http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:FallenAngelEyes&section=today deviantART RSS for by:FallenAngelEyes en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Tue, 08 Dec 2009 13:41:45 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://FallenAngelEyes.deviantart.com/journal/23248247/ http://FallenAngelEyes.deviantart.com/journal/23248247/ Tue, 17 Feb 2009 06:17:22 PST
News since I last wrote:
Went back home for vacation in July, visited parents, went to Sermeet and went to Toronto, had muchly fun.
My grandfather passed away in September and I had to fly back for his funeral and such. He was the last grandparent I had. It broke my heart and I'm still having dreams of him.
2 of our dogs have passed away, one just the other week, which has also been a source of much grief.
The last 6 months have had way too much death in them for both me and for people I know and care about.
Went back home for xmas with the parents, was at their house for 3 weeks then in Toronto again for a weekish.
Passed the first level Dutch proficiency exam I had to take in order to be able to eventually apply for a permanent residency card here in a couple years. Still need to take the second level one to go to college here.
Seem to be having more problems with general anxiety lately and also had a bad mental freakout last month. Not cool.
Finally got a drawing tablet that I can use but haven't played around with it much yet. Need to do so badly.
Me and Jochem's 6 year anniversary is on Friday.

I think that's it. So. Yeah.

]]> ~FallenAngelEyes http://FallenAngelEyes.deviantart.com/journal/18849772/ http://FallenAngelEyes.deviantart.com/journal/18849772/ Sun, 15 Jun 2008 06:25:17 PDT
My parents lost their house because of the mortgage shit that's going on, but they were able to get a new one. It'll be strange going home to a different house in a different place. Hopefully these next 2 weeks will pass by quick. Hopefully flying won't be too much of a pain in the ass. Airlines are charging for the second checked bag now and gas is estimated to be up to $5/gallon by the time July 4th rolls around. Lovely. Luckily I have the Euro on my side Yay for being on the right side of the exchange rate. Jochem and I have decided we're finally going to buy a Wii so I'll be picking one up when I go back to the states. Woo. That's it for now I guess.

]]> ~FallenAngelEyes http://FallenAngelEyes.deviantart.com/journal/12163280/ http://FallenAngelEyes.deviantart.com/journal/12163280/ Mon, 12 Mar 2007 22:50:03 PDT I tried to renew it, but it won't let the payment go through. It's probably because my billing address is in the States still and my IP is from the Netherlands. Goddammit. I have over 800 deviations in my watchlist, but it's so tedious to go through them without the thumbnail view >_< Sigh.

I've moved over to the Netherlands, finally, to live with my boyfriend Jochem. We flew over in January. Still don't have our own place yet, but at least I'm finally on broadband. I can't work until I get my residency permit, so I theoretically have time for getting some art done, I just haven't managed to do so yet. Bought some acrylics, oils, watercolors, pastels. You'd think with all this stuff I'd manage to get something done.

Again, I can't seem to pull anything out from my head. It's so frustrating. Blah.

]]> ~FallenAngelEyes http://FallenAngelEyes.deviantart.com/journal/9200622/ http://FallenAngelEyes.deviantart.com/journal/9200622/ Tue, 27 Jun 2006 14:10:50 PDT sonietta, for the first time.

I'd talk about it, but I can't without crying. She's beautiful and I'm insanely in love with her, and that pretty much sums it up.

I will be posting some poetry soon probably, maybe visual art if I get any done, but who knows. Probably scrap stuff in the new sketchbook I got for my birthday. She makes me feel inspired, though. One of the many things I love about her.

I also will be posting up some more older poetry that I've remembered to find again, so that will be going up as well. I post in spurts. I should really do this more often. Ah well.

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Much to my ]]> ~FallenAngelEyes http://FallenAngelEyes.deviantart.com/journal/8041869/ http://FallenAngelEyes.deviantart.com/journal/8041869/ Wed, 01 Mar 2006 21:18:29 PST
My artistic drive is currently null because I'm so stressed out. I can't write anything, I can't draw anything. I still don't have a scanner that will function. Mom bought a cheapish digital camera type thing, so I might be able to use that to take pictures of any drawings I do. I might use it to put the old things I did in HS up in my gallery when I get enough energy. I wish I could get all this energy out of me and put it into something creative but all I end up is restless. I've finally got the measurements for ~talas's back so I can hopefully maybe start working on bits for hir backpiece, but again, not sure where to start. Hoping I can manage something soon.

I'm tired of being tired. I'm tired of crying. I'm tired of being so artistically frustrated. I'm trying to stay as positive as I can be right now, which, if you know me at all, is something that's rather difficult. I hate sitting throughout my whole day, I hate not having to be anywhere or do anything. I'd rather be busy than bored. Most of all, I really wish I had a job right now because it would give me something to do and bring in money. Every hour I don't work, I feel like I'm wasting.

My subscription runs out soon. Boo

Also, thanks so much to for my Valentine's Card. It was awesome and made me smile. Check her work out because it's very pretty. Thanks to my ~sonietta who helps me get through the days, and thanks to my dorknut Jochem who doesn't have a dA and probably won't read this but oh well.

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Much to my ]]> ~FallenAngelEyes http://FallenAngelEyes.deviantart.com/journal/7262167/ http://FallenAngelEyes.deviantart.com/journal/7262167/ Fri, 09 Dec 2005 05:52:05 PST somewhere. In a discussion with a friend earlier today, he expressed a thorough belief in something I abhor, namely the concept of "ignorance is bliss." I cannot stand that. I would much rather have a painful truth than a pretty lie. A lie is a lie, no matter how you dress it up. Willingly deceiving yourself and others is not something I have tolerance or respect for. I don't tolerate people lying to me, whether for malicious reasons or because they "didn't want to hurt" me. I am hurt more by being lied to than by anything you could ever withold from me. I just cannot understand why someone would rather lie to and delude themselves into thinking something is better than it really is. There is a world's difference between optimism and ignorance. The following paragraph is what I wanted to say to my friend, but ended up not doing so, because he is so thoroughly steeped in what he wants to believe, it gets utterly tiresome to try to convince him to see otherwise. I have tried before, to no avail, so thusly I post here to give myself at least a little piece of mind.

I think lying and willingly accepting lies in substitution of truth and honesty is exponentially more despicable. If you want to live a lie, then go ahead and do it. You can keep your fake happiness and continue lying to yourself, and in doing so, also lying to your family and the people the care about you, under the pretenses of wanting to be optimistic, or you can be at least remotely in touch with reality. To me, truth and honesty are utmost, and wanting to accept anything less than that, I personally find appalling. How can you say you live a good life if you're living it through willing lies to yourself and others? That's not a life, that's a delusion.

Ok, so that's off my chest. I was seriously so angry about this this morning, that I was literally flushed sitting here at the pc. So I finally took the plunge and decided to buy myself a 3 month subscription. I'm kinda liking it. The devwatch features alone are worth it. I love having art sorted by artist, it makes it so much easier, not to mention thumbnail previews. I watch a few stock artists, so it makes it a lot easier to pick and choose the pieces I want to download from the ones I'm not so interested in. I am finally caught up with my devwatch, something that hasn't happened in literally months. I had deviations from March that were still sitting in my watch. Because I couldn't go to the next page of my watch to see the older things first, I just kept getting further and further behind. So it feels good to be caught up now, and I can open my devwatch without feeling like

I'm currently staying in the Netherlands until January 11th. I've been here since November 6th so far, and I'm sad that I've hit the halfway point of my trip. I don't really know what I'm going back to right now. I'm not sure yet if I can get back into college for the spring and things are a bit meh with my parents right now. I don't know what I'm doing, and it's frustrating. I sit at home all day right now, because my boyfriend, who I'm staying with, works 9-5, and I have nothing to do all day. I'd like to channel this into something creative, but I have thus far failed because of my shitty attention span. I feel like my brain is stagnating. I sit here staring at the shortcut icons on the desk for this game or that, sometimes I click and fiddle around for a few seconds, but I invariably end up shutting it down again and continuing to fiddle about on the internet. I would much rather be busy than bored. I hate being bored. That's probably half the reason I got a sub, so I could fiddle around in more places on dA

Now I need to figure out what I want to put as my journal header and footer. I'll have to make something, but this pc doesn't have Photoshop CS2 yet. Hm. Maybe I'll update before the end of the year, maybe not. I wish I had a WACOM. *sigh*

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Much to my ]]> ~FallenAngelEyes http://FallenAngelEyes.deviantart.com/journal/6418779/ http://FallenAngelEyes.deviantart.com/journal/6418779/ Mon, 05 Sep 2005 00:28:37 PDT ~FallenAngelEyes http://FallenAngelEyes.deviantart.com/journal/6284048/ http://FallenAngelEyes.deviantart.com/journal/6284048/ Sat, 20 Aug 2005 23:52:24 PDT Unspoken Promises is the first poem I've written this year, and the first I've written... in a while. Yay for inspiration. ()

So over the next [insert random period of time here] I'll be uploading what I call the "From Nowhere" series. This is a series of poems that have no relation to each other whatsoever ("series" wtf? yeah, no better name for it) other than the fact that they were all written spontaneously, spur of the moment, flying by the seat of my pants etc etc Most were written in 5 minutes or less, some maybe as long as 10, depending on length. So yeah. Poem-age and stuff. They'll be posted raw, but I think that they're high enough quality to be deviations. I don't often go back and polish and/or change my poems that were written spur of the moment because I guess I feel like there's an essence of... I don't know. Trueness I guess, for lack of a better word. Is this making sense? Likely not, but oh well. So yeah, incoming poems and stuff, over the next who-knows-when. ]]> ~FallenAngelEyes http://FallenAngelEyes.deviantart.com/journal/5387535/ http://FallenAngelEyes.deviantart.com/journal/5387535/ Tue, 17 May 2005 22:09:30 PDT ~FallenAngelEyes http://FallenAngelEyes.deviantart.com/journal/4420269/ http://FallenAngelEyes.deviantart.com/journal/4420269/ Wed, 26 Jan 2005 13:20:47 PST Oh well. I'm back in college now; I ended up taking a leave of absence near the end of November. I went to Dutchieland for the majority of winter/xmas break to spend the holiday with Jochem and his family, which was nice. I was able to get the poems that I'd only posted on the Couch from the Couch database via Faruk. So at some point in the near future I will be uploading those.

I got überly behind on my DevWatch so I reluctantly hit select all mark as read because there was no way I could get through 431 items and give them what they deserve. I kept not looking at newly added things though because they were just adding to the pile, so I decided it would be better to start fresh. I don't really know what else to say right now as I save most of my personal ranting and updates for my LJ, which also desperately needs updated. 2004 sucked hard, I want 2005 to be a lot better, so hopefully I'll be able to pull that off.

Oh yeah, in other news, my online life is now pretty much officially more successful than my IRL one I'm a DJ for Radio Free Zion as well as the Community Relations Department Head. It's a webradio station for the Matrix Online MMORPG. No one here really has any idea what that is unless you're actually following MxO but that's ok, we're public now so I can pimp it. I also am webstaff in charge of Fan Submissions at Stratics. The online clan for MxO that I'm part of, the Collective, is also getting notice, so things are cool.

And I babble. Woo. Some things never change. ]]> ~FallenAngelEyes http://FallenAngelEyes.deviantart.com/journal/3433078/ http://FallenAngelEyes.deviantart.com/journal/3433078/ Thu, 23 Sep 2004 23:58:41 PDT [n]. Check out the stuff there, there are some incredibly talented artists. I'm trying to focus a little more on my art during this school year, digital art, traditional media and writing. I always try to do too much at once. Ah well.

I'm bad right now. I'm very unhappy and I don't quite know what to do. I'm fucking up school and classes again and I really can't because I'm on academic probation from last semester and if I fail, I'm kicked out. I will absolutely die if I'm kicked out of college. I worked my ass off to get here, you'd think I'd be able to pull myself together for ONE FUCKING SEMESTER. I hate my head. I'm afraid to go back to therapy. I don't know what to do. I'm lost as fucking hell and I don't know how to find my way out again and I'm quickly losing the ability to care.

Maybe I'll get some good art out of this at least. ]]> ~FallenAngelEyes http://FallenAngelEyes.deviantart.com/journal/3083430/ http://FallenAngelEyes.deviantart.com/journal/3083430/ Mon, 09 Aug 2004 14:32:47 PDT
Where was I?

Right. Anywho, probably the last entry I'll make til I get to school and am on the blessed blessed 10Mbit LAN which makes browsing dA so much easier. DA on 56k is so fucking painful. We wants the broadband, Precious, we WANTS it!

I have NO idea why I'm speaking Gollum speech. I'm going to go play Neverwinter Nights now while I still can, seeing as my own pc won't run it. *sniffle* *goes kill stuff* ]]> ~FallenAngelEyes http://FallenAngelEyes.deviantart.com/journal/2401775/ http://FallenAngelEyes.deviantart.com/journal/2401775/ Mon, 17 May 2004 21:28:49 PDT ) I shall get a WACOM. I really wish I had one because I can draw a lot better freehand than with the stupid mouse and the dumb mouse sticks sometimes and doesn't do what I want it to and it's just very frustrating. I really want to try doing some open canvas art but alas... A lot of times, I have some great drawings that I scan in and all I do is just touch them up for display. If I had a WACOM, I could just eliminate the middleman, you know? Especially seeing as the scanner I have isn't flatbed, it's feedthrough, so it's just a pain in the ass because it can't take anything much larger than typical 8.5x11 paper. I just really wish I could utilize PS's brush tools by hand. Blergh. Working on editing the tattoo design I'm doing for Lacey. Scanned it in, but seeing as I'd done it with pencil, I had a lot of defining to do. Gonna throw the preliminaries in the scrapbook for now. ]]> ~FallenAngelEyes http://FallenAngelEyes.deviantart.com/journal/2376071/ http://FallenAngelEyes.deviantart.com/journal/2376071/ Fri, 07 May 2004 00:42:49 PDT _> They're worth a lot more than a webcam shot, I put hours of work into that stuff... Ah well, they'll have to remain lonely in my room until I can get a good shot of them. Hopefully some more poetry and art will make its way up here after I get these 2 pc's networked. ]]> ~FallenAngelEyes http://FallenAngelEyes.deviantart.com/journal/2334889/ http://FallenAngelEyes.deviantart.com/journal/2334889/ Sat, 01 May 2004 00:52:26 PDT paraballein so I could view the mature content rated stock art I'm not sure what all I'll be putting here, if anything. Maybe some poetry, maybe some art, not sure yet. We'll see, we'll see. ]]> ~FallenAngelEyes