http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:CivilDisobedience&section=today deviantART RSS for by:CivilDisobedience en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Sat, 19 Dec 2009 00:46:39 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://CivilDisobedience.deviantart.com/journal/12553812/ http://CivilDisobedience.deviantart.com/journal/12553812/ Fri, 03 Aug 2007 11:01:20 PDT

Yep, I decided to do it.

Ciao.

Best.

~Civil

]]> ~CivilDisobedience http://CivilDisobedience.deviantart.com/journal/11576236/ http://CivilDisobedience.deviantart.com/journal/11576236/ Mon, 26 Feb 2007 15:18:04 PST Smartster's journal ([link]).

The first ten people who reply to this entry will have three pieces of artwork featured in my journal! All you have to do is offer the same thing in your journal.

I'll post up the pics when I have a name for all the slots. Thanksplz.

1) ~Smartster
2) ~KeyOfUltima
3) ~MoonDoggie613
4)
5)
6)
7)
8)
9)
10)

Best.

~Civil

]]> ~CivilDisobedience http://CivilDisobedience.deviantart.com/journal/11567450/ http://CivilDisobedience.deviantart.com/journal/11567450/ Tue, 24 Jul 2007 19:33:59 PDT [Primary Journal]

[Tattoos]

Black & White (Normal) - $3
Black & White (Tribal) - $5
Color (Normal) - $7
Color (Tribal) - $10

[Comics]

Strips - $5 (Traditional)/$7 (Digital) (+$2 for each additional panel)

[Misc. Visual Art]

Sketch - $2
Sketch (Shaded) - $5
Inked (Traditional) - $5
Colored (Colored Pencils) - $7 (No BG)/$10 (Partial BG)
Colored (Markers) - $10 (No BG)/$12 (Partial BG)
Colored (Digital) - $12 (No BG)/$15 (Partial BG)

[Writing]

Short Poem - $2
Long Poem/Song - $4-7 (Depends on length)
Short-Short Story - $7-$10 (Depends on length)
Short Story - $10 (+$3 for each additional chapter)

]]> ~CivilDisobedience http://CivilDisobedience.deviantart.com/journal/11562330/ http://CivilDisobedience.deviantart.com/journal/11562330/ Mon, 19 Mar 2007 14:31:50 PDT [Primary Journal]

[link]

"Forbidden Love" Lyrics

I was listening to "Forbidden Love" by Madonna (The song on "Connfessions Of A Dance Floor") on the way home from school today, and I thought to myself, "Hey, Self."

And I was like, "Yeah?"

And then I go, "It'd be cool to draw stuff based on this song, right!?"

And then I think, "Yeah, that would be kinda cool, eh?"

And so, I've decided to start the "'Forbidden Love' Project." Yay! ^_^

These are the lines I'll be using as inspiration (I'll put a star and a link next to the ones I've completed):

Just one kiss on my lips was all it took to seal the future... ([link])

Just one look from your eyes was like a certain kind of torture...

Just one touch from your hands was all it took to make me falter...

Forbidden love....
Are we supposed to be together...?

Just one smile on your face was all it took to change my fortune...

Just one word from your mouth was all I needed to be certain...

Hearts that intertwined, we lived in a different kind of world...

The full song's lyrics can be found by clicking on the link above.

I decided to start this project not only because the song is cool (And so is Madonna <3), but to show how much I love Jon (~Onikura, even if he doesn't go on dA too often). I always have one done. Wee!

Stay tuned for updates and stuff~

Best.

~Civil

]]> ~CivilDisobedience http://CivilDisobedience.deviantart.com/journal/11555378/ http://CivilDisobedience.deviantart.com/journal/11555378/ Tue, 20 Mar 2007 16:46:03 PDT [Primary Journal]

[link]

Copied from the journal of

The following means a lot to me because I'm bisexual and, whenever my ex-girlfriend and I would kiss in school or something, people would stare at us like we were abnormal. One kid personally came up to me a little afterward one of our kisses and said, "You're disgusting" before walking away. He told me previously that it's against his religion to accept homosexuals, drink alcohol, or date others until a certain age. I could totally say stuff about that, but I'm not gonna.

I've also been told that, according to the Bibile, all gay people are supposed to rot in Hell and that God wants them dead, and that's why He created AIDS. I told that guy to find me the passage(s) in which those ideas are stated. He never got back to me on it.

I've been told that I am less of a human being because I'm attracted to girls as well as guys. You, my dear readers, may or may not have known that fact previously, but if you didn't, does it change the way you think of me now? Does it suddenly make me lower than you? Does it make me a bad person? Does it recude the quality of my art, of my writing, of my life?

Take the time to think about that and the following.

Enjoy.

~*~*~*~

am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.

I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.

I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.

We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.

I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.

I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me.

I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again.

I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.

We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.

I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.

I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.

I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.

I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.

I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.

I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.

I am the woman who died when the EMTs stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual. (yes, this actually happened)

I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I didnt have to always deal with society hating me.

I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.

I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love.

I am the person ashamed to tell my own friends im a lesbian, because they constantly make fun of them.

I am the boy tied to a fence, beaten to a bloody pulp and left to die because two straight men wanted to "teach me a lesson"

I am the gay male student that had to switch to another high school on my senior year, because I told my teachers that I was gay. One said that I was going to hell the other wanted to cure me.

I am the person that can not act/be themselves in fear of what others will think of me and if they will accept me.

I am your best friend, the same person you grew up with, and told your secrets too. The person you can't talk to anymore, because my partner is a women.

I am the daughter and best friend, the girl you raised and loved. Now you wont talk to me because i shattered your dreams of ever having children, And you your afraid of how to tell your friends ab... ]]> ~CivilDisobedience http://CivilDisobedience.deviantart.com/journal/11514731/ http://CivilDisobedience.deviantart.com/journal/11514731/ Sun, 01 Apr 2007 14:50:34 PDT [Primary Journal]

List is full... that means I can get started! HUZZAH~

I've decided to join the 10 Anthro Challenge. It sounds like a great idea and tons of fun! Please help me out by suggesting unusual animals for me to draw. Here's the info copied from Peachfuzz's journal (Ten slots are underneath):

What's all the hoopla about?
My friend *PhoenixAshesRats and I (*Peachfuzz) have started a project that anyone may join. Though angled toward anthro artists in particular, it can be adapted for people who draw non-morphic animals. This is one of those things with no time-limit, the point of which is self-improvement and widening of artistic horizons. This is for anthro artists who would like to branch out and learn to draw new animals. It does not mean that you cannot draw your favorite animals or one of the Famous Four (explained below), but is meant to be done on your own time as inspiration allows.

It is also partially meant to combat the redundancy of the anthro genre here at aA. Sadly, over 90% of all anthro artwork submitted here consists of the Famous Four: wolves, foxes, felines, and hedgehogs (Sonic-style, but still). While there is nothing wrong with drawing these fine animals, it is a bit distressing to see a mere four types of animals dominating by such an overwhelming percentage, considering the wide diversity of non-human life on the planet.

What is the 10 Anthro Challenge?
The challenge is to resolve to draw anthros of ten unfamiliar creatures, based on suggestions from friends and watchers. You do not have to take the first ten, and people who suggest animals to you do not have to repost or partake of the Challenge. You may be selective and choose which suggestions you want to take, but you cannot deny all of them nor choose creatures you have done before for the Challenge. If you have not done one of the Famous Four (Wolves, foxes, felines, or hedgehogs), you may accept one or all of them as part of your Challenge.

What is considered to count toward the Challenge?
Mythical animals and extinct animals count, but fanspecies (Such as Pokemon and Zoras) do not. Original species created by your friends/self also do not count for this. You cannot do an animal you have drawn before as a part of your Challenge (But by all means, draw them if that's what you're itching to do at the moment!). Art trades and gift artwork can be put toward the Challenge. For instance, if you select, say, a jaguarundi as an animal for your Challenge and happen to know someone with a jaguarundi character, an art trade with or gift art to them of that character counts as having learned to draw that animal.

What should I do if I want to participate?
Copy-paste this information into a journal titled "10 Anthro Challenge", minus the paragraph below if you don't think it's important. Or rephrase the basics of it in your own words to shorten it up. Follow it with a list from one to ten, blank, titled "My Animals" or something to that effect. Feel free to fill several of your spaces with your own ideas before taking suggestions. Let the suggestions accumulate for a bit, choose ten (Or less if you've chosen some of your own) unfamiliar animals from the suggestions, then as you come by the time, anthro-ize them and watch as you learn to draw new animals and help to spice up the anthro genre here at dA! Please tell me (*Peachfuzz) or *PhoenixAshesRats that you have decided to join so we can add you to the list and send a few suggesters your way. Also, you can do more than 10 new animals if you wish, or do multiple rounds of the Challenge.

Civil's List:

1) Bald Eagle ([link])
2) Moose ([link]) (Thank, you ~lolcarny!)
3) Bleeding-Heart Pigeon ([link]) (Complete! [link]) (Thank, you ~lolcarny!)
4) Donkey ([link])(Thank, you ~lolcarny!)
5) Alligator ([link]) (Thank, you ~lolcarny!)
6) Flying Squirrel ([link])
7) Striped Skunk ( ~CivilDisobedience http://CivilDisobedience.deviantart.com/journal/11497305/ http://CivilDisobedience.deviantart.com/journal/11497305/ Sun, 08 Apr 2007 16:39:49 PDT [Primary Journal]

[Project Information]

I have too many projects o.o

Today, I thought of a really cool idea. What if we performed Daft Punk's "One More Time" at the arts festival? Of course, it'd have to be with guitars (And maybe Ms. V on piano? *Wink.*), but it'd still be cool beans. I found the tabs, and I'm gonna print 'em out... eventually XD

Anyways, since I like DP so much, I'm gonna make pictures named after each song on "Discovery", their second album not because it's my favorite (Which it is), but because of the Japanese animation that featured all of "Discovery"'s tracks called "Interstella 5555: The 5tory Of The 5ecret 5ter 5ystem" (Click the namw for a Wikipedia page). Not only are there gonna be humans in the pics (Possibly some of my human characters), there are gonna be backgrounds, bitches! Hell yes.

Below lies the list. if the song has lyrics, you'll be able to click the name of the song to see them.

[List (0/14 Complete)]

1) One More Time
2) Aerodynamic
3) Digital Love
4) Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger
5) Crescendolls
6) Nightvision
7) Superheros
8) High Life
9) Something About Us
10) Voyager
11) Veridis Quo
12) Short Circiut
13) Face To Face
14) Too Long

Wish me luck.

~Civil

]]> ~CivilDisobedience http://CivilDisobedience.deviantart.com/journal/11484473/ http://CivilDisobedience.deviantart.com/journal/11484473/ Wed, 11 Apr 2007 14:43:36 PDT [Primary Journal]

[link]

I was inspired by [link] by ~Valorion to hold a Make A Friend For Goober contest! Rules and such are below.

[Rules]

* Goober's friend MUST be a Goober (Have the following):
1) A furry body
2) Flat feet
3) Hair
For a visual, see [link]

* If all of the above qualifications are filled, be creative! Experiment with different colors, shapes, and hairstyles! Dress it up any way you want!! See the piece by ~Valorion ([link]) for ideas.

* Feel free to make your Goober your Goober. Name it, give it a gender, a personality, a few likes and dislikes. After all, it is your character.

* You can submit up to three Gooberz.

[Entry/Prize Information]

First place receives a picture/story of their Goober(z) with Goober himself (With or without requested detail in any media they choose), a personal art or writing request, and a feature in my journal.

Second place gets a personal art or writing request and a feature in my journal.

Third place gets a feature in my journal.

[Contestants/Entries]

None yet....

If you think you'd like to join then please note me! ... Please?

]]> ~CivilDisobedience http://CivilDisobedience.deviantart.com/journal/11473847/ http://CivilDisobedience.deviantart.com/journal/11473847/ Wed, 02 May 2007 17:16:34 PDT [Primary Journal]

[Art Stats]

Entry for *TemperanceLupin's contest [Pondering...]

100-Theme Challenge [0/100 Complete]
"Forbidden Love" Project [1/7 Complete]
10 Anthro Challenge [1/10 Complete]
Interstella 5555 Project [0/14 Complete]

[Personal Projects/Contests]

Lauren E. Carrillo, Teen Attorney - Random character art [Sketching...]
Sacred Pokémon Palace - Piripi the Magby [Sketching...]
Phoenix Wright, Ace Attorney - Random character art [Sketching...]
KaixLeckarus (Randomness for ~CreatorOfRLR) [Sketching...]

[Requests]

1) ~GigaTCF - Chris Hope ([link]) [Pondering...]
2) Reserved for ~GigaTCF
3) ~lolcarny - PenxNeikos ([link] and [link]) [Sketching...]
4) ~KeyOfUltima - Alternate version of [link] [Pondering...]
5) *Demonotica - [link] [Coloring...]

[Tattoo Requests]

1) ~lolcarny - Musical design [Complete! [link]
2) OPEN
3) OPEN
4) OPEN
5) OPEN

[Art Trades]

1) ~Zankira - Rocco ([link]) [Coloring...]
2) ~MoonDoggie613 - Dip [Sketching...]
3) OPEN

[Writing Trades]

See [link]

[Commisions]

[link]

[Characters]

[Selene]

Reference: [link]
Better Reference: [link]
Saturn (Selene's Sister): [link]

[Goober]

Reference: [link]
Hair Styles: [link]

[RP Characters]

Brittany Bleedheart: [link]
Tommy The Ledian: [link]
Selene: [link]

[My Personalities]

Achilles the Hawk: [link]
Blues the Dog: [link]
Clarity the Deer: [link]
Roderick the Riger: [link]
Rose the Dog: [link]

[Fanart]

*DragonartDX: [link]
~lolcarny: [link] [link]
~MoonDoggie613: http://CivilDisobedience.deviantart.com/journal/11470562/ Fri, 06 Jul 2007 21:27:09 PDT [Main Journal]

[Phoenix Wright, Ace Designs]

...what a horrible name...

[Shop]

[link]

[Introduction And Information]

I've decided to make Phoenix Wright, Ace Attorney drawings and sell them on clothing, mainly t-shirts, at CafePress.Com. Please note that, despite the fact that I am not doing this with Capcom's permission, I am copyrighting every design on the bottom. Sorry, people, but I don't want to get into trouble or anything. In addition, I will not copy any other person's original fanart. 'Sides. I don't have too much money to pay anything off if I get sued.

Yes, I will draw couples, be them Het or Yaoi/Yuri. However, be advised that there are many people that are close-minded about these sorts of things. I'm not (Hell, I'm an out-and-proud Lesbian), but if you get flamed/trolled/beat up for wearing the design, don't complain to me. Sorry, but that's just how it goes.

Also. The designs may contain SPOILERS. Click at your own risk.

[Designs]

NB: This section is categorized by characters. I will list their English name and their Japanese name in parentheses, listed traditionally with the character's surname first. The characters are listed in no particular order but by what game they come from/first appeared in. Also, most victims will not be listed because of the lack of a good reference. However, if requested, I can try my hardest.

[Phoenix Wright, Ace Attorney/Gyakuten Saiban]

Phoenix Wright (Naruhodou Ryuuichi) - None yet...
Mia Fey (Ayasato Chihiro) - None yet...
Maya Fey (Ayasato Mayoi) - None yet...
Miles Edgeworth (Mitsurugi Reiji) - None yet...
Dick Gumshoe (Itonokogiri Keisuke) - Sadshoe ($8.99)
The Judge (The Judge) - None yet..
Larry Butz (Yahari Masashi) - None yet...
Winston Payne (Auchi Takefumi) - None yet...
Frank Sahwit (Yamano Hoshio) - None yet...
April May (Shouchiku Umeyo) - None yet...
Redd White (Konaka Masaru) - None yet...
Bellboy (Bellboy) - None yet...
Marvin Grossberg (Hoshikage Soranosuke) - None yet...
Will Powers (Niboshi Saburou) - None yet...
Cody Hackins (Ootaki Kyuuta) - None yet...
Penny Nichols (Mamiya Yumiko) - None yet...
Wendy Oldbag (Ooba Kaoru) - None yet...
Sal Manella (Uzai Takuya) - None yet...
Dee Vasquez (Himegami Sakura) - None yet...
Manfred von Karma (Karuma Gou) - None yet...
Lotta Hart (Oosawagi Natsumi) - None yet...
Yanni Yogi (Haine Koutarou) - None yet...
Missile (Missle) - None yet...
Polly (Sayuri) - None yet...
Lana Skye (Houdzuki Tomoe) - None yet...
Ema Skye (Houdzuki Akane) - None yet...
Damon Gant (Ganto Kaiji) - None yet...
Jake Marshall (Zaimon Kyousuke) - None yet...
Angel Starr (Ichinotani Kyouka) - None yet...
Mike Meekins (Harabai Susumu) - None yet...
The Dancing Blue Badger (The Dancing Blue Badger) - None yet...

[Phoenix Wright, Ace Attorney: Justice For All/Gyakuten Saiban 2]

Maggey Byrde (Suzuki Mako) - None yet...
Richard Wellington (Moroheiya Takamasa) - None yet...
Franziska von Karma (Karuma Mei) - None yet...
Pearl Fey (Ayasato Harumi) - None yet...
Morgan Fey (Ayasato Kimiko) - None yet...
Ini Miney (Hanaka Nodoka) - None yet...
Mimi Miney (Hanaka Mimi) - None yet...
Director Hotti (Hotta Clinic Doctor) - None yet...
Maximillion Galactica/Billy Bob Johns (Maximillion Galactica/Yamada Kouhei) - None yet...
Regina Berry (Mirika/Tachimi Rika) - None yet...
Moe/Lawrence Curls (Tommy/Tomida Matsuo) - None yet...
Benjamin Woodman (Kizumi Ben) - None yet...
Trilo Quist (Rilo) - None yet...
Acro/Ken Dingling (Acro/Kinoshita Daisuke) - None yet...
Matt Engarde (Outorou Shingo) - None yet...
Adrian Andrews (Kamiya Kirio) - None yet...
John Doe/Shelly de Killer (Tanaka Tarou/Koroshiya Sazaemon) - None yet...
Celeste Inpax (Amano Yurie) - None yet...

[Request Designs]

Want to request a design? No problem! Just note me with a subject along the lines of "Phoenix Wright Design Request" and tell me which character(s) you want in the design, what you want them to d... ]]> ~CivilDisobedience http://CivilDisobedience.deviantart.com/journal/11444874/ http://CivilDisobedience.deviantart.com/journal/11444874/ Mon, 15 Jan 2007 08:36:49 PST Home Star Account

~home-star

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"Waking Up" Lyrics: [link]

I've been considering holding a contest for a while now.

It'd be for Roadside Assistance. If you look at the journal (Link is above), you'd see that RA has a rival band known as "Wednesday Drive." I only have one character created for WD, however, and one character does not a good band make.

So! This contest would allow entrants to create the rest of the members of WD, including Gary, the lead singer/guitarist. I'd draw a reference for Gary, and then contestants could draw the others. I'd make a list of instruments and let them know that WD is EMOLICIOUS. They could have fun with the rest.

And so, I ask you peoples: would any of you be interested in joining? Post a sweet, little comment on this entry if you are.

Best.

~Civil

]]> ~CivilDisobedience http://CivilDisobedience.deviantart.com/journal/11437102/ http://CivilDisobedience.deviantart.com/journal/11437102/ Sun, 14 Jan 2007 16:15:25 PST Home Star Account

~home-star

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"Jump" Lyrics: [link]

I'm currently going through an "I can't draw for shit" phase, so expect the majority of newer submissions to be written works.

Also, there's something that's been bugging me since yesterday. I wrote it down in my private, offline journal, but I just feel the need to let someone else know what's going on. Don't worry, it's not uberly bad. Just that I feel kinda... weird whenever I think about it. It's not a bad weird at all. It's just a... weird kinda weird. And no, I'm not telling my mom. If she found out, I'd be hanged.

So, for those of you with strong constitutions, if you could comment here so I could note you the story, that'd be quite appreciated.

Best.

~Civil

]]> ~CivilDisobedience http://CivilDisobedience.deviantart.com/journal/11426107/ http://CivilDisobedience.deviantart.com/journal/11426107/ Sat, 13 Jan 2007 18:50:10 PST Home Star Account

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"For Her Light" Lyrics: [link]

My party was amazing.

Friends came over. Walked to Vinnie's (Well, it's technically called "Vincent's," but I know him personally, so it's all good) and ate food. Came back to my house and ate more food, which consisted of cake and ice cream. Did nothing for the rest of the time. Friends left whenever they wanted.

Okay, so it may sound rather boring. But it was fun as Hell! Trust me. We joked around, ate a crapload of food (I'm still full o.o), played video games, all that stuff. Guess you had to be there.... But trust me. It was the best birthday evah!

I'm really sleepy (Like I said, I'm full of food), so I shall head off to bed now. 'Night, guys <3

Best.

~Civil

P.S.: For those of you who don't know, tomorow's my birthday. But I figured I'd celebrate on Saturday because my friend had to do something on Sunday. She didn't make it though... but that's okay.

]]> ~CivilDisobedience http://CivilDisobedience.deviantart.com/journal/11419420/ http://CivilDisobedience.deviantart.com/journal/11419420/ Sat, 13 Jan 2007 08:05:44 PST Home Star Account

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"Get Together" Lyrics: [link]

I'm having a birthday partay today~ People are coming, and we're gonna do stuff and stuff. So, when I'm not around, you know why <3

I'll have details on the shindig when it's through.

Best.

~Civil

]]> ~CivilDisobedience http://CivilDisobedience.deviantart.com/journal/11412106/ http://CivilDisobedience.deviantart.com/journal/11412106/ Fri, 12 Jan 2007 16:02:58 PST Home Star Account

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I'm sick and tired of people and their bullshit.

For example. In school, I take a required writing workshop class. It wouldn't be so bad if the majority of the kids in there with me weren't such huge assholes. They laugh at everything no matter how cruel or stupid, and then they say they're sorry only so that they can get a few lost points back. You know what? They shouldn't give those points back. But hey. That's what happens when you go to a therapeutic piece of shit school.

Then there are the beggars. The totally blow me off UNLESS they need money or want to listen to my iPod or some stupid shit like that. I, of course, say "no." They go "PLEASEPLEASEPLEASE" until I want to rip their heads off and play basketball with it. Or until they give up. Whatever comes first.

And finally, I hate hypocrites. Sure, we can all be hypocritical at some points, but the people who are all the time just piss me off to no end. I mean, come on. Are they so much of a pussy that they have to blame everyone else for their problems or for what they did? Do they have to state false acquisations about everyone and then not listen to someone else's side of the story or not listen to anyone at all? Yeah, that makes them all high and mighty. They're practically kings and queens of the fucking world.

I am so Goddamn glad that my mom is gonna get me out of Sage ASAP. She wants me to go to Bergen Academies or something, which is a really strict, private school. Sure, I'll miss my friends, but the majority of the people there are much too negative and try to rub their feelings off on other people so that they can get upset too. Or, they have to go on about how they feel bad and totally disregard the feelings of others. There's nothing wrong with being depressed, angry, whatever, just don't make other people feel bad, and don't go screaming, "I'MPISSEDLOL" and not do anything about it. We have THERAPISTS in our school for fuck's sake. Go talk to them. It's their JOB to listen to your problems.

I used to like Sage when it actually helped people. Now it's just one retarded popularity contest. It's a race to see who can hurt the most people in a day. It's a test to see how long Lauren can go before she breaks and roughs up some motherfuckers varbally, emotionally/mentally, even physically. Because she will if she can't take it.

And yes, I know that the world is full of assholes. I know I can be one of them, but I try NOT to be. I know I have to stay away from the or suck it up, but it won't be my fault if one day I'm provoked enough to crack someone's head against a table.

Best.

~Civil

]]> ~CivilDisobedience http://CivilDisobedience.deviantart.com/journal/11388878/ http://CivilDisobedience.deviantart.com/journal/11388878/ Wed, 10 Jan 2007 16:25:20 PST Home Star Account

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I feel like writing something random, so here I go.

I've been really sleepy today. When I went to the doctor's, I suddenly woke up when the door slammed. I didn't even notice I had fallen asleep XD I had a cold a few weeks ago, and mom wanted me to get better faster, so she got doc to prescribe some meds.

I also get this pain in my neck when I turn my head to the right. It started happening yesterday. Dunno why. I sleep pretty well (As in I don't really sleep in odd positions), so yeah.

I've also been working on info for my ~home-star account. See, before I jump into the story, I want to put up descriptions of the planets/races, etc. so no one goes "WTF?" Of course, I haven't been working on any other writing projects (Besides RPs), so I'm kinda disappointed in myself about that. I suppose that, if I read more avidly, I'll find the inspiration to write more (That's what a lot of my teachers/Mom/writer friends tell me). Unfortunately, I won't start that tonight because I'm so Goddamn sleepy.

I went to the bank with my mom today to get my debit card. It'll come in around ten days, which makes me happy <3

Also! After watching Shuriken School, which is an amazing cartoon, I realize that I draw similarly to their characters (For those of you who haven't seen the show, they look like this). I was working on a character drawn in that exact same stlye (Well, very close to that style) when I looked up and saw it for the first time. I was like "WHOA." It was cool.

And, uh... four more days 'til my birthday? *Blink.*

Best.

~Civil

]]> ~CivilDisobedience http://CivilDisobedience.deviantart.com/journal/11376040/ http://CivilDisobedience.deviantart.com/journal/11376040/ Tue, 09 Jan 2007 14:58:48 PST Home Star Account

~home-star

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"Let It Will Be" Lyrics: [link]

Yes, I am stunned, by two things.

The first thing is that the guy crush said he'd come to my partay! w00t! I didn't think it'd go down that easy. See, we watched a movie in Math (I have Geometry with 'im), and I wrote him a note/invitation with the info and such. I gave it to 'im when the bell rang, and he was really cool about it. Yay for one more person!

The second thing I did mention previously but decided to remove it. I dunno why... I just don't want it up anymore o.o;;

Best.

~Civil

]]> ~CivilDisobedience http://CivilDisobedience.deviantart.com/journal/11366076/ http://CivilDisobedience.deviantart.com/journal/11366076/ Mon, 08 Jan 2007 17:47:50 PST Clubs


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If you've been keeping up-to-date with my scraps, you'll see that the most recent works I've submitted in there are Home Star-related. For those of you who don't know, Home Star is my novel-in-progress.

SO! Because I'm just so Goddamn weird, I made a seperate account for all of my Home Star-related stuff. It's ~home-star (Uhm... duh? XD). Watch it if you like science-fiction <3

Best.

~Civil

]]> ~CivilDisobedience http://CivilDisobedience.deviantart.com/journal/11364960/ http://CivilDisobedience.deviantart.com/journal/11364960/ Mon, 08 Jan 2007 16:24:31 PST Clubs


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"Pool Of Fears" Lyrics: [link]

I dunno, man.

I'm just kinda lost when it comes to love. I haven't talked to Dylan in weeks (He should have gotten his Christmas present by now since I sent it late, so I think he'd call me to thank me), and I'm afraid he's found someone else. Even though he promised.... Well, all of my lovers broke their promises, so why should this be a new thing?

I dunno why I continue to go out with people even when all I do is get hurt *Shrug.* I suppose it's a human thing, to want to love and be loved.

Anyway, I have a couple of crushes at school (I won't say their names but I will tell you that one is a guy and the other's a chick)... but I don't have the guts to ask either of them to my stupid party thing I'm hosting on the 13th (Don't worry, people... it's a Saturday), even if one of my New Year's resoultions is to be more assertive.

And now I feel sick because I'm eating my after-dinner snack, and my stomach all of a sudden decides to be jumpy and stuff. Damn my nerves. Damn them.

Feel free to leave advice if you want. Ways to cope with my anxiety would be much appreciated.

Best.

~Civil

]]> ~CivilDisobedience http://CivilDisobedience.deviantart.com/journal/11338814/ http://CivilDisobedience.deviantart.com/journal/11338814/ Sun, 07 Jan 2007 13:07:48 PST Clubs


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"Follow The Sun Down" Lyrics: [link]

Intro

This is my journal dedicated to my new cartoon (And hopefully comic), "Roadside Assistance." As you can see, I'm still working on it, so suggestions would be more than appreciated. Thanks, guys <3

I might hold a contest to make some new characters soon. Winners have their characters part of the comic and get an absolutely free, no-strings-attatched art request from me (Because I have no cash XD) along with their name in the "Credit Where Credit Is Due" section. If it becomes a comic, I'll also put their names on the back cover.

EDIT: I've decided to make new character reference/bio sheets, so bear with me on that. For some reason, I can raw them fine on pencil/paper, but I can't when I use my tablet.... Hm. Well, good thing I have a scanner~ ^_^

EDIT #2: I've added Gary, Wednesday Drive's lead vocalist. He and Terry have been enemies since the second grade. Ooh... hostility.

EDIT #3: I drew Terry in a different style. Enjoy ^_^

Plot

Welcome to Birchbrook, Maryland. This is the small town where the the famous band Atomic Cigar got their start.

Hoping that they can follow in their footsteps, Liam and Clarissa Ferrun started their own grunge band along with friends Rodney Hart, Terry Green, and Sidney Morris. After careful thought, they all decided on the name "Roadside Assistance." Liam bangs on the drums while his sister rocks out on lead guitar and backup vocals. Rodney jams on the bass, Sidney helps Clarissa out on rhythm guitar, and Terry's croaky voice is perfect for the lead vocals.

With all bands, however, there's a rival band. The competetors against Roadside Assistance are part of an emo group called "Wednesday Drive." Who will have more fans? Who will get a record deal first, if at all?

Characters

Roadside Assistance

Terry Green (Croak) Lead vocalist ([link])
Rodney Hart (Stagger) Bassist/songwriter
Sidney Morris (Zorro) Rhythm guitar
Clarissa Ferrun (Angel) Lead guitar/backup vocals and Liam's older sister
Liam Ferrun (Vanilla) Drummer and Clarissa's younger brother

Wednesday Drive

Gary Little (Hare) Lead singer/lead guitarist

Atomic Cigar

Characters coming soon....

Credit Where Credit Is Due

=Demonotica - For the idea of a rival band
*PensiveMoone - For Clarissa's character idea/design

Best.

~Civil

]]> ~CivilDisobedience http://CivilDisobedience.deviantart.com/journal/11328233/ http://CivilDisobedience.deviantart.com/journal/11328233/ Fri, 05 Jan 2007 18:03:05 PST Clubs


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Just another moment where I'm being too hard on myself. Feel free to ignore.

I stat all these nifty projects (You know, like my Highschool Labels project and Roadside Assistance and that one thing I did that I don't remember what it is), but I never finish them. I either a) forget about them or, more commonly, b) lose my drive to complete them.

So yeah. Just feeling like I've let others down by my lack of organization and motivation. Or maybe I've just let myself down and am trying to spread it around so I don't feel so bad.

Which brings me back to the whole "my art sucks, let's burn it" kinda mood.

I'll get over it by tomorrow. It's just a block, I'll improve with every drawing, every poem, all that stuff that I already know but sometimes need to hear/see/smell/whatever again.

Oh, and I wanted to tell you guys that I started a tragedy. You know, like a play. It's based on the dramas of the ancient Greeks. It's called "My Tragedy," and it's mainly about how a writer, Leila, is struggling to get published. She's secretly envious of her highly-paid artist friend, Helen, who's trying, and currently failing, to help Leila out of her creative and emotional depression. And then there's Dominic, the mysterious guitar player Leila meets and immediately yearns for. This all takes place in New York, by the way.

Wow. Describing my play made me feel... so much better. Dunno why. I'm off to work on it now, though. Yay!

Best.

~Civil

]]> ~CivilDisobedience http://CivilDisobedience.deviantart.com/journal/11326843/ http://CivilDisobedience.deviantart.com/journal/11326843/ Fri, 05 Jan 2007 16:04:43 PST Clubs


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Now, the other stuff.

Today was cool. I LARP'd with =Demonotica today during gym. I was Terry. Lemme tell you, after playing him for an hour or so, my throat got really sore XD

The stuff I ordered offline came in today, too. Well, the Hot Topic shirt came in yesterday, but whatever XD Today I got some tees from Old Navy and Advent Children and Final Fantasy XI from Amazon. Unfortunately, my mom is still trying to figure out how I'm supposed to pay for it.

~KeyOfUltima burned two CDs for me: Tribute to Linkin Park and Final Fantasy V, I believe it is (I haven't gotten the chance to listen to them, and I forgot what he told me). He's coming to the shindig I'm having at my house next Saturday

I asked *PensiveMoone to draw something for me. She's taking "requests" so that she can expand her artwork. She wants some creative stuff though, so go and ask her to draw you a purple hippopotamus eating a banana an wearing a tutu on Neptune. OR ELSE!!

Best.

~Civil

]]> ~CivilDisobedience http://CivilDisobedience.deviantart.com/journal/11324730/ http://CivilDisobedience.deviantart.com/journal/11324730/ Fri, 05 Jan 2007 13:00:41 PST Clubs


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First, the taggy thing.

Tagged by ^_^

RULES:

1. Put your music player on shuffle.
2. Press forward for each question.
3. Use the song title as the answer to the question even if it doesn’t make sense. NO CHEATING!
4. Tag 5 people.
5. Bold the questions and with the answers, give your own comments on how it relates to the questions.

Just to let you know, I have video game originals and remixes on my iPod along with some other stuff that most teens don't listen to. So, if you don't know a song, don't worry about it.

How are you feeling today?
"Snow," from my mom's Zen garden CD (Yes, I like that sort of stuff. It relaxes me so~). It's a calm track, so it fits well.

Will you get far in life?
"Moondust," a Ducktales remix from OC ReMix, by texx sound. Though there are no words, it's a slowish, happy-sounding song. So I'm in the clear X3

How do your friends see you?
"Play Dead," by HIM (...)

Will you get married?
"Eyes Pop - Skin Explodes - Everybody Dead", by Future Sound Of London. It starts out scary (Omnious, really), but then it gets kinda happy with gutar synths. So... you tell me XD

What is your best friend's theme song?
"Torvus Clockwork," a Metroid Prime 2 remix from OC ReMix, by Darkesword. The melodics are calm, but the drums are heavily distorted and phased. It pretty much describes Ellen, because she's usually happy and lively, but she does get down sometimes.

What is the story of your life?
"Illegal Left," by The Mighty Mighty Bosstones. Pretty much, yeah.

What was (Is XD) high school like?
"Requiem," from Final Fantasy III. It's short and harpsichordish. The melody switches emotions, too. So, it's perfect.

How can you get ahead in life?
"Make Love," by Daft Punk. Uh... no thanks XD

What is the best thing about your friends?
"Eternal Wind," from Final Fantasy III. They're always there for me, blowing good fortune my way. And the song's nice and sweet, too.

What is in store for this weekend?
"Arabian Dream," from Kingdom Hearts II. I have... no idea what that's supposed to mean XD

To describe your grandparents?
"Indoor Living," by Motion City Soundtrack. THANK YOU.

How is your life going?
"Not A True Ending - Asphyxiated In The Bubble," a Bubble Bobble remix from OC ReMix, by Children Of The Monkey Machine. This won't end well o.o

What song will they play at your funeral?
"McVaffeQuasiUltimix," a Tetris remix from OC ReMix, by McVaffe. It's upbeat and salsay... I think it's a good pick.

How does the world see you?
"Frigate Orpheon BGM," from Metroid Prime. The world must be petrified of me o.o

Will you have a happy life?
"Save Me," by Jem. So... not really ;-;

What do your friends really think of you?
"Fagments Of Sorrow," from Kingdom Hearts. It's true, most of my friends do think I'm depressed when I'm not.

Do people secretly lust after you?
"Hero Ending," from Shadow The Hedgehog. I guess so ;D

How can I make myself happy?
"The Autumn Effect," by 10 Years. Apparently, I have to climb Jacob's ladder XD

What should you do with your life?
"The Doom," from Shadow The Hedgehog. It's a lively, technoy song. I dunno what it means though... except that I should work at a club or make dance music o.o

Will you ever have children?
"Hyper Music," by Muse. Yes, but they're gonna be hyper as Hell XD

Yup.

Best.

~CivilDisobedience http://CivilDisobedience.deviantart.com/journal/11314055/ http://CivilDisobedience.deviantart.com/journal/11314055/ Thu, 04 Jan 2007 14:05:31 PST Clubs


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Tagged by

1) I have a really bad nail-biting habit
2) I also have a really bad knuckle-cracking habit
3) I'm in the Community Service club at my school (And PROUD)
4) I go to a therapeutic school (And I'm still PROUD)
5) I want to go to Columbia Univerisy for college
6) My favorite color is purple

I tag anyone who wants to do this (No pressure, Dearies ^_^).

Best.

~Civil

]]> ~CivilDisobedience http://CivilDisobedience.deviantart.com/journal/11313288/ http://CivilDisobedience.deviantart.com/journal/11313288/ Thu, 04 Jan 2007 12:58:32 PST Clubs


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Hey, people.

I just wanted to apologize for yesterday. I was kinda out of it when I wrote that journal.

I'm better now, so it's all good <3

Best.

~Civil

]]> ~CivilDisobedience http://CivilDisobedience.deviantart.com/journal/11304110/ http://CivilDisobedience.deviantart.com/journal/11304110/ Wed, 03 Jan 2007 17:06:10 PST Clubs


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"Monsters" Lyrics [link]

I dunno why, but I feel kinda... not myself. Guess it could be because I want to draw or write or play something, but I can't quite think of what it is. Guess you could say I've no inspiration. Again.

Today was a great day though. answered the note I sent her last year (I saw her at AnimeNEXT and bought her book, which totally r0x0rz like she does <3) and asked me if I was gonna show off my art at the convention this year. She really flattered me with that question. I mean, really. Thoughts of drawing little doodles for people and signing them and stuff really got me going. It totally boosted my confidence.

And then I hit the real world. I'm gonna be 15, and I dunno if they let minors make stands (I can't get onto the page with the information for some reason). Besides. I'm not a good at visual art... at all. Have you seen my drawings? Because if you think I'm good, you must surely be stupider than I am, and that's saying something.

I'll admit that I'm decent at writing and that I'm okay at playing the guitar. I just suck at drawing.

I wanna be a writer someday (Mostly novels/collections of short stories with some poetry on the side). I've wanted to pursue that since the 6th grade, when I started my novel-in-progress. Now I'm a freshman, and those dreams of success doing what I love have never totally vanished. Sometimes I'd get fed up with my work and delete all of it and then go into my room and cut my arms. I don't do that anymore, and I don't plan to.

But sometimes I wish that I still did. When I took that nosedive a long while ago, I became more artistic than ever. I wrote at least two or three poems everyday, and they were all wonderful, dark and twisted yet unique in their own way. And everyone loved them.

Now that I'm "better," my art has tragically suffered. I don't shine as brightly as I used to, which is odd, considering the fact that everything I wrote during the depression in my life was full of misery and torment. But that's not the point. I may feel better... I may not want to cut or commit suicide anymore... but I don't like the artist I've become. And there's only one way to change that.

I have to go back to my old habits. I have to. If being "better" means that my artwork has to suffer, then I want to be so depressed that the only thing I can think of writing about is the hatred I have for myself. It's the only way out of this box I've gotten myself into.

Don't worry about me. I'll be fine. As long as my art thrives, I'll know that I've done what needs to be done.

Best.

~Civil

]]> ~CivilDisobedience http://CivilDisobedience.deviantart.com/journal/11278894/ http://CivilDisobedience.deviantart.com/journal/11278894/ Tue, 02 Jan 2007 12:18:23 PST Clubs


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Tagged by <3

In 2006 I:

stayed single the whole year
got your first REAL kiss
kissed someone new
made-out for the first time
made-out in/on a car
kissed in the snow
kissed in the rain
fell in love/been in love
had your heart broken
broke someone else's heart
had a stalker
had a good relationship with someone
questioned your sexual orientation
came out of the closet
gotten married
had a divorce
had a gay marriage
kissed someone of the same sex (YAY FOR BISEXUALITY ;D)
dated someone you'll never forget
done something you've regretted
lost someone you truely love (Not by death, but I suppose it counts since I cried on the way home that day)
lost faith in love
kissed under mistletoe

WORK/SCHOOL

got a job
got a promotion
got a pay raise
changed jobs
lost your job
quit your job
dated a co-worker
dated your boss
dated your boss' daughter/son
got fired from your job
got straight A's
met one teacher you really like
met one teacher you really hated
found the subject you love
failed a class
cut class
skipped school
got into a fight with a classmate
did something you were proud of
discovered a new talent
gave the teachers a reason to teach
proved yourself an idiot
embaressed yourself in front of the class
fell in love with a teacher (....)
got a lead in the school play
made a varsity team
were involved in something you'll never forget
got sent to the office

OTHER

painted a picture
wrote a poem
ran a mile
listened to music you couldn't stand
double-dipped
skinny-dipped
went to a sleepover
went to camp/camping
threw a surprise party
laughed until you cried
flirted shamelessly
visited a foreign country
visited a different province
cooked a disasterous meal
lost something important to you
got a gift you adore
realized something new about yourself
tried to gain weight
dyed your hair (BLONDE STREAKS, BABY 8D)
came close to losing your life
someone close to you died
went to a party
drank alcohol
drank alcohol underage
did drugs
got drunk
got arrested
read a great book
saw a great movie
saw a movie so scary that it made you cry
saw a band/artist live (Two words: MADONNA. ROCKS.)
saw someone famous in person
did something you want to tell everyone (But just because I want to doesn't mean I will ;D)

I tag... anyone who wants to do this ^_^

Best.

~Civil

]]> ~CivilDisobedience http://CivilDisobedience.deviantart.com/journal/11273613/ http://CivilDisobedience.deviantart.com/journal/11273613/ Mon, 01 Jan 2007 11:21:54 PST Clubs


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To start off, HAPPY NEW YEAR TO EVERYONE FOR LIKE THE 10TH TIME.

I totally blew the debit cards I got for Christmas yesterday :B Got some shirts, Advent Children on DVD (<3), and Final Fantasy XI (Which will be my first MMORPG). My combined balance (I got two cards; one was $100 and the other was $25) is... $9.12 XD I can't wait to get my stuff though~

Also, I've been wondering if I should do something. I've seen a lot of people around dA with two accounts for different branches of their work (ie: drawings and writing, drawings and photography, etc.), and I was wondering if I should do the same. See, "Civil Disobedience" is a serious-sounding name... no one expects someone with the username "Civil Disobedience" to draw stupid-lookin' cartoons X3

So. What do you guys think? I'm a pretty indecisive person, and I like to get other people's opinions before I do something anyway.

Best.

~Civil

]]> ~CivilDisobedience http://CivilDisobedience.deviantart.com/journal/11258815/ http://CivilDisobedience.deviantart.com/journal/11258815/ Fri, 05 Jan 2007 16:18:10 PST Clubs


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My birthday's on the fourteenth of January! YAY FOR ME~ I'm gonna be fifteen, which is a big deal in Cuban culture. Here's mah birffday wishlist~ If you wana get me any of this stuff (I doubt it'll happen, but okay), feel free to:

Books (Blood And Chocolate by Annette Curtis Klause, The Tale Of Despereaux by Kate DiCamillo, The Aenid by Virgil, Howl's Moving Castle by Diana Wynne Jones, His Dark Materials Trilogy [The Golden Compass, The Subtle Knife, and The Amber Spyglass] by Philip Pullman, drawing books on animals and cartoons)
Clothes (Note me for sizes)
Newer video games (Sonic Rivals [PSP], Sonic & The Secret Rings [Wii])
Older video games (Monster Rancher EVO [PS2], Star Ocean: Till The End Of Time [PS2], Tales Series [Anyone besides Symphonia], Xenosaga III [PS2], Shadow Of The Colossus [PS2])
DVDs (Aeon Flux: The Complete Animated Collection)
Giftcards (Hot Topic, Barnes & Noble, Gap, Old Navy, Gamestop, etc.)
Art of my charries! ^_^

I know for a fact that I'm gonna get a debit card from my mom, so I can buy the stuff I didn't get online <3

Best.

~Civil

]]> ~CivilDisobedience http://CivilDisobedience.deviantart.com/journal/11255261/ http://CivilDisobedience.deviantart.com/journal/11255261/ Sun, 31 Dec 2006 08:10:31 PST Clubs


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Hey, everyone!

I just wanted to wish you all a happy and prosperous new year. You guys deserve it <3

Best.

~Civil

]]> ~CivilDisobedience http://CivilDisobedience.deviantart.com/journal/11244898/ http://CivilDisobedience.deviantart.com/journal/11244898/ Mon, 01 Jan 2007 14:58:10 PST Clubs


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Here's where I'll post my ideas for "Roadside Assistance," which will hopefully become a new comic of mine. Or something.

I've got the plot down though. See, there's this little bunch of friends who live in the small town of Birchbrook. They have a grunge band-in-progress called Roadside Assistance, and they're desperate for a record deal. Of course, teenager stuff (Such as school, romance, work, and breakdowns) gets in the way of their practices, and they don't think they're ready for a concert yet. So they're pretty much stuck in a rut at this point.

I'm working on characters. This is supposed to be an animal-themed cartoon (I may add in a Human here or there though), and I want original species/breeds (By breeds I mean one character can be a Dog, but a rare/made-up pedigree). I know for a fact that I want a Red-Eyed Treefrog and some sort of Deer involved somewhere, but that's all I've got so far.

So. Any suggestions at this point? Critiques are also appreciated.

EDIT! I thought up some awesome characters (Including Rodney, of course ^^).

EDIT #2! I thought up Liam Whittemore the Opossum (Drummer)! *Adds him to the list and works on his bio.*

Here's the list so I don't forget:

Terry Green the Treefrog (Lead vocalist) ([link])
Rodney Hart the Deer (Bassist/Songwriter) ([link])
Liam Whittemore the Opossum (Drummer) (Bio coming soon)

ANNNNND... that's all I've got so far X3 I have a bit of a block, so bear with me, people.

Best.

~Civil

]]> ~CivilDisobedience http://CivilDisobedience.deviantart.com/journal/11237378/ http://CivilDisobedience.deviantart.com/journal/11237378/ Fri, 29 Dec 2006 19:23:36 PST Clubs


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I've been thinking.

I haven't done any writing lately. For those of you who don't know (And I'm assuming that that includes the majority of you), writing is my forte, my passion. As you can see, I'm not-so-good at drawing, so I turn to writing to paint my pictures for me.

Unfortunately, I can't think of anything to write, and I can't think of what I should to do continue the stories I've already started. I feel as if I've lost my motivation and inspiration. I feel... like crap. I really do.

One of my old teachers, the head of the writing club at my old school to be exact, promised to have some coffee with me someday. With any luck it'll be soon so I can explain the situation to her and she can help me out. She's a brilliant writer herself.

Also, I want to start a comic sort of like the ones I used to make back when I was in fourth grade. Once again, I have no ideas for it. I've been brainstorming plots and characters, and I sort of like one of my ideas: a grungy/alternative band called "Roadside Assistance" trying to get a record deal. It's based off of my Battle Of The Bands RP hosted on Civility.

So yes. I'm in desperate need of inspiration. If anyone has any recomendations (Websites, books, quotes, etc.) or just a few words of advice, they would be greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance <3

Best.

~Civil

]]> ~CivilDisobedience http://CivilDisobedience.deviantart.com/journal/11226157/ http://CivilDisobedience.deviantart.com/journal/11226157/ Thu, 28 Dec 2006 18:33:04 PST Clubs


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About the relief? Click [link]

I know I get too attached to people! BUT NOBODY ASKED YOU X333

As you can see in my good friend Pensive's journal, she's looking for a new style. In all honesty, I've been trying to find one all along. I just screw around until I find something I like and I work off of that.

She's getting into cartoons. Cartoons are the ONLY things I can draw decently. At least, that's what I think. So YAY FOR CARTOONS.

Good luck finding your new style, Pensive! When you find it, and if I find mine, maybe we could make a comic together! ... OR SOMETHING! ^_^;;

Best.

~Civil

]]> ~CivilDisobedience http://CivilDisobedience.deviantart.com/journal/11221438/ http://CivilDisobedience.deviantart.com/journal/11221438/ Thu, 28 Dec 2006 12:06:16 PST Clubs


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I made a FreeWebs for my characters ^^ It's the link that says... "Characters"! Can you believe that!? o.o There's also a message board for the site called "Civility."

Andsoyeah.

....

I'm gonna go eat lunch now X3

Best.

~Civil

]]> ~CivilDisobedience http://CivilDisobedience.deviantart.com/journal/11215183/ http://CivilDisobedience.deviantart.com/journal/11215183/ Wed, 27 Dec 2006 19:19:31 PST Clubs


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Hi, everyone!

Well, I didn't get to see "Mamma Mia!" today because we couldn't find any parking in the city. Oh well. Life goes on, right?

I'm currently working on a new ID (The one I currently have up has been outdated for a couple days now XD). Only problem is... I'm sorta running outta creative juice here. So, if anyone would like to give me suggestions, a comment on this journal would be nice :3

Best.

~Civil

]]> ~CivilDisobedience http://CivilDisobedience.deviantart.com/journal/11203870/ http://CivilDisobedience.deviantart.com/journal/11203870/ Tue, 26 Dec 2006 18:10:59 PST Clubs


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Hi, people! ^_^

I'm tired because I'm sick, which sucks because I have to go see "Mama Mia" tomorrow. The tickets were one of my Christmas gifts :3 And I do wanna go see it, I'd just rather see it when I'm not... ill.

What else did I get? Weeell, I got:

A PS3 (And two games), A Wii (Wii Sports is a great workout, lemme tell you!) and a few games (Yes, I got Zelda), more games (Mostly PS2, a few Gamecube), clothes and jewelry, cash, and two credit cards (One worth 100 bucks, the other worth 25). My Godmother says they're credit cards, so HAH. And I know I'm forgetting something... I just can't think of it yet X3

ANDGUESSWHAT. My birthay's on the 14th of January! ^w^ I'm so excited 'cause I'm gonna be fifteen! I'm Cuban, so we celebrate fifteenths as oppose to sixteenths. Mom says she'll get me a debit card so I can do all the online shopping I want ^_^ And maybe s'more games, perhaps s'more clothes.... I dunno.

And... that's it really.

Best.

~Civil

]]> ~CivilDisobedience http://CivilDisobedience.deviantart.com/journal/11164029/ http://CivilDisobedience.deviantart.com/journal/11164029/ Sat, 23 Dec 2006 15:39:04 PST Clubs


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Hi, everyone!

Not only did I want to remove the previous journal from my page, I wanted to let you know that YOU ALL ROCK. Really. You do ^_^

Have a bangin' holiday, guys!

Best.

~Civil

]]> ~CivilDisobedience http://CivilDisobedience.deviantart.com/journal/11130221/ http://CivilDisobedience.deviantart.com/journal/11130221/ Wed, 20 Dec 2006 17:11:07 PST Clubs


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"Chameleon Boy" Lyrics: [link]

Read them over carefully.

Now, I know that I've been kind of a jerk (Or total asshole, take your pick) to some people. Since the year's almost over, I've decided to apologize for my behavoir (Or lack there of) to said people. I'll understand if they don't forgive me, but I need to get some stuff off my chest. I will try my best to explain what I did and why I did it.

1) Lillie (~invaderld) - What happened with Lillie is more of a misunderstanding than anything else. See, she and I used to mingle, if you will. Then some guy came bewteen us, but we patched things up. A couple of weeks ago, she askd if I wanted to date her again. I said that I'd consider it. The day after, I do something that makes her upset (And I don't mean to do this, people), so she comes into school and gives off this "I don't wanna talk to Lauren" aura. I'm like, "Okay, I'm okay with that." Lunch comes. One of Lillie's friends, who is also a friend of mine, approaches me and asks why I'm not talking to her. I explain. She says that Lillie does in fact want to talk to me. I'm all like, "Cool," so I go to sit next to her. She moves a couple of seats down and says to her friends that I should know when she wants to talk and when she doesn't. Sure, I'm smart as Hell, but I don't know everything.

Anyway, a few days later. I finally get the guts to say that I've decided against dating her. Now, here is why: a) There's no communication between us, and b) All we do is hurt each other, and I don't want to hurt her (Or anybody, for that matter). I "practice" with my therapist before Lunch, which is when I do it. Of course, I screw the whole thing up and say what I didn't want to say. Well, she did get up to walk away (I don't remember if the bell rang when she did or not), so I have to splutter everything out at once, but even then I did't have enough time to explain.

Ever since, we haven't spoken. I want to tell her how I feel about us in a relationship and what I meant to say to her, but her uncontrolable vibes are tearing me up, so I haven't gone near her. I find my eyes drawn to her every now and again. Well, she is quite pretty, but I know that it's something else... I just can't quite figure it out. It could be love... it could not be. see her looking at me too, sometimes. Or, at least... I think she looks at me. Not sure about that, either.

Her birthday was on the 15th. I would have said and gotten her something, but a) my mom doesn't particularly like Lillie because of our previous relationship, which was quite rocky and heart-wrenching, and b) I still dunno if she would accept it or not. I know I should try... guess I should grow some balls.

2) Ellen and Dawn - E and D are my two best friends from Ohio. I met Ellen, who's my age, in a chat a few years ago and met her older sister, who is Dawn, shortly afterward. I promised to be their best friend for life.

But now, about four years later, we rarely speak. I still consider them my best friends... but it hurts knowing that they're so far away. They don't go on AIM or anything anymore, so I have to call them. Ellen picks up most of the time, but she's usually busy with her friends or something. Dawn, on the other hand, rarely picks up, most likely because sh's busy. Dawn came to Jersey a few months ago to meet her boyfriend's parents, but she didn't get the time to stop at my house.... Oh well. With any luck, we'll all see each other soon.

So I apologize to them as well. Maybe I'm not trying hard enough to reach them. Or maybe, just maybe I'm trying too hard.

3) Alan - Alan's one of my ex's. He's a really nice guy (No wonder I dated him). He's from Florida (Yes, it was an online relationship... haven't had a real-life one with a guy). We promised we'd still be friends after he broke up with me, but we haven't spo... ]]> ~CivilDisobedience http://CivilDisobedience.deviantart.com/journal/11097264/ http://CivilDisobedience.deviantart.com/journal/11097264/ Sun, 17 Dec 2006 17:31:57 PST Clubs


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"Hate Me" Lyrics: [link]

This song depresses me so. And yet... I love it, so I can't stop listening to it tonight. I mean, it always makes me tear a little, so it's okay, right?

Well, this song makes me think of a good friend of mine. We haven't spoken to each other since August. Her name's Dawn. She's my best friend's older sister.

I know, I know. She doesn't sound like a good friend if I haven't talked to her since August. But we have this sort of bond, the three of us. I promised both Ellen and Dawn that I'd be their best friends forever, and I intend to keep that promise.

But why does this song of all songs make me think of Dawn, you ask? Well... whenever I'm down or I have a problem, I usually talk to her. She's very good at helping me out with these sorts of things you know. Once I've calmed down, we chat for a few more minutes before parting.

But see, that's not really why I'm all sad now. It's because, well, Dawn has done so much for me... and I feel that I haven't done anything in return. Dawn's got stuff to deal with, too, but when I ask her, she sort of shrugs the subject off, saying that it's not important. Or, she'll tell me something so alarming that I'll be afraid to ask for more details. I feel that all I do is bother her with my problems... and that she deserves better than that.

If you read the lyrics and then this, it may or may not make more sense. I don't really know if what I'm saying will make any sense at all... but I'm trying. And that's all that should matter, right?

I call Dawn every now and again. She doesn't pick up though... dunno why. Gotta ask Ellen about that. I don't remember calling her for Thanksgiving, but I'm definitely gonna call her for Christmas. I'm also gonna write her a letter and send her a stuffed penguin and a bracelet that I made (Ellen gets the same–letter, bracelet, penguin, and all).

Well, I'm gonna end this. I feel better now, even though I'm still listening to the song. Comments are appreciated.

Best.

~Civil

]]> ~CivilDisobedience http://CivilDisobedience.deviantart.com/journal/11064895/ http://CivilDisobedience.deviantart.com/journal/11064895/ Thu, 14 Dec 2006 17:15:44 PST Clubs


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Just figured I'd let you guys know that, an hour or two after I get home from school, I get really tired for no real reason. It's weird, because I take vitamins in the morning, no new medication changes have been made recently (They're actually being reduced,, not increaced), and I had bloodwork done recently... according to the results, I'm pretty healthy.

Why am I telling you guys this seemingly-unecessary information? Because I feel it's the reason that I haven't gotten anything done recently. Haven't written... haven't drawn anything... haven't played my guitars.... And I've tried to do all of those things with no success. I barely even have the concentration to read a few pages of a book, which sucks, because I know I should be.

Like I said, I don't know why it happens. I don't think it's a mental thing... as in, I don't feel depressed at all. I just feel... really weak and tired. I'm starting to go to bed at 8:30 nowadays. I'm also having trouble with my memory. By "having problems," I mean that my recollection of recent events is a lot worse than it used to be. Which is bad.

I'm sorry, guys.... I feel as if I've let you all down. I know I haven't, but... I dunno. Just gimme some time to return to my normal self. If only I could remember what I used to be like in the first place....

Best.

~Civil

]]> ~CivilDisobedience http://CivilDisobedience.deviantart.com/journal/11042334/ http://CivilDisobedience.deviantart.com/journal/11042334/ Tue, 12 Dec 2006 16:32:48 PST Clubs


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So yeah. I'm single again. Long story short, he had to make a decision.

But don't feel bad. Sure, I'm upset and stuff now, but I'll be fine in a few days. I'm talking crying-wise here, people. It'll take me quite a while to "get over" him like the kids say. I really loved him, you know.

And I'm confident that he loved me. Why else would he talk about marriage and stuff? And I feel that he really doesn't want to let go. Just that, hey, people come along, right?

But like I said, I'll be fine. I always am... eventually, at least. I mean, come on. I'm Lauren. I wanna make it through stuff like this so that I'm a stronger person in the end, you know? I gotta learn from this experience... gotta learn to not get so attached to people... or something like that.

So yeah, that's pretty much it. Like I keep telling you, I'll be fine. I won't do anything that I know I shouldn't do. I'm past that. I'm stronger than that.

I know I am.

Best.

~Civil

]]> ~CivilDisobedience http://CivilDisobedience.deviantart.com/journal/11019009/ http://CivilDisobedience.deviantart.com/journal/11019009/ Sun, 10 Dec 2006 15:22:56 PST Clubs


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Yeah, I have a new RP board 'cause the other one died. This one is basically the same as Dreamscapes ([link])... only more BLACK XD So yeah. The link's up top. Join, please...?

Best.

~Civil

]]> ~CivilDisobedience http://CivilDisobedience.deviantart.com/journal/11009177/ http://CivilDisobedience.deviantart.com/journal/11009177/ Sat, 09 Dec 2006 18:20:07 PST Clubs


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Been a while since I posted a journal, so I figured I would.

Grandma's getting better.... Well, mentally, she's off her rocker, but she's better physically. It's a slow recovery, but she really is doing better.

As for my previous journal... yeah, I feel good as new. See, Dylan had broken up with me for some real-life chick, so that's why I was upset. But now we're friends, so it's all good.

I know I haven't been submitting much... that's because I haven't really done anything artistic. I know I should get out of my creative slump, but I don't really know how.... I guess I'll start working on the 100-theme challenge or one of my widdle projects. I know, I've been neglecting them, and I feel horrible. I just haven't been in the mood to do anything lately....

Well, my godmother's here, so I have to go for now.

Best.

~Civil

]]> ~CivilDisobedience http://CivilDisobedience.deviantart.com/journal/10905107/ http://CivilDisobedience.deviantart.com/journal/10905107/ Thu, 30 Nov 2006 18:13:44 PST Clubs


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Grandma was discharged from the hopsital today, and the fieldtrip to the Martin Guitar Factory in PA was great. And yet... I'm so sad that my body feels weak and numb.

It's a long story, and I don't really want to explain anything right now. In all honesty, I don't really know what's going on anyway. My brain can't think right now. I'll post it up when I'm able to figure everything out.

Best.

~Civil

]]> ~CivilDisobedience http://CivilDisobedience.deviantart.com/journal/10845727/ http://CivilDisobedience.deviantart.com/journal/10845727/ Sat, 25 Nov 2006 13:41:44 PST Clubs


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My grandma's in the hopsital.... She had a really bad asthma attack on Monday and didn't want to go until yesterday. I'm really worried about her. I just hope nothing bad happens....

If I'm not online, I'm at the hospital visiting her. Just wanted to let you know. I'll keep you guys updated.

Best.

~Civil

]]> ~CivilDisobedience http://CivilDisobedience.deviantart.com/journal/10809322/ http://CivilDisobedience.deviantart.com/journal/10809322/ Sat, 16 Dec 2006 16:31:14 PST Clubs


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I'm making a wishlist for Christmas/my birthday (January 14th) along with a list of my artistic talents so that I can make you guys stuff and stuff ^_^

EDIT: Made a new ref sheet for Kobe... USING REAL PICTURES! |D
EDIT #2: I want a hoodie with kitty ears! See the real-life list for details.

Here's my dA wishlist:

A pic (Anthro as well as quad is appreciated) of this adorable creature: [link] (My dawg, Kobe ^^ If more of a reference is needed, contact me... as for clothes, anything goes for now)
Fanart of Rufus and/or Goober (Rufus Ref: [link]) (Goober Ref: [link])
For people to draw Leckarus and/or Lucius from Home Star (Descriptions coming soon).
For everyone to have a happy holiday ^^

And now here's my RL wishlist:

A crapload of video games (Because I'm a gork like that XD)
Aeon Flux and Final Fantasy: Advent Children on DVD
To meet my online friends ^_^
Books on Pagan/Neopagan religions, Enochian, Order of the Golden Dawn, and Angels/Demons (For my religious studies)
"Alternative" clothes (By "alternative," I mean clothes that can be found in Hot Topic, Spencer's, etc. Or clothes for "Goths," "Punks," "Emos," etc.). Anyone wanna hook me up with any links (Especially a link to a hoodie with kitty ears!)?
A debit card ;D
For everyone to have a happy holiday! ... AGAIN!!

Now, for my artistic talents:

Writing: Just about everything goes here ^^ Poetry, stories, skits, etc.
Drawing: Cartoons, usually of animals, sometimes people (Both traditional and digital)

Best.

~Civil

]]> ~CivilDisobedience http://CivilDisobedience.deviantart.com/journal/10780411/ http://CivilDisobedience.deviantart.com/journal/10780411/ Sun, 19 Nov 2006 16:58:04 PST Clubs


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=Demonotica is seriously awesome. She showed me how to use my tablet (Correctly mind you) in PhotoShop, etc. while over at her house. It was suu kewl.

Here's the first piece I made after the wonderous teachings of the Almighty Gab:

[link]

I know, the lineart is crap, the coloring's crap... but you can't say that the concept crap because Goober (My new character ^_^) is too adorable for words. I'd like to dedicate this to Gabby. I'd like to... butguesswhat! IT'S CRAP!! >_>

I know that practice makes pefect, so I'm probably gonna fix this up when I get better. A lot better.

Best.

~Civil

P.S.: VISIT HER PAGE OR ELSE I KILL J00!

]]> ~CivilDisobedience http://CivilDisobedience.deviantart.com/journal/10610934/ http://CivilDisobedience.deviantart.com/journal/10610934/ Thu, 21 Dec 2006 10:12:51 PST Clubs


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Yes, it's another project. Fear me.

So yeah. I decided to draw someone for each high school subculture. And I know that they exist in every other kind of school, but I'm gonna say high school because it's most apparent there. Or at least that's what I think.

EDIT!: Instead of people, I've decided to use Goober ([link]) because 1) Goober's so Goddamn cute, and 2) I can't draw people for my life (As you may or may not have noticed). So! Everything's cleared, leaving only the stereotypes. If there's one I missed (And I'm confident I missed a lot of them), be a dear and comment/note them to me? Thanks in advance ^_^

Labels:

Jock
Prep
Nerd
Band Geek
Stoner
Ghetto
Goth
Emo ([link])
Punk Rocker
Metalhead
Skater
Cheerleader (Thanks to *PensiveMoone)
Poser (Thanks to *PensiveMoone)
Outcast (Thanks to *PensiveMoone)

Best.

~Civil

]]> ~CivilDisobedience http://CivilDisobedience.deviantart.com/journal/10573459/ http://CivilDisobedience.deviantart.com/journal/10573459/ Tue, 31 Oct 2006 16:42:49 PST Clubs


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I'm not really hysterical.... I'm more sick than anything else. But hey. You gotta love the animation ^_^

Just wanted to wish everyone a happy Halloween. So... HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

I'm a Goth chick. So yeah, I'm wearing a H.I.M. shirt, Tripp pants (With the chains/straps), and a lot of black make-up. Now don't be all like "Grr!" because I used to be Goth, so I can do this. Besides, it's not because Goth people are scary. It's because all I have to do is wear the same clothes I wear everyday XD *Mauled.*

So happy Halloween once again. Ciao.

Best.

~Civil

P.S.: I feel really bad about the lack of deviations... but I've gotten back into my creative spirit, so you should see stuff soon. The drawings'll be most likely pencil for now since I'm practicing coloring in digitally, and I don't want to portray that stuff until I'm actually good at it o.o

]]> ~CivilDisobedience http://CivilDisobedience.deviantart.com/journal/10560942/ http://CivilDisobedience.deviantart.com/journal/10560942/ Mon, 30 Oct 2006 15:19:51 PST Clubs


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Gotta like the breakdancing guy. Seriously.

Anyway, things are better. We (The chick and I) are friends now, and we can use our mystical powers (...) to turn the guy around so he's my friend again, too. So, it's all good.

Best.

~Civil

]]> ~CivilDisobedience http://CivilDisobedience.deviantart.com/journal/10559407/ http://CivilDisobedience.deviantart.com/journal/10559407/ Mon, 30 Oct 2006 12:50:54 PST Clubs


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Okay. Whether they're going to listen to me or not doesn't matter, but I need SOMEONE to actually ACKNOWLEDGE MY POINT OF VIEW. And I know that this will probably make no sense to most of you, but, at this point, I don't care.

So there's this chick at school. We used to date, and then she dumped me for this guy, which I'm all good with, believe it or not. But what ticks me off is that she said she wanted to be my friend, but she doesn't talk to me or acknowedge my existence.

Today, in the morning, I go to take something off the guy's back (It was one of those plastic things that hold the tags on), and she approaches me. She's all like, "Get your hands off my man," and I'm like, "I'm not doing anything." She goes, "You wanna fight?" and then goes on to tell me that I never wanted to be her friend and that, if I wanted to be her friend, I had to approach her and blah.

Now, I respect her opinion, but this is how I see things, m'kay? She approaches and talks to her friends. She even approaches people that AREN'T her friends and says pretty random stuff.

So anyway. I go to an authority figure with a friend of mine (She was my bodyguard for the day) and tell her what happened. The chick gets lunch detention. I'm pretty neutral about that. Well, she did have it coming, but I didn't want her to get detention or anything. Maybe a forced apology to me would have been nice. But anyway.

So her boyfriend finds out what "I" did, so he's pissed at me now. But you know what? I may be scared of being ambushed by them (Physically, verbally, whatever), but, at the same time, it's really funny how they think this is all my fault. Here are two reasons why it could be my fault:

1) I haven't talked to the chick since our breakup.
2) I got her in detention.

And now here are two reasons why these don't make sense at all:

1) She hasn't approached me while she approaches everyone else.
2) I was defending myself (You can never be sure).

Check this out: [link]

You know, it's gonna be hard for them to ignore me because we may not be in the same grades, but we're in the same school, we share break, and the chick and I are in the same lunch period. So hah.

Oh, and before I run out on the street and stab someone to death:

FUCKITY-FUCK-CUNT-WHORE.

Best.

~Civil

]]> ~CivilDisobedience http://CivilDisobedience.deviantart.com/journal/10527577/ http://CivilDisobedience.deviantart.com/journal/10527577/ Fri, 27 Oct 2006 13:08:41 PDT Clubs


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Had to get rid of the previous journal. It was making me too... depressed.

So, yeah. He broke up with me for this real-life chick. And it's not like it's his fault or anything... I mean, I understand why he'd do it. I wouldn't do it, but that's not what this journal is about.

I guess I get too attached in relationships. But, then again, why wouldn't I when everyone is swearing that they're going to stay with me forever? I guess I can't trust people anymore. I know that relationships don't always work out, but it hurts even more knowing that they used to love me and want to spend the rest of their life with me... and then they leave me for someone else. It's the same crap all over again. And, this is twice in one month.

But, no matter what, there is always going to be a space in my heart for each and every one of them. I'm too sensitive and attached to let go of them. I never will. And I know that my holding on will hurt me even more... but maybe that's all I really want.

Best.

~Civil

]]> ~CivilDisobedience http://CivilDisobedience.deviantart.com/journal/10498314/ http://CivilDisobedience.deviantart.com/journal/10498314/ Tue, 24 Oct 2006 14:41:16 PDT Clubs


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You know, it's amazing how one day you can feel so low, and then something happens the next day that is so great, your heart's soaring. Well... that happened to me today.

In case you didn't notice, I've been severely depressed for a while.... But that all changed today. Yesterday, a friend of a friend IMed me. We used to mod a board together, but I barely got to know him. We barely talked because I had to go.

Today, he was on my mind throughout the school day. Even when I was upset, my mind fluttered back to him. When I came home, he... well, he told me that he loves me. And God, was I happy! I told him that I love him too (Which I do, very much so), and then, he sent me a link.

He typed "Watch this now" next to it. So, I clicked it. Then, I started getting teary. It was a YouTube video, a music video to be exact. The song was "First Love" by Utada Hikaru, the artist who made "Simple And Clean" and "Sanctuary" for the Kingdom Hearts games.

After a little more talking, he asked me for my phone number. When I sent it, I also sent "I hope this is going where I think it's going...." He replied with, "It is, Lauren, don't worry about it." He had to go to piano, but he promised that he would call me when he gets back.

You know what? If you let it be... life is good. There are bad times, but you have to get over them. And, when you do, it makes you a stronger person... and a happier one too.

Best.

~Civil

]]> ~CivilDisobedience http://CivilDisobedience.deviantart.com/journal/10489062/ http://CivilDisobedience.deviantart.com/journal/10489062/ Mon, 23 Oct 2006 16:09:55 PDT Clubs


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It's getting worse. I can't find the willpower to do anything.... I tried drawing, but nothing came to mind. I tried writing, but the same thing happened. I'm too mentally exhausted to do any homework, which will most likely cause me to fail miserably. But that's not my main concern. Seems as if I have no concerns at this point.

But what I don't understand is why. Why am I so emotional over all of this? This is about the fifth time I've gotten misty-eyed today. I know that things will get better... but why do I have to feel so Goddamn horrible now? I don't understand. Then again, there are a lot of things I don't understand.

My grandmother's better, which makes me feel a bit more stable... but not by much. I just don't know what to do with myself. I'm a gloomy raincloud, floating in the big, blue sky, trying to find something that will turn me from black to white. And it's not like I haven't been like this before. I have, trust me. But never this... emotional.

And there are now two things haunting my mind: the whole Lillie thing... and Alan. Alan was my first true love, my first serious relationship. It may have been online, but that didn't, and it still doesn't, matter to me. He broke up with me to protect me from his hurting me, which I respect. But it still hurt. Kinda like how it hurts now.

So now there are two weights on my shoulder besides all of the other crap I can think of. I love them both so much... but I guess that doesn't really matter anymore.

~Civil

]]> ~CivilDisobedience http://CivilDisobedience.deviantart.com/journal/10486920/ http://CivilDisobedience.deviantart.com/journal/10486920/ Mon, 23 Oct 2006 12:38:51 PDT Clubs


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Yup. It's all going downhill from here. Really though. I feel as if I've lost control of my life. I can barely think without having an anxiety attack or crying.

I don't know what to draw, and I can't find the strength to write anything. I'm so weak mentally that it's affecting every other aspect of my life. I barely eat anymore. And, of course, the mood swings.

And, as I've said before, this isn't totally about the break-up thing. It affected me, of course... but I thought I'd be okay after a few days. Seeing her with him... I get so nervous that I can barely stand. I get so teary that I can barely see. I feel as if I'm about to break down every single time.

That's all for now. TTFN.

~Civil

]]> ~CivilDisobedience http://CivilDisobedience.deviantart.com/journal/10475546/ http://CivilDisobedience.deviantart.com/journal/10475546/ Sun, 22 Oct 2006 11:52:48 PDT Clubs


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Yeah, I'm still thinkin'. About life and stuff. I can't really say what I'm thinking though because my mind's too cluttered with junk. Maybe it'll clear up as I write this entry....

So I'm pretty emotional right now. And it's not really because of what happened (I've come to understand that it's really not that bad and that things are better off this way). It's just... because. I wouldn't say that it's for no reason, really. It's more like I'm so close to discovering the reason, but I'm stumbling in the dark, trying to find a light that doesn't even exist.

And, to top off all of the confusion, my grandma's really sick, but she doesn't want to go to the hospital, so I'm really worried about her. She had a coughing fit last night that lasted for about an hour, and I got so scared. She's 82, which only adds to my anxiety.

I dunno. I'll still post art and stuff. What gets to me though is that I haven't been writing for a while. I have so many good ideas, and I get them down on paper... but I don't know how to expand them into a poem, or a story, or whatever. Writng is my passion... but I guess I've lost that.

Once again, I'm not overly depressed or anything. I'm just... kinda moody. Don't worry about me though. I'll be fine in a couple of days....

Best (Or, at least better than I).

~Civil

]]> ~CivilDisobedience http://CivilDisobedience.deviantart.com/journal/10456869/ http://CivilDisobedience.deviantart.com/journal/10456869/ Fri, 20 Oct 2006 14:41:15 PDT Clubs


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I know I haven't posted anything for a while, and I'm sorry. I've just had some... weird, emotional episodes.

So, yeah. I'm not in the best mood, but I'm not overly depressed. Just, y'know... slightly. Then again, one usually feels this way when... well, when broken up with. ... Well, I wouldn't call it a "break-up" persay... it was actually a docile conversation. I... just can't think of another word/phrase to replace it at this point in time. ... Which means it's back on the market for me. Hooray.

I don't really want to explain. Doing so would most likely make me cry. Don't feel bad, though. I'll be fine. It's most people's reaction when they end a relationship with someone, even if it wasn't intimate, isn't it? So I'm just gonna leave it at that for now. You can note me about it if you're that curious.

Best.

~Civil

]]> ~CivilDisobedience http://CivilDisobedience.deviantart.com/journal/10371714/ http://CivilDisobedience.deviantart.com/journal/10371714/ Thu, 12 Oct 2006 17:00:34 PDT Clubs


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Lately, I've been thinking about stuff.

Three years ago, I met my best friend, Ellen, in a Metroid chatroom on AOL. Ellen has a sister, Dawn. Ellen is a teenager, like me. She's a sweet girl with a heart of gold and who's there to listen to me when I have a bad day. Dawn is older, her wisdom surpassing all limitations. She has helped me through so much. They both have. They know a lot about my life, and yet they still like me.

One problem. I'm in New Jersey.... They're in Ohio. It's not that bad, actually, because when we talk on the phone, it's much more meaningful to me. When I get a letter or package from them, my rarely-seen smile emerges from the depths of my soul. They really care. They really do care.

Ellen and I used to talk every day. Then, she stopped going online. That was okay, because I have her number, and I can call whenever I want because of our phone plan. But, even though she stopped going on a while ago, I still miss her. We used to talk about regular, teenager stuff. We used to roleplay for hours. We even had this one RP where our characters all lived in the same house. We called it the "Big House" RP.

We scarcely speak anymore. I try to call her at least once a week, but that's turned into once a month. And, y'know, I miss that. I miss signing on and smiling when I see her screenname on the top of my list. I miss chatting about our days and weekends and roleplaying with her. I even miss our bittersweet goodbye's, which weren't so bad since we knew that we were going to speak again tomorrow.

As for Dawn.... Well, I hardly ever talked to her to begin with, but she's still made a great impact on my life. She guided me through the dark fog and showed me what it's like to live on the other side where things are brighter.

I dunno. I feel as if I've lost them through time. Ellen and I promised each other... we'd be best friends forever. And yet... neither of us has made a great enough effort to speak to each other more often. Dawn said she'd always be there for me... but she hasn't answered my calls for two months.

I don't want to lose them. I really don't. We've gone too far along the path to break apart now.

Well, I'm gonna stop here. I need to go wipe my eyes and blow my nose.

~Civil

]]> ~CivilDisobedience http://CivilDisobedience.deviantart.com/journal/10246585/ http://CivilDisobedience.deviantart.com/journal/10246585/ Sat, 04 Nov 2006 06:50:43 PST Clubs


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I decided to drop the project of making refs for all of them because I'm no longer interested. Of course, I'll still keep the list up so that I remember my teams (o.o).

Red/Blue/Yellow (1st Gen.)
Charmeleon ([link])
Sandshrew ([link])
Abra ([link])
Persian ([link])
Rapidash ([link])
Dragonite ([link])

Gold/Silver/Crystal (2nd Gen.)
Quilava ([link])
Flaaffy ([link])
Umbreon ([link])
Espeon ([link])
Houndoom ([link])
Suicune ([link])

Ruby/Sapphire/Emerald (3rd Gen.)
Blaziken ([link])
Mightyena ([link])
Linoone ([link])
Azurill ([link])
Shedinja ([link])
Absol ([link])

Diamond/Pearl (4th Gen.) (Names used are Japanese)
Hikozaru ([link])
Korinku ([link])
Perap ([link])
Togekiss ([link])
Glacia ([link])
Leafia ([link])

]]> ~CivilDisobedience http://CivilDisobedience.deviantart.com/journal/10170093/ http://CivilDisobedience.deviantart.com/journal/10170093/ Sun, 24 Sep 2006 08:25:03 PDT -
- The Chronicles Of Chrestomanci: Volume I by Diana Wynne Jones
- Home Star ([link])
- "Razorblades," by Story Of The Year

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I got God Of War yesterday. Man! That is one Hades of a game! ... Get it? Hades? Since it takes place in ancient Gr–never mind.

My tummy still hurts a little, but that's okay. I'm going to me niece's birthday party today, so I'm in good health.

Y'know what? It feels good to work on a piece of writing after leaving it idle for a few days. Or a week. Or a month.... Damn. Now I feel guilty.

I'm talking about Home Star, which is what I'm currently working on. Let me tell you, she, the story, has evolved since the sixth grade. I'm in ninth now, just to give you some perspective on how long I've been working on her.

I remember when she was only an idea, a thought in the back of my mind. The thought sparked when I had a dream about an army sent to kill bounty hunters who were trying to blow up Neptune (Or was it Pluto?). From that one idea, Home Star germinated. Now we have a separate galaxy, a number of different planets, races who reside on the planets, political parties, religions, even a Holy Book to go with the main religion (Which is polytheistic).

Home Star is my first child. I love her to death, and I eagerly anticipate the day when I walk into that publishing company, that thick stack of paper in my bag. My, how she will be grown, ready to spread her wings and soar into the hearts of her readers.

And I, too, will grow up. I may be sixteen when I finally finish her... or, I may be in my twenties. But what does it matter? I may never get her published, I may never even finish her. But, as they say, the journey is more important than the end or the start.

~Civil

]]> ~CivilDisobedience