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captain_siv@yahoo.com

or

lisandrz@iusb.edu



]]> ~Captain-Siv http://Captain-Siv.deviantart.com/journal/10316788/ http://Captain-Siv.deviantart.com/journal/10316788/ Sat, 07 Oct 2006 17:04:15 PDT I just got World of Warcraft and I'm installing it... He-he-he-he-he!

I can't wait to play it... and I already drew fanart of a few characters I made on my boyfriend's account... it's a picture of an Undead-Night Elf couple Strange, ne? I love teh strange couples...

Anyway, I will update with more art soon... I'm being inspired all over the place! Help me!

]]> ~Captain-Siv http://Captain-Siv.deviantart.com/journal/10042119/ http://Captain-Siv.deviantart.com/journal/10042119/ Mon, 11 Sep 2006 17:18:01 PDT

Nothing bad happened, and I'm doing so well without my medicine. I also only had one class today, so that helps. I guess what I'm really excited about is the Japan trip this summer. It's through my old high school, and my brother AND boyfriend both get to go as well It makes me so happy to see them with such an opportunity. I almost didn't want to go out of fear, but I decided I rather take the chance than to miss out .


My boyfriend (Sean) is so caring. He really helped me sort things out the other day and taught me that I shouldn't always look to others for advice; sometimes the answers will come from within you. He's also helping me a lot by stopping me from destroying myself. I am thankful to have someone like him. He accepts me. It feels so good to have someone accept you.

Anyway, I feel like drawing and writing, so I may go do some of that and have something to post soon (maybe even by Wednesday if we're lucky !) IM SO HAPPY!! He-he-he-he-he-he-he~! And my cold is going bye-bye.

Kimochi yoi

Mmm... now if I can just stop snacking so much! *is hit in the head by Sean* I'm always being criticized for "not eating too much"
Oh well!!! I'm too happy right now to care.

Ki o tsukete

Captain Siv ]]> ~Captain-Siv http://Captain-Siv.deviantart.com/journal/10004025/ http://Captain-Siv.deviantart.com/journal/10004025/ Thu, 07 Sep 2006 21:52:20 PDT Just too hard!

I think I've said too much, he-he. Has anyone else ever given in to temptation (not necessarily a BAD one) ?

Also, I don't understand why people get so worked up about premarital sex. I think a deep love for someone should be enough to share yourself with them. Marriage is just a ceremony; nothing really changes to make sex more "kosher". Another thing that REALLY ticks me off is when people say sex is just for procreation. WRONG! It's not just that. I don't even want kids. It can be for many alternative things--- fun, pleasure, recreation, exercise, love... etc~!

The only thing that scares me about sex is the protection thing... even though I have PCOS. AND I use protection... AND I use more protection... AND I use withdrawal... all together at once. I wonder why I'm still afraid?

Sorry if I'm making zero sense. I have a strange way of saying things. That's okay though. I'm just kind of rambling, so disregard it. No one should reply to this... it makes no sense! I love my s-n. Sweet! ]]> ~Captain-Siv http://Captain-Siv.deviantart.com/journal/9968021/ http://Captain-Siv.deviantart.com/journal/9968021/ Mon, 04 Sep 2006 17:22:32 PDT
The poor guy... he was killed by a sting ray. That's such a horrible and painful way to go. I can't imagine what his family must be going through. That is really, truly sad.

Has anyone else heard the story? All I know is he was stung in the heart and the poison killed him almost instantly. He wasn't that old, either, was he?

Anyway, it seems like everyone's getting sick today. The seasons are changing...

Other than my congested nose and throat, I feel happy ]]> ~Captain-Siv http://Captain-Siv.deviantart.com/journal/9956204/ http://Captain-Siv.deviantart.com/journal/9956204/ Sun, 03 Sep 2006 21:45:36 PDT
Let's see... before we begin, let me list all the things I "OCD" about

-blowing my nose if I feel something's blocking it
-washing myself in the shower if I use the bathroom and feel like the seat is dirty (weird I know)

-applying vaseline on my lips (or lip balm, etc) if they feel the least bit dry
-plucking the hair on my chin every day (or area above my upper lip)
-exercising if I feel I eat too much
-changing my clothes if I feel they look ugly or wrinkled or stained (I wore my favorite jeans the other day that had a slight stain and it still kinda bugged me!)
-counting the grams of fat I eat each meal
-counting the number of times I blow my nose (only sometimes I do this)
-re-applying makeup if I mess it up even a little (like by blowing my nose! )
-forgetting things (hard to explain)

There are some others but I can't think of them now. I also have a really weird phobia; get ready for this one. I'm terrified of sex. I've done it, I've enjoyed it. But I have a HUGE phobia of getting pregnant so I use so many methods of protection it's almost ridiculous. I can't take birth control pills because of my little episode with the blood clot and all, so I use about 4 other methods known to me. Anyway that's too much info that you'd probably care not to hear. So I'm waiting for marriage! LOL...

Anyway, back to my day. I was very despondent to everyone for most of the day. I felt really crummy and depressed-- like a zombie, and it was because of the stupid Wellbutrin. It's made my anxiety like MAGNIFIED 10x. So, I think I'll stop taking it and see how I feel. I need to talk to my doctor about it because it actually made me worsen. My boyfriend and I fought because I've been acting so bitchy lately (though he didn't say so; he used the word 'snippy' but I'm sure of what he meant, LOL). I hate it when I get pissed with people and when I act like a total bitch. I want to be a nice person, but it's difficult to know who I am because I put on a lot of masks.

Later on my boyfriend and I made up; I realized I shouldn't be sore with him for being clueless during the football game. He expressed to me that I was taking things too seriously and should give myself a break (my mom also said this). So I'll try to take it easy.

Sorry for all the ranting, but I just needed to get it out. I'm also having this annoying ringing sound in my ears... it's driving me crazy!!!

I love you, s-n ~!! If I were single, I'd steal you. He-he-!
I love you all! I also love pepsi.


edit: Here's a really cute video on YouTube (if I haven't already posted it) of a Loveless AMV.

[link] ]]> ~Captain-Siv http://Captain-Siv.deviantart.com/journal/9945239/ http://Captain-Siv.deviantart.com/journal/9945239/ Sat, 02 Sep 2006 21:33:48 PDT Anyway, as the evening progressed, things got more fun. Sometimes I felt a little invisible, though. I know it's because I don't speak up. Not that there's anything wrong with that; it's my problem. But I wish I could get people's attention better. ._. Is it wrong for me to feel left out because I don't share that interest with him as well? We did have a few good moments like when he put his arm around me, but when I hugged him he sometimes was a tad too distracted to notice. But that's okay. I can't expect him to pay attention just to me. I mean it's bad to cling to people. I hate it if I do that... so I hope I'm not. ... anyway! I've just been in an emotional twister lately. I hate troubling people like this, but I'm worrying about EVERYTHING. I don't know what's making it worse-- me or my medicine or any other thing. It's so crazy! Yes I have been drinking pepsi. I have a terrible caffeine addiction.

I really miss s-n.
I know she won't be around because her internet is being shut off for awhile, so I want her to know how much I care about her! I really adore her ~! So I hope we'll continue to be close friends. She's been an inspiration to me~! Truly.

I feel too opinionated sometimes! I worry too much...

I would like to say that I love all of my comrades on this site. ]]> ~Captain-Siv http://Captain-Siv.deviantart.com/journal/9934869/ http://Captain-Siv.deviantart.com/journal/9934869/ Fri, 01 Sep 2006 21:11:37 PDT
Any advice from personal experience would help me a lot. I need to decide whether or not prescriptions are right for me. I may just need some counseling. Lately I've been feeling kind of sick, and I dont know if it's from the medicine or what... I really hate how most medicines make me drowsy or tired.

Again, sorry to bring up such a trivial matter. I love you all, especially my s-n-chama. Hee-hee! ]]> ~Captain-Siv http://Captain-Siv.deviantart.com/journal/9844360/ http://Captain-Siv.deviantart.com/journal/9844360/ Thu, 24 Aug 2006 21:11:22 PDT OMG! It was sooooo COOL! I want to write a fic about me and Albel now. I'll make up my own character and everything. Yaoi or not, it doesn't matter It was so awesome of a dream. LOL. I'm so moe. I heart all my friends! ]]> ~Captain-Siv http://Captain-Siv.deviantart.com/journal/9830838/ http://Captain-Siv.deviantart.com/journal/9830838/ Wed, 23 Aug 2006 18:19:09 PDT I get to do nude modeling, too. Fun! Anyway, how is everyone else? I always feel like I'm neglecting someone. I feel like I'm not a giving person ._. I hate downing myself, but it happens a lot. How do you become better? I need to draw more... and write. Lately, it's been kind of a slump for me! >.>

Loveless forever!!!! ]]> ~Captain-Siv http://Captain-Siv.deviantart.com/journal/9787704/ http://Captain-Siv.deviantart.com/journal/9787704/ Sat, 19 Aug 2006 23:01:18 PDT
I finally got my laptop up and running. Tis a mac~! It's really cool, but I'm still not used to it yet. Say... has anyone ever heard of the site YouTube? They have so many cool videos there!!! Everyone must see this one! Warning: RANDOM!

[link]


XD ]]> ~Captain-Siv http://Captain-Siv.deviantart.com/journal/9757066/ http://Captain-Siv.deviantart.com/journal/9757066/ Thu, 17 Aug 2006 07:21:33 PDT
I wish I could be a better person. I get irritated and keep it all in. I hate the way I act. Sometimes I want to be someone else... i feel pathetic for saying all this, but I just wanted to get it out somehow. Sorry if it seems like I'm rambling; no one has to respond or anything. ^^ Ah... life is mysterious. And... why can't people be more honest? ]]> ~Captain-Siv http://Captain-Siv.deviantart.com/journal/9745083/ http://Captain-Siv.deviantart.com/journal/9745083/ Wed, 16 Aug 2006 07:07:49 PDT
Does anyone have a favorite character on Loveless? It's so hard for me to choose... I really like Soubi. <3 Ritsuka is just adorable though and easy to identify with. Yuiko is cute, too, but she can't have Ritsuka! XD

I don't particularly like Shinonome-sensei. I don't know why. O_o I like Kouya and Yamato... he-he.


A little off topic, but while I'm talking about it, I just recently (this year) accepted myself as being bisexual. I have never dated a girl, but I fell in love with one once. It wasn't until my boyfriend talked it out with me that I realized it--- my new love, Sean, accepts me for who I am. I am so happy. Even though we've fought, things are looking up! I've also lost a lot of weight. (about 40 lbs.) I'm proud of myself, but sometimes people worry about me being too small. (I'm 5'6" about 122 lbs. and I used to weigh about 160-170!) But I dont care. I just don't want to gain it back! LOL...

I need to talk to someone about some personal issues. XD Like ... sex issues... O_o eh. ]]> ~Captain-Siv http://Captain-Siv.deviantart.com/journal/9733372/ http://Captain-Siv.deviantart.com/journal/9733372/ Tue, 15 Aug 2006 06:36:36 PDT
Let me know if you want to talk. Anyone ]]> ~Captain-Siv http://Captain-Siv.deviantart.com/journal/7443936/ http://Captain-Siv.deviantart.com/journal/7443936/ Wed, 28 Dec 2005 22:02:32 PST
Sorry to everyone who thought I went insane and just up and left, but I'm totally okay. Found someone new, and this and that... ^__^ i dont really feel like explaining a whole lot, and I'm not too sure I wanna stay here (after all, I cant post ALL the things I really WANT to....) but just so you all know, I'm fine, and I love you all very much <3 ]]> ~Captain-Siv http://Captain-Siv.deviantart.com/journal/6575750/ http://Captain-Siv.deviantart.com/journal/6575750/ Thu, 22 Sep 2005 18:30:01 PDT
Anyone know what those symbols mean by our names..? Like on DA I mean. The squiggly thing, the star, the equal sign..? What does it all mean?!?! ]]> ~Captain-Siv http://Captain-Siv.deviantart.com/journal/6553502/ http://Captain-Siv.deviantart.com/journal/6553502/ Tue, 20 Sep 2005 09:59:45 PDT
If I'm not here for awhile, it's because I have no reason to be. I'm sorry. I wasn't expecting this to happen so suddenly..

Maybe this is the end, or maybe its a new beginning..? What was my heart trying to say to me, as he walked away and I started to cry..? ]]> ~Captain-Siv http://Captain-Siv.deviantart.com/journal/6547863/ http://Captain-Siv.deviantart.com/journal/6547863/ Mon, 19 Sep 2005 16:59:29 PDT
Thanks for all of your help ^.^ I'm glad I have good friends to cheer me up when I'm down.

Actually the real thanks goes to one of my friends that goes to my school. He gave me some good advice and made me feel tons better. He's on this site, too! But his s/n escapes me now O___o I'm awful. Anyway, i thank you all for the help and I hope I didnt weird anyone out.

Oh! ]]> ~Captain-Siv http://Captain-Siv.deviantart.com/journal/6531905/ http://Captain-Siv.deviantart.com/journal/6531905/ Sat, 17 Sep 2005 20:22:02 PDT I... I guess I just want someone to write me a note or something. Please.. just.. someone open-minded. I'm really very depressed. .. I'm so sorry! ]]> ~Captain-Siv http://Captain-Siv.deviantart.com/journal/6451600/ http://Captain-Siv.deviantart.com/journal/6451600/ Thu, 08 Sep 2005 15:30:58 PDT
I'm really very sorry if I dont always get to every one of my friend's messages or deviations. I really do try to make time for them all but sometimes I get lazy and just dont. ;___; I'm VERY sorry for that and I'll try my best to get to each and every thing next time. I'm just so sorry. You all mean the world to me, and I want to know you all very well. Thank you for being there for me. Please forgive me. I really will try harder!!! ]]> ~Captain-Siv http://Captain-Siv.deviantart.com/journal/6401699/ http://Captain-Siv.deviantart.com/journal/6401699/ Fri, 02 Sep 2005 23:17:09 PDT I had never been in a hospital before, and I quite liked the time alone, actually. The food was actually yummy! And I was always asking for Vicadin (strong painkillers). I swear I was in la-la land this one time i took two at once That stuffs great. Anyway, after I got home I had to be off two more weeks from school until my leg didnt hurt anymore And catching up with school was HELL. I had a research paper to do, too. Ughhh.. but this experience really helped me not to worry about silly things and to respect the time I still have. I still procrastinate though . But I think God must have wanted me to stay here... ]]> ~Captain-Siv http://Captain-Siv.deviantart.com/journal/6292247/ http://Captain-Siv.deviantart.com/journal/6292247/ Sun, 21 Aug 2005 21:54:25 PDT
*huff huff*

Anyone still out there...?

Heh,heh. I know I haven't been here for awhile, but if anyone still knows who I am, give me a holler! XD I've improved a lot over this past lapse of time, and I'll be posting new stuff. I'm starting a new slate, and will probably delete most of my other crap/art. Anyway, nice to see you all again, whoever is reading this ^.^; Love ya. ]]> ~Captain-Siv http://Captain-Siv.deviantart.com/journal/4186333/ http://Captain-Siv.deviantart.com/journal/4186333/ Wed, 29 Dec 2004 15:16:57 PST ]]> ~Captain-Siv http://Captain-Siv.deviantart.com/journal/4154135/ http://Captain-Siv.deviantart.com/journal/4154135/ Sat, 25 Dec 2004 12:12:39 PST I apologize for all of my sucky old pictures. I'm going to go post a new one, so see you all later. I am glad to be back and hope to make some new fans, er i mean friends XD Just kiddding I'm here for fun! ^^ ]]> ~Captain-Siv http://Captain-Siv.deviantart.com/journal/2818757/ http://Captain-Siv.deviantart.com/journal/2818757/ Tue, 06 Jul 2004 16:14:50 PDT ~Captain-Siv