http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:EyeSt0rm&section=today deviantART RSS for by:EyeSt0rm en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Tue, 22 Dec 2009 11:31:32 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://EyeSt0rm.deviantart.com/journal/26680861/ http://EyeSt0rm.deviantart.com/journal/26680861/ Tue, 18 Aug 2009 21:03:49 PDT
i wish so badly that i was already living on the island. I had come so far and got so close but its like i took 20 steps forward and 40 steps back. Everything seems so out of my control and i feel like i'm floating around in a tinge of defeat. i have no imagination left for being.
My art ceased. The cancer cells returned. And i'm living aboard much much further from my intended destination.
All i want to do is get there. Then, i feel my life will start. That i've accomplished the impossible...or least something? But for some reason, some greater forces see otherwise. Maybe i haven't payed all my dues yet.
Im just fearful that if i don't hurry up and build that house with my bare hands on that remote island, then i will die having never done anything amazing. what if that happens? i needed a mental shift.

So, i headed for the mountains...

i dry camped about 2 miles past some waterfalls i hiked to, and had a distant view through the wilderness's foliage of this rocky peak. i wondered its distance and terrain but at this point i was to deep in to get a signal on my phone to map it. i wished i had been more prepared but deceided it was inside my margin of possibility of being doable. i planned on packing up camp in the morning and heading up there. Why do i do this to myself, i questioned silently? Already, knowing the answer and knowing, beyond these mountains there were yet just more again.
The reasons were many.
But mostly, hiking the highlands reminds me of cruising in the islands.
Both demand my humility while yielding me precious peace.
And like the sea, the mts influence me to face up to myself and give me a much needed quiet mind.

In search of that quiet mind...

i thought i was going to collapse a hundred times over, but moving forward, one step in front of the other, i would travel a few hundred feet then to stop to breath. My pack was heavy and my walking stick seemingly more a burden. The trail was rocky, winding, narrow, and steep. Then varying into open, grassy, meadows and long, green, tunnels of trees.
i was on the longest blaze with the steepest incline id had ever trekked. The highest mt. in the forrest. Trying to push myself, trying to find that zen, another hour gone by while i replayed the map in my head. The one i had momentary memorized from a passing dreadlocked hippies pocket the week before. She had said she never hiked it but it was atleast 10 miles to the ridge.
Wanderingly i climbed eventually coming upon these large, powerful, monolithic formations in impossible balancing acts. Then, not far ahead an opening of light in the dense humid wilderness.
Nearing the bright outcropping i dropped my pack and went right to the edge. The edge was my destination.
Startled by the strong wind and mesmerized by the vast beauty i immeditely held my arms wide wishing to fly. Wishing i could fly like i do in my dreams.
Then i sat quietly and still at once, thinking how i hate it when i wished. Momentarily i thought of all the ways id been wishing my life away. Wishing to get thru this or past that, to get here or there. Wishing for my life to begin. i closed my eyes for several minutes. And it occurred to me. Right Now. This moment, Right Now is everything. These obstacles are your life. All these mts i've climbed, have to climb, or chose to climb are parts of my life. Live it.

With the wind in my hair i inhaled my surroundings. Living life right on the edge, literally.
i was able to just be.
It was amazing.

]]> ~EyeSt0rm http://EyeSt0rm.deviantart.com/journal/20274061/ http://EyeSt0rm.deviantart.com/journal/20274061/ Mon, 01 Sep 2008 14:48:21 PDT

Ive been going back in forth from heaven to hell.
what a journey im on. thank gawd, i pack light cuz mentally its heavy. My cancer is at a “watch & wait” status...which is good but doesn't correspond to my philosophy in life. Dive in!
I mean wait for what???!!!! Hell?? I cant wait, cant carrying that weight, into every space... into every moment..overcasting my thoughts negetively.
Ive walked that road to know it leads me into a no visibility, downpour
and maaaaan lifes to short not to be able to see the stars every night.

Maybe i want the impossible but im damn sure going for it, and im halfway there by just making that decision.

Im moving to heaven... heaven on Earth in the west indies.
i recently found myself standing amidst beauty like none other, with an overcast far off in the distance. The sea before me was a calm pool of listerine that seemed to fill me with light and life. On that 12sq. mile island, in that very moment... I felt like the stars were aligned for me.
I felt like this was where i belong. I almost felt complete. I saw my future waiting for me. Instead of me waiting for my future.


So in a mini whirlwind, i bought land there, arranged for power to be brought in, discussed cisterns for water, talked to customs about tariff duties, drew up plans, and found a barge company to ship a container full of lumber and supplies in, from the states. Im selling most everything i own to make this dream happen...this is something i thought id have to wait forever to do...if ever? But damnit im impatient and always been the one to bend the rules..and dance to my own beat. This November im outta here not rreally knowing what im doing, kinda learning as i go.I do know one thing...im not watching and waiting...to hell with that!
I rather chase my dreams then wait around for the nightmares.

]]> ~EyeSt0rm http://EyeSt0rm.deviantart.com/journal/18181106/ http://EyeSt0rm.deviantart.com/journal/18181106/ Mon, 05 May 2008 13:34:25 PDT Docs said 3 months to live.
Heres what hes doing. Makes you think.

(video: part one)
[link]


(R.P's update page)
[link]



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Brick walls are there for a reason. The brick walls are not there to keep us out. The brick walls are there to show how badly we want something. Because the brick walls are there to stop the people who don’t want something badly enough. They are there to keep out the other people.
~Randy Pausch ]]> ~EyeSt0rm http://EyeSt0rm.deviantart.com/journal/18070576/ http://EyeSt0rm.deviantart.com/journal/18070576/ Mon, 28 Apr 2008 12:56:55 PDT
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...(in short)

Live, laugh, love as though your life depended on it - it does. Wiggle your toes in a beach of sand. Be open to the romance of life. Laugh a lot. Cry when you feel like it. Let the child in you emerge. Talk about your dreams, your fears, your expectations. Take time to listen. Discover your source of peace and strength. Spend time there.

In the end, it’s love. Cherish yourself and others. Find joy in everyday experiences. Allow yourself peace. Embrace each day.






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If I Had My Life to Live Over by Erma Bombeck

I would have talked less and listened more.
I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained and the sofa faded.
I would have eaten the popcorn in the "good" living room and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace.
I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth.
I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed.
I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage.
I would have sat on the lawn with my children and not worried about grass stains.
I would have cried and laughed less while watching TV - and more while watching life.
I would have shared more of the responsibility carried by my husband.
I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren't there for the day.
I would never have bought anything just because it was practical, wouldn't show soil or was guaranteed to last a lifetime.
Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd have cherished every moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.
When my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, "Later. Now go get washed up for dinner."
There would have been more "I love yous"...more "I'm sorrys"...
But mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute... look at it and really see it...live it...and never give it back.

(Erma Bombeck lost her battle with cancer) ]]> ~EyeSt0rm http://EyeSt0rm.deviantart.com/journal/14178875/ http://EyeSt0rm.deviantart.com/journal/14178875/ Wed, 15 Aug 2007 11:07:11 PDT And it is!

This week alone was like hell at low tide. Hospitals and needles, days of non-movement, more hospitals and more sickening junk id rather not mention. Although somehow i think i cruised on without the devil seeing me on his radar. Cuz the drugs are working and i have discovered a new horizon. No longer will i drift in "de Nile" with destination unknown. My proverbial white flag will not be flown! Just as sudden as a summer storm it hit me like hail, and I made the decision. Its final. Im pulling anchor from this harbor and im sailing on with grace and a positive view for the future.
I plan on making cancer my bee-och and sinking its ship!

]]> ~EyeSt0rm http://EyeSt0rm.deviantart.com/journal/13023420/ http://EyeSt0rm.deviantart.com/journal/13023420/ Sun, 20 May 2007 09:08:25 PDT I find myself to be broken-in and bruised.
Wearing down on my spirit so flimsly thin.
All the sudden my lifes a flip flopping spin.
Those 3 lil words...blurred

Running from myself, sweating with grace.
Hiding inside my head, Cover the mirror, Steal my face.
Let me out of this ugliness into my imaginary safe place.
I hate this pain, these needles and foul opioid taste.
Those 3 lil words...conferred

My journey unsure with options but no cures.
Selfishness if i tell you, only saddness you will endure.
Dont misconstrue my deficiency of communication.
I must protect you while in my state of contamination.

So just let me loiter in my silence as that is my answer.
To those damn 3 lil words...
I have cancer.

]]> ~EyeSt0rm http://EyeSt0rm.deviantart.com/journal/12198445/ http://EyeSt0rm.deviantart.com/journal/12198445/ Thu, 15 Mar 2007 19:17:29 PDT
The common element in my work is my approach to the body.
Using the body as a domain in and through a host of complex
issue can be analyzed. A continuous thread has evolved
from this perspective in which the body is a site for the
exploration of complex personal and social issues.
I find it difficult to portray the body in its completeness
even when i set myself to the specific task. Personally, It
seems there is always something missing, and that lack must
be portrayed in my photos.
Perhaps it has something to do
with the reductionism inherent in reducing a living,
breathing vehicle (me) onto a non-living, non-breathing 2D
webspace.
Or maybe, in my photographs, a social case could be made
that i am reacting to the fact that i am a women, who is
constantly bombarded by images of the female bodies: bodies
skinny and fat, beautiful and ugly, downing Listerine, Bud
Lites, venerated as the creator of life, yet subject to
violent assault. In the face of such onslaught , who can
feel complete?
In my photographs the body has been exaggerated, altered,
punctured, layered and erased. I’m interested in the
fragment, the edges, the gaps, the interior and exterior
limits of the body as a means of knowing. It is the
fragment, the boundary, the wound that opens the body for
interrogation and interpretation.
It can be tough for me as an artist to understand the motives and intentions behind what i manipulate, but it does seem to me that the theme of isolating the body pursues ME, rather than the other way around. This is my struggle between my thought and my ability to express it. The vulnerability of exposure is
uncomfortable. I reveal myself in bits and pieces: still
secret parts, growth remain to be seen.
It is a never ending process: Searching, Learning, Yearning.

]]> ~EyeSt0rm http://EyeSt0rm.deviantart.com/journal/11868018/ http://EyeSt0rm.deviantart.com/journal/11868018/ Sun, 18 Feb 2007 12:44:57 PST
I really like the feel of this site and im glad to be a part of it. Being able to submerge myself in all the talent that encompasses DA is soo enlightening and inspiring to me. Allowing me to share some of my photography and getting the communication back is very vital in my growth as an artist.

So here they are. These are all self portraits which i started doing last year. I shot most of them with Canon elf, but last month bought an XTI. So all my '07 art will likely be shot from it.

I set the timer, shoot myself, then throw it in Photoshop 5.5. Yes, i know thats old but thats what i got...and it works for now.

The main goal in the final pieces is to hide my identity. Keeping my anonymity is important as it allows me to reach the edges of my soul more freely. On the flip side its more difficult to shoot having to find the ways to hide.

My life story.

]]> ~EyeSt0rm