http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:Gabriel-Wings&section=today deviantART RSS for by:Gabriel-Wings en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Sat, 19 Dec 2009 08:02:56 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://Gabriel-Wings.deviantart.com/journal/17240181/ http://Gabriel-Wings.deviantart.com/journal/17240181/ Sat, 08 Mar 2008 12:45:01 PST
I wanted to write a notice saying that Im deleting this account .

I am really pleased with how well i did , and the works that managed to come out are something i am really pround of , but also you . all of you that comments , inspired or helped me when i needed it ; thank you .

Like i wrote before , i have a new dA :

actsha-dora is my user . .

please feel free to view . . as the works online here , will be no more , well most wont , i may re add some favorites

thank you again ,
your dA friend :]



]]> ~Gabriel-Wings http://Gabriel-Wings.deviantart.com/journal/17015950/ http://Gabriel-Wings.deviantart.com/journal/17015950/ Fri, 22 Feb 2008 20:14:26 PST
I havent been on often and I find myself writing that often now . So , I have thought of a new idea ; to start over .

I have created a new account on dA and pretty much everything is new . . Lol , my msn , myspace now dA .

So heres the information :]

actsha-dora is my new account name , and if you ‘d like to ask anything else of me , just reply :]

p.s :
oh , I restarted simply because I needed to . : D

]]> ~Gabriel-Wings http://Gabriel-Wings.deviantart.com/journal/16674583/ http://Gabriel-Wings.deviantart.com/journal/16674583/ Fri, 01 Feb 2008 13:02:25 PST not really tonight because im not here . . but whenever im online.

Though this isnt mine , I love it , and would love to share it ;

Almost Lover - A FINE FRENZY

Your fingertips across my skin
The palm trees swaying in the wind
Images
You sang me Spanish lullabies
The sweetest sadness in your eyes
Clever trick

Well I never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me

[Chorus]
Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

We walked along a crowded street
You took my hand and danced with me
Images
And when you left, you kissed my lips
You told me you would never, never forget
These images

Well I never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me

[Chorus]
Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

I cannot go to the ocean
I cannot drive the streets at night
I cannot wake up in the morning
Without you on my mind
So you're gone and I'm haunted
And I bet you are just fine

Did I make it that
Easy to walk right in and out
Of my life?

[Chorus]
Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

This is a song that my best friend from a far sent me . I wasnt really feelng happy and he sent it to me to feel better . .
Its a great song , and makes many feel better . Here 's sending to you :]

Alas , Im writting about my self . Things going on with me lately .

The cruel and depressing week of exams is finally over :] alhthough i had only 2 to do , it was still sad hard work. English i think i did really good , but with Science , not so much .

So , after this long weekend , i have the new classes . . im kinda excited . . new start :] exactly what i need . .


The feeeling right now ;

I am finally realizing things , things i should have realized a long time ago . This song has actually helped . . being with someone thats an almost lover . . sort of feels like that . I know better now , and realized that maybe its not the path im going to take. Hard to describe , where you love , and truly feel it , but know that he doesnt . .

so thats something that im currently work on getting over . .

so . . other than that and studies . . everything else is alright . . i mean sure there is sometimes the feeling of leaving and not coming back , but thats what stress does to people. .

plus , this gives me a great time to find out things about myself , or so more .

thing is , things change , and i never know whats going to happen . .


gab <3

]]> ~Gabriel-Wings http://Gabriel-Wings.deviantart.com/journal/16491931/ http://Gabriel-Wings.deviantart.com/journal/16491931/ Sun, 20 Jan 2008 14:43:42 PST
Again, I know, I havent wrote for a while, and normally it hasnt really been on anything, well, too special. But hopefully i can change that.

Currently, Im stuck. Im stuck in school, Im stuck in not knowings, and Im stuck, well just general, with my life. Dont get me wrong, there is nothing, well, not much wrong with my life. Sure theres some issues but everyone has those. But its just, that there is nothing really planned for the future.

So, me being the smart person i am, pff, I watched the Guardian last night. It inspired me, as it has so many other times, and now I figured that I am currently, as you sepected, stuck.

Ive realized that theres one thing that i want to have come out of my future, and that is to help others, but how can I do that? Yes, yes, i know, thats not the easiest goal, but im not exactly aimming for easy. Im also not going to end up being a firefighter; Id like to think im strong, but not to that extent; i cant carry shit.

So I started thinking of different things, and a couple of things came to mind:

Of course, while watching The Guardian, I generally thought that being a coast guard would be the best thing to suit me; Im a good swimmer, and Im not scared of heights, but then in the same reguards, the training is extreme, Im not that good with open water, and I generally dont like swimming in the ocean.

So I slept on the idea, and started thinking of more.

Maybe I could be in the military, but then again, Id been around that all my life, and no offense to anyone, but thats not what I want to end up doing for the rest of my life. But it may be a good way to start it off.

See, I thought of my arts, and how I loved technology and people. I thought of becoming an arts techniton ( i know, spelt wrong ). This could work, I mean i could be there with cameras, and photography, and like my mother said, it may be the most peacful and important feeling job you have; ' to be able to aim and shoot and not hurt anything'. wow.. now i really feel this could work.

Maybe police, or csi. But i generally wanted to use my arts and english to help. I just want to do something with my life, that i enjoy and helps everyone else around me. Like no offense to anyone, i mean this in no way to sound rude or disrespectful, but i dont think art that i do, can help anyone. Id like to think it could be inspriing, but thats only going to happen once in a lifetime.

So, last night, I made a plan.

After my school activities are finished this year, Im going to get a job. =] my friends, oh heavens my friends, are all starting work and have all applied, some already working, to a favorite store. I hope to join them as well, but Im just hoping i can get in. Two of my three friends up for this job are working at the new store, that seems sweet considering they are a couple, and the other one, well hes hoping i work with him, as, well, yes I hope i do too. Are you kidding, I know it may not be the best, we probably end up getting fired all together, but its all fun. =]

As for my life with school. Oh my, I have my exams coming up in the next week or so. Before that, of course I have someother one exams that like to take up early. Love how teachers do that. =[ But from my understandings, I dont have school for 4 days after this friday, so it kinda works, and basketball is put of this week due to the importance of education. Im just glad i dont have run to be frank.

So basketball, basketball has been fun. But thats why i havent been on lately,due to the trips, which were fun and the practises and such, i havent been able to go on the computer for general fun or interest, but more so homework. But other than that, basketball is good. I played my first game before we left for our trip, I actually didnt do half bad =]

Me and my love life.

Meh, Its fine, really cuase i dont really have one. Two guys and thats really saying much. One ive never really met, but now i dont think i really do, and then the other one, well hes someone that im not sure what i really feel. But grades and work are more important right now, and the other stuff will fall in place.

ART!!!

My art, well, generally speaking, I havent had much time. Writting a little bit there, and doddling here, i have done a little, but when my exams are over, I will get them on here. Promise =] Oh, and I have started a song, I have been listening to different types of music lately and its kinda inspired me to write one myself. Plus a friend asked me for one. I hope it turns out alright.

Next term..

Finally next term is coming. I will have history, math, bio and ART!!! Im excited and hopefully I get to express myself in art. History, i have a couple friends in there, and... ]]> ~Gabriel-Wings http://Gabriel-Wings.deviantart.com/journal/16403234/ http://Gabriel-Wings.deviantart.com/journal/16403234/ Mon, 14 Jan 2008 13:38:06 PST
Im not sure if anyone has realized or anything, but I havent been around that much lately. Im sorry for this, I have been away to trips and have been really trying to catch up on work.

Christmas was fun, I spent it with my mom, and talked on the phone with some family and friends. I got everything I wanted, mostly just spending some quiet time home, and then I found that there was an other surprise.

The next day being my birthday, I hung out with my two good friends. We went to a movie and then came back to my house and ordered out pizza. Then later on, mom decided to give me my cake and everything, and I was going through the pesents. I loved everything I got and had been really happy when I opened the last gift.

It was an airline ticket to go to Victoria, BC for the end of the year. I started to cry. A good cry though. I had a lot of fun there.. i will put some photos on when i get some more time.

Then I got back, and i was sick.. sadly i had to go to school the next day, but was not allowed due to my fever.

continued later...

]]> ~Gabriel-Wings http://Gabriel-Wings.deviantart.com/journal/16067163/ http://Gabriel-Wings.deviantart.com/journal/16067163/ Sun, 23 Dec 2007 23:32:02 PST
Anyways, like i said, its the holidays. A lot is going on right now. This is normally the time of the year where everyone is stressed. I am as one. I panic over the slightest thing, ive done things that i wouldnt normally, and still, im happy its the holidays. Im glad that there is no school, at least this is a plus. =]

So yes, tomorrow Im sending all my gifts to all my friends. Im wlaking up to the three doors and wishing them a happy christmas and holiday. Sadly, it will only be taking about 20 minutes. Other than this, I will probably not be able to seemy friends, due to my busy family life with my mother.

Funny, Im going up to the guy i really like, and giving his brothers and family gifts. I already got him something and gave it to him, but he wouldnt let me get him anything else. Im really looking forward to about 12 hours from now. Im too excited to sleep actually. Im not even nervous for christmas, just seeing my friends' reactions makes me nervous. I hope they enjoy christmas.

Anyways, wishing everyone a happy holiday.



]]> ~Gabriel-Wings http://Gabriel-Wings.deviantart.com/journal/15992735/ http://Gabriel-Wings.deviantart.com/journal/15992735/ Tue, 18 Dec 2007 20:18:28 PST
I dont know what to write about. Uhm.. things going on with me?

Like i mentioned before i have been working things out in my life realted to my future. I have thought of many different careers i could have and have come up with 4 possibilities:
1. Graphic Designer/ Photographer.
2. Parralegal, Police or something related, maybe coast guard or something.
3. English teacher/ proffessor
4. Writer.. lol. a test i took told me i should be a model. I dont think that test works.

Anyways, theses are choices i have come up with and are proud of. Varies and all and makes my choices all different=]

Anyways.. more news.

I meet this new guy on facebook. Now i know what your thinking.. stocker, but hes not. He knows some of my friends and i randomly bumped into him. Its kinda funny how it happened. But Im able to talk to him about stuff that others arent able to understand, he sees it in a different perspective, as a story, not a autobiography. I think i did that rong but what ever. lol

Uhm, Christmas. I got a buunch of stuff for people and am looking forward to Christmas morning. I love the spirit of it. =]

Then my birthday. . =[ uhm fun.

Then new years!! yay!! cant wait =] a new year.. 2008 babe!!

I also found that i have been writing and listening to music more. I cant write as well as i would like to hope i could, but I try =]

]]> ~Gabriel-Wings http://Gabriel-Wings.deviantart.com/journal/15822911/ http://Gabriel-Wings.deviantart.com/journal/15822911/ Thu, 06 Dec 2007 15:12:44 PST
Wow! Its amazing how things can change.

Things are really good right now.. the guy i like likes me and we are together =], basketball is going fine and my grades in GEO are going up =]. I have been thinking a lot about my future life and goals I have, and I have thought out some pretty hard things.

Right now, as my friend has mentioned on her journal, we are doing an assignment in english. This one is one im actually really interesting in doing and one im going to try my best at. The last one i did, which im pretty sure i sumbit on here (so must me in gallery, i was really proud of but didnt have enough time to finish right.. so this one i will get done right! Im not going to reveal exactly what its a bout.. but i will give clues.

1. It's about a girl in my high school.
2. It's really sad.
3. and some how its her writing it.. although the end makes it kinda hard.

Anyways, stay tunned and hope everyone is well =]

]]> ~Gabriel-Wings http://Gabriel-Wings.deviantart.com/journal/15647228/ http://Gabriel-Wings.deviantart.com/journal/15647228/ Sat, 24 Nov 2007 09:17:53 PST
This guy that i like, more so then that actually has given me something. A chance. Not a chance together, but more a change at jus knowing.

Yesterday, being rell bored in English, the two of us went to guidance, he wanted me to come, as i did the day before for him through his tough times. This time it was mine, although i couldnt say anything because he was there, so because i didnt really feel like going to class, i talked about other things, that he already knew, but yeah, nothing important.
We went to the cafeteria without a slip and i ate, due to the mild groaning in my stomach. I made him sit down and finishhis assignment. He finished it in 20 minutes and then we walked up to class. In class they gave us time to finish it. = P
Then Science, but i was talking to someone, and he just left. Whatever, i had a good conversation. =]
Lunch, we all hung out and went to the park and the corner store. I wasnt feeling the greatest so i had something to drink. Nothing special. . . lunch its self was nothing special. Excpet the end. I saw him with a her and was suddenly hit that maybe it wouldnt work out.
GEO i wasnt happy, and was kinda rude to the teacher, though i didnt mean too. And last class, i well i didnt do anything really, just work.
Report cards. meh, it was alright. but i would have liked to have done better.
After i got mine, i went to my locker and then went down to the bottom floor and found people. We were just talking, but then me, READ and another friend walked home together. After out friend invited us to come over, we went.
His house was fun, loads actually. We were just watching tv and sitting on the couch but it was fun. I had gotten up and sat back down from getting something to eat and READ put his arm around my shoulders. now that was funny. Then somehow i was lying with him on the couch, well kinda.. like the one arm over shoulder lean to the side kinda thing but it was sweet. I didnt think he meant anything by it intill, lol.. well intill he was kinda flirting.
Anyways, yeah later, we had to go over the his house instead so we walke down, made popcorn and hung out at the bowling alleys. We played pool =] more flirting. I mean i know there was flirting, considering that some people from my old school asked if we were going out.
After, we went back up to our friend's house. We sat and watched tv again.. on the couch, and then we went upstairs. We played DXBAll which i havent played in forever.. but then i was really tired. i only had like 20 minutes intill i had to be home, so i went on the couch. was just relaxing and had my coat on. READ sat beside me and then i laid down.. well kinda in the fletal postion. lol.. yeah..
anywasy../

I had a good.. night. after that, READ was hanging out other people, and then apparently talking.
A close friend that was there said that READ thinks that I like him. Well no shit. But yeah, maybe this is what i need. This something maybe i need to tell him and let him know even though im sure he knows.
I like him a lot, as many have read and probably noticed.. but yeah.
Im sorry too. I shouldnt be writting about him so much.
Anyways.. yeah. maybe

]]> ~Gabriel-Wings http://Gabriel-Wings.deviantart.com/journal/15622189/ http://Gabriel-Wings.deviantart.com/journal/15622189/ Thu, 22 Nov 2007 13:55:00 PST
Luckily I have, or maybe not so lucky, seeing as i cant be with him or be part of. Its sad really, knowing he wont feel the same way, no matter how long you talk to them, no matter how thoughtful and caring you are.

Sadly, i would call this love.. and maybe even extend to pity of myself.. =[ I know many people my age say they've found love and that its true. I'd like to make sure people know thats not me. Im not some cheeky chick that thinks the guy is her love, and then two days later, moves on. I havent in a while.. a long while.

Before, before her and between, i had tried to find some way where he could see. Before i was to long in waiting and being patient, and between i wasnt enough. Ended up looking like i was just crying and writing to him because i wanted to win. when really it was for way more. Then and now and pretty much a lways, there has been a lover. He has loved endlessly and it has hurt him. Im truly sorry for i am not the other part of that. I just dont fit, trustme ive tried for out friendship and our sakes but it didnt work. But now, he truthfully says he doesnt care, i dont believe. Hopefully them tlaking about it means that the guy in the beginning is truly feeling the same way to me.

Liquid courage. I cant, but he can. I want to tell him to stop, knowing its bad, but i didnt stop the tiny bottle he had to rest on his lips , or to try and stop the liquid to flow down through him. Confusion. Later, i do everything i can to cover it up, costing more than money. Pulling him to place to place, away from pissed grounds that wouldnt try to help, just bitch and tell him to smarten up. I told him i was worried and such, but from past ex[perience he has to lsiten and know himself before me, or anyone else.

I know he still loves her, even if hes mad at her, especially know after them. I want to be the shoulder, but im also scared to be the one he uses.

Trying to do the right thing is harder then its cut out. Him saying he hasnt found the right one breaks my heart, and ruins my thought that lift me to think that maybe we will be. Maybe some day.

]]> ~Gabriel-Wings http://Gabriel-Wings.deviantart.com/journal/15230749/ http://Gabriel-Wings.deviantart.com/journal/15230749/ Fri, 26 Oct 2007 14:40:04 PDT
Today, this break causing a long weekend couldnt have happened at a better time. Monday I had basketball try outs, and the nerves where just flowing through. The butterflies would be jealous to how many winged creatures thundered against my insides of my stomache. But some how i managed to get through the night without being beaten up too much. The second night wasnt as bad, though my feet were still suffering from the night before.
On the second night i was told that i made the team. It didnt hit me tell the next morning where i waited in the front lobby for my friends and ran to the list, already knowing that my name would be on there. The next two nights i would be running and shooting. Trying my best at whatever i could do, and realizing that I had grown. After the fourth night i had been getting a hang of things. Learning things that were basic and easy, and over coming them as if it was something un heard of. One of my fellow members, said it was hard to go backwards after learning the higher levels. I would have agreed if i was at the same rank as her, to bad that i had just learn the first step.
After a free shirt and a shower, i was ready to get a good nights rest. 2 hours later i ended up heading up to bed. Waking up to the sun through the thin certains and cutting through the blind.. i looked at the clock. 10:10 am was faced back in big, red, digital numbers. I had woken up exactly when i had planned.
Getting up and realizing that the house is your own and that you were alone in it, has a mystical free feeling. I could walk around in nothing but a bra and jane boxers and not have anyone say go put on some clothes. Although, its best to have the certain shut when you do this. Instead, I walked around in my PJ bottoms and cut off sleeves basketball shirt. I turned on the computer, while fighting with a hair brush and despretaly trying to find my batteries for my camera.
The whole rest of the day was easy going, talking on the phone, talking to friends online and randomly taking pictures.. that are in my gallery

So as some great artists have stated, other artists go through stages in their lives. I have as many would see. I began with the sketches of models in make-up magazines, and then went to doodles.. . As some would notice i dont have many new sketches online.. Im sorry, i havent really been feeling like sketching, sometimes feels like everything has been done and theres little i could do to make that change. But im sure my fever for sketching will come back quickly, as many fevers do.
With my photography, it has been a lot of the same thing, me, but it is hard to get photos of all the things i'd like to get photos of. Usually when i take a photo of myself, i dont look at really how i look, more on to the effects with te lighting and different editting i can do, or shouldnt do. Im sorry if many of them are the same, but i try to change them. Hopefully when i get a better camera, i will be able to take pictures of many things.

Writting.
Well, i have always love reading and writting. Reading has been something that i have done since i learnt. I would stay up till midnight reading either 'Holes' or some other book i was interested in. Now, that im older than that little girl that liked to think she was the valliant night's sister, or the mother searching for her son, i like to think that i can make a little girl feel like she could really feel like one. Fill out all the papers as Princess Anna, and forever have the title.
I have tried to write stories before.. about time travel, and mysteries, but i was never able to finish them, or simply id get distracted and end up having a different feeling on what to write.
This is the second time that i ahve tried to write this story... finally im getting somewhere.. well roughly.

I havent been on lately, due to the many practises, and games i will have. So if anyone gets messages back that are a little old, i apologize in advance.

Your good friend, and fellow artisy person,
Gabriel-Wings

]]> ~Gabriel-Wings http://Gabriel-Wings.deviantart.com/journal/15102664/ http://Gabriel-Wings.deviantart.com/journal/15102664/ Wed, 17 Oct 2007 14:15:42 PDT I had been alone for a while, and after a great night of high dancing and extremely flirting.. i realize that it was just a fun night and not something to base anything on. Simply the signs of un sure reality hit me, but un surely they didnt account till too late. Now im 5 days in, and im scared to get out. To talk face to face, that takes courage, but simply.. i dont have it, although i must find some soon. Do you know anyone that could sell it to me?
Apparently, Ive changed. This isnt something shocking to me, considering I have friends that are willing enough to tell me and be a true friend. Thank READ : ) Im becoming what i dont want to be, and im going to stay to what i orginally was.. myself. Go figure. I dont want to change the person i was ever again, although, there are some things that will always change.

Theres a book were readig in class, my ENG class, which btw is my favorite class. I love the book so much and we just started it. It hits close to home, but i feel good talking about it.
And I have decided to more writing, as i used to. I'd rather write more and get it down on paper then have it all gather in my head, not always the greatest feeling, and as many would agree, not to healthy..
Speaking of healthy, i have mad a goal to eat healthier and eat more. Which means to actually have breakfast, get sleep, and make better choices in what is going through my system, maybe then ill feeel better more often.

Coming up..

I dont exactly know what is coming up in my life, i never really do, but i know there are things on my way.
My mother's birthday..
need a cake for that and need tsave up to buy her something special.

halloween..
I think im finally too old to go out. I kinda want to, to get the candy and all, but being in high school, ill probably go to a party. : )

Christmas..
Omg, Christmas. Damn, i have a lot of things to save up for.. i was looking at getting a new mp3, and getting a iPod nano or something like that, or maybe i really nice camera to help with my love for photography. I'd like to get one with a good lense and also digital.. but not a crappy little digital one.. does that makes sense? Nikon or something like that.
But, i really want to get good things for my family and friends, i have no idea what to get though.

My birthday..
Oh, yes my birthday, meh. I dont really know what is in stock for that. Mom wants me to have a party, like shes suggested for the last 4 years, but yea.. i kinda dont think it'll happen, plus, i dont like picking between my friends. Boxing day is always cold so nothng really outside.. and everything is closed. I expect a phone call from my aunt and family though.. lol.. like always : )

Other than that, I have no idea at the moment.
Recently..
about my art.. well ive been sketching a lot.. mostly wings.. which i love <3. And other than that, nothing else really. I have been doing photograph and trying to edit it, but its not that easy.. need a good model.. my friends would laugh i asked them to poise. I suppose i could get one spontanuous.. but ask to put it online first of course : )

Ok, well i suppose ive talked for too long. So, hope you enjoyed the recap and the random schedule.
Love, your friend.

]]> ~Gabriel-Wings http://Gabriel-Wings.deviantart.com/journal/15049253/ http://Gabriel-Wings.deviantart.com/journal/15049253/ Sat, 13 Oct 2007 20:02:30 PDT
Umm,, things have been fine, from when i last wrote a journall.. although right now.. things are getting to me.. thanks to READ. damn hes rude.. erk!!

Anyways yeah, the 11th was the dance.. I got ready with my girl friend and we got a ride down to the dance. It was funny.. haha STALKER.. DAMMMMNNN lol <3 it was funny. Anyways.. yeah then we got out and waited for her boyfriend and my fellow third wheel We were there with a bunch of people.. and the dance was great. I was mostly hanging out with her, and her boyfriend my partner in the third wheel busniess. Dancing and doing whatever.. it was fun.

Theres this guy, he's a great dancer and he is a great friend of mine.. we have been friends since i first got here and all. In grade 7 he asked me to the last dance, and sadly i said no. I shouldnt of, i bet i would have had a more fun time with him. Although.. when i had a hard time that dance.. he was right there for me, especailly after crying.

oh got to go.. write more later..

stay tunned for more of my drama.. lol

]]> ~Gabriel-Wings http://Gabriel-Wings.deviantart.com/journal/15002492/ http://Gabriel-Wings.deviantart.com/journal/15002492/ Wed, 10 Oct 2007 15:24:54 PDT
Tomorrow there is a dance at my school and im really excited. Im going with my girl friend and were getting ready before the big night. Im always her third wheel with her and her boyfriend, but this time, theres another friend who is going. Hes really nice and instead of the third wheel effect, its more a double date Im excited, and my girl friend and her other half, are thinking and wanting me and our other friend to go out.. lol

Its not going to be a lot of people at this dance, which is fine, dances are fun either way. I cant wait.

Other changes, are with READ. Although I like him, I find that since he has a girl friend, aside from being jealous, i find that im actually happy for them, and find my self not thinking about him all the time Im happy with this, so no i can get on with my life Things used to really suck for me, but its funny how meeting someone new can change the who perspective of things

]]> ~Gabriel-Wings http://Gabriel-Wings.deviantart.com/journal/14886932/ http://Gabriel-Wings.deviantart.com/journal/14886932/ Tue, 02 Oct 2007 15:13:59 PDT
Saturday night i wasnt feeling good, and i fell asleep on the couch and was being lazy. 3:30 in the morning, i wake up and am having a fever.

READ had been getting into a fight in the back of the schooll and i was the only one there for him. They had started to close in on him, so managed to grabb him and pull him in the school. For some reason the school turned into the Wal Mart. We ran out the side and into the womans department. We had tried to find a spot where the cameras wouldnt be becasue apparently the cops were after us as well. So i crouched down, it was me with friends as well.. and then waited. READ suddenly got up and suurendered. The cops pulled out their guns and were going to shoot and stuff, but then he somehow got them to stop. Everyone ran around, and the only thing i was worried about was READ. I was scared he was going to get shot. He fought one of teh cops and grabbed the gun. He shot one of the cops, and then suddenly when i blinked, they turned into nothing but a book with their face on the cover. It was really weird. READ turned around and looked at me with the same look he had in the office on thrusday. I was scared and stay crouched behind some clothes, he walked around and didnt know what to do. He kept talking and yelling at himself. I got up and took him by the shoulders and told him everything was gooing to be ok, and then hugged him. Surprisingly he hugged back and it was actually meaningful. We pulled away.. and thats all im saying.. aaha


p.s; this was saturday, sunday morning and i had a fever when i woke up. I never get them unless im stressed. But yeah i was scared and sat right up. Got up and went to bed on the bed, and wrote everything that just happened while i was sleeping.. lol.. it was weird.

]]> ~Gabriel-Wings http://Gabriel-Wings.deviantart.com/journal/14874501/ http://Gabriel-Wings.deviantart.com/journal/14874501/ Mon, 01 Oct 2007 18:06:22 PDT
The result..

A lot has happened in my life, especially surrounding my love life. What ever love life I have.

Ok, I was having a fine day, things were normal and just the same as they always are, and then lunch happened. My friends and I went to the deli and got lunch and then went to the park. This park is brilliant by the way. Its got a lake and a open field right by the beach. Theres a cliff over the field and then the beach. Theres always a bunch of ducks in the water too.. Sometime I feed them the rest of my lunch. Anyways, I went to the Park and sat down under the shade of the tree. I was watching the guys play football. I was sketching of course and then suddenly had the erge to get up. I got up and went to my friends that were over by the bench. Then 10 minutes later, this guy goes over the READ and starts laughing. The guy had a lot of friends with him and they had their cameras out. The guy went over to READ and had been laughing as if he was going to do something stupid.. Like a joke or something harmless. Little did I know what was happening.
The guy was talking with READ and then suddenly it ended up turning into a fight. READ and the guy were circling each other as if it was a boxing ring. The guy was swinging and READ kept saying he didn’t want to fight him. He didn’t want to hurt him and didn’t know why he was fighting with him. So the guys swings and then, in self defenece, READ swung at the guy. In one hit, you could hear the guys bones break. It was pretty loud and a hard hit. I don’t think anyone thought that READ was that strong. The guy stood his ground and kept hurting, but stayed. Eventually, READ left and backed down. I think he felt scared and sorry for the other guy.
After the fight, me, him and a group of friends walked out of the Park and onto the back road to the school. Everyone that had watched the fight was happy for READ and all you could here was READ owned that guy.. I was happy he was out of it, but scared what was going to happen. The group of friends wandered to the other hall, and READ and I walked up the side wing stairs. It was just me and him and we were talking about the fight. I told him that I was proud of him for backing down. I don’t think it mattered much to him.
We went to ENG class which is the only class we have together. We sat in the back of the room in our normal seats and wee talking about the fight. Kinda laughing about it actually how he was lucky and stuff. Then this guy sat in front of me. Im not saying I didn’t like her, just yeahj really wasn’t in the modd to have her right there. She sat and then was talking to READ, and it seemed that as time went on, he paid more attention to her than me. Ocasitionally he’d look at me. Jiust me, and I would feel like I was who he really want to talk to. We were reading when we suddenly heard sirenes in the background. READ and I looked at each other, and thought that they might be there for READ. We laughed as soon as we heard them, it was a funny thought to see READ in hand cuffs. We started writing a note, but as did READ and the girl sititng in front of me. He didn’t write much to me, though I remember seeing a lot of writng on hers. Then the phone rang, and suddenly my heart skipped a beat.
The teacher picked up the phone and answered as if he never normally answered it. He spoke quietly and looked over to the back corner of the room. I mumbled that it was for READ, and then the teacher put down the phone. He walked to the back corner where READ, me and the girl sititng in front of me were all sitting. He told READ that after he was done his work to go to the office. I looked at READ and my heart skipped an other beat. I was scared and didn’t know what to do, I hadn’t thought of the office. I was just releaved he was ok. He finished all his work and collected his stuff. He gave back the notes, mine said be careful, he replied with thanks. He got up and I mumbled good luck just loud enough for him to hear. He hushed thanks again. He walked slowly out the door and waved to the back of the room. Im not sure if that was too me, her, or the seat. But I swear he looked at me.
All I could think about was getting out of that class after that. When the bell rang, I walked as quickly as my legs would go to the door. I went to my locker, got my text books., and walked down the hall to his class. His two best friends were waiting outside the door, instinctly telling me that he was still down stairs. They weren’t sure what happened, so I tried to fill them in, but I just turned and walked down the stairs to the main lobby. Into the office was the only thing on my mind. As the three of us walked into the office, he walked out of the principal doors. My heart sank when I saw the look on his face. He looked as if he had just been dump struck and threw up. He was pail and looked like he was f... ]]> ~Gabriel-Wings http://Gabriel-Wings.deviantart.com/journal/14730225/ http://Gabriel-Wings.deviantart.com/journal/14730225/ Fri, 21 Sep 2007 15:02:59 PDT
I see the look in your eyes when you look at her, and surprised, i see that its all like normal. Then I realize that your just hard to read. You look over to me and then suddenly I realize that I was still looking at you, smile and then turn away. I get a warm feeling in my stomache but then it is suddenly swept away and hurt and pain run through me.
Im always around you and I feel normal, but suddenly, Im mad. Mad that you like her and not me, mad that you ask me stuff about her, when I know less than you, and am clearly not the one to ask for advice. Dont you even think that it might effect me?

more coming..

]]> ~Gabriel-Wings http://Gabriel-Wings.deviantart.com/journal/14703391/ http://Gabriel-Wings.deviantart.com/journal/14703391/ Wed, 19 Sep 2007 15:53:40 PDT
As the readers of my other Journals have noticed.. (if anyone has been reading them), I have been gone for 3 weeks. A lot has happened in thoue 3 weeks and yeah.. all I can really say to decribe it right now is that it was mixed with different feelings.
So after my mom left to go to her vacation, I was left to be home alone, with my step father for the three weeks. It was sad at first, in fact I remember her and i crying when she left. Also I realized it had beeen really quiet. It was good, but kinda weird.
I would go off for my jogs and come home and watch tv or listen to music for my nomral days and others I would simply just hang with friends.
But then came school. OMG..
The first day of school, I woke up later than I wanted to and one of my friends had woken my stpe father who came over to me and woke me up. I had a shower, rushed through for my hair and made choices for what to wear. Loads of fun, plus my stomache had huge butterflies that could be measured as the largest..
Went to school.. met up with friends and went to our classes and everything. My tag class is my GEO class.. and yeah, my friend Jevan isnt there anymore.. well not in my GEO.. but our lockers are together, which rocks.
So this term I have GEO, PAL/COM, ENG and SCI.
Classes are great, but the work is hard.
The next day I was sick. I had a pain in my stomache so bad that I couldnt stand up straight and I had dry heaves from the skir pain. I didnt go to school.. which sucked, but i did see friends. My friends Jordan, Andrew, and Emily came by and dropped off work and stuff.
But yeah.. the next week was the first dance of the year. Kathleen and me went to Kayla's and got ready. It was fun and we even got cake, which ROCKED!!! lol
Went to the dance and met a lot of guys, but then there was this one guy, who i have a huge crush on, and he knows. wish doesnt make it any better, but yeah i kinda love him... more on that later, but yeah then i saw him with an other girl that i didnt liek and i lost it and started to cry in jordans arms.. which isnt good, cause i treat him like a freind, although he likes me more.
So yeah, this guy i like i have like for the last 2 and a lahf years.. i really like him and feel like he is my first love. we went out for 10 months and then we decided not to, but i kinda wish i could go backa nd change that, I still have feelings for him. Were close too, hes in my ENG class and is a great guy, although hes imature. But I love him.. which sometimes i didnt because things are just weird now.
Other than that, i was stabbed in the back by a couple of people, but im not sure who..
so yeah, school is going great!!!
But im hoping things go back to normal.

]]> ~Gabriel-Wings http://Gabriel-Wings.deviantart.com/journal/14408479/ http://Gabriel-Wings.deviantart.com/journal/14408479/ Thu, 30 Aug 2007 10:24:08 PDT THE LAP TOP IS BEING TAKING AWAY FROM ME FOR 3 WEEKS!!!

This is not right!! Not one bit of it!

Its sad, but then again, I'll have more reason to sketch. And thats always a plus.

This summer is coming to an end, and soon enough I'll be wishing for the next break. I'm really excited, new place, new people, something I normally love, but this is different. I know some of these people, and dont know others. Friends will become friends with others and cliques will become bigger.
Im hoping some things stay the same, and other thing change. I want my friends to be with me through it all, but its kinda hard when my best friend moved away :'( I miss him like no one else would believe. I wish I could have been stuffed in to the back of his SUV and taken with them. But then, Im excited for my new school, and I'll be able to see him in 3 years.
3 YEARS!!!

So on my art;
I would have to say, that i really enjoy it.
I can see how I do things better than before, and Im picking up my 0.7 mm led pencil from where I left it.
Im taking an art course soon, and Im really excited, cant wait to learn how to do certain things that ive always had trouble with, like lighting, and shading.
But yes, withdrawl will be art, but with my skecth pads and my pencils, I will get through.

]]> ~Gabriel-Wings http://Gabriel-Wings.deviantart.com/journal/14397359/ http://Gabriel-Wings.deviantart.com/journal/14397359/ Wed, 29 Aug 2007 15:04:35 PDT I told him that I didnt like him. He really want to know and being the ego like person he is, he was saying things that kinda hurt. Dont know if he realized it. People are right, I have got to get over him, but right now.. Id rather not. Rather dwel on what could have been and why it didnt.
Summer is ending. As simply as it sounds, there is nothing more confusing. New place and new people, what am I to do, if nothing happens like my friend suggests. People think me of the one who is lucky and is with the people she loves, that want her too. Im no such thing. I have loved, felt true and never realized till it was too late. Now, as I think back, on what we did have, I am not happy with the person I was. Too stronge, too bold. If there is a next time, whether with him, or i find an other, I will be true and love as if it was my only chance, because it is.
Ive lied too much, and have thought myself as not worthy, that is something I wont do anymore. From the person i loved, i have learnt that confidence is key, and to have it.
This is something i have never really had much of, and now, thats changing

]]> ~Gabriel-Wings http://Gabriel-Wings.deviantart.com/journal/14393726/ http://Gabriel-Wings.deviantart.com/journal/14393726/ Wed, 29 Aug 2007 10:37:18 PDT A familiar love song comes on and reminds me of memories of us together. Too bad, thought maybe I was going to get some sleep tonight. The song say "When you love someone, you'll do anything, you'll do all the crazy things, that you cant explain. You'll shoot the moon, burn out the sun, when you love someone". I hate this reminds me of you, this song will never be just mine, but instead ours.
I think maybe that you can like me, be there for me as I would dream, but then Im roughly brought back to the fact that you dont, and Im not the only one who feels this way for you.
i remember on the green bank, where we would lay and look up at the sky. Me being paranoid and never again would I lay there with someone else. I miss being there with you, and offend feel myself dreaming of our past. I wish I could go back, and instead of being paranoid, I would simply enjoy what I have.
I fall asleep to the thought of your kiss, and wake up to the morning air that blows its way through the window. The radio is playing, telling me I should have been up an hour ago and time is telling me I still have over an hour to get to where Im going. I get up, turn the computer on, and feel great. Its a good thing I didnt look in the mirror yet, because I wouldnt have been happy
No one is online and it is me and my art that Im more concern with then my life. I try to remember what happened that night, but the feelings and the exact thoughts are not revealed. Finally, as time goes on, I do the normal; talk online, look at other things on dA and phone people.
Thing is, Im not going anywhere today, and thats perfect! I get artistic that way and its better for me to get things out when i feel like it.

But now, as I sit and type my story and events, I remember how it felt, to have him by me, sharing my air, talking about things better than ourselves. WE never had nothing to talk about, but now, the only thing we talk about is his girls and things that dont matter.
maybe Im not suppose to be with him, and i should just move on, as many have suggested.

]]> ~Gabriel-Wings http://Gabriel-Wings.deviantart.com/journal/14368965/ http://Gabriel-Wings.deviantart.com/journal/14368965/ Mon, 27 Aug 2007 17:32:07 PDT Well, like I wrote in the last entry, the guy of my dreams likes someone else. Later on we were talking and he told me that he thought that i liked him again. I never stopped, but yeah, he went on and said that he had known for a while, and that he was thinking it would be better off being friends because of certain people and he didnt want it to get complicated again. This really hurt, by I still didnt back up the courage to tell him that he was right, yet again.
I miss him so badly and wish he was with me. I wish he could read this, and realize that i was a jerk and i shouldnt have done all the things that i did to him. I know i hurt him and i never wanted to. Like one of our good friends has said, I was the best thing that ever happen to him, I wish that was true, but more so, I think he is the best thing that has ever happened to me.
I love him, and he is truely my first love.
Completely.. well, in love, and broken hearted.

]]> ~Gabriel-Wings http://Gabriel-Wings.deviantart.com/journal/14363411/ http://Gabriel-Wings.deviantart.com/journal/14363411/ Mon, 27 Aug 2007 11:06:23 PDT
These are some of many of the questions that go through my mind all day. I think of him and am in love. He doesn't realize that I love him, or at least I dont think. He has shown signs, but maybe just as a friend. It's hard to read, and I cant believe it ended up this way.

I wish I could go back and change some things that happened. I regret now being with him and being so sensentive. I wish I could go back and make things better, but then maybe that would change now. I wouldnt want things to end out worse.
Im hoping he feels the same for me and will let me try again. Its impportant to me and I wish I could tell him this, but I'm really scared of what he would say. Part of me is with him and will alwayd be there with him. I wish I had the courage, but then at the same time, I want to be more to him then some girl that he once went out with, or an other of teh many that 'love' him. Sometimes I dought that they do as I do.

How can I tell him?
Should I?

p.s:
He just signed on, and his name says 'met an awesume girl at camp'..

]]> ~Gabriel-Wings