deviantART: by:Forbidden-Siren http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:Forbidden-Siren&section=today deviantART RSS for by:Forbidden-Siren en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Wed, 25 Nov 2009 23:28:35 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png If I am to do Last Zex-Cosplay, where should I go? http://Forbidden-Siren.deviantart.com/journal/28576469/ http://Forbidden-Siren.deviantart.com/journal/28576469/ Wed, 25 Nov 2009 20:04:11 PST
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Org XIII Sticker Cards on Sale now!

"Thinking of you, wherever you are...
:iconakarui-siren:
:iconforbidden-siren:
...Ultimate White Chocolate Dream here I come~!!"

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If I am to do one last Zexion Cosplay, which countries' Con/Event should I go for?

Suggestions?

I'm thinking of going overseas for a holiday actually... But I'd love to visit a Con/Event overseas at the same time~* (Other than in Singapore >_>zzz)

BUT!

I have a budget. No expensive 5/6-Stars hotels. Just a backpacker. So I definately need some local advisers to advise me about touring around town.

...And don't recommend me a place that I will hear gun shots every an hour or so. >.> I'll get scared and intimidated easily to dangerous areas. And I'll hide all over the place. (Even in an Event or Con baaah) Mass crowds scares me too. ~_~

Sososososo......... Any recommendations? Famous Event/Con? Cheap hotels? Nice shopping, fun places to go to or beaches (I love beaches) areas?

If you wanna be my tour guide (for free) I don't mind too~*

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Kingdom Hearts Organization RP Team

Clubs:
:iconsgdeviants::iconnewcosplayclub::iconshm-fc::iconjenovas-witnesses::iconsingaporeans::iconunseenartists::iconrrbfanclub::iconkingdomhearts::icontheorganization::icontehzemyxclub::iconzexion-fan-club::iconmarushion::iconkingdomheartscosplay::iconroxion::iconakuzekuclub:http://Forbidden-Siren.deviantart.com/journal/27802089/ Fri, 16 Oct 2009 17:24:21 PDT Org XIII Sticker Cards on Sale now!

"Thinking of you, wherever you are...
:iconakarui-siren:
:iconforbidden-siren:
...Ultimate White Chocolate Dream here I come~!!"

+.+.+.+.+.+.+.+.+.+.+.+.+.+.+.+.+.+.+.+.+.+.+.+.+.+

It happened this way, I wanted to take a break from playing ebRO for a week (and I informed my guild mates about it) to stay away from the computer for the time being due to too much computer exposure in my job, that at the end of the day, I feel like vomiting. So for the entire of this week, I did not go online and play ebRO.

Within these few days when I'm not around, I did not expect things to happen. And my two other guild mates (whom have been with me for long) also went away from playing ebRO. So there was no supervision.

Then things happened. Yesterday, one of them login to the game and opened the guild storage to find out there was a total wiped out. It was obvious that someone cleaned out the guild items when we were not around. We had our valuables accumulated in the guild storage over a period of time, and it got wiped out overnight.

It only past 5 days when I was away.

There were confusion of cos. The older guild mates were suspicious of the new ones. It is kind of upsetting. I did not intend to accuse anyone from raiding it (since there was no proof), nor do I feel angry about it - It was my fault that I did not limit guild mates' ability to invite.

But I am upset that the guild will collapse due to mistrust. Tension. Hopefully not betrayal. I put too much faith in the guild that I am open to them.

The possible scenario would be, a random someone asked if they could join the guild (which happened a lot when I'm in-game) and one of the members approved him/her without a thought (since guild master not around). And that random someone was a scammer/robber whom took this chance to raid the guild storage.

Other than that, nothing comes into my mind. I never suspect my current guild mates (new or old).

But what's done is done. No point crying over spilled milk. Though I am upset about the loss of the valuables, but half of it I'm glad the guild storage looks 'cleaner'? O_o (we also dumped our 'wastes' in there, and it also got cleared out)

Finally, I did some spring-cleaning, expelling inactive members and new members whom no one could vouch for them. I limited the invites and set authorities over each other.

I'm still on "holiday" from playing ebRO till end of October. In the meantime, I'd see if the new ones could be trusted that the storage will not get raided again. - By means "holiday", I'm suppose to work on the artworks that I've owed. ^^;

With coincidence, on the same day, I was chatting with my colleague about burglary in Johore, Malaysia. The burglars in Johore will wipe out the house entirely - including refrigerator, television, microwave, table, chairs, cabinets, clothes, etc. EXCEPT, the tiles on the floor. ohoh. And if they could not finish collecting them the first day, they will come back on the second day and the third.

But my colleague said most criminals in Johore might be immigrants from Indonesia. Even now, there are conflicts between Malaysia and Indonesia... (and Singapore is located right in between these two...) =_=

Welp, I won't curse or grudge over that felle who cleaned out our guild storage. I'd let the Higher Authority Judge *points sky* to decide the fate of dat felle.

Losing gaming items online is no biggy.

Having your entire stuff in your house cleaned out IN REALITY are the worse. Who knows that guy/girl might end up having his/her house raided (including his/her computer)?

Muwahahahahahahah.... Retribution comes slow with time~*

Anyways...

*goes back to work*

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Kingdom Hearts Organization RP Team

Clubs:
:iconsgdeviants: ~Forbidden-Siren My BF died 2 days after Hari Raya Puasa http://Forbidden-Siren.deviantart.com/journal/24387136/ http://Forbidden-Siren.deviantart.com/journal/24387136/ Tue, 22 Sep 2009 10:51:27 PDT Org XIII Sticker Cards on Sale now!

"Thinking of you, wherever you are...
:iconakarui-siren:
:iconforbidden-siren:
...Ultimate White Chocolate Dream here I come~!!"

+.+.+.+.+.+.+.+.+.+.+.+.+.+.+.+.+.+.+.+.+.+.+.+.+.+

Tuesday, September 22nd, 2009, about 8.30pm

Yukito, my BF, my budgie, died from air poisoning. He was killed by my dad's stupidity.

My dad occasionally liked to park his ironing board at the door of my room to iron his clothes (Especially when I'm not at home). And next to the door was my budgie's house. Whenever he irons, he tends to like to use this weird liquid substance, seemed like starch, but it had a heavy (perfume) smell.

This time, because I had to stay back at work, he took this chance to use my room and did his ironing. I believed the dosage of the liquid substance was pretty heavy.

After he had done ironing halfway, HE CLOSED THE ROOM DOOR and the pungent smell condensed within my room. THE CAGE WAS RIGHT NEXT TO IT. It WAS a HEAVY toxic to my budgie.

When I reached home near to 8pm, I opened the door and the pang of fucking heavy perfume smell hit my nostril. Then I saw my budgie lying low at a corner, head downing into the food container.

I took him out and examined him. He was having seizures... His heartbeat was beating fast and he was breathing heavily. I stared at the time, it was 8pm+. Damn, I lost the name card from my previous visit to the vet nearby. And I cannot be sure if the bird specialist worked at that day, nor do I know if it is even opened till late. I tried my best to make the search....

About 8.30pm, I heard a cough from my budgie. I rushed towards it. It's heartbeat started to slow down. And it stared blankly and died right by my very sight.

...

I was at loss.

My very companion for the last 2 years. He is gone. Permanent. Not by natural death. Not by sickness. But was killed via air poisoning. I broke into tears. For a long time I could not stop crying, even though I forced myself not to.

Yukito was so dear to me... I always yearned to go home just to see him and feel him... But he was taken away by a cruel death.

I missed him makings noise every weekend when I slept late...
I missed him hopping on my finger whenever he wants to go back to his cage...
I missed kissing him on his back before I let him go...
I missed his soft feathers that brushed against my cheek....
I missed kissing on his cheek just to tell him I love him...
I missed seeing him angry whenever I taunt him for fun...
I missed him chirping along with the music I played on the computer...
I missed him trying to speak human words in its own ways...
I missed him hiding in my hair when he is scared...
I missed him trying to avoid getting bathed by me...
I missed him walking around my keyboard and examine the monitor...
I missed him talking to himself in the cage when he is bored...
I missed him jumping out of the cage to remind me that he is out of food...
I missed him trying to taunt my cat who is afraid of him and always leaped away...
I missed consoling him when he went on fright suddenly in the middle of the night...
I missed him flying to my shoulder and flapped his wings to urge me to bring him back in...
I MISSED EVERY SINGLE PART OF HIM EVERY SINGLE DAY OF MY LIFE...

I remembered how impatient I was with him when I first brought him in... Super tame... And now to grown being used to the house... Yet... He is gone, just like that.

When I cried, my cat came in. She stared at the cage and stared at the white cloth I wrapped around him in my hands...

After I buried him and came back... Washed the cage and placed it elsewhere...

My cat walked into my room... Looked around trying to find the cage/budgie, but he was no longer there, anymore.

My cat always come into the room almost everyday (when dad is not at home), just to look at the budgie for minutes or 1/2 an hour... It was like a companionship when I was not around... And I know Yukito feels happy to see her presence too... Yet it is so heartbreaking to watch her walking into the room and no longer find him in...

But yet my father always closes the door to prevent the cat from getting into the room to see him. If he hates the cat in the house, he might as well ki... ]]> ~Forbidden-Siren Feeling Sick Physically Mentally Spiritually http://Forbidden-Siren.deviantart.com/journal/24160525/ http://Forbidden-Siren.deviantart.com/journal/24160525/ Fri, 10 Apr 2009 07:49:53 PDT
MaruZeku Tee for Order : [link]

"Thinking of you, wherever you are...
:iconakarui-siren:
:iconforbidden-siren:
...Ultimate White Chocolate Dream here I come~!!"

+.+.+.+.+.+.+.+.+.+.+.+.+.+.+.+.+.+.+.+.+.+.+.+.+.+

Sorry guys for not updating anything recently. I wanted to finish off any unsettled issues that I had been dragging myself to do, which includes Cosplay plans. If I do update my Journal, it's either good news or a bad one.

I just had an argument with a friend, if she is considered one, two days ago (it was Full Moon), a meeting I failed to appear. Or did not wish to appear.

I did not deny the fact that, sometimes I tend to be late. It happened when we are meeting as a group (they could entertain each other when I am not around). I seldom is late (will inform 1hr in advance if it happens) if I meet a person alone. This person that I'm gonna talk about, is the first time we are meeting alone.

We had promised to meet at 6:30pm to buy a present for a friend after dragging it for three days - to suit her convenience. I knocked off at 5pm, so I went home to take a short break at home. It took me 15 minutes to leave the house and be there.

I reached the place at the said place, before time. Then I received a text message (2nd sms) from her. A 'reminder' which looked more of a threat (to me), demand to reach at 6:30pm or she'll leave in 10 minutes of grace time. Immediately, I flared. "How could you be mean and send such a rude message without considering whether I AM going to be late or not?" It sounded more like a... Selfish Demand + Disrespectful Judgment from her to me.

So, being consumed by anger, I refused to reply or return call. I turned and walked the other direction. (Which was the start of a problem that will erupt in later story) Neither is she willing to call me when it was 6:30pm to ask where am I. We were... stubborn, waiting for each other to call, so to say.

Time's up, she dropped a text message (3rd sms) and left at 7pm. Again, I did not reply. I was disappointed and weary about her attitude. No calls on either side, stubborn. So I went and searched the present myself for 3 hours before leaving for home. I was suppose to go to a friend's grand's wake with her. But the earlier matter distressed me a lot. I was too weary and tired to think, so I went to sleep. (My other friend is probably disappointed from my unsaid disappearance, I guess)

The next day was pretty hectic. Work is piling up. Colleagues being mean. Didn't have time to take a break in between time. The cold I had was getting from bad to worse. I planned to ask for a visit to my other friend to repay the disappearance. But I didn't had the time to make a call or a text message. The load at work simply make me forget everything. And I gotten myself sick.

Easter day (today), my cold worsen. And it was also today, that the argument started. She dropped me a text message.

She (9.15am) : Hey, I think you are damn rude, for not even show up just because of that reminder message i sent you? Do you think its absolutely right for you to be late, and let others late? Then you arrange at 6.30 for what when you wanna reach like 6.45 or 7?

Me (9:17am) : i was already there when you msged. But seeing your sms w/o even bother to ask where i am, i left cine. It is not a reminder, read ur sms, it is a threat.

She (9:19am) : Then why dont you call me? I know its a threat, because you are always late, and should I beg you to reach on time? Anyway when I say i'm leaving its around 7 already. I waited for half an hour

She (9:25am) : Anyway if its also because of i delay the meetup from sun till thurs, i did give you an reminder, not letting you wait there without telling you. And you didnt even go to the wake coz of this? If you dont want to see me can just told nessa you going on another day or give her a message, be more sensible, and act according to situation

Me (9:29am) : If you sms-ed nicely, so u think i will not call? I ain't always late, esp if need to go somewhere important. You 2n push all the blame on me, i apologise. Lets forget the search. Moreover, u are on budget. Flipper will understand.

She (9:35am) : I dont think the msg i sent is up to anger you, its just a reminding message, and you think yo... ]]> ~Forbidden-Siren Price Released for a MaruZeku Tee http://Forbidden-Siren.deviantart.com/journal/20884132/ http://Forbidden-Siren.deviantart.com/journal/20884132/ Mon, 27 Apr 2009 22:03:40 PDT
Watch the MaruZeku PhotoClip v2 Video : [link]

"Thinking of you, wherever you are...
:iconakarui-siren:
:iconforbidden-siren:
...Ultimate White Chocolate Dream here I come~!!"

+.+.+.+.+.+.+.+.+.+.+.+.+.+.+.+.+.+.+.+.+.+.+.+.+.+

MaruZeku : White Tee version | Black Tee version

I've checked the price for the t-shirt and I can say... This is the most cheapest I could afford to sell out right now since I'm not selling like over a hundred of them... (unlike Zemyx?) Marushion fans are rare... >_> I think.

White T-shirt : USD21
Black T-shirt : USD28

Modification of the design is allowed.

White T-shirt A4 one-sided : USD18
White T-shirt W COLLAR A4 one-sided : USD20
White T-shirt A4 double-sided : USD19
White T-shirt W COLLAR A4 double-sided : USD21

Black T-shirt A4 one-sided : USD23
Black T-shirt W COLLAR A4 one-sided : USD25
Black T-shirt A4 double-sided : USD26
Black T-shirt W COLLAR A4 double-sided : USD28

An additional charge of USD3.5 for an A3 size.
(+USD7 for both sides in A3)

The price excludes parcel/mailing fees.

Parcel charge to country (depending on weight):
1) USA additional of USD6.54 ~ USD8.73 (registered parcel)

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Kingdom Hearts Organization RP Team

Friends:
:iconflipperdolphin::iconfatalblackrose69::iconalasmaya:

Clubs:
:iconsgdeviants::iconnewcosplayclub::iconshm-fc::iconjenovas-witnesses::iconsingaporeans::iconunseenartists::iconrrbfanclub::iconkingdomhearts::icontheorganization::icontehzemyxclub::iconzexion-fan-club::iconmarushion:http://Forbidden-Siren.deviantart.com/journal/19820318/ Sat, 09 Aug 2008 05:12:52 PDT :iconakarui-siren:
:iconforbidden-siren:

:thumb93244605:

MARUSHION FOR A SHARE, BE LOVING & TO BE REWARDED


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*


Music from Persona 4 - Heaven

Can’t get my mind out of those memories
Now time to tell them don’t take my dream
Still music keeps on turning me from the words that hurt my soul
Removing doubts from my mind

Those long days passing by from that door
Like late summer they slowly fade away
Finding ways through the favorite tune
Those long days passing by from that door
Like late summer they slowly fade away
Finding ways through the favorite tune
Filling me with those sounds


Do hope you guys appreciate the PhotoClip Video dat I did... [link]
I'm not sure if that'll be the last one I'll ever make... not. (I juz updated it as of 9th August 2008 with version 2 PhotoClip video... I like the lyrics pretty pretty much... There's meaning to it though...)


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*


Have to extract out some of de info from the previous journal to prepare myself back as a normal lurker member status~ xD (I really feel lyk slacking...) >_> Perhaps mabbe soon, someday of my pretty pretty soon... I'll retire myself in cosplaying Zexion... *yawn* The only thing that kept me going is coz of ~AlasMaya, who always looked so eager into cosplaying and such hahas~* Yar, my Marluxia. The only Org Member I could find to partner with in SG.

Yar... I know... I disappointed a majority of Zemyx fans out dere. Welp, no Demyx in SG to borrow, so what to do?

*shakes head*

Organization XIII cosplay seemed to have officially died in Singapore. Hard to find a team for it compared to other games & animes. kekes... Perhaps dat's the reason why I decided save up monies to go to Germany next year for a Con visit. But I might not be Zex (there'll prolly be a flood of them already), but I'll juz be known as an unknown "Siren", lol.

I'm still working on the prizes (for those who claimed for it). After that, I'll start on a new Organization doujin... ^^

Byes... *waves shyly*

==================================================>

Dedication to The Marushion

By :iconcrystalstone:
Marushion doujin-1 | Marushion doujin-2 | Marushion doujin-3 | Marushion doujin-4 |

By :iconmiasaka:
My zexy plushie


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

:iconnewcosplayclub::iconshm-fc::iconjenovas-witnesses::iconsingaporeans:http://Forbidden-Siren.deviantart.com/journal/19249081/ Mon, 14 Jul 2008 17:03:01 PDT "Thinking of you, wherever you are...
:iconakarui-siren:
:iconforbidden-siren:
...Ultimate White Chocolate Dream here I come~!!"



Ola! Finally done and back from Cosfest 08'~!!! Well, had quite a fun amongst my own friends... (better than last year where I got abandoned O.o) Although again dis' year, I didn't watch the stage performance again.. >.> Perhaps coz there was no Organization XIII group dis' year... >.> (Organization XIII died in sg within a year lols) Well, didn't took much photos on day one... Coz I'm just a cheating Tseng in costume with a Vincent Turk by ~flipperdolphin xD We still have another girl who did Elfe but she appear pretty late though... >.>





But there's more on the second day... My ';proper' cosplay but not so-yet-so-proper, me as Cissunei haaas~*

:icontamanegidoushi: as Katana
:iconflipperdolphin: as Reno
Fezzy as Rude
Me as Cissunei

Newest updates as of 15/07/08, 8.00am, GMT+8.



http://Forbidden-Siren.deviantart.com/journal/18492621/ Mon, 30 Jun 2008 21:12:52 PDT "Thinking of you, wherever you are...
:iconakarui-siren:
:iconforbidden-siren:
...Ultimate White Chocolate Dream here I come~!!"





This is to dedicate for this coming Month of June which is... Zexion's Month!!!

I specially open this campaign for all you guys out there to contribute your artworks, fanfictions, poetry, cosplay of anything related to the love by hugging or kissing Zexion to celebrate the coming of His Month!!!

Simply send in your entries (you can donate more than one) in this Journal or NOTE me the link to your Artwork/FanFic/Poetry/Cosplay/Etc. Please also link this Campaign in your Deviantart Comments!

Coz it is a Campaign.... So it'll be more like a donation than a competition~ ^_^ Make a donation of Love!!! I am planning to give something small to thank willing donars for contributing into the campaign... I need time to think about it though... ^^; (especially when money is concerned)

All Deviant-works will be displayed on meh Journal for the whole of June to the very end of... June?

You can use the above picture to 'Fill in the blanks' of the person hugging Zexion. Or display this image on your Journal to promote this Campaign. But before you do that, please inform me on the use and ownership of this artwork. Direct the original artwork link in your modified deviantart.

Welp, ask your friends to join in the Campaign too, yar? ^^ Make this coming Month of June a Happy Zex Day!!! Hehehes~*

============================================

And here's my own contribution~*

http://Forbidden-Siren.deviantart.com/journal/16010303/ Wed, 09 Jan 2008 00:55:09 PST Yo guys, I'm back again~ (always disappearing for whatever reason)

Sorry if you guys haven't seen any new artwork up recently... Have been toggling between work, cosplay, artwork, events and outings. And am planning to change job at the same time. (Well, partially you can call me lazy)

Well, was preparing the trip to KL to join Comic Fiesta as promised to ~FIREFOXFLAME Together with ~TamanegiDoushi and Fezzy.

Fez and I arrived via train at about 7.30am on Thursday, 13/12/07. ~FIREFOXFLAME fetched us back to her house and went down to Cineleisure and met up with ~DeidaraGS Had some time there before I moved back with ~FIREFOXFLAME and bunk in her house, and Fez at ~DeidaraGS house. Then we moved in to Time Square Hotel the next day.

The first day of Comic Fiesta I followed Foxy and her friends... Dressing as a punk, as seen on my webcam. Well, I'm kinna shy to the environment (especially when I got separated) and was always hiding behind Foxy. After lunch I stayed at Foxy's booth till the end of event... Staring at the table. :XD: I brought with me 10 doujin books and it was sold out within a day. I don't intend to re-print (coz it was already up on my dA) and sold it only for that particular event.

Well, I did planned to meet up with the 10 special people who bought my books though. They might have some... er... some special gift. (Provided they even SEE this message) Mabbe a kiss from me? :P

Well, things started to get rather... displeasing back in the hotel. I didn't expect the wholesome of... whoever friends they are to come and err... ruin the entire room, making a mess everywhere which kinna pissed me off. (I don't like mess & noise, especially arguments, literately) But sometimes, things gets rather... epic. Like err...

1) Nose bleeding scene and flood the toilet bowl with blood
2) Someone bleed blood on the bed (girl stuff ye know?)
3) 3 guys 3 girls soaking their legs in the warm bathtub
4) 1 guy almost entered the bathroom with 2 girls changing inside
5) Blackout in the middle of the night due to overuse of air-conditioning that resort to room-changing

~TamanegiDoushi came in on the second day morning, also via train. And I stayed with him till he completed his Xigbar costume. The rest had gone off to the event. Me happily played Guitar Hero all day long by myself~ yay~ Joy~ PS2 all by myself~!!!

We prepared ourselves around late afternoon.. About 2pm or 3pm, as we about to leave the hotel, the rest called. So we stayed and waited for them to come back. (Back to Guitar Hero again~) And I was kinna prepared for more noises from the people... =_= *sigh* Hope I hope that guy could stop whining and be more considerate on building a positive atmosphere than complaining left, right, center.

I turned stoic for the rest of the day, literately.

For the first time this year, I yelled at the people in the room. Fezzy commented that I looked scarier when I am on silence-temper than expressing it out. I thought it should be the other way round - both are scary anyway. Well, I tried to hold my anger... Can't scold someone else's friend unless I know him/her. ^^;

As usual... After the people left, the room was in a mess. I gave up on cleaning, threw every dump off the bed, packed my stuff, and slept.

The next day we woke up, left the hotel, ~FIREFOXFLAME drove us to the train station... With traffic jams for 1 hour and we missed the train. We tried to get Foxy back... And her handphone was down... Fez and ~TamanegiDoushi WERE DOWN TOO... And I am the living handphone survivor... =_=. We decided to take a cab down to Puduraya, the coach station, since ~FIREFOXFLAME did not know the way there. Reached there approximately 30 minutes and managed to get the tickets at 2.30pm.

We stayed at the Internet Cafe for awhile. ~DeidaraGS called us and told Fez tha... ]]> ~Forbidden-Siren Yuripa Photoshoot http://Forbidden-Siren.deviantart.com/journal/15244666/ http://Forbidden-Siren.deviantart.com/journal/15244666/ Sat, 27 Oct 2007 14:11:10 PDT hai~ Finally I have cleared my Yuripa Project... >_< I have been busy working on the costume and stuff for Paine that I didn't have time to update my work for the past few days. So, don't demand any artwork from me when I have other projects to run. Unless you satisfy me with good cash, I'll go for it. Else, you have no rule over my deviant life.

I went for Yuripa Photoshoot last Saturday, 20th October '07, morning at Sentosa. I guessed you guys need not guess my gender... I even lost to my own vote!!! DX



















Photos are taken by Swiftwing using Canon SLR and Hexlord using Panasonic SLR cameras... All credits goes to them~!!! ^.^


]]> ~Forbidden-Siren Riku Photoshoot http://Forbidden-Siren.deviantart.com/journal/14468733/ http://Forbidden-Siren.deviantart.com/journal/14468733/ Tue, 20 May 2008 22:15:39 PDT "Thinking of you, wherever you are...
:iconakarui-siren:
:iconforbidden-siren:
...Ultimate White Chocolate Dream here I come~!!"

Polling Competition for Siren's New Pairing for Zexion! Please Support & Participate! Thanks! ---> Journal Information | Make a Poll!



Went down for photoshoot as Riku together with ~AlasMaya on 21st June 2008. It was HOT HOT HOT HOT HOT... =_= We arrived at Sentosa at 5pm... Dark-Riku (aka me) almost melted under the scorching sun (stupid Axel &*@#*$&@* burning flames). And I felt retarded the whole day till Evening breaks in... Dark-Riku REVIVED in darkness!!! 8D Coz it was a weekend... So there were like... alot of people playing at the beach. =_= And to see us... *cough*

I'm not just retarded... The reason why I seldom gonna become Riku... coz I'm BLIND. So... errr.... mishaps happened on that very day. >_> DD-Riku broke Riku's Way to Dawn Keyblade when DD-Riku bend down with his Oblivion keyblade to the floor... Coz he was blind, both keyblades clashed together and... SUX TO BE BLIND! D8 NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! *hugs Riku*

Anyway, there's two other cosplayers who were with the photographers.

:iconroxaslover1: as Roxas
:iconnamine88: as Namine
(Both of them are sisters. ^_^)

:iconalasmaya: as KH2 Riku

Oh, all photos taken are by :iconhexlord: And all newest updates are in HERE and HERE

...I'm not gonna show a RikuRoko photo here by the way. >_> *runs*







:iconnewcosplayclub::iconshm-fc::iconjenovas-witnesses::iconsingaporeans::iconunseenartists::iconrrbfanclub::iconkingdomhearts:http://Forbidden-Siren.deviantart.com/journal/14131416/ Sun, 12 Aug 2007 10:21:10 PDT Last Sunday 12/08/2007 was our FF7 group outing at Mind Cafe situated at Boat Quay~* For those who wonder... What's Mind Cafe, it is a cafe that service board gaming activities~* We have a hell-of-a-time in there... :XD: And it is back to our childhood time!!! And the food rox man~!! I am tempted to go back there again... (it's the fourth time for me so far)

Practically, we went crazy. :P Here'ish de short video clip of our activities... hehehs... NOISEY~!!!

FF7 @ Mind Cafe

I don't have much photos taken... Too engross playing the games than to take photos of us screwing around... OwO Well, suppose if we could film ourselves for 2 hours in the whole scene... You'll laugh. :XD:

Inside de Cafe


Outside de Cafe


Along the riverside of Clark Quay




]]> ~Forbidden-Siren CosCon 07' Event http://Forbidden-Siren.deviantart.com/journal/14036221/ http://Forbidden-Siren.deviantart.com/journal/14036221/ Wed, 08 Aug 2007 01:46:46 PDT lols~ I am soooo exhausted!!! :XD: For the last two weeks we were rehearsing for our skit. And some rushing their props and costumes. Good gracious that everything comes in time. I took more worries on our skit and members' props esp things kinna screwed up in between. ^^; But it turned out fine on that day though!

This is our group photo!! (Professor and Boomer not in the picture coz they went out dating...)



We joined the Group competition as the Demashita! Power Puff Girls Z Team, since some of our costumes are near to completion and I figured out it would be interesting to have ourselves up for some challenge~* We were... kinna the only anime group cosplayers in there... And the first one to perform... TEAM NUMBER ONE. :XD:

There were 6 teams in the competition. The other five should be... erm.. lemme recall... The SWAT team, The CounterStrike team, The Harry Potter Team, The StarWars team... And for the last one I forgot~* :P




Oh... And thank goodness the place was kinna cold... Thus we survived the thick layering of our costumes. But I skated around ALOOOOOOOT~ Esp at the point of time I was looking for Bubbles.. =.= WHO WAS RIGHT at the booth next to the entrance... You'll see a green boy skating all over the convention hall and bypass Cloud and Sephiroth standing beside a motorbike. Someone came to us and asked who is the green boy that glided around the area coz he is so cute. (I had already took off my jacket so she did not know it was me) :XD:



Anyway, before they announce the winners of the group contestants... The MC came to us and said, "You'll be very happy." So... It kinna give more than just a hint ne? O_O I prefer to get shocked on stage than to get shocked before they announce it on stage... :XD: Well, least abit of surprises~*

YES! THE DEMASHITA! PPGz TEAM WON 1ST PRIZE!!! CHEERS!!! =D



Oh... what's our prize... $500 Takashimaya Vouchers & $300 B'dae Spa Vouchers... OwO Well... Better than nothing... (Ohhh... the individual category get monies~~~) TTwTT

Credits for the photos taken from Swiftwing~!!! Great shots~!!! :D
More photos can be found in here : [link]

And oh... Though I don't have the actual copy of the skit on stage... (coz noone helped us to take...) TTwTT I have a copy of the skit rehearsal taken one day before the event. Clickie and enjoy~!!! :D

Demashita! Powerpuff Girls Z 07' Team - Skit Rehearsal


FF7AC Doujin Collaboration
Anime Graphic Artist @ Your Service!
Final Fantasy Reunite Cosplay Team Cosfest 2008
Final Fantasy 7 Advent Children FanArt on Tee Sale

:iconnewcosplayclub: :iconshm-fc: http://Forbidden-Siren.deviantart.com/journal/13846817/ Thu, 26 Jul 2007 11:28:03 PDT Yep! And I have finally grown a year older... >_< There wasn't much celebration on my b'dae (which is on the 23rd July) cept people has been asking me out and sort. I really appreciated it~ <3

On the day of my b'dae, I received alot of SMSes from my cosplay group members... OwO Gee... I wonder did you guys co-ordinate and SMS me at the same time... OwO Every after one SMS finishes, it follows up with another... OwO But I really appreciate the effort of SMSing me and wishing me well.. Coz in my past b'daes, I never receive mass SMSes from friends wishing me Happy B'dae. It really touched my heart even though it's a small act. It makes me feel... remembered. <3 I really love you guys~ Thanks for loving me dis' weird insane leader... :XD:

And of coz... floods of wishes from my SBF buddies in the thread and my KH-vids buddies whom one even created a happy b'dae thread juz for me!! OwO [link] (I feel so embarrassed argh!!)

I also wanna thanks my wlny.com buddies for the treat to Minds Cafe last Friday. And my childhood buddies for the Sakae Sushi treat~* It has been long since I ever touched on sushi buffet... <3

Of coz, most of all I wanna thank the photographers like usagi and his friend, as well as swiftwing who volunteer themselves to be our photographers last Sunday... Though we didn't take alot of pix due to timing and latecomers.. ^^; I went as Zexion in the afternoon, and Riku at night...

Below are the photos taken from Usagi's cam aka :iconhexlord: : [link]










Below are the photos taken from Swiftwing's cam : [link]









This one is a photo taken by swiftwing and I went to photo-manipulated it~* :XD: (I am a photo manipulater kekekes~)



I wanna thank those again who took time to wish me happy b'dae~ I really feel so blessed, so loved, and to be remembered~ <3 *hugs* Thankies everybody for loving me!! You guys are awesome!! <3


FF7AC Doujin Collaboration
Anime Graphic Artist @ Your Service!
Final Fantasy Reunite Cosplay Team Cosfest 2008
Final Fantasy 7 Advent Children FanArt on Tee Sale

:iconnewcosplayclub: :iconshm-fc: :iconjenovas-witnesses: ~Forbidden-Siren Cosfest 2007 @ Downtown http://Forbidden-Siren.deviantart.com/journal/13754285/ http://Forbidden-Siren.deviantart.com/journal/13754285/ Mon, 16 Jul 2007 08:23:49 PDT Day 1 : 07/07/2007

Yay!!! Cosfest ish here~!!! Cept my organization cloak was sent for repair!!! So... Zexion ends up in HOT PANTS!!! Well... Juz call myself a random Nobody... But still people identify me as Zexion... In an un-organized wear. :XD:

ANYWAY

We met at Douby Ghaut first to PLAY (once again) before we headed down to Nyee Ann City... Which I think all the cosplay performance were over by then... ^^; (we slow-mowers) I heard the KH skit didn't turn out great... (from a friend's comment) Coz she walked away after watching for one minute only... O_o

Well... I don't have much picture to show off this time... Only a couple of my own... =_=;; (And we forgot to take a group photo too)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*

Day 2 : 14/07/2007

de 2nd day of cosfest was exciting. I finally received my organization cloak (though I still need to edit here and there) and my Oblivion keyblade (which I still have to edit here and there)

And most of all, :iconfirefoxflame: and :icondeidarags: came to Singapore~!!! They arrived via plane the day before and bunked into my place. But most of the time we spent are rushing for our incomplete props and stuffs. ^^;

Anyway, I wore my Riku org. wear and walked around blindfolded holding my oblivion... I somehow became part of the attraction during the event... Got stopped many times by the crowd... I had a hard time finding my members coz they left me unattended after the shot... Sadly... lols. Till Vanessa, who is my partner, as the other Riku in kh2 outfit came. And she took care of me guiding me along when we have our shots. Her Way to Dawn kinna made me jealous though... lols. But both keyblades looked awesome. Many people came and asked about the keyblades. They even asked why do we not be involved in the competition.

Here's a little show of us... ^^



*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*

Day 3 : 15/07/2007

Day 3 was rather disappointing, and dry. Not only did the package did not come in time, the members screwed up amongst themselves. Bubbles did not complete her costumes (or should I say... lazy?) and we'd lost Brick coz his costume did not come.

Rina had already pissed me off with several issues:
1) Items did not came in time.
2) The materials used for the costumes were cheapskates. Colors were wrong.
3) Her temporary replacements for missing items are made half-hearted. (e.g. monkey mask)
4) We have to sew the items up ourselves. (esp for the PPGz girls)
5) AND SHE EVEN AS... ]]> ~Forbidden-Siren Jrock Matsuri 07 Outing http://Forbidden-Siren.deviantart.com/journal/13586996/ http://Forbidden-Siren.deviantart.com/journal/13586996/ Tue, 03 Jul 2007 02:09:34 PDT wheee~ That was last Saturday event... But it was fun~* We did not stay long to watch the performances... We went and spent most of our time arcade at Plaza Singapura... ^^; And most of my expenses were covered by them... hehehs... (me ish super bad!!!)

I wore plain punk. Yet, I still attracted alot of attention because of my hair - titanium silver. :XD: Real or no real? :P (I love my hair~) :iconzekilljoy: seems to enjoy looking at the crowd when I walked pass them... o_O *pwned*

We went and watch Transformers, it was really nice!!! Better than the Fantastic Four which was rather... disappointing. I just see it as a... normal show? Worthwhile watching it on a weekday though. After the show we went and ate at the Kopitiam next to Youth Park~* The food ish nice~!!! :XD:



Apparently, most of our time were spent on :: Lunch -> Arcade -> Movie -> Dinner



One of my biker friend saw me. I think. Coz he asked why there are alot of people at Cineleisure when he went there to watch Transformer. And said no wonder he spotted a pontianak. Rather rude to address me that way, name-calling is never forgivable. He'll be called a Bitch if he dares to do that again.

If you know you are in the wrong and made someone angry, do you apologise? He doesn't. Yet, it is my choice whether I will choose to forgive him or not, even if he does not apologise, even if he thinks he is right.

Oh btw... these pixxies are from :iconzekilljoy: camera... I am too lazy to pull out mine. :XD: My cam ish only useful as a backup cam (when Zeki's cam going low batt).



It is great knowing these people. They are wonderful, positive, encouraging, fun-loving, caring and helpful. It is a previlage to have them as my friends. And I hope it'll last forever and ever even when my FF7 cosplay group ends... Who knows, we might think of new groups to team up as in the future! <3

You know, I am scared to be the leader, or an organizer.

I failed many times in the past. Broke down in tears many times from ignorant, un-cooperative, filled with critisism and negative feedbacks from people. There was noone for me to turn to cept myself. Depression. Stress. Unbearable pain in my heart. Yet I was unwilling to depart from them, for fear of loneliness.

When I thought of opening a cosplay group for FF7, I had the fear of failure. But one thing I have learnt - No failures, No victories. Thus I took a step forward and move on. No turning back.

And here I am! With them! I love them! They are my treasures in my heart! <3 Especially :iconzekilljoy: my best encourager and side-kick (hehehs). And I want to be known as their very good friend, and not just an emo leader. hehes... <3 Love you guys!!



Oh yar, share with ye guys some interesting youtube vids that I plucked out from HotPinkMidNite. Her KH vids rocks!! I specially liked the last two - Crap 7 & Crap 8. <3

Kingdom Hearts Random Crap
Introduction Crap
Craptacular!
Crap-a-palooza!
What the Crap?!
Dis ain't yo Momma's Crap!
H... ]]> ~Forbidden-Siren Streetfest 07 Outing http://Forbidden-Siren.deviantart.com/journal/13586994/ http://Forbidden-Siren.deviantart.com/journal/13586994/ Tue, 03 Jul 2007 02:09:14 PDT (EDIT: Accidental deleted entry laid on 3rd June 07 event)

Lols~ As promised! (to myself) Coz my :iconakarui-siren: subscription will end, I will use this account to display SOME of the photos taken last Sunday~* Credits goes to :iconzekilljoy: for her photos~* Go nag her if you wanna see all~!!! :P

We were suppose to meet at Somerset MRT @ 11.30am... But in the end we dragged till 1pm and... I arrived there at 2pm. :XD: I'm a slug you know... Fezzy stoled my hat and used it as a fan!! SOB!!! (No Fezzy... you stink...) :P



It was indeed HOT and HUMID. And noisy because of the J-band singing... (Not as if they are really good you know....) And I was super hungry so we headed to the shopping mall to Yoshinoya to have lunch! And I showed them the pathetic Robo Chicken - giraffe. Five stages of emotions expressed when trouble comes! :XD:



Stupid jungle stupid quicksand AHHH I wanna bite someone in the face!! Mother *TOOT* Mother *TOOT* AHHH *TOOT* The stupid jungle *TOOOOT*



Then we went to play archery~!!! (coz I wanted to... I wanted to join archery if poly had it that time, but...) And I managed to hit bull's eye 2 + 1 times!!! (Out of so many arrows hahahas!!!) At least I got the most amongst my friends!!! :XD: *haolian!! haolian!!!*



Then we went back to scape again and see more cosplayers, punks and jrockers. The weather is still freaking hot but better. I tent behind the board resting while the rest went off to take picture. And have some intimate moments with my beloved Buttercup~!!! My bike friends says :iconzekilljoy: looks so chio~!!! :D I make all men jealous for having her!!! :XD:



Well, it didn't just end here... I was rather unsatisfied with the not-so-nice kissie pixxies so we took quite a few... She can't kiss me properly becoz I am too tall for her... :XD: So we went to find a target instead...



And the photo turned out great... Better than mine... So out of jealousy... I went and manipulate the photo... And now it turns out like this... MAKING IT SO ROMANTICAL~!!! :XD: (yes wirbewind... You've juz turned into a rock...)



Soon after, we went off to watch the movie Shrek 3. And went for dinner @ Suki Sushi resturant... But the one who ordered the most seemed to be... me. ^^; (It has been long since I've ever tasted sushi lols~) Welp, that's how it ended!! Nice and sweet yar? :D

http://Forbidden-Siren.deviantart.com/journal/12784712/ Sun, 29 Apr 2007 23:46:15 PDT
I had a great and exciting time at the beach in Sentosa with my FF7 team last Sunday! We had potluck by the beach, chit-chatting, some went cycling (and got themselves exhausted. And the best part is dragging each other down into the waters and get dunked!

The weather was wonderful! It seemed that God has blessed the day for us saying - Have fun My Beloved Children! :D



:iconzekilljoy: was having fun building sand-words... (the photos are taken using her camera) And we even went to build a sand castle version of The MIDGAR!!! Including one big Shinra Headquaters and 12 Sectors of Midgar~!!! Kinna crappy but cute~!!! :P



Alright... Anyway, I was the last one to get so-called dunked into the waters. I wanted to get into the waters cept I wanted to take pixxie too!! Anyway, they did tried to force me in... But I BITE. I think if Drake continued to pull me down... I think he'll end up with bleeding arms. Carol prolly got abit weary on that... :P

Nobody can force Siren into the waters cept herself!!! :D



I did not intend to wet my members during the outing though... It was Drake's intention!! The first who got dunked... :iconorangehope: :P And here is the video of her taken by ME!!! : [link] (toot! For the last part~! :P)

But I did warn my members to bring extra clothes and towel JUST IN CASE something like that might happen... Cept some didn't really put that in mind... heheheh... (Lucky me I did, cept I forgot my towel... ^^;)



Alot more nice pictures were taken by :iconzekilljoy: coz I gave up being the photographer to get stuck on the surface. I threw my camera aside at the base and dunked myself into the waters. Haa!! :p



Anyway... the seawater is HORRIBLE... super salty... super unnatural anyway~ It's a reclaimed land mah... Zzz... Got myself sunburned due to direct sunlight... Should've listened to them and put on suntan lotion... ^^;

Rest of the photos taken and compiled by me can be found here: [link]


FF7AC Doujin Collaboration
Anime Graphic Artist @ Your Service!
Final Fantasy Reunite Cosplay Team Cosfest 2008
Final Fantasy 7 Advent Children FanArt on Tee Sale

http://Forbidden-Siren.deviantart.com/journal/11217009/ Wed, 09 Jan 2008 19:52:46 PST Hi to those who are fans of Final Fantasy 7 (and for those who are not~) people! I am looking for artists who are interested to do a doujin collab with me based on Advent Children. The rule of the game is simple...

What Happens Next...?

Each person will have a turn to draw out a page. Minimum ONE page. Maximum number of pages... Up to you.

I will send you a Note when it is your turn to continue the manga after the previous person has completed his/hers. You will use your creativity juices and contnue from where the previous person has left off with. Once you have completed, you will send me a Note and link me the picture.

You are given 1 week to complete the task (maximum period 2 weeks). You can choose to skip your turn if you are busy for that week. But once you have accepted the task, there is no backing out. Let us be responsible in what we do ne? :)

Note:
No yaoi, yuri, hentai or any other obscene drawings are allowed! Minimum to no vulgarities! Let's keep it towards comedy level nyu~? Please also remember to include (and update) in your art description on the doujin pages so that people can follow up and knows what the story is about.

>>>>>

Page 1 | Page 2 | Page 3 | Page 4 | Page 5 | Page 6 | Page 7 | Page 8 | Page 9 | Page 10 | Page 11 | Page 12 | Page 13 | Page 14 | Page 15 | Page 16 | Page 17 | Page 18 | Page 19 | Page 20 | Page 21 | Page 22 | Page 23 | Page 24 | Page 25 | Page 26 | Page 27 | Page 28 | Page 29 | Page 30 | Page 31 | Page 32 | Page 33

So now... Who is willing to take up the challenge on What Happens Next...? :D

Next page-maker: :iconio99asai:

I'm gonna start on a new chapter after the last two person finishes the last few pages... so... Ganbaru yo~

Participants
:iconamaiai::iconfirefoxflame: ~Forbidden-Siren bOrDeM iN mALaYsiA http://Forbidden-Siren.deviantart.com/journal/10388343/ http://Forbidden-Siren.deviantart.com/journal/10388343/ Sat, 14 Oct 2006 08:31:57 PDT Scenerio: Cousin's wedding

Friday, 13th Oct '06

Arrive time, 0830AM. Slack+Sleep till 1500PM. Went out with my mom, her sister and sister's kids (6 lil girls) for shopping. Came back at about 1700PM. Slack+Sleep till 1800PM. Small dinner gathering amongst the relatives and the groom. Problem with a lump of ice for cooling soft drinks and beer (Carlsberg). Boringly chipping off ice pack with a simple metal spoon when they could not
think of anything.

Stares at Carlsberg.

Me: "..........."

Picks it up.

Me: "............"

Throws it back in. Continues chipping off ice. Dips left hand into ice water. Hand numb. Pull it out. Pokes. Continues chipping off ice. Dips left hand in again. Hand numb. Pokes. Right hand in. Hand numb. Pokes. Continue chipping ice.

After that, I had a 'decent' chat with my mother. I told her about buying the bike next week. She asked under whose name. I said mine. And she said isn't my brother willing to sign up as first-rider, I was like 'Har, how I know?'. Brother didn't really want me for bike riding but mom said if it's my will, no point forcing me not to take it. Then my brother asked if he gets a chance to ride it too. =_= After that, the conversation went to the point...

Me: "...For car, wait till I get a husband to get one
for me."

"You make your own decision I won't interfere. But I want you to know what you are doing."

Me: "eheh."

"At your age now, you should be finding a guy that can support you and not the other way round."

Me: "eheh."

"And you should behave yourself even if you are couples. I have had seen it with my own eyes that you two walked together."

Me: "eheh."

"And he should come and visit our house often and communicate instead of staying outside."

".......I know when to keep to my limits."

"I hope you do and...(blah blah blah)"

Me walks off to the toilet. Come back.

"...(blah blah blah)."

Me walks off to toilet again. Come back.

Me: "The groom is hogging the toilet."


Saturday, 14th Oct '06

Woke up at 0800AM after a couple loud horn coming from a car (driving pass). Went downstairs to clean up. Waited for the bathroom from a long queue of people wanting to bath. Showered and slacked again. Heard the arrival of the groom who has successfully somehow burned his pocket and fetched his bride. Relatives showered the place and more servings coming. Eat, slack, sleep, watch TV, eat, slack, sleep, watch TV. Prepared myself at 1130AM to go for the wedding dinner. Wore my punk outfit. Shocked my aunties. Went for wedding dinner, got shifted/pushed around three tables because of kids dominant. Kids ruled the KTV.
Ate alot.

Watches the people peeling off prawn shells. Eats the entire prawn with the shells. Chomp chomp everything.

Done with dinner at 1600PM, went back to granny's home. Mom detest going to Holiday Plaza at this hour especially when brother is driving Singapore car and might have the potential to be robbed. Decides to move off tomorrow morning. I gave up, don't want to go. Go home straight at 1800PM. Halfway on the road a loud bang.

Mom: "....What's that sound?"

Me: "Car tire punctured."

Bro: "No lar.. Can't be."

Me: "Car tire punctured. Left front tyre."

Mom: "I think you better stop and take a look."

Car stops. Brother gets down. Mother opened door and looked down.

Mom: "Yar, car tire punctured."

Bro: "No lar, cannot be."

Brother looked. Kept quiet. And went to get spare wheel from boot. Both ladies watched him change the tire sweating. After approximately 30 minutes, tire changed, continue journey. Moving off to a road swirl, brother swirl off track near the grass.

*thinks back* Brother drank many glasses of beer.

He managed to juggle back on track to the expressway and to the custom. Saw red sun covered by thick fog from Indonesia. Snapped a photo and THERE. Reached home at 2000PM. Journal entry completed at 2300PM.


Time to nap.


FF7AC Doujin Collaboration
Anime Graphic Artist @ Your Service!
Final Fantasy Reunite Cosplay Team Cosfest 2008
http://Forbidden-Siren.deviantart.com/journal/10058773/ Wed, 13 Sep 2006 18:41:31 PDT 10th March 2006 Friday, IT show event at Suntec city.

I met Vanessa's friend for the first time. We talked about FF7ac cosplay private shoot. He wanted Kadaj, but I had him. XD (Though I am a fan of Sephiroth) He joined the FFR rpg (using vanessa's account) after much persuading.

Some days later, Vanessa had him up on MSN. So I added him (for teh name of FFR!!). We chatted on MSN, SMS, (SOS?), occassionally we date each other out. Though it sounds funny to some people... But to us, 'date' means going out with friend/s. Though sometimes I am surprised when he bought me a stalk of sunflower (my request) on a date. Overall, he gave 3. The first one was given on 14th June 2006 Wednesday. But it was kinna embarrassing when I brought it home and my family expressed weird conclusions... >_< He was rather open-minded and easy-to-be with... only to individuals and familiar people I think. >_>;;

16th June 2006, he and I went Malaysia, Johore together.

Lol, THIS is definately very funny.. XD I am used to going in and out of Malaysia with/out my family/friends. But it was his first time - and he seemed to feel that his life is in danger.. XD He tagged my bag everywhere we go and mentioned about territories and such.. =/ (though I have had least idea what it was) But in the end, he bought his fav Skyliner Tee and I bought my Punk outfit. He paid for it but in the end I refund him directly through account transfer! XD Oh.. When he went through singapore custom.. He thought he have to remove ALL metals on his body... So he was eventually stuck at a corner... (removing his metalic stuffs) The security guard asked him, "Are you singaporean?" and "Are you an alien?"

XD *smacks my head hard* ok... I forgot it was his first time afterall... but... I don't mind seeing it happen again... *_*

22nd June 2006, the first time he ever made me cry. XD

Partially it was my fault that I did not gave him the full detail that we are having a BBQ gathering with a group of my christian friends. (But he didn't question either.. lol >_< ) I was extremely sensitive whenever I brought my friend/s amongst a group of unknowns (to them), whether they will act rudely or not... He was not at all pleased, and I was utterly upset from his behavior. I beared the urge to cry seeing my friends struggling trying to get along, or being abandoned by them. When we went back, he started blasting his thoughts to me... Though I argued back but I knew it was kind of pointless, thus I shut up and kept awkwardly quiet. I beared the pain till I entered the train. Then I sat down, and I teared (with my eyes closed) infront of him.

He SMSed me word of apologies and defined his culture. I didn't reply. But I emailed him the next day about how I've felt. And was back to normal. He sounded.. Like my past (being neutral and sort).

9th July 2006, Cosfest - Reunion.

Lol, I screwed him to skin care with my MLM products before that day... Oh, not to forget that when I help him put on mask... I accidentally spilled the liquid over his pants... *cough* (I DIDN'T DO THAT DELIBERATELY!!!) Anyway, I gave him my sage costume to wear for Cosfest as well. I could not do much for him as I have to rush on my products at the same time. I was pretty stressed. But noone knows. He was helpful to carry my stuffs for me one day before the event to Jones' house... (Though I found out we only need to pull the lever and drag the lugguage out.) *lalala..* I liked to make his hair spiked. XD <-- cruel hairdresser.

Man need to sweat... more, ye know?

22nd - 23rd July 2006, my 21st B'day.

He was the one who helped me the most overall. Though I felt sad for him that he was casted out and slacked to sleep when I went away for some time. I didn't like to have anyone being left out in a conversation. Second night was bad, only him and me overnight. lol~* One of my friend joined us overnight but reached the place after 12. Actually it was I who called her in... (else it will only be me and him) That time, I already had feelings for him but I kept it in denial. I tried to match-make him to someone else. Or claimed him as my beloved brother.

I feared... alot of things. Alot ALOT of things...

29th July 2006 Saturday, nothing special.

During those periods, I was sensitive. Sensitive to words that may leave a meaning behind it. But I denied it many times. This day was the first time he mentioned, "luv ye" on SMS. There was random thoughts in my mind at first but I concluded he expressed it in a brotherly love manner. It was mentioned couple of times but most of my replies were,

"Luv ye too, brother."

13th August 2006, Escape Theme Park at Downtown East

This time it is not him who made me cry but him who saw me cry. I did not ex... ]]> ~Forbidden-Siren Weirdly Strangely Graciously Sadly http://Forbidden-Siren.deviantart.com/journal/6825446/ http://Forbidden-Siren.deviantart.com/journal/6825446/ Fri, 21 Oct 2005 06:38:15 PDT Weirdly,

I do not know why but it seemed ordinary ';peaceful'. Work is stressful, things do cropped up, total quiet during lunchtime - but noone bother. But the condition does not stress me at all.

Strangely,

I have the urgh to re-construct the things I have lost in the past. I have re-created one of my groups in Yahoo! Groups; Final Fantasy Reality (falls in luv wif de bgsound in de group)
And now I'm back in Deviantart. Who revived me? It's Sephiroth-sama! <3
But I do hope that my strength in resurrecting my old groups are not in vain.. A solo player plays nothing, right?

Graciously,

I have made my Siren; a beautiful smile across its face.
Grace, grace, I couldn't be demoralized all the time. Yes I wish I could. Was it real or fake? I am not sure about myself. I lived with fears in my life; the past, the present and the future. The lack of confidence is enough to pull me down. Past failures? Friends' denial? Be resentful when your friends take no time for you when you are hurt or down? Seriously, it does not matter to the world whether you are dead or alive.

Sadly,

I am still in memorial to my past. There are regrets in my life, but there is also -- no turning back. I still love them for some reason. I have no hate but sad. But if a group does not belongs to you, why force yourself to stay? Yet if I have a chance, I wish I could be with them.
But A gift that is sent out cannot be restored.
I gave my group as a gift away to atone for my sins of burden in their lives because of me.

Death,

I'll be a forgot from the face of the earth. "Really?" I asked myself, "I don't know. I really don't know." And when I say, "Let the wings of Siren covers my impurities, the death-god of Sephiroth carries me, and I'm lost in forever darkness." It is there.


FF7AC Doujin Collaboration
Anime Graphic Artist @ Your Service!
Final Fantasy Reunite Cosplay Team Cosfest 2008
Final Fantasy 7 Advent Children FanArt on Tee Sale

:iconnewcosplayclub::iconshm-fc::iconjenovas-witnesses::iconsingaporeans::iconunseenartists::iconrrbfanclub::iconkingdomhearts::icontheorganization::icontehzemyxclub::iconzexion-fan-club::iconmarushion:

My Other side: :iconakarui-siren:http://Forbidden-Siren.deviantart.com/journal/5094603/ Sun, 01 May 2005 00:10:22 PDT Takuya aka Kang Loong (dangerous man, beware), came again. He appeared at my house doorstep in demand for the mangas and vcds. But I was outside with my friends. I heard the news from my mother from a call. Without a choice, I had to tell the truth. I told her about his relationship with him and why I BURNED his mangas away. And I demanded her to scram him away else I shall not return home.

This man has intimidated me, therefore I shall reveal this truth to everyone. And it was hidden since January 2005.

He is a desperate man.

"And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free." -John 8:32


I regretted setting up a private photoshoot on 31st Dec. That was how I got to know Wolf face-to-face. I blamed myself for my indecisiveness. I could not decide a photoshoot under shelters dued to a rainy weather. The most inferior spot was, when the group decided on Esplanade, the guys decided amongst themselves to go elsewhere without informing the girls, and we had already changed into our outfit. (Our costume is striking especially mine, a sage)

The management from the shopping center stopped us when we were on our way through. The group argued back, thinking they are right. But to me, the blame should be upon us. Especially me, faithless to take control on the group.

After the day was over, I went for countdown with the guys. Then we met up with other people where I get to know more people like Ino. After that we went home individually.

I reached home, exhausted. Then I received a call from Wolf. He wanted to date me out. To me, a date is a usual thing amongst my friends even amongst my guy-friends. So I said yes and off the phone. The next day he clarified with his childish 'date'. Every night, he called in for a conversation. Few days later, he asked if I could be his love. I did not take in seriously and agreed out of childishness. But it was an act I regretted for life.

The first day when we went out together, he took away my kiss without permission. Beforehand, I even tried to bend my head down when I sensed this feeling. But he grabbed my head and pulled me to him. He mentioned I am the second person he kissed with.

The second day, he became touchy and molested my body, saying it was ';patting' with his girlfriend only. I felt not right with it, but my rejections were unheard. He did not respect my privacies, he wanted to do it HIS way.

On the same day, he shared with me that if he ever breaks with me, I should not be sad. And that at least I will learn from the first step.

Do you ever get a lover to say that to you?

Many times I have asked him, "Do you love me? Or love my body?" His answer was 'Me'. But as I continued with the question, he said 1/3 'My body' and 3/4 'Me'. But to me, it seemed like the other way round.

Third day, I wrote a breakup email message to him. After long consideration, I did not wished to be his sex-object. Afterwards, he kept pestering me to re-consider. He promised me that he will change, and restrict himself from perverty and claimed to delete hentai stuff from his computer.

But his promises are lies. It was a mistake that I chose to believe him so blindly.

Fourth day, he hastily took me to find a pair of rings to bind me to him. And after spending time the whole day, he walked me home. But stopped at a playground for a chat. And he did it again. He broke his promise. If he had not binded me with that ring, I would have left him.

At that point of time, I felt I have lost my wisdom to think properly. I did not like it. Even if I reject, it was ignored totally. At that point, I blamed myself for being weak to reject it fiercely, because I hate to hurt people's feelings.

I did not realise soon enough but I was angry inside me.

He did the same thing on every occassion we met. I insisted not to go his house because I feared he will do that again.

I did not wish to share my relationship with this man to the group of friends I was with. Not because that will make them fail to think me and him are together. Because, I was ashamed being with him. I did not wish to be with a man that leaves bad impressions amongst others, and to hold grudges to enemies. I was ashamed to be with a pervert.

But one day I got tricked to go to his house as he mentioned that his uncle will be coming over to repair his computer, but he never did. An explaination was given that his uncle overselpt. But whether it was the truth or not, I did not know. He did ' ~Forbidden-Siren Featured in M.A.G.E. http://Forbidden-Siren.deviantart.com/journal/4709926/ http://Forbidden-Siren.deviantart.com/journal/4709926/ Wed, 02 Mar 2005 10:32:20 PST Back to DA...

Finally it is over. But I aren't happy either. I'm still depressed, upset, angry. I feel like a trash. (Someone, please throw me into a bin)

aii... But there is one thing to be happy about.

I am being featured in the March issue M.A.G.E. magazine as a cosplayer for Streetfest December 2004. And my interview is there too... And I keep staring at myself (even till now...). Luckily, I put on a blinker (blind fold). No-one will be able to identify me... (as usual... e.g. Dark Archer) Uh... Maybe... those who gets my nick... heheh.... A friend even joked that he will buy the magazine and cut my picture out and paste it on the wall. That inspired me to do the same... But that is sure crazy but... Can't I love myself?

Today's quote: "I hate broken promises."

=========================================

What Is Your Love Number?

Your Love Number is 7

When you fall in love, you experience it to the fullest.
You are a cheerful, joyful soul - and you attract people easily.
While you fall for people quickly, you also fall out of love quickly.
It takes a dynamic, exciting lover to keep your attention long term!

(That's really my favorite number, really!)

=========================================

(I'm born under the sign of Leo yet I have the behaviors of a Cancerist... Indeed it is weird but hey!)

How much do you match your zodiac sign?

You are 20% Leo | You are 80% Cancer

=========================================

(".........")

How scary are you?

You Aren't Scary, You're Scared
Probably even scared to see how this quiz came out!

=========================================

Are You Romantic or Realistic?

You Are A Romantic Realist
You are more romantic than 50% of the population.

You tend to be grounded when it comes to romance.
Sure, you can fall hard... but only for someone you've gotten to know.
And once you're in love, you can be a total romantic goofball...
But you'd never admit it to your friends!

=========================================

What Age Do You Act?

You Are 22 Years Old
You are a twenty something at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences.

(At first I got age 40...... worse...)

=========================================

What Is Your Seduction Style?

Your Seduction Style: The Coquette
You are a pro at playing the age old game of hard to get.
Your flirting style runs hot and cold, giving just enough to keep them chasing you.
Independent and self-sufficient, you don't need any one person to make you complete.
And that independence is exactly what makes people pursue you.

(ehehehe......???)

=========================================

What Gender Is Your Brain?

Your Brain is 73.33% Female, 26.67% Male
Your brain leans female
You think with your heart, not your head
Sweet and considerate, you are a giver
But you're tough enough not to let anyone take advantage of you!


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:iconnewcosplayclub::iconshm-fc::iconjenovas-witnesses: ~Forbidden-Siren I've Sinned (Part 2) http://Forbidden-Siren.deviantart.com/journal/4587950/ http://Forbidden-Siren.deviantart.com/journal/4587950/ Tue, 15 Feb 2005 09:23:37 PST It's nearing 01:00AM now... And I've yet to complete my projects that's dued this week...

Haven't been feeling very well these days perhaps. Think too much, lazed, tired, exhausted and un-interested in all things I see in this world. Not even a feeling to draw. I laughed yet my smiles are never on inside me. A face of pretence.

I've acted pretty well, I guessed. Faked too much that no-one knows if I'm telling a lie or the truth.

:iconforbidden-siren: has been a year old since after V'day Feb 14th. Yet this day to me, it was not considered joyful.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Feb 13th, I went out with Asakura and Soba Ya to church before outing. We decided to watch movies after a looong decision from the guys.. But anyway, they'll be paying for my bills for the day.. huhuh.. Not forgetting how eager Soba Ya was paying to make me play in the arcade hohoh.. But practically, we were rotting to death - nothing to do.

Feb 14th, V'day, meet out with Mister Wolf, a request from him last night that he wants me to be his last Valentine. So I did, after several hesitations. But I was hesitate to wear the ring upon request. I wanted to return it, very much. In the end, I wore it on my thumb instead - as a face of courtesy. We had dinner... walk around aimlessly... And went home. (Else we'll rot to death again)

Downstairs at the playground, we sat there. I refused on being kissed but yet.. times and times again I was pulled towards him. I didn't want to bring out unhappy memories within me.

I shared.. About things that had happened when he 'vanished' for two weeks before breakup. How I felt uncomfortable and waiting. And at the same time, making the final decision if I should forward this relationship or abandon it. Finally, the answer was clear when he called. Half a feeling, a sense of relief, but a sense of saddness. Yet to me, it was good. I didn't want to feel loved by body contact. I want privacies and respect of my own body.

I've learnt from someone that some girls could feel loved either by - sex, money, concern, security, etc.
I want to be loved, not by sex, but by feelings of concern and care... Giving a sense of security, protection, respect.

That day, when he touched me. I've made my final decision somehow... I may be reluctant, but who wouldn't? My heart died down almost immediately. And I know my decisions very very well... The answers are in my heart.

Unlike my friends, I don't find love just the sake of it. I want to earn a life that I will be able to live - by myself. To be independant. And live a life to the fullest. I couldn't let it go that time, but now I would. I won't be controlled... never again.

Coz I've sinned.


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:iconnewcosplayclub::iconshm-fc::iconjenovas-witnesses::iconsingaporeans::iconunseenartists::iconrrbfanclub::iconkingdomhearts: ~Forbidden-Siren Sexual Addiction http://Forbidden-Siren.deviantart.com/journal/4504888/ http://Forbidden-Siren.deviantart.com/journal/4504888/ Sat, 05 Feb 2005 16:12:23 PST I'm so DESPERATE!!! Why!?!?! Coz I'm feel slacked down under the Lord my God... TT______TT;;; It's as if I'm back to a stressed life when I go with the cell group... Just image one person calls you and asks you one question, another calls you and asks the same question... One calls you to meet at one place at this time, the other calls you for the same thing and meet at other times.

I FEEL SO FUSTRATED WITH THEM...

Thus I decided... I MUST DO SOMETHING. RIGHT NOW. IMMEDIATELY.

=========================================

I'm typing this journal at 6.45am... practically... I didn't sleep the whole day... Tidying up the room the whole night... Coz in the afternoon I went for cellgroup meeting...

Sleepy... Tired... Exhausted... Dying... Hungry... (ah.. I haven't ate since 6pm...)

DIDN't EVEN MANAGED TO BUY MY HANDBAG BECOZ OF ONE OF THE GAL IN DA CELLGROUP... WHY DID SHE FOLLOW ME ALONG!?!?! In the end she was looking at clothes more than me getting a chance to look at bags and see which one I want to get... AND LET ME NO TIME TO GO TO THE SPECIFIC SHOP I HAVE HAD DECIDED TO PURCHASE...

darn she damn rich... With just a few looks here and there, she'll buy the clothes in seconds. And she seems to shop almost everyday... Materistic sia...

And the opposite of her... was another girl I went with to buy new year clothes... More like... She's pretty picky and takes alot of time to consider instead... I was so worried for her...

========================================

I cared more on others than myself because I believe I won't end up self-centered like others. They talked more about themselves than in concern in anyone's buisness. And when good words comes into ears, they listen. When bad words comes into ears, they shun away.

An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth - this is what the world says. Forgive and forget is never in their dictionary.

Why I suddenly says these? I dunno. Probably because of my neutral behaviours towards everybody. I either get good or neutral, even towards my enemies - if I see them.
Life is so meaningless when you choose to hate and resent, and escape. I have had enough of childish behaviours.
People think their communication skills are good enough to interact with others, they THINK, so they REFUSE to IMPROVE their communication skills by EDUCATING themselves.

This is what my comm skills books have taught me.

========================================

ah... I missed da new cat that wanted to venture into my house... But the current cat didn't like any intruders and sneered at it... *sob* it was sooooooooooooooooo adorable than the current one... The current one is mischievious and playful and when I hugged her, she'll always struggle to get off... Whereas the other cat is sooooooooo gentle and when I hugged her, she doesn't even budged and is so soft and puny and beautiful~~~~ She looks like ang-moh~!!!

>w<~~~!!! *kicks da cat and brings in the new one*

========================================

For a long long time I've made a pretty bad prediction about Man, and it still does (thanks to the influence of my brothers). I know what they think first before they like.

Men loves women for sex.

Some women may go along and play with them, some doesn't likes it at all. Instead of protecting their love, they are doing more harm. And after they got sick of them, they dumped them. Isn't this just the fact? Or it has played to be fiction? They say both doesn't lose out? Says who? Girls does.

Not just that, I was so SOOOOOOOOO PISSED OFF when i saw an uncle (there was a lady with a low cut shirt seated near the sliding door), he deliberately stand right behind the screen and kept looking at.. *COUGH* I kept STARING at the DIRTY OLD MAN (DOM) for a VERY VERY long time. There was also another that works at the O-tah seller next to my bakery shop. There was one lady with a low cut walking past and his eyes kept following the lady. When the other uncle tapped his shoulder, he shun it off and kept staring. Geesh. Just imagine in a few weeks time I'll be called down by my lady boss to work... I HAVE TO BE EXTRA BEWARE OF THE DARN DOM.

I hate DOM. No wonder young children can get molested by uncles, fathers, grandfathers, whatever... What will happen in further generations? Those DOB will sure turn into DOM with better styled tactics for sake of their craves.

Some even aim for animals in despo.

I read this article from somewhere, I guessed most people are just this way (including myself but yet I'm in control of myself now - maturity): Sexual Addiction

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sexual Addiction

A person is struggling with a sexual addiction when he or she lacks contr... ]]> ~Forbidden-Siren Today I return my life to God http://Forbidden-Siren.deviantart.com/journal/4454880/ http://Forbidden-Siren.deviantart.com/journal/4454880/ Sun, 30 Jan 2005 16:10:49 PST Damn my brother, he never understands the meaning of IMPORTANCE... He always thinks HIS is important. And he showed rebellion by pulling the computer into his room (usually it is in the living room) and I showed my rebellion by staying away from home and let my project slack as usual. (which I gonna hand up THIS DAMN week...)

========================================

it has been days since Wolf has even made contact wif meh till yesterday when he requested a break (he didn't even have to tell meh, I know what he wanna say already, HOHOHOH). Since day one, I know things wun turn up well as expected.. But good gosh I didn't make up my mind to 'step into the boat' because I did have bits of feelings of him but I detested multiple times simply because, I don't wish to get hurt again, just like how my group of previous friends that had marked a deep disgression in my heart. So he is back as a buddy 4evA!

Yeapo~* (Stress is not an excuse to everything, we are just merely escaping from reality)

========================================

I didn't even cry that night tho... but I couldn't sleep somehow or another... I was not thinking about the break-up sadly, I was thinking of... Darkkitsune... How my unfaithfulness to him... I was reading through the book I've recorded between him and me... I feel so guilty of being the one that betrayed his.... I just could not set my mind at ease... But neither will we ever be together either... (because of religion problems..)

Thus I stayed up till the next day, writitng lists of people I gonna send V'day gifts for... about not more than 50 in meh lists lolZz... Which includes da ppl in de resturant I worked wifZ~* n da dae gonna bring alot alot of gifts, and only one V'day gift is de most special amongst all to da resturant ppl~~~!!! (meh resturant ppl roX man!) Not forgetting to pay my respect to meh Crash! >w< The BarMen roX!

========================================

Thx 2 da sudden break, I could fully concentrate on da Lord! Coz God's love will outwit those who had failed me great. And Whoever likes meh have to be a Christian to possess de power of Love! Muhohohohohohoho!!! I had meh joy in there and happy that dey sang two songs that I like~!!!

We Fight The Fight of Faith~~~~!!!

And da Pastor is soooooooooooo funny... I managed to learn some sarcastic jokes from him... gonna start sabotaging people for V'DAY!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!!!!!

.......14% of da ladies send flowers to demselves for V'day... (hmmm.... maybe I could start on one too...)

....den we learn about the size of da Universe... O_o|||

..... And instead of 'Brush your teeth', he talked too fast as said, "Brush your face"... OoO!!!! (note: dun talk too fast in your msg!)

... And the last joke is for meh to sabo people in V;day, so I'm not gonna share it as yet! BUAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!

========================================

After church I went off with meh friend to buy new year clothes at Paya Lebar... Searched for the whole 3 hrs++ till 7pm and I wanna puke and I only bought one, and she bought 3 or 4... =_=;;;

She went off to meet her parents to help her choose shoes (coZ i sux in doing tat...) whereas I went to CHinatown to find meh shorts that I want... walk till I wanna puke also coZ I HATE DA CROWDS.... I hate to whizz around and stop halfway jammed up...

In the end I find none... Not even a replacement and I didn't want to walk anymore coZ I'm already DEAD...

Went to buy one taiwan sausage, one stick of fishballs and eight pieces of O-tahs for dinner and ate on meh way home before I throw all meh things in da father's room and lay flat dead without getting up in meh mother's room... about 9.30pm beh..

=======================================

Woke up at 6am just to get awaken by e noise of meh rabbit... (hungry la...) and went to feed it before i went for a shower and noticed meh mobile have 2 missed calls and 2 smses... =_=;;;

too bad la.

=======================================

hoho... I think I have personal depression... since long long long long time ago and it is still there however. Coz when I was with my friends and she shared about her past self... Being alone, not willing to talk to anyone, not even her own family members, just be by herself... And that's what I am before, and that's what I am even now. To me... asking people to be with me is just a form of a burden to them, so might as well not.

anyway..... TIME TO DO MEH COMPUTER HOMEWORK BEFORE I FREAK OUT AGAIN...


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Anime Graphic Art... ]]> ~Forbidden-Siren I've Sinned (Part 1) http://Forbidden-Siren.deviantart.com/journal/4315971/ http://Forbidden-Siren.deviantart.com/journal/4315971/ Fri, 14 Jan 2005 05:21:56 PST i WISH... I could restrict Takuya's left hand, right hand, left leg, right leg, left eye, right eye, left ear, right ear, one big mouth (and if possible, one big nose). HoW to reStriCt a running WOLFFFFFFFffffffffffff............................. Best, chopped them off.... I think if I ask Foxy to do the job, she'll do that with perfect hits... X3 (don't worry, you'll get that chance one day...)

*sigh*

Recently I have been feeling VERY SLEEPY.... for the past few days I have been lazy to get off from bed and missed class thrice in a roll.... >_>;;;; (And I've already received my first warning letter of the month!) Probably of the cold weather-ing (I even sleep in class...) or I just feel plain tired after some massive energy drain or sort??

*sigh*

I have to re-type this because of some short circuit with my refridgerator... It has been spoilt for the past few months and nobody bothered to repair nor buy a new one... Or can't be bothered?

Two brothers working, but money mostly spent on? Their piorities are always outside rather than for the family. As usual, people care for themselves first before others. Mother pays for the whole house expenses, the boys pays for their own entertainment, and I have to save money madly for sake of school fees. (PAP = Pay And Pay) And after study? I'll have to work madly just for sake of my mother who is looking forward for a lesser burden... SHE WAS WAITING FOR MY SUPPORT INSTEAD OF THE GUYS...

I rather not to be born than my mother suffering in such spoilt family condition.

From that on, I have voted that I'll be independant. To outwit my brothers in any ways by strength, mentality and mindset. Not to depend on anyone but myself, even if I end up a lone route. Thus I decided to take route as a 'Man' in the household. That I will be able to support my mother ONLY, leave the guys die to their own enjoyments, and to be able to enjoy life myself.

The uselessness of my brothers has already given me the impact of the world.

And I don't wish to suffer like my mother.

I won't depend, I will never depend. Even if it's a harsh life. I am towards immunity... Lost of emotions or feelings... Perhaps yberic... I will never let anyone see my tears again, my tears of disappointment, fustration, anger and fears towards life.

I could not even understand myself.

So lost...

I still remember.... How my second brother laughs at someone's romance/mushiness.... A girl who sms-ed him a sweet message, he laughed about it. How they were perverted over women... As a sister me, I've already sensed what my brothers thinks, and what most guys will think. From them, I lose trust... "What they wants is their bodies?" The thought of that makes me beware of the world. I don't want to be loved in this manner.... That's why I shiver about the thoughts of romance and mushiness. So cold... so cold...

====

Serial Experiment Lain - Duvet

====

[link]


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:iconnewcosplayclub::iconshm-fc::iconjenovas-witnesses::iconsingaporeans::iconunseenartists::iconrrbfanclub::iconkingdomhearts: ~Forbidden-Siren Stress in Chinese Orchestra http://Forbidden-Siren.deviantart.com/journal/2446707/ http://Forbidden-Siren.deviantart.com/journal/2446707/ Mon, 17 May 2004 08:49:56 PDT It has been long since I have had a depression, again. I guess it was due to stress and collective unhidden thoughts I have had with the people around me.

I knew the reason I cried, yet I refuse to share my thoughts.

Today, I broke into tears. It was after my friend pin-pointing my mistake whilst playing the flute. My thoughts came again. Recollection the previous times said upon me. I knew and I wanted to change. I felt so dumb, I didn't wish to let them know I was in depression -- maybe my reaction was slow. I went out of the room, trying to cool myself down. But I knew sooner or later, it would worsen.

I knew about my problem since after the first pin-point. I wanted to change, times and times every week, I felt so cautious whilst training, eventually my style of playing the flute turned weaker. I felt a lack of confidence.

I did not blame them when they pin-point me. Partially, I knew I was lazing. I did not train at home. I remembered at that time, I was so hot with the instrument, I played it everyday, even overnight. But noone was there to correct me. I thought I was good, but I guess I was just being too arrogant.

I feel so shameless. I shouldn't fit playing the instrument. Yet, I am unwilling to let it go. There are too many flute players, and each been competing with one another to stay on in the section. I am just one of them -- hoping the others will lose out instead of me. In fact, I should be the one to be kicked out. I was not at all good.

In fact, I thought about many things.

I didn't share my anger, to those who critisised me or laugh at my mistakes, I swallowed it upon myself. Partially, I know they are right about my mistakes. Secondly, I do not wish to quarrel with them because of my unhappiness -- I never liked arguments. And, I do not wish to hurt them. I do not wish to hurt a friendship -- just like my past.

My smile covers it all.

I feel so selfish, joining this orchestra was probably part of my plan to show off my abilities to those I knew in the past. They have at least specialised in something I don't have. I wanted to find something I like, and that would probably make them feel envy. But as if they would ever care. And I probably trying to find replacements in broken friendships in the past -- that failed me pretty bad.

I know people would never be able to read my mind. And thus take the blame upon myself. I'm scared of everything that might happen. I'm not someone who knows how to debate and fight for what it is right. Or say something that I didn't like to hear.

I fear, those friends whom have seen the depression in me -- they probably would stay away from me, or avoid saying too much things that they might accidentally hurt me.
Just like the previous friendships I have had in the past -- whom they have now left me -- alone.

Once a loner, Always a loner.


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:iconnewcosplayclub::iconshm-fc::iconjenovas-witnesses::iconsingaporeans::iconunseenartists::iconrrbfanclub::iconkingdomhearts: http://Forbidden-Siren.deviantart.com/journal/2273521/ http://Forbidden-Siren.deviantart.com/journal/2273521/ Thu, 22 Apr 2004 08:19:55 PDT akarui-siren Thus..... I'm not a new member!!!!! Yet! To why I created another account, was because of a sad thing about my old account -- I have had a enemy -- and I don't wish to let those who knows me well, get to see my art and shame me. (But usually I shame myself, kaka) And those friends -- are negative -- never encourage when you are down.

But... I can't call them 'friends' anymore. Why? Because I abandoned them... And why? Because of my enemy. But not just that, I don't wish my 'friends' to stand in between us wondering what to do -- so I let them stands on her side.

"Forget me, and you will gain less pain."

How I wish they were with me, it wasn't easy to break a friendship, in fact -- it hurts. But, it hurts more when you see them get along with the other side and you have being forgotten. Probably we just don't get alone... Imagine, You yourself on the top of the double-decker bed, and friends below you, are laughing and having fun amongst themselves. Would you feel -- you don't exist there at all?

How I wish I could share about what is the main problem between me and the enemy, and why am I angry and mad at her. But experienced with such ignorance -- do you think it is worth to tell? No.

I parted from them -- a letter i personally mail down to a friend's house (since she doesn't trust me with her home address) -- and sobbed in the bus after receiving a message from another friend -- "Are you okay."

I wasn't.

But,
None of the less, it's better to leave than to stay. For I have been bearing jealousy and unhappiness in the group -- before the enemy rival started.

As long as they are there, I will stay on the opposite end. They have an account in deviantart, they are in the art forum which I would go for. They knew my account here as akarui-siren, but they do not know I have a new one. And the art forum I did no chat nor post, but view messages posted by others and PMing people.

Heheh... My first journal and I start writting sad sad stuffs... hahahah...
But that's the 'Siren' attitude lolZ.

Hello to everyone and...... be at your best and be original. ^_^ ]]> ~Forbidden-Siren