http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:Jac-Lethe&section=today deviantART RSS for by:Jac-Lethe en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Tue, 15 Dec 2009 06:59:47 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://Jac-Lethe.deviantart.com/journal/13663862/ http://Jac-Lethe.deviantart.com/journal/13663862/ Sun, 08 Jul 2007 21:16:38 PDT
I'm still working in sales with my brother, but I've come to realize that its an amazing way to make lots of money with minimal effort. However, i don't want to stay here forever by any means, and am trying to figure out what kind of career to aim for.

Anyway, my brother just got married yesterday. The first wedding i have ever been to, and it was absolutely beautiful. I never pegged myself for a very sentimental person, but i cried through the whole thing, it was a little shocking lol. It was a big lavish wedding at a church and then a big reception dinner at a beautiful highend restaurant. My brother and his new wifey kept asking me if it had turned out okay, and i had to keep reassuring them that it was an absolutely beautiful and perfect wedding. They are the cutest couple EVER. Its funny, cuz now I have a huge chinese/indonesian family from her side hahaa. I've always had a pretty small family, so this is new and fun.

Meanwhile, I've joined sport kickboxing, and am going to hardcore classes twice a week. They work you hard!! its like martial arts bootcamp! They put like 100lb sacs on our backs and make us do lunges, and thats not even the worst of it. Its' hard and challenging, and friggin expensive, but its worth it, cuz i need to push myself to try new things and this will build my confidence as well as put me in super awesome shape (which is the real reason i joined haha).

Hmmmm that is all. lol.
I'm gonna try to spend more time on DA. And crank out some more art, cuz i should start building a portfolio, i'm playing around with the idea of going into graphic design and marketing. But who knows.


]]> ~Jac-Lethe http://Jac-Lethe.deviantart.com/journal/13118459/ http://Jac-Lethe.deviantart.com/journal/13118459/ Sun, 27 May 2007 21:56:17 PDT . Oh, and also that most people are childish, petty, and insane. The number of crazies and grown adults having temper tantrums in the store is shocking. theres even a huge amount of fighting among coworkers as well. What a gong show it is.

It's taking me quite a while to get used to selling things, and figuring out how to do everything, and know all about the products. Not to mention the fact that I drive the other workers insane with my constant questions . Cellphones, internet, and TV are complicated dammit!!!
I work with my ex and my brother, and both of then are SOOO mean to me. If it keeps up, i'll either become immune, or i'll quit, probably the latter.

I almost miss cutting rat brains up all day . Almost...

]]> ~Jac-Lethe http://Jac-Lethe.deviantart.com/journal/12947364/ http://Jac-Lethe.deviantart.com/journal/12947364/ Sun, 13 May 2007 21:42:14 PDT I started my new job, which is actually fun cuz my coworkers are cool. However, they're not training me right, so i have no clue what i'm doing and spend the whole day feeling like a complete idiot. Ah well, i guess i can handle it, especially since i'm being paid for pretty much doing nothing.

But now i'm bored all the time. Boo.

]]> ~Jac-Lethe http://Jac-Lethe.deviantart.com/journal/12754969/ http://Jac-Lethe.deviantart.com/journal/12754969/ Fri, 27 Apr 2007 13:20:55 PDT YESSSS!!!
WHOOOOO!!!!
GRADUATIONNNN!!!! (well assuming i actually passed my classes which isn't that promising for a couple).

I'm actually not attending my grad ceremony, it seems like a waste of time. It feels so crazy to be done though! I was walking home after my last exam this morning...and just had a huge big dumb grin on my face.

Gone are the nights of endless cramming!!! Gone are the sitting for hours being lectured at. NO MORE PAPERS!!!! NO MORE TEXTBOOKS!!!


Now it is PARTY TIME!!! And by partytime, i mean i'm going to clean my apartment for the first time in quite a while .



]]> ~Jac-Lethe http://Jac-Lethe.deviantart.com/journal/12221843/ http://Jac-Lethe.deviantart.com/journal/12221843/ Sat, 17 Mar 2007 16:08:11 PDT .
Well I have completely every midterm this semester, which means, NO MORE MIDTERMS EVERRR!!!!!!!!!!! Granted i don't do something stupid and go for post-grad education .
I actually did a lot better than expected, in fact ,i'm a little embarassed cuz i even emailed one of my profs before the midterm to warn her I was going to fail, then I ended up with one of the better marks of the class...which is esp funny cuz i didn't study nearly as much as all the keeners in that class!
I still have one mark coming back, so hopefully it's not a fail,and breaks my good streak so far.
The rest of this month should be easy sailing. I only have a couple minor assignments, and one big paper/presentation on schizophrenia, but that's very interesting, and i'm good at public speaking, so not so much anxiety involved there.
Of course i'm not thinking about final exams right now...oh no....lol.
I'm starting my new job in May, which i am really not looking forward to. But my brother will kill me if i back out now, cuz i took the job as a favor to him. It's a wireless consultant/sales job, but what do i know about retail?? I'm hoping my extensive customer service experience will help me out here. My ex also works there, so that'll make things even more troublesome at this job. Ah well, I'm certainly not expected to stay there forever.
Pretty much my future course depends on what my graduating marks are like, and where this next year out of school takes me. I have a feeling there will be plenty of wake up calls.
And I could really end up going anywhere, the people in this city are especially starting to wear on me.
I've been doing more artwork lately, it's reminding me how much i like it, and how therapeutic it really is .

]]> ~Jac-Lethe http://Jac-Lethe.deviantart.com/journal/12031902/ http://Jac-Lethe.deviantart.com/journal/12031902/ Fri, 02 Mar 2007 19:58:09 PST It's been SNOWY lately, which makes me very very very unhappy. It's March dammit!!! Springtime!
Anyway, I've been looking forward to summer all this time, and i just have come to realize that I'm gonna be all by my lonesome . All my usual friends are going back to their hometowns, my roomate (one of my best friends) is going the Europe with her boyfriend for the entire summer, and my other best friend is now mentally inaccessible to me. So that's nearly everyone...looks like i'm in for a fun time huh .
It feels like people are always going away, and I am always in the same place...so it's getting me feeling like i want to get away from here. Once i've graduated, I'm really free, you know? I really have nothing tying me down here. I could go anywhere and do anything.
I already made some plans with friends, that next next summer, to go stay with a friends family in Greece for a month, and spend another month travelling around Europe. I should be able to save up enough money since I'll be working full time all year. The thought of leaving fills me with energy.
But that's still a year away.
I guess until then i'll have to find a way to fill my time. Work, and try to get back into art again, since my skill has waned a lot due to lack of practice. I used to have a popular webcomic that ran for a couple years, but school busyness made me quit it. I'd like to start something like that again.
It'll be weird, none of my other friends are graduating, so I'll be that friend who is always trying to get people to hang out, and is always turned down cuz everyone's studying. lol. This is the part where i need to get a boyfriend haha . God I want to get away from here.

]]> ~Jac-Lethe http://Jac-Lethe.deviantart.com/journal/11993143/ http://Jac-Lethe.deviantart.com/journal/11993143/ Tue, 27 Feb 2007 20:00:49 PST I thought I would do especially badly because I only slept for about an hour last night, and my eyes hurt really badly, so i had my eyes about 2 inches from the test sheet ...hmmm these exams are messing up my eyesight! I don't want glasses!!!
Ah well, besides that i am feeling very happy.
Today it was SOOOO sunny, and really, that's all it takes to put me in a good mood. A little sunshine and I'm peachy . (yes i'm very easy to please, it's a little scary).
I should be studying for my biopsych midterm on thursday, but i'm taking a break, my serotonin levels are too high for me to stand any tedious studying right now .
That's all for now!!!
Hugs for all!

]]> ~Jac-Lethe http://Jac-Lethe.deviantart.com/journal/11966999/ http://Jac-Lethe.deviantart.com/journal/11966999/ Sun, 25 Feb 2007 20:34:26 PST After a week of not leaving my house, and making poor attempts at memorizing hundreds of pages of text...I have developed a super compulsive need to waste my time doing other things!!
I think my pulse is currently over 110 at rest...i can also FEEL the high levels of cortisol circulating in my blood. I just found out a fact that irritated me....acute stressors have a positive affect on men, and a negative affect on women! What the hell eh. What the hell.
ALthough, i personally think exams are chronic stressors. Cuz they never freaking END!!
And i even emailed one of my profs in fit of anxiety, and warned her in advance i was gonna fail her exam......we'll see how THAT goes...
Although, i'm almost done! Allllmost!
My roomate just made a ton of brownies, and i snuck out there and gorged myself on them...not good. TOO MUCH SUGARRR.
Hmm maybe this isn't a rant, more like mad rambles.
Indulge me my friends...I will return to my cool collected self after thursday. Hopefully. Ideally.

]]> ~Jac-Lethe http://Jac-Lethe.deviantart.com/journal/11873427/ http://Jac-Lethe.deviantart.com/journal/11873427/ Sun, 18 Feb 2007 20:04:42 PST )
Today i discovered i am either a. more girly than i thought, or b. deranged. (probably b lol).
At work today, I couldn't help but notice the clearance Valentines items. Of course i bought myself vday chocolate haha (don't judge now!!), and then i noticed the stuffed animals. And among these stuffed animals was a big pouffy furball that was apparently a puppy. And it had big google eyes. And i picked it up, and squished it a few times. And then went back to work.
Then i returned several times today to that stuffed animal, and i'd look around to make sure no customers were around, and then i would hug and squeeze it. And go back to work.
And this continued all day until i finally took the animal and showed my coworkers, and they said it was ugly.
So I put it back, and i didn't buy it because i'm not gonna waste money on a silly stuffed toy. But i really want it, and I'm shocked at how silly and deranged i have obviously become. And when i confessed to my coworker that i had spent the majority of my shift hugging that stuffed puppy, she told me to just get a boyfriend already...which didn't help haha .
Anyway, on an unrelated note, I came home from work an hour ago, and no one was home, and the doors were UNLOCKED!! This is the third time this has happened in the past week, and it's not tolerable...i'm gonna have to have a talk with my roomates. I am not pleased. Ah well, at least my sappy deranged mood is over...i think .

]]> ~Jac-Lethe http://Jac-Lethe.deviantart.com/journal/11857395/ http://Jac-Lethe.deviantart.com/journal/11857395/ Sat, 17 Feb 2007 16:17:29 PST
Other than that, pretty much i can take it easy for the next week and just chill out at home studying. Like a normal college student, i should be out partying every night and spending the majority of break in a drunken stupor. However, lately the partying life has just gotten old to me, which is funny because i was never a "party girl" anyway. I spent my friday night watching the Godfather instead of going out . I used to love going clubbing more than anything else, but now, even though i still adore dancing, the thought of having to fight off the usual sleazy guys trying to sneak up behind me and hump my leg is so unappealing that i avoid going. And if i do, i'm wearing jeans and sneakers, no more miniskirts and megaheels.
Anyway, I dyed my hair nearly black last night. I love it. It's not emo/goth black, it's more like a deep natural brown/black. It suits me so much better. And its funny because last summer i was bleach blonde, in the fall i had red hair, then i had brown hair (my natural) and now it's black...When i was blonde i got so much male attention it was ridiculous, then as soon as i went darker, that was it...never a second look again . Although there is a MAJOR asian fetish in this city, so maybe my dark hair will work to my advantage . Yeah, I'm sad i know .
Anyway, back to nerding!!

]]> ~Jac-Lethe http://Jac-Lethe.deviantart.com/journal/11767654/ http://Jac-Lethe.deviantart.com/journal/11767654/ Sun, 11 Feb 2007 01:47:08 PST And i feel a little twitchy too...but that can be attributed to the 2 cups of coffee i had about an hour ago...not a good idea...when i'm done this post i'm most likely gonna run around in circles, run into the wall and fall in an unconcious heap...WOO
Anyway, my mind has completely deserted the brain mechanisms involved in behavioural reinforcement, and instead I'm wondering what the world holds for me when i graduate this coming May.
Everyone seems to have their own opinions on my future course of action.
First off, my brother is insisting i work for his company for a year, make enough money to pay off my loan, and then join the police force. I don't know why, but he's really eager for me to be a cop. Maybe he's trying to make me the "man" of the family? Afterall, he is super metrosexual. The man dresses better than i ever will. I don't understand metrosexuals. And i can't be the darn "man" of the family, i'm like, uber-feminine...well, in appearance, not personality .
My parents, on the other hand, really want me to join the IDF. My mom even gave me a "Hebrew for Beginners" book. I'm not even technically Jewish (it's on my dad's side)...and yet, they are insisting. My dad desperately wanted me to be a israeli fighter pilot, he even called up the Israeli embassy and asked about it....but you need perfect eyesight, and mine kind of sucks...my dad was SO disappointed!!!
So now i'm confused...here i am...graduating with a friggin Neuroscience degree...and none of my family members want me to go on in this field?? Everyone wants me to throw on a uniform and go be amazing. And you know what? Haha I actually want to. The thought of being a police officer, the thought of being a soldier, it really really appeals to me. It has ever since i was little. I always liked the thought of actively helping people and working for a bigger cause. And I've always had a thing for uniforms, hehe
And every time i think i don't have the personality for these types of things, my family has ways to show that i do.
My brother says: "You've never done anything illegal. You're super good, and they want girls for cops. You're blunt, you don't take crap from people. You'd get in super easy". I remember he wanted to be a cop once, but he's probably trying to live through me vicariously...
My parents say: "We'd be so proud if you were a fighter pilot or a soldier. You're smart enough. You're good enough. You're a team player...and go find a husband (lol)" Yeah. Oh, and my mom always adds : "Those soldiers are really 'hunky'" I know mom .
What's a girl to think? Should I stick to finding some boring lab job...or seek out one of the paths my family members are encouraging? Whoa, i'm just....yeah...ummm bedtime.
And if you all read this long ramble, I'm touched . I you guys.

]]> ~Jac-Lethe http://Jac-Lethe.deviantart.com/journal/11741108/ http://Jac-Lethe.deviantart.com/journal/11741108/ Thu, 08 Feb 2007 21:30:55 PST
I have finally cracked under the pressure of school, and the fact that i missed a month from sickness, and need to catch up, as well as pass my midterms which start in 4 days...DOOM.
How do i know i've gone crazy?
Well, for starters, even though I never watch TV, i felt compelled to waste a couple hours watching instead of cramming.
First i watched the O.C., and at the end of the episode, there was a really bad earthquake, so you're left wondering if anyone died...and I CRIED, because the thought of an earthquake scared me.
Then, i watched Grey's Anatomy, and it was an especially stressful episode because there was a huge explosion on a ferry, and mass casualties, so the doctors had to deal with all these wounded people...and i CRIED THE ENTIRE EPISODE.
OH. My. God.
This is me. I don't cry!! This is thus a demonstration of how university can break your soul. My soul is broken. I cried during the O.C. I'm doomed.

]]> ~Jac-Lethe http://Jac-Lethe.deviantart.com/journal/11629943/ http://Jac-Lethe.deviantart.com/journal/11629943/ Wed, 31 Jan 2007 00:12:35 PST ANyway, most of them were very nice. HOWEVER, one little itty bitty thing i couldn't help but notice, was the fact that for some strange reason, i'm a flaming RED HEAD!!
My hair was the same as it was now when i had those taken, BROWN. And my eyebrows are nearly black. And yet, in those photos, my hair is bright red, and even my eyebrows are red. What the heck?? Did someone get experimental during photofinishing?
Not only that, but I'm trying to get my parents to split the cost of photos with me, but my dad has this weird hatred for red heads, so there's no way he's going to like these at all.
So I photoshopped out the company name in about 20 minutes, but they pixellated the pictures so I can't print my own good quality copies. Which, i guess makes sense for them, but dammit!!!!!!!
Here's the before and after: [link]
vs. [link]

Am i colour blind? That's bright red hair isn't it??
I wonder if i can get free photos out of this. And i'm definitely stealing the proofs. We're supposed to take them back, but yeah, they are MINE NOW!

]]> ~Jac-Lethe http://Jac-Lethe.deviantart.com/journal/11611804/ http://Jac-Lethe.deviantart.com/journal/11611804/ Mon, 29 Jan 2007 13:32:21 PST The Doctor told me I had bronchitis accompanied by a severe flu. And apparently i have two major ear infections, which would explain why I've been partially deaf for the past few weeks (from head conjestion). Ok. WOW. So how did the first doctor miss all this? Because she was a dumbass. She told me i had a cold that would be gone in a week, and she begrudgingly did a strep test. Bitch. Thanks to her crappy medical skills, i didn't get any antibiotics until three weeks later, and so she actually EXTENDED my sickness a month longer than it should have lasted.
So, i am on antibiotics now, and I'm feeling quite a bit better than before, i'll probably be as good as new by this coming weekend (knocks on wood). However, i really looked at myself critically in the mirror yesterday, and i was SHOCKED at the change that a coupla weeks of sickness does. You know that new devID i posted recently? ([link]) Ok, well, that was only 14 days ago, and I was sick in that pic, but I look really healthy!!! Now, I have friggin BONES protruding from my chest!! I'm white as snow. I have deep circles under my eyes, gaunt cheeks. And i just can't get over how I can see all the bones in my chest, I've NEVER been able to see those before. I can't even believe how two weeks has transformed me from that picture. I'm like a freaky ghost.
I'm so mad I've lost a month of my life. This past saturday, I had to miss an event I've been looking forward to all year. I was so disappointed. And I have to go to the trouble of convincing my prof to let me miss my midterm this week. I've never had to miss an exam in my entire life. I'm so mad.
If I'm not better by the end of the week, I'm gonna kick someone's ass. I don't know whose, but someone deserves an asskicking. Why? Just because. And I can do it. Chest bones and all.

]]> ~Jac-Lethe http://Jac-Lethe.deviantart.com/journal/11544324/ http://Jac-Lethe.deviantart.com/journal/11544324/ Tue, 23 Jan 2007 17:02:49 PST
This is now day 23 of this stupid flu that will not go away!! I don't want to even think about how many classes I've missed. Ah well.

A couple days ago I turned 22, and I'd feel regretful I was getting old, if it weren't for the fact that the majority of people who didn't know my age had assumed i was between 17-19. Yay!! I hadn't been ID'd for a while, so I was starting to get worried haha.
It was fun, I went out for drinks and dinner with a bunch of friends. I felt very loved, got lots of flowers and presents and phone calls .
Unfortunately I was still really sick, so I really wasn't up for going out clubbing until 2am, so we ended up just hanging out at my apartment. My roomate, who i still love despite this, insisted on everyone playing Cranium, which I HATE, so the rest of the night I was just wishing everyone could go home so i could overdose on Advil and fall asleep finally.
But besides that, it was a fun 22nd birthday .

Then I went to work the next day, and saw that it was full of Valentines day stuff. AAAaaarrrgghh!! I hate Valentines only because i secretly love it. Guys are lucky, I think it would be so fun to buy flowers and chocolate, and all those other sappy valentines things! I'd totally buy my boyfriend stuff like that, if i had one of course. Which is why i hate valentines, cuz i NEVER have had someone to spend it with (except once, but yet again, i was really really sick at the time ). I'm so jealous of my roomate, she and her boyfriend are going on an expensive romance spa package at a really nice hotel. What am i doing on valentines this year? Writing a midterm. Yeah. I rock. It's too early for valentines right now anyways! *pout*

]]> ~Jac-Lethe http://Jac-Lethe.deviantart.com/journal/11488643/ http://Jac-Lethe.deviantart.com/journal/11488643/ Thu, 18 Jan 2007 23:44:54 PST It snowed/rained yet again, and I spent the whole day trudging around campus ankle deep in slush, my shoes and socks and entire pant legs below my knees completely soaked for over 8 hours. URGH UUUURRRGGGH. I reeealllly want to move! Or accelerate time so that it's summer

But yeah, now for what i was actually meaning to write about...:In the midst of this wet, cold and unwelcoming surroundings, I have realized that the only thing that can make me feel better is to have a pet! I miss my dogs at my parents house sooo much!! I want a warm furry dog to hug and look at me with those big doe-eyes and goofy dog grin!!
Everytime i pass a person walking their dog, i slow down, and stare and smile stupidly at their dog until it's out of sight...I probably look retarded, but I can't help it, i love animals.
Of course my landlord doesn't allow any pets, and sadly, i'm not home enough to properly take of one anyway.
SO, I have decided to volunteer at the SPCA, and walk the dogs, and spend time interacting with them, just because i've found i can't live too long without animal interaction!! I've grown up always with at least 2 or 3 dogs, as well as cats and birds, so it's not normal for me to be petless.
Even two years without pets now, i still automatically save portions of my food for the dog...then i remember i don't have one. I've even thrown a pizza crust on the floor once, automatically assuming a dog would come running for it...until my roomie yelled at me for being a slob
Here are my own sweeties at back at home:
[link]
and
[link]

]]> ~Jac-Lethe http://Jac-Lethe.deviantart.com/journal/11402416/ http://Jac-Lethe.deviantart.com/journal/11402416/ Thu, 11 Jan 2007 18:41:01 PST I've always been the type to laugh and make fun of sappiness, and have never been a "lovey dovey" kind of person...but, like my sudden gain of enthusiasm/motivation that i mentioned in my last journal, i have also gained a sappy romantic nature!!
I watched like 5 hours of a Pride and Prejudice miniseries with my roomate, which would have been torture to me in the past, but now I was loving every minute of it, fell in love with Mr. Darcy, and have been on a romantic cloud ever since hahaha.
Now i'm listening to romantic ballads, and fantasizing about going on romantic escapades with a gentleman who looks down at me with adoration, and confesses that he loves me "ardently"...(gah waaay too much Pride and Prejudice here haha).
GOddammit!! Why are there no more Mr. Darcy's around??!! All I get are these hopeless excuses for men, these indecisive, infuriating Canadian boys.
I think it's time to book it to England

Coincidentally, I have also started a new semester, and am taking this art elective course: Family Studies: Intimate relationships. I'm hoping to gain some insight from this class....but I'm not that optimistic because my professor is a weird old man with an eyebrow twitch, and I doubt he's going to be able to give decent advice on how to find my equivalent of Mr. Darcy...

Mannn why is it so difficult to find someone?? I see the nastiest, bitchiest girls with plenty of guys, and here's me, so undemanding, so easygoing, wondering what the heck i'm doing wrong here... I think maybe these thoughts are hitting home to me now, because i recently found out a bunch of people i knew in highschool are getting married. Heh, I'm starting to feel a little left behind

]]> ~Jac-Lethe http://Jac-Lethe.deviantart.com/journal/11368222/ http://Jac-Lethe.deviantart.com/journal/11368222/ Mon, 08 Jan 2007 20:44:29 PST Surprisingly, however, as the day progressed I experienced something i haven't felt for a long time....enthusiasm! Motivation!! Sitting in class, for some reason i felt excited for the coming, final semester.
During one of my neuroscience classes, my professor mentioned in passing she needed some lab assistants, and while my old self wouldn't give this a second thought, my renewed self talked to the prof after class and got a job as a research lab assistant. man! What is wrong with me? I thought i was a slacker, and here i am voluntarily taking tons of more work on myself. Seriously, i must be a lot sicker than i thought.
I got my final grades from last semester back finally, and they're the worst grades i have ever had...
Medical terminology = 87% A
Sensory and Perception = 81% A-
Neuropharmacology = 70% B-
Microanatomy = 65% C+
Seriously, I have never had a grade lower than a B+ in my entire life before now....and yet, despite these crummy marks, my average is still decent, and I remain enthusiastic and optimistic for the coming semester. I just have this feeling that i'll be able to pick up the slack this time...I don't know where this faith in myself suddenly came from, but I'm not gonna complain
Yeah, this is really weird. I wonder how long this energetic optimism will last....

]]> ~Jac-Lethe http://Jac-Lethe.deviantart.com/journal/11317346/ http://Jac-Lethe.deviantart.com/journal/11317346/ Thu, 04 Jan 2007 18:50:29 PST I hope everyone has had a good christmas/new years!!!

Well, I haven't been around for a while, i was stuck with the parents for the holidays, and didn't really get a chance to spend the inordinate amounts of time I usually do on dA.

More or less, my holiday has been a bust, since the day after New Years Eve, I got a major flu, and i currently have a voice deeper than the manliest man you can think of. Aaargh I ALWAYS get sick when i get time off!!! The only plus side to this is that I think I've lost nearly 10 pounds this past week due to lack of appetite and my throat hurting too badly to eat anything. I'm actually going to head to the hospital tomorrow possibly, because my sore throat is painful and becoming increasingly painful to the point where i feel like jumping into traffic to make it stop!

Well it's nice to be back either way, I'm trying to work on some new stuff, and try out some new things, ie. my attempts at nature photography when i spontaneously went to the Vancouver aquarium with my friend (we were bored ).

School starts again on monday (UUURRRRGGHH), and I have to take the PCAT exam soon, (on my birthday on January 20th which SUCKS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!). Yeah, fun birthday to look forward to huh. Ah well. I still have a couple more days to spend watching tv and sleeping until noon . The best kinds of days

]]> ~Jac-Lethe http://Jac-Lethe.deviantart.com/journal/11077943/ http://Jac-Lethe.deviantart.com/journal/11077943/ Fri, 15 Dec 2006 21:20:35 PST
I have....THREE exams in two days.... Microanatomy... neuropharmacology, aaand biopsychology. They are CUMULATIVE, and worth like, 70% of my grades....
And....I don't know anything!!! My brain is stupid! It lost it's ability to retain any form of knowledge!!!

I haven't left my house for...over 7 days now?? I've been LOCKED away in my small dark room, reading pages and pages and pages of gibberish...and now i'm crazy. Seriously, completely crazy. Crazy, in that twitchy, spontaneous mad giggle, one eye bigger than the other, kind of way.

Last night, i watched X-FILES until 2am instead of studying!! That show is so scary! I screamed and hid my face during the whole thing. I cannot watch scary shows. My roomies just laughed at me

Now i'm all alone in my deserted, darkened house, on a friday night, wherein i turned down two parties to stay home and study, but it's all futile. FUTILE!!!

I don't know what to do. I will fail my tests, and then i have to come up with a new career plan...since i won't be able to accomplish what i wanted with such crummy grades. My friend suggested i be a stripper. I guess...all things considered...that is always a possibility.

Ok...this is my rant...so please ignore this crazy, panic filled rant, of a crazy hermit, who has not seen daylight in days and days and days!!!!
The GOAL for tonite...read, at least 3 research articles...sleep by 12am...and wake up at 7am to study all day tomorrow!! Ok OK i will accoomplish this. If i dont' emo-suicide first....DOOM.


]]> ~Jac-Lethe http://Jac-Lethe.deviantart.com/journal/11001079/ http://Jac-Lethe.deviantart.com/journal/11001079/ Fri, 08 Dec 2006 23:59:15 PST
1. What time did you get up this morning? My alarm went off at 8am...but i didn't manage to get up til 11
2. Diamonds or Pearls?? Diamonds! Sparkly things!
3. last film you saw at the cinema? The Fountain (i cried)
4. favourite TV shows? Don't really watch much TV...Scrubs is funny tho.
5. What did you have for breakfast?? cookies
6. middle name? Jacqueline
7. favourite cuisine? anything not made my me
8. What foods do you dislike? uhhh...i'll eat pretty much anything
9. favourite CD at the moment? well, downloaded CD, but Keane: Under the Iron Sea
10. What kind of car do you drive? I don't...translink for me...*sigh*
11. favourite sandwich? as many kinds of meat i can get and mustard and mayo. and i guess some veggies in there too
12. What characteristics do you despise? arrogance, ignorance
13. favourite clothes? jeans and a UBC t-shirt
14. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go? all over Europe
15. What color is your bathroom? uh wow, i can't even remember...probably some sorry excuse for white
16. favourite brand of clothing? uhh don't care really, as long as it looks good. If i had more money i'd prefer stuff from Aritzia and Guess though...
17. Where would you want to retire to? I am only 21! But South of France would be nice...
18. favourite time of day? breakfast time
19. Where were you born? Monte Carlo...but then we moved to Canada when i was a baby *sigh*
20. favourite sport to watch? any with hot sweaty men (haha soccer is my fave)
21. Coke or Pepsi? Coke, but they kinda taste the same to me
22. Are you a morning person or night owl? night person
23. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share with everyone? Ummmmm...no...SIGH
24. What did you want to be when you were little? A teacher or a pilot
25. What is your best childhood memory? me and my old best friend getting ourselves into trouble all the time
26. What are the different jobs you have had in your life? cashier, coffee shop worker, college tutor, lab researcher, medical transcriptionist, medical assistant, STUDENT
27. Nicknames: Allie, AJ, Al, Litte One, Missy, Minny, Amazon, Evil Scientist, Jacqui, Jac, Porn Star/Hentai Girl (don't ask)
28. Eye Color? Blue/green
29. favourite day of the week? saturday
30. favourite restaurant? hmm i love all restaurants since i'm not eating my own cooking
31. favourite flower? carnations (altho i like all flowers)
32. favourite ice cream?? i love all icecream. esp Amaretto and raspberry frozen yogurt.
33. favourite fast food restaurant? hmm Wendy's
34. Which store(s) would you choose to max out your credit card?? Clothes stores. Shoe stores. Lingerie stores. Book stores. Electronic stores.
35. Bedtime? Usually between 12 and 2 am.
36. Last person you went to dinner with? my brother and his friends for his 30th bday
37.favourite color? Turquoise
38. How many tattoos do you have? i'm not that badass
39. Ever slept naked? yep!
40. Ever dreamt you were married? ..uhhh mebbe >_>;;
41. Ever been dumped? *sigh* yes...what can i say, men here have terrible taste
42. broken bones? none!!
43. been lost? all the time haha i have the worlds worst sense of direction
44. Ever played dressup? haha i still do sometimes
45. Ever been in love? heh not yet!


Okay, that's 10 minutes of life i'll never get back...but secretly i kinda like filling these things out

]]> ~Jac-Lethe http://Jac-Lethe.deviantart.com/journal/10942643/ http://Jac-Lethe.deviantart.com/journal/10942643/ Sun, 03 Dec 2006 22:42:26 PST
Sooo classes are finally finished for this semester....and now final exams start DOOM DOOM DOOOOOMMMM.
I can feel the negative effect already altering my sweet charming personality....I'm morphing into mean, stressed out jerk who snaps at her friends and takes out her frusteration on them
At the same time, I feel too lethargic to actually sit down and focus. so i get the bad attitude without the actual study skills, dammit .

And this horrible holiday season isn't helping any. If i see one more jolly happy couple holding hands and shopping together without a care in the world, i will self-combust in a mass of bitter jealousy and rage *emo*...

How i hate Christmas. What a cruel joke it is to make final exams happen at this same time, as if i wasn't feeling crummy enough.

Let's end this sad entry with a spontaneous emo poem:
"THe WIND blows
black darkness
uhhh...black nailpolish
eyeliner
WOE
blood vampires yay
rhyming is for happy people
I stand alone
in this abyss
of LALALALALALALALALALALALAL"

Fin


]]> ~Jac-Lethe http://Jac-Lethe.deviantart.com/journal/10862360/ http://Jac-Lethe.deviantart.com/journal/10862360/ Sun, 26 Nov 2006 22:14:16 PST But it's exciting!! It's SNOWING!!!! Like, over a foot now...and Vancouver shuts down when there are more than a couple centimeters. I'm assuming my classes will be cancelled and all transit ceased...
So I haven't left my house for a couple days now, just working on this one research paper...almost 2000 words done now!!
I haven't been able to really "wake up" so i tried putting whiskey in my tea, and it worked!! I think I accomplished a good couple of pages...I won't make a habit of this though...
But I want to go outside! And make a snowman!! And throw snowballs at random strangers walking by. (yes I'm 10 years old )
ANd I have an intense urge to make french toast and bake cookies...
And my roomates are all playing Cranium, and I'm stuck here. *sigh*
*goes to find Crown Royal*


]]> ~Jac-Lethe http://Jac-Lethe.deviantart.com/journal/10816133/ http://Jac-Lethe.deviantart.com/journal/10816133/ Wed, 22 Nov 2006 20:30:11 PST This semester ends next friday, and i have all my final projects due next week. Which of course, i havent started until this week...
My current one is a 5000 word research paper on the neuroanatomy of psychopathy, which seemed interesting when i chose the topic, but now i'm contemplating suicide cuz it's hard to write about...either that or i'm just so used to slacking off that i don't know how to write a paper anymore...
It's weird, i think i skipped about 70% of my classes this semester, but i'm still pulling good grades...that won't last for long tho i bet...

Hmmm what else can i talk about...
OH! My brother turned 30 this week...so of course i gave him hell. His fiancee just turned 23, and I'm turning 22 soon, so we like to make him feel like the old bastard he is (and he is a bastard. I admire his bastardness ).
I can't wait for my birthday...but i have too many friends, and a lot of them i can't mix together, so i'll have to have multiple parties...

I wonder if i can get a prescription of Ritalin...maybe i really have ADD...or maybe its this music! I'm listening to Armin van buuren which i thought would be good study music...except i can't stop dancing in my seat...so distracting..but i can't NOT listen to music...ah well.
STOP DISTRACTING ME!!!
K I'm gonna try working again.
seriously.


]]> ~Jac-Lethe http://Jac-Lethe.deviantart.com/journal/10761519/ http://Jac-Lethe.deviantart.com/journal/10761519/ Fri, 17 Nov 2006 23:16:35 PST SO
This is interesting, because we get to witness what happens when a basic necessity is taken away from the members of this busy city.
It is pretty gross actually, because if you fill a glass from the kitchen sink, the water is yellow and murky...So having a shower is especially gross, as well as washing your hands or face. When i'm in the shower, i spend the entire time trying to avoid any water splashing into my eyes, cuz it's gross you know?? But it's kinda hard to avoid...
IT's funny because now that water is taken away, all of a sudden people need it more. All of a sudden there is a mad rush for bottled water, and all the stores ran out pretty fast. Regulars came into my store panicking for water, even though every other normal day they drink pop and don't even touch water...but NOW all of sudden they HAVE to have Dasani or Evian JUST because it's scarce.
A guy who was selling newspaper subsriptions in a booth outside our store told me how grateful he was that our store was out of water, because he wanted to bank on that. He had a few boxes of Dasani and started yelling to people:
"Sir! Did you know that there is NO bottled water left in ALL of downtown??? If you subsribe to this paper then you get a free bottle! Don't miss this last opportunity for safe drinkable water!!!!"
And people fell for it too!! People were like "Oh my god!! There's no water!! Of course i'll sign up for this $70 subscription!!"
Mannn i'd never thought i'd see something as basic as the need for water taken advantage of in such a way...
Even restaurants are closing or not offering as much as usual becasue they can't boil all their water, or they can't wash their ingredients and dishes properly.
It's like the whole city is just shutting down. I never really thought about how much we need it before now.
And the ironic thing is i can't even remember the storm that apparently caused this...
Oh, and now my eyes are burning after my shower...despite my efforts...and right after my black eye healed...crap...i want clean water dammit!!

]]> ~Jac-Lethe http://Jac-Lethe.deviantart.com/journal/10728185/ http://Jac-Lethe.deviantart.com/journal/10728185/ Tue, 14 Nov 2006 21:03:03 PST Ever get those times when absolutely everything seems to be going wrong? Normally I handle a great deal of stressors and come out on top, but everyone has that one straw that breaks the camels back...
in this case what is this rate determining factor? MY GOD DAMN EYE!!
Okay, something this stupid would only happen to me...I wake up yesterday morning with a huge painful black eye...what did I do? I have no idea. Nice thing to wake up to...excruciating pain and half your face completely swollen...
So I put throw on my camo army hat and pull it looowww over my face and go to the campus hospital...of COURSE i run into one of my friends, who laughs her head off and tells me i look like i have Down's syndrome...how does a black eye look like someone with downs syndrome??!! Thanks alot!!
Then i have to suffer the abuse of the doctor, who looks all disapproving and asks if i'm being abused. Then she doesn't believe me when i say I don't use any drugs and am very physically healthy, and tells me I'll probably get worse (from a black eye??) and develop a fever and nausea and shaking. I'm like...no i won't, I rarely get sick, I'm sure I'll be fine, just give me my damn eye ointment...
Then I have to face the pharmacist who once again asks what happened to me, inthat "have you been abused??" kind of tone...*sigh* I'm not stupid enough to ever be ina situation where i'd be abused, so STOP LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT!! Ok, I don't look like the type of person to get into a fist fight, I just look like a girly girl, but that doesn't mean any injury i get is from abuse!! I'm tougher than i look!
ARGh and the stuff i have to put on my eye impairs my vision, and since the vision in my uninjured eye is very poor, that means I'm almost completely blind and can't study or do any work. And I have a medical terminology exam in two days and a neuropharmacology paper due soon...
AND there's a whole bunch of other things adding to my anguish lately, but now i'm too lazy to type anymore because my rant on my eye has exhausted me. I look so silly. I can't go to class looking like a bug-eyed muppet. And it hurts to blink *cries*
That is all. Anyone have a pirate eye patch?


]]> ~Jac-Lethe http://Jac-Lethe.deviantart.com/journal/10695941/ http://Jac-Lethe.deviantart.com/journal/10695941/ Sun, 12 Nov 2006 00:39:45 PST Wow, I think I spend more time on this site lately than I do actually studying. Which is working out suprisingly. I'm finally graduating this coming April. How thrilling. I'll be walking out with a Bachelor's of Science in Behavioural Neuroscience. YAY. I win a prize for coolness. Now what??
It's kind of late, but I'm realizing now that the world is extremely scientist-unfriendly. I worked in a neuroendocrinology lab for a while, and there were brilliant people who'd been working in research for years, and still don't make a dollar. The entire atmosphere in the lab was depressed. Because while doing research is rewarding in the academic sense, it's actually very discouraging, and not rewarding financially at all. If i were to get a job in a lab with my current degree, i'm looking at 30K a year to start. Which is sick considering how much work this degree was. I know salesmen and bus drivers who make a hellova lot more than that. Maybe if i want to make money one day, i need to get a pHD, and then one day, when i'm in my 50's, i might be making close to 100K.
It's so dumb. I love research. I love neuroscience. I love biochemistry. I love working in the lab (well, not the part where i have to cut up my poor labrats...thats just sad). I want to do research and work on cures towards cancer and neurodegenerative disorders. Now, some might call me naive for thinking i'd ever be able to discover a cure. But that's not the point. In research, you have to work on understanding all the tiny little mechanisms and processes. And each little bit all adds and eventually, one day, there is enough information to be really useful and groundbreaking. so its a slow process, but I still want to be a part of that process.
However, like i said, nothing is scientist-friendly. Firstly, in canadian schools, every higher program is nearly impossible to get into, for reasons that piss me off and i won't get into now. I doubt I'd even be able to get into my Masters program of choice.
Furthermore, you never make money. Now, i'm not greedy, not at all, but i want to live comfortably. I live in Vancouver. I love this city. But it's a very expensive place to live, and i don't want to have to spend my Friday nights sitting at home because of my low income. Not that that stops me now haha...
Why doesn't the world have its priorities in order??? Science research should get so much more money and funding!! No, let's pay idiot actors and mindless musicians billions of dollars, but for the things that COUNT, let's give paltry grants and loans. It makes me sick.
No one really cares when it comes down to it. Whenever i learn something really interesting, I can't help but tell people, and all i ever hear is: "Allie, shut up." "Allie, I don't care" "Allie, I don't have any idea what your tlaking about, take your sciency babble somewhere else..." *sigh* Fine then, go back to your tabloids
Okay, so that rant has made me kinda tired now. What a wall of text. If anyone reads this, I'm impressed, or feel bad for you for bothering haha.
YAWN!!

]]> ~Jac-Lethe http://Jac-Lethe.deviantart.com/journal/8818547/ http://Jac-Lethe.deviantart.com/journal/8818547/ Fri, 19 May 2006 17:03:43 PDT I've been wanting to start up a deviantart account for ages, and now that i finally do, I realize that I don't have any time to post any pics!! AAaargh, some summer, with work and school sob sob.
Ah well, I'll try to keep posting pics, but if i'm too busy, this place will be pretty empty for a while. So much to dooo! ]]> ~Jac-Lethe