http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:EclipsedVoice&section=today deviantART RSS for by:EclipsedVoice en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Fri, 04 Dec 2009 12:51:29 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://EclipsedVoice.deviantart.com/journal/15452934/ http://EclipsedVoice.deviantart.com/journal/15452934/ Sat, 10 Nov 2007 17:56:40 PST And music starts on the Shrek 2 Soundtrack, I wasn't paying much attention until...

Butterfly Boucher feat. David Bowie - Changes

...came on. I'm usually not in the mood for up-beat songs in the morning, but I realised changes are happening in my life, and I feel I'm happier.

Work's busy, life's going fast, I haven't had much time for myself; but it's satisfying, it's fulfilling. I look forward to each brand new day.

Wow.... the optimism, I scare myself.

No really, I still think bad things might happen, like... I don't know, I get in a car accident or something, but if that's what life holds for me, I'll gladly accept it.

]]> ~EclipsedVoice http://EclipsedVoice.deviantart.com/journal/11983235/ http://EclipsedVoice.deviantart.com/journal/11983235/ Tue, 27 Feb 2007 04:57:25 PST Don't know when next time is going to be, really not too sure.
Just done packing. Done cleaning.

]]> ~EclipsedVoice http://EclipsedVoice.deviantart.com/journal/11071650/ http://EclipsedVoice.deviantart.com/journal/11071650/ Fri, 15 Dec 2006 10:22:03 PST

Went to this Geek Convention last weekend, people gather around playing cards and those weird dice thingies that I never understood.

Hmm.... I'm still waiting for the snow I've been waiting for. I can't think of anything else to say now. Hehehe... Merry Christmas to everyone, in case I forget when time comes.

Oh, I have to say this, though: Nift Lion is awesome.

]]> ~EclipsedVoice http://EclipsedVoice.deviantart.com/journal/8555259/ http://EclipsedVoice.deviantart.com/journal/8555259/ Sat, 22 Apr 2006 21:28:06 PDT
It's been a while, I know. I can say that a lot changed; I can also say that nothing changed. I got a job that I mildly enjoy. It's not easy to put myself in a position where I'm just here for others to yell at.

I have so much to say, but nothing is coming out. Maybe.... maybe. There are too many maybe's in my life. As I quote, 'Throughout my life, hardships and different experiences have made me a very humbled, yet strong individual. It is because of these life lessons that I have become the person I am today.'

Maybe that's really me, maybe. Just maybe... ]]> ~EclipsedVoice http://EclipsedVoice.deviantart.com/journal/6609179/ http://EclipsedVoice.deviantart.com/journal/6609179/ Mon, 26 Sep 2005 15:48:21 PDT
Homophobia and You:

I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.

I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.

I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.

We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.

I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.

I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me.

I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again.

I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.

We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.

I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.

I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.

I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.

I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.

I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.

I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.

I am the woman who died when the EMTs stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.

I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I didn’t have to always deal with society hating me.

I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.

I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love.

I am the person who is afraid of telling his loving Christian parents he loves another male.

Repost this if you realize homophobia is wrong. ]]> ~EclipsedVoice http://EclipsedVoice.deviantart.com/journal/6506381/ http://EclipsedVoice.deviantart.com/journal/6506381/ Wed, 14 Sep 2005 19:29:00 PDT Out of words, Out of luck... with anything at all.


Recently joined a group called Underwear World. [link]
Should be interesting.... ]]> ~EclipsedVoice http://EclipsedVoice.deviantart.com/journal/5925835/ http://EclipsedVoice.deviantart.com/journal/5925835/ Wed, 13 Jul 2005 17:57:59 PDT
Two birds standing on the edge picking at the baking tray they'd left outside.

I have forgotten why I wanted to write this down, maybe deep inside my mind I think that it would be of some use when I finally do write again, but then, I doubt it.

Everyday I walk the same street to the bus stop, and cross the same road to work. Everyday the same. Almost too afraid to count the days and hours again. Everyday there was this mask I have to put on.

My face is smiling but inside I'm screaming.

I've forgotten a lot, enough to make me think... re-evaluate myself. I suppose someone out there would realise it by now, I don't like crying, I never want to 'explode', but then again, I doubt it.

So here's me, awaiting for that month and a half to fly by; wanting to be the bird who would set free; thinking if I couldn't be a bird, at least let me be a bat, just want to get away from here.

So here's me, wanting to run away, again.

I looked at my wrist in search for a watch, smiled to myself, 'You don't wear watches anymore, there's the time right at the bottom right corner of the screen.' And look, it's time to go... ]]> ~EclipsedVoice http://EclipsedVoice.deviantart.com/journal/5260036/ http://EclipsedVoice.deviantart.com/journal/5260036/ Tue, 03 May 2005 20:12:49 PDT I usually look out the windows while listening to some music, but something caught my eye that morning, a show. It seems now as though it was no big deal, but I just wanted to share it.

A little something.

I glanced over and saw an old man, about late 70 if not late 80, walking flights and flights of stairs. The camera followed him with a motion faster than normal shootings. He wore thin, broken grey T-shirt; his face full of the embroidment of time with his teeth desertedly placed.
Only to find out in seconds that he was collecting used newspapers from garbage. Walking flights of stairs to each floor looking through other people's garbage at the back stairs. Old buildings don't have elevators. Then he spoke the first word that I failed to hear because of my music, but thanks to the subtitle,

"Sometimes I wouldn't find anything even walking 8 floors consecutively..."

His eyes looked almost speechless yet full of hope. Then he continued,

"Every bit counts, I couldn't carry heavier than 10 jin and every jin is worth a dollar."

Hearing that, every jin is half a kilogram, and every Hong Kong dollar is worth 0.12 US dollar.
Towards the end of the show, the old man wrapped a pile of newspapers up in strings made out of used plastic bags tied together, and swung the pile over onto his shoulder. He came to a place that looked like a paper recycling factory and dumped the pile of papers onto the weighing machine and it showed "10.0".
The camera zoomed in to his smiling thinning face,

"Got 10 dollars." ]]> ~EclipsedVoice http://EclipsedVoice.deviantart.com/journal/5054322/ http://EclipsedVoice.deviantart.com/journal/5054322/ Sun, 10 Apr 2005 18:49:38 PDT
Looking at his thinning cheeks and listening to his husky quiet voice, I couldn't help but feel sad. Grampa's health has been deteriorating since Easter. Remember how he used to talk so loud like nobody else I know, yesterday was a sorry sight.

Then we took a bus to the department store, so mom could get something to cook for dinner. That's when it striked me. I remember how Tom and I went to the exact same place when he was here. I felt almost like crying as I was walking around. That night, I didn't talk much.





I haven't used my mouth to talk for a while. ]]> ~EclipsedVoice http://EclipsedVoice.deviantart.com/journal/5029748/ http://EclipsedVoice.deviantart.com/journal/5029748/ Thu, 07 Apr 2005 21:44:32 PDT
My chest hurts and my hands shake.

I was worried about having this disorder, which would turn me into something I don't want to be. That makes me think, maybe I am that something already, I just don't want to face the fact.

Has anyone ever lied to themselves so much that the lie becomes something real. It prickles your mind, like a splinter. Something you try so hard to push aside turns into something that haunts you forever. Whether I remember or forget it, it keeps coming back, because I'm trying too hard to forget.

I'm not quite what you'd call sad; nor am I happy. That's exactly how I feel about life, it's not something I have much feeling to, not something I hate, nor do I love it. Maybe I'm missing Tom too much to make sense out of anything. Maybe I've become too dependent on him. Now that, I know is not a good thing. Trying to find a reason, reason for me feeling like how I'm feeling right now....





Feeling of ambivalence. ]]> ~EclipsedVoice http://EclipsedVoice.deviantart.com/journal/4914720/ http://EclipsedVoice.deviantart.com/journal/4914720/ Sat, 26 Mar 2005 04:04:20 PST My family went on holiday, leaving me behind.
They planned it all, way before I came back.
They decided to tell me, or they call it 'notifying' me, last night; and left this morning.

Tom has been emailing.

It makes me so happy to hear from him. He is having a good time at home. I must admit, Easter at his home is nothing to compare. So are other holidays like Christmas, Thanksgiving... etc.

I miss it there.

I've been looking for photographs of mom when she was younger, she had longer hair. Instead I found the pictures that... were me younger. I realised something, though. There are numerous photographs of both my sisters,

Mine took up less than half an album in total.

It's a little bit funny; it's a little bit sad. That's just life and I got to deal with it whether I like it or not. Because I know, in the end,






It will turn out just fine. ]]> ~EclipsedVoice http://EclipsedVoice.deviantart.com/journal/4887425/ http://EclipsedVoice.deviantart.com/journal/4887425/ Wed, 23 Mar 2005 03:43:18 PST Eyes puffed from all those crying on the plane. Moments and flashbacks of Tom's face kept my mind filled and occupied. Now now, I'm not saying that other of my friends don't mean anything to me.
Because they damn well do.

My eyelids are so heavy. I forced myself to unpack and put away everything before going on the computer.

Nothing changed.

Dad's same ol' not letting me rest after a long journey; mom's same ol'

"What the fuck now?"

(Well, maybe minus the swearing part); my little sister's same ol' studying and doing homework(until 3 in the morning). I think the only thing that keeps me remotely happy here is my dog.

The thought of not being able to see Tom, or touching him, or just being with him. Knowing that he's there with me; when I go close to him and feel the welcoming warmth emitting from his body.

His scent. Oh, sweet scent.








Wait... tears, again. ]]> ~EclipsedVoice http://EclipsedVoice.deviantart.com/journal/4858604/ http://EclipsedVoice.deviantart.com/journal/4858604/ Sat, 19 Mar 2005 22:38:56 PST
It's more me.

Partly because I'm out of ideas; mostly because I'm leaving Tom. That has been putting me down a lot. Knowing how the next time I see him will be in September; knowing that this will happen over and over again throughout the next few years. Hmm... it's depressing.

In the last three months I've been spoilt and showered with love; I have met new people and became friends with them. Not to mention one of the best parties I've ever had just for my Birthday.

I don't want to make it seem like I'm dependent solely on Tom. Maybe I'm just a little childish, or maybe that maybe shouldn't be there.

I am childish.

I guess I will find a full time job and a part time job back in Hong Kong so I work my ass off while trying to forget time hoping the days go by quickly.






Time goes so slowly when you're alone. ]]> ~EclipsedVoice