http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:FallFromFall&section=today deviantART RSS for by:FallFromFall en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Fri, 11 Dec 2009 13:11:19 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://FallFromFall.deviantart.com/journal/28019767/ http://FallFromFall.deviantart.com/journal/28019767/ Wed, 28 Oct 2009 20:15:15 PDT
1.] Install tablet to draw gift art for a friend.
2.] Reconsider a few personal issues with people.
3.] Go next door to scan more drawings.
4.] Continue to go next door to remind neighbor to e-mail my art.

Okie dokie now.
I WAS WONDERING!!!!
If I uploaded some of my scanned art on here, if anyone would do a collab with me? I had to get a new comp so I no longer have photoshop so that's a bit of a downer.
I'd really appreciate it if people helped me out :]

IN OTHER NEWS!
I have my first job interview on Saturday [Halloween]!!!
I'm so excited
Wish Me Luck!


]]> ~FallFromFall http://FallFromFall.deviantart.com/journal/27390706/ http://FallFromFall.deviantart.com/journal/27390706/ Thu, 24 Sep 2009 11:40:37 PDT - Recently I heard that my grandfather is dying and it made me really depressed because I love my grandparents dearly and ever since my mother passed when I was 10 years of age, my grandparents treasured me.
- Well not only is my grandfather dying, but early this morning I heard that my grandmother is as well..
- Her heart is failing.. Only working at 20% tops.

- Not only am I depressed, but I am getting very very sick.
- I haven't been able to really eat much for about a week now and now hearing about my nana as well, I don't even want to leave my bed.

- I don't want to be awake, I don't want to face it.. but I have to.
- Sick and full of despair, I need to face it.
- Unfortunately ]:



* Jenn

]]> ~FallFromFall http://FallFromFall.deviantart.com/journal/26734437/ http://FallFromFall.deviantart.com/journal/26734437/ Fri, 21 Aug 2009 13:11:42 PDT
Anywho,
New laptop, yay, new friends, yay again, and fake friends, BOO!

I really dislike people who pretend to be your best friend then talk crap behind your back.
Why be a friend at all?
Seriously.

So yea. Felt like updating.
Update again soon when I can.

]]> ~FallFromFall http://FallFromFall.deviantart.com/journal/26215970/ http://FallFromFall.deviantart.com/journal/26215970/ Mon, 27 Jul 2009 16:26:02 PDT My birthday sucks.
Just, sucks.

One of my friends actually saw me today and thats it..
I have hundreds of friends and 5 said happy birthday to me.
I didnt go anywhere and the day is almost over..
The only thing i did today was go food shopping.
I hate today..
By the way, I'm 19 Today.

- Jenn

]]> ~FallFromFall http://FallFromFall.deviantart.com/journal/25844274/ http://FallFromFall.deviantart.com/journal/25844274/ Thu, 09 Jul 2009 17:20:46 PDT
Yikes. I'm going muy loco over here!
K so I got kicked out of meh house so that's a bit of a downer, but the cool thing is, I'm in Massachusetts with my brothers.
I'm glad I still have them.
What really stinks is that I was in the middle of doing a cool art character thinger, and my computer and tablet are not hooked up! D;

BUT!
I'm using my oldest brothers laptop at this very moment.
I'm going to have to get used to things here.
I was a huge rule-follower/slave-like thinger at my old house, and here I can do whatever I want! [within reason obviously]
I'm a good kid anyways so that's cool.

gotta go for now. update another time <3

]]> ~FallFromFall http://FallFromFall.deviantart.com/journal/25161890/ http://FallFromFall.deviantart.com/journal/25161890/ Sat, 06 Jun 2009 13:02:12 PDT I have an amazing friend, and I'd love for you to look at the great comic she's making, and her art in general.

Here's the description of her comic:

"In a world taken over by demons and a company called CIN CORP, many people fear for their souls will be taken away. The world depending on where you travel too has many different secret revealing stories you only heard the happy ending too, and not the whole truth. Travel along side Snow: the ultimate demon hunter who lost everything, Alice: the free spirited puppet master who lost her dreams, Beauty: the strong willed ninja who uses her body to get what she wants, and Gear: the one who can't remember his past but is a tech geek into a world where Fairy tales are not always happily every after."

===========
HERE'S THE LINK!: [link]
===========

I'd appreciate it very much so.
She's a very good artist I assure you

*
**
***
-----****0000000000****-----

***....***IF YOU ADD HER WORK, TELL HER I SPREAD THE WORD!***....***
Plz and thanks!
I Gets Something Cool If You Do And I'll Love You Forevers x3 <3

-----****0000000000****-----
***
**
*
-----------**********--------------
ON ANOTHER NOTE!

- Graduating on the 13th of June.
WOO!
- Haven't talked to a special someone in a month straight and it scares me but there's nothing I can do. All I COULD do, has been done :/
- Trying to find a place to move to since this place drives me crazy, and not in the good way.
- I'm trying to stay even the slightest of sane, we'll see.

I HOPE EVERYONE IS DOING WELL!


]]> ~FallFromFall http://FallFromFall.deviantart.com/journal/23447256/ http://FallFromFall.deviantart.com/journal/23447256/ Sat, 28 Feb 2009 08:43:29 PST - Being emotionally sick for so long has made me physically sick, but I'm slowly getting better.
- Still stressed out over a few things, but I think I'll live.

- Met new friends in the past few days, I'm very excited about it :3
- Lost some friends recently due to rumors.
- I guess if they were my real friends, they'd believe me telling the truth over someone's bull..
- All of my friends know that I could never talk bad about them. I don't have that kind of heart.
- Doing that would destroy myself more than that person.

- To all out there who are my friends, know that I treasure you guys more than you may think and I am glad that you are my friends.

- Art-wise, I'm going to try to keep submitting things, but I'm kinda slow so don't expect something every few days.
- STILL trying to finish a trade Dx

- Well, I think that's it for now.
- I'll update again soon.


]]> ~FallFromFall http://FallFromFall.deviantart.com/journal/23386780/ http://FallFromFall.deviantart.com/journal/23386780/ Tue, 24 Feb 2009 17:49:58 PST - I find myself sitting still, clutching my chest, when stressed the most.

- Lately, I just don't know what to do with myself.
- For once in my entire life, I spent over a half hour, just sitting in the shower, curled up in a ball, crying.
- I feel as if my life won't go far... but why do I feel this way?
- The Answer Is Unknown To Me.

***************

- I'm continuously waiting to see if my dreams will come true, but in more ways than one, there is no reply.
- As the days proceed, I feel as if I'm fading.
- Fading into what or where, I'm not sure of.
- I seek socialization
- I seek company
- I seek love.

- I'm sure I will be fine eventually, but I do not know how long it will take.

**************

- Other than that..
- I'm trying to do SOMETHING art-wise.
- I'm progressing very slowly and I still owe someone art from the first and only art trade I have ever done..

- I apologize greatly for not doing the piece you requested.
- I really am trying.. really.

**************

- I need to progress further
- I need to get better
- I need to.....

]]> ~FallFromFall http://FallFromFall.deviantart.com/journal/22788148/ http://FallFromFall.deviantart.com/journal/22788148/ Sun, 25 Jan 2009 09:54:36 PST
i went like.. 50 miles per hour down a bumpy hill, backwards, on a sled tube thing..
and I hit a jump.
my glasses and cell phone flew.
the sled tube thinger flew.
and my rib cage landed on the jump, as well as my head.
As soon as I landed, I rolled for a bit.
When I stopped, I gasped for air because the fall knocked the wind right out of me.
I have bruises all over my arms and legs, i slammed my head on the ground like 7 times.
I also slammed so hard, some skin got lil' bit ripped off my side. Not bad, just a few drops of blood.
and I not only have to go to the doctors for the infectious bump thing from piercing my ears wrong, but severe chest and rib pains now too.
every time I inhale, i can feel my windpipe freak the hell out and my right lung kills.
and the bump is getting so bad, it hurts to swallow.
You should've seen me. i didn't get off the ground till my friend came to get me..
the first thing i did when i came to was crawl to my cell phone [friend said it was a Vietnam crawl, lawlz], sit up on my knees, and fall back over on the ground laying on my back for like 10 minutes not knowing what the hell was going on.

That was yesterday.
Today, I can barely move my neck, my right shoulder blade hurts, my right side in general kills, and I have a bruise that looks like a smiley face on my right arm.

Apparently, I landed on my right side first.

IT WAS SO WORTH IT!!!!

------------
In other words
------------
I'm starting to feel distant to the ones I love most
I don't know what to do.

Getting yelled at at this moment, AS PER USUAL.

My chest pains are getting so much worse right now.

Well, wish me luck in this game called life.

"Make these warm tears of sorrow, cease from falling from these saddened eyes."


!!!!!!!UPDATE!!!!!!!
*****
****
***
**
*
I have Whiplash!

Oh JOY!

]]> ~FallFromFall http://FallFromFall.deviantart.com/journal/22072268/ http://FallFromFall.deviantart.com/journal/22072268/ Fri, 19 Dec 2008 17:52:40 PST
--- First Of All.. ---

- Being at my friends since Monday was absolutely amazingly awesomely fantastic and so on, fun.
- Being at my aunt's ex's house Friday to sunday, NOT FUN!
- Bit awkward if you ask me..
[I won't give details.]
- Cell died of minutes.. I freaked out.. cried a bit because it was my only communication to certain people.
[My best friend helped me out with paying for minutes ]

--- Personal ---

- Not feeling too happy lately.
- At times I'll just sit there and cry
- I NEED to see my one and only or I'm going to explode.. AND NOT IN THE GOOD WAY!
O:
- I feel utterly defeated.

--- Physical ---

- Besides being cold, I'm not doing TOO bad.
- Severe chest pains from anxiety are coming back.. not good my friends.
- I get sudden urges to throw things lately.. mainly when irritated.
[It's Scary.. but I control it]

--- Art Trades ---

- I'm trying really hard I swear! D:
- It's difficult for me with day school, night school, and pure insanity..
- I'm trying little by little and with power going off when I was half way done, DOESN'T HELP! D;

--- Other ---

- Getting a new cell for christmas though the only way to get it is online and the power has been out for so long.. I'll have to get it after Christmas..
[I'll live]


--- Conclusion ---

- I hope to do more work on my trades and focus on controlling certain things.

- Also...

HAPPY HOLIDAYS TO ALL!

]]> ~FallFromFall http://FallFromFall.deviantart.com/journal/21308124/ http://FallFromFall.deviantart.com/journal/21308124/ Mon, 03 Nov 2008 20:25:21 PST I rebooted my comp and POOF! it's been gone ever since.
It sucks entirely.

-----------------

Well, emotionally I've been pretty much a wreck lately, but what can ya' do?

People are confusing the heck out of me, and it hurts.

I wish I could help more people out, but I'm only one person and I have so many things to do. Life alone is tough.

=================

My art right now.. I don't even know what to say about that..

School is driving me nuts so I don't have much time to really draw anything.

I'm currently doing an art trade, and I definitely will try to do it in my spare time.

I'm trying my very best to do what I can.

****************

School is draining me..

It's hard to concentrate on school work when I'm worried about things and it keeps me up at night so I struggle to stay awake in school.

Night school is going good. I'm trying my very best to graduate this year and try to move on.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I Feel Lost With Nowhere To Go...

]]> ~FallFromFall http://FallFromFall.deviantart.com/journal/20863735/ http://FallFromFall.deviantart.com/journal/20863735/ Mon, 06 Oct 2008 18:25:41 PDT I'd appreciate it.
I just don't want to start anything.

]]> ~FallFromFall http://FallFromFall.deviantart.com/journal/20863714/ http://FallFromFall.deviantart.com/journal/20863714/ Mon, 06 Oct 2008 18:24:53 PDT
It's sad.. no one should be THIS scared.

My aunt called from work, asked if I put the dog out. I told her "Yes, around 6:40 or so." and she yelled "You let her bark for 4 f******* Hours!?!" and I told her "No, that was the last time I put her out. I put her out about 2 hours before that" and she said "Put Charlie on the phone!"
For all who do not know, Charlie is my 12 year old cousin.
I put him on the phone, he said the same thing but apparently she though he said something else because she told him "That's the last time I trust what she says. Never again. EVER."
Well what Charlie told me afterward surprised me the most.
She told Charlie to say "F*** You!" to me..

But what I'm afraid of, is me trying to go to sleep, and her waking me up and screaming at me.

When she has bad days [like today], she takes it out a lot on people.. mainly me.

I can't stand getting yelled at.. it scares me. especially when it's her doing it.

I had a panic attack and I can't eat dinner because even the thought of food along with my nausea, is making things a lot worse.

If things weren't bad enough, my chest pains are back. and the pain is spreading from my chest to my shoulders as well.


It's sad that you're so afraid of someone, you pray to God with all of your heart to help you and save you, as well as praying to your mother that passed away 8 years ago..
I'm pathetic.

I want to leave SO badly, but I can't.
I must graduate here for my family. I'll be the only one out of three kids to graduate.. and I can't let my family down.

People have told me to report her, but I absolutely can not and will not.
I love my aunt.. though most of the time I do not.. I help her, sometimes she helps me.
I could never cause more trouble for her.. I'd feel even worse.

But I'm lost.. and I have nowhere to go.

]]> ~FallFromFall http://FallFromFall.deviantart.com/journal/20796592/ http://FallFromFall.deviantart.com/journal/20796592/ Thu, 02 Oct 2008 16:37:42 PDT That's A Joke.
One That Is No Longer Funny To Me.

-----------
Friends
-----------
- Started talking to an old friend again. We had a HUGE fight a year ago, and we made up... for a day. I said one thing and she flipped.
Is it always me to cause a reaction like that?

- I was told my loved one scared someone.. and that "It seems like he doesn't even try"
That hurt man.. incredibly. Stabbed through the heart repeatedly and twisted within my tattered wounds.
That made my day hell. As if things couldn't get worse.

-----------
Home Life
-----------
- Not getting rides to school anymore because of a mishap within the household that doesn't involve me but the punishment does.
Woo.

- I want to leave all the time. I would LOVE to leave.
But I can't.

-----------
General
-----------
- I haven't gotten much sleep lately. Maybe 8 hours this whole week?
Reoccurring nightmares about my terrible and traumatic past are taking a toll on me.

- I feel terrible and my warm tears just keep streaming from my makeup filled, bloodshot eyes.
It's common for me to have makeup interfere with my eyesight after a good cry.

- I feel alone...
Is that unusual?

- I'm just lost..
I don't understand.

-----------
Art..Stuff
-----------
- Trying to get motivated, but I lost all of that motivation. Maybe it'll come back soon?
Hope is slim.

- I'm going to try and create my own mascot.
Again, motivation problem.

-----------
Leftover Stuff
-----------
- Don't Really Know What To Say Anymore..


~~~~~~~~~~~~

Who's Really There For Me, And Who Is A Pretender?

]]> ~FallFromFall http://FallFromFall.deviantart.com/journal/20692926/ http://FallFromFall.deviantart.com/journal/20692926/ Fri, 26 Sep 2008 18:55:00 PDT General
********

Night School is going pretty good so far.
Not too difficult, not too easy.
But it does easily drain my energy since it's from 5PM to 8:15PM.

Yesterday sucked..
I was walking down a random road while holding my friend Hailey's hand, and someone driving by, spit a huge loogie on my chest.. I don't even know why.
I don't get people.
Was it because I was holding her hand? It wasn't like we were doing anything.
I'm not even like that.
People confuse me..
So anyways, after I twitched and took it off of my chest [no details, I'll get sick thinking about it], I poured my whole bottle of Hand Sanitizer on my chest.
I wasn't near my home, so that's the first thing I thought of.

Today wasn't that great either.
Got yelled at.. again by my aunt.
I don't understand what I do.
I wanted to go to a friends concert and she just yelled at me about how she wants to go out too.
She told me to do whatever I want in an angry tone.. and I know she didn't mean it. So I couldn't.
I can't hurt my aunt's feelings... I wantto sometimes.. but I don't have it in me to do so.

----------------
Personal Life
----------------
- Still in love with my one and only
he's just amazing.

- Feel like I'm drifting from others...
I don't know why but it hurts.

- Feel like I'm crumbling inside at times
I have crying fits at times...

- I need someone here for me
besides the one I love.

- I'm confused and I don't even know why
Does that make sense?

~~~~~~
Random
~~~~~~

I'm not even sure.
I need to stop being lazy, catch up with some school work, study, and maybe draw something here and there.

I just want to graduate and get my lazy butt out of here

But for some reason.. my heart feels heavy.

Anywho.
Maybe I'll update my journal again sometime soon.
We'll see what kind of drama comes next.

]]> ~FallFromFall http://FallFromFall.deviantart.com/journal/20412150/ http://FallFromFall.deviantart.com/journal/20412150/ Tue, 09 Sep 2008 18:24:38 PDT I may not be on for roughly a month or two.
We're unsure of the actual situation right now.

My aunt got $100 stolen from her purse at work, and no one has fessed up [naturally]
BUT! Her purse was under a security cam, so hopefully they'll pull the tape and she'll get her money back.

That money was going to be used for our cable bill.
Our cable bill covers tv, home phone, and Internet
It sucks

So if we do not get the money back, we will lose our internet for a bit.

My cousin might be able to get online at a friends or her fathers, but I won't have a computer at all.

Hopefully, we'll get the money back soon, because I'd honestly die without my internet.
YES, I'M A COMPUTER NERD!

I admit it.

But I also do school work and such on it. So yea =/

I'll miss you all if it gets shut off D:

I loves yous guys ;-; <3

]]> ~FallFromFall http://FallFromFall.deviantart.com/journal/20133408/ http://FallFromFall.deviantart.com/journal/20133408/ Sun, 24 Aug 2008 15:49:35 PDT Anxiety still bothering me quite a bit.

I got a letter from my dad yesterday and it made me cry a bit.
Yesterday was the 8th year of my mothers passing.
He had written that I should have a moment of silence, and it just made all the memories swarm within my mind.

Here's my plan for the somewhat near future.
I wanted to hurry up and graduate, so I could move in with a close friend and someone dear to her as well as someone who is very dear to me.

I mentioned that in a letter to my father, and he says he does not want me to do it because of the location.

Apparently, Texas isn't a great place according to him.
My father rather me move to Maine and so on.

Well for once, I'm not going to listen to my father, and I'm going to go off on my own.

------- Other Issues --------

I'm a bit depressed lately because I see things in this living area that are not as fair as I would hope.
I get roughly $330 a month from social security, but all that money goes to my aunt.
It pays some bills, and so on.
I haven't seen a cent of that money ever since I've been here.
For once though, she's going to use $20 out of it to actually get me some cell phone minutes - Wow.

Hopefully, that will happen for each month since she will not allow me to get a job of my own because she now has one [Starting Tomorrow] and I have to babysit.

What made me really upset today was, my cousins father gave her $80 for school clothes, so my aunt is going to bring her to a clothing store tomorrow, and get her some clothes.
I heard my aunt talking about the clothing store and said out loud "Cool, I love that store" and my aunt looked at me like I was crazy.
I looked at my aunt, then my cousin, and back at my aunt again.
I asked "Oh.. you're only taking Caity?" and she replied "Yes, her father gave her money."

Sure, that's fine with me that her father gave her money, but my aunt never offers to get me new clothes, even though I need them for school and 98% of my clothes are either hand-me-downs, or from birthday money.

I don't think it's fair at all..
I at LEAST wanted an outfit. A cheap shirt and some pants that actually FIT!

But no.
Not me.

I can't wait to actually get out of here, then I can get a job and buy things for myself rather than living off of others worn clothing.

I Just Don't Know...

]]> ~FallFromFall http://FallFromFall.deviantart.com/journal/19973352/ http://FallFromFall.deviantart.com/journal/19973352/ Fri, 15 Aug 2008 15:50:41 PDT My computer has a huge virus.
For some reason, it's working right now so, yay.
But I doubt it'll work much longer.
Even right now, it's lagging quite bad.

I ran a scanner and it said there were 374 infections.
Holy hell.

Looks like if I can't fix it, Im'ma have to reboot the whole darn thing.

So that's a goodbye to my photoshop, all of my saved drawings that I never posted, and so on.

It really does suck.

I pretty much live on the computer, and I don't care how other people see that because, that's just me.

I'm not allowed to go out often, and I'm not allowed to get a job, so the computer is my social life.

AH D:< It keeps lagging!

Well, Im'ma have to run my scanner now, and it always freezes my computer and refuses to shut down so,
I LOVE YOU ALL!


Hopefully, I'll be back soon.
I have more art anyways.

- Jenn

]]> ~FallFromFall http://FallFromFall.deviantart.com/journal/19743671/ http://FallFromFall.deviantart.com/journal/19743671/ Sat, 02 Aug 2008 22:06:22 PDT All I know, is I need to get out of here if I wish to retain any piece of sanity in my life.

I've been feeling a bit depressed lately.. and I hate the feeling.
There's also another feeling I've been having, and it's really frequent now, but I can't describe it really..
Empty maybe? Alone? I don't know...

I'm also really frustrated because I need and ID to get the tattoo I want and planned on getting on Tuesday.
I can't get an ID unless I get my Original Birth Certificate, that's in the next state over.
I have no way of getting there..
Which means no tattoo, and no seeing my father..
I've waited four years to see him, what's a bit longer?

I'm afraid that I'm really going insane living here. I just want to run away.
I need stability in my life.. even just a bit.
There's no stability at all here.

As the days go by, I just get more and more depressed.

I cry because I can't do anything.. I hide because I don't want to confront those that I secretly hate.. I just need to get away.

I want to get a job, and take some responsibility for myself, but I can't even do that.

Hopefully things will get better.. soon.


-----

The photos that I've taken recently are getting better and better.
I'm really proud of them.
Hopefully one day, I'll be a really good photographer.
I hear they get paid well.
Well,
One can dream, right?

]]> ~FallFromFall http://FallFromFall.deviantart.com/journal/19630325/ http://FallFromFall.deviantart.com/journal/19630325/ Sun, 27 Jul 2008 20:27:06 PDT Not too bad though.
I spent my day mainly with my best friends.
They're sweethearts.

My friend Jamie got me an iPod shuffle [wee]
My friend Brittany got me a Juicy Coutour purse [It's huge! <3]
My friend Kaity got me 2 pairs of earrings [uber cute!]

And I love them dearly.

Today wasn't that bad because I wasnt at "Home".
Although the time I was here, I got yelled at.. as usual. And I got a door slammed in my face.
Lovely.

My brothers want to visit on the first to bring me to an amusement park. CANOBIE LAKE PARK!
It's kinda boring now.. not very exciting rides, but I know they're trying to cheer me up.

No idea what they're getting me, but they keep saying I hope I like it. Though a lot of people tell me that.

No idea when my aunt Terry is getting here to bring me to get my tattoo. She's bringing me cuz it's her present to me and she needs some of hers touched up anyways. I love my Auntie Terry!!

I think my aunt's just going to get my an ID on the first.
Hey, with an ID, I can get piercings or tattoo's on my own, and so on.

The time I actually spent here after I got back.. has been as per usual. My aunt still gives me an attitude and that's never going to change.

I had fun at a little party my 3 friends threw me.
We had an awesome and pretty cake.

I made the icing look like I had lipstick on. Yup, still a kid at heart.

I was crazy today. I couldnt stop dancing around and freaking out.
I LOVE MY FRIENDS!

We found a tiny frog in the pool we swam in. It was the size of a dime at most.
It was cute but we had to set it free ):

Still wish I saw the one most dear to me, but I'll have to wait.

I didn't expect any presents at all [besides the tattoo] but I appreciate them dearly and I love them very much.

Overall, today.. NOT BEING HERE, was good.

THANK YOU TO THOSE WHO WISHED ME A HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!

]]> ~FallFromFall http://FallFromFall.deviantart.com/journal/19563158/ http://FallFromFall.deviantart.com/journal/19563158/ Wed, 23 Jul 2008 21:28:29 PDT The most important person to me has talked to me about it and though I'm told it will be painful, I can do it.
My close friend Felix [You know who you are!] has also talked to me about it. Also convinced me that I could do it.

I'm so glad that I have close friends and loved one's that believe in me.

It's going to be my first tattoo, so I definitely am nervous. But now, I'm confident about it.

---------------
Aunt's still driving me insane and actually causing massive migrain's now.
Lovely.

Other than that, I'm not doing too bad.

I'm depressed that I won't see anyone for my birthday because of lack of money. My family, and otherwise.
My brothers are going to visit a few days after, my favorite aunt [not the one I live with] is buying me the tattoo a few days after my birthday as well, the aunt I live with is going to give me a small party when she get's paid ont he first, and I'm going to get my ID.
I'm not getting it to buy ciggerettes or anything. I DON'T smoke, and I never will.
I just want it because I honestly don't feel as old as I am.
Be it good or bad.

I Hope Everything Goes Well.


Thank You Guys, For Being There When I Need You.
- Jenn

]]> ~FallFromFall http://FallFromFall.deviantart.com/journal/19501256/ http://FallFromFall.deviantart.com/journal/19501256/ Sun, 20 Jul 2008 14:06:14 PDT
It seems like every single day, there's a new conflict between my aunt and myself.
I don't understand. I barely even talk to her.

I was wandering in the house because I was bored and I sighed, my aunt yelled at me for it.
She assumes that I always intend on bothering her. She's wrong.

It's been 2 days since she said I could go to a store to look for party decorations because my birthday is in 7 days.
I'm afraid that I'll get yelled at if I ask her now.

It's sad when I don't want to talk to her because I don't want to argue.

Why Am I Even Here?

As always, I'm at a loss.

I realized how cowardly I am. I can't even call my own boyfriend because I'm too nervous and I wouldnt know what to say. I'm pathetic..
I disappoint myself..

I'm tired of wasting my tears because I'm here.
I'm tired of living with my aunt in fear.
I just want to get out... but I can't even do that.

I need to get a job and escape, but I can't even do that.
I can't get clothes unless I buy them myself [Aunt tells me that though she doesnt allow me to get a job], I cant get new shoes, or even a new backpack for school, unless it's with MY money.

I'm rambling.. though it helps me to vent.

EDIT:
I called.. it took all the courage I had.
Sad isnt it?
He called back and we said about 2 things to each other.. till we got disconnected.

So now I'm laying here with the phone beside me..
=/
I guess I'm waiting for a call back.. but I don't know.

]]> ~FallFromFall http://FallFromFall.deviantart.com/journal/19411945/ http://FallFromFall.deviantart.com/journal/19411945/ Tue, 15 Jul 2008 14:57:21 PDT My aunt is yelling at me though I'm helping her clean like crazy because her boyfriend is coming over, My little cousin is swearing at me though I never even looked at him or talked to him all day, and I have no one to talk to.

My aunt complains that I only want to sleep and go online, but she doesn't allow me to get a job because SHE'S getting a job instead and she's making me babysit.

I'll be 18 in 12 days and she still treats me like I'm 12.

I try my best to help her, I clean for her even when I'm sick, I watch the baby when she wants to go out, she doesn't say thank you and yells at me for not being able to sleep.

I don't want to be here..
I'm tired of crying and shaking.
I'm tired of being used and not being able to do anything with my life.
I can't even make my own money.

I wanted to stay here till I graduated and my aunt wants me to as well, but I don't know if I can.

I just don't know what to do.


I'm Trapped....


- Jenn -

]]> ~FallFromFall http://FallFromFall.deviantart.com/journal/19210251/ http://FallFromFall.deviantart.com/journal/19210251/ Fri, 04 Jul 2008 22:07:06 PDT
I still feel like shit though.
My throat is swollen and it's hard to eat. I choke randomly now and then, and it sucks.
It's harder for me to sleep at night because of it. I'm lucky if I get 3 hours of sleep a night/day.

I recently noticed how boring it is to lay in bed for a few days because of sickness, and it SUCKS.
Boredom to the Max!

Chest pains are coming back, had some a few minutes ago and they hurt like all hell.
I actually almost cried because of it.

I hope I get to see my love for my birthday.
That's the only thing I look forward to.

--
I need to start drawing again. No idea what exactly to draw, but anything would be good.

I feel like every few minutes I hack my lungs out.
Ugh, I hate being sick.
---
Besides all that. This is the worst 4th of July I've ever had. I didn't see ANY fireworks and my aunt refused to buy any.
I love the 4th of July because it reminds me of when all of my immediate family was together.
The good ol' days.
Wish I had a car and money to go buy fireworks.
Spent my money on other things

Well, I believe that's all for now.
I'll update soon.

Jenn

]]> ~FallFromFall http://FallFromFall.deviantart.com/journal/19183225/ http://FallFromFall.deviantart.com/journal/19183225/ Thu, 03 Jul 2008 11:56:32 PDT I'm worried and I admit that completly.

I'm kinda scared right now though. I'm really sick.
I think I may have Tonsillitis. My throat and ears hurt the most but it's also my head, stomach, and so on.
I looked up the symptoms online and on all of the sites, I have all the symptoms but one.
If I have to get them removed, it's going to suck.
Yes, I'll be able to eat icecream, but I honestly don't even care about that.

I don't know what to do..

I have a doctors appointment in about an hour and a half.
Joy.

My friend's mom is going to drive me there because we don't have a car.
She loves me and that makes me happy. She's going to bring popsicles. WOO.

But yea.. I'm kinda afraid to know if I have it or not. A part of me wants to go and find out, but another part of me is too afraid.

I hate being sick...
I was up until about 6AM, crying because I was in so much pain, calling out names of those who I need.
Is that depressing?

I just want this sickness to go away.

Jenn

[UPDATE]

Doctors said I have Tonsillitis but no bad enough to get my tonsils removed.
Apparently the pain from my throat shot up to my ears and is causing them to hurt a lot.

Well, im'ma just suck on some popsicles till I feel better.

]]> ~FallFromFall http://FallFromFall.deviantart.com/journal/19080304/ http://FallFromFall.deviantart.com/journal/19080304/ Fri, 27 Jun 2008 17:45:11 PDT Am I over reacting?

A week's gone by now and nothing, not a word.
Which reminds me, It is now a month before my 18th birthday..
Maybe that day wil prove things to me
That people are wrong, and some things are right.
I won't let people get to me.

People and thier words are starting to bother me though. How they think my life is going to be like their's in the whole "relationship Department".

I am a bit worried though, I admit that loud and clear.

Is it too much?

I just want to know what's going on.

===============
In other "news"

- I've been doing more ports on Furcadia lately, trying to distract myself from other things.
- I'm going to actually talk to my doctor about my severe chest pains at my next physical.
They're starting to hurt my back as well.
- I'm going insane due to an adult relative that will not leave me be because of her own jealousy.
- Been turning my computer off from time to time because of massive reoccuring thunderstorms.

I'm Just Going Insane Lately

Would Anyone Like To Join Me?

Anyways, I'm In Need Of Commissions.
Anyone Feel Like Helping?

---
I Have A Migrain ._.;

]]> ~FallFromFall http://FallFromFall.deviantart.com/journal/19023895/ http://FallFromFall.deviantart.com/journal/19023895/ Tue, 24 Jun 2008 16:08:27 PDT Keep getting depressed because of many reasons I rather not say.

I just want my birthday to come..
Just for one reason.
I don't care if I dont have a party, I dont care about gifts or even if people forget, I only care about that one person that's always on my mind.

I find myself looking out my window more frequently. Do I hope to find something?
I don't know.

Just going through a bit of a rough patch I guess.

Most of the day, I just want to curl up in my bed and stay there. Laying in the dark silence as the day goes by.

I wish I knew what to do

]]> ~FallFromFall http://FallFromFall.deviantart.com/journal/18879265/ http://FallFromFall.deviantart.com/journal/18879265/ Mon, 16 Jun 2008 18:16:20 PDT I was offered to use my notes for the first exam and I actually didn't even need to peek at them.
That was for my first exam though, US History.
The second I had today was for Jr. English.
Don't know if I did too well but I'm confident about it.

We have 2 exams each day for 4 days.
Here's what I have for the rest of the week then, SUMMER VACATION!!!!

Tues: English 10/Study (Don't need to go to study so I get to go home)
Wed: Skills For Living/Study (Woo, another study!)
Thurs: Math/Parenting

I'm kinda confident on the Wed. exams.. but I'm kinda iffy on the rest =/

Well for some reason right now, I'm kinda bummed out. Having a few family issues.

Well, at least my "family" inspired me to write a corny poem! and this is how it goes:

I strive to be nice to someone though it backfires in my face
Overwhelmed with pain, making me feel like a disgrace
I need to know why they always make me feel so weak
Hopeless to find answers, the only ones in which I seek

I need to get out of these surroundings, try to run away
I can no longer stay here, there is nothing more I can say
The pains in my chest swell, greater and frequent each time
Never knowing if my heart will stop without warning, am I running out of time?

Tears stain my cheeks as I wollow in self pity
Continuously asking myself "Why does it have to be me?"




So there you go.
It's about 9:12PM and I have exams tomorrow so I'm hitting the hay.
Thanks for reading

- Jenn

]]> ~FallFromFall http://FallFromFall.deviantart.com/journal/18787878/ http://FallFromFall.deviantart.com/journal/18787878/ Wed, 11 Jun 2008 16:18:43 PDT
I feel like shit lately and people at school suck.
I hate kids.

I also think I'm misunderstanding people and it's killing me.
I'm too afraid to ask them..

I feel like I need to hide and a part of me really wants to but I'm not really like that.
Some people are getting under my skin, while others I wish would talk to me.

I've been getting more severe chest pains lately and they've been close to my heart but for some reason, I think I'll be ok. I keep being told that's it's just stress so I'm going along with it.
Looking forward to this summer but I kinda don't want school to end.
Tomorrow is my last day.
Hopefully I get to see the people I want to this summer. It'd break my heart if I didn't.
That's the only thing I'm looking forward to this summer. I don't even really care about my birthday, just as long as I see those people.

My eyes are bloodshot and burning like all hell for reasons I rather not explain [Not drugs, I promise], and make-up is getting in my eyes.
Sometimes I hate wearing make-up.

Well I guess that's enough of my rant.. thing.
I'm going to lay down.
I Want To Sleep The Day Away.


Jenn

]]> ~FallFromFall http://FallFromFall.deviantart.com/journal/18716707/ http://FallFromFall.deviantart.com/journal/18716707/ Sat, 07 Jun 2008 15:37:18 PDT

2 of Your Nicknames:
I. Sirenade
II. Sisi

3 Things That You Haven't Done, But Would Like To:
I. Drive a motor cycle/ "Crotch Rocket"
II. Travel to my Love
III. Visit all of my long lost friends

4 Things You Don't Know About Me:
I. I'm kinda clumsy
II.I care about people more than myself
III. I have a short temper and can get violent if provoked
IV. I'm a highly addictive friend

5 Songs (in your playlist) That Most Describe You ATM:
I. Leave Out All The Rest - LinkinPark
II. Hit Me With Your Light - Ryan Cabrera
III. Somewhere - Within Temptation
IV. Iris - Goo Goo Dolls
V. Not Like Other Girls - The Rasmus

6 Things That Make You Happy
I. My Love
II. My Friends
III. Music
IV. Joking
V. Going To The Mall [When I Actually Have Money]
VI. Drawi an' Singin'

7 Things You Like/Would Like A Special Someone To Do:
I. Hold Me Close
II. Drawing Something Special For Me
III. Be There
IV. Cheer Me Up When I'm Down
V. Laugh With Me
VI. Listen When I Need To Talk Things Out
VII. Save Me

8 Things You Live For:
I. Myself
II.My Love
III. My Friends [Only A Cetain Amount >>;]
IV. My Family
V. Torturing People
VI. Drawing
VII. Entertainment
VIII. Fun

9 People You Love With All of Your Heart..
I. My One and Only
II. Fue
III. Pan
IV. Issy
V. Meex
VI. Jamie
VII. Stephen
VIII. Certain Family Members..
IX. Others.. I Just Can't Remeber Right Now

You Know You Love Me!!

I'll do a real journal entry soon, I'm just lazy.
Also, I make Icons now!!! So if anyone wants one, contact me!
I do them for FREE!!!!

Gives me something to do >>;; Just tell me what colors you want it and what you want it to say

- Jenn

]]> ~FallFromFall http://FallFromFall.deviantart.com/journal/18435788/ http://FallFromFall.deviantart.com/journal/18435788/ Wed, 21 May 2008 17:54:13 PDT I HATE when you send notes to people and they read it but never reply to you and you ask them a question.
Answer the question! It's common courtesy ):

It's not like I ask for much.

Besides that, I'm pretty bored right now and once again, I miss my love.
I got my paycheck yesterday. I only worked 11 hours and it was supposed to be $93.50 but when I got it and looked at it, it came out to $99.19.
I'm very happy about that.
I think it may be because on my first day, I came in 10 minutes early and on my second day, I came in a half hour early.
Who knows.

Wonder if anyone is really reading this.

OH! and I was supposedly doing an art trade with this one person though I haven't heard ANYTHING from them and it was a while ago so I'm just not going to do it unless they contact me.

So, Still Need To Do Art Trades I Guess

And I just learned how to do the icon things. It's : icon username : without spaces.
Gotta remember that!

Blah, I ate too much fooood today =/

Anywho, Im'ma try to transfer some of my most recent drawings onto my computer.
Love You All!
Jenn

]]> ~FallFromFall http://FallFromFall.deviantart.com/journal/18384237/ http://FallFromFall.deviantart.com/journal/18384237/ Sun, 18 May 2008 14:03:28 PDT It was oddly fun. Didn't think it would be.

Got some pictures taken and so on.
My legs are KILLING me!
Also, I will never dance to "Low" full on ever again.. My thighs now hate that song with a passion.

Going to start doing some art soon, when I'm not lazy.
I'm so tired..

I miss My Love more than anything right now =/
He's constantly on my mind and I need to talk to him.

But anywho, prom was fun, so fun that it hurts.
I keep having reoccuring chest pains.. Might actually want to get them checked out.

Aaaaaand, I think that's all for now.

Thanks for reading!
Jenn

]]> ~FallFromFall http://FallFromFall.deviantart.com/journal/18368388/ http://FallFromFall.deviantart.com/journal/18368388/ Sat, 17 May 2008 14:15:04 PDT My friend who's taking me still didn't call me yet to tell me when he's picking me up..

Kinda sad that my love isn't on right now, I really wanted him to see me in my dress =/

I'll be back tomorrow around 4PM

Can't say I'm too excited about it though I'm told that I should be.

Well, goin' to go get my shoes on and so on.
Wish me luck?
Doesn't really matter..

Still looking for art trades!!

Later
Jenn

]]> ~FallFromFall http://FallFromFall.deviantart.com/journal/18212149/ http://FallFromFall.deviantart.com/journal/18212149/ Wed, 07 May 2008 13:33:20 PDT Anywho, will anyone do an art trade with me?
I can't guarentee great work but I can actually draw things on my notebook and transfer it to my computer like I did with my picture titled "Rosuto".
No one has ever done an art trade with me before and I think it'd be interesting.
Humor me?
Please? D:
I'll try my best x.x

But besides that

I'm doing alright. Thinking about buying a pretty cute bathing suit but not sure if I want to spend the $50 on it.
Also thinking about buying a cute purse but I have to wait till Mothers Day because that's when the SALE hits.
Always lookin' for the sales!

Tryin' hard in school though somethings are getting a bit tough..
Im'ma keep trying my best!!
I'm also working on Saturday and Sunday so if I don't reply and you send me a message, you know why.

Thank You All For Reading

- Jenn

]]> ~FallFromFall http://FallFromFall.deviantart.com/journal/18154972/ http://FallFromFall.deviantart.com/journal/18154972/ Sat, 03 May 2008 20:17:59 PDT I think it's cute how everytime I think about my boyfriend, I get butterflies. Hee x3
Uh.. Spring Break was boring and didn't really do anything but.. yea.
I got my prom dress!
As well as shoes, jewelery, and a clutch to match it :3
So happeh. But my boyfriend is what makes me happy the most.
I love him so much x.x
My heart is racing like crazy oO; Hope I don't faint.
BUT YEA! I'm excited for no reason :3 I love it.
Painted my nails a prettyful green. YOU LOVES IT
Don't know what else to say so I'm going to be pretty random though I have been already.
I need to go shopping for better clothes. I don't want to impress, I just want good looking clothes that make me comfy.
My arms are getting tired >.o
People Amuse Me.
And for some reason, I want to do a meme oO;

"Do you doubt your sanity?"
"Pft! You need sanity in the first place to doubt it :3"

I'm off to crazy land. Oh the joys of insanity!!

- Jenn

]]> ~FallFromFall http://FallFromFall.deviantart.com/journal/18098072/ http://FallFromFall.deviantart.com/journal/18098072/ Wed, 30 Apr 2008 07:53:32 PDT Though I'm on spring break right now, I feel like complete crap [To say the least in an appropriate way].

I admit that I do feel alone and I'm very insecure. I really don't know what to do.
I've stayed over my friends house for a night, had a day out at the mall with another friend, and yet I still feel empty inside.
Some of you may call me pathetic, but at times I am. All I can do is sit in this house and wollow within my own disappointment. I want a REAL vacation; Not just days off from school.
I want to go somewhere with the one I love and get away from all of this stress.

I miss my boyfriend.. I haven't talked to him in about a week and it's killing me.
Is That Rediculous?
I guess I have bad luck because he was on the night I stayed over my friends.

My friends try to cheer me up and I smile for them [most of the time] and tell them that I'll be ok, but I'm just the opposite.
I feel as if I'm falling apart. Trapped in this place that I would never call a home.
I don't want sympathy. I don't want anyone to pity me. I just want to talk to the ones I love and care for most, especially my boyfriend.

Sometimes I want to tell him things, but I don't know how to say them or I'm too afriad.
Am I Weak?

I have hope for the future, but I lack motivation.

On the bright side.. A flower shop I applied for a job at called me yesterday. Of course all of the positions were filled, but they called me as a back-up. That still means something, right?
To me it means that they'll give me a chance.
I would love that job. Surrounded by flowers all day with the sweet scent in the air constantly.
It'd be a great stress reliever.

Thanks for reading for those who have read this far. I'd probably get too lazy and give up, heh
But maybe I'm not alone in doing so.
Is That Sad?

I hope today goes better than the past few days of my lack of sleep and my neverending tears and I REALLY hope to speak to the one I love most.
Am I Hopeless?

Well, I'm off to go and rest. Hopefully It'll make up for all the sleep I missed.
Thank You To Those Who Read This.


- Jenn

UPDATE:
The flower shop called again. The owner said that she has openings on mothers day weekend! She asked if I could do more than 5-hour shifts [I requested 5-hour shifts] and I told her I'd be glad to.
I'm so happy.

Also, my boyfriend tried to contact me while I was sleeping. I'm so glad he's ok.
I wish I was awake when he messaged me x.x
I Love Him So Much


]]> ~FallFromFall http://FallFromFall.deviantart.com/journal/17752697/ http://FallFromFall.deviantart.com/journal/17752697/ Tue, 08 Apr 2008 18:02:50 PDT For one, I am TIRED of people talking about the people I love [a.k.a. good friends]
I am aggresively defensive if someone makes fun of or teases one of my best friends.
Some kid today went up to my friend Elizabeth [she's not a small girl] at lunch today and said really inappropriate and insulting things to her.
I knew it bothered her so I looked at her and she smiled at me. She then got up to throw away her trash and I sort of.. threatened and yelled at the kid.
Since I have real friends that I sit with at lunch, the rest of my table was yelling and swearing at the kid as well. Oh what a LOVELY day!

I then later on came home to insulting comments about what I look like and what I should wear.
Another thing that irritates me is when people try to tell me what I like and what I don't like.
I decide on that, no one else.

Besides me nearly having a break down, today wasn't ALL bad!
My friend Elizabeth is buying me a ticket to the Junior Prom. Whoo!
I just need to pay my class dues and I have no money so I'm going to have to sell my favorite books to my anime-freak friend ._.; Boo!
I wish I could go to the prom with my Love..

I just love how when I'm frustrated, I get severe chest pains and migrains. They go lovely together, woiuldn't you agree?

I believe this is the longest journal I have ever done.
Anywho, thanks for reading even though this was just me spilling out what happened so I wouldnt explode into nothingness.

Since I lost my train of thought and my migrains are making my eyes unfocus, I'm done with this journal.
Thanks again for reading and I'm sorry for any typos I have not noticed.

]]> ~FallFromFall http://FallFromFall.deviantart.com/journal/17480532/ http://FallFromFall.deviantart.com/journal/17480532/ Sun, 23 Mar 2008 18:38:12 PDT Well, next year I'll probably go

Not feeling too well right now.. Wish a certain someone would talk to me ):

Today wasn't too great.. though we had a little easter egg hunt.
Hope everyone had a Happy Easter.

Just going sitting here, listening to music though I'm heading off to bed soon.

This journal was kinda pointless, but I needed to vent.
Thanks for reading <3

]]> ~FallFromFall http://FallFromFall.deviantart.com/journal/17443815/ http://FallFromFall.deviantart.com/journal/17443815/ Fri, 21 Mar 2008 14:14:03 PDT Anime Boston started today and no.. I can't go.
I've been looking forward to it for about six months and had plans to go, but alas, my ride left me.
Oh the joy of "real friends" =/
I also missed all of my friends and most of all, the one I love
I'm glad I get to talk to them again.
I MISSED YOU ALL!

My brother is still trying to find me a ride there, so we'll see what happens.. Well, hoping and wishing doesnt hurt.
WE'LL SEE!

But yea.. no costume, no ride, and no Anime Boston.. maybe?
Well, yet another weekend sitting at home on my lazy bum =/ if my brother doesn't come thorugh for me Dx

Flah

]]> ~FallFromFall http://FallFromFall.deviantart.com/journal/16931196/ http://FallFromFall.deviantart.com/journal/16931196/ Sun, 17 Feb 2008 14:37:42 PST The thing is, I din't know who to go as!
I can't decide between Chii from Chobits, or Orihime from Bleach!
Tough decisions Dx
I have no idea what to do. I have all the money set, I just need to decide now. Can you guys help me out and help me choose?
Perhaps suggest other female characters?
Please and Thank You!


]]> ~FallFromFall