http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:HatrasLover&section=today deviantART RSS for by:HatrasLover en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Sun, 20 Dec 2009 07:30:14 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://HatrasLover.deviantart.com/journal/29020697/ http://HatrasLover.deviantart.com/journal/29020697/ Fri, 18 Dec 2009 14:34:00 PST
The first time I noticed the imbalance between my peers and the staff happened during my lunch period. Students were throwing around their food or demanding certain things to be placed on their plates with no respect for the ones serving them. Then later on when they have to help serve they would complain and whine about how they are treated. The Cafeteria staff just stands there, barely smiling as they provide you with sustainence for the day. No longer expected to be treated with kindess or respect as they are yelled at and shirked on a daily basis. Frustrated with their situations they both, peer and staff, begin to go at eachother at first verbally but then later on physical actions will take place.

This is saddening to me. Seeing how quickly the staff learn to baby my peers simply because there is nothing else they can do. And seeing how quickly my peers are to jump onto any train that comes by that happens to provide a lazy crutch for them only provides me with more aprehension for my future at Woodstock. How am I to grow amongst weeds and poorly nurished earth?

]]> ~HatrasLover http://HatrasLover.deviantart.com/journal/28801281/ http://HatrasLover.deviantart.com/journal/28801281/ Mon, 07 Dec 2009 08:00:19 PST
I love how everyone in my life is so entertain and finds me so as well. How the hell I am entertaining when I am trying to make serious converstaion I have no idea, but I'm not going to complain smiles are good, and laughter is good too. Well, some of them anyways. There are some laughs that would make Hitler rise from his grave and scream like a girl in fear of the zit on her nose. Continueing on to less fearsome topics, like....Christmas.

Oh yes, because Christmas is totally not scary. Nope not at all, Christmas is the most WONDERFUL time of year. Yes sir-ee, because we all love overtly large cheerful men with rudy complexions. Or seeing reindeer that fly, because that wont make us need therapy for the rest of our lives at all. And don't even get me started on the elves and toys alright because there are soooo many wrong things with that. I KNOW what some of you people out there get for christmas and I just have to say that, that is totally not cool for the elves yo. I mean their elfin shrink must have to get cat scans as much as his patients do. No wonder Santa has them making the toys...I wouldn't want to either.

Now that I am done making Christmas as pervy as possible this is the point in my journal where I attempt to talk about serious things like Job Corps and how absolutely terrifying it is for me to associate with complete strangers. Which I suppose would be the case but for some reason I have decided not to really care wether or not I will like the people there or not simply because if I think about it too much I may end up plotting ways to sneak whipped cream into their shaving cream, and puting lemon juice on their razors. Why you ask, would I do something like that? To break the ice of course, I'm not too good with ice picks so I decided that salt might be better, it tastes good and works fast.

So again I'm not worried anymore, I just want to get done what I need to get done. Now, onto awesome parties with human puppies. Oh I just picture the look on Calebs face when he reads this. lol Hi Caleb, just close your eyes and pretend that things like that don't exist and shun them....yep God will take care of you I promise but I'm not you so no worries. It doesn't bother me. Needless to say it was interesting. He had a collar and everything which, I will say again doesn't really bother me. Seeing as I am into D/s as it is. No I am not into BDSM so far its just D/s and for those of you who have no idea what I'm saying or talking about...Go hug your mommys and don't bother asking because I won't tell you.

Okay so there was a human puppy and his masters which were really nice by the way. One of them was named Mjern or something like that. I though this name was funny because it pronuounces like the noise a race car makes...mrrrrrrr mrrrrrrrrrn mmrrrrrrrrn....beep beep. Okay I'm done now. I tried this one drink, it was Apple Pucker with sprite. It was okay but I only had a sip I don't like stuff like that. I prefer to remain level headed as much as possible besides. I don't need to get drunk, I act insane even without alchohol. Rachel was cool, thats Romy's friend. Rachel is a Dominatrix or at least thats the impression I got. I was a bit shocked at first when I saw them, but after that I was just okay whatever. To each their own, if it makes you happy who am I to tell you what to do? I'm not your mother.

Right now I'm waiting for time to go on because I'm trying to find out if the movie theater me and romy's friend brad, whom I dislike, went to is open. You see I unfortunately left my sketch book in the bathroom stall of the girls bathroom and I'm hoping that they didn't throw it away. But on a postitive note, someone had very interesting reading material. And I am now ending my journal because if I keep typing then I will make myself confused and hurt the easily broken heads of people whom I know read this. No Auntie Joy your not implied in this, and no Mai neither are you.

]]> ~HatrasLover http://HatrasLover.deviantart.com/journal/28801280/ http://HatrasLover.deviantart.com/journal/28801280/ Mon, 07 Dec 2009 08:00:18 PST
I love how everyone in my life is so entertain and finds me so as well. How the hell I am entertaining when I am trying to make serious converstaion I have no idea, but I'm not going to complain smiles are good, and laughter is good too. Well, some of them anyways. There are some laughs that would make Hitler rise from his grave and scream like a girl in fear of the zit on her nose. Continueing on to less fearsome topics, like....Christmas.

Oh yes, because Christmas is totally not scary. Nope not at all, Christmas is the most WONDERFUL time of year. Yes sir-ee, because we all love overtly large cheerful men with rudy complexions. Or seeing reindeer that fly, because that wont make us need therapy for the rest of our lives at all. And don't even get me started on the elves and toys alright because there are soooo many wrong things with that. I KNOW what some of you people out there get for christmas and I just have to say that, that is totally not cool for the elves yo. I mean their elfin shrink must have to get cat scans as much as his patients do. No wonder Santa has them making the toys...I wouldn't want to either.

Now that I am done making Christmas as pervy as possible this is the point in my journal where I attempt to talk about serious things like Job Corps and how absolutely terrifying it is for me to associate with complete strangers. Which I suppose would be the case but for some reason I have decided not to really care wether or not I will like the people there or not simply because if I think about it too much I may end up plotting ways to sneak whipped cream into their shaving cream, and puting lemon juice on their razors. Why you ask, would I do something like that? To break the ice of course, I'm not too good with ice picks so I decided that salt might be better, it tastes good and works fast.

So again I'm not worried anymore, I just want to get done what I need to get done. Now, onto awesome parties with human puppies. Oh I just picture the look on Calebs face when he reads this. lol Hi Caleb, just close your eyes and pretend that things like that don't exist and shun them....yep God will take care of you I promise but I'm not you so no worries. It doesn't bother me. Needless to say it was interesting. He had a collar and everything which, I will say again doesn't really bother me. Seeing as I am into D/s as it is. No I am not into BDSM so far its just D/s and for those of you who have no idea what I'm saying or talking about...Go hug your mommys and don't bother asking because I won't tell you.

Okay so there was a human puppy and his masters which were really nice by the way. One of them was named Mjern or something like that. I though this name was funny because it pronuounces like the noise a race car makes...mrrrrrrr mrrrrrrrrrn mmrrrrrrrrn....beep beep. Okay I'm done now. I tried this one drink, it was Apple Pucker with sprite. It was okay but I only had a sip I don't like stuff like that. I prefer to remain level headed as much as possible besides. I don't need to get drunk, I act insane even without alchohol. Rachel was cool, thats Romy's friend. Rachel is a Dominatrix or at least thats the impression I got. I was a bit shocked at first when I saw them, but after that I was just okay whatever. To each their own, if it makes you happy who am I to tell you what to do? I'm not your mother.

Right now I'm waiting for time to go on because I'm trying to find out if the movie theater me and romy's friend brad, whom I dislike, went to is open. You see I unfortunately left my sketch book in the bathroom stall of the girls bathroom and I'm hoping that they didn't throw it away. But on a postitive note, someone had very interesting reading material. And I am now ending my journal because if I keep typing then I will make myself confused and hurt the easily broken heads of people whom I know read this. No Auntie Joy your not implied in this, and no Mai neither are you.

]]> ~HatrasLover http://HatrasLover.deviantart.com/journal/28541977/ http://HatrasLover.deviantart.com/journal/28541977/ Tue, 24 Nov 2009 05:12:54 PST Do you see the dead bodies that hang from the trees? Are you still able to step upon the dirt outside, or sweep it away and not notice the deep crimson color? I wonder whose blood has been soaked up by this land. How and why they died, what the meaning and price of their blood spilt accomplished. I see with haunted eyes as I watch our world grow with vivid colors of green but since you cannot see what I see, I must be color blind. For I also see my peoples scarlet pain.

Now listen. Do you hear what I hear, the wind whistling or the insects chirping? Perhaps you even hear birds singing their beautiful songs. It sounds nice to hear such things I suppose, since I cannot. I only hear the silent screams of help carried by the wind. Sorrowful whispering that caresses our faces with unheard pleas. I know they are the people who need me. As their words are received I have become their hope. The birds the insects join in with their songs hoping we will understand a more audible language, hoping that we will help those who ask for it.
Have you ever taken a cup of water and truly appreciate the burden it carries? Though it now is cleansed and clear this water still holds the liquid life of those who once were. It forever is taken and drunk, and what I taste cannot possibly be understood by you. For what I taste is decay and red dust. Perhaps what you taste is something one must acquire, I do try but no matter what, I know only your thirst may be quenched.

Most of all I ask you to Feel. Do you feel the pounding? The quaking of the earth that visibly remains still. The thundering in your heart like the breaking of a soul? Perhaps again these are things that are unnatural to notice. I do though, and I cannot ignore it so easily with smiles, or laughter. Do you ever stop to think about the sadness that always remains in your hearts? It is those of our people who are about to be lost, it is those of our people about to be slain, or harmed in some way. And I will always acknowledge them. Always notice their existence, simply because I do not have the luxury to see what you see. And if you do all I ask is “Now, what are you going to do about it?”

]]> ~HatrasLover http://HatrasLover.deviantart.com/journal/28056832/ http://HatrasLover.deviantart.com/journal/28056832/ Sat, 31 Oct 2009 01:52:40 PDT
(Yume: Japanese for Dream)

]]> ~HatrasLover http://HatrasLover.deviantart.com/journal/28034725/ http://HatrasLover.deviantart.com/journal/28034725/ Thu, 29 Oct 2009 18:23:27 PDT
Rebirth requires commemoration. Though I sing Life- instinctively- as the Robin- I never jotted hours. I live to quietly for Volumes- No stage would play my Drama. But Though is it's own Event and defines the day. Recording one preserves the other, like the flower pressed between pages at it's fullest glory. So let this be my letter to myself- that needs no response.

~Thursday, March 14, 1867 Emilie Dickinson's Diary~

Poem 441

This is my letter to the world
That never wrote to me-
The simple News that Nature told-
With tender Majesty

Her Message is committed
To Hands I cannot see-
For love of Her- Sweet- countrymen-
Judge tenderly- of Me

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thoughts:

First off I want to make sure I understand the word "penurious" so I will look it up and give you a dictionary definition then my own wording of it.

PENURIOUS:
–adjective
1. extremely stingy; parsimonious; miserly.
2. extremely poor; destitute; indigent.
3. poorly or inadequately supplied; lacking in means or resources.

In my own words this word is a means to describe someone who is not up to my liking. Someone who doesn't suit me perfectly but is still there none the less. The fact that she refers this to God makes me think that she is trying to say that she dislikes it when she receives the feeling of unanswered questions. As I am sure we have all felt at some point or another. So that leaves me amused at the way in which she wrote it. She writes with compassion, the fondness one would have for a lover or the antics of a close friend colors her words. She understands, and does her best accept no matter what flaws she may not like she searches for reasons pursue her goal, whatever that may be.
In the beginning she gives the example of an insect that clings to a tree during the changing of warm to cold seasons. How it appears dead and it does struggle for life as the cold times over take it. A struggle I'm sure that few would understand seeing as we are not six legged minuscule bugs. But the victory it gains by defeating death is that much greater. The struggle has not lost its meaning, rather the meaning of the struggle becomes more significant with its victory of life. She is saying that no matter how poorly the odds of survival or in her words "Hope" of any sort, seem dismal we should always try for the best knowing that doubt, and thoughts of disappointment will lead us to nowhere except exactly where we think we will be.
As for the poem I think its her way of asking for acceptance of her nature. She is human and as such it is in her nature to do wrong. To questions the things that she sees and translate them into the thoughts the currently cover the pages of her diary. I think that in a way, and this is just my speculation, that in order to truly understand someone you must first accept them for everything that they are. Without that exception your understanding is merely something you strive for. More than likely you will end up creating your own understanding of that person, but it will not be true understanding. I'm sure that made no sense, but that is best as I can put it.

~Teigh~

]]> ~HatrasLover http://HatrasLover.deviantart.com/journal/27790699/ http://HatrasLover.deviantart.com/journal/27790699/ Fri, 16 Oct 2009 01:13:12 PDT
]]> ~HatrasLover http://HatrasLover.deviantart.com/journal/27714907/ http://HatrasLover.deviantart.com/journal/27714907/ Sun, 11 Oct 2009 20:06:44 PDT Oh crimson redemption guide me
Crippled hands quake and shake
Gripping the air too tightly
Forsaken one amongst the downy white
Forgive my minds own boundaries
Clear away the tainted remains

Flip the switch on my fears
Raise my chin and look up to the sky
The day is bright and clear
Lips chapped and sore
Throat clearing room for air
And I sing
I sing a song of misunderstanding
A poem of truth
Lyrical apprehension

Become the passion in their hearts
Walk the roads of doom
On dirt path we embark
Life never ends too soon
Carry me across the shores
And leaky river beds
Cleanse my soul of all my pain
Remove all thought from my head

Gather the winds and caress my face
Whistle in my ears
I hear your voice mysterious one
I understand the burden you bear
Lift me up to the clouds
On these sickly wings I fly
Once again to see night
Gathered round a moonlit sky

Steady earth keep me still
Nurture my body and soul
Feed my heart till passions filled
I hear your mothering call
Move my feet when I refuse
To move my body at all
Soak up my tears when I bleed
After a terrible fall

Blessed creature of heart and flame
Teach me to twist and dance
School me in the art of mirth
So I may find semblance
In smiling lips and tongues embrace
I speak a name unknown
Twisting embers take their birth
Inside our smoky hearths

Call unto thee the name
The name unheard
Call unto thee the heart
The heart uncleared
Call unto thee the body
The body undisturbed
Call unto thee my soul
My spirit is yours unearth

]]> ~HatrasLover http://HatrasLover.deviantart.com/journal/27669992/ http://HatrasLover.deviantart.com/journal/27669992/ Fri, 09 Oct 2009 14:40:11 PDT Do I merely enjoy repetition so much that I seek out people over and over again to divulge my inner most feelings and thoughts. Only so that they can walk away one day because they don't have the strength to continue a friendship or relationship that requires more openness than they are used to? Or is the "POINT" so obscure that even as I am searching my hot breath and words fog the window again so that I am unable to truely see those on the other side? I dont' know, to be honest I don't rightly care anymore. I can finally say the words that so many people have pried for and longed to hear..."I GIVE UP!" You have your way...and I'll do whatever you want me to. Even if it means loosing myself along the way. Go ahead tell me what you want me to do and I will be the perfect clone of your desires. Bend me this way and that, you can even break me without permission. I will not stop you. GO AHEAD AND TRY! I FUCKING DARE YOU! You want to twist my arm, no need to over exert yourself I'll slice it off for you. You want to know how I feel, I'll tell you until you tell me how you want me to feel. I will become the perfect nightmare that haunts your daydreams. Is this what you wanted? Is this what you people want from me?!
Of course not Amanda, we care about you, we love you, we know right and we want to help because ALL OF YOU SOMEHOW KNOW WHAT IS FUCKING GOOD FOR ME. I'm not your god damn science project. I'm not your god damned spiritual mission. I AM NOT YOURS! To control and tell what to do whenever you want. And I'm through with all of you people and you will see what happens when you don't look closely enough. You will know what happens to those who push and claim power over me. You want power you can pay the consequences of wielding it. What am i going to do you ask? Wouldn't you like to know... I'm not going to tell you....duh!



Caleb, you can come for me if you want to or not I honestly don't care either way. But know this. The message was sent more than once. I know it was. It was sent to you because you needed to hear it. You want to play the part of a hero, or someone who will bring salvation to a stranger be my guest but know that the burden you bear is not just the weight of your lonely, pathetic and mutated heart. Know the consequences of the promise you made, and remember. Oh and yes I'm just peachy before you get worried and start asking me questions.
Mai, I wish you luck on all of your endevors wherever those roads may lead you. I know your destined for great things so I won't hold you back or even put you in a position where you have to struggle to let me go. I Amanda M. Bolt renounce my oath to protect, and follow you wherever you may go. I also renounce my friendship to Mai D. I cut the bonds that were formed by soul and oath and words that were sworn on my....well I'm sure you get the point but I'll just say the rest to myself. heh.. Anyways. Yeah now that the dramatics are done with.
Kara, I'm sorry I can't come see you like I origionally wanted its just I have so much planned and I'm sorta booked for the rest of my....month. So maybe next year or something like that. Tell your mom I said hi. *Hugs* lol Thank you I miss you too by the way.
Thats about it. EXIT: Amanda....

]]> ~HatrasLover http://HatrasLover.deviantart.com/journal/27367304/ http://HatrasLover.deviantart.com/journal/27367304/ Tue, 22 Sep 2009 23:30:20 PDT I said I loved Chris even though he pushed me to do things I didn't want to do. Told me to tell him things I didn't want to tell. And then he said "I love you baby" and I of course responded automatically without really thinking of the meaning "I love you too" which of course turned out to be a lie, but I fear rejection so much that I just kept putting layers upon layers of sugar on top. "Why do you love me?"......"Because I can't live without you?" lol oh what a hilarious mistake that was. Sad part is I dont even blame him really. After all I do deserve to suffer. Now Ralph. Hes a sweet guy, honestly I have never dated anyone like him before in my life. Hes considerate, romantic, always wants to know how my day was, if I'm alright....And I think I might actually truely love this one. Except for one thing that bothers me. Cybering. I know i'm a good writer and that I have read enough romantic novels and fanfictions to be able to make even grown men hot and bothered. But....for somereason it bothers me when he can't think of anything to say so he just decides that hes going to cyber fudge me. Thats wonderful I mean I understand that I should have said something but I didn't because I want him to be happy and if a fake imaginary fuck will do that I see no harm. After all I deserve no less. He is truely a good guy though, I just make him sound horrible. I can't really make any guys sound charming. Well maybe not the last one, he's....I don't know what he is, but hes something thats for sure. From the very beginning I felt comfortable around him. Like it was another peice of me that was missing but I never had the chance to notice till now. Or I'm dillusional one of the two personally I prefer the first option. He says he was sent to protect me...Oddly enough I believe him though in our converstaions I deny it. One because I'm so self dependent that even suggesting that I would need someone elses help puts me in a bad mood. It make me feel like all my hard work is given credit to someone else. I hate that thought. I don't know why, maybe its pride. Or survival insticts, or not. Anyways, my Dog (my champion) has been sent to me.....Now what exactly am I supposed to do with him God? Is there some sort of message you sent that I have yet to recieve? I have a feeling that I'm forgetting something when it comes to him, a dream I had once....when I was very little. A promise I made, an oath....I really should go to a convent. I know I used to pray alot.....even when I saw things that shouldn't be there. Even when they whispered to me at night, even when they tried to touch me and get in my house. I still prayed even with them looking right in the window at me. I didnt' understand why I could see them. I didn't like it....sometimes I could feel things on my bed with me or walking in my room. On the roof...outside my door or my window. Then one day I got so scared of this thing i saw in the mirror...it wasn't me I swear it wasn't people always just assume I hate looking at myself that is not the case I hate seeing what is always standing behind me. It scares me....I prayed that God would send someone to protect me. To love me, and hold me when I was scared or needed comfort. Who would lie next to me in my sleep. But then.....of course....I was in church one... ]]> ~HatrasLover http://HatrasLover.deviantart.com/journal/26891903/ http://HatrasLover.deviantart.com/journal/26891903/ Sat, 29 Aug 2009 09:16:53 PDT
]]> ~HatrasLover http://HatrasLover.deviantart.com/journal/26687972/ http://HatrasLover.deviantart.com/journal/26687972/ Wed, 19 Aug 2009 08:33:48 PDT
On to school. As far as I know I am no longer trying to enter Essex Community College. First reason being that I can't even talk to the people there. I stuttered! That is not good, people there are like leeches who zap my energy and you have to pry people open in order to answer basic questions like "Why do I need this paper?" Its kind of sad. I want to be in a learning enviroment where the answers are a given. I mean sure asking questions will happen, what I mean is that I shouldn't have to pry for results. It only makes it harder for me to comprehend. Anyway, I have made an appointment with my DORS counsiler for the 26th of this month. We will discuss me getting a job and maybe even about going to the Carrol Community College. I haven't talked to Dr. Foster for a very long time. I'm not sure I want to speak with someone who doesn't respect my responses. I had to say more than three times that digital art is not my forte that I don't want to take it and each time I was ingored and she told my grandparents that I was taking it. Which still bothers me to no end. That and she is the reason why I'm not in college right now. I mean sure she helped me out alot and there really isn't anything I can do to change her but she also allowed my disability to become a disability in and of itself. Which as you can guess is not a good thing.

Another friend of mine whom I'm not really sure is a friend at all seeing as I really don't feel anything towards him in any way shape or form, believes that he owes me something. Or perhaps better put in my perspective he believes that he owes HIMSELF something which is to keep a promise that I have never forgotten nor will I in the future. He can let it 'fester' as he calls it but it has no affect on me. I honestly could care less to whatever it is he blieves he can save me from. He should save himself first before he goes around trying to point out the flaws in others. No, I am not shutting him out again, and no, I am not trying to be stubborn. That is just a part of my personality. He no longer holds a connection with me because he chose to sever the line. I hold no respect for those who force themselves on people. Unless, that is, they earn it back. Wether he comes for me or not is his choice. I will not stop him, but nor will I encourage such an action. Strange how focused he is on himself to not notice that I may not be stubborn with him but that doesn't mean he has the right to say what choices in my life are wrong or not. Shrugs* All the same I wish him a love filled blessed be, and I will continue on my way. Life after all, will not wait for strangers to make up their minds.

Well I have out done myself. I think I wrote a little too much but I guess that I needed to get that out of my veins. So I am done now, I need to go put the dishes away. Toodles people, and have a wonderful day.

]]> ~HatrasLover http://HatrasLover.deviantart.com/journal/26545299/ http://HatrasLover.deviantart.com/journal/26545299/ Wed, 12 Aug 2009 10:09:18 PDT
]]> ~HatrasLover http://HatrasLover.deviantart.com/journal/25995433/ http://HatrasLover.deviantart.com/journal/25995433/ Thu, 16 Jul 2009 22:02:13 PDT
Anyways onto more pressing matters, my mood currently is pissing me off. Which may seem to those who read this that my mood is poed but its not that is merely how I feel about my mood. To be honest my mood is that of someone who has no feelings at all or for lack of a better complex but completly incomprensible metaphor I will call it "numb." It is bothering me. Duh! I don't know where it came from, well maybe I do. Romy has been acting strangely for a couple of hours now and shes strung out, and taking it out on me without even realizing it. She hurt my feelings earlier but then again I was probably being really sensitive. lol I do that randomly alot.

Random Isolated Emotions

Take a look at me
What do you need
Can you breath
Or is the oxygen thick enough to see
Question the answers to your questions
What a way to go
In need of some more desperation?
I have alot to spare,
Would you like some for the road?
Extra extra read all about it
Today the world almost died
Living within its mutilated mind
And dialation paints the skies
With the color of aged wine
Whats "in" and whats "out"
Ware your skin outisde in
I'm the comfortable with what I'm in
Whatever that means to be "In" up or down?

Clearly

Not enough to time to waste
On another simple taste
Of this strawberry whine
Sweet with stories of rythum and rhyme
Have some cheese theres enough for all
Cheesy people take the fall
Chew and chew, and sip your sips
Before they take the last of it.
Dizzy swirls of color and vibes
Everythings pretty now but what about your life
It stays the same in this.

]]> ~HatrasLover http://HatrasLover.deviantart.com/journal/25893181/ http://HatrasLover.deviantart.com/journal/25893181/ Sun, 12 Jul 2009 05:38:38 PDT Back to the point. Now that I have regained my control everything will be much happier. I think thats the reason why I have always been unhappy. On to another topic.

Someone (I will not mention their name) sent me a note a few days ago saying that they felt like I knew me from a past life. This is not the part that creeps me out...The part that bothers me is the fact that Mai my best friend had someone do the very same thing with her, I believe the girl was from Germany. Anyways, onwards...So this girl left me a message and she sounded really nice. Maybe I have found my twin flame Mai? Then again, maybe not. Maybe it's just another soulmate thing. I dunno what to think about all this. I just find it strange that all of a sudden new people are popping up into my life. I always remember the cards though. One woman who is deceiving and one who is kind, one man who is treacherous, and one to guide. Paranoia will keep you safe until its time. You know what I'm talking about Mai. I'm worried that I will not know the difference between the good and the bad. Hopefully which ever one I pick, the Fates will help guide me.

Also, Romy Noodle is back from traveling the U.S.A. with her Grandparents. Apparently there was a cat that rubbed up against a giant pickle, or something strange and completely random like that. So as I was saying Romy is back and I'm going to visit her today. I can't wait. I had trouble sleeping because I was so excited. Were going to watch CATS and go biking on the Rail Trail. Its going to be loads of fun. I missed the rest of the family too. I'm sure Mom does. She always misses me. Well I think this is the end of my journal since I can't think of anything else to write in it. So Peace and Love people!

]]> ~HatrasLover http://HatrasLover.deviantart.com/journal/25214581/ http://HatrasLover.deviantart.com/journal/25214581/ Tue, 09 Jun 2009 10:45:42 PDT
As for my sister and her difficulties, they prove troublesome to a degree that I do not know what to think. She says that she is the way she is because of what I did to her. She blames me for "Abandoning" her. That I left her as Marks new punching bag. I know that this is the truth. I knew that would happen a long time ago when I first decided to leave. I had to get away though, I couldn't save her if I couldn't save myself first. But then it became too late and she no longer believed anything I said. She no longer feels like a sister to me. She feels like the kid at school that picks on me. I don't know what to think about that. I try to make things different, I try to rebuild our relationship by staying close to her and keeping updated on her life, but I can tell she is still pushing me away. Its alright really, I understand that feeling all too well. It just pains me to see it in someone I love that's all. Shes seeing someone by the way. His name is Chris, his personality reminds me of a boy I used to talk to.

I kinda miss him to honest. Not that I would ever admit that to his face under the threat of acid being poured on my eyes, but it is a truth none the less and I don't have the energy to lie to myself at the moment. He used to claim me as a prideful being and how that was one of my most presentable flaws. I often wonder why people can't see beyond the image I want them to. Have I perfected the art of persona so much that no one can see the truth anymore? Or maybe this is what he meant by pride, maybe he thinks that I like the fact that I can do it so well. Or maybe he never asked why I was prideful. If I am I think its because no one was ever proud of me. I needed someone to need me, so I helped myself. Ever since I was little I could never ask for help. I always just let my sister have help. I never took food from anyone who offered it, nor did I except money or clothing. I just pointed to my sister and she gladly to took such burdens off of my hands. I was humble once upon a time ago. I barely spoke unless spoken to. I excepted what people gave me unless it was the previous things listed. I never asked questions when someone told me to do something, I just did it. When I look at myself today I find that I am still what I once called humble, but now I see it as being "subservient." Doing what I am told only because someone told me to do it. The reasons often vary too. Because I'm afraid of punishment. Because I want attention ( hence the one time I ate lotion). Because I wanted to exist for once in my puny pathetic life. But in the end the reasons don't really matter do they. I wasn't just doing what they wanted I was also commanding myself to do things that I didn't want to do. heh...The worst form of mind control is to have yourself tell you what to do.

I'm going to be moving to Essex in Baltimore to go to the community college there. Well, thats a maybe right now since i haven't talked to my DORS counsiler yet. I don't really want to go but because Dr. Foster said I should I am. Sad, I know but who am I to question others? Who am I to challenge their authority. Even if I... ]]> ~HatrasLover http://HatrasLover.deviantart.com/journal/25084722/ http://HatrasLover.deviantart.com/journal/25084722/ Tue, 02 Jun 2009 08:30:00 PDT That scared me...it didn't feel right.

Then that very night I had another dream. Okay so this dream was all fine and dandy in the beginning. It was a mixture of my family again this time with my other aunts family the sullenger's and what looked like some neighbors. Okay but there was one boy there and we were having a sleep over of some sort then all of a sudden I'm at the back of a school. It looked like a prison version of Robert Moton Elementary and Sandymount put together. That was kinda scary and I don't know why I just felt this kind of dread come over me. Then I'm in this living room and every one is talking but I keep staring at this one man. His head is bald and he is built but not fat, and hes tall and I remember his eyes. Intelligent but you can see lunacy in them. I felt scared then, he wasn't a good man. I tried to stay away from him but one of the people there a preteen girl went missing and so did the guy. I think I possessed the girls body because the next thing I know I'm being locked in the basement and the lights are being shut off. I can feel fear but it only multiplies as I realize its not my own. I know the man is down here with me, but then there is the sound of a door opening and closing then locks on the other side. I tried to walk out the back door but someone was there. He looked like a janitor or something. He let me out but I don't think he was real...more like an apparition. I came back in the next thing I know I'm in my own body again and a crying girl walks into the room. The man had dissapeared I don't know why but I went into the basement as myself this time and the lights went out once again. I see him but he escapes through the back and makes it so that I cannot. I walk back up to the top of the stairs but the door has been blocked off. I'm shut in I can't get out. I play around with this machine thing on the wall...It sent off this buzzing noise like an alarm clock and Kara's mom comes down, she looks alot like my aunt, and opens the door...Some guy gives me a boook on Rock...something or other. Then I wake up cold and hyperventilating. cREEPY! tHAT WAS SO NOT COOL MAN!

]]> ~HatrasLover http://HatrasLover.deviantart.com/journal/24891124/ http://HatrasLover.deviantart.com/journal/24891124/ Fri, 22 May 2009 13:44:56 PDT It hurts my heart too much
So lets pretend that when I walk away
I said goodbye
Thats the way it will stay
You come here but what are you looking for?
Seeking resolutions that I cannot give you
What do you think of me?
Forgivness is no longer easily given
It is a right
A privilage and you have neither
You lost your chance many times
And in your grip you crushed this butterfly
You have already brushed the powder away
Already dropped this insect on the grass
Why have you come back?
Did you think the ants wouldn't have eaten my caracass?
I see and want to smile
I berate my self for such foolish thoughts
I did love you once, you are my blood
But now that love is lost
You seek forgivness without damaging your pride
You will not find it here
The only thing you will recieve
Is my glacier glare
Be gone don't come back
Stop trying to pretend
I will not form the words "I'm sorry"
Because to be honest
You don't deserve them.

]]> ~HatrasLover http://HatrasLover.deviantart.com/journal/24858094/ http://HatrasLover.deviantart.com/journal/24858094/ Wed, 20 May 2009 14:40:20 PDT
So, I have no idea what I planned on writing in my journal, since I only decided to do this on a whim. I'm sure that after I am finished typing a couple of scentences that tell you absolutely nothing and are more than likely a waste of my time, that I will return to the fanfiction I was reading with great pleasure. I suppose now that I think about it, that I am typing because I love putting words together for fun. Which is probably a sign of abnormality for those who are normal. Then again, why the hell should I CARE? I shouldn't so I won't and now I don't care at all. Why hello apathy how are you today? lol.

Anyway, so back to makeing ridiculous scentences in the name of boredom and sanity. I guess I could just fall back onto my favorite topic, which would be my dream lover. Who by the way doesn't exist because if he/she did then I wouldn't be writing this. I would be enjoying their company instead. Honestly I'm not that lame. Back to the new topic of my little monologue.

Well, I suppose there are alot of people that I find attractive, in varying degrees. But to be honest I am quite picky and when I say that I mean that down to the very last detail. The first thing I look for though is compatability. Or what I like to call "Aura Hugging" which I just made up by the way. To explain what that is I will give an example. Example, say you walk into a room and there is only one other person in there besides you and automatically you dislike that person and your not even sure why. It is my theory that the reason why you don't like them is because your auras are not compatible. Automatically they lash out at eachother, I have yet to question the resons what that is, because to be honest I don't really care. If I dont' like you, then I don't like you. Its as simple as that.

As for the "Hugging" part, that occurs when the exact opposite happens with someone in a room. For instance. Me and my best friend Mai, first met eachother in the gymnasium of our high school. We uncontiously were drawn to eachother by eye contact and I automatically found myself drawn to the person. Some people describe this when they speak of soul mates. I beleive that it is merely your aura reaching out to a familiar aura. Like shaking hands with someone almost.

So back to the point, this is the first thing I look for in a mate (yes, I call it mate because that is all I will except. I'm more animal than human, which is the way I like it. I do everything based on instincts.) and without it I would have nothing besides a body. Which to me is completely pointless. And a waste of Gods creation. Not that I belive that God created me/Adam and Eve, but for the lack of a better comparisson I will use them here.

The next thing I look for is intellegence. I tend to have introverted insecurities, and extroverted pride. So when I say that I feel both when I think of my intellgence I hope you understand what I mean. I'm, in point of fact a highly intellgent girl, but in my head I would would more than likely try to disprove that by degrading myself. (Isn't that a lovely game to play with yourself?) So naturally I would prefere to be with someone of higher caliber. Not to say that I disregard those with lower intellgence and look upon them as if they are unworthy. I don't, but to be honest I just don't find that kind of situation appealing to me. Its hard to communicate as it is, with my being autistic and everything, I see no need to add to my struggle.

To continue I would more than likely go onto comfort. I have two very contradictory signs, which I do believe to some extent. (Though that is only because I see that as the equivilant of saying "oh hes a pessimist or optimist") So stating that I am a fire person as a dominate feature, and a water person as a rising sign, that makes me very awkward and confusing not only to myself but to those around me as well. As a fire person, my comfort would come from the fact that I can support the person I am with not only physically and financially, but also emotionally. The problem occurs when my less confident water side comes in and decides that it needs to be protected and coddled and constantly told that they are awesome in everyway shape or form. The problem is that Fire doesn't like to be smothered and prefers a life where she is free to do what she wants. Where as, water wants to be overprotected and basically wrapped in cotton. So my medium in this is I just find it all amuseing and will make t... ]]> ~HatrasLover http://HatrasLover.deviantart.com/journal/24758653/ http://HatrasLover.deviantart.com/journal/24758653/ Thu, 14 May 2009 17:54:02 PDT
Happy moments are caught with strife
But to hold them we must watch the skys
For a little rain can make them melt away
And they will be no longer as they disintegrate
We sheild our frozen dreams from the sun
Praying that it will not free our hearts
To feel so much and know what we have not
Is a cruelty the world bestows upon simple girls like us
Who are these people who mock and sneer
Who float around on their fake grandure
They are not angels, just merely geese
Who honk, molt, and are prepared for the feast
Trapped within our own minds
Like the grass is held prisoner by the soil
Yet we both still reach out towards the skys
Knowing that things will never be that simple
We seek a strength within ourselves
That we have never known of
Yet we still stand within our shoes
For though we have dirt under our nails
And food is not often consumed
We will find a better sustanence
Love will set its own example

]]> ~HatrasLover http://HatrasLover.deviantart.com/journal/24733074/ http://HatrasLover.deviantart.com/journal/24733074/ Wed, 13 May 2009 06:56:14 PDT As for how I am today, well I'm sleepy. YAWNS* Oh, and I have to weed a garden...yay*...NOT!But as for anything else, I'm pretty much nuetral right now. For some reason I was able to sleep AND dream last night. I guess the salt perimeter worked Mai. I'm gonna try to type the rest of chapter two before my readers decide to revolt against me. heh* That would be funny. I'm currently reading an interesting Harry Potter fanfiction called "One Winged Angel" which is funny cause its a Tom Riddle and Harry Potter fiction. The person can put me to sleep to be honest, but at the same time thats probably because its well written. lol.
I'm thinking of spending the weekend with Romy and her family but right now I'm not sure. They may be busy or something weird like that. Then again I may or may not be able to get a ride. Then again I would be able to visit Mai who appears to miss me in all of her Pmsing glory. Now I have just invited her wrath so this is my last will and testimate. Everything except my books and clothes go to Mai. The rest of it goes to Romy. There now that thats over Mai can kill me and I won't be some sort of fucked up ghost. Time to get started with the story...I need to check on the tea...Byes.

]]> ~HatrasLover http://HatrasLover.deviantart.com/journal/24718546/ http://HatrasLover.deviantart.com/journal/24718546/ Tue, 12 May 2009 10:44:49 PDT
]]> ~HatrasLover http://HatrasLover.deviantart.com/journal/24625656/ http://HatrasLover.deviantart.com/journal/24625656/ Wed, 06 May 2009 19:59:07 PDT The one you go to when you want more
Filthy dirty thoughts cover her pores
Smile at her with disgusting pleasure
Never see behind the makeup
She askes "Who do you want me to be"
And the man responds "Just take it off"
Thats the person they always want
So that is what she gives them
The question she asks has two meanings
But they never ask for the girl behind the getup
High pitched giggles and fake moans
Is this truly how they get off?
They never see the dulled eyes
When they pull their pants back up
Semen drips down her thighs
And the man throws the money at her feet
That is all she is worth in his eyes
This love makes her feel defeat

]]> ~HatrasLover http://HatrasLover.deviantart.com/journal/24470538/ http://HatrasLover.deviantart.com/journal/24470538/ Mon, 27 Apr 2009 19:47:11 PDT
"Don't" is a confusing word for me. It can be used negativly and it can also be used positively. "Don't is a word where the action is what gives it meaning. The feeling behind it. A mother will say "don't touch the stove its still hot" and it is said out of care and love but if I were to say "I don't love you" it hurts so much. It is as if the word itself is a tool to the scentence. A weapon used before the final strike, an object made to draw blood and harm people, but is comepletely harmless without a human to weild it. Like in the scentance. Without the words "love" and "I" coupled with the sword "don't" the scentance would not hurt as much. Would it?

Hmm. "Understand" something that cannot be taught. Something that we must find ourselves. Though we can be guided, shown the way, lead. Which would lead to us "Understand"ing, but do we really ever truely understand anything? This words power is given by truth. Understanding doesn't just come out of nowhere. It is a lesson. A truth that has become a fact. It is often misunderstood though. Truth is not something that people comprehend well or place much faith in. Which leads to this word not being fully appreicated. War is what happens without this word. Without understanding, there cannot be love, there cannot be trust, there cannot be faith, and there most certainly cannot be peace. Great wars have be fought by honorable men. They understood their opponent and with that came a respect for them. Love has drifted by, because we did not understand the person we were trying to get close to, because we could not see deep enough without understanding.

I don't know...imagine all three words. So much wisdom, so much power and meaning. Behind those three words. So now tell me that I'm avoiding the question.

]]> ~HatrasLover http://HatrasLover.deviantart.com/journal/24288696/ http://HatrasLover.deviantart.com/journal/24288696/ Fri, 17 Apr 2009 10:19:25 PDT
Scene where Pug comes into the power.

For a time he floats, nameless and lost. A pinpoint of flickering consiousness, an unknown swimmer through a black empty sea. Then a single note invades the void. It reverbates, a soundless sound, a sense-lacking intruder on the senses.--Without senses how is there perception?--his mind asks. His mind!--I am!--he cries,and a million philosophies cry out in wonder.--If I am, then what is not me?--he wonders.
An echo replies,--You are that which you are, and that which you are not--
--An unsatisfacotory answer--he muses.
--Good--replies the echo.
--What is that note?-- he asks.
--It is the touch of an old man's sleep the moment before death--
--What is that note?--
--It is the color of winter--
--What is that note?--
--It is the sound of hope--
--What is that note?--
--It is the taste of love--
--What is that note?--
--It is an alarm to wake you--


I love this page, it expresses everything I feel with so smimplisic words. I smile.

]]> ~HatrasLover http://HatrasLover.deviantart.com/journal/24180802/ http://HatrasLover.deviantart.com/journal/24180802/ Sat, 11 Apr 2009 11:01:08 PDT Covers your face but you don't give up
Block out the insults made to your Mom
Tell your self you don't know what going on
He whispers threats into your ears
You flinch inside but appear collected
What will you do when he becomes violent?
Look at the man you once loved, trusted, respected
What is he now, just a little boy
Upset that he lost his favorite toy
He will throw is tantrum, point and cry
Scream really loud for he thinks its his right
To act like child in the face of crime
Infantile drooling obsessions
How did you ever come to love him?
A man that thinks he'll die with out you
When rather he would slowly die in sufferance
He knows what he did was wrong
And he knows that he cannot be redeemed
But he still weeps and cries
How pathetically self absorbed...
Just another man to joined in hell to be fried

]]> ~HatrasLover http://HatrasLover.deviantart.com/journal/24163007/ http://HatrasLover.deviantart.com/journal/24163007/ Fri, 10 Apr 2009 10:40:32 PDT
Smantha: "I did not do anything, so I have no idea what your talking about Keira"

Keira: "Yeah, fucking right. Like I'm fallin' for that. I don't know what your doing but once I find out your in trouble Samantha."

Lily: "Aww aren't they cute when they don't get along?"

Amanda: "Um...If you say so. Personally I find it a bit frightening. After all they are fighting inside MY head."

Lily: "Don't worry, they do this ALL the time. Keira be nice!"

Keira: "But Lily! I know she was up to something I saw her at it! You know Lily, your lucky your so damned innocent other wise I would have totally kicked your ass for-...

Lily: Oh! Lookie its the cookie monster!" Squeals and runs after a giant walking macadamia white chocolate cookie. "Nooo, come back cookie monster! I loves you!!!!"

Amanda: Okay, note to self: Lily is weird." Finds another note to self. Note:" Amanda Lily is strange we should definitly fix that. Or at least be worried for our sense of sanity." Sighs*
Shakes head*

Keira: What was I fighting about again? Shit! Oh whatever man!" Walks away mumbling about girls with rainbow hair that are obsessed with cookies, while flailing arms about.

Samantha: "Well that was amuseing. Remind me again what my purpose is in my being here?" Turns to Amanda.

Amanda: "Oh um....Lets see..." Pulls out tour guide of Amandoydian amusement park. "Okay, it says here that your the bad one and it also says that your always up to no good and not to trust you."
Blinks at Samantha* "I guess this means I'm supposed to walk away now?"

Samantha: Sighs* "Did you even read the script? Of course not!" Pulls out script and points at it* "See here, when I say, 'What is there not to trust.', that is when you start trembling with fear."

Amanda: Looks closer* "Hey! Thats not what it says...it doesn't say anything about trembling and fear! You put that in there yourself!" Pouts*

Samantha: "I most certainly did not." Sniffs and sticks nose in the air. "You must obviously have no ability in the art of reading."

Amanda: "Hey now look here! You ARE me. So I do too know how to read you stupid head!"

SILENCE

Samantha:"...Did you just say, 'stupid head'?"

Amanda: "Um...." Counts fingers and does the math* "2 plus two equals Two 2 too's,....Um...yeah I think I did. What are you gonna do about it!" Wiggles head around like a dieing rooster*

Samantha: Shakes head and walks away*

Amanda: "Hey! You can't leave me here!" Sniffles and wipes a salty away. "I don't know how to get out" Lips tremble*

....

"Oh whatever I'm taking a nap now"

THE END

]]> ~HatrasLover http://HatrasLover.deviantart.com/journal/24153314/ http://HatrasLover.deviantart.com/journal/24153314/ Thu, 09 Apr 2009 19:19:36 PDT Na na na

Na na na
Na na na

I am a new breed of doll
Psycho baby doll gone wrong
Toolbelt with a lollipop
Curling iron, Kalashnikov (an AK-47)

I am a new breed of doll
Fighting for a brave new world
Gas mask and a magic wand
Bulldozer and tutu on

Load up, load up
March to the future
Lipstick, I might kill you or kiss ya
Baby doll gone wrong

She cries real tears
In her bed tonight
Press the button right
She will glow so bright
She bleeds real blood
Cut her with a knife
She'll fight for her life
But it's you who dies
Surprise, surprise

Catch me
Can you still believe
My name
And can't you see this
Baby doll gone wrong

I am a new breed of doll
Crash helmet and halo on
Jackhammer and my apron
Throw my head back, sing a song

I am a new breed of doll
Mace you with my aerosol
Tinkerbell and S&M
Bumper car that has a brain

Load up, load up
March to the future
Lipstick, I might kill you or kiss ya
Baby doll gone wrong

She cries real tears
In her bed tonight
Press the button right
She will glow so bright
And she bleeds real blood
Cut her with a knife
She'll fight for her life
But it's you who dies
Surprise, surprise

In her bed tonight
Press the button right
She will glow so bright
And she bleeds real blood
Cut her with a knife
She'll fight for her life
But it's you who dies
Surprise, surprise

Baby doll
I'll kick the boys and make them fall
Baby doll
I'll kick the boys and make them fall

Sugar and razor blade
Acid pink lemonade
That's how baby dolls are made
We misbehave
We misbehave

Load up, load up
March to the future
Lipstick, I might kill you or kiss ya
Baby doll gone wrong

She cries real tears
In her bed tonight
Press the button right
She will glow so bright
She bleeds real blood
Cut her with a knife
She'll fight for her life
But it's you who dies
Surprise, surprise

In her bed tonight
Press the button right
She will glow so bright
She cries real tears
Cut her with a knife
She'll fight for her life
But it's you who dies
Surprise, surprise

]]> ~HatrasLover http://HatrasLover.deviantart.com/journal/24135908/ http://HatrasLover.deviantart.com/journal/24135908/ Wed, 08 Apr 2009 19:15:41 PDT For not all minds are stable enough
To endure the wrath of broken times
Or should I say broken eyes
You look but do not see
Is it such a tedious task to notice me?
Still I have no right to complain
For even if you looked my way, I would fade once more
Into the walls and shadows I so desperately long for
Hide me away to keep me safe from the monsters
Monsters they never tell little girls like me about
We have to learn that lesson on our own
That monsters obviously lurk in far darker places
Then under our beds and in our closets
Oh, yes they do corrupt the deeper lairs of villiany
Quite a thorough glance one can make into a mind like ash
Breathe but choke on the dusty remains of people you never knew
But the mind your in did play with them, and killed them too
Pleasent thoughts will evade you in this place of crime
You cannot dare to close your eyes for fear that they will strike
Scream in a special tone so that the right people may hear
Unfortunately there is no special frequency and the plea for help isn't clear
Trip, fall, and scrap your knee
But when you seek comfort the scent of blood turns you to into prey
And you must forget your needs for more primal ones
Run run as fast as you can I will always catch you
Don't think I can't
Fire will trail down your skin and burn your flesh
Oh, how our eyes do betray us
Show not expressions for that is what they feed on
Do not feel for that makes this all the more difficult
Inorder for little girls to survive...we must die
Shut down, fade away, wither down, any word you choose
But this must be done for there is no other way out
Its okay to let them touch you now, because you cannot feel it
Its okay to listen to their words, because you know you believe it
Its not okay, for you to show a mind not under their control
For freesome minds have far worse done to them
Then the ones who lay down and play dead
What will we become now you may ask without your mouth
Oh, we will become what we are today...
Fine, okay, nothing much
But completely and throughly broken throughout

]]> ~HatrasLover http://HatrasLover.deviantart.com/journal/24005718/ http://HatrasLover.deviantart.com/journal/24005718/ Wed, 01 Apr 2009 13:30:54 PDT
]]> ~HatrasLover http://HatrasLover.deviantart.com/journal/23907149/ http://HatrasLover.deviantart.com/journal/23907149/ Thu, 26 Mar 2009 19:48:44 PDT
This is my opinion on why Christians don't like the concept of Wicca. One, they already have preconcieved notions about how dreadful and evil it is, how it will corrupt you and lure you to the dark side. Sorry to say that Wicca is a peaceful in nature and the only Dark and Light side of it is within the Witches actions themselves. Not some other source, learn to pay for your choices. Secondly, I will say that I am biased againt Christianity, but I think that they don't like it because they are greedy. They have already been slightly corrupted, so subltly that they don't see it, or if they do they justify its existence with the hand of Jesus. Wiccans aknowlege the creation and gift that the Devine has given them. They do not "PRAIS" the eart or as some would put it...'The artwork, instead of the artist.' They just pull out the picture or painting every once in a while to admire and appreciate what we have been given. There is nothing wrong with that. Christians on the other hand, do this with their bibles and crosses. They are greedy because they crave for the touch of the Devine. The devine is always watching over us. By asking for answers or for a sign or just bugging the hell out of it, doesn't do anything besides waste time. You should trust that it will do its best, and keep you safe because your God loves everyone and so he will take care of those who do not see or beilive in him.
Another thing about Christians that bothers me, I dislike how they condemn others faiths. You are not righteous, though you will agree with me you still act like you are. You point the finger at others and say you are wrong MY God is the only REAL God. You beilieve in a different God. This is filled with hate, and your God does not condone that word in anyway or form. Which makes you sound arrogant and a little stuck up to be honest. It also is rude, not to mention cruel and unjust. Who are you to tell people what is and isn't? Its not your right to do so. Only the Devine has that right and your written words say the same. Worry about your own supposed "sins" and leave people to their own faiths.
Christians are not always like this, I will admit that. Sometimes they are kind and they are understanding, and excepting. Unfortunately, I have not had the pleasure of meeting one yet. I would love to sometime. I love to see open souls and hearts. It makes me feel more at peace with the world around me.
Now to prove that Wiccans are not evil, let me say this. If we were evil we would not divide. There wouldn't be white or Black witchs. There would only be witches. I can honestly say that I have met ONE black witch throughout my life, and that was a very bad and tense confrontation. They are just people who make bad descions and know what they are doing. They use herbs and dance for the wrong reasons. Then again its not really wrong, its just not my way of thought. Still because of the difference between us she felt the need to do voodoo on me. I solved that problem without actually takeing action. There is a crede among Wiccans that says

"Bide The Wiccan Law Ye Must,
In Perfect Love, In Perfect Trust.
Eight Words The Wiccan Rede Fulfill:
An Ye Harm None, Do As Ye Will.
And Ever Mind The Rule Of Three:
What Ye Send Out, Comes Back To Thee.
Follow This With Mind And Heart,
And Merry Ye Meet, And Merry Ye Part."

Basically it says that what you do negativly towards another or yourself, it reflects on you three times worse. We never spoke again. Christians are very similar in this law which is the whole bible broken down into a couple of simple words. Complications of belief, in my opinion give headaches and create questions without answers.
Wiccans may have a strange way about them. Many claim to be of this belief, and that may be so. But, It takes a long time and a lot of research or readings and experience to come to a point of complete oneness. It is also very difficult.
I have my own group....We will eventually form the elements, Water, Fire, Earth, and Air. I am a Fire, Water...which means that I am a leo-scorpio...during the day I have Fire or Leo traits, but at night I have water, or scorpio traits. Which easily says that I contradict myself because I have opposing elements. Simple...but this isn't completely a wiccan ideal.
Wiccans are actually just people who beilieve in seeing what most forget how to see. Like the beauty of a breeze on your skin, the way the earth forms these little strange shaped pieces. The dew on the grass when the sun hits it. The smell of rain on the trees. The way light reflects off of water and into it to show a glimps of another world. We see these things often and it is always in our sight. We do not have... ]]> ~HatrasLover http://HatrasLover.deviantart.com/journal/23868657/ http://HatrasLover.deviantart.com/journal/23868657/ Tue, 24 Mar 2009 15:25:14 PDT
Silence these lips
Close my mind
Put up boards and nail me inside
Nothing to hold onto as the world turns round
Not that I intened to
Just let me be
Close to the answer its the core
The response of life with diffent endings
Pretend to see but I've no eyes
Reach out a hand and caress this mind
I shiver and shake with fear and trust
How daring can one child be
Clearly distant in the long run
Temmpt me this time and I will give you a smile
To chew up and spit out though it wasn't yours
To do such a thing of pain and screams
Wilted inside.

]]> ~HatrasLover http://HatrasLover.deviantart.com/journal/23826070/ http://HatrasLover.deviantart.com/journal/23826070/ Sun, 22 Mar 2009 05:59:41 PDT
]]> ~HatrasLover http://HatrasLover.deviantart.com/journal/23781493/ http://HatrasLover.deviantart.com/journal/23781493/ Thu, 19 Mar 2009 14:29:31 PDT I scream my pain to the air but it just gets swept away
As if the world doesn't care
Who am I to this life that keeps this body moving?
What have I ever done to it to make it so dreadfully painful
Tempt me not for I see what I am, and what you want me to become
I never will see that far ahead into a crowd that ignores me
Tell me of a place where I can go where people don't sneer
At the weaknesses of others for I have many that have become natural
Like the pores on my skin, my problems fill with dirt
Stress comes in many forms, not that you would know
Get away from me, I'm not good for you
No, don't speak to me, stop...
This isn't fair
I break out a whimper of pain as the world turns its back on me
Forever an outcast that was never there to be outted
My face shifts and a different me emerges to speak
I scrunch up my face and glare as if I were a gorgon warped with wrath
But then the unexpected comes through, and I laugh and stick my tongue out at you
Never saw that one coming? Nor did I...
I wonder who she is and why shes using me to hide behind
Such a simple game of hide and seek can lead to many casualties
And its a shame she never speaks because maybe they would notice me
I suppose she can't talk around the tumb in her mouth
Perhaps shes just evading the problem
Like she is right now...

]]> ~HatrasLover http://HatrasLover.deviantart.com/journal/23768828/ http://HatrasLover.deviantart.com/journal/23768828/ Wed, 18 Mar 2009 18:06:55 PDT I have dreamt about it since I was very very little. Its so beautiful. Just the way it looks, the power. OH, the power! I love the power in it. I like how she has the power but doesn't use it for things she shouldn't, She doesn't abuse it. Sigh* Oh how I wish.

]]> ~HatrasLover http://HatrasLover.deviantart.com/journal/23753870/ http://HatrasLover.deviantart.com/journal/23753870/ Tue, 17 Mar 2009 19:58:49 PDT And not know one thing about who I truly am
A sparkling truth that lies without teeth
Does bite the hardest and draws blood to bleed
Tis a remarkable thing to see but not know
What lays hidden beyond a garden untended nor used
Helpless prisoner of distress that is her own
Her own lips and tongue do abuse
So petty in weaknesses that shine through like purity
To see them lay there stagnant and repressed
Filth that has embedded upon the shore never to be waved away
And she is polluted forever more
Still the bells chime within her ears
And her eyes tell of things you never knew
But what is this crime of distance and romanticism
She does point at herself, then you, to accuse
Anger rocks like the earths core does break
A sound that no being will ever mistake for danger
Tempermental minds do pose no threat to those with wise eyes
Fourtune curses this rotted soul to the very core of existance
Torn by the answering breeze that tangles minds so easily
Play with me not for I know of thine ways
I seek a light that I have never known to be
For darkness has had its wicked way with this body
A vessle it has been made for uses that this heart doth not speak of
Shattered peices of digust and envy she has been embedded with
The glass does form a bloodless hole to be filled with corruption
A disease that not even I may know of and tell
Smiles that stretch too far across a face that is not what it seems
Who is this person they speak ill of
With which whispers do sharpen the points of thorns so throughly
That with even a glimps of them a body does cease to breathe anything
But death and dispare, for they know of things one should not
Without a map and legend to guide their way
The cursed treasure of the sliver man does lay within this trap
Come you hear I call, Come and pleasure me, with your lies and fear
For they fill me most pleasantly to reach a point of virginity
That was never there before, nor is there such a thing at all
Shear you, Break I, Mend Me but you will not find what you seek
Deep within the cavern there the treasure lays not
For another has found the way long before you
And greedy fingers reach in and take what is not theirs to hold
Nor to have for having is a grace I will not bestow upon man
Men who would tear the red caped girl to peices
With their big eyes, big ears, and big treacherous loving teeth
Leave me and be gone forever, Ever that does speak of time so kindly
Twinkling stars lie within a bejewled box but hope no longer resides
It has taken up with another girl and cursed her life instead of mine
Tirsome are the games I play with little boys and girls
Hug and kiss but poison they do hold
Just another lie, more secrets to be told for the highest bidder
Take what you want for thy need is greater without plauges and death
Repent what I know not into a darkness that chokes I
If only to clear my throat of the sluge that clogs it
I will speak no more if only love will show me its heart
So that I make take the warm fresh blood into my mouth to drink
If you let me I will drink and drink untill I am addicted to it
Ambrosia that fills my mouth with heartache and tell me
Tell me that you do not hear the screams among the hills
Tell me that you will not look the other way to leave a easier path
Then go forever for you are not what I need, but my mind tires so
Is it truely what I seek or is it just dream that flails like fish
On a hook that pulls me from my natural place to either eat or bait
Or perchance throw me away into the sea of sweating bodies once more
Garbage has no use after it becomes trash, and that is I
Indeed a gruesome thought I know but it is true
The voices speak not lies and they tell me it is so
A hand may reach out to feed me, speak kind words, then pet me
They never understand the bite that comes afterwards then they leave
For my presence they cannot bear and I do not hold tightly
For my grip is weak from trying to hold others here
These teeth do also fall out of this mouth, no more to bare and growl
No more to feed me nor pet and care, I am a wild animal
Rabid and foaming at the mouth of my heart
Please cries a pathetic soul and many would reach out but never touch
For only the golden hand knows how I long for it
A dog has to come to me to beg
Another path it guides, a protector of one who needs none at all
Troublesome thoughts fill me with questions of no known end
I speak out but only barks and howls fill my voice and I ask
What does this mean for every answer I seek lead back to this stray
Perhaps I should follow it to my death b... ]]> ~HatrasLover http://HatrasLover.deviantart.com/journal/23662012/ http://HatrasLover.deviantart.com/journal/23662012/ Thu, 12 Mar 2009 15:30:50 PDT
Miss Lucy had some leeches
Her leeches liked to suck
And when they drank up all her blood
She didn't give a
Funny when the doctors
Had locked her in her cell
Miss Lucy screamed all night that they
Should go to bloody
Hello to the surgeon
With scalpel old and blunt
He'll tie you to the table
Then he'll mutilate your
Come it's nearly teatime
The lunatics arrive
The keepers bleed them all until
There's no one left a
Lively little rodents
Are eaten up by cats
We're subject to experiments
Like laboratory
Rats I've dropped a teacup
How easily they break
I'm on my hands and knees until
I pay for my mis-
Take off all your clothing
We've only just begun
We have no anesthesia
It's eighteen forty
One thing we should tell you
Before you try again
The tests are all invented by
A lot of filthy
Mentally hysteric
She's failed the exam
Don't bother telling Lucy for
She doesn't give a
Damn that nitrous oxide
For when you can't escape
They say the surgeons oft commit
A murder or a
Razor blades are rusty
And not a lot of fun
So when they try to amputate
Your legs you'd better
Run and fetch the chemist
A patient's feeling sad
She's been in chains for ages
And she isn't even
Madness is a nuisance
And no one is immune
Your sister, mum or daughter
May become a raving
Lunatics are dangerous
And doctors are obeyed
They also go together just
Like toast and marma-
Ladies are like children
With brains the size of squirrels
Let's give a clitoridectomies
To all the little
Girls are helpless treasures
That daddies must protect
So lie upon the table
For the doctors to in-
speculums are super
And stirrups all the rage
So spread a lady's legs and then put her
Back in to her
Cage of naked crazies
The surgeon's here to bleed
The doctors are all learned men
And some can even
Reading can be risky
For women on the verge
It only did us worlds of good
To poison, leech and
Purging is a penance
Phlebotomy's a chore
No need to sterilize the tools
We never did be-
Fore the night is over
Before you go to bed
They'll take a hammer and a nail
And jam it in your
Headstones in the courtyard
And statues in the park
Are not for the insane
Just leave them rotting in the
D A R K
dark
dark
dark
dark
dark

]]> ~HatrasLover http://HatrasLover.deviantart.com/journal/23647930/ http://HatrasLover.deviantart.com/journal/23647930/ Wed, 11 Mar 2009 17:30:25 PDT
Most fear its presence so they step out of the way when it comes on down the way. I do not. I just ignore them, which is what they tell you to do with bullies. So that is what I do with Time. My elders tell me that it is disrespectful for someone as old as he. I say that if he deserves my respect then he should not treat others the way he has been. But I suppose people just can't understand me now can they.

Time is not really a person. I'm just making up stuff to pass the time. But I know that you are right now asking yourself what I am talking about and what I am truly thinking. Or possibly you even think that there is a deeper meaning to the world behind the words I write. So I ask you now. What do you think you will find within my pages? What exactly are you looking for? I'm very sorry to inform you that you can easily lose your way in a mind such as my own. It’s quite frightening I assure you.

Withering and frail, these pages are yellowing with age faster than time can keep up with. It’s very amusing to watch and still I know that I should be scared of such a thing. After all this must be some sort of elaborate metaphor or personification of ME the writer. Then again, perhaps I'm trying to make you think that I am more than I seem. It's not like you can know the truth now is it? Still the pages will curl and you have only to turn them to find what I am, but you will not find me there. For my binding has creased with wear and my heart once lay there. But as you will assume that it is obviously not there anymore.

Why is it that you want to see more to me than there is? Why can't we writers and authors be just plain ordinary people? It's just not fair! Then again the saying does go "Life’s not fair." It would be interesting if I could actually see your thoughts as you read this. But I'm sure you’re not thinking anything interesting at all. It’s just the mere feeling you have while read the words of a slightly loose minded child/adult who is currently sitting the room of a sister who is truly not a sister at all and typing away at keys like a mad woman.

Hah! If only the world knew what things she creates in my mind for everything that goes wrong. "IF" is such a worrisome word to me. It travels faster than sound, light, and even gossip. That of which I am quite sure of, is that gossip does indeed travel fast. Never mind. Oh how those two words do describe a many number of problems that revolve within the bright lights of my mind. They flatter me with whispered disgust and hate. Then again, we all hate ourselves don't we? We all see our flaws, though we are quite well practiced in the arts of lying to one's self and in disguising one's true self. I can say, without sounding arrogant or like a pompous fool, that I am one of these rare specimens on this planet. Then again….You’re not in my mind now are you. So you don't really know if what I say is the truth or not.

You know, it's also rude of you to just jump onto my pages and stare as if you have never seen words before in your life. What is there something on there…a big huge blot of ink or perhaps an insult similar to the letter "L." Whatever there may be it is still quite rude and I would have you stop this minute if it weren't for the fact that I am not there to beat you up for treating me in such a way. No I am not violent so stop making assumptions, I thought I told you that it would get you nowhere with my mind.

I believe that I will guide you. I don't want you fucking anything up more than it has before. Or maybe my mind is not really home at the moment. I could possibly just use my imagination to create what I want you to think truly lies within this book. You never bothered to read the title did you? Of course not! Why would I read the title of a book I never actually had any intention of reading in the first place. Hah! You people are so funny. You actually think that I am writing for people to read. No, I write for the sake of seeing what words look like. After all I might forget. Oh what a horror that would be!

So tell me…Which way should we go. To the gray matter and fight our way through the blackest and sweetest part of my soul or should I take you through the side of my brain that has been abandoned and empty for a very long time now. Most people do not enter here. Though t... ]]> ~HatrasLover http://HatrasLover.deviantart.com/journal/23644181/ http://HatrasLover.deviantart.com/journal/23644181/ Wed, 11 Mar 2009 14:11:34 PDT
I am almost there. But can I make it? Death is indeed quite a temptation. And yes, I have often thought about his cold fingers around my neck, and his lips upon my mouth. Though I find another love more appealing to my taste for power, and more amusing for my sense of entertainment. In. Sanity is indeed a most appealing person. Shis also most unexpected. I am sure she hasn't told anyone yet, but I am one of her suitor's. How difficult it is to court such a complex lady, but of course she is all the more to eat you with. Soon all will go as planned and we will be married.

]]> ~HatrasLover http://HatrasLover.deviantart.com/journal/23603955/ http://HatrasLover.deviantart.com/journal/23603955/ Mon, 09 Mar 2009 05:11:55 PDT
I was thinking recently how much my life is nothing compared to everyone around me. After all how could I possibly have feelings when others are constantly overwhelmed by their own. I guess I kind of understand it though. And I forgive him. I guess he may think that I will take him back but I won't. You can only cut me open and leave me to bleed out so many times before I learn my lesson. That time has come. Lesson learned thanks Bill. I loved you too.

I have no clue why people in my family see the need to trod on me and point out all of my flaws. When ever I say this they point their finger at me and exclaim "You shouldn't be talking!" Indeed I shouldn't be. What the fuck did you expect me to do then? Just sit there and take it like the perfect child that you never had? Or did you forget that I'm human and can only take so much verbal abuse and I can only beat myself up so much before I fall and crumble into dust.

You never really were there in the first place. You claim to care and worry about my future. I try to tell you about me, you don't see beyond what you want to see. You tell me that I will fail because I am not going about things in the way that you want me to. You "KNOW" that I will end up nowhere in the end. To be honest Bill I never knew that you could read the future. If I had known that you were psychic Bill, you should have been able to see me fliping you off like I am right now.

Honestly the nerve of some people. Geeze, can't they at least try to act mature? Then again, you never did grow up. Your still the same age you were when mom left you. You still sit there and complain about the world around you, and then get upset when someone else complains too. Forgive me for not being whatever you wanted me to be this time. I am no longer your doll, you can't pull these strings, nor can you make me talk. I'm so glad that you finally completely gave up on me.


I sometimes wonder if any of my words actually get through to you. Do they hurt? Or do they just hit your skin and disappear, I wouldn't be surprised if that was the case. After all I'm only your daughter, why would you need to listen to how I feel? Oh yes, I forgot, I don't deserve to have these feelings. I don't deserve to be reconized as a human being. Its all about "REALITY" that of which you claim that I know nothing about, and that I do not live there. You are more naive then I thought Bill.


Still, I am amazed by your stupidity. Really who would have thought? You know...It does hurt. But, right now I am numb to all the people around me. I don't care. If its so easy for people to give up on me, then I don't see what the point is anyway. Did you hear me Bill? I don't think you did, maybe the car engine was going too loud. I SAID that you gave up on me before I ever gave up on you. I guess you never realized how many people told me I was stupid for wanting your attention and love. For wanting to believe that you can actually open your eyes and ears and reconize the person that you created. Then again...I have learned my lesson, I won't believe in people anymore.

Let me ask you something. What exactly did you expect me to say? Who did you expect me to be. You claim that you understand what a hard life is like yet you condemn me for mine. I honestly had no idea it was so easy to be a hypocrite. Then again I shouldn't be talking now should I? I don't know why I kept on trying to show you. After all from what I gathered of your explainations and how "your actions speak louder than words" is that I shouldn't be having any feelings at all. How funny.

So this is where we say good bye. Don't talk to me. Don't reconize me. You even said that you would no longer be my father any longer. Its quite ironic when you say these things to me. I guess you never noticed that you never did these things in the first place. I will be fine don't worry. After all how can I miss something I never had in the first place.

Here's to you and that fat lump of haggis you married and call wife. May you live long and suffer as I have suffered. May you learn you lessons without justice to be had. May you one day look in the mirror and loath your very existence. Oh, and best of all...May your open your mouths and only spew shit. For we all know that is what you do anyway.Once again here's to you and her. Cheers to a happy ending.

]]> ~HatrasLover http://HatrasLover.deviantart.com/journal/23493990/ http://HatrasLover.deviantart.com/journal/23493990/ Mon, 02 Mar 2009 16:55:21 PST
I like it...sounds like me.

]]> ~HatrasLover http://HatrasLover.deviantart.com/journal/23286392/ http://HatrasLover.deviantart.com/journal/23286392/ Thu, 19 Feb 2009 10:06:20 PST
For those who are not aware of what type of fanfiction's I write, let me warn you. I am a Creature Feature writer. All that other stuff I don't really get. Probably because I just like all the information I'm reading. Another warning would be that I write Slash fanfiction. This means that I write about couples of the same gender. Oh and I like M-preg because I like the idea of them having a child of their own blood. Um...what else to warn you about?...hmm...Oh um...incase you haven't noticed I haven't written fanfictions before these two stories have started. So if you wanna complain and bitch to me don't. Because you will only piss me off and I'm not a nice ogre okies. I'm a mean ogre when angery. So please be nice, I'm really not THAT bad....well maybe I am...but that doesn't mean you have to tell me because as you can see I already know. Just think of it as a new perspective on the harry/draco clique, whatever that means.

]]> ~HatrasLover http://HatrasLover.deviantart.com/journal/23042055/ http://HatrasLover.deviantart.com/journal/23042055/ Fri, 06 Feb 2009 14:28:05 PST The pace is right
Future lies within your sight
Open your mouths
Speak your minds
With out you, our youth
Our world would cry
You have a say in all this mess
You have a right to stand
Do not look the other way
Its okay to understand
The world revolves around you
Your choices are what its made of
Your ideas are what will ground you
Giving the chance to rise above
Do you see our people
How they wallow in dispare
Do you see the answer
It lies within ourselves
Its time to make a future
Becuase it us who
Have hearts left to spare

]]> ~HatrasLover http://HatrasLover.deviantart.com/journal/23006348/ http://HatrasLover.deviantart.com/journal/23006348/ Wed, 04 Feb 2009 16:26:57 PST I see the image I dispise
Your gray blue eyes hide
And sigh, what are you afraid of
I glare at you, and you glare back
You always win
I try to pay you back
But my effort is futile
My revenge is misplaced
Because what I dipise
Is my own refected face.

You know, I really don't know why I bother writing anything at all. It's like crying inside but keeping a up a mask so that people won't see my weaknesses. I guess thats why It's so easy to do, It's almost ingrained as a habbit. Some day someone will break me. Its so easy to do, because I'm so easy to read. Its not that hard. Maybe, just maybe, I might even tell them how to do it. After all it would help the process along. It wouldn't hurt as much, I could see it coming. I'm prepared for it where as I wouldn't be if I didn't tell them and they just happened to realize it and then poof I end up broken. As a song once said. "You can never have all you want and you never want whats within reach." Or My personal fav..." The fairest flower grows deep within a bed of thorns."

Its from a song written by Women of Whimsey

]]> ~HatrasLover http://HatrasLover.deviantart.com/journal/22936220/ http://HatrasLover.deviantart.com/journal/22936220/ Sun, 01 Feb 2009 05:45:04 PST Of old and new
A time of sorrow
Sudden and true
The peace of mind
Of heart, of soul
The end of a feeling
Bloody but unbound
The tale of the people
A truth that never dies
Love is the sun
The people are her skies
Fear is what will take them
She strikes terror in them all
For her wrath is one most painful
But also sweetest before the fall
Try hard to understand
That better men this makes us
For we are not in comand
Of the tranquil that over takes us
Seek her out amonst the crowd
Of corpses and wounded there
You will find her in the hearts
Of the men whom's hearts do tear
Fragile souls will weep in woe
For time does long last
And love does not release her prey
Till lovers unite
And she mends the broken glass

]]> ~HatrasLover http://HatrasLover.deviantart.com/journal/22842524/ http://HatrasLover.deviantart.com/journal/22842524/ Tue, 27 Jan 2009 12:20:55 PST [x] You've never done illegal drugs
[ ] You have a lot of friends
[ ] You get along with everyone
[ ] You haven't made fun of someone for at least two months
[ ] You love soccer
[ ] You love baseball
[x] You're into writing and art
[ ] Favourite music genre is pop rock
[ ] You believe in "innocent until proven guilty" theory
[ ] Abortion is wrong
[ ] The war against Iraq is unneeded
[ ] One of your favourite colours is red or gold
[ ] Good grades at school
[ ] One of the worst things you can do is lie
[x] You plan on going to college/university
TOTAL:3

HUFFLEPUFF:
[ ] You're content with mostly everything in your life right now.
[ ] You laugh a lot
[ ] You like to follow trends.
[x] Politics suck.
[ ] You love to swim
[ ] Water polo is awesome
[ ] Pink is one of your favorite colors
[ ] Black is morbid & depressing
[x] Michael Jackson is talented as a musical artist.
[ ] You're an optimist.
[ ] You're completely straight-edge.
[x] You're very emotional
[ ] Rap, R&B, & hip-hop is your favorite music genre
[ ] You don't believe in going steady at a young age
[ ] You've made fun of at least one person this week.
TOTAL: 3

RAVENCLAW:
[x] You're depressed to a certain extent.
[x] You love to read.
[x] You appreciate theatre & arts.
[ ] Sports suck.
[ ] You're shy.
[ ] Hate is completely unneeded.
[ ] Loyalty is the MOST important thing in a relationship
[ ] Indie is your favorite genre of music.
[x] Every once in awhile you have little anger outbursts.
[x] Lying is sometimes okay
[ ] Red is one of your favorite colors.
[ ] Serious is better than funny.
TOTAL: 5

SLYTHERIN:
[x] There's at least one person you hate.
[x] Basketball is a good sport.
[ ] (American) Football is amazing.
[x] Black is a cool color.
[x] You've lied about something serious.
[x] You're a very deep person.
[x] You have considered suicide.
[x] Very loyal.
[x] You like metal.(both kinds
[x] They make school seem more important than it is. (Not everything that you need to learn comes from a classroom full of pretentious people)
[x] You're scared to grow up.
[ ] You've done drugs in the past month.
[x] Anger is one of your primary feelings.
[x] You have trust issues.
[x] Guilty until proven innocent.(actually I belive in this somewhat along with the reverse side of this. People are neither till the facts are outweighed. No one is guilty or innocent untill said facts are displayed. I think that's a RAVENCLAW trait.)

Total:13

Guess I should have seen that coming. Expecially since that damned sorting hat on the Harry Potter web page wouldn't let me in anyother house. I find this one more efficiant though. Amusing really, that they would put me in Slytherin. I would have thrived best in Griffindor. They are more easily manipulated. Easier to handle their enviroment. If I wish for a challenge I would have gone into Ravenclaw or Slytherin...but I just prefer power. I have a strange attraction to it. But then...my idea of power is not the same as most slytherins. Love is power, freindship is power, family is power, loyalty is power, intellegence is power along with knowlege, and raw...well in the story...magic is power, though I suppose that in this world it would be more like the ability to persuade or have people trust you. So I'm the new generation of a Slytherin. Smiles Manically* Though if Tom Riddle wasn't insane and was still normal looking, I would definitly be attracted to him. He just needs someone to love him without it being obvious. And he needs that lestrange bitch to get out of my way. lol lmao, lmfao.

]]> ~HatrasLover http://HatrasLover.deviantart.com/journal/22486711/ http://HatrasLover.deviantart.com/journal/22486711/ Fri, 09 Jan 2009 12:16:33 PST be surrounded by the better half. Sometimes you have to claw your way into the light instead of
just standing there and letting it shine."

~Amireal~ Random fanfiction

]]> ~HatrasLover http://HatrasLover.deviantart.com/journal/22150089/ http://HatrasLover.deviantart.com/journal/22150089/ Tue, 23 Dec 2008 19:54:28 PST It sends its voice to me
When I am in need of comfort
I feel the warmth of your soul
Wrapping around me with its arms
I know I'm safe, though your far
You will come
I trust your will
I know your close, but I tire still
I wish so much for this touch to be real
For your lips to press mine
And my scars, your love to heal
I sing with the flame of passion
To be carried to you on the wind
It is my way to show you
That your my only, and always has been
I can feel your presence
flow within my veins
As grounded as the earth
You keep me stable and tame
And when my mind grows cold
and the sadness overwhelms
Like the water I will perservere
Rocks, I will polish the roughness out
Twin flame
I call to you once more
You have had my heart forever
And will eternally fore

]]> ~HatrasLover http://HatrasLover.deviantart.com/journal/21929311/ http://HatrasLover.deviantart.com/journal/21929311/ Thu, 11 Dec 2008 11:04:30 PST
Draco Malfoy, whats your problem?
Your lookin' kinda mopey and forlorn this morning..
Harry Potter, whats your deal?
Are you having problems with the feelings that you feel
Draco Malfoy, Whats your issue?
Do you need a hug or maybe a tissue
Harry Potter give us a sign
You can't commit you Ginny, so what do you have in mind?
Give me three guesses...
Is it Professor Mcgonagal?
Is it Lavender Brown?
No, Its Draco and Harry sitting in a tree
S-N-O-G-G-I-N-G
Draco and Harry sitting in a tree
F-A-L-L-I-N-G
In love.
'In loveee'
Draco Malfoy, level with me
You used to be so enthralled with Pansy
Harry Potter, don't be shy
You got no luck with women so perhaps you need a guy
Theres nothing wrong with it...
Theres nothing wrong with it....
You can move to Massechusetts
Where it will be
Draco and Harry, sitting in a tree
S-N-O-G-G-I-N-G
Draco and Harry sitting in a tree
F-A-L-L-I-N-G
in love



Its so fucking cute! And romantic and so god damn true! Heres the link along with some other songs by the same band

[link]


[link]

This one is awesome too...
Sung by Draco and the Malfoy's

[link]

]]> ~HatrasLover http://HatrasLover.deviantart.com/journal/21921742/ http://HatrasLover.deviantart.com/journal/21921742/ Wed, 10 Dec 2008 19:53:22 PST I must read that one again...omg good Idea amanda
I love you your awesome...I know, I know....everyone loves me....they do me don't they. Yeps....

]]> ~HatrasLover http://HatrasLover.deviantart.com/journal/21900444/ http://HatrasLover.deviantart.com/journal/21900444/ Tue, 09 Dec 2008 15:13:20 PST

]]> ~HatrasLover http://HatrasLover.deviantart.com/journal/21852748/ http://HatrasLover.deviantart.com/journal/21852748/ Sat, 06 Dec 2008 18:16:47 PST What is the point of reality in the first place? I never did understand what is so important about it. What makes things real? The fact that they affect you most, or that you can scientifically prove it exists, or that you can see and touch it? Is it not possible that reality is nonexistent? The cross between ideals and substantial evidence is very thing. We can dream up anything we want, belive anything we want and at the point it is considered surreal because it is not substantial. Let me ask you this then, what about the Ideal of freedom? Or unity? Or peace? Is it so bad to belive in these things? Because everything starts with a hope or an idea. Then it becomes a reality. And we all see in different shades and colors. Perspectives are so different that reality is pointless. I think we forget about the human nessesaties. We no longer need to preserve our race, survival instincts are still in place. We forgot about the things we need but overlook. We take things forgranted and then step all over that which means something. I blame humanity. I blame myself along with them. I am just as much at fault for the way the human world is crumbleing as anyone else. We neglect our places at the top of the food chain and forget the fact that we are indeed smarter than the rest. If we are so smart then we should realize that respecting those lower than us is intellegent. Or that destroying our planet because we made the mistake of over populating and the need for food and shelter increased.
I used to cry when an deer was shot. I didn't understand how someone could take life away so easily, when it is a blessing, a gift. I was told that its okay to kill them because then they would over populate and the food would run out, leaving the deer to starve to death. It was better to kill and end their suffering that way. I still disagree. If this is the case and peoplet think that that is okay then I spit at their presence. People would be treated the same if that was their way of thinking. They merely use that thought pattern as an excuse to justify the fact that they have taken a life and do not want to pay the price for it. Just because you killed a bug doesn't make that life any more insignificant than the Queen of Englands. LIFE HAS NO LABLES! Life doesn't have limits or boundries. Why do we keep trying to contain what cannot be. Why must we treat those smaller or supposedly lesser than us like this. Just because an animal doesn't understand or isn't as intellgent as us doesn't give us the right to kill it. If that was the case then every person with a Nurological problem that cannot be fixed should be killed as well because after all they are not as smart as the rest of you, so their life is more insignificant. What? You disagree? Well then tell me exactly why is it okay to kill people without a though. I may not understand politics but I know the way the earth works, and not so much humanities as well. Sending an army of people to anothers home to kill them for harming your own, is down right wrong! We American's claim to know the meaning of openess yet we have our eyes clenched shut and our fingers embeded in our ears so far that we cannot hear the cries of our self consiesness saying "no." There are other ways to protect ourselves. It is better to shield and protect then it is to kill and be killed. There is only one winning side in a war and it is not us or the opposition, it is death. He is claiming more of us as we speak. The only tolerance I have for war is the fact that it is keeping our world from starving to death. That is the only positive thing I see about it. I understand that if we were oppressed and killing was the only way out that it would be nessasary, but tell me this. If war didn't exist would there be the chance of someone trying opress you in the first place? Damn I'm thinking so hard i'm giving myself a headache...arrggg. Okies I'm stopping for now.

]]> ~HatrasLover http://HatrasLover.deviantart.com/journal/21766123/ http://HatrasLover.deviantart.com/journal/21766123/ Mon, 01 Dec 2008 12:55:10 PST For me to make
But which way to go
Which light to face
This is a path
But that one is too
How is it possible
For anyone to move
I know what I want
I know where it leads
I know I have the hope and the dreams
But which one to believe
I could follow this way
And find a new life
Full of wonder and enchantment
But what about the other sight?
What about the other way
What would have happened then
If I went the other way
Would I feel the same
As what has been
Or would it feel different
Incomplete inside
Or would this be excuses
That make up my minds lies
If I could close my eyes
And spin, point, pick a way
Would that make a difference
Than if I broke them down
And decided which one
More money makes
I can do this
I know I can
But no ones by my side
How do I know I'm not lieing again
Decieving hope with this disguise
"What if's" haunt my future
"Could have's" plauge my past
But FAILURE hurts more
Than any other
That comes to pass

]]> ~HatrasLover http://HatrasLover.deviantart.com/journal/21295926/ http://HatrasLover.deviantart.com/journal/21295926/ Mon, 03 Nov 2008 07:40:08 PST Research is also begining again. I plan on finding a hobby that will get me out in public. It would be nice if I could find a Coffee House with an open mic night or something. Maybe even a place where I can display my art. That would be a good way to begin the whole painting thing. Thats pretty much all I have planned for now. Talk to yall sometime soon!

]]> ~HatrasLover