deviantART: by:Compassion81

deviantART: by:Compassion81 http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:Compassion81&section=today deviantART RSS for by:Compassion81 en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Thu, 26 Nov 2009 22:11:32 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png Live Like You Mean It http://Compassion81.deviantart.com/journal/28327447/ http://Compassion81.deviantart.com/journal/28327447/ Fri, 13 Nov 2009 06:43:56 PST *~=`+gallery|Watch Me|Note Me|other links here+`=~*

Oh the things your eyes have seen, the feelings that have permeated your heart and soul for a life time...it's been a lot, hasn't it? Well, there is still a lifetime yet of laughter, love and dreams. Get out there and make yourself proud, forget about the critics and those who would not support you...send them a wish... of joy and happiness for surely they need it most of all...smile at a stranger and tell a friend, I love you. The goal in life is not to survive, the goal in life is to live...live with meaning and purpose; conviction! Go, do and be! I wish you all a peaceful weekend!

I have featured these works before...but they accent the feeling of the above post so I'm featuring them again! Enjoy!

]]> =Compassion81 Sunday Features - Photography and Poetry http://Compassion81.deviantart.com/journal/28224794/ http://Compassion81.deviantart.com/journal/28224794/ Sun, 08 Nov 2009 18:36:33 PST *~=`+gallery|Watch Me|Note Me|other links here+`=~*

I'll save ya the lengthy blogish stuff...If ya want to read the latest, it's posted here:

[link]

I was away for a little bit and got really way behind but I'm a fair bit caught up now.

Now, on with the features!!!

http://Compassion81.deviantart.com/journal/28150832/ Wed, 04 Nov 2009 20:05:43 PST *~=`+gallery|Watch Me|Note Me|other links here+`=~*

I went to Seattle last weekend and had the most amazing time. Some of the pics I've posted were from Deception Pass. That place has to be one of the most beautiful places on Earth. I swear, every turn I was awestruck by the beauty of nature, the trees, the way the sunlight filtered through a canopy of leaves, the cool air, the smell of the ocean and this huge overwhelming sense of peace. I'm so very grateful to have had an opportunity to get away from my crazy and hectic world for a few days and experience a much more peaceful side of existence. I think that trip made me decide to put much more of a focus on my creative endeavors. Both my books are now up on lulu.com and will very soon be available in the Kindle store on Amazon.com. What an exciting time. So many revelations did I have walking in the woods, wow...so, I could go on for days but instead, here are a few features instead!

=Compassion81 Journey Unfolds (okay, and features) :) http://Compassion81.deviantart.com/journal/28036392/ http://Compassion81.deviantart.com/journal/28036392/ Thu, 29 Oct 2009 20:05:31 PDT *~=`+gallery|Watch Me|Note Me|other links here+`=~*

So, for two weeks IÂve awaited this one day, this one day that is nearly here. For two weeks IÂve struggled in my mind to understand the signs. For two weeks IÂve contemplated logic, fear and the unknown. For two weeks IÂve been anxious and eager, afraid and filled with wonder. For two weeks now IÂve waited. And now the eve of that very day has come. The anxiety has faded. The fear, subdued and now all thatÂs left is wonder. IÂm going to conquer a very big fear tomorrow. I know IÂll do it, I have no doubt and I might be anxious but it feels more like gentle butterflies now. I think IÂve worn myself out with thoughts and worries about things that I donÂt even know, cannot validate and yet the fears and feelings ran rampant. And tomorrow I will shove them all aside and at noon, IÂm on my way. IÂll soar sky high and watch the world belowÂuntil at some point, my destination comes into view and a new anxiety and excitement will wrap itself around my soul. My feet will touch the ground, new ground, ground IÂve never walked upon. And all the fear and worry and wonder will descend upon me once moreÂI can see it and feel it and it feels good. An adventure and sights unseen, unknown companions, fellow travelers on this journey we call life. Hmmm, I donÂt wish to ponder it any further. I donÂt want to see any more. I think I should rather let it be fog in my mind for now and let the mists clear slowly as the time passes and more of this journey unfolds.

<... ]]> =Compassion81 Just hand over the features and no one get's hurt http://Compassion81.deviantart.com/journal/27732679/ http://Compassion81.deviantart.com/journal/27732679/ Mon, 12 Oct 2009 18:32:27 PDT *~=`+gallery|Watch Me|Note Me|other links here+`=~*

hehehe...got side tracked on Sunday Feature Day so, well, here goes. Many of you have seen many of these because you watch them too but I think they are magnificent and must feature them.

Be well my friends!!!!

http://Compassion81.deviantart.com/journal/27713069/ Sun, 11 Oct 2009 18:25:18 PDT *~=`+gallery|Watch Me|Note Me|other links here+`=~*

Sometimes when you learn something, it changes you forever. Life is full of such moments, those specific points in time where you know you can never go back to the way things wereÂyou can never go back to being who you were. ItÂs a strange feeling, a significant feeling and a little bit of a sad feeling because things wonÂt ever be the same again. Although some types of change are good change, it still feels a little uncomfortable, unknown terrain, like driving into the sunÂyou can see a little but mostly not. ItÂs also a little like losing something, something intangible like when you were a kid and feeling freedom and accomplishment like never before as mom or dad let go of the back of your bike without the training wheels. You were flying like mad, the wind in your face, everything blowing by in a whir without a care at all until something happens unexpectedly and that bump in the road you were on propelled you from your seat of blissful freedom and suddenly gave you a lesson in concrete topography. You get back up and you try again but you may never have that feeling again, that feeling of trust, no fear, pure innocent exhilaration. That is until the first time you touch unconditional love, many, many years later as an adult.

Most of my adult life, romantic relationships were really about ego lessons, power struggles, compromising for control, stealing or preserving energy, suffering and delivering emotional manipulation blindly. ThatÂs just the way things were in my ignorant state. In a way I think that ignorance was bliss for quite a while, never mind the fact that I had to keep starting, stopping, starting over again, stopping and starting over again in an endless heartbreaking cycle. For a while I shut my heart down altogether and pursued only the emotionally unavailable. What was inside of me manifested outside of me and I never understood why. I was a victim of my own mind, my own thoughts but through the years I gained a little wisdom and I learned to change my thoughts, change my heart and change my mind. Somewhere along the way, despite flying high, taking a tumble or two and learning about all sorts of terrain and topography as I was thrown to the ground again and again in my own emotional desperation, I learned something astounding. I learned something new. This one thing I learned changed me forever and I will never, ever be the same. I learned how to love without condition. But I couldnÂt hold that because the rest of my thoughts had not made it to the level I somehow found myself. I hadnÂt chosen very wisely, what I chose felt safe but the love I felt was real, it was unconditional and it was beautiful.

As I said, I couldnÂt hold it and when it reverted to conditional and I saw that the individual I loved did not know about unconditional love, I saw how things would go and it had to end. He pushed the buttons, I did the walking. It was easy, it was mutual and then the emotions set in. Difficult emotions but it wasnÂt so bad. I remembered what I had learned. So here I sit in my self-imposed solitary social confinement. I need time to think. I need time to breathe. I need time to heal some more. I need all of my thoughts to catch up to where I now know my heart is capable of going. IÂve now limited myself in a very incredible way, Âa quality problemÂ a good friend of mine would say. I know that I can never go back to the types of relationships IÂve had in the past. IÂve tried dating some and my heart is open but I see so quickly now what spans out before us the instant we meet and one date is usually it. So, IÂve decided to take myself out of the game a bitÂcontemplate this Âquality problemÂ of mine and decide what it means. It may be a little lonely for a while but thankfully, IÂve got my family, my work, my creative pursuits to keep me busy until I really finish healing, until I can really ascend to that place I almost claimed and then IÂll try again. What I am looking for is not easily found. I can never settle for a warm body and someone to feed my ego. I can never settle again for the mundane drudgery of compromises and reciprocal narcissism and I cannot start again until I find an equal at every level. I no longer feel the need to put a thing (relationship) before a person. IÂm not afraid any more of being alone. Loneliness has become my best friend and that doesnÂt make me sad not one little bit. It makes me happy because IÂll never again face those lessons IÂve already learned, IÂll never again settle for less than I deserve and I know I will never start something again I know I wonÂt finish. I am content to be and do and exi... ]]> =Compassion81 Just thoughts...And Sunday Features http://Compassion81.deviantart.com/journal/27446456/ http://Compassion81.deviantart.com/journal/27446456/ Sun, 27 Sep 2009 10:56:30 PDT *~=`+gallery|Watch Me|Note Me|other links here+`=~*

What I thought I wanted,
Just isn't coming to me.
So, I'll step out of the game a bit...
Focusing on nothing but quiet Saturday nights,
With my favorite Chinese food, my computer and the remote!
I'm not bitter and I'm not sad.
I'm consciously deciding to close my heart.
I refuse to become my ex.
I refuse to hurt anyone else.
So, I'm out, it's done, over.
No more love, no more dating for me.
I'm so happy right now I could scream.
The pressure is off.
Now maybe my heart can heal.

So, I come here and look at all of this beautiful artwork...you should look at it too...and favorite them all if you haven't already.

http://Compassion81.deviantart.com/journal/27315056/ Sun, 20 Sep 2009 08:18:07 PDT *~=`+gallery|Watch Me|Note Me|other links here+`=~*

Taking long walks through long lonely hallways in my own mind. It's been an incredibly enlightening journey...one I won't soon forget. What I found was an immeasurable well of strength, of love, of understanding. What I found was acceptance for things not as they could be but as they are. I found faults and foibles...gifts and magic. I found quiet stillness that was not frightening. I found the sun, the moon and the stars. I found life. I found meaning, understanding and even wisdom. I learned close is never enough. Settling for less is not a sacrifice I can make long term...I learned that you should love with all of your heart or not at all...trust with all of your heart or not at all. Interesting journey...painful journey...rewarding journey...freedom at last.

So, now for some features that caught my eye this week. Please view the other works of these amazing artists and just all around good people!

Happy Sunday

=Compassion81 Journal and feature time http://Compassion81.deviantart.com/journal/27193669/ http://Compassion81.deviantart.com/journal/27193669/ Sun, 13 Sep 2009 15:15:31 PDT *~=`+gallery|Watch Me|Note Me|other links here+`=~*

Okay, been a long week but a good week. Ups and downs but so much healing. Its amazing how your heart responds when you are vigilant with your thoughts, when you focus hard on the bigger picture and do your best to understand the lesson when something painful or unpleasant happens. I've had an epiphany of sorts and I now understand the purpose and intent of a few things I'll write more about later. Frankly, I'm just in too good of a mood to get into stuff I just don't want to touch right now.

It's a beautiful fall-like day in sunny Southern, California. I'm not feeling well, touch of the flu I think but it will pass, I'm sure. So, on with the features already....LOL

Please visit these artists and favorite their work!!!!

Have a great week everyone.

http://Compassion81.deviantart.com/journal/27090886/ Tue, 08 Sep 2009 09:31:11 PDT *~=`+gallery|Watch Me|Note Me|other links here+`=~*

So, I've had a rough few days...my exbf dropped a bit of a bombshell on me while he knew I was on my way to Vegas last Friday. It was a tired issue, one I am not willing to change so I let him go rather than fighting with him. I'm glad I let him go but boy do I hurt. Love sometimes hurts...but life goes on, I will go on ALONE without ever having to deal with that issue ever again! I'm proud of me.

So, Vegas was fantastic. I saw Puddle of Mudd at the Hard Rock Hotel, poolside. It was a great show and me and my best friend had a great time. Were it not for him babysitting me, I might not have had such a good time in Vegas. But, I did! Yay!

When I got home and caught up a bit, I saw some amazing works I just had to feature. See below and favorite them if you've not yet seen them.

=Compassion81 Season's Contemplations and Features! http://Compassion81.deviantart.com/journal/26892252/ http://Compassion81.deviantart.com/journal/26892252/ Sat, 29 Aug 2009 09:35:26 PDT *~=`+gallery|Watch Me|Note Me|other links here+`=~*

ItÂs at this time of year I notice the sunÂs position in the sky, realize the leaves on the tree once bright green are fading and notice the lightÂs daily display is a little bit shorter. The Summer is fading fast and soon the Fall will be on our door steps. ItÂs usually at these brief moments that I pause and look back. I think of the Summer fun IÂve had, the Summers of recent past and long-past. Technology has brought an amazing sense of happiness while thinking of those Summers long past since reconnecting with my dear childhood friends, my high school friends and then, folks I somehow lost touch with or the new people IÂve connected with.

This Summer has been filled with smiles and excitement. So much so that any disappointments that may have arisen are by far over shadowed. ItÂs been a good Summer and while I may be a little wistful at seeing it start to come to a close, IÂm prepared to embrace the next season, Fall. Fall is my most favorite season of all. That feeling the Spring brings most people is lost on me. The Fall puts me in that heady, romantic and dreamy state for reasons I just donÂt understand. Maybe itÂs the cooler nights that eventually set in, maybe itÂs the visible shedding of things past and the preparation for the bare nakedness of WinterÂthe moments just before rebirth. IÂm not sure but Fall seems to be that season where I can let all of the things IÂve learned, good or bad fall away from the places in my heart and mind that IÂve collected them. As the leaves fall from the trees, the pain of lessons learned, the intense emotions of happiness and fun drop away as well leaving me centered, neutral and completely stable with my thoughts. ItÂs like a pause to relax, acknowledge and then slowly begin to move forward into WinterÂs slumber.

This year has been an amazingly good year. So many triumphÂs, milestones and lessons learned. Being drawn into the next two seasons leaves me feeling peaceful and accomplished. I see the changes all around me and embrace those changes with a completely open heart and mind. I wonÂt be carried away by politics, emotional drama or the pressures of the world that are not mine to take in. I will stand tall, accomplished, happy, proud of my progress, grateful for friends and family and simply enjoy this next season. My hope for everyone is that they might pause to think for a moment about the yearÂs progress, personal achievements, lessons learned (even if painful) and realize as the leaves fall from the trees, you can use such a time as a visual representation for letting go of the pain and disappointments from memories past, allow new thoughts and ideas to develop over the Winter and spring into fruition in just a few short months. May you all find a measure of happiness at any time of the yearÂs seasons, at any time in the seasonÂs of your life. All moments are beautiful moments, all memories are beautiful memories and all lessons are beautiful lessons.

ENJOY THESE RECENT WORKS FROM MY WATCHERS THAT REALLY CAUGHT MY EYE!!!!

http://Compassion81.deviantart.com/journal/26461398/ Sat, 08 Aug 2009 09:38:57 PDT *~=`+gallery|Watch Me|Note Me|other links here+`=~*

I read a study today that indicates loneliness is bad for your health. Staying in a lonely marriage is bad for your health. Extroverts need friends more than introverts to avoid being lonely. IÂm reading all of this and I cannot help but wonder if we continue to point at the finger pointing at the moon instead of looking at the moon. Stay with me here a moment and think about this. Is loneliness a real feeling or emotion or is it a perception that spawns emotions we choose to hold onto? Think about it before you jump right out of the gate and say loneliness is real.

Then, the next step is, if you decide that you really are lonely, what will you do about that? Will you sit there feeling bad because you think other people arenÂt lonely or that other people have a mate, a friend or a family and are lucky they donÂt have to be lonely? What if loneliness is just a want that you perceive can only be filled in a certain way? That means your perception would be set by certain expectations and those expectations may keep you lonely unnecessarily.

So, IÂve had lonely times in my life but I donÂt mind my own company. I once purposely remained alone, aside from my kids, on purpose for 3 years. I wanted a good long amount of time to think about my life, where I had been, where I was and where I might be going. I couldnÂt do that with the distraction of friendships of any kind. So, I became a hermit mom by choice. I felt lonely but never depressed because I was alone by choice. On those rare occasions where it got to be too much, IÂd take myself out to dinner and eat at the bar where the other single folks dined. IÂd strike up conversations with servers, bar-tenders, other customers. IÂd go shopping and talk to people shopping. IÂd go to the beach with a cup of coffee and smile at people, talk to people and just enjoy wherever I was and whatever I was doing. IÂd then go home to a peaceful home.

Some people lock themselves into a lonely reality by taking the Âgreen lightÂ approach to life. All the lights must be green for 5 miles down the road before you could get into your car and head to a destination. But, what if instead, you made left or right turns? What if you threw your destination out the window, tossed convention, eradicated expectations and walked out into the world open minded with a sense of wonder and invited contact by being open to it? There would still be those days that people just werenÂt talking and on such days, IÂd think to myself that "This is a good quiet day." IÂd get on the internet instead or read a great book. I would draw, write, fantasize, nap, organize, play cards or exercise. I ended up a bit lonely last year and so took up a tennis class. It was fun just for the human relation factor and it was not expensive at all.

When you drop expectations and allow yourself to be open to new experiences, people and new things, they come and loneliness becomes an indulgent feeling you mire yourself in. YouÂre only lonely when you want to be. If you want to talk, go talk to a neighbor. If youÂre bored, go see if you can volunteer at the local elderly residential home or the hospital. You can offer to read books to sick children in the hospital. You can get involved in a cause. There are so many things that you can choose to do instead of sit inside the walls of your home feeling sorry for yourself and so sad that you do not have what you perceive you need. Live your life optimistically and never give up that optimism. Never give up options. Never lock yourself into only a certain way of approaching life or approaching the world and people in it and you will find that loneliness is a fleeting indulgent feeling. If you must indulge, accept that you are lonely, feel it for a few moments and then let it go by doing something about it. People wonÂt typically fall into your living room and want to talk. Sometimes you have to get out there and be the ear or voice that you need and that act will ultimately bring you friendship and people that will help keep you from feeling lonely.

Just food for thought.

]]> =Compassion81 Beauty http://Compassion81.deviantart.com/journal/26145053/ http://Compassion81.deviantart.com/journal/26145053/ Fri, 24 Jul 2009 06:44:30 PDT *~=`+gallery|Watch Me|Note Me|other links here+`=~*

There is beauty in everything, everywhere if you remain aware enough to see it, to appreciate it. I appreciate the following beautiful pieces very much from my wonderful watchers.

=Compassion81 Things A Mother Should Never Have To Say http://Compassion81.deviantart.com/journal/26014345/ http://Compassion81.deviantart.com/journal/26014345/ Fri, 17 Jul 2009 20:25:40 PDT *~=`+gallery|Watch Me|Note Me|other links here+`=~*

So, I have this mental list going..."Things a mother should never have to say." The reason I have this list is that I've actually said them at different times over the last 19 years:

1. Take the noose off your baby sister's neck.
2. We don't give steak knives to babies.
3. Don't put the hot sauce on the high chair tray.
4. Don't put that penny in the electrical outlet.
5. Take the wrench out of the microwave

And then tonight, just when I thought most of the kids would have out grown my need to keep a list, I got to add another one:

1. Unhandcuff your sister from the tree please.

Okay, so I'm tired. Waiting for the pizza to get here, then everyone goes to their rooms and I go to my room with a cold Sam Adams, lock the door and pretend to remember how boring life was before I had kids. LOL

And just cuz, a few great features.

http://Compassion81.deviantart.com/journal/25948559/ Tue, 14 Jul 2009 17:58:02 PDT *~=`+gallery|Watch Me|Note Me|other links here+`=~*

Okay...did this the quick and easy way...I randomly went through all of my favorites looking for pictures that gave me a "take me away" feeling and these are most definitely it. Many of these are from my most talented watchers and friends as well as some others...please enjoy them and click the pics and let the artist know that you like their work.

These are all favorites of mine, hope you like them!!!!

http://Compassion81.deviantart.com/journal/25927084/ Mon, 13 Jul 2009 18:21:36 PDT 2. Age:
3. Single or Taken:
4. Favourite Film:
5. Favourite Song or Album:
6. Favourite Band/Artist:
7. Dirty or Clean:
8. Tattoos and/or Piercings:
9. Do we know each other outside of dA?
10. What's your philosophy on life?
11. Is the bottle half-full or half-empty?
12. Would you keep a secret from me if you thought it was in my best interest?
13. What is your favourite memory of us? (feel free to make up an elaborate story)
14. What is your favourite guilty pleasure?
15. Tell me one odd/interesting fact about you:
16. You can have three wishes (for yourself, so forget all the 'world peace etc' malarkey) - what are they?
17. Can we get together and make a cake (or any other food)?
18. Which country is your spiritual home?
19. What is your big weakness?
20. Do you think I'm a good person?
21. What is/was your best/favourite subject at school?
22. Describe your accent:
23. If you could change anything about me, would you?
24. What do you wear to sleep?
25. Trousers or skirts?
26. Cigarettes or alcohol?
27. If I only had one day to live, what would we do together?
28. Will you repost this so I can fill it out for you?

]]> =Compassion81 Very Fun Deviation - You must see! http://Compassion81.deviantart.com/journal/25926653/ http://Compassion81.deviantart.com/journal/25926653/ Mon, 13 Jul 2009 17:59:40 PDT *~=`+gallery|Watch Me|Note Me|other links here+`=~*

I needed something fun to look at and Deviant Art never lets me down. I ran across this great animation that just cracked me up. Do go check this out and have a laugh and then tell the creator how cool it is!

Animator vs. Animation by ~alanbecker

Hope you all are having a great evening!

]]> =Compassion81 Random Musings http://Compassion81.deviantart.com/journal/25839356/ http://Compassion81.deviantart.com/journal/25839356/ Thu, 09 Jul 2009 13:10:44 PDT *~=`+gallery|Watch Me|Note Me|other links here+`=~*

Last night just after sunset, I looked up at the sky...mostly cerulean blue still. A gentle breeze was blowing and the sky was filled with clouds that just seemed to dance. They would begin in a fluff and then a stronger breeze would pull the bottoms down and left leaving amazing visible lines you could see through. When the sun set, those lines turned white and the lower clouds, still fluffy with moisture and a bit darker started glowing orange. Of course I took pictures but will post later. LOL

I stood outside and just watched the sky for the longest time. I've disconnected from communication mostly this week as I've had a lot on my mind (so if I've missed you, please forgive me...I had a great need for contemplation and only short exchanges).

I better get out of dodge...I've got to pick up someone at the air port in two hours and driving from OC to LA isn't always a pleasant drive in California even though its only about 40 miles. Yikes! But, I'm eager to go...this someone is someone I've missed more than words can possibly describe...hehehe, but you've probably seen many descriptions in my gallery already...LOL

Hope you all are having a marvelous day!

]]> =Compassion81 Oh How I Love... http://Compassion81.deviantart.com/journal/25724138/ http://Compassion81.deviantart.com/journal/25724138/ Fri, 03 Jul 2009 21:11:30 PDT *~=`+gallery|Watch Me|Note Me|other links here+`=~*

...to view the beauty, the emotion, the stories, the feelings painted with such beautiful work here on DA. I caught up on all the wonderful deviations you've posted recently and I have to say I will be busy soon with some more features because I've seen some amazing perspectives here. Perhaps I'm not the best of critics because when I see the work posted, I see beyond the words and the pictures and the drawings right straight through to the heart of the artist and that is beauty, sparkling souls changing and shaping the world with their own designs, from their own perspectives.

Oh my friends, there is nothing more beautiful and peaceful as this. There is war, murder and strife afoot in this world we live in at this time. But you...you are all the weavers of hope each in your own way. You're out there capturing and manufacturing the beauty from within you and pouring it out, shining your light for those who are looking to see.

You are all truly amazing treasures and the world truly is made better by your presence. You do remind us that while tragedy exists in this world, we do have some power to create our worlds...we do it with our words and our pictures and our drawings and paintings. We make people think, we teach each other so much.

Didn't mean to go off all preachy on ya. I read the news today and it was just horror after horror and it's real and its happening. People are dying right now. But here in this place, the screen is alive with hope. I appreciate the dichotomy immensely for reasons I've stated and more. Be encouraged always, be hopeful in the face of adversity and by all means, keep on creating that beautiful art that you each create in your own way. You're all like angels on earth.

Have a beautiful weekend.

Jaie

]]> =Compassion81 More Watcher Appreciation http://Compassion81.deviantart.com/journal/25594667/ http://Compassion81.deviantart.com/journal/25594667/ Sat, 27 Jun 2009 20:37:59 PDT *~=`+gallery|Watch Me|Note Me|other links here+`=~*

Nothing snaps my heart to attention quicker than a story told in a short string of impactful words artfully organized on a simple page. I have so many favorites and tonight I pulled out a few from my favorites and really wanted to give them some credit for their consistently amazing work.

Please stop by and view their galleries. I'm certain you'll find something that resonates with you.

Happy Saturday Eve my friends!

My poetic watchers:

*Violentviolets

Jazzman1989

Embrace-the-Flames

~the-chemical-factory

~8l4ckH0l35un

~estallidos

~Renegade-Boy

]]> =Compassion81 Gratitude http://Compassion81.deviantart.com/journal/25562757/ http://Compassion81.deviantart.com/journal/25562757/ Fri, 26 Jun 2009 09:15:50 PDT *~=`+gallery|Watch Me|Note Me|other links here+`=~*

I am posting just to thank all of my watchers for their continued support of my work. It's getting more and more difficult these days to send personal thank you's for all of your favorites so forgive me this general thank you to all of you.

When you favorite and comment on my work, it means so very much to me. As a poet, I put so much of me into my work that it is some times difficult not to see each of my pieces as a piece of me and to see your favorites and supportive comments just makes me elated and grateful.

I appreciate you wonderful people all so very much and I'm so honored to watch all of you as well. What an amazingly talented and kind group of fine human beings you all are.

So thank you, thank you and thank you again for your support.

Some of the amazing works from my watchers that I have recently enjoyed are below. If you've not checked out their work, please do check out their galleries...amazing! (Guys forgive me if I don't do this right...this is the first time I've attempted to add work from my favorites collections):

]]> =Compassion81 Up Before the Sun http://Compassion81.deviantart.com/journal/25303356/ http://Compassion81.deviantart.com/journal/25303356/ Sun, 14 Jun 2009 05:57:22 PDT

I woke up before the sun, Nora Jones playing on the TV I forgot to turn off again last night and my first thought was how much I wanted a cup of coffee. While it was brewing I stepped outside and noticed the birds already happily singing. It was such beautiful noise, there in the dark on my back patio in the cool morning air. I could see the initial stirrings of light as the sun begins its silent ascent in the Eastern sky. I think about a loved one who was already well into his day. Its fun to think he sent me the sun.

I'll be on my own today with no place I have to go, a few chores to do and a friend to meet later for some coffee. More than anything I want to go out and take pictures but I don't know where I want to go. I'd love to go back to San Juan Capistrano and visit the mission but I don't really have the cash so will have to settle for some place a little more simple and accessible. I may look up gardens on the internet and go take a drive just because I can.

Part of me wants to just stay home and organize, relax a bit. Today is the first weekend day in months that I wasn't so exhausted that I couldn't get up early. The truth is, I love the quiet time in the morning just before the sun comes up...I love that equal place just after the sun has set as well. Something about those two times leaves me inspirational.

I feel like writing a little but no specific topics come to mind. I'm in cruising mode, complete neutrality, not happy, not sad, just floating in some quiet place in between. I guess some would call it a place of balance or equanimity. It's a little lonely during times like these but its during these times that I get to really know myself like no other.

I can't seem to stop thinking about my friend who is so far away right now...I can't believe it's already been 3 weeks and in 3 more weeks he'll be home for a bit and then off again to Europe on yet another tour. It's all good but at the same time it's hard. When run into something good in your life you end up wanting it all the time forgetting the good you generate within. That's actually not good. When we pursue happiness at the cost of everything else, we lose something important along the way, something we can never get back. I think I may stay home and do a little online work today. The money would help immensely. This latest move, although to an excellent place that feels really peaceful, cost me nearly every last cent I had in reserve...we didn't get a raise this year due to the economy so I've got to make some cuts in my expenses to give myself a raise...I decided I really needed to put more effort into quitting smoking. So, I will try this week...not sure which day, I'll just pick one and do it.

I do have a garage sale I really need to plan for as well. We just have way too much stuff and its time to lighten the load. My kids have so much stuff they can't even walk through their bedroom. Hmmm, I might like to go check out some garage sales...I'd like to get them a new dresser...one that isn't so big and actually holds their clothes.

I'm going to go get busy instead of rambling here...just needed to write this morning to reconnect my waking mind. I hope you all are having a peaceful and relaxing weekend.

]]> =Compassion81 Random Musings http://Compassion81.deviantart.com/journal/25280472/ http://Compassion81.deviantart.com/journal/25280472/ Fri, 12 Jun 2009 20:17:22 PDT
Sun falling slowly across the western sky, clouds welling with moisture but not heavy enough for rain, green grass, 4 bare feet as my six year old and I turn cartwheels in the back yard. The sheer joy of hearing her laugh as I show her how and then she puts on an amazing show for me. I am peacefully elated.

I worked hard today and did the best I could. I didn't do things perfectly and there was a time I'd have gone home nutted up with anxiety. But I'm just not that girl any more. I'm a woman who knows what's important, like cutting herself some slack and appreciating effort and progress instead of demanding perfection from herself.

I came home and grabbed a wine cooler from the fridge. It was hard to open it and I got it done. I sat down to catch up on email and took one sip. I was in such a peaceful and balanced state, I couldn't take another sip...primarily not wanting anything to screw with my serenity. I promptly dumped it down the drain, took out the comet and scrubbed my sink. When I was done, I was elated.

Finally gone from me is the urge to focus my energy outward for love. After nearly 43 years on this planet, I learned that such searches are pointless. Real, true and unadulterated love comes from only one source...right inside the heart of mankind...each, individually. Only when you can find it there, can you give it and truly appreciate it when another human being gives it to you.

The sun is set after a brief appearance in my world. Inside my heart the sun always seems to be shining. I like how that feels and I'm glad it didn't take a drug, alcohol, or a man to bring me to this place. I brought myself to this dance and will gladly dance my life away and go home with the one I came with.

Enough of my random musings for now. If you read this far, bless you, you're a good soul. May you be filled with peace and love in every extreme imaginable.

]]> =Compassion81 Thinking in the Moment http://Compassion81.deviantart.com/journal/25223033/ http://Compassion81.deviantart.com/journal/25223033/ Tue, 09 Jun 2009 18:33:07 PDT Watch me Note me Journal Instructions

I'm sitting outside on my patio just now, listening to my wind chimes. I noticed that the sky has changed to that pale glowing yellow, silver and white color. The trees are etched in silver and the breeze continues to blow. I hear tinkling sounds, long low reverberations interspersed with chirping birds trying to find shelter for the coming night. I put my bare feet in the grass and look around. I am amazingly grateful for all that I have and won't for one moment take it for granted. To live in a place like this, such beauty, such peace, mostly safe even in a concrete jungle...it's amazing. Perhaps it's just a perspective...I've taken the rose colored glasses off the shelf again, tried them on and very much...liking the view.

It's so funny to think about how hard I fought to find peace and love. I looked high and low, near and far never knowing we all have our own infinite source right inside. It makes me smile to realize how much and for how long I over-looked this one simple fact. We never lose that love or peace, we just forget the internal pathways to find it.

Never mind all that...this breeze is delicious, relaxing, gorgeous colors, energy...amazing. I've got to go enjoy...maybe snap some pictures in a bit.

Peace to you all.

]]> =Compassion81 Honor, Honesty, Healthy http://Compassion81.deviantart.com/journal/25156801/ http://Compassion81.deviantart.com/journal/25156801/ Sat, 06 Jun 2009 07:10:40 PDT Watch me Note me Journal Instructions

ow can I inspire you? How can I make you understand and truly know that you have every right to be here right now, and be here free from guilt, anger and pain? How do I make you understand that what you face is of your own choosing in many ways? The things beyond your control are teaching you important things you need to learn whether painful or joyful and if painful, there is no need to give up on life and see the world forever as a place void of love, full of people and events designed to tear your world apart. Life is as simple or as complicated as you make it. Everything you see and feel is based on your perspectives aloneÂyou alone choose the shade of the lenses you put on and through which you view the whole of life and the world at large. Did you know that? ItÂs the truth.

We get so tripped up on our emotions. Mostly we are tripped up by assumptions we make about people, their feelings and thoughts about us and the actions and consequential reactions in life. We havenÂt figured out how to really use the term ÂThat just isnÂt about me.Â We either donÂt use it enough or use it when we shouldnÂt. There really is a fine line sometimes between self-knowledge, delusion and denial. But, through careful introspection, life-time pattern analysis and self-outcomes, you can judge precisely whether or not your every action is healthy or based on damaged psychology. If, that is, you are willing to. It takes a willing heart and mind to see things differently and to try things differently when things seem not to be going well. So, if you like to just complain, whine and seek sympathy from everyone else in the world, know thisÂyou are manipulating people for energy. Be honest with yourself about that. So, if you donÂt like feeling bad, donÂt be a victim. Take accountability for what is your stuff and do something good, healthy and positive to change the things in your life that net you negative far-reaching consequences. ItÂs up to you. YouÂre in the driverÂs seat of the car that is your life whether you want to pretend you arenÂt or not.

So, where do you want to go today and what do you want to do? Are you happy or are you sad? Are you joyful or are you fearful? Are you at ease or are you worried? What do you want to do about any of your feelings? Sometimes when we have feelings we feel urged to do something, mostly get even with someone we want to blame for the bad things that happen in your life. But, the universe just isnÂt that personal when it comes to you so stop for a moment and consider: 1. Are you in a relationship with someone who doesnÂt meet your needs and theyÂre making you miserable? If you say yesÂthatÂs your choiceÂget out if you donÂt like it and stop waiting around for the person to change or you change your expectations. 2. Are you in a dead end job with people you donÂt get along with? If you say yesÂthatÂs your choiceÂfind a new job and donÂt give up until you doÂyou donÂt have to tolerate what doesnÂt work for you but you do need to eatÂso get resourceful, get a plan to build new skills, go to conferences take classes to build your skills, grab the paper, talk to friends and family and find yourself a new job. The only thing that will limit you there are lack of acquired skills and lack of ability to do something yourself to make changes. 3. Are you continually embroiled in family drama? If you say yes, thatÂs your choice. You can either continue to get sucked into the drama or you can get some counseling, get a book, learn some skills on how to set healthy boundaries, calmly distance yourself from the emotional turmoil of other people in a healthy and non-threatening way. Learn some new skills to help you but donÂt sit there and be a victim.

Now, sometimes in life bad and unexpected things do happen, things we cannot foresee and we cannot change. The range of horribleness can be minor or off-the charts but what is important is what you choose to do in the moments after that dictate your fate for the rest of your life. Focus on getting the help you need to get away from the horrible and unhealthy things, get psychological help, do the support group thing, focus on helping others like you, learn to write about it and inspire others to avoid or deal with what you dealt withÂtransform the ugly into something beautiful but donÂt beat yourself up and donÂt be a victim in your mentality forever after. That is a choice. In many cases, its totally reasonable to feel victimized but donÂt own that to the point it becomes who you are. None of us are the labels we and others apply to us. We are human beings wi... ]]> =Compassion81 Peace http://Compassion81.deviantart.com/journal/24776540/ http://Compassion81.deviantart.com/journal/24776540/ Fri, 15 May 2009 19:59:55 PDT Watch me Note me Journal Instructions

All that came before this moment flies behind me like the wake of a ship on the sea. An equal aspect flows out for the things that are yet to come. At this point, zero point, this moment there is nothing at all. There is no pain. There is no anger. There is no fear. There is no frustration. There is this feeling of completion and beginning juxtaposed. It is quite peaceful and if I breathe into this moment, I can feel the light returning to my core sense of being. Such moments of awareness are rare for me because I don't slow down long enough to NOT think and NOT do and NOT be fearful.

These patterns repeat, love, fear, pain. They are part of the same circle joined by other descriptions with various origins and degrees. I am in my body experiencing what this moment feels like but at the same time, I am outside of myself watching the moment unfold (and no I am not on psychedelic drugs...LOL). This space is completely neutral. It is balanced perfectly between love and pain so that each cancels each other out. For one mending a broken heart, this is a beautiful place to be...it feels real and it feel alive and it feels authentic, no judgment...just pure existence.

When dealing with pain we can be in the throes of it and try to fight what it is that's trying to get us but that only makes it worse. When you give up the fight and let the pain settle over your soul and breathe it in, it will leave you much more quickly and when it does, the space the pain existed in will fill with peace, calm, serenity. Have you ever noticed? It's true, at least in my experience. It feels really amazing.

I think I shall take advantage of the moment and turn in for some well-deserved rest. Tomorrow will be a beautiful day, like yesterday, like today. Perspectives will come and go, change and descend but the peace is there whenever we need it. Just something I learned this week. Peace out!

]]> =Compassion81 Contemplations http://Compassion81.deviantart.com/journal/24727834/ http://Compassion81.deviantart.com/journal/24727834/ Tue, 12 May 2009 19:54:13 PDT
I thought I loved someone unconditionally once. It didn't matter what this person said or did until he hurt me. I know why he did what he did and it didn't really have much to do with me. So, if I can see where it comes from, there should be no hurt feelings...but then the fearful ego stepped in and said wait a minute, you might be the cause and that created doubt and what felt like unconditional love disappeared when the fear stemming from the ego kicked in. Gosh it will take some time to untangle what happened but this I do know and must go back to...love and fear cannot share the same space in your heart. Where there is true love, there is no fear and where there is fear, there is no true love. So, can love replace fear in time? Yes, yes absolutely...but you have to stop with the external thoughts on love and turn them inward. Sounds weird but it works. You forget everything happening or being said in the outside world and you love yourself until the fear fades...then you can venture out again and see the world through the eyes of love instead of through the eyes of fear.

I hope to one day learn what it really means to love unconditionally...I don't have to receive it but I want to learn how to really give it. It's important to me that I learn the difference. I can love my children unconditionally but no one else. That's not good and its deeper into my studies I will go, and I will learn and this fear won't trouble me again once I learn it.

Forgive my rambling sorting thoughts this evening. My poetry is inspired by these two things and so I seek to understand them both a little better. Peace to all.

]]> =Compassion81 No Toil or Trouble http://Compassion81.deviantart.com/journal/24692752/ http://Compassion81.deviantart.com/journal/24692752/ Sun, 10 May 2009 19:06:26 PDT

The sun is setting outside my back window again. The breeze blows my wind chimes gently creating a haunting tune. I hear the crackle of my neighbor's chimnea and cartoons on the TV. A tiny little bird with a bright orange chest is singing sweetly. I'm lost in aesthetics at the moment. It's a safer place for my mind to play...far away from deeper emotions I don't wish to toil and trouble with tonight. The sky is glowing golden white as the sun slips down behind my tree. The black outline etched in bright fiery light is an amazing perspective.

It's Mother's Day and I had no expectations...that's good. My girls made me beautiful little things at school that I'll treasure and my oldest bought us all frozen yogurt for after dinner. Nice!!!! I worked hard today but accomplished 90% of a goal. It'll be 100% by next weekend. (Cleaning the old apartment to recover a $2500 deposit). LOL

I'm off to peace and quiet as the day transitions gently into night. I'll put my little girl's to bed, go read a good book and get a good night of sleep. My new place seems to have the most amazing healing energy. This last week I have slept better than I have in all of the last year. I love that.

I hope all my DA friends are well and content, finding inspiration and experiences from which they'll create more beautiful art. Love and light to all!

]]> =Compassion81 Thank You's http://Compassion81.deviantart.com/journal/24625778/ http://Compassion81.deviantart.com/journal/24625778/ Wed, 06 May 2009 20:08:22 PDT
As soon as I get unpacked and settled, I am so looking forward to reading up on the wonderful pieces I see you all have posted. I hope you have a fantastic evening and rest of your week.

Be well and be peaceful.

Jaie

]]> =Compassion81 Less than 24 Hours http://Compassion81.deviantart.com/journal/24521281/ http://Compassion81.deviantart.com/journal/24521281/ Thu, 30 Apr 2009 20:26:22 PDT
My heart returns in a week or so and we can make up for some lost time. Hope I've got everything unpacked by then! I can't even think about unpacking...just when I think I've got it all done, a cabinet reveals my unexpected and greatly feared fate! Ugh! I'd rather run over to the bar across the street and listen to the band...but, I'm not a big drinker and I can't spare the time, nor can I deprive myself of a moments sleep tonight. Tomorrow will take all of my strength and all of my energy.

I'm up to the task and I'm so ready to get out of this place...it's a good thing I've got a month to get out of here...its going to take me that long I think to get every last bit of stuff out of here! LOL

I'm procrastinating now, can you tell? Oh kayeee....I'm off to get back at it for another hour and then off to sleep with weary me! Hope you all have a great evening and the beginnings of a wonderful weekend! Peace and love to all!

]]> =Compassion81 Ready for a Change in venue http://Compassion81.deviantart.com/journal/24492431/ http://Compassion81.deviantart.com/journal/24492431/ Wed, 29 Apr 2009 06:38:18 PDT
So, its T-2 days until the move date. Because I'm moving on a Friday and have no help, I will have to figure out how to get myself to Uhaul to pick up the truck...I'm thinking I'll call a cab...that should work...all my friends will be on their way to work so no one can take me...then, it's dropping the kids off in the uhaul and then loading the truck frenzie begins. Luckily my ex is close by and I can get a ride back to pick up my truck...wow, one less worry right there. Sometimes just typing out simple worries can make them go away. LOL I better get myself to work.

Hope you all have a great day!

]]> =Compassion81 Satisfaction and Contemplation http://Compassion81.deviantart.com/journal/24444804/ http://Compassion81.deviantart.com/journal/24444804/ Sun, 26 Apr 2009 11:54:25 PDT
The new house will allow us some more space, we won't be sitting right on top of each other and OMG, the kitchen alone is a dream to me. I won't have to store pans and cookie sheets in the oven because there are cabinets to put them in. WOW! My kitchen table will actually fit in the new place and my large furniture will fit much better in the house than in this town home. Even the master is better suited to hold my large furniture. Don't know why I had to have everything so big...hmmm, wonder if I'm compensating for something. Most likely but then again, that's just more stuff to become self-aware of and strive ever to learn and grow, heal and continually move forward from. A new chapter is about to begin for us. I don't know what it will hold but if nothing else, hope, success, joy and laughter will be had. If we hold those things in our hearts, the universe can't help but reciprocate. Like attracts like so its always best to maintain a state of hope, grace, gratitude and love. If you hold those thoughts through good times and bad, you will always have it and when you don't, it's only temporary while the universe readies itself to provide.

I speak these words from experience time and time again in my life. I now feel less sad about leaving and more glad about arriving...both physically and in many other ways and at many other levels. I better get moving...I've got more boxes to pack and a tennis match in just a couple of hours to get ready for. My opponent always wins but I have so much fun playing in the sun, I don't even care. I hope my DA friends are enjoying peace, serenity and love today.

]]> =Compassion81 Passing the time http://Compassion81.deviantart.com/journal/24416877/ http://Compassion81.deviantart.com/journal/24416877/ Fri, 24 Apr 2009 19:36:40 PDT
I've got the whole weekend to make progress and figure out how to play tetris with my boxes. LOL I'm a little stressed because it took the movers two truck loads to move us in and it was expensive. I'm renting a uhaul Friday morning at 7:00 a.m., dropping my two little girls off at school around 8 and then coming home to load the truck with boxes and take them to the new place. Not sure if I'll have help so it could get interesting. I packed up an entire uhaul once befor in 4 hours...but I was able to stage everything in the garage and I had no stairs...Yikes...the movers come at 2 o'clock and load up all the furniture and then I have to be at the new place by 4 when the cable guy comes. So, I some how have to get my big heavy TVs out of my house on my own and into the new place. Yikes...i better find a back belt. LOL

Okay, I rambled enough for now. I hope all my fellow deviants are off to a magical weekend filled with friends, love and laughter. peace!

]]> =Compassion81 Crickets http://Compassion81.deviantart.com/journal/24338425/ http://Compassion81.deviantart.com/journal/24338425/ Mon, 20 Apr 2009 06:42:43 PDT Why does it feel like everything has changed
I need you and reach for you
Crickets

When I'm at the end of my rope
My fear screaming loudly to just walk away
There you are
I love you

I'm confused because what I feel
Is vastly different from what I think I see
I don't know if I doubt you
Or if I doubt me

If I could tell the difference
I'd reach out to you
But I guess in away I know I wont
I don't really like crickets

]]> =Compassion81 11 Layers http://Compassion81.deviantart.com/journal/23817944/ http://Compassion81.deviantart.com/journal/23817944/ Sat, 21 Mar 2009 16:58:34 PDT

Layer One: On the Outside

Name: Janice
Birthday: August 31st
Current Location: Surf City, California
Eye Color: Blue and Green
Hair Color: Currently, auburn
Righty or Lefty: Righty
Zodiac Sign: Virgo

Layer Two: On the Outside

Your Heritage: Celtic, Swedish, Norwegian, French and Native American
Your Fears: Losing any more loved ones.
Your Weakness: Sympathy and empathy...in the wrong company
Goal: Learning to live without smoking.

Layer Three: Yesterday, Today, Tomorrow

Your thoughts first waking up: Lately, my significant other.
Your bedtime: between 8 and 11 pm.
Your most treasured memory: Too many that are important to list here...at the top, the day each of
my kids were born and the night I met my significant other.

Layer Four: Your Pick

Pepsi or Coke: Coke
McDonald's or Burger King: Neither, I want tacos!
Single or Group dates: Either depending on my mood.
Adidas or Nike: Vans!
Lipton Tea or Nestea: Neither
Chocolate or Vanilla: Chocolate
Cappuccino or Coffee: Grande Mocha with whip, please.

Layer Five: Do You?

Smoke: Not any more.
Have a crush: Crush, heck no, I'm in love!
Think you've been in love:I have been blessed to have found love a number of times but I am most grateful for the last person I fell in love with.
Want to get married: I'm not sure.
Believe in yourself: Yes, I do.
Think you're a health freak: No, not too much.

Layer Six: In the Past Month

Drink alcohol: Yes
Gone to the mall: Retail Therapy anyone?
Eaten Sushi: Definitely.
Gone skating: I used to ice skate and roller skate as a kid...not recently though.
Dyed your hair: Frequently just because I can.

Layer Seven: Have Your Ever?
Played a stripping game: I don't think so.
Gotten beaten up: Yes, in high school.
Changed who you were to fit in: Not so much.

Layer Eight: Getting Old
Age your hoping to be married: I got married at 24, at 36 at 41.

Layer Nine: Perfect Mate
Best Eye Color: My significant other's.
Best Hair Color: My significant other's
Short or Long Hair: Depends on what looks good on the person...short or long is good.

Layer Ten: What were you doing...
1 MINUTE AGO: Eating soup.
1 HOUR AGO: Shopping at Barnes and Noble with my oldest and youngest daughters.
1 DAY AGO: Taking the day off of work, hanging at the beach and celebrating with friends.
1 YEAR AGO: Getting ready to file for divorce #3.

Layer Eleven: Finish the Sentence

I LOVE: JRB
I FEEL: Frenetically peaceful at the moment.
I HATE: How insecure I've felt since I've decided to give up smoking.
I HIDE: My tears as much as possible so no one will see my weakness.
I MISS: My significant other terribly right now.
I NEED: To see him soon.

]]> =Compassion81 Love and Fear http://Compassion81.deviantart.com/journal/23710091/ http://Compassion81.deviantart.com/journal/23710091/ Sun, 15 Mar 2009 11:08:21 PDT
So, whatever bouts of fear you hold...SEE only love, be only love, feel only love and there will be no FEAR! Simple, yes! It's a choice as are all of our emotions no matter how involuntary they may seem. Feelings are not facts and love is by far more than just a feeling. Love is an all-consuming energy that is actually the stuff that life was made for. When you lose touch with that you can get it back and so simply so. Drop your preconceived notions, drop everything you think you know and walk outside...find a patch of grass and walk on it with bare feet, look for birds in flight and see the beauty of life in motion, look at the bright colors and intricate details of a flower...notice the clouds moving gently across a cerulean sky and realize the whole of life and existence is bigger than you are, more amazing than you can possibly imagine and fear is only torture you bring to your own soul for reasons you know but just remain unconscious of, or conjure up to feel a rush of adrenaline that makes you feel alive. You are alive and need nothing to make you feel more so. In your natural state, the energy of love within exists and you can touch it and bring it into focus at any time you choose...you just have to choose if you wish to stop feeling fear.

I've learned these things the hard way...don't follow my lead, it's not worth it...just see love...be love...think of love and give it as honestly and as openly as possible without judgment and there will be NO FEAR!

]]> =Compassion81 Second One Now Published Too http://Compassion81.deviantart.com/journal/23098321/ http://Compassion81.deviantart.com/journal/23098321/ Mon, 09 Feb 2009 08:46:47 PST
]]> =Compassion81 Published http://Compassion81.deviantart.com/journal/23075921/ http://Compassion81.deviantart.com/journal/23075921/ Sun, 08 Feb 2009 06:33:42 PST
Have a beautiful day!

]]> =Compassion81 Peaceful Day http://Compassion81.deviantart.com/journal/22639033/ http://Compassion81.deviantart.com/journal/22639033/ Sat, 17 Jan 2009 18:18:33 PST
It's cool outside now and it's so peaceful out. I love nights like these, the calm, the silence interrupted only by the neighbor's blasting stereo...Kids! LOL

It's all good. Hope all my friends out there are enjoying a happy, safe and sane Saturday evening!

]]> =Compassion81 Beautiful Day! http://Compassion81.deviantart.com/journal/22510993/ http://Compassion81.deviantart.com/journal/22510993/ Sat, 10 Jan 2009 17:34:46 PST
I hope my feet don't hit the ground any time soon. I kind of like this state I'm in right now and in just a few short hours, the miles and days apart will come to a close. A long anticipated and greatly desired closure along with the opening of a new chapter. I'm elated.

I've got a few hours yet to wait...anxiously, eagerly in intense anticipation. It's been just over 3 weeks since I last saw him but his face is so clear in my mind like he's here with me right now. At least I know a part of him is...that piece of his heart he left me. I feel his energy so strongly now...I keep reaching out on another plane of existence it seems and I'm, well, I'm just enjoying this moment.

I'm off to drift in my own private reverie for a bit...wish me well!

Peace!

]]> =Compassion81 Amazing http://Compassion81.deviantart.com/journal/22250065/ http://Compassion81.deviantart.com/journal/22250065/ Sun, 28 Dec 2008 20:27:04 PST
]]> =Compassion81 Grateful Christmas Morning http://Compassion81.deviantart.com/journal/22182533/ http://Compassion81.deviantart.com/journal/22182533/ Thu, 25 Dec 2008 06:10:50 PST
ItÂs raining this morning and everything will be gray and gloomy today. WeÂve not had a wet and raining Christmas in a while being so spoiled here in mostly sunny southern, California. I really canÂt complain. Where I live, the average year-around-temperature is 72 degrees. Nice, yeah?! I had hoped for a sunny morning so I could take some pictures down by the beach. I love to go on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. My beach is empty outside of a few souls heeding the call of the ocean just like me. IÂve lived not far from the coast my whole life but never appreciated it much like I do now. Every weekend I take either a drive or a walk to the Huntington Beach Pier, grab a StarbuckÂs grande mocha and just watch the swells come in. In the chaotic seeming life of a career-single-mom, the peace of the ocean is an amazing blessing. I get so lost in the scenery and can lose my cares and worries for a time. I may take a drive down there later after I drop the kids off with their dadÂs this morning. I can just sit in my car, listen to some Staind (Illusion of Progress is my favorite right now) and watch the rain drops hit my windshield warm and safe inside.

IÂm hopeful one of our local StarbuckÂs is open this morning. There is usually one open until 3:00 on Christmas day. Down here, everyone loves our local StarbuckÂs on Main street and you can see many engaging in their normal morning ritual there without fail! IÂm one of them, on the weekends at least.

IÂm so tired today. Being sick has really drained me and with this cold attacking both my chest and my sinusesÂ breathing is a real chore. IÂve learned to appreciate this simple act I normally take for granted in a very big way. I think IÂm more grateful for the life I have today having to experience it these last few days with the challenge of the common cold. I wish I could take cold medicine but it actually makes me feel worse than the cold so I just canÂt bring myself to do it. ItÂs lots of hot drinks and soup for meÂzicam every few hours and mostly vitamins for a diet. At least it keeps my spirits up.

I get to return my house to normal this afternoon. Pack up the Christmas decorations that have been cluttering my tiny little place all month. I wasnÂt into putting them up this year knowing how little room we have for them but I had to do it for the little ones. I used to love the process of Christmas decorations but I find as I get older IÂm losing interest. ItÂs more of a chore and I wonder whatÂs happening to me. I think maybe as the kids get a little older, only one left who still believes in Santa, maybe some of that magic is gone from this season for me. It has been replaced by something else, a season of reflection and gratitude for all of the things that I have. I realized that I need nothing. There is no material possession that fills me with joyÂthings are just that, things. ItÂs people that I treasure and the opportunity to love. IÂve got 4 beautiful kids and truly the best friends ever, a great job with absolutely lovely co-workers. IÂm really lucky and am feeling that this morning despite feeling sick as a dog, a little bummed out about the rain and feeling so tired. I believe as the day progresses and the fog of early morning wears off (itÂs only now 6:00 a.m.), IÂll feel a little better and get busy with my travels, my un-holiday preparations.

My thoughts for today, like most days, surround gratitudeÂcounting blessings and feeling the love I have inside for those I care most about. I really believe that love is both the question and the answer in every situation we face in lifeÂand the mundane things like chores and colds, well, thatÂs just a challenge we face in life to make us more creative and appreciative I guess. This cold is forcing me into some rest I would not otherwise have engaged in. ItÂs going to be a great day, as it is every day. Merry Christmas everyone.

]]> =Compassion81 Survey - Just for Fun http://Compassion81.deviantart.com/journal/22176812/ http://Compassion81.deviantart.com/journal/22176812/ Wed, 24 Dec 2008 21:28:28 PST
1.Where is your cell phone?
It's close by always, I feel naked without it.

2.Your significant other?
Northern California (sigh)

3.Your hair?
Long and light brown

4.Your mother
Read journals and poetry in my gallery. Nuff said.

5.Your father?
B. 1945 D. 1993

6.Your favorite thing?
The love of a good man, writing my heart out, feeling alive!

7.Your dream last night?
No recall, sadly.

8.Your favorite drink?
White Russian, Bailey's, Cabernet

9.Your dream/goal?
To find a man strong enough to deal with my independence and sentimentality...finish my book and become a Vice President in Corporate America.

10.The room you're in?
My very tiny living room (can't wait to move in May).

11.Your fear?
Having someone see who I really am who won't run away.

12.Where do you want to be in 6 years?
In the arms of a man I love and who loves me.

13.Where were you last night?
At home.

14.What you're not?
Insane...although I question that every day.

15.Muffins?
Cinnamon Streussel (sp?)

16.One of your wish list items?
See Journal Post on Dreams.

17.Where you grew up?
Flat Lander, near Long Beach, CA (southern, California)

18.The last thing you did?
Drank a glass of cabernet, posted two more pieces and smoked a cigarette. (Quit date again, is 1/1.)

19.What are you wearing?
Favorite perfectly fitting very long jeans, my black suede vans, a tinkerbell t-shirt and my Huntington Beach Hoodie...gotta represent! I love HB.

21.Your pet?
Big long haired black cat with gleaming yellow eyes. He is my familiar.

22.Your computer?
Has stickers on it cuz my kids think that's cool.

23.Your life?
Is and has been absolutely amazing on all fronts, all accounts, in all ways.

24.Your mood?
Raw, exposed and sensitive (always feel that way after I post something here).

25.Missing someone?
Yes, immensely and if i don't see him again soon, it will be a difficult stretch for me.

26.Your car?
2007 Honda Ridgeline...Burgundy (nail polish color chick truck...yeah, i dig it).

27.Something you're not wearing?
A frown.

28.Favorite Store?
Barnes and Noble (I am a true nerd)

29.Your summer?
The last one was rough but magical too.

30.Favorite color?
Crimson Red and Indigo Blue...oh yeah...violet also tops the list.

31.When is the last time you laughed?
I made my almost 19 yo daughter laugh being silly this evening.

32.Last time you cried?
Watching Armagedon earlier...saddest movie ever!

33.Who will/would re-post this?
Someone will just for the fun of it...it's a good writing exercise...good for distraction.

34.Place I go over and over:
Aside from work, starbuck's and the beach. I go to the shore as often as I can, sit and watch the waves pound the sand and write, by hand, in my journal and come up with ideas and concepts for new pieces I'll one day write.

35.Person who e-mails me the most:
My friend Scott in Texas.

36.My favorite food:
Tacos

37.Place I would rather be right now?
In his arms, honestly speaking.

38. Someone you'd like to say something to in all honesty?
JB

]]> =Compassion81 Gratitude and Reflection http://Compassion81.deviantart.com/journal/22157257/ http://Compassion81.deviantart.com/journal/22157257/ Wed, 24 Dec 2008 05:33:12 PST
I decided then that the end was near. My friends were in favor of trying to save it but I had already tried and it just wasnÂt going to happen. I wasnÂt strong enough to face a divorce with someone I knew would turn very vindictive and mean on me so had to wait a few months. The sick and hurtful drama perpetuated by my own mother had me so torn apart. ( Another individual who needed help but refused to get it and then made me to blame for not rescuing her). IÂve written about it before, I really did try but my best wasnÂt good enough. I learned last December that you canÂt rescue people and they will be who they are. You sometimes have to make difficult choices then, and if there is any mental instability in those people, brace yourselves for something difficult. I didnÂt linger through the pain long, I looked ahead. I withstood battle after battle, attack after relentless attack and I kept going understanding it wasnÂt about me at all. In April I found the courage to begin another ending. I cut ties with both my Mother and my Ex-husband and I didnÂt look back except to try to understand the lesson, to make sure I had really learned it. Both situations were thematically similar. Guess it was a big lesson. Two pillars in my life had shattered and only months before the first was obliterated, my job.

I felt so weak and fragile then, emotionally speaking. It was hard to breathe, hard to move, I couldnÂt eat nor could I sleep. But I kept putting one foot in front of the other. I took accountability for my actions and grabbed hold of understanding for the hurtful things I could not control. I had to believe the situations I faced were designed to bring me growth even though I could not really see the lessons through the tears of anger and betrayal. The one thing I was proud of wass that I refused to become a victim and I eventually stopped seeing the people involved as villains. Instead I stepped back and realized that from a much higher perspective, there were just things I had to learn, I needed the strength and growth that would come from having solid structures completely shattered and taking baby steps to build them again. I changed phone numbers, moved, got a new job and filed for divorce and began slowly to rebuild my life.

What a difference a year makes. Despite all of the challenges I learned that all the healing focus IÂve engaged in has had a wonderful result. I learned I could love, I learned how to date, IÂve had so much fun and so many new experiences, I have the best friends in the whole-wide world. Were it not for Ginger, Robert and Laura Â 3 angels on Earth, Richard Â another special soul I met on my journey that brought about some major healing, I donÂt know how I would have made it through. They lifted me up, they helped me to focus, they gave me back myself and reminded me how amazing I was even though I couldnÂt see it. My friend Scott, although weÂve never met was there tooÂa wonderful man and excellent listenerÂwe helped pull each other through some of the trips and traps of emotions in divorceÂmy friend Chris, another IÂve never met also helped by sharing his insights and listening to mine. All angels on earth is the way I think about it. Today on the day of Christmas Eve, I think of them all and how grateful I am to the powers that be for sending them to me and allowing me also to be of service with kindness and love. Oh this group has had some pretty big and very similar challenges this year and I can see why all of our paths convergedÂwe had something we needed from and something to give to each other.

Today, IÂve returned to myself, learned to find solace in my soul, IÂm smiling at strangers just because I can, I have hope where I once held nothing but despair and darkness and IÂve healed probably 98% as a result of my efforts and the efforts of my friends. Although the world can seem to represent a challenging place for life, it is amazing and beautiful too. I donÂt think I ever purp... ]]> =Compassion81 Inspiration http://Compassion81.deviantart.com/journal/22105214/ http://Compassion81.deviantart.com/journal/22105214/ Sun, 21 Dec 2008 15:10:49 PST
We've had such strange weather here in CA. Cold, dark and raining one day, warm and sunny the next. The weather affects my moods a fair bit, yeah, I'm one of those (shaking head sadly).

My thoughts are scattered in so many directions today so I decided not to fight it, just go with it and write some more when I can see things from a different perspective. It's an intriguing time for me for many reasons at many levels...being an emotional poet I find romance to be the utmost in inspiration whether it be from a positive or negative perspective. It's great for writing but not so great to feel all the time. The ups and downs are exhausting which is why spending lots of time finding your center is sooooo important. That's my focus today, regaining my center...I've been completely knocked off of it for a few weeks now and it's amazing. I'll treasure the highs absolutely but to stave off any alternative lows that sort of follow after a sugar rush from eating a candy bar, mundane focus is good...breathing is good...making sure you're feet are firmly planted on good old terra firma is good, right?

So, off to it then and I can come back more grounded and write some more. I hope everyone's holiday preparations are going smoothly. Peace on Earth!

]]> =Compassion81 Venus http://Compassion81.deviantart.com/journal/21902945/ http://Compassion81.deviantart.com/journal/21902945/ Tue, 09 Dec 2008 17:26:09 PST
I've learned this past year that peace is a choice you make no matter what is happening in life or who is trying to rain on your parade with delusions, lies and ridiculous or horrendous sick fantasies of made up wrong doings to transfer psychological drama away from their accountability where it really belongs (okay...a last vent, yes, done). You find peace when you consider the aggravating sources and summarily dismiss them from your focus as simply not worth it...let them take their drama elsewhere...very far away from me. That's so sad but a reality.

Life goes on, this too shall pass as will we all and everything we think is really important. The only thing you can ever take with you is the love you gave and the love you received. Nothing else really matters.

I'm gonna go watch the stars a bit more. I pray that you have a peaceful and beautiful evening!

]]> =Compassion81 Changes http://Compassion81.deviantart.com/journal/21838171/ http://Compassion81.deviantart.com/journal/21838171/ Fri, 05 Dec 2008 20:16:36 PST
I had an uncomfortable moment with a co-worker today over perceptions but I braved the confrontation the best way I could and learned perceptions and assumptions are not always accurate. It made me anxious.

I spent the evening with my two little girls. I just watched them play and enjoyed a peaceful evening.

I spoke with a friend tonight about endings and beginnings and striving for serenity as the real goal even when madness of others uncontrollable cannot be helped.

I stepped outside and looked at a half full moon in a very dark sky. The temperature was high sixties, it was quiet out which is strange most definitely for a Friday night. It'll be noisy later around 10 as folks tank up prior to bar hopping. I'll hear them and turn over and go back to sleep like I always do.

It's early and I'm tired but I'm happy, serene and peaceful. For the first time in a long little while, I feel good inside my skin and think I shall stay until I can stay no longer...hopefully to a ripe very old age watching my grandchildren playing one day once I have some.

I'm done thinking really big thoughts for tonight and am content to let them all blow away and sit in this space of nothingness. It's really an amazing treasure to be in that space. I have nothing more to give this day except my wishes that the world's inhabitants find something of joy, peace and serenity if only for a tiny moment sometime tomorrow.

Wishing all my DA friends a beautifully creative weekend.

]]> =Compassion81 Ethereal View http://Compassion81.deviantart.com/journal/21821025/ http://Compassion81.deviantart.com/journal/21821025/ Thu, 04 Dec 2008 18:31:56 PST
I spoke warmly today with co-workers. Despite the stress and strain of corporate existence, I deeply respect the folks I work with and most interactions are truly a joy. I liked that about my day, especially today.

As I was getting on the freeway to come home, I watched a large pastel peach sun sinking behind gray and pink hazy atmosphere. The light thrown through the fine particles of moisture in the air gave the whole sky an ethereal glow and the clouds parting just above the setting sun shone electric silver and like liquid white light in the sky. It was an amazing view, breathtaking. Had I not been driving I'd have taken a picture with my cell phone. But I have the memory.

I have a lot of those playing through my mind just now. Maybe its the season, the winter of reflection of all of those things collected over the year, processed and learned. It grows dark so soon now with not much daylight to be had and no time for tennis, sadly.

I've a strange feeling of letting things go. Things that once made me anxious are slipping away. It's not that I don't care any more it's that I suddenly just don't care as much. It feels peaceful and I like it.

I came home to my kids and made dinner as soon as I walked in the door. All I heard was fighting with the oldest being mean to the younger ones just because she was in a bad mood and then I watched the younger ones acting rowdy and then being mean and bossy with eachother. I wince wondering where I went wrong but then I realize ego and emotion go hand in hand and no one can control the ego of another. I let go again, clean up the dishes and relax with a nice glass of cabernet and a vanilla cigarette.

Peace returns a bit again as I sit somehow in a position of observer in my own skin rather than a participant. I'm not sure when the shift occurred...maybe while watching the hawks in flight earlier. I realize I'm human and fallible but I love and I care, so I just do the best I can do in a day.

The crescent moon is out tonight, glowing dully behind misty skies. It's quiet out which is strange for a Thursday in this place. No matter, I like it and will just enjoy it for a time.

I'm watching my big furry black cat Zacky try to sharpen his claws on our metal stair railing...that's an interesting sight. It's quite a useless endeavor as he can't find purchase for his claws and it makes such a racket. So many parallels I could go off on here but I decide to save those thoughts for another time...breathe in the peace and quiet in this tiny moment, going back to my earlier ethereal view.

]]> =Compassion81 Dreams http://Compassion81.deviantart.com/journal/21727250/ http://Compassion81.deviantart.com/journal/21727250/ Sat, 29 Nov 2008 08:27:44 PST
My energy level is critically low today. Clearly IÂve expended by far too much between work, my job, healing from too much drama this year, trying to fight off a cold and well, dating. Today is one of those days where a "fall back and regroup" effort is obviously needed. Dating is interesting. I like meeting new people, going out dancing and laughing, spending time getting to know new people and seeing whatÂs out there. IÂve learned so much that is just absolutely invaluable in terms of what I want, what IÂm looking for and what I can compromise on and canÂt. ItÂs been an interesting year to say the least. I canÂt say that love is missing in my life because IÂve got plenty and it comes from within more than any place else so no matter what happens, I land on my feet with a smileÂokay, so maybe after a few tears of disappointment.

Pursuing dreams is never an easy thing. But, you have to have them and you have to work on them if you want to make your dreams a reality. IÂve got mine in clear focus and am doing what IÂm able to in order to make them a reality. IÂm finding that possibilities and options are a very good thing but all those possibilities and options can be draining to think about. At times I feel like I canÂt possibly hold another thought in my head. ThatÂs when I know itÂs time to slow down. ItÂs time to take a break. ItÂs time to rest and just let things gel a little bit; sink in a lot of bit! I think the trick is to never say die! I think you have to have a hope so strong, faith burning so brightly in your ability to bring your dreams to fruition that you just keep on going, even when youÂre tired, even when disheartened, even when faced with obstacles and road blocks. You really just have to keep going and be patient and thatÂs no easy thing.

But in the end, when the dream starts to become a reality, you can look back and be glad about the outcome, be grateful you didnÂt give up and didnÂt give in to settling for less. ThatÂs how I look at it. In the moment itÂs hard but the journey is the destination in part. The dream is the dream but the roads you walk to get there are equally as important in ways you cannot possibly imagine. The road IÂm on is feeling a little dusty, lonesome and leading to nothing but a ghost town at times. However, I know thatÂs just fear talking, I know thatÂs just being tired talking because my hope is not waning. IÂll have my dream. IÂve earned it, IÂve worked so hard for it and I truly feel its closeÂso close at times I can almost touch it but IÂm not quite there yet.

ItÂs okay. I know how to be in the moment and breathe. I guess I just forget sometimes and I get knocked off my center. ThatÂs kind of how IÂm feeling todayÂknocked off my center, treading water a little bit when clearly I know better. IÂm always saying ride the wave of emotions when they hit and donÂt fight them. It gets frightening sometimes when they do hit but just letting them hit youÂfloating through them will keep your head above water. If you should happen to get pulled under, donÂt panic. All you have to do is relax and youÂll float right back to the surface where the light of the sun will shine and infuse you with new hope, energized faith and youÂll keep on going because your dreams matter.

At least thatÂs how I feel about mine. IÂve not said what my dream is but the dating mention ought to clue you in. My dream is finding a feeling IÂve searched my whole life for. IÂve got it on the inside and now IÂd like to find it from the outside too. IÂm starting to think that I will stop looking for it and maybe let it catch up to me a bit. Sometimes timing is something that is important for reasons we cannot even comprehend. IÂm tired of searching and will take a rest for a bit and when IÂm ready, IÂll take up that journey again. For now, life is good, full of hope, full of passion and great learning. How can you beat that?!

The thought for the day is crystallize your dreams in your mindÂs eye, know why your dream exists, heal what you have to in order to create a solid foundation and then get out there and take the steps on the journey that will help you make your dreams a reality. It takes a steel constitution at times, it takes hope at times when it seems there is no reason for hope at all and it takes a lot of inner strength and faith in your ability. IÂm reminded of my gymnastics training and what we did before a difficult moveÂyou visualize it, focus on the visualization and feel it and then you tell yourself, ÂI have confidence and know I can make it.Â Making your dreams a reality is like any other difficult move in lifeÂvisualize it, see it, feel it and know and have confidence that you can make them real. It works, I swear it does. Believe in your dreams and believe in yourselves! Peace!

]]> =Compassion81 I like it here http://Compassion81.deviantart.com/journal/21669199/ http://Compassion81.deviantart.com/journal/21669199/ Tue, 25 Nov 2008 18:14:55 PST Cloudy sky, rising sun
Gentle breeze blowing
Waves continuously crashing
Gulls soaring
People walking
Me sitting
Slowly breathing
Watching the light
Begin to glow
I like it here
IÂll stay awhile

]]> =Compassion81 Thoughts in the Moonlight http://Compassion81.deviantart.com/journal/21655389/ http://Compassion81.deviantart.com/journal/21655389/ Mon, 24 Nov 2008 20:48:33 PST
ItÂs cool here in the dark. The gusting wind has settled now to a gentle consistent breeze. I gaze up at the sky in search of my sparkling friends but donÂt find them in abundance as I usually do. Instead, however, IÂm mesmerized by a partly cloudy sky, a waxing moon more than half way to full and peace sitting here alone on my swing. I sit here often at night to gain perspective, feel the world from outside of my home and to collect my thoughts. IÂm really adrift tonight in a sea of thoughts that are so tangled up I canÂt pull them apart to comprehend them. IÂm feeling a little numb emotionally. IÂm not happy nor am I sad. I don't feel angry or frustrated just something else, this nebulous stasis where nothing is moving. I feel stuck but the frustrating thoughts that would normally accompany such a feeling seem very distant. I know theyÂre out there on the horizon but they canÂt get to me. I feel like IÂm right smack in the center of the eye of a large hurricane of emotion. ItÂs calm and peaceful as if all the troubling emotions are being kept at bay by something strong and unseen.

IÂm grateful for the distance of emotion tonight. I have of late been thinking mostly of my troubles, my struggles, my challenges and pain. I could dwell on my woes and worries but I just canÂt bring myself to exert the energy to articulate them just now. ItÂs almost as if somewhere IÂm clearly thinking that the more I write about them and tell the story, the more these things are reinforced in my sphere of existence and I canÂt say that IÂm really on board with doing that any more. Maybe itÂs simply time to acknowledge painful things and decide to really let them go, cut all associated cords and just let them fall away. If only doing that would line up the physical sensations and emotions as quickly as the cords were cut. I know it doesnÂt work that way. For the most part I think I just have to let go of hope for changing things that cannot be changed. The last cut is not the deepest for sure here and I really must just decide to truly let go. So, here in the dark with the moonlight flooding down through hazy clouds I imagine the cord between me and a certain other individual severed by angels with large glowing swords. Where the cuts have been made I say a prayer for healing those wounds once and for all and I take a deep cleansing breath and let it out slowly, emptying all remnants of the negative energy that connection once held. IÂm free at last.

The emotions will wash over me in waves for some time but IÂll be prepared to handle them. The swells are out there beyond the wall of storm clouds I feel and theyÂll come close and IÂll relax into it and drift keeping my head above the surface. When you relax into a current it carries you. When you fight it you tire and go under too easily. IÂm not going under any more, the weight of the cord has been lifted and already, sitting here alone in the moonlight, I feel so much lighter, a bit relieved but still numb. I feel very alone suddenly. Physically, IÂm always surrounded by family, co-workers and friends so IÂm not physically alone. This is an imaginary feeling of loneliness. It is not a real feeling and I think itÂs my ego frustrated at not having its way or maybe not being able to change anything. ItÂs okay, that aspect of the being that is me will also get used to change, thinking differently and letting go. I donÂt need any self-righteousness complicating my life. I donÂt need frustration and pain inflicted on me from a certain direction any more. What I need is this peace. Rather than viewing this numb feeling as something bad, IÂm starting to see it as protection. Whatever holds the emotions at bay is also protecting me from being completely overwhelmed so I need to just appreciate that.

There are times in life when the silence is deafening. The silence tonight, out here in the dark is comforting. If I listen real hard I can hear the wind rustling the leaves in the trees. I can hear the tiny metal boxes rushing to destinations with occupants not giving a second thought to their journey. I can hear slight movements of people close by. It feels good knowing my fellow humans are close by and I realize now that my woes are like a tiny grain of sand at the bottom of a sea of other humans with problems more prolific than mine. Again I feel small and insignificant. Maybe thatÂs part of it too, I donÂt want to be insignificant. I know of four souls who will never consider me so and they know that IÂll always feel the same. I have a desire IÂm wrestling with and IÂm not sure why, perhaps its something I really should also let go ofÂnot forever but just for a time until other areas of my life grow more peaceful.

I send up a prayer in the dark for those who are struggling by far worse than I. I pray for my mom, I pray God has sent a host of angels to watch over her. I say a prayer fo... ]]> =Compassion81 Something Different http://Compassion81.deviantart.com/journal/21630951/ http://Compassion81.deviantart.com/journal/21630951/ Sun, 23 Nov 2008 12:37:47 PST
Enough with random thoughts for now. My train of thought has been interrupted as the world attempts to force me to multi-task. Time to change my focus.

Have a peaceful day.

]]> =Compassion81 Love from Within http://Compassion81.deviantart.com/journal/21561865/ http://Compassion81.deviantart.com/journal/21561865/ Wed, 19 Nov 2008 06:23:04 PST Hope a little longer.
But don't forget to be where you are.
Life is a joy.
Pain is life.
Transcending the dichotomy
And floating in equanimity,
That is the goal, centered and whole...
For there you find true love,
The love from within.

]]> =Compassion81 No Stars http://Compassion81.deviantart.com/journal/21166136/ http://Compassion81.deviantart.com/journal/21166136/ Sun, 26 Oct 2008 05:59:16 PDT
One of my favorites that IÂm in full recall of this morning was a camping trip with my dad and my brother to Lake Elsinore. It used to be a nice place to camp or at least it seemed that way when I was nine years old. One particular trip, my dad and I sat on a picnic table and looked up at the night sky. With very few houses, at that time, and lights around, the light pollution was very minimal. When you looked up at the sky, there were millions and millions of visible stars. In fact, you could see the Milky Way with your bare unaided eyes. When my dad pointed that out to me and I could see it, a thrill of energy surged up within me. I had read about it in school and now I had a picture in my memory of what it looked like. I climbed on top of the picnic table and lay on my back so I could take in the full view of the night sky. I was quite simply mesmerized, felt so calm, serene and peaceful just staring at the skyÂand then, of course, I saw a few shooting stars and made a lot of wishes. I donÂt remember the wishes any more but I remember the view. ThatÂs what I hold onto now when I need to see the star filled sky and just canÂt get there.

ItÂs a great memory and IÂm reminded often that when you set your heart on something and it just doesnÂt come to fruition, maybe the timing isnÂt right or there is something temporarily obscuring the view. Patience and creativity is all that are needed to navigate your way through the disappointment. You donÂt want to hang your happiness on anything but you and what you can control. If you always remember that, such little disappointments canÂt affect you for long and you can easily return to a peaceful and serene place. In a somewhat chaotic and always unpredictable world, you have to create diversions for yourself in order to not be derailed by lifeÂs little disappointments. DonÂt become obsessed with outcomes and you will know less pain and frustration. Learning to let go of what you want can often bring it right back to you when it matters most.

IÂm finding at this moment that although I missed my starry sky view this morning, I found the peace in the memory, I found the peace in the quiet time in my living room sipping coffee and I found that although disappointed, I remember the beauty of a starry sky and thatÂs enough for me for now. There will be other times to enjoy the view and maybe I might just find other beautiful things to look at and hold my attention rapt and curious. Life is like that... Noticing small things.

Yesterday I watched the sun come up. In the early morning hours, I watched the tiny dust particles in the air reflecting light almost like tiny pieces of glitter floating through the air. I watched the particles swirl and dance in morningÂs first light. It was amazing how something so simple could seem like an orchestrated show for meÂyeah, narcissistic thoughts there but go with me here for a minuteÂI was taking something extremely mundane and changing my perspective to see the beauty of a moment. When you become very aware in a moment, things can seem larger than life and the view changes a bit from nothing to something you might not have noticed before. I wish it were easy to view the whole of our lives like that. It might save us from hasty ill-conceived decisions and viewpoints. But then again, maybe those hasty-ill-conceived decisions and viewpoints are the stuff of fantastic lessons we must learn in order to appreciate life.

IÂm certain that I would not have learned to become very aware in any moment were it not for some pretty intense lessons I had to learn. In retrospect, IÂm really grateful for those experiences because I learned something important; many things that were important actually. For the rest of my life I think I shall strive ever to pay attention in a moment and see all the things I can possibly see, things I never considered, and things that will have me appreciating life even more. So, the thoughts are pretty simple today: Adjust yourself and expectations when the disappointments come and be very a... ]]> =Compassion81 Milestone http://Compassion81.deviantart.com/journal/21098931/ http://Compassion81.deviantart.com/journal/21098931/ Tue, 21 Oct 2008 17:09:00 PDT
]]> =Compassion81 Spirit of the American People http://Compassion81.deviantart.com/journal/20433771/ http://Compassion81.deviantart.com/journal/20433771/ Thu, 11 Sep 2008 05:18:59 PDT

I am the Spirit of the American People
And I am unspeakably Angry!
Your religious fanaticism has tortured
the world time and time again, but to what end?

You have wounded me today,
But you have underestimated me.
Because of your horribly inhumane actions
You have served only to strengthen me.

There is no place that you can hide
Where you won't feel me behind you .
My presence will grow and haunt you
All the days of your life!

I was born of inspiration,
Courage, blood, sweat and tears!
Born of fighters for the pursuit of life,
Liberty, truth and happiness!

Your futile attempts to weaken me
and bend me to your will
Have utterly failed!

I will rise above the wounds you have ruthlessly inflicted!
I will clear the ashes and morn the destruction!
I will heal the hearts of the families who's loved ones had death forced upon them at your hand!
When I am through, I will serve to threaten your very existence!

Humanity will win over hatred every time!
Now its time you learn...
I have a prayer for you:

May you feel the stinging tears of every child who's parents won't be tucking them in at night anymore...
May you feel the terror, agony and dire sadness of my people...
Who must now spend their lives without the loved ones you ripped heartlessly away...
May you reach deep within yourself, find your black heart and beg God for forgiveness!

Rest well and think hard.
Know that you will never, ever destroy me.
You may attack me and wound me!
But you will never kill me!
I am the Spirit of the American People and
Despite your very existence, I will live on!

]]> =Compassion81 It's Been A While http://Compassion81.deviantart.com/journal/20103170/ http://Compassion81.deviantart.com/journal/20103170/ Fri, 22 Aug 2008 20:29:56 PDT
Getting to the heart and soul of pain is no easy thing. But, if you muster the courage and dive in head long into the heart of it, you'll make some amazing discoveries I promise you that. You may not like all of what you see but at least you can learn to become real as a result. That's what I've learned from the trials and tribulations of the last year.

I also learned that the only real opinion that matters in life is your own. "To thyn own self be true!" Speak your truth with authenticity and often with honor, integrity and yet with sensitivity and gentleness and you will find happiness.

I hope this weekend finds you all contemplative, peaceful, successful and happy!

Peace!

]]> =Compassion81 Sleepy Sunday http://Compassion81.deviantart.com/journal/19877812/ http://Compassion81.deviantart.com/journal/19877812/ Sun, 10 Aug 2008 11:46:45 PDT
It's on with the day and to the mundane. Domestic Goddess chores to engage in today although my mind will most certainly be elsewhere. And tonight, I'll drift off to dream to some far away place and dance in the dark whilst I sleep.

Peace to all.

]]> =Compassion81 Ache so Good http://Compassion81.deviantart.com/journal/19822370/ http://Compassion81.deviantart.com/journal/19822370/ Thu, 07 Aug 2008 07:21:10 PDT
I played with my son last night and we had such a great time. The only draw back is being a bit out of shape and I'm sure age didn't help me much there either but I played anyway. Today, my back, my ankle and my wrist are continually reminding me of a good time had the night before. I'm hoping that moving about my day today somewhat gingerly might loosen up screaming muscles and tendons so that I might enjoy yet another game this evening and again tomorrow morning.

In some ways it feels I have many months of pent up energy that is being released with each stroke. Ahhhhh what a wonderful release.

Anyhow, it's off to work with me so I can wrap up and enjoy a nice 3-day weekend with my son before he goes back to Florida. I will dearly miss my little tennis buddy but am grateful for this time that we have had.

Hope all my DA friends are enjoying a beautiful summer!

Peace!

]]> =Compassion81 Writer's Block http://Compassion81.deviantart.com/journal/19649258/ http://Compassion81.deviantart.com/journal/19649258/ Mon, 28 Jul 2008 20:02:28 PDT
I hope all my DA friends are having a wonderful week.

Peace.

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