http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:DarkenedAbyss&section=today deviantART RSS for by:DarkenedAbyss en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Mon, 07 Dec 2009 20:50:36 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://DarkenedAbyss.deviantart.com/journal/9899714/ http://DarkenedAbyss.deviantart.com/journal/9899714/ Tue, 29 Aug 2006 18:22:22 PDT sorry for your loss. right now i havent spoken to my little brother or known his whereabouts since may. i fear the worst for him on a daily basis.


I wish the best for you man. I really hope you find him and he is ok. You and he will be in my thoughts. I really cant explain what it feels like to lose a brother, but for quite some time mine was severely ill. I never expected him to die the way he did, but I suppose thats life for me. It was a really strange feeling a year ago today, as we were watching the devastation on the televison for the first time, and as I looked over there was my brother in his wheelchair sitting in front of a birthday cake. My family made the best of the worst situation, and one year later to the day we find ourselves doing the exact same thing on the anniversary of katrina, and the birth of my brother, now 2 months after his death. I dont think I can accept any more turmoil this year, as it has been a constant dredge through a sea of shit without a paddle.

Best wishes for everyone and there families.
Joe


Rest in Peace Larry 8/29/73-6/7/06 Happy birthday my boy. I hope youre doing something good up there.! ]]> ~DarkenedAbyss http://DarkenedAbyss.deviantart.com/journal/9882098/ http://DarkenedAbyss.deviantart.com/journal/9882098/ Mon, 28 Aug 2006 08:13:09 PDT Here is your horoscope
for Sunday, August 27:

Enlisting people for a cause is an art, but fortunately, you're an artist. The most winning way to approach the situation is to make people want to work for you. The extra dose of charisma the stars give you helps too.

Dear Joseph,
Here is your horoscope
for Monday, August 28:

Are you taking yourself out of the race because you think you can't compete? Your chances of winning are much better than you think. Plus, you could feel worse that you didn't think enough of your abilities to even try.

Fortunately I have decided to stay in this race. This applies to other situations in my life as of now too. Its more a decision to not give up, which for all situations in my life right now is extrememly hard. Giving up would be the coward and blind thing to do, and I am not sure I am ready to be either just yet. I am hoping to somehow find myself out in New York for my vacation, I believe a lot of the questions I have will be answered out there. ]]> ~DarkenedAbyss http://DarkenedAbyss.deviantart.com/journal/9805203/ http://DarkenedAbyss.deviantart.com/journal/9805203/ Mon, 21 Aug 2006 14:14:03 PDT Dear Joseph,
Here is your horoscope
for Monday, August 21:

Someone craves your attention, but you're not in a space where you can give it without feeling drained. If anyone knows how to turn this negative into a positive, it's you. You can find a way out. ]]> ~DarkenedAbyss http://DarkenedAbyss.deviantart.com/journal/9490109/ http://DarkenedAbyss.deviantart.com/journal/9490109/ Tue, 25 Jul 2006 12:53:40 PDT Here is your horoscope
for Tuesday, July 25:

While all these coincidences may not be as big and dramatic as you'd like, take heart -- they are a sign that you're on the right track. Just don't let this encouragement push you into taking a foolish action. ]]> ~DarkenedAbyss http://DarkenedAbyss.deviantart.com/journal/9412280/ http://DarkenedAbyss.deviantart.com/journal/9412280/ Tue, 18 Jul 2006 02:50:03 PDT
Every night I get out of work and there is nothing for me to do but think about what is going on in my life, and honestly I am not happy, I am not happy with who I am or what I am doing, or the decisions I have made to get myself where I am now. The only thing I have going for me now, is knowing I will do my best to be the person I know I need to be, and to take it one step at a time. I never was happy before, I dont think I really know what it means to be happy because for so long I wasnt concerned with that concept. Well FUCK THAT. There is nothing now to get in my way of happiness, and I dont give a fuck about anyone who wants to get in my way. "Life is like a fight, and every waking moment you spend breathing, you spend fighting".

I cant get back the things I have lost, and I cant take back time, but what I can do is love those people around me, and do whatever it takes to make sure my world is never demolished again, and if it ever is, I will be a stronger person by then to accept it.

right now marks the dawn of a new day. right now I plot out my future, sadly No One will see it, and its better that way. I always told myself the world wouldnt be ready for what I would do if my brother was taken from me....well now its too late for that. There is something great out there waiting for me , and I can feel it for the first time in my life, and I am gonna take it.

Somewhere out there my brother is smiling on me, and I feel it. Its like He is pushing me through this shit I am in, and His strength is going to get me through this rut I am in.

" you can feel power"

Peace
Joe ]]> ~DarkenedAbyss http://DarkenedAbyss.deviantart.com/journal/9241383/ http://DarkenedAbyss.deviantart.com/journal/9241383/ Sat, 01 Jul 2006 11:36:45 PDT


SECTION I: How joseph Relates to Other People


Mercury Opposition Pluto with an orb of less than 1/2 degree

You're not awfully good at being disagreed with. You delve into matters, think them through thoroughly and expect your conclusions to be universally shared. Flexibility is not your strong suit. No one should try to lie to you or keep things from you. Somehow you ferret out others' secrets although you keep your own.

Venus Square Saturn with an orb of less than 1/2 degree

Since you were a child you have felt you could not just be yourself and be loved. You had to earn your love in some way by being or doing something special. You are far more self-protective than most people realize. Your best love partners are also work partners.

Venus Trine Pluto with an orb between 1/2 and 1 degree

When it comes to love, you are definitely not casual. You yourself may be surprised at the depths of feeling a close relationship brings to the surface. You love deeply and passionately and do not understand people who are incapable of making lasting commitments.

Venus Opposition Neptune with an orb between 1 and 3 degrees

Love for you is often a "divine discontent". You are so romantic and idealistic it is difficult for any mortal person to sustain your interest without disappointing you. Your need to idealize loved ones may make you susceptible to illusion.

Mercury Trine Neptune with an orb between 1 and 3 degrees

You know things intuitively as well as rationally and have a rare capacity to perceive in others feelings, thoughts and dreams they may never have openly shared. Anyone close to you would have to share your love of music and interest in spiritual thought.

Mercury Sextile Venus with an orb of less than 1 degree

You are creative and charming. You speak well, live well and are fond of people who have taste, wit, good manners and share your aesthetic interests. Your emotional ties must also be on your intellectual level or your interest will soon begin to wane.

Sun Sesquiquadrate Neptune with an orb of less than 1 degree

Your father was either over- idealized or he was rejected as a role model. Either way, your concept of what a man should be is not based upon a mortal person, but upon an ideal. This may lead to unrealistic expectations in close personal relationships. ]]> ~DarkenedAbyss http://DarkenedAbyss.deviantart.com/journal/9147890/ http://DarkenedAbyss.deviantart.com/journal/9147890/ Thu, 22 Jun 2006 12:17:47 PDT
DONE AND DONE. ]]> ~DarkenedAbyss http://DarkenedAbyss.deviantart.com/journal/9137085/ http://DarkenedAbyss.deviantart.com/journal/9137085/ Wed, 21 Jun 2006 12:23:49 PDT
I have made a point of noticing the difference in my life now since there are several "factors" which are no longer involved, and it seems to be working in my favor on some points, and on other points it is definitely hindering my ability to do what I think I need to do. I Realize now that the decisions I made in the past were totally wrong, and definitely changed the outcome of my life this far, and on some situations I will never forgive myself for that.

As far as work goes I am not happy there, the only reason I am still there is because Mikey is there, and I dont know how long thats gonna keep me there either.


I miss my life dearly, it seems as though it has gone away, and now I am just this THING which wont stop for anything. I suppose it can only get better. I really dont care at this point about anything else besides making sure I am ok, and the people I care about are ok.

There are no more acquaintances in my life, not at this point anyway. Maybe making new friends would be good for me though. ]]> ~DarkenedAbyss http://DarkenedAbyss.deviantart.com/journal/8921471/ http://DarkenedAbyss.deviantart.com/journal/8921471/ Tue, 30 May 2006 14:23:49 PDT It also seems that My choices have not been what I would like them to be at all. I have made a few decisons in the past week which are not of my calibur, and I think I may need to work on that. This may be the time to begin cutting more and more people off. As hard as this will be for me to do, I think it is necassary.
Im still worried about my dog, whether she will go to a good home or not.
Work is as ridiculous as it ever was, and I am not making enough money to keep food in my stomach. I suppose these are hard times for everyone down here since katrina, with only a few weeks before hurricane season, I am not sure if I will be here this tiime next year. Hopefully not. There are many bad memories which need to just die for me, and I feel that leaving is the only way that will become possible. I just dont feel the need to stay here anymore, I dont feel there is anything holding me back. I have been looking for a way to get the fuck outta here, and I have come up with a few possibilities. Now it is just time to set m y ducks in a row, and just do it. ]]> ~DarkenedAbyss http://DarkenedAbyss.deviantart.com/journal/8883809/ http://DarkenedAbyss.deviantart.com/journal/8883809/ Fri, 26 May 2006 13:21:12 PDT Jessica is giving my dog away, and I hate this so much because I have failed a reasonably depthy responsibility. What can I do, I am stuck in between a rock and a hard place. I am sure she will go to a good home and all, but I just dont feel she deserves this. Who knows maybe she will like it better. I guess I was an asshole father for her or whatever, its prolly better this way.
It seems like I have been clinging on to something which isnt there lately. I dont know what it is, but I definitely sense it, and I think I would rather just figure it out and remove it from my life. I dont know what it is so maybe a drastic life change is in order that way I can assure getting rid of it. The thought of moving away has been in my mind as well. There really isnt anything here holding me back anymore, and I think this could be my only chance to experience SOMETHING in my life.
I find I am tired of lying to myself, TIRED of ratonalizing things which make me unhappy, and tired of allowing things to happen to me which I have no control over making better. The time is now for me to change, and the time is now for me to cut my losses. Where do I go? what do I do? Who can I trust?
THESE are all questions I better have figured out before my next journal entry, or I feel it wont be a good one.
It is so hard to fight the negativity that constantly pounds away at me. I think it is owed mainly to guilt, and sheer fucking desperation. I think that if I can focus my thoughts at some point I will be ok, and may be able to dodge this hate-filled bullet, but is to be seen.

I guess in more simple terms I need to live a life more selfishly to get anywhere. But the thing is this...thats not who I am, and the irony there is...."I need to be someone I am not, to be the person I want to be". ]]> ~DarkenedAbyss http://DarkenedAbyss.deviantart.com/journal/8805039/ http://DarkenedAbyss.deviantart.com/journal/8805039/ Thu, 18 May 2006 06:39:25 PDT Today will be laundry day since unbenounced to me there is a laundromat right next to me apartment complex. I guess today will also be the day that I unpack my belongings which I got over 2 weeks ago now, but I have been putting off for as long as possible. Today will also prolly be the day I get new contacts, for I only have one in there right now, and looking outta one eye is LUDACRIS, and shitty all the same. O yea ellie may is a shit monster, I never remembered her being such a shit demon before. Actually I am not even mad, i am kinda impressed, A cat who can produce that much shit,,,,whoa!

Anyway I think today will be the most productive day I have had in months. ]]> ~DarkenedAbyss http://DarkenedAbyss.deviantart.com/journal/8748552/ http://DarkenedAbyss.deviantart.com/journal/8748552/ Fri, 12 May 2006 10:31:33 PDT
I finally got my cat ellie back. I missed her so much. Everyday I get home and see her, and am so greatful that she is there, she purs and purs for hours, and never leaves my side unless she is taking a massive shit in her litter box which has been known to happen quite frequently lately. I feel this way about a lot of things missing them that is, but I suppose I will slowly re accumilate things after a while.
I weighed myself today, I seem to have lost 30 pounds in the last 2 months since I last weighed myself. I dont know if this is healthy or not, i suppose I should prolly eat more, and drink less, but thats how I am living right now.

Its really cool that I am having an opportunity to reattach to my friends, got to spend a lot of time with jeremy and mikey lately, even got to see alex a few times, but we are both hermits lately so it is rare for us to hang out.
Well I am about to go to work, with this burnt ass hand. Just thought it has been a while since I wrote ]]> ~DarkenedAbyss http://DarkenedAbyss.deviantart.com/journal/8661309/ http://DarkenedAbyss.deviantart.com/journal/8661309/ Wed, 03 May 2006 11:18:25 PDT ~DarkenedAbyss http://DarkenedAbyss.deviantart.com/journal/8216245/ http://DarkenedAbyss.deviantart.com/journal/8216245/ Mon, 20 Mar 2006 11:40:11 PST I am going to try to go to work today with a fresh outlook, maybe try to not let any of the normal crap get to me. I wish I could have more of a say so in that place but I cant. Its prolly better that way too, because I already blew on a few employees for their incompitence..I look back now and see it as rather humoring. I just woke up a little bit ago, and yet I get the impression that sleep tonight will be a great thing. ]]> ~DarkenedAbyss http://DarkenedAbyss.deviantart.com/journal/8208595/ http://DarkenedAbyss.deviantart.com/journal/8208595/ Sun, 19 Mar 2006 15:30:14 PST
This is a really good song, I had never heard it before recently, and I thought I had heard all of everything by they might be giants. The only thing wrong with this song is that it isnt long enough, other than that ...stellar. So everything has been going great for me lately I suppose, yea right thats a big lie. Let me rephrase.....there are actually things in my life right now which dont suck. There thats better.
I should be getting yet another place soon enough with my sister.
WOrk is absolutely the most annoying let down down ever as of late. The fact that we are so understaffed is killing all the workers that ARE there.
I think I have made a necassary change in my life as of late, that being a life less ordinary( for me). There is no need to do all the things I use to do. I realize that now, but its sad that it took this crap in my life happening to make me realize that. I guess when it all boils down, There are people in this life who can just make all the difference in the world simply with their presence. There is something comforting in that, and I am glad I can recognize it.
I begin to slowly realize the death, and error of my old ways,,slowly, but NOW I dont only see it I enjoy idea of its demise, and feel comfortable with the unknowing outcome of the new skin I will grow into. I guess I cant change feeling a little childish, and the more I think about it I dont want to. I like Being peter Pan, I just wont be Peter Pan with devil Horns anymore.
I slowly prepare myself for the future, it is amazing that I can actually imagine myself being a part of it. I cant see that far into it, but hey something is better than nothing I suppose. IT was sorta hard to come to terms with the first glimpse of what I have coming up, but hey I am a tough bastard and can handle it.
"Life is short, for me its real short, I live today die tommorrow and have no regrets as long as I learn from yesterday". (new personal quote)

That has never meant quite as much as it does presently.
So where do I go from here, I am not so sure. aside from a place to stay, and a place to lay my head Nothing else is really that detrimental for me to have. I suppose this whole lesson has made me realize the lack of substance in my wants and needs previously, and how to gauge a new outlook on what is important or necassary in life. When it comes down to it, its just BEING ALIVE".
I dont want to die,
I know sometimes I dont want to live either, but I certainly dont want to die. there is far too much for me to embark upon before that happens. I mean shit I am just realizing now that every breath is a small gift. Everything after that is lagniappe, and can be seen as something to learn from. Shit I am sure at some point there were people who didnt understand why we breathe. Now we do, and the progression goes on from there. I just want to know why "I " breathe. so that "I can progress from there. And if I am meant to die before I am ready, I would like to understand that as well.

So ironically I end this with the name of the song I am listening to
Am I awake?

Am I awake?
What time is it?
When I get through this day,
Can someone tell me how
And how much longer now?
Am I awake?

The coffee's cold,
Did I forget to drink it yet?
Did I forget?
My clothes are wet
I dont remember drinking it

When I get throught this part,
Will the next one be the same?
Will i be wondering if I'm awake?
These are not the clothes
I had on when I went to bed
And something else besides my hand is grooving from my head
And when I close my eyes it looks the same
As when I opened them again.

Am I awake?
What time is it?
Is it that time again?
Wasnt it already then
So does it has to be that time it was again
When I get through this day,
Can someone tell me how
And how much longer now?
Am I awake?

Am I awake?(echo)

When I get thru this day,
Can someone tell me how
And how much longer now?
Am I awake?

When I get thru this day,
Can someone tell me how
And how much longer now?
Am I awake? ]]> ~DarkenedAbyss http://DarkenedAbyss.deviantart.com/journal/8050205/ http://DarkenedAbyss.deviantart.com/journal/8050205/ Thu, 02 Mar 2006 19:00:51 PST
The world is looking up
Cheers
Joe ]]> ~DarkenedAbyss http://DarkenedAbyss.deviantart.com/journal/8040662/ http://DarkenedAbyss.deviantart.com/journal/8040662/ Wed, 01 Mar 2006 18:43:30 PST WEll more to come, I hope. ]]> ~DarkenedAbyss http://DarkenedAbyss.deviantart.com/journal/7664596/ http://DarkenedAbyss.deviantart.com/journal/7664596/ Sat, 21 Jan 2006 08:07:19 PST Power

I can make the earth stop in
its tracks. I made the
blue cars go away.

I can make myself invisible or small.
I can become gigantic & reach the
farthest things. I can change
the course of nature.
I can place myself anywhere in
space or time.
I can summon the dead.
I can perceive events on other worlds,
in my deepest inner mind,
& in the minds of others.

I can

I am ]]> ~DarkenedAbyss http://DarkenedAbyss.deviantart.com/journal/7655122/ http://DarkenedAbyss.deviantart.com/journal/7655122/ Fri, 20 Jan 2006 06:58:06 PST Nothing interesting one may say.


yesterday was a run of the mill day for me. I saw a friend who I havent seen in a while that everyone was worried about. He told me all is good, and well, and what is to come for his future. ,Other than that a few burns on my hands from some jackass leaving the gas running without a pilot lit at work, so when I went to light the dam thing it engulfed my hand in fire. I have decided I am accident prone sometimes in the kitchen, but then again who isnt especially when they are surrounded by a bunch of rookie wanna be chefs who will never make it. I have been working in Baton Rouge since the kitchen in Nola isnt ready yet, and sending food from BR TO NOLA kinda like a commissary. The cooks in BR are fuckin garbage compared to us which really allows me to see how much "food" is a big part of New Orleans, and how mmost other places can't even compare. I got a new puppy the other day. She is beautiful, a Australian Cattle breed AKA blue healer. She is yet a puppy, but seemingly intelligent which is a plus, she has already learned a few tricks which amazes me at her age.
I got her from the 'BEST FRIENDS" animal shelter last week, just before they were gonna have to put her down, so that makes me feel good. I have been volunteering my time to the Best friends people, doing some cooking for them as it certainly seems they needed some help in that department(they were eating nothing but canned food...yuck)
My parents are back in town, they finally got their FEMA TRAILOR which is suppose to suffice as a place for them to live since their house was destroyed in the hurricane,,pfft.

o well this rant is over for now, prolly more to come though. ]]> ~DarkenedAbyss http://DarkenedAbyss.deviantart.com/journal/7655030/ http://DarkenedAbyss.deviantart.com/journal/7655030/ Fri, 20 Jan 2006 06:40:27 PST
A Dream
by: Edgar Allen Poe

In visions of the dark night
I have dreamed of joy departed-
But a waking dream of life and light
Hath left me broken-hearted.

Ah! what is not a dream by day
To him whose eyes are cast
On things around him with a ray
Turned back upon the past?

That holy dream- that holy dream,
While all the world were chiding,
Hath cheered me as a lovely beam
A lonely spirit guiding.

What though that light, thro' storm and night,
So trembled from afar-
What could there be more purely bright
In Truth's day-star? ]]> ~DarkenedAbyss http://DarkenedAbyss.deviantart.com/journal/7602008/ http://DarkenedAbyss.deviantart.com/journal/7602008/ Sat, 14 Jan 2006 13:26:32 PST
Peace
Peace (retyped for emphasis)
Joe ]]> ~DarkenedAbyss