http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:HollyMarieMa&section=today deviantART RSS for by:HollyMarieMa en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Thu, 10 Dec 2009 09:39:43 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://HollyMarieMa.deviantart.com/journal/19481673/ http://HollyMarieMa.deviantart.com/journal/19481673/ Sat, 19 Jul 2008 11:51:04 PDT I have a new camera now.
I can't wait to use it!!!
I have to wait on the battery to finish charging though. haha!

]]> ~HollyMarieMa http://HollyMarieMa.deviantart.com/journal/19210663/ http://HollyMarieMa.deviantart.com/journal/19210663/ Fri, 04 Jul 2008 22:44:18 PDT
]]> ~HollyMarieMa http://HollyMarieMa.deviantart.com/journal/18992107/ http://HollyMarieMa.deviantart.com/journal/18992107/ Sun, 22 Jun 2008 22:53:51 PDT A palm sized camera is very convenient, and I will probably always keep one in my pocket, or bag/purse... BUT...I wish I had a camera of professional quality.
I can't exactly afford one on my own...
I wouldn't have a clue what kind to get anyway.

]]> ~HollyMarieMa http://HollyMarieMa.deviantart.com/journal/18648810/ http://HollyMarieMa.deviantart.com/journal/18648810/ Tue, 03 Jun 2008 16:36:23 PDT Whether it's an annoying pinching that goes away, or a sudden pain where I feel like I need to sit down.
I don't want to end up having to get the same heart procedure done that certain people in my family have already had.
Maybe it's just the caffeine.

]]> ~HollyMarieMa http://HollyMarieMa.deviantart.com/journal/16647953/ http://HollyMarieMa.deviantart.com/journal/16647953/ Wed, 30 Jan 2008 17:25:23 PST

]]> ~HollyMarieMa http://HollyMarieMa.deviantart.com/journal/16620660/ http://HollyMarieMa.deviantart.com/journal/16620660/ Mon, 28 Jan 2008 21:51:31 PST Bah. Humbug. haha...Uhm...

I'm in a really great mood, despite the fact that I feel like hell...weee.

]]> ~HollyMarieMa http://HollyMarieMa.deviantart.com/journal/16620631/ http://HollyMarieMa.deviantart.com/journal/16620631/ Mon, 28 Jan 2008 21:48:52 PST So much pain...eww.


You're not supposed to literally pee blood. Not a good sign.

]]> ~HollyMarieMa http://HollyMarieMa.deviantart.com/journal/14777950/ http://HollyMarieMa.deviantart.com/journal/14777950/ Mon, 24 Sep 2007 19:17:23 PDT Sweet talk is superficial.
A relationship MUST be grounded on somethng more.

Me: What all must it be grounded upon?

Brother: Upon an extremely deep understanding of what makes you you, and him him.
You are not your skin, you are not your bone, you are not your flesh, you are not even your psychological conditions or your personality as directly visible
You are your soul... which is the most mysterious power in comprehension, because it is comprehension.. it is the soul power you have for making decisions.. for breaking away from environment and genetics
for creation, for synthesis
when the bible says we were created in God's image it means in the spiritual image of having the ability to synthesize, to create, to make things seperate of our environment and genetics, to consciously decide to own our own lives, to actually be causal agents of CHANGE in the world.

Me: define casual agents of change

Brother: not vicitims of causation.. a world without humans.. with only animals and plants.. for a fact would be completely scientifically predicable
causal agents of change.. humans.. have the ability to break away from this predictability
with our reasoning ability.. our minds.. our souls... all the same thing its a concept far more robust than self awareness
its awareness as a free agent of change in the universe
that is what makes you you
that is what it is in fact to be you
all the rest is decorations, externalizations, and add ons to that basic factor
that basic factor is the soul
that is waht we live for
and the only way the mystery of love is uncovered
is when souls melt together
and become one
this is nothing to do with the body, or shallow convesratoins
its one of the greatest mysteries and beauties of the universe
but just realize.. sweet talking, warm fuzzies from snuggling, etc etc.. do nothing more than realease a seriies of chemicals in your brain that achieve a great state of realaxatoin and pleasure.. but its just a simplistic chemical reaction that could take place with anyone you become comfortable with who can carry on a shallow conversation of sweet talkery
to truly connect, they must fist be endowed with a beautiful soul, and then you must connection wtih taht soul

Me: how do i know if i've truely connected with one's soul or not?

Brother: i'm not sure,thats what I'm trying to learn
I think it must be experiended before it can be descbribed.

]]> ~HollyMarieMa http://HollyMarieMa.deviantart.com/journal/14606145/ http://HollyMarieMa.deviantart.com/journal/14606145/ Wed, 12 Sep 2007 16:26:38 PDT Pity, really.

]]> ~HollyMarieMa http://HollyMarieMa.deviantart.com/journal/14082889/ http://HollyMarieMa.deviantart.com/journal/14082889/ Wed, 08 Aug 2007 23:22:39 PDT This is getting painful...not too painful though. I think it's just raising my pain threshold. ha.
Pain is no new experience, nor is the weakness I'm still feeling. Fatigue is my worst enemy.
At least there is a light at the end of the tunnel...Yeah, something like that. I don't think it's a train this time.
I'm simply glad to not be spewing puke threw my nose. I actually managed to puke w/out doing that last time...[several weekends ago]

]]> ~HollyMarieMa http://HollyMarieMa.deviantart.com/journal/13948754/ http://HollyMarieMa.deviantart.com/journal/13948754/ Mon, 30 Jul 2007 22:39:29 PDT
I don't think I'm supposed to be able to feel abdominal pains when I'm on this much narcotics and probably still have some effects [or did during some of the time I'm referring to] of anesthetics and some kind of sleeping gases. I think they said something about more than one. I'm not sure.

My throat is barely starting to hurt.
My shoulders are sore though!

I've been informed my veins are small...IVs are hell. They gave up and just had to stick it in my arm, where it is standard to draw blood from.

I had on an oxygen mask when they put an anesthetic in my IV...I felt something warm go up a vein in my arm. It burned briefly. Then something hit me. It was like everything started to shut down. At first it was an almost cool feeling.
I couldn't keep my eyes from crossing once it really hit me...They said most ppl couldn't keep their eyes open at all...I could, but it was difficult...and I didn't for long...
Well...of course, here's the part that was scary.
I felt my lungs basically stop working...That's scary as well...I always have this fear of drowning or otherwise suffocating.
I said that it was a little hard to breath.
Then I could hardly breath at all, which of course was a bit panicking... I asked why it was so hard to breath? They said it was just a normal side effect of the anesthetic...
I started kind of gasping for breaths...Like I said I think I was panicking...They kept telling me to take big, deep breaths...I started doing that, and by the time I'd posed my third question, everything just kind of...closed off I guess. It's like I was extremely tired, and slept so deep that no dreams were remembered. Just a few seconds of blackness...

They told me I could open my eyes, and that the surgery was over. I started asking questions again...and basically didn't stop until I'd left...and I asked questions the whole time before the surgery basically.

I sleep rather lightly...For a long time, because of a medication, I stayed awake during my first phase of sleep...not awake, but I was aware. It's rather odd. Somehow I'm wondering if that had something to do with WHY it took me a while to actually pass out with the anesthetics...It didn't take that long...but I think just longer than it was supposed to...just long enough to freak me out.


Oh well...all is well I suppose.
I'm fine and dandy.
I have been napping all evening and night...

I have a horrible feeling that morning will bring an undue amount of pain.

]]> ~HollyMarieMa http://HollyMarieMa.deviantart.com/journal/13926614/ http://HollyMarieMa.deviantart.com/journal/13926614/ Sun, 29 Jul 2007 11:47:37 PDT That is what I'm going to look like tomorrow. :-P
The idea of surgery makes me panic.
Well...I don't know...I just don't like the idea of that...It makes me freak out a little...ugh...


Well...the medication my endocrinologist gave me for my "main" problem is causing me MORE problems at the time being... But I guess it's better to be in pain every day for however many weeks, than to have to have ANOTHER surgery this summer.
bleh.

Piss.

How long will it take a cyst to completely rupture or otherwise go away? Just with medication?

Oh yeah...Tomorrow is "just" a tonsillectomy... I'm scared though.
Somehow I'd be almost willing to bet that it won't be worse than when I was the sickest with mono last summer. I doubt I'll have a fever over 105...and I seriously doubt my throat will hurt that bad. I know some people who have had mono don't think it's too bad...but if you get a bad case of it...trust me, it sucks pretty bad.

]]> ~HollyMarieMa http://HollyMarieMa.deviantart.com/journal/13892171/ http://HollyMarieMa.deviantart.com/journal/13892171/ Thu, 26 Jul 2007 19:05:31 PDT
]]> ~HollyMarieMa http://HollyMarieMa.deviantart.com/journal/13827349/ http://HollyMarieMa.deviantart.com/journal/13827349/ Sat, 21 Jul 2007 23:12:11 PDT Something natural. Something universal. Something that will make sense 50 years from now, when our ideals and our fashions have died away, to be something no longer understandable to the general public...
We can't all speak the same language; we can't all do the same things... BUT...body language is simpler...It's something we can most all understand.
Hmm...I think that could be fun.

]]> ~HollyMarieMa http://HollyMarieMa.deviantart.com/journal/13809065/ http://HollyMarieMa.deviantart.com/journal/13809065/ Fri, 20 Jul 2007 13:23:34 PDT
]]> ~HollyMarieMa http://HollyMarieMa.deviantart.com/journal/13773380/ http://HollyMarieMa.deviantart.com/journal/13773380/ Tue, 17 Jul 2007 18:06:46 PDT I want to eat food...I'm hungry...My mouth is so ulcerated it hurts really bad for me to eat pudding...ugh...I tried eating macaroni earlier...that didn't work either.

]]> ~HollyMarieMa http://HollyMarieMa.deviantart.com/journal/13640702/ http://HollyMarieMa.deviantart.com/journal/13640702/ Fri, 06 Jul 2007 23:14:32 PDT My score is a 4.
3 is passing, and 5 would be...perfect i guess. lol.
That's the highest anyone from my school has made. yay!

]]> ~HollyMarieMa http://HollyMarieMa.deviantart.com/journal/13640692/ http://HollyMarieMa.deviantart.com/journal/13640692/ Fri, 06 Jul 2007 23:12:51 PDT Wow...After almost a full year of different SSRI's and then an SNRI...My head is killing me!
I'm better now though...I'm just hoping this headache is going to go away, at least within the next week or two.
My brain is having to readjust itself...
My neck is so tense right now...ugh!

But...
I haven't been so drowsy the past few days...



I'll be glad to be started on my new medication... [complete different kind...]

]]> ~HollyMarieMa http://HollyMarieMa.deviantart.com/journal/13462310/ http://HollyMarieMa.deviantart.com/journal/13462310/ Sat, 23 Jun 2007 16:50:32 PDT What's wrong with me?
I guess I know. lol.
One week until complete test results...
I'm hoping for just pills, and not surgery. It's not severe enough [or doesn't seem to be, from the first set of tests] to actually need anything beyond medication... so...yay.

]]> ~HollyMarieMa http://HollyMarieMa.deviantart.com/journal/13331969/ http://HollyMarieMa.deviantart.com/journal/13331969/ Wed, 13 Jun 2007 16:22:14 PDT My hair is fairly short! It's such a BIG change.

I figured some kid would have more use of my hair than I would...It was getting too long; it'd become a bit difficult to manage, really.
hmm...
When you think about cancer...chemotherapy...being bald? You tend to think...oh, well that's sad.
Yes...of course it is!
But do you really realize what it's like to face that?

The first semester of my senior year, I was told I might have Lupus [an auto-immune disease], and later I found out that he'd thought I could have cancer.
Thinking on the possible results, if I DID have Lupus...it really makes you think...Chemo? Yeah...I would have been bald if I'd had that... Then you start to think...I can't have kids...how long can you live with something like this?
It's a scary thought.
I can't imagine being actually diagnosed with something like that...ESPECIALLY being a child...and, especially if Chemo where to be necessary.
And, to answer the question some might have...NO I do not have Lupus, or anything of the like [thankfully!]. Just a few minor things that line up w/ the symptoms of it. Nothing serious at all!

But yeah...Just wanted to throw that out there.

Oh yeah...and my job is babysitting...but the kids are 8 and 12. Basically, I fix them food, and take them swimming, to the movies, etc.
It's easy, minus the whole "sibling rivalry" thing.

]]> ~HollyMarieMa http://HollyMarieMa.deviantart.com/journal/13247074/ http://HollyMarieMa.deviantart.com/journal/13247074/ Thu, 07 Jun 2007 01:56:15 PDT
I have some fairly interesting photographs I plan to upload...If/when I have the chance.
I decided to take a few pics when my friends was doing a photoshoot... I hope some of mine came out alright.

Well...It's nearly 5 AM...off to bed!

]]> ~HollyMarieMa http://HollyMarieMa.deviantart.com/journal/13080656/ http://HollyMarieMa.deviantart.com/journal/13080656/ Thu, 24 May 2007 19:26:34 PDT
Anyway...fun stuff.
Graduation is tomorrow! My last day of school was yesterday. I made a 100 on one final, and a 97 on another. I felt like a major bum; I didn't study until RIGHT before the tests [like...the class period before]. The one I made a 97 on, I didn't have time to finish studying! [hence the 97!] I'm glad my grades are...well...Up to normal again. In some ways I hate that I've made 4 B's. But it's ok. My grades fluctuate with my mood. Very much so. Before High school, I always made, primarily, above 96 or 97 in every class...some classes I had averages above 100. lol.
I'm really hoping to get and keep a 4.0 in college! I want to do study abroad my junior year. I'd love to live in another country to study for a while.

I've changed my major to art. I want to teach art at a college one day. I think. At least, right now, I'm pretty sure that's what I want to do.

I GOT ACCEPTED INTO A DORM. lol. yay. I only applied a few days before...hehe...I'm absolutely horrible about procrastinating. My apathy almost annoys me sometimes.
Ugh. I need a tour of my school before I start...That won't be until August though, so I'll get someone to show me around at least a couple of times.
I can't believe I'm about to move out. woo!


I'm working on a rather big painting right now. It will be my first attempt at using oil paint!

Anyone have any tips on how to use oil paints??? Please tell me if you do! it could help a lot!

well...off to bed! I'm sleeeepy.

]]> ~HollyMarieMa http://HollyMarieMa.deviantart.com/journal/12932724/ http://HollyMarieMa.deviantart.com/journal/12932724/ Sat, 12 May 2007 17:57:45 PDT I have two more weeks of high school. That is all! It's quite exciting, but yet depressing at the same time...I'm going to miss high school, but I get to move on to bigger and better things.
I'm looking forward to college...I start in the fall [approximately August].

I intend to live on campus. I'm hoping this will allow a little more study time, and the possibility of a social life.

I'm someone who appears to have a lot of friends...I know a lot of people...But deep down...I don't really know how many ppl actually care, or even want to be around me.
I guess I'm just insecure...and I spend too much of my time feeling lonely.


I find myself graduating high school without having had a "real" relationship yet [as far as the whole b/f-g/f thing goes].
Perhaps that's something to be happy about, seeing as it can't really hold me back in life...but really...I'm at a point in my life where, in the next few years, a lot of ppl my age will be married, have a career, etc...and somehow, I feel like I may end up left out of the loop. ehh...oh well.


Sometimes I question whether or not I should just be completely open about everything about myself...BUT...I'm afraid it would cause people to shut me out, before they even give me a chance to really get to know them.

Well...all in all...I'm doing a lot better than I was a while back. :-P

]]> ~HollyMarieMa http://HollyMarieMa.deviantart.com/journal/12706592/ http://HollyMarieMa.deviantart.com/journal/12706592/ Mon, 23 Apr 2007 15:40:19 PDT Some things that I dream really freak me out that I have thoughts like that...even if they ARE just a dream...but...isn't a dream the inner feelings that we deny, that actually come to play before our eyes?
Well...at least in some cases.

I can have absolutely horrific nightmares and wake up and think "dude...that's freaking AWESOME!"...it actually takes a lot to disturb me when it comes to that topic...
A dream of mine last night was quite revolting, to say the least.

]]> ~HollyMarieMa http://HollyMarieMa.deviantart.com/journal/12706503/ http://HollyMarieMa.deviantart.com/journal/12706503/ Mon, 23 Apr 2007 15:32:15 PDT It's made people as me why I'm sad, and things along those lines.
My brother says it's my "best piece yet"...I might have to agree.
I wish I had more patience and diligence when it came to working on artwork.

Can anyone make me a new icon on here? lol...

]]> ~HollyMarieMa http://HollyMarieMa.deviantart.com/journal/12228410/ http://HollyMarieMa.deviantart.com/journal/12228410/ Sun, 18 Mar 2007 06:00:43 PDT
thanks!!!

]]> ~HollyMarieMa http://HollyMarieMa.deviantart.com/journal/12033899/ http://HollyMarieMa.deviantart.com/journal/12033899/ Fri, 02 Mar 2007 23:36:07 PST
I feel a lot more inspired...
I was driving today, just because I had to waste some time...I saw scenery that I found interesting. It has inspired me to want to take certain photos.
I'm exhausted, and it's after 2 A.M...so I am going to bed now!
good night everyone.

]]> ~HollyMarieMa http://HollyMarieMa.deviantart.com/journal/11966771/ http://HollyMarieMa.deviantart.com/journal/11966771/ Sun, 25 Feb 2007 20:12:34 PST Well...I have the family and friend love...I'm quite thankful for that...
I am no good at relationships...or at least...at picking partners. oh well...my day will come. I'm only 18. ha ha.
I'm just being honest though, about what I desire...

leave me some comments on my works PLEASE. i love getting feedback.

]]> ~HollyMarieMa http://HollyMarieMa.deviantart.com/journal/11451360/ http://HollyMarieMa.deviantart.com/journal/11451360/ Mon, 15 Jan 2007 18:01:28 PST Wish me luck.
I'm keeping a sketch book, where i'm (poorly, but quickly) sketching down my ideas as they come to me.
I'm kind of excited about doing Surrealism this semester. I've always been big on Realism. I think it's good to branch out, and Surrealism actually let's me EXPRESS things...In an odd way, or really, in whatever way I want to.
I will try to put a lot of my work on here as the semester progresses.

]]> ~HollyMarieMa http://HollyMarieMa.deviantart.com/journal/11191080/ http://HollyMarieMa.deviantart.com/journal/11191080/ Mon, 25 Dec 2006 16:07:41 PST yay.
I still need suggestions for next semester....i have to do artwork on one topic. and i get to choose the topic.

well, i would appreciate any comments. ^_^

]]> ~HollyMarieMa http://HollyMarieMa.deviantart.com/journal/11073572/ http://HollyMarieMa.deviantart.com/journal/11073572/ Fri, 15 Dec 2006 14:01:40 PST The topic can be basically anything...an object, a thing, an idea, feeling, concept, etc.
Please give me suggestions for what i should choose as my topic.
I know what I MIGHT do...but I want to see what everyone says first...
PLEASE COMMENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

]]> ~HollyMarieMa http://HollyMarieMa.deviantart.com/journal/10379194/ http://HollyMarieMa.deviantart.com/journal/10379194/ Fri, 13 Oct 2006 11:27:34 PDT i got that ribbon, and 6 other ribbons for participation. one pieced didn't get a ribbon at all. oh well. i still like that piece alot though. it was fun to make. haha!

oh yes, and i got my camera yesterday! a canon powershot SD600. i'm excited! i want to go outside and take alot of pictures, but i don't feel well right now, soo,maybe later! but i'm really happy! it's soo little! i need to read the manual on how to use it.

]]> ~HollyMarieMa http://HollyMarieMa.deviantart.com/journal/10255283/ http://HollyMarieMa.deviantart.com/journal/10255283/ Mon, 02 Oct 2006 03:48:26 PDT what do yall think?

]]> ~HollyMarieMa http://HollyMarieMa.deviantart.com/journal/10168969/ http://HollyMarieMa.deviantart.com/journal/10168969/ Sun, 24 Sep 2006 05:19:11 PDT
i'm the only person from my school to go.
i'm always nervous leaving my work somewhere..i'm afraid it'll get messed up..

]]> ~HollyMarieMa http://HollyMarieMa.deviantart.com/journal/9955920/ http://HollyMarieMa.deviantart.com/journal/9955920/ Sun, 03 Sep 2006 20:48:34 PDT Please leave comments. I'd definately appreciate it. ]]> ~HollyMarieMa http://HollyMarieMa.deviantart.com/journal/9876805/ http://HollyMarieMa.deviantart.com/journal/9876805/ Sun, 27 Aug 2006 18:46:59 PDT i'm going to be buying a new digital camera soon i think.. i feel like i've missed alot of really good photo opportunities not having one.

i want to start doing surreal paintings. but i just don't think i'm good enough to portray the things i see in my mind, and in my dreams... if i paint something, i want it to feel completely real.

i feel like i'm going completely crazy lately. after wrecking, i've been having too many flashbacks...from old things, not just the wreck..... whatever. (i'm fine from the wreck! i wasn't hurt)
i want to erase things in my past. just to forget. but if i forget...doesn't that change a part of who i am?
i think depression is becoming an inspiration in my art and poetry. ]]> ~HollyMarieMa http://HollyMarieMa.deviantart.com/journal/9748950/ http://HollyMarieMa.deviantart.com/journal/9748950/ Wed, 16 Aug 2006 13:51:35 PDT any suggestions on a new camera to get?

i'm going to disect my camera...but first...i hope it lets me upload my last 90 something pictures i took w/ it....
that makes me sad....poor camera... ]]> ~HollyMarieMa http://HollyMarieMa.deviantart.com/journal/9726923/ http://HollyMarieMa.deviantart.com/journal/9726923/ Mon, 14 Aug 2006 15:49:49 PDT I really appreciate any comments, favorites, etc, that I get, and I plan on responding to everything...eventually. even if that's in...November. lol! ]]> ~HollyMarieMa