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]]> ~DarkGnome http://DarkGnome.deviantart.com/journal/21292345/ http://DarkGnome.deviantart.com/journal/21292345/ Sun, 02 Nov 2008 22:39:44 PST
8-bit Mega Man 7 remake: [link] (download from "ver.final 2" at the top of the screen)
It's what I've been spending my freetime doing lately. Editing the graphics in MSPaint (which you may have noticed is all I've ever learned to use) is an additional hobby I adopted this morning; at the moment Megaman is a black-and-white fellow who swears whenever he teleports. But more importantly, the game is a lot more fun than it is on the SNES (well, okay, scientifically I can only be sure it's better than the PS2 rerelease - for all my ranting about the SNES's superiority I never had MM7 on it)

Nippon Ichi video games. Been playing Soul Nomad when I have a free afternoon (I'm on hour twenty, playing since August), and it's tremendous fun micromanaging your army. I'm a little disappointed by the absence of Zetta cameos, but I guess I'm biased since Makai Kingdom was the first one I played.

The Life and Opinions of Tristram Shandy, Gentleman. I've had this book for about half a year now, at least, and it's a totally hellish slog, and yet the most transcendentally hilariously awesomely ridiculous novels I've ever read. On the other hand, up until finding this book I was illiterate, so take that with a grain of salt.

Barack Obama's candidacy.

Girls. Seriously, they're the cutest, huh? I'm not so good at getting them to reciprocate though, which is unfortunate because without girls, whose blood will I use to summon the dark lord Korrok?

Now that I mention Korrok, here's old news for things I like: John Dies at the End. The book itself is offline for good now (lucky I got both print editions), but it looks like they're finally putting new stuff up, like the current article on how a photograph of Captain Kirk holding a dick proves that God does not have eyelids, by corollary. It's pretty cool. johndiesattheend.com

Fiddling. My blue violin is sexy. I don't know how to italicize things in this applet, so just pretend I italicized the word "sexy."

Dicks.

Eighties diva pop. Goonies R Good Enough and I'm a Material Girl. I'm working on covers, don't laugh at me.

I've been slowly joining the Pittsburgh indie music scene and fighting crime as El Libro Fuerte, muscletacular and dashingly handsome luchador (myspace.com/ellibrofuerte). Recording is hard though so there's nothing online yet. If you want good music online check out Mustache Required, at myspace.com/mustacherequired of course.

Incidentally, if you think I'm stupid for writing all this even though no one will ever read it... think about what you've just done. Also you're not the boss of me; don't tell me what to do.

]]> ~DarkGnome http://DarkGnome.deviantart.com/journal/10195802/ http://DarkGnome.deviantart.com/journal/10195802/ Tue, 26 Sep 2006 17:33:10 PDT
]]> ~DarkGnome http://DarkGnome.deviantart.com/journal/10052392/ http://DarkGnome.deviantart.com/journal/10052392/ Tue, 12 Sep 2006 17:00:45 PDT [link]

He existed.

He was fantastic. ]]> ~DarkGnome http://DarkGnome.deviantart.com/journal/9980801/ http://DarkGnome.deviantart.com/journal/9980801/ Tue, 05 Sep 2006 18:27:35 PDT
So, last Saturday, went to see Snakes on a Plane. Just about the only theater that shows good movies (unlike the Penn Hills cinema) and is not ridiculously far away (I'm looking at the Waterfront) was the theater at the Mills, which is this really big mall that is cool. Actually, I'd never been there before, but Heather Logan (awesome) said she could get there super-easy, so that was the decision. Nice place.

Anyway, Lederhosen and I had agreed to meet there at 7 but I got there early and just kinda stood in front of the whole place feeling very lonely. On the bright side, I was wearing my awesome trench with the shoulderpads, so I felt like a ninja turtle. I think my brother still has a Donatello-in-trench-and-fedora action figure in the basement. It's awesome.

After about ten minutes making crass assumptions and hurtful judgments about the other people standing in front of the mall, I kinda wanted to go inside the joint and look at all the inevitably cool stores, but being a dutiful Gnome I continued standing in the boring place in front of Starbucks.

Heather finally arrived wearing an awesome white sweater (as an aside, I think there's something awesome about white sweaters, because Toni had one and looked super-hot in it, and my cousin Christopher had one, and when he wore it I felt less urged to punch him in the face for wearing girl-pants) and went to get a chai tea from Starbucks while Gnome got tickets. Two for Snakes on a Plane. And then Heather walked up when I finally reached the counter and started to hand me money to buy her ticket, because the sthilly goosthe was entertaining notions of equality. I was like, pshht, yeah, males are awesome, so we get to pay for everything. In other news, I cannot afford food this month.

And then I was waiting in line for five minutes or so to buy popcorn, even though we were already late for the movie. Eventually reached it though, and previews were still on, so that was cool. After the film started and I was trying not to seem like I was enchanted with the beach scene, I realized Heather was a vegan, so buttered popcorn was probably a bad thing to have bought. So I whispered, "Hey babe, sorry about that," and she was like, "I'm not a vegan anymore. I just don't like popcorn," which wasn't as bad, but I still felt stupid sitting there eating a big bag-o'-popcorn throughout most of the film, all alone.

So I was the only one to say "had it with these snakes on this plane" line with Samuel L. Jackson, but that wasn't such a blow to my (admittedly oversized) ego as about an hour and a half in when I was like, hey I have an idea and reached over to hug Heather, only since I was still wearing the trench my sitting was holding my arm down and I was like, "Wait, hang on. I'ma get my arm up," so I freed the arm and asked to try again and said no. Oh well. First date was probably too early to try. And yes, I'm retarded for not having known it.

But yeah. Film ended, we sat in front of the mall for half an hour or so talking about junk (Despite how many people hear me plugging it, I believe the only friend I have who's ever started caring about Channel 101 was Youth Minister Eric, and he's probably not the best of people for enjoying it). She said hi to some little kid with Juri-dorable glasses who apparently went to her church. Then she offered to drive me home, but I have some pride in masculinity, thank you very much. Also, less attention drawn to the fact that I can't get a permit because I don't control my diabetes = better. So I walked around the mall, but all the stores inside were closed, which was pretty bumming.

I imagine another great part of the day was when I finally got home, Red Green was on PBS, and they never show him because his late-night timeslot is apparently perfect for fundraising. Anyway, Fred Rogers was a great guy. Doris Milligan, a very nice lady at my church, says that apparently her late husband (who was a bigshot in the Presbytery) helped Mr. Rogers get his officiation. i'll try to remember the story for next time. If I forget, comment. heaven knows I never get comments otherwise.

Anyway. I love me. I'm gorgeous.

Oh! Before I forget, vanilla beans is the best flavor of ice cream. It's like vanilla (duh), with the added affect of being cool, and by cool, I mean totally sweet. Robert Hamburger's book is pretty funny. Also, Sandie Shaw was fantastic. ]]> ~DarkGnome http://DarkGnome.deviantart.com/journal/9859314/ http://DarkGnome.deviantart.com/journal/9859314/ Sat, 26 Aug 2006 07:49:53 PDT
I've got a hankering for some harmonica. Anyone going to name any Max Geldray-style virtuosos who actually professionally release their awesomeness? On a related note, you know how Bob Dylan (who performed near Pittsburgh a few days ago, incidentally) used that little harmonica-around-the-neck thing? I think it'd be hilarious to put one on a hat and just wait for that person to realize they can't reach the instrument just by looking up.

Finally, are there any popular albums (that is, ones I could get on the cheap) with the St. James Infirmary Blues on them? Because that's some good bluesing. ]]> ~DarkGnome http://DarkGnome.deviantart.com/journal/9786380/ http://DarkGnome.deviantart.com/journal/9786380/ Sat, 19 Aug 2006 20:17:20 PDT [link]

My uncle has been ill for a few months now. I don't think I could really do justice to him in an essay, but I will say that he was and is a fantastic fellow. I think it was Lowtax who said it was easy for a rich guy to be charitable, but I don't care. My uncle was really generous. He got an OBE this year as Wikipedia testifies, met the Queen, and had a terrific sense of humor. He has three adoptive daughters whom I barely know, and a wife who is a similar enigma, and yes my choice of who and whom in this sentence is correct.

I just wanted to say this to remind myself and inform you all that I had an Uncle Christopher. ]]> ~DarkGnome http://DarkGnome.deviantart.com/journal/9758079/ http://DarkGnome.deviantart.com/journal/9758079/ Thu, 17 Aug 2006 09:20:10 PDT
Anyway, a supervillain should have an arm that's just a string of cueballs, big heavy ones, and they can fire them like bullets, only bigger, from their sleeve. And then their arm will reconstitute itself.

Just a note to myself there. Ignore it. ]]> ~DarkGnome http://DarkGnome.deviantart.com/journal/9596284/ http://DarkGnome.deviantart.com/journal/9596284/ Fri, 04 Aug 2006 09:34:37 PDT
Did I ever tell you kids about when I discovered Nietzche's work regarding the ubermenschen was all about me? See, I was sitting there and suddenlyI realized that if there was a God, He would undoubtedly be my biggest fan. This is especially weird because I've never done anything noteworthy. Oh well. I'm sure there's a platitude somewhere about inherent greatness giving rise to great deeds or whatever.

In international news, I'm told Toni-chan, in fact, never loved me, which does tremendous things for my feelings! This no longer cncerns me. My only wish is that someday she sends back my copy of Xenogears, which she never played anyway. Xenogears was excellent.

Cityan Uzuki + Roy Orbison = something so excellent it could only be outdone by Christopher Lloyd performing a Meatloaf guitar solo with Freddie Mercury singing a Bob Dylan song

I've come to the conclusion in recent month, that I'd much rather be friends with assholes than nice guys. And by nice guys, I don't mean Tony Vermuelen nice guys. I mean Joey Bean nice guys. Can't stand him. I think I'm the only person in the world who got what I just said, primarily because no one from Penn Hills reads this. Even if they did, I doubt ayone knows both of them too well. Anyway, as long as Joe does not read this, I'm going to tell you all up front that he's stupendously creepy. Not creepy like that one Photoshop Phriday guy. Creepy like the furries. its not that I mind them doing what gives them pleasure, but he insists on talking about it endlessly and sending me the most revolting pictures ever.

... I've drifted from the point. Anyway, I'd rather have someone who was cocky but didn't care than someonewho was cocky but didn't know. You know the sorts I mean? Who insist that they're humble, fantastic people because they endlessly talk about themselves (by way of their faults)? Yeah, and he spent this morning very subtly (in the same sense as as an elephant can fit in your pocket) hinting that how there's a female who isn't utterly creeped out by him. This is right after he expressed sympathy for that whole thing with Toni, which I wouldn't mind if it didn't seem so darn intentional.

Who's obsessively bitter?

I've found a supendously discount record store near my grandma's house (where my family is still staying), so I might actually be sad to go home this year. But only a little.

One Piece is totally excellent. Yupyup. So is Arlo Guthrie. ]]> ~DarkGnome http://DarkGnome.deviantart.com/journal/9328937/ http://DarkGnome.deviantart.com/journal/9328937/ Mon, 10 Jul 2006 05:42:10 PDT
The Bee Gees rocked. Too Much Heaven is fun.

I'm leaving in two hours, before which time I must give chemistry to school so that school can eat chemistry and I can get more credits. Hooray!

Toni's not on.

I'm sorry if this journal seems half-assed, at least in comparison to the last one, but it hasn't had as long to gestate. I must write and post now, or never post ever again! Ever.

Superman Returns was jolly good fun. Luthor was perfect, Superman was Jesus, and the dog ate the other dog. Excellent. Also, I'm pretty sure in the scene where Luthor gets the kryptonite they had Geoffrey Rush in full costume as Casanova Frankenstein. Y'know, he was the one with the kryponite-finding-thingy. I thought it was a nice touch.

Speaking of which, has there been a new Flaming Carrot comic since the one with the chicken wing? 'cuz I thought it restarted, but I've seen neither head nor hide of it since last August or thereabouts.

Innuendo is a great Queen songs. Lyrics for the first half of it or so are pretty dumb, but ooh do I love me them instrumentals. Is that a mariachi guitar solo?

It's weird, but I've noticed that a band's most popular songs tend to suck the most. I mean, Staying Alive? Definitely not their best moment. In Queen's case, a lot of their pure musical pleasures are the ones that aren't-that-popular-but-not-too-obscure-either songs, like Bicycle Race, which is pretty much undisputedly awesome.

We still have no kitchen in this house, but at least in place of it I've gotten the print edition of JDatE and even the PWoT Socrates shirt! Yes, I am a drooling fan of Mr. Wong, but on the other hand, I'm obsessed with practically all internet celebrity. Probably unhealthy, but hey! I haven't hurt anyone yet!

But never mind. I'm going to go post this journal and sit here getting unnecessary sleep whilst waiting for my sweetest friend to get online. Still have something to ask her.

Toodles.

Edit as of July 29th: I just realized while watching the movie again (in Spanish, no less) that it's just Spacey with a wig that makes him look like Rush's character. Never mind. ]]> ~DarkGnome http://DarkGnome.deviantart.com/journal/9271687/ http://DarkGnome.deviantart.com/journal/9271687/ Tue, 04 Jul 2006 13:54:40 PDT
But that's not what's occupying my mind at the moment. No. See, last night we were talking about it on AIM and I had said something snarky, when suddenly the storm decided to screw with the network (thunder and lightning, very very frightening) and I was plunged into a state of being not unlike what everyone experienced before the internet. So after a bit of hesitation I calledto make sure she didn't think I hated her.

She picks up after half a ring and we're having a whispering conversation and suddenly her mom, who had ostensibly been sleeping beforehand, comes in and told me this had better not happen again, interrupting her beauty sleep. Yes. Because I've done it before, calling people at 2 A.M, so I'm just glad she was noble enough to inform me of how heinous a deed it was to phone in the dead of night.

Anyway, after the decision last night, I was sitting downstairs sipping from a cup I've been using for a week (our kitchen implements, dishwasher, et. al. have been supended from active service by virtue of the kitchen itself being refurbished) and I got to thinking about completely unrelated stuff.

Ever notice how there are a few phrases that aren't really cliches, per se, but are still used almost invariably in narratives? "The stench of death" was the first one that came to my mind, for zombies and / or anything filled with dead guys. There are a lot more. I'm sure you have some. I won't ruin it for you, but the next one you consider is going to contain the secret of life. How do I know what you'll think next? Simple. I know everything.

In other news, that Richard Pryor movie Critical Condition was not very funny. It had a few moments, but it seemed too obviously from the 1980's. The reason I said 1980's even though it was pretty definitely not from, say, the 1880's was because it would have looked stupid to have said it was from the '80's. Did you know that numerical plurals use apostrophes, as do abbreviations and (I'm pretty sure) names? Yes.

Apostrophe: O! Woe be unto Gnome! May Aphrodite, the Goddes of Love, and perhaps Vialis, God of Curled Moustaches lend guidance. May he be defended by the mighty Citrusface, antagonist of sore throats, or perhaps that fellow from the Ripping Friends who hated it in the bowels of the Earth (his bowels) and farted majestically! Perhaps someday he shall stop wearing that ridiculous facemask!

Gnome: Hey, shouldn't we be speaking Greek or whatever?

Apostrophe: Cuando omni flunkus mortati.

Gnome: You know, I didn't realize until a few months ago that the Possum Van was actually painted to look like a opossum? I thought it was just scratched up or something.

Apostrophe: Ah ha! He fell for our clever trap! Not only was that Latin, and not Greek, it wasn't even grammatically correct!

Gnome: Damn you, Plato! You and your poncy Latin-speaking degree-holders!

Apostrophe: He was Greek.

Gnome: Shut up. You're uglier than Caesar. I'm glad I stabbed him.

...

... Erh, back to Mr. Pryor. I don't know. He's usually pretty good, and as evidence I here recommend everything with him and Gene Wilder, but the movie was pretty flat. Good as a movie, I guess, not that I watch very many to compare, but I only really laughed at the fact that the evil administrator looked like Rowan Atkinson, which I doubt was an intentional joke. Oh, and Bob Saget. He so kwazy.

So, for the past three days, my sister, (age twelve, and despite all siblings having buttloads of games, she has few to none) has been playing Super Mario World like the SNES was going out of style (crazy, isn't she?). She's gotten up to Bowser's Castle with little help from me, but for the life of her she can't get past the bit where the clown-copter starts setting stuff on fire. You know, the bit where you have to jump between some flames and then not do anything until they all go out? She can't do it.

She's cleared Star Road and some of the Special World, so I'd think this would be a picnic for her, but nope. It's amazing.

Tried introducing her to FFVI, but she utterly disrespected Arvis by calling him ugly, and I shan't stand for such crass ignorance of his inner beauty! Arvis is one of those wonderful people that everyone ignores.

Another awesome person is the Captain of the Thames in Xenogears. Everyone knows him, though, 'cuz of the "I am! A man! Of the sea!" line. He dies and you don't even get to watch. http://DarkGnome.deviantart.com/journal/9167076/ Sat, 24 Jun 2006 08:28:28 PDT
Second thing I would like to say is that I have not updated lately for a variety of reason. Point the first, and least on my procrastinating mind, is homework for AP classes. I've been ignoring that, which is Bad News.

Point the second, I have been writing more and more for the site (buttloads more than I used to write) over at [link] , in case you forgot. Already have aaaaalmost three more "episodes" finished, meaning nine more short story segments. And they include references to Richard "Lowtax" Kyanka, which makes me proud, although Sidekick Chris claims my reference is too forced. Ah well.

Point the third, and my favorite, is that the estimable and callipygian (adding that word just to prove that I read Dinosaur Comics) Toni-chan was visiting for a week. This was Big News, insofar as the other trips have all been to her house, and so she had not seen that I have a wall covered with Ninja Turtle Porn (including lost episode Face Full of Krang Wang). She ran away screaming and hasn't been seen since.

Err, anyway. We went to Kennywood, an awesome local amusement park that did not turn anyone into pigs or become a resort for ghosts, sadly. It did give us a big lesson though: never eat a funnelcake, then have fast food for dinner. Especially not fish. And especially if you don't have an hour ride home.

The best part was that after that we both passed out on her (the guest) bed for eleven hours or so, so now I can tell people we've slept together.

We also saw the new X-Men, on its last day of local showing, and were so flabbergasted by the realization Kelsey Grammar played Beast that she left her purse in the theater and now we've finlly found it after she's gone home and have to blow money on postage. She also left this super-sexy sweater she wore, which on the bright side means there will be fewer guys drawn into her web of deception and hotness and therefore no competition for me.

I'd love to have the Smash Brothers Announcer's voice, so as to yell "NO CONTEST" all the time.

Other things about the trip I would like to mention here just to remind you all that, even as my alter-ego millionaire playboy Lance Vance (who had his last dance) I have more fun than you.

Oh, and Eugene and Heather came over last Saturday (she left of Sunday) as a saying-goodbye-to-someone-they-never-met party. We discovered that the third season of Father Ted should not be used to introduce people to the series, as it reaps the benefits of setting up ongoing jokes that you subsequently have to explain. We also learned that Eugene should never play Smash Brothers, lest everyone else feel inadequate. He's awesome.

But not as awesome as Toni, who has really weird (in the sense of enchanting, etc) eyes in low light. And I only found this out Saturday night, sadly, so I barely got to enjoy them. Gnome hangs Gnome's head in shame.

In other news, I need to eat more fruit. I had a pear and a kiwi yeserday for breakfast and just about burst out crying from the greatness. Or from depression that I hadn't gotten any hugs from Toni in five days. What, who's obsessed?

Aaaaaaaanyway. I don't know why I plugged Analogue before. No one reads this, and those that do don't read my site. I am (without hyperbole) the only visitor to my site. Thanks a lot, people who say I don't suck.

Love, luck, lollipops, and all that. Toodles.

Oh, and I forgot to mention the Phil Hendrie show ended. Of course, those of you who care already knew it. ]]> ~DarkGnome http://DarkGnome.deviantart.com/journal/8890062/ http://DarkGnome.deviantart.com/journal/8890062/ Sat, 27 May 2006 05:57:30 PDT
So's my site, again, and I'll be able to screw around with it all I want because it's driven by php! Geeklog is awesome.

So anyway, I'll probably move journal-keeping duties (blogging? Is that what kids call it these days?) to the site, but... yeah. I'm trying to update at least weekly, with something or another. Heaven knows I have a backload in case I can't finish anything new.

Anyway, just alerting you to my being alive. And the site is at [link] and love. Whoo. ]]> ~DarkGnome http://DarkGnome.deviantart.com/journal/8731276/ http://DarkGnome.deviantart.com/journal/8731276/ Wed, 10 May 2006 14:38:42 PDT
Finished AP Psyche test today and I do believe I did well. It's awesome 'cuz not only was I the only sophomore taking it, I only took half of the actual course.

It's funny 'cuz Adam, who wishes he were as smart as he is pretentious, said he hoped I'd fail for rubbing it in his face how I was taking it. By rubbing it in his face, I assume he means cramming in the past week.

Come to think of it, if I actually studied or did work when I should do it, I would be a better person. But I can't. I suck. I'm sorry.

Also, I set my finger on fire in the process of lighting a candle.

Anyway, I have not updated here much, but I've updated semi-frequently on the site, which you should visit via the handy-dandy link above this box. Love. ]]> ~DarkGnome http://DarkGnome.deviantart.com/journal/8615891/ http://DarkGnome.deviantart.com/journal/8615891/ Fri, 28 Apr 2006 21:09:41 PDT : .

So, i must list ten things I like and then tag some other people. First, site is updated, so check out [link] .

I love...

1. Deus Ex and other such computer games shooters, as God and John Carmack intended.
2. Books by Garrison Keillor, Dave Barry, and Terry Pratchett,
3. Hugs, especially from cute girls such as Toni :: who on a related note might be coming for a week or so this summer after the traditional trip to her, meaning that awesome store that still sold SNES games wil be out of stock now that I can prepare.
4. Xenogears, which somehow combines giant robots, religious symbolism, fighting game-style combo moves, pink fluffy things that grow to the size of buildings, and some of the best characters you'll ever see. The best thing is that it doesn't have legions of idiot fans like pretty much every popular, inferior game. And yes, I am just stroking my ego with I'm-hip-and-alternative.
5. Good songs. No genre; I even enjoy the odd Baby Got Back and therefore cannot harangue rap music. Jazz and most forms of rock probably get top billing in my Bobobobobobobo afro-symphony, though.
6. Stupid people. They just make me feel so much better about myself, after spending the day being remind that despite being in the top .5% or so, even friggin' John Cheese is smarter than me and I can't even remember that the smartest person is the world's IQ is 228 so I'm stupid and said her IQ was 280 and felt even stupider for a week and now I cut myself at night.
7. Run-on sentences. 'Nuff said.
8. Plastic Man, and anything else my dad likes. He used to sit me on his knee and sa, "Boah, ah need to tell you about christmastown! There were objects so peculiar they were not to
9. Reduced Shakespeare Company shows, specifically Austin Tichenor because I got to shake his hand and I have his autograph under my bed and I go all girly and giggly when I see him on TV because of tat one passionate night we spent together.
10. People who don't care. I don't mean people who kill themselves because they don't think their lives matter, because that's a waste; I mean people who realize it doesn't matter and revel in it and laugh at themselves, but still try to improve because its what you have to do. I mean people who care about the plight of others, but don't whine about it all the time as if they're better than us because they have a political cause. I mean people who have decided that as long as they're here there's nothing to lose. I mean people who find someone to love and doggone it they're going to love them because if nothing else two people will be happy. Art sucks. Love is art. Love love. I love to suck? I forget what I was trying to say.

Anyway, goodnight.

-Gnome Palazzo Chere-cole Branford Figaro figaro Kermit Uzuki Kochanski Mk. II

Wait, I have to tage people. I tag Toni :: and my subordinate employee Fangirl :: even though she';s already been tagged, because I'm a prick that way. Third person shall be... hm... :: because she has good taste. Alright.

And remember, BACKHAND IN THE FACE!!! There is God. ]]> ~DarkGnome http://DarkGnome.deviantart.com/journal/8500048/ http://DarkGnome.deviantart.com/journal/8500048/ Mon, 17 Apr 2006 13:19:57 PDT
The magnolia tree in front of the compound is blooming, and that rocks. It exploded into a painting of pretty pinks and whites, and--

Hey, it'd kick butt if Primera bloomed. The entire country, just suddenly flowery and stuff. On a related note, the Home of Gnome website is still being updated, link up above this here journal entry.

Yeah, so how about that Jesus guy? Saying to love everyone and not brag when you give to charity. Crazy.

I leave as my text for today the real lyrics to Louie Louie, by the Kingsmen:

"Yo, I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want,
So tell me what you want, what you really really want,
I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want,
So tell me what you want, what you really really want,
I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna really
really really wanna zigazig ha." ]]> ~DarkGnome http://DarkGnome.deviantart.com/journal/8181900/ http://DarkGnome.deviantart.com/journal/8181900/ Thu, 16 Mar 2006 19:08:16 PST
The game proper is, of course, as beautiful as ever, and the MSX games are a delightful slice of cake on the icing. Er, however the idiom goes.

So anyway, I've decided to write a list of the many ways that I am better than you. For one thing, I smell better. I can bake more delicious cookies. I can jump higher, faster, and more than your bees' wax. My bees' wax is more delicious. I have the songs from the original Nunsense memorized better than you. I have a creepier smile than you. Also, you have a terrible secret and I have an electrician trapped in my closet. ]]> ~DarkGnome http://DarkGnome.deviantart.com/journal/8125706/ http://DarkGnome.deviantart.com/journal/8125706/ Fri, 10 Mar 2006 21:26:31 PST
[link] ]]> ~DarkGnome http://DarkGnome.deviantart.com/journal/8118953/ http://DarkGnome.deviantart.com/journal/8118953/ Fri, 10 Mar 2006 06:50:57 PST
So now I have a pamphlet signed by Reed Martin, Austin Tichenor, and Dominic Conti. I shall plastic-bag it and hang it in my room, in the hopes that I will get "contact awesome" from them.

Also, tomorrow. Whoot. ]]> ~DarkGnome http://DarkGnome.deviantart.com/journal/8084836/ http://DarkGnome.deviantart.com/journal/8084836/ Mon, 06 Mar 2006 14:32:13 PST "Hey, are we in King Tut's tomb?"
"Who's King Tut?"
"I dunno, but Steve Martin wrote a song about him."

...Yeah. By the way, I imported a Viewtiful Joe gashapon, and I got Alastor. Awesome. Also, be prepared for this Saturday. You shall be amazed. Or, y'know, mildly flabberghasted. Or repelled. ]]> ~DarkGnome http://DarkGnome.deviantart.com/journal/7907770/ http://DarkGnome.deviantart.com/journal/7907770/ Wed, 15 Feb 2006 15:10:11 PST
Class is open for debate. ]]> ~DarkGnome http://DarkGnome.deviantart.com/journal/7717320/ http://DarkGnome.deviantart.com/journal/7717320/ Thu, 26 Jan 2006 19:40:19 PST
Learn to play the harmonica

Stop sucking at the piano and violin

Come to that, get better at writing

Make the Gnome plushie, send to Toni-chan

Finish this first saga in Analogue

Get a Japanese copy of Super Princess Peach, because it's one of those bizarre games that are always better covered with Japanese text.

Watch the animated Discworld series (found copies at the library, so this'll be easy)

Get Kirby Super Star and a second SNES controller

After doing the above, play through one of the games with Toni-chan

Generally get more multiplayer co-op games, because they are always more fun

Get a Machinae Supermacy CD

Finish spriting the cast of Analogue

Talk to Deem more often

Hug Toni-chan more often

Quit musical

Read more Dickens

Hypothesize on the many possible reasons that P.J. O'Rourke writes too smugly to be tolerable

Check that I spelled his name correctly

Hit self for forgetting a silent Q in his name

Break down and cry

Lose faith in the concept of politics

Lose faith in humanity

Re-gain faith in God

Mud-wrestle Toni-chan

Erase last entry

No, seriously, erase it

You've ruined Christmas retroactively

You jerk ]]> ~DarkGnome http://DarkGnome.deviantart.com/journal/7624058/ http://DarkGnome.deviantart.com/journal/7624058/ Mon, 16 Jan 2006 19:22:30 PST
On a related note, why do you never hear anyone refer to his brother as Super Luigi?

Okay, so I've decided that I'ma make a Gnome plush doll. I've got remnants of the same fabrics I used for the Gnome hat and scarf, so from here all I'll need to buy are threads and fabrics for Gnome-flesh and Gnome-hair.

Oh, and patterns. I don't suppose anyone out there in radio land (wait, what?) have any patterns for anime-type sewing? Y'know, with a mostly round head and kinda indent over the nose? I mean, I imagine the seams runs from the nose to somewhere in the scalp, but where?

Anybody? ]]> ~DarkGnome http://DarkGnome.deviantart.com/journal/7480317/ http://DarkGnome.deviantart.com/journal/7480317/ Sun, 01 Jan 2006 15:26:04 PST
I wish I had a lady, fair as any butterfly.

I wish I had a house of stone, where I could see the sea.

But most of all, I wish that I was anyone but me.

[Camilla the Chicken cheers him up]

Now I don't have a coat of silk, but still I have the sky.

Now I don't have a lady, but there goes a butterfly.

Now I don't have a house of stone, but I can see the sea.

Now most of all, I know that I am happy to be me.

I'm happy to be me.

-Gonzo's Wishing Song

-----

I've grown more interested in The Muppet Show recently, particularly Gonzo. Just thought it was worth noting.

In other news, was in Indiana Wednesday to mid-Friday visiting Toni for her birthday. *drools* Most fun I've had all year, let me tell ya, best of the three trips so far. I love my Toni-chan. To anyone who says long-distance relationships don't work, I say you just haven't found your soul mate or whatever.

2006 is looking mighty fine. I've regained faith in my writing ability (though in a month I'll look back on what I've written and gag), I'll probably get to see my Toni a buttload more, and I've finally found a group of local friends with whom I share a lot of interests.

Life is good.

By the way, I've found myself saying "love, luck, and lollipops" an awful lot recently. It's a quote from the Brain as a television show star. I like it. It sounds like Urchin's quotable quote back when he still did Sakana Yama, "Live, laugh, love."

I liked Urchin until he disappeared. *cries*

But yes. I'm going to stop typing stuff soon. Please, when/if you read/comment on the Analogue stuff, say the bits you thought were funny or well-written (preferably both) and the ones that were dumb or pulled your mind away from the story. After all, I can't improve much unless y'all tell me what I can't do.

Thank you.

Good luck in the year to come. ]]> ~DarkGnome http://DarkGnome.deviantart.com/journal/7424257/ http://DarkGnome.deviantart.com/journal/7424257/ Mon, 26 Dec 2005 16:36:53 PST
I have had an epiphany. The holidays aren't about giving. Christmas isn't about getting. It's nothing to do with Jesus (partly because it's almost certainly not His actual birthday and partly because no one seems to care, except the ones who have something to gain from it politically). Forget Kwanzaa, forget Chanuka, forget Christmas. Forget the new year. It's nothing more than a marker of the planet's revolution anyway.

We should not have these holidays at all. The best reason to have the season is the milk of human kindness.

Please, kids, hear me out. I'm not going to protest wishing someone a merry one holiday and ignoring another (moreover, does it matter?). I'm also not going to say we should secularize anything, diversity is, you know, a fact of life. I'm not going to say we should have a grassroots revolution and stop celebrating altogether. I like getting stuff.

Look, I don't know how to best say this, but do you remember the Muppet song where Kermit sings about how on Christmas there's no such thing as a stranger and there's love in everyone's heart? Well, why can't we have that every day?

It sounds exhausting, or a hassle, but it's not that hard to wish someone a nice day. It's not that hard to help the elderly lady next door shovel her driveway. It's not that hard to volunteer to feed the homeless. The only reason it could be hard is if you waste too much time working. After all, do we need cows with Bluetooth technology? [link] Spend your time doing something that matters, be it theological debate (by that I do not mean childish shrieking) or simply performing acts of kindness.

You only think that would leave you with too little time for enjoying yourself, but if everyone did this we would have a better world and easier lives. If everyone thinks no one else would help make a better world, obviously it will hold true, but if you show people, don't you think they would follow your lead? It would only take one person to join you, and that person would encourage another person, who would help another... Wouldn't you feel great if, instead of leaving that alcoholic hobo to die in the gutter, you took him into your home and helped him to recover?

I don't know a thing about you, but I know I would like a world where people did this.

People together in peace and harmony is an hilarious image, partly because of such classic ideas as Megaman fighting for everlasting peace, but also partly because you couldn't help but laugh if you lived in a world like that.

There would be no more need to send your family off to war, or to go yourself, because there couldn't be any wars. Would you firebomb someone you love if it were not necessary? No. We would not have to worry about war or anything if we all showed love and gave reason for reciprocation to the multitudes.

We'd all be happy. People simply need to learn to control their emotions. I myself am guilty of this, but when everyone is in love and flowers and so forth, you won't need to be mad anyway.

Don't say that it would be financially illogical to give money to the poor! If you paid so much taxes that you ended up poor, then you'd get the money to continue living. If you can afford a yacht, then boy, you deserve to be poor or starving, but you wouldn't be if you were more charitable.

I realize there are many philanthropic organizations and people out there, but the people who could stand to give a little more should. I realize you shouldn't give your lifesavings, at least not now that you have reason to fear poverty, but someday, when the lower classe does not exist, indeed when class barriers are unnoticable at best, you will be able to do so without fear.

I just realized how incredibly Communist this sounds. Well, what of it? The only reason it has historically failed is because rulers end up coming who do not support equality nearly as much as they should to deserve their position.

I don't know who you are, but I bet you want a world where you don't have to do scads of work while others reap benefits, and I'm sure you don't want to live in a world where you're powerless to help the poor. Don't say it's their fault for being druggies, or whatever moronic excuse you have. Not all poor people are poor of their own accord, and indeed people who deserve their lot in life only deserve it because the circumstances of their lives led to this behavior. Whatever happened to helping people to improve?

It just needs to start with something small. Smile and tell someone you hate that they're good. It will grow, they will feel better, you will feel like a nicer person. Devote your life not to your family but to the world. I'm not saying to ignore your... ]]> ~DarkGnome http://DarkGnome.deviantart.com/journal/7374694/ http://DarkGnome.deviantart.com/journal/7374694/ Wed, 21 Dec 2005 16:11:10 PST
In other new, Machinae Supremacy ([link]) is similarly awesome.

I'm writing a whole lot more for the Analogue canon re-write (and I love it to death even more) so expect some submitted in the next few days.

By the way, it being Christmastime and all, go send some love to Toni ( ). Read all of her Pocky Person comics so far. There's a whole lot.

I leave as my text for today the fact that two of the last things my father and I watched while in Britain last summer were the episodes of the A-Team where Hannibal auditions for a children's show that's really a heroin ring (Or something. It involved Thailand.) and where Murdoch won Wheel of Fortune and got kidnapped to do a run for the military in Baghdad (*cough* Not gonna spoil it!).

I don't know why I remembered that.

Anyway, journal updated at last.

If anyone wishes you happy holidays, thank them for hoping you enjoy yourself. Heaven knows, if you're threatened by the existence of non-your holiday holidays, you need some joy in your life.

The best way to enjoy yourself, by the way, is hugging Toni. ]]> ~DarkGnome http://DarkGnome.deviantart.com/journal/7277920/ http://DarkGnome.deviantart.com/journal/7277920/ Sat, 10 Dec 2005 21:52:08 PST ~DarkGnome http://DarkGnome.deviantart.com/journal/7221250/ http://DarkGnome.deviantart.com/journal/7221250/ Sun, 04 Dec 2005 14:40:53 PST
Except maybe Stave Martin, Toni Spatz, Frank Oz, Osamu Tezuka, Yasunori Mitsuda, Rick Moranis, Shigeru Miyamoto, and maybe a few other people.

The fact is, the world is stupid. Chances are extremely high that you, dear reader, are also a moron.

Do you make the slightest effort to not end your sentences with prepositions? Do you ever examine your beliefs to see if they make perfect logical sense (for the record, none of them do)? Can you do anything that sets you apart from other people, that truly makes you an individual?

If you have such a lack of class to read my stuff, and obviously such is the case, chances are your answer to the preceding questions was a loud and resounding no.

Do you like NBC comedies?

There are two possible responses to that question, but the answer is of no consequence. I want to know why you think that way. If you like them, you are probably easily controlled by flashing lights and jokes about sex. If you don't like them, you probably wish you possessed some amount of intelligence and therefore cozied up to the opinions of accepted counter-culture in a vain attempt to feel like more than a miserable waste of food.

You bring shame upon the very concept of life, and I say wholeheartedly that I hate you, if you form opinions based on anything other than your own feelings.

So, please, analyze your opinions and ask if there is any reason to feel that way instead of its converse.

Learning grammar and such would be nice. It is Christmastime, after all. I wouldn't mind an internet of intelligent and well-communicated debates.

Hug a Gnome today. ]]> ~DarkGnome http://DarkGnome.deviantart.com/journal/7139017/ http://DarkGnome.deviantart.com/journal/7139017/ Fri, 25 Nov 2005 07:19:15 PST
1. I'll respond with something random about you.
2. I'll tell you what song/movie reminds me of you.
3. I'll pick a flavor of jello to wrestle with you in.
4. I'll say something that only makes sense to you and me.
5. I'll tell you my first/clearest memory of you.
6. I'll tell you what animal you remind me of.
7. I'll ask you something that I've always wondered about you.

IfI do this for you, you must post this on your journal. If you don't, you will die. Someday. Maybe not, y'know, all that soon, but eventually. Unless you're, I dunno, Buddhist or something. In that case, you'll forever be tethered to this world, never gaining the sweet, sweet release of perma-death.

On a related note, Klonoa 2 is a marked improvement upon its predecessor, meaning that the original-is-always-better clause DOES have an exception. ]]> ~DarkGnome http://DarkGnome.deviantart.com/journal/7016051/ http://DarkGnome.deviantart.com/journal/7016051/ Fri, 11 Nov 2005 07:12:29 PST
Ah well. My playlist now has 100% more awesome.

By the way, I'm not sure if I told you the first half of a new story I have to tell, so I shall do so following a brief interlude.

This is a brief interlude.

I found this smooth rock with the word wisdom carved on it. It was just sitting right next to my moniter and I've now idea how it got there. But it's cool. This was a year or so ago, by the way.

I was at my church's fundraising drive (?!) and they were selling big old baskets of them. $16 for a rock. I've probably used the tagline a lot before, but this time I have an excuse, so here goes: I hate humanity.

That is all. Have a great day, punks.

Oh! And Toni got her modem back. Happy days! ]]> ~DarkGnome http://DarkGnome.deviantart.com/journal/6987926/ http://DarkGnome.deviantart.com/journal/6987926/ Tue, 08 Nov 2005 06:48:51 PST
1. Xenogears. No necesita un explanacion, ¿eh?

2. English. Because I can actually speak more than three words of it. Also because I get to annoy my friends when they terminate in an Addisonian manner.

3. Terminator 2. Best one. Except it's just stupid that they killed the T-2 by melting it. It was liquid already, wasn't it? Couldn't it have just swam through the magma and, y'know, killed John later, when they didn't have Ahhnold on their side? Good heavens, maybe that's what happened in the third one. I never saw that one. Nor the first. In retrospect, I probably lack the authority to have a favorite Terminator movie.

4. Final Fantasy 9. Probably tied with 3/6j for the favorite.

5. Optimus Prime. It's cliche, I know, but having been designed as the best robot in the series, he was very well characterized as such. Good heavens, for all the little he did in the movie, he still kicked butt. Primal can kiss my grits.

6. Something Awful. Progressive Boink is probably, on average, funnier, but this updates a whole lot more often. Fun fact: I typed awful in place of often in the last sentence.

7. Small of Two Pieces / Small Two of Pieces. The Xenogears closing song. I makes me want to cry. Also, guitar solo. Perhaps. On a related note, DJPretzel has a kick-butt remix of this song on OCRemix.

8. Makke. What little of him I've heard, he's a genius.

9. Gnome. Well, DUH, he's my favorite of my characters.

10. Toni-chan. She has laser eyes. ]]> ~DarkGnome http://DarkGnome.deviantart.com/journal/6956307/ http://DarkGnome.deviantart.com/journal/6956307/ Fri, 04 Nov 2005 18:25:37 PST ~DarkGnome http://DarkGnome.deviantart.com/journal/6848897/ http://DarkGnome.deviantart.com/journal/6848897/ Sun, 23 Oct 2005 19:18:59 PDT
Hm.

There seems to be a recurring theme in Johnny Cash's beautiful works, the imagery of trains. It's been used a lot, from Folsom Prison Blues where the train seems to represent freedom.

Janakis interjects that the train could also be things he does not have on account of being in prison. Rich folks smoking their cigars,

In Let Her Blow, besides being almost certainly an allegory for oral sex, the train seems to represent dying, death, or living until you die. You know, the whole thing about letting the whistle blow seems to be Cash saying he doesn't care if he dies 'cuz he's got the faith (and maybe the kung-fu).

Down There by the Train, obviously, has use of this symbol. I'm not certain, but I think it has to do with belief. If you believe, being down by the train, you've got the chance to be saved.

Hey Porter, which Janakis adds is Cash's very first recorded song, is pretty un-symbolic. It's a dude going home by train, not much to say.

HOWEVER

He's going home, he wants to be home. You want to be in heaven (or achieve nirvana or whatever your creed may be) and when the train -- your life -- ends, you're there.

Or your train derails. FIRE HELL SYMBOLISM OOH

Okay, I pulled that one out of my ass.

OH NO I ALSO PULLED OUT THE ALIEN AAAH

I need to stop using all-caps to make a point.

Orange Blossom Special has positively delicious harmonica bits. With much deliberation, Cashfan und Gnomeself consensualized that it may be freedom, because the singer will use the train to go wherever he wants.

Waiting for a Train, where the singer is shooed away from a train for lack of money, seems to mean that poor people can't get real freedom, can't truly live, because rich people, by and large, are jerks.

----------

Another thing worth noting, the thing that made me want to write this, is the in the English dub of Runaway Express or whatever it was had the voice actor of Locomon doing a Johnny Cash impression, complete with his final line in the film a reference to Ring of Fire. I just thought that was interesting.

So anyway, I like this train symbolism, and I'm thinking of rewriting Analogue canon so that instead of being stuck in Harmon doing nothing useful, they're traveling around the world on an intercontinental train. This means it's easier to introduce new plots and characters, and lots of new, pretty places to visit.

Unfortunately, either Romarov will be richer than he should be and will be able to send evil robots down from the arctic or I'll have to be very clever in thinking of how he can still make robots. also, I'll have to make someone be after the heroes to make them on the run, else they have no reason to not just settle down in a cheap house somewhere and not risk life and limb regularly.

So, here's my idea:

They're travelling around the world on a train because trains rule and I like Cash's genius symbolism. Romarov is following them for the same reason as he hated them in the first version of the plot, that is, that they have Gnome. They stole Gnome from him up in Harmon, where he had his fortress of solitude or whatever, but since they ran, he had to bring the only robots not in maintenance, Dark, Sniff, and Smedley, (bad luck!) and get on the next train.

So since there are a bunch of these trains going around the world on the same track, depending on when they boarded at the last episode, Rommy might arive a few days late to hinder the heroes, or sometimes have a few days to prepare a cunning trap for them. This being Analogue, of course, there are hundreds of megalomaniacal geniuses (genii?) to create trouble around the world, giving the heroes reason to stay in a town for brief periods of time in the first place.

Instead of Varius arriving and having a flashback, they could help with the whole ordeal. Perhaps they could even cause it by inflating praying mantises or something. I dunno.

... Man, I talk about myself a lot.

But yes. This bears further consideration. ]]> ~DarkGnome http://DarkGnome.deviantart.com/journal/6818674/ http://DarkGnome.deviantart.com/journal/6818674/ Thu, 20 Oct 2005 12:41:06 PDT [link]

This is insane. And it wins the official Gnometendo Seal of Quality. ]]> ~DarkGnome http://DarkGnome.deviantart.com/journal/6783360/ http://DarkGnome.deviantart.com/journal/6783360/ Sun, 16 Oct 2005 13:03:35 PDT
On the other hand, they give me an excuse to talk about my favorite thing: ME.

I mean, I'm not at all focussed on myself over other people. I am as much self-sacrificial as that guy in that book. Y'know. The Bible. Honest.

Okay, shut up.

Tagged by and yeah.

1. I only got around seeing Little Shop of Horrors last night, and I regret putting off it (HA) for so long.
2. My dad kicks butt because we rent Japanese comedies and are promptly confused. Why was 90% of Tampopo a giant digression? According to Wes ( [link] ) it's a common technique in many countries to bloat films with random stuff.
3. On a related note, my favorite scene in Tampopo is when the old lady and the store clerk have that big chase scene in the grocery store.
4. I was scared stiff of the Metroid games when I was a kid. I mean, sure, with the new Prime games that's to be expected, but with The Return of Samus? WIMP, man.
5. My grandma, who never learned to drive a car, was being taught by my mother in the area's middle school's parking lot. I forget how the story goes, but basically the car swerved and was about to slam through the lobby of the school, but at the last minute corrected its path and instead hit a tree. I'm told there is still paint on the tree, but I never found any.
6. As you may have guessed, I have a tendency to ramble. This led to the death of my entire family when they committed suicide as a group to escape my recounting the plot of Xenogears to them.
7. For Halloween this year, Gnome is going to sit in front of Gnome's house with a bowl of Reese's Peanut Butter Cups and not give any to anyone else. Gnome's costume, incidentally, is Gnome Gnomeself.
8. I'm totally going to buy the book version of John Dies at the End when it's release ( [link] ). I love it with a passionate passion of equal or greater intensity than the pasion with which I love popcorn chicken, which may or may not require capitalization of account of its concept possibly being corporate property.
9. As you may have guessed, I do not have a degree in copyright law. On the bright side, I am of superior calibur (caliber?) to others with such a lack of training in that if Something Awful were to attack my writing, I would not threaten a lawsuit.
10. I was exposed to Johnny Cash last year when Janakis lent me his copy of the first American Recordings album.
11. Benadryl, Star Salzman's most recent release, if totally bomb on account of the line, "Inside my helicopter rocket ship from outer space, save the human race."
12. I am probably the least desirable GM in history, because I reject any character idea with any shred of value or drama. That's why I'm so pleased with Grant and his pink blob that can turn into a Metroid.
13. I spend my tenth period (World Cultures) every day trying to disprove every religion, ever. Then on Tuesdays I teach my church's youth group alongside one of my classmates, who still doesn't believe I'm a member of the church at all.
14. Yes, it is a marvel of restraint that I haven't mentioned Toni-chan even once this entry. I wonder if obsessive boyfriendism is wearing off? Of course not! That's not even correct grammar! "I wonder if off is the way the fact that I'm an obsessive boyfriend is wearing."
15. My favorite TV show of all time is not Digimon or Ninja Turtles. In fact, even if Analogue were made into a cartoon, I probably would not love that as much as my favorite show ever. My favorite TV show is Father Ted.
16. Happy Times, or whatever it's called, the Japanese comedy where the dudes paint a bus and call it a hotel, had me crying at the end. If you've seen it, you'll know why and think I'm a moron. If you haven't seen it, I'm going to lie and say that Cheesecake ice cream is not at all disgusting.
17. The only prog rock song to which I have ever listened is that one Secret of Mana remix on [link] called On the Day the World Changed. I love it. I'm too lazy to get any proper prog rock albums, though, and I'd rather spend my money on independent films and such.
18. I got to the final scene of Secret of Mana, but I can't for the life of me time the hitting and the Mana Magic correctly, and as such I seem to be doomed to never see its ending.
19. I memorized the end of Hamlet and recite it regularly.
20. I have barely seen any anime in my life, but I can act as if I've seen a lot, partly because I read quite a lot about it on t3h inta... ]]> ~DarkGnome http://DarkGnome.deviantart.com/journal/6768683/ http://DarkGnome.deviantart.com/journal/6768683/ Fri, 14 Oct 2005 17:59:56 PDT Where the Willow grew

Where the Silver Leaf of Maple
Sparkled in the Mornin' Dew
I braided Twigs of Willows
Made a String of Buckeye Beads;
But Flesh And Blood needs Flesh And Blood
And you're the one I need
Flesh And Blood needs Flesh And Blood
And you're the one I need.

I leaned against a Bark of Birch
And I breathed the Honey Dew
I saw a North-bound Flock of Geese
Against a Sky of Baby Blue
Beside the Lily Pads
I carved a Whistle from a Reed;
Mother Nature's quite a Lady
But you're the one I need
Flesh And Blood needs Flesh And Blood
And you're the one I need.

A Cardinal sang just for me
And I thanked him for the Song
Then the Sun went slowly down the West
And I had to move along
These were some of the things

On which my Mind and Spirit feed;
But Flesh And Blood needs Flesh And Blood
And you're the one I need
Flesh And Blood needs Flesh And Blood
And you're the one I need.

[SPOKEN]

So when this Day was ended
I was still not satisfied
For I knew ev'rything I touched
Would wither and would die
And Love is all that will remain
And grow from all these Seed;

[SUNG]

Mother Nature's quite a Lady
But you're the one I need
Flesh And Blood needs Flesh And Blood
And you're the one I need.

-------------------------

Yeah. If everyone's going to go posting song lyrics in lieu of an actual entry, I'll post this awesome Johnny Cash classic. AND a proper entry. Aren't you proud?

Well, this song is great, and Janakis concurs, which is good enough for Gnome. It's very fiting, because the flesh and blood that Gnome needs is out of contact at the moment.

Yes, only been out of contact for, ooh, 20 hours, and yes, will be phoning in half and hour or so, but according to Toni-chan herself, phone may not be connected at her new house for a good month, so contact will be greatly limited. Alas!

Hm. Gnome is pretty obsessive. And kinda creepy.

Interesting!

Well, Not-Gnome wonders why Gnome's skin is colored black,
Why Not-Gnome never sees bright colors on Gnome's back,
And why Gnome's body with ugly titanium has been smothered,
Well there's a reason for the metal with which Gnome is colored.

... That was the worst song parody I've ever done. Also the third. Not very much competition.

[link]

Check 'em out.

No! Bad grammar.

Check out 'em.

There we go.

Ahem! I think I shall tell a story.

Once upon a time, there were 4 heroes. Their leader had a robot that attacked people with a giant laser mongoose. There was a ninja that turned into a stick figure when he came into contact with dairy products, a tragic result of falling into the Spring of the Accursed Flash Genre. There was a blob with a stuffed chipmunk taking the place of sensory organs. There was a final person who never actually defined itself and who may have been a four-year-old girl with the ability to rip apart people with sharp objects.

They had adventures on a chain of islands controlled by the mafia, religion, and formal government, in that order, not counting the obligatory mad scientists and conspiratory accountants. They also stole Metal Gear Shaguire, a convertible with nuclear capacity, from a group of people living near the subway. Then they stole Kikkomech's left foot.

They might get to do all those things, anyway, if any of them bother to come this time. Good heavens, I've been trying to get this tabletop started since August! I love my players-to-be in the most manly and platonic way possible, but c'mon. I didn't buy the Big Eyes, Small Mouth sourcebook to look at the cool picture of ther guy with the poncho and shotgun in the bipedal steampunk robot. Well, okay, I did. But you know what I mean.

Twelve minutes to write before callling Toni-chan. This will be a big ol' entry, I promise.

Sunday Morning Coming Down is another good song, and its title is further excellent, because down is capitlized, though a preposition, on account of concluding the name itself.

There's something in a Sunday that makes a body feel alone.

-------------------------

Well, I woke up Sunday morning
With no way to hold my head that didn't hurt.
And the beer I had for breakfast wasn't bad,
So I had one more for dessert.
Then I fumbled in my closet through my clothes
And found my cleanest dirty shirt.
Then I washed my face and combed my hair
And stumbled... ]]> ~DarkGnome http://DarkGnome.deviantart.com/journal/6729883/ http://DarkGnome.deviantart.com/journal/6729883/ Mon, 10 Oct 2005 12:07:30 PDT [link]

I agree with almost every word ever to spring from D. Wong's brilliantly beautiful, yet perpetually obscured, face, except a few niggles here and there on this piece.

If you can't be bothered to read it, basically he cunjectures the absence of free will in the world, proves it, and proceeds to stamp excrement in the faces of anyone with a differing opinion, as is the norm for his work. Then he starts talking about the Flying Spaghetti Monster people and agrees with them for the most part until one tells him to attend an environmental rally because there is no inherent good or evil in any actions and therefore no purpose.

This is where I take issue.

With no such thing as a choice better or worse than another, we are left with only personal preferences to make any decisions. These personal preferences, as Wong will attest, are the results of everything happening to us in the course of our lives, which are themselves the results of previous things, and so on until we reach the beginning of time.

The beginning of time itself is the only thing without a cause. You could argue that its cause was God's intervention, and that's fine, but in that case, God's decision to begin time was the only thing without a cause. Basically, the first thing that ever happened is the only likely thing in the universe that we can hope to prove has no cause, and even then, with the time travel thing I mentioned in an earlier entry, even that may not be so.

But anyway. He hypothesized and proved (in my mind, anyway) that there is also no such thing a a good or bad choice, thought, or action in the world. So when the FSM guy told him to go to an environmental rally and provided that same reason as the rallying cry against which Wong (for lack of a better word) rallied, "It just is," Wong decided that they were all dumb and were wrong.

And sure, he's right, but using that as an excuse to act irresponsibly (even though the Escalade bit was a joke) is just cheating. If we act for reasons, as he proved, we act according to preferences. If we do not want to do something because doing so would reduce our happiness, which is wired into our minds, inevitably, as a good thing, we must also consider the happiness of others.

Not because considering the happiness of others is a better choice, but because it would further induce that person, in their lack of happiness, to be slightly less pleasant and reduce the happiness of others, including ourselves. So sacrifice for others will indeed make us happier because people will be nicer to you.

I'm not saying you should fish for compliments, throwing yourself onto puddles to provide a mat for old ladies and so on, because that itself would probably just annoy people because you're outdoing them. So a general amount of niceness is, in our minds a good thing.

I guess what I'm saying is that while no, there is no such thing as a better choice, there is desire, and as the holders of desires, we may as well seek to follow them and allow others to follow them. We have nthing by which to live other than the whims of ourselves and others, be they the religious who make their wills law, politicians who do much of the same, or scientists who study and add to what is perceived as physical law as they see fit.

Furthermore, on a note closer related to the actual converstion he had with the guy, we should preserve the environment in the hopes of providing humanity with a longer life nd therefore a greater chance at finding the truth and maybe doing something that would, in some way, be better.

Sure, we can't contemplate it.

But there's always that chance, and it would be a shame to leave all that glory to some other species, as long as we also assume that glory matters, there are other intelligent species, and that it is possible. And anything is possible, if the master of dick jokes can write something as good (Ha! I mean pleasing to my sensibilities, which are themselves the result of earlier things and blah blah blah) as John Dies at the End.

Correct me if I'm wrong.

And yes, sir, I am a suck-up. ]]> ~DarkGnome http://DarkGnome.deviantart.com/journal/6631376/ http://DarkGnome.deviantart.com/journal/6631376/ Thu, 29 Sep 2005 05:20:47 PDT
Yesterday, went to see a speech at Heinz Hall given by Beck Weathers. He was one of the survivors of the Everest attempt back in 1996.

And all I can think is, WOW, I've got to learn how to give narratives as well as this guy. 'cuz the way he told the story totally kicked butt. Like, yeah. At least three times during the speech it got so emotional there was totally silence save for his monologue, and sometimes not even that much.

Awesome. Jeeuh.

Was going to spend the free day playing Xenogears, but lost my memory card. *cries* ]]> ~DarkGnome http://DarkGnome.deviantart.com/journal/6538754/ http://DarkGnome.deviantart.com/journal/6538754/ Sun, 18 Sep 2005 16:01:49 PDT
Maybe we always have been. Who knows? Fact is, we are now. Irritable, lazy, and stupid.

And hey, maybe that's definitively human.

Who's to say? Well, except maybe MacGyver.

On a related note, Bialystock is an awesome surname and should be used more often in fiction.

I'd also like to say that the more I read, the more lucid becomes the realization that both main political sides are dumb.

So are Libertarians, because of the whole belief in free will thing.

To whom shall we turn for guidance? Ourselves, duh.

If we were given a few years at the beginning of our lives during which time we were not subjected to endless sermons about this cause or that tenet, maybe we'd actually be able to agree on stuff.

Failing that, we should devote ourselves to obeying my whim, because my decisions are inevitably correct according to my specific worldview, because if they weren't, I wouldn't make them. My EVERY whim.

Give me a dollar.

BACKHAND in the FACE.

THERE IS GAWD.

Amour, amour.

Actually, if life were a sitcom life would be much better because even though we'd constantly crash cars through walls or hilariously have to attend two dates at the same time, everything would be the same within half an hour unless someone gets pregnant (or cancer; they're about the same).

In conclousion, go out and eat a hamburger with someone you absolutely despise. They won't seem so bad. And anyway, you'll have an excuse to eat a hamburger, and hamburgers are delectably yummy-scrummy-in-Gnome's-tummy.

Why are there no more FDD people? Did we all die? 'cuz i'm pretty sure I'm not dead, but I'm not known for being perceptive, so I might have just not noticed. hm. Yes, that actually would explain a lot.

Y'know, it's weird, a few years ago I tried to convince Farby that Varius (the person, not the Analogue character) was a totally cool guy and so I started a campaign trying to assure him that Varius was indeed a studly man-fiend.

This implied homoeroticism got a huge response, so every now and then and mention him again and make another joke like that. Then, I decided not to be picky and instead I started making those sorts of jokes about Farby himself. Then, just because it was easier than coming up with original jokes, I basically acted that way a lot more.

Now, years later, it's gotten to the point where I can't not make jokes like that. Actually, Farby has to assure everybody that I'm straight just so that I won't be shunned. Come to think of it, even were I gay, I shouldn't be shunned. But hey, they're stupid high school kids. Few of them, I'm willing to venture, could even spell bigotry.

Anyway. I just thought it was funny that Toni is pretty much the only person around whom I manifest my latent heterosexuality.

Come to think of it, that's not that funny. It makes sense. 'cuz. Y'know.

SEX BOOBIEZ LOL

What?

Oh oh oh, I might as well point out now something that I've wanted to say for a while. See, that old journal post where I was saying I wanted to be Gnome? Yeah. That just means I want to be called Gnome because Gnome is a cooler name than Colin. So, yeah. I don't think I'm Gnome. Honest. It'd be cool if I were, 'cuz then I'd be able to grow arms back if I lose 'em, and have laser eyes and stuff.

But yeah. Gnome in name, but only vaguely Gnome in nature.

This was a longer post than I expected. I was just going to stop after, what, the third line or so up there. Oh well.

I would also like to point out that, resemblance to Sean Connery and all, Toni's dad deserves an apology 'cuz the cool shelf he made just looks weird in my room (sleek metal + wood carving = steampunk or something, I dunno).

In closing, Alton Carson is a very moralizing individual. ]]> ~DarkGnome http://DarkGnome.deviantart.com/journal/6496990/ http://DarkGnome.deviantart.com/journal/6496990/ Tue, 13 Sep 2005 18:08:06 PDT
I will say that I am disgusted with people who say they were saved because, "God had a plan for their lives," or some similar crap. Were those who died worthless individuals? Was every life before yours simply worthless?

I will say that those who gain from it politically are inevitable. Those who do so gleefully I hope will soon see the error of their ways.

I will say we must learn from this.

I will say my heart goes out to everyone. Those who were lost, those who lost others, and those who lost no one and have no way to truly express their sympathy.

I will say we've all lost something, be it family, love, faith, or something else altogether.

And that's all I have to say about that.

"We are, each of us, angels with only one wing; and we can only fly by embracing one another."
-Luciano de Crescenzo ]]> ~DarkGnome http://DarkGnome.deviantart.com/journal/6389221/ http://DarkGnome.deviantart.com/journal/6389221/ Thu, 01 Sep 2005 15:30:36 PDT


Emptiness?



Apathy, perhaps?



Loneliness! Ah.



Interesting. ]]> ~DarkGnome http://DarkGnome.deviantart.com/journal/6379712/ http://DarkGnome.deviantart.com/journal/6379712/ Wed, 31 Aug 2005 15:30:18 PDT
Yeah. I never thought about it much, outside of being amazed at the song to which Casanova Frankenstein dances in Mystery Men ("Night Fever") and commenting that disco is dead (because I am hep and with-it, of course).

But man, disco rules. It's like a year ago when I thought Johnny Cash was a Senator and Bob Dylan a metalhead (no, really). Then, boom, lent an American Recordings album by Doc Bones and addicted to country / folk. Now it's disco. Next year I'll, I don't know, think rap music has melody or bubble pop has redeeming features.

But anyway. I ask an open music-related question for you all: Why does anyone like the song Smoke on the Water? It totally sucks. It's just the same seven (or so) notes repeated over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over.

Chances are you didn't read much of that. You just skipped over it and came down here. But you CAN'T DO THAT with Smoke on the Water. Even the most repetitive of Cash's stuff is better, either because it sounds cool or it, y'know, has lyrics.

And that is why I think you smell funny, Boberto. You smell funny with evil. You are evil because you smell. When will this cycle of destruction end? Won't somebody please think of the children?

On topic once more, the BeeGees rock(ed) the house.

My church's associate pastor left last Sunday. He totally ruled. At least he'll still be around for a time until he finds a new... uhm... delegation? Degradation? Y'know, the word for thing that you are sent to do. On tip of tongue... Ted said it to Father Jack in The Plague, he was like, "Do you have any doubts about your _____?"

Oh well. So yeah. Apparently he isn't expecting to be sent to Angel Grove to defend it from Rita Repulsa's monsters. If the Power Rangers aren't real (as I learned a few days ago from Farby) then we definitely need someone to defend the world. Sure if we can't get bikers in spandex to help we should use math majors trrying to get theology degrees.

... I'ma just shut up now. Bye. ]]> ~DarkGnome http://DarkGnome.deviantart.com/journal/6354162/ http://DarkGnome.deviantart.com/journal/6354162/ Sun, 28 Aug 2005 19:43:48 PDT
[link]

For lack of being able to make polls, Gnome asks Gnome's readers what should be put on the site next:

Analogue Character Bios
Analogue Screenplays
Random Stuff from Deviantart
Sprite Comicitudularation
Something else Entirely

No capitalizing prepositions.

So, yes. Please comment with your answers, anyone who reads this stuff. ]]> ~DarkGnome http://DarkGnome.deviantart.com/journal/6346192/ http://DarkGnome.deviantart.com/journal/6346192/ Sat, 27 Aug 2005 21:45:52 PDT ~DarkGnome http://DarkGnome.deviantart.com/journal/6336411/ http://DarkGnome.deviantart.com/journal/6336411/ Fri, 26 Aug 2005 18:23:04 PDT
Game the First: Tomba! (PSX)

Powerup: The Communist Stone

History and Acquisition: At various points in the game, you can defeat the enemies to gain levels in certain elements, subsequently allowing you to use elemental magic through the fire stone, wind stone, and water stone. The use of said stones would change Tomba's hair color to red, green, or blue, repectively. Few people know, however, that there was another elemental stone scrapped before release.
If you burnt down the Dwarven Village Elder's Hut during the "Pyros Are So Cute!" event, the elder will crawl out and bestow upon you the village's prized keepsake, the Communist Stone. Obviously they live in the noble spirit of helping each other equally; that's why you with your capitalist I'll-do-it-myself attitude made all those spore appear.
So you carry on the noble task of spreading peace and love, man, and you hit upon a snag: How can you powerup if the only enemies in the game give you fire, wind, or water levels? There are no capitalist-type enemies whose souls can fuel your Commie Stone. The answer should be obvious: The Bacchus Village and Village of Civilization people. Eat them. Eat them ALL, Jimmy.

Effects: Little is known. Many theorize that your hair transforms itself into a head-mounted statuette of long-lost Marx brother Karl Marx, but, the stone having been cut out of the game, no one knows for sure. Other stones not put in Tomba, for all of which we have even less information, include the Comedian Stone (thought to be a spiritual relative of the Communist Stone, many hypothesize Tomba would become Groucho Marx), the Canadian Mounty Stone (he gets an awesome hat, perhaps?), the Rock Stone, the Philosopher's Stone, and the Stoner Stone.


Game the Second: Transformers (PS2 version only)

Powerup: The Matrix of Leadership

History and Acquisiton: This was put in as a reference to the franchise's feature film Bruce Almighty, wherein down-on-his-luck news reporter Bruce Nolan is given the Matrix of Leadership by Optimus Prime and learns that being leader of the Autobots is not as easy as it seems. Also his girlfriend of many years has been taken by Unicron (voiced by 1984 writer George Orwell) and transformed into Galvatron.
The film was lackluster, but make no mistake, this powerup is well worth it. First you need to defeat 300 enemies with a single shot (if they stand in a line and you manage to fire in just the right angle that the game registers a hit but not terminate the shot). Then you shake, shake, shake senora, shake your body line. Work work work senora, work it all the time.

Effects: Equipped and used as a mini-con, the Matrix of Leadership will give you the power of the Almighty. The most notable application of this power is giving the world Thine Only Son and giving people the misapprehension that killing and hatred is good, making them defeat the enemy for you. Also you can get the Decepticons totally stoned simply by flaring your nostrils, which is a definite plus.


Game the Third: Xenogears

Powerup: Bubble Lead

History and Acquisition: Bubble Lead, the coolest weapon in the game, is only usable by Billy, the blue trenchcoated zombie hunting priest who lost his faith. He has the coolest hcaracter description ever, man. Bubble Lead was just put in the game to make us all realize it. It is equipped to his ether gun.
You can get Bubble Lead by going into the Zeboim ruins shortly after the initial playthrough there. If you take one of the doors that didn't open before, it will open and lead you to a room similar to where emerelda was in stasis, but empty. If you walk into it, you will be taken to a strange land of very short gears wearing hardhats. And the end you face a boss known as Bubble Man. After defeating him, you will get the Bubble Lead and be returned to the Zeboim ruins.

Effects: After Billy gets equipped with Bubble Lead, he'll throw bubbles, presumably of melted lead, at the enemy to destroy them. From his Gear, Billy will be a lot more versatile and may even become useful in fights. If you use the Jesse Cannon (little known fact: Jesse's Megatron-lookalike Gear, Ziggurat, was the base of Ziggurat 8's name in Xenosaga. The more you know!) you can move 'zig' for great justice. I mean GREAT. Any non-just enemy will be, like, smote in the path of the religious fury put forth by Billy Lee Black.


Game the Fourth: Dead or Alive: Extreme Gnomish Volleyball

Powerup: Nipples

History and Acquisition: This game, which revolves around players playing a minigame about short lawn ornaments being taken to life by a "Master Hand" and fighting in exquisitely-detailed stages, and then spending a few seconds in a short volleyball mai... ]]> ~DarkGnome http://DarkGnome.deviantart.com/journal/6316988/ http://DarkGnome.deviantart.com/journal/6316988/ Wed, 24 Aug 2005 15:42:18 PDT
I'd give a big essay about how the year is looking, but I'd rather say that I feel like a fool. A fool, I say!

How could I have gone so long without an overpowering urge to play DreamMix TV World Fighters? You can play as a tiki head and beat up Megatron while a miniscule Solid Snake tries to catch his soul beneath your feet, only to be stomped upon by Master Higgins.

I can't -not- get it now. It's so beautiful.

Only 1 seller on Ebay, though, and it's the PS2 version as opposed to the GCN. I'll have to find a good import store, I guess. ]]> ~DarkGnome http://DarkGnome.deviantart.com/journal/6244323/ http://DarkGnome.deviantart.com/journal/6244323/ Tue, 16 Aug 2005 15:26:04 PDT A. Absolutely nothing!
B. Except contributing to the cycle of violence and destruction in the world.
C. And I suppose that makes war pretty great for anyone with a deathwish.

102.) There's a story in our town...
A. Of the prettiest girl around.
B. About a man who sailed the sea.
C. Wait, what kind of a moron would mistake Ballad of a Teenage Queen for Yellow Submarine? A moronic moron, I think.

103.) The fact that, in the "Big Al" image, one arm is higher than the other...
A. Is a very clever reference to the uneven horizon in the Mona Liza.
B. Is a very clever reference to the fluctuations of world awesome in the presence of Big Al himself.
C. Is just, y'know, a coincidence, moron.

104.) Gi Gue
A. A mini-boss in the Beach stage of Phantasy Star Online Ep. II.
B. A dietary supplement.
C. Codeword to signal the allied assault on Normandy.

105.) Who is Dale Earnhardt?
A. Some guy.
B. No, I really need to know.
C. 'cuz Toni's dad made a big woodcut of his face and I don't want to put his image on a wall if he's Hitler's cousin or something.

106.) Billy Lee Black
A. Wore a blue trenchcoat and had awesome ribbony things.
B. Was an Etone.
C. Almost became a gigolo.

107.) Drink!
A. Feck!
B. Arse!
C. That would be an ecumenical matter.

108.) For how much do most DVD drives run these days?
A. $40-75
B. $75-100
C. That would be an ecumenical matter.

109.) Clever. They were going to use the mirror to angle the beam to Ethos HQ.
A. Inverted pull-ups are really tough!!
B. But, I can do 300 pull ups you know.
C. Angling it...? ...for the drop ratio? Drop ratio in the atmosphere will be huge.

110.) Whippersnapper.
A. Geezer.
B. Soda!
C. Pop!

111.) We need to look into a home for Gramps.
A. Remember that time he ate the cutains?
B. That was yesterday.
C. And it was the dog.

112.) This is question one hundred and twelve.
A. Nipples.
B. Creative.
C. I thought it was.

113.) Exploding Sheep --?-- Old Lady
A. Greater than
B. Less than
C. I never played that game.

114.) Henshin a-go-go, baby!
A. Do you know why that was funny?
B. The old Power Rangers, in Japan, called their transformations Henshin.
C. I think.

115.) Afwhobbles are...
A. A small narrow hole in the wall when pluralized, but many of them when singular.
B. Verizon, not Cingular, has James Earl Jones with them, and therefore can't be so bad.
C. Small fluffy things that are AWW SO CUUUUTE but then you blow up.

116.) An Addisonian termination...
A. Ending a sentence with a preposition.
B. Blackaaaaaadder, Blackaaaaaadder, he's got a sexy coooough.
C. Blackaaaaaadder, Blackaaaaaadder, why don't you now shove off?

117.) Holy butt, I just broke down crying because of the song Small of Two Pieces.
A. No shame in that. 'tis a pretty song.
B. Psch, fanboy.
C. Psch, Citan fetishist.

118.) You say you will if you could, but you can't.
A. I love you madly.
B. Let my imagination run away with you gladly.
C. Tres charmant, my dear.

119.) Toni-chan
A. Is probably the terrestrial manifestation of the evil Ganon.
B. Has the legendary silver arrows, but never even bothered to get the tempered sword.
C. Also the blacksmith guy smells funny.

120.) Awesomest among these:
A. Citan
B. Seraphita
C. Billy

121.) Best game usage of sex to sell:
A. Dead or Alive: Extreme Gnome Volleyball
B. Dead or Alive: Extreme Gnome Volleyball Special Edition: Real-Time Jiggle!
C. Dead or Alive: Extreme Gnome Volleyball Special Edition: Real-Time Jiggle: We Swear, HDTV Isn't Enough for These Babes!

122.) Calhoun!
A. Calhoun! Wait, Calhoun? Where's Freeman?
B. You beat him to death with a crowbar?
C. No, I'm not complaining.

123.) THE ZEN PATROL
A. You've been reading Ozy and Millie again, haven't you?
B. Come on, admit it.
C. Filthy white man.

124.) LOL GERMAN CREAMER
A. I thought what he said to Jeff Kay was mean.
B. It's not libel, I was insulting what he did, not he himself.
C. Also I prefaced it with I think, thereby absolving me from blame on account of my disclaimer that it was opinion.

125.) The wraps it up for another session. What have we learned today?
A. I've grown less funny in recent weeks.
B. I blame it on Britain and its greasy fish-und-chips.
C. I AM PSYCHO MANTIS. ]]> ~DarkGnome http://DarkGnome.deviantart.com/journal/6223598/ http://DarkGnome.deviantart.com/journal/6223598/ Sun, 14 Aug 2005 09:51:21 PDT
Gnome believes that... this land was built on love and peace!

Gnome does not believe that there is ever justification for violence, and Gnome accordingly tries (though occasionally fails) to avoid violence.

Gnome will support military action, but never participate, and maintains that well-performed diplomacy is invariably more effective.

Gnome believes that the only sin in any way related with homosexuality is its tendency to encourage stupid people to be even less pleasant than usual.

Gnome believes that acceptance and love is the best way to make people nicer.

Gnome believes in the inevitability of actions as the only result able to occur from previous events are those that happen.

Gnome accordingly believes, like Liebniz, that everything being the only possible state for itself means that everything is the best possible state and therefore that everything happens for the best.

Gnome believes that Chinese takeout, a good film, a sofa, and Toni are very necessary ingredients of a good evening.

Gnome believes that Seaside Rendezvous is an underrated Queen song.

Gnome believes that the revival of the Flaming Carrot makes all smart people drool, or at least it should.

Gnome believes that nothing really matters (anyone can see, nothing really matters, nothing really matters to me) but that is no excuse to not try to enjoy life.

Gnome knows that Small of Two Pieces is the prettiest song written in the history of humanity.

Gnome believes that water and a hamburger is the perfect meal.

Gnome believes that Wind Waker needed more dungeons and less stupid water.

Gnome believes that Father Ted was wonderful, and cries at the end of the Going to America episode.

Gnome identifies best with Mrs. Doyle, as both are bizarre, obsessive, do many pointless things.

Gnome believes in equality for all people, even stupid people, but believes in a sophocracy as the optimal government.

Gnome is pretty sure sophocracy is the word for being governed by wise people.

Gnome knows and accepts that Gnome is not wise.

Gnome nonetheless has Gnome's beliefs because Gnome believes accordingly, of course, and therefore could have no other beliefs.

Gnome likes cream of mushroom soup more than cream of celery.

Gnome likes to look a photographs of men named Big Al and sometimes people cosplaying as Viewtiful Joe while touching their nipples.

Gnome believes in abortion only if the child would live in disgusting circumstances or if either child or mother would be likely to die in the birth process.

Gnome knows that BUU LIKES CANDY and likes Majin better than any other form.

Gnome wants a river. Gnome needs a river. THE FREEDOM RIVER.

Gnome knows for a fact that Farby will understand the above statement.

Gnome wants a burrito.

Gnome is HUGGABLE.

Gnome is COLORIFFIC!

Gnome missed Gnome's original catchphrase.

Gnome is Gnome is Gnome is Gnome is Gnome is Gnome is Gnome! ]]> ~DarkGnome http://DarkGnome.deviantart.com/journal/6201654/ http://DarkGnome.deviantart.com/journal/6201654/ Thu, 11 Aug 2005 20:10:16 PDT
Ah well. This just means I've got more experience. Anyway, I was reading up some stuff, and I found a quote from the poet Luciano de Crescenzo that, "We are, each of us angels with only one wing; and we can only fly by embracing one another."

And I think that's great. I was reminded of the bit near the beginning of Xenogears when they walk into Nisan's cathedral. I specifically thought of the one-winged statues that are flying only because they're embracing.

I thought about how that affected the game. Obviously, there's how Fei and Elly can't really be happy separate because... well, I won't spoil it for the uninitiated. That besides though, it's inherent in how they Bart and Margie use the Fatima Jasper. It's in Maria's relationship with her gear... and her father. It's in Billy and his family, the children whom he protects. It's even in Rico, proud and self-sufficient Rico, who alone could never have defeated the sewer monster, escaped execution, or saved Kislev.

Reliance on others is very much a theme in that game.

This isn't very deep, I know, but that quote is just so pretty.

So, I read through some more stuff and found the philosopher Xenophanes. Name aside, I think I found a new favorite person.

He figured out my view on existence before I did, and so I am proud. He said that since the universe is, it must have always been, having had to derive itself from something.

That is my theory number one. My theory number two is a corollary to what those guys figured out from the Theory of relativity. They said that if time travel were possible, you would not be able to, say, kill your mother before you are born. Basically, time is linear and immutable; therefore if you go back in time and do something, it will have always been so.

The universe has a built-in paradox prevention program, so to speak. Things already are the way time travel would make them.

That's their bit. Mine... This means that the universe is entirely predetermined. This is obvious, there is no free will, we're all just the inevitable result of everything that precedes us, blah blah blah. I think I wrote about this before. This means that it is entirely possible that the Creator of all, uhm, Creation is a short bespectacled man with a combover in the future who accidentally sent a cheese sandwich to the beginning of all existence and started the big bang or something.

The world may never know.

Also he wrote about God being the world, or rather, everything. That's what I think God is, too. Infinity. That's why Moses's head exploded or whatever at the sight of the back of God's hand (not a BACKHAND in the FACE, though) according to Exodus. I think it would be a good explanation, anyway. Humans, having finite minds, cannot comprehend infinity.

I can't think of a good way to end this essay, so I'll just say that Xenophanes is my new favorite philosopher and Citan Uzuki was, is, and evermore shall be totally awesome. ]]> ~DarkGnome http://DarkGnome.deviantart.com/journal/6141633/ http://DarkGnome.deviantart.com/journal/6141633/ Fri, 05 Aug 2005 12:19:54 PDT
Fat chance! So, anyway, here are some posts made there two days ago, because I want to be able to get away with actually writing as little as possible. Sin of sloth, I know, I know. So, without further ado... and for the record it is ado, not adieu; adieu is French for goodbye or whatever, whereas ado is stuff that happens. Look it up if you want... the posts:

---------------

Hey wow, the second season of the TMNT has been released on DVD at last according to Amazon. Sweet, svelt, and swoon.

Man, that sounded cool. I should alliterate more often.

My clothes smell of smoke. I feel like I'm sitting in Joe's house. Reminds me of a story...

Okay, so it doesn't. I've got nothing for this. Hmm... I shall recount trip to Toni's house number 1. This one isn't as funny as number 2, though, for reasons that may someday become apparent.

Well, uhm... the car trip was 7 hours. And we couldn't find Toni's house. And she was at school.

I'm no good at this storytelling business!

Okay, so, rewind to the beginning of March or so. Turns out the Penn Hills school system is giving us a few more days off for Easter than we expected. So we have a bunch of free days. I figure, hey, more time with Deem.

Then the parents drop a [figurative] bombshell and ask, casually, "Hey, you want to go to Indiana?"

I go into seizures. Anyway, the weeks go by and spring break comes. My dad and I (I don't care what you say, my dad is the best partner imaginable in terms of fun on a road trip. Actually, maybe Jesus is more fun. I dunno.) set out to Indiana in our new car, complete with CD player. On a related note, the rental car we have in britain has the dumbest CD player ever. I think it's supposed to predict what you want, but it just ignores me.

So, yeah. We leave early in the morning. I pocket some candy, those tiny tootsie pops they always sell, and the trip begins.

Flawless! So, at around 2, we arrive at Toni's road of residence. The house number, though, seems to referto its order in having been built or something, because none of the houses have numbers. So, we head off to the rented motel to put our stuff down, and return. We're sitting in front of what we hope is their house for a good half hour, then some guy comes out and lets us in. Turns out we were right about the house, but Toni wasn't home. Her school didn't let them off Good Friday. I think we knew that, we just didn't realize what it would mean.

So her parents show us old photo albums (cousin Benjamin may be the cutest kid in the world at the moment, but tiny-Toni most definitely gives him a run for the money, if anyone cares). Then Toni comes home. My memory after this is kinda sketchy. It may have involved explosions. Uhm...

Oh right! her dad, who works with wood (huhuh... wood... huhuh...) made a big woodcut (or something) of.. Dale Earnhart. Who better to give that as a present than a pair of socialites with no more interest in NASCAR than in ferret-colonoscopies? Okay,maybe I'm bitter. I reach for something next to it and the wood slices through my finger, causing unexpectedly profuse bleeding.

So, I've managed to come off as a snob and a wimp within the first five minutes of meeting Toni in person. Swell.

The rest turned out better. I think. I don't remember much. I remember going to a Wal-Mart and finding the VHS copy of the first season of the original TMNT.

... dude! I didn't even realize I set that as being watched. Well, I did, but I didn't notice the connection. Sweet!

So yeah. *tries to remember other things*

That's about it. We saw the film Robots, on the virtue that Mel Brooks being involved automatically bestowed glory. It was pretty good.

Was forcibly introduced to the slayers series.

That's about it. I can't even remember what we ate.

Oh, no, there's another thing: We had dinner at Long John Silver's (or just Silvers? I dunno.) and because the gnome hat is so awesome and Toni had been delegated (I learned that word from Farboo a few days ago, by the way) to wearing it, so I was made to wear those weird cardboard pirate hats. I swear the ink can't have been healthy. My forehead felt weird for about a week afterward.

Next day, the day of the Wal-Mart trip, Toni made the greasiest food imaginable for some reason, I guess to prove she could, and it was pretty good, if slightly over-filling. I demanded, as pennance, to eat at Subway, and toni struck a conversation with a school mate who worked there. I felt like such a... ]]> ~DarkGnome http://DarkGnome.deviantart.com/journal/6121633/ http://DarkGnome.deviantart.com/journal/6121633/ Wed, 03 Aug 2005 10:44:20 PDT
That's kinda creepy.

I'm listening to the second ending song to the Kirby show ("Kirby*Step") now. Disturbingly catchy. So's the opening (to my knowledge it's just called "Kirby")

has anyone out thereplayed the GBA game Go! Go! Beckham!? Y'know, the one where you play as david Beckham, only everything is all... Japanese cute cartoon... and stuff. Weird.

Otacon! The disk thing here is round. Like a, y'know, a circle. But the thing you gave me is square. Like a... cracker. ]]> ~DarkGnome http://DarkGnome.deviantart.com/journal/6097108/ http://DarkGnome.deviantart.com/journal/6097108/ Mon, 01 Aug 2005 04:17:37 PDT
[link]

I think the above story is more frightening, though.

On a related note, Terminator II was a good film.

Gnome comes home next Tuesday! But Farby has band camp and can't party hardy like Marty [McFly] until Saturday.

Ah well. Finished another interview, but I'm waiting until return to put it into other format.

I think now I'm going to write about Umi Hara Kawa Se, the weird Japanese SNES game about the girl who beats up fish. I don't know, but the plot probably had something about her being trained as a ninja, because she has mad skills like that. Her fishing hook sticks to ceilings and stuff. It's like the ninja rope in Worms. Also when she dies, her pink bag falls to the ground like the leaves that are left in cartoons after ninja disappearance.

Also it has a giant tadpole that gives birth to small frogs. Weird. I spent, like, weeks stuck at that bit before I realized you're meant to just wait awhile and the tadpole will jump off a cliff. I couldn't make this stuff up, people.

I got to pencil world, and then got bored and stopped playing for a while.

The thing about the game, though, is that for all its moronic concepts, it's fun. And the graphics are just stylish enough to look nice without reaching disgusting levels of cutesiness. Wind Waker, eat your heart out.

I've never understood that expression. I guess it actually makes sense in this concept, considering it is widely known and accepted that Link gains his energy not from proper food but from physically eating the pulmonary muscles of his slain enemies. That stuff about how Doctor Who has three hearts means that the Time Lords are always angry because they are hunted by short people wearing tights. Talk about embarrassing. ]]> ~DarkGnome http://DarkGnome.deviantart.com/journal/6077686/ http://DarkGnome.deviantart.com/journal/6077686/ Sat, 30 Jul 2005 12:46:35 PDT
Back from trip-of-taking-a-week (as opposed to taking a leak or a vegetable used in soup), if y'all couldn't tell.

Birthday was muchly good, except the non-phone-call bit. Best thing...

Saw the new Wonka! UK release was same-day, so Gnome gets to feel pretty. It's a lot funnier than the original, but I have to say I liked Gene Wilder's version better. It was mostly because this'un lacks the pretty music.

On a related note, watched the original on DVD a few hours beforehand.

Factoid: Danny Elfman wrote and sang the music
in the new film. Elfman also did Nightmare Before Christmas (not to mention Simpsons opener). Depp, as we all know, did Wonka and, in Pirates of the Caribbean, Captain Jack Sparrow. I think it would have been funny had Wonka walked under a strip of moonlight and turned into Jack Skellington.

I think I broke my sense of humor or something. Let me try to jump start it...

Hm...

Um...

Okay, never mind. I was trying to attain Flaming Carrot Zen Stupidity. If you recognized that, buy yourself a grog.

Apparently awesome friend Deem beat MGS3 in half a day. I put it to you that in generations to come, males will establish dominance not by shows of masculinity but through mad video game skillz.

airline food roads sig what is up with that am i right

Gaah! I'm stealing Progressive Boink jokes now. Okay, time to cleanse the humorouspalette and find something truly original...

Ohm...

Ohm...

I've got it!

Run Forrest, run! ]]> ~DarkGnome http://DarkGnome.deviantart.com/journal/5993032/ http://DarkGnome.deviantart.com/journal/5993032/ Thu, 21 Jul 2005 07:37:53 PDT
More after I finish watching.

commercial break...

Where is Rita? They've replaced her with a bunch of robots. It's still the old guys, though! Original Green Ranger and everything! This is just... My brain hurts.

Also the Jewish guy stole Christmas, or something. More next break.

Gaah! Gaah! Gaaaaaah! Goldar was there, and his skeleton cousin-guy! And Bulk and Skull are cops!

It must be the original series; it had Alpha 5 and Zordon, and even the juice bar guy!

Also the one guy was named tommy, which is good enough for me.

Anyone know enough about this to explain it? I though the series only had the two specials, the one where Santa is kidnapped and the one where Alpha steals little kids (the latter of which is on a tape owned by Farby himself).

My grip on reality has been shakened. ]]> ~DarkGnome http://DarkGnome.deviantart.com/journal/5892514/ http://DarkGnome.deviantart.com/journal/5892514/ Mon, 18 Jul 2005 03:20:05 PDT
Yeah, this is just a post to say that I'm alive. So hey.

Funny story: Went to airport to travel on Tuesday, then Philly had bad weather (we had to fly there and then to Britain as our airport hasn't got international flights).

Our plane was pushed back and wouldn't arrive until well after the flight we needed to catch in Philly left, so, we went to ticket counter and tried to sort everything out. We got a new flight to Philly that might make it on time, we're told. Unfortunately, the guy taking tickets and stuff at that new plane's gate said the they were wrong and that one would be even later.

Meanwhile I am noticing that this guy looks and talks like an adult Jaleel White (voice of Sonic in old cartoon, but more importantly, Steve Urkel). I'm not making this up. He had the glasses with the wire-thingy and everything. His facial structure was a bit more like Carlton from Fresh Prince, though.

This is disturbing, mainly because actor-wannabes are everywhere. A week and a few days ago, a Thursday, we were getting a family picture taken at Sears and the photographer looked like a female Napoleon Dynamite. Was Dynamite his last name?

It's worth noting that our Sears Napoleon was the only person on duty, so we had to wait about 3 hours before being served. I think actor-lookey-likeys and delays have some form of evil pact.

Anyway, we didn't get to leave for Britain until Wednesday. We arrived Thursday and were on the open road quickly. I still don't know what time it happened but we heard about the bombings by radio.

The bombings, and their motives, are an essay topic for another day.

Anyway, I live. Peace.



Update for Thursday, July 14:

Day after Willy wonka is released in the states. I wanted to watch it with Toni, too. Oh well, there's always the DVD release. On a related note, got the original Willy Wonka on DVD and have been listening to Pure Imagination in perma-loop (sometimes in French, because the guy they got dubbing Wonka is hilarious).

Anyway. There are interviews with three people currently in progress, and I think they're turning out quite well.

So, yeah. Been going around the downtow Halifax area, and noticed a boarded up placemarked as Hussein Legal Services. I know it's just a coincidence, but I bet the reason they've gone out of business is because being represented in court by a Hussein would probably not help your case.

Also, a bar called the Old Cock. I really like spending time around the Old Cock.



This is Palazzo the Gnome, reporting from a secluded home in the middle of suburban Halifax. It is 11:09 on Monday, July the 18th. I am listening to Golden Ticket from Wonka on loop.

I am well. I think Wonkatude has become an obsession here.

Taken from [link] :
[link]

He looks like Grandpa Joe / Jack Albertson now. Interesting article, too.

Hmm...

They've been showing the A-Team daily onUKTV Gold here. I love it. Also they have the britcom My Hero, whose main actor was... Father Dougal MacGuire. Ardal O'Hanlon!

Gentlemen, commence drooling. This summer has an abundance of awesome stuff coming out, from the Wonka film, to the DVD release of 3rd Rock, and ending with the fact that I have robot arms.

Ha ha! That was convincing, and I had you fooled, no? It's as if I really did have robot arms designed too poorly to articulate enough to type operioopweerklty.

Anyway. Yesterday I was walking around and got approached by a gang of people who asked me some questions (at least I think they were questions) in a strange accent too thick for me to understand. I might have followed the questions better were they speaking in fluent Klingon, and I only watched two episodes of Star Trek.

I later found out they were drug dealers. Like I tell ya, I get no respect. ]]> ~DarkGnome http://DarkGnome.deviantart.com/journal/5836284/ http://DarkGnome.deviantart.com/journal/5836284/ Mon, 04 Jul 2005 09:31:31 PDT
Yeah, I needed to get those annoyed journals off the page here.

I would like to say that Doctor Who is awesome, and that Tom Baker was probably the best. The first one is almost definitely on par with him though, primarily for that one speech he gave about not having regrets and stuff. Just thinking about it makes me want to cry.

[link]

It's great. ]]> ~DarkGnome http://DarkGnome.deviantart.com/journal/5830812/ http://DarkGnome.deviantart.com/journal/5830812/ Sun, 03 Jul 2005 17:04:51 PDT
It started innocently enough. I got gifts, including a T-shirt with an image of Tchaikovsky. This was at around 8 AM, Brit time. This was at a family reunion. And by reunion, I mean time period used to bore the younger people to suicide.

A-ha, Gnome, you are saying, you got gifts and everybody wishing you a happy birthday must be a fun occasion! To you I reply with a huge insult of your intelligence. At 10 in the morning, the day is still young. I had to go to a train station. Joy.

This was not a historical train station. There was no chance to learn anything, or indeed a chance to see real trains (full size trains are fun, because they're better than planes - they are comfy and you don't have as much need to fear a violent and fiery death).

No, I did not have that luck. We were going to the comically undersized novelty train from Hell, offering scenic views of sewage reservoirs (at least they looked and smelled like that). An hour of sitting on a Disneyland-styled automated cart is not a birthday celebration I recommend to anyone, not even the Reverend Pat Robertson.

After the train stopped, we had ice cream, and it was back on the train again. We finally arrived back at the cars.

It may be worth noting at this point that I was wearing an awesome shuriken lent me by the drop-dead gorgeous .

Ready for one last 45-minute drive back to where we were staying, whereupon I would gorge myself on the chinese food I had begged to be ordered for my birthday.

As an extra birthday gift, I was told by my mother (whom I used to trust) that one of my uncles was taking a scenic route back. I bit and went.

First thing to note is that this uncle's youngest son, who was in that car, is probably worthy of being Satan's drinking buddy. He's... Beyond any words I have to describe him. It's terrible. It's disgusting. If I weren't a pacifist, I would probably be in custody for murdering him.

So, besides having to put up with this moron, this scenic route apparently meant driving an SUV along goat paths. I am not making this up. This car trip lasted a total of three hours. Three hours praying that God loved me and that he would not let me die before hugging Toni (this prayer has been granted, and I've updated it to before losing my virginity).

So, I tried to salvage the few hours left in the day eating the chinese food and watching that one movie by the same people as A Fish Called Wanda that wasn't A Fish Called Wanda.

The food was nowhere near the orgasmic glory I expected. Actually, I hypothesize that eating that killed any chances I would have had of either of my prayers being granted.

Midway through watching the film, I realized that the shuriken on the awesome necklace I mentioned earlier was gone. I searched everywhere I could reach. The uncle's car, the building, everything. It was gone.

I've probably forgotten the rest. But I blame that for getting diabetes. Yes. That day was responsible for things that happened beforehand. It was that bad. ]]> ~DarkGnome http://DarkGnome.deviantart.com/journal/5821957/ http://DarkGnome.deviantart.com/journal/5821957/ Sat, 02 Jul 2005 15:27:13 PDT
I would like to apologize to everyone in the world for any and all wrongdoings to which I can be attributed. I think the human race is a swell bunch, in the main, although many of us are stupid.

That said, I would like to ask the militants out there - - everyone who believes there are situations to which there can be no altrernatives to violence - - to name one circumstance in which hurting a person could ever be preferable over, say, being nice and letting someone else have a chance of redemption. I mean you should list real circumstances, not mind-control. KHAAAAAN.

*thinks about making a plot-spoiling Xenogears joke*

But no. Anyway, I'm going to stop being political now. I know you guys hate it (come to think of it, I doubt more than three people read my stuff) especially considering my views are more about being nice to people than they are about wanton acts of destruction. Also I'm a pathological liar, yet I dislike politicians who lie. So yeah, you have the right to hate me, but by that note, I can hate you if I want, simply because I'm a jerk.

... I'ma go get a kebab. Chill. ]]> ~DarkGnome http://DarkGnome.deviantart.com/journal/5789164/ http://DarkGnome.deviantart.com/journal/5789164/ Wed, 29 Jun 2005 08:20:44 PDT
It's first time to stipulate that the ACLU is not anti-Christian (they are however anti-religious-displays-on-government-property). They argue to remove the ten commandments displays. This makes them anti-Judaist as well, though. If there had been a Buddha statue there, they would have done the exact same thing.

The links I was sent to prove that that they are the Satan or whatever were... on the evolution debate. I should point out first and foremost that evolution is a theory. An incredibly convincing theory, but a theory none-the-less. It is being taught as such. The school provides evidence used for the theory, and allows students to decide themselves. The tests are on proof used and the world as viewed from the belief that evolution is true.

Another thing I should say: read the theory, not its summary written by an opponent. Evolution is a theory on the origins of life, not the universe. Evolution is the proven fact that genetic material mutates, coupled with changes eventually stacking up. The right uses the change-stacks-up to perpetuate the slippery slope myth. Therefore they have already admitted that it's true.

This guy also listed a series of scientific facts and theories (theory, like evolution). Anyway, here are my arguments against his, many of which are more on the origins of existence rather than organisms:

Thermo law 1 (energy/matter is never made or destroyed): You have just proved that the universe has always existed, hence, you're arguin for Big Bang rather than God (who would be making energy and matter).

Thermo law 2 (order can't come from disorder): Funny, I could say the same thing about God. You're just giving arguments against evolution, rather than for ID. Not very convincing. Anyway, by my first argument, that just proves the universe must have always existed. Also, it could be said that a lack of anything is the perfect order, thus it's disorder coming from order.

Boyle's law (volume of gas is inversely proportional to pressure): I fail to see how that refutes the existence of stars as naturally occurring entities, unless you say the vacuum of space makes pressure impossible, or are saying stars should continue expanding or something.

Virchow's law (cells only come from other cells): Presently true. First cell was the result of the very small chance that the right elements would randomly join and bond in such a way that it was a randomly produced cell, capable of asexual reproduction. For all we know, there had been millions of previous systems that were within a hair's breadth of being a cell. ALTERNATE ANSWER: If cells only come from preexisting cells, God can't have made them either.

I would also like to point out that those who think God isn't smart enough to have made his world work in such a way that he could indirectly create things aren't very good believers. You're saying God is stupid and weak. That's what Satan wants you to believe.

Anyway, back to the ACLU: He said that because the ACLU doesn't want to ban abortion for thirteen-year-olds. As the not-stupid (and by that I mean smart) bakakuraikuma once pointed out, abortion shouldn't be used as a form of birth control. It's only when there is a definite health risk. In young girls, there can very often be a health risk involve in childbirth.

Before I forget, Eugene wrote a good bit on this and Pastor Donny did too apparently: [link]

To summarize Farby's writing: God loves everyone. You're not doing his will if you hate. Be nice.

It's not anti-Christian if you do the same for all religions. He said, verbatim, "Their goal is religious liberty for atheists and Moslems, so long as the Moslems dont start asking for ID to be taught alongside of evolution."

I should like to add he provided no news links for this.

One last thing: It only looks anti-Christian because so many of us do stupid things. This includes you and probably me, though I flatter myself that I examine what I'm doing often enough for my stupidity to rarely sine through. If Buddhism were the primary religion here, and Dubya (on whom I am not hating; he isn't that bad) ordered a giant Buddha set up in the middle of every single bit of government property in the known universe and an... ]]> ~DarkGnome http://DarkGnome.deviantart.com/journal/5773284/ http://DarkGnome.deviantart.com/journal/5773284/ Mon, 27 Jun 2005 15:47:48 PDT
Don't comment about capitalization errors there. This post is just a quicky, can't be bothered to proofread.

Anyone wanting to join?

Anyone? At all? ]]> ~DarkGnome