http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:GauzyDreams&section=today deviantART RSS for by:GauzyDreams en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Mon, 21 Dec 2009 20:48:58 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://GauzyDreams.deviantart.com/journal/19008379/ http://GauzyDreams.deviantart.com/journal/19008379/ Mon, 23 Jun 2008 19:27:10 PDT
I do not, for a second,
miss the pain...
but I miss the way the emotions I felt
swirled through and around me
trying to find their way
out of me...

It is a tremendous accomplishment
for me to acknowledge
that my current happiness
has stripped away my
need
for poetry...
At this moment,
I have no need to define my emotions.
I am simply content;
there is nothing particularly poetic
in that.
I suppose it is narcissistic of me
to assume that I am most beautiful
when I am expressing a primal misery...
that happiness itself cannot be
as magestic as sorrow...

.... it is a strange realization
that I would rather be happy
than poetic...
and yet
in every moment of that old misery
(even then, I knew)
I would have chosen happiness
over anything else

]]> ~GauzyDreams http://GauzyDreams.deviantart.com/journal/18717818/ http://GauzyDreams.deviantart.com/journal/18717818/ Sat, 07 Jun 2008 16:59:56 PDT 15 days
and this is the first time that
it felt real
I just walked every foot of my yard
and touched every tree
and thanked each part
for existing.

This is the first home I've known
since the house of my childhood
... and I feel worthy of it.
I am so much more than
just good enough
to be here, to live here...
This is where I belong
and I cannot describe in words
the happiness that I am feeling...

... the content that I am feeling...

.. how right this feels....



]]> ~GauzyDreams http://GauzyDreams.deviantart.com/journal/18200794/ http://GauzyDreams.deviantart.com/journal/18200794/ Tue, 06 May 2008 17:36:15 PDT is warm and fluid and bouyant;
I am exactly ready
to settle into my life's groove
and be
just right
all of the time.

I am no longer amazed
at how happy I am... it just is
and it's hard, now, to remember
when my life wasn't like this.

Once or twice in three million breaths
I gently poke the scars in my heart
to see if they still hurt
and every time I do,
every time
I can't stop the silly little grin
that flies across my lips
from the utter absence of pain.

I have every particle of my Past & Present
packed in boxes,
ready to settle in to my new house
and the rest of my
warm and bouyant life...
I've never been this happy
and I've never appreciated happiness this much

]]> ~GauzyDreams http://GauzyDreams.deviantart.com/journal/13890979/ http://GauzyDreams.deviantart.com/journal/13890979/ Thu, 26 Jul 2007 17:25:53 PDT "There comes a point where you just love someone. Not because they're good, or bad, or anything really. You just love them. It doesn't mean you'll be together forever. It doesn't mean that you won't hurt each other. It just means you love them."

-Laurell K. Hamilton, Incubus Dreams

]]> ~GauzyDreams http://GauzyDreams.deviantart.com/journal/13772480/ http://GauzyDreams.deviantart.com/journal/13772480/ Tue, 17 Jul 2007 16:33:11 PDT
It exhilarates me to no end that, even subconsciously, I have that much confidence in my own innate abilities!

Today was a very fine day, and I'm thinking tomorrow will be a grand one as well...



]]> ~GauzyDreams http://GauzyDreams.deviantart.com/journal/13651903/ http://GauzyDreams.deviantart.com/journal/13651903/ Sat, 07 Jul 2007 21:36:14 PDT
I am lucky, so lucky, to have everything that I have. I know for a fact that I am loved, and that I am utterly deserving of such love. I have all of the basic things one needs to be successful in life; steady income, good credit, healthy eating habits, good friends, etc. I am lucky to have developed the ability to see the good in all of the bad moments in my life, and am lucky to have the intelligence to appreciate every moment I have, regardless of the emotion tied to each moment. I have my looks, my sense of humor, my health, and my cat. I am very lucky, indeed.



]]> ~GauzyDreams http://GauzyDreams.deviantart.com/journal/12570431/ http://GauzyDreams.deviantart.com/journal/12570431/ Thu, 12 Apr 2007 17:27:43 PDT
It started small... I stopped drinking soda. That was it; the only change I made. I sill drank it, even... but only with alcohol. Then I started trying to cook at home more, rather than eating fast food, even though that was far easier (and tastier, really, until I started to enjoy learning how to cook)... and so. Many small changes later, and I find myself drinking water all of the time, with every meal, and can't even remember the last time I ate at McDonald's. I eat things like cottage cheese and pineapple for breakfast, and I'm dying to try this recipe for couscous... when did I turn into this uber-healthy girly girl? And why the hell didn't I turn into her sooner?? I feel utterly happy when I'm done working out, and it's not just emotional improvement; my skin is glowing, my hair is all shiny and my energy is fantastic. I'm totally additcted to this.

It has never felt so good to be alive.

]]> ~GauzyDreams http://GauzyDreams.deviantart.com/journal/12307971/ http://GauzyDreams.deviantart.com/journal/12307971/ Sat, 24 Mar 2007 10:01:56 PDT
Quitting smoking was the first step. CHECK! My lungs are feeling perkier, my car and house smell so much nicer, and I'm saving approximately $75.00 per month. Which is good, because I just signed up for a GYM MEMBERSHIP, and it already feels healthier to be spending money on sweat than on lung cancer.

But, I have realized that just like quitting smoking, one has to have a certain frame of mind to be able to go to a gym five days a week and sweat/jiggle/groan/struggle in front of other people. The desire to BE HEALTHY must outweigh any social phobias. Once I was at that point, it was pretty easy for me to sign up for the whole gym membership package deal, complete with a personal trainer. My first session with her was a few days ago, and right now I can feel every single muscle in my poor little body each and every time I move even an inch... shit, I didn't even know how to use some of these muscles, and she had me flexing every damn one of them. I gasp a little everytime I get up from the toilet, and it takes me a little longer to walk from my bedroom to my kitchen, but you know what? It feels AWESOME. I'm so totally worth the aches and pains and money.

I am very excited about the HEALTHY Kristina.

]]> ~GauzyDreams http://GauzyDreams.deviantart.com/journal/12264118/ http://GauzyDreams.deviantart.com/journal/12264118/ Tue, 20 Mar 2007 20:18:55 PDT
I used to be a model, but it's been so long I've forgotten how to pose. I've never been able to take a pic that wasn't fuzzy, so I know I'm trying to take on A HELLUVA LOT here... that's why I need your help.

I can take the brutal honest truth, because I don't have a whole lot vested in this yet. So, be HONEST with me. Can you do that? Is anyone even remotely interested in seeing a few dozen pics of me being pretty in my bathroom after a bottle of wine?

... I'm in sore need of some feedback, and there isn't anybody better than YOU GUYS.

Let me know. I won't upload my Bathroom Wine pics unless 1) someone wants to see 'em, and 2) someone(s) can tell me I SUCK ASS if I really do. I'ma big girl, I can take it.



]]> ~GauzyDreams http://GauzyDreams.deviantart.com/journal/11764873/ http://GauzyDreams.deviantart.com/journal/11764873/ Sat, 10 Feb 2007 19:47:06 PST She's addicted to nicotine patches...

... OK, so my plan was to quit smoking on Valentine's Day, because 1) it's important to have a day I can remember so I can track how well I'm doing, and 2) I'm single and would rather try to be healthy than bitterly envious on this most dreaded of holidays to be single on. (I don't particularly appreciate this holiday to begin with, even were I to have someone in my life to send me flowers and chocolates and whatever... I'm opposed to anything that makes someone feel obligated to show me affection. It's a commericalized guilt-trip, a celebrated mind-game. Boo! I'd be far more giddy to hear the person I love tell me, "Happy every day" than "Happy Valentine's Day".)

I digress. Sorry. Back to quitting smoking.

... what happened was, I ran out of cigarettes this afternoon; since I already have my "Nicotine Transdermal System" handy and waiting, I decided to quit smoking TODAY rather than buying another two packs of cigarettes to last me until Wednesday. This is the first time I've seriously tried quitting with the patch (I vaguely remember trying a patch a few years ago, but the details are fuzzy; I probably only wore it for a minute or so) and now, after almost two hours wearing one, I find myself hyper-aware of this thing on my arm; I don't know if I've suddenly become a hypochondriac, but a part of me is actully waiting for my arm to fall completely off. The box warns me that I may experience "vivid dreams or other sleep distrubances" and another part of me (the part that isn't worried about my arm falling off) is rather looking forward to a bit of LSD-like dreaming. Pragmatically, I should listen to the non-paranoid part of me and try to get some sleep; I'll log another journal entry sometime tomorrow to let y'all know how my night went, even if I have to type with one hand.

I am determined to quit smoking, dammit. Wish me luck.

]]> ~GauzyDreams http://GauzyDreams.deviantart.com/journal/11673125/ http://GauzyDreams.deviantart.com/journal/11673125/ Sat, 03 Feb 2007 15:20:44 PST
You may be anxious to fit things in your life into pigeon holes, dear Scorpio. When it comes to matters of love and romance, this may be hard to do, especially on a day like today. Call upon your pioneering spirit to seek something new and not limit yourself to what you originally had in mind. Perhaps there is something bigger and better waiting for you. You will only find it if you dare to accept something outside of the mold.

]]> ~GauzyDreams http://GauzyDreams.deviantart.com/journal/11472634/ http://GauzyDreams.deviantart.com/journal/11472634/ Wed, 17 Jan 2007 16:23:42 PST
Just because one person is no longer a part of your life does not mean that all people are unreliable. People change, as do situations. It is possible that this person was no longer a healthy influence, in which case the departure is for the best. You're going to have to become more adaptable, dear Scorpio, because there are more changes on the horizon

]]> ~GauzyDreams http://GauzyDreams.deviantart.com/journal/10894782/ http://GauzyDreams.deviantart.com/journal/10894782/ Wed, 29 Nov 2006 19:29:48 PST I woke up warm and sleepy
surrounded by blankets
and you

The perfect morning
to stay wrapped up in you
inside me in that everlasting
beautiful way of yours

Toasty and satiated, I remember
walking out of your bedroom
to see the snow falling outside
The first I’d seen in far too long

I ran outside and played like a child
snowflakes in my eyes, all over me
everything about that moment
was paradisiacal bliss

It may have snowed since then
but that was the last snow
I remember

]]> ~GauzyDreams http://GauzyDreams.deviantart.com/journal/10346136/ http://GauzyDreams.deviantart.com/journal/10346136/ Tue, 10 Oct 2006 10:18:19 PDT I am not drowning in a sea of turmoil
nor flying high on a magic carpet of love
nor mindlessly numb in a deserted emptiness

... and right now, not having any of those things
to write about
makes me indescribably happy

I rather like being at peace. It's a nice place;
I think I'll live here for a while

]]> ~GauzyDreams http://GauzyDreams.deviantart.com/journal/10121008/ http://GauzyDreams.deviantart.com/journal/10121008/ Tue, 19 Sep 2006 10:46:40 PDT really good chapter, and I learned more about life and myself in that chapter than all my other chapters combined. I am sad for the ending of it, but excited to see what the new chapter has in store for me...

... all is well in my world.

]]> ~GauzyDreams http://GauzyDreams.deviantart.com/journal/9615565/ http://GauzyDreams.deviantart.com/journal/9615565/ Sun, 06 Aug 2006 08:41:53 PDT everything."

]]> ~GauzyDreams http://GauzyDreams.deviantart.com/journal/8021925/ http://GauzyDreams.deviantart.com/journal/8021925/ Mon, 27 Feb 2006 19:45:11 PST


]]> ~GauzyDreams http://GauzyDreams.deviantart.com/journal/7290621/ http://GauzyDreams.deviantart.com/journal/7290621/ Mon, 12 Dec 2005 10:33:49 PST I have the strength of a hundred men
in my smile alone
I am fearless in my determination
and unstoppable in my intelligence

I am walking perfection, just as I am.
I am just the right height
I am just the right weight
I have just the right hair color
I have just the right eye color
My legs are just the right length
My body has just the right curves
And I didn't have to do a damn thing, other than
simply accept that everything about me
right here, right now,
is exactly perfect the way it should be

I am everything I need, just as I am.
I can't even begin to list the things I don't need
but I will tell you exactly what I want:

I want to ALWAYS be just as I am.

]]> ~GauzyDreams http://GauzyDreams.deviantart.com/journal/6535165/ http://GauzyDreams.deviantart.com/journal/6535165/ Sun, 18 Sep 2005 08:01:44 PDT I have walked and crawled and stumbled.
I have run as fast as my feet could carry me.
I have even stopped.

The one thing I can honestly say is this: I have very little regret, because I have been true to myself every step of the way. No one person made me run or walk or stumble. These are my feet; I control them. Knowing that I have absolute power over where I am going, gives me more strength than most any other thought inside my heart.

Today... I think I'll dance.

]]> ~GauzyDreams http://GauzyDreams.deviantart.com/journal/6396277/ http://GauzyDreams.deviantart.com/journal/6396277/ Fri, 02 Sep 2005 10:42:09 PDT

I love my apartment. I love the view; I love the sunsets I can see from my balcony, I love the tree right outside my back door. I love my red couch, I love my big TV, I love my short table, I love my new black toaster (which my Mom bought me simply because I didn't have one). I love my soft, bouncy bed. I love the pictures on my wall, I love my cat, I love the way I feel when I sit and look across my domain.

I love that I am here, and that I am me

]]> ~GauzyDreams http://GauzyDreams.deviantart.com/journal/5884615/ http://GauzyDreams.deviantart.com/journal/5884615/ Sat, 09 Jul 2005 09:43:02 PDT [link] in both my kitchen and in my bathroom. These are the places that ideas come to me that I may not have access to pen and paper... so. The first 5 are on my refrigerator (a mixture of the "Genius Edition" and the "Erotic Edition"... *wink); the other two are in my bathroom, the last one my Mom put together and left for me to find. I'm about to change them all; I've had them around for a while and just wanted to share them before they went away.



your fever ed kiss has a taste like wild fire
murmur s of love caress my mind

mad was the love
curious ly empty

soft ly sanguine
pretty pink & gilded

worship me with exqusite zeal
for you will never know a more perfect woman
I am the yes to every delicious question you ask

heavy ache in this embrace
pleasure glisten ing on his skin
a tongue like velvet plunge s in to my mouth
and I slow ly explode

~~

I dance d to the sound of a storm cloud
laugh ing at the dark winter
I chase d my shadow through the full moon light
then a gentle murmur ing of spring morning
would give me beautiful blue green sky
and a happy love for life

live feel and imagine but never change who you are
you r special

]]> ~GauzyDreams http://GauzyDreams.deviantart.com/journal/5695502/ http://GauzyDreams.deviantart.com/journal/5695502/ Sun, 19 Jun 2005 14:31:00 PDT
I love you, too.

]]> ~GauzyDreams http://GauzyDreams.deviantart.com/journal/5627105/ http://GauzyDreams.deviantart.com/journal/5627105/ Sun, 12 Jun 2005 12:25:33 PDT
I LOVE YOU, MOM! ]]> ~GauzyDreams http://GauzyDreams.deviantart.com/journal/5419154/ http://GauzyDreams.deviantart.com/journal/5419154/ Sat, 21 May 2005 08:36:53 PDT and running through the sprinklers washes away
the sticky mess left behind

I am filled to the brim with love of life
and air and sun and grass and earth
I am renewed by the sun, energized and
laughing and dancing and singing (off-key)
I am a beautiful new creature, born out of
the powerfully insouciant conviction that
everything is as it is supposed to be
(even the parts I don't particularly agree with)

Being happy and content is the best gift I can give
to myself, and to the people who love me





]]> ~GauzyDreams