http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:Grotesque-beauty&section=today deviantART RSS for by:Grotesque-beauty en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Sat, 05 Dec 2009 14:47:41 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://Grotesque-beauty.deviantart.com/journal/27253066/ http://Grotesque-beauty.deviantart.com/journal/27253066/ Wed, 16 Sep 2009 20:30:25 PDT

]]> ~Grotesque-beauty http://Grotesque-beauty.deviantart.com/journal/27041884/ http://Grotesque-beauty.deviantart.com/journal/27041884/ Sat, 05 Sep 2009 19:30:10 PDT
[link]


Why do I have fans, you ask?
I'm not really sure. I think it's because I have boobies.

]]> ~Grotesque-beauty http://Grotesque-beauty.deviantart.com/journal/24670512/ http://Grotesque-beauty.deviantart.com/journal/24670512/ Sun, 10 May 2009 10:46:49 PDT
Just thought I'd let everyone know. >.>


----------------EDIT

OHMYGAWD. Best show I've ever been to. No doubt about that. Fucking amazing.
I absolutely need to see them AGAIN.

]]> ~Grotesque-beauty http://Grotesque-beauty.deviantart.com/journal/23330546/ http://Grotesque-beauty.deviantart.com/journal/23330546/ Sat, 21 Feb 2009 19:12:37 PST [link]

But I will post my price list here...

Earrings: $8.00 a pair
Cupcake charms: $5.00 each
Necklaces: $20-25
Pendants: $10 each
Bracelets: $10-15 dollars each
Dread beads: $3-5 dollars each

(prices may vary based on product)

Again, if you would like to purchase an item or would like to know how much I'm selling synth dreads for, please send me a message over myspace. Thanks.

Oh yeah! I'm going to be putting my blue dreadfalls up for sale soon, so keep checking!

]]> ~Grotesque-beauty http://Grotesque-beauty.deviantart.com/journal/22208479/ http://Grotesque-beauty.deviantart.com/journal/22208479/ Fri, 26 Dec 2008 11:37:38 PST
[link]

Yes, I enjoyed watching my friends suffer...
(I'm the one filming, btw... and yes, I laugh a lot... )

Goooood times.

]]> ~Grotesque-beauty http://Grotesque-beauty.deviantart.com/journal/20912987/ http://Grotesque-beauty.deviantart.com/journal/20912987/ Thu, 09 Oct 2008 21:22:11 PDT
That is all.

]]> ~Grotesque-beauty http://Grotesque-beauty.deviantart.com/journal/20632836/ http://Grotesque-beauty.deviantart.com/journal/20632836/ Tue, 23 Sep 2008 09:35:47 PDT I'll put pictures up... when I can be bothered to take pics.
It has a gothy tattered and torn look. It's pretty sweet.

I also helped my brother and his friend out with a school project yesterday.
My brother wrote the lyrics and he wrote the song with musicshake... and they wanted me to sing. Because I actually have a good voice. (they say I sound like amy lee... lmao I think I sound better... >.> )
So that was interesting. Haha.

And now I'm currently working on some more polymer beads.

I have to keep myself busy, so I might as well do something creative and productive.

Just trying to be optimistic, despite everything that's going on in my life. It's better than stewing over everything... because that often leads to depression.

Also, there's a wonderful boy in my life and he's pretty much ABSOLUTELY WONDERFUL. (=
You know who you are, love. *lick*

]]> ~Grotesque-beauty http://Grotesque-beauty.deviantart.com/journal/20365480/ http://Grotesque-beauty.deviantart.com/journal/20365480/ Sat, 06 Sep 2008 21:32:46 PDT
I've been really struggling with my depression. I "overdosed" on pills. Not because I was trying to kill myself, but because I was just sick of everything. Sometimes I feel like I just have to get away and I didn't know any other way, I suppose. Anyway, I was sent to a psychiatric hospital for a week because I was a threat to myself or something. Apparently I have major depression. *shrugs*

I honestly think that the cause of my depression, or what really contributed to it was my failing marriage. We're in the process of getting a divorce and I moved back to Colorado. Meaning that I had to quit my wonderful job, which sucks, because I'm stuck with thousands of dollars in hospital bills.

So yes, I am very stressed. Photography is really becoming my escape. It's very relaxing. Especially because I like to do nature photography the most.

So this is the short story. Just a little peek into the life of Samantha.

________________________________________

Broken reality
There's no means of escape
Broken reality
Looking to leave this mind-state
But the more that I leave the harder it seems I come back
Now I'm living out these lies that I call my trap
And I call it that cause I didn't do this intentionally
What I now call my trap I used to call my fantasy
And why do I fantasize in order to leave the reality
Of not being able to relate personally or socially
Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to be respected
But until then I'll dream about being accepted
I wonder what it would feel like to be respected

All wrong no right no one no sun no light
This life, this fight, I'll hide inside
No matter where you go you cant escape whats inside.


Somebody get me out of this place
Of loneliness, hopelessness, depression and disgrace
At this pace I'm on the verge of self-destruction
With nothing to go on but my self instruction
So what does that leave me
I try to communicate with the world but none of you out there could perceive me
So instead of words I began to express through actions
So anger and rage become my mere satisfaction
Hate fills my being I'm seeing no means of release
So I escape into my fantasy where I live in peace
Here I can be anybody I want to, here I can be anybody I choose too
Here in this place I feel good there's no restriction
This place is so good that its becoming my addiction

I say I'm not lost but why am I searching
I say pain don't fade me but then again why am I hurting
I say I won't show emotion but yet
I cant hide these eyes that have been stained by tears
I say I can't be help back but yet I've been in the same place for years
I say I wanna go free but something keeps me bound
I say I wanna go higher but my feet haven't left the ground
I told you I didn't care but then again why is my heart so heavy
I told the world to bring it but deep down I knew I wasn't ready
I said I couldn't be deceived, meanwhile I'm walking into the same old traps
I said I couldn't be broke, as I watch my world collapse
Watch my world collapse


No matter where you go you can't escape what's inside
No matter where I go

]]> ~Grotesque-beauty http://Grotesque-beauty.deviantart.com/journal/19496963/ http://Grotesque-beauty.deviantart.com/journal/19496963/ Sun, 20 Jul 2008 09:21:03 PDT
Can't write.
Can't draw.
Can't paint.
I don't wear black all the time.
I'm not always mopey.
I don't hate my parents.
I'm a Christian.
Because I shop at hot topic.
Because a lot of the music I listen to isn't "goth enough".
Because I'm not "deep enough".
Too young.
Too old.
Because I don't hang out with other goths.
Because I don't have a ton of piercings.
And my favorite: I can't be goth because I consider myself a goth. *smirk*

The list goes on and just keeps growing.
Well if I'm not goth because I'm not all of those things... then what CAN I be? Please don't kick me out of the club. *eyeroll*
Sorry... but I'm not so closed minded and ignorant.

It's about being open minded... and accepting. So many goths claim to be just that, but then they turn around and tell me I can't be a part of it because I just don't qualify. *laughs*
And it's not just in the goth scene, but there's elitism in every scene.

I believe goth is about expression of oneself, it's about being yourself. What's the point of that if I'm not "allowed" to do any of the above? I don't need validation from anyone.

]]> ~Grotesque-beauty http://Grotesque-beauty.deviantart.com/journal/19081146/ http://Grotesque-beauty.deviantart.com/journal/19081146/ Fri, 27 Jun 2008 18:41:03 PDT
My personal life, on the other hand, is not good at all. Since I've moved to Oklahoma City (about 11 months ago), I can say that only about two or three of those months have been good. I've been prescribed anti-depressants... and it's been suggested more than once that I see a therapist. Which is something that I honestly don't want to do. I do admit that it's probably something that I need. I seem to depend on my medicine more than I should. I know it wont fix me... but it will help in the process. I know therapy will help, too... but the idea of going to a therapist is not something that I'm comfortable with.

The pills only help so much. I don't really know what to say, I don't really know how to express what's in my heart and what's on my mind anymore. I feel depleted. I want to give up. But, at this time, I feel like I just need to keep going. Not only for me, but for him. He's the thing that keeps me going.

-----------------------------------------

Play dead again. It just might stop before the end.
If I pretend you may not see the pain I'm in.
So close to me, can't tell what I'm supposed to be.
Don't stop to breathe, can't bear to think what you might see.
This tourniquet, these blessed hands around my head
So I can keep from...

Bleeding.
I've got to find a way to stop before it starts.
Finding its way through my veins right to my heart.
I never thought it something everyone could see.
And it kills within me.

I won't leave without a trace.
I won't be erased.

It's in my head, I can't forget what you once said.
The words I read, the fractured soul that I can't mend.
Right here with me, killing the void I used to be.
Remembering through fading sparks of memory.
Two broken hands lift seven wounds and fight to stand
To keep the lungs from..

Caving.
I've got to find a way to stop before it starts.
Finding its way through my veins right to my heart.
I never thought it something everyone could see.
And it kills within me.

Turning. It's moving. Escaping right through me.
I care not. I bleed not. For you I believe not.
I play dead.

]]> ~Grotesque-beauty http://Grotesque-beauty.deviantart.com/journal/17946269/ http://Grotesque-beauty.deviantart.com/journal/17946269/ Sun, 20 Apr 2008 14:55:18 PDT
Soooo... what's new with me, you ask?

Well... I'm now living in Oklahoma City. *bleh!* I have a job that I love... which is keeping me pretty busy.
My 21st birthday was a few days ago..

And, well, that's about it. Just thought I'd update this thing... because I haven't done so in AGES. I know, I always say that... *laughs*

]]> ~Grotesque-beauty