.

]]> ~Berjj