http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:JirayiaSensai&section=today deviantART RSS for by:JirayiaSensai en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Tue, 08 Dec 2009 11:24:56 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://JirayiaSensai.deviantart.com/journal/28695026/ http://JirayiaSensai.deviantart.com/journal/28695026/ Tue, 01 Dec 2009 16:33:07 PST IVE GOT SOMETHING TO SAY!
unfortunately i may bore you to death because this is all about my gamer side
so before i do,
I finished Phantom of the Opera recently and am totally dissapointed about how it ended
i felt bitch slapped.
"and so he died"
the end

what kind of b/s is that!?!!!

(major exagg.)

and on with the rest of life.

im soo excited.




erm.. let me retype that,
OH MY GOOOOOOODDDD!
IM SO DAMN EXCITED ABOUT

my xbox 360.
i've grinded through all of dragonball z burstlimit in one night!
too bad you can only push the cpu's difficulty so far ^-^
but no need! ive gone on to fight against crazy koreans ONLINE!
i got my gamertag and an xbox live subscription


gamertag: T3471ME
(TEATIME)

pretty clever huh?

besides that everything has been going along pretty well
except my grade slipped in world geo so if i suddenly vanish just assume that i was grounded.
it doesnt help that my parents limited my gameplay to weekends only
i probably wont play this weekend either because i have to go visit my mom!
but its still nice that it's there.

]]> ~JirayiaSensai http://JirayiaSensai.deviantart.com/journal/28361649/ http://JirayiaSensai.deviantart.com/journal/28361649/ Sat, 14 Nov 2009 19:54:31 PST yes, trangressive quest is a little intense and is about this school year.
and yes, i've been successful.

furthermore "my beliefs" i feel pretty good about,
and "Death" is about... well i found out a certain relative of mine that isnt even remotely related to me is slowly dieing. and i will hopefully make it up north to see him and everyone else up there this coming december.

ON A SIDE NOTE>:
I'm feeling rather good about next year.

oh yeah and, im working on an insignia of tT1M3

its something like a forest green coffee cup with a dark red T on it, with of course tea in it and the little string hanging out, it'll be in a plate embroided in black, and behind it will be an old fashioned pocket watch, time at 11:45.
sounds pretty cool huh?

]]> ~JirayiaSensai http://JirayiaSensai.deviantart.com/journal/28246905/ http://JirayiaSensai.deviantart.com/journal/28246905/ Mon, 09 Nov 2009 15:54:06 PST quick summary before the details,
1. i was kicked out of walmart
2. im buying an XBOX 360!
3.i still havent finished Phantom of the opera..
4. NEW POETRY COMING SOOOOOON
5. i got a pimp hat
6. pick up sticks
7. thats a kick-@$$ chinese restraunt btw..
8. yeah thats pretty much it.


So i'll start with how i got kicked out of walmart.
As some of us know, walmart had this sale of xbox 360s for 1 day only, you buy 1 and they give you $100 gift card to walmart, which is a GREAT DEAL so when i got there at 8a.m. to go buy it, there was 17 people already in line to buy one, so i figured, eh, they should have enough, right? well turns out this walmart only had 15. and they told us this an hour later because they were too busy doing *confidential* stuff. so long story short, i caused a distraction involving myself shouting out something about free copies of l4d2 and pointed THAT WAY! lucky me half the guys ran, about two seconds later i found myself against a bunch of nerds arguing about store ettiquite and how no one saved their spot so its now mine.
needless to say they refused to give me a 360, they even pulled out the sign that said, We reserve the right to refuse service to anyone, and kicked me out of the store for "mischievious behavior"
either way im going to gamestop hopefully this weekend to buy myself one
im probably going to get Xbox live, my name thing will be something along the lines of
T(time), more on that later, and as for everything else, yeah.. go yankees.

]]> ~JirayiaSensai http://JirayiaSensai.deviantart.com/journal/28015218/ http://JirayiaSensai.deviantart.com/journal/28015218/ Wed, 28 Oct 2009 16:07:35 PDT
but until then heres a stupid quiz.


1. I've come to realize that my hair:
Makes me blend in

2. I've come to realize that when I talk:
No one listens

3. I've come to realize that I don't want:
Alot of things to happen that eventually will

4. I've come to realize that all I really need:
Is a friend

5. I've come to realize that I've lost:
Myself

6. I've come to realize that I hate it when:
People act stupid

(7.)

8. I've come to realize that money:
Doesnt come easily to those who need it,
but for the people that dont need it, easily get it.

9. I've come to realize that when I get old:
I'll probably die

10. I've come to realize that I'll always be:
Alone

11. I've come to realize that I have a crush on:
A girl that doesnt like me.

12. I've come to realize that the last time I smiled was:
Just yesterday as a matter o fact..

13. I've come to realize that my cell phone:
Is used more often than i am XD

14. I've come to realize that when I wake up in the morning:
I cant wait for the day to end

15. I've come to realize that before I go to sleep at night I:
hope i have a dream

16. I've come to realize that right now I am thinking about:
This quiz and why the hell i'm doing it

17. I've come to realize that my life:
wont end nicely

18. I've come to realize that my favorite drink is:
caffinated soda

19. I've come to realize that today I will have:
accomplished alot, but nothing felt like it mattered..

20. I've come to realize that tonight I will:
wait for something that will never come

21. I've come to realize that tomorrow I will:
be the same

22. I've come to realize that I really want to:
drink some tea

23. I've come to realize that the person who is most likely to re-post this is:
uh no one

24. I've come to realize relationships are:
never really gonna turn out well

(25.)

26. I've come to realize my best guy friend:
i have none X(

27. I've come to realize my best girl friend:
is the only friend i have

28. I've come to realize food is:
tasty.

29: I've come to realize that this summer:
will suck.

30. I've come to realize heartbreak:
Is something that doesnt exist.

31. I've come to realize that the person I like:
Will only flirt, and even then its out of pity.

(32.)

33. I've come to realize that crying:
Doesnt help

34. I've come to realize that death:
doesnt matter

35. I've come to realize that if I'm sick:
i tend to be grouchy

36. I've come to realize when I'm bored:
i find something to do

37. After answering every question I realize that:
this was a waste of time.

]]> ~JirayiaSensai http://JirayiaSensai.deviantart.com/journal/27980910/ http://JirayiaSensai.deviantart.com/journal/27980910/ Mon, 26 Oct 2009 16:05:33 PDT you're defined by what you do,
who you are,
your gender
the color of your skin
heritage
eye color
the clothes you wear,
hell, you're defined by the clothes you dont wear

its this broken society that we live in, like some sick combination between vanity and pride that fills our heads with things we dont need, and hiding whats really important to us.
Can we really be proud of being.. whatever the hell you want to call it, whether it be american, white, mexican, brown, black, purple, orange, we will never be whole unless we respect the decisions made by our peers. which isnt anywhere close to where we are now..

--
this was totally random. the first part was suppose to be some sort of poem but i stopped and moved it here.

the morale of this poem was something like
you are defined by who you are, so then how can they change if you dont change for them..


or something like that..

]]> ~JirayiaSensai http://JirayiaSensai.deviantart.com/journal/27833110/ http://JirayiaSensai.deviantart.com/journal/27833110/ Sun, 18 Oct 2009 10:46:23 PDT but, on the other hand i will take credit for falling off my chair in tears after reading this. i also take credit for lying to you just now. i think its funny but nothing more.

--
1095. Posted by Justseen Sun Oct 18 1:01pm EDT
NFL is a commercial circus
played inside of huge stadiums filled with
90% white and 10% black spectators constantly
eating burgers, hotdogs, popcorn and drinking pop and beer.
Watching 3.5 hour of football game is not for sissies.
One need to have a big fat ass to sit comfortably.
And there are a lot of those huge fat asses there.


One football team consists of
over 50 players on a team (90% blacks, 10% white).
Most of the coaches are white.
99% of the owners are white.
Even Rush Limbaugh("biggest fan of blacks") was trying to get on bandwagon and co-own a football team.

On a college level where you have 80% white students and 20% blacks attending
school, the ratio on the football field is 80% blacks, 20% white.

Most of the black football players are attending college on scholarships(free ride)
and have "communication" as a major.

Colleges don't care that it is a useless major as long as that have
college stadiums filled up with white people and TV stations ($$$)
watching black athletes slug it out.(remember gladiators in Rome?)


The most important member on a team
is quarterback(the position that requires the most intelligence)
90% of quarterbacks are white.

Game goes as follows: there is 5 seconds action and then break.
(players get tired, need oxygen and commercials need to be seen)

You have players separated on offense and defense.
they cannot play both. They would get tired.

Most teams play once every week (about 20 games per year).
Year has 48 weeks.

As you can see white people love American football - "sport"
where majority of players are blacks.

The fact is that most of white people in USA cannot play footbal(not big and fast enough).

The sport itself is discriminatory.

Americans love football so much but one have to wonder why there are not
2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th, ...,local american football leagues in every little town in the USA.
Maybe because americans are sissies and could not handle beeing hit by 300 pound linebacker.
Americans rather sit in their big chairs, watch it on TV, talk about it and talk down soccer.

And maybe american football is after all not a sport
that you go out and play with friends, get broken leg, pelvis, back ...

Even the smallest town in the world(outside of the USA) has a socer team
competing in a local league.

You get 4 people together - you can play soccer.

You get 4 people together in the USA - you can go to sport pub, watch football
and get filled up with chicken legs.


So even that white folks love watching black athletes play football
(NFL is the most popular game in the USA),
most whites do not like having blacks as their neighbor.

The price of the house in a black neighborhood in LA, Detroit, Chicago
might be $15.000 but it is still hard sell.
If that house was in white neighborhood for twice that price
people would push so hard to get it that somebody would get trampled.

*cough* last year's black friday incident at wal-mart anyone? *cough cough*

]]> ~JirayiaSensai http://JirayiaSensai.deviantart.com/journal/27586817/ http://JirayiaSensai.deviantart.com/journal/27586817/ Sun, 04 Oct 2009 20:06:25 PDT
...


there you go. nothing important has really happened. ive been feeling more depressed recently as i realize how ever confident i seem to be (sarcasm of course) and how useless i am at making a difference in people's lives. unfortunately ive come to accept this. dont worry im not turning "emo" again or any of those pointless labels that everyone likes to use. im still myself. just a little less of it.

]]> ~JirayiaSensai http://JirayiaSensai.deviantart.com/journal/27321808/ http://JirayiaSensai.deviantart.com/journal/27321808/ Mon, 21 Sep 2009 15:15:59 PDT
You are your own worst enemy.

what a terrible realization.
but by closely examining everyone, to understand why and how one person were to get a specific label and then test the theory that it is a universally acclaimed knowledge, only to discover that it IS true.. it just.. hurts. down inside that these questions are something we all have to eventually give in to. we all have to admit that these things are true and that we will never have one true self. we will never be the same, and yes, every day IS different. and not just the weather or whats on television but the people and the world around us, its just all in this constant struggle for something that doesnt exist.

We strive for a better place, and when we think we've finally achieved it, one day here the next day gone, there will always be that variable, in a world where everything is perfect we cant help but subject ourselves to want something different. Sure we'll be happy but that will never be enough, and it just turns into this sick cycle that will never be broken. you doubt that now but look at everything, we've gotten so far what else is there? and to what end do we look for?

Humans, we crave chaos. you see it in our literature, our movies, in EVERy creative outlet of the human race shows some sort of chaos, where no order can exist because we choose to make it that way. and dont even get me started on love.

--

odd how i get more attention from writing about something everyone relates to
opposed to me writing about my own personal problems..
something to do with how much everyone on here actually cares about me.
ha..
haha.

]]> ~JirayiaSensai http://JirayiaSensai.deviantart.com/journal/27200511/ http://JirayiaSensai.deviantart.com/journal/27200511/ Sun, 13 Sep 2009 21:52:24 PDT Use transgressive in a Sentence
See web results for transgressive
See images of transgressive
–verb (used without object) 1. to violate a law, command, moral code, etc.; offend; sin.

–verb (used with object) 2. to pass over or go beyond (a limit, boundary, etc.): to transgress bounds of prudence.
3. to go beyond the limits imposed by (a law, command, etc.); violate; infringe: to transgress the will of God.

sorry for spammin' all of your inboxes..

]]> ~JirayiaSensai http://JirayiaSensai.deviantart.com/journal/27077349/ http://JirayiaSensai.deviantart.com/journal/27077349/ Fri, 11 Sep 2009 14:50:51 PDT
instead of making a new journal for a bunch of little updates i will just keep updating this one journal all weel

Day 1:

So today i was watching this ridicule disney show called Phineas and Ferb. it involved some tentacle action that really shouldnt be on disney.

Day 2:
so i found this sight called bash.org
i almost peed myself reading some of that crap.. but the best one was this,
" Like Martin Luther King I have a dream
Grin and dont get involved in life
The softener glistening like fresh milked cream
i hate life
Sting1: Stick to the day job.
Yo yo
I have a really awful image of you jumping around rapping, please stop ;-;
Sting1: I can eat alphabet soup and shit better lyrics than that."

soo tomorow im going to be using that punch line on all the black kids that like to rap at school..

the next and last thing i'll be saying today:
" Yo dawg we heard you like Macs so we only put one pedal in your car"
g'night everyone ooh and check out my new poetry..

Day 3:
looking at my messages.. i have 22 things to reply to and i have to say thanks to at least 15+ people... sorry guys but dont expect me to reply to any of them.. honestly they're all about a week old and i doubt anyone at all wants to bring up old conversations..
if i dont answer them by sunday im probably going to delete them all..
as for today's actual update.. dont you hate people that cant be themselves in public?
or at least show their true emotions..

Day 4:
I.. have issues.

Day 5:
hip hip hoo rah the weekend's here.. ive been scribbling little bits of a whole poem across my binders and notebooks and pieces of paper so i brought everything home and im going to put it all together. (sounds painful) annnyway ford should totally become a fan of PC so that they can make a commercial that says, "I herd u liek macs so we only put one pedal in yo car"
and yes, they must have a black man do it... because thats just how we roll.

--

so yeah.. hows everyone been?

]]> ~JirayiaSensai http://JirayiaSensai.deviantart.com/journal/27050627/ http://JirayiaSensai.deviantart.com/journal/27050627/ Sun, 06 Sep 2009 09:07:41 PDT


ive had lots to talk about on this journal but.. nothing sounds good enough to say.. not to fret ive been working on some great (in my opinion) poetry.. i'll post it eventually. I've just been lying to myself over the weekend for no other reason then to keep myself happy.that isnt so bad is it?? its better than being in a crappy mood over my 3 day weekend..


but heres a reason for you guys to actually read my journal::

These things dont end
(full title: These things dont end the way you ever thought they would, trust me im a bat out of hell)

Eventually,
as time goes on

we'll start to
start to
realize the differences between us

You can lie all you want
hide anything
but deep down inside you know that mask will just
fall off

so why keep it on?
why keep us going
why put the both of us through this hell

Stop playing games
Stop hiding secrets
Stop pretending that this will ever work.

'Cuz one day
you'll wake up
and realize that this will never end
that this will never end

the way you think it will


--

it was a poem that didnt rhyme so to make up for what it lacked..

its now a stupid song.

]]> ~JirayiaSensai http://JirayiaSensai.deviantart.com/journal/27018602/ http://JirayiaSensai.deviantart.com/journal/27018602/ Fri, 04 Sep 2009 16:07:26 PDT
(insert vent about life)

boo-hoo

waah..

meow..

soooo i was wondering.. what happens if you plug up a cow's utter?
does the cow internally fill up with unharvested milk? does its nipples turn into deformed, pink/puffy bellybuttons? does it's eyes turn red as its crying desperately for someone to squeeze on the damn thing?

and then you have REAL hotdogs.. i was thinkin about how they'r made of just pretty much every part of a cow..

so just throw a cow into a giant blender and walah..hotdog

]]> ~JirayiaSensai http://JirayiaSensai.deviantart.com/journal/26864150/ http://JirayiaSensai.deviantart.com/journal/26864150/ Thu, 27 Aug 2009 19:35:55 PDT ...

im going to do it XD

Got tagged by

1- Post the rules.
2- Each tagged person must tell 8 things about themselves.
3- At the end you must tag 8 people and put their icon in your journal.
4- Then go to their page and leave a comment saying you tagged them.
5- No tag backs.

(8 things eh?... hmm whats something hardly anyone knows about me..)
1.i can be very obsessive
2. cant draw for crap
3.Have a journal that i write in daily >.>
4.anti-social
5. Highly mannered.
6. low self confidence.
7.Lazy
8.Eats sweets constantly.. always has candy in right pocket.. a red pen in the other.. and a mininotebook in back pocket.

Tag:

oh i dunno.. everyone that reads this.. because i doubt 8 people will do this.
as a matter of fact i dare you!

]]> ~JirayiaSensai http://JirayiaSensai.deviantart.com/journal/26820907/ http://JirayiaSensai.deviantart.com/journal/26820907/ Tue, 25 Aug 2009 16:28:40 PDT (in light of my good mood)

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson were going camping. They pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep. Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes woke Watson up and said: "Watson, look up at the stars and tell me, what do you see?"
Watson replied: "I see millions and millions of stars."

Holmes said: "And what do you deduce from that?"

Watson replied: "Well, if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, it's quite likely there are some planets like earth out there. And if there are a few planets like earth out there, there might also be life."

And Holmes said: "Watson, you idiot, it means that somebody stole our tent."

]]> ~JirayiaSensai http://JirayiaSensai.deviantart.com/journal/26690510/ http://JirayiaSensai.deviantart.com/journal/26690510/ Thu, 20 Aug 2009 21:48:14 PDT


I should be more considerate and contemplate my actions before i post things. i should pay attention more to my true friends and not test the ties that i've made. and if im ever to keep these friends i should help them more often and give more than i recieve. its just that sometimes doing these things are harder said than done. i often find it hard to reply to any situation because i have no experience in them.. i could just stay silent as i know some of you do, but that isnt me. or at least, it shouldnt be. True friends are something you should Care for. None of these things have i been doing even though i really should have. its human nature to put yourself before others, thats how we're built. eventually we learn to overcome these things. Over the past few days my parents spoke to me about school and they've been constantly scolding me over every little thing. for me its unbearable. and right now i have no one to turn to, no one to talk to. sure its great to type on the computer about these things but sometimes it isnt real enough.. venting on a computer usually isnt for me. im a sort of person (at least i think i am) that needs to have a face to face talk with someone. over any matter. and over any sort of break from school i never have the chance to be with my friends because of various situations. so it is in these times that i'm most.. inhumane. And its over these times that i learn who my true friends are.. the ones that stick with me until i've recovered. I havent been showing enough gratitude towards them and i feel bad. now matter how rude i might get or how odd i might be they seem to always be there. it is for these reasons i havent replied to most of your comments on recent journals. I cant decide if i want to. hopefully those that commented will read this journal and will no longer feel the need for a reply.
----

In other news im getting my DS back!

]]> ~JirayiaSensai http://JirayiaSensai.deviantart.com/journal/26672779/ http://JirayiaSensai.deviantart.com/journal/26672779/ Tue, 18 Aug 2009 13:59:35 PDT
My last journal ended with, "who the fuck cares about me?"
and as expected, no comments.

which proves that no one does!
they only watch me for my once in a blue moon kick-ass poetry.
everything else about me is more of a dissapointment.
once again i find a way to lower my self confidence..
which apparently doesnt exist according to someone i know.

god i cant wait for school to start..

]]> ~JirayiaSensai http://JirayiaSensai.deviantart.com/journal/26628368/ http://JirayiaSensai.deviantart.com/journal/26628368/ Sun, 16 Aug 2009 12:23:49 PDT it SAYS that 15 people looked at my page today
but i find that hard to believe..
i mean honestly, who the fuck cares about me?
hehe..

]]> ~JirayiaSensai http://JirayiaSensai.deviantart.com/journal/26554401/ http://JirayiaSensai.deviantart.com/journal/26554401/ Wed, 12 Aug 2009 18:15:32 PDT .> i get to go to public school. my father is still utterly dissapointed in me and has been rather speechless and unwilling to talk about the subject in fear of bursting in outrage.. I also have a school uniform that is pretty leniant.. all solid colors, black green red white grey etc.. but no jeans. they have to be denim something or another... so today when i got the information packet it all went down as described above.. so i went up to my room to avoid an akward situation and looked at my wardrobe and compared it to the school uniform.. i have nothing that even comes close to the list.. it specifically says no logo's or designs should be found anywhere on the shirt.
im pretty sure that my father realizes that and is also mad because at this point in time i doubt we can afford a bunch of new pants and plain shirts. Sooo as my plan to drop out of Hyde park is backfiring even more as the days go by.. i cant help but feel.. useless..
that big hammer of disappointment that i see in my dad's eyes everytime anything school related is mentioned is happening more and more often, and to top it all off, i have no one. nothing. i get to start fresh at this school and of course even my old friends are starting to forget.

I hope everyone else has had a good day.

]]> ~JirayiaSensai http://JirayiaSensai.deviantart.com/journal/26392713/ http://JirayiaSensai.deviantart.com/journal/26392713/ Thu, 06 Aug 2009 00:37:23 PDT Maybe i'll wake up tomorow.. as mad as a hatter.
then again.. maybe i'll wake up the same way i went to bed.

who knows.

---

same today as was yesterday.. goodnight again everyone.

]]> ~JirayiaSensai http://JirayiaSensai.deviantart.com/journal/26386595/ http://JirayiaSensai.deviantart.com/journal/26386595/ Tue, 04 Aug 2009 18:04:39 PDT *and i promise*
--
oh look, its finished.
now i just need some feedback please.
--
Mad as a Hatter.

Oh i hope you'll now see
how i wish i could be
as mad as a Hatter

and if you cant yet
please do not fret
because soon after this you will see...

I could run,
Up and down!
Drink tea
all around,
while im standing on my knees..

If i was as Mad as a Hatter
there'd be no time to say hello,
nor goodbye.
it would just be good-lo.

Oh I'd run around town
spread fear
with a mirror!
Showing truths of the people they see..

I'd show them myself,
which they obviously cannot see

for who wants to take the time to look,
through a mad hatter.


No one would care!
and none would share,
their,
tea.

but its okay i have plenty to go around,
Just add Water!


I'd dress how i want
not a care in the world!
Because,
Im as mad,
as,
a...

HATTTAAa!


--
i think i just made a song for myself.

its called,

M.A.a.h.

(or just, Mad as a Hatter)

]]> ~JirayiaSensai http://JirayiaSensai.deviantart.com/journal/26369261/ http://JirayiaSensai.deviantart.com/journal/26369261/ Mon, 03 Aug 2009 21:57:05 PDT
oh wow.. amazingly enough you can read through all my past journal entries since my february. its shocking how much ive changed..

well you know what they say, with mistakes, come... more mistakes.
but nonetheless you still have fun making them.

--
oh whoops i forgot to even say where my inspiration came from,

Alice in Wonderland of course.

i just finished watching the movie and tomorow i shall be going to the library and be picking up the book.

]]> ~JirayiaSensai http://JirayiaSensai.deviantart.com/journal/26242809/ http://JirayiaSensai.deviantart.com/journal/26242809/ Tue, 28 Jul 2009 21:09:45 PDT





--
(old journal post)
i..'ve been a little too mellow lately, i really havent cared much about anything. i dont feel like writing, nor drawing, or doing anything it all, everything has become a moot point. and i fear that i may have become numb, well at least, a little too numb, i think older people call it, a child's innocence, and not as in sex, but things such as fearing the dark, or being scared after watching a horror film, or being happy just to be happy.

i suppose i could just be overthinking my maturity..

--
my insecure mood..
that little icon has nothing to do with how i feel >.>

]]> ~JirayiaSensai http://JirayiaSensai.deviantart.com/journal/26149327/ http://JirayiaSensai.deviantart.com/journal/26149327/ Fri, 24 Jul 2009 11:22:33 PDT

anyway..

i guess i'll stop bothering you and go draw on the sidewalk with chalk

]]> ~JirayiaSensai http://JirayiaSensai.deviantart.com/journal/25945878/ http://JirayiaSensai.deviantart.com/journal/25945878/ Tue, 14 Jul 2009 22:36:02 PDT
piece of crap application >.>

oh well.. so much for that..

i'll try writing it again later today...

--
i was rubbing my eye and momentarily every time i moved my eye, it squeaked at me.

which means i have an air bubble in the back of my eye which could eventually kill me.

=0

--

time to go put myself to sleep by listening to mah ipood.

]]> ~JirayiaSensai http://JirayiaSensai.deviantart.com/journal/25910554/ http://JirayiaSensai.deviantart.com/journal/25910554/ Sun, 12 Jul 2009 23:58:54 PDT i fergot to pack for my trip back home and well....
im leaving tomorow at 7am.

Joy >.>

so i'll check in every few minutes.

--

and i also forgot to update Time Towers... that might be tomorow.. might not.

--

love to you all!

*except for teh guys*
*and extra fer the girls*

-Jira

]]> ~JirayiaSensai http://JirayiaSensai.deviantart.com/journal/25760542/ http://JirayiaSensai.deviantart.com/journal/25760542/ Mon, 06 Jul 2009 00:44:30 PDT
----
"i know im not your favorite cassette but if you'd just flip me over im sure you'd find something interesting!!!" - t(TIME)

you might not believe me but i met some girl at teh park today and as she started walking away from me i used this line >.> it caught her attention and i enjoyed another hour of her company... she's 15 ^.^

--
"I don't have to believe in God to believe in myself."

my new motto ^.^

---

err.. about TT.... im a terrible artist but i have decided to start writing it as a story.

every other day i'll post a page of writing..
starting tonight.





*spoiler warning*
T(time) misses real people.. feeling emotions such as love and hate.. dissapointment and jealousy.. he has been rather lonely.. but with Scarlet's arrival.. he might lose control..

]]> ~JirayiaSensai http://JirayiaSensai.deviantart.com/journal/25713005/ http://JirayiaSensai.deviantart.com/journal/25713005/ Fri, 03 Jul 2009 10:07:33 PDT
Why?

This marks my last day at Curry's beloved house, and the last 7 full days i shall be with my mother. it went by a little too fast i suppose...everything did. and the worst of it all...

i accomplished nnothing.

absolutely nothing.

which to be qquite honest is really dissapointing because i was hoping that i could at least have something to remember.


grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

im pathetic.
i try so hard to turn ideas of mine into reality... even though i know how impossible they are. furthermore it isn't fair that he gets the good.. yet poor life... and i get the complete opposite.... in conclusion to my unexplaned troubles ive been slowly given up on some of what i consider "childish" dilemna's... they just bring pain...frightening nightmares.. (ex last night) and more pain... their sole purpose was to take up time... well one of them werent...

i get to go to a new school next year... im the new guy... yay

is there anything good that happened this summer?

everyone else seems to be enjoying life...
where do i sign up?

]]> ~JirayiaSensai http://JirayiaSensai.deviantart.com/journal/25574601/ http://JirayiaSensai.deviantart.com/journal/25574601/ Fri, 26 Jun 2009 19:33:52 PDT sooo henceforth i shall not be able to answer any of my fan's messages during this time.

PAAAAARTTTYYYY!!!!!!!!


*cuts down tree with a machete*

WOOOOOT!

]]> ~JirayiaSensai http://JirayiaSensai.deviantart.com/journal/25530956/ http://JirayiaSensai.deviantart.com/journal/25530956/ Thu, 25 Jun 2009 03:08:58 PDT
i started drawing some people of the sorts and they all belong to a mansion.. the Time Towers *T(time),*... except its more of a mansion instead of towers.. and it has endless rooms and even more creatures.. not creatures.. just people.. misunderstood people.. who have had terrible lives and have been welcomed to the T(Time) to be invited here you must have some odd talent or come from a lesser renown but all the more important backround, for example, T(time) himself.. although he owns the towers he chooses to be the butler.. more of the mastermind behind everything.

yes i know what you're thinking.. "now he's finally gone mad.." ive come up with a setting for my Imagination.. or at least the creative side of it. and ive given every inhabitant of my imagination a place to stay.

and of course this explains my random drawing i posted a few minutes ago.. i think its called Trad vs digit or something like that.. it has a rough draft of T(time) himself.

Eventually i'll add Claire and Ginger...

DEpending on the popularity of Claire or at least.. my will to do so.. Xd...

if anyone likes the people i will put my poetry skillets to work and make a story out of it.. and then a flash!

but im going too far ahead of myself.. next stop... Claire! the Guide to The Time TOwers!

]]> ~JirayiaSensai http://JirayiaSensai.deviantart.com/journal/25506518/ http://JirayiaSensai.deviantart.com/journal/25506518/ Tue, 23 Jun 2009 22:47:47 PDT



you see, most of my family is going to be there.. My stepdads mom is going to be there too and she offered to take me up north to see Curry and Sam. (yay?) now i cant say no to her.. and i guess it wont hurt going. hopefully it'll be fun... Even though.. *vent warning* i havent spoken to them in months and i honestly worry about what they think of me... And speaking with my mom she gave me this other idea.. maybe their having issues in their own life and dont have time. now the child in me says OKAY!!! the other side of me says b/s. i realized that the relationship that i have with curry is very.. unique. you see whenever i got to see him was maybe 2-3 times a year, and when we saw eachother we had lots of fun. other than that i had no idea about what goes on in his life nor did i care. neither of us did. And now that im a little older i started to hope we develop something more than distant relatives.. more of cousins. He was like a big brother to me. so ive accepted it as that. when i get to see him... great! game on.. and any other than that i really shouldnt care because its none of my business. So to wrap it up Curry, (or sam.. nonetheless) if you read this than i hope you understand. see you sunday i guess.


bbwahahahah.... on a lighter note.. anyone heard of the game Diablo II?
me and Curry finished it in 3 days. we didnt sleep at all that thanksgiving and it was freakin awesome!!!! i remember looking at him and we both started laughing hystericly out of exhaustion.. we then past out right where we were..

]]> ~JirayiaSensai http://JirayiaSensai.deviantart.com/journal/25426951/ http://JirayiaSensai.deviantart.com/journal/25426951/ Sat, 20 Jun 2009 01:13:18 PDT
i propose a list

1. Being with my mom isnt as bad as everyone says it is

2. She managed to give me very helpful advice.. but it had nothing to do with what we were talking about... (she's... odd)

3. my little sister's b-day is coming up.. oh joy.. i get to be a punching bag at a party (isnt that why i convinced them to get a pinata)

4.Everyone treats me nicely here because they feel bad for me.

4a. it hurts that honestly i dont appeal to anyone. given im not really family.. its just sympathy and innocence that i have on my side... well.. for all they know.

5.Ive been working out alot. like tears to my eyes and sweat dripping exersizing...daily... it hurts..alot... well worth it though

6.anyone hear about robert faggitson getting hit by a car?? i was hoping he died... what a tragedy to all the 9 year olds that fell in love with twilight after the movie came out >.> some EC he is if he cant even stop a taxi in the middle of daylight...

6a. i somehow imagined it like this..

Fangirl: OMG ITS ROBERT PATTENSON!

robert: oh gosh everyone look at me! *rips shirt off* i shpar-

MEANWHILE...

Taxi driver: boom shaka lacka wee woo ding dong *he's arabian >.>*
Taxi driver: *blinded by beam of Gayness emitting from some shirtless guy running across the street*
Taxi driver: Ka Kaaa mushoo purple nurple pokeball i choose you!
Taxi driver: *crashes into gay man in street*

No damage done... the air bag didnt even pop up

Taxi driver: *opens car door.*

Air bag violently renders Driver unconcious.

robert: OH MY GOD! YOU BASTARD!!! THE HORROR! MY....MY.... HAIR!!!!!!

A la Fin

]]> ~JirayiaSensai http://JirayiaSensai.deviantart.com/journal/25107024/ http://JirayiaSensai.deviantart.com/journal/25107024/ Wed, 03 Jun 2009 12:57:07 PDT
so 1 day left.. i wonder what i should do.. absolutely nothing i guess. just.. be.. myself.. whenever and however i should be at that point in time.

Either way i go to cali Saturday morning.. i'll be at my mom's Sunday Night.. And between then and July 17.. i only have 1 thing in mind,

Keeping the title of "Suicide Sam" A name feared all across the internet, when i join a game people INSTANTLY leave.. their last words.. "Fuck This" I've Came to the point in the game where im soo good its not even fun anymore. i exploit their weaknesses and distract them, commanding my Teammates as if they were mere puppets.

L
4
D

*screen fades to black*
"It is time to FINISH WHAT I HAVE STARTED!"

]]> ~JirayiaSensai http://JirayiaSensai.deviantart.com/journal/25039305/ http://JirayiaSensai.deviantart.com/journal/25039305/ Sat, 30 May 2009 19:36:10 PDT
hah im joking.

to do list:

1.Write something worth posting
2. perfect my icon
3. find some pastries
4. finish my cup of tea.

]]> ~JirayiaSensai http://JirayiaSensai.deviantart.com/journal/25022099/ http://JirayiaSensai.deviantart.com/journal/25022099/ Fri, 29 May 2009 20:00:27 PDT HIS POWERLEVELS ARE OVER NIEN THOUSAND!
OVER NIEN THOUSAND?
YES, OVER NIEN THOUSAND!
dbz flashback. i had no idea at the time of first viewing that episode on toonami (i think?) when i was like 6-7. i was laughing my ass off.
i blame my uncle curry. (BWHAHAHAHA)


SO EVERYONE FEAR ANTHONY, Tony, The Prince of Pastries, the Zombie butcherist, Flaming fury,and of course The one responsible for changing the Space time continuem into T. aka Time:T.. or simply T(tImE)

(not much of a title..)

]]> ~JirayiaSensai http://JirayiaSensai.deviantart.com/journal/24580217/ http://JirayiaSensai.deviantart.com/journal/24580217/ Mon, 04 May 2009 08:40:52 PDT
so my advice.. unless you're going to help me in some way or give advice or even provide comfort.. dont bother reading or commenting >.>









sorry for me being so grumpy..
lets start with this. so i argued with my dad over the topic of going to live with my dreadful mother again. Im very proud of myself for actually winning it. I have proven to be the best. i topped my father! HAH! i still lost the arguement.. he ended it with "i just dont want you to live with her. plain and simple." he pulled one of those, "im the adult and because of that i know whats best." things. out of every single reason he has for me not to live with her, i proved him wrong. AND IM STILL STUCK LIVING IN THIS HELLHOLE. well.. hellhole is rather harsh.. its my own little parodox to be honest... Most people would choose to live with my dad because 1. they are by far much more wealthier 2. travel and have expensive hobbies. as opposed to my mother. which we all know is quite the opposite yet to me it seems much more satisfying. i just dont know what to do. i only have 5 years left of my childhood. 5 years. and its at this point in my life... where i cannot change the big picure... im past that. no matter what happens im going to collage etc etc. its, growing up in a small town, having friends live close by.. walking to school.. those are the things i WANT to have.. but instead im left with quite the opposite. its fucking maddening that in order to be given quality education i have to give up things such as a decent social life or being able to hang out with friends.. but even at that if i live with my mom who's to say i wont be given quality education? smaller school means less kids which means smaller class sizes and henceforth more "1 on 1 teaching" type of thing.


im sorry.. in this little paragraph of things ive mentioned alot and finished very little.. i have all my thoughts written on misc. peices of paper.. i just had this want to post it somewhere where someone would read it.. not that it makes a difference because at this point no one cares..

like in one of my poems..

I find myself in a Desert,
A place fit for me..

No one to love
No one to care for
Nothing to Look Forward to
And nothing worth looking back at.



yeah.. summer vacation... woo.. 6 weeks away....
summer school (most likely)
btw ive offically failed history in a whole.
its rather pathetic because ive managed to learn all the content.
its just that i never turn in the work. so yeah.
anyway i get half the summer with my mom.. which is probably like last summer.. i spent most of it at Right-Click computer services.. my step dad owns the shop XD. Hopefully i'll convince Curry to let me stay over at his house for a few days.. if so that'll turn out to be the highlight of that part.. then off to hawaii.. (yay) ...

]]> ~JirayiaSensai http://JirayiaSensai.deviantart.com/journal/24471354/ http://JirayiaSensai.deviantart.com/journal/24471354/ Mon, 27 Apr 2009 20:38:25 PDT Time to update my journal.
honestly.. you dont have to read this.
well ive been eating a ridicule amount of pastries recently.. they all tasted rather good.. but thats not the point.. ive actually lost weight due to this?! oh well.. i dont care.. um.. hah.. so as most of you know i went to san diego this last weekend! (yay) my orchestra (ensemble) of course performed outstanding bringing home two first place trophies for the two catagories we entered and a shiny plack that says that we are the all around best group to have performed at the heritage festival! except.. silly me gave up first chair for a bribe for $10.. so for the festival i sat in 3rd chair. personally, i dont care for chair ranking because they all know who the best is. (me!) furthermore in san diego we went to seaworld which was absolutely INSANE! we pulled several pranks on people and enjoyed it. there are soo many things we did it would just take too long to explain. during the trip ive realized one of several things, 1stly.. i really should stop hanging out with girls. because it seems that when i am at my rarest (me being.. me)
people tend to find some sort of attraction torwards me. and of course my unsuspecting and unintentionally thoughtful self takes advantage of that and gets myself caught in a silly dilemna. people
just like me X0. alright, basicly.. ive gotten myself another g/f and this one i hardly even like! i mean yes she is a lovely looking girl and she is fun to hang out with.. its just.. odd. having someone like you.. osmeone chase after you and come up behind you.. its just Kick-ass. KICK ASS.

on a side note, im stuck living with my dad i argued with him and it ended with him saying, "im sorry anthony but whether you like it or not you're stuck with me."
so that sucks ass
nextly.. I have absolutely nothing to do for spring break and for half of it im stuck at my moms and the other half im stuck at my dads and neither of which sound very interesting what so ever so quite frankly i am dreading the end of school

Until then,

its T(time)

]]> ~JirayiaSensai http://JirayiaSensai.deviantart.com/journal/24380440/ http://JirayiaSensai.deviantart.com/journal/24380440/ Wed, 22 Apr 2009 16:07:54 PDT Not afraid of the moment,
but afraid of the outcome

for if tonight shall go wrong,
i will have failed.

but who am i,
to say whats right and whats wrong?

for all i know, its not the way things are meant to be.
and if thats so,
then fine. i submit.
life goes on.

but what if im right?
and things dont work out?

what shall i do?
knowing that i have screwed up?

who will i have?

...


.

]]> ~JirayiaSensai http://JirayiaSensai.deviantart.com/journal/24380439/ http://JirayiaSensai.deviantart.com/journal/24380439/ Wed, 22 Apr 2009 16:07:53 PDT Not afraid of the moment,
but afraid of the outcome

for if tonight shall go wrong,
i will have failed.

but who am i,
to say whats right and whats wrong?

for all i know, its not the way things are meant to be.
and if thats so,
then fine. i submit.
life goes on.

but what if im right?
and things dont work out?

what shall i do?
knowing that i have screwed up?

who will i have?

...


.

]]> ~JirayiaSensai http://JirayiaSensai.deviantart.com/journal/24345663/ http://JirayiaSensai.deviantart.com/journal/24345663/ Mon, 20 Apr 2009 15:24:00 PDT i havent been posting anything lately..
which is probably due to lack of writing anything decent..
well its not that they suck i personally think they're great..
but i only have half of them done.
literally.

i start out writing a poem and then i run out of things to say or forget how to finish a poem or what rhymes and what doesnt.. its just a lack of..

everything.

soooooo.. sorry about nothing new.. my daily page views have started to go down
and thats really bothersome..why? because honestly.. i love the attention.

lol..

um 6 weeks until schools finished.. *cheering in the backround*
yay.

then comes the summer!!!
i dont know what im going to do..
im obligated to be with my mom for half the summer.. soo from june to mid-july that'll be at least something.. and then back here.. and after that..

(if all goes according to plan..) back to my mothers! *yay!*
honestly i absolutely hate it here.

so if all goes well later this week i'll convince my dad to let me live with my mother again. (if all goes according to plan)

until then..
time for cupcakes and tea!

]]> ~JirayiaSensai http://JirayiaSensai.deviantart.com/journal/24175134/ http://JirayiaSensai.deviantart.com/journal/24175134/ Sat, 11 Apr 2009 01:11:44 PDT
thanks for all the support peeps..

]]> ~JirayiaSensai http://JirayiaSensai.deviantart.com/journal/24175127/ http://JirayiaSensai.deviantart.com/journal/24175127/ Sat, 11 Apr 2009 01:11:07 PDT
i.. have no one else to talk to about my problems.
no one "has enough time" or "cares enough about me"
and honestly,
its hurts.

so i am going to write about everything and everyone so if you dont mind having your feelings hurt or if you dont mind being shocked at the things that go through my head or if you dont mind finding out the truth behind what appears on the outside than go ahead and read whats below. if you have a problem with anything or with anyway i think or what i say, dont read it. i dont want a bunch of f*ing people sending me hatenotes or hatecomments or just anything hateful at all. like all those teachers/parents say, "if you dont have anything nice to say dont say anything at all."
and seriously,

we're all old enough to behave ourselves so shut up.















































where to begin
where to begin...

(aja, you might want to skip this part...)
oh i know, my sister started crying in my arms a few minutes ago because she is mad and frustrated. why? because no one believes in her and no one really thinks that she will finish college. so with tears pouring out of her eyes she talks about how she always has people not just telling her but talking about it and openly admitting things in front of everyone. it hurts her subconcious. so what the hell does this have to do with me?

thats simple, im the peacemaker. absolutely no one cares about her at this point and the only thing pushing her forward is all the people pushing her back. with so much doubt and pity sent torwards her gives her fuel and a want for revenge, it makes her want to prove these people wrong, it makes her want to make a difference.

and im stuck being the only fucking person that "believes in her"
i have to be the one up with her at 12:30 at night listening to her cry and complain, i have to be the one with so many of his own problems he's forced to help others. im the one that everyone thinks is totally happy.

the only reason she actually thought i cared was because i was crying too.

unfortunately for my self-concious,

it was for an entirely opposite reason.

(sam you might want to skip this part)
...
(curry too...)

(i dont think you even read these things...)
(so...yeah...)

alright.. i was crying because at that very moment i realized why i was so fucking miserable at the "end of my springbreak" i knew that once i left them i would be stuck going back to my mothers and furthermore my fathers. now.. the question always was,
why do you dread going back?

and now i finally realize it,

it all started with this,

a conversation with my 7 year old sister about why im still afraid of the dark and she isnt.

"you know tony, i cant believe you're still 'fraid of the dark!"

"it scares me.. i dont like it"

"think that monsters are gonna getcha?"

*bam* it hits me
for that split second my entire mind goes off on a completely different conversation with myself

"silly child im not afraid of monsters because iknow they dont exist. being in the dark scares me because i dont like being alone. oh wait.. i love being alone.. i told sam that.. i think.. but of course when im alone and i can see i always imagine that there is someone sitting there right next to me. which doesnt make it so bad because it's someone to talk to. but of course i always realize that usually who im talking to is my subconcious speaking with a mask on.. usually a mask of who i really care about at the time. so being alone in the DARK is scarier because i cant imagine myself or anyother person with me in the dark because i cant see them. ooh that makes sense because in those last hours over up north it was not the fear of GOING to my mother's house it was the fear of being ALONE at my mothers house. i have no one to talk to here. and that is why i looked forward to going to curry/sam's house so much which was because no matter what time of day i could always talk to someone and there would BE someone to sit and listen, no matter how absurd the topic. So i have drawn the conclusion that the reason i started crying in those last hours was because i needed some reassurance that everything was going to be okay. i needed someone to say that. i needed.. someone. unfortunately the only one there was sam and asking THat of her would be absolutely ridiculas and i would never. no matter how much i look back and wonder what would have happened if she did and if i would... ]]> ~JirayiaSensai http://JirayiaSensai.deviantart.com/journal/24105392/ http://JirayiaSensai.deviantart.com/journal/24105392/ Fri, 10 Apr 2009 10:11:36 PDT
this is the part that apparently doesnt click with them.. i feel like i have people to relate to over here as opposed to being with my mother? sure i have ryan but seriously? have you seen how much he's changed recently? he doesnt have time to play games or do anything because he's obligated to HIS children. my mother? hell no. we are nothing in common. my grandmother? nope.. too old.. other than that it is me and a bunch of kids (3) under the age of 7. and im stuck living my life on a computer when im with them. over here.. over here i can talk to anyone and not care what they think because i practically fit in as anyone else would.. practically.. there are some bothersome things that i find here and there but its okay.. i just appreciate what i have...

sorry im just talking to myself because im awake alone with no one to listen right now..
sooo if everyone cant understand what im talking about right now its prolly because you have no idea whats happening in my life right now and where i am/how i am related to these guys.

besides..

the only person that owuld understand the entire journal at this point is sam

















so im going to bed.. wake me up in hell.

]]> ~JirayiaSensai http://JirayiaSensai.deviantart.com/journal/24008689/ http://JirayiaSensai.deviantart.com/journal/24008689/ Wed, 01 Apr 2009 15:55:36 PDT -Anthony S.

]]> ~JirayiaSensai http://JirayiaSensai.deviantart.com/journal/24008632/ http://JirayiaSensai.deviantart.com/journal/24008632/ Wed, 01 Apr 2009 15:53:24 PDT —The Dark Knight

fudge fudge fudge i want to get away from this hell!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

im sad lately.

so im going to do this whole venty thing where its going to sound gossipy and really really hateful but nonetheless its true. so if you arent from hpms dont read this and im sorry if it upsets you and even if you arent from hpms and still read it shame on you and dont blame me or be mad at me


matter of fact.. no one should read this..

only close friends..

im not sure who that includes anymore..

just.. im just warning you now that this talks about everyone in my life right now and probably has some bad things about everyone...

dont read it then...


im serious dont..

as im going through writing the stuff below i keep adding these warning saying no because its so ridiculas and mind numbing its embarrasing so i'll write another journal after just to hide this one..




























































Alright so as we know danielle has started dating Daniel. its some sort of contest she has with me that i never wanted. like an unofficial bull/s contest. she had tried making me jealous once again or at least.. i dont know.. i dont know. she says she likes him but i dunno. so now to piss me off even more they are on eachother making out every other fucking second. not around anyone else though, when im not there they dont but the second i step in its a tongue fest for everyone isnt it??? i thought we were friends and i thought we meant something to eachother so she turns around and does these things to annoy me? have some fucking decency okay? we always used to tell eachother everything we knew eachother but all of a sudden she decided to start forgetting to talk to me and does things on her own, im just territorial i guess... i dont know i dont know
maB...whatever though.. it doesnt matter.. so then Natalie asks me out on friday and i dont want to say no.. she's my friend and im trying to nice... it doesnt work out.. if im going to get a g/f at all then it has to be someone that is already part of my everyday life. why? because i already have my life set up nice and fine and everything balances out. i will tell you. in the morning im w/ Emily H usually because she.. is a close friend and nice to me.. in a wierd way. and who ever else she hangs out with is who im with. then orchestra which is usually russel victor or Mason.... walking to english i like or prefer being alone.. then in english i talk to emily usually.. and then on the way to p.e. is russel and yohan.. then i walk to history with Dani because thats the only f*ing time i ever get the chance to talk some sense into her alone.. and then after that im stuck in History with laurel and ben.. but that doesnt count because they are just history friends.. outside of that class we dont even look at eachother.. then comes complicated lunch. so i go to lunch alone.. and at lunch i wait in line to get food with josh and boy dani, i have to stay with "preppies" which are yohan alma crystal isabella, other laural and anna. after that i go find rylee and hang out with her until science... in science i get to hang out with other emily which she is really cool and im.. well she is.. i still like her after we broke up from begining of teh semester.. thinking back i do realize that the reason we broke up was because she couldnt handle a relationship at the time because she was having serious at home issues and i was like pushed aside and tossed out the window type thing but really since i started sitting right next to her this final quarter ive been trying to get her to like me again so maB next g/f??? (i can be hopeful right?) but so far she thinks of me as an immature two year old in a teenage body.. mostly because of my "undiagnosed add" i cant sit still and im totally random at that time of the day. in a sweet way i guess. i mean i cant sit still i have to tap something because im super bored so i entertain myself. and then we get into a conversation about the randomest thing and talk about that but i end it acting immature and absolutely ridiculous. i am almost ashamed of how i act.. but she kind of not really likes me... by the... ]]> ~JirayiaSensai http://JirayiaSensai.deviantart.com/journal/23975738/ http://JirayiaSensai.deviantart.com/journal/23975738/ Mon, 30 Mar 2009 19:52:06 PDT

The longer i wait the further down the road it awaits..
as time go by, things come up,
decisions to make..

letting go is so much harder than saying hello..
saying goodbye is easy, its walking away thats not so simple..



grr i have too many ideas...

WOOT I CANT WAIT FRIDAY I'lL BE IN CALI!!!! *yay me*

sunday i'll be even happier!!!

i get to see curry and sam!!!

get away from this miserable life

YAY!

i have so little to do until then and so much time to waste..

i should prepare!!

what to do what to do..

]]> ~JirayiaSensai http://JirayiaSensai.deviantart.com/journal/23737302/ http://JirayiaSensai.deviantart.com/journal/23737302/ Mon, 16 Mar 2009 20:27:02 PDT












i dont even want to talk about it.


i have no one else to talk to.

i guess i have to..

it'll make me feel better..

but where to begin?

hmm..

i'll explain myself in the only way i know how..


















yet again i filled my life with lies and hopes


i thought we had something
i thought i meant something to you
i thought you cared,

I was wrong.


you know i love you
you know i'd do anything for you
you know i'd be there when you're sad
i'd be there when you're happy

but you didnt care.


I would always hold your hand
i would always keep you close
i would never let gaze away from those beautiful eyes

it doesnt matter does it?


i wrote you poetry from my heart
i went through pages and pages

nothing is good enough for you is it?


so just keep up the lies
just keep that fake smile on you're face
keep pretending like you fucking care.

because when you leave me
there'll be nothing to leave


except an dark and empty shell of a once bright an cheerful soul.


--

im gonna go post this..

kayce
]]> ~JirayiaSensai http://JirayiaSensai.deviantart.com/journal/23547089/ http://JirayiaSensai.deviantart.com/journal/23547089/ Thu, 05 Mar 2009 19:30:43 PST
What do i write about in my journal?

what will people think of me?

of how ive changed?

of the differences that occured?

for better?

or worse...

i cant decide...











my day to day life.. i could write a book about it..
i just dont know where to begin..

so to anyone that reads these..
answer my question...
please?

what do i write about?
is this a way of venting?
or a tool of chaotic dramaness?

]]> ~JirayiaSensai http://JirayiaSensai.deviantart.com/journal/23423237/ http://JirayiaSensai.deviantart.com/journal/23423237/ Thu, 26 Feb 2009 20:00:19 PST
I AM!!!

muhwahaha i dont know if anyone uses this piece of junk app but if you do send me a message and i will get back to you faster than white lightning, its faster cuz its brown lightning XD anyways homies

soooo much has happened and so much shit has gone down.. ive learned alot and GUESSS WHAT!

i found myself.



MUWHAHAHAHAH


until we meet again little peeps...

TONY HAS LEFT TEH BUILDING!!!



that doesnt seem right.

im a caring helpful nice guy that cares about other peoples feelers.

at least so im told...
i dunno about all that but yeah im a cool guy.

ummmm.. no poetry for ju!

why?

im a happier person and I quit the whole romance crap. people my age shouldnt worry about romance and love because noooo one knooows what love is because everyone is diferent. its an undescribable feeling and children my age get it confused with hormones.. so yeah..
if i do decide to write poetry its cheerful and meaningless.

Pictures...

I suck at drawing so i wont even go there..


Have they fixed the audio? if so i'll play some of my crazy Viola skills and show you all why i am first chair in my orchestra XD


Um....

No g/f for me.
they are too much trouble and i cant find anyone right for me. You shouldnt change for a girl because if you do then your wasting time because it will never work. thats one thing i learned..

my new motto

What happens happens. just go with it and adjust to any new obsticles in your life.

um...


next... i dont know..

why doint you all ask me questions and i give anyswers.. i havent wrote one of these things since NOvember.. i was still dating that stuckup asian girl CJ back then.. yup
so yeah alot has happened..

until then...later

]]> ~JirayiaSensai