http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:ClarionIluminada&section=today deviantART RSS for by:ClarionIluminada en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Tue, 08 Dec 2009 02:33:26 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://ClarionIluminada.deviantart.com/journal/7234023/ http://ClarionIluminada.deviantart.com/journal/7234023/ Mon, 05 Dec 2005 22:58:03 PST ~ClarionIluminada http://ClarionIluminada.deviantart.com/journal/5710963/ http://ClarionIluminada.deviantart.com/journal/5710963/ Tue, 21 Jun 2005 05:16:45 PDT
I don't know what it's called yet, but its about love without being a romance, its about loss without being a tragity. Yeah, I know that doesn't make any sense. Mostly what its about is realizing that you're part of something more important than your own petty little problems. Its about more than dealing with losing things that matter most to you, its about trancending the scars that puts on your soul.

It makes me feel sorta better and sorta worse when I work on it. Makes me wonder if I'll come out of working on it feeling right as rain or suicidal. You just never can tell, you know? Either way, I hope I see this one through to the end. It just seems too good not too. I'll post pieces of it when I think they're good enough to be posted.

Love may have failed me, but I'm not quite finnished yet. For good or for ill, I'll find something to set me free from this madness that robs me of sleep and hunger. I must survive, even if there is no real reason for me to anymore. Life is sweet after all for most. If I cannot be a shining example of how your life can go right, maybe I can find some contentment in being a terrible warning of how your life can go wrong... ]]> ~ClarionIluminada http://ClarionIluminada.deviantart.com/journal/5510879/ http://ClarionIluminada.deviantart.com/journal/5510879/ Tue, 31 May 2005 11:17:55 PDT
Then suddenly, she wanted nothing to do with me and now having given in to my love of her that had been iced over these last few months, (like a cancer victim hoping that with time we might find a cure...) I quietly pursued her all over the performance hall till it ended. She left. I begged her at the door for her to be with me. She said no and goodbye again and I awoke.

I feel like I'm back to square one, like the dream refreshed everything and its going to take me another few months to even get back to where I was yesterday. What was the point of all that? ]]> ~ClarionIluminada http://ClarionIluminada.deviantart.com/journal/5369346/ http://ClarionIluminada.deviantart.com/journal/5369346/ Sun, 15 May 2005 23:45:44 PDT ~ClarionIluminada http://ClarionIluminada.deviantart.com/journal/5265328/ http://ClarionIluminada.deviantart.com/journal/5265328/ Wed, 04 May 2005 13:30:56 PDT ~ClarionIluminada http://ClarionIluminada.deviantart.com/journal/5113089/ http://ClarionIluminada.deviantart.com/journal/5113089/ Sun, 17 Apr 2005 15:31:00 PDT
Time, it seems, forgets our pain just as easily as it will one day forget us. It is our burden alone to carry such weights. Why, even seemingly unconnected events can illicit such a heart wrenching response from an individual, given the proper levels of emotional scarring. More than once I have found myself supremely depressed without any idea why only later to discover that some old tragedy had been brushed upon in a series of thoughts about as related to the subject at hand as any one person is to Kevin Bacon.

So why do we need these emotions? Do they serve any important purpose? I mean besides the obvious response within a body to an orgasm or the pride of having succeeded. Is there any reason why mankind should not go the way of Spock and the Vulcans? This was the way I thought two years ago. I thought I had it all figured out. Live without emotion; uncaring, apathetic and blissfully free from all that overly hyped drama. After all, strong emotions lead to the dark side. They lead to hate and anger and suffering, so the wise Yoda told me once. But of course, just like every time I thought I had this fucked up world pegged, it slapped me upside the head with a dozy that I must admit, aloof as I was I could not pass up. Her name was Katarina, Katie to me. Also the so-called, “light at the center of my universe” or less verbosely, “my star”.

Sometimes those in the grips of powerful emotion, especially when potential pain is weighing in, one does things that others would consider foolhardy, perhaps even suicidal. I say with pride that getting involved with that beautiful, kind, understanding and brilliant woman was foolhardy. I admit openly that it was suicidal to think that I could make it work. And if I had it to do over, I would do all of it again. It was, in all honesty, more pain than it could ever be joy. We both suffered in our own ways and while I am something that can never be broken after all the times fate has seen fit to bloody my nose, my star proved less hardy and guttered and died, leaving me to contemplate pain again in quiet, humbled darkness.

Will I go on? Yes, I imagine that I will. One always does no matter how assuredly it seems that this time you will not get up again. But I don’t think that I shall be my old self after this. As I became after other great benchmarks of pain and suffering in my life, I will become something else. For that is surely the only redeeming value that emotional pain has: it is a chrysalis of sorts. You enter your state of despair, broken and seemingly alone and when you immerge, you feel as if you’ve left all of your negative energies behind with that pain that you have finally put to rest.

Pain dies away, leaving a perfected self in its wake. Leaving memories untainted by what came after them and, though a longing for things to be as they were, an acceptance if they never will. Love cannot be killed, only forgotten. After all I have seen and done thanks to her, how could I forget?

I love you, Katie. I know you’ll understand if I don’t stop saying that. ]]> ~ClarionIluminada http://ClarionIluminada.deviantart.com/journal/3734155/ http://ClarionIluminada.deviantart.com/journal/3734155/ Tue, 02 Nov 2004 13:42:37 PST
I have a kitten now for those who know me. Yay for the kitten! His name is Whisper. He's half siameese half tabby I think. He's the sweetest kitty in the world too.

Other than that, still looking for a job and still trying to finnish my book.
Later! ]]> ~ClarionIluminada http://ClarionIluminada.deviantart.com/journal/2866606/ http://ClarionIluminada.deviantart.com/journal/2866606/ Mon, 12 Jul 2004 18:38:03 PDT ~ClarionIluminada http://ClarionIluminada.deviantart.com/journal/2830141/ http://ClarionIluminada.deviantart.com/journal/2830141/ Thu, 08 Jul 2004 01:07:12 PDT Whatever this world can give to me
It's you, you're all I see
Ooh, you make me live now honey
Ooh, you make me live

Oh, you're the best friend
That I ever had
I've been with you such a long time
You're my sunshine
And I want you to know
That my feelings are true
I really love you
(Ooh) Oh, you're my best friend

Ooh, you make me live

Ooh, I've been wandering round
But I still come back to you (still come back to you)
In rain or shine
You've stood by me girl
I'm happy at home (happy at home)
You're my best friend

Ooh, you make me live
Whenever this world is cruel to me
I got you, to help me forgive - oo oo ooh
Ooh, you make me live now honey
Ooh, you make me live

Oh, you're the first one
When things turn out bad
You know I'll never be lonely
You're my only one
And I love the thing
I really love the things that you do
Oh, you're my best friend

Oh, ooh, you make me live

I'm happy (happy at home)
You're my best friend
Oh, oh, you're my best friend
Ooh, you make me live
Oo oo ooh
You, you're my best friend

I'll buy you a coke if you know who I think of when singing this song... ]]> ~ClarionIluminada http://ClarionIluminada.deviantart.com/journal/2827134/ http://ClarionIluminada.deviantart.com/journal/2827134/ Wed, 07 Jul 2004 16:50:56 PDT ~ClarionIluminada http://ClarionIluminada.deviantart.com/journal/2796967/ http://ClarionIluminada.deviantart.com/journal/2796967/ Sat, 03 Jul 2004 18:22:02 PDT ~ClarionIluminada http://ClarionIluminada.deviantart.com/journal/2737646/ http://ClarionIluminada.deviantart.com/journal/2737646/ Fri, 25 Jun 2004 22:58:03 PDT
In addtion I have a cool link here leading to more information about myself if anyone is interested...[link]

I promise to write more angel's keep. Ok, peace

Alex ]]> ~ClarionIluminada http://ClarionIluminada.deviantart.com/journal/2731660/ http://ClarionIluminada.deviantart.com/journal/2731660/ Fri, 25 Jun 2004 07:32:45 PDT ~ClarionIluminada http://ClarionIluminada.deviantart.com/journal/2716326/ http://ClarionIluminada.deviantart.com/journal/2716326/ Tue, 22 Jun 2004 01:43:06 PDT ~ClarionIluminada http://ClarionIluminada.deviantart.com/journal/2700539/ http://ClarionIluminada.deviantart.com/journal/2700539/ Sat, 19 Jun 2004 22:14:53 PDT ~ClarionIluminada http://ClarionIluminada.deviantart.com/journal/2694079/ http://ClarionIluminada.deviantart.com/journal/2694079/ Fri, 18 Jun 2004 23:41:29 PDT ~ClarionIluminada http://ClarionIluminada.deviantart.com/journal/2668421/ http://ClarionIluminada.deviantart.com/journal/2668421/ Tue, 15 Jun 2004 17:19:37 PDT ~ClarionIluminada http://ClarionIluminada.deviantart.com/journal/2663042/ http://ClarionIluminada.deviantart.com/journal/2663042/ Mon, 14 Jun 2004 23:45:09 PDT ]]> ~ClarionIluminada http://ClarionIluminada.deviantart.com/journal/2652446/ http://ClarionIluminada.deviantart.com/journal/2652446/ Sun, 13 Jun 2004 17:15:23 PDT
[link]

This is a shot of me trying to teach my co-star in Neil Simon's Fools how to count to two. in that play I played a teacher come to break a village's curse of stupidity. Most definately my favorite play and character I've ever done. If you want to see more there's a little arrow in the upper right hand corner of the screen of that page that will lead you to the gallery of all the professional photographs that were taken of my play. Did I mention my acting company is the best teenage acting company in the state and we're taking Fools to scotland later this summer? ]]> ~ClarionIluminada http://ClarionIluminada.deviantart.com/journal/2647442/ http://ClarionIluminada.deviantart.com/journal/2647442/ Sat, 12 Jun 2004 23:44:23 PDT ~ClarionIluminada http://ClarionIluminada.deviantart.com/journal/2637997/ http://ClarionIluminada.deviantart.com/journal/2637997/ Fri, 11 Jun 2004 17:33:38 PDT ~ClarionIluminada