deviantART: by:ChaseYoungsgirl

Dream a frickin Dream (Sequel)

~ChaseYoungsgirl — Sun, 20 Dec 2009 08:14:12 PST

I am officially going to bring a letter of complaint to the head dream caster because this is the second night in a row that I have dreams I shouldn't.

I dreamt that I was in a cross between the Anime Club room and a computer room from my middle school with some friends and that ASShole of an exfriend --the one I mentioned a few journals ago (Andre)-- was there.
For some reason... he was standing right next to me, and instead of ignoring him or kicking him out... I said hi to him. And he smiled... and we hugged. As if my turning stomach wasn't bad enough, we laughed and became friends again.
This makes me sick to my stomach.

I just won't sleep anymore.
What's gonna happen next? A tea party with Hitler and Stalin? Or will I go around stealing boyfriends from 7th graders?
Shopping with the KKK?
I won't stand for it!
*dramatic hand motions*

Btw, couple more days to Christmas.

~Owari

Dream a Little Dream (take 2)

~ChaseYoungsgirl — Sat, 19 Dec 2009 09:27:00 PST

I dreamt I did something I was not supposed to with someone I shouldn't have. (Er, I'll cross sex off the list now. Just in case any RL friends think that this about them.)

Anyhoo...
Stupid Mario Brothers! They're so funny haha. I love the show and the kids in my Anime Club seem to enjoy it as well, which is good.
>> So far, a few girl-friends of mine --as well as myself-- think that the boy who plays Luigi is hot. xDDD

In other news... The Following stories will be getting an update this month:
High School Secrets
The enemy of me
Christmas Tales (May or may not be carried over into the New Year.)

Un-updated Stories this month:
Tekken Boys
KHFF Here For You
Organization 13 story

~Owari

Yay and DemonRumWorks

~ChaseYoungsgirl — Thu, 17 Dec 2009 20:44:25 PST

Quick DemonRumWorks comment: To those who are a member, please join the group. It's really easy now that DA's converted the group process.

Anyway...

I'm all kinds of giddy lately on the count of my Lit class reading Dante's inferno. As I've said before, I absolutely ADORE allegories and that book is one BIG one.

I'm also happy that I've started my yearly Christmas story early.
To those who read-- ANGELS FTW! Michael and Gabrielle. <3 C'est tres magnifique! Yes I quote French when I'm happy.

Random thought: The boy who plays Luigi in Stupid Mario Brothers is hot.

Moving on, let's go to funky town!
(I have no idea why I said that but WOOT!)
But seriously, Funky Town guys.
I implore all of you to check out some hot 80s remakes, or any retro-remakes for that matter.
I recommend Burning for You and Major Tom [Coming Home] by Shiny Toy Guns

~Owari

Can't seem to get anything right

~ChaseYoungsgirl — Tue, 15 Dec 2009 16:38:16 PST

So although I completely knicked the notion that people inately hate me, I still seem to get people to do so. My friends at least anyway.

So I guess the solution is... don't have friends? No, can't be right. But... what else can I do?

Certainly not taking scissors to the arm, that'll just make them... more angry at me? Well now that doesn't make sense either. If they're mad at you wouldn't they be happy that you hurt yourself? I guess not.

I certainly can't try talking to them, no no... Heaven forbid I attempt to be normal with them EVEN when I feel like downing a gallon of bleach. >> I think we're out of bleach, so no one take that seriously. But yes, talking with them seems a sin too?

So I just... sit here and cry? Is that it? I guess so. Hmm, now that's redundant. I just spent several hours doing the wrong things REPEATEDLY before understanding that when a friend hates you, you can't try to do ANYTHING but sit and cry.

Lesson well learned!

~Owari

Don't get it TWISTED/Girls, read this for a song.

~ChaseYoungsgirl — Tue, 15 Dec 2009 13:55:33 PST

"I'm not, I'm not... trying to run your life. That's why, that's why... I'm nobody's wife."
Give it to me right by Melanie Fiona. ALL girls MUST listen to it, it's awesome and even if you don't have a bf or w/e, you'll find yourself snapping your fingers and getting an attitude with your head. haha

But for reals... I'm DONE. Done with this bs.

I'm not gonna worry about my friends ditching me like that one person did. I think with all my accusations of them hating me and wanting me dead, they really would have ditched me by now. That or they're super masochists, in which case I'd be the one running the show which STILL leads me to say I'M THREW WITH THAT PARANOIA.

I'm not gonna say I'll never get in a depressive funk and be sad again cause I'd be a damn liar if I did. But I will not use what he did as a guideline for friends.
His father either ran away from he and his mom or went to jail- possibly, both. His brother went to jail for being an aid in the murder of some girl. And he wanders the streets at night doing WHO knows what. He obviously had problems. Problems that made him fear togetherness with most people... and with those he was close to, he was an ass.

My friends aren't like that. I've always known that, but I refuse to be paranoid of it anymore.

Although I still don't think I deserve them for other reasons, my friends ARE my friends, and this stupid chapter on life is closed. ...or at least ready for editing.

This was brought on by a freakout with a kid named Timmy at school. >> I was PISSED.

~owari

Thank-FULL

~ChaseYoungsgirl — Sun, 13 Dec 2009 13:43:03 PST

Full of thanks for my friends who for some reason treat me far nicer than I deserve. I suppose at this point, I shouldn't resist it so much as I should embrace it until whatever idiocy I do kicks in... if it ever does kick in.
I'm kind of starting to believe that maybe not everyone is super disgusted with me at first glance.

Anyhoodle, I always get a random drunk of happiness around December. Something about America actually loving and cherishing an overweight man and his many vertically challenged friends makes me smile and believe that there is hope for humanity.

I also like how nice everyone suddenly gets.

Some people are jerks all the time, but around now... even the creepy perverted janitor who normally just grunts that my butt is nice dignifies himself and comments on how he enjoys my jeans. See how nice that is? I'd much rather have him look at my jeans than wonder about what's beneath them.

Snow is fun in December... usually. haha. My state for some reason had an awkward snow-less-ness up until last week when we had a super snow attack.
My friends and I went to the park and a snow ball fight and made a snowman who looked suspiciously like Ed from Ed, Edd and Eddy.

Yesterday, I went to a friend's house with a ton of other friends for a Decorate the tree party that started at 1:00pm and ended at 6:45ish-7:10ish when we then went to the mall.

Have fun, Have snow, have love, share love... make love, make miracles happen.
~Owari

Subscription-ness

~ChaseYoungsgirl — Sun, 13 Dec 2009 07:01:12 PST

DA officially opened the madness door when they said we could get a free sub if we give a free sub. lol. XDDDD

This reminds me of those Christmas specials where people violently spread cheer. Shoving stockings into people's faces, beating each other over the head with fruitcake and such like that.

My proposal is more to people I see or have contact with in the non DA world-- mostly because I can hand them money -- but...
If in the near, before Christmas, future... I somehow come across money... would you be interested in going half-sies with me so we both get a subscription?

Also, I think should get a subscription too. Maybe not now, but in the near future.

Happy Holidays, that's all I have to say.

SHARKBOY SHOUTOUT!

~Owari

Too Young?

~ChaseYoungsgirl — Sat, 05 Dec 2009 22:15:40 PST

A 17 year old is engadged to the only man able enough to watch over her. Exitting her senior year in highschool, he graciously suggested to postpone the wedding until after graduation. Fully intending to have her be in college, as he skipped two grades and is already in year 2, he generously evades the thought of a large wedding and offers up a secluded almost secret vow exchange.

She loves him... more than she loves herself. More than she ever thought she could love a person. It is not possible for life to go on without him there.
Like a paint smeared canvas, his streak will never wash away. Nor does she want it to.

There could never be someone so perfect. Someone to put the broken pieces of what she never would have guessed was her heart back together and love it, even with all of it's missing and mistfit components.

Is she too young? Although her age is nearly that of an adult- and he is waiting until summer so that her birthday passes- is she too young to be married?

~owari

Ever tried to be a Big-Boy/Girl?

~ChaseYoungsgirl — Thu, 03 Dec 2009 19:16:37 PST

I feel like I've been trying to hard to do this at certain times lately.

I'm 17 but I like going on like I'm 23, and I see no problem with it. Yet at the same time, it's not good to be 23 when you're 17. Cause then when you're 24 you'll be 30. Theoretically, I'll mentally die 6 years before my body does... and I don't trust sketchy people not to draw on my face while I'm zoned out.

The thing is, I keep training myself to not react the way a 'child' would and not to say things 'children' would say.

Especially when it comes to anime or online communities. I always try to not ask questions that sounded like they came from some anime obsessed otaku kid or something that sounds like it's coming from a youtube noob.

I'm coming to realize that it's ridiculous.
I know I'm not a super addicted anime fan, so I shouldn't be worried about every single word I use right? And I know I have more than basic youtube knowledge, so I shouldn't be scared to send a stupid inbox note to a group that has a lot of fans.

Being a big girl doesn't mean I have to make my words not sound Wapanese, it means I can be casual about the anime/cartoony stuff I'm into without worrying that someone will make fun of it.

IT'S LIKE THOSE DIAPER COMMERCIALS! THE BIG KIDS ARE THE INDEPENDANT ONES!
~Owari

I Sincerely Do...

~ChaseYoungsgirl — Tue, 01 Dec 2009 14:02:42 PST

I sincerely think you hate me. I truly, truly do. Not because I think you're a hateful person, nor because I find you particularly mean. But simply because I hate me.

Warning: Long Post. PLEASE READ IT ALL IF YOU ARE MY FRIEND, THOUGH.
*This is to ANY friend that I've had the 'You hate me on the inside' conversation with.*
I honestly, truly... TRULY feel that you hate me... sometimes. No, I don't think you all hate me all of the time. And there are some of you who I never think hate me or seldom think that.
But there are a lot of you that I think do hate me.

Let me explain:

I've learned to expect bad in all things. Instead of always hoping really hard and being happy ahead of time in hopes that all will be good, I expect it to always be wrong or always be the worst. There's no reason to hope for the best because it hurts badly when the worst does happen. (That much was proven again when my cousin died last month. I truly believed for the first time in a long time that I could hope and she'd be alright. And she died. No, I don't blame God. I love God and nothing will change that. But I do blame myself for ever thinking that hoping hard enough would make me feel better if the worst happened.)

But... I have also learned that expecting the worst doesn't completely leave me at absolute 0. (A little Kalvin temperature humor for you chem fans.) I don't FEEL better after expecting the worst and the worst happens. I can't go anywhere but up, on the contrary I can however feel much, much worse.

The real reason I wanna hear you say it is so that I don't worry anymore. Or I don't think about it anymore. Yeah, it'd hurt like hell if you admitted to hating me. I'd be so sad. But I don't like being lied to. And the incessant part of my mind that believes people hate me instinctively won't let me stop thinking there's a way you're all lying when you say you don't hate me.
I also know that hate is a very strong emotion. I know we can being in a fight but not hate each other.

I think-- and I HATE saying things like this because then it sounds like I'm trying to blame people but

The Source>
(As much as I HATE blaming any negative occurrence on anyone but myself...)
This is Andre's fault. Yes, I said his name. No, I won't elaborate on his details out of fairness. I'm only saying his name once so anyone who knows him will know who and what I'm referring to.

Andre is a guy who used to be my best friend of all best friends. He's the guy I'd always mention on my journals, my conversations... my anything. I loved him, honestly and embarrassingly. And he knew I loved him. He loved me back, but not the way I loved him and we BOTH knew that. Eventually I stopped loving him like that and loved him like I would a brother. He HIMSELF told me that I was like his little sister. He and a 3rd friend, who's still my brother, were inseparable.

Now that I think about it, my life was centered around them. For that whole year and a half... they-- mostly Andre-- were my life. I can't remember anything I didn't do with him or wishing he was there.
Sickening.

Andre was however, a thug- in all senses of the word. He used people badly. He wasn't dependable. And he had a nasty way of getting under your skin till the point that you needed him.
And I needed him.
The more I needed him, the less he seemed to be there. He ignored me sometimes. Just wouldn't talk to me for no apparent reason. He asked me for things... money, food, favors. He'd demand that I listen to him, but only be around him when he felt like it.

Eventually, I got to a point where I wouldn't take it anymore. I was angry with him... I had never been that angry. I had never loved someone who broke me like that. I finally demanded my money from him (money he owed me). And he never spoke to me again. The last I heard from him was when he came to a club I help run and said that I "lost my blackness". (Cause being a poor, gang-banger makes me so black right?)

But since then I've found a new group of friends. Ones who apparently love me enough to get me an xbox and give me rides to random places and spot me money they KNOW I'll take forever to pay back.

BUT... even still... I freak out and expect them to hate me randomly. I really do think that. Because when Andre and I were friends, it was the sweetest anyone had ever treated me. And now I really can't tell if people love me or if they're just waiting to laugh at how stupid I am for believing them.

~Owari

My friend and his 'twin'/Webshow

~ChaseYoungsgirl — Mon, 30 Nov 2009 17:27:44 PST

I'm fairly happy with the fact that my webshow project is actually starting pre-production. The friend who I was supposed to have done this with MONTHS ago and I are working together to get everyone casted and our first cold reading in. Fun stuff.

I've wanted to do this project not only because it'll be fun-- although that's good incentive-- but to get a hand in screen writing/directing/filming to help me pick my major in college next year. It's good to know your field and why not start with a webshow?

As for the friend's twin thing, I'm just slightly annoyed- more at the principal than at anyone in particular- that some parents make their older children responsible for their younger children.
My cousin used to have to deal with that. No matter where she went, her mom would make her bring her little brother. (Note: She's 3 or so years older than me and her brother is 2 or so years younger.)

Also... WHAT THE HELL PLATE.

~Owari

Black Friday + Super Saturday

~ChaseYoungsgirl — Sat, 28 Nov 2009 18:59:02 PST

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Just thought I'd start off by saying: HI SHARKBOY!

Black Friday was kind of a bust. Unless you were buying a 42 inch Plasma screen (my father beat that sale to the punch 3 or so months ago), or something in that genre, there wasn't much to be jumpy about.

I did manage to get some nice things from Old Navy- the slight prep with goth undertone look is completely do-able there-, Boondocks season 2 from Target, Yu Yu Hakusho season 1 and Valkyrie from Best Buy... and a sickeningly low temperature from not sleeping and going shopping at 3 am.

Super Saturday was cool though. I woke up at 6 courtesy of mom popping in before her 2nd job to see if I was ok. Note: I fell asleep around 7 or 8 yesterday on the couch so I have NO idea how I ended up sleeping in my bed.

I sent in an order for some beautiful hightops on hottopic.com, only to find out that they were in men sizes and I ordered a size 11. Luckily, it's Saturday so the order hadn't gone through yet and I was able to cancel it and I'm now waiting on a reimbursement gift card to land in my mail box within the next 2 weeks or so.
I did however put in a different order with black, glitter black, dark purple, and red eyeliner, a 6 pack of plaid bows, AND a pair of nerd glasses (I hate to say it but I wanna join in on the random nerd photos before they get out of style).

Finally, I went to my friends' house (3 of them live there, sisters.) where we watched The Seeker and my copy of Valkyrie while, of course being obnoxious with jokes and gab. Note: One boy was present. He enjoyed himself.

**I'm kind of happy with my hair. lol I know that's random, but I really am. It used to stress me out a lot but now that it's... not there, I feel 100x more liberated in the morning about what to do. I like having long bangs and barely anything in the back, now that I've angled it perfectly.
I remember the first time I got it cut, my hairdresser did nothing to the front. So I kept combing it forward and I looked... cool but highly odd. Like I tried to be Mulan or something. But... when she saw me again 2 weeks later, she prettied it all up. :3
Luffles to my Raven-from-Teen-Titans haircut!**

~Owari

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I went to the hair dresser like every other appointment... and while I was under the dryer I looked in my bag to get my phone for some usual txting. Turns out... they stole my phone. Not only that, but they had to have done it with some kind of demon magic- because my bag was attended at all times.
Whatever.
My friend coincidentally had the same prepaid provider as me and gave me her old phone- which was COINCIDENTALLY the same one my sister now has. So I was able to use her charger and only have to order a new battery.
So aside from the hastle of having to get my contacts ALL over again, I'm pretty much ok. I just hate theives. SO annoying.

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**This journal really is just an excuse to use another skin. lol**

I've known this about myself for a while but recently had my first conversation about it with a friend on Friday night.

It's apparent to me, and possibly to you too, that I love Allusions and Puzzles. Not only in my stories, but in other stories. (I can't WAIT to see Sherlock Holmes.)
For those of you who don't know what an Allusion is; it's basically a reference to something well known. So Aslan from The Chronicles of Narnia would be an Allusion because he represents Jesus. (He's actually more of an Allegory, but we'll save that for another time.)

Enemy of Me is my first stab at really using allusions to the fullest and I think it's ok. Well, as ok as documenting the behaviors of a narcissistic doctor-wannabe and his psychotic patient can be.
I chose Jekyll and Hyde because they're well known but not often used.

Another Allusion project I'm working on is a 4 Horsemen story. I've actually set up an outline for this one because it's so complicated.
Simply put, the four horsemen are not so much the bringers of the world's end as they are bringers of balance. Using their abilities; war, famine, pestilence and death, they tread the world in search of places where evil's hand has a little too much leverage over good.
Why don't they ever bring down the hand of good when it has leverage? Because among humans, good never peaks for long.
In that story I also plan to use the Oracles or "See no evil, Speak no evil and Hear no evil" as well as the seven deadly sins.

I use Allusions because the answer is given to you all at once, you just have to know what to look for to get it.
And I use Puzzles because the answer could be locked deep within the plot, given unexpectedly or not there at all.
Together, I find these two amazing in a story.

I want to write books that intrigue the mind, not for people to just pick up and breeze through them like cold cereal on Saturday morning. (What?) I mean I do want to write books that are moderately paced, young adult novels, but I want to make people think. I want people to learn from what I've written.
It's always comforting when you find that you recognize the allusions in a story while you learn from putting its puzzle together.

Also: Pulchritude; Noun. Meaning luster, the glory of, magnificence, great beauty.
There's your vocab for the day.

~Owari

So for all future reference, me believing people is bad.

New Moon
Let me start out by saying that you can not judge this movie based off of seeing only its first half hour. It really must be seen the whole way through, otherwise you'll find it immensely dry.

That being said, I also want to note that it didn't have that book-to-film potency like Twilight did. I don't know if it was because there was no blue filter overcast or if it was the lack of Emmett Cullen... but I felt like I wanted more. (It might also be because of my reading Eclipse. Readers of the saga often say they forget everything about Eclipse because it's not really important- but end up lumping many of its contents with New Moon.); so I might just be bothered because I thought there would be more wolf.

BUT... Jacob. Was. Hot. And I mean it literally. I don't know how he did it but Taylor Lautner was... almost obscenely hot. It was too much for the 12 year old teenie boppers (whom I wanted to kill). SCREAMS rang out when he took his shirt off for the first time. And then again when we saw him shirtless... and again- you see... being a wolf, he does this quite often.

All in all, it was fun.

~Owari

Piece of Cake

~ChaseYoungsgirl — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 20:41:29 PST

The title of this journal is a quote from a comic...which is frequently quoted by one of my Freshman class adorables. I have 3 at the moment, one of which I call Petite. He's SO cute!
He's tiny- like literally 4'7" and I love him so much. :3 It's like having a baby without the 9 month stress and the awkward selection of who the father would be.
Note: Petite is not the one I stole the quote from.

Anyways, I found the source of all my madness! The pain, the mood swings, the pain, the insanity, THE PAIN- was due to a chronic issue that I shall not disclose on here. But I WILL disclose that there is simple medication I take for this pain so that I can function as I always do. Unfortunately... I had to go all Friday without the pills and as a result, pretty much lost my mind.

It started with Chinese class where a friend of mine asked why I had an 'EMO' pin on my bag. When I responded with "A friend gave it to me a long time ago." His friend- a kid I don't particularly like- said "But why'd you put it on." So I thought for half a second and made a kind of terrifying, sarcastic cheery face and said "Cause I felt like it, nosy bitch." And proceeded to talk about how I wanted to "Cut his face", how "I'm gonna cut that kid in the face. Just cut him." to two friends who looked a little more than concerned.
Later, in my Chinese teaching assistance class (I notice a lot of violence during Chinese classes), this kid who's always a smart-ass- who I still love anyway- messed with me as usual. I looked over at him and said "I'll beat you down" or something to that effect. And he of course laughed and called me violent.
Then, in anime club (Yeah, it's definitely all Asian things triggering off the madness for some reason), I had a fake gun from acting class and just popped it off on people.
Finally... my friend's house. (Oh jeez, I just realized- he's Vietnamese. THIS REALLY IS SOME ODD TRIGGER TO ASIAN ORIENTED THINGS. D I beat the crap out of a kid who CONSTANTLY does things to annoy me. Now really, I admit... beating someone down... with ping pong paddles...rope...your fists...your nails...their nails...pool balls... or nunchucks -(No really. The father of this house is awesome and has nunchucks)- are not realistic methods of dealing with stressors. But he was aggravating. And I was way past realism.

But now that I've taken the pills... and tired myself out from all the rampancy... I feel so much better. THEY EVEN UPPED MY DOSAGE! Not yay in a YES DRUGS way. Yay in a OMG NO MORE KILLING PEOPLE way.

~Owari

11/18/09

~ChaseYoungsgirl — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 15:44:35 PST

So after a couple things today I think certain people should shut the hell up after reading my journals and not assume it's about them. Not unless I put your name up and go "I'm really pissed off at Rebecca" or "I hate that Jeff kid." [I'm obviously not talking about either of you two right now. lol. Please don't think I was taking stabs at you, you're just the first names that came to mind.]

But anyway...

I feel like I'm having a fight with a friend... o.o when I didn't know I was fighting him. Like I thought we had a momentary disagreement and then somehow it became this war of great racial/sexual/religious-al/clothes-al/monkey-al/madwatch-al proportions...with some :3 and luffles thrown in.

Like if Germany from Hetalia and Russia from Hetalia changed into a Jamaican girl and a taller, brunet boy and we had a war with random anime stuff... >> and then a chicken named Rowan came in and txted the girl-Germany random stuff that made her feel bad for being at inviso-war with Brunet-Russia... until Brunet-Russia wrote some stuff that made girl-Germany mad again.
And then... I dunno, Native American-Sweden showed up and told girl-Germany to not be emo... cause she was at random.
And then girl-Germany went to choir practice... only to come back and see that Brunet-Russia made a comment on girl-Germany's facebook post that wasn't warlike at all.
So then girl-Germany's like "WTF Brunet-Russia, are we having a war or not? Cause if not, I have other countries to be pissed off at." And now she's writing a deviantart entry and is feeling all blaaagh and stuff.

Note: I should never make a picture book about warring countries. It'd be Gossip Girl meets Modern Warfare 2.

Anyway, yeah. I honestly don't know what to say. Or if what I say will matter. It seems like when I'm joking he- and his brother, think I'm serious. And then, more frustrating for me than for them, when I'm serious- they and EVERYONE IN THE WHOLE WORLD thinks I'm joking.

And I don't know what to DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Ending the issue/Stayed home from school

~ChaseYoungsgirl — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 07:47:22 PST

So after yesterday's episode of being a literal zombie in Acting class, I decided to stay home today to make up for all my lost sleep. Seeing as today's a short day, I don't see anything wrong with missing it.

Also, I've been having familiar issues with a friend and it's beginning to get on my nerves.
I mean familiar as in they're common problems that happen with 80% of all friends in existance. But for me it ususally results in us having a difficult friendship after the fact, or me just not talking to them ever again.
Actually, the only person who I've had that kind of problem with who is still a good friend of mine is my friend Igor. Granted, he himself doesn't seem to notice when there's any kind of social issue.

In any event, I'm pretty much blocking the person from any social networking site I have them added on. ie Facebook, DeviantART, etc. It makes more sense to just ignore them online and in school then to keep arguing with them.

It's boooooooooooooring at home. D:

~owari

"What the heck is going on?" -Flapjack

~ChaseYoungsgirl — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 14:45:53 PST

So I completely love how my friend snubbed me and refused to hug me in front of his brother. Probably some embarrassment or minute hatred for me. Anyway...

I didn't eat breakfast today and ended up stumbling around in acting. The acting teacher had to let me cling to his arm and lead me to the nurse's office. =///= It was all southern belle style, both hands gripping his arm.

Then, 2 periods later, I completely destroyed my body playing floor hockey in gym. But my teammates loved me and we gave each other props, so it was cool. (I hate playing with people who don't appreciate anyone.)

Finally.. at the end of the day...

I'm leaving my Teaching Assistant job thing and see a friend in the hall. He tells me that a boy I know hit a girl in the throat and got arrested. RANDOMLY! I mean I just saw this kid today. I ate lunch near his table!
Anyhoodle (stolen from my non-huggy friend. >> You know who you are, Rosebud.), I pass the elevator- the doors are half shut and there are 3 kids stuck inside while one is out trying to help them. The girl outside is one I knew, so she asked me to run to her class and tell the teacher she's helping her friends.

That Spanish class was RIGHT next to the elevator so it was all cool. I went in, told him and he goes "Dacour. ...Gracias- aah.. Thanks." As the class laughs, I'm already running down the stairs and I touch my head- feeling this sharp pain. I CUT MY HEAD?! There was no blood so I hustled to English.

On my way THERE... I saw two tech men messing with the elevator. I paused... very blunt faced- "You know there are 3 kids stuck in the elevator upstairs?" They look at me, then at each other very nonchalant and discuss it. I keep going to English.

FINALLY at English... I go "Sorry, Mr. West. I cut my head and-" "Wha?! Your head?" "Yeah but I'm ok, it's not bleeding." "Go to the nurse." *little face* "Aw Mr.West are you serious? Are you sure, I mean I'm ok." "Go to!" I walk to the door and turn back to see him point fiercely to the door.

The cut? ...A perm burn. >.<

And the Award for most Hurtful goes to...

~ChaseYoungsgirl — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 19:22:16 PST

I'm terrible. I really am.

There's a boy that I love --not in the icky, romance/physical attraction way, but the friendly almost brotherly way-- that I think I offended today.

You see, I have a problem- which a lot of you were already familiar with. I have a tendency to think that a lot of the people who say they are my friends hate me or dislike me. But the problem is, the closer I consider someone, the more it hurts to think that.
So imagine my already insane self telling a friend that he hates me or doesn't like me.

I mean really, I know we wouldn't carry on decent conversations the way we do if he really hated me, but the deep rooted paranoia keeps worming in. I know it'll pass eventually but usually these episodes wreck my relationship with the friend it happens with for a couple weeks- sometimes forever. And I don't wanna wreck it!
This kid has known me for about... 3 months. And already he knows I'm crazy, spontaneous, sarcastic, crass, left-and-right-winged religious, a bit of an alcoholic and a horrible sparring partner in his case. Not to mention that I'm completely evil to his older brother 50% of the time. (But that's a WHOLE other story.) Point is, he's learned about me what the friends my own age took months and in some cases years to know.
And he still isn't phased. (Mainly because he's half of those things too, but still.)

I don't wanna drive him, or anyone insane with my constant fear of them hating me, but I can't help it.
This always happens when I'm too sad and today was one of those days. I had a dream that I had a baby brother and I really thought it was real. When I woke up, I cried. I felt awful. I felt like he died. Like something was stolen from me.
Then, every bad thing major or minor came to memory as I rode he bus to school. And then eventually, I cried in school. I didn't know what to do. I just felt horrible.
Thus, leading me to the horrible fits of sadness and my belief that he really does hate me.

>> I mean, even on a good day I think he dislikes me. But I guess... he doesn't/didn't have to know that.

*sadface* I hate being this sad.

~Owari

In Class Entry

~ChaseYoungsgirl — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 16:31:44 PST

So I'm writing this on a sheet of paper at about 12:58 or so. [Classroom has an analog clock and I'm no good at reading those.]

I'm in Advanced Placement (AP) Psychology and it's Black out day at school.
Black out day is when we all wear black- so I don't have to change my clothes much. My teacher is so pretty today. She's wearing this nice, black dress with a black sweater coat that's completely open so it only covers her arms. And she has on black stockings and chunky-heeled, platform boots. (Not insanely high, like maybe an inch or so high.) It looks so cool! I love it, she's blond so it's like I'm being taught by an intellectual, psychologist-Barbie.

In other news, my friend is Sad-face today and I want him to feel better but I can't seem to help. He still smiles and laughs with us but he isn't happy.

We're watching a film about Narcolepsy. It's sad, this married couple suffers because the man has Narcolepsy. He's always sleeping. Coincidentally, I always sleep in this class.
There's another girl, 14, who collapses when she feels extreme emotion. It's so sad. She'll laugh and collapse. Amazingly enough, she doesn't faint in her dance classes.

....20 minutes or so later....

I'm so tired. lol. I don't know why- maybe lunch made me tired. In any event, class is going to end in a minute or two, so bye bye!

[Class actually had about 7 or so minutes left. I was just sucking at reading the analog clock in the dark again.]

11/11/09

~ChaseYoungsgirl — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 20:25:37 PST

I didn't really have a witty title in my head so this had to do.

I'm bored.
Really, really bored.

This month should be fun though. There's going to be a bonfire at school this friday and then a school festival thing on Saturday. Then, in two weeks, we'll have the trip to China Town for the Chinese class like we were supposed to last week. And then I'll only have 2 days in school. The other two will be Thanksgiving and BLACK FRIAY. Hooray for shopping.

Yes, I'm working on stories, no they're not done yet because I'm working on college stuff.
December will liberate me.

Also, I can't wait for Christmas.

~owari

I hate myself and I hate today

~ChaseYoungsgirl — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 13:04:12 PST

So --without much detail-- I got my friends in trouble today because I made a black joke that their dad over heard and now I'm sure their father never wants me anywhere near his kids again.
I also would imagine that their older brother hates me too.

I suppose leaving the lunch table we eat at is the least I can do.

I'm such an idiot. I'm the most retarted creature on the planet. There aren't words that can describe my level of stupidity.
I hate myself and I especially hate today.

On top of that, I forgot an important check to pick up from the office for my mother. So now she'll be pissed at me too.

Can't take it... Gonna say it...

~ChaseYoungsgirl — Sat, 31 Oct 2009 22:43:59 PDT

Ok. I can't take it. It's driving me nuts. This is stupid. This is stupid, stupid stupid.

Please note: I know that when you read the problem, IF you're one of my non-online friends (nicer than saying real life because none of you are bots), you're going to think this is about one boy in particular. That same boy might think it's about him too.
It's not. You're wrong. Move on.
Really, if it's so important for you to tie in my self concerns with inferences, you can shove it.

Anyway...
I'm trying to find the truth on something I said last year and something this year.
Note: This involves many friends, not just one person per say.

Some of you might remember my stalker from Sophomore year to Now. Well he was a senior and 18 while I was a sophomore and 15 and he wanted to date me while he was with my friend and I was... not too apt to date him. He was super creepy, and still very much so.

So then last year I had said "It's not ok for a college kid to date a sophomore. And it's just NO for a senior to date a freshman."

But then this year, I become a senior and now a whole ridiculous can of worms opens up. No. I'm not dating a freshman. But the whole situation has changed. I have a lot of freshmen friends and I feel bad for condemning the guy (not for his weird stalkerness, but for the age). But at the same time it seems bad for that to happen. They're just out of 8th grade and we're about to hit adulthood. I'm not saying I plan on dating a freshman at the moment... but the likely hood of such an event is much higher now that I'm friends with so many.

And I don't know if that's wrong or not. Like yeah, for obvious reasons 18 year olds and 13 year olds don't get together... but 14/15 and 17 aren't that far apart and some freshman are more mature than others. True, some still act 10. But by that age... most of them who act 10, STAY 10 forever, even after marriage.

So yeah... that was my rant. x___x That is what has been bothering me for 2 days.
So I ask you: Is it wrong for you to be attracted to a freshman if you are a senior? Even if this freshman is mature or doesn't look like a freshmen? Or if you've known them forever?
At what point is age really just a number and not the deciding factor on whether or not we get thrown down the societal drain of political correctness?

Owari~

Returning the Xbox/I feel like such a hypocrite

~ChaseYoungsgirl — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 20:52:38 PDT

I can't say what I exactly feel hypocritical for because if I do, the person it involves will either hear it from RL friends on DA, or read it himself. (Ha, that's your only clue- that it's a he.)

But anyway, I feel like a hypocrite because of something I said last year that I know see the other side of.
I basically condemned certain people for doing >> something, strictly because of their age. But now it would appear that I myself MIGHT be possibly doing the same thing. And it'd be utterly ridiculous to say that it's because I'm a girl and the people I condemned were boys, so I have no choice but to admit to hypocrisy- slight as it may be.

Anyhoodle (<-- stolen from a friend), I'm considering returning my xbox. Yeah I know, all the weeks of errand running and friend donations just to return it?- But I don't like the discord online. I have several online friends and lately, at least the few times I actually get on when they're on, there's some arguement or another.
It's not like I don't expect issues, people are only human, but I got yelled at today because I said Shenanigans and one friend mistook another friend's response. Seriously, I could think of 100 better ways to spend $200 than to sit online and get yelled at for Shenanigans.
I was originally getting it so that no matter where I went for college, I'd always have one group of friends I'd talk to just as frequently at home. But I don't wanna spend that time yelling.

Also, Dad thinks he's punishing me by telling me he's going to make me move the xbox into my room.
Yeah- put it in my room where I can play and not have to leave the comfort of my own bed.
That's GREAT parenting, I'll sure learn my lesson.

Owari~

So I went and now I'm back

~ChaseYoungsgirl — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 21:41:24 PDT

I went to that store and I must say, normal people scare me around Halloween. I swear there were people there who looked like they'd never even think of dressing up.
And it was uber awkward hanging around all the slutty costumes.

But it was cool- They had a PENGUIN suit! I saw what I wanted and on Wednesday we're going to go back and pick up what I left behind. Although, I might just go to Hot Topic and get some things.

I decided on being a nurse or... wanna be nurse... or some kind of junkie with a syringe. And I got my little black horns!

I liked it... sort of... but it felt just a little too creepy for me. It's just a little too sketchy to have a store come to town for a month and disappear into thin air after the 31st.

A Note from School I forgot to Mention
Today, the Chinese teacher I assist was absent, but the substitute knew Chinese! Like my teacher, she was American but had studied Chinese in college. It was amazing! I enjoyed having her around and she really inspired me to continue learning Chinese in college. Studying in Taiwan and Mainland China sounds so exciting!

~Owari

Got a new monitor

~ChaseYoungsgirl — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 14:33:27 PDT

A friend of mine gave me one of his old, LCD monitors to use because mine's crapped up. And it's sweet.

It's slightly small and it does cut off the corner of this journal box with the Journal history box. But it's cool.

Anywhoooo...

HALLOWEEN THIS WEEK PEOPLE!

I've decided to be some sort of evil maid/American McGee's Alice type thing, so I'm going to try to get to the Spirit Halloween store today or tomorrow with mom to look at their wares.

Spirit Halloween is a shop that comes to our town (city, really) but once a year. I myself have never been there but my friends say it's amazing so I'll be sure to pass on my remarks.

Another thing, my computer got a little virus and a worm yesterday. One care says it removed both but I still have a pop up every now and again. So I'm downloading Avast to clear it all out.

Post later!
~Owari!

October Checkin

~ChaseYoungsgirl — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 16:16:01 PDT

Hey guuuys. I promise, promise, promise updates will be done soon. I'm just not touching my comp much because my screen is still a mess. My friend is going to be giving me one of his old lcd monitors tomorrow so I'll let you all know when the problem is solved.
I'm currently typing from my friend's computer.

So... my friends went to CVS today and bought me a box of condoms.
Thanks guys.

In other news, I've decided what I wanna be for Halloween. A goth.
Yeah, I know... it's no different from what I normally do everyday. But I'm basing my goth look for halloween after this vampire girl in the Vampire Kisses manga named Kat. She's awesome. Little demon horns!

As for personal writing. I've been writing more on my new original story. (I know, ANOTHER one?) But the good ideas have to be followed through on. It's a dragon-pyre story.
*Note: I use -pyre for any human that is mixed with any animal.

In terms of school. Yeah. Moving right along.

Funny Story: I actually rode the bus today for the first time all week and got to the cafeteria to hang out with people. I got to see my friend Nigel, who I didn't realize I missed 'till I saw him. lol. Unfortunately, we couldn't get into much conversation because he had his face covered with his hoodie. *He and another friend play this joke where they slap each others cheeks. ...On the FACE I promise. XD* But we got to joke a little bit on the way back from a fire drill later that day.

Family ties: So we as a large mass of family went to an Aunt's house and had some dinner. So many family members, so much fun. This passed weekened was the weekeed of my cousin's funeral, and through this I've learned to love my family more than I have in the past.
However, it ended in my father and one of my older cousins fighting... and that cousin kind of wants to kill my dad. But it's cool. >> Mostly.

How are you guys? I feel like I've been neglecting DA because of the broken screen.

Owari~

Hey guys

~ChaseYoungsgirl — Fri, 16 Oct 2009 05:27:41 PDT

It's 8:07 AM and I'm not at school. I was allowed to stay home until 10:00 to work on a little paragraph to say at my cousin's wake today. Tomorrow is the funeral and later on is my friend's birthday party. [I find it weird that this keeps happening. Last time it was a funeral and a quincenera.]

In any event, I felt like posting a journal. And I realize that it's been so long since I've done one of my random "this is why boys are funny" type journals.
Well as I've posted 100 times, I have xboxLive now and I can talk to all of my online friends. The funny thing is that I'm the only girl in party chat.
They said that they've lost me to halo now because I was freaking out when someone else online who had been overkilling me finally got blown up 7 times by myself.
HAAAA TAKE THAT TURKEY!

Lol. Anywaaaay... I've been applying to jobs and colleges left and right. I am determined to get a job and education! xD

~Owari

New Business

~ChaseYoungsgirl — Wed, 14 Oct 2009 17:29:20 PDT

In social terms, I feel pretty unwelcomed at a friend's house right now because she basically said that I was her brother's friend and not hers, not to mention that my mother also has her own issues with me being there right now, so I guess I won't be hanging over there for a while.

In other news... I have NO idea what to do for my friend 's bday party. She knows I have 0$$$$$ because I just bought the xbox. >> and I know she plans on buying me Arkham Asylum because she didn't donate to the xbox fund.... but still, I wanna do something.
I can bake, that I know.

ANY IDEAS FOR A SPECIAL BIRTHDAY PASTRY IDEA?!

~owari

Computer back

~ChaseYoungsgirl — Mon, 12 Oct 2009 09:39:56 PDT

So when I took it to GeekSquad, the boy basically said: "Ma'am, in all honesty it'd be cheapest to buy a moniter and keyboard instead of buying a new screen." So that's the gameplan now. I wasn't planning on spending more than $100 or so for a quick fix anyway. I'm getting a new one for college so it's all good.

I GOT ON XBOXLIVE and it was fun. I can't wait till I get more games. My cousin is preordering Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 for me! Yaaaay!

~owari

Not going to be on the computer for a while

~ChaseYoungsgirl — Fri, 09 Oct 2009 15:44:27 PDT

Last summer --not 2009, but 2008-- I bumped my laptop against the concrete sidewalk while tying my shoes. Eversince, it's been having these odd spasms of purple and green.
Today... it finally went kaput and decided to stay purple. And quite honestly, I can't blame it. I should have gotten this fixed months ago.

So I won't be on my computer for a while.

That being said, I'll be trying my best to use other computers to update small portions of the stories I'm working on.

Owariiii~

My Cousin Just Died

~ChaseYoungsgirl — Thu, 01 Oct 2009 20:51:29 PDT

I still can't fully feel anything. I don't know what to feel. I've cried. And the tears roll down in minute long intervals. But I keep begging God to let me wake up and make it a dream.

I've gone crazy. In a calm, barely noticeable way... I've gone insane.
I feel it in my stomach.... in my chest.
Even now...when I witnessed her condition with my own eyes...when I said goodbye to her... I think it's fake. I feel like she's going to call me. I feel like she's going to suggest more mushroom filled Chinese food for me to eat and get sick off of. I feel like she's going to defend me from the meaner members of the family.

I won't say my heart is broken.
It's just not there.

And I also won't say something like I want to die, because I don't. I honestly don't. I just want what I know I can't have back.

A moment to talk about her:
She came to America when I was 5/ in 1996 when my sister was born. Soon after, she became my care taker- taking care of me when my dad and mom were at work. I would sleep over at her house all the time. And this would go on until I was about 10 or 11.
And even when I worked last summer and would ride the bus to our side of town, I would walk to her house -where she would never hesitate to offer me some of the dinner she had cooked for her family before she went off to work.
I loved my cousin with all my heart and I will truly, truly miss her.

I love you Cousin-Donna, RIP.~

Today was EPIC

~ChaseYoungsgirl — Wed, 30 Sep 2009 20:25:44 PDT

So I went to my guy friend's house and rang the doorbell like every other day. -Really, I go there like...every other day.- And no one answers. It's always unlocked, I just like using the bell to feel welcomed, so I open the door and go in.
As I take off my shoes and head upstairs, I notice that the house is under a severe quiet. Not letting it bother me I went on to scratch at my friends door --he always knows it's me when I scratch. No answer.
Behind me, I hear the shower running so I figure he's showering. Seeing nothing out of the ordinary, I go into his room and settle down on his bed, and pull out my copy of Eclipse. (I assure you, it did not occur to me that the danger of being in a boy's room while he's showering...WITHOUT him knowing you're there is actually fairly high. Had everything been what I thought it was... very awkward things could have happened. XDDDDD)

Anyway...
So I'm just chilling out when I get a txt from his sister saying that they're at the doctor's and no one is home.
I panic.
I think there's a thief. Then I think it's a murderer. Then I realize who it actually is, and that terrified me most of all...
Their mother's boyfriend.

At this point, it was already too late to leave because he'd see me on my way out and think I broke in or something. So I sat, scared to death, on his bed... twittering/txting/facebooking my dilemma.

About an hour later, they returned.
When he came into his room, he gave me a look like I was a cross between an idiot and the hooker you leave behind in the morning -praying to God that she leaves and forgets your address and your promises of loving her xDDDD- and just goes "...Sup?"

And THIS, ladies and gentlemen... was how I spent a good hour and a half of my day today.
Trapped in a boy's room... going nuts with fear on his couch-bed and being taunted by a 30inch HD TV and xbox 360 I couldn't play. XDDD
MLIA

**waiting for Danny Phantom to come on at Midnight**

Not having it.

~ChaseYoungsgirl — Mon, 28 Sep 2009 19:46:09 PDT

This is a combo between "this is where I am" and "I'm still active".

I just spent 15 looking into this college instate that wrote to me. Their computer B.S. curriculum is entirely too math centered for me, and after filling out another account form I'm somewhat certain that every other school will be the same way. At this point, I'm considering not going to school at all and just staying home to do nothing but wait to rot away into eternity.

I'm also somewhat pissed that the GSA (another group at school) has to meet on the day that I have my club. But that's cool, I'm starting to see that I'm more of everyone's back up plan when it comes to what they want to spend their time on.

Moving on...

I wrote the last chapter to High School Secrets so I know how it ends. Ha ha~
And I've also began writing a Danny Phantom fic. Originally, it was going to be a yaoi but I've decided to make it ____xEVERYBODY! You'll see what I mean when/if you read it.

owari

Aaaagh Help me!

~ChaseYoungsgirl — Tue, 22 Sep 2009 22:26:56 PDT

Paranoia is striking me for the second night in a row. This usually happens before I have a huge anxiety attack. And I reeeeeaally don't want one of them. I usually sit there crying about dying and roses wilting for hours and then go looming around the house, calling friends and asking them why they want me to die. It's horrific really... I can completely tell that it's a load of crap half the time, but I can't help but worry about it.

Also, going to the Doctor tomorrow for an unrelated matter. I hope I'm well! Right now, I'm afraid I might go in and be rushed to the hospital afterward. But I'm sure I'll be ok... >> I hoooope.

I think hanging out with my male bff has brought on some of this paranoia. He usually is the one who assumes all will go wrong first. Tomorrow, I shall K.O. him. Wait... no... Thursday. Thursday, I shall K.O. him with pokes. [Ha. I found it funny that I said I'd K.O. him with pokes. "I'll knock out him with pokes."]

But yeah.... it's been a few more hours since the freaking out and I feel normal again.
I'm going to have to monitor my actions to see what's triggering this horrible onset of paranoia. It's crippling for my social life.

Owari

Some friend of mine

~ChaseYoungsgirl — Tue, 22 Sep 2009 20:54:37 PDT

My so-called friend decided it'd be a really funny joke to get our other friends together and pretend that they should get me an xbox for Christmas because of how badly I wanted one. Then she found out I knew and was all "oh I have nothing to say" about it. Cause that's completely ok right?

I don't care if you don't care about what your friend wants/likes/cares about, but if you're their friend you're not going to fake like you're going to do something amazing for them regarding it and then laugh about it in the dark. That's really sick. And not in a good way.
That's like vomit sick.

owari

Just a little pissed.

~ChaseYoungsgirl — Mon, 14 Sep 2009 20:54:10 PDT

I have a friend who suffers from Bipolar Disorder/ Bipolar Depression. [I've never gotten a straight answer on which one it was, hence the /.]
Anyway, I'm just slightly upset that it's a constant struggle for him to believe me when I say I'm his friend. It's like one day we're friends...and then the next, at a party someone threw, he says he doesn't know. ...he keeps waiting for me to jump up and say I hate him or something. And it pisses me off.
Not just because it feels like someone who's supposed to be my friend has such a poor view of my character, but also because he and his sister always got pissed when I thought they hated me randomly.

And everyone keeps saying "Oh, he's Bipolar. Oh, he's Bipolar."
When someone has a problem, you don't treat them like a leper and act like they're some kind of loose canon that'll blow if you so much as look at them wrong...
You treat them normally. Not like crap, but normally.

Today, someone told me that if I want to be his friend, I'll have to get used to this. Reassuring them everyday that I don't hate them, telling them I'm not angry with them, ..standing their rants where they say that I don't like them even though I've done everything in the world to show them otherwise.
And I just don't think I can do that.

It's not that I don't want to be his friend. But I just can't take having that kind of pain everyday. I feel like I'm completely useless because no matter what I say, he still insists after a while that I don't like him. It's hurting me.
It's like he says I'm his best friend when I'm sad about something one day...and then on a day when I feel great, he rips it from under my feet and says he's not sure if he has friends.

I care about him, I honestly do. But I can't take it anymore. It's getting to the point where just seeing him makes me feel sad. I don't want to be sad when I see someone I think of as a best friend.
...So maybe it really is for the best if we aren't friends?

Here's hoping we still can be.

Owari~

9 and feeling a little crazy

~ChaseYoungsgirl — Fri, 11 Sep 2009 19:01:52 PDT

First off, 9. I've been debating my feelings about it since I saw it on Wednesday. At first when it ended, I could only say the word "PISSED" as I sat up in my cushy theater chair. But when I went home and thought about it just a little more, I decided to take into consideration the contributing factors to my negative feelings. [Stressful planning for friends who needed rides, having to hobble about school with thigh-splints, spending money I skipped 3-4 lunch meals for on tickets and food.]

I've come to the conclusion that I don't truly hate the movie so much as I wish there was more to it. To me it feels like --and I promise not to spoil-- a group of MIT graphics students got together and decided to make a movie to show off their skills. But of course, being geniuses with computers doesn't mean you're 100% super at stringing together a strong plot with great elaboration to go along with your amazing graphics. To sum it up with less big words... it felt like one, obnoxiously long cut-scene from a video game.
That being said, I do really love the stitchpunks. [The little creatures, 1-9 are called Stitchpunks. >> but you don't even learn that in the movie.]
I shudder to think how much I would have hated it had I not read up on it online before hand.

Feeling a little bit Crazy
Somewhere between sharing Johnny the Homicidal Maniac comics with a freshman and having my friend tell me she found High School Secrets chapter 6 "Scary", I started to wonder how much of my insanity I really am OK with.
I know for a fact I don't want to be completely not-crazy, because that's just boring. The cynicism, sarcasm, low-brow humor, etc are all smaller forms of my madness seeping out into my writing and speech. However, I don't want to be a psycho. lol It's an interesting thought, being a psycho- but I don't think I want too much to dwell on it.
I'm trying to find that balance between being a serious AP Psychology student and being a lax, anarchist nut job.

????Updates????
Yes, I'll be updating my stuff again soon. I kind of like posting a chapter of something, giving it about a week to satisfy watchers, and then uploading again. >> unlike my common habit of dumping like 12 deviations every 3-4 months. xDDD

Owari~

In Pain But Happy

~ChaseYoungsgirl — Tue, 08 Sep 2009 22:23:31 PDT

Today, I'm going to go see 9 with a small group of friends and this pleases me. :3

I'm greatly getting over the emos from yesterday. [My counselor scheduled a meeting for me to help me with college stuff! ] And the friend who I thought didn't care really does care.

I'm in a lot of physical pain though. I had a rough gym class. Teacher's fierce. The first chick teacher I've had in years. >> this means I can't give her any girl-style 'tude about anything. There shall be great head to heads this semester, but I sense much fun.

Aaah but Craig Ferguson's on. [link] Looove Craig. I still find him hot. [Ignore the fact that he's a year older than my mom.] For those of you who remember --John Travolta is much older than that. XDDD haahahah.
Yes but enough of that. xDDD

About High School Secrets:
I hope you guys liked Chapter 6. I have no idea why, but I was kind of stuck in the beginning. I'm glad it's finished because I can now move on to the next character!

Ty for reading... >> and putting up with my nonsense.
owari

College Plans are utter suck...

~ChaseYoungsgirl — Mon, 07 Sep 2009 21:16:32 PDT

I figure I'll just post it here since my so-called best friend cares more about what's going on in her Harvest Moon game than what I want to talk to her about. Understandable I guess, she's already in college so why care about someone else who might not be able to go right?

Anyway, it'd seem that I'm not going to school. Rather, I'm not allowed to go to school because my father is perhaps the world's most idiotic retarted waste of breath since Hitler and his band of merry groupies. He's not allowing me to go into the National Guard to pay for school or go somewhere out of state that's cheap.

I'm fed up with all this bull. At this point, it'd make more sense to jump off of a bridge than to continue trying to get into a college.

On a brighter note, the small issue of getting random cuts and bruises got worse today. I barely cracked a peanut at my friend's house and it started bleeding right away. Then, I was opening a Chinese food foil container at home...and without me even noticing it till about 3 minutes later, I sliced my thumb. My skin gets cut more easily and the cuts are taking more and more time to heal. I don't know what the heck is wrong but I hope it's just poor Iron.

Even brighter note? There were mushrooms in the food. I = Allergic to mushrooms. And Benadryl no longer works well in terms of allergic reactions. I spent about 3 hours curled up in my bed, shivering but being too warm to pull up the covers.

What a great way to end an otherwise crappy day of me watching movies with friends and not having to be in school.
But not to worry, I'll be fighting post-allergic-reaction vomit down all day tomorrow during school. HORRAY for the American Educational system!

~Ow-friggin-wari

Stage Presence

~ChaseYoungsgirl — Tue, 01 Sep 2009 21:41:39 PDT

Senior year started to days ago and I already feel like it's a lot of work. I'm happy to have a few people I know in each class and even happier to have an English teacher who doesn't mind my random stories or Cyanide and Happiness-esque doodles on the bottom of each page.

I've decided to take acting this year. I feel that it was a waste to have not taken it these past 3 years as acting is one thing I can't seem to get away from.
However, I worry that acting has gotten away from me. I haven't done any acting since middle school, a fact I'm almost embarrassed to admit. And in middle school I was cast in every production we did, every improv show we did as well 2 summer programs at my state capital's theater house each summer. The last acting I did was a week long sleepover theater program.

So on the first day of class, the teacher; Mr. Harris, is taking attendance. As he calls out names, he gets to mine...with a smile, and says "I'm so excited I got Jeannette to take acting." He knew me not through classes but through the other play-director who had me as an actor in middle school. I seriously hope I don't disappoint him.
He's encouraging us to audition for the plays this year, but I'm not sure if I'll be good enough. I mean I'm not afraid to perform, but I'm nervous about my skill level in comparison to everyone else's at this point.
-The way the old acting director described my past problem to me was "You always come in to rehearsals like you don't know what you're doing, do it right, and then do the same thing till the night of the performance. Then, suddenly, like magic, you pull out some amazing performance and nearly put me in the hospital out of worry." She always told me that I need to "shine now, don't wait till opening night to be a star." Which, in retrospect makes the most sense. >> No one likes people who look like they're trying to show them up.
But I'm worried I haven't outgrown that problem.

eeeeeh, Drama-fairies, help me!

Oh! :3 And I'm not eating lunch at school for a few months. Not out of any crazy diet plan, but I'm trying to save money. I get $5 a day for lunch, so if I don't eat lunch... that's $25 a week and about $100 a month. So by November, I really should be able to get an Xbox360 with minimal parental help.

Wish me the best!
Owari~

Something from the heart

~ChaseYoungsgirl — Fri, 28 Aug 2009 20:40:45 PDT

Like every girl entering their next year of highschool in my town, I've done my back to school shopping. Although I didn't completely empty the linings of my parents' pockets, I don't exactly have $$$ to burn.

My crisis? My guy friend's birthday is in about 2 weeks and I have no clue what to get him. I know my budget is $10 or so dollars :/, and I know I don't wanna just hand him $10. I mean I know guys could care less if you give them the money or get them what it is they would have spent it on anyway... but I'd feel rotton handing him $10 when I would rather give him something I put my heart into. [cliche, nes pas? lol]

So I'd love ideas from everyone regarding WHAT TO GIVE A GAMER FOR HIS BIRTHDAY on a budget of $10. **And pleeeease don't suggest anything dirty. lol. I got enough dirty suggestions from a few his own friends.**

My idea was to make him a football-player type shirt but make it say NERD on the front, and have it show the pi symbol where the player number would be. It'd be about 6 or so dollars for the shirt, and I could buy the print-out-and-iron-on papers for about 5 dollars at WalMart. [Budget = good.]

Thanks for reading, and ideas really are appreciated!
Owari~

Looks like a good old case of HE SAID SHE SAID

~ChaseYoungsgirl — Tue, 25 Aug 2009 20:57:48 PDT

I. Love. My. Bffs.

Ok... so some random drama went down at my house tonight and I was feeling beyond upset. So I asked my bff to ask her bro to come to the comp. [Mind you, this is the bff who's bro is my age and my friend/crushish-like-type-person.] And I asked him a question that was serious that led me to have to explain all the drama and then he freaked and wanted to call 911 and other such madness.

In the end, my bff and I were just talking and I was saying how I wish I could tell her the secret. And she guessed it! Both components even! So now...she knows... but is sworn by me to secrecy of the highest order. And she has to fake like she doesn't know. Meanwhile, the guy doesn't know she knows...and is still acting like nothing's up. And deeper still, their mother thinks [or knows actually] that I like him, but not by our words but of her own thinking. So the guy and I deny it.

So now.... It's He said not to tell you, but she guessed so he can't know, and she said she knew but didn't really except she did because her guess was right, but he won't admit to that cause she'll make a big deal out of it, so she won't tell her what's up but he doesn't know that she actually can tell her what's up. xDDDDD

Ashely Tisdale didn't know how RIGHT she was when she made that song. XDDD
[For those who don't know, take a listen to He said She said by Ashley Tisdale [link]

Owari!~

Alms for the poor!

~ChaseYoungsgirl — Mon, 24 Aug 2009 16:23:18 PDT

I've resorted to this because I know I'll never get the money any other way.
It's shameful I know, but it can not be helped. (To quote every Bleach character ever. xDDD)

But it is with much embarassment and a good dose of humble-syrup, I'm submitting myself...to.. ASKING MY FRIENDS. (I bet you all thought I was gonna say Prostitution. xDD)

But yes... I am going to ask my friends for $400. >> I know, it's shameful. But it's better than dealing drugs. Asking 8 people for $50...or 4 for $100...or mix and match people until I have the $400. x___x It's just going to be so awkward because I'm always so "eeeh...I'm so sorry but can I borrow a dollar?" And then I spend the next couple weeks not eating to pay the friend back. xDDD

The problem?: Two friends already spent money on me at a con. >> and I love them dearly.
But this can no longer wait! *determined anime face* I must have the money to buy myself the xbox360! xDDD

My mom is currently paying monthly for my trip to China.
-So of course I can't expect her to pour out $400 in December for Christmas.
My dad is...fail.
-Duh.
I have been applying to jobs all summer.
-And should I get one after friends give me money, I'll definitely be paying them all back.

But yes... I will be relying on friends. x___x I can't believe it.

WISH ME LUCK! >> and throw me new job opportunities if you can.

Forgive me friends... I must ask too much of you, yet again.
[How's that for an anime statement?]

Owari~

Double sucky end... Need all of YOU

~ChaseYoungsgirl — Sat, 22 Aug 2009 20:22:21 PDT

So... I talked to her...
And she doesn't care. So I've apparently been wrong in thinking that I was losing a best friend because she didn't really care that I wouldn't be able to see her anymore. Actually, she doesn't care about anything I have to say. So I guess she's happy I won't be able to go to her house anymore.
I'd tell her bro, but it'd only make the last week I can hang out sad.

Anyhoo... I'm going to Freshman Orientation this week to represent the Anime Club and I'd like ideas from you guys on what you would like to see if you were going to an Anime Club. What clips should I include? What amvs would be cool to see? LINK BELOW!

Owari!

Sad end but Ironic

~ChaseYoungsgirl — Sat, 22 Aug 2009 19:13:50 PDT

The irony is in the fact that it's my friend who's actually signing the deathnote on me getting to see her.

You see she's one of my best friends, but she's also a year older, meaning she's of college age while I'm still in high school. But she isn't going, and my mom thinks that if I hang out with people who don't go to college, I'll decide I don't want to go.

[Let the record show that I do want to go to college.]

If I hadn't messed up my grades in freshman year, she wouldn't be so concerned. But I think she thinks that I'm going to fall back into some rut of laziness and not want to attend classes.

So in short, if my friend doesn't go to college... my mother is going to cap when I get to go to her house. x___x. And unfortunately, though I'll still be able to talk to her brother who's also my friend via xboxLive, she doesn't have it. And it's not the same talking to someone online as it is with their voice.

It's all the dumb community college's fault. She handed in a form a little late and now they're being half-assed about helping her fix her problem with scheduling. So she thinks it's highly unlikely that she'll get into classes this semester. I know there's always next semester but if something upsets someone enough they'll lose interest in the matter all together, you know?
So unless CT decides to get its crap together to organizing their state-students, I'll have to stop hanging out with not one, but two of my best friends. :
I hope freaking rainbows fly out of someones ear at Freshman Orientation this week.
**Updates: I am currently writing more HSS right now, but I didn't wanna touch it when I'm all sad. Sorry!

owari~

Girl's guide to: MALE GAMERS [09 Edition]

~ChaseYoungsgirl — Sun, 16 Aug 2009 07:49:36 PDT

**I had this up on a different site and thought I'd post it here too for kicks. **

1. Don't question his platform.
-If he likes Nintendo and you think the PS is better, don't start listing reasons why Sony is superior. Just deal with it. Who knows? Maybe after he finishes Twilight Princess he'll let you bring over your copy of Tekken 5.

2. If he says not to mess with it...Don't mess with it.
-If your guy is like any other 09'Gamer-boy, he loves killing Nazi Zombies with his online buds via Call of Duty:WoW. And trust me, there are few things more aggrivating than entering a game only to find that your girfriend/girl friend changed your classes.
The best thing to do when you don't like a set up is to ask him to change it. This way, if it's a bonehead move he can't blame anyone but himself for actually doing it.

3. Never beat him at his own game.
-It's cool to crush his scores in Cooking Mama or WiiDR, but if you find yourself stealing his kills or nailing him with tanks, you might want to tone it down a bit. No guy wants their girl to be better at manly games than they are.

4. Don't try to make him stop once he's started.
-If he's wrapped up in a big game, you have until the game starts to get him to do whatever it is you need him to do. Unless you're hurt, dinner's on fire or a combination of the two... You have no ability to make him stop playing. Trying to force him will only get you a negative response.

5. If you're not a gamer yourself, appear interested in what he's playing.
-It's never too late to learn a new game. Next time you get the chance, pay him a visit during game time and see what's up. Even if you don't end up liking it, it'll make conversation a little less one sided. Instead of trying to force him into talking about "Us", you can strike up some game chat.

Owari~

Just the usual Unusual

~ChaseYoungsgirl — Thu, 13 Aug 2009 20:50:16 PDT

Dear Journal [ha-ha, I never say that.]

For those of you who already know through notes/comments/txts/etc, hooray! Today marks the 6th day of plan: Âfood is evilÂ lol. I havenÂt been eating too many solid foods these past 6 days, and as a result, IÂve already lost 6 pounds. IÂm gonna try to continue this until about October. I almost started eating again today, but a friend on Xbox Live called me fat lol. I know he was joking, but it gave me the initiative I needed to keep going on this path.
I know, I know ÂExerciseÂ and ÂHealthy EatingÂ. I do them both. I DDR twice daily and I eat healthy. (whenever I do eat anyway.) Not eating solids just makes the whole process a lot faster. But donÂt worry, IÂll be sure to get help if I start coughing up blood or start puking. (I came close to it today when I was playing Call of Duty but IÂll chalk that up to motion sickness.)
On the bright side, IÂve learned to overcome the physical pain of hunger with mental stability. Whenever I get really hungry, I play an intense round of DDR so that it hurts. This way, IÂve learned to associate the want to eat with pain. So when I try to eat when I should be downing a glass of water, I get sense of discomfort and decide against it.

In Other News:
I told a friend of mine that I liked him and he actually reciprocated the feeling. How many hours does it take to the get to the center of a boyÂs mind? The world may never know.

Updates:
Highschool secrets should be getting new chapter work soon. (I didnÂt know people would actually read it. lol) And IÂll try to make multiple chapters at once so I can update daily or bi-daily.

Just checking in!
Twitter me if you know how! [link]
Owari!~

Craziest Dream evaaaaaah!

~ChaseYoungsgirl — Tue, 11 Aug 2009 06:10:50 PDT

So I dreamt that my school had an anime con in it. And the school was somehow fused with the state's convention center. For some reason, one of the exhibitors was doing this magic show thing. I of course, have 0 interest in magic/hypnotism shows...they bore the snuff out of me... so I was hanging out with friends in the-GASP!- MALL PORTION?! Yah, there was a mall portion of the school.
So I'm in like JCPenny, and suddenly when I go back up to the school-part of school... there are kids fighting in huge gangs of wolf-furries and rabbit/cat/other furries as well as non furries. The magic dude had made everyone in the show into furries. And the wolves wanted to take over school.

So a load of us were fighting off the wolves and running. It got to a point where I was the distraction for something...and I had to chew up hairy food, spit it on a wolf and pretend to be a cat furry.

In the end, a man had saved us all because he was the creator of CinnamonToastCrunch. -_-. The WHOLE dream was a public service announcement about using preservatives and synthetic polymers in food. "If you use anything unnatural, evil men will make you into a furry!"

eeeh *shiver* furries.

Redeption for Yaoi/Fanfic + Twitter

~ChaseYoungsgirl — Tue, 04 Aug 2009 19:29:45 PDT

First, I has Twitter. [link] You tweet me nao, yes? lol

But about my yaoi and fanfiction... It would appear after some notes and messaging that most of you didn't know that I had a y-gallery or fanfiction.net account. I plan on dumping a lot of the stuff that's still on my computer into the y-gallery. [I hate the layout of fanfiction.net, so I'd check up on both just to make sure.] But sorry to those of you who thought that all the fics and yaoi were dead completely. lol

I can't publicly post my y-gallery because I'll get in trouble, so if you're allowed to know... note me for it.
As for my fanfiction.net account, [link] will do. But again, I make no promise that my fanfiction.net account will be as current as my DA or Y-gallery.

So tweet me up you guys! It's a chance for me to actually talk to people.
And hit me up on Y-gallery so we can fangirl and giggle about pretty boys and such. lol

ConnectiCon 09

~ChaseYoungsgirl — Mon, 03 Aug 2009 15:56:41 PDT

This con was fun in it's own way. I think the coolest part was the XKCD and Explosm presences. Other than those, the guest pool was a little dry lol. At least for my interests.

But yeah, with all of the down time I was able to meet a load of new people as well as take advantage of many free huggers.

The Rave was great! That being said, I never wanna go to another one! xD
Fun as it was, I didn't too much like the pain after raving until 2am.

Back to the fun: Someone actually captured the Saturday XKCD/Explosm panel in full on youtube! Go watch it [link] and when you hear the question about the fave body parts...that's me. . Also when you see the drawing of Sphincter Man... that was mine. xD

Catch you all around

Everyone PLEASE READ: Changing Up Shop

~ChaseYoungsgirl — Sun, 02 Aug 2009 20:08:16 PDT

It's been great these past 3 years on DA. I was gonna follow that up with the whole "thanks to your love, support and kindness-" line, but decided against it at the last minute. I'm certain that many of you are aware that I've deleted every journal post I've made except for 2 Anime Boston reports, a rant about why girls love psychos and my most recent journal before this. After a little bit of thinking, I chose to get rid of them all

The bottom line is that there are some changes that will be taking place on my DA. Changes that you may or may not like, but changes that will be made regardless.
One of which will be fanfiction. I do love it, and it's really fun to write... But as I'm sure you've all seen lately, there's been less and less of it.
I WILL be finishing the Tekken Boys series, don't worry about that. And I definitely will continue the Organization 13 and KHFF stories. But other than that, don't expect much other than a few one shots.
As for yaoi, other than the things I just mentioned, I really don't think I'll be doing more of it. That isn't to say that I'll never do anything yaoi again, I'm just going on to pursue new interests.
I will however be continuing my original work, but I'm sure you all expected to hear that.

That being said, sorry to anyone who really wanted to see more Bleach or Naruto fiction. Especially to those of you who are fans of Frozen Petal and Suna Fic. [Suna Fic may some day be resurrected.] But as I've mentioned before, when I lose interest in something, the product tends to get sucky and dry.

So again, Thank You guys for being awesome watchers/fave-ers/friends.

Stay tuned for the ConnectiCon report coming soon.

Hi + HighSchool Secrets + ConnectiCon in 2 days!

~ChaseYoungsgirl — Wed, 29 Jul 2009 13:42:04 PDT

Hi everyone, just wanted to make a quick entry to ensure you all that I didn't disappear over some emo fit.

I'm in my second semester of summer school and I finished gym in first semester! Right now I'm in the middle portion of the failed half of an algebra class I had messed up in Freshman year. It's cool though because it's a class of failure kids. xD They separate us from the 8th graders who take it before freshman year to get ahead. Why spend time and money on doing gym and math? I'm taking AP Psychology and need the class space. lol
My class is an utter joke but I love a lot of the kids. Other than myself, my friend Susan, a stoner-veggitarian cool chick named Gillian (Jill), A young Asian girl who's name I have not learned yet, and two random nutters named Elaina and ???? lol-- the class is filled with boys.
They spend ALL class throwing paper at one another, making jokes and just being bad. And the teacher just CAN'T seem to get them under control. >> I do admit that I've been coraled into paper tossing a little, but it's funniest when the boys do it. Although they loved me yesterday for throwing a piece of paper at the teacher and again at his desk. yes I know, bad bad Chase.
I loooove one named Greg. No matter what this kid does, the teacher's always yelling at him and saying he did something wrong. A shame he's only going to be a sophmore. xD Then there's a cool kid named Phil. Phil's hot, and it's not sketchy to say because he's going to be a Junior.

And my hot history teacher from last school year comes in to school everyday when I have break. So now, whenever Susan and I walk down to the cafe for lunch, we see eachother and wave with little smiles. Yay, Waving buddies.
When I think about it, it's a little scary lol. He has very piercing blue eyes and when he isn't making a particular expression, his neutral face looks very serious. So it's like I turn, see this vampire of a man and do a kindergarden wave/grin. Then suddenly the stone face breaks and he does the same. xDDD Which is fine enough, it's nice having another part of my HighSchool visit me in a completely different one.

HIGHSCHOOL SECRETS UPDATE
I have a bunch of new ideas! Some of which, I won't lie, stem a little from moments talking with the above mentioned teacher. [I don't know if saying that will make people insinuate good things or bad. xDDD] But it should get more interesting soon. And beware new characters. lol

Books
I took a break on reading the Superman and Batman book for a little bit and decided to start Vampire Kisses 6! I love it so far

I can't WAIT for ConnectiCon! It feels like it's been forever since last year. It hasn't been in August for at least 2 years.

Bye! Can't wait for ConnectiCon!

girls LOOOOOOVE psychopathy

~ChaseYoungsgirl — Sun, 05 Apr 2009 15:59:32 PDT

I bet you double took at that title, eh?

Well yeah, I found and fell in love with [link] <-- this pic, by .
Madness is one of those dangerous but intriguing things that entrances people... or scares them away. Which ever. lol

New awesome show; The Penguins of Madagascar.
Kowalski is love KTHXBAI (He's voiced by the same dude that voiced Prowl from Transformers Animated)

News Flash: Danny Elfman was in Spy Kids.

Just saw Narnia 2 again on DVD with my sis and after seeing the behind the scenes footage, I'm loving Ben Barnes all the more.

Disney's Best Idea EVER: Halloween in April
I sooo love this concept, >> and I forsee a mini event in my near future in honor of the new, best un-holiday since Christmas in July.

~Owari

Anime Boston 2008 REPORT!

~ChaseYoungsgirl — Sun, 23 Mar 2008 07:07:32 PDT

It was amazing! I had so much fun.

I would only suggest that they allow people to Pre-Register even if they are only attending for 1 day. Because I had to stand in line for 4 hours. 4 long hours and my feet were aching and legs were shaking and all the painful crap.

But when I went inside it was cool.

No...I didn't meet any of the VAs. I did meet Greg Ayres for a second in the Dealer's Room. But I missed all of the other VA things.

Buuuut I bought a load of stuff I wanted from the Dealer's room...and I got to go to the Gaia Online panel, got myself some free gold and a t-shirt for a friend.

And the BEST thing ever... the Masquerade. The Masquerade was so Amazing. Skits GALORE.

I am HIGHLY recommending that you all look on youtube on Monday or Tuesday...and look up Anime Boston 2008. And scan through for some vids from the Masquerade. Some where REALLY good. XD

^^ I had a great time and can't wait for the next time I go to a con. And I am most DEFINATELY going to Anime Boston again next year. (Pre-registering this time of course)

Alright, that was my con report. Look out for some pics soon.

Owari y'all!
RISEMBOOL RANGERS! ...embrace your inner otaku.

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