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]]> ~DementedLynx http://DementedLynx.deviantart.com/journal/7317573/ http://DementedLynx.deviantart.com/journal/7317573/ Thu, 15 Dec 2005 10:35:32 PST Being home from school is a different experience in its entirety. Home is no longer so comftarble, considering most of my personal effects are lying stagnant -collecting dust, no doubt- in my dorm room. Here, my room is populated by mementos of high school, but at the same time is uncomftarbly bare. I come to realize that my old room is like those in hotels: familiar, but un-livable.

I begin to inhabit that room less, and less, prefering instead the company of my dogs, and my precious laptop, in the formal living room. I confine myself to the corner of the couch, handcuffed by an insatiable need to be alone. At college, one does not have that luxury, no matter how lonely that luxury is.

And here, in this room, I begin to battle my depression. And somehow...somehow I'm winning. I've clawed my way througgh the darkness I gave myself, and have now found footholds. They are slippery, but they exist..which is all that matters. I can breathe.

And now....now I'll write. ]]> ~DementedLynx http://DementedLynx.deviantart.com/journal/7202754/ http://DementedLynx.deviantart.com/journal/7202754/ Fri, 02 Dec 2005 11:18:55 PST Rocking To:: "Seventy times 7" - Brand New
Mood::


Some quick updates::

I've got a new laptop since my old one finally crashed and didn't wake up., RIP Satan, I'l miss restarting you every day and cursing at you when you don't work.


I'm working on a writing project right now, but it wont be done for awhile considering I've got finals next week. Damn college.


Oh, and by the way: Rent was AMAAZING. ]]> ~DementedLynx http://DementedLynx.deviantart.com/journal/7162329/ http://DementedLynx.deviantart.com/journal/7162329/ Sun, 27 Nov 2005 20:48:47 PST I wrote a poem.
It was good.
Then I accidently deleted it.
Oops. ]]> ~DementedLynx http://DementedLynx.deviantart.com/journal/7127636/ http://DementedLynx.deviantart.com/journal/7127636/ Wed, 23 Nov 2005 22:00:57 PST Rocking to:: "I'mGoing Home" - Rocky Horror Picture Show.
Mood::


11.22.05: I woke up to a disgruntled roomate screaming my name from across the room. Whoops. It seems I hadn't heard the alarm again. I sigh and get out of bed to shut it off, and gather up my stuff to take a shower..only to feel as though I was going to pass out. I figure I stood up to fast, and carry on to the shower, wherein I almost faint three more times.
Once dressed, the feeling begins to pass, and I go about my routine, as usual a whole half an hour earlier than my roomates because I refuse to leave the room without straight hair and a generous application of eyeliner. And as usual, I'm the last one ready to leave.
The three of us trek out into the muck known as rain, and I immediatly curse myself for taking the time and effort to make my hair looks nice. It becomes curly and -in my mind- vile, in 2.3 seconds flat. I grumble about that, and the cold, until we get to class...where I am forced to shut up in order to take an exam. I work my way through it much faster than I think I should have, but don't care. It's only a test..it wont matter down the road, hell..it probably wont even matter next week, much less in three and a half years from now when I graduate.
I return to the room alone -since my roomates were still working on said exam- and begin packing, and...cursing at my computer which had crashed for the 1,234,968 time this week. Bugger. I knew I'd named the beast Satan" for a reason. I awkwardly unplug it and shove it into its case to take it home. Hopefully Dad wll fix it.
An hour and a half later -and now completly packed- I go to my last class that morning, and suffer through a film about tuberculosis and the evolution of viruses. I am only amused because Liam Neeson narrated the piece, which is cool considering he was in my beloved "Batman Begins."
Finally, class is over and I go to get myself a hot cocoa from the cafe. I grab a lid with me and exit the building, only to be blown over (pun intended) by a staggering sheet of wind. Bugger that too. I attempt to put the lid on my cocoa, but experience resistance, and manage to spill half of my beloved drink down my arm. At least it was warm....too damn cold outside.
I return to the room and recieve a call from MoMo to go get lunch with her before we head out, so we go and I save myself a precious taquito in my pocket. You've never had a taquito until you've had a CNU taquito. I pine for them now. MoMo and I return to my room to grab my suitcases, and I am hugged thoroughly before I am allowed to leave.
Phew..finally...release. MoMo and I begin the three hour car ride to Northern VA, and I doze some of the way(yeah, I lied...I was actually asleep, Mo.) and listen to music when I was not. Good times.
Finally, I get home and greet my parents and my dogs. They are happy to see me, and I feel likewise. We sit down and eat dinner, and my brother's girlfriend and I make jokes the entire time and amuse everyone.
Later we watched "Anchorman" (at my request) and I am sad to report that the humor is fairly dead after three viewing, especially when one uses the jokes in daily life.

11.23.06: I am awoken at noon. Then again at 12:30. Then again at 1pm. A pillow makes a good shield against parents telling you to wake up..I obviously haven't lost my touch. I stagger downstairs (I seem to stagger alot in the mornings) and eat a croissant and stare blankly at the television screen as my Dad watches Nascar. I could care less about the bombs with wheels going in circles trying to see who would cross some line first. It really makes no sense to me. I grapple with the idea of telling my dad this, but don't. I'm sure he got it the first two thousand times I had informed him.
I return upstairs (I think the 8 car got into a wreck sometime at this point, in case you were wondering) and put on clothes and go about my usual routine of straightening hair and putting on eyeliner. I like routines, so much so that I could most likely be diagnosed with OCD by now. Mother and I go to the hairdresser (aka. my mother's pretty-much best friend who at this point knows me much to well) and all that usual stuff that goes on at the hairdresser goes on. I spend most of my time on the phone with Krispy, ignoring the serious talk the two older women were having over my possible need for depression medication. I wonder if it's a good idea as well, but do not say so aloud.
Mother and I leave and go to the store. Mom complains that I am being grumpy, I complain that all the clothes in that particular store look like something my grandmother would wear. Damn you Steinmart, you may just be the worst concept for a store in the history of the world. Soon we head to Target... ]]> ~DementedLynx http://DementedLynx.deviantart.com/journal/7109830/ http://DementedLynx.deviantart.com/journal/7109830/ Mon, 21 Nov 2005 21:54:00 PST Rocking to:: "Build God, Then We'll Talk" -- Panic! at the Disco.
Mood::

I'll be on my way home in 12 hours, and I'm excited! I'm not bringing any college work home with me either, so I'm hoping I'll get time to write a little something. I've also got a whole week pretty much full with fun, so we'll see how that goes. All I want is a few days without drama before I've got to come back here for two weeks and deal with the dreaded FINALS.

Stay classy, .
Lynx ]]> ~DementedLynx http://DementedLynx.deviantart.com/journal/7092826/ http://DementedLynx.deviantart.com/journal/7092826/ Sat, 19 Nov 2005 23:40:20 PST I just scrapped/deleted half of my gallery. Enjoy. But now it looks like I haven't submitted anything since the beginning of October. I'd best start writing... ]]> ~DementedLynx http://DementedLynx.deviantart.com/journal/7066246/ http://DementedLynx.deviantart.com/journal/7066246/ Wed, 16 Nov 2005 17:50:43 PST Rocking to:: "Strange & Beautiful" - Aqualung.
Mood::


I'm a roller-coaster. The ups and downs never end, and the downs are becoming longer than the ups. Funny thing is, half of my problems aren't problems at all - merely, ideals that aren't working out. I take everything too hard, I care too much, I let emotions take over....apathy is not a standard I practice. Writers, we think too much, we analyze everything, and that's started to get the best of me. I need to start writing again, I need to work on something...maybe that's my problem. We'll see. So maybe..maybe I'll submit something soon... ]]> ~DementedLynx http://DementedLynx.deviantart.com/journal/7045391/ http://DementedLynx.deviantart.com/journal/7045391/ Mon, 14 Nov 2005 13:35:35 PST Rocking to:: Thrice -- "Artist In the Ambulance."
Mood::

So, I was wrong. As usual.

This weekend was amazing. I doubt it could have been any better, or any more rejuvinating for me. I feel so much better about being back at CNU now, especially knowing I've only got to be here for (count 'em) a week and a day, before I can go home again.

And basically, the only things I've got to worry about school-wise until then is the final draft of my latest english paper, and an exam in psychology. No sweat.

Going home will be quite wicked. I'm looking forward to spending time with my Krispy (krispykrunchie), and watching both RENT and Harry Potter & the Goblet of Fire. Of course, we'll keep it 'gangsta' and only pay for one ticket.

So yeah, things are looking up. I'm quite happy.

Stay classy, kids.
Lynx. ]]> ~DementedLynx http://DementedLynx.deviantart.com/journal/7008089/ http://DementedLynx.deviantart.com/journal/7008089/ Thu, 10 Nov 2005 10:28:19 PST && now this weekend will involve a lot of the same aspects as every day at college does. I love how it just gets worse and worse.


Maybe I'll get a good poem out of it. ]]> ~DementedLynx http://DementedLynx.deviantart.com/journal/7002039/ http://DementedLynx.deviantart.com/journal/7002039/ Wed, 09 Nov 2005 16:51:55 PST It's time for a change of venue.

It's been a bad few days: too much screaming, too much crying, too much of those damn daily rigors of life that once seemed so easy. It's reached the point where getting out of bed is too much. I've spent too much time lately walking around campus at 2am with Monique (Sharky04), babbling about how everything is sliding into some proverbial hell. I woke up yesterday with a migraine and the flu, then went to bed that night crying. It's gotten so bad I finally turned to my mother and told her the truth: I need to get out of here. Now.

This weekend, instead of going to another drunk party, I'm going to go home. I need time to just sit in my basement with my dog, and watch a few good movies. I need to see my sister (krispykrunchie), and tell her I love her and give her a hug. I need to see my love and tell him the same. I just need to be in my house, sleep in my own bed, and be able to shower without bumping my head on anything.

Now I just need to make it through two more days and I can do just that...I can't wait.

Stay classy,

Lynxie. ]]> ~DementedLynx http://DementedLynx.deviantart.com/journal/6983171/ http://DementedLynx.deviantart.com/journal/6983171/ Mon, 07 Nov 2005 16:58:14 PST And so it goes.

Life has so much potential, and yet with that potential it brings the opposite. One cannot have shadow without light, and the same concept applies here. There is a line one must tread for sanity, and this line has become blurred in my eyes. I attempt to walk it still, but I feel drunk and my feet don't appreciate the orders my brain is attempting to give it.

Everything that had potential is disapearing. Dark is the absence of light, and all I see now is shadow. Potential is a foreign term now... ]]> ~DementedLynx http://DementedLynx.deviantart.com/journal/6902642/ http://DementedLynx.deviantart.com/journal/6902642/ Sun, 30 Oct 2005 01:49:32 PDT It's been awhile, and despite my lack of anything remotely artistic, I am told (merely by my inner psyche, nothing else) that I needed to update this so no one will think I've died in any sort of tragic accident - because, oddly enough, college might be dangerous. You know, you're at the wrong place at the wrong time, play the wrong game of beer pong, and suddenly your in a bathtub filled with ice with your liver cut out and your underwear on your head.

I digress-

I've discovered that I'm stronger than I think I am, but no wiser. I got my heart broken for what feels like the millionth time (really only the second, though each time does hurt worse than the last, I've noticed), and managed to glue it back together with a glue stick and a bit of duct tape. Sure, I didn't find all the pieces, but it was beating and back in my chest where it belonged. And then, things changed, and I knew what I had to do: give him my heart back. So now, he has the whole glue-y mess and is attempting to make it pretty again. His handiwork is much better than mine.

Classes come and go - an endless monotony of lecture, upon lecture, upon lecture. Somehow I manage to stay awake through them all (even the dreaded 8am one) and pass them all. Or rather, passing all of them...except for the dreaded Biology, which might be going badly considering my astute ability to never remember I have a quiz every week, and thus...never pass them.

And Halloween? Despite this being my favorite holiday, I've no plans. The Professor's children are trick or treating through our "residence hall" and we've got candy to give away. I doubt I'll answer the door, that's more my roomate's cup of tea than mine. I enjoy watching horror movies, which I've already got a head start on. So far I've watched: Friday the 13th part I, Dark Water, The Exorcist, and The Shining.

It's just about 4am and I told my roomate to get me up at 10am (unfortunatly I slept until 4pm today and didn't get much work done), so I'd best get to sleep. I'm going to try to work on something shortly, I've millions of ideas.

Stay classy, Deviantart. ]]> ~DementedLynx http://DementedLynx.deviantart.com/journal/6810158/ http://DementedLynx.deviantart.com/journal/6810158/ Wed, 19 Oct 2005 14:09:36 PDT My shoelaces are untied.
I bend and tie them- over, under, around the bunny ears..whatever that old rhyme said. I straighten and sigh, scuffing my feet in the gravel. A sign to my right says "LESS TRAVELED: 32 miles."
I squint down the dusty road, one of those roads so long you think you can see forever. And I can, to a point. It goes on for an eternity in a straight line...until it breaks off into two forks.
I begin walking; the landscape never changes. I begin to doubt my own volition. Am I any closer to anything? At all? Am I any closer to leaving this now too familar drudgery?
And suddenly, I am...because I'm there. Suddenly I'm standing at the fork in the road.
One leads straight ahead, the same familar, droll landscape tumbling on and on, and forever on...
One leads to the left into a tumbling mist filled with forms and shapes unpercievable from where I stand....
There are two choices.
Two possible chances to screw up.
Two to succeed.
The air shifts in front of my eyes and you're there. Here. Wherever here or there is. I ask: "What do I do?"
You don't answer. You don't hear me. You see me, but you don't hear me.
With a smile to match that now dwindling wit of your's, you split in some awkward form of mitosis and walk the beginning of both roads.
The skin and flesh you goes to the left.
The shadow you goes straight.
I now have a choice, or rather...an ideal that may or may not be a choice: walk the familiar and remember you as you were and cherish you, or take the dangerous road and fight to keep up with that which you have become.
I breathe in.
Out.
In.
Out.
I carry no weapon. I have no safety line. I have no light to guide, no morningstar to follow.
I turn right still.
Because maybe, maybe on this road less traveled you and I will walk together at some point...we can be a weapon, a safety line, a light...for each other.
I begin to run... ]]> ~DementedLynx http://DementedLynx.deviantart.com/journal/6795920/ http://DementedLynx.deviantart.com/journal/6795920/ Mon, 17 Oct 2005 20:28:24 PDT Note to self: Being a member sucks. I must re-subscribe. ]]> ~DementedLynx http://DementedLynx.deviantart.com/journal/6770756/ http://DementedLynx.deviantart.com/journal/6770756/ Fri, 14 Oct 2005 22:48:47 PDT †.That space between I N S A N E and I N S E C U R E.†





I discovered new music tonight (and reconnected with some old favorites), and I thought I'd share:

If you haven't listened to any of the following bands yet, you're missing out and I pity you.

Panic! at the Disco

Boy's Night Out

The Starting Line

Motion City Soundtrack

Fall Out Boy

These were the bands on the Nintendo Fusion Tour which I saw this evening. They were all awesome, and I had a great time. Tonight was a much-needed respute from the world of college and all the emo kid emotions it brings out in me, and I am definetly glad I gave up $26 dollars to go see it.

I did get kicked in the head by a crowd surfer, but that happens...

I only managed to get one picture all night, and I almost didn't get that one..since I almost got shuffled into the mosh pit as I was attempting to take it. It's a wee bit blurry, but I like it. I'll upload it as soon as I find my USB cable, and the port on my computer in which to plug it in (stupid me forgot to put the memory card in the camera).

Well, my neck and back are horribly sore from an excessive amount of jumping, being run into, jabbed, and kicked, so I'm going to cut this short. After all, I've got to be well-rested: tommorow is the Lifehouse concert. I only know two of their songs, hopefully I'll like the rest of them too.

I've already concocted a plan to start a mosh-pit....that will freak people out.

Anywho, stay classy, Deviantart!

Lynxie.

P.S: for all of you concerned about me considering my last few entries, don't fret: I'll be fine. That's why I have writing for- to keep the little emo kid inside of me occupied while sane me goes about her day.

Funny Quote o' the Day:

"This song is called 'Lying is the most fun a girl can have without taking her clothes off.' You'll like it...it's about SEX!" -Brendon Urie, vocalist of Panic! at the Disco.

"Bad shit happens when you party naked!!!" - the fat underwear guy.

"I lost my face in my hoodie...and then I found it again!" - Bena, my friend.

""This isn't a fucking NSync concert!" - Me, getting pissed at the screaming 14 year old girls.

"That was the first time I parallel parked between two cars...wow, I'm glad I told you that AFTER I did that!" - Karen, my friend, after parking.

"Guys in girl's pants.....I want one!!" - Me, being...me.

"I think we just...need to dance..that's right..I said it: DANCE!" - Me, again..

"Dude, I got kicked in the head...it was AMAZING!" -Me, when asked about my night.

]]> ~DementedLynx http://DementedLynx.deviantart.com/journal/6735196/ http://DementedLynx.deviantart.com/journal/6735196/ Mon, 10 Oct 2005 23:18:08 PDT †.That space between I N S A N E and I N S E C U R E.†





I sit curled up in the passenger's seat of a little blue Miata convertible, face upturned just enough to see the grey-black sky above. The wind lashes my hair against my cheeks, and I push it back and away for te millionth time before returning one hand to my lap, the other to the doorframe. I am cold, but don't say anything; open air and sky outweighs the chills.

Green Day plays on the sound system. Novacaine. The CD skips every few minutes, and Jon curses at it. I merely smile, but don't take my eyes from the sky. There really was nothing to look at up there: it's cloudly, dull....abysmal.

It's prettier than anything I've seen in a long time.

I'm all too aware I'm leaving for Newport News in the morning. Bad News. Schol blues. I'm so happy to get away from it all, this..Leesburg. Four days here was too much. Not enough. Something. I didn't even see the one I wanted (hated) to see.

I run my palm along the air currents outside the window, and mouth the words to the song. Jon actually sings them. I'm glad one of us has the voice for it. He sings, I ponder - it's how it always should work.

The track skips again, and he impatiently pushes the button to skip move a song. That skips too. I don't mind. He minds, and changes it again. And again. And again. Finally, he pops the CD and asks me to clean it.

I wipe it off with my sleeve, looking at my reflection in the surface as I do so. My hair is windblown and wild. My makeup is smudged. These things don't suprise me.

I look normal. That suprises me. How do I always look this way when I'm screaming, screaming, screaming inside? My heart is broken. My soul is trampled. I feel like my body is going to flake apart like the skin of a fish. Soon I'll be nothing.

I insert the CD again and allow Jon to choose the track he wants while I look up at the sky again. It's so gray. So dark. I hear it's going to rain. I hope so. Rain is rebirth, renewal, regrowth. Maybe I should stand out in the rain like a seedling with my arms outstretched. Maybe I'll become new. Fresh. Simple.

The track skips again. Jon sighs. I smile.

My sleeve probably dug more scratches into the disk. After all, I am made of broken things...sharp things.

]]> ~DementedLynx http://DementedLynx.deviantart.com/journal/6723641/ http://DementedLynx.deviantart.com/journal/6723641/ Sun, 09 Oct 2005 18:22:01 PDT †.That space between I N S A N E and I N S E C U R E.†





I'm quite bored at home::

Twenty Things About Me
1. I am slightly obsessive-compulsive and must do things in a certain order, and a certain number of times before I am absolutely sure they are done. For example: when I go downstairs in my parent's house at night and I'm making sure things are locked up I must jiggle the door handle, make sure the fridge is closed, then go back to the lock and jiggle it again, then shut off the light, maybe go jiggle the lock and check fridge again, then go to front door and check the lock twice before I can return upstairs.
2. Whenever I watch "Grease", I am painfully aware of Travolta's pants and how bright his socks are.
3. I am known as "Emoth" in college by my roomates/neighbors/friends. This is not some form of digimon, but a shortened form of "emo-goth" because they seem to think that is what I am. These are the same people who refered to me as "ghetto" the other day, so one can't really take them seriously..
4. My favorite shoes have duckie shoelaces in them..which I am very proud of.
5. I have an unhealthy obsession with Batman, though I've yet to figure out why exactly that is. I own a Batman pillow, various stickers, two shirts, a watch, and a jacket.
6. I eat baked potatoes with cheese on them almost every night at college. This has become such a tradition that the serving lady knows me on sight.
7. I cannot dance. At all. For some reason..I dance all the time.
8. I am most happy when I'm making people laugh.
9. I am a very emotional, and at the same time empathetic person. Sometimes this combination is good, sometimes bad.
10. I have never been religious, nor do I necessarily believe in the religon my family is.
11. I love movies, and hope to one day write and maybe direct one. My hero is director/writer Kevin Smith.
12. I love off-beat movies that make you think like: Drawing Flies, Donnie Darko, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Amelie,..etc.
13. I still remember all the words to every Hanson, Spice Girls, Backstreet Boys, NSync song ever made. And yes, I'm oddly proud of that.
14. I cry every time I watch A Walk to Remember.
15. I'm no cooler than anyone else, and decided to embrace this fact: yes, I watch "The O.C."
16. I laugh and crack jokes when I'm upset.
17. I once spoke in nothing but pig latin. For days.
18. I take great pleasure in quoting movies...'specially Crybaby and Anchorman.'
19. I can respond to ANYTHING with a "Your mom..." reference.
20. I don't usually write in silence...I love listening to hardcore rock music at the same time.

]]> ~DementedLynx http://DementedLynx.deviantart.com/journal/6699164/ http://DementedLynx.deviantart.com/journal/6699164/ Thu, 06 Oct 2005 20:46:54 PDT †.That space between I N S A N E and I N S E C U R E.†





"Poets are just kids who didn't make it, and never had it at all..." - FOB.


Because maybe, you're gonna be the one that saves me.. I shouldn't do this: sit here, listening to this song. Not now. Everything about this song makes me think about him, and how I've lost him to some other woman. and the fire in your heart is out... I don't have a heart anymore. I don't know how to feel anymore. All I know how to do is cry, and cry, and cry...and I'm sick of the salty tang of tears. I thought this time would be different...that I would finally have a relationship where I didn't feel like everything I did was wrong. And what did I do wrong this time? Why did he leave me for her? I don't know...I don't honestly know. So what do I do?: I write him a letter.
I told him everything about how I felt, and he couldn't reassure me he felt the same at all. He told me he loved me, and now he can just say we're "best friends."
I'm going home this weekend and I told him I don't want to see him. I can't deal with it. I can't. I care about him too horribly much for me to see him and say something stupid...for some reason I can't give up on him. And I should: everyone says I should. I should focus on school...or hell, writing...or something. Everyone says I'll be fine on my own.
But how can I be fine when the only person in the world who I can see myself loving just ripped out my soul?

I let myself fall into a lie
I let my walls come down
I let myself smile and feel alive
I let my walls come down
No matter how i try i don't know why
You push so far away
You wrapped your hands tight around my heart
And squeezed it full of pain

With this knife i'll cut out the part of me
The part that cares for you
With this knife i'll cut out the heart of me
The heart that cares for you...



]]> ~DementedLynx http://DementedLynx.deviantart.com/journal/6678239/ http://DementedLynx.deviantart.com/journal/6678239/ Tue, 04 Oct 2005 13:27:07 PDT †.That space between I N S A N E and I N S E C U R E.†





There was a moment today when gravity pressed down on my worthless little spine and I crumbled to the ground. It was a bittersweet moment because two people came to my rescue, set me on my feet, and brushed me off, but they can't hold me there forever. They can't. I so wish they could. I found myself alone again soon enough, found myself opening the drawer and looking at your lopsided smile again. I should tear it up. I should. But I don't. I never do anything I should do. I close the drawer and hide your face away...but you're still there. Like always. And before the idea was warm....you there. Now I can't think of it, or else I'm prostrate on the ground again. I've come to learn many things about the ground I'm laying on. It's cold. Very cold. And dull. Dented. Broken. We are so similar: the ground and I. Easily forgotten, easily marred. Taken for granted. Oh, but of course: all we kiss are the bottoms of your sneakers. I spent the day buried in books and figures, I spent the night listening to the heartbeat of the floor...

...and it's silent.


**special thanks to Monique and Scotteh for being my angels last night**

]]> ~DementedLynx http://DementedLynx.deviantart.com/journal/6661333/ http://DementedLynx.deviantart.com/journal/6661333/ Sun, 02 Oct 2005 16:12:51 PDT †.That space between I N S A N E and I N S E C U R E.†





"Life isn't a support system for art. It's the other way around" - Stephen King.

Isn't it ironic how right after you write a poem about someone they go and break your heart?

Think about that one for a bit.

]]> ~DementedLynx http://DementedLynx.deviantart.com/journal/6655504/ http://DementedLynx.deviantart.com/journal/6655504/ Sat, 01 Oct 2005 23:40:41 PDT †.That space between I N S A N E and I N S E C U R E.†





Let's see: I've decided love is perhaps the worst feeling in the world. Yes, that's right: the absolute worst. I spent all day today feeling like I had my heart ripped out just because my so-called "Love" said things that were not cool. No details, but that was a definite start to a bad day. Yeah, that's why I wrote the new poem too. Mhm.

Second worst thing is the computer. More specifically..when the computer breaks. But, because I might be a technologically savvy individual, I managed to fix it. For now.

I'm home in a week but now I don't think I want to go. Funny how things work out...

Wow, so...this is the worst entry ever. I need sleep so bad. I have to write a paper tommorow and study for an exam, and actually do something semi-productive. Oh no.

Should I also mention that when I am awake on such a little amount of sleep that I really sound like I'm high when I talk? No good. Maybe I'm soooo tired because of the dance party in my room..that's right: a few people dancing to such hits as "Mmmbop" and "Spice World." You know you love it and wish you were there..

...besides...we had pie.

I'm gonna shut up before I pass out.

Stay classy...

]]> ~DementedLynx http://DementedLynx.deviantart.com/journal/6620226/ http://DementedLynx.deviantart.com/journal/6620226/ Tue, 27 Sep 2005 20:02:35 PDT †.That space between I N S A N E and I N S E C U R E.†





So I wrote a poem called "Together" that I posted today. People seem to like it...I don't. Hmm, I don't really get it, but I've obviously done something right with this one. I sort of did something new with it, so maybe that's why people like it. And, on retrospect, that's probably why I don't. Maybe it will grow on me.

I haven't been getting enough sleep lately, and I'm too stressed out. I don't like it. There's been a lot of drama in here, and I've done a lot of screaming. I'm sick and tired of it, but it seems things are cooling down, which I'm glad for.

I seem to have dropped a lot of things on my feet today too. Am I the only one? I also managed to clamp the hair straightener on my finger yet again. I swear, I'm just not the brightest or most coordinated person in the entire world. This isn't my day.

I want to go back to Leesburg and see my love...school life is too damn stressful! No good, no good. I need like...sleep..yes, sounds good...

Stay classy, Deviants!
Lynx

]]> ~DementedLynx http://DementedLynx.deviantart.com/journal/6601213/ http://DementedLynx.deviantart.com/journal/6601213/ Sun, 25 Sep 2005 17:57:01 PDT †.That space between I N S A N E and I N S E C U R E.†





The weekend trip to NOVA was rife with laughter, tears, and the occasional dirty joke about breadsticks. Really, the breadstick bit is of little importance, but it was vaguely amusing at the time. The laughter is somewhat important, considering that was most of my weekend: my friends are so wonderful and it was awesome to see all of them again. The tears were very important, considering how they made me realize how deeply I feel about someone.

I refuse to go into detail and get all fluffy on you, but I'm realizing again what love is. And it's beautiful and painful at the same time. Right now I want to scream and kill him...but that's how it goes, right? It's hard when I'm the type of person who analyzes every single little thing he does; but I'm learning to view things in a different light...to take things with a grain of salt.

Now I am back at school, and armed with a memory card stuffed full of photography, two story ideas, and a muse just busting at the seams with poetry ideas.

Now I just need to find the time to write it all down...

Stay classy, Deviants.
Lynxie

]]> ~DementedLynx http://DementedLynx.deviantart.com/journal/6541247/ http://DementedLynx.deviantart.com/journal/6541247/ Sun, 18 Sep 2005 21:35:57 PDT †.That space between I N S A N E and I N S E C U R E.†





The soft luminescent green from the clock gleams 1214pm in block letters in the darkness. I am hunched over a keyboard lit only by the faint glow from the monitor screen itself; the lights must stay off with my roomate asleep. The only noise is the hum of the modem, the quick staccatto of my fingers upon the keys.

Everyone is asleep.

I, alone, stay awake. There's nothing left to stay awake for: my baby went to sleep an hour prior, all my friends have signed offline, I just finished my final can of caffinated godliness. There is nothing.

My writing notebook sits discarded on the edge of my bed. Empty. I set it out as a premise to actually commit something to paper, and then nothing happened. Or, rather...something happened: the phone rang and I rushed out to view the time-traveling hijinks of Michael J. Fox and Christopher Lloyd.

Somehow, despite everything...my muse is silent. I have so much I would write about, and yet can't. I could write about love again. I could. Wasen't my problem before that I had nothing left to relate it to? Too bad the pen and paper seemed to have a silent wrestling match before I can even make a mark.

What I need to do is find somewhere comfortable.

Maybe what I need to do is go home. To my own room. To my own house. Maybe what I need is to see my best friend, and to see my love, and to have a good weekend and not think about homework, or roomates, or anything.

You know what? That's a brilliant idea.

Lynxie **might** go home this weekend

Stay classy, Deviants.
.lynx.

]]> ~DementedLynx http://DementedLynx.deviantart.com/journal/6529534/ http://DementedLynx.deviantart.com/journal/6529534/ Sat, 17 Sep 2005 14:33:52 PDT †.That space between I N S A N E and I N S E C U R E.†





College involves homework, homework, and ever more homework. Joyous. Yet, it also involves concerts by the dozen..most of which I saw: Josh Kelley, Michael Tolcher, Rude Buddha, Atlas, and numerous other cover/upcoming bands who's names escape me now. This is my kind of party scene: good friends and good music, and a little bit of dancing and screaming thrown in.

Studies are going well: I've managed to pass every exam/paper with an A or a B. This is horribly harder than it sounds. Really. College is a bitch. Take today: I spent the 4 hours I've been awake doing homework. Fun.

And don't mock me for sleeping in - I'm usually awake by 8am or 10am for classes.

Needless to say, coffee is still my best friend.

I've submitted a few photos I've had in reserve but they don't seem to be flowing too well with my watcher's. I know. I have some photos from the Tolcher/Kelley concert that I'll get up soon.

And no, I haven't had a chance to write anything. It's not my fault. Either I'm doing homework, sleeping, or making sure my roomates don't murder each other...

I'm going to try to get something done soon. I promise.

Stay classy, DA.
Lynx

]]> ~DementedLynx http://DementedLynx.deviantart.com/journal/6460941/ http://DementedLynx.deviantart.com/journal/6460941/ Fri, 09 Sep 2005 17:10:44 PDT †.That space between I N S A N E and I N S E C U R E.†





Lately I'm alright, and lately I'm not scared
I figured out that what you do to me feels
like I'm floating on air
I don't need to know right now
All I know is I believe
The very thing that got us here
Now I can't leave
--Mae, "Suspension."


So it's been a long while since I've done an actual update on my life (one that isn't half-assed and done on a whim). I'd like to say that college schoolwork has kept me busy, but I'm quite certain the real reason is my need for sleep. Boy, do I love sleep.

College is an interesting experience; it's much different than I expected. College has always been percieved as a place where you have to work hard and study 23 out of the 24 hours of the day just to pass. That's bullshit. I'm sporting all A's and haven't spent more than 8 hours in an entire week on schoolwork.

And no - there aren't any wild parties. Sure, our friend Noah invited us to smoke a hooka with him, but that's nothing too exciting (just for the record: I didn't smoke it). The best party I went to was a get-together at Mo's (Sharky04's) dorm where we ate brownies and watched "Clue" because Tim Curry is BEAST.

After a rocky start, my romantic life has become quite interesting. I have someone back home who I'm sorta-kinda involved with, and am very happy about. I hope we find some common footing between us so that we can continue what it is we have, right now we've basically a "wait-and-see" attitude about it - which is fine with me.

This weekend is family weekend so my folks will be down to see me. I'm not too excited about it, but it has to be done so that I can finally get away from campus for a few hours. I've already been promised a trip to Target, which rocks. Yes, TARGET. You've no idea how overtly much you appreciate that place until it's the only place you can shop because you're a student and never have any more than five dollars on you at a time.

I've also become addicted to coffee. I HATE the taste of it, but I've been drinking it as if it's the only thing that keeps me alive. Soda and coffee are my constant companions in order to keep myself awake. Mmmm...oh so heavenly.

Well, that's an update for you.

Stay classy, DeviantART;
Lynx

]]> ~DementedLynx http://DementedLynx.deviantart.com/journal/6454366/ http://DementedLynx.deviantart.com/journal/6454366/ Thu, 08 Sep 2005 20:51:01 PDT †.That space between I N S A N E and I N S E C U R E.†





It couldn't get much better. I'm quite a happy person right now with my social, romantic, and educational life going so excellently. Go me. I'm also going to start writing again soon! Yay!

Stay classy, DeviantART.
Lynx

]]> ~DementedLynx http://DementedLynx.deviantart.com/journal/6370142/ http://DementedLynx.deviantart.com/journal/6370142/ Tue, 30 Aug 2005 14:54:10 PDT †.That space between I N S A N E and I N S E C U R E.†





So in case you weren't aware...college is hard. In the past two weeks I've become addicted to coffee and have learned to run on two to four hours of sleep. I'm either superhuman or some sort of zombie at this point. It's quite suprising I'm not shuffling through the halls howling, "Braaaains! I want braaains!" If I begin that be so kind as to hit me over the head with a shovel and decapitate me, ok? Thanks.

Because of the influx of homework, the drama of roomates and potential boyfriends, I've not done anything for Deviantart, nor have I even given it any thought. I have a photomanipulation on stand-by that I'm working on, and I also need to finish (read: start) my Night collab. It will all get finished, I swear. Oh, and did I mention I need to write a five minute play and have actors for it by Saturday? Yeah. Not sure if that's going to happen, though it would be very good to get my foot in the door.

This is why I propose the days sum up to 48 hours instead of 24. That would be quite marvelous. Who should I contact in the department to get that done?

Maybe the DA FAQ has the answers. Or the Help Desk.

I'm currently on a caffiene high and have cramped hands from Philosophy homework: my wit isn't as keen as usual. I apologize. So yes folks, I'm still alive...shuffling and beginning to crave brains, but alive.

I think I need to go take a nap now. Yes. That sounds quite peachy.

]]> ~DementedLynx http://DementedLynx.deviantart.com/journal/6327554/ http://DementedLynx.deviantart.com/journal/6327554/ Thu, 25 Aug 2005 18:11:06 PDT †.That space between I N S A N E and I N S E C U R E.†





I'm writing something. Yeah.

And I'm at college. Mhm.

That's it.

]]> ~DementedLynx http://DementedLynx.deviantart.com/journal/6227316/ http://DementedLynx.deviantart.com/journal/6227316/ Sun, 14 Aug 2005 18:03:34 PDT †.That space between I N S A N E and I N S E C U R E.†





It's Sunday afternoon, the state of things liees outside the closed blinds. Good. I do not want to know how the world is doing today. I don't care. Everything is muted inside my box of concrete; the only noise worth listening to is the crack of gunshots enimating from the keyboard as I type. Soul onto screen. Words onto paper. It's all the same. Three more days will this concrete box be mine, then I will be pushed: up, out, and away. Three more days will I be this person I am - this child who really thinks Batman bandaids are rad. Then, Wednesday, I will be this adult parody of myself, who uses those said bandaids and pretends to grumble about it.

In three days I start a life beyond Leesburg. Somehow though, I realize that Newport News will never be home. Home is where the heart is. Much as any townie would hate to admit it, I must: Leesburg is where the heart is. Here, in this bastard town of one movie theater and enough Starbucks to populate a third world country, my heart will be buried and kept safe. Or maybe, not safe...persay..but conveniently out of place.

I made a deal with Monique to go into college with an open heart, but I lied..I crossed my fingers behind my back and flat-out lied. I will not. I will go with no heart. I will go only because I have to, even though the people who I care about most will be here. I'm going to miss them all so very deeply: my hip, my heart.

Oh, those two most of all: the hip who keeps me walking, the heart who doesn't know it.

I will leave Leesburg on Wednesday morning, and I will be damned if it does not rain. I so want it to. I want it to be as miserable as possible outside. I want the world to weep because it will be tearing me from the only place I have ever lived that I remember almost fondly.

Oh, look at me now: emotionally submerged in feeling so very sorry for my poor little self. I'm not the only one losing things, people, this week. It just...feels so hard losing things without those lost not really knowing how greatly I care.

The remedy lies in words. Soul onto screen. Yet, such a huge task to let myself go that far, to put myself on the deep end yet again. Telling people the absolute truth never got me much before. I am so afraid.

Of a lot of things..





I am leaving for Newport News on the 17th. Technically, that means two more days before I'm relocated to a dorm room to live with my roomate, Paula.

I'm not ready.

I'm all packed. I've got new clothes. I've got all the essentials I... ]]> ~DementedLynx http://DementedLynx.deviantart.com/journal/6203303/ http://DementedLynx.deviantart.com/journal/6203303/ Fri, 12 Aug 2005 00:06:58 PDT †.That space between I N S A N E and I N S E C U R E.†





No, I'm not dead. I feel like it, but physically, I'm not. Here's a quick and pointless update:

Over the past week my cat, Rusty, has been ill...and passed away earlier this evening. I'm still in an incredible amount of shock about it; I didn't get to say goodbye. So yeah, that's put me at all sorts of levels of fucked up.

I went to Warped Tour. I got my ass kicked in the mosh pit, and fell down. Wahoo? I got a new favorite band though: Bleed the Dream. I purchased their latest CD at the venue, and ordered their first on the internet this morning along with the latest by Mae. The bands I saw were: The Dead 66, Bleed the Dream, Mae, Thrice, My Chemical Romance, Relient K, Fall Out Boy, and Emery.

I'm still working on my NIGHT collab. I know...I suck.

I'm leaving for CNU on Wednesday. I don't want to go..

Yeah, that's about it. My art isn't coming back yet. I'm still incredibly pissed about the whole Jark thing. We'll see.

]]> ~DementedLynx http://DementedLynx.deviantart.com/journal/6096001/ http://DementedLynx.deviantart.com/journal/6096001/ Mon, 01 Aug 2005 20:39:44 PDT †.That space between I N S A N E and I N S E C U R E.†





IMPORTANT NOTE: I've put all my deviations in storage for the time being. Don't panic: they are in DA limbo right now. At this point in time I do not wish to leave them available for viewing, that is, not until we recieve some answers. Please don't harass me about it, they will return if DA.com returns to the site I remember joining a year ago.

Much love,

Stephanie
aka. DementedLynx
[DementedLynx@aol.com]

[I SUPPORT JARK]
[link] <-- Interesting info.
[link] <--Support Jark: the Petition.

And for those of you that asked:
[link] <-- Deviation storage.

has also finally made a statement on the issue. Notice the backpedaling and the corporate slant. Read his journal, and ask him questions - apparently he'll try to answer them.

And as says...BE CIVIL.

]]> ~DementedLynx http://DementedLynx.deviantart.com/journal/6077545/ http://DementedLynx.deviantart.com/journal/6077545/ Sun, 31 Jul 2005 21:33:06 PDT †.That space between I N S A N E and I N S E C U R E.†





OK. That was cheap. Totally. Half my "Jark & the Corporation pt II" got deleted. And I didn't do it.

I'm not pointing fingers. Yet...

Here are all the links I had up:

[link] <-- Interesting info.
[link] <--Support Jark: the Petition.

August 7th is YELLOW DAY.

]]> ~DementedLynx http://DementedLynx.deviantart.com/journal/6016718/ http://DementedLynx.deviantart.com/journal/6016718/ Sat, 23 Jul 2005 21:45:20 PDT †.That space between I N S A N E and I N S E C U R E.†





Well, I guess it's time for an update into my miserable life, eh?

I'm quitting my job: tommorow is my last day. It's going to be really sad to say goodbye to everyone. I'm apparently supposed to go in early, so I'm guessing my boss has a suprise for me or something. We'll see. I'm going to cry my ass off.

I've got brilliant ideas for my Night collab. I'm working on it in my head still. I'll sit my ass down after work tommorow and finally finish typing it out. Maybe.

I'm addicted to myspace. Yes folks, I'm one of those sad myspace whores who needs a life beyond the internet but doesn't have one. Oh well.

I'm having trouble procuring a muse. I can only write if I sit down and force myself, I can't let things just flow. I think this is on account of how much my love life sucks right now.

And yes, yes it does. It sucks big ones, it does. I've no luck in this category. None at all.

Well, that's all for now. I never said anything exciting ever happened. I AM going to Chuck E Cheese on Monday, and I AM very excited, but I'm a nerd and you don't care anyway.




†.The d r e a m s in which I'm d y i n g, are the b e... ]]> ~DementedLynx http://DementedLynx.deviantart.com/journal/6011831/ http://DementedLynx.deviantart.com/journal/6011831/ Sat, 23 Jul 2005 10:01:47 PDT †.That space between I N S A N E and I N S E C U R E.†





I've got 5,000 pageviews.

That = awesome.




†.The d r e a m s in which I'm d y i n g, are the b e s t I've ever had.†
]]> ~DementedLynx http://DementedLynx.deviantart.com/journal/5958598/ http://DementedLynx.deviantart.com/journal/5958598/ Sun, 17 Jul 2005 11:53:19 PDT †.That space between I N S A N E and I N S E C U R E.†





I just finished Harry Potter & the Half-Blood Prince and now I want to discuss it with someone. Problem is, I'm the only one finished. Lemme just say I cried through about the last three chapters.

Someone please tell me they finished it so that I can babble all nerd-like with them!




†.The d r e a m s in which I'm d y i n g, are the b e s t I've ever had.†
]]> ~DementedLynx http://DementedLynx.deviantart.com/journal/5940612/ http://DementedLynx.deviantart.com/journal/5940612/ Fri, 15 Jul 2005 08:50:22 PDT †.That space between I N S A N E and I N S E C U R E.†





Charlie and the Chocolate Factory was amazing. Definetly worth seeing at midnight.

I just wanted to share that.




†.The d r e a m s in which I'm d y i n g, are the b e s t I've ever had.†
]]> ~DementedLynx http://DementedLynx.deviantart.com/journal/5926990/ http://DementedLynx.deviantart.com/journal/5926990/ Wed, 13 Jul 2005 20:23:59 PDT †.That space between I N S A N E and I N S E C U R E.†





Just updating this because I've been busy actually doing stuff. Yeah, so...I don't really have a social life:

Giftart for Krispy: 100% complete.

Giftart for Prato: 100% complete.

Giftart for MoMo: 15% complete.

Giftart for Staci: 0% complete.

Night collaboration: 20% complete.

And, I'm seeing Charlie and the Chocolate Factory tommorow night at 1159pm with Krispy and Staci. Ownage.




†.The d r e a m s in which I'm d y i n g, are the b e s t I've ever had.†
]]> ~DementedLynx http://DementedLynx.deviantart.com/journal/5915766/ http://DementedLynx.deviantart.com/journal/5915766/ Tue, 12 Jul 2005 19:31:50 PDT †.That space between I N S A N E and I N S E C U R E.†





I'm working on a few things, and since I've holed myself up in my room all depressed-like, I'm sure that I'll actually complete them:

Giftart for Daisy: 100% complete.

Giftart for Momo (sharky04): 2% complete.

Giftart for Krispy (krispykrunchie): 0% complete.

Night collaboration: 15% complete.

Stock photomanipulation: 100% complete.




†.The d r e a m s in which I'm d y i n g, are the b e s t I've ever had.†
]]> ~DementedLynx http://DementedLynx.deviantart.com/journal/5899293/ http://DementedLynx.deviantart.com/journal/5899293/ Sun, 10 Jul 2005 22:43:58 PDT †.That space between I N S A N E and I N S E C U R E.†





I saw both Fantastic Four and War of the Worlds this week. The former was amazing, the latter was horrible.

Maybe it's just because I hate Tom Cruise with an incredible passion.

My birthday was good, I got a lot of excellent stuff. This includes Weird Al CD's, a Stephen Lynch DVD, and a dancing hamster.

That's right: a dancing hamster. He sings "Play that Funky Music White Boy." Genius. I named him Pimp Ass Hizzle.

My friend Monique (Sharky04) also got me a plastic pony as a joke, because I said I wanted a pony for my birthday. I (with help from my friends) named him Master Chief Killer.

I got other stuff too, but I'm too lazy to list it, and you don't care anyway.

Oh yeah - and I pierced my nose. There's a picture in my scraps that I used as a beginning point for my crappy-ass photomanip if you want to look at it.

I feel like shit. Yay? I don't even know what the hell is wrong with me...

Am I emo, or what?




†.The d r e a m s in which I'm d y i n g, are the b e s t I've ever had.†
]]> ~DementedLynx http://DementedLynx.deviantart.com/journal/5861555/ http://DementedLynx.deviantart.com/journal/5861555/ Wed, 06 Jul 2005 22:07:19 PDT †.That space between I N S A N E and I N S E C U R E.†





So...it's my birthday. I'm eighteen years old. Wow, I survived. I'm an adult now, and yes - I know what a scary thought that is. So now, I guess we should spend these next few moments in song...

Happy birthday
Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday
Happy birthday to you

Well, it's time to celebrate your birthday, it happens every year
We'll eat a lot of broccoli and drink a lot of beer
You should be good and happy that there's something you can eat
A million people every day are starving in the street

Your daddy's in the gutter with the wretched and the poor
Your mama's in the kitchen with a can of Cycle Four
There's garbage in the water
There's poison in the sky
I guess it won't be long before we're all gonna die

Happy birthday
Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday
Happy birthday to you

Well, what's the matter little friend, you think this party is the pits
Enjoy it while you can, we'll soon be blown to bits
The monkeys in the pentagon are gonna cook our goose
Their finger's on the button, all they need it an excuse

It doesn't take a military genius to see
We'll all be crispy critters after World War III
There's nowhere you can run to, nowhere you can hide
When they drop the big one, we all get fried

(Come on boys and girls, sing along, ok?)

Happy birthday
Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday
Happy birthday to you
wow! (background screaming, sound effect)

Well there's a punk in the alley and he's looking for a fight
There's an Arab on the corner buying everything in sight
There's a mother in the ghetto with another mouth to feed
Seems that everywhere you look today there's misery and greed

I guess you know the Earth is gonna crash into the sun
But that's no reason why we shouldn't have a little fun
So if you think it's scary, if it's more than you can take
Just blow out the candles and have a piece of cake

Happy birthday
Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday
Happy birthday to you
wow!

Happy birthday
Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday
Happy birthday to you

(Happy Birthday!)

And a pinch to grow an inch!

Now, wasen't that fun? Thank you Weird Al Yankovic for that cheery perspective..
WHERE ARE MY PRESENTS?!...ok, I'm kidding; you didn't have to get me presents.

Though, I wouldn't mind if you had.

http://DementedLynx.deviantart.com/journal/5852159/ Tue, 05 Jul 2005 22:51:04 PDT †.That space between I N S A N E and I N S E C U R E.†





So, I haven't uploaded anything in awhile. I'm sorry. Here's another lame update as to show you I'm not dead, and am actually attempting to be semi-productive:

Going to spend all day tommorow finishing (aka. starting) NIGHT for Finch's collab with myself and a few other writer's. I probably should have been finished with this already. I'm sorry, Finch.

Birthday is on Thursday, and I'll be legal. Erm..wahoo?

I've been really stressed out and depressed these past few days over some things. Bear with me. At least I've not stooped so low as to babble about it on here and bore you to death. Be proud.

Kitty has been found. This is good, and makes me relieved.

I took pictures of fireworks last night, but most (aka. all) of them turned out bad because my hand was shaking. I think I have one good shot out of the thirty or so I took. I may post it later on.

As always, I'm working on poems on and off.




†.The d r e a m s in which I'm d y i n g, are the b e s... ]]> ~DementedLynx http://DementedLynx.deviantart.com/journal/5822044/ http://DementedLynx.deviantart.com/journal/5822044/ Sat, 02 Jul 2005 15:40:38 PDT I N S A N E and I N S E C U R E.†





Here's an update on my life and my latest projects:

My cat ran away while I was off at college orientation. Missing count is now at three days.

I'm getting my nose-pierced on Friday.

My birthday is on Thursday. I will be 18!

I've gotten obsessed with Charles Manson as of late. Don't ask.

I'm still working on my collab for Finch's project: Night. The above update will come into play with this one.

I haven't had a chance to do any photography as of late. I'm currently trying to get the funds for a nice manual camera.

I'm working on my full-length play. The Manson cult obsession is involved here too.

I'm working on getting stuff to decorate my dorm. Yay for Deviantart prints.

..and last but not least: I've obviouslly figured out how to do html code on DA. Thank you, FAQ!

†.The d r e a m s in which I'm d y i n g, are the b e s t I've ever had.†
]]> ~DementedLynx http://DementedLynx.deviantart.com/journal/5781183/ http://DementedLynx.deviantart.com/journal/5781183/ Tue, 28 Jun 2005 11:53:41 PDT I N S A N E and I N S E C U R E.†





I'm working on something now. Yay. (I TOLD you I would - can't believe you doubted me)




†.The d r e a m s in which I'm d y i n g, are the b e s t I've ever had.†
]]> ~DementedLynx http://DementedLynx.deviantart.com/journal/5745379/ http://DementedLynx.deviantart.com/journal/5745379/ Fri, 24 Jun 2005 14:22:59 PDT I N S A N E and I N S E C U R E.†





I'm not in the best emotional state right now: blame it on being dumped again. Or, rejected, whatever you want to call a relationship that didn't even last a week. Do I have bad luck, or what?

I'm dying the hair blue tonight - because I can. I was totally excited about it until now, because now I couldn't give a rat's ass about anyone or anything. Don't you just love emotional writers and our moods?

I'm working on developing a new play, and writing my collab for Finch's (*Anotherfinch) collab p[roject: Night. I really need to finish that. Yeah so, so far I've written a paragraph..in my head. It's not on paper yet, but...I'm going to try to get that done this weekend. I need to keep my mind off myself, so I might as well get lost in other people's lives for awhile.

Well, that's my update. Who wants to take me out and buy me something sparkly?

Lynx

Coin-operated boy
Sitting on the shelf
He is just a toy
But i turn him on
And he comes to life
Automatic joy
That is why I want
A coin operated boy

Made of plastic and elastic
He is rugged and long-lasting
Who could ever ever ask for more
Love without complications galore
Many shapes and weights to choose from
I will never leave my bedroom
I will never cry at night again
wrap my arms around him and pretend.

Coin-operated boy
All the other real ones that i destroy
Cannot hold a candle to my new boy and i'll
Never let him go and i'll never be alone
Not with my coin operated boy......

this bridge was written to make you feel smitten
With my sad picture of girl getting bitterer
Can you extract me from my plastic fantasy
I didn't think so but I'm still convinceable
Will you persist even after i bet you
A billion dollars that I'll never love you
Will you persist even after I kiss you
Goodbye for the last time
Will you keep on trying
To prove it?
I'm dying
To lose it.
I'm losing
My comfort.
I want it
I want you
I want a
I want a
coin-operated boy.

And if i had a star to wish on
For my life i can't imagine
Any flesh and blood could be his match
I can even take him in the bath

Coin-operated boy
He may not be real experienced with girls
But I know he feels like a boy should feel
Isn't that the point?
That is why I want a
Coin-operated boy
With his pretty coin-operated voice
Saying that he loves me
That hes thinking of me
Straight and to the point
That is why i want
A coin operated boy.
--Dresden Dolls Coin Operated Boy"

~DementedLynx http://DementedLynx.deviantart.com/journal/5713867/ http://DementedLynx.deviantart.com/journal/5713867/ Tue, 21 Jun 2005 12:30:16 PDT I N S A N E and I N S E C U R E.†





I sweated for two hours inside a red parachute disguised as a gown, and what did I get for it? My name on a piece of paper with "Advanced Diploma" stamped on it in fake gold leaf. Oh, and I did get balloons...and I could use the hat as a frisbee. I guess that's special.

So what will I do now that I'm supposedly an "adult" and an "active member of society"? Well, of course, what the same thing we do every night Pinky..

...try and take over the world.

Or, die my hair blue and have one last party with the class of '05.

Shit. Now I'm not sure which one it is.

One last note:

For the next month I'm going to be pretty much free to do whatever, so I'm going to work on submitting something halfway decent for you all.




†.The d r e a m s in which I'm d y i n g, are the b e s t I've ever had.†
]]> ~DementedLynx http://DementedLynx.deviantart.com/journal/5698870/ http://DementedLynx.deviantart.com/journal/5698870/ Sun, 19 Jun 2005 21:38:27 PDT I N S A N E and I N S E C U R E.†





I got my graduation present: a new, quite awesome, computer system. It comes complete with: laptop, docking station for said laptop, monitor, and photo printer. It's amazing. All of my grandparents pitched in and got it.
I also now have enough money for photoshop. I've finally saved enough, and will definetly be buying that soon; excpecially with such a wicked system to put it on now.
Tommorow is grad practice at 10 in the morning. That will suck ass. However, afterward Staci is going to take Krispy and I to her house (note to self: inform Krispy of the slight change..) and we're going to help her move something into her room. Then, Krispy and I are going to my house, and will probably watch old Batman movies considering we loved "Batman Begins" so much.
Then, hopefully it will be time for Bwf night, and we'll go hang out with everyone. It should be quite rad. And fun...as all Bwf nights are.
All I need is for my headache to go away...*sigh*




†.The d r e a m s in which I'm d y i n g, are the b e s t I've ever had.†
]]> ~DementedLynx http://DementedLynx.deviantart.com/journal/5692693/ http://DementedLynx.deviantart.com/journal/5692693/ Sun, 19 Jun 2005 08:20:33 PDT I N S A N E and I N S E C U R E.†





It was the best of times, it was the worst of times..wait. Fuck you, this isn't that sort of story.

This is a blog brought to you by the demented minds of both Lynxie + Krispy:

Tonight was.........interesting.

"Hey, hold on. I've got to get some chips." Thus: the Beginning. The bloody fuck was scared out of Momma as Krispy and Tiffeh discussed pineapples, in which time they found out Momma was in all actuality a fucking ninja (holy mousecakes, batman).

They arrive, and Momma almost murdered Krispy with Death by Fucking Car Bumper. There they come across Lynxie (aka. the fucktard writing this..right now) looking sultry with her plaid skirt....yeah.

Now to Lynxie's POV, because it might be funny (maybe).

There was much hanging out in the basement until Chase called. Approximently 7 minutes later, he arrived at the door. Yay. We played the marvelous DDR, and all sucked much ass, because yeah..we suck. DA-to-the-ZE came next, and it was glorious. Staci and Jon showed up next, and we all played DDR some more. We are losers, all except Jon..because, he doesn't look like a fucking loser when he plays. We've got video to prove this point. So there.

Then......food. Yum. Good shit, man. We ate for awhile, and then (voila!) the twins showed up. Then came more eating, because we are skinny people and need to eat. Or yeah, something like that. Monique showed up next....and (supise, suprise) we ate some more. Then we began a series of stories involving my childhood, bongs, and indecent exposure. Don't ask.

What followed was an unfortunate event not fit for viewing by small children, or..small dogs. I don't know why..but, yeah. The Ice Fight of Super Ultra Hardcore Doomage. This was basically Lynxie and Jon attempting to place ice in each other's clothing. Jon got alot own his shirt. Lynxie got one unfortunate piece of ice down the skirt. Not sure how that happened... Then Lynxie placed ice in Chase's shirt, and it went down his pants. It was some funny shit. Yay.

Then, we all went downstairs. Yay for downstairs. We sang songs of a slightly vulgar nature, and then were told we had to come get cake. Within this time period of measures and magricals Baun and Alex called..and Lynxie was forced to give directions to a place she is at every day, but doesn't know street names, because she's fucking lame. Maybe they thought cake was the key to eternal life or something, because the adults really wanted some. Or maybe, they just wanted to be fat. Hell if I know.

So we went upstairs. Lynxe was given a big knife. That's dangerous. Krispy and Tiffeh freaked out and clung to one another. I guess they thought I was going to stab them in the liver, I do not know why. I only stab certain people in the liver. For them I might have stabbed the pelvis..because, hell...we like pelvises. Mmmm..pelvis thrusting. Elvis is the King. Or something.

The cake was in the middle of being cut, and the phone rang again. Alex was lost. Go figure. So,... ]]> ~DementedLynx http://DementedLynx.deviantart.com/journal/5666704/ http://DementedLynx.deviantart.com/journal/5666704/ Thu, 16 Jun 2005 13:09:05 PDT I N S A N E and I N S E C U R E.†





I'm working on alot right now, thus why I've not submitted anything in awhile:

-> Graduation party/practice/ceremony completion.
-> Thank you cards for everyone who sends money/well-wishes.
-> "Night" collab with *AnotherFinch.
-> Full-length version of "Butterflies + Tourniquets" for college use.
-> Photography with ~Krispykrunchie.
-> Saving money for art on wishlist.
-> Another (so far) unamed play for college use.

So yeah, I've got an overloaded agenda, so to speak. I've got some photography I couls submit, but no one wants to look at mediocre filler. Just be patient with me.




†.The d r e a m s in which I'm d y i n g, are the b e s t I've ever had.†
]]> ~DementedLynx http://DementedLynx.deviantart.com/journal/5613682/ http://DementedLynx.deviantart.com/journal/5613682/ Fri, 10 Jun 2005 21:41:10 PDT I N S A N E and I N S E C U R E.†





Tonight was the play, and it was wonderful. Bryan, Bryce, Amber, Daisy, her Jamie, Baun, Kerri, and many others came to be my rabid fans. Kerri brought me a rose, and that made me happy. I wish Andrew, Jon, and Alex had showed up..but they didn't. That made me sad. I really wanted them to be there.

I digress-

I sat through a few one-acts, and finally got to mine. Right as the play was announced, and my name was read, I hid behind my program and tried not to freak out too horribly. Baun and Bryce told me everything was going to be fine, but I was really nervous how people would take it.

The house lights went down, and Prato stepped out on stage and sat down in the spotlight and began to speak: "I didn't mean to do it...I just took it too far..." Through his entire opening monolouge, my hand is over my mouth and I'm trying not to cry. That moment, when he was saying lines I wrote specifially for him, was really amazing. I was so happy.

The play continued on, and I finally managed to put my hand back in my lap. When Prato delivered the line, "You'll pay for that.." to Joel, I couldn't help the squeaking noise that made Baun give me a funny look. It sounded EXACTLY as it sounded in my head when I wrote it. And no, not similar...EXACT.

I got shivers.

I was a bit dissapointed at the lighting for Nicky's entrance in scene 3. We were going to use the backstage light, but instead they just turned all of the stage lights on. It was ok though, it didn't make it bad or anything.

Prato did have one line flub which made me laugh thought. His line was: 'I broke the window on his precious porsche.." but he said: "I broke the window on his precious porch...err, porsche..that sportscar.." hahaha.

I loved the responses from the audience during the show. When Nicky ran backstage and screamed when Prato roared, "I! Loved! You!"...people behind us were like, "Oh my god.."

Then, the play ended, and all the lights came back on. Intermission time. I was molested by a bunch of people trying to hug me at once, and then momma came over and hugged me. She told me she overheard a lady saying, "Wow, I'm really glad I brought the kids..family friendly.." Yes folks, Lynxie is corrupting the youth of America, so they can end up as fucked up as I.

During intermission I ran around and said hello to a lot of people, then found Prato and snuggled him (yeah, forgot about his slipped disk..oops). Then, momma two (Krispy's mom) told me to grab him for a picture, so I did and snuggled him again so that it could be caught on film. Yay.

Then, Janet and I bothered Kory some more..telling him he smelled good, and that if we could, we would bottle that smell. We're odd...

The lights dimmed, so I sat back down for the rest of the show. Dan Hinkin was amazing in "The Zoo." I really loved that play. I would join drama just to act in that play. Of course, I'd want to play the role of Jerry, which would be difficult since I am not a man (i... ]]> ~DementedLynx http://DementedLynx.deviantart.com/journal/5583951/ http://DementedLynx.deviantart.com/journal/5583951/ Tue, 07 Jun 2005 21:11:57 PDT I N S A N E and I N S E C U R E.†





I lit my pain on fire
And I watched it all burn down
Now I'm dancing in the ashes
And theres no one else around
Cause I wanna be apart of something
This is just a story of a broken soul...
--Papa Roach, "Take Me"

--> The play is fast approaching. *twitch twitch*
--> I should obviously never talk. I fuck things up. Bad me. BAD.
--> I need new CD's: System of a Down, Coldplay, Jack Johnson, Rude Buddha, Hawthorne Heights, Fall Out Boy, Papa Roach, Better Than Ezra, Dave Matthews, Tenacious D.
--> One school project left. It's due Monday. Yeah, I should start it.
--> Note to self: save money and buy DA prints to hang in college dorm.
--> A funny moment today occured when a girl and I were trying to tell Mr. Noland something without him getting offended. His response? "How can I be offended after reading Stephanie's stories?" That made me laugh.
--> Krispy and I should never have been allowed to listen to Tenacious D. We sing "Fuck Her Gently" walking down the hallway at school. That can't be good.

Yeah, well..you're updated. Oh yeah, Me = Unhappy, because of stuff..so thus, yeah...no new deviations until I can think of something. I'm working on a collab with *AnotherFinch right now. I'd post the link to the project if I wasen't so tired.

Note to self: do that later.

http://DementedLynx.deviantart.com/journal/5574521/ Mon, 06 Jun 2005 21:11:25 PDT I N S A N E and I N S E C U R E.†





Look into my eyes and it's easy to see
One and one make two, two and one make three,
It was destiny.
Once every hundred-thousand years or so,
When the sun doth shine and the moon doth glow
And the grass doth grow...

Needless to say, the beast was stunned.
Whip-crack went his Whoopy tail,
And the beast was done.
He asked us: "*snort* Be you angels?"
And we said, "Nay. We are but men."
Rock!

This is not The Greatest Song in the World, no.
This is just a tribute.
Couldn't remember The Greatest Song in the World, no, no.
This is a tribute, oh, to The Greatest Song in the World,
All right! It was The Greatest Song in the World,
All right! It was the best muthafuckin' song the greatest song in the world!
--Tenacious D, "Tribute"

BWF was amazing. And, thankfully, we didn't get arrested, or fear the police. Hell, we pretty much obeyed the speed limit this time. Or at least, I think we did. I made a point not to look at the spedometer.

Those present were: Myself, Krispy, Stace, Jon, Amber, Bryan, Mo, Chase, and Staci's friend...David, I want to say his name is. All I remember is it started with a "D."

This was probably the most uneventful BWF ever, really, but still quite awesome. We bascally ate, then lazed around at Jon's house. Yes, lazed - we all laid on the floor and talked.

It was sort of a more lazy BWF because Alex and Andrew weren't there. Andrew didn't get there until late, but he didn't stick around long because he had to go upstairs to get himself something to eat and unwind without us making fun of him. I was sad he didn't chill with us.

He did turn on some techno music before he left, and I jammed. Haha, I'm a dork. Soon though, 9:30 rolled around, and Chase (who was taking Krispy and I home) decided it was time to go. So, we started to leave..stopped a minute for a quick randomized dance between myself and Chase, and to find our shoes.

Thus comandeering shoes, we ran outside into the wet (it had stormed tremendously while we were there). Krispy and I held hands, because we were afraid we'd get lost in the dark. Then we made Chase feel bad because he missed that. Haha.

So then, Chase dropped me off, and I went inside. Oddly, once I was in my room, I got this really weird feeling that something was going to happen between Krispy and Chase. I swear it was a premonition, because I was totally right.

The first thing Krisperz said to me when she got online was: "Chase kissed me!" (yes, take a moment and revel in how I must obviously be a psychic, or have a way too imaginative cognitive thought process then the normal individual). I was so excited for her, and I made her promise to call him tommorow. I hope she does. Those two are so damn cute.

I'll even forgive them for talking about how they need to find me a man. *rolls eyes* I don't see what's so exciting about discussi... ]]> ~DementedLynx http://DementedLynx.deviantart.com/journal/5555467/ http://DementedLynx.deviantart.com/journal/5555467/ Sat, 04 Jun 2005 21:37:28 PDT I N S A N E and I N S E C U R E.†





My reflection, dirty mirror
There's no connection to myself
I'm your lover, I'm your zero
I'm in the face of your dreams of glass
So save your prayers
For when we're really gonna need'em
Throw out your cares and fly
Wanna go for a ride?

She's the one for me
She's all I really need oh yeah
Cause she's the one for me

Emptiness is loneliness, and loneliness is cleanliness
Cleanliness is godliness, and god is empty just like me

Intoxicated with the madness, I'm in love with my sadness
Bullshit fakers, enchanted kingdoms
The fasion victims chew their charcoal teeth

I never let on, that I was on a sinking ship
I never let on that I was down

You blame yourself, for what you can't ignore
You blame yourself for wanting more

She's the one for me
She's all I really need oh yeah
She's the one for me
She's my one and only
--Smashing Pumpkins "Zero"


Some quick updates:
--> I am now in love with Sour Cream & Cheddar chips.
--> My camera is acting weird. I think I might need to have it looked at.
--> I'm getting a new laptop in 2 weeks.
--> My grandma was going to buy me photoshop. Mom won't let her because it's too expensive. Damn it.
--> One week of school left - half of which I'll probably end up skipping out on.
--> I'm working on a poem, a new play, and my novel.
--> I'm apparently winning a scholarship and/or award next week. They won't tell me which.
--> One school project left.
--> Deathclock.com tells me I'm going to die on Saturday, September 18, 2066.
--> B+T is performed Friday. I feel nausous every time I think about it because I'm nervous.

~DementedLynx http://DementedLynx.deviantart.com/journal/5537058/ http://DementedLynx.deviantart.com/journal/5537058/ Thu, 02 Jun 2005 21:25:14 PDT I N S A N E and I N S E C U R E.†





This poison's my intoxication
I broke the needle off in my skin
picked the scabs and picked the bleeding
and assumed that it was all in vain
A positive scab that's never healing
Calloused hit me in the face
A burning bridge that's so misleading
Poison's more potent now with the flame

Let it bleed
Take the red for what it's worth woah
Watch the fire
Fill your lungs with smoke for the last time
If you feel like dying you might wanna sing

The fire department couldn't drown the city
They didn't even try to wash it clean
And what did you think that I was sober?
Put me out cause I'm on fucking fire
A positive scab that's never healing
Regret that I kept this clean
The most that I can do for you is keep on lying
It's not a lie if you can let it sing

Let it bleed
Take the red for what it's worth woah
Watch the fire
Fill your lungs with smoke for the last time
If you feel like dying you might wanna sing!

This poison's my intoxication
I broke the needle off in my skin
Picked the scabs and picked the bleeding
yeah assumed that it was all in vain

Let it bleed
Take the red for what it's worth, woah
Watch the fire
Mamma fill your lungs with smoke for the last time
If you feel like dying
If you feel like dying
If you feel like dying, You might wanna sing
Hahaha You might wanna sing
Haha You might wanna sing
Ha you might wanna sing or scream at...
--The Used "Let It Bleed"


I just finished "Introspection" - the short story I had to write for my Comp class. If Mr. Noland doesn't fear for my sanity now, then I don't think anything could make him bat an eye; He's rad.

I'm working on a new poem. Hopefully I'll find time to write it at school, then post it in the afternoon after I get home.

Then, I need to read up on CNU stuff, so that I can be ready for orientation this summer. I don't think I'll have time to finish doing that, since then I'll be off to a party for the night.

Saturday/Sunday will be my days to fret about Butterflies + Tourniquets, and try to finish an English project. B+T is really bothering me right now, because it's next Friday and I'm the type of person to fret. Hopefully, I can keep my cool and not spazz out on everyone.

Well, off to sleep!

http://DementedLynx.deviantart.com/journal/5522863/ Wed, 01 Jun 2005 15:39:42 PDT I N S A N E and I N S E C U R E.†





I mah Krispy. She finished the image for B+T's program. It's beautiful:






†.The d r e a m s in which I'm d y i n g , are the b e s t I've ever had.†
]]> ~DementedLynx http://DementedLynx.deviantart.com/journal/5516516/ http://DementedLynx.deviantart.com/journal/5516516/ Tue, 31 May 2005 22:16:55 PDT I N S A N E and I N S E C U R E.†





So take me and let me in
Don't break me and shut me out

I lit my pain on fire
And I watched it all burn down
Now I'm dancing in the ashes
And theres no one else around
Cause I wanna be apart of something
This is just a story of a broken soul

As days go by, my heart grows cold
I can't seem to let this all pass me by

I'm burning in the heavens
And I'm drowning in a hell
My soul is in a coma
And none of my friends can tell
That I'm reaching out and getting nothing
This is just a story of a broken soul

Don't shut me out

Does anyone around me feel the same
Put your fist up and vent your pain!!!
--Papa Roach "Take Me"


I now know what it feels like to OD on caffiene. Three hours, and about four pepsi's later, I'm quite buzzed and oddly craving a corndog. If the FDA really certain there's no cocaine in there anymore? (Yeah, I know it was Coca-cola who used cocaine, you'll fuck up the joke if you mention that - so don't).

My physics paper is written. It's shitty, but it's done. I could totally sleep now if I wanted. Yes, yes I could. Yet sleep would also involve getting out of this chair and brushing my teeth. That's too much work for a lazy-ass like me.

You know what? DA totally needs to fix the deviation submission thing. My deviations appear to my watcher's but don't show up on my actual page till about 24 hours later. I do not like it. No sirree, I do not.

Well, tommorow I've got to work on my english projects, and then I'll probably be busy the rest of the week - hell, I might do something social with PEOPLE. I don't know. This means though that there will be no new deviations until next week, unless I should write something fabulous during a lagging moment in one of my classes.

I am quite convinced that's all art is good for anymore. Hell, one of my friends started my final project for me, because she decided it sucked really bad, so she needed to make it right. I, of course, let her. I was too busy eating a chocolate chip muffin to care. And no, if she starts shading the line drawing, I'm not going to stop her. Oh yeah, look how rebellious Lynxie is.

Speaking of that, my momma gave me a talk about teh Lynxie being good and not doing anything stupid. I loathe the totally un-called for talks: "Don't drink, don't smoke, don't do drugs, and bla-de-fuckin'-bla!" Who does she think I am? Courtney Love?

Well, it's exactly 1:14 a.m, and I've got to be up at 6:45 a.m, so it'd be best if I went to bed. Remind me never to post these this late - my grammar probably really sucks ass.

http://DementedLynx.deviantart.com/journal/5505957/ Mon, 30 May 2005 20:12:32 PDT I N S A N E and I N S E C U R E.†





Gather 'round ye lads and lassies, set ye for a while,
and harken to me mournful tale about the Emerald Isle.
Let's all raise our glasses high to friends and family gone,
and lift our voices in another Irish drinkin' song.

Consumption took me mother and me father got the pox,
me brother drank the whiskey 'till he wound up in a box.
Me other brother in the troubles met with his demise,
me sister has forever closed her smilin' Irish eyes.

Now everybody's died, so until our tears are cried,
we'll drink and drink and drink and drink and then we'll drink some more.
We'll dance and sing and fight until the early mornin' light,
then we'll throw up, pass out, wake up and then go drinkin' once again.

Ken was killed in Killkinney, Claire she died in Clares,
Tip in Tipperary died out in the dairy air.
Shannon jumped into the river Shannon back in June,
Ernie fell into the urn and Tom is in the tomb.

Cleanliness is godliness me Uncle Pat would sing,
he broke his neck-a-slippin' on a bar of Irish Spring.
O'Grady he was eighty, 'tho his bride was just a pup,
he died upon the honeymoon when she got his Irish up.

Now everybody's died, so until our tears are cried,
we'll drink and drink and drink and drink and then we'll drink some more.
We'll dance and sing and fight until the early mornin' light,
then we'll throw up, pass out, wake up and then go drinkin' once again.

Joe Murphy fought with Riley near the cliffs of Alderney,
he took out his shillaly and he stabbed him in the spleen.
Crazy Uncle Mike thought he was a leprechaun,
but in fact he's just a leper and his arms and legs are gone.

When Timmy Johnson broke his neck it was a cryin' shame,
he wasn't really Irish, but he went to Notre Dame.
MacNamara crossed the street and by a bus was hit,
but he was just a Scotsman so nobody gave a shit.

Now everybody's died, so until our tears are cried,
we'll drink and drink and drink and drink and then we'll drink some more.
We'll dance and sing and fight until the early mornin' light,
then we'll throw up, pass out, wake up and then go drinkin' once again.

Me drunken Uncle Brendan tried to drive home from the bar,
the road rose up to meet when he fell out of his car.
Irony at once befell me Great Grand Uncle Sam,
when he choked upon the very last potato in the land.

Connor lived in Ulster-town, he used to smuggle arms,
until the British killed him and cut off his lucky charms.
And dear old Father Flanagan who left the Lord's employ,
drunk on sacramental wine beneath the altar boy.

Now everybody's died, so until our tears are dried,
we'll drink and drink and drink and drink and then we'll drink some more.
We'll dance and sing and... ]]> ~DementedLynx http://DementedLynx.deviantart.com/journal/5492252/ http://DementedLynx.deviantart.com/journal/5492252/ Sun, 29 May 2005 10:50:32 PDT I N S A N E and I N S E C U R E.†





Drink down that gin and kerosene
And come spit on bridges with me
Just to keep us warm
And light a match and leave me be

I keep my jealousy close because
It's all mine
If you say this makes you happy then I'm not the only one lying

Keep quiet
Nothing comes as easy as you
Can I lay in your bed all day?
I'll be your best kept secret and your biggest mistake
(The hand behind this pen relives a failure everyday)

So wear me like a locket around your throat
I'll weigh you down I'll watch you choke
You look so good in blue..
--Fall Out Boy "Nobody Puts Baby in a Corner"


This isn't what I wanted. It wasen't how it was supposed to be. I'm sorry I fucked it up. I'm sorry I let everything fall to ruin. I know it was me who did it. You don't have to lie, I figured it out. The jokes on me. Again. I did everything all wrong, and yet - I can't dwell on it anymore. I can't. I'm sorry. I love you so much, but I can't hold on to something that you don't want. So consider this the words of me letting go of everything, consider this the moment where I'll cry for the last time...


I am the most pathetic human being on this planet. I just realized that now. Wow.


Damn physics paper - it's all its fault.


Yeah...something like that.

http://DementedLynx.deviantart.com/journal/5488151/ Sat, 28 May 2005 19:29:49 PDT I N S A N E and I N S E C U R E.†





To see you when I wake up
Is a gift I didn't think could be real.
To know that you feel the same as I do
Is a three-fold, Utopian dream.
You do something to me that I can't explain.
So would I be out of line if I said,
"I miss you"?
I see your picture,
I smell your skin on
The empty pillow next to mine.
You have only been gone ten days,
But already I'm wasting away.
I know I'll see you again
Whether far or soon.
But I need you to know that I care,
And I miss you...
--Incubus "I Miss You"

I'm working on a poem tonight, expect it in the morning. Or hell, tonight if I've the energy to type it.

Yeah, and I cut off most of my hair. Yey. I think it's sexy. I'll put some pictures in scraps, I guess. Not good ones, mind you, but decent ones. It totally looks better on my head, then in pictures. I don't know why. Besides, my camera is being haywire and won't upload all my pictures - so of course, it chooses not to upload the real good ones.

Thus is my luck.

Tommorow I've got to write my five-page physics paper. I almsot got to have my bro write it for 40 dollars, but stupid me told my mom about it, and she got pissed. Yeah. I really didn't think she'd care, but she actually did.

Karma loves me, I swear.

... ]]> ~DementedLynx