http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:FM-Felix&section=today deviantART RSS for by:FM-Felix en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Sun, 20 Dec 2009 12:35:14 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://FM-Felix.deviantart.com/journal/15411770/ http://FM-Felix.deviantart.com/journal/15411770/ Wed, 07 Nov 2007 19:11:37 PST
Congratulations on the pregnancy!!!

Of course I could be horribly wrong and you could not be pregnant buttt.... I'm pretty sure I'll never be given a full blown answer and the internet is fairly reliable enough to decipher an answer.

Cheers!

]]> ~FM-Felix http://FM-Felix.deviantart.com/journal/14978383/ http://FM-Felix.deviantart.com/journal/14978383/ Mon, 08 Oct 2007 22:09:56 PDT
Partially, it's due to a new job and trying to get Japan going but here's where I stop commenting.

Why?

Because as paranoid as it sounds, somebody is watching me.

Two people actually. Trying to decipher clues to some puzzle they've made up in their warped little heads. And believe me that I'm only writing this to send a message to them.


===========================================================

Bugger off.

If you hate the past so much stop looking back at it like some sort of snow globe.

Say something rather then pretending you haven't been caught with your hand in the cookie jar.

If you want to talk, or ask a question, lets hear it.


===========================================================

I found a nice little tutorial online about how to track who has visited web pages via IP addresses and logins. And low and behold, the first time I tried it, I found your number. And it keeps reappearing in a lot of places it shouldn't. Take my advice for once, leave it be, whatever it is you're looking for.

To everyone else, I'll figure out some way to keep posting a live account of works and ramblings under another alias, but for now, cheers and I love you all.




Even you two.

]]> ~FM-Felix http://FM-Felix.deviantart.com/journal/14005544/ http://FM-Felix.deviantart.com/journal/14005544/ Fri, 03 Aug 2007 18:19:47 PDT
"Hey remember that Corey kid from (insert time or place here)? What was his last name? Zotsiff? Zoinksoff? Hitler? No, Zaytsoff! I wonder whatever happened to him? I know, lets waste company time and google his name!"

And by doing so you happen to stumble across my little site, this is all you need to know:

-I'm rich
-Good looking
-Straight
-Yes, you can say you knew me before I was famous
-Yes, I am disease free
-I can not believe it isn't butter.

That's all,

Cheers!

]]> ~FM-Felix http://FM-Felix.deviantart.com/journal/13297537/ http://FM-Felix.deviantart.com/journal/13297537/ Mon, 11 Jun 2007 00:44:16 PDT
Dear ______,



I know you've probably forgotten me in some way and it's only in some odd attempt to communicate with you that I write this but stranger things have happened in my life so I figured what the hell.

I hear you're currently in Hawaii. Congratulations! I knew you'd get there eventually and it's good you stopped talking about it and just went. I hope the sun treats your skin with care and the ocean sings you a song of peace and serenity.

As hard and as cryptic as it is to hear from you, I do enjoy your _____ still and hope you will create more as it paints an interesting picture of your mind. One that I know I am no longer privy to but I enjoy the small tidbits of it none-the-less.

Well you're over there, I figured it's about time that I finally make a few things known to you while you have time to think.



1. Back in October of 2006, I was diagnosed with a small form of brain cancer that effected my judgment and morality parts of my brain. This had been there since around just before September they speculated but was luckily treatable without any Chemo. I apologize for my actions during these times for most of them were primarily not my own.

2. You saved someones life with a decision on a phone not to long ago. I was shot, but her life was saved. She thanked me, but realistically, she thanked you. The question I posed to you was a "what if" scenario as I did have to injure another human being that night, something to this day I'm still haunted by with a bullet still lodged in my shoulder from her captor. But it was not the bleeding that almost killed me that night, it's that you made me feel like a monster for even asking for your advice. Funny how in a horribly life or death situation, your number was the only one I remembered even after all this time.

3. I agree, we are very different people. It hit me today while I was listening to a man talk about forgiveness and understanding. I can't imagine never wanting to talk to someone again. I couldn't do it. I love everyone I meet and wish happiness for even my strongest enemies. I would never be as selfish to make someone sit in the dark and wonder what exactly happened only to lead myself to the belief that I was some kind of monster. In short, I give, you take. But we already knew this. No two things are so different that they cannot co-exist.

4. Hiding behind people both physically or metaphorically will prove nothing in an journey to a state of metaphorical Nirvana. For someone who claims both secretly and poetically to be omniscient, you have a problem of basic human communication face to face with a dilemma. Remember this, even Jesus himself wore sandals, played guitar and ate at McD's like the rest of his target demographics.



I'm sorry you may never read this and I'm far more sorry if you ever do, but somehow, someway, I had to let you know because God knows, you give me very few options on how to do so.

Enjoy life, to it's fullest. Though you know a lot, you have a hell of a lot to learn. As was your parting words to me, I shall give a slightly tuned version to you:



Let me give you one last piece of advise, talk. Don't assume you know the answer because you believe us mortals are dumb enough to fall into a continual pattern in which we have no escape. Variables present themselves everyday and a lot of which, we have no control over. And if you have a distaste, voice it, otherwise one can only assume that you're either content or deciding how you feel.


Goodnight Ms. _____

Signed, Warren Peace



P.S. I still look forward to the day where we may talk like old friends again.

]]> ~FM-Felix http://FM-Felix.deviantart.com/journal/12974675/ http://FM-Felix.deviantart.com/journal/12974675/ Wed, 16 May 2007 07:37:39 PDT
By: Modest Mouse


A nice heart and a white suit and a baby blue sedan
And I am doing the best that I can
All the eunuchs, they were standing in rows
Singing, "Please stud us out just as fast as you possibly can."
Sad song, last dance and no one knows who the band was
And Henry, you danced like a wooden Indian
Except this one mattered and I felt it had a spirit
And I shot the story because I didn't hear it that way
And it's hard to be a human being
And it's harder as anything else
And I'm lonesome when you're around
And I'm never lonesome when I'm by myself
And I miss you when you're around


I love this song and I fell asleep outside in a park somewhere where no one was around...

The part that's stuck in my head is the last three lines:

And I'm lonesome when you're around
And I'm never lonesome when I'm by myself
And I miss you when you're around

<3

]]> ~FM-Felix http://FM-Felix.deviantart.com/journal/12949915/ http://FM-Felix.deviantart.com/journal/12949915/ Mon, 14 May 2007 07:13:35 PDT I won't say when
And I won't say how

But what I will say is this:

Wherever you go
Whenever you do it
And no matter how it gets done

DON'T ACT LIKE A PUSSY IF A GERMAN IS PIERCING AN INDUSTRIAL AND F*@#&ING BLOOD COMES OUT!

I didn't, but I just thought you all should know.

]]> ~FM-Felix http://FM-Felix.deviantart.com/journal/12901569/ http://FM-Felix.deviantart.com/journal/12901569/ Wed, 09 May 2007 15:36:36 PDT
However, this story will not be amongst them.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I couldn't sleep (jet lag and a busy mind) so I went to the lobby of my hotel and began working on some drawings and as I did a young lady (FRENCH!) sat beside me and began writing as well. As I kept working I heard from beside me

"Are those yours?" (Imagine a soft French accent)

And I turned to see her staring down at my little black book (yes, I actually have a little black book) in which 2 pages I had written some one line poetic verses was open.

Embarrassed, I replied "Uhm... kind of... they're just things I write down that sound interesting at the time otherwise I tend to forget them."

"And the art work," she indicated at both my little black book and my sketch book "are they all yours as well?"

Again, I could feel my face beaming red I replied "Yes, unfortunately, I know they suck but I'm just practicing. Got to get good some how!"

"Do you have anymore?"

"Sorry?"

"Do you have anymore of these short poems"

"Just what's in the book" I replied very confused

"May I read them"

"Uhhh... well... I don't know... see... well... ok. But just warning you, they suck and I'm not a poet, just a creative guy who like the bringing together of words"

"Well, do you know what the definition of a poet is?"

"Uhh, no not really"

"A creative guy who likes the bringing together of words."

That shut me up

So she read the few I had in there and well, my "writings" are only one line long so I couldn't understand why it took her over 15 minutes to read them. After she finished she put my book down, took my hands and looked me dead in the eyes (I was, of course, scared shitless).

"What is your name my dear" she said in a calm and almost loving tone

"Corey, yours?"

"Amelie (I loved that movie!). I am a student at the University of Paris. Poetry is what I've been studying the past 7 years and for someone who claims not to be a poet, you do seem to capture a lot in a single sentence."

I think this'll be the 4th time in my life I've been physically incapable of speaking.

"I would like you to do me a favor" She asked pulling out some paper and a pen from her Arabic themed side bag

I had no other choice to to go along with this at this point in time.

"I want you to write a longer poem. I don't care how you do it, just write something about anything but I want to get a better idea of your writing and maybe help you realize your potential."

"OK"

Shit

So, with pen in hand and paper at the ready, I just stared. For like 10 minutes with nothing coming to mind.

"Sorry, I just have no idea. Like I said, I suck"

"No no no, shut up" She said, shaking her head "Just concentrate and remember, artists draw on there greatest triumphs and greatest failures for inspirations. There ups and downs, dark and light, life and death."

I looked at the page.

I looked at the pen.

I wrote.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

I dreamed a dream and you were there
When I opened my eyes and saw the sun you were there
You were there when I decided to run
When I fell, you picked me up
When you died, I helped you rise

Then I awoke to look up to you
From six feet below I saw dirt, sky and you
You were dressed like a priest
When I tried to move, you kept hiding behind your bible
When I died, you took off your robe

You grabbed the shovel
You grabbed the dirt
And with all haste
You buried me before I had a chance to say a word

Dead men can't talk

Then I slept, but was wide awake
And I stood on my own two feet and both of you were there
One was dressed as devil and on was as saint
You pulled both sides of me until
I went with you to heaven
and I went with you to hell
and I stayed here

Now I am with you, I am with you and I am without you waiting for
Me, me and me

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

I handed over the paper to Amelie and she read it. I have never been this embarrassed in my life. I hate writing poetry and I suck at it, but this university major who has been studying poetry was no... ]]> ~FM-Felix http://FM-Felix.deviantart.com/journal/12771286/ http://FM-Felix.deviantart.com/journal/12771286/ Sat, 28 Apr 2007 20:39:56 PDT
+Go Fly a Kite
+Pet a kitten
+Eat chocolate
+Make friends with an Owl
+Listen to Rob Zombie in a catholic church
+Zombies are not to be trusted... especially zombie pirates!
+Ninjas suck
+So do vampires

<3 cOrEY Teh PIraTe <3

]]> ~FM-Felix http://FM-Felix.deviantart.com/journal/12451506/ http://FM-Felix.deviantart.com/journal/12451506/ Wed, 04 Apr 2007 00:54:23 PDT
...Busted Body, Busted Heart. Fatal end, illusioned start...

I say one thing one moment and the next, it contradicts itself. I have an idea what things are in life and then it gets rubbed in my face that I missed something.

I'm tired, so very tired.

I just don't want to wake up anymore in the morning. I just want to go to sleep and win the lottery of my afterlife. But then again, it'll probably be a disappointment to learn that that light at the end of the tunnel is really a 60 watt bulb.

Seriously, it'll be like an angelic easy bake oven.

Ah Christ. I thought that things got different when you got older, not depressing difficult! I tried to find some metaphorical false idol to worship but that failed me to.

I tried smoking, didn't work.

I tried cutting, can't do that anymore.

I tried drinking, but I hate the taste.

I tried music, it reminds me of something I can never be.

I tired saving lives, but in the end, it only ever shortens my own.

I tried drawing and photography, but I'm far to crappy at any mediums to keep pursuing.

People tell me it's because I concentrate on the bad stuff that that's the reason I'm depressed when in fact, it's quite the opposite. I think of the happy times and realize that I'm never going to be able to recreate the hope I once had.

I died a while back and this is just some undead version of me that I've been parading around as flesh and bone.

This morning, I packed my bags and almost left everything here. Don't anyone tell me it was a stupid idea, I know it was... I have to many outstanding debts and responsibilities to leave now. But none-the-less, I had all my bags packed and I was just about to head out.

What stopped me?

I realized Taylor's stuff was in the car and I would have to move it. With the current condition my hand was in, I really wasn't up for it so I figured it was a good idea to not go ahead with this idea.

Considering everything, I figure that's my Emergency Exit plan. I almost used it today, but I didn't.

The problem is when people get to know me and know what I've done, they want to help because the people I do choose to tell the whole story to are very good people. Problem is, the can't help.

I can't be fixed kids, sorry.

I have been shot, stabbed, beat up, tortured (to a lesser degree) and left for dead.

I have stood up to monsters I can not even begin to fathom existing in this world and I've won.

I have saved a total of over 15 lives to one degree or another and lost 2 in the process, one metaphorically and one physically.

I have done all this and more with no one for help or support because it only makes things more difficult for said people.

I have done all these for reasons that are even mysterious to me.








Why the hell can't I solve me? Some might say it would be my turn to let someone else do it, while the problem is, I'm stubborn and tired.

To many people have tried and failed. People say they want to help but that's all people do, say.

Please give me a solution or don't say anything and let me fall away.

It'll be better for you that way.





I'll probably regret writing this one day. Meh, I needed to vent.

]]> ~FM-Felix http://FM-Felix.deviantart.com/journal/12266225/ http://FM-Felix.deviantart.com/journal/12266225/ Wed, 21 Mar 2007 01:11:11 PDT
....AHHH!!! And just as a disclaimer "I.FREAKIN.HATE.DOLLS.!" And if you do to, this movie will leave a bad taste in your mouth.

If I hear WHITE LIGHT one more time, I'm gonna shoot somebody.

Man, I remember doing that shit when I was younger.

ANYWAYS.

Just wondering if anybody has got any ideas for photography shots? I'm trying to think of some ideas but I'm limited in my own thinking and experience. AND GOD FORBID I ASK KENT!! God that man scares the crap out of me. Kent is my friends Hayley's dad who is an all pro photographer and he's... well... intimidating to say the least.

So if you have any ideas please let me know.

Oh P.S. I know not everyone is religious, but please keep Ms. Taylor in your thoughts and prayers. She's having a wee bit of a rough time and she just needs to have support.

Alright, cheers everyone!

<3
~Corey The Pirate~

P.P.S. Just also letting you know that I'm gonna post a random thought of mine in my next journal. It's slightly poetic so ignore it. Or not. Your choice.

]]> ~FM-Felix http://FM-Felix.deviantart.com/journal/12020628/ http://FM-Felix.deviantart.com/journal/12020628/ Thu, 01 Mar 2007 23:09:39 PST
What's up in the hood yo!....

.....

Ok, enough with the black talk.... yo.

It's that time of the... month... ish... where I need to update my journal to confirm all of your worst fears that yes, I'm still alive (I KID!! EMO HUMOR!!)

Well, it's been an interesting month and a bit (I updated last on jan 21st) starting with the obvious thing, like I'm now twenty (God help me).

A few other things is letting everyone know that around April, some rat-?her large things will be going on with yours truly such as:

+Going to Germany, Spain, Italy and France for 2 weeks
+Going to V-Fest at T-Bird Stadium
+Getting my side tattoo finished (hopefully)
+www.warrenpeace.ca (my portfolio site) will be up and running!
+I should have a decent size band and will post my recordings on said site (AND YES GLEN, THAT MEANS YOU!)

*and breath*

And so with all that happening and more things are looking like a bit of alright for me.

Oh, and also, I've been writing a heck of a lot of music as of late (I'm not kidding, like I think I'm up to 5 songs for feb) and I would really appreciate feedback on the lyrics I'm posting. If anybody has any suggestions or anything they'd like worked on by me, just let me know. I'm especially open for anyone who has something that doesn't seem like something I would normally do.

That's everything! I'll see you all on the dance floor!

<3
Corey The Pirate King

P.S. I forgot to mention this to... well... anyone but I'm trying to actually write a book right now. I don't know why I brought that up, I just thought you'd like to know.

]]> ~FM-Felix http://FM-Felix.deviantart.com/journal/11524576/ http://FM-Felix.deviantart.com/journal/11524576/ Sun, 21 Jan 2007 23:54:58 PST
Well I'm back at things and yes.... I do realize I haven't made any art on here for quite some time. Most would think I'm dead given how much art I actually make, and if you look back 2 journal entries, I was very close.

.....

Ok, awkward silence, gotcha.

BUT!!!

I figured, what can I do to liven things up here.

And then it hit me. Why not make a contest on DA that's open to everyone! Hell, every person who spends more then half there time on here has done it at one point or another. But I wanted to make mine a little different so after much thinking, I decided to create a contest that would be a bit longer lasting then just a simple image so here it goes...

*drum roll*







+*+ DESIGN COREY'S NEXT TATTOO+*+

Well, sort of. It's not going to be the very next one. I made one that's getting done on the 12th (my birthday woo hoo!!) and shortly after that I'm getting to do one for my upper back (btw, please comment on her art and harass and encourage her to do it).

THEN! I will be getting this design done.

Anybody who wishes to partake in this one, I will posting the rules in my next journal, but for all those artists who are interested, let me know. The more people the better.

As for the prize... well, it's your art pertinently embedded in my flesh.

I'll keep you all posted soon.

Cheers!

]]> ~FM-Felix http://FM-Felix.deviantart.com/journal/10955350/ http://FM-Felix.deviantart.com/journal/10955350/ Tue, 05 Dec 2006 00:35:03 PST










What to say, what to say...

I need to say something but what. Perhaps thank you is in order... foremost to everyone who read my last journal post and responded rather quickly (and in some peoples cases with phone calls). I'm sorry I posted that journal, it seemed like the only honorable thing to do in the Zero hour. Thank you and sorry for all.

As for me, I'm in recovery right now. I don't think this is something I'll ever fully recover from, I've got the scars to remind everyday. I know that I'll move on and that's all well and fine, but this will be the one open grave I keep falling back into every time I walk past.

The worse part is knowing that I'll probably never get completed answers. Curse of mine really, my sense of curiosity. I need to know things 100% because... well just because, that's who I am. Character flaw, but one that at least makes for an interesting read.

Over these past couple of days, almost a week now, I've been trying to sort things out and come to conclusions about... well, you name it. This.... this disease that holds my rag doll body in a crippled state every time it chooses to, is something that needs to be controlled because like I stated earlier, it will always have an effect on me and the only way to prevent a repeat of tuesday's performance is keep it under control it's doses and timing.

So, that being said, here's what I know and have decided:

1. I need to put land... no make that an ocean between me and it.
2. I need delicacy again
3. I need to trust again
4. I need to get over the feeling of being disposable
5. God has screwed with me
6. God is screwing with me
7. God will continue to screw with me
8. God has absent minded angels, essentially, angels who don't know they're angels
9. God sent me an angel
10. The angel doesn't know she has wings

This all being said, as of this weekend, my idea of teaching English in Japan is over. I wish for it no longer. Of course I would like to visit, but that is about it. My schooling now is concentrating on a much smaller degree to finish up in a years time. Now, here's the reason why:

In the summer of 2008, I plan to put one hell of a ocean between me and here. I am moving to Europe to live, work and continue my education in music. More than likely this will be Ireland as I have found a school there I quite like.

Tuesday evening I died, Wednesday I wondered why I was still here. The rest of this weekend, spent every moment thanking God I was still here as after the greatest storm in heart finished and I was on my knees, I was lifted up by an angel well beyond where I had ever stood.

Thank you all.

Thank you God.

Thank you my Angel.

I'm can finally work at Peace now.

]]> ~FM-Felix http://FM-Felix.deviantart.com/journal/10885759/ http://FM-Felix.deviantart.com/journal/10885759/ Wed, 29 Nov 2006 01:08:22 PST
...I'll make that choice within the month....

Now, as for the reason, it is many but it also is one.

I have become severly crippled.

As I write this update, I am in tears. Crying to the amount that I have never cried in my life. I've seen family and friends die, people have terrible things commited to them and have had my body tossed like a rag doll and left for dead.

I have never cried this badly.

My heart is in such pain right now that I can not contain my sorrows. They flux now between sadness and anger.

What did I do to deserve this?

As most of you know by now, someone very special left my life some time ago and for the first while, yes I was sad, but I continued going on thinking that it was for her benefit. But now for once in my life, I ask the one question I swore I would never ask...

Why can't I be happy?

I just finished reading an updated journal on her website and it both fills me with joy and saddens me to see that she's "happier then she ever was".

Does this mean I was a miserable human being?

I've got way to many questions and everytime I ask them, I'm given the same, ill tempered answer

Where's my drum?








I'm sorry everyone for reading this. And I'm sorry I let everyone down tonight. I gave in to the pain... I'm sure I'll recover one day as I mourn the loss not of the person, but of what I thought was the perfect relationship.


Now I have both tears rolling from my eyes and from my wrists


I guess I had to live up to that emo title one day.








I'm sorry, but I can't do this anymore.

]]> ~FM-Felix http://FM-Felix.deviantart.com/journal/10512629/ http://FM-Felix.deviantart.com/journal/10512629/ Thu, 26 Oct 2006 00:25:17 PDT
Everyone has them and they differ from person to person. And even though we think that this issue of needs and wants are black and white with things like:

+Food (Need)
+Water (Need)
+Nintendo Wii (Ne...Want...)

Some things aren't like that, especially emotional developed issues or rather issues of the heart.

Think about it, what do you need in a relationship? Well, some would argue love or just a standard liking for one another that isn't yet strong enough to be classified as love. Another thing is commitment, but in these days, it sickens me to see that even this is up for grabs with things like swingers clubs and such.

And then of course, every single person has different wants for a relationship. Physique, personality, finiancial state, education, intellegence, talent, etc. and no one person has identical wants compared to another.

Now... when contemplating a relationship, do we, us, you, me as human beings choose to base our relationships on Needs over Wants? Unless you have a ring on your finger, the answer is usually "a little column A, a little column B"... but mostly column Want.

I'm not saying everyone should be hyper critical on matters of the heart, that would be ridiculous cause we all know that the heart can never fully be explained nor can our desires or lust, but what I am saying is if you did think about it in relationships, what did you choose the person for, Want or Need?

You felt you Needed someone to fill that physical void in your chest, but you Wanted someone who was charming.

You Needed someone to talk to and be there for you, but you Wanted someone who you could be seen with.

You Wanted someone to help you work through your issues, but you Needed someone who'd enable you, not just be a cruch for you...

And if you had these things in mind when deciding whether to attempt a relationship or not, would you do it? Even if every fiber in your body said it didn't make sense but you're heart compeled you to do it, would you take that risk...

I'm just wondering...

I'm just thinking...

I'm just...











...Would it be worth it?








I hate being tired and depressed. I'll regret writing this in the morning...

Cheers

]]> ~FM-Felix http://FM-Felix.deviantart.com/journal/9902467/ http://FM-Felix.deviantart.com/journal/9902467/ Tue, 29 Aug 2006 23:39:26 PDT
So I sold my laptop finally and bought a new laptop! Yay! Now we will take a minute to remeber the laptops of... err... laptop past:

Trinity - My first 17 inch Cicero laptop that crapped out on me

Trinity 2.0 - Replaced Trinity one, lasted me about a year

Lockheart - 17 inch HP laptop that took a lot of blood sweat and tears to get from future shop

and now to introduce my brand new iBook...

Luna!

Now that that's over with, I was wondering if I should post lyrics for my songs that I'm currently writing on line here or if it would be a waste of time.

What do you guys think? ]]> ~FM-Felix http://FM-Felix.deviantart.com/journal/9623467/ http://FM-Felix.deviantart.com/journal/9623467/ Mon, 07 Aug 2006 00:29:53 PDT
$1600 includes

+HP 17 inch laptop
-3.2 Ghz P4 with HT
-512 Ram
-60 gig HD
-128 ATI Graphics Card
-CD/DVD Burner
-2 Year Service Plan from Future Shop

+Leather Carrying Case
+Mouse
+USB Hub Splitter
+Canon Printer
+Webcam
+All Cables needed
+Photoshop CS2
+Adobe Priemier Pro
+Acid Pro
+Lime Wire Pro

Also, for $550 I am selling:

+M Box
-ProTools LE
-Reason

Please, if anybody knows anyone looking or if you are looking, let me know. I need to get the money for school supplies and payments.

Thank you and love you all! ]]> ~FM-Felix http://FM-Felix.deviantart.com/journal/8378567/ http://FM-Felix.deviantart.com/journal/8378567/ Wed, 05 Apr 2006 21:06:43 PDT
Well, what to report...

In case you guys haven't heard, I got a tattoo. A sweet kick ass tattoo that rocks my socks and will rock my socks even more when it gets coloured (no I'm not wimping out, I just need the bling bling. That's right, I said bling bling). It's the white rabbit from alice through the looking glass and it's an original design curtosy of of Liz, who does have an account on here but I don't know how to make those icon thingy's.

I finished my first year of school and will be making some radical educational changes as of next year. Unfortunate as it is, I cannot continue in theatre next year. I don't have the time to commit and since I don't have my parents handing down cash to me (sorry, there are just a couple people whose parents do that and it pisses me off, mine help, but I pay most of my own way). Looks like Graphic Design is going to come up again and I'll be going to school for that, WOO HOO!! And I'll still hopefully be studying to teach english, otherwire, I'll just pay to go for a week or so.

I'm moving out of my house by september into my own place with a friend (yet to be determined) and a car while working full time and going to school full time. And life begins...

Beyond that, everything is going the way I guess it's suppose to be going, not sure how that is. Hopefully I'll find more time this summer to work on Snowball Fight V2.0 comics.

Until then, cheers to everyone and as always, if you have any suggestions about anything, I love to hear about em.

<3 Corey ]]> ~FM-Felix http://FM-Felix.deviantart.com/journal/7224163/ http://FM-Felix.deviantart.com/journal/7224163/ Sun, 04 Dec 2005 20:49:50 PST *HUGS AND NON-ALCOHOLIC DRINKS FOR ALL*

I'm gonna go run around naked outside in the snow, cheers! ^_^ ]]> ~FM-Felix http://FM-Felix.deviantart.com/journal/7181825/ http://FM-Felix.deviantart.com/journal/7181825/ Wed, 30 Nov 2005 00:38:14 PST Now instead of ranting about how life is right now (like most of my journals it probably would end up being very dark) I have decided to lay out my goal for the next couple of years so here's a look at things, feel free to critisize or add to it as you may see fit:

2006:
+Continue schooling
+Pay off computer and nearly pay off iPod
+Buy a car
+Finish album
+Attend A-con
+Begin work on clothing line for Romance Skate
+Post Romance Skate website

2007:
+Continue Schooling
+Start praciticing more Japanese
+Move out
+Finish paying of iPod and continue paying off car
+Attend A-con
+Beg for job at campus radio station

2008:
+Continue schooling
+Begin job hunt in Japan
+Start minimizing world
+Start graphic design courses in evening
+Finish paying off car
+Attend A-con

2009:
+Finish schooling
+Have teaching job in Japan lined up
+Finish minimizing world
+Attend A-con
+Prep my family for my leave





















2010:
+Begin a new life in Japan and solve all my problems under a sakura blossom.

Cheers for now ^_^ ]]> ~FM-Felix http://FM-Felix.deviantart.com/journal/6551078/ http://FM-Felix.deviantart.com/journal/6551078/ Tue, 20 Sep 2005 00:19:28 PDT I pray that this is just a nightly feeling brought on by listening to the right music.
I pray that it will go away.
I pray that it doesn't come back again to haunt me.

Ok children, here's the deal:

Everyone once in awhile, I have a day where I just sit back and look at things. Everything. Usually stuff to do with my own life, but with the way the world is, dabling in other issues is also something that crosses my mind.

Here's why this is so important:

Awhile back, I started having this discomfort in my chest. No big deal I thought, just growing pains. That's what me ma said as well so I thought nothing of them. But they kept getting stronger and stronger until eventually one day, I went to the doctor out of concern that something was seriously wrong. Having alread had 2 cancer scares, I was prepared for basicly anything I could have thrown at me and then just laugh it off. Nothing. They found nothing. After blood tests, physicals, etc., they found nothing. No one figured it out and then just when it got so bad that I broked down and cried for no particular reason, it stopped. Gone. And I was left wondering what it was. No proof or ideas, but just theories I created. The same occurance happens every now and then and still I cannot find a cure except to write out the same blurb I'm writing out right now somewhere (I've done paper, walls, skin you name it).

Now it's back today.

However, unlike before, it has been mixed with small ounces of relief which I have never felt before. These are always then accompanied by a deep dive back into the heart pains.

Yes, it is my heart litteraly that hurts.

Even as I write this, I do so in tears that come from something I have no knowledge of. But I am confident that when I eventually (hopefully) fall asleep and wake up tommorow morning, I will be shaken by the memories of the vivid dreams that always occur on evenings like these.

Hopefully I can find a cure to this, but in the mean time, ignore these writings for they are just ways for me to vent. If I don't vent, then I don't rest and I do need my rest for tommorow, I get to see someone whose voice I heard for the first time in over 3 years. A voice which I wondered, off and on, was doing alright and what new excitements and dissapointments it had encountered. And a voice which brought a smile to my face when I heard it on the phone.

I wonder if I'll cry when I see her in person.

Aren't you just fascinated with days filled with so much love and sorrow that you almost become schitzophrenic.

I know I am.

It's probably why I'm stuck between perfect happiness and perfect defeat. ]]> ~FM-Felix http://FM-Felix.deviantart.com/journal/6507159/ http://FM-Felix.deviantart.com/journal/6507159/ Wed, 14 Sep 2005 22:11:04 PDT Well, for all of those who thought (or hoped) I was dead, I'm not. Or this is some cruel joke from

BEYOND THE GRAVE!!!!!

..... or not so much ^_^'

But there is a reason for my absence (for those who give a damn). My old computer, Trinity (RIP) was lost (yes lost, a $3600 labtop lost) by future shop so for the last 43 days I have been without her. Therefore I have been forced to take up my pencil and limited colour pallet and draw. As soon as I get my scanner I'll be uploading them.

Now for the good news:
It turns out that since Future Shop can't find and repair Trinity, I get a new computer of my choice and the price of what I've payed is credited to my account. What does this all mean? Not only did I get a larger, faster and (thank God) lighter computer, I get it for HALF THE PRICE OF THE ORIGINAL!!! So I'm gonna finishing tweaking Lockheart (The signifigance of that name comming from 3 souces: Kingdom Hearts, Final Fantasy and a drawing) and then get back to the reason I'm on DA. Also, UCFV kicks ass and all my Prof's rock the casbah! Especially since I only go to school monday, wensday and thursday!!! GO SLEEP!!! Plus, I'll hopefully be getting my own show on campus radio (and yes, anime content will be in there for all you fans of Jap Cartoons and Cosplay) Also, I get to see one of the top 10 hottest girls ever on friday (hopefully)... Ms. Allysa Peck!... I should probably ask her... but yes, I get to see her after many years and I'm hoping that I don't break down in tears.

And for now, I'm off and just remeber kids:

If I lied to you, I'm sorry
If I hurt you, I'm sorry
If I broke your heart, I'm sorry
If I made you cry, dammit, you probably deserved it.

Cheers,
Corey ]]> ~FM-Felix http://FM-Felix.deviantart.com/journal/5289640/ http://FM-Felix.deviantart.com/journal/5289640/ Fri, 06 May 2005 23:57:40 PDT
+Screen Size
+Theme
+Colours you'd like to be in it
+Your name

Thank you ^_^ ]]> ~FM-Felix http://FM-Felix.deviantart.com/journal/5190610/ http://FM-Felix.deviantart.com/journal/5190610/ Mon, 25 Apr 2005 23:26:26 PDT
You know, it's funny how life works out sometimes. I mean, I sit back sometimes and I just look at the world and my life. Here I am, sitting in my bed with my computer reading journals, emails and blogs from people and chatting with others about there lives. Some things I just cannot comprehend.

I have a confession to make, it seems that everytime a friend of mine has a burden, I tend to take it as my own as well. I know it's not healthy and probably doesn't make sense, but it makes just as much sense as what's happening to these people.

I see friends who are the nicest of people getting the shit treatment because of whatever. I got one who's step father is verbaly abusive and her mother just snapped at her six year old little brother. I've got another who's all the way across the country and her life has gone to the shitters because her step dad is an a-hole and locked her and her mother out of the house. Then, there's others at school who are the sweetest kids and take more abuse from family then anyone should be made to.

Now maybe it's because it's late and I tend to get a bit emotional in the evenings, but the world is screwed up if this is the natural course of things. And what's worse? I'm powerless to stop it. All I can do is offer what little support I can do to that person while secretly holding a baseball bat wishing I could just take care of there problems without concern for the consequences of my actions. But it's not my job to do that, and frankly it sucks.

Take this blog as you will, I just needed to put this into words. I am not looking for anything but to make people aware that if they're in the same situation, they're not alone. I tend to live in my own little childish fantasy world where good always triumphs over evil, but nothing shatters someone more when they find out that's not always the case. Evil will always exsist and sometimes, there's nothing we can do. It hurts the most. ]]> ~FM-Felix http://FM-Felix.deviantart.com/journal/5153999/ http://FM-Felix.deviantart.com/journal/5153999/ Fri, 22 Apr 2005 00:02:02 PDT
1. Chaos Day Parade.
2. Consumer Whore.
3. This is why I Love You.
4. Come Home Ally.
5. Why God.
6. Send Me An Angel.
7. Mario's Nightmare.

Plus, I have one other track I'm working on. I don't have a title, but one of the lines is this:
"We all have a God to live for, to lie for, to kill for, then die for..."
Mainly, I'm posting this as a way of trying to actually finish this stuff this time.
Cheers! ]]> ~FM-Felix http://FM-Felix.deviantart.com/journal/5011396/ http://FM-Felix.deviantart.com/journal/5011396/ Tue, 05 Apr 2005 21:00:23 PDT ~FM-Felix http://FM-Felix.deviantart.com/journal/4993458/ http://FM-Felix.deviantart.com/journal/4993458/ Mon, 04 Apr 2005 00:11:01 PDT Thank you all ^_^ ]]> ~FM-Felix http://FM-Felix.deviantart.com/journal/4947574/ http://FM-Felix.deviantart.com/journal/4947574/ Tue, 29 Mar 2005 21:39:26 PST ~FM-Felix http://FM-Felix.deviantart.com/journal/4229352/ http://FM-Felix.deviantart.com/journal/4229352/ Mon, 03 Jan 2005 13:11:17 PST ~FM-Felix http://FM-Felix.deviantart.com/journal/4197313/ http://FM-Felix.deviantart.com/journal/4197313/ Thu, 30 Dec 2004 21:46:38 PST Aww, I feel better alright, thanks DA! ]]> ~FM-Felix http://FM-Felix.deviantart.com/journal/4115300/ http://FM-Felix.deviantart.com/journal/4115300/ Mon, 20 Dec 2004 22:02:09 PST R.I.P. ]]> ~FM-Felix http://FM-Felix.deviantart.com/journal/3828796/ http://FM-Felix.deviantart.com/journal/3828796/ Sat, 13 Nov 2004 21:15:47 PST There will be a special someone who will come into your life at one time and completely change it around. It doesn't have to be a bf or a gf (in my case it WAS a gf) it could be anybody, but this person will make you take a look at your life again so you can make it even more beautiful. Then, when everything seems perfect and this person is someone you feel to indebted to that you could never repay them, they leave.
I don't know the moral or "happy ending" to this little tale only because I haven't seen it through yet, but when I have, I shall let you all know.
Cheers from a broken hearted emo,
Corey ]]> ~FM-Felix http://FM-Felix.deviantart.com/journal/3567485/ http://FM-Felix.deviantart.com/journal/3567485/ Mon, 11 Oct 2004 17:41:40 PDT +I've been a jerk this week and haven't even noticed.
+I have to tell my friend something heavy.
+I have to decide some aspects of my life.
+Work Sucks.
+Logic that once made sense to me now has been shot full of holes.
And these are just a couple of them. I know no one really give a h00t about this, but I just think maybe if I ranted and raved for a bit, things might settle down inside. I hate myself right now, no different then the way it's been in the past, but it's even more evident right now. Only a quick and peacefull resolution or death will bring these problems to an end. Shit has hit the fan with me and it's gonna take a hell of a lot of Mr.Clean to take it off the wall which is me. ]]> ~FM-Felix http://FM-Felix.deviantart.com/journal/3220700/ http://FM-Felix.deviantart.com/journal/3220700/ Thu, 26 Aug 2004 20:36:52 PDT . Any suggestions you have or such would be greatly appreciated. Thanks :read: ]]> ~FM-Felix