deviantART: by:Existence-is-Futile

deviantART: by:Existence-is-Futile http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:Existence-is-Futile&section=today deviantART RSS for by:Existence-is-Futile en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Tue, 22 Dec 2009 15:45:09 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png IT'S CHRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISTMAAAAAAAAAAAASSS!!! http://Existence-is-Futile.deviantart.com/journal/29023090/ http://Existence-is-Futile.deviantart.com/journal/29023090/ Fri, 18 Dec 2009 16:29:04 PST )

Right! It's the festive season and I realised that I had a dreary old crappy journal up, so here's and even better (read updated) one!

Now, of course, everybody has their own opinion of christmas, but to me, it's not about the birth of ickle baby "××©××¢" or the 'brainwashing consumerist nightmare' (lol) but the fooooooood. masses of food, more food, family and food.

Okay - in all seriousness, christmas means time off college, carefully picked gifts for and from people you care about (well, I say carefully picked... O_o) and FOOD.

So. Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!
Have fun and get drunk!

]]> ~Existence-is-Futile *Wave* http://Existence-is-Futile.deviantart.com/journal/28761985/ http://Existence-is-Futile.deviantart.com/journal/28761985/ Sat, 05 Dec 2009 08:49:25 PST -Laptop, table and chairs ran away back to the leech pool yesterday. Your knotted wood and sleek granite inlays will be missed - as will your shoddy screen and crappy sound capabitlities. I do I do I do hope that the program gets screwed up to hell on it's way around the stock room.
- Sanity went years ago. Nobody knew it was there to begin with - so it won't be missed (:

]]> ~Existence-is-Futile Fshhhh. http://Existence-is-Futile.deviantart.com/journal/28543101/ http://Existence-is-Futile.deviantart.com/journal/28543101/ Tue, 24 Nov 2009 07:30:22 PST

They seriously are the easiest things to do...apart from if you wanna do it good. but oh well

Anyhoo...sniffle.

]]> ~Existence-is-Futile Problem solved! http://Existence-is-Futile.deviantart.com/journal/28446852/ http://Existence-is-Futile.deviantart.com/journal/28446852/ Thu, 19 Nov 2009 08:30:02 PST
Great.

What use is a damn TV liscence without a house anyway!?

]]> ~Existence-is-Futile Devious Journal Entry http://Existence-is-Futile.deviantart.com/journal/28429277/ http://Existence-is-Futile.deviantart.com/journal/28429277/ Wed, 18 Nov 2009 09:24:58 PST
Well, now they're taking our stuff. Fucking brilliant.

So now I'm just venting and complaining cause, shit - what else is there to do?

...If I come back online at the end of the week, you'll know they didn't take my laptop. win.. I guess.

]]> ~Existence-is-Futile saywha!? O_o http://Existence-is-Futile.deviantart.com/journal/27917264/ http://Existence-is-Futile.deviantart.com/journal/27917264/ Fri, 23 Oct 2009 04:21:04 PDT

LINK TITLE HERE | LINK TITLE HERE | LINK TITLE HERE

So I just realised that $Tachy-on has given me a month's subscription! Either I'm a completely forgetful tard (likely..

) or I just didn't realise at all - but either way - THANK YOU!

I guess I had better make the most of this (:

Huh - turns out I won a prize in the ninth birthday caption contest!

Go me!!

(On another note, I'm thinking of covering part of my bedroom wall in pictures of my friends and maybe some of their work as further inspiration for my art and life..andstuff

, so [providing that I get some spare change any time soon] I may be popping by YOUR gallery to pick something from the bunch

)

]]> ~Existence-is-Futile Devious Journal Entry http://Existence-is-Futile.deviantart.com/journal/27485374/ http://Existence-is-Futile.deviantart.com/journal/27485374/ Tue, 29 Sep 2009 12:37:20 PDT _<

:shakefish:

]]> ~Existence-is-Futile I'm tired. http://Existence-is-Futile.deviantart.com/journal/27109954/ http://Existence-is-Futile.deviantart.com/journal/27109954/ Wed, 09 Sep 2009 08:24:51 PDT
Now I just realised that I enrolled into another two years of doing JUST THAT...Yeah, umm...

...Yeah.

Erm. So, now I'm gonna spend those two years working my arse off to make it look like I'm a capable person with great job prospects, and all the while I'll be neglecting everything that I really want to do (whatever that ACTUALLY is

) because I'm too lazy or incapable or tired or WHATEVER the hell it is in me that stops me from wanting to do anything, to bother.

sigh. C'est la vie, right.

Anyway - umm - good luck with all the post summer workload and stuff.. Keep working, bla bla yadda yadda.

x

]]> ~Existence-is-Futile ...*shrug*..----TIM MINCHIN :D http://Existence-is-Futile.deviantart.com/journal/26541945/ http://Existence-is-Futile.deviantart.com/journal/26541945/ Wed, 12 Aug 2009 06:09:45 PDT I'm going to see Tim Minchin tomorrow! Happyhappyhappy ^__^ Thanks to a friend and the misfortune of her family (

) me and my sister got two spare tickets to his 'Ready for this?' tour, so we're off to Salford tomorrow night! Well - there's my bit of good news for the week!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So summer is pretty chilled out for me so far - not long left though :/
Roll on college I guess

As usual, I haven't drawn a much as I PROMISED I would..I would never accept my own word - seriously. It's never going to happen

HOWEVER. (I hope) I should be getting my school work back sometime this month, maybe around results day, So hopefully lots of work and cheering to come! Then I can finally be rid of the red dragon. (Don't ask Â¬_¬

Umm.. Nathan Edward Waine still remains the illusive child to me - DEFINATELY going to see him this weekend (but you know what I said about accepting my word) so maybe I'll take a picture and draw him? (See there was a reason for the rambling - you get a picture out of it! ..maybe..

)

Also - that defeatist feeling..is still there. It's still a big fat wall, and as of yet - I'm sat here with neither a chisel to knock out the bricks, or the will to live ): The good thing is - I literally HAVE to draw for college, so there WILL be 'something' to see eventually - but at the moment, I'm filling the artist block with a shit load of Norwegian words and phrases xD I came to the conclusion that I should probably learn some if I'm gonna go there next year! Agagin - not just rambling..I'm getting a little bit of inspiration from all this learning, so maybe a ..picture??

Umm.. yeah.. *shrug* ..

]]> ~Existence-is-Futile Summer! http://Existence-is-Futile.deviantart.com/journal/25144739/ http://Existence-is-Futile.deviantart.com/journal/25144739/ Fri, 05 Jun 2009 14:04:15 PDT
I'm gonna make the most of summer and draw as much as I can - hopefully practise at least - so you may actually see something new coming your way soon - plus I may be able to get my school projects back sometime soon. Fun for all the family!

Have fun, make art - be happy

x

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

New pictures are coming changes (eg. my icon) have and will be made - be ready

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

[link]

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

I now have a new addition to the changes for this summer - and to the family! A little brother!!

I can't wait to see him in a few weeks

---------------------------------------------------------------------------- *EDIT--EDIT*

I'm getting to be extremely defeatist. Really. It's fucking annoying. Â¬_Â¬
The thing is, I just seem to be sitting for an hour, reading tutorials, and then drawing an outline that takes another hour to draw and just ends up looking like shit - there's just no point building on something that looks like shit to start with.
When it seems like you're learning nothing from all of the practise - where do you go from there?

So now I feel a little cappy..

:/

On the other hand - my brother has a name. Nathan Edward Waine. Still not seen him yet..

]]> ~Existence-is-Futile :D :D :D :D :D :D :D http://Existence-is-Futile.deviantart.com/journal/24902239/ http://Existence-is-Futile.deviantart.com/journal/24902239/ Sat, 23 May 2009 06:15:29 PDT Hmm..that one was too easy. Lets try a harder one.
whats th capital of moi. BOOYA!

Sorry

Im pretty syked to have my laptop back - it means I can get drawin again!

So (unfortnately for you) I'll be back on here a lot more often!
Just thought Id say. hi ^^

]]> ~Existence-is-Futile Nooooo!!!! http://Existence-is-Futile.deviantart.com/journal/23980579/ http://Existence-is-Futile.deviantart.com/journal/23980579/ Tue, 31 Mar 2009 06:00:15 PDT _<
The screen beneath the outer casing is broken mysteriously..and my laptop is bleeding laptoppy blood down my screen - I can't see!!! Â¬_Â¬So now Im relying on the schools security to be shit enough for me to use the school computers for a little..

Anyhoo - all this leads to me not being on for a while so...Nooooo!!!!

Aaaaannyway. Lovemuch and please have patience (Not that I'm that integral to your life

)
xox

------------------------

*edit*
A good friend of mine (oj. no. rely. she's a pile of craap..

) could use some advice from some of my very talented friends ^__^
So. That's where you come in (Yes you!) - she's a writer and has some interest in drawing - but it's mainly the writing; she's new on here and ..well ... could you just be nece and show her some love pleeeaaassee!!

Lovemuch xx
(ps. she's quite aaaallrighty with the writy so don't worry

)

for now!

]]> ~Existence-is-Futile chillaxx :D http://Existence-is-Futile.deviantart.com/journal/23302792/ http://Existence-is-Futile.deviantart.com/journal/23302792/ Fri, 20 Feb 2009 08:37:42 PST

Anyway - yeah - I tried to paint a woman in watercolour yesterday thanks to the motivation of

and

.it went ok until I realised tere was little to no detail on her aside from the obvious bits of shadng

It was a start - and it made me happy..as did last fm

[link]

Pretty much the extent of my week really - Was good

]]> ~Existence-is-Futile The harsh reality vs. Digital love http://Existence-is-Futile.deviantart.com/journal/23266073/ http://Existence-is-Futile.deviantart.com/journal/23266073/ Wed, 18 Feb 2009 06:03:40 PST )

Seeing as how I'm lerrzeh and can't ever find the zeal to make these decisions myself with enough enthusiasm to go through with them - I'll leave it up to you

Should I, lovely friendlings, learn to paint (I guess I know the answer, but I'll carry on

) because I hate it and can't bring myself to try and am afraid of its spreadyness, or should I carry on using digitalness (when I get photoshop back

) and get good enough to take over the earth?

Not that I actually upload much digistuffs, but I could do (:

Whatcha thinkling?

]]> ~Existence-is-Futile Spreading the LUUUUURVE!! http://Existence-is-Futile.deviantart.com/journal/23187971/ http://Existence-is-Futile.deviantart.com/journal/23187971/ Sat, 14 Feb 2009 05:00:36 PST

So I am spending tonight with a couple of friends and a whole lot of neon and pounding bass (nope - no sex innuendo's here!)

Anyhoo - as I get to have a cool *edit* AWESOME! day, I want to spread the (as the journal says) LUUUUURVE!! So here it comes - if you have someone - be romantic..it pays

If not - have fun. Have lots of fun. Have so much fun that there's no possible way you could remember it - thats how you know it was awesome!!

love all these people :

http://Existence-is-Futile.deviantart.com/journal/23041044/ Fri, 06 Feb 2009 13:37:27 PST
I have a sense of accomplishment after (fingers crossed) managing to save someone from the evil hackers of doom!!
If you don't already know - they're sending messages such as 'I saw your art on this site' with a link - Don't click it people!!
Like

said - whoever's doing it may well change the message - so basically, stay away from links for a little bit - admin are on it - dA will save us!

Just a heads up and a personal win!^__^

(and the usual 'I love all of my friendlings here on dA' stuff .. I doo!!! - check em out!)

]]> ~Existence-is-Futile Journally J. Journalsen ^__^ http://Existence-is-Futile.deviantart.com/journal/22964514/ http://Existence-is-Futile.deviantart.com/journal/22964514/ Mon, 02 Feb 2009 13:31:19 PST
I wanted to write a new journal..Just because..^__^

So here's what I'm gonna draw in the next couple of weeks (don't laughÂ¬_¬

:
- Pinecone (technically already done, but I might do it digitally^^)
- Dotty reflection in spoon. (Eehh..has to be done..)
- toothbrushes in a glass. Is this boring you as much as it is me?
- BIG GAY CLOWNS WITH GINGRBREAD MEN ON STRINGS!! did that get your attention??

ps. I'm really happy lately..sunny snowy photography mum and sistery days and friendly friends help this

Thanks to

lovemuch

Umm..yeah - baiii

]]> ~Existence-is-Futile (In the most mafia way possible) TAGGATAGGATAGGA!! http://Existence-is-Futile.deviantart.com/journal/22861859/ http://Existence-is-Futile.deviantart.com/journal/22861859/ Wed, 28 Jan 2009 10:19:19 PST 1. Post these rules
2. Each person tagged must post 8 random facts about themselves
3. Tags should write a journal/ blog of these facts
4. At the end of the post 8 more persons are tagged and named
5. Go to their page and leave a comment telling them they're tagged

1. I like all music. Everything. Some I have to be in the mood for, but there's nothing I wont listen to at one point or another.
2. I have a plush bunny called hippy whom I talk to sometimes and apologise to for forgetting where i put her..occasionally.

3. I'm not conventionally superstitious, but when it comes to things that I have made up..I believe them..I think..O_o
4. I spend hours having conversations that dont exist.
5. I'm so indecisive that i find it hard to dislike anything, but can't say with any solidarity that i like it. This is why I have never HATED (properly..with the loathing and the hatred) anyone O_o
6. I love writing and drawing, but I'm too lazy

7. I love finding good food

8. I don't like mirrors. No reason. Just...no.

My taggage =

an allaya!! (lol..Abe..) (aka anyone who wants to

)

]]> ~Existence-is-Futile Charred. O_o http://Existence-is-Futile.deviantart.com/journal/22798063/ http://Existence-is-Futile.deviantart.com/journal/22798063/ Sun, 25 Jan 2009 08:13:42 PST

, and he suggested that people write down their dreams...here goes

The daylight caresses my skin with the silky warmth of a kiss, and my palm presses lightly upon the door standing infront of me.
My view is suddenly reversed, with my palm now closed firmly on the inside of the peeling white paint, now yellowing in its senility - but it hasn't forgotten everything. As I prise my hand away from the door, I'm pulled into an elasticated memory - dragging me deeper every time I try to pull away.
My eyes, mid-blink, are reborn into the crescendo of flames that bite at my flesh with every flourish of air and send my skin into a symphony of pain; she walks through me with charred skin - every line upon her skin deepened like the parched flesh of the desert - but doesn't ever turn, and with the final explosion of the carbon nightmare, my lungs contort and writhe..and she's gone.

I'm immediately aware of the deep indigo of night that has engulfed the residence, followed by the metronome of scents: charcoal, earth, charcoal, earth, charcoal - repeat.
My arm falls limp to my side and I'm finally able to fully appreciate the blackened figure imprinted both on the cracked gloss, and upon my palm - the creases of which are pristine and virginal in their milky illustriousness. As I glance back and forth between the door and the foreground of my memory I can see the besmirched form indented upon each.

Somewhat unnaturally lackadaisical about the events, I enter the brightly lit kitchen, only to find myself laying comfortably in a bed, apparently roused by a seemingly common, but still errie scratching of the trees outside my window. I watch myself as I amble down the stairs, occasionly flickering into haunting screams, as I claw at the ageing walls, and back to my nonchalant self again.
I blink once again to find myself peering into the dimly lit windows of the lounge, without actually seeing through them, until the split second where my eyes meet those of a seemingly harmless man crouched in the distance peering back in at me.
Flicker. Scream. I yawn and loosen my raised shoulders.
Flicker. Scream. He smiles wryly at me.
Flicker. Then a burst of flame, and my veins Squirm and bubble once again - and I greet my sister who laughs, along with the seemingly harmless man.

Wake.

So there it is..but for some reason it wasn't a nightmare. just a wierd dream

Anyway - just wanted something to update my journal with

O_O just realised - I wrote the 'watching' thing in my last journal, but now its oddly appropriate..haha - coincedences are funny

]]> ~Existence-is-Futile well..get to it! http://Existence-is-Futile.deviantart.com/journal/22632751/ http://Existence-is-Futile.deviantart.com/journal/22632751/ Sat, 17 Jan 2009 12:09:04 PST
gimme!!

]]> ~Existence-is-Futile bonjour..nal ^_^ http://Existence-is-Futile.deviantart.com/journal/22632250/ http://Existence-is-Futile.deviantart.com/journal/22632250/ Sat, 17 Jan 2009 11:38:41 PST
]]> ~Existence-is-Futile tagO_o http://Existence-is-Futile.deviantart.com/journal/22485405/ http://Existence-is-Futile.deviantart.com/journal/22485405/ Fri, 09 Jan 2009 10:33:30 PST

THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
1. Noodle
2. Devon (no shit Holmes

)
3. Doodle XP

THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU'VE HAD:
1. Existence-is-Futile
2. Mia Izaman (

)
3. i_don't_have_anotherO_o

THREE THINGS YOU'VE DONE IN THE LAST 33 MINUTES:
1. Replied to some awesome people
2. Looked at some brilliant pictures
3. Thought abut gettin sumthin to eaat

THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. Three whole things!? OK..i like my imagination.
2. My obscurity ^_^
3. My friends - hey - I don't care if it counts - I'm usin it!!

THREE PARTS OF YOUR ORIGINS:
1. English
2. Scottish :/
4. Uterian O_O

THREE THINGS YOU'RE AFRAID OF: I don't have many real fears, so I'm just gonna stick with irrational suspicions

1. I used to be afraid of the faces that I saw in the dark that wouldn't go away when I close my eyes, but now I just ignore them

2. I dislike mirrors..thy're wierd..
3. I find it wierd when people walk close behind me in an empty street..

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
1. Lmso.. bra
2. No socks - I laughed them off..so, umm..PJ's
3. Girls boxers XD

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1. Food (:
2. Getting out of bed..but it's so hard

3. Deviantart <3 hehe

THREE IMPORTANT OBJECTS:
1. My sketch books
2. My bed
3. My..brain..do major organs count?

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS/SINGERS:
1. Depends
2. On
3. The moment ^_^

THREE WAYS TO BE HAPPY:
1. Talk to all of you awesome friendlings

2. Sit n talk to my sister
3. Do something that I've never done before..?

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS AT PRESENT: The at present bit helps

1. With or without you the Keane version
2. Electric feel by MGMT
3. I'm sorry that I sang on your hands that have been in the grave by Sunset Rubdown

THREE NEW THINGS YOU WANT TO TRY IN THE NEXT 12 MONTHS:
1. Finish all of my coursework Â¬_Â¬
2. Maybe go to a music festival

3. Be healthy...

THREE THINGS YOU REGRET:
1. Not being like I am now years ago
2. Not doing what i needed to when i needed to do it +_+
3. Regretting so much

THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP:
1. Comedy

2. Love..?O_o
3. A guy

THREE IMPORTANT THINGS YOU'VE GIVEN TO THE WORLD:
1. I've made a few people laugh? lol
2. Loyalty
3. Something different ^_^

TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE:
1. I sold 2 paintings whilst on work experience (meaning that i couldn't get the commission!!)
2. I've never held a grudge
3. I've never lied to a friend

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU LIKE IN THE OPPOSITE/SAME SEX: um..I don't relly mind but..
1. A nice smile..?
2. Over 4ft tall

3. Nice eyes O_o

THREE EMOTIONAL THINGS YOU LIKE IN THE OPPOSITE/SAME SEX:
1. Sense of humour
2. Patience - they'll need it

http://Existence-is-Futile.deviantart.com/journal/22281109/ Tue, 30 Dec 2008 13:56:02 PST
Im a very non-committal person, and i have decided to change that. Now i know that this is likely to backfire in my face, but its worth a try right?

I want to actually change.

Me.

Have you noticed how the grammar in this journal has been fairly accurate up to now? Thats just one part of my monsterous change, (and I mean monsterous in the frankenstein 'its alive' kinda way, not the 'what have i CREATED!!' WAY..Â¬_¬

.
Another change that I would like to make is to actually finish my art coursework for school - and that means that, hopefully, I should upload some more stuff here, even if it means that its some awful, annotated to shreds, double page spread of a rpoject im working on

.

Finally - I would like to 'do more'..I know that there haven't been many changes up to now, and those that are there aren't really worth much, but that's where this one comes in:
I want to see more
I want to draw more
I want to go to more places
I want to meet more people
I want to do nine hndred and ninety nine more awesome things before I hit 30
And finally, I want to be able to say that theres nothing that I could have done if it all goes to pot

And here - my friends - is where you come in:

You're all awesome, otherwise you wouldn't have bothered reading this far on into this pile of crap, so if you please find the time in your tight schedules..carry on

You all make me laugh, make me stop and think, give mme hope, and most importantly - you inspire me

--------------------------------------------

Now, enough of that nonsense - HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

have funnses

play stupid party games that youll regret for years to come

drink FAAAAR tsuoo MUTSCS

And make all of your mistakes NOW - its more fun that way

]]> ~Existence-is-Futile aww - c'est noel:D http://Existence-is-Futile.deviantart.com/journal/22171063/ http://Existence-is-Futile.deviantart.com/journal/22171063/ Wed, 24 Dec 2008 16:13:55 PST
the sky is a pale blue silk veil of clear air
it rains tiny delicate snowflakes made of cnadyfloss
(does anyone see the theme of candyfloss in my recent journals

)
the floor dons a white quilt of snowy goodness
and far in the distance is a burning bright star of..erm..gasoline?
there is a charcoal tinge in the air mixed with .. nutmeg

and finally - owsamm mr foxman (

) is happy that its christmas!!

i can dream right

muchlove people

]]> ~Existence-is-Futile head or heart http://Existence-is-Futile.deviantart.com/journal/22102621/ http://Existence-is-Futile.deviantart.com/journal/22102621/ Sun, 21 Dec 2008 12:43:23 PST filled with fear
until your bright light shines and i can see clear
im here in my own little world
filled with hope
as you pull away and i struggle to cope
i sit in my own little world
and see
that you arent who i first had known you to be
whilst i sit in my own little world
i find
that the world has just left me far behind.

This is my own little world,
Torn apart - but the truth is - it only exists in my Heart...

little poem from little mind.

]]> ~Existence-is-Futile funsses http://Existence-is-Futile.deviantart.com/journal/22082285/ http://Existence-is-Futile.deviantart.com/journal/22082285/ Sat, 20 Dec 2008 09:41:52 PST

here be't roolz:
choose a band/artist
answer using the song titles
tag whoever the hells i want

- oh, and put it on shuffleÂ¬_Â¬

choice of mine - Mindless Self Indulgence

1. are you male or female?
tight

2. describe yourself in two titles
faggot
get it up

3.what do people feel when theyre around you?
cocaine and toupees

4. how would you describe your previous relationship?
evening wear

5. describe your current relationship
i hate jimmy page

6. where would you want to be now?
shut me up

7. how do you feel about love?
issues

8. whats your life like? (3 titles)
straight to video
never wanted to dance
mastermind

9. what would you ask for if you had only one wish?
ready for love

10. say something wise...
molly

and my own personal Q for good luck peepsies

FINALQ: where is this life thing going, yo?
tornado

so thar et es - what you gonna do bout it >.<

i taggses challywop - aka.

]]> ~Existence-is-Futile new journal http://Existence-is-Futile.deviantart.com/journal/21863561/ http://Existence-is-Futile.deviantart.com/journal/21863561/ Sun, 07 Dec 2008 11:17:18 PST journal where dew sequined grass skirts of mighty gingerbread oaks sway in the cool breeze as the sun implodes to reveal its sweet gooey goodness..

journal where you can touch the candyfloss clouds - even eat them, if you really want to...without getting all of the sugary stickiness all over you..

journal where the words dance like fred astair at a break dancing convention all around the page, and every missed piece of punctuation is blissfully ignored..^_^

this is the happy journal

where dreams come from

]]> ~Existence-is-Futile homophobia.. http://Existence-is-Futile.deviantart.com/journal/21814484/ http://Existence-is-Futile.deviantart.com/journal/21814484/ Thu, 04 Dec 2008 11:53:16 PST
I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.

I am the boy who never finished high school, because I got called a fag everyday

I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.

I am the one working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.

I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.

We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.

I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.

I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me.

I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.

We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.

I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.

I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.

I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.

I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.

I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.

I am the woman who died when the EMTs stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.

I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I didn't have to always deal with society hating me.

I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.

I am a warrior for my country serving proud, but can't be my true self because gays aren't allowed in the military.

I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love.

I am the person ashamed to tell my own friends I'm a lesbian, because they constantly make fun of them.

I am the who isn't sure what she is. I am the who is rejected by her "best friends" because of a less-than-conventional crush.

I am the boy tied to a fence, beaten to a bloody pulp and left to die because two straight men wanted to "teach me a lesson."

I am the girl who takes pride in her sexuality, but had almost no choice in why it happened.

I am the girl that is beaten up regularly.

I am the girl they all think is amazing and confident and strong, I am the girl they can't see inside.

The one who was raped over and over, the one who can't live without medication, the one who can't tell anyone that she is dying on the inside.

I'm the one who is afraid of male genitalia because of him.

I am the girl that can still love, even after this.

I am the proof that love overpowers all.

I am the girl that needed to say this, and the girl that's afraid to say it, because so many others have suffered worse.

This is the boy, Matthew Shepard. On October 7, 1998 Aaron McKinney and Russell Henderson lead him to a remote area east of Laramie where they demonstrated unimaginable acts of brutality . Matthew was tied to a split-rail fence where he was beaten and left to die in the cold of the night. Almost 18 hours later he was found by a cyclist who initially mistook him for a scarecrow. Matthew died on October 12 at 12:53 am at a hospital in Fort Collins, Colorado. MURDERED BECAUSE HE WAS GAY!!!

IF YOU BELIEVE THAT HOMOPHOBIA IS WRONG... REPOST THIS AS "HOMOPHOBIA."

i dont believe in homophobia and i know that it sometimes mamkes people feel a bit more comfortable, but dont feel obliged to post it

just thought it was a poigniant bit of writin...

]]> ~Existence-is-Futile nightmare http://Existence-is-Futile.deviantart.com/journal/21634885/ http://Existence-is-Futile.deviantart.com/journal/21634885/ Sun, 23 Nov 2008 16:43:23 PST for life to just pass me by for fate
i hate
this field of dreams where i stand
cause really its full of nightmares - demand
so i run far away to that singular place
the one alone where i must face
my singular fear and my singular hope
held by a singular noose made of rope
hanging and swaying in winds of unease
as i wait for my fate and i fall to my knees
then i realise
suprise suprise
im back in the field of dreams - my demise
so i stop and i wait and i hate yet i stand
i demand
that i see just a shred just a strand
of that hope from the rope
of my fate of my fear
then a tear
hits the ground
an earthquake with no sound
i wake
alone
im home.

]]> ~Existence-is-Futile photograaaaaaaaaaphs!! http://Existence-is-Futile.deviantart.com/journal/21501058/ http://Existence-is-Futile.deviantart.com/journal/21501058/ Sat, 15 Nov 2008 12:40:20 PST

XD

]]> ~Existence-is-Futile ¬_¬" bored:P http://Existence-is-Futile.deviantart.com/journal/21264719/ http://Existence-is-Futile.deviantart.com/journal/21264719/ Sat, 01 Nov 2008 12:17:52 PDT youve started
so wise that your retarded
you find a sense of losing self and think youve reached the top

the story
the news
asks who gave you power to refuse?!
renouncing hate in your enlightened state cause you think its the way of a god

so learn
to ignore
this deja vu never felt before,
because its nothing new, and neither are you...just stop, stop, stop!

youre a walking contradiction of solidarity
your mind holds all the secrets
youre the missing link and im the key..

but i dont like you so stop

mormons...got nothing against most of them...just the mouthy ones

]]> ~Existence-is-Futile ¬_¬" http://Existence-is-Futile.deviantart.com/journal/21264648/ http://Existence-is-Futile.deviantart.com/journal/21264648/ Sat, 01 Nov 2008 12:13:43 PDT
]]> ~Existence-is-Futile ^_^ http://Existence-is-Futile.deviantart.com/journal/20794539/ http://Existence-is-Futile.deviantart.com/journal/20794539/ Thu, 02 Oct 2008 14:38:16 PDT
(ignore what i just said..none of it was written for you, but i can dedicate it to you if you want..^_^)
hehe...well i like to write, but i dunno if im any good, or what needs to be improved

(sry

), so see what you think - or dont - see if i care !!XD

]]> ~Existence-is-Futile nooooo!! http://Existence-is-Futile.deviantart.com/journal/20742851/ http://Existence-is-Futile.deviantart.com/journal/20742851/ Mon, 29 Sep 2008 14:19:17 PDT

is moving to wrexham and im gonna loose my only source to the net!!:'( (yup...i live off nickin his laptop^_^)
but nooooooooo...oh...well...actually...im sure ill still manage to get on somehow...see ya when i see ya people^_^

...
........hopefully...

whoa...when did my gallery get so sh*poopy?
borin...huh?...spose i better fix tht...but we all know how long tht takesXD

]]> ~Existence-is-Futile hehe...another one!! http://Existence-is-Futile.deviantart.com/journal/20056001/ http://Existence-is-Futile.deviantart.com/journal/20056001/ Wed, 20 Aug 2008 08:46:14 PDT
]]> ~Existence-is-Futile gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh!! http://Existence-is-Futile.deviantart.com/journal/20040781/ http://Existence-is-Futile.deviantart.com/journal/20040781/ Tue, 19 Aug 2008 12:09:28 PDT i sub...
I SUBMITTED SUMTHIN!!!!

AND THERE WILL BE MORE!!

see... i told ya.... you dint believe me, but i did! yeah so IN YOUR FACE!!!

sry...

]]> ~Existence-is-Futile picture!!! http://Existence-is-Futile.deviantart.com/journal/19811148/ http://Existence-is-Futile.deviantart.com/journal/19811148/ Wed, 06 Aug 2008 15:04:22 PDT do you have a scanner? no?
what about you?
aww dammit!!!

ok so ive FINALLY drawn a new picture (after nine months) but i have no scanner!!

im determined to find one and upload this pik within the next two weeks (however my determination obviously isnt what it should be

)

ps. its a movie related pik with a poem(y thingy)..

]]> ~Existence-is-Futile yes... http://Existence-is-Futile.deviantart.com/journal/14970744/ http://Existence-is-Futile.deviantart.com/journal/14970744/ Mon, 08 Oct 2007 12:56:19 PDT umm...just another ramble to keep you ...interested..?
(not that you were before but...oh well

)
um...yes...scanner is in the room..pictures will be scanned...and then fondled until they are pretty...yes...
so there^_^

XD:

]]> ~Existence-is-Futile aaah..love...;) http://Existence-is-Futile.deviantart.com/journal/14797597/ http://Existence-is-Futile.deviantart.com/journal/14797597/ Wed, 26 Sep 2007 09:03:59 PDT the words of the eyes to the mind will depart
words made of wisdom
meanings unknown
to all who have heard them
whilst living alone

but to those who hear them
with hearts full of love
the meaning is clearly a sign from above

it becomes quite apparent
the words have a kick

i suppose thats the feeling
of gods poking stick!!

my god! love hurts!!!
hehe

lol

]]> ~Existence-is-Futile just one more thing.. http://Existence-is-Futile.deviantart.com/journal/14527577/ http://Existence-is-Futile.deviantart.com/journal/14527577/ Fri, 07 Sep 2007 08:18:28 PDT just a quick note to emphasise exactly how much DA
R.U.L.E.S!!!!
hmm... kinda takes the enthusiasm away when youve already said it!^_^
well anyhoo, it does^_^

]]> ~Existence-is-Futile O_O... http://Existence-is-Futile.deviantart.com/journal/14527559/ http://Existence-is-Futile.deviantart.com/journal/14527559/ Fri, 07 Sep 2007 08:16:12 PDT in....
int.....
INTERNET!!!
OMG ITS AMAZING!!!
I HAVE INTERNET!!!(restricted to parental allowance,yes) BUT INTERNET!!!
must upload pictures..must upload pictures..DAMN!!
ok so the other computer(with all of my other pictures on it )is broken..but i can load some simple pencil sketches for now...cant i..?
okies buh-bye ^_^

]]> ~Existence-is-Futile ^_^ http://Existence-is-Futile.deviantart.com/journal/14484136/ http://Existence-is-Futile.deviantart.com/journal/14484136/ Tue, 04 Sep 2007 08:42:53 PDT GETTING THE NET!!
GETTING THE NET!!
GETTING THE NET!!
GETTING THE NET!!
GETTING THE NET!!
GETTING THE NET!!
*breathes deeply*
GETTING THE NET!!
GETTING THE NET!!
GETTING THE NET!!
GETTING THE NET!!
GETTING THE NET!!
GETTING THE NET!!
aaaaaaaahhh...that'll be all ^_^

P.S..( now i get to talk to you lovely people...

)..

]]> ~Existence-is-Futile just to say... http://Existence-is-Futile.deviantart.com/journal/13789856/ http://Existence-is-Futile.deviantart.com/journal/13789856/ Thu, 19 Jul 2007 02:24:08 PDT
but im still alive!...i think... =s
me gots a comic srip coming me thinks...just not quite sure what to do...got the characters..well..got the heads..well ive actually only drawn the faces of the characters so...ya know..but meh (^__^)
so theyre these kinda random gangster type people and...yeah..
anyone got any ideas for a theme?

ooh and i need some other ideas too... anyone..no..anyone?

]]> ~Existence-is-Futile for gawds sake!!! http://Existence-is-Futile.deviantart.com/journal/13403282/ http://Existence-is-Futile.deviantart.com/journal/13403282/ Tue, 19 Jun 2007 06:40:02 PDT

]]> ~Existence-is-Futile ill get there someday... http://Existence-is-Futile.deviantart.com/journal/12565745/ http://Existence-is-Futile.deviantart.com/journal/12565745/ Thu, 12 Apr 2007 11:03:42 PDT ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ !!!!

]]> ~Existence-is-Futile omg! sry.... http://Existence-is-Futile.deviantart.com/journal/12310274/ http://Existence-is-Futile.deviantart.com/journal/12310274/ Sat, 24 Mar 2007 13:31:29 PDT been stuck in th middle of nowhere with no internet!
i know- NO INTERNET!
N.O. I.N.T.E.R.N.E.T.!!!
but ill try to sort sumthin out so tht i can get through evrythin^_^
watch this space
(no its not going to do a trick- its an expresesesesssion

) thnx a lot for all the comments n stuff tho
ill try to post some stuff soon...^_^

]]> ~Existence-is-Futile aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh.. http://Existence-is-Futile.deviantart.com/journal/12102992/ http://Existence-is-Futile.deviantart.com/journal/12102992/ Thu, 08 Mar 2007 07:50:32 PST

they love me! they reall really- oh ... i think theyre talking to you...

]]> ~Existence-is-Futile gimme more! http://Existence-is-Futile.deviantart.com/journal/12101398/ http://Existence-is-Futile.deviantart.com/journal/12101398/ Thu, 08 Mar 2007 03:37:55 PST ) tonight so keep watchin^_^

]]> ~Existence-is-Futile meh... http://Existence-is-Futile.deviantart.com/journal/12100496/ http://Existence-is-Futile.deviantart.com/journal/12100496/ Thu, 08 Mar 2007 00:27:23 PST
i might just submit my pencil drawings for now depending on what i feel like at the time but i will eventually submit some colour versions so keep watching...wait...no..start watchin....please....anyone...hello?....

]]> ~Existence-is-Futile