http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:JaiGuruDeVat&section=today deviantART RSS for by:JaiGuruDeVat en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Sun, 20 Dec 2009 20:02:27 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://JaiGuruDeVat.deviantart.com/journal/27986938/ http://JaiGuruDeVat.deviantart.com/journal/27986938/ Mon, 26 Oct 2009 21:59:03 PDT not very long ago.
i thought it was interesting.

---

july 18, early early night-morning

i feel funny. almost like i'm nervous.
like my soul is on vibrate and someone keeps calling.
i must be in love.
it's too bad i don't have anybody to be in love with.
it can't be possible.

my emotional black hole keeps sucking all sorts of stuff from my extremities and i think it made a few holes,
'cause i feel cold fast air rushing through my sternum. i'm gonna cry, i'm so lonely.
my logical support system says it's sex so i look up romance stories.
stupid every freakin' one is about sex and dirty people and beaches and filth.
i want something quiet, a deaf, blaring beauty.
a city romance, wild, thirsty, lost cold teenagers caught up in the crescending rush of life and music and drunkenness.
but always with time to say shhh, and think about how pretty one another's eyes are.
i can't believe some people have sex without kissing.
that the bitches prepare for that kind of thing.
schedule in their evening fuck right between the drugstore visit and a sober ride home.
sex isn't what i need.
i just need not to be alone.
is there not anyone else in the world who has been alone and lonely?
and didn't write shit songs about it?
i really can't take this solitude anymore. i need some emotional support. i need to touch.
i need my soul to break and my heart to glow and race and to sneeze in the sacred face of an unpredictable provider. who will take me by surprise and scare me like a good long fall on the swing. thrills of fear and sneeze sneeze sneeze hormones.
very very candid face. i never want to get bored.
and so scared and playful.
not alone, but in groups and threes and school masses.
always awkward and subtle. ambiguity marking hidden embarassment coupled with the thrill of action.
touches lasting just short enough and recorded and tracked and supervised by your steady conscious
while you laugh and are nonchalant and a lying, deceiving, cool, cool mess to the onlooking.
and at night when your head meets the pillow the cork pops out all over again and your mind is stuck on replay, replay, replay....
and you forget the face every time it's away, remembering only that you panicked at the sight of it, a panic of joy and precipice, and wanting to feel that again. craving to see this source of explosive breathstoppingness that your deluded mind is convinced it's a virgin to while your eyes know better.

]]> ~JaiGuruDeVat http://JaiGuruDeVat.deviantart.com/journal/27940562/ http://JaiGuruDeVat.deviantart.com/journal/27940562/ Sat, 24 Oct 2009 12:08:01 PDT
]]> ~JaiGuruDeVat http://JaiGuruDeVat.deviantart.com/journal/26503979/ http://JaiGuruDeVat.deviantart.com/journal/26503979/ Mon, 10 Aug 2009 11:43:33 PDT i don't know for how long, but for a while.
my groundement was the reason for my absence this past week,
but i'm starting to like being less dependent on the computer.
maybe someday i'll be able to leave it altogether.
(but that's like way freakin' far into the future.)
anyway, for now, please don't message me or anything like that,
or at least don't expect any response; the comments on this are
the last things i'm gonna look at, besides the messages i have
right now.

okay, bye everyone.

]]> ~JaiGuruDeVat http://JaiGuruDeVat.deviantart.com/journal/26246767/ http://JaiGuruDeVat.deviantart.com/journal/26246767/ Wed, 29 Jul 2009 02:54:00 PDT . I added a few of my own because I don't like to sleep right now. The rules are to find thumbs that answer all the questions. I am surprisingly not tech-savvy for my generation, and therefore I have no idea what thumbs are. I will post pictures. I think it's the same thing.

1. the age I will be on my next birthday
:thumb44394950:
15, but no quince.

2. a place I'd like to travel
:thumb59263130:
just all over the freakin' road.
America is a wonderland when you
forget about the rapists and the
stoplights.

3. my favorite place
:thumb33833012:
the beautiful hippie land of Asheville, NC.

4. my favorite object
:thumb77989455:

5. my favorite food
:thumb121468358:

6. my favorite animal
:thumb25815948:

7. my favorite color
:thumb107257458:

8. the town/state/etc where I live
:thumb64857484:

9. name of past pet
:thumb89836536:
Spatzi was my favorite mousie (one of)

10. a dream come true
:thumb113163436:
to have a son just like him.

11. my nickname
:thumb34760901:
although to gaby it's
Captain Nakypants or Nako
or something.

12. my middle name
:thumb70810427: :thumb81262122: :thumb50310468:

13. my favorite smell
:thumb129559682:

14. bad habit of mine
:thumb7737385:

15. my first job
:thumb26564958:
licking envelopes for
five bucks a sitting.

16. my favorite movie
:thumb46677175:
among others.

17. what I am doing right now
:thumb39266440:

18. what's the weather like
:thumb12236389:

19. Favorite sport
:thumb86869838:
(poker.)

20. favorite music/style/band
:thumb20683164: :thumb96112033: :thumb31658687: :thumb100046384: :thumb19946117:
etc.

21. my biggest hobby
:thumb75832654:
feeling. feeling it all flow in and out and slosh all over the damn place, getting everything stained and tainted and wet and heavy and glorious.

]]> ~JaiGuruDeVat http://JaiGuruDeVat.deviantart.com/journal/25507908/ http://JaiGuruDeVat.deviantart.com/journal/25507908/ Wed, 24 Jun 2009 01:00:45 PDT obviously she only punishes me with something stupid when i do something extra horribly bad. like tell her that she doesn't listen to me. or correct her.

anyway, now i have this funny icky feeling in my abs like some sort of pallette (sp?) of muscle over my pelvis has been replaced with a rock, and i'll tell you, being buff is not all Bally Total Fitness has cracked it up to be. it feels like i've got my period and i'm tied to a stake whilst some little third grader with excellent aim is throwing some decent-sized rocks at my stomach. and i would know how those rocks feel 'cause in third grade i got hit in the back of the head with one while i was sitting on the climby rainbow.

so thanks a truckload, mommy.

]]> ~JaiGuruDeVat http://JaiGuruDeVat.deviantart.com/journal/24723940/ http://JaiGuruDeVat.deviantart.com/journal/24723940/ Tue, 12 May 2009 16:15:21 PDT i want to purge all the food i've eaten
in the past week from my body.
i want to deflate and curl up and live
inside the ground, so it will be warm
and wet and i can put my hands out in
front of me and touch whenever i want to.
i want to get to ache and soak into the
soil. i want to occupy everything.
if i'm alone, i want to exist in everything
that surrounds me.
i don't want to be alone.

]]> ~JaiGuruDeVat http://JaiGuruDeVat.deviantart.com/journal/24600333/ http://JaiGuruDeVat.deviantart.com/journal/24600333/ Tue, 05 May 2009 12:09:24 PDT
it is very easy to fall in love with people. i don't understand people who can't fall in love. i fall in love with nearly everyone i meet. i have all these attachments to people; people are so beautiful. i mean, i can't say anything for maybe, murderers or prostitutes, but that just might be because i don't know any. everyone i know is so beautiful. if i was a man, i would date them, if i was old i would stalk them, if i was their mother they would be my baby and my favorite and a gem, the most brilliant, beautiful things i could ever call mine. if i was an author i would write them. if they were fictional i would daydream in sad loneliness about them, never coming out of my room to see the pulsing, bustling world outside my door. thinking about all the people i know makes me cry. they are so beautiful.

i love almost everyone i know.

]]> ~JaiGuruDeVat http://JaiGuruDeVat.deviantart.com/journal/24333293/ http://JaiGuruDeVat.deviantart.com/journal/24333293/ Sun, 19 Apr 2009 20:08:30 PDT i dunno, i feel like whining.

in no particular order:
1) hypocrites that don't admit they're hypocrites. [i know hypocrisy is inevitable and unavoidable in all people, but people who admit they are hypocrites or who just seem to roll with it because they have low self esteem and aren't assholes don't bother me because those things are usually obvious from a person's behavior. people who pretend to try to (and don't) or just don't care about the importance of putting themselves on the same level as other people bother me. i want to impale them sometimes.]

2) abuse of authority [i hate how when a person is in a place of power for a while they start to become vain. they do things just because they can or because they feel better when they watch other people scramble at their every wish and command. again, the urge to impale arises.]

3) people who get remarried after their former spouse dies. [this doesn't always anger me as much as it just makes me sad. this is only my opinion, so, feel free to differ, but i always felt like once you get married to someone and they die (as in, you don't fall out of love with them) it's just weird and disrespectful and sick and cruel to get married to someone else. this always happens in movies and the surviving single former-husband/wife is always talking to some family member or friend and one of them mentions how "oh, he/she would have wanted you to move on and be happy....*doYEE*". personally, if i was married and died, and my husband got remarried, i would be SUPER pissed. and hurt. i'd probably cry my eyes out, and when i was done with that i'd try to find some way to come back from the dead and haunt the @#$%&*%! into eternal guilt. or impale him - you know, whatever works.]

4) in movies/on TV/in any other random performance of some type in which the plot someone's child dies, and the parents mourn in some sissy, i-am-an-adult-and-my-child-died-oh-my-gosh-i-made-this-same-face-when-i-saw-an-iguana-get-hit-by-a-semi way. [when your kid really dies, it's not a setback. it's not something that you're supposed to hear the news about, look shocked, and a week later at the funeral be weeping soundlessly about. you're not supposed to move on a month later, and you're not supposed to gasp something like "my baby..." and then be seen partying or laughing or moving on by the end of the movie. real life doesn't work that way, and when your kid dies in real life, there's nothing cutesy or pretty about it. you cry like your face is trying to open up in a way it wasn't meant to. you make horrible faces and cry so loud that most likely people flying by in airplanes can hear you. it takes months of crying, depression, and poor self grooming before you can again function normally in society, and even then you'll probably be forever plagued by this gaping hole in your soul that means you lost someone who was literally a part of you. but no movie ever gets it right, and it feels like a serious insult and literally causes me pain when movies just try to make someone's death an event, and nothing else.]

5) condescending preschool teachers/counselors/storeowner ladies/etc. [who talk in terms of "we" when they're only talking about you.]

]]> ~JaiGuruDeVat http://JaiGuruDeVat.deviantart.com/journal/24151924/ http://JaiGuruDeVat.deviantart.com/journal/24151924/ Thu, 09 Apr 2009 17:55:55 PDT there's this great mood oscillating
around in the core of me, but i can't
seem to pin down even one of its many
tentacles on this paper that i've been
doodling nonsense on for hours.
maybe this mood was meant for something else
that i'm better at.
but i'm not good at anything.
so that can't be it.

i read a book, though.
which, for me is a big deal lately,
because i haven't read in so many months
after it happened that i realized
that i only like what i've read so far
and now the writers are spewing out
terrible garbage that i can't even
stand to smell, let alone purchase
and spend hours deciphering its text
in search of a deeper meaning that
wasn't planted there.

okay, no. i lied.
i just don't like anything that's out
better than what i've already read,
so i stick to the books i know a
thousand times over now, because
i'm quite convinced there's nothing better
than them anyway.
plus, Catch-22 is impossible to
rent from the library without being
spied by my inevitable mother
(yes, she is inevitable, isn't she?)
and quickly recognized for the
inappropriateness that it is
and whisked from my clutches,
so i can't finish it.

but anyway, i read another book.
and it was okay, not that the
storyline was anything special or
even that entertaining, but i'm a character
reader, just as there are character
writers, and so this main character kid
kept me occupied for the three hours it
took me to finish the book.
he is very feminine and very honest,
and one of the uniquest characters
i've ever read, so i typed out some
quotes from the book and taped them
to my wall above my bed.
which was not my idea, but whatever.
my room will soon be covered by good-book
quotes.

redecorating.

i tried to write something nice
but my mind has been so polluted that i
keep on stretching out all the pretty words
and instead i end up with a pile of
mendacious eloquence that holds no real value.
i'm such a liar. maybe some tea and meditation will
clean my soul.

sometimes, though, i want to bust my head
open on a wall or something, let all the
bad things fly out, and then seal back up again,
good as new.
that's what the informal Indians used to do,
cut their heads open to let the spirits out.
too bad they died, i don't have much better of a chance.

]]> ~JaiGuruDeVat http://JaiGuruDeVat.deviantart.com/journal/23520425/ http://JaiGuruDeVat.deviantart.com/journal/23520425/ Wed, 04 Mar 2009 08:12:57 PST
come to think of it, even before i was alone, sometimes my mind just has no words. there's just... senses, you know? and sometimes it's nice and i feel safe and like there's no one else alive, just this one other being that is the world, and the world kind of has it's little hole for me and i fit right into it. and then sometimes it's really not nice at all and i feel like i'm falling or i'm breaking but there's no actual pain. i'm just scared and by myself and the only sounds that come out of me aren't words or anything, they're just loud, breaking, animal sounds that make so much more sense than words do. and then i just stay still for a long time and breathe a lot and don't move. and then when time finally starts back up again it feels weird like it's not really happening, or like it's hardly important. but when i feel that way, i couldn't tell you what was important. i couldn't tell you if you asked me, i don't really know.
like, you know how when you read those books with those really weird depressed kids, like The Perks of Being a Wallflower, or You Don't Know Me, or any of those abused-kid books and you don't think you can finish it solely because the book is so torturously boring and those kids' lives are so dull that it doesn't seem real? well that's what my life feels like sometimes. like there's really not that much emotion and there's weird, cheap lighting and there are no words... just gray events... and sometimes i have to go through a lot to get some kind of emotion to come to me finally, and even then, by morning i've forgotten all about it.

and then sometimes i feel too much at one time. like i forget to put something away and someone trips over it and suddenly i feel like crying. i feel like cutting off my arm or something so they know how sorry i am, because it was really, really horrible that they tripped and i'm sick that i let it happen. and, you know, i really can't just up and start crying, but i apologize like a thousand times over and they keep telling me it's okay, but i know it's really not... and i shouldn't leave things around. and then if i look in the refridgerator and there's only a little bit of apple juice left, i won't drink apple juice. and then i'll feel really horrible if i eat anything at all, just because probably somebody else wanted to eat it, so i don't eat. and i have to wait until the next day when i feel all weird and numb again so i can function physically... but not emotionally anymore.

and then just sometimes i'm completely normal. but i get distracted a lot.

]]> ~JaiGuruDeVat http://JaiGuruDeVat.deviantart.com/journal/23144813/ http://JaiGuruDeVat.deviantart.com/journal/23144813/ Wed, 11 Feb 2009 18:32:56 PST i just finished Lord of the Flies and it's creepy in all the right ways. a book i'll hate to remember but liked to read. my future is once again sad and bookless, so i need some books. GIVE ME SOME BOOKS PEOPLE.

kayla cut her hair, and 's real cute.

i also re re re re re read The Outsiders, and no matter how ridiculous and fangirl-y it is to be a fan, i'm a huge fan. i think it's a combination of nostalgia that's not mine (so like... an ache for a generation i'll never get to be a part of) and the simplicity of hood-ness that makes me love it so much. plus the leather jackets are a huge lure.... Two-Bit is still my favorite character, and now i'm starting to love Dallas more because i started thinking about when they took his body away. and if when they buried him they had a funeral. nobody liked Dallas except a dead 16-year-old. and Dallas didn't like anybody except a dead 16-year-old. so i don't think there was much of a funeral.

my poetic muse is dead, and i've been waiting for it to be resurrected by something. i mean, sure, i get inspiration from things, i get plenty of inspiration all the time, but the words seem to elude me lately. all i have is normal words.

RANDOM THOUGHT SOLO::

hell burned a hole in the sky that is the sun
the pure light it spits dawdles on
stock still statues standing staid
stooping, drooping, getting laid.
pygmy puckers - pensive - purse and pry
the East is West, the West is dry
teeth fall to simple dust in twilight
heavy with effervescence
death to night
lift clouded lampshades
to bleach the wet earth with morning
all that is out of reach is worth yearning for.

----

or not...

]]> ~JaiGuruDeVat http://JaiGuruDeVat.deviantart.com/journal/22979087/ http://JaiGuruDeVat.deviantart.com/journal/22979087/ Tue, 03 Feb 2009 07:52:53 PST Crush (you know, by David Archuleta) is on a loop on youtube, because my mom is obsessed with this song. and david.
and i mean, the song isn't so bad, but COME ON. eight times? eighteen? TOO MANY.
and then of course she goes and looks up pictures of eminem, john cena, david archuleta.... the lady's crazy

ah well. homeschool still rocks.

]]> ~JaiGuruDeVat http://JaiGuruDeVat.deviantart.com/journal/22874760/ http://JaiGuruDeVat.deviantart.com/journal/22874760/ Wed, 28 Jan 2009 20:27:54 PST your life is a leaf that the seasons tear off and condemn
-- Leonard Cohen, Sisters of Mercy

]]> ~JaiGuruDeVat http://JaiGuruDeVat.deviantart.com/journal/22753979/ http://JaiGuruDeVat.deviantart.com/journal/22753979/ Fri, 23 Jan 2009 07:11:34 PST 2. Laugh hysterically.
3. Pass it on.

1. bad company in my pants
2. with a little help from my friends in my pants
3. little child in my pants
4. just what i needed in my pants
5. there is a mountain in my pants (ohhh eww....)
6. convoy in my pants
7. why don't we do it in the road in my pants
8. better things in my pants
9. give 'em hell kid, in my pants
10. kiss kiss in my pants
11. you know my name in (look up the number) my pants
12. crackerbox palace in my pants
13. new kid in town in my pants
14. it's only love in my pants
15. skylines and turnstiles in my pants
16. honesty in my pants
17. nobody's home in my pants
18. truly madly deeply in my pants
19. here, there, and everywhere in my pants
20. satellite in my pants
21. you may be right in my pants
22. maxwell's silver hammer in my pants
23. yes it is in my pants
24. another girl in my pants
25. american idiot in my pants
26. romance in my pants
27. kradziez cukierka in my pants
28. she's leaving home in my pants
29. me against the world in my pants
30. it won't be long in my pants (o.O)

]]> ~JaiGuruDeVat http://JaiGuruDeVat.deviantart.com/journal/22604121/ http://JaiGuruDeVat.deviantart.com/journal/22604121/ Thu, 15 Jan 2009 20:15:22 PST still too young for most of the population.

2. Who did you spend at least two hours with today?
kayla, uh... Anthony. and my uncle. and my moms. (< not plural). and my first-cousin-once-removed-in-law (anthony's mom.). and lots of people.

3. How tall are you?
5'6.5" just in case you stalkers wanted to know.

4. What do you look forward to most in the next six weeks?
LUDO IN THE FEB.
and kayla's d'Birthday.

5. What's the last movie you saw?
Rocky

6. Who was the last person you called?
Zoey's cell phone

7. Who was the last person to call you?
Zoey. on her cell phone.

8. What was the last text message you received?
i don't have a phone because

9. Who was the last person to leave you a voicemail?
it got stolen.

10. Do you prefer to call or text?
calling is weird and uncomfortable and you have to talk to people's parents sometimes. definitely calling.

11. What were you doing at 12am last night?
writing out a guest list quite psychotically for the anti-valentine's day anti-party.

12. Are your parents married/divorced?
Divorced. like the way you say blessed. you know, with the stressing on the ED.?

13. When did you last see your mom?
about an hour ago.

14. What color are your eyes?
too light. i would say throwup color but then buzzy would hurt me.

15. What time did you wake up today?
7: freakin 47

16. What are you wearing right now?
black socks. that's the only part that matters.
but if it means that much, plaid pajama pants and a mickey mouse shirt. like Two-Bit's

17. Do you like Christmas songs?
usually. not the super slow really boring ones, though.

18. Where is your favorite place to be?
inside my head. or where i once was.

19. Where is your least favorite place to be?
in that room in the hospital where they prick fingers. the closest i've ever come to passing out was in there.
oh and also my mom's old boyfriend Joe's house. hated that guy.

20. Where would you go if you could go anywhere?
back in time, uh, donnie's house, buzzy's house, sara's house, my brother's room, underground. billy corgan's bathroom sink.

21. Where do you think you'll be in 10 years?
pregnant.

22. Do you tan or burn?
burn. like lukewarm bacon on a sunday morning.

23. What did you fear was going to get you at night as a child?
ALWAYS THE ALIENS. *shudder*

24. What was the last thing that really made you laugh?
the following conversation while cooking dinner.
MOM :: aly go check on the burgers. give me details, tell me what color they are.
*i check on burgers*
ME :: they're smelling kind of burgerish and they are the color of a very pale black man.
MOM :: how pale?
ME :: *at a loss for words*
MOM :: like barack obama?
ME :: *stutters* uh... a little paler....
MOM :: good flip them over.

25. Do you have an e-crush on anyone on DA? Why?
everyone. as a wise buzzy (and/or sara because i am an old man with failing memory) once said, i crave male attention. like a heroin addict going through withdrawal.

26. How big is your bed?
there's room for more.

27. Do you have a laptop or desktop computer?
desktop that doesn't belong to me.

28. Do you sleep with or without clothes on?
with.

29. What color are your sheets?
green

30. How many pillows do you sleep with?
i only need one.

31. What is your favorite season?
autumn/fall/that cold place between summers that smells good and is happy.

32. What is the best way to waste time on DA?
looking at my own deviations and trying to fix them. it's a waste because i never figure out how to fix their stupidness. ah well.

33. What do you like about winter?
all the things i don't get to see. because i live in hell. all the snow turns into sleet and water vapor.

34. What do you like about the summer?
that someone somewhere is actually jealous of me and my stupid home in summer hell.

35. What do you like about spring?
is there anything to like about spring...?
oh yeah, my birthday. other people's birthdays.

36. How many states/provinces have you lived in?
I

37. What cities/towns have you lived in?
many spies have ma... ]]> ~JaiGuruDeVat http://JaiGuruDeVat.deviantart.com/journal/22602771/ http://JaiGuruDeVat.deviantart.com/journal/22602771/ Thu, 15 Jan 2009 19:04:29 PST

yay.

]]> ~JaiGuruDeVat http://JaiGuruDeVat.deviantart.com/journal/21874172/ http://JaiGuruDeVat.deviantart.com/journal/21874172/ Sun, 07 Dec 2008 22:45:51 PST Race: Italian/Cuban. maybe a little Spanish.

Sexual Preference: guys. DEFINITELY GUYS. unless we're talking about Regina Spektor, because i think i'd go gay for her if i had a chance.
Relationship Status: dead as freddy and jason are on sunday the eleventh
Religion: nondenominational Christian
Birthday: March 17th
Shoe Size: 8 and a half
Hair Color: brownish blondish weird throwup color
Eye color: also throwup color
Country you currently live in: Mr. Goodsteinland

Favorites!
Color: olive green
Type of Vegetable: radishes, or maybe potatoes
Song: at this exact moment? More Than Words by Extreme
Radio Station: 102.7
Animal: raccoon
Day of the Week: Thursday
Shoes you own: hightop converses
Cell Phone/ Playstation/ X-Box Game/DS GAME: Need for Speed: Underground
Holiday: Hallowwen and Christmas
Album/CD you own: there are too many!
favourites include: my favorite favorites? que QUE?

Least Favorites!
Food: plantain chips
Animal: silverfish and ticks
Color: pink
Drink: milk, it's ucky
Song: MAGIC CARPET RIDE
Name: Blanche.
Class in school: science
Genre of music: satan
Sound in the world: sticky things being... sticky. oh and also BUG NOISES. like the little crackles? *shudder*
Smell: morning breath

Do you prefer This or that:
Ice Cream or Sorbet ice cream? regular ice cream
Fizzy drinks or Juice? fizzy juice. WHAT NOW?
Car or Truck? whichever one has air conditioning.
Mobile phone or home Phone? mobile
School or work? work. the police don't come get you if you don't show up.
Old Navy or Gap? what's the difference?
Walk or Run? run til i'm tired, then i'd walk, then crawl, then drag myself by my fingernails, then pass out.
Trees or flowers? can you climb a flower? unanimous answer: NOOOOO.
Dance or sing? sing. i couldn't dance if you injected rhythm into my blood system. i'm like, immune to it.
Club or bar? parrrrtay! bar. i would dance on tables (rhythmlessly, of course).
Friends or Family? friends are just extended family,but i guess family if i'd have to choose. family is everything.
Cookies or Brownies? brownies
Hangover or Flu? either, as long as there's lots of throwing up and lots of missing school.
Tattoos or Piercings? tattoos
Text or Talk? talk
Cigarettes or Alcohol? cigarettes smell disgusting. alcohol tastes good.

About School
Are you in school? not at the moment... (thank the LORD.)
Where? PMS. i'm telling you a lot about my school in that one sentence.
When did you/will you graduate? apparently june 5th, 2012
What was/is your favorite subject? language arts. peer counseling is a close second.
Who were/are your friends? Sara, Buzzy, Laurel, Alexandria, Niko, Kaci, Louis, Natalie, Leigh-Ana, Ashley, Maddie.... i think that's it.
Have you ever cut class? not yet.
Why or why not? i have not yet experienced the perfect conditions.
Have you ever gone to class high? nope.
Have you ever had a crush on a teacher? not that i can remember. but there was this one teacher i wanted to marry my dad.
What is your best school related memory? the Nick Stories, fourth grade
Did you/do you play any sports? if blackjack counts. i have no hand-eye coordination.

Your dirty little past..…
Tell a secret: i'm bipolar/manic depressive. also, i am madly in love.
When did you lose your virginity? tomorrow
Have you ever lied to a friend? i don't remember. probably.
Have you ever cheated on a test? yeah
Did you ever fail a class? almost, for not turning in work
Does anyone know everything there is to know about you? possibly kayla or sara or buzzy. laurel WOULD if she wasn't in another state.

About your future?
What college do you wish to go to? Duke. or culinary arts school. or maybe just not college.
Do you want to get married? yeah
Do you want children? DO YOU THINK I'M CRAZY? of course.
How many? at least six.
Where will you live? i like New Jersey, Oklahoma, Canada, Sweden, Italy, Pennsylvania, and Oregon. probably wherever i am when i get pregnant.
What kind of car do you want? a 1967 Austin Healy 3000 [link]

About your friends!
Do have lots of friends or just a close few? close few
Who would you say your closest five friends are? Laurel, Buzzy, Sara, Kaci, Leigh Ana. but Niko comes in a close 6th because he's great during a religious crisis.
Would you do anything for your friends? you... ]]> ~JaiGuruDeVat http://JaiGuruDeVat.deviantart.com/journal/21873273/ http://JaiGuruDeVat.deviantart.com/journal/21873273/ Sun, 07 Dec 2008 21:11:57 PST we're watching Ice Castles
MOM (about Robby Benson): i used to date a guy who looked like that
ME: well why'd you break up?
MOM: he started doing drugs
ME: *burst of hysterical laughter*
ME: oh.

]]> ~JaiGuruDeVat http://JaiGuruDeVat.deviantart.com/journal/21654896/ http://JaiGuruDeVat.deviantart.com/journal/21654896/ Mon, 24 Nov 2008 20:12:52 PST -- Gerard Way, on depression medication

]]> ~JaiGuruDeVat http://JaiGuruDeVat.deviantart.com/journal/21624377/ http://JaiGuruDeVat.deviantart.com/journal/21624377/ Sun, 23 Nov 2008 03:02:33 PST the audience really made the movie though. like at the part where edward and bella are lying in the meadow, this one kid yells "FUCK her already!" and there was a lot of cheering to that. also, there's that one part where bella is like... rubbing her heel on edward's crotch when he's holding her up, and i was just like "....O_O", because there's really no logical explanation.
um, um, what else? oh! emmett was perfect! and all crazy and such, and i hurt my throat when he showed up in the credits trying to scream louder than all the edward fangirls together (it didn't work). i love all emmett's lines!!!!
and oh yeah, at least they didn't have that scene where bella's stupid giant bubbly butt was trying to permanently blind you with it's unnatural bubbliness, so thank god for that.
but i miss buzzy
so, buzzy, come with me to see it again before thanksgiving break! DO IT.




oh, and the Unborn is officially the most visually disturbing thing i have ever witnessed in my life. i couldn't watch even half the preview.

]]> ~JaiGuruDeVat http://JaiGuruDeVat.deviantart.com/journal/21474981/ http://JaiGuruDeVat.deviantart.com/journal/21474981/ Thu, 13 Nov 2008 18:44:38 PST
MD tried to tax federal bank in Baltimore
FB:: We is feds, yo!
MD:: Nah, fool, you is a BIZ-NASS, and we taxin' you!
John Marshall:: No, holmes. They's feds.
MD:: Damn you.

U.S./Canadian border is the longest (49th parallel) demilitarized border there is.

Jackson invades Florida he is a BIG FAT JERK LOOSE CANNON.

Adams' Own-You Treaty
- FL is the US's
- US gives Spain Texas
- US gets Pacific NorthWest
- US is now a trans (continental) power
yay, trannies for power!!!

----

you can tell i'm gonna pass my test tomorrow.

]]> ~JaiGuruDeVat http://JaiGuruDeVat.deviantart.com/journal/21396773/ http://JaiGuruDeVat.deviantart.com/journal/21396773/ Sat, 08 Nov 2008 23:04:37 PST so, um, i kicked homework out of my priorities list, and now my head can breathe. yay. or, yay? yay! yay.
my cousin's wife karla had her baby today. they were gonna make his middle name Lucifer - - but then they changed their minds. thank god, they worry me sometimes... the baby's name is Ryan and he's so cute. i only got to see pictures today, but tomorrow we'll be going to the hospital to see him.
halloween was, somewhat uneventful but still very eventful in the small and anticlimactic ways, and i picked up the habit of using a pacifier again. dunno why, those things are just so calming.
i may be over my fear of Frank the Bunny, but i haven't fully tested it out yet. he will always be freaky and strangely possible though.
this is Frank the Bunny [link]

fantasy broking is not porn.

]]> ~JaiGuruDeVat http://JaiGuruDeVat.deviantart.com/journal/20831787/ http://JaiGuruDeVat.deviantart.com/journal/20831787/ Sat, 04 Oct 2008 20:16:23 PDT my creativity dies slowly but surely, rocking back and forth in a less-than-90-degree corner in my mind. poor thing. i don't know what i'm gonna do about this, i just can't find any inspiration. if this keeps happening i might actually have to get a *gasp* normal job someday. ew

anyhow, in the midst of His Mulan Obsessedness, Niko's deviantart contest holding, i have finally come up with a challenge of my own! so, in case you haven't noticed, i have this thing about hands... i think it's practically the most important part of a person. your hands are... everything you have ever done and your intentions and your hopes and your worries... know what i mean? so anyway, i challenge you to do whatever it is you do - draw, write, photograph.... other? - and make it about hands. i'll post links to the entries up here, so everyone can share them. also, as a second part to the challenge, could you upload a picture of your own hands? it doesn't have to be particularly good, i just would like for that to be a part of it. thanks

in other news, Kayla has rediscovered Barbie.com (is that normal for a fifteen-year-old?) and now she's designing Barbie's bathroom, in which one of Barbie's friends is throwing up in the toilet, and Barbie hung herself in the shower.... O_O
Lordy, Lord do i worry about her.

oh, and also, about the challenge, if you could please tell your friends about the challenge, because i don't have many watchers, and it'd be nice to have a lot of entries. thanks
--aly

]]> ~JaiGuruDeVat http://JaiGuruDeVat.deviantart.com/journal/20774828/ http://JaiGuruDeVat.deviantart.com/journal/20774828/ Wed, 01 Oct 2008 10:50:40 PDT
]]> ~JaiGuruDeVat http://JaiGuruDeVat.deviantart.com/journal/20752131/ http://JaiGuruDeVat.deviantart.com/journal/20752131/ Mon, 29 Sep 2008 23:58:42 PDT
i've been trying to play around more with my camera (since niko thinks i'm boring and too literature-y ) but really i have realized that my camera is pretty much made of suck and i should go get me a nice one, once i make some money, and repay all the people i owe money to, and then get some more money. so that may take some time, especially since i'm not from australia and therefore i have not been liberated from such things as homework. i want to kill 75% of my teachers (and with six teachers, i think you realize how crazy i must be) - i only want to kill like, half of mrs. waldman. or whatever percentage the leftover amounts to.

i finally got around to seeing Across the Universe, as i've been dying to since i saw the previews for it about a year ago. it's not as good as i expected it to be, but it's still good, and still the kind of movie i expected it to be. didn't change my life, but damn, that guy made me want to draw.

speaking of drawing, niko wants me to draw a wolf and post it up here. i told him yes, but i don't know if i'll actually do it, considering i suck at drawing, especially animals, and it'll probably come out looking retarded.

saturday me and buzzy and sara and gaby went to a drag race! (kayla couldn't come). that was the first day i was sick, and on the way we had to stop in a random plaza, and i kind of... heaved... in the grass by the parkig lot. sara AND BUZZY held my hair, and all of them were laughing at me while i threw up. (thanks, guys ) then at the drag race, though i never really understood what was going on (the people cheered sometimes, and then other times, when things looked just as interesting, they really didn't seem to care), i had fun. they had one of those bungee jumping things, and i went, but i started feeling kind of nauseous up there, so after the first time i decided to stay on the ground.
all in all, i think i had a good chunk of time to just sit back and realize that i like my life right now, and i'm not really that worried about what i'm going to do with it, or if i'll ever make something out of myself.

now let's see how long i can keep that mood going.

P.S.: i'm 2 pageviews away from 1,000!
!!!!
1!!!!!!
*silent spaz attack*

]]> ~JaiGuruDeVat http://JaiGuruDeVat.deviantart.com/journal/20642932/ http://JaiGuruDeVat.deviantart.com/journal/20642932/ Tue, 23 Sep 2008 20:24:40 PDT so i'm a comment hag lately. leave me one and i'll never forget your third-to-last name.

also apparently i'm a project whore, but that one wasn't my fault.

i haven't done an inch of homework and my teachers will all kill me tomorrow, as will my mother when she gets home (when she gets home). on the bright side, i'll have more conversations with teachers to post. :/ (<
stupid school is making me stupider.

]]> ~JaiGuruDeVat http://JaiGuruDeVat.deviantart.com/journal/20550908/ http://JaiGuruDeVat.deviantart.com/journal/20550908/ Thu, 18 Sep 2008 10:17:27 PDT [link]
can't think of something good to do with it? type 'Gerard Way'.

sorry for the absence, guys. just my life is kinda crazy right now and my dad is moving out by Christmas, and i miss my brother and stuff. i missed the past two days of school and i've just been sitting around and thinking, and i wrote some stuff i'll be posting eventually. i want to say more about my dad and stuff, but you probably wouldn't want to hear it and it would be a waste that would sound much more dramatic than it really is.
also, if you made a deviation within the past, like, two weeks, and i didn't comment or anything, i probably didn't even look at it. sorry bout that, but i signed on today and i had 26 deviations to look at, so i only looked at the ones that had exceptionally interesting titles. again, sorry :\. if you really want me to look at something you put up, though, you can just give me the link and i'll read it.

in other - belated - news, NIKO'S PARTY WAS AWESOMEEEEEEE! there were swings (my favoite part) and tootsie pops (which rock the world), and i kicked louis (sorry louis) and threw eggs at people. and eggs were thrown at me (including my hair, which was REALLY hard to get out). so i thank you, niko, for the awesome party experience.

furtheralsomore, i've been using too many parentheses, and i'm hungry. i really should stop eating dry jello mix... o_O

]]> ~JaiGuruDeVat http://JaiGuruDeVat.deviantart.com/journal/20394623/ http://JaiGuruDeVat.deviantart.com/journal/20394623/ Mon, 08 Sep 2008 16:31:04 PDT not to mention autumn is the best season in existence. hallowwen and thanksgiving are coming up! and then, Christmas!
but i'm looking forward most to hallowwen.
aaannyway, surprisingly, my life has been really awesome lately. i mean, who knew breathing and putting up with other people's crap was so rewarding? i've written more in this week than most months! other awesome things, too, but i'm too lazy to write it all. i have to go soak up the last of the daylight before it's gone and i'm stuck all alone again in my own little world, being hassled by homework and yelling and crap.
so... there ya have it.
PEACE. (work for it, don't achieve it.)

oh yeah, and i saw Cry-Baby. it was FREAKING AMAZINGGGGGGGGGG!

]]> ~JaiGuruDeVat http://JaiGuruDeVat.deviantart.com/journal/20316461/ http://JaiGuruDeVat.deviantart.com/journal/20316461/ Wed, 03 Sep 2008 21:54:26 PDT and your fender is defenseless
while food feeds and blood bleeds
and my feelings are senseless
----
just wrote that. i dunno why. maybe it's cause it is 12:25 and i can't sleep, i just can't.... feel right now. i need a severely depressing movie to wake up my emotional imbalances. that sounds pretty refreshing.
anyway, i figured i'd make a challenge, and while i'm at it, a tag too. i am that bored.
Challenge list (do two of these four):
1) One-Sided Love
2) Dreams (or, a dream)
3) Abuse (of any kind, and you can have any opinion of it)
4) A List of Things to Do When You're Bored

the last one doesn't really have to be a deviation, i just need some ideas of what to do because i'm so bored lately. you can probably just comment random things you would do if it was 2 in the morning and you were not-sleepy and bored as hell. that's been my situation many a recent night, and message boards, wherever you go, eventually lose their novelty, and just become pervert conventions.

tag:
1) something i do a lot:
2) something i have never done but would like to:
3) i like somebody right now:
4) how long have you liked them for?
5) i love somebody right now:
6) what's the worst thing you've ever thought of doing?
7) what's the craziest thing you've ever thought of doing?
8) i am happy most of the time:
9) five songs that i love RIGHT NOW:
10) write two song lines here:
11) write a truth question here:
12) a dare question here:
13) two things you probably don't know about me:
14) two weird things about me
----

i really really hope everyone does this, cause i have some plans for the answers i collect.... i hope.
anyway, i'm not gonna do it until i get tagged, so i'll just tag somebody first....
i pick niko

"i'm sorry, i can't come to the door right now. i'm afraid that in my weakened condition, i could take a nasty spill down the stairs and suject myself to further school absences. you can reach my parents at their places of business. thank you for stopping by. have a nice day,"
Aly (Shmo)

]]> ~JaiGuruDeVat http://JaiGuruDeVat.deviantart.com/journal/20269432/ http://JaiGuruDeVat.deviantart.com/journal/20269432/ Mon, 01 Sep 2008 10:32:32 PDT i have my hair tied back right now, like tied BACK, and with no part or anything, and it feels really weird. i haven't voluntarily tied my hair back since i was in like, fourth grade. mostly cause of my weird shaped head. but anyway, i did today, cause i doscovered that if i do that, it'll pull the top half of my hair straight and then it will look better when i straighten my hair. which i'm doing tomorrow.
also, i got invited to the devil's bar mitzvah! for those of you who don't know brandon, he's this kid who sits next to me in science and has been calling me 'devil child' since sixth grade. i'm thinking of going.
i'm trying to come up with a challenge, but i still need some time to find something that i can get different deviations for, and not just a million of the same thing.
for now, my mini challenge is, inspire me. please. i need some inspiration.

stuff for you to click:
[link] listen
[link] watch
[link] relish

]]> ~JaiGuruDeVat http://JaiGuruDeVat.deviantart.com/journal/20192724/ http://JaiGuruDeVat.deviantart.com/journal/20192724/ Wed, 27 Aug 2008 21:26:56 PDT i recently discovered that there are actual settings on my digital camera that make it interesting, and i promise to be experimenting with those soon.
other than that, i've been spending a lot of my time watching cartoons and listening to Ludo.
i'm having another one of my flashback episodes, and i can't stop listening to '90s stuff. eminem dominates my playlist.

]]> ~JaiGuruDeVat http://JaiGuruDeVat.deviantart.com/journal/19851032/ http://JaiGuruDeVat.deviantart.com/journal/19851032/ Fri, 08 Aug 2008 18:58:44 PDT and then i go to my room to plug my iPod in to charge. in that short time, my mom and my sister manage to get into an argument, and my mom gets all mad that it's late and we're not in bed yet. so i go to brush my teeth and take out my contacts, but then she starts yelling at me too, and then she says that since i wasted so much time doing "stupid stuff with your iPod", i can't brush my teeth or anything and i just have to go to bed. i started arguing, but then she took away my radio. (my iPod has no headphones so i couldn't listen to it). and then she turned the light off in my room for me, and told me that if i came out again i was gonna be punished or whatever.

***

so i was just sitting in my room, bored and frustrated and there was no way she was gonna let me go brush my teeth in the bathroom. i couldn't sleep, not without my radio and the taste of that chocolate still in my mouth. eventually it occurred to me, the awesomeness of the night. there's a window right next to my bed, and i took the screen off of it a couple months ago when i was mad and wanted to have a way to get out if i ever wanted to. and now i wanted to. so, quite deviously, i snuck out of my room and into the bathroom, and i took my toothpaste and toothbrush back into my room. then i opened my window, and putting the stuff in my mouth so my hands were free, slid out the window. i scratched the hell out of my back doing it, but freedom and clean teeth were worth it. i stopped by kayla's window for a quick minute to talk, cause she always keeps hers open, and then i went around the side of the house, where there's a hose spigot, and i brushed my teeth.

that was it for my adventure for the night, but i plan to do a little more, er... 'field work' in this area.

opinions or ideas, anyone?

]]> ~JaiGuruDeVat http://JaiGuruDeVat.deviantart.com/journal/19843343/ http://JaiGuruDeVat.deviantart.com/journal/19843343/ Fri, 08 Aug 2008 10:38:37 PDT last night: my mom comes home at about, 10:45 or something. she's all cheery and happy like usual when she gets home, and she brought us chocolate!
so i eat some. and then i go into my room and i play a little solitaire on my iPod, but then i remember i'm supposed to be getting ready for bed. and i already wasted some time so i decide to skip a shower and take it in the morning instead. then, when i'm closing out of the solitaire game or whatever, it registers for the first time that there's an alarm setting on my iPod, and i can make a song the alarm tone or whatever. and this is really exciting for me cause i always wanted Earache My Eye to be my alarm. so i try to set it, but then i realize the time on my iPod is effed up so i have to plug it into the comp to make it synchronize or whatever. i ask my mom to get off the computer for a second so i can do that. it takes me like two seconds but while the thing is ejecting or whatever, my mom gets mad and tells me this is taking too long, and i need to go to sleep. EVEN THOUGH I'M ALREADY UNPLUGGING IT. so then i put the thing away and i'm all happy and stuff cause my alarm is set, and then i'm


**my mom is home and i have to go, so this shall be continued later. ergh.**

]]> ~JaiGuruDeVat http://JaiGuruDeVat.deviantart.com/journal/19603578/ http://JaiGuruDeVat.deviantart.com/journal/19603578/ Sat, 26 Jul 2008 08:34:11 PDT
don't bother me - the blakes [link]
welcome to paradise - green day [link]
great dj - the ting tings [link]
read my mind - the killers [link]
don't shoot me santa - the killers [link]
mixed-up SOB - presidents of the USA [link]
shine on - the kooks [link]

]]> ~JaiGuruDeVat http://JaiGuruDeVat.deviantart.com/journal/19568260/ http://JaiGuruDeVat.deviantart.com/journal/19568260/ Thu, 24 Jul 2008 07:28:35 PDT then i went back to 'my house', which was some random house with a big wooden fence, and then on the other side in my neighbor's backyard was a canal, and they had a pet bear. and the bear was like, some evil giant hybrid monster thing, cause it was like 9 feet tall just sitting. and then there was a hole in the fence, and he stuck his paw in it and pulled so there was this crack in the wood and if he pulled it any further, it would be big enough for him to fit through. and i did not want to get eaten by a bear. so i went inside.
then i remember talking to this girl about addiction and i said i was addicted to something but i don't remember what. the rest of my dream is kind of blurry and makes no sense, except one part i remember i got bronchitis from alex. go figure.
oh and speaking of eating, i was thinking about vegetarianism the other day, and how a lot of them always say how they feel bad for the animals that get eaten. but then what about the animals who eat other animals? do you hate them, or do you hate that they eat animals?
so then i invented vengetarianism, which pretty much means you only eat animals who eat other animals. to, y'know, infuse karma. your diet would pretty much consist of lions, rattlesnakes, dingoes, some dogs, and such. and i've decided that if i lived in africa, i would go vengetarian.

wouldn't you?

]]> ~JaiGuruDeVat http://JaiGuruDeVat.deviantart.com/journal/19523950/ http://JaiGuruDeVat.deviantart.com/journal/19523950/ Mon, 21 Jul 2008 18:21:21 PDT well, i haven't journaled in like 15 days and i got really sick of seeing that same, exact, journal, up there for so long. so i'm just kind of giving you a summary of what's going on over here.
i'm supposed to be taking a shower right now, cause we're using my dad's shower cause the plumbing over at my house is effed up and the shower doesn't work. in the daytime, when my dad's not here and his house is locked, if you want to take a shower you can use the hose outside. yes, i am aware that sounds really ghetto but that's the situation.
instead of taking a shower i'm downloading Jenny and Bittersweet Symphony to my iPod, and being really frustrated cause i wanted to use the dictionary to look up something dirty, but it's occupied holding down a bowl which has a roach trapped under it. (kayla can't kill roaches and i have a fear, so it's sitting there until someone does away with the freakish creature).
aside from my totally welfare-dependent-sounding lifestyle, i finally got that blonde hair dye for the BD release. since i'm waiting for SARA TO COME THE HELL BACK HERE to dye it i'll probably end up starting school with blonde hair. oh well i guess i don't mind. around the 28th or 29th i'll post a picture up here of it. besides the dye, preparing to be Rosalie has been a living hell (but a sort of enjoyable one at that). i'm trying to fit into these jeans that are like, two sizes two small (like the Grinch's heart) and so i'm going on a two-week weight loss/find some crazy way to fit into these jeans diet/excersise thingy. most likely it will not work, but in the spirit of the attempt, i am naming it the Grinch Diet.
welllll.... i'll update again when there's actually something going on. peaceout.

(work for it)

]]> ~JaiGuruDeVat http://JaiGuruDeVat.deviantart.com/journal/19238102/ http://JaiGuruDeVat.deviantart.com/journal/19238102/ Sun, 06 Jul 2008 15:25:21 PDT june 31st - took a plane (second trip i've been on one) to charlotte and then drove for like four hours to the house we were renting. (that i was sharing with TWELVE other people!) the place that i was in was like this little cluster of rent-out houses, and there was a little field kind of thing in the middle of all of them and at night there was always a bonfire & marshmallows.
july 1th - saw some mountains and stood on one. the 'th' is not a mistake.
july 2th - played with the bonfire like the pyro that i am and roasted marshmallows. i ate waaaay too many.
july 3nd - Charlie's 23rd. we went shopping in a city called Blowing Rock (don't think too hard on that or you might crack up/gag, 'specially if you've read Twilight) and looked for some antiques. but instead i ate too much rock candy, discovered that north carolina is AMAZING as far as The Count* goes, and found nothing good to buy (except the rock candy). i ate some british food at this restaraunt with a really cute waiter. later on i threw some flowers and a marshmallow into the fire for Charlie and said a little Happy Birthday prayer.
july 4st - probably the best day of the whole trip. all day i just sat around watching tv, and then later i jumped on the bandwagon for a cheerful two and a half hour ride to asheville, where we were gonna be watching the fireworks at sundown. it was like six-thrity or something near that when we got there, so me and kayla and my mom decided to roam around. in case you don't know, asheville is this amazing place full of homeless druggies, long-haired weird guys, and tattooed peacemakers that just might double as rapists in their free time. (it's also home of the Christian-hippie commune it is my life-goal to join). in translation - my true home. nearly everyone there was wearing at least one peace sign, and there were so many troubadours that the music on some street corners meshed with the music on the next. me and kayla had a raspberry tea smoothie at this coffee shop called the Double Decker Coffee House, and it was an actual double-decker bus, with a counter inside, and the second floor was the tables. all the tables had the bus-seats facing inward toward them, and the tables themselves were actually little blackboards with mosaic-thingies around them. and get this -- THEY GIVE YOU CHALK TO WRITE ON THE TABLES. i was like, so happy i was on the verge of passing out. i drew some peace signs and one of my little 'occasionally' symbols, and on one table i erased everything on it and wrote in really big letters 'save lettuce eat pot'. it was pretty freakin amazing. then i went into this little shop with t-shirts and hippie stuff and pervert joke things and bought this super overpriced bracelet with the lyrics to Let It Be on it. all the while i was passing perfectly imperfect street corners, and buildings that just EMANATED emotion, but sadly i had no camera. i was serioulsy pissed about that part. the fireworks were short but still ptty patriotic, and i got home at midnight essactly.
july 5rd - follow-up to the fourth
july 6th - took a plane back and laughed like a maniac at my mom who was crazy from the sleeping pill she took (to put her out for the takeoff). got home, got on dA!

]]> ~JaiGuruDeVat http://JaiGuruDeVat.deviantart.com/journal/19090413/ http://JaiGuruDeVat.deviantart.com/journal/19090413/ Sat, 28 Jun 2008 10:05:12 PDT
Name: alysson dea
Single or taken: single. blehh.
Gender: Female
Birthday: march 17th
Sign: pisces
Hair color: brown
Eye color: brown
Height: 5'5 1/2
Are you straight/bisexual/gay?: straight

Clothing.

Where is your favourite place to shop for clothes?: heritage, haha. i also as of recently like hot topic, cause they have sweet t-shirts.
What do you usually wear?: whatever's in my closet

Have you ever?

Given anyone a bath?: yeah
Smoked?: well, i never tried to, but if rolling up paper towels, lighting them, and accidentally inhaling counts, then yes.
Bungee jumped?: noooo
Made yourself throw up?: yeah, but it was kinda necessary
Ever been in love?: not sure...
Made yourself cry to get out of trouble?: yeah.
Actually seen your crush naked?: ew, no.
Cried when someone died?: not enough
Lied: yeah
Fallen for your best friend?: no... haha.
Rejected someone?: i never had anyone to reject. (damn)
Used someone?: i don't think so
Done something you regret?: big time

At the moment.

Clothes: pajamas
Music: the Dig Angees
Smell: a mixture of grass and omelettes (made by me)
Desktop picture: mine: savage garden, the computer i'm on: picture of kevin jonas that says "kevin jonas: cooler than you since 1987"
CD in player: nirvana
DVD in player: Aly's Sleepover, made by Sara (buzzy you have to come and see it)

Am I:

Understanding: unless i don't get it
Open-minded: i try to be
Arrogant: only when it's fun
Insecure: whoa yeah. extremely.
Random: hell yes
Hungry: always!
Smart: yeah but i have no common sense (or so they say)
Moody: yes.
Hard working: when i'm doing something that matters to me
Organized: rarely
Healthy: mentally, no, and physically i'm just out of shape. so, sort of...
Shy: super
Difficult: sometimes
Bored easily: nope
Obsessed: yes
Angry: more than you know
Sad: all the time. it's healthy
Happy: um, i'm comfortable
Hyper: it takes a little red bull, but i can get there
Trusting: to certain people

Who do you want to...

Kill?: it varies from time to time
Slap?: this girl on imdb who's really getting on my nerves, and... well i can't say by name
Get really wasted with?: gerard, probably. hm... or paulo nutini! EMMETT CULLEN.
Get high with: spinner
Talk to offline: no one really
Talk to online: niko's fun on AIM, so him.
Sex it up with: no one

Random.

In the morning I: try to remember what i dreamed about, and usually can't
Love is: the sweetest kind of hell
I dream about: weird stuff. sometimes my brother, and that's really awesome.
What do you notice first in the gender you're into: i have a list too:
-sense of humor
-religion
-if he's immature

Who?

Makes you laugh the most: my cousins, and people at school, there's a ton: buzzy, sara, niko, alex, brandon... that's a start
Makes you smile: people
Gives you a funny feeling when you see him/her: i can't remember

Do you..

Sit on the internet all night waiting for that someone special to IM you?: i'm not THAT pathetic
Wish you were a member of the opposite sex?: yeah, but not in the way you might think. it's just that, guys have way better conversations than girls do, and they laugh more, and they're always doing fun or stupid stuff, and when girls do the same things, it's just not the same. sometimes i just envy guys cause they have it easier.
Wish you were younger: only when i go to the little kiddie parts of amusement parks and they won't let older people in. or when the kid's menu has better food on it.
Cry because someone said something to you?: yes.

Numbers.

Of times I have had my heart broken: once or twice
Of hearts I have broken: none that i know of...
Of guys I've kissed: one, but i don't think it really counts because it was like first grade and... it's a long story.
Of girls I've kissed: on the mouth? like three.
Of CD's I own: about a thousand
Of scars on my body: six

oh, and i think they forgot one: have you ever drank alcohol?

]]> ~JaiGuruDeVat http://JaiGuruDeVat.deviantart.com/journal/19057570/ http://JaiGuruDeVat.deviantart.com/journal/19057570/ Thu, 26 Jun 2008 13:03:15 PDT also, i'm gonna be posting some more lyrics and poems and SUCH, all of which are from a while before i got a dA, but some of them still really need some editing, so i'll post the editing-needed ones in my scraps, and then the author's comments will summon either buzzy or sara to edit the rest or add stuff or something. so... patience!
oh yeah, and i just discovered this band - well, kayla discovered it - called The Dig Angees, and let me tell you these guys are beyond medieval. they are the core of amazingness! you seriously have to listen to these guys. my favorite songs are Vigilante and Raptors in the Rafters.
their profile on this website thingy for yet to be discoevered bands :: [link]
SO CLICKIT.

]]> ~JaiGuruDeVat http://JaiGuruDeVat.deviantart.com/journal/18958265/ http://JaiGuruDeVat.deviantart.com/journal/18958265/ Fri, 20 Jun 2008 22:05:49 PDT whatever, buzzy got me too, and now i'm posting eight more facts so all of you can brush up on your stalker skills.

1) i can in fact fit my whole fist in my mouth.
2) i want one of those sixties bathing suits that is yellow with like, one piece that kind of has shorts? if you've ever gone to Quizno's you might know what i'm talking about.
3) i weigh more than some people's moms. and that pisses me off.
4) i started reading Harry Potter in like sixth grade, but by the fourth book i was so bored i had to stop.
5) my biggest phobia is complete happiness, and forever, and the concept of complete happiness forever. such as, heaven.
6) i hate Florida.
7) i think i'm destined to be one of those people who gets married really young. like, 19 or 20 or something.
8) i have this issue with leather jackets, and Led Zeppelin 1971 tour shirts. i am powerless before those shirts.

so there's another eight weird things you know about me.... hope it hasn't been too traumatizing. OH, and i hereby declare a new rule::
in the case that you are tagged twice, by different people, you must post another 8 facts. if you are tagged three times you post 24 total, and so on.

also, i tag::
:iconxxtokyosweets:

]]> ~JaiGuruDeVat http://JaiGuruDeVat.deviantart.com/journal/18957995/ http://JaiGuruDeVat.deviantart.com/journal/18957995/ Fri, 20 Jun 2008 21:47:01 PDT 1. Post these rules.
2. Each person tagged must put 8 random facts about themselves.
3. Tagged ones should write a journal about these facts.
4. At the end of the post tag 8 more deviants
5. Go to their page telling them they're tagged.
6. No tagging back.

yeah, niko got me!

so... here goes:
1) i once danced in public ('ublic', as in outside of my house. and it was scaaaaary)
2) strangely, i was a pretty normal kid when i was growing up (up to grade 2). more than that, i was.... MAINSTREAM.
3) i want to be a singer/bandmember when i get older, like as a career, and i get pissed when people tell me that's an unrealistic goal.
4) if i could, i would choose to be born in the '50s so i could be a '60s teenager. that would be amaaaaazing. and then i could be a 20-something year-old in the '70s, and go to Woodstock and stuff.
5) i'm a romance junkie (but only the good romance, none of those creepy novels that have those covers with this shirtless guy and some makeupy girl making out at some ranch with a title like "Forbidden Passion" or some crap like that. ...yeah, my mom has a friekin truckload of those things)
6) i have this fear of bending over, like to tie my shoes or pick something up or something. i dunno, it just feels so uncomfortable and embarassing.
7) i used to see a therapist with my sister, but it was only for a year and then we stopped going. it was like, the end of our 'term' or something like that. i never really minded it then, but looking back i kind of hate that lady...
8) i was obsessed with the Jonas Brothers until recently, but then more recently that obsession bomb was reignited when i saw Camp Rock a few hours ago and now i'm crazy again.

okay, now looking at the rules again, WHAT do you mean, no tagging back?!?! i don't even know eight people to begin with, and now you're taking out the people that tagged me in the first place? ughhh.
i don't care. neither of the people who tagged me told me i was tagged on my page. so if they're breaking rules, i'm breaking rules. let's all be blind and toothless!

]]> ~JaiGuruDeVat http://JaiGuruDeVat.deviantart.com/journal/18789745/ http://JaiGuruDeVat.deviantart.com/journal/18789745/ Wed, 11 Jun 2008 18:20:03 PDT yeah, i didn't even journal when i started it cause i was too busy reading it. because all i have to say is
whoa.
well, actually i had a lot more to say, but i said it all to kaci cause she doesn't care how crazy obsessed i am and she listened to my entire rant about the characters (i was completely torn, til i got to the end and realized i'd been looking at the wrong characters (i.e.: the 'bad guy' is a hero of his own)). i even got a little commentary. but yeah you guys would probably not care to see that... let me know if you do? (i made an obsessive powerpoint...)
aaaaanyway, BUZZY AND SARA you all need to get your sorry little non-Host-reading butts over to my house and reeeeaaad.
BEFORE I DIE!
i need to rant WITH some people about characters. so read! NIKO. YOU TOO.
okay.

in other news, these tiles in my bathroom wall, that are next to the faucet fell off for some reason, and to keep water out of this random hole in my shower, my mom temporarily covered it with a plastic bag (duct taped). and every time you open the bathroom door the change in air pressure makes the bag stretch out from the wall, or pull in, and it's kind of freaky cause if you pull the door open and closed a bunch of times and watch it, it looks like someone's in there and is trying to get out. then it really started freaking me out cause it reminded me of that scene in Disturbia, with the frame with the girl in the vent... yeah, so now i'm scared to take a shower.

but really, what's new about that?

[link]

]]> ~JaiGuruDeVat http://JaiGuruDeVat.deviantart.com/journal/18684160/ http://JaiGuruDeVat.deviantart.com/journal/18684160/ Thu, 05 Jun 2008 17:17:06 PDT anyway, to catch you all up i'll just put in the highlights of the past week for ya:
on... monday, i think it was, we were watching this booooring movie in band, all music and no words as usual, so me and amber got kinda bored so when alex went to the back of the room and left his bag with his drumsticks in it we got, a brilliant idea. WE PLAYED HOCKEY, BABY! we used a sharpie for a puck, and i dunno how alex didn't notice this madness going on cause we were making so much noise and the sharpie was skidding like freaking everywhere. it was amaaaaazing.
tuesday alex asked amber out and she said yes (poor unsuspecting amber) and of course i was just throwing a party....
wednesday, or maybe it was still tuesday, niko had me youtubing william moseley because he's just so obsessed with Narnia, and so i did and i found this.... really, really nice video of him. so i showed it to niko, but i don't think he liked it. he called me a perv and said it was porn (which it is not).
today was the last day and a bazillion overemotional eighth graders were freeaking out cause they were all moving away or on to high school and ll that, and mrs. hernandez of course had to get us allll on the verge of tears cause she had us doing this activity on who we would miss most, who we will remember most, who we admire and who impacted us most.... yeah it was pretty crazy.


THIS MORNING was fizzascinating cause me and buzzeth and sara traversed to el Starbuckso over by Aroma, and then we went to walgreens for some gum and buzzy bought eyeliner and then of course we had to step in Aroma cause that place is amazazing. i took some really cool pictures, one of which i'm deviating later this week or like this month or something. they had a kosherland game! like candyland, but better! kosher!
and then after school i texted kaci some and me and sara's mom drove buzzy and me and her to the mall and we tore the place up like the rabid maniacs we truly are. SARA BOUGHT THE HOST.
ATTENTION SARA: bring me the Host!! now! today! tomorrow! no, today!Q/oyf[[

]]> ~JaiGuruDeVat http://JaiGuruDeVat.deviantart.com/journal/18530785/ http://JaiGuruDeVat.deviantart.com/journal/18530785/ Tue, 27 May 2008 16:34:12 PDT
i made a new song! again! gooooo, crazynontakenunintoxicatedatleastofsubstances-but-of-the-world's-crazy-moral-filth-that-actually-has-no-substance boost!

also i'm working on another song, but i probably won't have it done for a long time. it's a product of one of those really rare moods that comes unexpectedly and goes fast. faster than buzzy in reach of my pantry cabinets.

fragment of el worko mia:

you want to know who I think I’m messing
good question
I’m addressing
the message
I got when you blinked your eyes twice
and raised an eyebrow
don’t call me on that now
don’t call me on that now
I just thought I saw you do it

and I know I can’t make it up to you
so why should I even try
you already have my heart
it’s broken but you said that’s alright
it’s a relief to be
looking at someone that’s me
only why do you
have to be in the picture
I could have sworn I knew it



hope you like, and comment par fever, cause that kind of thing makes me happy.

you do want me happy, don't you?

]]> ~JaiGuruDeVat http://JaiGuruDeVat.deviantart.com/journal/18468939/ http://JaiGuruDeVat.deviantart.com/journal/18468939/ Fri, 23 May 2008 19:19:04 PDT
ten things i want to do in my lifetime::
1) troubadour around the country in a VolksWagen bus
2) go cliff diving at First Beach in Forks, Washington
3) walk down Abbey Road and take an imitation of the Beatles' picture with three of my friend
4) be on e of those people on the Hollywood Beach boardwalk who reads the Bible out loud to passerby, talking about salvation. or at least sit and listen to one of them, those people deserve a better audience
5) give the entire contents of my wallet to someone on the side of the street
6) meditate with Buddhist monks in Tibet
7) dance in the rain in my backyard
8) go to Italy and try to strike up random conversations with people in 'Chinese' (gibberish!)
9) do that thing that they do in the Kleenex commercial with the couch in the middle of nowhere and whoever wants to can come sit and talk to you about anything
10) stay in a mall for 1 week, in a different store every night

link for Fast Car: [link]

]]> ~JaiGuruDeVat http://JaiGuruDeVat.deviantart.com/journal/18460299/ http://JaiGuruDeVat.deviantart.com/journal/18460299/ Fri, 23 May 2008 08:59:48 PDT my hair is so long now, when it's straightened it reaches like a centimeter past the end of my back. i'm trying to get it to my knees someday.

i watched romeo and juliet last night, but not the normal version, the one set in the '90s in some other country, with too much neon and lots of drugs and gay/incestuous people. but leonardo dicaprio's in it, so that kind of makes it much more bearable to watch (and very interesting in the parts where there is no neon). anyway, i never realized how shallow Romeo & Juliet was! here is the storyline as far as i understood::
-romeo is already in love with some girl named rosaline or something, and he's all crazy serious about it
-but then he goes to a party and gets high and sees juliet and he's all "ooh pretty girl, i'm gonna go make out with her" and you never hear about rosaline again (and come on, romeo was so high he could've been making out with juliet's father, for all he knew)
-juliet and romeo get married the next day (secretly)
-juliet has to also marry some guy she don't like so she pretends to be dead
-romeo kills himself
-juliet kills herself

SHALLOW.

]]> ~JaiGuruDeVat http://JaiGuruDeVat.deviantart.com/journal/18404746/ http://JaiGuruDeVat.deviantart.com/journal/18404746/ Mon, 19 May 2008 18:38:42 PDT [link]
just listen to the song, ignore the stupid bassfishing video

so kevin's little sister (kayla) 's birthday party was saturday. whoooooo!
it was a little violent when we got to the part where i was trying to push kevin off his skateboard so his knee would pop out (cause apparently it does that), so he backed me into a tree (with the skateboard) and i cut my foot on a cinder block, and then i grabbed his shoulders and slapped his face and such. other ways i annoyed kevin:
-put duct tape on his (bearded) face
-dropped ice down his shirt
-kept clicking the tap on a cherry cola can so it made a popopopopppppp noise, for like 20 minutes

twas pretty rockin' especially in kevin's garage when he got fed up with me annoying him and wrote me a song. don't know what it's titled, but it was sweet *WARNING: STRONG LANGUAGE AHEAD. I do not own Kevin and am not responsible for Kevin, his language/vulgarity, or his artistic creations in any way shape or form, soo... enjoy!*

stupid whore
sitting on my Ab Lounge
you're never gonna get skinny, bitch

just go home
you eat all my food
i think you even ate some kids

stupid whore, stupid whore
Aly you're a big whore
stupid whore, stupid whore
Aly you're a big whore
-------
END OF SONG.

well, wooow. what can i say but thank you, Kevin. you, uh... did a great job?
no but seriously dude the tune was awesome.


also, the song i am currently listeningto is something i heard in Kevin's car, which is sooooo awesome i must say i developed an instant taste for ska.

peace out, everybody
---aly >*

]]> ~JaiGuruDeVat http://JaiGuruDeVat.deviantart.com/journal/18342460/ http://JaiGuruDeVat.deviantart.com/journal/18342460/ Thu, 15 May 2008 19:33:48 PDT okay good just making perfect sure you guys get that. i'm a happy person, just if i get sad i get overemotional and crazy so i go overboard. i'm used to it, someday you'll be too.

on the other hand, you have more fingers. don't know why i felt like saying that, but yeah, you do.

so i decided that i am going back through all of my journals and under 'listening to' i'm gonna add a link to the song/preffered video i was listening to. so if anybody's curious, you just click.

i am adding new stuff, just give me some time. homework is weighing me down right now.

okay, so that's it, i guess.... click the links

peace out ---- aly

p.s.: as for who the song/journal is for, there HAVE been successful guesses, just i didn't let anybody know. so... deal

]]> ~JaiGuruDeVat http://JaiGuruDeVat.deviantart.com/journal/18289969/ http://JaiGuruDeVat.deviantart.com/journal/18289969/ Mon, 12 May 2008 15:07:50 PDT ). if you pay enough attention, you will notice that this is closely related to my latest deviation.
small excerpt:

i'm looking at *person*'s hands now. i've been waiting to look at his hands since, wow i dunno, the last time i looked at his hands. buzzy and sara said i was right about what i said about them - that they're perfect - and i dunno, but i think those hands could hold time if they wanted to.
maybe they can just make last the moment that i plunge a pencil into my wrist. maybe time can stop just before i realize i'm going to cry.
please stop looking away cause i know you have no idea and that kills me. hence the dotted line on my wrist with the words please kill me under it. at least wait for me to waste away into oblivion. it shouldn't take long...

]]> ~JaiGuruDeVat http://JaiGuruDeVat.deviantart.com/journal/18279888/ http://JaiGuruDeVat.deviantart.com/journal/18279888/ Sun, 11 May 2008 19:44:14 PDT it was funny, cause he was all like "i feel like a pedophile" cause me and kayla and sara were there and we're all younger than him and following him on our way around the sidewalk and tennis courts and school.
he's interesting and a little creepy but there's not any one defining thing that he did that makes him creepy, he was just all saying some really weird (and funny) stuff and we were singing Dora songs and he kept flicking me and Kayla off. so.. yeah.

we went to publix today, not the publix we usually go to, but a different one. there were some really weird people there too, plus this one cute guy that was looking at Kayla (but not me, figures). and then when we were at the checkout I decided to start naming the people that were around us and I named the two checkout guys and some other manager-looking dude and they were Jeff, Syndrome, and Koky. (i named cashier dude Syndrome cause he had really spiky hair that kinda went towards the back of his head, like Syndrome from The Incredibles… haha). so then I decided i’m gonna use that topic as my next conversation starter: “so I was hangin’ out at publix with Jeff, Koky, and Syndrome…”
awwww yeauh.

oh and happy momma's boy to you.




LINK FOR DON'T SHOOT ME SANTA::: [link]

]]> ~JaiGuruDeVat http://JaiGuruDeVat.deviantart.com/journal/18270302/ http://JaiGuruDeVat.deviantart.com/journal/18270302/ Sun, 11 May 2008 09:16:14 PDT ew. i could just excuse myself of that cause between Disney on Friday and biscotti and cookies for breakfast this morning, it's pretty logical i would gain two pounds, but it's still depressing. and i'll bet you my whole life savings (which is like four dollars and some change that i plan on spending on eye liner later today anyhow) that it's not going to go away. i'm gonna be so FAT by next year....

anyway, Disney rocked (even though i ate too much crap), and i got an abstinence ring! i've been looking forward to that. umm... i rode Space Mountain and Thunder Mountain and a whole bunch of other Mountains, and i got WET! even though i didn't go on any water rides. i was really hot, so i poured like the equivalent of fourteen water bottles on my head. i was SOAKEDDDD. also we played truth or dare when we were waiting for everyone to show up so we could head to the buses, and i got dared to try to push Alex off the fence-thing that goes around all that flowers and grass, and i did. except i actually pushed him in by accident. and then he started cursing at me and Mrs. Kramer got all mad and scolding me and stuff. haha. sorry, Alex. xP

]]> ~JaiGuruDeVat http://JaiGuruDeVat.deviantart.com/journal/18212643/ http://JaiGuruDeVat.deviantart.com/journal/18212643/ Wed, 07 May 2008 14:05:34 PDT
so as im on my way home from school today, i pass this one sidewalk corner where there's these two nice old guys passing out these little pocket Bibles to everyone that passes. i take mine and say thanks, smiling a little cause i already have the exact same one from last year when people from apparently the same church were passing them out. then i just carry on my way, my walk a little lighter and my day a little happier. apparently that's too good to be true for me, cause someone had to kill it; i passed this on my way home: [link] some asshole ripped it up.

now, i just think you should know, there was a much worse version of this i tried to post but it got lost cause i was randomly signed out. right about this part there was a long, profanity-laced, all-caps segment on how mad i am. i have decided to leave this part out in my second version.

but look: i'm not saying you have to be Christian. im just saying you need to have respect for people who are. if someone randomly handed me a book that was holy and important to them (i don't care if it was a book of f*ing WITCHCRAFT) i wouldn't rip it up, and i wouldn't throw it in someone's yard.

THANK YOU

]]> ~JaiGuruDeVat http://JaiGuruDeVat.deviantart.com/journal/18199687/ http://JaiGuruDeVat.deviantart.com/journal/18199687/ Tue, 06 May 2008 16:30:25 PDT my conversation with my mother (i had already told her that i had an F in science):
me: okay ma you have to sign my interim...
mom: yeah just put it on the table ill tae care of it later
me: are you sure you don't want to see it now ...*mumble*... goes great with the face of shame i made for it
mom: *ignores me*
me: no really i worked on it for hours, it's pretty great

so at least she took that well.

P.S.: ignore the mature content warning on my second most recent deviation

P.P.S.:: to see the first paragraph of the wedding night (cause the little toolbar thingy gets in the way) click the little dark square in the top right corner (looks like a little stop thingy on a CD player). yeah. okay. that's it.

]]> ~JaiGuruDeVat http://JaiGuruDeVat.deviantart.com/journal/18160537/ http://JaiGuruDeVat.deviantart.com/journal/18160537/ Sun, 04 May 2008 07:41:08 PDT
anyway, im listening to Lollipop, and DAMN that is one amazing and catchy song. me and kayla have been singing it all morning.

]]> ~JaiGuruDeVat http://JaiGuruDeVat.deviantart.com/journal/18154630/ http://JaiGuruDeVat.deviantart.com/journal/18154630/ Sat, 03 May 2008 19:54:10 PDT so anyway, i was waiting there and Mr. Hazelcorn (administrator dude) came and sat like, a two-person space away from me. i noticed after a few minutes that he was singing 'You Are So Beautiful (To Me)', and that made me remember that once like, last year or something Mr. Plisko was standing outside his room after school, and he was singing Edelweiss (from the sound of music). and that got me thinking that maybe all teachers are sad like that? i mean, not that the songs are sad, but both of them looked so sad singing, and really alone. so maybe teachers are just sad?
sara said that the school is like their baby. and all the kids running through it are like some kind of disease that will hurt the baby if they are too awful. and that the teachers (and custodians) like taking care of the school, after the kids go home. does that make them sad?

do we make them sad?

]]> ~JaiGuruDeVat http://JaiGuruDeVat.deviantart.com/journal/18117971/ http://JaiGuruDeVat.deviantart.com/journal/18117971/ Thu, 01 May 2008 13:38:18 PDT actually, i remember a lot about her, her name was Laura ('cept in Spanish it's pronounced kinda like loud-ah) and she had a really weird voice, almost like she was sick all the time only she wasn't. she was really nice, and that's where i'm thinking she was a klepto and not just a regular theif, cause she didn't just like stealing stuff, she pretty much couldn't help it. i used to try to get her to stop, i'd be all like "i won't be your friend anymore if you don't stop stealing stuff", which is the kind of thing that actually works in first grade. and she would stop for a while, but then she would start back up again.
huh, i kind of miss her. she was pretty nice.
hey, if anyone out there is named Laura and is/was a klepto and went to PSN, remember me, i'm aly?

anyway, i finally figured out how to submit lit. on deviantart, which is a relief cause as you all can tell, photography and drawing are not my forte. i'm more of a writer, so... yeah. be looking for my stuff on here soon!

oh by the way, i lied; this entry has absolutely nothing to do with klondike bars. sorry to those of you who thought i must be giving them away to whoever would read this or something. thanks to those of you who didn't just read this for the klondike bar title.

------peace >*

]]> ~JaiGuruDeVat http://JaiGuruDeVat.deviantart.com/journal/18104240/ http://JaiGuruDeVat.deviantart.com/journal/18104240/ Wed, 30 Apr 2008 15:44:35 PDT Stacy's Mom is on against my will as well, and this is like the umpteenth time i have heard it because my mother is obsessed. is there not something wrong when your mom develops an attachment to a song called 'stacy's mom'? she's crazy, i tell you. ... crazy.
also i find it necessary for you to know that the strawberries weren't supposed to be frozen, they were actually in my refrigerator. except my refridgerator is pretty ditzy and it freezes half the stuff in there.
maybe... maybe my life is like a frozen strawberry - just like all the other ones, but still a disappointment. a disappointment that is felt only by its owner.

]]> ~JaiGuruDeVat