http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:CityOnAHill&section=today deviantART RSS for by:CityOnAHill en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Mon, 14 Dec 2009 12:26:18 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://CityOnAHill.deviantart.com/journal/28521592/ http://CityOnAHill.deviantart.com/journal/28521592/ Mon, 23 Nov 2009 02:50:52 PST
But seriously? i don't care. somehow i always knew that things were never quite finished between us. so, on december 21 (yes, that is my birthday, so i'm kinda scared that if we break up my birthday is gonna be el-lamo from now on) we will be going out again.

don't tell me i'm stupid, i already know. but the truth is, he's amazing. even in the 2 years and a bit that i have known him, there's always been something that keeps bringing me back to him. not just the heart racing or the constant inability to think or the desperate attempts not to act like an idiot in front of him... there's something else that i'm not really sure i can put my finger on, just yet.

we still have a lot of work ahead of us. he's only recently come back to church and rediscovering what Christ did for him (which i have been praying about ever since i met him... i guess i really have witnessed a miracle because he's living proof that no matter how far you stray, just like that, Christ can bring you back again). but he said that he wants me with him on that journey, and i can't ask for anything more than that. i've grown up and learned so much since high school. he makes me want to change who i am, but also that i'm loved for exactly who i am right now. he's inspired me in so many ways in the past, and i'm kind of looking forward to being in a relationship again.

yes okay so it's still a whole month before we're actually gonna go out... he was going to ask me out today because it is his birthday, but i said i didnt wanna be asked out via sms yes! i didn't give in so we are waiting, and we'll see what God has in store for us.

on the flip side, however, i'm kind of petrified of being in a relationship again. (yes, i realise i just said i was looking forward to it). i just would like to not get carried away. i don't want to change so that i can be who he wants. i will keep my friends and do all the same things that i do now. but i think that over time, we eventually all take on little pieces of our partners, whether we realise it or not.


that's where i'm at, atm, and i'm praying God will bring me ever closer to him in the mean time.

hope everyone is well, i wish i could see you all in one place! that would be awesome

love,
Jess

]]> *CityOnAHill http://CityOnAHill.deviantart.com/journal/27738751/ http://CityOnAHill.deviantart.com/journal/27738751/ Tue, 13 Oct 2009 04:52:57 PDT
I know for a lot of you it will appear in your inbox, but for those who didnt, or deleted it without looking, i'd really like if you could read it.

[link]

i would like a bit of critique, if you have any. i don't want to change the structure of it very much.. and the ideas are exactly right for what is in my head, but if you think there is anything that could make it better, please let me know.

i have a love for snow globes. ever since i was a little girl, i was fascinated with them. i have 3 at the moment, one from when i was born, one from england and one from my old boss, who was lovely!
but they just look so peaceful, and so beautiful. they are probably the only non-music thing that i collect (although 2/3 actually play music, they're wind up ones...)

anyway, i just wanted to ask you all to do me a favour if you could please read it and let me know what you think. i really enjoyed writing this, and it didn't take me very long! so i really hope you like it too

love,
Jess xxo

]]> *CityOnAHill http://CityOnAHill.deviantart.com/journal/27683395/ http://CityOnAHill.deviantart.com/journal/27683395/ Sat, 10 Oct 2009 08:50:01 PDT

that is all.


i hate two-faced.

]]> *CityOnAHill http://CityOnAHill.deviantart.com/journal/27644623/ http://CityOnAHill.deviantart.com/journal/27644623/ Thu, 08 Oct 2009 03:39:38 PDT
But it's happened! to me! (see [link] )
i feel like i need to explain this poem, even if for my own memories, because i have fount that, looking back, i have regretted not writing down who a poem was about.




My heart, that you’ve stolen, is breaking.
It hurts so much not having you here
I know the answer is in my hands
But they’re tied up behind my back

kind of self explanatory. i know what i WANT to do, but other people and you are preventing me from doing that.

My only hope of freedom… I need a sense of control
A part of me that’s normal
Maybe it’s of the world, but that doesn’t matter now
I'm careening off this road

the wording is odd, but i'm trying to say i need to forget what's going on for a while because my thoughts are taking me to a place i really don't want to be... again.

You told me, you’d always be behind me
I can’t really tell if that was a lie
You know that game? Called trust?
I think I just hit the floor.

he once told me that i was one of 4 people whose opinions he cared about. that he trusted and would never hurt. then came the last 3 lines of this stanza (and not a literal hit the floor, perhaps the figurative 'rock bottom' is a better phrase)

What I really want to say
Without all the poetic nonsense,
Is that I can’t function without your friendship
I can’t breathe knowing you don’t care

it's true. i was at a camp that he was at on the weekend, and i starting hyperventilating when i realised he wasn't talking to me (BS'09). sometimes i also think i try to make things poetic, when all i really need to do is say what i need to say.

So close, too close,
and yet so very far.
I just want to have your friendship
I never want any more than that

he's one of my best friends, but his girlfriend didn't/doesn't like me. so we got as close as friends could be, then it was all gone because she thought i liked him. which i dont. for very personal reasons, i could never date him. but that doesnt mean that i dont want the friendship we had.

I don’t want her to be jealous
And I don’t want you to leave
I don’t want to be left out again
If only you knew how I bleed.

pretty self explanatory, however the last line is not strictly true. because he DOES know.

If you thought about me
Like I thought about you
I know that we wouldn’t be here
And I'm sorry that it isn’t true.

kind of confusing to me, even know. i think i was trying to say that if he knew that i wouldn't date him ever, that if he UNDERSTOOD that, then we wouldn't be in this mess, because his girlfriend would understand it too.

There’s no rhyme, or reason, here.
There’s nothing of importance to say
This isn’t about what I can come up with,
I'm just trying to get it out.

pretty much i'm not mincing words. i'm saying what's on my heart

Out of my heart, out of my mind
And off my chest, if you will
I guess it’s sad you won’t read this
Now, I think I’ll take the blue pill.

if you don't understand the last line, ask someone who's seen the matrix

Give it a week, and you’ll forget me
Because I know that’s the way that they want it
Give it a month, and you wont have a choice
Because you chose to not have a voice.

he would do anything to keep them happy, even if it means hurting someone else.

I’ll shout and scream,
If I thought you would listen
But it’s obvious that you don’t care.
You care enough, only, about them, to stay away
‘cause friends… too much for her to bear.

okay the 4th line is really confusing, i admit. but this is my reasoning. it seems that he doesnt care about me. however i think he thinks that by avoiding me, i wont get as hurt. or he wont.. and he gets the girl and keeps his other best friend in the process, and i lose 3 of mine.

I want you to know I don’t care.
Whatever it is that they say.
But it’s oh so hard to fight for you
When you keep on walking away.

bad punctuation here, second line is meant to mean that no matter what they say, i WILL still care

If you stay gone, I swear my heart
Will close up, stop beating, decease.
Life wasn’t meant to be lonely
But you would rather them, than me.

pretty much what it says. i would die without him, but he would rather die without THEM

So maybe, after all this,
There’s just one... ]]> *CityOnAHill http://CityOnAHill.deviantart.com/journal/27351696/ http://CityOnAHill.deviantart.com/journal/27351696/ Tue, 22 Sep 2009 06:01:01 PDT
Not the happiness or the wonder or beauty of coincidence. Taking God out of the equation and realising that we'd probably be even worse off without Him?

A friend of mine recently posted a journal about his struggle with what he's going through, with finding jobs and parents who constantly nag and pressure us. It kind of made me think about how much pressure we put on ourselves. To be the child they want. The one they're proud of. The one that maybe one day they'll look back and say, we did a good job with that kid.

I wonder what my parents would think of me, if they knew what my friends on dA even know. Not just the love and the fights in friendships, but the questioning of life, and the reason for existence of so many things.

I wish I could get away. To just go somewhere and forget about all the... crap. To focus on the questions that pull at my mind every day, but I never 'have time' to seek the answers for. The little things, like what the guys name is who works in the mail centre, and never fails to look away every time i look at him. or why noodles are 10 cents cheaper in one place, when people only give 10 cent coins to buskers anyway?

Then there's the big stuff. Do I love that person unconditionally? Or are there limits, they just haven't been tested yet? and just to bring on the awkwardness... is there a reason i'm saving myself when all my christian friends seem to all accidentally sleep with someone?

Then there's the obvious questions. What is the character of God? Why do things seem to all pile up at once? Why am I who I am... whoever that is?

I need a break from the commotion. i want to go somewhere where I am completely alone. Yet at the same time I'm scared that I'll not be able to figure out life if someone isn't there for me to talk to. As of late, I've found it hard to have a conversation with someone, simply on the basis that I don't want to a) bore them b) freak them out c) seem self-centred by talking about myself too much. My sentences usually end with "but yeah" or, "I dunno"... even though I do know.

Where did my confidence go?

I want to see God. literally. I know i can't look Him in the face or i will die, but i want to be like... moses? and see him from the back, or just see his brilliance. To know that there is something so Great about Him that I will just fall on my face and beg forgiveness for never being good enough except by His son.

Every day, I try and read some of the Bible. Even if it's just a few verses. And before every time (when i remember...) I ask God to give me a new understanding. To really see what He's trying to say to me.
And then I get afraid when things are shown to me and I ignore them, or keep them too myself because I don't want to seem crazy, or judgmental. what would my friends really say if I told them I thought they weren't christians?

I'm scared of being worldly, but at the same time, I'm scared to be rejected by it. I know I can't be one or the other. I can't serve both God and 'money', or material things.

I've been thinking about doing a mission trip. But I know what my parents would say. I only just got a job, and already I want to leave it to go overseas? I need to have money, I need to buy a car. In fact, have two jobs, just for a while, and see if you can cope with the 50 hour week. i'm working 7 days in a row this week, and it's taking a toll on me.

I want to relax. I want time in my own head. I know that SOUNDS stupid, but I need time to work on my heart, and my soul. Or more for God to do His work in me. I'm constantly being healed and re-healed by Him, because i am constantly being hurt. But I want to be so focused on Him that I see nothing else. I don't want to be materialistic, but here I am posting a journal on a site, hoping that my friends who aren't christians won't reject me.

I'm totally not in sync. I'm out of date and out of focus. But there's just not enough time in life to do all the things you need to.

]]> *CityOnAHill http://CityOnAHill.deviantart.com/journal/26644408/ http://CityOnAHill.deviantart.com/journal/26644408/ Mon, 17 Aug 2009 07:25:32 PDT
Oh so terribly wrong.

]]> *CityOnAHill http://CityOnAHill.deviantart.com/journal/26226210/ http://CityOnAHill.deviantart.com/journal/26226210/ Tue, 28 Jul 2009 05:13:01 PDT

smiles are nice, don't you think?
I find myself doing that a lot lately. Okay, so I'm pretty sure I should explain...

Yes. It's about a boy. But he's an amazing boy.
His name is Nick. He plays guitar. He's talented and gorgeous and a christian and
just generally amazing.

I have nothing else to report. But he's voluntarily driving me to Newcastle (about 2
hours away) to go to a gig, coz I missed out on tickets in Sydney.
He drove over an hour to see me one night coz I was looking after my grandma, so asked
if anyone was free for a movie night. He already had plans with someone else, but asked
if he could bring his mate.

I just... it feels like things are actually going somewhere. Finally, after nearly 2 years
of being alone, someone is taking an interest in me.

and it feels good.



]]> *CityOnAHill http://CityOnAHill.deviantart.com/journal/25386801/ http://CityOnAHill.deviantart.com/journal/25386801/ Thu, 18 Jun 2009 04:15:34 PDT
i want to write. but i know where it will lead. and i dont want to go there.


life is horrible. that's all i can say.

]]> *CityOnAHill http://CityOnAHill.deviantart.com/journal/24830748/ http://CityOnAHill.deviantart.com/journal/24830748/ Mon, 18 May 2009 21:06:15 PDT
Life is confusing. i know. deep and contemplative right? most of you are saying "shit. she finally worked it out!"

People, in general, are confusing. it drives me insane when people give you the wrong impression by accident.

But it's okay. i'm alive (though sometimes i wonder how)

and i have a great appreciation for all those who've stuck by me through everything that's happened.

Yes, that includes all you dA people! the ones i know in life, and the ones i know in cyber-life. Here, i am always me. always open, and free to be whichever subconscious self comes out at the time. and the best part, its encouraged

thanks to everyone for all your support this last two years!

Love,
=city

]]> *CityOnAHill http://CityOnAHill.deviantart.com/journal/24762763/ http://CityOnAHill.deviantart.com/journal/24762763/ Thu, 14 May 2009 23:03:33 PDT
yet the second things start going wrong in my life and i run to her? she says i'm putting her at the centre of her life.
that jesus should be my best friend.


maybe i'm glad. i think i just realised that you can't put all your time into one person because you have nothing to fall back on when they don't want to be close anymore.

she once said that if she wasnt my best friend, then she wouldnt be anyones. she's keeping that promise, and i guess, by default, so am i. i dont WANT to be anyones best friend but hers. so it's her or no one.
not the same way we were.

]]> *CityOnAHill http://CityOnAHill.deviantart.com/journal/23843468/ http://CityOnAHill.deviantart.com/journal/23843468/ Mon, 23 Mar 2009 04:39:50 PDT
she sets time apart for all her other friends, but i'm just whenever. doesn't matter what i ask, she's always gonna be with someone else.

i haven't stayed at her house in God knows how long, and as for her staying here? well that went out the door along with my sanity.

uh, i don't mean to sound well.. gay here. but she's my best friend. when you only see your best friend for an hour a week, you would start to miss them too.

i'm starting to feel more and more excluded from her life. in fact... everyones life that i know.

i have everything i need. i know that no matter how many friends i have, i will never be content until i have one that loves me as much as i hope she does.

it just makes me sad when you go through really rough and horrible situations with someone, and they need you intensely, but when things start to go back to 'normal' you find that they dont like you as much as they did before.

gah. going crazy, again.

feel free to ignore me.

---

in other news, i have been writing a fair bit, but in my 'black book' so i'll get around to posting soon

love.

]]> *CityOnAHill http://CityOnAHill.deviantart.com/journal/22588268/ http://CityOnAHill.deviantart.com/journal/22588268/ Thu, 15 Jan 2009 00:02:53 PST
sorry, firstly that's a quote from juno, and i think it just says it all.

but seriously, i dont think i can take this anymore.

my heart is beating so fast i feel like it's gonna punch a hole in my ribcage. just thinking of her with him makes me wish it was me.
makes me wish i could be the one to be there for him.

be the one that made him happy.

just be the one.

anyways, sorry, i dont know how to not notify people of journals haha!

in other news, i'm thinking that i need to write more stories! i dont really have that many on here... anyone have any ideas? i like short stories though, so yeah, pick a topic i could do in say... 500 words?

]]> *CityOnAHill http://CityOnAHill.deviantart.com/journal/22554649/ http://CityOnAHill.deviantart.com/journal/22554649/ Tue, 13 Jan 2009 01:45:01 PST
There's gotta be someone out there who just wants to yell at someone so badly because they're being so stupid!!!

let me hear you scream if you're with me

in other news... i'm in the middle of being heartbroken, so please excuse me if my poetry becomes excessively 'emo' over the next few months.

xxo.


ps. happy new year

]]> *CityOnAHill http://CityOnAHill.deviantart.com/journal/21802243/ http://CityOnAHill.deviantart.com/journal/21802243/ Wed, 03 Dec 2008 15:53:37 PST I have my usual boy dramas, but i'm finding it easier and easier to give them to God.

For those who are not particularly religious, hopefully you can understand what this means. some people put their faith in the stars, or in luck or the shape of tea leaves in their cup. mine is in God, and luckily, living in the 21st century (hahahaha living end reference anyone? ) means i can believe whatever i want, and you have to accept it because truth is whatever you want it to be.
i do however, find this sad sometimes. becasue it means no matter how obscure your beliefs, we must be able to accept that YOU believe they are true, and thus you are not judged for it.

anyway, this was not meant to be a theological debate, i'm simply stating that even if you dont know personally where i'm coming from, it has never been the easiest thing to trust in soemthing (or someone, depending on your definition) that you can't see.
i feel God around me, all the time, just sometimes i don't believe it.

in whatever case, i hope you are all well, and that life is treating you relatively kindly, coz i know some of you are in kind of hectic situations, such as myself!

once again, i cannot express my gratitude and thanks to those who fave and watch me every day. i know that this community is MASSIVE, and i'm never going to get around to seeing each one, but that's the beauty of random deviations
but still, in this tiny little corner of dA, i'm deeply appreciative to all of you. you don't know me (with a few exceptiions) and yet you love me (or so it feels) just the same.

i'm understanding the value of friends, at the moment, and trust me, anyone who watches me and who regularly corresponds with me is most definitely counted among them.

Thank you, for everything.

Much Love,
Jess
xxo

]]> *CityOnAHill http://CityOnAHill.deviantart.com/journal/21448905/ http://CityOnAHill.deviantart.com/journal/21448905/ Wed, 12 Nov 2008 04:39:39 PST
i think that's kind of scary. i have always found this to be a place where artists get together... people who are more talented than me. i have never been afraid to say exactly whats going through my head at the second im thinking it.

but the thing is that now the things that are going through my head are things that concern people who read this. it's not a bad thing, but this is one part of my life that i have almost wanted to keep a secret.. something that i dont like to share, so that it can be just my own.

of course, with the exception of mitch, who brought me here, and will be forever grateful too (~Taliionis). the first and only person i knew of my friends in real life. but i realised i do have many friends here! the difference is, they see my work as art, (with a few exceptions...) and if i dont talk, it is left alone.

im not mad. i think the 3 ppl im mostly talking about will read this and know i am talking about them, so to you, i am NOT mad that you invaded my little space of the net where im very openly and truly honest. im not mad... just freaked out that things that were so personal are now being shared.

it's funny how things in this life work. everything is so messed up at the moment. like you honestly would not believe. i know so many people on dA who use this as an outlet for rage, passion, joy, sadness and every mood you can choose from that little selection below my blog. but for my life? it's never been hard, until last year, or the end of, but before then, i had never known any hardship that's of real consequence, except the stupid whirlwind romances that i made a drama out of because i need it.

right now, though, the consequences are huge. there are days when i do not understand how i am functioning through all this. days where i get to the end of the day and do all i can to avoid thinking about tomorrow, because im not supposed to worry about days that have enough worries of their own...

i guess what im saying is that here, im allowed to be as ambiguous as i like,because being in the 21st century means you make what you want of everything that goes on, and dont judge because its not 'your truth'. and yet, i find myself being brutally honest, because, well... it's the 21st century.

to the 3 ppl who read this.. im sorry if i offend you, or make you sad or whatever. im going to attempt to stay as honest as i have always been, because it's my only escape from the chaos that is my life.

]]> *CityOnAHill http://CityOnAHill.deviantart.com/journal/21360169/ http://CityOnAHill.deviantart.com/journal/21360169/ Thu, 06 Nov 2008 16:05:44 PST

1. What's the color of your shirt?
Blue - Our romance is over
Red - Our affair is over
White - I'll join the monastery
Black - I dislike you
Green - Our horoscope doesn't match
Grey - You're a pervert
Yellow - I'm selling myself
Pink - Your nostrils are insulting
Brown - The mafia wants you
No shirt - You're a loser
Other - I'm in love with your sister


2. Which is your birth month?
January - That night
February - Last year
March - When your dwarf bit me
April - When I tripped on sesame seeds
May - First of May
June - When you put cuffs on me
July - When I threw up
August - When I saw the shrunken head
September - When we skinny dipped
October - When I quoted Santa
November - When your dog ran amok
December - When I changed tennis shoes


3. Which food do you prefer?
Tacos - In your apartment
Pizza - In your camping car
Pasta - Outside of Chicago
Hamburgers - Under the bus
Salad - As you ate enchilada
Chicken - In your closet
Kabob - With Paris Hilton
Fish - In women's clothing
Sandwiches - At the Hare Krishna graduation
Lasagna - At the mental hospital
Hot dog - Under a state of trance
None of the above - With George Bush and his wife


4. What's the color of your socks?
Yellow - Hit on
Red - Insult
Black - Ignore
Blue - Knock out
Purple - Pour syrup on
White - Carve your initials into
Grey - Pull the clothes off
Brown - Put leeches on
Orange - Castrate
Pink - Pull the toupee off
Barefoot - Sit on
Other - Drive out


5. What's the color of your underwear?
Black - My best friend
White - My father
Grey - Bill Clinton
Brown - My fart balloon
Purple - My mustard soufflé
Red - Donald Duck
Blue - My avocado plant
Yellow - My penpal in Ghana
Orange - My Kid Rock-collection
Pink - Manchester United's goalkeeper
None - My John F. Kennedy-statue
Other - The crazy monk


6. What do you prefer to watch on TV?
Scrubs - Man
O.C. - Emotional
One Tree Hill - Open
Heroes - Frostbitten
Lost - High
House - Scarred
Simpsons - Cowardly
The news - Mongolic
Idol - Masochistic
Family Guy - Senile
Top Model - Middle-class
None of the above - Ashamed


7. Your mood right now?
Happy - How awful I've felt
Sad - How boring you are
Bored - That Santa doesn't exist
Angry - That your pimples are at the last stage
Depressed - That we're cousins
Excited - That there is no solution to this.
Nervous - The middle-east
Worried - That your Honda sucks
Apathetic - That I did a sex-change
Ashamed - That I'm allergic to your hamster
Cuddly - That I get turned on by garbage men
Overjoyous - That I'm open
Other - That Extreme Home Makeover sucks


8. What's the color of your walls in your bedroom?
White - Your ring
Yellow - Your love letters
Red - Your Darth Vader-poster
Black - Your tame stone
Blue - The couch cushions
Green - The pictures from LA
Orange - Your false teeth
Brown - Your contact book
Grey - Our matching snoopy-bibs
Purple - Your old lottery coupons
Pink - The cut toenails
Other - Your memories from the military service


9. The first letter of your first name?
A/B - Your photo
C/D - The oil stocks
E/F - Your neighbor Martin
G/H - My virginity
I/J - The results of your blood-sample
K/L - Your left ear
M/N - Your suicide note
O/P - My common sense
Q/R - Your mom
S/T - Your collection of butterflies
U/V - Your criminal record
W/X - David's tricot outfits
Y/Z - Your grades from college


10. The last letter in your last name?
A/B - Always will remember
C/D - Never will forget
E/F - Always wanted to break
G/H - Never openly mocked
I/J - Always have felt dirty before
K/L - Will tell the authorities about
M/N - Told in my confession today about
O/P - Was interviewed by the Times about
Q/R - Told my psychiatrist about
S/T - Get sick when I think of
U/V - Always will try to forget
W/X - Am better off without
Y/Z - Never liked


11. What do you prefer to drink?
Water- Our friendship
Beer - Senility
Soft drink - A new life as a clone
Soda – The incarnation as an eskimo
Milk - The apartment building
Wine - Cocaine abuse
Cider - A passionate interest for mice
Juice -... ]]> *CityOnAHill http://CityOnAHill.deviantart.com/journal/21205395/ http://CityOnAHill.deviantart.com/journal/21205395/ Tue, 28 Oct 2008 16:38:20 PDT
so im supposed to be studying maths for exams next week, but SCREW that, im just going to update my journal instead


hope you are all doing well, it's good to see some old faces again!
i have to say, those who said they were giving dA a rest.... you know you never could

and we are very glad to have you back! (but as i said... you never really left).

i think that's one thing about dA. no matter how shit your life is in the 'real world...' here you are able to do whatever you want, and no one will judge you for it. we become friends from all corners of the world, and though we will never (probably) meet face to face... we somehow can become closer than we do with peopel we DO know in our own little corner of the globe.

---

OKay, so that was my little epiphanous moment for today!
Now to actually update you on me!

My life, at the moment, is shit. i ahve to say. and even though im going through nothing compared to what i know some of you are going through, for me, its a hell of a big deal. i've grown up (in all honesty) with a fairly easy life. so for all the junk that's going on at the moment, its like my life has just been thrown to the dogs.

but i'm getting there. i went through a horrible week of depression last week, but im finally able to see the horizon (refer to my deviation called What? for that little reference )

anyways.

thats about all.....


oh and also... i would LOVE to thank you all for the favourites, especially my friends over at *RawEm0tion because my last submission (called generator), has gotten about 11 favourites in the last week! im so amazed, so thank you!

im also the feature deviation for october, so go check it out before it changes!!!





Peace and love,
Jess

-------


Later that day.....

OhMyGosh.WHAT THE HELL HAVE I DONE????????????

I know, now. i know what it feels like to lose the trust of your best friend. to let them down and disappoint them. to hurt them so much you hurt yourself trying to take their anger and pain away. to have your heart ripped out of your chest for the guilt. to cry for hours with remorse and regret at the things that were said, knowing that you can never take them back.

knowing that it was YOU who screwed everything up, even though you were just the messenger. to know the true meaning of 'shooting the messenger'. and to know that you deserve it.

]]> *CityOnAHill http://CityOnAHill.deviantart.com/journal/20929471/ http://CityOnAHill.deviantart.com/journal/20929471/ Fri, 10 Oct 2008 23:22:37 PDT









Now, I will attempt to give you a list of who I listen to. Alphabetically, no less....



A:
AFI
Access Denied (RIP)
Ace Troubleshooter
AcidEyeliner
Alanis Morissette
Alexisonfire
Alicia Keys
Alkehine
The Amityville Affliction
Anonymous Gift (Planet of the Stereos)
Another Day [RIP]
Another Day Down [RIP]
Anti-Flag
Antiskeptic [RIP]
Ash
Atreyu
Audio Adrenaline
Audio Bullies (shot me down..)
Avenged Sevenfold
Avril Lavigne



B:
Bagster
Behind Crimson Eyes
Billy Talent
Bleeding Through
Blessed By a Broken Heart
Blindside
Blink 182
Bloc Party
Bowling For Soup
Boysetsfire
Brave Saint Saturn
Breaking Benjamin
Brown Bear
Building 429
Bullet For My Valentine
Burninside
The Butterfly Effect



C:
The Calling
The Cameo
Carousel
Carrs Park
Casting Crowns
Chevelle
Chiodos
Chris Tomlin
City and Color
COG
Colbie Caillat
Coldplay
Corsairs
Creed



D:
Day of Fire
Death Cab for Cutie
A December Truth
Delirious
Destroying Dissipation [RIP]
Dexters Conscience
Dido
Disturbed
The Domino Theory
Don't Come Monday
Dr. Buff
Dream Theater



E:
The Easykill
Ellington
Enter Shikari
Escape the Fate
Evanescence
The Exacto-Knives [RIP]
The Eyes Have It (Carry the Sirens)



F:
Fall Out Boy
Falling For Beloved
Fingerprint Resistant [RIP]
Five Star Friday
The Flaming Lampshades [RIP]
Flyleaf
Foo Fighters
Forever Opposed [RIP]
Forgiven Rival
Fort Minor
The Fray
From First To Last
Funeral For A Friend



G:
Gob
Goo Goo Dolls
Good Charlotte
Gorillaz
Greeley Estates
Green Day
Grinspoon
Guns for Glory



H:
Hawk Nelson
Hawthorne Heights
Heroes For Hire
Hillsong
The Holiday
Hoobastank
Human Nature



I:
I am Ghost
Ill Nino
Imogen Heap
INCUBUS
Intone
It Dies Today


J:
Jackson Waters
Jamiroquai
Jamison Parker
Jars Of Clay
Jason Gray
Jaywalker
Jeff Buckley
Jeremy Camp
Jimmy Eat World
John Mayer
Jolan



K:
The Killers
Killing Heidi
Killswitch Engage
AKissForJersey
Kisschasy
Kosheen



L:
Lifehouse
Lighthouse Family [RIP]
Lightly Salted Peanuts [RIP]
The Living End
Los Capitanes
Lost Prophets
Love and War
Lukas



M:
Maroon 5
Matchbox 20
Maverick
Mercy Me
Michelle Branch
Mike Shinoda
Moravia
Morphine City
Motion City Soundtrack
Motorace
My Chemical Romance


N:
919
Newsboys
Nickelback
Nightwish
Nikki Kummerow
No Use For A Name
Norma Jean
North Of The Atlantic



O:
Once Divine
One Republic
Only


P:
Panic! At the Disco
The Paper and the Plane
Paradyme
Paramore
Parkway Drive
A Perfect Circle
Pete Murray
Pink
Planetshakers
Playjerise



Q:
Queen



R:
Ready Set Never
Red Hot Chilli Peppers
The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus
Reel Big Fish
Refuge First
Relient K
Revive
Rise Against
Rob Thomas
Rocketdog [RIP]
Rogue Traders



S:
San Salvador
Saosin
Seether
Senses Fail
Seraphs Coal
Sick Puppies
Smithtown Riot
Sneaky Sound System
Snow Patrol
Society Red
Soulframe
Sounds Like Chicken [most dearly loved:RIP]
Story of The Year
Straylight Run
Stu Larsen
The Sundance Kids
Switchfoot



T:
Taking Back Sunday
Third Day
Thirty Seconds To Mars
Three Days Grace
Three Doors Down
Thrice
Thursday
Tool
TV Rock


U:
U2
The Understatement
The Used
Usher (yes, i have hip hop...)



V:
The Valley [RIP]
Vanessa Carlton



W:
The Wells
Where the Ocean Meets The S... ]]> *CityOnAHill http://CityOnAHill.deviantart.com/journal/20882644/ http://CityOnAHill.deviantart.com/journal/20882644/ Tue, 07 Oct 2008 22:38:07 PDT
That's all I have to say. I never thought I would be recognised on *RawEm0tion. and yet here I am, the October spotlight deviation....

[link]

I don't even know who nominated me, but it's truly a privilege, and I'm so grateful.
I guess that's why I like being in the background for most things. When I do get in the (pardon the pun) spotlight, being acknowledged for something I've done, its so much more of an honor.

Just makes me appreciate how much this community means to me

thanks to for allowing me to be spotlight.

This poem (called Forgotten, you can find it here: [link])was written at a time when i was wondering why my best friend couldn't see that i wanted more than that.
Nothing ever happened, something that still kind of pains me to this day, but I have learned that some things were never meant to be.

I love him so much, on so many levels. And maybe one day.... (kind of the reason for the last verse).

Written in third person because sometimes I'm terrified of people knowing it's me

amazing love to Raw Emotion for spotlighting me... and for the person/people who chose me.... you have no idea just how much it means to be recognised...

love,
city~

]]> *CityOnAHill http://CityOnAHill.deviantart.com/journal/20515774/ http://CityOnAHill.deviantart.com/journal/20515774/ Tue, 16 Sep 2008 03:24:48 PDT

as a celebration i have written a letter to you, somewhat. it is called 2 centuries of evolution... i hope you might read it!

i have so many friends here, and its rather lovely

]]> *CityOnAHill http://CityOnAHill.deviantart.com/journal/20432297/ http://CityOnAHill.deviantart.com/journal/20432297/ Thu, 11 Sep 2008 00:52:47 PDT
I will be soon posting a series of 'letters'. they will describe the journey i have faced over the past few months.

yes, they are actual events, and how i felt at the time.

I hope you enjoy reading them, as i have had joy/nostalgia, in writing them.

it seems that all i write about is inspired, these days, by just one person. so i hope he never leaves, so i will never give up writing. that would indeed break my heart.

please, tell me how you are all doing!

]]> *CityOnAHill http://CityOnAHill.deviantart.com/journal/20277798/ http://CityOnAHill.deviantart.com/journal/20277798/ Mon, 01 Sep 2008 18:26:21 PDT
]]> *CityOnAHill http://CityOnAHill.deviantart.com/journal/20072390/ http://CityOnAHill.deviantart.com/journal/20072390/ Thu, 21 Aug 2008 05:45:41 PDT

I'm looking to get a tattoo. (yes, christians are allowed to have them you know )

ANYWAY.

there are 2 things i need to figure out:
1. Where
2. How

I want it to "saved by grace" just by the way XD

1. I can decide between the back of my neck, the side of my neck (just behind my ear), the inside of my wrist or my back (probably down the bottom).

helP? haha probably best if you answer me if you know what i actually look like...

2. How. This is one is more difficult, and where you come in. here is one that i saw that i really liked: [link]

i obviously want it nowhere near as big, but i kinda like the flow-ness of it.

if anyone wants to design (either by hand or graphically) you are most welcome. if, on the off chance, i do like what you do, and decide to use it,then you could get some sort of mark to signify its yours........ yes, i might never meet you, but you will permanently with me

no prizes, no deadline.


Just art.



]]> *CityOnAHill http://CityOnAHill.deviantart.com/journal/20036557/ http://CityOnAHill.deviantart.com/journal/20036557/ Tue, 19 Aug 2008 07:18:33 PDT

Well, I have decided to be a little less elusive in my journals after much deliberation.

This week has been a hard and interesting one. Luckily, none of you know who I'm talking about, but 2 of my best friends are dating, and the relationship's currently on the rocks... very much stranded.
I have to be mediator... boys were being boys, and not able to express feelings. Girls were being girls, and misinterpreting everything. it's hard being between both because you know whats going on, but neither of them can see it.

They have, for the moment, decided to remain friends, until he sorts out some things in his head.

I guess it's really sad for me because I have grown to love his girlfriend (as i knew him first), but he will always be one of the most influential people in my life and i can't just disregard that.
I guess I just keep praying that whatever/however this turns out, that it will also be prayerfully considered.

For those who are the praying kind, pray for clarity and an answer to where this relationship should head.

There's so much more to this story that what I have told you, but all I need you to know is that there is something special between them, and I hope it doesnt end as quickly as this.

I have also begun regaining some of my creative genius! well not genius, but that thing.. inspiration, thats the one! i really think it is a beautiful thing, to write, so hopefully that will continue

Praying that you are all well, dear friends.

Much Love,
=City.

]]> *CityOnAHill http://CityOnAHill.deviantart.com/journal/19783870/ http://CityOnAHill.deviantart.com/journal/19783870/ Tue, 05 Aug 2008 05:00:03 PDT
am okay.

temporary lapse of reason.



]]> *CityOnAHill http://CityOnAHill.deviantart.com/journal/19765904/ http://CityOnAHill.deviantart.com/journal/19765904/ Mon, 04 Aug 2008 07:22:19 PDT
I'm glad that I keep my old journals, because it helps me look back on the stupid things I have done in my life.
I have to say, that I find myself being most like me when I am on this site. dA is where you are known, but not known. You are not judged and not defined by the things that you say, because you can be anyone you want. If I didn't like being me, I could just pretend to be someone else.

But I can't. I can't be someone else. I can't be more than me, and it annoys me all the time. I think lots of things would be so much easier if I could just switch off. Forget what you know, I'm about to present you with the person that I wish I could be. Maybe if I say it enough, you and me will believe what I say.

I don't want to sleep right now. I could literally stay up all night, and I would not be bothered.
This whole business of sleeping is entirely archaic. What sort of person wears out themselves so much that they have to close their eyes and recharge them biological batteries? Why should I waste my time and precious energy on people and things that can't or don't care about me back? What's the point of these 'life batteries' that only last 18 or so hours?
Why haven't we, as such an advanced race, found something that will keep us awake? That will stop us from sleeping, and dreaming, where all our fears are realised?

I don't think he understands how he affects me. I could be who I describe: an uncaring selfish b***h, and yet deep down, I would care for him more deeply than even that.
If he jumped off a cliff, I would follow, or do my best to race to the bottom and catch him.

My life makes entirely no sense at the present moment, and I'm finding it hard to understand how anyone can see me for who I am. Because I'm not sure that who I am is who I want to be, but currently, I don't know how to change.

The most retarded thing about life, is that you only get one. You screw it up and you literally pay with eternity. I don't wanna mess it up, I really don't, but it's so hard trying to do everything right. To be who everyone is expecting. To love like I've never been hurt. To live a life that's mine, but still a carbon copy of someone elses.

Yet, I will continue to help them fall for the lie that is me.

]]> *CityOnAHill http://CityOnAHill.deviantart.com/journal/18344439/ http://CityOnAHill.deviantart.com/journal/18344439/ Thu, 15 May 2008 22:38:33 PDT
okay, so i have this human biomedical science exam in like 25 minutes.
i should be cramming yes??

bugger it its multiple choice!!
weeheheee now im actually starting to go hyper i swear it must be something in these anzac biscuits.

anyways, going home to sydney tonight.. again... haha definitely an early night for me tonight!!

hope everyone is well..
i havent posted very much i dont think. i havent really been inspired.

stupid boys. without them i have nothing to be emo about

LOLZ

ayyyeee... exam time in... 22 minutes and 8 seconds

thanks as always for the faves and watches. i dont know how i deserved you all!!!


Love
=Cityyyyy

or jess


oh ps... if anyone knows the band the devil wears prada... BE JEALOUS I AM GOING TO THEIR CONCERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

:]

ehehee i now feel evil

]]> *CityOnAHill http://CityOnAHill.deviantart.com/journal/17938338/ http://CityOnAHill.deviantart.com/journal/17938338/ Sun, 20 Apr 2008 05:14:51 PDT

Please. Whatever happens on dA, STAYS ON DA.

I'm so sick of people thinking things are bigger than they are.
if i am depressed on here, i will be depressed.

If I'm joyous beyond all recognition, i would really rather
my dA people only, know about it.

Please dont ask me if I'm okay. Because I'm usually not :]

I really do love this community, so please don't let me feel
like I have to be someone else.

Thanks :]

]]> *CityOnAHill http://CityOnAHill.deviantart.com/journal/17825266/ http://CityOnAHill.deviantart.com/journal/17825266/ Sun, 13 Apr 2008 03:51:21 PDT
what. the. freaking. hell.

why why why why why why?

how many times must i ask before i get an answer??

DAMMIT.


s;lahbajdfhbhaerlkjasnb;akjdfaslkdjfas.,mnba;kjds[oi!!!!!

(translates loosely to 4 letter words i would rather not
repeat due to young children who watch me.)

okay, im done :]

xx

]]> *CityOnAHill http://CityOnAHill.deviantart.com/journal/17482468/ http://CityOnAHill.deviantart.com/journal/17482468/ Sun, 23 Mar 2008 20:39:13 PDT
im so bad (rolls eyes).

hope you are all doing well. i unfortunately am having less and less time for reviews and poetry comments. but my inbox status is currently 32. i cant remember what it was last time, but im getting it down slowly.
i will get to you all eventually.

i dont really know what else to say, ive had a rough day today.
but hopefully it will get better when i do what im told >_<

thanks for everything you have all done, and for letting me be me. its one of the few places i feel i can do so.

God Bless,
xx cityonahill

]]> *CityOnAHill http://CityOnAHill.deviantart.com/journal/16810167/ http://CityOnAHill.deviantart.com/journal/16810167/ Sun, 10 Feb 2008 02:22:50 PST maybe only for a year, but its really scary, though i seriously cannot wait.

home is driving me crazy.

anyways, i want to thank mitch for being the best on dA.

i have found such a home on here, and if it wasnt for him, i dont know where i would have put all my poetry and feelings (emmoooooo)...

so yes, thanks to him, and to everyone who comments, especially critiques, because i do take them on board.

i miss one particular deviant more than most... its been 23 weeks and 3 days since he's been online.... but im doing my best to move on, because it is so clear that he wants nothing to do with me anymore.

all the best for whatever ventures you all undertake this year, you've been amazing

All My Love,
Jess
=CityonaHill

ps. please dont comment this journal... i wish i could turn them off but i dont want any comments, please, this is just to let you know whats going on. thanks =]

]]> *CityOnAHill http://CityOnAHill.deviantart.com/journal/16509336/ http://CityOnAHill.deviantart.com/journal/16509336/ Mon, 21 Jan 2008 16:38:46 PST
I just read an old conversation.

I miss him. so much. I know its over, and i know he hates me.

But ive never heard the rule that says the hate has to be mutual.

I just care too much.
Sometimes I even hate myself for caring, because he doesnt.
So it's wasted.


I want to hate him, it, us, what we were.

But I dont, and it kills me.

I just want to talk to him normally, like a friend, like we were.....

it seems so long ago....

]]> *CityOnAHill http://CityOnAHill.deviantart.com/journal/16376511/ http://CityOnAHill.deviantart.com/journal/16376511/ Sat, 12 Jan 2008 17:59:04 PST
Everything always seems to mean the wrong thing.
even when you are so sure you know what it is, it turns
out to be so different.

all i want is to know the truth, the reasons...
to understand WHY things happen, and to not
be left standing in the dark, or in the cold, or in rain....

to be left behind with only my misconceptions to comfort me.

i want to know i was the only one, at least while it lasted.
i want to know im missed, and that you havent moved on already.

i at least want to know you cared, and that it really DID tear you
apart to end it, that when you told me you loved me, that you meant it.
meant it enough to not have moved on in the 5 days we've been apart.

Did you see it coming? did you KNOW you would meet someone else while you were away, so to avoid complication you tried to make me hate you?

i wanted you to do all you could to be closer to him, recommitting your life to him.
i didnt realise it would entail meeting another girl, and thinking that shes so wonderful, missing her more before we have even decided that we are actually broken up.

granted, it didnt last long, but i gave it my all. its funny how the second i was about to say i love you as well, everything went down hill.


i've realised that i cant trust my heart. even though i would let him break it a thousand times, i am starting to wonder if the pain is worth enduring if he doesnt even miss me... if hes no where near as empty and lonely as i feel without him.

I dont want to read too far into it... but i dont think i need to when she says 'i miss you already... ily'.

im too tired to compete anymore. i loved you, and now youre gone.



please dont comment this.

]]> *CityOnAHill http://CityOnAHill.deviantart.com/journal/16352494/ http://CityOnAHill.deviantart.com/journal/16352494/ Fri, 11 Jan 2008 03:05:40 PST there is no way that the happiness i felt just a few days ago is now gone.
i want it back so much, and i will do anything. i want him to know that, but then i dont want to be needy.


i was having a good day until now.. theres something about the night time that makes me reflective. everything that happens seems to come back to him, and i dont know what i would do without him. and yet i need to know, because i dont have him!

i cannot believe that i sound like this right now...

SUCH AN Emo!!! LOL though im not really laughing...

well i just wanted to say it.

i cried the first night, then was okay for the next few days, but somehow i dont think sleep will come easily tonight.


sorry you had to read this.

]]> *CityOnAHill http://CityOnAHill.deviantart.com/journal/16156487/ http://CityOnAHill.deviantart.com/journal/16156487/ Sat, 29 Dec 2007 18:20:17 PST
My humblest of apologies to all thos who have taken the time write over the last few months. ive had a really busy few months. im currently working through september, so im a little far behind. if i leave a comment to an 'old' deviation for you, its only coz its new to me!!!

my inbox is now down to 52!


and thats not including all the deviations ive
had to delete without reading... im sorry!!!

let me know how you all are!!

friends (in order of add):
*CityOnAHill http://CityOnAHill.deviantart.com/journal/15658156/ http://CityOnAHill.deviantart.com/journal/15658156/ Mon, 26 Nov 2007 18:48:23 PST deviations as i can. ive had a really busy few weeks.

my inbox is now down to 40.


Angel's Sight
AtTempt-ess
Passion
Poesy and Madness
Changeling
Is There Time Yet to Live?
Mundane Flight - Choice


Obvious Suicide - Spice-lover
Stories - hiddenlegends


You'll Never Know Me
Not the Same
Straying Dreams
Only Sweeter
Lost Letters
Forgiven Love
The Art Of Calling
Darkened Roads
Our Smile
Lost In the Laughter
Be All My Sins Remember'd
Tears
Curtain


Black Widow
Shattered Hearts
In The End
All Hallows Fun
In My Mind
Just The Wolf
Emotion
Fear
Failure
Changing Color
Questions
She's Fake
Cruel Intentions
Shadow Whispers
Gypsy Moon


Legend Of Desert Rose
Bleed For Me Beautifully
I Am Home...

and thats not including all the deviations ive
had to delete without reading... im sorry!!!

let me know how you all are!!

friends:
http://CityOnAHill.deviantart.com/journal/15296544/ Mon, 05 Nov 2007 15:28:17 PST
JESS FINISHED HER HSC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(for those of you who dont know what that means... these are
the exams that decide whether i go to uni or not... pressure much?)

anyway, today is my first day of official no more schooL and im pretty excited.

the funny thing is, i wont have much more time than if i was still studying!!
but i am going to do my absolute best to get through every single deviation which is in my inbox (40+ and climbing)
so yeh, please be patient, i will get to them ALL, im determined

i would love if you could read through my latest deviations, and leave me some feedback, because i like to know what people thinks of me!!!

well what i do anyway


uh yes, check out my friends, so here they are, in order of addageness:









]]> *CityOnAHill http://CityOnAHill.deviantart.com/journal/15210687/ http://CityOnAHill.deviantart.com/journal/15210687/ Thu, 25 Oct 2007 03:24:37 PDT
for those who know what that is

anyway, i have found that the best way to avoid study is to write poetry, as you may have noticed that i have posted many a deviation of the last couple of weeks. DESPITE telling myself i would stay off the net!!

anyway, im hoping that it all finishes soon, because i really just want to be through all this pain and stress.


well that is my little gripe for the next while.


i would love if you could read through my latest deviations, and leave me some feedback, because i like to know what people thinks of me!!!
well what i do anyway

uh yes, of course i feel obliged to tell everyone to check out my friends, so here they are, in order of addageness:



]]> *CityOnAHill http://CityOnAHill.deviantart.com/journal/14481357/ http://CityOnAHill.deviantart.com/journal/14481357/ Tue, 04 Sep 2007 02:45:47 PDT
yiew im pretty excited about that...

i think i will write a poem to celebrate!

many loves to everyone who comments and faves and watches
and anything else you can do to show me love


this is one place i feel very much accepted





this means i love mitchell, coz without him i would have been an outcast....

]]> *CityOnAHill http://CityOnAHill.deviantart.com/journal/14129089/ http://CityOnAHill.deviantart.com/journal/14129089/ Sun, 12 Aug 2007 05:57:45 PDT for the last time in what will be a while...

Trial HSC in 2 days, so im pretty much jsut dying
to get all those stupid exams out of theway!!
(other new south welshmens, you get what i mean )

sufficient to say that this update is slightly more
depressing, since i no longer have someone to
look forward to knowing as well as i'd hoped
but we will still be friends, which is the best!!!

uhh i have a couple of new deviations and i would love
if you culd check them out

theyre my most recently added, you know wheret
to find them!

thanks to all of you wonderful people who watch me!
its really an honour getting to know you all
in a very artistic, very cyberspace kind of way
except of course those who i can actually remember
the voice of!! hehehe

namely.. mitch, courtney... watto!! spacca and umm
maybe a couple of others



oh kudos to mitchelly for bringing me to this wonderful
place!!



see you beautiful people after exams!!!
wootness!!!

xx
Jess

]]> *CityOnAHill http://CityOnAHill.deviantart.com/journal/13813381/ http://CityOnAHill.deviantart.com/journal/13813381/ Fri, 20 Jul 2007 19:57:08 PDT
hiya everyone
I have decided that i will update on me woot!


well pretty much the only thing exciting in my life is
either one of two things...
1) trial HSC to look forward to in a month
2) or the fact that HES MINE AND NOT URS

if you dont know, then dont ask

my glorious 3 weeks have been filled with my
whole family being sick, but i guess that happens
occasionally


woot school goes back in... 2 days!! haha
im so excited.. cant you just tell im so anticipating
my return to civilization.....


*dies*

I realised, reading over a journal i wrote before
my half yearlies that i was going to post my first
short story!! yay! which i wrote during my english
half yearly! haha of course i will edit it first, and then
i would love it if someone could write their own
story from the stimulus we were given..
but that might have to wait a few weeks, givent the
fact i have done nowhere near enough study!! hehe


thats about all for now!

One last huuuuuuge thanks to everyone who watches me!
and for those who favourite and comment... it really
is a wonderful feeling to know that there are people
who can barely even speak my language that read my
work!! argh, this is one place where i am truly myself


thanks again to all those who contribute to my
good days on dA!!!


much love

Jess

]]> *CityOnAHill http://CityOnAHill.deviantart.com/journal/13625620/ http://CityOnAHill.deviantart.com/journal/13625620/ Thu, 05 Jul 2007 19:37:18 PDT it will be forever in my heart.

------------
Linkin Park - Shadow of the Day

I close both locks below the window
I close both blinds and turn away
Sometimes solutions aren't so simple
Sometimes goodbye's the only away


And the sun will set for you
The sun will set for you
And the shadow of the day
Will embrace the world in grey
And the sun will set for you


In cards and flowers on your window
Your friends all plead for you to stay
Sometimes beginnings aren't so simple
Sometimes goodbye's the only way


And the sun will set for you
The sun will set for you
And the shadow of the day
Will embrace the world in grey
And the sun will set for you
And the sun will set for you


-----------------

This journal is dedicated to the memory of Stephen's girlfriend
who was killed a few nights ago.
--In Memoria

This poem is dedicated to her memory.

I'm still in shock and cannot belive that this
could happen to someone at only 15 years old...

Prayers go out to the family and everyone
affected by the life that was so cruely cut short by
her own family.

**In heaven you are now, and there you will stay
Until that day of reckoning, for the families I pray**

RiP Kathryn....


Jess.

]]> *CityOnAHill http://CityOnAHill.deviantart.com/journal/13411551/ http://CityOnAHill.deviantart.com/journal/13411551/ Tue, 19 Jun 2007 20:02:09 PDT

how is everyone?
its been a very up and down month for my dA.
School has taken up most of my time and i fear
that almost everything else has taken second place!

But! as you may have noticed, i been posting a few more
poems recently!!
its due to my sudden need to release some horrible
feelings of regret and sadness, and also a slight glimmer
of hope as i FINALLY told the boy that I have liked for
over 2 years how i feel... haha proud much? anyways
pretty sure thats where my inspiration has come from.

school has been hectic, as usual. year 12 they say
grows on you, but so far the only thing thats growing at
this point is the workload!! but ive just completed my
second last assessment task of my schooling career, so
there are some milestones which are being accomplished!


I have some wonderful new friends on dA, mostly
photographers, so please check them out and comment
them, because they are rather wonderful!!
- Photography
- Photography
A mix of everything!!
Digital Artist/Photoshop

Also, i have a deviant who I have, for a long time
very much admired his work on Fractals.
they continue to fascinate me!!!

take a look at
Lizard King (or lzrdkng as he prefers...)

so i think thats about the end of my story!!

send me a message sometime and let us know how ur
all going... i've missed uploading my dA!! haha

anyways, the bell is about to go, and i really shouldnt
have updated when im supposed to be doing physics,
but superconductors and medical physics are not very
ineresting!!! haha

thanks also to those who have watched and commented
me and faved me, it really is an ecouragement to know
that people do read the poetry i write!!!


Peace out!
--jesskah

]]> *CityOnAHill http://CityOnAHill.deviantart.com/journal/12699518/ http://CityOnAHill.deviantart.com/journal/12699518/ Mon, 23 Apr 2007 22:53:06 PDT Stupidhead year 12... *growling angrily*

Anyways.. few things i will say
1) Thanks to those who watch me!!! i mean that as in a completely non-freaky, non-cyber-stalker-ish way!!! it feels weird to finally be getting my work out there... for so long it just sat in my diary... my little black diary mitchy!!! haha

2) i know i have a heap of new things!! its pretty exciting. i am kinda behind on the uploading front, but over the last week ive written heeeeaps of new stuff!... i would love for you to look at my newest poems expecially (though there are links below for ones that a bit older which are jsut as good! hehe)

3)YYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!! Jess now has an avatar.... Thanks to for making me my lovely avie... i even figured out to upload it all on my lonesome!!!


*30 bazillion cheers for twilite* PARTAY!!! hehehee

4)I have a strange idea... when i was in my advanced english exam, i was asked to write a story with the following stimulii:

"His old voice cracked, and he told me stories with the wrinkled hands, and i began to see him picking the lock on his past"

if anyone has the time, i would love it if someone could write a short story based on it... coz i wrote one, and im thinking of posting it, but im really interested to see what others could come up with using the same stimulus...
meh idk, just a thought if theres any bored deviants out there! lol

----------------------------------

im not sure what else to say.. but THANKS!!! haha

and please please comment my older deviations

~Footprints in the Sand [link]

~Remember When? [link]

~Triple Ex-Addiction [link]

~Down [link]

Thank yoooou muchly for watching and seeing me! hehe

xo Jess

]]> *CityOnAHill http://CityOnAHill.deviantart.com/journal/12302724/ http://CityOnAHill.deviantart.com/journal/12302724/ Fri, 06 Apr 2007 22:24:46 PDT I cant believe how quick it goes!

so many things i could say, but i know i should be studying right now!
Stupidhead year 12... *growling angrily*

Anyways.. few things i will say
1) Thanks to those who watch me!!! i mean that as in a completely non-freaky, non-cyber-stalker-ish way!!! it feels weird to finally be getting my work out there... for so long it just sat in my diary!! haha

2) yay! I have reached 45 deviations! well i guess its about 40 when u consider my pics and poems that others have written for me, but still!! 45 is still 45... which = Happiness!

3)Thanks also to for her hard work on my avatar!!! so far, after 4 attempts, she is helping me to narrow down what I want!! im pretty much amazed coz i have never figured out how to make the damned things work!!!

4)I have a strange idea... when i was in my advanced english exam, i was asked to write a story with the following stimulii:

"His old voice cracked, and he told me stories with the wrinkled hands, and i began to see him picking the lock on his past"

if anyone has the time, i would love it if someone could write a short story based on it... coz i wrote one, and im thinking of posting it, but im really interested to see what others could come up with using the same stimulus...
meh idk, just a thought if theres any bored deviants out there! lol

----------------------------------

im not sure what else to say.. but THANKS!!! haha

and please please comment my older deviations coz they are just as cool

~Footprints in the Sand [link]

~Remember When? [link]

~Triple Ex-Addiction [link]

Thank yoooou muchly

xo Jess

]]> *CityOnAHill http://CityOnAHill.deviantart.com/journal/12099926/ http://CityOnAHill.deviantart.com/journal/12099926/ Wed, 07 Mar 2007 22:47:51 PST

most of you know that i have new things, but please comment and tell me what you think!!! i cant believe i have written so much poetry this year...


and with my new baby photoshop... theres gonna be some other stuff also.. wooootness!! haha

so yeh, i wanna put avatars in here of the people that love me, but i dont know how!! haha oh wells
maybe someone can show me

thanks also to twilite-crescent for a-making my avatar!! wooot jess is much happiness!

and to mitch... for introducing me... sigh what have you done you silly boi??? baha nah nah much love

anyways, thats it from jess... for now

xox Jess

]]> *CityOnAHill