deviantART: by:Crewed

The End of the World has Come Often, and Continues

~Crewed — Thu, 13 Aug 2009 00:27:22 PDT

_{So, it is currently 2:20:11 AM, and I am sitting outside, staring up at the sky with hopes of seeing some Perseid meteor action. A raccoon just scuttled by. That is slightly disconcerting. Anyway, as a sidenote, this particular shower has been viewable for about two thousand years; itÂs essentially as old as Christ, except comprised of dust and rocks and all sorts of molecules and really the elements that make up our bodies, as we all originate from the same great unification and resulting explosion that created so excellently and so chaotically everything that has ever existed for a single second, and everything that still exists, and everything that will exist. You and I and our ancestors and our great great grandchildren are all 13.7 billion years old, and we all occured accidentally, really, out of slight chance, one means to an end out of an infinite loop of possible universes, each atom that could have ignited and created time and space and then weaved throughout these two concepts, yes each one held within it a possible existence, a possible everything to take up the great nothing that existed for so much time that it would not be possible to measure it, even if time existed at that point. Whenever I begin to think about the origins of the universe, and how everything would be different if those elements did not collide, I get slightly anxious, and incredibly nostalgic for times that I have not lived in, for times that no being or creation or substance or molecule has ever seen.
I want to become a great astronomer someday. I really do. Maybe even explore space, to see things that have defied time, which I am skeptical to believe exists. I know that sounds silly, and childish (elementary school Âwhat do you want to be when you grow up?Â, anyone?) but I want so much to know how it feels to look at everything, all at once. To see every relative, friend, pet, transportation device, city, sculpture, every great work of art, every oak tree, every gravestone of every celebrated explorer, general, scientist, painter, poet, king, queen, pacifist, anarchist, tyrant, villain and hero coexisting peacefully on one small dot that may well not even exist if you are looking at it from far enough away. I want to map out new constellations and see Red Giants explode and new stars manifest themselves in the distance. I find it beautiful but terrifying, that everything that is born must die out eventually. And how that we are all born from stars, that everybody you will ever pass on the street and meet and fall in love with originated from the beginning of the universe along with you. And how when we look up into the sky, we are seeing so many other kinds of life, but how we are also seeing ourselves, the reflection of our existence, in different stages of living, our children, our great, great grandparents, how we can trace the history of all history at one single moment in time if we desired it. How the sky is a visualization of how far the birth of life has come, and how far it has to go.
A meteor just passed by.
-Alice}

The End of the World Often Comes

~Crewed — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 19:01:10 PDT

_{So this is really Sunday, July 12th.
This smiley is nice. It is carrying balloons and is adorable, and reminds me of "The Man," which is an obscure EPGY reference that I will miss dearly.
So I spent the last three weeks at Stanford University, studying 20th century art movements, literary works, and general history. It was all sorts of beautiful, and I feel all sorts of different for going. But it is a wonderful different. I have never been so happy to change.
And now I'm listening to Bon Iver and thinking of this lovely kid that I met there and Salvador Dali and Pomegranates and the painting that I really should be working on. I feel as if the most beautiful people are the ones that you see the least, but miss the most. I hope you are all doing well, and are having a nice summer, and that you're generally content with everything that is happening and has happened and will happen. It's the world's greatest secret.

Love,

-Alice}

Devious Journal Entry

~Crewed — Sun, 03 Aug 2008 17:40:54 PDT

"How much do you know about Elephants?"
"Not too much."
"Not too much a little? Or not too much nothing?
"Hardly anything."
"For example, did you know that scientists used to think that elephants had esp?"
"Do you mean ESP?"
"Anyway, elephants can set up meetings from very faraway locations, and they know where their friends and enemies are going to be, and they can find water without any geological clues. No one could figure out exactly how they do all of those things. So, what's actually going on?"
"I don't know."
"How do they do it?"
"It?"
"How do they set if meetings if they don't have E.S.P?"
"You're asking me?"
"Yes."
"I don't know."
"Do you want to know?"
"Sure."
"A lot?"
"Sure."
"They're making very, very, very deep calls, way deeper than what humans can hear. They're talking to each other. Isn't that so awesome?"
"It is."

I ate a strawberry, "There's this woman who's spent the last couple of years in the Congo or whatever. She's been making recordings of the calls and putting together an enormous library of them. This past year she started playing them back."
"Playing them back?"
"To the elephants."
"Why?" I loved that she asked why.
"As you probably know, elephants have much,much stronger memories than other mammals."
"Yes. I think I knew that."
"So this woman wanted to see how just how good their memories really are. She'd play a call of an enemy that was recorded a bunch of years earlier- a call they'd heard only once- and they'd get panicky and sometimes they'd run. They remembered hundreds of calls. Thousands. There might not even be a limit. Isn't that fascinating?"
"It is."
"Because what's really fascinating is that she'd play the call of a dead elephant to its family members. "
"And?"
"They remembered."
"What did they do?"
"They approached the speaker."

"I wonder what they were feeling."
"What do you mean?"
"When they heard the calls of their dead, was it with love that they approached the jeep? Or fear? Or anger?"
"I don't remember."

-Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close.

One of my favourite excerpts so far from the novel. It is such a beautiful book, but I think that (at least so far) I prefer Foer's Everything Is Illuminated. But I was dying to show somebody this part of the book, because it is so beautiful and potent and heartbreaking, really, you have to read this part of the book to feel exactly what I'm talking about.
By the way, I've been doodling a lot lately, and I think that I may be coming out of artblock. I'll upload one of my more detailed pictures after I finish it. (:

-Alice.

I'm not dead. I PROMISE.

~Crewed — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 09:42:10 PDT

..no, really. I am just going through the largest art block in the history of the world. Okay, maybe just my life. But still, I just *can't* manage to break through it all, and it's beyond frustrating. I'm very sorry that I haven't been producing/posting any new pieces of art; nothing I have done recently is even remotely close to me being comfortable enough with it to display here.
How do you guys get over art blocks? I've tried everything...listening to music, taking walks, immersing myself in other people's artistic talent (which gave me a lot of inspiration, but did not quite work, however it was a lovely experience), drawing rainbow straws, EVERYTHING.

..on a side note, I leave for England today, in a couple of hours! But for now, I'm going to go sketch. Something, anything. I hope you are all doing well. How's your summer going?

-A.

Trees

~Crewed — Fri, 20 Jun 2008 20:54:02 PDT

Trees are perfect. They are comforting and powerful and noble and poignant and they go on and on. They hold the nests and feathers of birds and arch over streams to collect pieces of algae and pieces of love for the trouts. And they shade young hearts when fingers fit together like puzzle pieces and cheeks turn as red as the checkers of the picnic blanket beneath them. Bark reveals the memories of sunsets and meteor showers and campfires with starry eyes and perfect lips. Branches provide the poets of our generation with tools to write their words in the sand and in our thoughts. Leaves and flowers represent the changing seasons and fresh philosophy as the world blooms into beauty after weeks of coats and scarves. They remain fixed in their place with roots stretching around layers of bricks and dust and painted grass while the continents shift and buildings challenge the skyline. So many people try to be trees!

We live in a lovely world.

~Crewed — Sat, 31 May 2008 13:54:23 PDT

If it weren't for the people that I've met, I honestly don't know where I'd be.

I love lots of things. I despise many others.

But in all of this there is still room for absolute and overriding beauty,
there is still room for appreciation and for love and awe and wonder.

My idea of beauty has to do with everything.

I don't mean just outer beauty when I say beauty but I also think excluding outer beauty is just as stupid as excluding any other kind. Vision is our main sense, and a lot of what we feel is also what we see.

But outer beauty applies to a lot more than just people; the standards that people are judged by are skewed anyway. Outer beauty means everything- the sky, valleys, mountains, trees, grass, sunshine, castles, dresses, statues, paintings, sunflowers, bugs, rocks, the ocean.

I believe that it matters, but not enough to override other things.

How somebody looks doesn't determine their ability to change the world, or be a good friend, or learn how to do something. I think that external beauty matters intrinsically, but it doesn't influence the intrinsic value of other things, even though it may influence people's perceptions of it.

Sometimes..

~Crewed — Thu, 07 Feb 2008 14:48:05 PST

every once in a while i have days like this.

where everything is kind of fuzzy and i can't really pay attention to things. people talk to me and i hear them but i only understand like one out of every five words they say. i'll be somewhere and not really know why i'm there. i'll find myself looking for something but not actually knowing what i'm looking for. i feel like maybe i'm on something but i'm not.

i think i need more sleep.
it hasn't happened for a year or so, and back then i'd usually know it was coming because i'd start to have trouble sleeping. when it would come, i'd get at most an hour of sleep.

everything would feel too alive and wrong. sounds were too loud. smells too strong. colors too vivid.
i would usually read or watch movies. it got my mind away from things and into the story.
but that is only temporary.

or i'd go walking and try to convince myself how miraculous and beautiful everything is. i'd try to make myself really see the sky, really see everything. but it's really hard to keep those thoughts when you're feeling like that.

i still feel like everything is miraculous and beautiful. i think good things happened today actually. i'm just really confused. i don't know what's going on.

now you are supposed to make me feel better by saying something like, "don't worry, you're not crazy. i have days like that too."

Anyone Else

~Crewed — Wed, 23 Jan 2008 15:10:06 PST

You're a part time lover and a full time friend
The monkey on your back is the latest trend
I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you

I've had this song stuck in my head for ages, maybe writing it down would help.

Anyway, I guess it's been almost a month since I last updated.. nothing has really happened. I'm taking a painting course this semester (not by choice), but it should be entertaining. Fingerpainting is the best!
Blahh.. I'm sick, with god knows what, and it's messing with my head, too. I couldn't find the flush on the toilet and started to freak out, but I was just looking on the wrong side. Who would've known? Journals are frustrating.. they make me feel so self centered.
SO i've decided to feature some of my favourite pieces from you guys, if it's okay with you. If not, just send me a little note, and I'll take it down asap.

clubs:

City Park

~Crewed — Fri, 28 Dec 2007 20:02:34 PST

I miss being younger.
I miss the things I used to worry about.They weren't any easier but they made more sense.
I'm in my teens, and sometimes it's hard to believe I've gotten this far.
I'm just so ready to grow up and move out and find myself and worry about taxes and paying the mortgage
and start a career in my bungalow by the lake and only have to see people once a week to pick up some groceries
i don't want to be stuck here and have to listen to people's insignificant problems
like boys and makeup and clothes and hair
there's just so much more in the world than that, and i cant stand to see people pass it by
sometimes there is so much beauty in the world that i feel like i can't take it- like my heart is going to explode.

Clubs I am in:

Winter Break.

~Crewed — Tue, 25 Dec 2007 18:26:21 PST

Happy Holidays, everyone!
Finally, two weeks without exams.. school.. homework.. relaxation. Enjoy it, I know I will. xD
What are you guys doing for the holidays? Eh? Eh?! ...I'm curious.

Hope you all had a good Christmas. I was watching Pirates 3 most of the day.. such a long movie.
Almost 3 hours! (I can't sit down that long, no matter how excellent the movie may be.) My parents also
drove to City Park, and it was absolutely beautiful. I started a Pen/Ink drawing there out of boredom; if
I finish, I'll be sure to post it. And I hate to be so materialistic, but what'd you guys get? Seems like
tons of people got Wiis this year.

Bird of a different feather

~Crewed — Fri, 23 Nov 2007 12:47:45 PST

Aah I'm sorry I haven't updated/came on in a while!
I've been working on two new pieces, both of which are almost done ^^
one is a pen drawing of my school campus, and the other is in pencil. Not going to tell you what it is, though. You'll have to wait and see. xD -evil-
I have to finish them by monday, so hopefully i'll steal Lauer's scanner for a period

oh, and by the way, my friend Colton introduced me to this clothing website a couple weeks ago.
It's called fullbleed; the tees are really sort of "out there", I guess, and they're all very interesting.
I sound like an advertisement, but seriously, check it out:

[link]