deviantART: by:Jerret-the-Ferret

FEATURES

http://Jerret-the-Ferret.deviantart.com/journal/22454977/ Wed, 07 Jan 2009 15:30:28 PST Someday you will die
But I'll be close behind
I'll follow you into the dark
No blinding lights or tunnels to gates of white
Just our hands clasped so tight
Waiting for the hint of the spark

If heaven and hell decide that they both are satisfied
Illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs
If there's no one beside you when your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark"

I will follow you into the dark

I still will follow you...
or I'll already be waiting for you.

Journal design By *shelldevil-art ]]> =Jerret-the-Ferret the inspiration for my pencil sketches http://Jerret-the-Ferret.deviantart.com/journal/22092281/ http://Jerret-the-Ferret.deviantart.com/journal/22092281/ Sat, 20 Dec 2008 20:48:01 PST this rather than being emotionless"

after chatting with the person that said that, i immediatly figured, 'hm... i could stay in this mild-deep depression for my life. it suits me.' i know some friends are gonna be like, 'Noooo not allowed. you must come be with us and forget it. it's in the past.'

well, nyeh. i said mild-deep. not just deep. and by mild i mean those are the times when i do socialize with y'all. the deep part is when i hide in my corners and dissapear, usually cause i'm extremely stuck in the past and want it back so much it hurts more than usual, or when reality has hit hard again and screams, "you were wrong! you're really not worth anything! you're cursed to live alone through this life with only your regret because you always mess things up and just aren't worth it to anyone." and various things like, "*whisper* he's been messing with you...using you....". yes those are the things that a voice in my head tells me. (it's an evil little bugger -.- )

but thats when i turn to my music, maybe/usually cry and then draw. and out come the pencil drawings that i'm particuarly proud of. so it works out. though i'd probably stay in this emotion no matter what. it just suits me anyway. keeps me in touch with my emotions. maybe a bit too much at times cause i usually feel worthless and go around believing everything that voice says, but oh well. its also the subliminal message he sends everytime he goes on a rant about how it ends up the same and that i'm no different than the others.

*deeps sigh* oh well...what can ya do? just sit there, feel ashamed and worthless, then draw it out.

Journal design By *shelldevil-art ]]> =Jerret-the-Ferret meh http://Jerret-the-Ferret.deviantart.com/journal/21987411/ http://Jerret-the-Ferret.deviantart.com/journal/21987411/ Sun, 14 Dec 2008 19:39:28 PST
really want one for college.

but in the mean time, gonna poke around with some other free programs and see what i can come up with. and also finish some drawings and post them since it's been a while..

got some good ones planned. some of the old ones. they will surly cause cuteness explosions

Journal By *shelldevil-art ]]> =Jerret-the-Ferret CS4???? http://Jerret-the-Ferret.deviantart.com/journal/21948049/ http://Jerret-the-Ferret.deviantart.com/journal/21948049/ Fri, 12 Dec 2008 13:53:52 PST
but i'm also just realy excited causee dad agreed to get me adobe cs4 for christmas!!

yay! i may finally be able to start seriously tryin some digi art!

don't know how it'll turn out but who cares

just wanna give it a shot

and mroe good news... he's not gonna be here tilll 5:30 sooo...
bye bye. i need this 40 min of sleep to get through the game.
Washington Caps vs. Ottawa Senators

Journal By *shelldevil-art ]]> =Jerret-the-Ferret another music thingy http://Jerret-the-Ferret.deviantart.com/journal/21891898/ http://Jerret-the-Ferret.deviantart.com/journal/21891898/ Tue, 09 Dec 2008 01:26:16 PST

RULES:
1) Put your itunes,window media,MP3player, etc. on Shuffle
2) For each question, press the next button to get your answer
3) YOU MUST WRITE THE NAME OF THE SONG NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS!
4)Put any comments in brackets after the song name

Are you male or female?
The Long Road Back -Hanz Zimmer (Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron)
[uhh, i guess i dont know and i have to search the past to find out...o.o]

Describe Yourself!
Mischief Managed! -John Williams (Harry Potter 3)
[nuff said]

What do people feel when they are around you?
Slip 'n Bleed -Dane cook (Harmful If Swalllowed)
[oh....they feel pain when they're around me...i knew it!!! *cries*]

Describe your current relationship:
Beauty's Been Decreased -Felicia Finley (Forbidden Broadway)
[i got ugly...ER!!!]

Where would you like to be now?
As Long As You're Mine -Norbert Leo Butz (Wicked)
[*immediatly thinks of you*...wish I was back with you]

How do you feel about love?
I Don't Wanna Be -Gavin DeGraw
[my train of thought: One Tree Hill -> watching all season 1 the summer after freshman year -> that summer...i don't know why i did it, its not like me...i don't understand it...
"I don't wanna be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately
All I have to do is think of me and have peace of mind
I'm tired of looking 'round rooms wondering what I gotta do
Or who I'm supposed to be
I don't want to be anything other than me"]

What is your life like?
Someday - All-4-One (Disney's The Hunchback of Notre Dame)
[getting kinda odd how i get the perfect song for every really personal question...but yeah, my life? Always praying for a better tomorrow and trying to trust that God has a plan]

What would you ask if you had only one wish?
Lonely(old version) -Akon
[the perfect song thingy strikes again o.o
I'd ask for us to go back to the way we were before it happened...]

Say something wise.
Here I Am Lord -Robert Kochis (May Angels Welcome You)
["All who dwell in dark and sin,
My hand will save" ...I hope to God that's true..]

If someone said "is that ok?" you would say:
Chim Chim Cher-ee -Dick Van Dyke, Julie Andrews (from Marry Poppins)
[it's SUPERCALIFRAGILISTICEXPIALIDOCIOUS!!!! XD ]

What do you like in a guy/girl?
Underwater Secrets -Patrick Doyle (Harry Potter 4)
[apparently I like the secrets they keep...underwater! 8D ]

How do you feel today?
The Nothing Fight(Album Version) -Dane Cook (Retaliation)
["I can't just walk away from 40-50 CDs. It's gonna take another 2-3 years of abuse until I can leave, with my CDs" XD ]

What's your life's purpose?
Teardrops On My Guitar -Taylor Swift
[awwww come on D: ....*looks up to the Heavens* THIS can't be my life's purpose...You serious?? aw man...figures..]

What is your motto?
Holy Water -Big&Rich (Horse of a Different Color)
[idk...when in doubt, pray? i get through things with several different mottos and reasonings]

What do you think of your parent?
Dream House(Album Version) -Dane Cook (Retaliation)
["Dream it you f*cking dreamers!!" XD ]

What do you think about very often?
Larger than Life -Backstreet Boys
[00....uhm, not this. *listens, remembers it quickly and starts singin along* but now its gonna be stuck in my head all day]

What is 2+2?
Saved -Big & Rich (Horse of a Different Color)
[aw man, first song to totally ruin the perfect song match >= P ]

What do you think of your best friend?
L'O'V'E (Album Version) -Dane Cook (Retaliation)
[She ALWAYS falls in love when I'm all alone!!!]

What do you think about the person you like?
You're Still You -Josh Groban (Josh Groban)
[perfect song....cept this is for the person I love cause i don't "like"
anyone right now.
You've changed so much...But this song, it describes exactly how I saw you...

What is your life story?
Finale -Patrick Doyle (Harry Poter 3)
[tragedy looming...then something or someone saves me...I see the world a little differently from before...then maybe its time to say goodbye]

What do you want to be when you grow up?
No Place Like London -Johnny Depp and... ]]> =Jerret-the-Ferret Devious Journal Entry http://Jerret-the-Ferret.deviantart.com/journal/21683065/ http://Jerret-the-Ferret.deviantart.com/journal/21683065/ Wed, 26 Nov 2008 14:55:54 PST

RULES:
Put your MP3 player thing on shuffle, and write down the first line of the first twenty songs. Post the poem that results.
~~~~~~~~~~~~

Osi iusti meditabitur sapientiam
Yeah, here we go for the hundredth time
All right you Chipmunks! Ready to sing your song?
I took my love and I took it down

There's a train leaving town, If you hurry up I think you just might make it
Bustopher Jones is not skin and bones
Every time you take a sip

Gus is the Cat at the Theatre Door
Where is the moment we needed the most
When the night has come
Somewhere out there beneath the pale moonlight

I feel you, Johanna
The samples won't delay but the cable --
Spend your lazy, endless crazy, days inside my head...
I've changed the presets in my truck so those old songs don't sneak up.

Dont worry about a thing, cause every little thing gonna be all right.
A dream is a wish your heart makes when you're fast asleep
When a single mom goes out on a date with somebody new
Pilgrim, how you journey

Journal By *shelldevil-art ]]> =Jerret-the-Ferret just a smidge hyper http://Jerret-the-Ferret.deviantart.com/journal/21557114/ http://Jerret-the-Ferret.deviantart.com/journal/21557114/ Tue, 18 Nov 2008 19:27:25 PST
Heh, yeah I know that's not good. See, I stayed up till about 3AM on friday, saturday, and sunday night. Then did an all nighter last night and now I get to do it again

Been falling behind in some school work and although I passed every class except for chemistry with an A or B last quarter, I kinda cut it close with my AP US history and English class. Barely got an A in Prob&Stat but thats just more annoying than bad to get a B in that class. Hahaha bitches! my first A in a math class since.....uhm....maybe 4th grade.... o.o Heh, I know I got a B during a few quarters spread out over the years...but not an A. Well, better getting the A's now than elementary school.

Oh yeah, right. I've got a lot of work I should get back to, I just wanted to post a new journal entry up so the last one..wasn't up....there....for everyone to immediately see..... Xx

Oh, and if y'all were wondering about my sudden change in artwork, it's just been my more recent mood. Saddness and some despair. I'm getting better though. But we'll see how people like my pencil sketches for a change. Pencil sketches have always been my stronger art type. I also got a sketch of a pony that I drew back in middle school that I take a bit of pride in.

What I really want to do also, is get Adobe Photoshop CS4 for Christmas and learn how to turn my Jerret colored pencil cartoons into digital works. I've also made it a point to take some pictures of my ceramic pieces and, when I actually finish the damn thing, my wire sculpture of Pegasus that I started last year in sculpture I, DX Okay, I kinda stopped working on it after a few months and only picked it up maybe twice over the summer and that's why it's still not done. But my teacher, Mr. P, and another art teacher, Mr. Trueheart (sp?) really want me to finish it for scholastics. Time to bring out those horrid hand wraps again!! ^^ The wire can be really sharp so I needed something to cover my hands, being that they were covered in scars. So I took an old book cover and sewed it by hand to make hand wraps. XD

Haha, remember this one day in fall, was sitting outside on a little wall by the school doors waiting to be picked up. It was windy and cold. I was wearing my moms old pair of jeans that were pretty baggy on me with the ends ripped and some mud and dirt on them, a baggy t-shirt with a few little holes in it, a lite hoodie over that, then a large old jacket over that, a scarf, and my old new balance sneaks that are covered with years old dirt and the right shoe has been worn through at the big toe. I had my cloth messenger bag that I carry my wire horse in, my temporary backpack, and my hand wraps. This was also when I had longish bangs that hung in my face if i didn't pull them back. But with the wind, my hair was blown to a bit of a mess. By the time mom pulled up, I looked "like such an unloved child". Cold, shivering, tangled hair, wearing baggy and too big for me clothes. If I remember correctly, I was also having some trouble with acne so I probably looked like I rarely cleaned my face as well.

haha, that was a bit of a long rant about almost nothing.

Journal By *shelldevil-art ]]> =Jerret-the-Ferret stolen from Bandgeekandproud http://Jerret-the-Ferret.deviantart.com/journal/21437906/ http://Jerret-the-Ferret.deviantart.com/journal/21437906/ Tue, 11 Nov 2008 12:36:05 PST ;;;

[ ]Smoked
[X]Drank alcohol
[ ]Cried when someone died
[X]Been drunk
[X]Had sex
[X]Been to a concert
[X]Gotten/given a hand job
[X]Gotten/given a blow job
[X]Been verbally/sexually harassed
[ ]Verbally/sexually harassed somebody

Total: 93

[X]Felt someone up and/or been felt up
[X]Laughed so hard something came out of your nose
[X]Cheated on a boyfriend/girlfriend before
[X]Been cheated on by a boyfriend/girlfriend
[ ]Been to formal/prom
[X]Cried at school
[ ]Gotten lost in a department store
[ ]Went streaking
[ ]Given or received a lap dance
[X]Had someone of the opposite sex in your room

Total: 88

[ ]Had someone of the opposite sex sleep over
[ ]Slept over at someone of the opposite sex's house
[ ]Kissed a stranger
[ ]Hugged a stranger
[ ]Went scuba diving
[ ]Driven a car
[ ]Gotten an x-ray
[ ]Hit by a car
[X]Had a party
[ ]Done serious drugs

Total: 87

[X]Played strip poker/darts (IT WAS WITH FRIENDS, I SWEAR)
[ ]Got paid to strip for someone
[ ]Ran away from home
[ ]Broken a bone
[X]Eaten sushi
[ ]Bought porn
[X]Watched porn (i was looking for the cd cover of phantom of the opera and for some reason it took me to a...bad...website...xX)
[ ]Made porn
[ ]Had a crush on someone of the same sex
[X]Been in love

Total: 83

[X]French kissed
[X ]Laughed so hard you cried
[X]Cried yourself to sleep
[ ]Laughed yourself to sleep
[X]Stabbed yourself
[ ]Shot a gun
[ ]Trash talked someone and then acted like their best friend the next day
[X]Been online for 9 consecutive hours
[X]Watched TV for 9 consecutive hours
[ ]Watched an animal die

Total: 77

[ ]Watched a person die
[X]Kissed and/or messed around somewhere with at least 1 person
[X]Pranked somebody
[ ]Put somebody in the hospital
[ ]Snuck into someone's room and/or your own room after being out
[ ]Kissed somebody of the same sex
[ ]Dressed punk
[ ]Dressed goth
[X]Dressed preppy
[ ]Been to a motocross race

Total: 74

[X]Avoided somebody
[X]Been stalked
[X]Stalked someone
[ ]Met a celebrity
[X]Played an instrument
[X]Ridden a horse
[X]Cut yourself
[ ]Bungee jumped
[ ]Ding dong ditched somebody
[ ]Been to a wild party

Total: 68

[ ]Been caught stealing something
[ ]Kicked/punched a guy in the balls
[ ]Stolen a boyfriend/girlfriend from a friend
[ ]Gone out with your friend's crush
[ ]Got arrested
[ ]Been pregnant
[X]Baby sat
[X]Been to another country
[ ]Started your house on fire
[ ]Had an encounter with a ghost

Total: 66

[ ]Donated your hair to cancer patients
[X]Been asked out by someone that you never thought you'd be asked out by
[X]Cried over a member of the opposite sex (ohh, many many times it's not even funny)
[X]had Boyfriend/girlfriend for over 2 months (haha, all my relationships lasted at least 5 months except one)
[X]Sat on your butt all day
[X]Ate a whole carton of ice cream all by yourself (i'ma fatty)
[ ]Had a job
[ ]Gotten cut from a sports team
[X]Been called a whore
[ ]Danced like a whore

Total: 60

[ ]Been told you resemble a celebrity
[ ]Been in a car accident
[X]Been told you have beautiful eyes
[X]Been told you have beautiful hair
[ ]Raped somebody
[ ]Danced in the rain
[ ]Been rejected
[ ]Left a restaurant without paying
[X]Punched someone/slapped someone in the face
[x]Been raped (kinda..don't ask)

Total: 56

don't judge me plz. xX

Journal By ~shelldevil-art ]]> =Jerret-the-Ferret rawr http://Jerret-the-Ferret.deviantart.com/journal/21396540/ http://Jerret-the-Ferret.deviantart.com/journal/21396540/ Sat, 08 Nov 2008 22:41:29 PST
was unusually perky-ish and content, maybe even kinda happy during the past week. my friend also went that way and we were joking about it. despite the optimism, i knew it wouldn't last. so i mentioned that and said, "see, something's going to happen over the weekend and i'll be back in one of my emo slumps for another week or two at least."

so, i'm heading back in it. grah... -.-
i also noticed that during my perky times, i do more doodles and get more drawings done (while kinda skimping off on hw

). but i really wanna get these drawings done so we'll see what happens.

oh, and i thought the rainbow journal design was a bit too happy so i'm changing it to.....THIS

ahhh...much better. always liked darker designs

okay, this makes me a bit happier.

Journal By ~shelldevil-art ]]> =Jerret-the-Ferret lets see if this works... http://Jerret-the-Ferret.deviantart.com/journal/21380785/ http://Jerret-the-Ferret.deviantart.com/journal/21380785/ Fri, 07 Nov 2008 22:54:09 PST
oh yeah, finished another drawing today and i'll finish the other two of this segment of the "ferret lovers" cartoon.

rawr, there were some spacing issues. lets try again...
grrr....spacing issue with the subject and first line of the entry.....xX

-okay, since i still don't know css and i can't fix it. i'll just have to use this other css ]]> =Jerret-the-Ferret hm http://Jerret-the-Ferret.deviantart.com/journal/21171292/ http://Jerret-the-Ferret.deviantart.com/journal/21171292/ Sun, 26 Oct 2008 12:41:02 PDT
i'm also working on some new ones as well but i'll try to get them up soon....-ish...

]]> =Jerret-the-Ferret on my own http://Jerret-the-Ferret.deviantart.com/journal/21161328/ http://Jerret-the-Ferret.deviantart.com/journal/21161328/ Sat, 25 Oct 2008 20:00:44 PDT Nowhere to turn, no one to go to
Without a home without a friend
Without a face to say hello to
But now the night is near
I can make believe he is here

Sometimes I walk alone at night
When everybody else is sleeping
I think of him and then I'm happy
With the company I'm keeping
The city goes to bed
And I can live inside my head

On my own
Pretending he's beside me
All alone
I walk with him till morning
Without him
I feel his arms around me
And when I lose my way I close my eyes
And he has found me

In the rain the pavement shines like silver
All the lights are misty in the river
In the darkness, the trees are full of starlight
And all I see is him and me forever and forever"
~~~~~~~

but its not meant to be....

now i really do have no one.....please let there be school shooting on monday or let me get hit by a car or anything thats fatal. and let it kill me.

]]> =Jerret-the-Ferret alone http://Jerret-the-Ferret.deviantart.com/journal/21102071/ http://Jerret-the-Ferret.deviantart.com/journal/21102071/ Tue, 21 Oct 2008 20:30:24 PDT
i have no one to go to with my worries and troubles. no one to fall into for support.

i can't talk to my best friend because she's fed up with these repetitious problems with the same people in my life. she said it broke her heart one day when i looked completely defeated by all that had happened. i understand, i've always gone to her with my problems, but only because i always thought she was tough enough to take them on. but now i can't talk to her about those problems that reign over my life.
and if i can't talk to her about them, then how can i go to anyone else? my other friends who i used to go to are also tired of it all. they haven't come out and said it, but i can tell. its clear in their tones and words.
the only other two people left who i used to talk to, are more directly involved with the problems themselves. one i'm not talking to any more for his own sake - i've been leading him on for far to long.
the other is struggling with his own problems and i can't bring myself to place more burdens on his shoulders...

so that is why i feel so alone. i wont go into details for fear of friends reading this and learning what is troubling me so.
they know something's wrong. they're not blind.

"you seem really sad, do you wanna talk about anything?"
"you're acting weird"

i never said they didn't care any more, i just said that some are tired of hearing the same problems so i'm sparing them by keeping them in the dark. i realized though, how hard it is to go it alone. this is a perfect example. i finally cracked enough to mention this as a journal entry on dA, even though i know at least one friend is gonna read this and be like, what's wrong? you don't have to be alone, or something around those lines...

......i really need someone.....someone how truly cares. someone to lean on...

"lean on me
when you're not strong
and i'll be your friend...
we all need somebody
to lean on..." ]]> =Jerret-the-Ferret why am i still up?? http://Jerret-the-Ferret.deviantart.com/journal/21089713/ http://Jerret-the-Ferret.deviantart.com/journal/21089713/ Tue, 21 Oct 2008 04:12:00 PDT

wow i'm really tired and i'm getting a headache. i really should go to bed but i aint gonna.

oh yeah, about those drawings...heh, i'm sorry. got caught up with other work and stuff

my bad.
i'm really trying to put something new up besides these journal entries. mostly because i think only 3 people at most read it.

but its fine, mostly cuz i can't expect much without more friends or fans on dA. probably never gonna get well known for my work though, but thats okay, since i haven't gotten ahold of digital art yet..... -.- ............whoa, almost fell asleep there. *slaps cheek* wake up! wake up!

hm, i guess i do have a lot to talk about but i'm too tired and....*sleep*

]]> =Jerret-the-Ferret apologies http://Jerret-the-Ferret.deviantart.com/journal/20986247/ http://Jerret-the-Ferret.deviantart.com/journal/20986247/ Tue, 14 Oct 2008 13:33:59 PDT
Hope to have these two up by the end of the week. Then after this weekend I'll be able to finish another drawing and start another. When those two are done I'll put them and another one up as well.
Once again, sorry for the long pause.

]]> =Jerret-the-Ferret God damn you God!!! http://Jerret-the-Ferret.deviantart.com/journal/20946135/ http://Jerret-the-Ferret.deviantart.com/journal/20946135/ Sun, 12 Oct 2008 00:40:20 PDT if that keeps up you wont love me anymore
love doesnt last long if it is never returned
if you dont think i'm returning it then it'll die before we get back together"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

you have the worst timing!!!!!!!!

i know i prayed to you for a long time, begging you to let me stop loving him and to stop caring. well i change my mind. please, give it back. i want my love for him back!

....i still wish i could start everything over. wish i could just die and come back within a few days. come back as i was before so michael and i could be happy together. i want that more than anything....i know i said starting over would mean leaving him behind, but....this can't be....i tried so hard to get over him, and now that when we have a chance to be together again you take my love away. You Cant Do This!!!

............and now, as i listen to this song....Whiskey Lullaby...the story of my guilt.........is this?.....i feel.....but....no, it cant be that my love for michael made it this long because of my guilt.....No, i refuse to believe it.

please let this be a sign that i can find my love for him, please let it still be there but maybe just tucked away deep inside.....even if it means i cant escape my past, i still want my love back. oh God please let this mean i've found my love again, please.

and please, help me believe his words. help us believe each other. please, you brought us together and then let us tear the others heart apart, now let this be the chance we prayed for. let this be the time that it works out. that it continues with us loving each other forever. sharing the heavenly future we always planned. just us with our family.

please don't let me lose him again. i want to be with him. but if you must keep us apart for the rest of our lives, then please let us be reunited in heaven. because there it'll be as if it never happened. we could live the way we would have.

[link]
"Whiskey Lullaby" -Brad Paisley & Allison Kraus ]]> =Jerret-the-Ferret oy vey http://Jerret-the-Ferret.deviantart.com/journal/20867248/ http://Jerret-the-Ferret.deviantart.com/journal/20867248/ Mon, 06 Oct 2008 23:08:19 PDT
well anyway, while I'm still in a calmish state of mind, i just wanted to let my watchers know that i have like 6 drawings made. need to finish 3 and need to draw one or two more before i can put a couple up though. sorry

; just been caught up in a lot lately....

In short, my ex-fiance tried to kill himself on Thursday, October 2, night. I found out about it when I wasn't supposed to know, so there was nothing I could really do... He lives in SC and I'm in VA. So as far as I know, he's dead. I accept that as the truth too, so I don't want to hear any more, "but he could still be alive. have you checked with any one?"
I don't want to hear it. Just leave me to believe what I feel. He's gone.
Heh, there's even a sad irony that goes along with it as well, a couple actually I guess, but I'll explain it if you wanna chat on AIM or somethin.

Well, that's mostly why i haven't been putting anything up but journal entries for a while. I'll try to get some pics up by today or wednesday.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

To my beloved,
I wish I could've been there for you. I'm so sorry...for everything. It was all my fault, my sins destroyed us. I'm so sorry my love...

"I close my eyes
And dream of you and I
And then I realize
There's more to love than only bitterness and lies
I close my eyes

I'd give away my soul to hold you once again
And never let those moments end

I let you go
I let you fly
Now that I know why I'm asking why
I let you go
Now that I found
A way to keep somehow
More than a broken vow "

"Without you, the hand gropes, the ear hears, the pulse beats.
Life goes on but I'm gone cause I die without you..."

"ItÂs hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go
But IÂm doinÂ It
ItÂs hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and IÂm alone
Still harder
Getting up, getting dressed, livinÂ with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade, give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken" ]]> =Jerret-the-Ferret I'm begging you!! http://Jerret-the-Ferret.deviantart.com/journal/20850902/ http://Jerret-the-Ferret.deviantart.com/journal/20850902/ Sun, 05 Oct 2008 22:40:22 PDT
i know i could handle it before, but not now. not now. please i can't do it. he's gone. he's gone. you took him away. why did you let him go?!!
GOD ALMIGHTY I DONT WANT TO DO THIS ANY MORE
please just end it. i can't make it. i dont want to make it. i cant live like this. please god, PLEASE!!!!!!

"Now my body's on the floor and I am calling,
Well I'm calling out to you
Can you hear me now?" ]]> =Jerret-the-Ferret fail http://Jerret-the-Ferret.deviantart.com/journal/20800769/ http://Jerret-the-Ferret.deviantart.com/journal/20800769/ Thu, 02 Oct 2008 21:10:33 PDT Please, have some mercy on me. I know I've lived a life of lies and secrecy but this is it. Please don't let me make it through this. I want to give up for real. Let me disappear. Let me find a way to leave it all behind.

I don't want this strength, I don't want these eyes; these God forsaken eyes that find hope no matter where they turn. I don't want to wake up and face tomorrow. I don't want this! I don't want any of it!! You can take it all back!! You hear me? Take it ALL back!!

I don't...i don't want it...i dont want it any more..........i quit

"Now my body's on the floor and I am calling,
Well I'm calling out to you
Can you hear me now?" ]]> =Jerret-the-Ferret ^^ http://Jerret-the-Ferret.deviantart.com/journal/20729982/ http://Jerret-the-Ferret.deviantart.com/journal/20729982/ Sun, 28 Sep 2008 18:31:19 PDT okay, there's this song on youtube that I'm like in love with.

It's Final Fantasy IX's "You're Not Alone"
lyrics, vocals and instrumentals by katethegreat19

And I got the file!!!! YES!!!! I gots it on my ipod now!!!! ^^

[link]

^go listen now ]]> =Jerret-the-Ferret gdi http://Jerret-the-Ferret.deviantart.com/journal/20707918/ http://Jerret-the-Ferret.deviantart.com/journal/20707918/ Sat, 27 Sep 2008 15:30:33 PDT The guilt's no good and it only shames us more
And the truths that we all tried to hide
Are so much clearer when it's not our lives, when we don't face the blame

Won't you, get on your knees
Have faith
And belive in this lie with us all

Now, my body's on the floor
And I am calling
Well, I'm calling out to you
Can you hear me now?

Well, it's not a rebellion when you're selling out
To an out of fashion salesman
Our promising lives are full of empty promises
Temptation's falling and calling you home again
Well, I'm sorry if we've let you down

Won't you, get on your knees
Have faith
And believe in this lie with us all

Now, my body's on the floor
And I am calling
Well, I'm calling out to you
Oh, can you hear me now?

Now, my body's on the floor
And I am calling
Well, I'm calling out to you
Oh, can you feel me now?

What's wrong? What's wrong? What's wrong?
What's wrong? What's wrong? What's wrong?
Well, what's wrong? What's wrong? What's wrong?
What's wrong? What's wrong? What's wrong?

Now, my body's on the floor
And I am calling
Well, I'm calling out to you

Now, my body's on the floor
And I am calling
Now, my body's on the floor
And I am calling

Now, my body's on the floor
And I am calling
Well, I'm calling out to you, to you...

[link]

Hear Me Now (acoustic) ]]> =Jerret-the-Ferret We wont let you forget http://Jerret-the-Ferret.deviantart.com/journal/20695061/ http://Jerret-the-Ferret.deviantart.com/journal/20695061/ Fri, 26 Sep 2008 21:01:51 PDT
I'm no where near perfect, I don't even deserve the little dignity in "whore" or "slut".

"Don't tell me what to think
Cause I don't care this time
Don't tell me what you believe
Cause you won't be there
To catch me when I fall
But you'll need me when I'm not here at all
Miss me when I'm gone again, yeah" ]]> =Jerret-the-Ferret Peace be with you http://Jerret-the-Ferret.deviantart.com/journal/20678673/ http://Jerret-the-Ferret.deviantart.com/journal/20678673/ Thu, 25 Sep 2008 23:04:37 PDT
Amidst everything that's going on, I feel at peace here. Right now. Almost forgot these feelings. Content. At ease.
This is definitely one way I wouldn't mind dying. I love this feeling. I can just lay back and take my time. I want this feeling to last forever. I know it can't, but it's always nice while it lasts.

You see, things have been kinda rough lately. Actually they've been rough for like a year, but it's okay. I adapt to my environment more easily than some. Life's taught me how to deal with more challenges. Dealing with stuff way beyond my maturity level I guess. Or at least beyond my age. But then again, others have gone through so much worse at even younger ages than me. Everyone has baggage, even those who seem so happy; They have issues too. I think we could all learn from each other, if we could just learn to see things through another's eyes.

"Ma-linn-a
Ki-nu-taa-mun
Irr-u-sill
ua-ta-moon
Na-lu-ru-na-kii
Naa-la-gni-su-nai-qsu-tin
Kah-ee-li so-tee
gee-seev-see"

I need to find a way to depict this feeling. I want to share it with others. I want them to know this feeling. I want them to know peace. I want to leave this world with more than a binder of recorded text messages, some journals, and several drawings. But at the same time, I can't really think of another way to leave my imprint on this world. For those who know my story, and I mean really know it, my thoughts, innermost feelings, myself lay on those papers. They are my life; My past, present, and future.

By the way, ya'll know I'm depending on you to keep my story alive. I'll provide the writings and drawings, I just need ya'll to make at least one official copy. My story doesn't need to be spread around the world, just to my family and anyone else who cares or likes romance books. Heh, maybe after ya'll print the texts, Curly could write a real romance novel based on it. Haha, just an idea.

*peaceful sigh* I still feel great. I'm cherishing every moment. Lately the past week or so has been ridden with confusion for me. But now I've found peace with myself. I can let go of everything. For tonight at least, I'm a freakin' free ferret.

I want to be able to close my eyes, and when I open them, find myself in an open, lush, grassy meadow with a cool, clear pond at its heart. The mountains surrounding this paradise with forests to explore, creeks to play in, and maybe a few secrets as well. Perhaps I could even find myself with the power to change form.
In the world I live in now, I'm more like a ferret; Shy, more solitary, quiet, but playful at times.
But that is just half of me.
In my described paradise, I'd be a wolf. It is my other half; Proud, protective, strong, fearless.

May tonight's peace descend upon all. I pray one day we may all have it; Perhaps in Paradise.

[link]
"Papillon"

It's now 2:04AM ]]> =Jerret-the-Ferret Oh God http://Jerret-the-Ferret.deviantart.com/journal/20597666/ http://Jerret-the-Ferret.deviantart.com/journal/20597666/ Sun, 21 Sep 2008 08:01:30 PDT
I am stuck here, at my house...alone....with my grandmother.... DX

oh God help me!!!!!!

I'm stuck with her for 3 weeks while my mother is out of the country!!!!!

]]> =Jerret-the-Ferret *sigh*... http://Jerret-the-Ferret.deviantart.com/journal/20361382/ http://Jerret-the-Ferret.deviantart.com/journal/20361382/ Sat, 06 Sep 2008 16:48:12 PDT No hope, no future
I know I can't be free
But I can't see another way
And I can't face another day..."

]]> =Jerret-the-Ferret it never ends... http://Jerret-the-Ferret.deviantart.com/journal/20354255/ http://Jerret-the-Ferret.deviantart.com/journal/20354255/ Sat, 06 Sep 2008 09:04:41 PDT
-One of my best friends (who had been trying to show me that Michael really wasn't right for me, and who also really liked me) has been ignoring me and now he hardly talks to me after I told him that I still really liked him. Our feelings for each other were mutual but now....I don't know...

-One of my other good friends is back on the suicidal path...

It's just one God damned thing after the other....it's finally pushing me to the edge. I've already had to start with new meds that calm me down when I have anxiety attacks.
A bit ironic I guess, I did a report last year about panic attacks for psychology class.

-Oh yeah, and that creepy stalker guy who followed me around last year and tried to fucking kiss me, came up to me last night and now he knows I'm single because I couldn't lie quick enough.

God, I just want things back to the way they were last year.... I mean at least without Michael. I waited too long and lost my chance with someone I really care for.

]]> =Jerret-the-Ferret Wooot!!! http://Jerret-the-Ferret.deviantart.com/journal/20267788/ http://Jerret-the-Ferret.deviantart.com/journal/20267788/ Mon, 01 Sep 2008 08:56:45 PDT
and yet...........junior year of school means less time to draw....

NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

*sniff sniff* well....maybe I can eventually get some drawing in during one of my classes...

]]> =Jerret-the-Ferret yessss!!!! http://Jerret-the-Ferret.deviantart.com/journal/20204743/ http://Jerret-the-Ferret.deviantart.com/journal/20204743/ Thu, 28 Aug 2008 16:03:42 PDT
i finally had time to finish one of my pictures and now i should have time to finish a few more ^^

but the sad thing is............i'm in avalon, new jersey with family and they don't have a scanner so i can't put my stuff up yet DX

]]> =Jerret-the-Ferret