http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:JohnnyMalkavius&section=today deviantART RSS for by:JohnnyMalkavius en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Thu, 03 Dec 2009 04:12:05 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://JohnnyMalkavius.deviantart.com/journal/24777758/ http://JohnnyMalkavius.deviantart.com/journal/24777758/ Fri, 15 May 2009 21:23:20 PDT
It's not all over, but it's further down the road then I thought I'd make. I am in a place now where I feel comfortable, warm, fed and loved. I am intellectually stimulated again, physically fullfilled. My life is a basin half full again, with rose pedals floating to the top.

I'll never be fully forgiven for what I've done. Nor do I expect to be. But our relationship; new and infantile, is growing steadily. I can see myself again with her until I am rotting in the ground. I can see holding one person's hand until the arthritis gets us both. I am going to sink my all into this again, and be the man she needs me to be. Be the man I need me to be.

Here comes counseling, group annonymous, couples therapy, life coaching. I am going to fix the broken parts of me. I am going to become the myth.

I love you.

]]> ~JohnnyMalkavius http://JohnnyMalkavius.deviantart.com/journal/23774924/ http://JohnnyMalkavius.deviantart.com/journal/23774924/ Thu, 19 Mar 2009 04:55:24 PDT she's so fucking killing me.
she's ready to let me go,
she's ready to let me know.

this is the end,
the whole world is in,
it's a conspiracy,
to cover up all the little things.

]]> ~JohnnyMalkavius http://JohnnyMalkavius.deviantart.com/journal/23583711/ http://JohnnyMalkavius.deviantart.com/journal/23583711/ Sat, 07 Mar 2009 23:05:34 PST
]]> ~JohnnyMalkavius http://JohnnyMalkavius.deviantart.com/journal/21934796/ http://JohnnyMalkavius.deviantart.com/journal/21934796/ Thu, 11 Dec 2008 16:48:51 PST
You don't realize how bad you've been at something until someone usually points it out to you. But, there are those moments of self revelation that you get a sneak peak on how you're doing. I had one last night. I have always felt I was meant for something HUGE, fame, fortune, genius. I know a few people who thought along those lines about me too. Well, I and they, were right. And it was right here in front of me the whole time. I don't need to write a novel, become a movie star, best selling artist, nobel prize winner, nothing, I need to be none of these things. I already made the choice on the greatness I'd become. When I decided to stay with Breanna and raise a family from the ground up, I made that choice. It felt sickening to think I'd been wasting 4 years fighting it. Now though, it all makes sense. If I do it to "death" as a Father/Husband/Leader of a Family, I'll be a great person. I'll be famous to my children and future wife. I'll be a legend to my family. I don't need to make a million dollars to do it either, I just have to do it.
Lots of people who see us on a point to point basis off and on probably think I'm a great dad and husband, but I wasn't. I have a temper, lack of motivation and lack of effort bogging me down. I wasn't looking at being a Father like people look at doing a job. It seemed wrong, "It' a life not a job," right? Wrong, like love has to be reminded, so does being a good father and leader. I don't think it's natural for me to be dedicated to other people for very long. But, if I'm ever going to be a good father and husband, I need to look at it that way. So, this was my big revelation, I need to be an actual Father and an actual Husband if I ever wanna be a super hero, because I was never born with those super abilities I've craved over for my whole life. So, thanks to all the new marvel movies, and movies like hancock, games like WoW and mtg, you've helped me realize that I can be super human, in a super normal way. If I stop chasing the wrong thing, I can be what Breanna, Annika, and Vivianna need me to be.

The things I think I really need to work on...

1. My temper. I need to be more disciplined. This one scares me, I act out in stupid ways when I am scared or angry. This has to be my number one thing I change about myself.
2. My effort around the house and with the family. This sort of encompasses all the things I should be doing. I need to say no less and come up with more ideas to have fun and be a tighter family unit. I find myself saying no to GREAT ideas Breanna has for us just because I don't particularly feel like doing that at the time. I say no at god damn coupons because they make me anxious for some reason. How ridiculous is that? I makes me sick to think of all the things I could have been doing instead of sitting around doing nothing but waste my time on childish things. I truly admire and love Breanna for sticking it out this long through this much of my bullshit.
3. Motivation and Self discipline. I need to remember that my decisions affect 4 people and 1 dog now. I need to remember that although Breanna doesn't work for money, she works for love. I need to remember to help out more and take innitiative ahead of her so she can relax more. I have to walk the dog more. His problems are my problems too. Sure, cooking may not be my thing, but cleaning up is something I am good at.

Everyone's life is a reflection of their actions. Everything you've ever done shows up in a physical manifestation in your present life. The things you don't resolve will come back. To truly resolve anything I need to start actually making a conscious effort to change the things that are causing the problem. Nothing ever fixes itself, one thing I've learned from doing maintenance. I need to remember that just because I'm tired, doesn't mean there isn't anything to accomplish. It feels really great to ge all this off my mind. I've thought about it pretty hard since last night. I hope I can repair the damages done. Maybe someday I'll be the super hero my kids watch in real life, instead of chasing on the movie screen. Wish me luck, if you read through this you are either very bored, or you're very nice. I hope it helps other people.

]]> ~JohnnyMalkavius http://JohnnyMalkavius.deviantart.com/journal/21822113/ http://JohnnyMalkavius.deviantart.com/journal/21822113/ Thu, 04 Dec 2008 19:41:14 PST
]]> ~JohnnyMalkavius http://JohnnyMalkavius.deviantart.com/journal/21757504/ http://JohnnyMalkavius.deviantart.com/journal/21757504/ Sun, 30 Nov 2008 21:44:42 PST
So here it is, I wont go on ranting about this. I will however say this, I am officially not going to follow your fucking idiotic trend. I am going RED. My christmas tree has been on for three days, and sometimes I run my car for hours without even going anywhere so I can be warmer. I often leave the heat on full blast and burn natural fuel just for fun. I'm going to do everything in my financial power to say fuck you to all you fucking retard idiot fucks. By the way, it costs more to recycle in fuel to and from, and productivity than it saves. Eat that. Oh and I throw everything I consume into the normal trash.

-Official member of the "going Red" trend.

Oh and I run the water the entire time I am getting ready.

]]> ~JohnnyMalkavius http://JohnnyMalkavius.deviantart.com/journal/19841465/ http://JohnnyMalkavius.deviantart.com/journal/19841465/ Fri, 08 Aug 2008 08:27:32 PDT
I've started another novel attempt, the last one died in it's last paragraphs and I may let it rest in pieces until maybe having the nerve to finish it. This novel promises the aid of my father in it's finality, he was the one who sparked me again a light in flames of ideas. I don't really know why I couldn't finish the last one but I partially blame it on my slothfullness and lack of want/need to complete it. This new novel explores the darkest reaches of our dreams and the power of a coma patient to right the wrongs of her life prior, present and future. It explores the true spirit within all of us to will motions of time in action. It's a path down a road I've yet to personally or literally explore, but I intend to write this tradgedy to the end. I didn't realize it, but it was waiting inside me, all it took was a brilliant idea to put it in motion, thank you Don. Hopefully we will collaborate in sync but if not, I promise this one will be not only dedicated to you but I will aspire to put it on your bookshelf.

Well, maybe when I complete this one i'll post a paragraph or two of it's most gripping sections in my journal here for anyone interested to graze on.

-Johnny M.

]]> ~JohnnyMalkavius http://JohnnyMalkavius.deviantart.com/journal/17056868/ http://JohnnyMalkavius.deviantart.com/journal/17056868/ Mon, 25 Feb 2008 12:20:50 PST i took them to the place. (you were my first.)
i told them what i'd done, (when i removed your face.)
and how i cut off your face. (you were my first.)

i can feel you on my skin.
crawling from within.
i can tell you're coming soon.
coming out from within.

there was a time when killing was so fine,
when it made everything better for me.
when killing was so fine, when i tied you up that night,
i told them what i'd done.

in a time, killing mine.

]]> ~JohnnyMalkavius http://JohnnyMalkavius.deviantart.com/journal/15974985/ http://JohnnyMalkavius.deviantart.com/journal/15974985/ Mon, 17 Dec 2007 15:10:08 PST
]]> ~JohnnyMalkavius http://JohnnyMalkavius.deviantart.com/journal/15292344/ http://JohnnyMalkavius.deviantart.com/journal/15292344/ Tue, 30 Oct 2007 19:27:34 PDT it's been a while since we last spoke?

i've been here the whole time.
watching.

and waiting for a sign.

to open wide, the gate beyond the meadow,
you and your shadow dancing beyond my grasp...

i've been watching you, a mouth full of silence,
and i've been waiting.

]]> ~JohnnyMalkavius http://JohnnyMalkavius.deviantart.com/journal/14535788/ http://JohnnyMalkavius.deviantart.com/journal/14535788/ Fri, 07 Sep 2007 19:26:25 PDT
I am thoroghly into Magic the Gathering. It's been a pretty fun game. My daughter is 20 months old, almost two dummy. Whoa...can you believe how fast time has flown by. Kind of depressing. I really haven't had any artistic break-throughs or writting spells lately. Hell, my new job has made me stop reading as frequently as I did before. No commute to work really cuts the audio books out of your life. And because of my new addiction to magic I've stopped reading almost all together. Still working on another stephen king book.

What is everyone doing out there? It'd be good to hear from some of you again.

]]> ~JohnnyMalkavius http://JohnnyMalkavius.deviantart.com/journal/13375166/ http://JohnnyMalkavius.deviantart.com/journal/13375166/ Sat, 16 Jun 2007 23:40:50 PDT I just got back from seeing Hostel: Part II. Pretty funny this time around, not the best movie on earth but not bad. I'd give it 3/4 stars maybe. I'm about 16k words deep into my story I am writing. It's turning out to be quite dramatic and interesting, a little bundle of gore rolled in for good measure. I'm having trouble growing my characters though. I think a little more sun and a lot more water and maybe some fucking interesting thoughts might make them worth the paper to print. The hardest part is not portraying them as apes who just go on each emotion reacting instead of acting. I'm sure no one really cares about that who is reading this lame ass journal but hey, it's me venting.
I have a new favorite TV show, Carnivale. I just started season two now and it's phenomenal. Is that how you spell phenomenal? I wonder. If not, It should be. I'm about half way through listening to Dreamcatcher by stephen king. Great book so far, about two times better than the film. A nice difference between paper and film is one is far more lush in detail and thought. Breanna just bought me "The good guy" by Dean Koontz and I cannot wait to crack it open. Well, ok, I cracked it open but I really can't wait to dig in with fork and knife if you know what I mean. She also purchased the audio compilation of shorts by the King titled "Blood and Smoke." Although I've already listened to this, I still love getting it. I likehearing the king read his own stories aloud, it's inspiring. Everything is peachy here in my corner of the world. I wonder what tomorrow will be like on the lake, ps. jet skiing is the great.

]]> ~JohnnyMalkavius http://JohnnyMalkavius.deviantart.com/journal/13312689/ http://JohnnyMalkavius.deviantart.com/journal/13312689/ Tue, 12 Jun 2007 06:24:53 PDT
]]> ~JohnnyMalkavius http://JohnnyMalkavius.deviantart.com/journal/13010989/ http://JohnnyMalkavius.deviantart.com/journal/13010989/ Sat, 19 May 2007 08:51:28 PDT
I hope everyone is having a wonderful life. I haven't written anything substantial since my last novella and the short shorts I wrote for DA. I did, however, get my computer back from repairs. Hopefully, I will begin again. It's good to finally have my laptop, despite my lack of time to write. But, alas, I am always thinking up new ideas for novels...just need to write them eh? By the way, my daughter, my Fiance and I went to see a movie together. This is momentous, because it is the first time for my daughter and the group of us to ever make it to a movie together as a family. Shrek 3 was clever and very..."adult."

]]> ~JohnnyMalkavius http://JohnnyMalkavius.deviantart.com/journal/12556028/ http://JohnnyMalkavius.deviantart.com/journal/12556028/ Wed, 11 Apr 2007 16:03:58 PDT
Warm copper colored urine saturated the raggedy white dress Mary wore. She let out a muffled cry for help, at least the fiftieth time in the last…how long had it been? All sense of time had been taken from her when she was forced into the cellar. The makeshift ball-gag, made of dirty rags, was making her nauseous and left a sour dirty flavor on her tongue. When she screamed it only intensified the already disgusting flavor in her mouth.
“Hope this tastes good, hope it tastes real good for yah sugar darlin’.”
She had finally lost the power to cry though, and that was a plus, but the numb-dead feeling replacing it was revolting. Had she really lost the will to survive so fast?
It was all a blur in her head. She thought of the moment of capture. His firm grip on her bicep was like a lion gripping a newborn baby in it’s teeth, crushing. He had not only grabbed her by the bicep but twisted that same arm until she collapsed at his feet. He looked white to her in that crucial moment of capture, but she wasn’t sure. She thought he might have had a long brown mustache and a ford cap on, but she was still unsure. It didn’t really matter if she closed her eyes to think or not because of the lack of light, but she had done so anyway, hoping to maybe fall asleep. Maybe she would wake up, and this would all have been a dream, maybe a sick nightmare.
She had tried to hold her water for as long as possible, but as the hours passed she was forced to make a bathroom right where she sat. It made her feel resigned and sick inside. Her chest ached from crying and so did her throat. She started to have paranoid ideas of what exactly was on the rag in her mouth. Maybe it was a sleeping agent, and she’d be fast asleep while this pervert raped and molested her. Maybe it was a slow moving poison. What the hell had she done to piss this guy off so bad.
Last thing she remembered doing was standing in front of her hotel room with a cigarette in one hand and a paper fan in the other. She had been wearing short white dress that cut off just barely above the line where your ass cheeks meet your thighs. The guys liked this dress a lot, and she always tried to please them didn’t she? She’d do anything for a dollar, but was this job really about money? Or was it about a sick deprived girl buried deep down inside of the woman that cried out for a daddy, a father?
Mary shook her head, violently screaming again into the rags.
I think this is it.
I’m going to die here alone.
I’m going to die a hooker, just like daddy said I’d be.

She writhed under her restraints, two knots held her down tighter than a snail’s asshole to the stud protruding from the wall. She felt hot blood trickle down from her hands onto her bare shoulder. Being tied up was one thing, but being tied up then hung from your wrists was another. She was half surprised the psychopath hadn’t thrown her on a meat hook. Asshole? What in the hell, who in the hell was the question. Who had she fucked over so royally to end up tied up and hanging from a rafter, pissing herself all the while. That fucking fuck was probably jerking off right now, just thinking about her all tied up like this.
“GWWWADDEMMMRRRT!”
Her scream, muffled by the filthy shit covered rags.

Light instantly flooded the room. Heat from the bulb near her head felt good, but blinding.

]]> ~JohnnyMalkavius http://JohnnyMalkavius.deviantart.com/journal/12468896/ http://JohnnyMalkavius.deviantart.com/journal/12468896/ Thu, 05 Apr 2007 10:38:45 PDT Think. Does it matter?
I keep walking down the corridor, but I forgot what I was looking for. If this is a dream, I don’t want to be here anymore. This corpse is getting heavy to drag. I shouldn’t have taken all that LSD earlier. It looked so good though, and why not? Probably because you went ape shit and killed your friend? No, probably because you weren’t sure if that was even your friend in the hefty trash bag.
I love hefty. They make the best handles for dragging heavy things in them, almost like they know. God, I have to work in the morning. Good think work consists of sitting behind a computer monitor all day, punching in numbers and making sure everyone is happy. I feel like every time I got to work, I’m being sucked in further down the conundrum of everyday modern fucking Americana. I miss being a teenager. I miss fucking everything that walked. But now, I’m old, and I have dirt under my fingernails from what? Shit.

The sounds of the shovel sound good in the crisp night air. Nothing but trees surrounded Johnny as he dug a shallow grave for Mary. Johnny found himself compelled to howl at the moon. To get naked and fuck Mary’s dead body. It was probably the LSD coursing through his veins, or was it modern day life that was killing him and Mary?
“Are you going to fuck me or what?” Mary asked.
“Shut up Mary, you’re supposed to be dead.”
“Well I’m not and you owe me money for this still!”
“Shut up, and you’ll get you’re money.”
“Fine, but I’m only gonna fool around with you like this for a little longer. You’re a creep.”

The sound of the shovel really coming down on Mary’s head was insane in Johnny’s ears. It rang like the church bells down the block from his one bedroom apartment. The blood trickling from the corners of her eyes were beautiful. Her eyes bulged slightly and blood began to trickle from her ears and the corners of her mouth. She gasped for air like a dying fish for a few moments and Johnny brought a boot down on her chest as hard as he could.
“YOU FUCKING BITCH! FUCK YOU FUCKING BITCH!”

Her head went slack with her mouth and tilted to the side, a blank stare into nothingness. Johnny knelt beside her and spit on her dead cheek. He groped her breast and her crotch with both his hands. What a fucking whore, he thought. He quickly undressed and shoved his cock into her stupid cunt.

Three hours later he put the rest of the dirt over the prostitutes grave. A pain ran through his right arm. It felt like hot needles coursing through his veins. His chest immediately started hurting.
“Oh fuck! I’m having a heart…”
“Serves you right you crazy asshole.” Mary said in the bed next to him.
“Help me Mary?” he pleaded, gasping for air and clutching his right arm.
“Yeah, I’m gonna help myself to your wallet and leave your sick ass.”
“You…”

Johnny collapsed from the bed onto the floor gasping for breath.


-------------------------------------------------------------

I hate using my own name for my main characters, whether they are protaganist or antagonist. It just feels creepy. This is a short short story, because I'm bored and stuck a little on my novel I'm writting. If anyone reads this, I'd be fucking amazed, but if you do, let me know what you think.

]]> ~JohnnyMalkavius http://JohnnyMalkavius.deviantart.com/journal/12017703/ http://JohnnyMalkavius.deviantart.com/journal/12017703/ Thu, 01 Mar 2007 18:13:24 PST
I went to see The Number 23. I'm not even going to bother explaining it to anyone, it was good. Really good. Good enough to call my favorite, currently. I just love Jim Carrey.

Since there was no interest in my writing, and very little in my art, I'm probably going to stop journaling here. If anyone is out there still reads anything I write in this little depressingly grey box, I'll always be at Johnnymalkavius@aol.com. If you're reading, wish me luck, cross your fingers and look for me on your local book shelves, under John D. Slay.

Thanks for everything.

]]> ~JohnnyMalkavius http://JohnnyMalkavius.deviantart.com/journal/11673560/ http://JohnnyMalkavius.deviantart.com/journal/11673560/ Sat, 03 Feb 2007 16:01:13 PST
Upon leaving his wife, a man finds a ghost in his back seat. The female ghost asks if the man can help her stop the death from happening. Now, Dean, has 12 hours to try and stop the murder from taking place. All he has to aid him is his quick wit and the vague memory of the ghost, Amy.

I was aiming high with this one. I enjoyed writting it a lot and other people who have read it, said it was very well written and engaging. Of course those people being mostly comprised of family members might be completely full of shit. So, I am offering a one time deal.

Anyone who wants to read my very first short story can. All you have to do is send the request in my "notes" and please include your real name and address. This is to keep records for myself so as to not be ripped off. I will only let 3 people read this before it is published. I am already 2,000 words into my next short story and already started the lay-out for my third. I would like to get three complete short stories in an anthology and send them in to a publisher together. Only then will I consider publishing my work. But before all of that, I'd like some reviews. So here is a little teaser...



Right at the moment he shifted his body weight to begin running, he heard a soft voice drift from the car’s interior.
“Please… don’t leave?” the woman’s voice pleaded. Dean immediately familiarized the sound of her voice with a flower, an orchid. The sound of her voice was so soft and gentle. Once again, his mind was trying to rationalize the incomprehensible. At least this time, his mind knew where the voice came from. The woman in his back seat, no question, but how? How could she be speaking? Her vocal chords looked shredded. For that matter, her whole neck looked like it had fought with a new culinary knife set and lost terribly. Shredded didn’t even begin to explain the gore of this wound. Dean’s body weight immediately shifted back into place and as his right foot retracted its pivoting motion, he heard another set of words he familiarized with an orchid,
“I need your help, please, you’re the only one who can help me, don’t leave me!”

© 2007 all rights reserved "The Passengers"

]]> ~JohnnyMalkavius http://JohnnyMalkavius.deviantart.com/journal/11579728/ http://JohnnyMalkavius.deviantart.com/journal/11579728/ Fri, 26 Jan 2007 18:30:45 PST
]]> ~JohnnyMalkavius http://JohnnyMalkavius.deviantart.com/journal/11265925/ http://JohnnyMalkavius.deviantart.com/journal/11265925/ Sun, 31 Dec 2006 21:58:12 PST
oh one more thing...

2+0+0+7=9, my number, my Ka number.

I haven't had any ideas for pictures in a while but I think this coming year is gonna be a big one for my art to shine. We'll see.

-johnny M.

Photography Account-

]]> ~JohnnyMalkavius http://JohnnyMalkavius.deviantart.com/journal/11107174/ http://JohnnyMalkavius.deviantart.com/journal/11107174/ Mon, 18 Dec 2006 16:01:08 PST . I just got my new camera and plan on taking a lot of shots.. so, if you wanna see my latest it's here -->[link]

johnny M.

]]> ~JohnnyMalkavius http://JohnnyMalkavius.deviantart.com/journal/11044465/ http://JohnnyMalkavius.deviantart.com/journal/11044465/ Tue, 12 Dec 2006 19:46:17 PST
[link]

I have pneumonia...and it sucks.

]]> ~JohnnyMalkavius http://JohnnyMalkavius.deviantart.com/journal/10934018/ http://JohnnyMalkavius.deviantart.com/journal/10934018/ Sun, 03 Dec 2006 08:25:50 PST

-johnny

]]> ~JohnnyMalkavius http://JohnnyMalkavius.deviantart.com/journal/10790516/ http://JohnnyMalkavius.deviantart.com/journal/10790516/ Mon, 20 Nov 2006 15:21:37 PST
But words are so much dust in the wind, The doing is what holds weight. Does it not ?

-johnny M.

]]> ~JohnnyMalkavius http://JohnnyMalkavius.deviantart.com/journal/10760452/ http://JohnnyMalkavius.deviantart.com/journal/10760452/ Fri, 17 Nov 2006 20:52:48 PST link one-
I bought a car. It was in a cold month, which one, I do not remember. It was a blue berretta. I can't even really remember the year anymore. It had to have been 2-3 years ago. I bought the blue car in a lot run by immigrants, they flew their native flag. The car was 300 dollars, and my mother helped me pay for it. Upon arrival at home, the blue car broke down, not even an hour later. Seeing as I didn't want to just throw it to the wind, I gave it to my friend Mikey for a sum of 50 dollars, or free, I don't remember this either.

link two-
Some where in between I found the man Jesus, and God. Mikey also found god.

link negative five-
About four years ago my best friend Chris E. and I drove to meet a girl in Iowa. That girl was his girlfriend of years unsaid. Her name was Breanna Irene.

link three-
Mikey heard I was looking for a girl on internet dating sites, he knew of one from my past who happened to be on a dating site.

link four-
Contacting Breanna, we met and the next day was with child.

link five
TBC

]]> ~JohnnyMalkavius http://JohnnyMalkavius.deviantart.com/journal/10605747/ http://JohnnyMalkavius.deviantart.com/journal/10605747/ Fri, 03 Nov 2006 16:15:15 PST down in it.
down in it.

down we go to take our throne.
heavy is the crown in my home.

down in it.
down in it.
down in it.

]]> ~JohnnyMalkavius http://JohnnyMalkavius.deviantart.com/journal/10464926/ http://JohnnyMalkavius.deviantart.com/journal/10464926/ Sat, 21 Oct 2006 11:10:01 PDT
Special thanks to for being honest. I sincerely appreciate it. I came to this site to improve and hone my skills in photoshop and ended up repeating myself over and over because of lack of constructive critique like he gave me without wavering, I'm sure he held some back, but I will leave it as is. I got a lot of work ahead of me. Hopefully I can really impress some of you.


-johnny M.

New site to be posted asap.

]]> ~JohnnyMalkavius http://JohnnyMalkavius.deviantart.com/journal/10379174/ http://JohnnyMalkavius.deviantart.com/journal/10379174/ Fri, 13 Oct 2006 11:24:09 PDT

-member of-


]]> ~JohnnyMalkavius http://JohnnyMalkavius.deviantart.com/journal/10370413/ http://JohnnyMalkavius.deviantart.com/journal/10370413/ Thu, 12 Oct 2006 14:54:36 PDT close to a hundred times,
playing it over and over in my head,
every word means a little something to our,
situation.

does it hurt when you think of me?
will i ever get to see you again?
or will you hold your grudge till the end?

ninety-nine times you can't spell for shit,
are there that many idiots out there,
that you had to join them?
can you tell me what was so hard for them?
can you tell me,
explain this situation...

does it hurt when you think of me,
will i ever get to say i love you,
do you miss me, or will you hold out this grudge until the end?

why do we blame everyone else,
it's too hard to blame myself,
but i did it, you can't seem to bring yourselves,
to the realistic conclusion,
it's all my fault.

does it hurt when you dream of me?
will i ever get to hold you again,
or will you hold this grudge till the end.

let it go,
let it go,
please god, let it go...

both sides are hurting and i've played it over,
and over again in my head.
no one seems to see me here, bleeding on the carpet,
split open right in the heart of things,
i'll lay on the floor and die for all of you to see.

because none of you know how i feel...
presuming that i cannot feel at all,
will you just hold this grudge till the end.

does it hurt when you think of me?
will i ever get to see you again?
or will you hold this grudge till the end?

]]> ~JohnnyMalkavius http://JohnnyMalkavius.deviantart.com/journal/10318548/ http://JohnnyMalkavius.deviantart.com/journal/10318548/ Sat, 07 Oct 2006 20:20:02 PDT
keep watching-
and

member of-


]]> ~JohnnyMalkavius http://JohnnyMalkavius.deviantart.com/journal/10161072/ http://JohnnyMalkavius.deviantart.com/journal/10161072/ Sat, 23 Sep 2006 10:41:41 PDT we can move velvety through our plans.

]]> ~JohnnyMalkavius http://JohnnyMalkavius.deviantart.com/journal/10146449/ http://JohnnyMalkavius.deviantart.com/journal/10146449/ Thu, 21 Sep 2006 19:24:51 PDT Member of

]]> ~JohnnyMalkavius http://JohnnyMalkavius.deviantart.com/journal/10094641/ http://JohnnyMalkavius.deviantart.com/journal/10094641/ Sat, 16 Sep 2006 19:39:47 PDT another word to roll off my tongue,
the mescaline's kicking in,
can you hold my hand for the night,
lead me to a safe place?

i can feel it coming on so strong,
like the world's going to make me turn out wrong,
i make my own deicisions,
and will regret some.

and i felt her touch the edge of my shadow,
like a feeding we groped at the hollow,
of a black that can't climb back.

i can feel it coming on strong,
the drugs dragging me in,
and i can feel it coming on.

the stars dance just for me. ]]> ~JohnnyMalkavius http://JohnnyMalkavius.deviantart.com/journal/10050595/ http://JohnnyMalkavius.deviantart.com/journal/10050595/ Tue, 12 Sep 2006 13:59:52 PDT

Please click these icons and expand your mind to a world of artwork you will not find anywhere else. These guys do some of the most spectacular pieces of artwork I've seen in a long time.

------------------------------

I am aspiring to start another book. I think I will post the first chapter here to see what people think. And maybe a subsequent 3rd or 7th chapter to see what people think. A plot line might be murder. ha....

johnny M. ]]> ~JohnnyMalkavius http://JohnnyMalkavius.deviantart.com/journal/9857211/ http://JohnnyMalkavius.deviantart.com/journal/9857211/ Sat, 26 Aug 2006 00:56:15 PDT from left i can hear she screams aloud
from what she left i can see she needs us now,
but we continue to be the last to dine upon
the wretched sense of ease, to throw out such
disease in the water for all the children to
fester upon the open wounds of a nation,
i can keep killing my faith but you're still drowning
in the ocean.

we all see with our tongues,
and gnawing at the sensitivity,
we all chew at the dignity we once held.

so when the tower falls upon the heads
we can say we accomplished nothing
our beds still clean and the filth upon the street,
without so much as a nod from the father
in heaven, your god, so much has gone wrong,
can we stand by and watch as the tower falls
all around us, incapable of seeing what's
behind the curtain of our minds, black as
the night you told me lies.

we all see with our tongues,
and gnawing at the sensitivity,
we all chew at the dignity we once held so firm.

crumbling as the masses gather. ]]> ~JohnnyMalkavius http://JohnnyMalkavius.deviantart.com/journal/9564324/ http://JohnnyMalkavius.deviantart.com/journal/9564324/ Tue, 01 Aug 2006 10:05:08 PDT she cannot tell herself no.
she cannot tell them no!
vast array of mind control,
for the dummies in red and white.

wait we cannot go,
we're stuck to the wall,
we're told no, no no no!!!

torn apart by a fake,
talking alone to the water,
and i can see you in the reflection,
you're getting fucked by,
by the whole world.

but we want to go to the disco,
she getting fucked by the world,
and i can see you in the water,
but we're stuck to the wall.
and told,
no no no no no! ]]> ~JohnnyMalkavius http://JohnnyMalkavius.deviantart.com/journal/9561191/ http://JohnnyMalkavius.deviantart.com/journal/9561191/ Tue, 01 Aug 2006 01:59:30 PDT
and we move very fast into the void. ]]> ~JohnnyMalkavius http://JohnnyMalkavius.deviantart.com/journal/9549792/ http://JohnnyMalkavius.deviantart.com/journal/9549792/ Mon, 31 Jul 2006 02:56:54 PDT
it's time for me to sleep. i want to start writing in my book again.

-johnny M. ]]> ~JohnnyMalkavius http://JohnnyMalkavius.deviantart.com/journal/9479465/ http://JohnnyMalkavius.deviantart.com/journal/9479465/ Mon, 24 Jul 2006 13:44:21 PDT
watch this for serious eye candy...

http://JohnnyMalkavius.deviantart.com/journal/9393689/ Sun, 16 Jul 2006 10:43:56 PDT
I guess life will go which way it wishes whether I want it to or not.

here's to all the change.

johnny M. ]]> ~JohnnyMalkavius http://JohnnyMalkavius.deviantart.com/journal/9357167/ http://JohnnyMalkavius.deviantart.com/journal/9357167/ Wed, 12 Jul 2006 18:17:16 PDT my world's coming apart,
and in defense i'll cut my heart out .

i'm feeling quite alone here. ]]> ~JohnnyMalkavius http://JohnnyMalkavius.deviantart.com/journal/9290862/ http://JohnnyMalkavius.deviantart.com/journal/9290862/ Thu, 06 Jul 2006 10:24:51 PDT the flies buzzing in my ears.
when will i learn to swallow?
will my eyes ever see you,

turn around and take me out.
i'm gonna be your always.

spread my wings,
cut me off from the rest of the world,
drink me in,
and i will see if you can swallow. ]]> ~JohnnyMalkavius http://JohnnyMalkavius.deviantart.com/journal/9276054/ http://JohnnyMalkavius.deviantart.com/journal/9276054/ Tue, 04 Jul 2006 22:36:36 PDT she said, the fires hot down where i am.
with no moon or sun and stars.
darkest nights down where i am.

do you crave, my touch upon your skin?
is it lonely in the dark?
he can't redeem all of her wrongful deeds.
talk to the angels of all the beings,

is it lonely down where you are?
they said, the dark is dark down where we are.
with no moon, sun or the stars.
the fire is hot down where we are... ]]> ~JohnnyMalkavius http://JohnnyMalkavius.deviantart.com/journal/9247480/ http://JohnnyMalkavius.deviantart.com/journal/9247480/ Sun, 02 Jul 2006 01:44:58 PDT can i pick up the pieces.
the broken down industries in my mind.
they can keep producing,
but may i rest a while,
while the world goes on sale?
can i close my eyes for a moment,
get a piece of mind,
just for a moment.

before i tear off my skin,
i will be there beneath the mess,
and inside the guilty,
i shall be,
in and out of love with me.

keep it going, burning till i return. ]]> ~JohnnyMalkavius http://JohnnyMalkavius.deviantart.com/journal/9157914/ http://JohnnyMalkavius.deviantart.com/journal/9157914/ Fri, 23 Jun 2006 09:58:34 PDT ~JohnnyMalkavius http://JohnnyMalkavius.deviantart.com/journal/8898609/ http://JohnnyMalkavius.deviantart.com/journal/8898609/ Sun, 28 May 2006 03:55:37 PDT let it fall,
if i fall in love,
let no light in.
send me back,
from what,
i came in.
let me crawl,
away from you,
balled up,
in a corner,
away from you.
will you let me,
be without.
without light?
without mercy,
will you,
let me be alone?
feel alone,
let me be,
for the curtain calling
will fall upon heavy heads,
of tomorrow,
lest we see fire on the horizon?
let it burn,
let me be,
alone,
fuck till you become,
let me be alone.
and if i crawl from the cracks,
in your face will you age?
if i drop upon your head will
your crown last,
faster than the color,
fading from another,
to see the end in red.
to see my end in,
let it fall,
let the whole world fall,
onto me,
if i crawl? ]]> ~JohnnyMalkavius http://JohnnyMalkavius.deviantart.com/journal/8865232/ http://JohnnyMalkavius.deviantart.com/journal/8865232/ Wed, 24 May 2006 15:24:38 PDT tomorrow has already,
stepped upon my doorstep. ]]> ~JohnnyMalkavius http://JohnnyMalkavius.deviantart.com/journal/8735108/ http://JohnnyMalkavius.deviantart.com/journal/8735108/ Wed, 10 May 2006 21:34:57 PDT like she is leaving to be far away.

from me here alone, she wants,
to have nothing to do,
i feel i am losing her, trust
she's slipping through my hands,

she's dust.

am i losing her?
her moods are like liquid,
and will she trust?
am i losing her? ]]> ~JohnnyMalkavius http://JohnnyMalkavius.deviantart.com/journal/8689678/ http://JohnnyMalkavius.deviantart.com/journal/8689678/ Sat, 06 May 2006 09:23:41 PDT
johnny m. ]]> ~JohnnyMalkavius http://JohnnyMalkavius.deviantart.com/journal/8400433/ http://JohnnyMalkavius.deviantart.com/journal/8400433/ Fri, 07 Apr 2006 17:35:30 PDT and in my complexity,
i see you in shades of grey.

quickly remove me,
from this galactic mess.
so i can breathe your emptiness.

exhaust and just drive me out.
speak from sealed lips and leave me out.
just drive.
just drive.
just drive...

me and the others to a destination,
unknown to the others, we can recover,
this left alone.

and just drive.

leave me withered,
i'll recover. just drive.

inhale and i'll remove myself from your,
mouth, bite your tongue, say a prayer,
and just drive.

-johnny m. ]]> ~JohnnyMalkavius http://JohnnyMalkavius.deviantart.com/journal/8216027/ http://JohnnyMalkavius.deviantart.com/journal/8216027/ Mon, 20 Mar 2006 11:12:25 PST it's hard to notice the detail of the beautiful,
it's hard to make out the outline of something perfect,
and it is hard to know when to stop.

when the darkest moments in our lives seem to be able to get no worse, when we see nothing but black skies. When we realize there's nothing left to lose. We find in ourselves the strength to either end it or begin it. With each choice the harp of destiny loses or gains a string, and in each string a vibration that effects all those around you, no matter what the distance, the human experience is profoundly effected by your one decision.

when it's easy to see the end,
and all else has failed,
when it's not difficult to carry on,
and your life is on a golden plate before you,
you cannot appreciate anything.

can we really know something beautiful, without first being torn to pieces ? Can the atrocious be really that bad unless we have seen the magnificent.

and with all of my thread I will sew myself a life long tapestry. For all my blood is nothing but dust in the end. ]]> ~JohnnyMalkavius http://JohnnyMalkavius.deviantart.com/journal/8017565/ http://JohnnyMalkavius.deviantart.com/journal/8017565/ Wed, 08 Mar 2006 12:51:53 PST [link]
by: *DeLaV

-------------

most things are an accident. ]]> ~JohnnyMalkavius http://JohnnyMalkavius.deviantart.com/journal/7973124/ http://JohnnyMalkavius.deviantart.com/journal/7973124/ Wed, 22 Feb 2006 15:49:17 PST to reveal atleast, real under the,
piece of mind in a state of,
bringing out the beast in me.

when we hold hands it's like,
two pieces fitting for the first time,
when i reach inside you,
i pull a little of myself.

as the blade begins,
deeper it ascends,
i reveal a pale truth,
the truth, i'm frail,
to tell the truth i'll fail.

warmth is all but forgotten,
beating hearts we touch,
a truth, the truth, i'll reach out...
to fail you.

you're cold to me.
when i look in your eyes...

-johnny M.

Read more...
Oxidized Lyrics (click LINK below for easy access.)
[link] ]]> ~JohnnyMalkavius http://JohnnyMalkavius.deviantart.com/journal/7811023/ http://JohnnyMalkavius.deviantart.com/journal/7811023/ Sun, 05 Feb 2006 16:12:03 PST [link]

in it's production stage, by one of the Greatest artists I have ever had the pleasure of meeting on deviantart... *DeLaV.
He is doing this work for free, and I'd love it if you'd go to his Site and check out his work. I normally don't spotlight artists I watch but this one is worth a look. His work is dark and tasteful, The guy is blessed with fine tuned hands, from Photomanipulation, photography, to Waccom board work... he is one of the best.

Let me and him know what you think of this new tattoo design. I'm hoping he'll design the rest of my tattoos as well.

On another note, Annika is more than a month old, around 10 pounds and close to 21 inches. She's growing so fast ! We have lots of new pictures of her that I will post soon. It'd be nice to be able to say I am gonna start making art again, but until I start making more money at my Job, or a new one, I can't afford to. Life has been so chaotic. I finally turned 21 in November and just now got to go to the bar for the First time. I am really getting into Wine. My sushi endeavor is at a stand still as well until more money comes in. Eh, life is good all in all. I am constantly reminded that I need to appreciate what I do have, "counting my blessings" so to speak. It's hard sometimes to see the fine things through all the shadows... I am still learning to play Guitar, It's coming along slow, but steady. I know 8 chords now. But still have a hard time switching in good time between them.

Ok enough about me, Go check out DeLav and may God bless you and keep you Strong in all your hardships, And may you walk with Christ in all things in your life.

-johnny M. ]]> ~JohnnyMalkavius http://JohnnyMalkavius.deviantart.com/journal/7537770/ http://JohnnyMalkavius.deviantart.com/journal/7537770/ Sat, 07 Jan 2006 17:25:51 PST
into the light. Kicking and screaming, pink and alive.

December 24th 3:04 am.
7.7 pounds, 18 inches Long.

Full of love. And I cannot put it into words how incredible this is. My heart feels as if it's going to explode everytime I look in her eyes.

Pictures will be posted very soon my friends.


May Christ keep you all safe, strong and healthy, and full of wonderful art.

-John


Wanna read all I have written ?

Oxidized Lyrics (click LINK below for easy access.)
[link] ]]> ~JohnnyMalkavius http://JohnnyMalkavius.deviantart.com/journal/7383824/ http://JohnnyMalkavius.deviantart.com/journal/7383824/ Thu, 22 Dec 2005 15:34:07 PST
Contradictions in the Bible—Why Are They There?

The Bible has many seeming contradictions within its pages. For example, the four Gospels give four differing accounts as to what was written on the sign that hung on the cross. Matthew said, “This is Jesus the King of the Jews” (27:37). However, Mark contradicts that with “The King of the Jews” (15:26). Luke says something different: “This is the King of the Jews” (23:38), and John maintains that the sign said “Jesus of Nazareth the King of the Jews” (19:19).

Those who are looking for contradictions may therefore say, “See—the Bible is full of mistakes!” and choose to reject it entirely as being untrustworthy. However, those who trust God have no problem harmonizing the Gospels. There is no contradiction if the sign simply said, “This is Jesus of Nazareth the King of the Jews.”

The godly base their confidence on two truths: 1) “all Scripture is given by inspiration of God” (2 Timothy 3:16); and 2) an elementary rule of Scripture is that God has deliberately included seeming contradictions in His Word to “snare” the proud. He has “hidden” things from the “wise and prudent” and “revealed them to babes” (Luke 10:21), purposely choosing foolish things to confound the wise (1 Corinthians 1:27).

------------------------- ]]> ~JohnnyMalkavius http://JohnnyMalkavius.deviantart.com/journal/7148264/ http://JohnnyMalkavius.deviantart.com/journal/7148264/ Sat, 26 Nov 2005 10:30:30 PST
" I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life. No one comes to the Father, except through me. " -Jesus Christ. (John 14:6)

If someone points a gun to your head, Does it matter if you believe the gun will work ? No, The gun WILL work... Just because you say you do not believe in the Law and the Gospel, doesn't mean it doesn't work.

" For whoever keeps the whole law and yet stumbles at just one point is guilty of breaking all of it. " (James 2:10)

Do you think you are a good person ? Have you followed all of the Law ? Though you are saying yes, I can answer for you NO. Have you lied ? even a little "white" lie ? That is a huge offensive sin to a JUST and GOOD God. Have you been one to Lust after another ? Even looking at a woman/man in a lustful way makes you guilty of Lust. For it is the matter of the Heart and Spirit that God is most concerned. Have you Stolen anything ever ? Even small like a pencil... Ever think you could be sent to hell for stealing a pencil... you could, without Christ.

If you wanna come to Christ visit one of the sites for Further instruction. And if you think I am wrong, Do a little reading. The Bible was written by men yes, but Through men God "breathed" (inspired) his word to that paper. Because we are imperfect, he sent his Son, so we may have a chance to be with him. And through God's breathe we were given the one good Book, the one to show us God, So we may know him and be saved by His Son. The path is in black and white, right there for you.

"I want you to know, Brothers, That the gospel I preached is not something that man made up." Paul ( Galatians 1:11 )

[link]
[link]
I love you all.
-johnny M. ]]> ~JohnnyMalkavius http://JohnnyMalkavius.deviantart.com/journal/6892103/ http://JohnnyMalkavius.deviantart.com/journal/6892103/ Fri, 28 Oct 2005 15:01:25 PDT Follow the River...
Though it may wind,
don't forget, boy you got time.

and when you,
open your eyes...
to see a star-lit sky,
you'll remember, boy you got time.

Running down,
a Means to an end,
will we ever remember,
to take His hand.

Forget the bird,
Follow the River...
Though it may wind,
don't forget, boy you got time. ]]> ~JohnnyMalkavius http://JohnnyMalkavius.deviantart.com/journal/6871907/ http://JohnnyMalkavius.deviantart.com/journal/6871907/ Wed, 26 Oct 2005 09:43:24 PDT
This will prove to be a difficult challenge. ]]> ~JohnnyMalkavius http://JohnnyMalkavius.deviantart.com/journal/6838313/ http://JohnnyMalkavius.deviantart.com/journal/6838313/ Sat, 22 Oct 2005 15:59:51 PDT
It also occured to me that maybe some people don't know where to find my writing when I send them to my site, those who are not Deviantart familiar. So, I shall put a link here as bold as I can for those to find my lyrics easily.

Complete Collection of Lyrics.

Hopefully that helps.

I am still aspiring to work for God. And am going to find a mentor Pastor to mentor under. Everything else is ok in my life, I am now engaged as I probably already let everyone know. I can't think of anything else for the update... Got questions go ahead and shoot. I miss all of you. As soon as I get the money I will set up my PC again and begin work. No promise on a timeframe. Pray for it to be soon for me, and may God be with all of you in your walks.

" Be it not by works, but by Faith that you may find the Father and the Kingdom, so that no man, before God Almighty, May boast in his own doings but boast only of God's Glory and HIS work. "

I love you all. ]]> ~JohnnyMalkavius