http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:InstantBloodstains&section=today deviantART RSS for by:InstantBloodstains en-us Copyright 2010, deviantART.com Fri, 01 Jan 2010 11:50:18 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://InstantBloodstains.deviantart.com/journal/20315910/ http://InstantBloodstains.deviantart.com/journal/20315910/ Wed, 03 Sep 2008 21:03:44 PDT I'll name it Milkshakes.
I just want something mine, something companionable.
Alive.
In need of me, that i can take care of.
I want a fucking kitten.
Not to mention they are god awful adorable.
Hmm...
This will be a fight with my parents though, a fight that i will ultimately win.
I'm going to get a fucking kitten.

]]> ~InstantBloodstains http://InstantBloodstains.deviantart.com/journal/20274721/ http://InstantBloodstains.deviantart.com/journal/20274721/ Mon, 01 Sep 2008 15:26:39 PDT "Capt'n, whatcha doin?"
"I'm bein pirate"
He smiles happily before promptly flattening himself on the bed, warning me that Okus and he are about to fight. Okus, being his imaginary friend, starts many fights it seems.
Grunting and crying out victoriously in turn, he emerges champion of a long battle on the high seas with his first mate.
"Rachael?" he asks to assure his sister's attention, which had never left him.
"Yes Captain?"
"I love you Rachael" he said jumping the short space between himself and where i sat on the foot of the bed.
Embracing his small body like i always do, i couldn't help but suddenly feel my throat tighten and my eyes begin to water.

Sometimes it hurts to be so loved by someone so innocent, knowing one day the innocence will be lost.

]]> ~InstantBloodstains http://InstantBloodstains.deviantart.com/journal/20201216/ http://InstantBloodstains.deviantart.com/journal/20201216/ Thu, 28 Aug 2008 12:26:42 PDT Although, i can only partially blame the sickness for my lack of sleep (I worry much too much for my own good sometimes. Even despite soothing. It's just my nature, you see.)
So, i did not go to school today, awaking to my alarm clock only to shut it off with a certain amount of smugness that stemmed from the knowledge that today i would be spared the petty prettying and snide remarks from those i managed to untangle myself from as i made clear i did not want to be touched.
Picture Day, oy vey.
But, as i earlier mentioned, this was all avoided.
I do pity my poor Matt, as he is often subjected to this torture as i am.
Let me explain.
As far as i can tell, those who cannot do (for themselves, in this case) force upon everyone else!
Matt and i, we do not care about our appearance on picture day. We come no different than we ever do.
Now, at my school, unlike any other i have gone to, picture day is a full out ordeal.
There are Senior Portraits with graduation year and flowers and shit.
There are the individual shots that go into the year book, which also double if you want to pay and have some for you about 2 1/2 months later.
Then the grand finale, Group/Buddy shots.
Everyone comes in coordinated for their pictures with friends. Props and positions already picked out.
It's enough to make even the most self-conscience person beg to be center of attention.
But not me or Matt. Of course there are others, but none that i'm acquainted with.
Needless to say, i dont take a single picture. Friends leave me out of their's, conveniently. It's a tad depressing, but i deal.
So my solution, to avoid everyone trying to pretty me up despite my lack of picture taking, was to not go at all.
Fortunately, i food poisoned myself yesterday (Sincerely an accident) and was spared this fiasco. Truthfully, i wouldn't have gone anyway, sickness or not.
Unfortunately though, i was looking forward to virtual company today while i took a break from 3 consecutive days of school, and my company is absent.
Oh well, i will wait.
Patience is a virtue.

]]> ~InstantBloodstains http://InstantBloodstains.deviantart.com/journal/20035988/ http://InstantBloodstains.deviantart.com/journal/20035988/ Tue, 19 Aug 2008 06:24:28 PDT Take Untitled by Simple Plan for example. It may help that i'm not a fan of the band, but i cannot listen to that song without sincerely breaking into hysterical laughter. But thats not the only song i'm like that with.
Maybe it's just the person i am.
Perhaps it shows some character flaw, that these songs are comical to me.
They reek of attention seeking, something no honestly depressed or suicidal person seeks.
Or maybe it's the angst-y, teenage melodrama bullshit Nobody-understands-what-i've-gone-through-poor-fucking-me
tone.
Give the rest of us a break and go cry in Mommy and Daddy's suburban.
What? Did they not hug you enough as a kid?

]]> ~InstantBloodstains http://InstantBloodstains.deviantart.com/journal/19863567/ http://InstantBloodstains.deviantart.com/journal/19863567/ Sat, 09 Aug 2008 14:12:27 PDT
This High school Girl's Summer: Two and a half months of nothing much important. A few very important steps towards forever with the one i loved and 115 hours of community service unaccredited for. Scholarships are a pain in the ass, did you know? I grew a steady hatred for my parents, but thats age appropriate. I babysat and slept till noon. Family unvisited, and Papa turned 70. An old friend uncalled, a birthday of one gone. Restraining order granted and despised, regretted yet necessary. A sister's offer considered and acknowledged, what will come of that? Too much to think of, with no money to distract. 9 days to come, school blooms anew. Sophomore year, 3 years more.

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