http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:Hito-chan&section=today deviantART RSS for by:Hito-chan en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Tue, 24 Nov 2009 16:23:55 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://Hito-chan.deviantart.com/journal/22814790/ http://Hito-chan.deviantart.com/journal/22814790/ Mon, 26 Jan 2009 00:05:06 PST

]]> ~Hito-chan http://Hito-chan.deviantart.com/journal/22761361/ http://Hito-chan.deviantart.com/journal/22761361/ Fri, 23 Jan 2009 14:12:19 PST .<

Sooo, I'm thinking of changing accounts. The only issue there is that 1) Most of the people watching me now will not follow me
2) I've worked hard for my very few page views
3) I'll probably forget to watch someone I'm watching now and feelings will get hurt.

On the plus side, I know the account will either be RabbitHoleLost or RabbitVasque...
Rabbit being my OC used most often these days.

]]> ~Hito-chan http://Hito-chan.deviantart.com/journal/22479100/ http://Hito-chan.deviantart.com/journal/22479100/ Thu, 08 Jan 2009 21:38:35 PST
a) tell you why I befriended you,
b) associate you with something - fandom, a song, a color, a photo, etc.,
c) tell you something I like about you,
d) tell you a memory I have of you,
e) ask something I've always wanted to know about you,
f) tell you my favorite pic of yours,
g) in return, you must post this in your journal.

]]> ~Hito-chan http://Hito-chan.deviantart.com/journal/21130497/ http://Hito-chan.deviantart.com/journal/21130497/ Thu, 23 Oct 2008 18:22:33 PDT You all lose

So, now, I've gotta go draw Vespa for him. Blarghity.

]]> ~Hito-chan http://Hito-chan.deviantart.com/journal/19895681/ http://Hito-chan.deviantart.com/journal/19895681/ Mon, 11 Aug 2008 11:12:59 PDT Well, not yet.
You losers missed my 8500 Kiriban, so, I guess I have to wait another 500 page views.

Remember, folks, if you get the kiriban page view, press "print screen", go to paint or something, paste, and save it.
Then send it to me.

]]> ~Hito-chan http://Hito-chan.deviantart.com/journal/18686237/ http://Hito-chan.deviantart.com/journal/18686237/ Thu, 05 Jun 2008 19:30:22 PDT
Ah well.

Next kiriban is at 8500

]]> ~Hito-chan http://Hito-chan.deviantart.com/journal/18642099/ http://Hito-chan.deviantart.com/journal/18642099/ Tue, 03 Jun 2008 09:46:17 PDT
Screenshot it, send it to me, I'll do a request.
Yaaay.

However, since I'm in Florida and I have no way of putting it (or the art I've done) up, you'll have to wait a while to get it >>

]]> ~Hito-chan http://Hito-chan.deviantart.com/journal/18326178/ http://Hito-chan.deviantart.com/journal/18326178/ Wed, 14 May 2008 18:45:35 PDT Screenshot it and send it my way and I'll do a request.

]]> ~Hito-chan http://Hito-chan.deviantart.com/journal/17729017/ http://Hito-chan.deviantart.com/journal/17729017/ Mon, 07 Apr 2008 09:48:55 PDT 1.- ?- 45%
2.- Hitomi and Knives- 0%
3.- Kokoro <3- 10%
4.- Moxie- 50%
5.- KeithxRaine-0%

]]> ~Hito-chan http://Hito-chan.deviantart.com/journal/17600970/ http://Hito-chan.deviantart.com/journal/17600970/ Mon, 31 Mar 2008 05:50:19 PDT sculpted from earth
lurching, grasping, gasping
made of grime, sweat and dirt...

I sold my soul for two semesters of school.

Progress on Requests:
1.- ?- 0%
2.- Hitomi and Knives- 0%
3.- Kokoro <3- 10%
4.- Moxie- 45%
5.- KeithxRaine-0%

]]> ~Hito-chan http://Hito-chan.deviantart.com/journal/17406215/ http://Hito-chan.deviantart.com/journal/17406215/ Wed, 19 Mar 2008 15:33:47 PDT on hers, so I have to post this.
I will take five requests (I'd do ten like I'm supposed to, but I don't know if enough people watch me and I've had history with motivation problems). The catch is, you have to do the same (or not. I probably won't check).
If you want me to draw something, comment here in mah journal.

1.- ?
2.- Hitomi and Knives
3.- Kokoro <3
4.- Moxie
5.- KeithxRaine

ZOMG WTF I HAZ 7000 PAGEVIEWS?!
ITS NOT OVER NINE THOUSAND?!

]]> ~Hito-chan http://Hito-chan.deviantart.com/journal/17298254/ http://Hito-chan.deviantart.com/journal/17298254/ Wed, 12 Mar 2008 08:51:37 PDT -Perry

Maybe a certain someone has rubbed off on me. Or maybe its the Daoist learning.
Either way, everything makes me laugh. EVERYTHING.
Things that would have stressed me out in highschool, or even last semester, have me rolling around on the ground, cackling, with Perry staring at me with wide, confused eyes, as if I were speaking in tongues.
For all I know, I am.

"The Sage stays behind;
that is why she is ahead.
She is detached from all things;
that is why she is one with them.
Because she has let go of herself,
she is perfectly fulfilled."
Chapter Seven, Tao Te Ching

"Express yourself completely,
then keep quiet.
Be like the forces of nature:
when it blows, there is only wind;
when it rains, there is only rain;
when the clouds pass, the sun shines through."
Chapter 23, Tao Te Ching

]]> ~Hito-chan http://Hito-chan.deviantart.com/journal/17181753/ http://Hito-chan.deviantart.com/journal/17181753/ Tue, 04 Mar 2008 15:02:25 PST
Nicole Rushing.
Yeah, I gave out my real name on the intarwebs. I'm living dangerously

2 . YOUR GANGSTA NAME: (first 3 letters of real name plus izzle)

Nicizzle.
S'right. Gangster.

3 . YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: (fav color and fav animal)
Purple Lemur
...
WTF...

4. YOUR STAR WARS NAME: (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first)

Rusni

5. YOUR SUPERHERO NAME: (Your 2nd favorite color, and favorite drink)

Gray Cranberry Juice
...
....
Something is WRONG here....

6. YOUR IRAQI NAME: (2nd letter of your first name, 3rd letter of your last name, first two letters of your middle name, last two letters of your first name then last three letters of your last name)
I don't have a middle name ;-;
::uses one Kira gave her years ago, Laine::
- Islaleing
...
Kay?

7. YOUR WITNESS PROTECTION NAME: (both parents middle name)
Alexander Rose.
Or Rose Alexander.

I sound like the lead in a trashy porn fim.


8. YOUR GOTH NAME: (black, and the name of one of your pets)

Black Maxine.
S'right. I'm deep.

]]> ~Hito-chan http://Hito-chan.deviantart.com/journal/17163814/ http://Hito-chan.deviantart.com/journal/17163814/ Mon, 03 Mar 2008 12:15:55 PST Earlier, after my Emerging Nations class, I went down Dickson street with my hood pulled up (the wind is so strong that its useless to carry my umbrella) and went down to the Dickson Street book store, where they have lots and lots of old, used books for sale.
I got lost in the random columns that open up here and lead off to some other pathway here...
Well, I got lost quite a bit, but a bookstore is the best place to be lost, isn't it?
I bought "Memnoch the Devil", hoping I can finally finish Anne Rice's Vampire Chronicles. I started back when I was thirteen and stopped for a while, after I grew up a little and became bored with Anne Rice's style of writing( and the fact that she had gone obsessively Christian). But, really, I'd like to know WTF is up with Lestat, kthnx.
And, yes, Kira, this is all your fault. If anyone would like someone to blame for the way I am, Kira( ) would be the one. She was my idol, my mentor, when I was little. She got me into vampires and succubi and the occult, and the one who taught me maybe it was okay that I looked at women the same way I looked at men.
<3 Lahv you, Kira

So, now I'm sitting in my bed, re-writing Hitomi's suicide from GiantitP. I think, since its in first person, I might just use it as an intro into the story of her previous life before I started roleplaying her in Giant.
Hell, I might even incorporate some of the stuff from [The World], back in the first days of Hitomi.
Hehe...

]]> ~Hito-chan http://Hito-chan.deviantart.com/journal/17084567/ http://Hito-chan.deviantart.com/journal/17084567/ Wed, 27 Feb 2008 06:23:15 PST
1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc.)
2. Put it on shuffle.
3. Press play.
4. For every question, type the song that's playing.
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button.


Opening Credits:
Girl, The Beatles (Fitting, as Perry says that song was written about me )

Waking Up:
Serve the Ego, Jewel (I had no idea I was THAT vain)

First Day At School:
The Hardest Part, Coldplay (...what?)

Falling In Love:
So Cold, Crossfade (Er...kinda, I suppose)

Breaking Up:
The Sanctuary, Darling Violetta (AKA the opening theme for Angel. [link] Linkage, because I love that damn song. It fits wonderfully...)

Prom:
Sexyback, Justin Timberlake. (they actually did play this at my prom >> )

Life's Ok:
In Pieces, Linkin Park (Um...that's not okay...)

Mental Breakdown:
Can't Let You Go, Matchbox Twenty (I guess..maybe. Is it a mental breakdown from someone leaving me?)

Driving:
A Boy Named Sue, Johnny Cash (...)

Flashback:
Wings of a Butterfly, HIM (...WTF kinda flashback is that?)

Getting Back Together:
Speed of Sound, Coldplay (Aww...I like this one...)

Birth of Child:
Dearly Beloved, Kingdom Hearts Soundtrack (Perfect...)

Wedding Scene:
Bohemian Rhapsody, Queen (Er...WTF? Am I killing him?)

Final Battle:
Nervous Breakdown, Abingdon Boys School (LAWL. YES. JAPANESE MEN SINGING ENGRISH....the song fits well, as well....)

Death Scene:
I Will, the Beatles (...'scuse me if I go cry now, kthnxbai)

Funeral Song:
If I Fell, The Beatles (...who am I falling in love with? I'M DEAD!)

End Credits:
Snow(Hey Oh), Red Hot Chili Peppers (Perfect. ::sigh:: )

Bloopers:
Butterfly, Smile DK (AYE AYE AYE, I'M YOUR LITTLE BUTTERFLY...
Where's my samurai? [/slaughering lyrics])

]]> ~Hito-chan http://Hito-chan.deviantart.com/journal/17070528/ http://Hito-chan.deviantart.com/journal/17070528/ Tue, 26 Feb 2008 09:02:14 PST Got my wings clipped
I'm surrounded by all this pavement
Guess I'll circle
While I'm waiting for my fuse to dry

Someday I'll fly
Someday I'll soar
Someday I'll be something much more/
-Bigger than My Body, John Mayer

I'm unusually cheerful today. I've become very pleased with what I have, after having almost lost it all.

New art soon, kay?

]]> ~Hito-chan http://Hito-chan.deviantart.com/journal/17006377/ http://Hito-chan.deviantart.com/journal/17006377/ Fri, 22 Feb 2008 09:28:41 PST
I've been wondering how to write about what's been happening to me these past few days, and then I remembered someone(Very special) suggesting Stream of Consciousness when emotion is overwhelming.
This might not be very comprehensible, and is meant only for my own comfort.
Here I go, eh?

"YOU FILTHY WOMAN"
Am I? Am I really? Of course, I'm the one who hurt him. I'm always the one who hurts someone else.
I don't get hurt.
I'm every geek/nerd/outcasts dream girl. Not beautiful, but pretty. I read comics, watch some anime, I know some of the very, very basic terms for DnD. I listen to techno, alternative rock...nearly everything. I'm Wasian to my core, and I can't dance very well, but I can fake it. I look amazing in glasses. I'm socially awkward enough that
I laugh easily and often speak in Lolcats pidgin.
Why would I be hurt?
I'm...unfeeling.
Selfish, vain, conceited. That's what he said; Bitch.
It has to be true, doesn't it?


"This relationship helps neither of you. Get out."
Vael, Vael, Vael...one of my very closest friends, I can't. I can't ever escape, or get out. He's insulted me, forced me to give up one of my fondest past times, and I deserved it all. It was about time, though; the words he said were the same words my father told me over and over. I am stuck in a fantasy world, and I want, need, to drag someone down with me
He won't be dragged down.
I can't continue hiding in my own world anymore. He speaks hateful, spiteful truth. Fiery and painful.
When did I become so masochistic? When did I lose that sadism that so defined me?
I can't leave him; I've hurt him so.

"I won't lose you to some Filipino dick!"
I couldn't stand that. Not about /him/. Insult me, I was weak. Do not ever tarnish him in words, though I've sliced you so deep. Though I have injured you with my distrust, my paranoia, my ultimate fear of lose that chases me to others, though I deserve your wrath and anger and fury, I could not bare to hear you say such things about him.
Though I've tried these past few days to stomp down all such feelings, I still have an urge to find a way across the globe.
I love you, I love him
You scare me.
His words soothe.
And I know, I know...its just my fantasy world playing itself over my mind again and again. How ridiculous to ignore the gift I have infront of me for a chance at love with a man I probably would never see in my life.
And yet..and yet...

"He treats you like a dog, on a metaphorical leash."
And still, still, I find myself defending him. He loves me, he cares for me. I'm the one who screwed everything up. I'm the one who hurt him, who took advantage of his trust and love.
I'm the one in the wrong here; his requests for me to stop talking to Nexus, to leave Giant and Enupnion and my hobby of roleplaying and hiding in fantasy, fair.
And though it hurts and rips my heart in two, I will abide by it.
I still hope, though. I dream dreams, because of You. The one who's reading this(Because I know you are), the other one I hurt.
The one I had to give up, though everything I do now, I do with you in mind.

In other news, my sixty dollar colored pencils are missing...

]]> ~Hito-chan http://Hito-chan.deviantart.com/journal/16927251/ http://Hito-chan.deviantart.com/journal/16927251/ Sun, 17 Feb 2008 10:05:39 PST
Everyone tells you that telling the truth, something that has been burdening you for so long, makes you feel much better, like something heavy has been lifted from your shoulder.
No.
Who else is going to carry that weight, if not you?
/Gestern hab' ich dich gesehn
Und nun sehn' ich mich nach deinem süßen Munde
Augen sanft wie Mondenschein
Rosenblätter würd' ich streu'n
Verse schenkt ich dir aus tiefstem Herzensgrunde
Doch unerreichbar fern bist du auf ewig
Frommer Wunsch wird es sein
Der mir fuhr ins Herz hinein
Und seitdem verfluch' ich jede volle Stunde/

\I had seen you yesterday
And now I long for your sweet mouth
Eyes gentle like moonlight
I would stray rosepetals for you
I give you verses from the bottom of my heart
But you are eternally unattainable
Pious desire it will be
To drive into my heart
And now I damn every hour\

I've been translating German lyrics with CSK...

edit: BTW, those are NOOOOT mine. For those of you who want to know, its "Minne" By Subway for Sally.
And, yes, my mood is still horrible. Actually, its much, MUCH worse.

]]> ~Hito-chan http://Hito-chan.deviantart.com/journal/16909948/ http://Hito-chan.deviantart.com/journal/16909948/ Sat, 16 Feb 2008 07:02:05 PST [link]



2. A place you'd like to travel: Somewhere in Asia (I'm so damned Wasian)
[link]

Pretteh Asian girl, Plz?



3. Your favorite place: Arkansas. Seriously.
[link]



4. Your favorite object: my book of Brother's Grimm fairy tales!
[link]

5. Favorite food: Cucumbers! NOMNOMNOM
[link]


6. Your favorite animal: Lemur =3

[link]


7. Your favorite color: Purple.
[link]



8. The town/state/etc in which you live: Fayetteville, Arkansas
[link]

Heeey! Its my school campus!
Or, Old Main. Back a hundred years ago, that building WAS the U Of A.


9. Name of past pet: Bruno ( I miss you, you old smelly thing <3)

[link]



10. A dream come true: True Love, duh.[/end hopeless romanticness]
[link]



11. Your nickname/screenname: Queeny (Cause people don't wanna call me my full username on GitP. Apparantly, people want to shoot me for using an Anne Rice reference >>
[link]



12. Middle name: N/A
[link]



13. Favorite Smell: Vanilla
[link]

Experimental poetry is fun <3




14. Bad habit of yours: Biting my hair
[link]




15. Your first job:Backyard Burgers
[link]


16. Favourite Movie:Labyrinth
[link]
Lawl. I watch her
JarethXSarah love, plz?




17. What are you doing right now? Waiting
[link]



18. Whats The Weather Like? Cloudy
[link]



19. Favourite Sport: Hockey
[link]




20. Favourite Music/Style/Band: The Beatles
[link]

I <3 Ringo, kay?


What have we learned? Nicole likes photography, like, lots


Military ball tonight. I have to get pretty to be made fun of.
I hate being the outcast.

]]> ~Hito-chan http://Hito-chan.deviantart.com/journal/16721444/ http://Hito-chan.deviantart.com/journal/16721444/ Mon, 04 Feb 2008 10:57:54 PST Slowly, I'm moving away from the anime-style and adapting something more western-like. A new ref sheet for Hitomi should be coming (although, its done in my large sketch book, so I'll have to scan little bits of it and edit it in Paint.net to get it all to fit) and also a first drawing of my character Nikolai, the necrophiliamancer. She kisses corpses to animate them, just like classical Disney princes like the ones in Sleeping Beauty and Snow White

I've also got the sketches for the HitomixMortessa stuff I promised Vael for Christmas. The issue is that they're not that bad, and I'm afraid to ink it, in fear that I'll ruin them.

I'm also thinking of cleaning out my gallery. Most of my old stuff would be gone, because I'm sick of looking at it, and I really want to start over, without having to make a new account.
Blargh. I'm off to Cultural Anthropology...

...
NOOOO THE PATRIOTS LOOSSSSTTT
::mourns::

]]> ~Hito-chan http://Hito-chan.deviantart.com/journal/16544127/ http://Hito-chan.deviantart.com/journal/16544127/ Wed, 23 Jan 2008 21:51:19 PST Loving, but not with a full heart.
And to learn how to give it all...
It hurts and pleasures.

Ah, to really love...

]]> ~Hito-chan http://Hito-chan.deviantart.com/journal/16024791/ http://Hito-chan.deviantart.com/journal/16024791/ Fri, 21 Dec 2007 06:45:55 PST Anyways, we went to Panera bread, only to find, to our horror, Nita was working there. Now, before everyone flips out, it was actually a GOOD thing. I think. Maybe. We'll see if it sticks.
Sara and I order our food, sit down, and forget that Nita was there completely, so absorbed in talking and reminiscing and whatever else we were, untill she pops up next to me and says she needs to say something to me. At that point, I'm surprised, because I had forgotten she was there, and I was terrified that she was going to make a scene like in lunch last year, screaming at me and whanot.
Nope.
Hell, I was so wrong. She said something along the lines of "I'm sorry" and I returned the apology (I don't intend to put what was actually said as I feel like its my own personal business). Sara and I stared at eachother wide-eyed as she left and then, after a few moments of silence and another appearance from Nita, we got back to talking again. I don't know how long this thing is "over" for, but I hope its permanent. We both deserve better than to waste out efforts being angry at eachother.
Hot damn, life just keeps getting better and better.
If only I could get Perry here.


Christmas gifts are as such:
- ArielXRene...yay uberly gay man love!
- I may try drawing Teru for the first time in a while
Vael- MortessaXHitomi..yay girl love!
AK- Lori
Artemis- Lillith
Kyrian- Something. I dun' know.
Atreyu- Something speeecial

]]> ~Hito-chan http://Hito-chan.deviantart.com/journal/15891565/ http://Hito-chan.deviantart.com/journal/15891565/ Tue, 11 Dec 2007 15:07:54 PST I woke up this morning at six thirty and felt something was wrong.
You see, for some reason, I had it in my head my Human Geography final was tomorrow at seven-thirty.
It isn't. It was yesterday. So I call Dr. Graff up at seven-thirty, crying, and, of course, he has no idea who I am; its a lecture class with one hundred and sixty students, of course he wouldn't know who I am. But the crying gets them everytime, and he's letting me take it tomorrow at eight. Hot damn

So, I went down to the ROTC building because I had gotten an email from the secretary that was sorta vague. I get there and she has me sign my travel voucher for my travel money and sends me off. I walked all the way up there for two seconds. Ah, well. It can't be helped.

Perry called in sick today, and, instead of studying for Human Geography like I ought to, we played Fable all day and then took a nap, like the lazy lovers we are. I'll probably be staying in his dorm hall after mine closes tomorrow at five, which means I'll have to pack up everything in this room I need, take it over to his dorm hall, and chill there until Dad comes to pick me up on Thursday, as the state of Oklahoma is covered in two inches of ice and doesn't have the proper tools. I miss New England so bad sometimes.
So, even though Perry had been told he had the first week of the next month off and we had planned to go to Six Flags over Texas, his direct superior took that Monday back. OMF. I paid money for hotel reservations, Kay? And then there was much consternation and discussion and now he may or may not be working the Saturday before...X-x
Yay.

Art coming soon, I promise. After tomorrow, there won't be anything in my way for the christmas gifts,which are as following;
- ArielXRene...yay uberly gay man love!
- I may try drawing Teru for the first time in a while
Vael- MortessaXHitomi..yay girl love!
AK- Lori
Artemis- Lillith
Kyrian- Something. I dun' know.
Atreyu- Something speeecial

And I can't promise any kind of quality, because I haven't drawn in months =X

]]> ~Hito-chan http://Hito-chan.deviantart.com/journal/15586240/ http://Hito-chan.deviantart.com/journal/15586240/ Tue, 20 Nov 2007 06:49:48 PST
I'm on a Beatles kick. Like, crazzzzyyy-bad.
If you haven't seen it, GOO SEEEE "Across the Universe".
Amazing movie.

BUT WHO FUGGIN CARES CAUSE I PASSED MY PT TEST, BITCHES!
I did the near impossible and improved my physical training score by 180 points in a little less than a semester.
Bitches, I kick yo ass.
I are built.
The best part? The Army pays for this semester of schooling. YAY.
"Don't you know it gonna be alright?
You know, its gonna be alright."

Still working on changing my art style to something more western. I'm so tired of the anime-ish stuff..

]]> ~Hito-chan http://Hito-chan.deviantart.com/journal/15372637/ http://Hito-chan.deviantart.com/journal/15372637/ Mon, 05 Nov 2007 06:44:29 PST





Amazing Artists:
~Hito-chan http://Hito-chan.deviantart.com/journal/15169222/ http://Hito-chan.deviantart.com/journal/15169222/ Mon, 22 Oct 2007 07:08:47 PDT

You're probably not on it anymore, unless you're an actual friend, or a wonderful artist.

]]> ~Hito-chan http://Hito-chan.deviantart.com/journal/14201704/ http://Hito-chan.deviantart.com/journal/14201704/ Thu, 16 Aug 2007 19:30:55 PDT [link]

Now, don't get me wrong, I love Chris Crocker. What I meant is, I love the guy's point about how, if you expect everyone to be open and accepting, you should be too.
No more hating on Pro-Bush conservatives because they're Pro-Bush conservatives.
I'll decide if I hate them based on who they are as a person.

Yeah.

Poor Nikki has been sick all this week, and got sick on her way to ROTC orientation early this morning.

Stuff to Do
- fanart for
- Upload 'Take my dead heart' (HitomiXRex, because its so twisted and not likely to happen...ever). I just need to find a scanner....
- Ask Metis if it would be okay to draw HitomiXMortessa =0
-Buy school books
-Find my classes.
-Make sure my major has been declared as "Communications" and find an introductory Japanese class so I can actually fulfill my Asian Studies minor

]]> ~Hito-chan http://Hito-chan.deviantart.com/journal/14035182/ http://Hito-chan.deviantart.com/journal/14035182/ Sun, 05 Aug 2007 21:32:57 PDT
1.Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, find line 4 :

"There were two chairs in every room." Yay, Catcher in the Rye

2.Stretch your left arm out as far as you can.
Nothing.

3.What was the last thing you watched on TV?

I don't even remember, its been so long since I've watched TV.

4.Without looking, guess what time it is:
11:30?

5.Now look at the clock. What is the actual time?
11:10

6.With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?

My sister breathing in her sleep in the bed across the room. That sounds so creepy.

7. When did you last step outside? What were you doing?

Walked Braden out to his car about four hours ago.

8.Before you started this survey, what did you look at?

Erm... I'm reading Trog's Tavern in the Town at the same time...does that count?

9.What are you wearing?

Jean capris and a maroon v-neck tshirt.

10. Did you dream last night?

Probably, but I don't remember it.
11.When did you last laugh?

When Dad told me I dance liek Carlton from Fresh Prince of Bel-air today

12.What are the walls in the room you are in?

Pink and purple. Hey, I just moved in here...

13.Seen anything weird lately?

Everything in the Town is just wierd to me. Jeez, tentacles attacking at the 'q-word' XD

14.What do you think of this quiz?
Um..its interesting, I suppose

15.What is the last film you saw?

Harry Potter and the Order of the Pheonix

16. If you became a multimillionaire overnight, what would you buy?

My college tuition, duh. So I wouldn't have to sell my soul to the Army. And then, I would buy my own island. And private charter plane.
17.Tell me something about you I don’t know.

Erm... I'm picky about the fish I eat, especially here in Oklahoma.

18.If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would it be?

To be truthful? I would eradicate most religion. It mostly just creates too much fighting.

19.Do you like to dance ?

Yes, but I am horrible. I mean, my Dad calls me Carlton because of the way I dance XD

20.George Bush:

Is an interesting man, if probably not the best guy for president. He makes me laugh with all of his made-up words and horrible grammar.

21. Imagine your first child is a girl, what would you call her?

Ophelia. But then she might be cursed to commit suicide O.o.
Raine, probably..

22.Imagine your first child is a boy, what would you call him?
I like the name Lain, but it would sound cheesey with a sister named Rain.

23. Would you ever consider living abroad?
That would be amazing!
24.What do you want God to say to you when you reach the pearly gates?

" Shit, girl. You rock my socks off."

25.Tag six people who must also do this in their journal


]]> ~Hito-chan http://Hito-chan.deviantart.com/journal/13788359/ http://Hito-chan.deviantart.com/journal/13788359/ Wed, 18 Jul 2007 22:39:47 PDT As far as I see it, High School is over, and, with it, the drama. You can stop saying I cheated on John, because John and I have chatted over it. He cheated on me, and I would have been too afraid to cheat on him if I had wanted to. He would have killed me.
You can stop attacking me for being in love with Braden. I'm sorry things fell apart because of that. I told you from the beginning I didn't want to hurt you, and I'm sorry that I did. I'm sorry that Braden did, but I can't apologise for him. We are two seperate bodies, and I have no control over what he does or wants to do.
You can stop trying to push those around me away or trying to get people who don't know me to hate me. They can judge for themselves, because we aren't in highschool again.
You can stop being viscious to me, because we aren't in high school anymore. We won't ever have to see eachother ever again.
You can stop posting my name all over the internets. I highly doubt anyone cares about our highschool drama.

I am sorry you are so defensive, you feel like you have to lash out at others before they do. Whatever happened to cause this, I am truely mournful over it.

I'm sorry we couldn't continue being friends. Honestly, for that month or so when we were close and there was no animosity between us, I was happy. We had fun. I don't regret that.

I don't argue with you because I respect you, and I know that, no matter what I say, it won't matter to you. If I argued my point, my beliefs and positions, you'd just wave it off or say something completely irrelevant to insult me. Since I didn't argue with you, you call me a pussy.

Then I'll be a pacifist pussy. I'll stand my ground and give you kindness. If you slap my cheek, I will willingly turn the other towards you and give no retribution but my kindness.

For the friends we once were, I love you. I do this, atleast, in that memory.

"Twenty years it's breaking you down, now that you understand there's no one around.
Take a breath, just take a seat, you're falling apart and tearing at the seams.

Heaven forbid you end up alone and don't know why
Hold on tight wait for tomorrow, you'll be alright.."

]]> ~Hito-chan http://Hito-chan.deviantart.com/journal/13683307/ http://Hito-chan.deviantart.com/journal/13683307/ Tue, 10 Jul 2007 11:20:11 PDT
Stuff to do
- Art trade with (She's drawing me Alexander AndersonXSeras, in exchange for AidanXDolf..Dolf being her original character) 0%
- draw fanart 0%
-PT 15%
-Move my stuff into Sarah's room 20%

]]> ~Hito-chan http://Hito-chan.deviantart.com/journal/13519300/ http://Hito-chan.deviantart.com/journal/13519300/ Thu, 28 Jun 2007 00:18:41 PDT
Wow, that was more than a little random. Really, nothing new. I'm still sleeping till noon, which is still strange to me.
I've started thinking about my mom recently. You know, the one in Germany who I haven't seen/spoken to in years? Perhaps I should try to contact her, if only to see if she'll allow me to visit her in Germany. The worst she can do is say no, right?

Over a month since school got out and I still haven't touched my sketchbook. I'm starting to think it is about time I officially declare myself retired. I'm not very talented, anyways, so its not like the world is losing out on its chance for greatness. I might just sit on the idea of retiring for a bit...

Things to do:
-Draw fanart.
-Get my run-time lower so I can actually recieve my Army scholarship
- Finish my yaoi roleplay with Ryu, so we can start a new one
-Get back to waking up before noon
-Buy stuff for dorm room

Amazing Artists I've Found:

-Adorable >3
- A little bit on the, erm, sexual side
- AKA Wen-F

- Hellsing fanartist/cosplayer, among other things. Made me retract my statement against MajorXIntegra. He makes it sexy >3


[link] <---Friends ]]> ~Hito-chan http://Hito-chan.deviantart.com/journal/13375174/ http://Hito-chan.deviantart.com/journal/13375174/ Sat, 16 Jun 2007 23:42:04 PDT My heart has lost direction...
somehow/
Pulling late nights at work recently. Yay, Burger King. However, it isn't as horrible as most people think it is, and I like all but one of the people I work with. I can atleast tolerate Ben...most of the time.
For the first time in my life, I'm sleeping regularly till noon. For those of you who have ever had a sleepover with me, you know this is amazing news. I have been known to wake up at eight, after going to bed at four.
Consequentially, I have not drawn since before school got out ( which was almost a month ago). I have been too busy and have not had the drive to do it. Ergo, my art style has not evolved into something...not anime.
I'll get it done, eventually, especially because I want to draw some fan art.

Amazing Artists I've Found:






Know any? Suggest 'em...

]]> ~Hito-chan http://Hito-chan.deviantart.com/journal/13049113/ http://Hito-chan.deviantart.com/journal/13049113/ Tue, 22 May 2007 09:55:08 PDT /Angel, blue/

So, still haven't had much luck in the 'New art style' department.
I guess these things take time, but I am rather impatient.
And impulsive. I got myself into trouble again and got scolded by someone who is apparantly younger than me ( or so his devi page says...)
Oh, well. Such is life. Just because I am (maybe) older does not mean I know more.

The Artists I have found on my hunt:




]]> ~Hito-chan http://Hito-chan.deviantart.com/journal/12987522/ http://Hito-chan.deviantart.com/journal/12987522/ Thu, 17 May 2007 08:49:24 PDT For amamzing artists.
I've found some. I'm watching them, wishing.

I want to change my art style. I'm tired of doing anime, and I want to do the new Marvel comic style. The style they're using for the comic of Laurell K Hamilton's Anita Black, vampire Hunter Series really catches my eye.
I want to draw like that, with beautiful women with lanky proportions.
I don't want to draw so childish anymore.

]]> ~Hito-chan http://Hito-chan.deviantart.com/journal/12652178/ http://Hito-chan.deviantart.com/journal/12652178/ Thu, 19 Apr 2007 08:05:00 PDT I got my dress for fourty dollars at Gordman's.
I'm just excited.
Weeeeee...
And, for some reason, my journal is not showing up on my page.
I'm kinda scared that it's almost the end of the year..like, an era in my life is ENDING. That's it. There is no more school, no parents looming over my shoulder to make sure I do the right thing.
I hope I make them proud.
Friends and such --> [link]

]]> ~Hito-chan http://Hito-chan.deviantart.com/journal/12563763/ http://Hito-chan.deviantart.com/journal/12563763/ Thu, 12 Apr 2007 07:11:41 PDT If you'd like, give me your opinion. If not, just ignore them.
I need to get my prom dress soon...
I work at Burger King, now, at the back of my neighborhood, and I get seven dollars an hour. I love it. The people there are amazing and completely accepting and beyond amusing.
Its so wierd, because I'll be graduating in less than a month. How has time flown by so quickly?
Its been four years since I became involved online..four years since I met Ryan and Brian and them all.
Its been three years since I met Braden... and a year and a half we've been together.
I'll be going to college in Missouri in the fall, enrolled in the Army ROTC program so that, in another four years, I will be an Army Lieutenant.
Me... an Officer? Can you believe it? Can you believe I've brought myself up from that wreck a year ago to where I am now?
Can you believe how much we've all grown?

]]> ~Hito-chan http://Hito-chan.deviantart.com/journal/12537499/ http://Hito-chan.deviantart.com/journal/12537499/ Tue, 10 Apr 2007 09:55:03 PDT But I'm not mad. It IS funny.

Flavor of the week? More like 52 and counting. Go, say what you like about me but it doesn't bother me anymore. Keep drawing pictures of Hitomi. I am an art whore, and I like seeing my characters drawn as often as possible, even if you're just trying to get me angry.
And, yeah, I'm having sex after saying I wouldn't ever again. To be honest, my first time was traumatic. It ended horribly. I was upset. But, I moved on, I feel good about myself for the first time in a long time, and its because of Braden.
Maybe you all should move on, too.
And I won't stoop to your level and name names, and, if I did, I'd spell it right. My name is N-I-C-O-L-E. No 'h' there. But, then again, you're failing classes, right? So..I guess I should be thankful a 'K' or something didn't show up ^^

]]> ~Hito-chan http://Hito-chan.deviantart.com/journal/11159136/ http://Hito-chan.deviantart.com/journal/11159136/ Sat, 23 Dec 2006 07:16:32 PST My alter-ego is a boy X-x.
Is that fucked up or what?

]]> ~Hito-chan http://Hito-chan.deviantart.com/journal/10304824/ http://Hito-chan.deviantart.com/journal/10304824/ Fri, 06 Oct 2006 14:32:37 PDT If you can't tell, my devi is dead.
My father has pretty much determined every site I go to screws up the comp, but, hey, I haven't done anything I deem worth submitting recently anyways
<3 Nicole

]]> ~Hito-chan http://Hito-chan.deviantart.com/journal/8649250/ http://Hito-chan.deviantart.com/journal/8649250/ Tue, 02 May 2006 06:40:28 PDT Nita makes me laugh XD
Anything else you need to know?
<3 Nicole ]]> ~Hito-chan http://Hito-chan.deviantart.com/journal/8410645/ http://Hito-chan.deviantart.com/journal/8410645/ Sat, 08 Apr 2006 18:10:19 PDT But you can't blame me for hating it..."
I spoke to someone I haven't spoken to in a while, and I've discovered there's more backstabbing going on than I thought. And I'm disgusted with most of you.
Oh, and I know what '3.14' means, and if I ever hear any of you say it again, I'll fucking kill you. If you want to get at me, fine. Say things to me, ABOUT ME. But when you fucking make fun of Braden, who's been a better friend to me than most of you, I'll peel your skin from your body with a dull vegetable peeler.
And Chance, fuck the hell off. If you don't like me, fine, but don't act all buddy-buddy with me when nobodies around. Y'know, Iused to respect you, because I thought, well, damn..he may not like me or whatever, but atleast he's mature about it. Well, I suppose not, huh? I don't awnt to be in a pissing contest with you, and if you continue as you are, I'm just not even going to respond.
Next year, I'm getting practically a whole new group of friends. The majority of the group in the morning and Staci at lunch can fuck off. I don't want to deal with you or any of your shit anymore.
Braden never did a fucking thing to any of you, and the fact you all say shit about him makes you now different than all of those people who backstab that we claim to hate. ]]> ~Hito-chan http://Hito-chan.deviantart.com/journal/8361019/ http://Hito-chan.deviantart.com/journal/8361019/ Tue, 04 Apr 2006 06:38:08 PDT
I was recently thinking...
Has everyone had someone they know die? Its been a while for me, but..I found a picture of the man I knew...and the feelings washed over me again
I remember when my dad told me, I was all "You're kidding right? He couldn't have died...they cured his Lukemia..." I was only ten or eleven, you see, and it disn't seem possible someone I knew could die...

This is often the false blanket of security we all take as human beings. If we can come to terms with our own mortality, we hate and resent it. We look for ways to avoid it. Some, like I, become obsessed and fascinated with those who mythically defy it (vampires).
But, in the end, does it matter? We all die... and so many people say to enjoy life while we live.
Is it worth it, to build everything up and lose it in death?
Mater Momento Mori...remember your mortality...

Wee for being morbid, eh? ]]> ~Hito-chan http://Hito-chan.deviantart.com/journal/7887064/ http://Hito-chan.deviantart.com/journal/7887064/ Mon, 13 Feb 2006 18:55:28 PST Completed: 0 / 100

1. Introduction
2. Love
3. Light
4. Dark
5. Seeking Solace
6. Break Away
7. Heaven
8. Innocence
9. Drive
10. Breathe Again
11. Memory
12. Insanity
13. Misfortune
14. Smile
15. Silence
16. Questioning
17. Blood
18. Rainbow
19. Gray
20. Fortitude
21. Vacation
22. Mother Nature
23. Cat
24. In the time
25. Destiny
26. Tears
27. Foreign
28. Sorrow
29. Happiness
30. Under the Rain
31. Flowers
32. Night
33. Expectations
34. Stars
35. Hold My Hand
36. Precious Treasure
37. Eyes
38. Abandoned
39. Dreams
40. Rated
41. Teamwork
42. Immortality
43. Dying
44. Two Roads
45. Illusion
46. Family
47. Creation
48. Childhood
49. Green
50. Breaking the Rules
51. Sport
52. Deep in Thought
53. Keeping a Secret
54. Tower
55. Waiting
56. Danger Ahead
57. Sacrifice
58. Kick in the Head
59. No Way Out
60. Rejection
61. Fairy Tale
62. Magic
63. Do Not Disturb
64. Multitasking
65. Horror
66. Traps
67. Playing the Melody
68. Hero
69. Annoyance
70. Paranoia
71. Obsession
72. Hatred
73. I Can't
74. Are You Challenging Me?
75. Mirror
76. Broken Pieces (
77. Test
78. Drink
79. Starvation
80. Words
81. Pen and Paper (
82. Can You Hear Me?
83. Heal
84. Timidity
85. Spiral
86. Seeing Red
87. Food
88. Pain
89. Through the Fire
90. Triangle
91. Drowning
92. All That I Have
93. Give Up
94. Last Hope
95. Advertisement
96. In the Storm
97. Fear
98. Puzzle
99. Solitude
100. Relaxation ]]> ~Hito-chan http://Hito-chan.deviantart.com/journal/7249531/ http://Hito-chan.deviantart.com/journal/7249531/ Wed, 07 Dec 2005 17:53:39 PST \Now I know you can rent it\
Oh my god, go see Rent. Cause I said so.
Christmas present coming soon, I promise. ]]> ~Hito-chan http://Hito-chan.deviantart.com/journal/7070062/ http://Hito-chan.deviantart.com/journal/7070062/ Thu, 17 Nov 2005 06:46:42 PST
Yeah, U2 lyrics
In any case, lots has happened over the past week. In Sara-ness, I've been demoted to 'friendly acquantice'. The price I pay for my wake-up calls from her X-x Yes, I was being stupid, and most people would just assume I'd get mad at Sara. Not so. I understand that she almost always knows what the hell she's talking about, and its usually for the best when she does this kinda stuff. I mature and grow from her outbursts.
However, when it comes to Amanda...I felt she was unfair, because I know Amanda is working on her sharp tongue. Not only that, but, in my opinion, she has all right to critisize Elyse's art, because she's the co-writer of the comic. If Elyse can't handle it from her own partner, I don't think she can handle being a professional Manga-ka (Again, this isn't meant to offend, Elyse-san. I'm sorry if this is mean in any way ;-; ). Although, since I haven't actually been around the group, I can't really count my feelings when it comes to Amanda...because I haven't seen her around the group all the time.
In anycase, two things came from Sara's...er...chatisement.
1. Amanda and I are planning on becoming better friends after I am ungrounded. We both plan on talking about whats happened the past two years, unlike the groups been doing. Seriously. We weren't apart for two years; we were ANGRY at eachother. And I hate how we're all just pretending nothing happened. Amanda and I aren't going tolet it happen between the two of us anymore; we're going to confront what happened.
2. I called John and apologised for being such a bitch, pretending like I didn't love him. And he did admitt to telling Shea he loved her the whole toime we were in a relationship, but it doesn't matter anymore. I really just want to be friends with him...and I intend to, s'long as he stops going on about how much he misses me >.< It makes me feel like shit...

This year it promising to be more shitastic than any year before. I'm afraid to see how senior year will play out...ack.

Yesterday, my algebra 2 teacher told us about how he was getting divorced from his wife...as of today, and that he was sorry if it would effect his grading and out learning experience. I cried. Why? because the subject of divorce upsets me helluva a lot. I mangaed to stop crying before I met Braden after class, but...he knew something was wrong. And its still affecting me this morning.
I'm so emo sometimes, it makes me angry.
I've been thinking about my mom a lot recently, and I've started to think about contacting her. And telling her about how worthless she is, and how much I hate her. And then I re-thought that, and considered sending her the lyrics for Kelly Clarkson's 'Because of You'. And then I realised it was just stupid, and gave up that idea, but..it angers me that she has no idea of what her actions have done to me. Not one, and she's living off in Germany shacking up with any guy that offers it.
I remember Sara once told me that my craze for being in relationships was just my trying to fill the hole my mom left, and I told her she was fucking crazy, that my mom has nothing to do with who I am now. But it isn't true. Everything I am has been a response to what she's done and who she was and how she left me.

mmmm... I'm sorry guys. THis is a really big, useless rant about things that were on my mind, and I apologise if it bothered you.
I love you all, kay?<3 ]]> ~Hito-chan http://Hito-chan.deviantart.com/journal/6913736/ http://Hito-chan.deviantart.com/journal/6913736/ Mon, 31 Oct 2005 07:42:57 PST And I just found out John had been telling Shea he loved her through our whole relationship.
I know I'm not supposed to care. After all, I was the one who broke the relationship off.
But, I loved him. I did. I put a lot of faith and trust into him. And..to know that he...he was playing my heart the whole time.
I knew something was wrong. I felt it. But I didn't know it could be that. I didn't know.
I'm gonna go angst... ]]> ~Hito-chan http://Hito-chan.deviantart.com/journal/6614394/ http://Hito-chan.deviantart.com/journal/6614394/ Tue, 27 Sep 2005 06:52:50 PDT And believe it or not, he had the gall to call Shizu and turn her against me. Seriously. I came off the bus this morning, and she was waiting for me, and she ATTACKED me, yelling at me about how I don't do things like I did to a wolf. About how, because John's a wolf, I should've stayed with him just for that fact.
She doesn't understand. Its not her business. John had no right to pull her into this.
John, I'll never forgive you. Ever. You've crossed the line, and I no longer want anything more to do with you.
You've turned my friend against me. I can't believe you'd stoop so low...
You've hurt me for the last time... ]]> ~Hito-chan http://Hito-chan.deviantart.com/journal/5855331/ http://Hito-chan.deviantart.com/journal/5855331/ Wed, 06 Jul 2005 09:32:29 PDT
[link] <----Blurty
[link] <----xanga
[link] <-- Friends and such ]]> ~Hito-chan http://Hito-chan.deviantart.com/journal/5779236/ http://Hito-chan.deviantart.com/journal/5779236/ Tue, 28 Jun 2005 07:42:25 PDT ( ) smoked a cigar
(x) smoked anything else (Just once! NEVER AGAIN!)
(x) made out with a member of the same sex
( ) crashed a friend's car
( ) stolen a car

(x) been in love
(x) been dumped
(X) shoplifted
( ) been fired
(X) been in a fist fight

( ) snuck out of my parent's house
(x) had feelings for someone who didnt have them back
( ) been arrested
( ) made out with a stranger
( ) gone on a blind date

(x) lied to a friend
( ) had a crush on a teacher
( ) skipped school
( ) slept with a co-worker
(x) seen someone die

( ) had a crush on one of your MYSPACE friends
( ) been to Canada
( ) been to Mexico
(x) been on a plane
( ) thrown up in a bar

(X) purposely set a part of myself on fire
( ) eaten Sushi
( ) been snowboarding
( ) met someone in person from MYSPACE
(x) been moshing at a concert/show

( ) been in an abusive relationship
(x) taken painkillers
(X) love someone or miss someone right now(
(x) laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by
(x) made a snow angel

(x) had a tea party
(x) flown a kite
(x) built a sand castle
(x) gone puddle jumping
(x) played dress up

(x) jumped into a pile of leaves
(x) gone sledding
(x) cheated while playing a game
(x) been lonely
(x) fallen asleep at work/school

(X) used a fake id
(x) watched the sun set
(X) felt an earthquake
(x) touched a snake

(x) been tickled
(X) been robbed

( ) robbed someone
(x) been misunderstood
(x) pet a reindeer/goat

( ) won a contest
( ) run a red light
( ) been suspended from school
(x) had detention
(x) been in a car accident

( ) had braces
(x) felt like an outcast
(x) eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night
(x) had deja vu

(x) danced in the moonlight

(x) hated the way you look
(X) witnessed a crime
( ) pole danced
(x) questioned your heart
(x) been obsessed with post-it notes

(x) squished barefoot through the mud
(x) been lost
(x) been to the opposite side of the country
(x) swam in the ocean
(x) felt like dying

(X) cried yourself to sleep
(x) played cops and robbers
(x) recently colored with crayons/colored pencils/markers
(x) sung karaoke
( ) paid for a meal with only coins

(x) done something you told yourself you wouldn't
(x) made prank phone calls
(X) laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose
(x) caught a snowflake on your tongue
(X) kissed in the rain (Eheh ^^)
(x) written a letter to Santa Claus
( ) been kissed under a mistletoe
( ) watched the sun set with someone you care about

(x) blown bubbles
(X) made a bonfire on the beach

( ) crashed a party
( ) Have Traveled more than 5 days with a car full of People
(x) gone rollerskating
(x) had a wish come true
( ) humped a monkey

(X) worn pearls
( ) jumped off a bridge
(x) screamed penis in class
( ) told a complete stranger you loved them
(x) sang in the shower
( ) have a little black dress
(x) had a dream that you married someone
(x) glued your hand to something

(X) got your tongue stuck to a flag pole

( ) kissed a fish
(x) worn the opposite sexes clothes!
( ) been a cheerleader
(x) sat on a roof top

(X) had sex at a church (Erm..kinda..not really sex, but...sexually activities..I'm going to hell X-x)
(x) screamed at the top of your lungs
( ) done a one-handed cartwheel
(x) talked on the phone for more than 6 hours
(x) stayed up all night

( ) didn't take a shower for a week
(x) pick and ate an apple right off the tree
(x) climbed a tree
(x) had a tree house

(X) are scared to watch scary movies alone

(x) believe in ghosts
( ) have more then 30 pairs of shoes
( ) worn a really ugly outfit to school just to see what others say
(X) gone streaking
(x) played ding-dong-ditch

(x) played chicken fight
(x) been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on
( ) been told you're hot by a complete stranger(xD That's a good one!)
( ) broken a bone
(x) been easily amused

(X) caught a fish then ate it
(X) made porn (Stuffed animal porn!)
(x) caught a butterfly
(x) laughed so hard you cried
(X) cried so hard you laughed

(X) mooned/flashed someone ( On accident ;-; )... ]]> ~Hito-chan http://Hito-chan.deviantart.com/journal/5668399/ http://Hito-chan.deviantart.com/journal/5668399/ Thu, 16 Jun 2005 16:54:27 PDT But I need to get the previous journal away. Not completely, but...just enough. Because, everytime I see, I near 'bout go into tears.
Even if I chose not to believe a word of it.

Went to Jessica ( )'s party. Was really happy the first two hours, untill "The" Sarah showed up.

Nobody told me she was gonna be there. Nobody warned me. I wasn't prepared....


Decided I'm not gonna rant in this journal anymore.
If you actually care about my bitching, the journal I am now using is my blurty.
[link] ]]> ~Hito-chan http://Hito-chan.deviantart.com/journal/5627264/ http://Hito-chan.deviantart.com/journal/5627264/ Sun, 12 Jun 2005 12:45:37 PDT afino1atall (2:16:43 PM): hang on a sec
offensiveromance (2:16:50 PM): kay
afino1atall (2:18:29 PM): alright well, what has staci told you?
offensiveromance (2:18:46 PM): Nothing. She's tries to remain nuetral when it comes to me
afino1atall (2:18:54 PM): oh..is she there now?
offensiveromance (2:18:58 PM): Yeah
afino1atall (2:19:08 PM): does she think i should tell you?
offensiveromance (2:19:12 PM): But I'd much rather hear it from the source, if you wouldn't mind
offensiveromance (2:19:25 PM): SHe says yeah
afino1atall (2:19:30 PM): alright...well
afino1atall (2:20:51 PM): damnit h/o a sec again
offensiveromance (2:20:57 PM): kay
afino1atall (2:24:14 PM): arg, you guys dunno about any underground record stores do you?
offensiveromance (2:24:31 PM): Agh. No...why?
afino1atall (2:24:36 PM): jasmines bothering me
afino1atall (2:24:40 PM): nvm alright..
offensiveromance (2:24:43 PM): Ah. I seeee
afino1atall (2:25:15 PM): first time at oyp..he tried to kiss me outside..asked if a friendly kiss counted as cheating and i said yes, and hid from his face...then he made me admit i was attracted to him..and he said he was attracked to me too, and that if he wasnt going out w/ you hed go out w me
offensiveromance (2:25:36 PM): ...interesting
afino1atall (2:25:54 PM): he kept holding my hand on the way home and tried to make me talk to him in the car before i went inside but i wouldnt shut the door so morgan could hear everything..so he wouldnt try anything
afino1atall (2:26:22 PM): the first time we hung out it was just as friends and it was all cool and friendly and stuff, and i thought it was over..
afino1atall (2:26:32 PM): and, staci!! do you really tell her all this?!
offensiveromance (2:26:39 PM): ..no, she didn't
offensiveromance (2:26:54 PM): I didn't hear any of this at all..
afino1atall (2:26:57 PM): no, i want to know if staci thinks i should tell you
offensiveromance (2:27:07 PM): she already said yes
afino1atall (2:27:13 PM): arggg mk
afino1atall (2:28:22 PM): umm k...well then next time we hung out we cuddled, and he was all like i really like you..and i was like too bad, youre going out w/ someone..and he said he didnt think itd last long but he couldnt break up w you cuase of the mafia shit..and i believed him..and i told him that id never kissed anyone before, so hed better not be lyingto me and waste my first kiss
afino1atall (2:29:26 PM): so he said he wasnt..and i thought a long time aobut it and finaly agreed...cause i thought he really cared about me...and so he kissed me..i twas happy then..cause.idk..im gulable..and idk...i felt loved..soo then we hung out a few more times and we only kissed a couple more time
afino1atall (2:29:27 PM): s
offensiveromance (2:31:20 PM): argg
offensiveromance (2:31:30 PM): talking to him right now
offensiveromance (2:31:46 PM): X-x
offensiveromance (2:31:52 PM): Agh. So confused
afino1atall (2:32:07 PM): then the last time we hung out...a few weeks ago...he tried to stick his hand up my shirt and iwouldnt let him and he got mad at me...we went for a walk in the woods and he tried to do it again and i started walking away from him..and then gave up being mad..we were going to meet jasmine outside the woods..so i was kinda in a hurry..and he asked if i wanted to kiss him and i was like idk..sure..and he said alright kiss me..and i whined about it and didnt want to..cuase it was like he was trying to keep the blame off himself...and that made me feel..likea fallback..all worthless and shit...so he wouldnt kiss me, so i walked out of the woods..eventualy he came out...and asked if i was mad at him and i said yes
afino1atall (2:32:54 PM): soo he called me that night and i wouldnt really talk to him..so he told me to call him back when i wasnt mad
afino1atall (2:34:23 PM): so i didnt call for acouple days...then i texted him and said he could keep bullshiting himself and you..but i didnt like being used, so it was over..and he was all..boohoo..i wuv you, im sorry..but i never texted him back..idk..cause i read his art site thing..and he kept saying he loved you..and..thats horrible..becuae..im really sorry..but he doesnt, he doesnt love you or me..i think he was using us both..idk though, maybe he was just using me and confused about you
afino1atall (2:34:32 PM): but if youre willing to cheat on someone..its not love..maybe he doesnt know that
offensiveromance (2:34:55 PM): ...

I was on Staci's name, obviously. And...I know I said I'd trust John, and most of me's all "There's no way he'd do that to me..." but...there's that one little voice, telling me that... ]]> ~Hito-chan http://Hito-chan.deviantart.com/journal/5623448/ http://Hito-chan.deviantart.com/journal/5623448/ Sun, 12 Jun 2005 00:40:32 PDT So...I'm still working on that, and I'll probably have a new entry in there instead of here.
[link]

Woo. ]]> ~Hito-chan http://Hito-chan.deviantart.com/journal/5611543/ http://Hito-chan.deviantart.com/journal/5611543/ Fri, 10 Jun 2005 17:57:40 PDT You're not me, so don't tell me what I'm supposed to feel.
And this isn't me just talking about the whole thing with John. Its been going on all my life. "You should like this person" or "You can't feel this way because -insert person- is -insert whatever reason about the person's gender or whatever-". FUCK YOU ALL! I'll feel whatever I damn please, whenever the hell I want to.
Really, at this moment, I'm so thankful to Sara, who's just backed off and let me be. Infact, she's seen me with John, when we're not just snuggling, and we're just hanging out, and seen how...comfortable I am around him. I've never been this comfortable around anyone, so..those who try to tell me its just lust, or whatever, can go off and fuck themselves.
Especially Chance. I'm flattered you care, but you don't know him.
And...I even have a beef with John. Okay, yeah, I AM bisexual. Even if I'm totally in love with a guy, it doesn't change my sexual orientation. he should be damned happy to know I love him because I LOVE him, not because I hafta because he's a guy and he has a penis. But..I've been over this with him. A lot. He knows I haven't been attracted to anyone else.
-Insert dinner break-
heh ^^ He made me dinner. ::giggles::
Anyways, now that I'm not so PMS-y, and slightly happier, I apologise for the ranting above, however, I won't erase any of it. Because, while it is harsh, its part of how I feel.
On to a new topic, I'm happy because I get to see Staci tomorrow, because I'm going over to her house and sleeping over. Yay!
And...I sacrificed seeing John's Hockey tournie for it..;-;
Meh. Anyways...wee...OYP tomorrow. AND BEKA'S COMING! XD THAT is always fun. majorly. Love. woo.

So...thats been two moodwings in one journal entry. NEW RECORD! BOOJA!


yeah, so...john read my devi journal. And..we had this big..erm..spat.
He cried. I don't think I've ever seen a guy older than twelve cry. Ever.
Yeah.
I feel horrible now. and I've realised...if anyone's using anyone in this relationship, its me using him. Why, you may ask? Because I've done nothing for him. At all. He's done everything for me, and I've sat back and spat in his face. not really, but...its a good figure of speech.
So, yeah I've learned a great deal tonight. Woo. ]]> ~Hito-chan http://Hito-chan.deviantart.com/journal/5541882/ http://Hito-chan.deviantart.com/journal/5541882/ Fri, 03 Jun 2005 11:34:55 PDT Beka called me, and said it would probably be better if we didn't talk about John. Because she didn't want to lose me over something like a boy XD
But, really, I feel great today. Its a good day. Staci will be coming back soon... even if Sara left ;-;
Heather should be back soon from leadership camp, if she isn't back yet.
And, I hafta call John after I take Bruno for a loooong walk. Because a bad storm is coming through

I really have thought a lot of my life over, and I think...there are going to be some positive changes coming through soon. I'm going to try not to be so pessimistic or procrastinate. And, maybe, actually finish the artwork I promise for people. Like Tasha's Aka and all the stuff John asked me to draw. He's such an art whore XD

So, yeah; Changes, John=love..and an art whore, and Beka and are are good now. ^^

Oh, and I'm calling She-chan now, because I can't ever pronounce her name correctly...and it makes me feel horrible, because I call her a friend X-x;

]]> ~Hito-chan http://Hito-chan.deviantart.com/journal/5519947/ http://Hito-chan.deviantart.com/journal/5519947/ Wed, 01 Jun 2005 09:37:43 PDT John just called me and told me stuff...don't worry, he didn't let her do anything, but I knew it. I knew it, and I knew I shouldn't have trusted her. And, once again, my instincts were correct.
MINE, BITCH! MIIIIINNNNNEEEE
>> Yeah. But I am glad he told me. Even thought I already knew stuff like that was happening, and I thought he knew that I knew. Ah, well, no matter.
I actually feel better now. That lump in my stomache, thats been there for a while, that made me think something horrible was gonna happen soon? Its gone.

AND~ Braden is coming to visit me tomorrow <3~ Which is great, because he's a very good friend of mine, and I haven't seen him since... since school ended. Agh. Twwwwooo weeks.

Seriously, though, first thing when Staci gets back (after she sees Okashi, of course), I'm hanging out with her. I nnnneeeed to. After all, Staci is my bestest friend. And the only one of my closest friends (besides Braden) that I haven't seen since school ended. Although, I still really need to do something with Sara, still. Without Chance, as much as I loves him...plutonically, of course.

Annnnd, thats all for today folks.

]]> ~Hito-chan http://Hito-chan.deviantart.com/journal/5510385/ http://Hito-chan.deviantart.com/journal/5510385/ Tue, 31 May 2005 10:12:14 PDT
Anyways, yeah. I waited all day yesterday for Sara and stuff, and my dad ended up saying I couldn't hang out with her. SO...I hung out with John instead.

Maybe I am being consumed by him O.o

Haven't talked to beka since she blew up at me, and I really don't care. I talked to my stepmother about it, and she told me to just ignore Beka, because if I'm happy..thats all that matters, s'long as I don't abandon my friends. Which I'm trying my hardest not to do.
Really.
Can't wiat 'til Staci gets back. But...yeah. Gotta get off so my brother can play that damned Toon Town. My siblings have become obsessed.

]]> ~Hito-chan http://Hito-chan.deviantart.com/journal/5485197/ http://Hito-chan.deviantart.com/journal/5485197/ Sat, 28 May 2005 12:14:57 PDT
I think, at this point, she had one correct thought. I am being isolated..but by myself. I feel...I dunno. Like I'm trying to pull myself away from people, because things are finally going right..and I'm scared people will rip that awat from me. And what Beka's doing is only making it worse.

I'm waiting for the art I uploaded today to show up on my user page. Fscking deviantart X-x

I've also been drawing like crazy today. I finally drew a decent picture of Zev, John's fur...and I started drawing something for Staci.
I also started inking Tasha-chan's picture she requested of me, and totally screwed it up, so that I got so angry, I ripped it out of my sketchbook and threw it away. X-x
Sorry, Tasha, I'll get right back on it...

In other words, mur. Things suck right now, other than the fact John cooked a kick-ass dinner for my family last night.

I sometimes wonder how I became so lucky... ]]> ~Hito-chan http://Hito-chan.deviantart.com/journal/5414651/ http://Hito-chan.deviantart.com/journal/5414651/ Fri, 20 May 2005 18:36:55 PDT Best night ever, and its not even over. I mean, jeezus. He got me a really pretty ring O.o
And then, we shared a caesar salad. I love caesar salad, and have been craving it since we finished Julius Caesar in english two weeks ago.
Yummy.
Then, we strolled over to petco.With the cute little mice and other small mammals.
And then..we just somehow ended up at his house. And I met his parents X-x
Stress factor= overwhelming. I mean, jeezus. But, seriously, she was just about to fire those damned twenty questions at me before John realised it and dragged me outta there.
And now we're just here. At Cafe Bona (( Again, Sara and Chance, this is where you laugh)).
I'm so effin in love.
And there's nothing more to it. ]]> ~Hito-chan http://Hito-chan.deviantart.com/journal/5411853/ http://Hito-chan.deviantart.com/journal/5411853/ Fri, 20 May 2005 12:45:33 PDT Today is my one month with John ^^ Yaya. I think...I am falling for him hard. You should have seen him with my youngrt siblings last night
I hope I can go to OYP tomorrow...I wanna see all of mah friends and draw in Okashi-chan's ( )sketchbook. Because she said I could.
Otherwise, its been a pretty effin boring two days off from school.
And..I'm wearing a skirt. Because I have no clean pants X-x
...for some reason, my new art isn't showing up on my user page. This bothers me... ]]> ~Hito-chan http://Hito-chan.deviantart.com/journal/5391083/ http://Hito-chan.deviantart.com/journal/5391083/ Wed, 18 May 2005 10:32:14 PDT
I'm kinda sad about it though. It went by way too fast, and I'm upset that I won't be able to roleplay with Braden everyday anymore. I think, besides seeing all of my friends, thats what I looked forward to everyday.

Anyways, this friday is John and mine frst month. Wee.

All of mah OYP friends have found me on devi...Love to teh Okashi-chan and Tasha ^^

Meh. Thats really about it. because I'm not supposed to get on deviant art at home (because it supposedly screws up teh comp) there won't be much from me in the next three months.
Rawr. I love ya all, but I hafta finish my graphic design final...>> ]]> ~Hito-chan