http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:GayEmoDepressed&section=today deviantART RSS for by:GayEmoDepressed en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Wed, 23 Dec 2009 08:23:43 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://GayEmoDepressed.deviantart.com/journal/13834118/ http://GayEmoDepressed.deviantart.com/journal/13834118/ Sun, 22 Jul 2007 14:21:51 PDT
Homophobia is disgusting and it ruins lives. Many of the things in this post are things i and many othere have gone through and continue to go through every day. Just because you do not see something does not mean it does not happen, this shit happens every day and we must join together to fight it. End homophobia.

I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.

I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.

I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.

I am the woman who can't walk into a public restroom without being stared at.

We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.

I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.

I am the young man who was raped and murdered by two of my friends when they found out i was biologically female.

I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me.

I am the little girl who cries herself to sleep at night, because I am not allowed to wear a dress.

I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again.

I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.

I am the girl who constantly picks on the 'dyke' in our year, because I don't want my friends to know i'm a lesbian.

We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.

I am the boy who is scared to tell his father that he is bisexual, because he thinks all queers should be shot.

I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.

I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.

I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.

I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.

I am the boy who's parents don't understand why I have to be myself, when i could just pretend to be a girl.

I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.

I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.

I am the man who died when the paramedics stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.

I am the girl who cries herself to sleep every night, because she know she has to face the world the next day.

I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I didn't have to always deal with society hating me.

I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.

I am too scared to tell my friends and family I am transsexual, because I might lose everything I have.

I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most: love.

]]> ~GayEmoDepressed http://GayEmoDepressed.deviantart.com/journal/13658527/ http://GayEmoDepressed.deviantart.com/journal/13658527/ Sun, 08 Jul 2007 12:40:50 PDT
On the positive side i have found a fellow musician who i appear to be compatable with. His name is Jean Luc and he is the resident goth around school, a position that used to be filled by me, but i couldn't bother with all the make up. Besides he's better at it, i'm more of an anarchist punk myself. Anyway, he is a brillaint guitarist, much better than me at least and he can sing as well. We've also recruited my friend Sophie to play drums, and Jean Luc knows someone with a load of music equipment we could use, only downside is he is a homophobe. So long as no one lets on their queer we should not really have a probem however. Also found out i'm not the only openly queer person at school, Jean Luc self identifies as bi - curious, and he also has another friend that is bi and fairly open. I knew i wasn;t the only gay in the school, contrary to popular opinion. I know one person who is a closested bisexual, but he would never say anything about it. It does seem i'm the only queer girl in the school, however. Which is just peachy keen, makes me feel nice and special......not. It makes me feel isolated and like more of a social pariah than usual, but oh well, i'm used to it.

Recently,I have developed a new obsession for Avenue Q. Its this brillaint musical parody of sesame street, except instead of dealing with childhood problems, this one focuses on real issues adults face, while manging to be absoloutly hilarious. It has everything one could wish for in a play, songs, humour and a fair amount of cynicism. It also has a parady of Bert and Ernie called Rod and Nicky. Rod is an uptight closet gay who is in love with his slacker roomate Nicky. This is obviously a homage to the Bert and Ernie are gay rumours in the American media, no doubt a sad attempt by the christian right to shut down sesame street because it preaches a litle thing called tolerance which runs contrary to christian doctrine. I found the whole concept hilarious myself. They also have a a parody of the cookie monster called trecky monster who looks at porn on the internet all day long. Theatre really does not get any better than this.

Anyway, its time for me to go back to contemplating my misery and avoiding coursework. At least untill i come up with some new misery to coamplain about or some new quirky obsession to rave about.

]]> ~GayEmoDepressed http://GayEmoDepressed.deviantart.com/journal/13101090/ http://GayEmoDepressed.deviantart.com/journal/13101090/ Sat, 26 May 2007 12:54:52 PDT
So, anyone got any plans for TT?

]]> ~GayEmoDepressed http://GayEmoDepressed.deviantart.com/journal/13033184/ http://GayEmoDepressed.deviantart.com/journal/13033184/ Mon, 21 May 2007 02:40:23 PDT
My parents have just given me the old 'everyone has problems speech'. Classic that. I know other people have problems, in fact i'm often the one everyone talks to about them. I've had this speech from so many people over the years, usually teachers or other adults who have 'my best interests at heart'. The bottom line of it is i should just pull myself together and get on with it. The trouble is people don't seem to realise how often i do just that. Just put on a smile and push everything to one side, try and get on with my day, go through the motions. I have it down to a fine art. I don't think anybody realises how often i am pushing away troubled thoughts or fighting back tears. A lot of the time. I do this untill it builds up and hits me like a ton of bricks, thats another simile i like, usually on a Monday morning.

Why me? Am i not a good enough person or something? There is a few things along those lines that i am just dying to ask the creator or whoever, when i finally get around to dying. I'm sure a lot of people ask this, but i'd really love to know. As a wiccan i generally believe in a system of karma, which is supposed to mean good deeds get repaid in good karma. I'd love to know what happened to mine. I am by no means perfect, but i think i deserve more than i am getting. Being a teenager is always difficult, but with my additional problems it just becomes unbearable. I would give so much just to be a normal teenager.

I both love sleep and i despise it . Sleep is so often the only place i can get peace of mind. Its the only time my mind sort of shuts down. Sometimes though, i think sleep i the time when my brain is most awake. I can't really describe it. Its like when i'm awake my thoughts are all muddled and unclear, always hopping from one thing to another. When i am sleeping, i sometimes have these dreams. I can't remember exactly what they are, but it like my minds trying to tell me something. I know that dreams are how people process and deal with difficult thoughts. I think maybe my mind is trying to tell me something. Another thing i love about dreams is, you see yourself the way you actually are, not as others percieve you.

I dream a lot about mirrors, but the person i see staring back at me is not the one i am used to seeing when i look in the mirror, but more familiar to me. Then i wake up and see my reflection, and its like who is this person? This can't be me, can it? This person stares back at me, I examine the reflection critically, trying to find something familiar. Short brown hair, round face, freckles, of celtic descent probably. Not exactly pretty, but not ugly either. Strange shaped nose, nice lips. 5'6 1/2, slim, broad around the shoulders. Well endowed in the chest area, hidden slightly under baggy clothes. Trousers fit poorly, hips just beginnig to widen and take on an hourglass shape. Calf muscles fairly well toned, enjoys the occasional run, a little extra weight on the thighs and buttocks. I lift my hand up in front of my eyes, small, slim fingers, feminine, musicians hands. Deceptivly strong and nimble from hours of practicing on the guitar. I touch my face, skin soft, peachy fuzz. I raise my eyebrow slightly, a trick i learned as a young child. I open my mouth, 'hello' i say . The voice is high pitched, small, weak. Not the voice i hear in my thoughts. A young woman, adolescant girl, reluctantly growing into a woman. Me, Myself.

A small laugh usually escape my lips at this point. So this is how others see you, is it? Funny to see yourself as others must percieve you, fucking hilarious. I look my reflection in the eye. A hint of recognition there. Grey eyes flecked with yellow, a hazel ring aorund the middle. Framed by thick rimmed black glasses. I take of the glasses, and those eyes are what i recognise. Those eyes never change. Its true what they say, eyes are the pathway to your soul.

I thought again about ending my misery. I wonder what happens when you die. I wish so often i could just sort of dissolve into a million little particles and just sort of become the sky or the wind or the sea. And just kind of exist, a part of this world, but not really a living, tangible thing.

I know however, that i won't commit suicide. Every time i think about, i realise just how much i would hurt everyone, my friends, my family. I'm not... ]]> ~GayEmoDepressed http://GayEmoDepressed.deviantart.com/journal/12874062/ http://GayEmoDepressed.deviantart.com/journal/12874062/ Mon, 07 May 2007 09:32:28 PDT
My one bank holiday and i have an entire house to clean and pack, and the prospect of being thrown out looming over my families head.

On top of that I could'nt go camping with my friends due to 'bad weather forecast', predicting gale force winds and rain. In the end it did'nt even rain, but by that time we had already cancelled and there was not much we could do.

Oh yeah, my mum also had a mental breakdown, and took it out on me.

My parents marriage is crumbling, adn i am left to paly referee.

Aside form that everthing is just peachy keen.

I am so fucking fed up with taking on everyone elses problems, while getting no support for my own.

]]> ~GayEmoDepressed http://GayEmoDepressed.deviantart.com/journal/12754291/ http://GayEmoDepressed.deviantart.com/journal/12754291/ Fri, 27 Apr 2007 12:20:55 PDT

I'm a PUNK, so I MUST do drugs. Not unless you count copious amounts of painkillers.

I WEAR BLACK, so I MUST be a goth. No, its just all the bright colours hurt my eyes.

I'm a WHITE GIRL, so I MUST be a nagging, steal-your-money kind of girlfriend. Um, actually my girlfriend is more likely to be nagging me.

I HAVE STRAIGHT A'S, so I MUST have no social life. Does talking to my self count as a social life?

I DYE MY HAIR CRAZY COLORS, so I MUST be looking for attention. Pay attention to me! Look at me!!! Yes me over here!!!!!

I DRESS IN UNUSUAL WAYS so I MUST be looking for attention. Please someone look at me!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm INTO THEATER ART, so I MUST be a homosexual. Have you guys even read my username?

I'm a VEGETARIAN, so I MUST be a crazy political activist. No, I did'nt hand out leaflets at the all last summer, of course not......

I HAVE BIG BOOBS, so I MUST be a whore. Big boobs suck! As for the being a whore, I live on this dumb ass little island with no dykes on it. But, if there were dykes......

I'm a VIRGIN, so I MUST be a prude. Hell no! Read above. I will get my fair share of lovely ladies as soon as i'm off this island .

I'm SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic. Nope, high metabolism.

I don't like the SUN so I MUST be albino. Help! The sun! It is burning me! nooooooooooo

I support GAY RIGHTS, so I MUST fit in with everyone. I am gay! Of course i want rights!

I don't like to be in a BIG GROUP, so I MUST be anti-social. Too true, and i'm autistic as well....

I have a DIFFERENT sense of HUMOR, so I MUST be crazy. I am clinically insane, but oh well, I like my humour! *Laughs manically*

I'm DEFENSIVE, so I MUST be overcontrolling and a bitch. Try being bullied for 4 years, and then complain about me being 'Defensive'

I’m a GOTH, so I MUST be a Satanist. Satan is way cooler than God.......

I’m a CROSSDRESSER, so I Must be homosexual. True in this case, but i know a crossdresser who is perfectly straight as well!

I'm INTELLIGENT so I MUST be weak. Ha, who needs strength when you have amazing mind powers. Well, Gemma's amazing mind powers anyway.....

I’m a YOUNG WRITER, so I MUST be emo. I say it again, check out the username!

I'm a TEENAGER, so I MUST have a STEREOTYPE. I have so many though

I'm ENGLISH, so I MUST speak with either a cockney or a posh accent, love tea and cricket, and have bad teeth. Um, no. I'm only half English, but i hate cricket and have ok teeth. I love Tea though! *Bends down and worships the tea*

I’m WHITE, so I MUST be responsible for everything going wrong on the planet: past, present, and future. Oh yeah, its not like i'm a member of Greenpeace or anything is it.

I’m not the most POPULAR person in school, so I MUST be a loser. I am the coolest of the losers, however.

I care about the ENVIRONMENT...I MUST be a tree hugging hippy. Nope, but i do have one friend who is.*Cough Gemma cough*

I'm a LESBIAN so I MUST want to get with every single girl that I see. Hell Yeah, come and get it ladies!!

I CHAT, so I MUST be having cyber sex. I wish......

I like CARTOONS, so I MUST be IRRESPONSIBLE. Too true!

I like READING, so I MUST be a LONER. Peopel are scary, and i'm autistic!

I have my OWN spiritual ideology; therefore I MUST be WRONG or MISGUIDED. Nope, I just don't need some dumb book written by some homophobic 'prophets' to tell me how to run my life!

I am NOT CHRISTIAN so I MUST just need converting. Stay away from me Richard!!!

]]> ~GayEmoDepressed http://GayEmoDepressed.deviantart.com/journal/12716971/ http://GayEmoDepressed.deviantart.com/journal/12716971/ Tue, 24 Apr 2007 11:52:53 PDT
When i was 13 i was diagnosed as suffering from Asperger Syndrome (AS), a mild form of Autism. I was also said to be depressed.

This time around i have been diagnosed with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), and Clinical Depression.

On the upside the shrink did say i was doing well with the Asperger Syndrome, as last time i was at the clinic i was said to be quite obviously Autistic. This time, he seemed quite surprised to find out i had AS, due to the huge improvement in my social/communication skills. That was probably due to all the counseling i had last year. I'm not sure my family are so sure, but then they are the ones that get inflicted with my autistic-y symptoms the most.

So thats about, Beloved Readers, untill next time.

Sam Moore, AKA Charles Monroe, AKA GayEmoDepressed.

]]> ~GayEmoDepressed http://GayEmoDepressed.deviantart.com/journal/12679406/ http://GayEmoDepressed.deviantart.com/journal/12679406/ Sat, 21 Apr 2007 11:12:17 PDT 1. I'll respond with something random about you.
2. I'll tell you what song/movie reminds me of you.
3. I'll pick a flavor of jell-o to wrestle with you in.
4. I'll say something that only makes sense to you and me.
5. I'll tell you my first/clearest memory of you.
6. I'll tell you what animal you remind me of.
7. I'll ask you something that I've always wondered about you.
8. You MUST put this into your journal' and repeat what I did.

So, i'm not so suicidal anymore, just generally pissed off at all the stupid tracksuit wearing, Britney Spears listening to, no respect for nayone who may have a different opinion or indeed any opinion at all, homophobic, neo - facists who i must contend with on a daily basis. But apart from that everyhting is peachy keen.

Oh yeah, and i have an apointment with a new shrink on tuesday. Hopefully this one is nicer than the last one, who effectively told me i was a dumbass with no future in life. However, I remain cynical untill proven wrong.

]]> ~GayEmoDepressed http://GayEmoDepressed.deviantart.com/journal/12556201/ http://GayEmoDepressed.deviantart.com/journal/12556201/ Wed, 11 Apr 2007 16:16:18 PDT
just sick and tired and trapped, i can't do this anymore. If only suicide where an option, but i know that it would hurt my friends and family if i did that, which i could'nt do cos i care about them all way to much. So i'll just have to keep going and hope some miracle happens to make everything better.

]]> ~GayEmoDepressed http://GayEmoDepressed.deviantart.com/journal/12442210/ http://GayEmoDepressed.deviantart.com/journal/12442210/ Tue, 03 Apr 2007 09:17:59 PDT
However if you:

a) Want to hear the cynical and sarcastic observations of a disturbed adolescant, or

b) Want to find someone who's life is more screwed up than yours,

then please read on. i'm sure will enjoy my enlightining tale of teenage life.

Here's some random stuff about me.

Name: Samantha Mairie Moore, known by eveyone as Sam. The only people who call me Samantha are the bank, my grandparents, and my parents when their mad at me for hoarding a mug in my room so long it begins to develop its own eco system.

Age: 15, but only in chronological years.

Ambitions/goals: to survive high school with my sanity still intact.

To subsequently become famous by writing a book telling other people to survive high school.

To travel britain with a band of travelling gypsie

To go to a gay bar and get wasted on my 18th birthday.

To become a profesional street musician.

Appearance: About 5'6 height

Short black hair

grey/green eyes.

freckles

usually clad in army boots.

Fave food: Mexican wraps, with extra salsa and tabasco sauce.

If I had to have role models they would be: My parents, living evidence that the clinically insane can still become productuve members of society.

Joan of Arc: I've always felt a kind of kinship between us, probably because we both communicate with God, or maybe its just the cross dressing.

The majority of my classmates for making me look intelligent.

Gemma Steele: She always does her homework , and she always lets me copy, thus saving me from detention (detention is scary....all the chavs are there). Despite the fact she always does her homework, she stil manages to write way more than me and most of its better than what i could do, truth be told. Also she is genuinly a very nice person, who keeps her cool in arguments and does not take sides, unlike me who usually just gets pissed off and yells at everyone within 10 feet.

So there is all the random useless stuff you need to know about me.

I've been feeling a bit depressed of late, but have manged to cheer up cos its easter hols yay!

Yesterday i actually woke up before 12, a feat of great will power on my part, as i am generally speaking nocturnal. So then i went hiking all over Ramsey with my friend Jonathan, who's first words to me were 'You're actually up before 12, how the hell did that happen?'. I t was good fun and i discovered some really nice out of the way spots i could go to when i want to get away from people for a bit.

After that i went to Jeekies gig with Gemma and Caity f, which was fun and his band are actually pretty damn good. Then afterwords some chavs in a race car threatened to beat up Richard, and called me a dyke and Caity 'the American', despite the fact we have no fucking idea who they were. We have now decided we are officially the anti- heroes of Ramsey, hated by all and banded together in our shared uncoolness.

I'm bored with this now, time to return to plotting world domination for a while.

Yours sincerely Charles Monroe, Aka Sam Moore, Aka GayEmoDepressed.

]]> ~GayEmoDepressed http://GayEmoDepressed.deviantart.com/journal/12442190/ http://GayEmoDepressed.deviantart.com/journal/12442190/ Tue, 03 Apr 2007 09:15:26 PDT However if you:
a) Want to hear the cynical and sarcastic observations of a disturbed adolescant, or
b) Want to find someone who's life is more screwed up than yours,
then please read on. i'm sure will enjoy my enlightining tale of teenage life.
Here's some random stuff about me.
Name: Samantha Mairie Moore, known by eveyone as Sam. The only people who call me Samantha are the bank, my grandparents, and my parents when their mad at me for hoarding a mug in my room so long it begins to develop its own eco system.
Age: 15, but only in chronological years.
Ambitions/goals: to survive high school with my sanity still intact.
To subsequently become famous by writing a book telling other people to survive high school.
To travel britain with a band of travelling gypsie
To go to a gay bar and get wasted on my 18th birthday.
To become a profesional street musician.
Appearance: About 5'6 height
Short black hair
grey/green eyes.
freckles
usually clad in army boots.
Fave food: Mexican wraps, with extra salsa and tabasco sauce.
If I had to have role models they would be: My parents, living evidence that the clinically insane can still become productuve members of society.
Joan of Arc: I've always felt a kind of kinship between us, probably because we both communicate with God, or maybe its just the cross dressing.
The majority of my classmates for making me look intelligent.
Gemma Steele: She always does her homework , and she always lets me copy, thus saving me from detention (detention is scary....all the chavs are there). Despite the fact she always does her homework, she stil manages to write way more than me and most of its better than what i could do, truth be told. Also she is genuinly a very nice person, who keeps her cool in arguments and does not take sides, unlike me who usually just gets pissed off and yells at everyone within 10 feet.
So there is all the random useless stuff you need to know about me.
I've been feeling a bit depressed of late, but have manged to cheer up cos its easter hols yay!
Yesterday i actually woke up before 12, a feat of great will power on my part, as i am generally speaking nocturnal. So then i went hiking all over Ramsey with my friend Jonathan, who's first words to me were 'You're actually up before 12, how the hell did that happen?'. I t was good fun and i discovered some really nice out of the way spots i could go to when i want to get away from people for a bit.
After that i went to Jeekies gig with Gemma and Caity f, which was fun and his band are actually pretty damn good. Then afterwords some chavs in a race car threatened to beat up Richard, and called me a dyke and Caity 'the American', despite the fact we have no fucking idea who they were. We have now decided we are officially the anti- heroes of Ramsey, hated by all and banded together in our shared uncoolness.
I'm bored with this now, time to return to plotting world domination for a while.
Yours sincerely Charles Monroe, Aka Sam Moore, Aka GayEmoDepressed.

]]> ~GayEmoDepressed