http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:DouglassDumas&section=today deviantART RSS for by:DouglassDumas en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Sat, 12 Dec 2009 02:59:00 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://DouglassDumas.deviantart.com/journal/28861435/ http://DouglassDumas.deviantart.com/journal/28861435/ Thu, 10 Dec 2009 09:55:36 PST [link]
If you haven't done so already, read the article and chime in!


In protest:
After multiple attempts to contact and a news article, I still have not gotten a response from DA staff. Just that one message from the same moderator Slim ran into.

Today I removed all my prints. I made this move for two reasons. One, they weren't selling anyway. Two, DA is becoming notorious for being difficult to deal with and I will not support them financially by selling products here.

In a couple more days, if I have not received a response I'll start removing a couple deviations each day. When I run out completely, I'll deactivate my account and be gone. If that happens, I will inform my friends how to find me in other communities sometime near the end of this.

This is not an "I'm taking my ball and going home," maneuver. I'm not a popular or even a good artist, and I understand that my absence will be no great loss to the community. No, this is again about financial support. If I am absent, I will no longer be contributing content and asking my friends to visit, taking away the small number of hits and ad impressions that I generate. If I deactivate my account, I will no longer be spending hours here myself, clicking on ads and browsing the stores of artists I like. In other words, the small amount of income for DeviantArt.com that my account generates will be gone.

Why do I care? I'm not a fan of double-standards and favoritism. We are all artists and we all contribute to the community in our own way and we should expect fairness. Instances like this show us that we are not equals and that the rules apply only to those who cannot impress the enforcers. The fact that DeviantArt has yet to chime in on my news post or respond to one of my messages just shows me how little they think of us.

]]> ~DouglassDumas http://DouglassDumas.deviantart.com/journal/28834096/ http://DouglassDumas.deviantart.com/journal/28834096/ Tue, 08 Dec 2009 20:02:48 PST [link] was supposed to be my last journal of 2009. With the holiday season coming and little or no "news" to report... I expected that it would be. Best of all, it was a rather happy and upbeat post with lots of good things to share.



Unfortunately, I must now end 2009 on a sour note. My friend Slim brought something to my attention recently. Here is her conversation with a moderator on the subject: [link]

This is the deviation in question including the statistics for the reports on it: [link] WARNING, DISTURBING PORNOGRAPHY!!!


The problem I have with this is many deviants agree that this IS pornography, and the one or two moderators and staffers that looked into it have simply disagreed. Maybe they have their heads in the sand but it seems a bit like favoritism for a popular artist. Many other pieces which might be considered much less risque have been deleted, and in some cases bans were handed out. I know, I've lurked around here A LOT. I don't communicate much, but believe me I've been paying attention. Meanwhile, this piece by a well-liked artist gets the green light despite repeated complaints.

I immediately put my $0.02 in with the staff, along with the many others who have reported the deviation as well. I got the same person as Slim got, and basically the same response. I tried taking it to the next level and asking for the immediate supervisor's opinion, but I didn't get that... I just got a note saying that my complaint was declared invalid. Amazing.

Don't get me wrong. I have no particular problems with this piece. I'm not a fan of it, but I have to admit it's well drawn and composed. In it's own way it is as beautiful as it is disturbing. I have no problems with pornography either and I am even a strong supporter of erotic artwork instead of live models for a number of reasons too many to discuss here. In fact, I openly support allowing art that can also universally be considered pornography on DeviantArt, as long as appropriate methods are used to keep it corralled and as long as it IS art.

The thing that really bothers me is the double-standard being displayed by the staff. They have every right to run things however they like, but it's still shady and sickening. If I were to upload a nearly identical picture, equally well done, only featuring a bunch of naked men in the same situation... it would NEVER pass. In fact, I challenge any artist who is talented enough to prove me wrong.

]]> ~DouglassDumas http://DouglassDumas.deviantart.com/journal/28699946/ http://DouglassDumas.deviantart.com/journal/28699946/ Tue, 01 Dec 2009 20:41:01 PST
On my page, ~DouglassDumas, and underneath the freaky dude with the smile and the spoon in his eye... there are some freebies. Act before the week is over and it might arrive by XMAS. Again, the offers are open to any North-American Deviant who visits my page, so tell your friends!


So let's do an update eh? Not just the little update, but a big blast of blog-ish thoughts and info. There's a lot of headlines so I've done it like so:



My Update In Newspaper Format!

Business Section:

V-Clips Selling Better Online, Pulling Out of Retail Deals
So I decided not to sell my V-Clip sets through local brick-and-mortar stores. I simply didn't feel the need after Ebay's performance. I'm getting a reasonable price on each one and it goes at a pace I can handle. Bulk clips (just the clip, not any accessories) seem to be good for a once-in-a-while little income booster and probably will never pick up. I've removed these from the "freebies" because I've now given away exactly the percentage of the stock

Day-Job Still Boring
Now entering winter, a period when my regular job becomes even less active. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind picking up a salary for doing nothing, but I can't really take a second job because I'm on-call 24/7 and must remain available. It's hard to find a part-time job that you can just drop at a moment's notice and come back to it when you're free again. On the bright side, I think the day-job is getting better organized, at least they're settling into a reasonably good routine.


Science

Split Personalities Observed
I have created another couple of aliases over the last year or so. Like Douglass Dumas, they're pseudonyms or pen-names that allow me to keep my interests and activities reasonably private and separate. Doug was originally intended to be a place for my darker poems and stories that featured demons and obscene things, but morphed into my full-time persona. Doug has always been more of the "real me" and it still is. The new names I won't share, but I will tell you that one of them was created to be an experiment on the commenters and that another was designed to allow me to help people with friendship, relationship and sexual problems. Another was supposed to be used to share erotica, of which I admit I am a fan, but it turns out I can write at an R level, but XXX is far beyond my reach. I simply can't write a story without getting side-tracked into more interesting plotlines that ignore the possibility of copulation altogether. I'm just not cut out for writing filth. Probably for the better.

New Formula Found for Happiness
Not stressing about my job, spending as much time as I can afford with my friends, and looking forward to the near-future goal of paying off one of my most significant debtors. Clinical trials have yet to be run, and there may be a risk of overdose of optimism, however this "don't worry, be happy" therapy does have one strong proponent in Bobby McFerrin. If that doesn't do it for you, I refer you to this pioneering new English therapy.


Lifestyles Section:

Humorous A&W Excursion
After a few games of pool and an evening of filthy-minded madness, it became utterly apparent that we should not have been out in public. We could hardly restrain our raucous, manly-giggles and lewd comments about the "Chubby" menu items and comments about the "Twins." Luckily enough, the lone cashier seemed to share our sense of humor (even offering her own quips) and there weren't any other customers for us to scare away.

Television? I thought you hated television?!
I hate TV, but there's almost always a show that I like to follow. Sometimes it's a top-notch intellectual nerd-fest, and sometimes it's a low-brow sitcom that's only funny because it's stupid. This season, I've got one of each.

I've always loved the Stargate franchise. It started out with a pretty great film that I fell in love with as a kid. I feared SG-1 would suck and ruin it for me, so I didn't start watching it until the third season started but I quickly learned I missed two of the smartest seasons any Sci-Fi series has ever produced and after watching those I was hooked for life. That series matured right along with me and I found I appreciated it just as much right into later adulthood. Stargate Atlantis was mostly just plain fun and kep... ]]> ~DouglassDumas http://DouglassDumas.deviantart.com/journal/28384915/ http://DouglassDumas.deviantart.com/journal/28384915/ Sun, 15 Nov 2009 21:10:13 PST
ONWARDS TO THE UPDATE!

I'm making V-Clips now for retail store sale. I've got a decent little order of just clips (no picks) to fill tonight and I'll be presenting packaged V-Clips to a couple of local retailers later this week hopefully. In addition to that, I may be able to organize a flea-market presence this weekend and if the product is received well it could allow me to empty my inventory. I also got a great idea for the next batch of printed picks, so I'm kind of fired up to see what happens.

Anyhow... onwards to "me." I've got a couple minor secrets that I kept for a while that have luckily resolved themselves. I'll call that a stroke of good luck. I'm not going to divulge that information (just letting it go), but I think my relationship with a select few people will improve as a result of it. I'm also feeling a lot healthier lately, which is a huge plus. Turns out my decision a while back to drop the antihistamines in favor of avoiding my allergens was the right one. I'm still working on managing it, but I think it's under control.

Anyway, I'm also seeing some friend time on the horizon, so hopefully we'll get some fun in and I can burn off some hyper-energy.

That's all for tonight. Cheers!

]]> ~DouglassDumas http://DouglassDumas.deviantart.com/journal/28337647/ http://DouglassDumas.deviantart.com/journal/28337647/ Fri, 13 Nov 2009 17:19:30 PST
. Even though I have a taste for alcohol, the first delicious swallow each evening always makes my head twitch nearly half-way around. Subsequent sips are equally delicious and have no effect except to dull the pain in my neck from the aforementioned violent twitch.

. I have recently sharpened a spoon. I wish to continue sharpening it until it can be used to shave.

. I will often sit awake late at night for several hours staring at a blank wall or a blank screen with no desire to sleep or entertain myself.

]]> ~DouglassDumas http://DouglassDumas.deviantart.com/journal/28074929/ http://DouglassDumas.deviantart.com/journal/28074929/ Sat, 31 Oct 2009 21:37:05 PDT [link] The IMDB link: [link]

It's a short comedic musical, running just under forty minutes. It tells the story of Dante, a zombie with a romantic's heart (no telling where he got it) and his living lover Claudia. The lines are a little cheesy and far less than subtle, but I can't imagine this movie being funnier or more serious no matter what the actors have to sing. The film grabs your attention and keeps it through the fantastic singing and the perfect pace of it's gags. This is an amateur film, but it's probably the Grease of amateur musicals.

During the epilogue they probably take it a bit too far, but in a good way. It's one of those flicks that takes you to the conclusion and then the whole cast and crew just start having fun. They use the opportunity to do a couple songs they couldn't have fit in anywhere else in the film and you can see they just have a blast.

Anyway, I just thought I'd give a shout out to that 2007 release because it was so good. It made my Halloween night fantastic and I highly suggest you buy a copy for next year or just place an order now and maybe you can have Zombies for Christmas! I pirated it, but I now want to devour the film on a much deeper level so I'll be ordering mine ASAP.

Happy Halloween!

]]> ~DouglassDumas http://DouglassDumas.deviantart.com/journal/28050909/ http://DouglassDumas.deviantart.com/journal/28050909/ Fri, 30 Oct 2009 17:49:42 PDT
It's also no secret my feelings about my job, but because this is public I'd rather not get into the nitty gritty. Still, I'd like to say a few things:

Lately business has been picking up, which is great because I like to feel like I'm doing something and it certainly doesn't hurt my job security. It'd be awesome if I started to see something resembling full-time hours with regular commissions. Maybe we could then justify making some improvements in the local branch of the business, and eventually I could turn this job into something that's going to support me for the rest of my working life.

Of course it hasn't been going that well. The patterns of behavior that I observed early on are presenting themselves more strongly in this busier season. Lack of planning, backwards ideas, poor communication, and general lack of effort. Mind you that this is not unusual for any business, but we're at a point where we're trying to expand which was the whole point of hiring me and another peer. Opening a new branch or two requires a great deal of effort and consistent management. We're not getting that.

Anyway, obviously the stress levels are rising, and given my present opinions on the future of this career it's hard to say what's going to happen next... but I predict rough seas ahead. I'm hoping that I stumble across another option, but I've resolved that if I should eventually lose this career I'm going to have to do something drastic to keep sane. I'm thinking about a backpacking trip across the continent, living off my wits for a while and seeing if there's prosperity someplace else. Of course there's a small matter of a large outstanding debt that needs paid before I flee the country...


In other news, I now officially charge $6 a word to all those who read my journal posts. If you've gotten this far you owe me $2298.

ps. Payable in cash, alcohol, or sexual favors. Add $72 for reading ps.

]]> ~DouglassDumas http://DouglassDumas.deviantart.com/journal/27824281/ http://DouglassDumas.deviantart.com/journal/27824281/ Sat, 17 Oct 2009 20:56:08 PDT
My latest project is a solitaire card-based role-playing game. Yeah, that's a mouthful... but it's a trail blazed by Zombie in My Pocket ([link]) and others. I need some thoughts, but first a little plug for the genre and for ZiMP.

Board/card game RPG's are great fun and a slightly-more tactile way to enjoy a little adventure and strategy. Single-player games of course have the huge advantage of not needing any additional human players. There are thousands of solo RPG board and card games out there, and they have a huge following throughout board-game-geekdom.

Zombie in My Pocket is fantastic, portable, and can be played (carefully) on a surface as small as a mousepad (smaller if you're a really hardcore boardgamer with a few tricks up his/her sleeve. I highly recommend printing off a set. It's highly customizable, but if you want the most professional-looking version with all the trimmings: On the linked page, look under the "files" section for Zombie in my Pocket - Complete Game Package (revised). Currently it's the most popular file, so it should come up first if you click on "hot" to sort by popularity. Print the PDF on cardstock for a good set, but plain paper will work fine for a temporary set. Give the game a try. It's easy to learn but still a challenge! There are tonnes of expansions, accessories, and extensions available so browse around the files section and/or go to the wiki for additional content (I personally recommend the latest tuckbox).


Anyway, back to my project. It started life in my head as a ZiMP expansion, inspired by a certain sci-fi show that I am a huge geek for... *coff* Stargate. The thing was, Zombie in My Pocket's game mechanics didn't really suite the ideas that the show was generating. Suddenly, I was creating an entirely new game system... and I recognized that it was going to be nothing like ZiMP and that I no longer was interested in using Stargate as a theme.

My new game system offered a few perks. 1: It's nearly infinitely expandable and can be playable with as few as 6 cards or extended to infinity. 2: It takes a single player on an adventure, but leaves itself open for both cooperative and competitive group play for future mods or simple rule tweaks. 3: It is designed to be played with very little surface area, and can usually be played with all cards held in your hand.

I won't get into the details of my game system yet. I will say that it's mission-based. The game provides a set of general-purpose cards and the basic rules while a mission sheet outlines a task that must be accomplished. The game will be released with a number of mission sheets and additional cards and additional missions will be made available by myself and other community members as demand and interest rises. I will also say that it's going to be free to print-and-play(like ZiMP), but better optimized for ease of construction.

What's my problem? Well, I've abandoned the Stargate idea. I like Stargate, but that fictional universe is a little too cluttered and messy and I found myself trying to decide between different settings and enemies and characters. For my project, it was too much. This is where I need your thoughts. I'm hoping to come up with a new theme or at least a new setting. New bad guys, new places to explore, new everything. I have what I think is a great game system, but no theme! I've been racking my brain trying to find a theme that hasn't been done (or at least not over-done).

So if you have any thoughts on some setting that games and media do not frequently explore, or some villain or monster that really doesn't get enough exposure, PLEASE make the suggestion! I'll consider anything but the following fan-fictions, zombies, pirates, ninjas, cowboys/indians, world wars.

]]> ~DouglassDumas http://DouglassDumas.deviantart.com/journal/27658417/ http://DouglassDumas.deviantart.com/journal/27658417/ Thu, 08 Oct 2009 20:23:52 PDT
The manga I've currently been devouring is Goodnight Punpun. It's an intense psychological story of a young man, his family, his friends. I don't know how to describe it other than it's essentially a chronicling of all the dirty little secrets and all the emotional pitfalls that ordinary people go through. I've got about fifty chapters, and over the last three or four days I have been unable to drop it. It's that provocative.

For artistic reasons, Punpun and some of (not all) his family are portrayed as birdlike doodles, while everyone else is a detailed human being... but he is a flesh-and-blood human and is struggling to understand exactly who he is. The series starts with him in middle school, dealing with love and the faults of family members, and takes him so far to high school where he really must begin to become introspective and deal with his own faults.

A lot of his friends and family get rich narratives later in the series as well. Each tale takes an everyday conflict to it's worst and then analyzes it. They don't necessarily have happy endings. Some do. Some don't. Essentially, the series is real life, amplified. Every flaw, every emotion, every line can be felt and understood with the heart because you can relate to it. I'm deliberately trying to avoid details that might expose the plot, but a particular narrative in it struck me with enough force to put me in tears, because I'd personally experienced a nearly identical conflict involving a very similar trio of characters... and this one story finally put it in a format that I could comprehend. Truly amazing.

The most impressive thing so far about this series is the planning of the themes, tone, and continuity over a huge length of material. Keep in mind that this manga is a serial. They're written, drawn and released over time, not all at once. Still, it took a slow and natural progression for the characters over time and shows the right emotions and experiences for those ages. The entire series guides you to mature along with the characters with an ever-changing mix of humor, smut, and drama that evoke the convoluted emotional states of Punpun's current age. When Punpun is young, everyone is wacky and nearly everything is a gleeful joke full of potty humor and boyish curiosity. When he becomes a little older, everything is serious and his emotions are bottled. When he ages just a little into puberty, rage and lust become a huge theme and it seems like everyone is succumbing to this flaw, drawing the reader into the romantic and libidinous plots just enough to let you feel a taste of that urge as well. In high-school, he abandons his old self-image in favor of attempting to find a new one and to fit in with a new group, at which point the manga's theme is a bit depressed and keeps the reader distant.

Anyway, it's a highly encouraged read... but I warn that it's not for the faint of heart. It's not smut, but there is sex. It's funny and cute and playful for a while, but there are some incredibly mature themes that I would avoid exposing a younger reader to. There are also a lot of details withheld from the reader, forcing you to read between the lines and to let your emotions fill in the blanks.

Goodnight Punpun also goes by Oyasumi Punpun and a few other names. I have pirated, fan-translated copies and I have no idea when or where one can get the legitimate work in english, but I encourage any intelligent human to find it and read it by whatever means possible.

----------------------------------------

Well, there's not much to say about what's going on other than I'm soon running out of town to see my friends again. The crowd will be different this time as a couple of us have gone back to their lives. I actually am dreading this trip myself, as there are people I'm less and less interested in seeing and I can't figure out how to arrange it so that I don't have to make contact. Perhaps it's selfish but I want this trip to be a time of joy and without stress, and the people I mention will cause me stress. Worst than that, I suspect this may be my last such journey for a long time, and the thought of turning my back on people I care about for a while eats me up. Of course this trip is still up in the air anyway, I won't know until the last minute if I can actually afford to go and if I will be allowed.

I'm also struggling with the companionship issue. I know what I want, the kind of person who I need, and even how to get her. There are two huge problems though. One: I only know of two people on the planet who fit the mold, noone else that I've ever met could come close. Both of them are off limits, and both for very good reasons. Two: Even if I did find another, doing everything I need to do to make it happen requires me to... ]]> ~DouglassDumas http://DouglassDumas.deviantart.com/journal/27564629/ http://DouglassDumas.deviantart.com/journal/27564629/ Sat, 03 Oct 2009 18:49:05 PDT
I've got these insane and intense cravings for foods/flavors lately. Mostly chocolate, but others have been hot dogs, chicken (every day for a week), McDonald's, lettuce, and coffee. I'm not talking about a momentary "ooh I'd like to have this," kind-of-feeling. It's an unsatisfiable urge. Especially the chocolate. It seems I can eat chocolate until I get sick and STILL feel like I want more chocolate. It's kind of surreal, as food cravings are pretty foreign to me and I've never ever felt like this before. This is actually something I have no idea how to deal with. Feeding the cravings doesn't help and starving the cravings doesn't help. I'm confused.

I'm also starving for attention. I need to get out and be with my friends, or make new friends, or something. I'm so desperate for social contact that I even briefly entertained the notion of rejoining FaceBook (NEVER!!!). I guess I just miss the guys. I mean five-hundred kilometers is a long way between friends, especially when we all have our own lives and busy schedules.

Finally, I'm deeply feeling the emptiness left by my monastic lifestyle. It's well known that I have not bothered to resume dating after my last meaningful relationship. It's not that I've been afraid, and it's not that I didn't want it, it's just that I couldn't resolve the conflict between the feelings that I had and the feelings that I wanted. Maybe I still can't. I don't know. But you know what? The desire to get out there and form a bond is too strong now to ignore. Problem is, I feel I'm too old, too tired, too insane, and too weak to actually put myself on the market. Another hunger to go unfed.

Anyway, it's not all bad. I've got a special day coming in a week and hopefully it'll bring me across that 500km's of highway for a night or two. Until then, I'll just have to deal with the rumblings in my stomach and my heart.

]]> ~DouglassDumas http://DouglassDumas.deviantart.com/journal/27510513/ http://DouglassDumas.deviantart.com/journal/27510513/ Wed, 30 Sep 2009 19:12:11 PDT
[link]

Of course, I've got a bunch made already. There's one big hurdle though.

I've gotten lazy. Really, really lazy. I'm distracted often enough by my job to lose interest in the stack of picks and parts in front of me at the moment. I just don't feel motivated anymore, neither to sell it or build it.

There's not much work to do. I just have to take the "construction" sign off of the website, upload my (mostly complete) instructable, and start pushing them on Ebay, etsy, and my local music shop. Of course, that requires a moment of clarity and focus that I just haven't got right now.

Anyway, that's my big "secret project." Hopefully I'll get some gusto later on.

]]> ~DouglassDumas http://DouglassDumas.deviantart.com/journal/27484313/ http://DouglassDumas.deviantart.com/journal/27484313/ Tue, 29 Sep 2009 11:22:02 PDT
I had a bit of work, taking me a few places I haven't been and keeping me a little busy. Good, I was getting sick of having nothing to do.

As for insanity, no it's not me this time. It's my stupid, demonically-possessed netbook. I installed Windows 7 on it just to see if it performs as well on my model as some others have said. Those others are bullshitters. It works, but you could literally go and get a coffee while waiting for solitaire to load. Anyway, I wiped the hard drive again and I've been trying to install XP (while getting around the fact that the machine doesn't have a CD drive). I've been at it for nearly a week now and the only progress I've made is that I've managed to fry two good USB keys and discover a few dozen ways to fail at installing XP.

Whelp, it's time to go and try that again. Hey, it keeps me occupied.

]]> ~DouglassDumas http://DouglassDumas.deviantart.com/journal/27083888/ http://DouglassDumas.deviantart.com/journal/27083888/ Mon, 07 Sep 2009 20:31:58 PDT
]]> ~DouglassDumas http://DouglassDumas.deviantart.com/journal/27042779/ http://DouglassDumas.deviantart.com/journal/27042779/ Sat, 05 Sep 2009 20:25:39 PDT
They just weren't useful and I simply didn't want to spend any more money on them. The most "popular" website of the bunch hasn't had a visitor in nearly 6 months. My "real name" and my "douglass dumas" domains don't get many hits and I personally feel that DeviantArt and other communities serve the need better (there was always much more of me here than on my website).

So I'm down to just barband.info, the website that's to serve as a storefront for a simple product I came up with. If I don't get all my supplies before long, that'll go too.

]]> ~DouglassDumas http://DouglassDumas.deviantart.com/journal/26967057/ http://DouglassDumas.deviantart.com/journal/26967057/ Tue, 01 Sep 2009 21:00:31 PDT that confused as well as convinced I was capable of managing my own treatments. Of course at the time I just wrote "cigarettes*" and "liquor" on the papers and laughed about it for a few years.

On to the peeve. See, beyond the normal ups and downs of manic and depressive stages that I've experienced over the years I have a whole slew of bizarre things going on. This week's peeve is paranoia and paranoid delusions. Why? Quite simply, it's the most troublesome and annoying of all my quirks. I can handle depression and I can handle being hyper and I can be dignified about it, but whenever paranoia rears it's ugly head irrationality really kicks in and I start to feel like an idiot. Even hallucinations (to which I am also prone) aren't as bad. It's one thing to imagine there's a wolf charging after you, it's quite another to believe EVERYTHING is out to get you or that some insane conspiracy is responsible for your hallucination.

It's also one of the very few bugs in my code that actually drives people away. Most folks who I become friends with will actually enjoy my extremely hyper manic days. Those are often funny, or at least a little more active than usual. The same crew usually takes my low days in stride too, where things will be slow and I simply might curse a little more often or go home early because I'm cranky. I've not encountered a single person who couldn't understand that behavior, and in fact I don't even think it's all that out of the ordinary. The paranoia that I get once in a while tends to send people off the edge though. It doesn't help that I'm almost always in either a very low state or a very high state when the paranoia kicks in. I'm going to try and give you a rundown of what it's like when your imagination and paranoia mix with a rather liberal upbringing. What follows is the abridged version of the true events that caused a breakup deep in my past.

Me - "Hey ya wanna hang out."
Her - "Not tonight, maybe in a few days."
Me - "How come?"
Her - "I just don't feel like it."
We continue with our normal conversations and then say goodnight and hang up. However, I was on the brink of a paranoid episode and about an hour after that call it really kicked in, hard. The next paragraph should illustrate my thought process that evening. As you read it, keep in mind that I was also a bit manic and the entire bit formed in my brain in about 20 seconds.

"Hmm, I wonder why she doesn't want to go out. Maybe she's getting tired of me. No, she'd tell me if something's wrong, she's a straight-shooter. Maybe she can't tell me because it's too horrible and she's afraid I won't understand... what wouldn't I understand? Oh my god she's a man! No, she's not I've seen proof, but maybe she used to be a man. Come to think of it, have I ever seen baby photos? Wait, yes, she has lots and there's a bathtub picture that proves she was always a girl. Unless, maybe... maybe she was a boy who had a twin sister. Oh my GOD she killed her sister and stole her identity."

Now, it was at exactly this point the girl decided to call me back and see if I was insulted or if I was just a bit depressed (she was very familiar with my usual ups and downs). Being at exactly the height of my delusion and not entirely sure the telephone was even real, I picked it up and asked "Did you kill your sister?!" Of course she hung up, probably confused as hell. She spoke to me about it the next day, wondering what the hell I was smoking I guess. I explained it was a paranoid fit, with a rather large disturbing delusion. By morning I was sensible and thinking it was funny. It lasted less than a minute but it caused me to say that little gem. I think she understood that it wasn't a big deal, and that these fits are not threatening in any way shape or form. However, even though it was during a paranoid episode where I might imagine horrible things about even my mother, she was insulted that I thought she might do something like murder her non-existent sister or get a sex change. So we broke up.

Yeah, so I hope you'll agree. Paranoia is quite simply the most annoying quir... ]]> ~DouglassDumas http://DouglassDumas.deviantart.com/journal/26845575/ http://DouglassDumas.deviantart.com/journal/26845575/ Wed, 26 Aug 2009 20:42:29 PDT

Once again I am looking for some sort of assistance so I can go write a novel. I'm thoroughly researching all the grants, bursaries, loans, aids, etc that are available in this country for that process. Once again, I'm thoroughly disappointed at the results of my search. I've found that, as a single white male, aged 25-35, in good health and with no notable religious background or affiliation with an exclusive club or clandestine organization... I am worth nothing.

My first stop was the federally-funded Canada Council for The Arts. I came up short on their very-specific requirements because one of my previous publications wasn't from a "recognized periodical." They also blasted me for having "no plan to insert Canadian Content" outlined in my application... which is not even in the list of requirements, because if they said so it'd be technically censorship. These guys are supposed to be the "go-to" organization for Canadian artists???

The next stop was another Canadian foundation that's sponsored by a group of publishers. They too rejected my application, not on the basis of merit or my potential contribution to the arts, but because I didn't have enough Canadian content or "special interest," which they outlined as ethnic, gender, or religious-related content. Oh, and one of my prior publications (a single poem) was through a competing publisher... and even though they're supposed to be an independent organization, they refused to look at that piece during the review process.

Keep in mind that I was only looking for a basic level-assistance, just a first-timer's grant... and that the two biggest organizations for artists and writers in Canada both require you to have already gotten published a lot of work for an amateur before you can apply for a grant and membership to their forums. This makes it very hard for anyone who might have started a novel but needs time and a relationship with the writer's community to finish it, doesn't it?

But what really ticks me off is this: The thousands of grants and funds that are exclusively for a woman, a Chinese person, a left-handed martian, or any of the other hundreds of different minorities or special-interest groups. Sure, I get it, it's about equality and giving unfortunates a new opportunity that they never had before. But simply put they're ridiculous. None of them are about helping someone who really needs it, they're about making the person who founded the charity feel good about themselves. I'll give the worst example I found by way of explanation. There was a grant available to full-blood-Mexican artists and authors living in a certain small town in rural Canada. Now, I know this town very well and the only full-blood-Mexican for hundreds of kilometers is the man who financed it. His wife was white so all his offspring and theirs are ineligible. It took nearly 100 years for that lone person of minority to FIND this particular community in the first place, and the community is likely to be wiped off the map by resettlement. Sure, it's a great idea to help one's own kind, but in this case it was taken way too far and the money will eventually simply sit in the coffers of a bank forever... all because of one man's delusion that there might one day be hundreds of poor, abused Mexicans living in his small town and not just moving in and eventually owning every major business in it.

More importantly, think of the controversy if I started a fund exclusively for white males. I'd be massacred! Can you imagine? Look, it's one thing to work for equality. I admire those who go post ads for womens rights, or who fight against employers who violate equality laws. I agree that something must be done to assist poor communities aboriginals who end up in a mess because of the things non-aboriginal culture brought them. But some people take political correctness too far and turn it into something that works against their cause. Does it help a minority to give one individual from it a few thousand dollars simply because they have the right skin color or sex? No, but I've discovered several grants that do just that on a regular basis, with no manuscript required, just a birth certificate and sometimes a photo. I agree that perhaps these applicants do need, and maybe do deserve the money, but maybe not basing your charity on skin color would help me rub that "racist" stamp off your foreheads hmm?

Now I'd like to mention that very few industry, business, or gov't sponsored funds do the "reverse" racist or sexist angle in Canada... But then they list Canadian Content and sometimes something about Aboriginal cultures as a part of their requirements... ]]> ~DouglassDumas http://DouglassDumas.deviantart.com/journal/26578699/ http://DouglassDumas.deviantart.com/journal/26578699/ Thu, 13 Aug 2009 21:22:30 PDT [link]
This hints at what I'm up to.

]]> ~DouglassDumas http://DouglassDumas.deviantart.com/journal/26430673/ http://DouglassDumas.deviantart.com/journal/26430673/ Thu, 06 Aug 2009 19:19:31 PDT

And... Whoa... hey... I missed 2000 pageviews... by a MILE. Thanks to all who look upon my bizarre little profile.

]]> ~DouglassDumas http://DouglassDumas.deviantart.com/journal/26175055/ http://DouglassDumas.deviantart.com/journal/26175055/ Sat, 25 Jul 2009 17:11:57 PDT
At the moment, I choose to only focus on older drawings and artwork, not literature. Much of the library that survives from prior era's of my life is still available on some parts of the web... and some of it eventually gets uploaded here anyway. Some has, already, in fact.

Anyway... it's been fun looking through old stuff. Perhaps I'll look at more old backups soon and see what else I can dig up.

]]> ~DouglassDumas http://DouglassDumas.deviantart.com/journal/26052184/ http://DouglassDumas.deviantart.com/journal/26052184/ Sun, 19 Jul 2009 19:56:00 PDT
First off, I finally get an opportunity to get out to where my friends all live for a few days. It's been almost six months, so needless to say I was thrilled. I hurriedly pack and head out.

The first day went ok, I spent the evening catching up with family and then enjoying coffee with most of the crew. There were plans made to imbibe spirits and have a good time later on. I put off something I wanted to do simply out of cautiousness.

The second day wasn't bad either. I almost got called back to work, but I managed to avoid that. I think there was coffee again. Besides that, there was something I really wanted to do... but I decided to wait for a better time later in my trip.

The third day, withdrawal began to kick in. See, I've been taking Reactine to combat my allergies for a few years now and it has recently begun giving me harsh side-effects. So, after much debate I quit taking them. I was trying to ween myself off of them slowly, but during the excitement I neglected to dose myself and did it cold-turkey. Cold and hot spells, shivers, slurred speech, disorientation, and a whole bunch more symptoms I need not even mention. Needless to say, I shall never recommend Reactine or any other brand of Cetrizine Hydrochloride again. Anyway, there was coffee with most of the group again and I remember very little of the event, but it was embarrassingly horrid to be in public in that state. Again, there was something I was DYING TO DO, but I couldn't in my condition.

The final day, I was so ill I didn't move for over 18 hours. During that time I ate nothing, drank very little, and lost over 10lbs in ways I care not to discuss. I was able to perk myself up near the end of the day long enough, I hoped, that I could do that important thing I wanted to. Of course, I had to cut the evening very short because of the illness and therefore missed that opportunity.

So here I am at home, once again too far from my friends to hang out or do that thing I wanted so much to do. If I'm lucky, I'll get another opportunity in a few weeks... but I doubt it. It's been a long time in the making, and with my track record so far, I'll bet it never happens. It took 6 months to get over there, and it's only 4 hours away. To make matters worse, things are either going to become slightly easier or more complicated very soon... and I'm betting on the latter.


I swear, I'm living in a bad sitcom. Will someone please roll the happy ending?

]]> ~DouglassDumas http://DouglassDumas.deviantart.com/journal/25722890/ http://DouglassDumas.deviantart.com/journal/25722890/ Fri, 03 Jul 2009 19:54:46 PDT
Suffice to say, I didn't have much time to check every message and deviation that came my way. Very sorry if I missed anything cool or important.

One great thing I did miss was the passing of 2000 pageviews. I was aware of it as soon as it came about, but I've yet to have time to celebrate. Hopefully tomorrow I can do something about it... I at least have some photos that might be handy.

]]> ~DouglassDumas http://DouglassDumas.deviantart.com/journal/25577558/ http://DouglassDumas.deviantart.com/journal/25577558/ Fri, 26 Jun 2009 22:40:12 PDT
There were several very bad ones. These stomped all over the original characters, twisting and perverting them into completely unlovable piles of psychologically scarred metal. Two of my very favorite Autobots were the worst offenders so far... and that makes me very sad. First, they turned Blaster into an extreme right-wing loudmouth propaghanda machine. He used to be a lovable DJ who truly enjoyed music and only SOMETIMES broadcasted something about kicking butt. Then, and this is the coupe-de-grace, they turned Arcee... the female Autobot into some kind of transgendered frankenstein's monster hell-bent for vengance on it's creator and blaming it all on PMS.

Ow... my childhood.

]]> ~DouglassDumas http://DouglassDumas.deviantart.com/journal/25565190/ http://DouglassDumas.deviantart.com/journal/25565190/ Fri, 26 Jun 2009 11:21:26 PDT
Story fragments and Unfinished Stories - 31,000 words
Completed Stories - 18,000 words
Serial Story CHAPTERS written by me - 14,000 words

I ignored the poetry section altogether, as word counts will be negligible there, and it's a large batch to hunt through.

Here's the updated piece count:

Completed Works: 117 (includes completed stories, poems, jokes, articles, and chapters)
Completed Stories: 9 (went down because some were considered serials)
Serial Chapters: 14
Completed Poems: 89
Partial Stories: 12
"Fragment" Stories: 6
Articles: 3
Jokes: 2

]]> ~DouglassDumas http://DouglassDumas.deviantart.com/journal/25500856/ http://DouglassDumas.deviantart.com/journal/25500856/ Tue, 23 Jun 2009 17:15:14 PDT
You may know from my previous journals that I have had problems in the past with a stalker, resulting in creation of my current screen name and the elimination of nearly all traces of my old screen name from the web. Meaning, over 100 pieces of "art" and "literature" were hidden from the public since mid-2006.

At this point, I feel pretty comfortable uploading some of the old work again. I know that there are some people who can identify me by it, BUT I'm feeling pretty confident that I've thrown them off my scent and that the stalking issue is safely resolved. Anyone ELSE who may identify me by my work is more than welcome to comment on it.

Anyway, please bear with me as I slowly reveal my library to you. I don't intend on digging up everything from the past (some of what I've posted before was terribly amateurish and lame), but I think that there are a few gems hiding in there worth sharing.

]]> ~DouglassDumas http://DouglassDumas.deviantart.com/journal/25425655/ http://DouglassDumas.deviantart.com/journal/25425655/ Fri, 19 Jun 2009 22:58:00 PDT
Completed works (poetry, prose, or otherwise): 75-90
Complete stories: 15
Completed poems: 60-75
Started but uncompleted stories: 10-15 (ranging from a few paragraphs to twenty pages or so)
"Ideas": 50+ These will be dumped into one file.


Now, here are the actual counts:

Completed Works: 107
Completed Stories: 14
Completed Poems: 89
Partial Stories: 2
Articles: 3
Jokes: 1

These aren't quite my final counts, I found 10 or so stories from an old collaborative project that I'm going to merge into a single title and list as a partial (it's HUGE, but there is no ending). I also found about 7 partial stories from an old challenge I attempted... they'll be added when I get the time to sort those out. On top of that, there was probably another three or four partial stories and at least one complete story that were/was ignored due to an alarming number of revisions.

You might notice that I omitted the "Ideas" count as I found over a hundred files in that category. Each of them has several ideas (some baked, some half-baked, some not). Sorting THAT mess could take a few days.

]]> ~DouglassDumas http://DouglassDumas.deviantart.com/journal/25419209/ http://DouglassDumas.deviantart.com/journal/25419209/ Fri, 19 Jun 2009 15:57:44 PDT
...

So I've been cleaning up the "writings" folder on my computer. This folder has been with me since the mid 90's, and hasn't been tidied once.

While I estimate that it may be less than 1/4 of the poetry and prose I've written over the years (I've a habit of burning/losing stuff), it's still a big collection. The whole thing is/was a real mess. There were at least three-hundred duplicate files, and a couple hundred unwanted "junk" files like images and code from old webpages that contained some of my literature.

I've pared it down to roughly 250 files. I don't know yet how many of these are duplicates... There are a number of poems and stories that have been saved in multiple formats. One story that I've been working with, on and off since 1997, has been found in .txt, .doc, .odt, .htm, .wpd, .swf, and I'm pretty sure that I have at least one or two more formats hiding on my other hard drive. The collection of files contains a lot of unfinished works, notes, outlines, ideas, and such as well.

I'm going through each file and sending the content to Google Docs. I'll clear out the duplicates and separate them into individual categories. Then I'm going to count them. What follows are some guesses, I'll update with real numbers later.


Estimates:
Completed works (poetry, prose, or otherwise): 75-90
Complete stories: 15
Completed poems: 60-75
Started but uncompleted stories: 10-15 (ranging from a few paragraphs to twenty pages or so)
"Ideas": 50+ These will be dumped into one file.

We'll know how close I was to the real numbers later.

]]> ~DouglassDumas http://DouglassDumas.deviantart.com/journal/25336233/ http://DouglassDumas.deviantart.com/journal/25336233/ Mon, 15 Jun 2009 19:02:22 PDT
Why would I do this? Well, most of the communications I got came in the form of high-scores from games my acquaintances were playing. I also found that my friends-list was populated by a lot of people who I knew by name, but I couldn't actually call them "friends" according to my personal definition of the word. When I say someone is my friend, I mean to say that I'm willing to share intimate details of my life with them. That doesn't mean everybody I call a friend gets to know every little secret I've ever had, it just means that my friends are privy to know the real me.

I sort of knew that it was going to happen. I mean, dozens of people sending friend-requests and I naively took it to mean that these people all actually wanted to know "me." So I'd post pictures of my crew's wacky adventures. I'd rant about whatever crappy thing that happened that week. I'd share my crazy side a little bit. Anyone who really knows me knows that I have a rather eccentric personality, and it's something of a taste that's acquired. I rarely share it with strangers, except in the anonymity of the internet.

That got old, fast. I decided I didn't want to share my personal life with people who were nearly strangers, and there were some old acquaintances that I most definitely did not wish to become more knowledgeable of. Luckily, for the most part I was ignored.

Out of the hundred-or-so people I connected with, I imagine only 20 were people I actually care about. I can count the number of people who I would share most of the details of my life on one hand. Sure I wouldn't mind staying professionally connected to the thousands of people I meet through work. I wouldn't mind staying a little closer to old classmates. I wouldn't mind opening up pathways for forgotten people and new acquaintances to become better friends with me. The problem is, none of those nice things were happening.

So I've sliced myself out of that spiderweb. It was draining me and making me feel like I was even more dangerously alone. Being able to talk to everyone while I was up there was nice, but in exchange you can't be truly free.

I do have some regrets. I was reunited with an amazing person from my deep past through FaceBook, and there will be a few other people who I'll miss. Even in the group of my closest companions, I've lost a level of connectivity and I'm suddenly an outsider. I suppose I can't blame them, really. I've changed my name to Douglass Dumas (it's a screen/pen name) nearly everywhere that I participate... even MSN. They all know why I'm this way, but I guess the paranoia is a little extreme.

Anyway, I am glad to be disentangled. There's something to be said about REAL human contact, and I think FaceBook gets in the way sometimes.

]]> ~DouglassDumas http://DouglassDumas.deviantart.com/journal/25260023/ http://DouglassDumas.deviantart.com/journal/25260023/ Thu, 11 Jun 2009 18:10:13 PDT
This dream-comic featured a bratty space-faring adventuress with a serious memory problem. She'd forget everything when she slept (like in Blank Slate). The comic followed her as, every day she'd wake up and (re)enroll in a kung-fu/time-travel dojo/school housed in a space station orbiting around a black hole. In my dream there was an entire 40-page comic printed consisting of the same "Awesome! It's a time-traveling kung-fu school!" panel repeated six times on each page.

So, I am taking this as a sign that I need to slow down with the Manga and comics for a while. I think 900 pages of Ranma1/2 in the last 2 days is probably a major contributor to this completely out-of-whack dream. Of course this happens no matter what I happen to be obsessed with, I'll never forget my first Bubble Bobble nightmare or the month of nocturnal Magic: The Gathering matches. Can't wait to see what happens when I get my Conan The Barbarian collection completed and start going through those again...


In other news, my psychological problems have slowed down somewhat... although I STILL haven't been able to get out of town to see my friends. I can thank largely some of my online friends including some right here on DA (you know who you are ), and I can also thank a number of literary masterpieces that I've been devouring.

]]> ~DouglassDumas http://DouglassDumas.deviantart.com/journal/25087078/ http://DouglassDumas.deviantart.com/journal/25087078/ Tue, 02 Jun 2009 11:29:24 PDT
You can find it here: [link] From there you can either download it or make the leap to YouTube.



]]> ~DouglassDumas http://DouglassDumas.deviantart.com/journal/25079463/ http://DouglassDumas.deviantart.com/journal/25079463/ Mon, 01 Jun 2009 21:51:48 PDT
Anyway, In case the title wasn't obvious enough, the Manga I'm currently reading is Chobits. I've read a lot of great manga's lately, but this one is simply engrossing. One of the main characters, Chi, is a foundling "persocom," which is basically an android. In this manga's universe, computers are made in the form of humans and animals, with PC's being human-scale, laptops being characters about the size of a large cell phone, and PDA's being slightly smaller still. The story revolves around her mysterious origins, her uniqueness, and her development from a blank slate into something much much more. With the empathetic way the story is written, you can almost fall in love with her faster than the protagonist.

I'll highly recommend the series. I can't speak on the anime, but I imagine it's got many of the same qualities. Either way, I'm beginning to see why the series is so popular and why so much fanart has been produced.

Oh, and where are my manners... for english-translated manga scans, visit mangafox.com but please try to purchase mangas in stores or online whenever possible!!!

]]> ~DouglassDumas http://DouglassDumas.deviantart.com/journal/25019824/ http://DouglassDumas.deviantart.com/journal/25019824/ Fri, 29 May 2009 17:47:28 PDT __________________________________________________________
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Submit yours in the comments for a chance to win absolutely nothing. Enjoy.

]]> ~DouglassDumas http://DouglassDumas.deviantart.com/journal/24846938/ http://DouglassDumas.deviantart.com/journal/24846938/ Tue, 19 May 2009 20:18:26 PDT
I had a tough and tiring week at work, as I was asked to do a lot of driving and I was kept busy constantly when I wasn't on the road. Things are always a little disorganized with my employer, but I survived the week and met some interesting people. At the very least, it helped cure my stir-craziness a little bit.

The sleeping pills sucked. I felt worse in the morning than ever, and I was cranky and tired for the rest of the day. I gave them up after three days. Then work picked up and I found myself run ragged, BUT I slept like a baby when I'd finally make it home! I've had roughly a week of good naps, a little short, but good.

I've crested the manic phase. That is, I've gone over the top and I'm on my way down again. This is also contributing to the overall-calmness. I can think much more clearly now that my brain is cooperating as opposed to acting like a 3 year old ADHD patient on crack.

Another bit of good news is that I'm probably going to get away this weekend and have a time with my friends. Booze shall probably be involved and good times shall be had. I'm certain that our adventures will tire me further, hopefully bringing my sleep patterns a bit closer to the norm.

There's been a couple not-so-good signs as well. I've been having auditory and visual hallucinations frequently during this period. Mostly during times when I'm exhausted and probably half-asleep (which is normal for me). There have been a few weird ones that I can't explain away by tiredness as well. Still, I have always had a tendency towards hallucinations. Fevers, tiredness, common medications, heat, paint fumes, and lots of other things trigger them for me. All this stress probably is no different.

Anyway, overall I'm happy that I can feel "in-charge" of myself again and I'm excited to be going to see my friends. We've even started planning a huge road-trip together which really gives me something to look forward to!


I had another of my visions, which came on me this morning and rapidly resolved itself this afternoon:

I was picking up a handful of change from my dresser while I was getting ready to go out. The second my hand touched it I heard the words "Could you spare enough change to buy a coffee? Actually, we're trying to gather up enough money to get something to eat." followed by my own voice saying "This is all the money I have, but you are welcome to it." Sure enough, I was walking to my vehicle later that day and a man approached me with "Could you spare enough change to buy a coffee? Actually, we're trying to gather up enough money to get something to eat." I didn't believe I heard him quite right so I asked him to repeat himself. He repeated the line from my vision, word for word. I was a little shocked, and gave him my change and dutifully said the line I was supposed to say. "This is all the money I have, but you are welcome to it." With that, I handed him $1.80 in coins and got in the van.

There are two really weird things about this vision for me. I don't usually have visions about mundane events that don't affect my life in a huge way. I've had more than a few mundane visions over the years, but usually they'd be loosely connected with an important event in some way. The other weird thing is that this one came suddenly after touching an object and rapidly gave me an instant report on the immediate future of that object. All my other visions usually develop over a long time, sometimes taking weeks to fully form and they often predict events that are much further into the future (months or years). Yeah, this vision was unique in that it's more like the kind of visions I experienced when I was a kid... back when every single moment was deja-vu and I used to frighten my teachers because I'd complete an assignment before it was given or I'd complain that I gotten teased before it happened.

]]> ~DouglassDumas http://DouglassDumas.deviantart.com/journal/24692695/ http://DouglassDumas.deviantart.com/journal/24692695/ Sun, 10 May 2009 19:03:24 PDT
I haven't been sleeping well and that alone is enough to put a guy on edge, so I am going to try a week or so of sleeping pills. That should hopefully get my sleeping patterns back on track and let me feel a bit calmer and more rested. I agreed that this poor sleeping habit might have been going on longer than I thought, and it may be a very big factor in the harsh changes I've been going through.

I also have been having fevers for maybe a couple of weeks. I didn't even fully realize it until this morning when I kept hearing doorbells and drifting off into dreamland for the first few hours of my day. Yeah, we don't have a doorbell... and I have always had a tendency to hallucinate when having a fever. That helps explain some of the anxiety too, as it goes hand-in-hand with that frailness. I've probably got a flu, but my allergy medication covers up all the other symptoms. So I'm switching to a milder allergy pill, and treating myself for a flu (rest, good food, juices, water, etc.)

It's been suggested that I need to spend some time with my friends, and I can't do that right now... but maybe I'll be free near the end of the month. My friends and I have come up with at least one crazy project that we want to do too! In any case, my digital friends (both real and fictional) have really come through for me... so I think I can survive until the end of the month without physically seeing my pals.

Finally, my doctor had studied my records and made a new diagnosis. I am still bipolar, just as before... but he explained that I have an anxiety disorder as well and that part of this whole mess is probably due to that flaring up. It's not severe at all, and he wouldn't have diagnosed it without seeing side-notes from previous doctors. We both agree that just knowing and understanding this diagnosis is enough for me to be able to manage it. I'm pretty good at analyzing my own thoughts and emotions, and I'm pretty confident that I can handle this.

If all this brings my problem down to a manageable level, I might be able to begin meditation exercises again. If I can meditate successfully again, I can bring myself under control... which is something I'm really looking forward to.

So I thank you, my friends for the support. Hopefully in a month or two I'll be my normal self again. I'm going to work really hard to get my cycle back to 2weeks-2weeks to give myself some predictability and to give all my friends the best side of me.

]]> ~DouglassDumas http://DouglassDumas.deviantart.com/journal/24660345/ http://DouglassDumas.deviantart.com/journal/24660345/ Fri, 08 May 2009 22:33:02 PDT
Over the last three or four years, my "cycle" has gone kind of screwy. I personally think that it's understandable given the incredible pace of major events and changes in my life since maybe sometime in 2003. Not that I'm complaining about that, I think my life has changed for the better in many ways and I'm certain I've learned and matured a lot. Still, my condition has suffered for it.

My normal monthly cycle has gone haywire. While I was away it slowed down to an unbearable six months or so, leaving me in a deep funk for what felt like ages followed by an intense high that made me feel wild and made it incredibly hard to control myself. Imagine each of those extremes for six months at a time!

When I returned to my homeland last summer and started hanging around with my old friends again the cycle changed again. It went back to it's normal two-weeks depressive, two-weeks manic. Things were good, as I could tolerate and control myself and life was great!

Of course, things can't stay great. My cycle rapidly sped up, and over the last few months I've been confounded over what to do. My doctor can't seem to explain it. Traditional knowledge on Bipolar Disorder says that the duration of each phase can shift and become quite unpredictable, but I've gone to the point where I can experience several shifts within a DAY... which changes the diagnosis. He now says I could be manic-depressive (a different condition that is better understood and accepted by the medical community), possibly borderline schizophrenic, and in need of further tests and study. He also says this is highly uncharacteristic of either disorder, and that he honestly has fewer answers than questions. Yipee!

So here I am, bouncing back and forth between emotions and feeling paranoid that I'll just crack up at any time. It's hard to focus on one thing one minute and my heart races, and the next minute I'm sitting in the chair just staring without really looking at anything or caring if anyone or anything is there.

I hate writing personal junk like this in my online journal, but I'm really close to a snapping point. So I thought you all should know that if I disappear for a while, I will be okay... I just might have done something impulsive or I may even have checked myself in. In either case, life will probably hold some huge changes in store for me, so I can't guarantee my presence here until I've straightened myself out.

]]> ~DouglassDumas http://DouglassDumas.deviantart.com/journal/24572552/ http://DouglassDumas.deviantart.com/journal/24572552/ Sun, 03 May 2009 18:54:53 PDT
In my last journal entry I mentioned that I'd allow anyone to print my images should they wish to display them. That offer is still in place. What follows is a new offer.

I'll print them for you!

If you like any of my works enough, just send me a note with your address and the work that you enjoy and I'll print it on either:

-4" x 6" Photo or Graphics prints on glossy photo paper.
-8 1/2" x 11" Poetry/Prose prints on regular letter paper.
-Occasional "surprises," like window-clings, larger prints, or hand-bound books.

Be sure to mention which work you would like a copy of. It's ok to ask for two or three different works or several prints, but I reserve the right to limit such requests. This offer applies to ANY of the works in my gallery, scraps, or on my website [link] , even the images that I am trying to sell here on DA!

I'll mail signed copies of these anywhere in Western Europe or North America. Outside of that region, I may request that you send a SASE, but I'll be happy to discuss that further if it comes up.

Please tell your friends. This offer is extended to everyone until I run out of paper or postage money, and I've got a rather large stack of paper and envelopes.

]]> ~DouglassDumas http://DouglassDumas.deviantart.com/journal/24567891/ http://DouglassDumas.deviantart.com/journal/24567891/ Sun, 03 May 2009 14:25:10 PDT
I also tried a few different CC licenses. I'm trying to be a little more open and unrestricted. When viewing my work, you should always check the CC license... because sometimes it may prove to be useful for you!!!

Anyway... there are lots of new products in my Prints. Please consider buying! But if you can't afford to buy, I won't forbid you from printing any of my works at home!!!

Yeah, that's right... you can run my photos off on your inkjet and I won't stop you. Please just write my username or the URL for my page on the back and tell anyone who asks about me.

]]> ~DouglassDumas http://DouglassDumas.deviantart.com/journal/24114105/ http://DouglassDumas.deviantart.com/journal/24114105/ Tue, 07 Apr 2009 15:11:37 PDT
How are the new profile page features? How are the journal features? Do they make your DA experience more enjoyable? $40-a-year more enjoyable?



Anyway, I'm in a bit of a lonely, isolated state... I'm far enough from my friends that I can't visit on any kind of regular basis, but I spent the entire summer with them and developed deeper relationships with the entire crew. Of course, they're all even less mobile than me... so the odds of seeing them are slim.

Which brings me to my next problem. I want to gather up for myself a rather extensive collection of posed photos. I'm beginning the writing process for a videogame/novel and I need portraits of people in-character to be used as sprites.

The original plan was to get my friends involved and photograph them in costumes against a neutral background. Now, how am I going to get a bunch of people (10-ish) to show up and play parts?

]]> ~DouglassDumas http://DouglassDumas.deviantart.com/journal/23810612/ http://DouglassDumas.deviantart.com/journal/23810612/ Sat, 21 Mar 2009 09:01:44 PDT
Imagine a future where it has been fashionable to have your mind copied to a virtual world hosted by a computer upon death. This is a concept I've seen done more than a few times in Sci-Fi, most notably I think in the works of Bruce Balfour.

This is my version of things:
These virtual-worlders, or "ghosts" live eternally in a nearly-real simulation which runs much faster than real-time. The ghosts are therefore able to run social experiments, invent new machines and medicines, at a pace which far exceeds the outside world. Living humans, of course benefit greatly from interacting with them. Together they build vast networks of computerized graves, massive power collecting equipment to suck energy from the sun and the earth, and legions of robots to perform maintenance upon it all.

But what happens in 10,000 years? Will any living humans remain upon the surface of the world? Will the machines that make up the ghost world eventually be forgotten and begin to break down? That's where my story will begin.

]]> ~DouglassDumas http://DouglassDumas.deviantart.com/journal/23673503/ http://DouglassDumas.deviantart.com/journal/23673503/ Fri, 13 Mar 2009 09:33:55 PDT for being kind enough to feature me in her journal. It was a nice surprise from an individual who is just chock full of rocksauce. Thank you slim, I can always count on you to make my DA experience an awesome one.

I posted a new poem today, I'll let you find that one (hint: it's the newest one). When I did, I noticed the "Ideologically Sensitive" mature tag, which prompted me to update the tags on all my old work. In doing so, I realized that I hadn't made a note yet of the fact that two of my works are actually connected.

A confession from a scorched...[link] is actually a sequel of Escape from the Silken Wings of a Pretty Demon[link] So I encourage you to read them in the correct order. In case I wasn't clear, start with Escape from the Silken Wings of a Pretty Demon.

]]> ~DouglassDumas http://DouglassDumas.deviantart.com/journal/23583569/ http://DouglassDumas.deviantart.com/journal/23583569/ Sat, 07 Mar 2009 22:52:33 PST
What is this?
For the sake of personal reflection, or to at least organize them... I've decided to compile a list of the question's I'm frequently asked by my friends about a strange phenomena which I have been coping with for several years.

Do you really think you have "visions?"
I do. I experience premonitions relating to major events in my own life or events in the lives of others that will affect me emotionally.

When do/did they affect you?
Most notably in my childhood, as I recall experiencing large chunks of a day, well in advance... and quite often. Subsequently, I was seldom surprised at anything and I always felt like an outsider.
As I grew older, they became much less frequent and less clear. Mostly relating to relationship issues that affect me deeply. They're rare enough now that I think I'm free of them, only to every-so-often be confronted with a new one.

Aren't you atheist? Can you really believe this is possible?
I call them "visions" for lack of a better word. I AM mildy schizophrenic and I do experience bipolar-disorder-like swings of emotion. Quite possibly, I am crazy. However... I do keep records of my visions and most inevitably come true, with very rare exceptions. I am an atheist, so I discount the existance of God or spirits to explain this. I also don't believe in psychics. What I do believe in is results, and science. The evidence backs it up in my case, as my friends and I have discovered.

So if it's not "psychic," what is it?
I refuse to call myself psychic. I'm not in tune with any energies. I can't read minds. I own a deck of tarot cards, but only because I liked the pictures. Here's my theory on why I experience these visions and what they really are:
I think that I have a natural talent for understanding people's characters and I'm extremely observant. If I try really hard, I can predict some of their actions in much the same way as you might predict the end of a book you've been reading.
My visions tend to occur during depressive "lows" on my bipolar cycle. They tend to be more frequent when my schizophrenia delivers me elevated symptoms (hallucinations of dark shapes, bright lights, weird sounds). The way I see it, the stresses and emotions of these times, combined with just the right level of hallucinationatory creates a "vision" for me. These "visions" then are simply hallucinations that happen to be based on my understanding of the persons involved.

Don't you like it?
The first time I got this question, I was dumbfounded. I've always associated these visions with bad things (which they most frequently predict). Although I believe that with a concentrated effort, I could change the future... I haven't been able to avoid an envisioned event thus yet, in 26 years. It's haunting and disturbing... but worst of all, the big events bring about visions that tend to repeat, many times and they can be very vivid.

How accurate are you?
During my childhood, I think I might have been able to tell you what each of my friends was going to say and do at recess a week in advance. In my teens and twenties, it's more like a silent movie. I rarely get dialogue, just a basic sense of who's feeling what and how they'll react. Details increase with two factors: nearness to the event, and how emotional I am about the issue.
As a powerful example, a few years back I had a vision that a person who was not in my life at the time would tear my heart to shreds in a crushing break-up. Months later, she showed up out of nowhere and convinced me to propose to her. A year later, she and I had a minor fight that turned into an epic battle... ending of course in the break-up. What was odd about this? Her parting words were echoed in my journal of that vision, down to mispellings that matched the way she pronounced the words while upset.

Why aren't you rich?
I seem to only be able to predict things based on observation and understanding. I don't understand the lottery, horse racing, or any other gambling method I can think of.

Why don't you use your ability to help others?
Sometimes my visions do affect others, such as the girlfriend example above, but I choose not to share them with affected parties. The reasoning for this is, I'm not sure they can change things, and most people I've tried it with find it hard to accept or understand the implications it may have on their own characters.

What's the worst one?
Dumbfounded at first by this question... but eventually I've been able to formulate an answer that keeps my private life private. The worst one was one in which I knew full well I was right about what would happen, and yet I raced towards it... ]]> ~DouglassDumas http://DouglassDumas.deviantart.com/journal/23562236/ http://DouglassDumas.deviantart.com/journal/23562236/ Fri, 06 Mar 2009 18:32:25 PST
Just so you don't have to go back... Here's what my last journal entry said:

"Years of history, mountains of emotion, and an extensive collection of scars can all return to haunt you at any moment. Two brief sentances from you, after four years, and all wounds are open again. It's not what you said, it's how you said it. So cool, so calm. Did it mean anything to you? What did you feel, when you were confronted with my existance after so long? You said that you hoped I was doing well. Did you really mean it? I wish I could say I was..."

What it had to do with was a bit of insanity I experienced over a lost love's current lack of respect for me as a person. A step-up from simply not acknowledging my existance, she chose to give me a very short message saying what she does for a living and that she's doing fine. I won't quote it, but it took a tone of superiority and she also implied that she didn't care for me to respond.

People who knew me at the time, 4 years ago-ish, when things went to hell between me and her know that I was heartbroken, torn apart, and never the same person again. It took me at least a year to realize it was over forever. To this day, I still mourn for the relationship. It's only fairly recently that I've started to come out of the thick shell I'd built around myself.

Naturally, the message from her disturbed me on a deep level. I'd spent years trying to forget how rejected I'd felt, how unimportant I was to the one person from whom I thought it mattered. So, last week, I again felt all the madness and depression from years of open wounds.

What shook me out of it?
This: [link]
It's a visual novel featuring a fictional kind profession: the mnemonicide. Essentially, they help people with depression by erasing their bad memories. Sort of like a sin-eater(on that mythos a great film is The Order starring Heath Ledger) for the mind. True Rememberance features a rich storyline beginning with Blackiris, a powerful mnemonicide, who finds himself charged to heal La, a mysterious girl of The Dolor (their term for depression and sadness).

I can't tell you WHY it helped me, without ruining the story... all I can say is: This is a very rich story that WILL move you, no matter how hard your heart is... and so I recomend you install it on your computer and begin reading.

Oh, by the way if you have a Nintendo DS with a cartridge capable of running homebrew software, you can also experience the story (and a few others) with this: [link]

]]> ~DouglassDumas http://DouglassDumas.deviantart.com/journal/23458705/ http://DouglassDumas.deviantart.com/journal/23458705/ Sat, 28 Feb 2009 20:35:45 PST
]]> ~DouglassDumas http://DouglassDumas.deviantart.com/journal/23292916/ http://DouglassDumas.deviantart.com/journal/23292916/ Thu, 19 Feb 2009 16:54:47 PST
A warning though, the forum may seem weird... and it's really, really green. My friends and I don't mind saying crazy shit. We may seem insane (we probably are), and I can't verify whether or not they all exist solely in my head. But that's what the forum is for. We'll be the last people to judge your behavior, because we're pretty damned weird ourselves. We may even say something offensive once in a while (or a lot), but let's just say our very existance is an insanity plea. You've been warned.

The forum is The Church of Ostrichology (no, we're not a religion, just a philosophy). [link] Feel free to join, post, and become a part of something strange. Oh and please play The Competitive, Collaborative Conglomeration in the activity centre while we work on trying to wedge a pool table down the intertubes.

]]> ~DouglassDumas http://DouglassDumas.deviantart.com/journal/23222599/ http://DouglassDumas.deviantart.com/journal/23222599/ Sun, 15 Feb 2009 20:12:19 PST
My brain sometimes turns into a swirly little mess of wiggly and tangled ideas. They're like worms made of wet toilet paper and when you try to pluck them out they disintegrate. It's quite a special time for me and it's more frustrating than productive... but enough about that.

Here's the lastest idea to come out of one of those sessions. It's in the same format as I typed it a few moments ago in my "crazyideas.txt" file.


^^^
^ RPG Writer's Aid
^ Gameplay system based on word counts and complexity.
^ Complexity scores come from average lengths of words and frequency of repeated words.
^ Frequency = Unique words / Total words
^
^ Mission is to write the story of your virtual world?
^ Needs competitive side... web portal with VS. and MUD modes???
^ Short game could involve max 200 words posts, scored on complexity.
^ Bonuses for using secret or daily special words, or using exactly a special count.
^
^ This idea needs to be fleshed out more.
^^^

So there you have it... I may obsess about this for a few months or I might see something pretty tommorow and forget it exists.

Thoughts?


*******
Revision
*********
As a test-run, I'm going to host either an email or forum-based game. It'll be a simple collaborative storyline, with segments of 100-250 words each. In each round, participating players will post their version of the next segment and the winning segment becomes part of the official storyline. Rounds will probably take place once every 2 days. I want to keep this limited, but I need at least 10 users playing in each round. I'm aiming for 20 participants so that at least half might play each time. Depending on how much fun everyone is having (and how much work it is for me to moderate), we could play anywhere between 10 - 50 rounds.

The purpose of this game is to flush out a set of rules to make the above concepts more fun and at the same time, fair.

Please note or comment here if you're interested in playing!!!

]]> ~DouglassDumas http://DouglassDumas.deviantart.com/journal/23202740/ http://DouglassDumas.deviantart.com/journal/23202740/ Sat, 14 Feb 2009 18:53:38 PST
-edit-
Weird idea for a business card popped into my head. I can't really use it, but I figured it would be nice to put it online for someone else to use. It's free for anyone to play with.

I guess I just felt somewhat productive today.. too burned out to write but hey... bring on the graphics.

]]> ~DouglassDumas http://DouglassDumas.deviantart.com/journal/23153685/ http://DouglassDumas.deviantart.com/journal/23153685/ Thu, 12 Feb 2009 10:20:50 PST
Right now the vision is to either do one weekly 3-panel or 6-panel webcomic. I'd like to do more but it really depends on a balance of money and professionalism. I'm looking for an artist that'll stick with me for a year.

Ok, so let's get to the part I have questions about, money:

I figure $250(CAD) is good for a starting bonus to cover initial character design and three test strips. This is out of my pocket, so I am putting an additional requirement on this one. It'll only be paid out in full if an agreement is signed for the first six months-year.

I'm thinking $50 is the budget for a weekly pay. What I expect out of that depends on the skill level of the artist and the amount of work/time they have to put into it. If it only takes you an hour's work to concept, sketch, ink, and color... than that's what I expect for my money. If you need 2-3 hours just to pencil it, then that's all you'll need to do. I know this doesn't sound fair, but understand I'm looking for the best value and at the same time I don't want to overwork or underpay anyone... therefore I base it all on time. Extra pay will come for "special" issues and double strips.

I intend to try and make this marketable. Ad revenue from the website, books, merchandise COULD turn a profit. If it ever gets to the point where I can afford to pay you more, or in any case where I believe you've earned additional pay... I will make sure you're happy. Merchadise based entirely on your artwork nets you 75% of the profits, merch based on your art+my dialogue nets you %50. Profits from book sales are split 50-50. Ad revenue from the website is used mostly to pay for artwork and web hosting... if it becomes lucrative, you will get a share. On that, there's a catch... I earn my out-of-pocket investments first. So let's say for the first year I've payed out of my pocket $3000, and ad revenue hits $3100, there's only $100 left to split. You'll get an extra $50. Sound unfair? Look at it this way, for my own efforts I've only made $50 that year and you've got that plus your regular pay.

Questions... How fair/unfair am I being? How much can I reasonably expect for the kind of money I'm talking about? How do I ensure dedication and promptness? If you were this artist, and the project did not turn a profit... would you still feel comfortable working for your weekly $50 for a year with no bonuses? Finally, if you chose to leave the project, would you agree to relinquish some (not all) rights in order to allow it to continue with another artist and recieve a smaller percentage of future projects based on your designs?

]]> ~DouglassDumas http://DouglassDumas.deviantart.com/journal/23030624/ http://DouglassDumas.deviantart.com/journal/23030624/ Thu, 05 Feb 2009 21:37:42 PST [link] . Please enjoy!

]]> ~DouglassDumas http://DouglassDumas.deviantart.com/journal/23008010/ http://DouglassDumas.deviantart.com/journal/23008010/ Wed, 04 Feb 2009 17:49:49 PST
Now, I haven`t been the same person as when I wrote those. I have also been writing a moderate amount of (comedic) prose under another identity. My excuse for THIS big gap is that I`ve been having a great deal of fun with my friends and releasing my creativity in huge manic bursts (they`re long-accustomed to my bipolar nature) of insane fun.

Still... My productivity is shockingly low. I truly enjoy writing. I mean it. I could always slip into another place, another persona, another reality... and writing was always my tool to do so. But I haven`t been motivated... and I can`t figure out why.

I need inspiration... I need motivation... I need a whole new attitude... On that note, I wish to set up a system of rewards, idea flow, and motivation.

So here are my ideas:

1. Art trades: In literature I`ll attempt nearly any genre or style, with nothing taboo. I`ll trade for nearly anything, with preference to illustrations related to my stories (or illustrations for stories I haven`t dreamed up yet). Skill level of the other trader is NOT an issue, as content not quality is my deciding factor. In this category I may be able to also trade limited photos, illustrations, and artwork in my own styles.

2. Idea trades: This one is a bit fuzzy... But an idea trade would be nice. I guess it would be story outlines, short nuggets of information, sketches, etc. Ideas.

3. Commissions: Despite my personal distaste for the stuff, money is still a motivational factor... if anyone happens upon me and has an idea for something they want me to write about, but nothing to trade... I`d gladly discuss a fair sum of money. (Probably cheaper than you`d imagine)

4. Word Count: I think it`d be fun to associate prolificness with a reward. My first thought was, again, money but it could be anything (art trades). Perhaps a small amount of cash could be released per 100 words. It`d be interesting to try to set up a website funded by advertisements and donations, where writers could write for $, but where they didn`t have to display it!!! Kind of a strange concept... but that keeps their privacy and their rights, and they`re not forced to published. It`s just a nursery for writers... not a profitable organization. I`m sure it would be hard to keep it non-exclusive, but I`d like to see an artist financing system that doesn`t require prior publication in order to qualify.

5. External motivation: I preformed the most (as Douglass Dumas, in the genres you see here) when under emotional duress. The forces of evil ex-fiancè`s, job stress, and traitorous friends have all at one time or another put me into deeply emotional states in which I produce poetry and prose of a darker nature. By the same token, as my other persona, I produce a great deal more comedic, adventurous or inspirational literature when I`ve been on manic highs and moderately entertained by my social life. So I was thinking... Perhaps I should simulate these effects with drugs from the chemists...



So anyway, Ideas and thoughts are welcome. As of right now, I`m going to start using the following for my signature on DA (in order to get a start on this):

-------
Art trades: Will trade poetry or prose of any genre, style with no subject being taboo. Trading in exchange for: Illustrations (inspired by or of my works), intriguing artwork, other literature, of any skill-level or style.

]]> ~DouglassDumas http://DouglassDumas.deviantart.com/journal/22548574/ http://DouglassDumas.deviantart.com/journal/22548574/ Mon, 12 Jan 2009 17:26:04 PST
I'll be working with AV equipment for (mostly) corporate presentations. Projectors, microphones, amplifiers, etc. Basically it's a rental service. I come set up the gear, the client has their meeting/presentation/whatever, and I pick up the gear after, earning a little commission and keeping the boss happy.

If the pay, hours, and workload are just right this could be a perfect job for me EXCEPT:
- I'm STILL 4 hours away from my friends (better than 72 hours as before).
- I'm in the middle of a high-priced housing market.

But either way, it's far better than NOT having a job... so wish me luck!!!


In other news, friends are permitted to check out the personal webpage of my TRUE identity. There's not much content on there right now except a couple personal photos and a single exclusive illustration (which you can request the source for). You may send me a note to get the URL.

Cheers!

]]> ~DouglassDumas http://DouglassDumas.deviantart.com/journal/21204149/ http://DouglassDumas.deviantart.com/journal/21204149/ Tue, 28 Oct 2008 15:27:42 PDT
I suppose I should celebrate. I'm not one for creating gratuitous fan-service, and I don't believe I actually have many fans (if any). 90% of the hits might have been myself, and the rest might have been repeat visits from friends.

So, I simply wish to thank you and DeviantArt for the attention I've received. And so tonight, I promise to raise a pint of Guiness and drink to the lot of ya!

Thanks a lot friends!!!

]]> ~DouglassDumas http://DouglassDumas.deviantart.com/journal/20936336/ http://DouglassDumas.deviantart.com/journal/20936336/ Sat, 11 Oct 2008 11:52:58 PDT
I discovered that someone is much more mature and far more courageous than I had ever expected. It's private, so I'll just narrow it down like this. This person put herself through a great deal of torture in order to have a truthful exchange and a happy resolution to a long-standing problem. I can't say I was able to provide much, but I made sure that she understood she's been an admirable person.

I had a real manic day yesterday. I locked myself in the room and didn't come out except for meals and bathroom breaks. It was really, really bad. You know when you get hyperactive and silly? Multiply it by 1000. It's getting harder to predict what days I'm going to be on which end of my manic-depressive cycle, it used to run like a clock. Worse still... I find it harder and harder to control myself.

]]> ~DouglassDumas http://DouglassDumas.deviantart.com/journal/20896384/ http://DouglassDumas.deviantart.com/journal/20896384/ Wed, 08 Oct 2008 19:37:52 PDT
I've been discovering a lot about people, and I don't really mean that in a good way. I'm finding out things I never wanted to learn. Facebook and MSN have been key factors in this. I was begged to join Facebook so that I could share some photos... and well, MSN I've had all along. I've gotten friend requests and messages from total strangers, old bullies, teachers who taught friends of friends, ex-girlfriends, and more weird **** by the hour. The person I've resented the most for nearly 4 years has been spending time reading and viewing EVERYTHING she can about me... added me on MSN, but hasn't said a single word.

I know it's to be expected, but seriously, cant they just ask themselves "Would Doug actually care to hear from me?" Is that very hard? I'll even give them the gray area... If they don't know the answer I'll be more than willing to listen and let them know how I feel. I'm an open person... just ask. Seriously though, if you were that guy I traded broken noses with for 10 years... wouldn't you know the answer to that question????

I'm socially inept. I don't care for the games people play. Give it to me straight and I'll gladly do the same for you. If not, bugger off. Plain and simple!!!


Also, I'm going bonkers. Here's more on that:

I'm bipolar or manic-depressive (depending on which kind of headshrinker you ask). In either case, since my late teens I'd been on a roughly 4 week cycle, give or take a few days. That is, I'd swing from being crazy, wild, excitable, and energetic, to down, moody, and lethargic. That reliable 4 week cycle has been failing me of late. I've kept track of it since early puberty... recording on bouncing scale of -10 to 10... but now I don't know if I'm a 20 or -1000.

Stress, sugar/caffeine(to which I am hypersensitive), and excitement can affect or aggravate my current state. God knows I've been under the influence of all of these... but usually this kind of thing merely causes a shift of a couple of days one way or another. I'd still have a smooth progression from one extreme to the other. Anyway, I don't have any reasonable explanation for any of it.

I once found comfort in recording this stuff... a simple process of gauging myself each day. Now I can't even do that without switching moods several times. I'm coming unglued.


That's all for me. I'm incredibly frustrated with everything... and I'm going to bed.

]]> ~DouglassDumas http://DouglassDumas.deviantart.com/journal/20607016/ http://DouglassDumas.deviantart.com/journal/20607016/ Sun, 21 Sep 2008 17:49:12 PDT
I'm involved in a few odd projects, taking pictures with a new camera, and hanging out with friends. Good times.

Also, I'm on the "short list" for a job with a decent employer not too far away. I mean, it's a 6hr drive from civilization, but I won't have to swim for several days to get there.


At least the insurance gives me time (about 35 weeks), to come up with other projects, a good job, etc.

I figure I'm due for posting a happy post.

Peace.

]]> ~DouglassDumas http://DouglassDumas.deviantart.com/journal/20232571/ http://DouglassDumas.deviantart.com/journal/20232571/ Sat, 30 Aug 2008 08:53:33 PDT
I don't have a job. I need money to pay my bills. I also don't have a place to live in any communities where I might have a hope of getting a job that will actually pay said bills.

There's a slight chance I'll get my employment insurance next week. If that happens, I can survive another few months until I can come up with a better plan. If I can have my old job back, I'll do that and live in my car until I can find an appartment.

If it doesn't happen here's the plan:
I'm getting in my car and driving. I'll be going back to the mainland of Canada. If not, I'll stop for a few days whenever I run out of gas, searching for work or busking or something.

Where am I going? West until I get a decent job or drive into the pacific.

]]> ~DouglassDumas http://DouglassDumas.deviantart.com/journal/19066399/ http://DouglassDumas.deviantart.com/journal/19066399/ Thu, 26 Jun 2008 22:51:02 PDT
Keeping this house clean, my bills paid, and everyone happy became a full-time second job. Suddenly, I'm taking on the responsibilities of four adults. I'm not usually one to complain about housework (unless I think it might help me weasel out of it), but this has been murder.

All in the past now, my family is back (picked em up on the weekend) and I'll be moving in about 3 weeks, give or take. I'll be going back to my home province of _______, and my home town of _________, where I will meet my old friends and have a few drinks, perhaps.


I'm excited. I've got nobody here besides my immediate family (who are moving about a week afterwords) and it'll be awesome to get back with all my friends.


Now, here's the crazy thing...


I NEED YOUR HELP!!!


I'm going home without a job. There's a better job market there than when I left almost 2 years ago, but it's still not the best. I'm hoping that anyone out there can suggest means of making money while I hunt for a full-time job. If anyone has, or knows someone who has, freelance work in nearly any field... please let me know.

Thanks.

]]> ~DouglassDumas http://DouglassDumas.deviantart.com/journal/18487904/ http://DouglassDumas.deviantart.com/journal/18487904/ Sun, 25 May 2008 01:24:54 PDT
What does this mean for you? Obviously two things:

1. I'll probably post something.
2. I'll probably do a little dance in my briefs a-la Tom Cruise in Risky Business.

So if you want to see me embarrass myself, stop by, we've got a large picture window... which brings me to the last thing I want to mention. It finally looks like our home is going to sell, which means I'll be moving in a month or two.

I'll be glad to get back to my homeland, but I have no clue what I'm going to do for a living when I get there and I can't be certain I'll have access to the internet... so if I disappear, that's what happened.

]]> ~DouglassDumas http://DouglassDumas.deviantart.com/journal/18173357/ http://DouglassDumas.deviantart.com/journal/18173357/ Sun, 04 May 2008 23:20:45 PDT
... which is why I've chosen to write a true story regarding one mad experience from my own past. It's really an extension of this journal entry, but the anecdote is far too long and well, it's a bit creepy. That's my latest update.

The products:
Cold Hill :
[link]
Wolf (Larger Version of the Cold Hill illustration) :[link]

]]> ~DouglassDumas http://DouglassDumas.deviantart.com/journal/18094225/ http://DouglassDumas.deviantart.com/journal/18094225/ Tue, 29 Apr 2008 22:12:04 PDT
See, I need this job in order to live up here on my own... so I gotta play nice.

I don't want to play nice anymore.

I've got 3 different supervisors, each screaming at me to do things their way. You know, one of them wants me to put the widget in the brown box and pass it down line A, then the next one wants me to put it in a white box and pass it down line B, another wants something different entirely... and when the first one gets back and I'm putting the widgets in purple boxes and mailing them to Kenya... it's suddenly MY FAULT?

I got in trouble the other day for passing an entire day's worth of 'bad' parts. Now, ordinarily I'd agree that this would be something worth getting in trouble for... but in this case I see some problems:
1. I wasn't the only person checking them for the defect. They were checked by no less than three people after me and passed.
2. This part had had this defect for AT LEAST the past 3 months, and I'd brought it up at least once a week, with nobody caring about it... and our buyer STILL has not seen the defect, because it's a cosmetic defect on the effing INSIDE of the part. It's akin to worrying about a stain on the inside of your jeans. Nobody's going to see it unless you take them off.
3. This particular defect was a small dent, and it pops itself back into shape after the part sits there and cools for a few hours.


To top it all off they're suddenly coming up with a whole bunch of nonsensical procedures and rules that only serve to complicate things and lower our efficiency. I'm tired so I'm only going to give one example:

The guys that bring us boxes are suddenly now only allowed to bring a few boxes per trip... causing us to run out of boxes several times a day and forcing us to stop our machines (which take a good deal of time to start back up). Then when they get back, they drop a few boxes and we fight to catch up, only to run out again.

I liked this company when I started. They seemed to be heading down the right track... but like my hopes and dreams of making an honest living on the mainland, it's been derailed.

**** IT, I QUIT!



This means, I'm heading back to the homeland when my folks do. See you there, friends.

]]> ~DouglassDumas http://DouglassDumas.deviantart.com/journal/18020778/ http://DouglassDumas.deviantart.com/journal/18020778/ Fri, 25 Apr 2008 10:39:06 PDT
See, I don't have a big budget and it's hard to find places that fit in the meager budget that I do have. What's worse; I can't simply rent a "dive" while I look for something better, because I have breathing problems and allergies (lucky me).

Even at the higher prices, I've been having problems trying to find a place that's livable and close to work. It seems there's no problem finding a nice place about an hour from work, with several towns offering dozens of clean, newish apartments... but any closer than that it's nearly impossible.

One place I've visited had a toilet in the kitchen and carpet on all the walls... I kid you not.

Another place seemed very nice, maybe a little dirty, but I learned that it does not have it's own heating!!! It relied on waste-heat from a flower shop below. I found out that most of the tenants buy space heaters, but it's a constant battle against ice and that this particular unit was the worst of the bunch.

A third place was an absolutely beautiful attic loft... with a narrow and dangerous staircase that winds its way down about 7 flights of steps. The previous tenant had to take apart most of her furniture in order to move in and out through that narrow staircase. She had to keep her mattress on the floor, because she was unable to find a way to get the boxspring up there without breaking it in half.


How can this be so difficult? Aren't there standards anymore?

In the meantime, the family's house has not sold just yet... so I still have time and internet access and all the nice things that are here.

]]> ~DouglassDumas http://DouglassDumas.deviantart.com/journal/17489765/ http://DouglassDumas.deviantart.com/journal/17489765/ Mon, 24 Mar 2008 09:59:19 PDT [link] is functioning well. My friends and I are posting on a semi-regular schedule. For now, there's no reason we can't ease ourselves into posting once a week each. There's three of us writing, and a fourth who is seemingly undecided. I've got a little bit of programming to do, but for the most part it's all automated. So, please, check it out... we're writing very weird and wacky stuff. Edoserax and I are also looking forward to uploading our own solo projects too. Even better, though we're not looking for anyone to help us with our main project (Error Soup), we're looking for people to help populate the server with interesting stories, artwork, games, and more. If you're right for the site... I'll give you a custom blog or picture post or site on my server. All rights to anything you create remain yours. We do not use pop-ups or banner ads. And finally, you'll get the support of the rest of the team. It's going to be a small family, so nobody is going to get lost in the system.


Now, for the other things. I've got approximately two months to come up with money, an apartment, and a reasonably sound plan. My family is moving, returning to the homeland, but I am probably not. This means for those of you who do read my journal two things:

1. I won't have the internet and I wont be posting here, updating douglassdumas.com, or posting regularly on guesswrite.com.

2. I'll be starving for money. Big time. So if anyone feels like commissioning some writing ( I can work in all genres, not just the weird shit you see here )... please do. I also do web design and a little bit of PHP programming. I'm not going to set a price or specify anything. Just ask me and I'll let you know what I can do and how much I'll need.


Thanks.

]]> ~DouglassDumas