http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:BldyMalice&section=today deviantART RSS for by:BldyMalice en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Tue, 22 Dec 2009 15:06:21 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://BldyMalice.deviantart.com/journal/28977388/ http://BldyMalice.deviantart.com/journal/28977388/ Wed, 16 Dec 2009 09:35:30 PST + - - - - - - - +

So, so, so, the book came in my last class yesterday,
[link]
and because I was catching the school bus home for once, I couldn't go and get it and it KILLED ME.

AUGH.

SO. As soon as DPA gets here I'm going to go run over to the mall and snatch it up.

The thought just made me soak RIGHT through my panties, I won’t lie to you.

Hmm hmm hmm.

The only bad part is I can’t remember most of the first three books/first volume, because I read it in such an orgasmic hurry because it was SO FUCKING GOOD.

Hmmhmmhmm.

We’ll see.

I love books.

I need to get a manga collection going, eventually. But for that I need money.
Gonna try and wheedle Zack into getting the Kingdom Hearts manga, cause I’m awesome like that, and am going to totally feed his inner fanboy. Hm. We’ll see.

Also need to finish buying all the Shaman King volumes, since at this point in time I only have one, and that’s the 13th, because that on is the Return of Faust volume with him on the cover lookin’ all pretty. Hm.

It also has my favorite panel in it, so.

Good shit.

So fucking excited for my book, guys.
I’m going to vanish off the face of the planet even more, now.

Puuuumped!

+ - - - - - +

Don't forget about my Scraps~

+Character List-
Pikumei, Jamie Hasselrode, Saizen, Kavian.
Myra Arnadottir, Kira Mcausland, Mercy, Darius.
Malice, Loki, Evian, Otis, Reiya.
Raxia, Sean, Amilee, Satsu.
Aishiozanryu, Seahi, Wight.
Taylor, Cale.
Sepulchral.
Eei.

+My Family-



+My Favorites-



+Amazing Artists-



Go check them out, it is totally worth your time.

+Clubs-



+ - - - - - - - - - - +

]]> ~BldyMalice http://BldyMalice.deviantart.com/journal/28960675/ http://BldyMalice.deviantart.com/journal/28960675/ Tue, 15 Dec 2009 12:34:34 PST + - - - - - - - +

HNNG;;
Fanarting right now, like a tard. Might spur me into a drawing spree, I can only hope, hey?
But I have to finish this game before I'm allowed to go all out, Zack says. 'Cause he's paranoid of spoilers and stuff. So!

I'm not allowed to totally go out fantarding and working up my collection of favored pairings until this fandom finally sizzles and dies out for me. Or, atleast, the fantarding portion of it. The love always stays, claims a soft spot of it's own within you.

Or maybe that's just me. But then again, I fangirl just as hard as the next person down the line.

I've always been waiting for the time where I was good enough that I could fan over something AND be good enough that I can actually push out not-shameful art for it.sdkjgklsrgsdrgkosklgsdkljglkdfgkld

BOOK.

BOOK MIGHT BE IN ZACK JUST REMINDED ME GOTTA GO I LOVE YOU I'LL TELL YOU HOW IT GOES KGZSJZKLDGLHJLKDJ;;;;;~~~~

+ - - - - - +

Don't forget about my Scraps~

+Character List-
Pikumei, Jamie Hasselrode, Saizen, Kavian.
Myra Arnadottir, Kira Mcausland, Mercy, Darius.
Malice, Loki, Evian, Otis, Reiya.
Raxia, Sean, Amilee, Satsu.
Aishiozanryu, Seahi, Wight.
Taylor, Cale.
Sepulchral.
Eei.

+My Family-



+My Favorites-



+Amazing Artists-



Go check them out, it is totally worth your time.

+Clubs-



+ - - - - - - - - - - +

]]> ~BldyMalice http://BldyMalice.deviantart.com/journal/28805749/ http://BldyMalice.deviantart.com/journal/28805749/ Mon, 07 Dec 2009 13:15:21 PST + - - - - - - - +

Journal Change. Lol.
Not drawing much lately, lack of computer, lack of going home. ;;

+ - - - - - +

Don't forget about my Scraps~

+Character List-
Pikumei, Jamie Hasselrode, Saizen, Kavian.
Myra Arnadottir, Kira Mcausland, Mercy, Darius.
Malice, Loki, Evian, Otis, Reiya.
Raxia, Sean, Amilee, Satsu.
Aishiozanryu, Seahi, Wight.
Taylor, Cale.
Sepulchral.
Eei.

+My Family-



+My Favorites-



+Amazing Artists-



Go check them out, it is totally worth your time.

+Clubs-



+ - - - - - - - - - - +

]]> ~BldyMalice http://BldyMalice.deviantart.com/journal/28729948/ http://BldyMalice.deviantart.com/journal/28729948/ Thu, 03 Dec 2009 14:46:38 PST + - - - - - - - +


Stuff stuff stuff.

Hmmm.
Don't know what to saaaayyy.

Happy with life, mostly.
Good, good, good.
Grandmother is not home, good.
Don't know what I'm doing, hmm.

Don't like having to go home ever, so much more work somehow. Less laid back even when it's only me there. Much more chill at his house even when people are screaming.
I like it there much better.

Have a journal half typed up on my computer at home still, so. Hopefully it didn't crash on me so I can finish it. Um.

Hoping he gets internet and cable and stuff soon so I can get my computer over there and be able to jack his computer sometime maybe. Which would technically be my computer. Hmm.

I don't really know what else. Class is in the gym watching volleyball, so I'm sitting here rambling away to change the journal on my page.
I could have left it short, of course, but that wouldn't really be like me, now would it?

Getting cravings to RP, sucks dick. Have something really nice to scan, I'm totally pumped.

Extremely sleepy. Need a good night's rest.
I'm going to pass out on the bus nearly instantly, if not in this block. Hm.

Need to play with Thomas, and work more on the relationships within Mal's family line thingg, idkk.

Lazy enough that I'm typing with one hand, too late to watch an episode of NCIS, not enough time leefftt.
Phone is dead, so I can't text Rry. Which is suck. Sho ronery.

Hmm.

Stupid phone should let me text until the battery is dead enough that it can't manage to stay on any longer. Otherwise, what the fuck's the point of keeping me in low battery mode where I can't reply to texts, but my phone can still stay on?
Bullshit!

Urrfff. Sadly, Rry gets off work before I get home, so I can't even get home, plug it in, then text him at work, since that's all he really has to do there.
Hmmmmmm.

I miss you guys. I always do. But not being on the computer all the time is kind of refreshing,r eally. But it doesn't make me miss you any less.

My family~~

Need to get a haircut soooon. It's so bland and gross and heavy, it just... hangs on either side of my face no matter what I do with it. It's fucking rettaarrdded.

Downloaded the newest Demon Hunter CD, fucking love it.
Like mushroomhead a lot too. Um. Hmmm.

I think that's about it for my rambling. Now all I want to do is fuckin' sleep. I wonder where I could get away with that...?




+ - - - - - +

Don't forget about my Scraps~

+Character List-
Pikumei, Jamie Hasselrode, Saizen, Kavian.
Myra Arnadottir, Kira Mcausland, Mercy, Darius.
Malice, Loki, Evian, Otis, Reiya.
Raxia, Sean, Amilee, Satsu.
Aishiozanryu, Seahi, Wight.
Taylor, Cale.
Sepulchral.
Eei.

+My Family-



+My Favorites-



+Amazing Artists-



Go check them out, it is totally worth your time.

+Clubs-

http://BldyMalice.deviantart.com/journal/28527188/ Mon, 23 Nov 2009 11:52:00 PST + - - - - - - - +

Sitting in the library beside the boyfriend. So don't know how much of anything I'll get done.
Drew Athiel in class today, made me think a little.
Was mapping out his muscles, I've never actually drawn him properly, he's very built.
He has to be, to lift those wings. They're nowhere near light, yeah? He even has a breastbone, like in birds, to anchor his muscles to his chest.
Hmm, Hmm.

Hurt my hands, badly.

Ground them down Zack's walls when I was snapping rather badly, world shaking. Infection, spreading now.

Burns, itches.

Have it bandaged, now. Still sensitive, still on fire.

Makes washing my hair very hard.

Sister came home, wasn't there to welcome her, went to Zack's instead, avoiding family.

Hmm, Hmm.

Scattered thoughts, might have to leave soon. He's printing out guitar tabs, get to lay in his lap, yeah?

Doing lots of housework around his house, so I may eat without guilt.
Like to work behind-the-scenes, Mother doesn't count it as done unless I'm seen doing it.
Victoria taking all my credit,
Kill her, kill her.

Twitching, bleeding.
So much lisp so retarded.
Kill her, Kill her.
Hmm.

I love the days when she's not trying to live there, too. She has her own mother to go home to. A-Ah, A-ah..

Band-aids aren't quite big enough, adhesive is pulling at these cracking scabs.

Floating, now.

I think, I think,

More scattered, random thoughts.

Playing KH more, onto the second one.

Excited.

It's a very pretty game. I can see why it has so many rabid fangirls.
The Final Fantasy crew knows how to make pretty men, I'll give them that.
Very appealing. Mmhmm.

Pretty movement.

Adding, adding.
Very tired, today. Very very weak.

Leg hurts.
Not as much as foot.
Sore spot, swollen, makes me limp.
These shoes feel nicer on it, though.
Rather than the boots, which press, very painful.

Hmm, hmm.

Lobng nails need clipping.

Hair is so full of static.
Clinging to my face, looks awful.

I look awful,
today,
compared to most days.
So tired.

Didn't want to come to school.
Wanted to sleep and laze and game with him.

School is so boring, such a drag.
Have another year to do still, too. Hmm.

Frustrating, grating, annoying, painful.

Tedious.

A-ah, a-ah.

Don't want to have to sit through this, anymore.
So much better to just.. not.

Starting to have regrets,
hands won't be able to hold up to Massage Therapy, I feel it, feel it.
Anything else I'd love to go into takes so much schooling, schooolliinngg.

Maybe I'll just apply at a bookstore or library or something.
That'd be a nice job, always touching pretty books.
Books are very pretty. Mine comes out, soon.
Chronicles Of Malus Darkblade, Volume Two.
Very excited, I am.

Have no work at school, here, left it at home.
Hm.
Will lose marks from homework check, ach ach.
Still take notes, hopefully. Need to do food journal, have to half-ass it, need those marks.

Will bring me up to high A, that's nice.

A-ah, a-ah.

Scattered, scattered, scattered.
Like point-form sentences, no connecting words.

A-ah, a-ah.

I should leave now, so I'll be done.

+ - - - - - +

Don't forget about my Scraps~

+Character List-
Pikumei, Jamie Hasselrode, Saizen, Kavian.
Myra Arnadottir, Kira Mcausland, Mercy, Darius.
Malice, Loki, Evian, Otis, Reiya.
Raxia, Sean, Amilee, Satsu.
Aishiozanryu, Seahi, Wight.
Taylor, Cale.
Sepulchral.
Eei.

+My Family-



+My Favorites-

~BldyMalice http://BldyMalice.deviantart.com/journal/28457449/ http://BldyMalice.deviantart.com/journal/28457449/ Thu, 19 Nov 2009 18:49:15 PST + - - - - - - - +

I need out of this house.

It's draining my life from me.


...


I can't handle the rage, anymore. The hate, stress, and misery that's always cloaking me, here.

I want out. I want to be free, I want to start fresh.

I want to breathe again.
I just want to breathe.

+ - - - - - +

Don't forget about my Scraps~

+Character List-
Pikumei, Jamie Hasselrode, Saizen, Kavian.
Myra Arnadottir, Kira Mcausland, Mercy, Darius.
Malice, Loki, Evian, Otis, Reiya.
Raxia, Sean, Amilee, Satsu.
Aishiozanryu, Seahi, Wight.
Taylor, Cale.
Sepulchral.
Eei.

+My Family-



+My Favorites-



+Amazing Artists-



Go check them out, it is totally worth your time.

+Clubs-



+ - - - - - - - - - - +

]]> ~BldyMalice http://BldyMalice.deviantart.com/journal/28414065/ http://BldyMalice.deviantart.com/journal/28414065/ Tue, 17 Nov 2009 13:24:37 PST + - - - - - - - +

No idea what to update, just want to switch what's on my paage.

Um.
Hm.

I suppose that shows that I'm getting back to a normal mentality.
I feel.. no reason to go off and ramble about anything. Hmm hmm.

+ - - - - - +

Don't forget about my Scraps~

+Character List-
Pikumei, Jamie Hasselrode, Saizen, Kavian.
Myra Arnadottir, Kira Mcausland, Mercy, Darius.
Malice, Loki, Evian, Otis, Reiya.
Raxia, Sean, Amilee, Satsu.
Aishiozanryu, Seahi, Wight.
Taylor, Cale.
Sepulchral.
Eei.

+My Family-



+My Favorites-



+Amazing Artists-



Go check them out, it is totally worth your time.

+Clubs-



+ - - - - - - - - - - +

]]> ~BldyMalice http://BldyMalice.deviantart.com/journal/28404765/ http://BldyMalice.deviantart.com/journal/28404765/ Mon, 16 Nov 2009 21:35:53 PST + - - - - - - - +


What the fuck does ' pos' mean?

My boyfriend says it ALL the time.

"That guitar is a pos."

"Don't be such a pos."

...

WHAT.

So confused.

+ - - - - - +

Don't forget about my Scraps~

+Character List-
Pikumei, Jamie Hasselrode, Saizen, Kavian.
Myra Arnadottir, Kira Mcausland, Mercy, Darius.
Malice, Loki, Evian, Otis, Reiya.
Raxia, Sean, Amilee, Satsu.
Aishiozanryu, Seahi, Wight.
Taylor, Cale.
Sepulchral.
Eei.

+My Family-



+My Favorites-



+Amazing Artists-



Go check them out, it is totally worth your time.

+Clubs-



+ - - - - - - - - - - +

]]> ~BldyMalice http://BldyMalice.deviantart.com/journal/28313839/ http://BldyMalice.deviantart.com/journal/28313839/ Thu, 12 Nov 2009 13:49:15 PST + - - - - - - - +

Tell me, Tell me. Your characters, what is it they fear?

In comments, please. I'm curious! Names and fears, hopefully characters I can remember, but not necessarily. Haha.

Some from me:

Wight - Flesh wounds! Even minor cuts freak him right the fuck out, he's extremely protective over his hard-earned body.

Pikumei - Strangers~ He is extremely wary around anyone he doesn't know, like a suspicious cat that won't come near your hand, and carefully watches from a distance.

Kira - Death. Now, many people don't want to die, but Kira has a horrific fear of the unknown, and the thought of dying terrifies him to the soouulll.

Raxia - Though I don't use him anymore, and have packed him up and put him in storage for now, he has a very strong phobia of being restrained in any way. David kind of fucked that over with turning him into a bondage freak and demanding bondage porn of him every second day pretty much, but hopefully that can be cleansed from him and I might be able to stomach seeing him again. I did love him, when he used to be mine. He's also deathly afraid of the dark, becasue he has next to no night vision. Fire in large amounts freaks him out as well.

Mercy - My pretty boy, he fears losing people he cares for. He has extremely bad attachment issues, and seperation anxiety. He doesn't like people leaving him, he's never really had anyone to bond to. He's extremely overprotective of Exi because of this. It also means he's picky with who he gets attached to, but when he DOES get attached, it's pretty extreme.

Aishiozanryu - Social rejection and Fire! Fire is what makes him panic, like when people see spiders and go into shock! People fear spiders, what do spiders fear? Webs are so flammable! He's been trapped in a burning barn before, with Tss'ka and the lizard-mount whose name I have yet to secure. It's probably written up somewhere, I should look. He thinks everyone is out to kill him.

...

That's all I can think of for now. I'll try and work on it.

Myra is the only one I have that I can't see fearing much of anything. And maybe Otis, but I'm sure the big guy has some fear somewhere.

Other notes, I haven't found any like, minor fears for any of them. It's all like, social anxiety. Wight's is the most noticable, as he's EXTREMELY scared of getting cut, gashed, or wounded in any way.

So, as a side note, if he ever gets too in your face about wanting to skin and eat you, stab him.

Actually, don't, because he'd probably fright-rage and tear your legs clean from your torso.

So avoid that.


Now, here's what was originally at the top of the page!:


- - - -

A-Ahh..

Hmm.

I always lock up when I go to start these. My mind searches around for half a moment, and then since I stopped long enoguh, my thoughts start worming their way out.

And because I let this happen, that's why a lot of the time my thoughts come down slightly ragged and hard to grasp.

Broken, repeating.

That's also the stress of being on a computer, though.
Makes me think. Makes me start to remember.

Everything I've done.

So. I haven't made it back to the computer on a normal level, yet. Every time I try soemthing happens and I end up crying. LOL.

BUT IT'S OK BECAUSE

When I'm forgetting, I'm smiling.
SO I'VE BEEN SMILING A LOT.

Because I've been cleansing everything from my system, cleansing and forgetting until I can't feel anymore.

Feeling is for people that give a shit. :V

Bahahaha.

Drew my babies today. My Merrow babies. My hunter, Shark, My Mother, Sai, my Romantic, Piku, and his Lover, Jamie.

...Jamie is the only one without a pet name.

FFUUUUU-

Fft.

No, really though I'm in an excellent mood, I can't lie.
I feel quite free, at the moment. All's good and well, yeah?

Oh, 'cept another friend came to me confessing his love and jealousy that when I broke up with David I didn't go to him.

Sorry, Derrik. I don't love you and I never did. :>
But the play was fun. It helped keep me soothed. Sexually, of course.

Bahahaha.

Giddy, giddy. Maybe it's the guilt and denial still.

Maybe it's that I'm getting to the stage where I don't fucking care.

What is this?

People all around me, the ones I see every day, I am invisible to them. I am nothing, no one sees me.

I start dating someone, and I become an object, "Zack's Girlfriend", instead of 'Jordan'.

But that's an improvement, is it not? Atleast people know I exist, like this.

But everyone that DOES see me seems to fall in love with me, what is this?
~BldyMalice http://BldyMalice.deviantart.com/journal/28242061/ http://BldyMalice.deviantart.com/journal/28242061/ Mon, 09 Nov 2009 13:48:00 PST + - - - - - - - +

Hrrnngh.

I've been thinking, thinking.

I'm still kind of guilty, guilty.

That I slid into this so very smoothly,
that everything is fine. So fine.

That I feel good.

That I feel content.



I'm guilty for being happy, for feeling weightless, for how effortless living has become.

How easy it is to breathe, go from day to day, smile.

No, it's not bad.
But such ease should not be mine, no?

Not so deserving, so guilty, guilty.

Aaaahhh.

Hate me, hate me, it feels good, so good. Deserving.
You need better, you need more.

So go away, and hate me for all I've done, even if I shouldn't have.

Guilty for being happy, such a strange thing.

Oh, I feel so much better, oh, I shouldn't, I shouldn't.

Oh, why do I? Why is this?

And I slid into my new relationship with such mind-blowing ease, there was no.. huge transitions. At all.

Like everything is working so smoothly, smoothly, when it shouldn't be, should it?

After what I've done?

I won't be one to question this, though. No.

I'll accept it and keep walking.

Because this is fun and this is good!

My drawing muse came and visited me today, I drew Kira having a stare-down with a bottle of whiskey and then Jamie and Pikumei on the beach.

..I say that like I could ever draw them anywhere else. Hm.

I coloured it in crayons. Teehee. If my Alt room isn't locked I'll go run down there to try and grab it so I can scan and scrap it. Since i haven't been submitting anything lately.

Because I've been in a social/gaming phase.

But. Hm.

Wrist.


Hurts.


Over the weekend I had it wrapped and was gaming, and it stiffened up from not moving, so uh.

Yeah. I tried to open a bag of chips anbd couldn't do it. The pain is terrible, but Advil helps take down the swelling, and I've been forcing myself to work it out after the intense pain I had to go through on Sunday with it. I was starting to lose the ability to use L1 and L2, it was getting so bad. Ack. Now it only hurts real bad if it gets forced to bend dramatically.

Then I scream.


Like twisting a broken limb.

-shudder-

Either way, that was the bell.


Ilu all stiiilll <3

+ - - - - - +

Don't forget about my Scraps~

+Character List-
Pikumei, Jamie Hasselrode, Saizen, Kavian.
Myra Arnadottir, Kira Mcausland, Mercy, Darius.
Malice, Loki, Evian, Otis, Reiya.
Raxia, Sean, Amilee, Satsu.
Aishiozanryu, Seahi, Wight.
Taylor, Cale.
Sepulchral.
Eei.

+My Family-



+My Favorites-



+Amazing Artists-



Go check them out, it is totally worth your time.

+Clubs-

http://BldyMalice.deviantart.com/journal/28176177/ Fri, 06 Nov 2009 10:08:54 PST + - - - - - - - +

Several minor updates, all of them normal! (Yay!)


My wrist is fucking KILLING me.

For those of you that crack your knuckles, have you ever over-cracked them? That dull, hollow aching that you get in the joint, I have it through all the little bones in my left wrist.

Annd it's been only getting worse with abuse.

So like, I was getting into bed last night and I couldn't even hold myself up on it.

I have it wrapped right now, because the pressure is nice, it keeps it from moving too much and sending jolts of pain up my arm, and it reminds me to stop fucking using it.

Do you know how much your wrist moves insignificantly throughout an average day? Just like, flicking my bangs out of my face. Augh. I can still type fine, though, because there's not much wrist movement needed there.

It's like, such a superficial injury, I get such strange looks from the receptionist when I go in asking for medical on a completely unmarked wrist.

Gotta remember to keep flexing my fingers to keep the blood from pooling from the tight wrap. It's not TOO tight, but there's a lot of pressure. So.

Hmm Hmm. Man I am so bad for typing up REALLY LONG journals of nothing.

I have a really rambly nature, though. And words flow pretty easy, from me. So.

Next. Um. Zack. Is wonderful. I forgot how nice new relationships are.

That lovely fluttery-feeling, so nice. Set up his room and everything, yesterday. Putting up posters and the like. And gaming. He's trying to get me hooked on Kingdom Hearts, since the cult-following it had when it first came out scared me off pretty intensely. Watched him play the second one and explain it to me yesterday afternoon, then got home to play the first one, which he had lent me the day before but I hadn't had time to play yet.

Got my PS2 all hooked up, got all pumped for a serious gaming session, and got, "DUALSHOCK 2 controller not plugged in to controller port 1"

FUCKDICKCOCKSUCK.

I am STILL pissed that it refused my beautiful light blue and gray/white PSone controller that I've used for YEARS.

Since Collin Chamberlain fucking stole all my working PS2 controllers over the years.

So I went, dug around a bunch, and found my really old MadCatz controller, which is a fucking lost hope. SO. Plugged it in, had it all ready and dandy, when through a million and a half cutscenes, then got to the first part I actually have control over and the fucking analog constantly veers to the left.

FUUUUUUU-

SO I took the controller outside in the rain and smashed it against the road. :>

So. Pissed.

I'm hoping to borrow a controller from a nice kid on my road, since I was bitching and moaning about it on the bus this morning.

Yeah.


Hmm. What else. I've been PMSing, too, so every little thing going wrong has been being a huge hissy-fit worthy disaster for me.

Urgh.

This morning I was digging around for my lickable massage bars to bring to Zack's too, and the Vanilla one was gone, despite the fact that I had put them out on the shelf by the kitchen table SO NO ONE WOULD TAKE THEM ON ME.

KJFLKJSKLJFKLJSKLFJSKLFJKL.

I wanted the vanilla one, too. Stupid After Midnight Mint or whatever. They WERE originally my sister's, but she gave them to me to take down to David's, though he wasn't interested at all, so I only ended up using one once, and that was the mint one. Which is probably the only reason my sister hasn't nabbed that one on me too.

Right when I get a real boyfriend I can use them on, too! First she nabbed the Aphrodesiac blend one, which smelled like chocolate and delicious, and then the Vanilla one I was totally pumped for.

Tsssss.

Raaagggggeeee. Over stupid things. But I don't care how insignificant, it realllyyy got under my skiiiiinnn. That and I was extremely tired and grouchy when I realised it was gone.

FUUUUUUUU--


-flail-

Need to go shopping for little white stickers to put all over Zack's walls, since he has black lights in theereee. And they'll be all glowy and sweet. Hmmm hmmmm...

Teacher is getting on my ass again for dicking around on the computer instead of working, but there's a movie on so I don't see why it matttteeerrrssssss...
I hate watching movies in class, I get waaay too sucked into it. SO.


Hmmhmm.

I MISS EVERYONE. My drawing muse like, upped and vanished on me. Boyfriends do that, though. I remember when David did it, too. Hmm hmm.

'Cause they're all you think about, yeah?

I miss my iscribble frieennndddsssss... ]]> ~BldyMalice http://BldyMalice.deviantart.com/journal/28160644/ http://BldyMalice.deviantart.com/journal/28160644/ Thu, 05 Nov 2009 12:55:23 PST + - - - - - - - +

There is a legend many speak of, of a time when we of my kind first came to this place. Of a time so long ago the names are no longer remembered, and even now there are many who prefer to believe we have always been here, that we have always lived this way. When whispered this legend speaks of a godly place, of a place where the sun did not burn the flesh from our bones. A world we once ruled, where the vegetation was plentiful and the still water did not burn our throat.

This legend tells of how our ancestors, these ancient beings who outsmarted themselves, managed to destroy such a perfect paradise, caused it to crumble beneath them. Desperate, a great number of this population took to their technology, a creation of the mind so lost to our people now... They took to this in search of a new place for their kind to live. During their searches they found this place, and upon seeing life here similar to what they had destroyed, they settled down - completely unaware of the truths of this merciless world. Only a fraction of those survived the first turning, the first rising of the scorching Fire of the Sky. These first, these ancestors to us...

Legend speaks that they called themselves 'Homo Sapien'. They do not exist here, anymore.

Now we are all that is left.

- - -

WUT.
I have a world too. Only, it sucks shit and I've never done any real writing about it.

Has three moons, several species, lots of fun facts.


...

I'll go away now.

+ - - - - - +

Don't forget about my Scraps~

+Character List-
Pikumei, Jamie Hasselrode, Saizen, Kavian.
Myra Arnadottir, Kira Mcausland, Mercy, Darius.
Malice, Loki, Evian, Otis, Reiya.
Raxia, Sean, Amilee, Satsu.
Aishiozanryu, Seahi, Wight.
Taylor, Cale.
Sepulchral.
Eei.

+My Family-



+My Favorites-



+Amazing Artists-



Go check them out, it is totally worth your time.

+Clubs-



+ - - - - - - - - - - +

]]> ~BldyMalice http://BldyMalice.deviantart.com/journal/28010245/ http://BldyMalice.deviantart.com/journal/28010245/ Wed, 28 Oct 2009 11:15:56 PDT + - - - - - - - +

Hnnn. Hnnn.

-sigh-

Uh. Well.

. . . . .

Hah, I should stop that, it makes people feel like they should be expecting, something, like I have something big and glorious to say.

That's foolish.

No, there's nothing here. But a small fluttering in my chest, I suppose.

But it's not those thousand wings, again. It's the thousand moths of death,
like a fucking heart attack,

Axiety moths, I suppose.

Trapped within my slender bars of bone.

No, not moths, even. Moths are so beautiful in the moonlight,
glowing and fluttering in the most pearlescent way.

No, these are like the flies of carrion, on a rotted heart.

The nervousness, the anxiety, what to do?

I'm still figuring this out, but I've been here before, I've been here.

Will it hurt more this time?

Love me, someone. I'm going to fucking need it, soon.

Soon, soon, soon.

Never again will I promise forever.

Never.

Hmmhmm.


There's a part of me that likes this.

This anxiety, the tenseness, the way my muscless are so taut, so stressed.

The way my breathing stirs them, these flies that suffocate an already rotting heart, core.

My core is rotten, is this as true as it gets?

I cannot deny such a thing. Everyone is broken. Everything has it's price.

And I'm done.

Done, Done, Done.

...


I'm ready, now.

Take me, now.

It's over, now.






I'm ready to start living, again. Truly, again.

Everythign is fucking spinning, now.

Typing, now.

And it's opening, here.

At school. This is bad.

I'll have to hide, at lunch.

So people can't see me like this, typing furiously,
my face so blank
I'm so fucking blank.

The world spins, the vision blurs. All I can see are these letters on these keys but I don't see them I feel them, I know theyre there. Like a part of me, technology in my blood, wires through my fucking veins.

Why?

What am I saying, here?
What am I doing, here?

This is how I feel, can YOU feel it?

Can you feel how everything is spinning, suffocating, but so blank, all there is is this panic, this anxiety.

Ohhh, ohhh, Anxiety.

Who are you and why do I still say I love you? Why are you IN MY FUCKING HEAD?

I NEVER LET YOU THERE DID I LET YOU THERE? No, you matter, you're so important, you were so important.

A special key, a needed hope.

Something that loved me and protected me while I broke down everythign I had established, and built it back up from the ground.
Then, my life destroyed and re-built, I cracked myself open.

I felt the blood run down my face, so warm, so copper-tanged.

And it felt so horrible.

But I cracked my walls open, like ripping a pomegranate in two, the threads of my coping mechanisms straining, tearing, bleeding red and so deliciously sweet.

To lick it from my fingers, bloody juice, so sweet.

And I looked inside and everything was rotting.

Maggots, when they eat they make the sounds of rice krispies, did you know this?

Start out like tiny grains of rice, but soon they fatten up like puffed rice,
that's a good cereal, yes?
Maggot cereal.

In blood.


...blood.

Everything is still spinning. Hissing. Buzzing. I have music in. This is a good song, now.

"Your head will collapse
If there's nothing in it
And you'll ask yourself,

Where is my mind~?
Where is my mind?

Whhheerree is myy mind~~?"

Mnn Mnn Mnn.

And I smell of vanilla.

And You fixed me.
Or let me fix me.


And I was in hybernation, can't you see?

FATE.

Fate and balance, and lessons to be learned.
Word spinning, word weaving.

Vertigo.

Unbalanced. But only in my head.

Only in my head.
I felt myself snap, last night.

Near a friend.

He saw it in my eyes, he had to leave the room.

He saw the spinning in my mind, the danger.

The crazed fear. But I recovered, and I returned some balance to my ways.

I stopped laughing. He didn't like my laugh, the high, giggling cackle that is so uncontrollably, joy and fear as one.

He said I scared him. He held me by the face, I saw his eyes.

"You're scaring me, Jordan."

Oh.

Oh.


I'm sorry.
I don't mean... ]]> ~BldyMalice http://BldyMalice.deviantart.com/journal/27975764/ http://BldyMalice.deviantart.com/journal/27975764/ Mon, 26 Oct 2009 11:05:15 PDT + - - - - - - - +

Hurff duurrff.

Sitting actually IN my class,
not working because I'm lazy and rocking out to Zack's ipod,
while texting him the answers to the test on Ancient Egypt he must be doing.

Hmm hmm.

Also, I just shot over to his ipod all "WOW GOOD!" Because it's something I've already listened through on here. Durr.

That's what I get for having a repeat-one-song-forever listening style.
Seriously, if I like it enough to be able to loop it,
it's pretty much garaunteed that I'll be able to become horribly addicted to it. Mmm.

That's just kind of how I roll.

-think-

I dunno what else.

Lots is going on, but none of which can be.. applied to the people that would see this. Personal things that don't even have much to do with me, just....

Effect me, I suppose.

And problems with boys, exes, relationship stresses, trust and opening up - nothing new, of course!
So I'm quite calm, quite relaxed. I'm at the point where I'm simply sitting and letting things wash over, and waiting for Fate to pick up its feet and lead me to a decision. I do that, when I have honestly no idea what to do or where to go, and don't mind.

Sometimes being lost and clueless is a good thing, if you keep your head calm and don't panic.

It's a good time for thinking.

And weighing options, and values, and wondering what the fuck is wrong with me.

Or why I haven't killed myself yet out of sheer frustration with this broken, mangled mess.

Maybe.. Bah, because I'm slowly sorting through it.
As far as being able to open myself to tweak and fix things when I realise something is wrong goes, I think I'm actually better off than most people.

It's really quite effortless for me to look inside now, crack open my walls willingly so I can fix.

I'm glad I learned those lessons, those were good lessons.
Now I can be a person, yeah?

Maybe next I should work on valuing myself as more than a fucking waste of skin and oxygen.

Hmm hmm hmm.

But that might take some work. Hard work, with sweat and grease and blood for lubricant.

-shrug-

We'll see, I suppose.

Though time is a terrible measure of existence, it's time that will tell.

Time and Fate, Time and Fate.




+ - - - - - +

Don't forget about my Scraps~

+Character List-
Pikumei, Jamie Hasselrode, Saizen, Kavian.
Myra Arnadottir, Kira Mcausland, Mercy, Darius.
Malice, Loki, Evian, Otis, Reiya.
Raxia, Sean, Amilee, Satsu.
Aishiozanryu, Seahi, Wight.
Taylor, Cale.
Sepulchral.
Eei.

+My Family-



+My Favorites-



+Amazing Artists-



Go check them out, it is totally worth your time.

+Clubs-



+ - - - - - - - - - - +

]]> ~BldyMalice http://BldyMalice.deviantart.com/journal/27888947/ http://BldyMalice.deviantart.com/journal/27888947/ Wed, 21 Oct 2009 13:21:25 PDT + - - - - - - - +
SECOND TIME TYPING UP THE FIRST HALF. 'Cause I'm an idiot and refreshed. Durr.

Full first half done on paper. More scattered stuff typed up after I finished that. SO LONG. LOL. If you actually read this, I BEG you leave a comment saying so, because it will blow my fucking mind.


I should go separate the huge paragraphs a little more.
Also, what few names I used, I skimmed through and bolded a bunch of them so if I talked about you you can find it.... Though it's mostly just ~A-ano

- - - - - - -

Ah, so blank, so blank. He's developed into something, though. A simple something to base his words from. He's also developed a slight accent in my head, though I may just keep it there and enjoy it to myself. It's subtle, anyways, so it's not a big deal I like the way he says 'Mal', though even then i can't picture his actual voice, just how he speaks.

Is that weird? I have no idea. He's already seemed very thoughtful, and I think that's a first. I actually had him stopping to carefully pick his words, watching the reactions of the other, who was Rea's Merric -- first person to ever truly RP with him.

I trust Rea a lot, now. He called me his friend last night, I think I literally purred. Out loud. It's one thing to talk to someone often, or refer to them as "My friend ____", but... When you admire someone, watched them from the shadows wishing their other close friends were you, wishing so hard to be a part of a close knit pack of friends and the core tells you, straight, "Mal, you're a close friend." I... wanted to cry. I don't know why it was different with Rea, but it was.

Then again, I feel different toward Rea than I do most. Care more. Admire more. Look up to, so much. So, I suppose that's why. It's like being accepted by a god. That's also a strange thought to be writing out in Math class.

Wasn't I writing about Seahi up there just a few minutes ago? haha, I wander off so easy. Maybe being a temple brat taught him to speak carefully. I don't know how long that will stick, though, since I'm so sudden and impulsive and whatnot. My own ways and personality get in the way of my characters a lot, still.

BUT, I think that eventually I'll stop stepping into them and start pulling strings from afar, and then maybe, if I'm really lucky, I'll be able to let them form in my mind as people and react through me as their medium. That would be nice, wouldn't it?

There's a lot of mental stuff with RPing that I've found really gets in my way and causes my issues. No one ever told me how much of a mental game it really was. Is. Yeah. I've tried to stop saying ', Yeah?" at the end of my sentences because I want that to be something Mercy does, since I don't do it all that often anyways.

Even Malice, as my ‘ Persona’, isn’t me or a character. She's just that, a mask. A representation of myself. A step-in character. One I can take the personality of and replace it with myself, and feel no guilt. Kind of like what Holy did with Aima and Aura.

And watching that, it was murder. Perfectly good characters gutted and replaced by their owner, an emotionally empty puppeteer. Awful. I don't want to do that, so I made Malice specifically to serve that function for me. She can be whatever I want her to be. She is truly mine, She's is my mask and my skin I wear. But she can be apart from me, as well. I like this. Mercy is kind of the opposite. He started out as me speaking through him, and slowly I am trying, so hard, to distance myself from him, to let him be his own. Hmm.


This is the part where I'm writing at the top of a new sheet of paper, and my thoughts are somewhat fizzling and broadening at the same time. I just had a strange thought, is this ranting? Venting? Ranting, no -- I know for sure there must be something being peeled off your chest or shoulders for it to be ranting. Something being released. But... Venting?
Spilling thoughts onto paper, smooth.

See how clean and smooth my thoughts are, when translated so? Though they are honest, and they glide from topic to topic, they are complete and fresh, and not thought over at all. I dare not think about the, before I write, or they come out all muddled and mangled. I try to put down all my points at once, the order is all messed up and it looks like shit. What does that say about me, I wonder? That my thoughts are smoother if I don't try and organize them first.

I wish I knew things about psychology, or someone that knew it well. I hope that's what Logan goes in for. I think he'd be good at it - He’s the best logical counselor I could ask for, though it often comes as a reality smack to the face. Rea has interest in it too, or so I've read. That's neat I'd... ]]> ~BldyMalice http://BldyMalice.deviantart.com/journal/27779660/ http://BldyMalice.deviantart.com/journal/27779660/ Thu, 15 Oct 2009 12:32:22 PDT
. . . Urrghh...

I'm at school, as I usually am when I take the time to do journals.

My head. Is killing me.

Oh lord.

Everything is so fuzzy and my right eye aches and I feel like I'm going to throw up and I wish I could think because not being able to think or do is my least favorite thing ever.

Just stuck here, with my own muddled thoughts, cloudy and fog-filled and not much fun.

Every time I turn or move I flinch at the pain and then that hurts more and jdjgfgjd.

But I've had much, MUCH worse. This one just gives me enough free thought room to suffer, rather than just blinding pain. I woke up with it too, so I have no idea wtf is going on, and time is passing weird and I just put a cracker in my mouth and felt my throat tense up and the back of my tongue pull back like my body was getting ready to get violently ill.

I managed to swallow it, though. Last time I remember Ritz being a LOT more delicious, but I can hardly taste it todaay. As a side note this is just me rambling because I can't think to do much else, so uh... Yeah. Somone in the library computer across the aisle from me is watching the first Saw movie fullscreen without headphones. And the retarded-looking girl beside me with the unwashed dandruff-filled hair is watching CareBears and Duck Tales on Youtube.

And yesterday she sat in the same spot and was reading like, teeny-bopper style porn fanfics on Quizilla. I am.. saddened and confused.
Oh shit, now she's typing up a fanfic about pokemon. A BAD one. I don't even know what to do. Oh, there she pulled up duck tales again. How interesting, spying on people is.

The boys on the other side are watching youtube videos of snakes eating rabbits. A bit better, but now they switched to watching the hampsters running on the wheels and falling off. Hmmhmm.

I have my sketchbook and drawing stuff out, but so far that's as far as I've gotten and I'm just using my sketchbook for an arm rest.

...It feels like someone is pinching between my eyes. Stop that, go away. It makes my eyes unfocus, and I don't like it. So stop. Please.

. . .

They just looked up hampsters in microwaves, but luckily the one nearest me has a hert and couldn't bear to even let it load. Awww. Little boys are adorable. I want one. :/

Someone should sell their little brother to me. Please. I've always wanted one.



....

My little friend Dyton just came by and gave me a big chocolate bar for no reason. TwT;;
I feel rather loved. Also, now I'm just going through iScribbles "top 100 rated drawings" And downrating all the stuff that gets like, ONE +6 by a friend and totally doesn't deserve to be on that page alongside total masterpieces. SO.

It makes me feel like I'm cleaning up grime.

Hmmhmm.

. . .

My forhead is very very hot. Mostly on the right side, though. It also feel like a draft is running along my right eye behind my glasses, which I'm actually wearing for once. I never wear them.

UM.

IDK. I'm going to take more painkillers.

+ - - - - - +

Don't forget about my Scraps~

+Character List-
Pikumei, Jamie Hasselrode, Saizen, Kavian.
Myra Arnadottir, Kira Mcausland, Mercy, Darius.
Malice, Loki, Evian, Otis, Reiya.
Raxia, Sean, Amilee, Satsu.
Aishiozanryu, Seahi, Wight.
Taylor, Cale.
Sepulchral.
Eei.

+My Family-



+My Favorites-



+Amazing Artists-

http://BldyMalice.deviantart.com/journal/27761650/ Wed, 14 Oct 2009 12:09:40 PDT
Ok guys. Really.

You need to submit more deviations.

And oh, my fair little iscribble group, you know who you are.

/YES/. Pretty much all of you..
Have had wonderfully useless galleries to me.

Cooome on.

SO I'm sitting here at lunch, TRYING to compile something akin to gift art, and you know how HARD it is to draw a character from memory that you've only seen on the board once or twice, haven't talked to, but know is important? Gaaahhh.

Rea, you're off the hook. Because I've taken the time to fantard and get to know your characters and draw them enough to support an entire civilization.

... All of my Danni group are fine, I found adequate refs when hunting.




....


Any.

Really.
I am going to verbally abuse you through text the INSTANT I get home. Life too. YOU GUYS. ADHADJLAKD. ;;;

I /DEMAND/ YOU GET YOUR ASSES TO SUBMITTING AT /LEAST/ ONE GOOD REF OF AT LEAST ONE MAIN CHARACTER.

FFFFUUCK.

....AT LEAST I CAN FIND LIFE'S STUFF ON ISCRIBBLE.

ANY, YOU BITCH.

I'M COMING FOR YOU.

D<

-rages for a while, then gos back to her giftart doodle page-

. . .


Fffuck.

... I'm also wondering if I should colour this eventually :V If I dun ruin it. This is a really fun activity, though, so I might have to do it more often.

-stares-

It's also hard to balance how many chars from each person when YOU NEVER FUCKING SEE THEIR CHARACTERS, RIGHT ANY?

Ffftt -grumbles-

And I can't even get on my home board on iscribz where I KNOW there's a Nina chilling. Fffuck.

..On average mosssstt of the people I have on here have two characters.


....

So far I have characters that belong to Me, Reason, Eli, Tomorrow, Kelsey, Life, and a placeholder for Any, and ideas for Peri.

That list repeated,
,
and , .

...

I don't know why I'm making a journal entirely on one sketchbook page, but maybe it's MY UNBRIDLED RAAAAGEE.
Sort of.

REA: I should not have more refs in my gallery than you have in yours. Seriously. I'm not actually complaining, but the sentence made me LOL. I drew Insan and it looks like Insan, holy fuck.

LIFE: I need to meet your characters, they're pretty much.. the only ones that don't have much personality to them brcause I don't KNOW their personality LOL.
WE NEED. SOME ONE-ON-ONE TIME. I KNOW /NOTHING/ ABOUT YOU. OR YOUR CHARACTERS. OTHER THAN NAMES AND BASIC GENERAL SHIT. Ffffcuk. And Chaz is so fucking cute omfg. Hrrrffff. ilu <3 But you get a swift kick the instant I get home.

ANY: FHKSFH.KFHKJSFHKJSH. I LOVE YOU. THUS I KNOW I CAN BEAT YOU AND GET AWAY WITH IT. YOUR GALLERY SUCKS. UPDATE IT. FUCKING. NOW. You didn't get that new fancy tablet for nothing, you little cockbite, USE IT. D< D< D<


sdfhsdjs

Ilu guis.

Have I mentioned these people are my world? LOL.

Ilu my iscribble family <3 Now smarten the fuck up. e___e;


+ - - - - - +

Don't forget about my Scraps~

+Character List-
Pikumei, Jamie Hasselrode, Saizen, Kavian.
Myra Arnadottir, Kira Mcausland, Mercy, Darius.
Malice, Loki, Evian, Otis, Reiya.
Raxia, Sean, Amilee, Satsu.
Aishiozanryu, Seahi, Wight.
Taylor, Cale.
Sepulch... ]]> ~BldyMalice http://BldyMalice.deviantart.com/journal/27743288/ http://BldyMalice.deviantart.com/journal/27743288/ Tue, 13 Oct 2009 12:07:32 PDT @___________@ - [link]

OH. MY. GOD. I CAME.
THAT IS THE CUTEST FUCKING CREATURE I HAVE EVER LAID EYES ON. JHSFKJSFH.
HERE. HERE. I'LL GRACE YOU WITH ANOTHER. [link]

THEY'RE CALLED FENNEC FOXES.
OH MY
FUCKING
GOD.

I think I just came again.
sdfjsdkljf;;;;

-breathes-


WOW. THAT WAS AMAZING.

FFT.


OK. I actually had something to say here. RIGHT.

Wolf OCs.

I made one.

I feel unclean, but I'm sure I'll get used to it.

Ohhh the possibilitiiesss.

.....

OH MY GOD THOSE FOXES.
I MUST MAKE ONE.
THEY ARE.
SO.
CUTE.

. . . .
Sorry, sorry, I can't help it.

UM.

YEAH. I have a friend who is sitting next to me so I keep veering off to talk to her. FFFT.

SO THIS IS REALLY SCATTERED. SORRY AGAIN.


...YEAH.

.....


THAT'S ALL FOR NOW.

. . . [link]

+ - - - - - +

Don't forget about my Scraps~

+Character List-
Pikumei, Jamie Hasselrode, Saizen, Kavian.
Myra Arnadottir, Kira Mcausland, Mercy, Darius.
Malice, Loki, Evian, Otis, Reiya.
Raxia, Sean, Amilee, Satsu.
Aishiozanryu, Seahi, Wight.
Taylor, Cale.
Sepulchral.
Eei.

+My Favorites-



+Amazing Artists-



Go check them out, it is totally worth your time.

+Clubs-



+ - - - - - - - - - - +

]]> ~BldyMalice http://BldyMalice.deviantart.com/journal/27650846/ http://BldyMalice.deviantart.com/journal/27650846/ Thu, 08 Oct 2009 13:35:43 PDT Tagged by who was tagged by , I believe.

Uh. I've been really sensitive about my characters, and have been trying not to bring much attention to them lately, since I've been in the presence of CHARACTR-CREATION GODS. (Such as =SuperSpongeNova and ~A-ano).
SO. I don't know what to say, really. D:

Ten facts on characters, tag people. K.

--Kira Mcausland--
He's been on my mind all day, so I want to talk about him. I don't think I've done one of these things for him, yet.

1) - He's a raging alcoholic. He's always drinking if he's at home, and if he's not he's usually drunk before he goes out.

2) - His drinking started when he was 17, when his 15-year-old-brother attacked him with a knife, emotionally and physically scarring him severely, as he was always emotionally unstable. It only got worse from there, and now he's just a depressing sack of alcoholism.

3) - On the previous point, he has a large scar from under his eye that runs down across his cheek to his chin. The raised- texture of it was treated and slowly went away after his brother attacked him, but the discolouration remains. This is the reason he wears the highquality white make-up style face paint.

4) - And why he dresses in a very clown-like fashion. The coloured mohawk is fake, and is actually woven in. He LOVES colour, the brighter and more vibrant, the better.

5) - There is only one thing in the world that he will willing sober up for, --
KIRA.
LOVES.
SNOWBOARDING.
He is a FANATIC. The instant the first snow hits, he's even more excitable than Mercy, and abandons alcohol completely, because the thought of going down a slope intoxicated actually terrifies him.

6) - The only time you'll see him genuinely happy and cheerful is if snowboarding is involved. Once he gets his snowpants and goggles, his personality does a complete backflip and he reverts back to the happy fag he used to be.

7) - On the mention of fag, he likes sex quite a bit. He's not picky, generally, (THOUGH DON'T LET THAT FOOL YOU - I STILL WILL NOT RP HIM FUCKING YOUR CHARACTER, I'M SO RP FRIGID LOL.) and will fuck anything with legs, if he's in the mood.

8) - It's Kira's mother that pays for the house him, Mercy, Myra, and Darius live in. The money he uses for booze comes from his mother as well, who is paying the intuition fees of the college he's not going to. Which is kind of sad, because Kira has a REALLY nice mother. She's the kind that would bake you cookies and fatten you up. She'd make a good grandmother, really.

9) - Has dabbled in drugs before, but has Mercy on his back really hard about it, so he generally avoids it because Mercy is his absolute best friend, and Mercy's the only one that can guilt him to the core. (Though Myra often acheives things just as successfully using fists and brute force.)

10) - Um. I just came up completely blank. OH. He's 23, which makes him one of my oldest characters age-wise. And uh, he often drags Mercy out snowboarding with him, which destroys Mercy's soul as he hates everything even remotely to do with cold, and can't snowboard to save his life. But Kira drags him against his will. There. I feel like this point isn't very fleshed out, what more can I scrounge up? Likes super spicy food. Hotsauce is his friend, though he doesn't eat much. ALSO ANOTHER FUN FACT, the center of his eyebrows is shaved, and he draws the line in there with eyeliner. WIN. He's getting it tattooed on eventually, though. THERE.

I'll try and add more when I get home from school, I'm out of time, now.

ENJOY YOU FAGS.




+ - - - - - +

Don't forget about my Scraps~

+Character List-
Pikumei, Jamie Hasselrode, Saizen, Kavian.
Myra Arnadottir, Kira Mcausland, Mercy, Darius.
Malice, Loki, Evian, Otis, Reiya.
Raxia, Sean, Amilee, Satsu.
Aishiozanryu, Seahi, Wight.
Taylor, Cale.
Eei.

+My Favorites-

http://BldyMalice.deviantart.com/journal/27615101/ Tue, 06 Oct 2009 13:09:47 PDT
-breathes-

Can I..

May I spill somethings out here? Some things that have been eatting away at my personal life. And by personal life, I mean my home life - I have no life outside my house, and I'm not kidding.

School consists of bitching through my first two blocks, following the only group of friends that can see me with my head down, and being the tag along at lunch. I get to spend my spare with Robert, though, which is nice because he actually talks to me, rather than just making brief eye contact every so often to prove that I'm still welcome in the group, as he does at Lunch. Bio is silent, I just sit and stare and listen and dooodle.

Buut, I'm not upset about school. And I mean, in truth, I don't have much right to bitch about things, but... I feel as though it might help me get things off my chest. Or back. Or shoulders, since that seems to weigh me down the most when I get stressed. I don't really know.

The house is falling apart. It's coming down around me. The archway/doorway to the pantry is dripping so much water we have like eight bowls laid out to catch the water coming down through the roof, through the wall, and dripping out thick, brown and with the consistency of syrup - the whole house reeks of must and rot and mold now. The shower taps are fucking.. fucked. The cold water tap is completely removed, and you have to turn it on with pliers that sit on the tub beside it. The hot water is constantly ON. It's not even considered leaking anymore - it's a fair sized constant stream at this point, it's fucking awful. Everytime you walk into the bathroom you get assaulted by a wall of steam.

My grandmother left the window open in my room, CORRECTION: Our room. I share a bunk bed with my grandmother. I sleep on the top. Anyways, the dew from outside came in, as it hadn't turned to frost yet, and all of my bedding was soaked. I touched my cat when I was climbing into bed, and she was damp. It was so wet in there my CAT was damp. I was so pissed, and accordingly got up and shut the fucking window, since everyone else seems to be fucking retarded. Does she not NOTICE how WET her bedding is when she crawls into it?!

Next, my grandmother kept me up all night coughing. Seriously, she did the same shit last night too. The cancer (which she still ahs the nerve to fucking deny) and apparently a 'cold' has been making her hack her lungs out, and until now I've just taken it as a sure sign the cancer would claim her life soon and she'd fucking die already.

But not until she has her fill of torturing me. SO I didn't get to sleep until 2AM, even WITH earplugs, and I didn't sleep well on top of that because my fucking bed was WET.

I woke up in the morning dead tired, my eyes stinging and not wanting to open, almost crying from the sheer frustration of trying to make my mind work. When my grandmother came in to tell me to get the fuck out of bed, I mentioned how exhauseted I was, and she laughed,

Then she fucking said to me, "Well then, you should go to bed at night."

I will kill her.


+ - - - - - +

Don't forget about my Scraps~

+Character List-
Pikumei, Jamie Hasselrode, Saizen, Kavian.
Myra Arnadottir, Kira Mcausland, Mercy, Darius.
Malice, Loki, Evian, Otis, Reiya.
Raxia, Sean, Amilee, Satsu.
Aishiozanryu, Seahi, Wight.
Taylor, Cale.
Eei.

+My Favorites-



+Amazing Artists-



Go check them out, it is totally worth your time.

+Clubs-

http://BldyMalice.deviantart.com/journal/27568862/ Sat, 03 Oct 2009 23:35:32 PDT
Dancing, a sad dance.

Like a puppet on a string, I let you play with me, and I hope beyond hope beyond hope that you'll see me maybe see me and will you smile love? Will you SMILE at me? Will you see me? Will you realize all I want is to be good enough for you?

I'm sorry I'm not good enough.
I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry,

I'm sorry I gave him to you, I had no idea..

I had no idea you grew bored of people so fast. Maybe one day you'll see me again, yeah? Maybe one day I'll be something to you.

Other than a lonely, heartbroken marionette,

Dancing on this twisted little string.





+ - - - - - +

Don't forget about my Scraps~

+Character List -
Pikumei, Jamie Hasselrode, Saizen, Kavian.
Myra Arnadottir, Kira Mcausland, Mercy, Darius.
Malice, Loki, Evian, Otis, Reiya.
Raxia, Sean, Amilee, Satsu.
Aishiozanryu, Seahi, Wight.
Taylor, Cale.
Eei.

+My Favorites-



+Amazing Artists-



Go check them out, it is totally worth your time.

+Clubs-



+ - - - - - - - - - - +

]]> ~BldyMalice http://BldyMalice.deviantart.com/journal/27559199/ http://BldyMalice.deviantart.com/journal/27559199/ Sat, 03 Oct 2009 13:20:20 PDT
This is all your fault.
Yours and mine.
And I can't wait until I'm over you.

. . .

-headshake-

I'll admit it's not your fault I'm so stupid, such a worthless virgin of these ways.

But it's fine.




I'll get over you eventually.

(and every time it's the same, same hate, same pain, same longing for what I can't have sameseveredconnectionsKJGFHKFHS. )

In my head now you're just like Her.

I don't think anythng can save you from this assosciation, now.

I love you,
Ohh,

I love you.

+ - - - - - +

Don't forget about my Scraps~

+Character List -
Pikumei, Jamie Hasselrode, Saizen, Kavian.
Myra Arnadottir, Kira Mcausland, Mercy, Darius.
Malice, Loki, Evian, Otis, Reiya.
Raxia, Sean, Amilee, Satsu.
Aishiozanryu, Seahi, Wight.
Taylor, Cale.
Eei.

+My Favorites-



+Amazing Artists-



Go check them out, it is totally worth your time.

+Clubs-



+ - - - - - - - - - - +

]]> ~BldyMalice http://BldyMalice.deviantart.com/journal/27485625/ http://BldyMalice.deviantart.com/journal/27485625/ Tue, 29 Sep 2009 12:53:56 PDT
Oh lord, I love them.

To no end. I finished the most awesome series of books I have had the ecstacy of reading yesterday, The Chronicles of Malus Darkblade Volume One - [link]

Happiness is. SO, predictably, I went online to see if my local book store had the second volume, and then learned THAT IT'S NOT PUBLISHED UNTIL NOVEMBER 24TH. ljkddfhksjdfhsdf

So now I have to WAIT.

AUUUGHHH.

-sobs uncontrollably-


+ - - - - - +

Don't forget about my Scraps~

+Character List -
Pikumei, Jamie Hasselrode, Saizen, Kavian.
Myra Arnardottir, Kira Mcausland, Mercy, Darius.
Malice, Loki, Evian, Otis, Reiya.
Raxia, Sean, Amilee, Satsu.
Aishiozanryu, Seahi, Wight.
Taylor, Cale.
Eei.

+My Favorites-



+Amazing Artists-



Go check them out, it is totally worth your time.

+Clubs-



+ - - - - - - - - - - +

]]> ~BldyMalice http://BldyMalice.deviantart.com/journal/27429751/ http://BldyMalice.deviantart.com/journal/27429751/ Sat, 26 Sep 2009 13:44:50 PDT
... I think I'm getting sick. I am SO not pleased.
Cause I can't take sick days from school, or I'll fall behind in Biology and fail miserably.
That thought DOES NOT please me in the least.

Ugghhh...

+ - - - - - +

Don't forget about my Scraps~

+Character List -
Pikumei, Jamie Hasselrode, Saizen, Kavian.
Myra Arnardottir, Kira Mcausland, Mercy, Darius.
Malice, Loki, Evian, Otis, Reiya.
Raxia, Sean, Amilee, Satsu.
Aishiozanryu, Seahi.
Taylor, Cale.
Eei.

+My Favorites-



+Amazing Artists-



Go check them out, it is totally worth your time.

+Clubs-



+ - - - - - - - - - - +

]]> ~BldyMalice http://BldyMalice.deviantart.com/journal/27414143/ http://BldyMalice.deviantart.com/journal/27414143/ Fri, 25 Sep 2009 17:27:54 PDT Rules*
-If you get more than 30, get some counseling.
-If you get more than 20, you’re paranoid.
-If you get 11-20, you are normal.
-If you get 10 or less, you’re fearless.
-People who don’t have any are full of ..........
-Tag 10 of your friends and find out whether or not they suffer paranoia.

I fear ...

[ ] black people
[ ] the dark
[ ] staying single forever
[x] being a parent
[ ] being myself in front of others
[ ] open spaces
[x] closed spaces
[ ] heights
[x] dogs
[ ] birds
[ ] fish
[x] spiders
[ ] flowers or other plants

Total so far: 4

[ ] being touched
[ ] fire
[x] deep deep water
[ ] snakes
[ ] silk
[ ] the ocean
[x] failure
[ ] success
[ ] thunder/lightning
[ ] frogs/toads
[ ] my boyfriends/girlfriends dad
[ ] my boyfriends/girlfriends mom
[ ] rats
[x] jumping from high places
[ ] snow

Total so far: 7

[ ] rain
[x] wind
[ ] crossing hanging bridges
[ ] death
[ ] heaven
[ ] being robbed..
[ ] falling
[ ] clowns
[ ] dolls
[ ] large crowds of people
[ ] men
[ ] women
[x] having great responsibilities
[ ] doctors
[ ] tornadoes

Total so far: 9

[ ] hurricanes
[ ] incurable diseases
[ ] sharks
[ ] Friday the 13th
[ ] scary movies
[x] poverty
[ ] Halloween
[ ] school
[ ] trains
[ ] odd numbers
[ ] even numbers [unless they can be divided odd]
[x] being alone
[x] becoming blind
[ ] becoming deaf
[ ] growing up

Total so far: 12

[x] creepy noises in the night
[ ] accomplishing my dreams/goals
[ ] needles
[ ] blood

Total: 13

I also have intense fears of Driving and doors being locked when I go to open them.

HAHAH I'M NORMAL.

+ - - - - - +

Don't forget about my Scraps~

+Character List -
Pikumei, Jamie Hasselrode, Saizen, Kavian.
Myra Arnardottir, Kira Mcausland, Mercy, Darius.
Malice, Loki, Evian, Otis, Reiya.
Raxia, Sean, Amilee, Satsu.
Aishiozanryu, Seahi.
Taylor, Cale.
Eei.

+My Favorites-



+Amazing Artists-



Go check them out, it is totally worth your time.

+Clubs-



+ - - - - - - - - - - +

]]> ~BldyMalice http://BldyMalice.deviantart.com/journal/27338235/ http://BldyMalice.deviantart.com/journal/27338235/ Mon, 21 Sep 2009 12:54:38 PDT
Uhh.

Another one of those 'I'm-bored-and-on-DA-at-school-and-completely-avoiding-doing-homework-I-really-should-be-doing' type updates again.

UHH. School = Biology 12 is hard, and we're doing CHEMISTRY in it which is fucking bullshit forever and ever and ever.
Fuck.
( I've been doing Bio in ALL my classes so far, and had a test at lunch. My brain has turned to smoosh.)

Smooshy brain keeps being told by body that shoulders hurt and sleep is a good thing. Shush, body. Smooshy brain is raging and trying not to collapse in on itself, can't you see?

Ffffuck I feel retarded, everything in my head is fuzzy. And I still have my ACTUAL Biio block, and I already went and overloaded my thinky bit.

...Fffffuck.

-attempts to flop-

Any, since I know you'll be reading this because I KNOW you,I need to get aquainted with some of your characters so I can pick a favorite - I don't have one for you yet, so I can't really doodle for you.

And I feel creepy repeatedly drawing other people's OC for like, one or two other people. It gets repetetive, and I'm afraid someone will be like "Dude ok cool STOP DRAWING MY CHARACTER ALL THE TIME THAT'S REALLY FUCKING FREAKY."

L-Lol oops sorry, I get obsessive like that. OCs are the same to me as characters in a beloved book, I love them I love them I love them, Like characters in an anime, I fangirl them. I'm sooorrrrryyyy..~

FJKHJSKFH CAN'T SPELL. I've gone back and fixed SO many typos already, LOL. Also, I've been sitting here with my arm resting on the Bio textbook I STILL haven't opened, though I DID bend down to grab the appropriate writing utensils.

AND TO TOP IT ALL OFF MY PHONE IS DEAD. So I'm all aloonneee....

God I can't wait to get home.
I'm not even aware enoguh to be upset or raging anymroe, everything is just fuzzy because my smoosh bit went out-of-order.

And the ache in my thumb knuckle has ben acting up REALLY bad since last night, I wonder what it is. My sister says it's from repetetive motion, my grandmother suggests arthritis. My grandmother is fucking retarded, though, so her opinion is null.

Ugh, in my next block I can probably ignore most of everything and just.. take down the notes for today, which in itself is a challenge, as Mr. Pataky has writing that even rivals that of Reason, and a slightly unfocused overhead projector.

GOD DAMNIT Basic thoughts are taking me FOREVER to figure out. Smoosh brain sucks. And I'm probably going to be plagued with it throughout this whole course, until it builds up smooshing resistance. I hope I get smarter from this. T_____T;;

...

ENJOY MY FUCKING NOVEL OF A JOURNAL ENTRY, BITCHES.

The word of today is "Ffffffuck."

...

Fffuck.

+ - - - - - +

Don't forget about my Scraps~

+Character List -
Pikumei, Jamie Hasselrode, Saizen, Kavian.
Myra Arnardottir, Kira Mcausland, Mercy, Darius.
Malice, Loki, Evian, Otis, Reiya.
Raxia, Sean, Amilee, Satsu.
Aishiozanryu, Seahi.
Taylor, Cale.
Eei.

+My Favorites-



+Amazing Artists-



Go check them out, it is totally worth your time.

+Clubs-



+ - - - - - - - - - - +

]]> ~BldyMalice http://BldyMalice.deviantart.com/journal/27280686/ http://BldyMalice.deviantart.com/journal/27280686/ Fri, 18 Sep 2009 13:27:30 PDT
I suppose I should update that a lot of stuff got fixed with school, thank fucking christ. My new schedule for this semester is

Block A - Alt Ed
Block B - Alt Ed
Block C - Study 12
Block D - Biology 12

Holy christ, coming into Bio late, I'm already like, dying of stress from this course. I'm so not used to doing mature stuff like not learning absolutely everything from listening and taking down the notes the teacher does. Actually having to read the book is ridiculous, in my head, I don't think that's a very good thing, LOL.

Also I HAVE to complete Math 11E this semester, which I've already fallen behind the rest of the kids int he class doing it becasue I missed that I needed a formula and calculated all the compounded interest wrong. Woohoo. So I did like a full page and a half wrong, and had to trash all of it. I am so not happy about that.

Also, if you ahven't been seeing me around very much, it's because I've been suffering from these awful tension headaches lately, and so staying focussed on the computer is insanely hard.

I'm hoping things will settle down - Starting next week the proper schedule with DPA starts up, which pretty much adds another half an hour onto my lunch. Which is totally badass.

ALSO I BOUGHT A BOOK TODAY. AHAHAH. I LOVE BOOK SHOPPPIINNGGG.
"Chronicles of Malus Darkblade Volume One by Dan Abnet & Mike Lee"
I am fucking excited. [link]

Also, Dan Abnett is one of my absolute favorite authors (next to R.A. Salvatore) for writing my all-time favorite book, Gilead's Blood! [link]

Eeheehee!~~

TO MY iSCRIBBLE BUDDIES (and anyone else that loves me) :
If you have unlimited texting, can text Canada, and aren't afriad to fucking entertain me, I need your number. Seriously. Need some online friends to keep me company through the day, this stress is ridiculous.
+ - - - - - +

Don't forget about my Scraps~

+Character List -
Pikumei, Jamie Hasselrode, Saizen, Kavian, Kita.
Myra Arnardottir, Kira Mcausland, Mercy, Darius.
Rhylkahzar, Mas'eth, Aishiozanryu.
Malice, Loki, Evian, Otis, Reiya.
Raxia, Sean, Amilee, Satsu.
Taylor, Cale, Seahi.
Eei.

+My Favorites-



+Amazing Artists-



Go check them out, it is totally worth your time.

+Clubs-



+ - - - - - - - - - - +

]]> ~BldyMalice http://BldyMalice.deviantart.com/journal/27208640/ http://BldyMalice.deviantart.com/journal/27208640/ Mon, 14 Sep 2009 12:42:05 PDT
HSfkjsdhghsd. ksjdghkjs dfjksdhfkjsdhf. FUCK.

This school is so fucking corrupt and overcrowded and fucking underbudget.
I'm probably dropping out now.

I don't fucking care, I'm not going to graduate here anyways. I've already had one emotional breakdown today, and I'm bordering on the second. "Oh but what did they do?" you ask..?

They pulled me out of English 11. "Oh that's just one course."
No. Not only do I love English and have been LOOKING FORWARD to taking a writing class WITH A TEACHER who will actually read and appreciate my work, but I had already bonded with the teacher I was supposed to have. In four days. She's the only other person I have ever met that understands why and how I go into shock after reading a book. I wanted to WRITE for her.

Not to mention I need that class to graduate. Urgently.
I'm trying to complete grade 11 AND 12 this year so I can just graduate and get everything done and then they go and sdjklghshglekrheu.

Ok, so I'm an Alternate Education student, which means for the first two blocks every day I have classes where I do courses independant from everyone else in the class, where everyone is doing their own thing. This is usuall fine, as it serves as an extra course or two I'm working on, as well as a homework block. But I can't do ALL my work in it, I don't have enough drive. I mean, Math 10E, which is RETARD math, took me THREE FUCKING YEARS. I am so mathematically retarded UGGGGH.

So currently my timetable looks like this:

Block A - Alternate Education

Block B - Alternate Education

Block C - Study 12

Block D - Studio Arts 12: Drawing and Painting

SO. I get Retard Math, Retard Math, Deviant Art, and The Worst Course Ever. Fuck.

My.

Life.

I want to kill a bitch, or cry and scream, or a bit of both.

So from like 12-1:40 my time I'll be on DA, you should note me, or comment a lot or SOMETHING because it's the only thign I have to do and atm I'm upset and want someone's lap to crawl into and I hate everything and there is nothing else to do ont he school computers because iscribble doesn't work due to insufficient Flash and they have all Messenger sites blocked.

Someone.

Save me.


+ - - - - - +

Don't forget about my Scraps~

+Character List -
Pikumei, Jamie Hasselrode, Saizen, Kavian, Kita.
Myra Arnardottir, Kira Mcausland, Mercy, Darius.
Rhylkahzar, Mas'eth, Aishiozanryu.
Malice, Loki, Evian, Otis, Reiya.
Raxia, Sean, Amilee.
Taylor, Seahi.
Eei.

+My Favorites-



+Amazing Artists-



Go check them out, it is totally worth your time.

+Clubs-



+ - - - - - - - - - - +

]]> ~BldyMalice http://BldyMalice.deviantart.com/journal/27180478/ http://BldyMalice.deviantart.com/journal/27180478/ Sat, 12 Sep 2009 22:50:37 PDT
More whining goes here, I suppose. More complaining, and the like.

Hmm. I guess a great start is that I'm sorry to everyone I've beed sort of brushing off, I just... Being around some people lately has had me really emotionally unstable, able to either be really happy or really murky from it. I've been getting extremely jealous of attention and it's starting to rot away at me to the point that it's noticable.

So if my mood drops and falls and I crawl away, that's usually why. and I kind of laugh, because I really want to be included in everything, and I despise being left out, but when actually asked to join I'd be more likely to refuse out of fear.

I'm so very afraid of things I don't know for sure I can do, and so even if I REALLY want to do it, I lock up, freeze, mentally freak out, and back down. I go back to watching everyone else, feeling glum and worthless and just kind of.. fading into the background.

Roleplaying seems to be quite the reoccuring theme here, have you noticed? So a lot of this, (or almost all) applies to that as well. I want to RP with pretty much everyone I rabidly stalk, but am much too scared to. I'm much too awkward about it. So if you see me in an RP board - which I'm always in, but I'm not RPing, that's why. I'd love to be, but I probably haven't worked the nerve back up to.

It's weird, because before I had my thoughts over seperating my characters from me I was fine - I was so excited and willing to RP with everyone! But after I came to that realization it just kind of... faded to depressed anxiety over it. I realized how bad I am at it, in my own mind, and how easy it would be for me to make a fool of myself.

I can't stand the thought of embarassing myself, it's one of my greatest fears..

But I still want to be involved with people, so... I really don't know, I don't.

But.. Either way there's a nice window into my head for anyone that's interested...

I really do love you all!

- - - - - -- - - - - - - - -


ALSO.

...I should get a better icon for DA.

... So someone out there should love me and make me one becasue lord knows I'm retarded. Maybe a little pixel-ey standing Mini-Mal. I should draw a reference, post it at the bottom of every journal, and hope someone does if for me. Idk what I could do to pay them back, though, unless they'd want me to like, draw them craptastic art or something. idk.

It was just a thought.


+ - - - - - +

Don't forget about my Scraps~

+Character List -
Pikumei, Jamie Hasselrode, Saizen, Kavian, Kita.
Myra Arnardottir, Kira Mcausland, Mercy, Darius.
Rhylkahzar, Mas'eth, Aishiozanryu.
Malice, Loki, Evian, Otis, Reiya.
Raxia, Sean, Amilee.
Taylor, Seahi.
Eei.

+My Favorites-



+Amazing Artists-



Go check them out, it is totally worth your time.

+Clubs-



+ - - - - - - - - - - +

]]> ~BldyMalice http://BldyMalice.deviantart.com/journal/27142477/ http://BldyMalice.deviantart.com/journal/27142477/ Thu, 10 Sep 2009 23:01:23 PDT
STOLEN FROM

YOUR BOY SIDE
[x] you love hoodies
[x] you love jeans
[] dogs are better than cats
[x] it's hilarious when people get hurt and fall
[x] you've played with/against boys on a team
[x] shopping is torture
[x] sad movies suck
[x] you own a XBOX,
[] you played with Hot Wheels as a little kid
[] at some point in life you wanted to be a firefighter
[x] you owned a DS PS2 or Sega
[] you used to be obsessed with Power Rangers
[] you watch sports on TV
[x] gory movies are cool
[] you go to your dad for advice
[] you have at least 1 trophy of a sport
[x] You used to play Yu-Gi-Oh
[] baggy sweat pants are nice to wear
[x] it's kind of weird to have sleepovers with a bunch of people
[] green, black, red, blue, or silver are one of your favorite colors
[x] you love to go crazy and not care what other people think
[] sports are fun
[x] you sometimes talk with food in your mouth
[] you sleep at night with your socks on
[x] you have fished at least once
TOTAL: 14


YOUR GIRL SIDE
[] you like to shop
[x]you wear eyeliner
[x] you wear the color pink
[] you go to your mom for advice
[] you consider cheerleading a sport
[] you hate wearing all black
[x] you like going to the mall
[x] you like getting manicures and/or pedicures
[x] you like wearing jewelery
[] you cried watching The Notebook
[] skirts are a big parts of your wardrobe
[] shopping is one of your favorite hobbies
[x] you don't like the movie Star Wars
[] you are/were in gymnastics
[x] it takes you around one hour to shower and get dressed
[x] you smile a lot more than you should
[] you have more than 10 pairs of shoes
[x] you care about what you look like majority of the time
[x] you like wearing dresses
[x] you like wearing body spray/deoderant
[] you like high heel shoes
[] you used to play with dolls as a kid
[] you like putting makeup on others
[x] you like being the star of almost everything
TOTAL: 12

TOLD YOU I SHOULDN'T HAVE HUGE BREASTS.
GOD.

- - - - - -- - - - - - - - -


ALSO.

...I should get a better icon for DA.

... So someone out there should love me and make me one becasue lord knows I'm retarded. Maybe a little pixel-ey standing Mini-Mal. I should draw a reference, post it at the bottom of every journal, and hope someone does if for me. Idk what I could do to pay them back, though, unless they'd want me to like, draw them craptastic art or something. idk.

It was just a thought.


+ - - - - - +

Don't forget about my Scraps~

+Character List -
Pikumei, Jamie Hasselrode, Saizen, Kavian, Kita.
Myra Arnardottir, Kira Mcausland, Mercy, Darius.
Rhylkahzar, Mas'eth, Aishiozanryu.
Malice, Loki, Evian, Otis, Reiya.
Raxia, Sean, Amilee.
Taylor, Seahi.
Eei.

+My Favorites-



+Amazing Artists-



Go check them out, it is totally worth your time.

+Clubs-



+ - - - - - - - - - - +

]]> ~BldyMalice http://BldyMalice.deviantart.com/journal/27069314/ http://BldyMalice.deviantart.com/journal/27069314/ Mon, 07 Sep 2009 08:20:12 PDT
I don't care about my art. I don't care about the skill level of the overall finished product. Right now what's mostly on my mind is RPing. Things to do with iScribble that I've been doing lately. Which is an area of art I've never really put much effort towards. I figured it out, though. I don't know why it took me so long to single out the one and only reason I can't RP.

I can't seperate OCs from myself yet. That's why I'm an RP virgin.
That's why I stumble.

That's why even though I crave in-depth I can't and shouldn't have it. I can't seperate a personality for my characters beyond telling people what they're like. I can't play as someone else, I don't know how.

I have to teach myself to somehow, and I know it's going to be tough. I don't know how to go about the mind framd of seperating my characters from myself.

And what made that hit me so hard and so completely was watching ~A-ano play with his OC Madness, and having him RP Mad on the board and be on Mad's name and his own, and have Maddie get MAD at him for putting things down for him in the RP. And just..... The level of how completely distinct each of his characters is, and how seperate they are from him. How he can talk to them idly as he RPs as they do something he thinks is totally tha hard way of doing something, or just....... It blew my mind. And unless Rea-Ano comes and reads this I doubt they'll ever be convinced of why I hold their characters so completely above mine. Reason's OCs have souls. SO much soul. They are individuals.

I want that. I want to figure out how to get that. How do I get that?


Ahh, how am I going to get my mind around this? I'll have to eventually suffer with this disease until it comes naturally, I suppose, and maybe try and avoid using my more special characters until then because I know I'll fuck them up and kill any personality they were originally supposed to have. Killing their uniqueness and individuality.

Characters deserve individuality just as much as people do. Never ever ever forget that.






Maybe until I learn I'll just practice RPing with my Persona. Which won't help me give characters personalities any, but it'll keep me from destroying them.


I really don't want to kill my precious babies, I really really don't....


Hnn...



- - - - - -- - - - - - - - -


ALSO.

...I should get a better icon for DA.

... So someone out there should love me and make me one becasue lord knows I'm retarded. Maybe a little pixel-ey standing Mini-Mal. I should draw a reference, post it at the bottom of every journal, and hope someone does if for me. Idk what I could do to pay them back, though, unless they'd want me to like, draw them craptastic art or something. idk.

It was just a thought.


+ - - - - - +

Don't forget about my Scraps~

+Character List -
Pikumei, Jamie Hasselrode, Saizen, Kavian, Kita.
Myra Arnardottir, Kira Mcausland, Mercy, Darius.
Rhylkahzar, Mas'eth, Aishiozanryu.
Malice, Loki, Evian, Otis, Reiya.
Raxia, Sean, Amilee.
Taylor, Seahi.
Eei.

+My Favorites-


+Amazing Artists-


Go check them out, it is totally worth your time.

+Clubs-



+ - - - - - - - - - - +

]]> ~BldyMalice http://BldyMalice.deviantart.com/journal/27050820/ http://BldyMalice.deviantart.com/journal/27050820/ Sun, 06 Sep 2009 09:22:42 PDT
IDFK, THE STORY OF MY LIFE.

Rules:
1. Publish these rules in your journal
2. Each tagged person will write 8 things about themselves in their journals.
3. At the end you will choose 8 people who will be tagged and publish their icons.
4. Go to their page and send a message to let them know they've been tagged.
5. Don't tag the person who has tagged you

1. I swear because I can, and becasue it makes me happy. If I swear profusely at you, it means I really adore you, because I know you love me enough not to get offended, and I'm no longer trying to impress you.

2. I will always refer to 3DluVr paintchat as my home-Pchat.

3. I have the tendency to fangirl people and/or their characters VERY HARD.

4. My favorite animal is Octopus. I love them. I want to draw one in a gas mask one day. You should do it for me.

5. I have taken a slight dislike to making new OCs, as I have so many that are still undeveloped.

6. I love my breasts, because I think they're my only good quality other than my big eyes.

7. I strongly believe the reason I can't draw well is that I'm ' pretty ' and people can't have everything.

8. I love my OCs, and strongly believe in OC 'souls'.


TAGS: (if you haven't done it already~)
Maahn, EIGHT? Do I KNOW eight people I'm actually close to? Uhh...




+ - - - - - +

Don't forget about my Scraps~

+Character List -
Pikumei, Jamie Hasselrode, Saizen, Kavian, Kita.
Myra Arnardottir, Kira Mcausland, Mercy, Darius.
Rhylkahzar, Mas'eth, Aishiozanryu.
Malice, Loki, Evian, Otis, Reiya.
Raxia, Sean, Amilee.
Taylor,
Eei.

+My Favorites-


+Amazing Artists-


Go check them out, it is totally worth your time.

+Clubs-



+ - - - - - - - - - - +

]]> ~BldyMalice http://BldyMalice.deviantart.com/journal/27010029/ http://BldyMalice.deviantart.com/journal/27010029/ Fri, 04 Sep 2009 06:45:50 PDT
Hmm. It's.. Really late right now. Well, more like early. 6:30AM at the time of starting this, almost exactly.

Got a lot of thoughts in my head, and since I don't update this thing enough, I thought this'd be the best place to sort them out. Especially since most of it has to do with art.

I was in a board and you know it was the strangest thing! Since I've been assimilated into my new 'group' of iscribble friends, it's almost like I've somehow become the star, you know? But then here I was late at night in a random public role play board and everything was just as it has always been. There were like four people, the ages were even pointed out to be 17, 18, 19 and 20, with me being the 17 at the low end. And everyone in there was fantastic. They were all really sure, direct drawers, and I felt myself falling back into my old habits of not typing very much for fear I'm getting in the way of everyone else trying to have a good time.

One of the people there, they were all really nice, too, was talking about how they got better at art by role playing a lot really in depth with one person at a time in private boards. And I'm like ok, I can totally do that - That's what I've been trying to do all along. And it was funny, because earlier I had tried to RP with them and ultimately gotten ignored, and after they were mentioning to another real good artist that they only like RPing with people who draw well, and I felt totally shot down.

It's like I've been exposed to Twi and Holy's RPs for so many years, I crave full, fleshed-out storylines and whatnot, but I'm stuck here.

At the beginning. With the people all the REAL artists laugh at and I hate it.
I'm SEVENTEEN! And I still draw like I'm 14! What the fuck!


It hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts!

It hurts because it's always been like this, I'm too insecure and shy and I lock up when other people are there and so I can't.

I just can't do it.


And I try and try and try. And I've been making some progress, sure.


I mean I started RPing with Peri (god I love you baby) and lookit how fast my chibi skills improved! I just.. I need to find other people to RP with but it's not that easy!

Because if I RP with someone who is experienced, I'll feel so lame, and I'll always hold them up with my failed expressions and having to take ages to redraw anything and not being able to get certain things and...

-sigh-

When will I finally reach that level...?


..When will I finally be good enough for myself....?

I hate it.

I hate it I hate it I hate it!

+ - - - - - +

Don't forget about my Scraps~

+Character List -
Pikumei, Jamie Hasselrode, Saizen, Kavian, Kita.
Myra Arnardottir, Kira Mcausland, Mercy, Darius.
Rhylkahzar, Mas'eth, Aishiozanryu.
Malice, Loki, Evian, Otis, Reiya.
Raxia, Sean, Amilee.
Taylor,
Eei.

+My Favorites-


+Amazing Artists-


Go check them out, it is totally worth your time.

+Clubs-



+ - - - - - - - - - - +

]]> ~BldyMalice http://BldyMalice.deviantart.com/journal/26898380/ http://BldyMalice.deviantart.com/journal/26898380/ Sat, 29 Aug 2009 15:19:22 PDT
Ahhh..

So, Anyone who ever talks to me ever should know that my computer is old, and is a piece of shit. How many times have I come ranting and spitting about it..? I still have never gotten a new one, not since I came on the internet. It's always been this baby for me..! I've had it what.. six years now..? And I haven't been able to re-format it in way too many of those. We've been through a lot together, me and this computer. Through thick and thin it's been my lifeline. It survived my sister's rages, ripping out cords and throwing keyboards across the room.. - indeed, I have been through MANY the keyboard and mouse, and even three tablets..! - It survived countless virus invasions, and there are journals on here about how freaky those were - Many times I was so sure it was a gonner!

And then not to long ago it crashed and started up with white text on a black screen telling me: "WARNING: Immediate back-up all files and replace hard disk drive. Failure may be imminent."

And yet even now, here it is, still trudging along. I'm sure it's my sheer force of will that's keeping this baby going...

So, With the memories and love and adoration aside - What this journal was actually intending to tell you.

I'm currently going through and putting all my art and picture files onto my $50 USB Flash Drive, and deleting all of them off my computer in preparation for HOPEFULLY an eventual reformat, or a computer death. I don't know which will come first, with the very recent computer meltdown and the heat issues I've been having.

Also, it's REALLY hard for me to delete my art files off of my computer, because last time I stuffed all my porn (And it was a GOOD sized collection!) Onto a memory card to delete it off my computer, the memory card errored out and died and I lost all of it.

BUT this isn't a dinky memory card, it's a hella expensive 16GB flash drive.

I really hope my computer doesn't die before I can find a replacement for it...

... That thought terrifies me..


+ - - - - - +

Don't forget about my Scraps~

+Character List -
Pikumei, Jamie Hasselrode, Saizen, Kavian, Kita.
Myra Arnardottir, Kira Mcausland, Mercy, Darius.
Rhylkahzar, Mas'eth, Aishiozanryu.
Malice, Loki, Evian, Otis, Reiya.
Raxia, Sean, Amilee.
Taylor,
Eei.

+My Favorites-


+Amazing Artists-


Go check them out, it is totally worth your time.

+Clubs-



+ - - - - - - - - - - +

]]> ~BldyMalice http://BldyMalice.deviantart.com/journal/26848204/ http://BldyMalice.deviantart.com/journal/26848204/ Thu, 27 Aug 2009 00:41:36 PDT , who shtole from who stole from who stole from who stole from who stole from Oh my!
3 characters, 3 facts about them:


Mercy:
- He is not any specific animal, but I suppose his personality is more like a fox than anything else.
- Loves Raspberry vodka in sprite - it's about the only thing he'll drink
- Had a messy childhood, and doesn't know his parents, if he was given his name at birth or by a passerby, nor what his real age or birthday are.

Taylor:
- Has six wings, you just never get to see the smallest pair that sprout from his lower back
- Was originally created for my mental amusement, and was designed with his backstory explained by him being in the X-Men universe.
- Is stiff and does not take well to strangers.

Malice:
- Is a bit of a bitch, but has a motherly side somewhere in there.
- Has very little patience
- Is bold and not afraid to speak her mind

+ - - - - - - - +

ERM...

YEAH.

HAHA.
HA.


>__>; Now I realize why I rarely update my journals, they're so freaking LAME.

+ - - - - - +

+Character List -
Wtf are these things? Half of them are dead anyways.
Pikumei, Jamie Hasselrode, Saizen, Kavian, Kita.
Myra Arnardottir, Kira Mcausland, Mercy, Darius.
Rhylkahzar, Mas'eth, Aishiozanryu.
Malice, Loki, Evian, Otis, Reiya.
Raxia, Sean, Amilee.
Taylor,
Eei.

+My Favorites-


+Amazing Artists-


Go check them out, it is totally worth your time.

+Clubs-



+ - - - - - - - - - - +

]]> ~BldyMalice http://BldyMalice.deviantart.com/journal/26784145/ http://BldyMalice.deviantart.com/journal/26784145/ Sun, 23 Aug 2009 20:46:10 PDT
Err.. Though not really. Actually I'm quite happy right now~

Got back from seeing the boyfriend forever and some ago, had SO much fun down there!

Errm.. I've started drawing females, and ENJOYING it, (holy christ!)

I've developed an extreme love for the badasses over on iScribble. - [link]

My bestest online friends are Twi and Peri ilu forever :'D

ALSO I've been getting into RPing lately. FUCK yes.
I've been waiting forever to get into it, ever since watching hour after hour of Twi and Holy's extremely in-depth rping. I had my first long, serious RP a couple days back, and now I'm pretty much obsessed with Peri and her characters. LOL Oh well, it seems to go both ways, so I'm not complaining too loudly! RPing in iScribble is also making me bring back some old characters that never truly were fleshed out, and I have so many, so now I just dig back into my mind for a character that fits whatever we're doing, it's a pretty cool feeling.

I am slowly mastering the way of the chibi! Fuck yes!

FUCK

YES.
+ - - - - - +

+Character List -
Wtf are these things? Half of them are dead anyways.
Pikumei, Jamie Hasselrode, Saizen, Kavian, Kita.
Myra Arnardottir, Kira Mcausland, Mercy, Darius.
Rhylkahzar, Mas'eth, Aishiozanryu.
Malice, Loki, Evian, Otis, Reiya.
Raxia, Sean, Amilee.
Taylor,
Eei.

+Amazing Artists-


Go check them out, it is totally worth your time.

+Clubs-



+ - - - - - - - - - - +

]]> ~BldyMalice http://BldyMalice.deviantart.com/journal/25325515/ http://BldyMalice.deviantart.com/journal/25325515/ Mon, 15 Jun 2009 09:44:49 PDT
Hmm... Usually my Journal updates start with something along the lines of "I haven't been drawing lately.." or "So it's been a while.." But hey, what's the use in repeating the same lines, even if it IS true pretty much each and every time?

My last showing journal entry was Dec.29, 2008. Isn't that insane..? You can see just how much DA realy means to me, lmao!

I guess it's because I've gotten to the point where I don't submit every single thing I do to DA. Maybe I've just lost the pride when I should have gained it, you know? I expect much more of myself now, even if I'm still not overly fantastic. Maybe it's because since 3Dluvr withered away, there's no longer anyone urging me, "That's good! Post it, Post it!" So hey. My drawing is slowly withering away just as the paintchat had, and I'll be waiting to see if it can be revived in time. Even my mad drawing spurts are shorter than they ever have been, I don't really have much reason to draw anymore. All those around me have reasons to draw, it's their lifelong goal, it's their future and their true passion. If I don't draw, if I don't improve, what does it to do me..?

Absolutely nothing. If I play little online games instead of drawing furiously, my future career is no less attainable for me. I'm going to be a freaking Massage Therapist. Maybe this is what I get for keeping drawing as my personal hobby.

Since I've got David -- And I'm sure I've mumbled about it before on here -- I don't need to draw half as much. I had so many characters to fill the hollow empty spots that he fills now, you know? At one end, he's completed me, he's filled all the lonely bits I struggled to fill before, but at the other..? There goes my desperate need to draw.

I used to put myself down a lot to make myself strive to improve, "This isn't good enough, I have to make it better!" But now it's less and less motivating, I just start giving up. What's the point?

I'll never stop drawing, I know it. But I highly doubt it'll be like it was, where I strived and fought every moment of every day for improvement. When I drew to be acknowledged, so someone, somewhere would see me and see that I CAN do something. I have a skill I've worked for, can't you see..?

When you're loved - truly loved... That need vanishes. He sees what I am and all the things I do. For fuck's sake, he's proud of me when I get good grades. Do you realize how strange it is to hear "Wow! Good job, baby! That's up a lot from last report card, you've been trying so hard~" instead of "Well, you should bring it up more then. Good job, do better." It's insane. I can't even reward myself for grades, there has never been a difference, only 'ass' and 'fail'. If I fail my parents shake their head. If I pass, they shake their head and tell me to do even better next time. For what?

Maybe I'm stressed out..? Enough so that it's cutting into my will to draw. Maybe it's that everyone around me that I watch and admire has gotten so far out of my reach with their ability. I can't see how I'm just behind them, anymore. I can't even pick out how I can improve along behind them, now.

Maybe some day I'll get there. Until then, I should probably stop trying to proclaim myself as an artist, and say I 'draw a little on the side sometimes'. Who knows, we'll have to wait and see.

Do you believe in Fate?

+ - - - - - +

+Character List -
I don't even know who I consider my characters and who I don't, nowadays~
It's a weird feeling, for sure!
Coreii Deyarmond, Amilee Deyarmond, Thannis, Molly.
Pikumei, Jamie Hasselrode, Saizen, Kavian, Kita.
Myra Arnardottir, Kira Mcausland, Mercy, Darius.
Rhylkahzar, Mas'eth, Aishiozanryu.
Malice, Loki, Evian, Otis, Reiya.
Raxia, Sean.
Eei

+Amazing Artists-


Go check them out, it is totally worth your time.

+Clubs-



+ - - - - - - - - - - +

]]> ~BldyMalice http://BldyMalice.deviantart.com/journal/22252054/ http://BldyMalice.deviantart.com/journal/22252054/ Sun, 28 Dec 2008 23:08:11 PST Haven't been on at all lately, or really drawing for that matter~
I've been talking to David, mostly, and playing RebirthRO. It's addicting and wonderful and I love it. Keekee.
I'm going to be trashing characters left and right, most likely - I'm sick of how useless they all are, every bloody time. I need something with more reason and content to it, now that I have David to fill the spot where my characters' romance was once kept. We'll see, though. I might try and get something up eventually.

But again, we'll see.

+ - - - - - +

+Character List -
Coreii Deyarmond, Amilee Deyarmond, Thannis, Molly.
Pikumei, Jamie Hasselrode, Saizen, Kavian, Kita.
Myra Arnardottir, Kira Mcausland, Mercy, Darius.
Malice, Loki, Evian, Otis, Reiya.
Rhylkahzar, Mas'eth.
Eei

+Amazing Artists-


Go check them out, it is totally worth your time.

+Clubs-



+ - - - - - - - - - - +

]]> ~BldyMalice http://BldyMalice.deviantart.com/journal/20356351/ http://BldyMalice.deviantart.com/journal/20356351/ Sat, 06 Sep 2008 11:24:38 PDT And now I'm really, really sick.
And having issues with a lot of things.
Big things, stressful things.

So yeah, I'm not drawing much, or being social like, at all.
I apologize, it doesn't mean I love you guys any less!~

+ - - - - - +

+Character List -
Coreii Deyarmond, Amilee Deyarmond, Thannis, Molly.
Pikumei, Jamie Hasselrode, Saizen, Kavian, Kita.
Myra Arnardottir, Kira Mcausland, Mercy, Darius.
Seahi, Akatriel, Ian Seldiuk, Eei, 11-9.
Malice, Loki, Evian, Otis.
Rhylkahzar, Mas'eth.

+Amazing Artists-


Go check them out, it is totally worth your time.

+Clubs-



+ - - - - - - - - - - +

]]> ~BldyMalice http://BldyMalice.deviantart.com/journal/19969449/ http://BldyMalice.deviantart.com/journal/19969449/ Fri, 15 Aug 2008 11:52:42 PDT
Oh my GAAWWDD.
I really need to finish something. I have like maybe three WIPs in oC1.1 that I've been slowly chipping away at, and I really need to finish something soon. It's to the point where I want to get these done bad enough that it's stopping me from even doodling new pics, yet on each and every one of them I'm stuck and am procrastinating terribly. This results in some mutated form of artblock. It's killin' me something fierce, you have no idea.

Hopefully I'll force myself to do SOMETHING productive.. Or atleast more productive than sitting here staring at a WIP sadly.
:/

+ - - - - - +

+Character List -
( ;>> )
Coreii Deyarmond, Amilee Deyarmond, Thannis, Molly.
Pikumei, Jamie Hasselrode, Saizen, Kavian, Kita.
Myra Arnardottir, Kira Mcausland, Mercy, Darius.
Seahi, Akatriel, Ian Seldiuk, Eei, 11-9.
Malice, Loki, Evian, Otis.
Rhylkahzar, Mas'eth.

+Amazing Artists-


Go check them out, it is totally worth your time.

+Clubs-



+ - - - - - - - - - - +

]]> ~BldyMalice http://BldyMalice.deviantart.com/journal/19738119/ http://BldyMalice.deviantart.com/journal/19738119/ Sat, 02 Aug 2008 15:30:07 PDT
So as far as art goes, I say "Aksdjfhskdhferkti!", Pretty much exactly like that. I've started to draw myself a hell of a lot more now, and I might actually be getting a little better at this 'female' deal. Wee~
That's quite exciting, considering I've been COMPLETELY avoiding learning to draw females for years now.
Also, at the moment I'm typing this up, I am hungover as shit. e___________e; BUT! My stomach has finally stopped twisting around violently every time I blink, so I'm feeling pretty ok.

Uuuhhmm, My computer is behaving better? Since my last entry my computer died AGAIN, and my uber-geek (lolol ilu man) talked to me for like, seven hours over the phone while we cleaned up my comp and killed off the Sasser virus I had lurking in there. ewe;

Altogether, things seem to be looking a lot better lately <3
*dancedance*

+ - - - - - +

+Character List -
(Kee kee kee..)
Coreii Deyarmond, Amilee Deyarmond, Thannis, Molly.
Pikumei, Jamie Hasselrode, Saizen, Kavian, Kita.
Myra Arnardottir, Kira Mcausland, Mercy, Darius.
Seahi, Akatriel, Ian Seldiuk, Jerrell, Eei, 11-9.
Malice, Loki, Evian, Otis.
Rhylkahzar, Mas'eth.

+Amazing Artists-


Go check them out, it is totally worth your time.

+Clubs-



+ - - - - - - - - - - +

]]> ~BldyMalice http://BldyMalice.deviantart.com/journal/19357523/ http://BldyMalice.deviantart.com/journal/19357523/ Sat, 12 Jul 2008 15:55:44 PDT
Erm. So not long ago my computer went into cardiac arrest. I guess since it's getting so old, it's immune system is all not-there and whatnot. So I was attacked by like, 7 different virus armies, trying to conquer my beloved homeland. I defended my territory fiercely, though, and we managed to pull through with only a few scratches. ¬u¬;
It was intense.

Sooo I guess it's a given that I have to state MY opinions on DA's new.. err.. 'look'.
..I haven't quite had enough time to go around and click all the fancy new features, though, because all of a sudden having the site open in a tab (let alone actually CLICKING things @_@; ) freezes up my browser. Beecause I'm not fortunate enough to have a nice, new, SHINY computer.
FKjsdlkfdfsdkf.
Seriously, it's just one big lagfest. Albeit a very pretty lagfest, though. Which as we all know instantly makes everything better.

What the fuck paintchat? DEAD MUCH? I think today has been the first day in ages that there were more than four people in there, and during several cherished moments, more that TWO talking at once. Congratulations. Not that I've been contributing all that much, but that's just Mal's double standards.

And now, Mal brings you some moments of the last few days you will NEVER understand:
JORNAD THE BARBARIAN! DESTROYER OF WORLDS! Gwahahahaha!
OM NOM NOM NOM Cheesey Toast <3

... Oh yes, bitches. Ooohh yes.

+ - - - - - +

+ Character List -
(secretly this is the only reason I update my journal..)
Coreii Deyarmond, Thannis, Amilee Deyarmond, Molly.
Pikumei, Jamie Hasselrode, Saizen, Kavian, Kita.
Myra Arnardottir, Kira Mcausland, Mercy, Darius.
Seahi, Akatriel, Ian Seldiuk, Jerrell, Eei, 11-9.
Rhylkahzar, Mas'eth.

+ Amazing Artists -


Go check them out, it is totally worth your time.

+ Clubs -


+ - - - - - - - - - - +

]]> ~BldyMalice http://BldyMalice.deviantart.com/journal/19132193/ http://BldyMalice.deviantart.com/journal/19132193/ Mon, 30 Jun 2008 17:14:32 PDT
I, Malice of 3DLuVr paintchat, CHALLENGE YOU.

• → Here's the deal. I want you to list 10 of your Original Characters, then list three short points that you believe sum up each of you OCs unique, intricate personalities.

[Twi and Holy, This is especially for you <3]


Just as a helping hand, here's mine:


Coreii - Easily flustered, effeminate, shy.
Thannis - Territorial, aggressive, obedient.
Amilee - Caring, playful, light-hearted.

Pikumei - Coy, romantic, playful.
Jamie - Athletic, anti-social, quiet.
Saizen - Seductive, cocky, gentle.
Kavian - Protective, suspicious, behind-the-scenes.

Mercy - Outgoing, friendly, reliable.
Kira - Eccentric, unstable, reserved.
Myra - Sarcastic, controlling, loyal.

Enjoy!

+ - - - - - +

• Once again, I apologize if I've been faving and re-faving things from your gallery, my mouse has taken on a tendency of double and triple clicking. ;~;'


+ Amazing Artists -


Go check them out, it is totally worth your time.

+ Clubs -



+ - - - - - - - - - - +

]]> ~BldyMalice http://BldyMalice.deviantart.com/journal/17442168/ http://BldyMalice.deviantart.com/journal/17442168/ Fri, 21 Mar 2008 12:21:12 PDT
Character List (animals/pets included)
Kira, Jamie, Pikumei, Seahi, Amire, Raul, Taylor, Rhylkahzar, Mas'eth, Ian Seldiuk, Jacky, Foxfire, Bearclaw, Linden Espett, Mikael Vennel, Myra Kowalski, Darius, Akatriel, Daniel Labree, Coreii, Thannis, Amilee, Molly, Eei, Judaiah, Leon, Phaelin.
• It's so much longer this time, even though a fair amount were removed. D;

Amazing Artists


• You should really check them out, it's worth your time

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


]]> ~BldyMalice http://BldyMalice.deviantart.com/journal/16595023/ http://BldyMalice.deviantart.com/journal/16595023/ Sun, 27 Jan 2008 10:37:06 PST
Basically, I was getting bored of seeing that other journal up.
Sooo, I dragged my lazy ass.. Worked up the energy to submit a new one.
Ohboy!

Also, my frequently posted 'character lists' aren't exactly ALL my characters... Just those that happen to matter at the moment. Meaning.. The ones I can remember off the top of my head at the time of writing this.
OYA.

- - - - - -
Character List
Collin, Phaelin, Rohan, Pikumei, Judaiah, Leon.
Rhylkahzar, Mas'eth, Elrohir Tiwele.
Foxfire, BearClaw.
Seahi, Ian Seldiuk, Raul Sedlak, 11-9.
Linden Espett, Mikael Vennel, Myra Kowalski, Darius... (←I need to start DOING something with them..)
-
Deviants I Admire [the most]



Go check them out, honestly - It's worth your time.
- - - - - -


- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


]]> ~BldyMalice http://BldyMalice.deviantart.com/journal/14043226/ http://BldyMalice.deviantart.com/journal/14043226/ Mon, 06 Aug 2007 12:06:45 PDT journal thing.
I haven't been drawing much lately, which sucks. I believe my drawing skills have officially dwindled away to nothing.

- - - - -
Character list (while I'm thinking about it!)
A.S. - Collin, Rohan, Pikumei, Judaiah, Leon, Eei!
F.R. - Rhylkahzar, Mas'eth, Elrohir Tîwele~
Fc's - Seizetsu, Raul Sedlak.
( >> || << ) - Linden Espett, Mikael Vennel, Myra Kowalski, Darius...
Misc - Macabre, Alexa.
- - - - -
Again, as always, people are constantly being added and removed.


So guess what I did the other day? I stubled upon
... For those of you who don't realize this, he is the artist of SA, one of the best webcomics ever. Go check out his art, his style is so amazing! ;D
I ALSO found .
The artist of Sublunary! AHH. Also a fellow FauManta fan!
I actually first found her on Y!, but I learned that she indeed has an account here too!
I was pleased. I remember looking at Sublunary and being like "You know, if I even got my art THAT good, I'd be satisfied." AUGH. ... I loved Theo so much. x3

Yeah, anyways, that's all I really have to report ;D

- - - - - -


]]> ~BldyMalice http://BldyMalice.deviantart.com/journal/13144444/ http://BldyMalice.deviantart.com/journal/13144444/ Tue, 29 May 2007 21:40:24 PDT No, really!

-- -- ----- -- --- -

CHARACTER LIST
AS! Collin, Phaelin, Rohan, Pikumei, Judaiah, Leon, and Eei (new!).
FR! Mas'eth, Rhylkahzar, Elrohir.
Others! Linden Espett, Mikael Vennel, Macabre, my unnamed ghoul, Alexa (with Krista! ♥
Yes, some were taken out, but that doesn't matter, really.
I need to keep it with only the best!

- -- - - - -

Forever my beloved.

]]> ~BldyMalice http://BldyMalice.deviantart.com/journal/11340802/ http://BldyMalice.deviantart.com/journal/11340802/ Sat, 06 Jan 2007 18:14:06 PST So I really want to finish designing the basic characters for the unnamed plot line/character group I have stabbing the back of my mind.
So far in this group I only have Rhylkahzar, Mas'eth (my two drow) and Elrohir (Who is now a Wood Elf archer).
I'm hopefully going to be attempting to write something with these characters.

I've not forgotten my A.S characters though, I still love you Phaelin, Collin, Rohan, Pikumei, Judaiah, and Leon!

And my misc. chars, Calim, Macabre, Sinzai, Alexa (With Krista ♥ ), Akatriel, Darren Eric and Jared, Rikeith, and so on!

I had to list all my chars so I wouldn't forget them...
Tee'

OK.
Now to get back to work.

- - -


]]> ~BldyMalice http://BldyMalice.deviantart.com/journal/11312169/ http://BldyMalice.deviantart.com/journal/11312169/ Thu, 04 Jan 2007 11:07:14 PST Logan declared me a Neo-tard yesterday.
Yeah. That's 'Neo' as in 'Neopets'.
Kill me noow.

But Hoban is just the cutest aisha like, EVER.
x3

And, I got my tongue pierced,
So I've been mildly miserable and not in the mood to draw.
But the swelling is down, now.
I'm haapppy!

Hahah.
Ok, That's all I have to say, really.


- - - - - - - - - -



]]> ~BldyMalice http://BldyMalice.deviantart.com/journal/11167952/ http://BldyMalice.deviantart.com/journal/11167952/ Sat, 23 Dec 2006 22:32:50 PST I am such an elf lover.
xD
I really am.
But that's alright.
I can do anything I please!

Yeah. And frozen strawberries are amazing.

Look! A special treat! A pic of me with a tiny orange!
[link]

Hahah.
I love you all!

BldyMalice

]]> ~BldyMalice http://BldyMalice.deviantart.com/journal/10550608/ http://BldyMalice.deviantart.com/journal/10550608/ Sun, 29 Oct 2006 16:17:19 PST It was all started by this WONDERFUL pic- [link]
And I loved it so much, I decided to collect!
I can't wait until I get a HUGE collection up xD


On another note, I'm actually startign to get something of a gallery up!
WOOHOO! Slowly but surely, damnit!
xD
Anyways, that's really all I have to write about.



I love you, HISO!


]]> ~BldyMalice http://BldyMalice.deviantart.com/journal/10339979/ http://BldyMalice.deviantart.com/journal/10339979/ Mon, 09 Oct 2006 18:00:32 PDT Not like anyone cares~
So, I re-drew a pchat doodle from Spring Break of last year,
And I was AMAZED at how much I've improved.
It's a real confidence booster, you know?
But yeah.

I'm missing Hiso, too.
I LOVE YOU, WIFEY.

Mnnn~
I just want to curl up and cry, 'cause I never get to see her anymore. 'tis saaad~

]]> ~BldyMalice http://BldyMalice.deviantart.com/journal/9877839/ http://BldyMalice.deviantart.com/journal/9877839/ Sun, 27 Aug 2006 20:26:53 PDT AND I was at camp for the last week.
So I have an excuse for not posting anything and stuff.

And I'm like, all out of the creative juices.
Which makes me mad.

Damnit anyways.

~ Mali

---
]]> ~BldyMalice http://BldyMalice.deviantart.com/journal/9684329/ http://BldyMalice.deviantart.com/journal/9684329/ Fri, 11 Aug 2006 00:44:47 PDT
~ Mali

---
]]> ~BldyMalice