http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:LifesDropOuts&section=today deviantART RSS for by:LifesDropOuts en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Wed, 23 Dec 2009 00:55:59 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://LifesDropOuts.deviantart.com/journal/28920548/ http://LifesDropOuts.deviantart.com/journal/28920548/ Sun, 13 Dec 2009 11:02:24 PST
I miss you.

]]> ~LifesDropOuts http://LifesDropOuts.deviantart.com/journal/28777396/ http://LifesDropOuts.deviantart.com/journal/28777396/ Sat, 05 Dec 2009 23:39:36 PST _>

No reason to stay away from DA now. Fuck it, I like trolling for art.

-Tips hat-

]]> ~LifesDropOuts http://LifesDropOuts.deviantart.com/journal/28495114/ http://LifesDropOuts.deviantart.com/journal/28495114/ Mon, 23 Nov 2009 22:02:13 PST
He had been doing so well for a month with his drinking, and he simply drank too much, and forgot how much of his medication he had took. The irony; my grandparents, his parents, showed up at the trailer park to take him to Oregon and help him. My grandparents found their son, dead. He had fallen down the steps inside, and died.

We got the call at four. And I left the house without throwing shoes on. They had the trailer taped off, and they wouldn't let me see him, a good move, but at the time. I wanted to bust the police's face in.

People die, that's life. But he was supposed to get better. We were right down the street, for fucks sake. RIGHT. THERE. He could have called. He could have told us, and we could have been there in five minutes.

But he didn't.

And he's gone.

I don't know what to do, or say. It feels like it's all a dream, and there are moments when I feel like I'm going to kick it. We tried so goddamn hard to help him.

He didn't want to help himself, though.

And now I don't have a father.

--

All drama aside, everything seems a bit more real today than what it did yesterday. My mom insists on keeping my dads wallet and phone with her, so I am prone to crying like a little bitch, even thought I don't want to. Sarah and I haven't slept yet today. We tried our best, but upon talking to each other, figured that we can think of nothing but the image our subconscious is giving us.

To try and deal with the guilt/hurt/that bullshit, my sister and I went out and got our first tattoos. Shamrocks, for my dad. He had one on his hand, and was supposed to be there with me when I got my first.. And after we got home, Sarah and I apparently had the same thought at the same time, because we met in the hallway. "Dude, let's go get a fucking tattoo."

My uncle on my mothers side knows a guy, so we got a good deal. Whoever said tattoos hurt, were fucking bitches. It burned, but that was about it. I had braced myself for severe pain ,and upon the first minute, looked over all '..Is that it'.

I'm having trouble with the 'what ifs', and trying to keep from blaming myself, but that's not going so well. Nothing like this smooths over in a day, but I wish it did.

I just want to sleep >_<


--

I no longer feel guilty on the 'I could have stopped this if I were more careful', scale, but a whole new load of guilt has settled in on the 'I should have seen the signs', scale.

My mother and grandmother were making an attempt to clean out the trailer this evening when my grandmother found his suicide note. He had written in the first page, and turned it over. It was lying where his body had been, and reading it, it looks as if he had simply slipped into an unconscious state before he could finish the rest. I almost wished he had.

To sum it up, he felt that killing himself would stop mine, my sisters, and my mothers suffering. He stated that he was ashamed of himself, and could not face the shit he had done. My grandmother (on my mothers side), stated that he did an honorable thing. How.

How is ending the hurt, but creating a whole new one honorable?

Other than my sister not taking the entire thing well, my grandmother had to point out that what looked like a water splash on the paper, was probably his vomit, from when he lie dying.

That ruined me.

It just fucking ruined me.

]]> ~LifesDropOuts http://LifesDropOuts.deviantart.com/journal/27121276/ http://LifesDropOuts.deviantart.com/journal/27121276/ Wed, 09 Sep 2009 20:13:08 PDT
-Sigh- I'm not going to make a big deal out of it. It's merely frustrating and hurtful.

The end.

]]> ~LifesDropOuts http://LifesDropOuts.deviantart.com/journal/27041840/ http://LifesDropOuts.deviantart.com/journal/27041840/ Sat, 05 Sep 2009 19:27:31 PDT
...SQUEE.

]]> ~LifesDropOuts http://LifesDropOuts.deviantart.com/journal/26985127/ http://LifesDropOuts.deviantart.com/journal/26985127/ Wed, 02 Sep 2009 19:43:13 PDT
Nor did they tell me that you had to have a dominant personality, and not clam up when strangers are involved.

My first day wasn't fun.

At all.

]]> ~LifesDropOuts http://LifesDropOuts.deviantart.com/journal/26944134/ http://LifesDropOuts.deviantart.com/journal/26944134/ Mon, 31 Aug 2009 19:06:35 PDT UP YOURS, YOU SNOT-NOSED, HYPOCRITICAL FUCKS.

I got a job at Maximum security basically being a telemarketer and setting up appointments for this company to sell home/business security.

It's eight bucks an hour, five hours a day, six days a week, but kickass bonuses depending on how many people buy the shit you're making appointments for a week.

Sooooo..

Anyone who owns a house and or business want a security system that's thirty a month, and all the components are free? :3

]]> ~LifesDropOuts http://LifesDropOuts.deviantart.com/journal/26876926/ http://LifesDropOuts.deviantart.com/journal/26876926/ Fri, 28 Aug 2009 13:53:21 PDT
PEOPLE WHO DO NOT TAKE THE TIME TO KNOW ME DO NOT GET THE 'TREAT KASSY LIKE A SMALLER PERSON', RIGHTS.

Kthx.

]]> ~LifesDropOuts http://LifesDropOuts.deviantart.com/journal/26863500/ http://LifesDropOuts.deviantart.com/journal/26863500/ Thu, 27 Aug 2009 19:00:54 PDT

Good times.

]]> ~LifesDropOuts http://LifesDropOuts.deviantart.com/journal/26763800/ http://LifesDropOuts.deviantart.com/journal/26763800/ Sat, 22 Aug 2009 21:39:28 PDT
I AM SO LEVELING A PALADIN ON A SEPARATE SERVER AND CAMPING PEOPLE I HATE :333

]]> ~LifesDropOuts http://LifesDropOuts.deviantart.com/journal/26735092/ http://LifesDropOuts.deviantart.com/journal/26735092/ Fri, 21 Aug 2009 13:44:24 PDT
AND NEW CLASSES FOR THE OLD RACES!

Tauren Paladins
Human Hunters
TROLL DRUIDS
OHMY!

If the undead get the Paladin class, my Blood Elf can GTFO my warcraft, and I am paying the money to swiiiitch.

OMG OMG OMG.

-Rollroll-

WTB NEXT EXPANSION D:

]]> ~LifesDropOuts http://LifesDropOuts.deviantart.com/journal/26660478/ http://LifesDropOuts.deviantart.com/journal/26660478/ Mon, 17 Aug 2009 21:57:55 PDT
]]> ~LifesDropOuts http://LifesDropOuts.deviantart.com/journal/26098759/ http://LifesDropOuts.deviantart.com/journal/26098759/ Tue, 21 Jul 2009 23:48:52 PDT Who the fuck am I fooling?
Just a waste of goddamned space..

]]> ~LifesDropOuts http://LifesDropOuts.deviantart.com/journal/25841370/ http://LifesDropOuts.deviantart.com/journal/25841370/ Thu, 09 Jul 2009 14:43:31 PDT There's no place better, and I slept on a real bed last night!
I caught my sisters boyfriends summer cold.. Or strep throat, and other than nearly going comatose on the floor, I am pleased by all of this.
It's now to job-hunting, and trying to get into NCE for radiology, or phlebotomy :3.
..and Harry Potter the fifteenth.
..YAAAY

]]> ~LifesDropOuts http://LifesDropOuts.deviantart.com/journal/25763198/ http://LifesDropOuts.deviantart.com/journal/25763198/ Sun, 05 Jul 2009 22:01:13 PDT
We rolled into LA about three in the afternoon on the 3rd, and got our badges by five our so. We met up with the wives, , and, . My sister, her boyfriend, and I were SO exhausted from being the main drivers, that we bailed at midnight to sleep. It was one of those nights where you woke up the next morning, not even remembering the removing of your shoes due to how damned exhausted you were.

Other than that, things went smoothly, for the most part. AX seemed a little dumbed down this year. Missing a few key elements, it seemed like they were more into the money, than the culture behind the convention itself, but it was all good.

OH, AND I GOT TO SEE SETH GREEN.

From three rows away.

He's an ittle-bits! AN ITTLE-BITTY-BITS.

My life was complete.

We might go to Disneyland tomorrow if we can afford it, and I have to say, if we do.. It'd totally make up for all the shit that's happened XD. GRAH.

I love Disneyland so much.
Since I was an ittle-bits myself.

>_>

]]> ~LifesDropOuts http://LifesDropOuts.deviantart.com/journal/25556730/ http://LifesDropOuts.deviantart.com/journal/25556730/ Fri, 26 Jun 2009 00:54:15 PDT
I will not burn into my brain the fact that I am GOING to restart the collection I had going of Sailor Moon itemy goodness, and it will take up an entire room.

And my roomie can't complain.

EVER.

BECAUSE IT'S SAILOR MOON.

The end.

]]> ~LifesDropOuts http://LifesDropOuts.deviantart.com/journal/25550833/ http://LifesDropOuts.deviantart.com/journal/25550833/ Thu, 25 Jun 2009 19:19:14 PDT -Zen-

]]> ~LifesDropOuts http://LifesDropOuts.deviantart.com/journal/25364086/ http://LifesDropOuts.deviantart.com/journal/25364086/ Wed, 17 Jun 2009 00:23:35 PDT I usually have a journal figured out before I begin. An outline, if you will, because of the fact that I go banana-cakes if any of my writing seems haphazard and just.. Vomited onto the page, although, that is how most of my shit seems to work most of the time, so here I fucking go.

I still do not know where to begin, so I guess I will start with today's events; nothing happened. Well, one, maybe two things, but they were so frustrating, and draining, that it seems to have consumed all of my waking hours. I was peer pressured, for the most part, into going to the mall with my sister and her boyfriend. I actually felt good about getting out of the 'house', and wander around. You know, use my legs for the first time in weeks. I've been feeling shit about myself, and my weight, although a recent check of it ( courtesy ripping a scale out of a box at wal-mart ) proves that I have, in fact, lost three pounds, and have not gained a thing.

We are driving towards the mall, and make note, that my sisters boyfriend has a past with the police, none are his fault, and he is a GREAT guy. Anyhoe, this cop is following us for a few blocks, and we notice him riding James' ass all 'why is this guy following us'? Upon taking it upon myself to look behind us, I see the policeman flip his lights, and all three of us all go, at once 'motherfucker'.

We pull over, and Mr.Hot-shot wanders out of his car at his own pace, and asks us why he pulled him over. If we had known, we would have been prepared, and I assumed that someone who passed all those 'extensive' tests to become an officer of the law, would be smart enough to recognize our looks of confusion. Obviously not.

It turns out James had a warrant for some bullshit reason. We think it's this ticket that doesn't have to be paid til' AUGUST. But, they get him cuffed and in the car, and Sarah and I are sitting in the vehicle still, pondering just what the hell it is with us and the police. One of the guys comes over and asks us to step out and stand against the wall. At this point, I want to shit myself. Why are -we- being run through the systems?

We hand our permits over, and upon finding out that I do not have a permit, the police man does a double take, and asks me why I do not have a license, and if it is that expensive in California. It took me a minute to see through the fog of sarcasm and assholishness before I could reply. As we are being run through, the second police officer going through James' car finds the brass knuckles he keeps in them. This HUGE piece of metal, and I am sure they are illegal, so the SMILING policeman takes it to the car, and then exclaims that the car itself smells like pot. Two things happened with that comment:

1. I nearly vomited thinking they were those 'corrupt' cops, and they were going to bring me and my sister in for drugs.
2. I almost (politely) asked the cop if he hadn't already filled his quota for the month, or if it was just that easy to mistake the stench of garbage for WEED.

Either way, he was carted off, and we waited a few minutes until his sister and dad arrived to get his car and take me and Sarah home. We still do not know the charges and I am PRETTY sure they didn't read his Miranda rights. I could hear them from the car. In the end, this brush with the police did not help the boiling hate I have for them. Servants of the public or no, most of them are corrupt mother fuckers.

.. And they almost made me cry.

Other than that, life has been the same, although Sarah and I are patiently waiting AX. It's something we look forward to every year, and to be honest, AX has been one of the 'light in the darkness' things to my sister and I. It really has, and I can not explain it. We love it. We love the people, and the panels, the walks, the late nights, the anime, the costumes, the goodies... All of it. It makes us smile, no matter how shitty our life was, and the best part. It proves that we DO have luck.

We have it. Somewhere. No matter how strapped for cash we are, our family, and friends, somehow just.. Magically find a way to find their way to Los Angeles. How they do it, I don't know, but we get lucky..

My mom is coming back Friday, we hear, and we will be leaving then, or Saturday, to head back to Sacramento. this messes with the plan we had to head to AX FROM Texas, and we are worried that, although our mother states we will head to AX as a family, that she will, as always, be lying. Who cares if she will be with us, at least we get to go. It sucks thinking that, for the first time in six years, we might miss this convention, but we are hoping for the best.

Life is one mental mind fuck, and with people, and things wearing you down, you can't help but sit back and let everything hit you, and hard. I can not help but wonder if my decisions in my life are the right ones... ]]> ~LifesDropOuts http://LifesDropOuts.deviantart.com/journal/25329037/ http://LifesDropOuts.deviantart.com/journal/25329037/ Mon, 15 Jun 2009 12:49:09 PDT
o-o Shit has been better, dudes, and dudettes, although the time of my return to the golden state APPROACHES. Either we're heading to Sacramento straight out, or we're going to hit AX on the way back, which is what the three of us are aiming for, and it looks good.

I'll be damned if Hitler and I miss the vacation of the year because of some stint in Texas D<. BESIDES. We introduced the con to like, ALL of you. It's only right that we return to TAKE WHAT IS OURS.

Oh, and the internet is slow as fuck and my laptop refuses to connect to the network at this new dump of an RV park.

OH OH OH OH OH, GUYS.

GUYS.

And a big GRATS to for the gallery that his art was accepted tooo! See, honey!? You ARE amazing!

-Parade.Floats.Balloons.Noise.Cheers because he is amazing-

]]> ~LifesDropOuts http://LifesDropOuts.deviantart.com/journal/25224403/ http://LifesDropOuts.deviantart.com/journal/25224403/ Tue, 09 Jun 2009 19:48:49 PDT
And then some old man dressed in navy blue will knock on the door of this match-box, and ask for me to return my childhood. Damnit.

Twenty fucking years. Holy shit, have I really been around that long? I thought I'd be somewhere a litle less.. Shitty, at this point in my life. Comes to show what the hell I know. I don't feel any different. A little stiffer from two months of sleeping on the floor, but that's about it, but, holy christ, it's been a long, grueling twenty years.

I won't be doing much for my birthday, and I hate to admit that I'm kind of bummed about that. I was hoping to be in Sacramento so I could hang with the wives, or at least chillax in a home, but, here we are. Maybe I'll go swimming tomorrow.. At least, before we get kicked outta this dumpy park.. At least they had internet -_-.

-Point- TO TWENTY YEARS! I'll be dead in forty. I've depressed myself.

I'd like to think I've lived life to the fullest so far. A little rocky,
and some times off course, but I'm sure I've got the idea.

]]> ~LifesDropOuts http://LifesDropOuts.deviantart.com/journal/25120370/ http://LifesDropOuts.deviantart.com/journal/25120370/ Thu, 04 Jun 2009 07:04:51 PDT
I hope you all had a wonderful day today~ I am proud of the lot of you <3.

I wish I had been there to cheer with the crowd, but did the SWEETEST thing, and called me so I could hear Kimmy's name called!

I cheered with them, and holy crap. I love you all. Here is to hoping I'll be back in a jiffy.

]]> ~LifesDropOuts http://LifesDropOuts.deviantart.com/journal/25063341/ http://LifesDropOuts.deviantart.com/journal/25063341/ Mon, 01 Jun 2009 04:20:50 PDT
This does not bode well, and I swear to jesus, Twilight is going to be the death of me. At this very moment, thinking about the fans and the shittiness and the..Ugh. Makes me angry, sad, depressed, and disgusted at one time. It's draining, which does not help how nutter butters I am feeling tonight. Long story.

Anyhoe, looks like I'm gonna have to strap on my 'Twifag' stompin' boots and hit the nearest strip-mall pretty soon D<.. No rest for the nonbeliever.

I am curious, in the little questionare at the bottom of this, when it comes to what I am drinking, do 'the tears for the stupidity of society', count?

]]> ~LifesDropOuts http://LifesDropOuts.deviantart.com/journal/24952836/ http://LifesDropOuts.deviantart.com/journal/24952836/ Tue, 26 May 2009 13:11:31 PDT
We should be leaving on, or a few days after June third. I am hoping to be back in Sacramento before my twentieth birthday, but I should be so lucky. I feel it is selfish in saying that I want to do SOMETHING for the day that I turn twenty. A good chunk of my life has come and passed, I want to celebrate that.. If only for a few minutes. I do not want to be stuck inside this match-box called a Montana.

That is it, really. I can not think of anything else to say. Living like this seems to have sucked the creativity out of me. Including the words that I really would like to say. I am doing okay, I have been better, but a lot really has happened, and I am content in the way that my personal life is going..

In other news, I would like to point out my victory.
is my BITCH. At least, when he's not bossing me around. Have a good week at work, sweetie.

, and , keep your days open! I can not wait to see you two. I hope my spot in the fucked up triangle that is our friendship has not been filled. I miss you both so much, wifey is going to be home real soon!

Edit:

I stumbled upon this website for the live action Avatar: The Last Airbender movie, and can't quite put into words how I feel about it. It's been awhile since I've rewatched the episodes, because I kind of got turned off of ATLA because of all the squealy fangirls and idiocy, but I think I can get back into the groove of things.

Not too shabby, I think. I've kept tabs the cartoon ever since it first aired back in the day, although I wasn't much of a fan due to its seemingly instant popularity. I'll definitely have to drag my sister to see what the dealios about once it comes to theaters, although, I don't think we'll be seeing it for the first two or three weeks. Let the crowds thin. I don't want another 'Night at the Twilight premier', to rear it's ugly head.

]]> ~LifesDropOuts http://LifesDropOuts.deviantart.com/journal/24796096/ http://LifesDropOuts.deviantart.com/journal/24796096/ Sat, 16 May 2009 23:28:47 PDT DO THIS. NAO.


1. Who are you?
2. Are we friends?
3. When and how did we meet?
4. How have I affected you?
5. What do you think of me?
6. What's the fondest memory you have of me?
7. How long do you think we will be friends?
8. Do you love me?
9. Do you have a crush on me?
10. Would you kiss me?
11. Would you hug me?
12. Physically, what stands out?
13. Emotionally, what stands out?
14. Do you wish I was cooler?
15. On a scale of 1-10, how fucking amazing am I?
16. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
17. Am I lovable?
18. How long have you known me?
19. Describe me in one word.
20. What was your first impression?
21. Do you still think that way about me now?
22. What do you think my weakness is?
23. Do you think I'll get married?
24. What makes me happy?
25. What makes me sad?
26. What reminds you of me?
27. If you could give me anything what would it be and why?
28. How well do you know me?
29. When's the last time you saw me?
30. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
31. Do you think I could kill someone?
32. Are you going to put this on your Journal and see what I say about you?

]]> ~LifesDropOuts http://LifesDropOuts.deviantart.com/journal/24790412/ http://LifesDropOuts.deviantart.com/journal/24790412/ Sat, 16 May 2009 19:44:08 PDT 1. ObsidianAvalon
2. Bloodybiohazard
3. Leamardi

THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. I roll with the punches.
2. My ability to take a knock-out punch, and stay standing.
3. My anger.


THREE THINGS YOU DON'T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. I am easily put off and can, in the click of a button, feel small, and worthless compared to others.
2. My anger is my fail-safe way to deal with the most painful of all dissapointments. Even if you are a friend, you are not safe from my emotions.
3. I am almost twenty, and as it stands, am proud of nothing, have done nothing, and stand for nothing.


THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
1. Rejection.
2. Competition
3. Being replaced.

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1. Music.
2. Talking to at least one friend.
3. The internet.

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
1. Horde shirt.
2. Guys pajama shorts. Blue plaid.
3. Hook in the front bra.

THREE OF YOUR FAVOURITE BANDS (or artists (at the moment)):
1. Avenged Sevenfold
2. Bowling for Soup
3. 3 Doors Down.

THREE OF YOUR FAVOURITE SONGS AT PRESENT:
1. Be Somebody - 3 Doors Down
2. It's Not My Time - 3 Days Grace
3. Holding Out For A Hero - Frou-Frou

THREE NEW THINGS YOU WANT TO TRY IN THE NEXT 12 MONTHS:
1. Opening up.
2. Trusting in others.
3. To cease my paranoia that even my closest friend would take joy in kicking my lifeless form off a cliff.

THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP (love is a given):
1. Trust/Loyalty
2. Communication
3. .. I have no clue.

TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE
1. I've beaten the shit out of my mother.
2. I am a calm person.
3. I've beaten the shit out of my father.

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX (or same) THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
1. Eyes.
2. Hair.
3. Piercings.

THREE THINGS YOU JUST CAN'T DO:
1. Smoke.
2. Drink.
3. Believe anything that anyone says to me.

THREE OF YOUR FAVOURITE HOBBIES:
1. Reading.
2. Drawing.
3. Maintaining my complete loathing for the universe.

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
1. I assume that people think I am joking when I say that I need a hug, and a real shoulder to lean on. I am not.
2. Work, or school. Anything to make me feel less like a piece of nothing.
3. To move to a real home..

THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING:
1. Art/Cartooning.
2. Nurse
3. Foreign Language (French).

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
1. Ireland
2. France, not necessarily Paris..
3. Disneyworld..

THREE KID'S NAMES:
1. Pandora.
2. Edward.
3. Louis.

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
1. Something worth while.
2.
3.

THREE PEOPLE WHO HAVE TO TAKE THIS QUIZ NOW OR DIE PAINFULLY:
1, 2, 3: Don't care.


Edit-

is hard to please. SO.
^---- IS MY HONEY :3

]]> ~LifesDropOuts http://LifesDropOuts.deviantart.com/journal/24694502/ http://LifesDropOuts.deviantart.com/journal/24694502/ Sun, 10 May 2009 21:05:26 PDT
One minute you hate yourself, the next, you feel as if you know just how to fix all of your problems, and conflicts, and then, BAM, it's back again.


HAX.

]]> ~LifesDropOuts http://LifesDropOuts.deviantart.com/journal/24556852/ http://LifesDropOuts.deviantart.com/journal/24556852/ Sat, 02 May 2009 22:44:09 PDT
/Head.Desk.

]]> ~LifesDropOuts http://LifesDropOuts.deviantart.com/journal/24536376/ http://LifesDropOuts.deviantart.com/journal/24536376/ Fri, 01 May 2009 18:52:23 PDT
]]> ~LifesDropOuts http://LifesDropOuts.deviantart.com/journal/24387171/ http://LifesDropOuts.deviantart.com/journal/24387171/ Thu, 23 Apr 2009 00:07:47 PDT
And her words just bit at some part of me that made me want to stop existing. At first. I felt that heat in my face, and then the tighten of my chest, and the churn of my stomach, and for the first time since I was young, I got so angry I cried.

And I'm doing it again. My eyes goddamn string from trying so hard not to cry, and I am attacking the computer keys like I can hurt the person who hurt me if I press them hard enough. I have issues, I know I do, and I can't seem to get past them, no matter how hard I try.

My life is not the worst, it's not the best, either. I admit that because I am in my own shoes, things that happen can look a little bloodier than what those outside of my world see, so a lot of people might not understand that I can not take hurt like I could. I can't take a snarky remark, or stand tall when someone stabs me in the back. I have taken so much emotional dissappointment, and pain, and rolled with it.

Maybe I do not want to deal with it any more, or maybe I am just tired of the fact that I am such an easy target. I have taken the crap of another for two years, and still stuck around, but I can't accept the apology from someone I have known longer. I don't know.

For some reason, I feel more betrayed, and completely screwed than before. Like it's been one times too many. I want to say 'I forgive you', but when I go to type those words, my arms lock up, I start grinding my teeth, and I just want to tell him I wish he were dead. Because. I do, but then again. I don't.

I know I am being childish, and a little selfish.. But why should I have to give someone who has hurt me the happiness of knowing I forgive them for what they have done? Why should they get off that easy? I wish he could just dissappear, what's the point in trying to hold onto friendships that will just fucking fade any way.

..Goddamnit.

]]> ~LifesDropOuts http://LifesDropOuts.deviantart.com/journal/24250283/ http://LifesDropOuts.deviantart.com/journal/24250283/ Wed, 15 Apr 2009 03:00:38 PDT
My parents were hired as 'work-campers' at a high-end RV/camp park. Meaning, they get to hook their junk of a Montana up for free, and get paid part-time. Seven days on, and seven days off. I am still not quite sure what I am doing here, why I thought that following my parents to Texas would be a good thing to do, but even when I head back to California, all is said and done... I can say that I'd seen parts of the world, parts I would probably not have seen in my life, and done things..

Experienced the hell of driving cross country, with a bad radiator, and a giant trailor in two. With rats in the back, and three dogs climbing over you for the equivilent of a weeks driving. My sister and I learned the importance of patience, how to budget gas, and food on so little. We learned that our luck always seems to run out fast, but when we tell ourselves we are lucky, we realize that we are.

The Dallas/Fort Worth airport is literally just ahead of The Vineyards camp ground, and throughout the day, four in the morning, or seven at night, you can see planes coming in to land, and taking off. Close enough to discern colors, and the size of the plane. Close enough, that you'd think that those lucky enough to get out of dodge, could see you from that height. I can not help but look out the small, scratched windows of our trailer every time I hear the roar of one of the monsters engines.

I love watching them. I love it a lot. Who are those people, where did they come from, why are they landing in Texas? Where are they going when they take off?

Who is leaving their home, and why?
Who is coming to a knew one?

There are so many possibilities, hopes, and dreams that lie within the cabin of a plane. So many people hoping to make a new life, so many running away..

At night, just sitting around and watching the ever-growing pricks of light that begin to circle the airport minutes before landing, three in sight at all times, is my favorite thing to do here. Freedom, a source of travel, a way to escape myself is merely miles away, just on my door-step!

It's all been different. I hate myself, but not so bad, and I've managed to meet new people, and they are wonderful people, and I adores them all. I seem to have found a catch. /Ker-shrug.

I am rambling, probably because it is nearly five in the morning.. I need sleeps D<

]]> ~LifesDropOuts http://LifesDropOuts.deviantart.com/journal/24118467/ http://LifesDropOuts.deviantart.com/journal/24118467/ Tue, 07 Apr 2009 19:08:17 PDT
I'm not quite sure where to start. Life has been practically the same as it ever has for the past five or so years, except I find myself staring blankly out of a tinted window, strapped in an uncomfortable position most of the day..

We left Sacramento around ten in the evening two days ago. So.. Sunday, because my parents can't get their shit on time. Fucking ever. With my rats in the trailer, and the dogs in our laps, it sucked, and begun to suck even worse. My parents are those people that have to take frequent breaks, and start at every single thing on the shelves for a good minute before deciding 'Oh, we might as well hit the road'.

Around eleven, I had to drive, and did fairly well. A good five hours or more of driving without stopping. It wasn't bad, although I was exhausted. Between four days of packing, and little sleep, I faded fast, although the garbage can sized Monster that was handed me did keep me awake, until my stomach caught up with the idea that the amount I'd consumed was fatal.

In the end, we made it to Vegas, although it took a few hours of sleep on my part while my father drove, but we got there. The truck has been a piece of shit the whole way. I expected better of Vegas, but it looked like a shit-hole. During the day, it made me want to scrub myself like a rape victim, but at night.. The lights had be staring like a retard. I couldn't walk without bumping into anyone on the strip.

I saw my first real tranny, some bikers, scoped out the Paris casino, and before we ate, freaked the fuck out in the three-story M&M store. We ate at New York New York, and then my dad got in a fight with a mexican. Or that is what he said. We were walking back to the parking garage, and some guy tried to pick-pocket my dad, but Hitler intercepted.

We are stuck in Kingman, Arizona, because the truck keeps over-heating,and we are unable to use the AC. It's all a little frustrating, and I don't really care for where we are, but I do realize how much I miss California, and my small hand-full of friends. You don't really realize what you've missed until they are gone.

I doubt Texas will be better, but Arizona is hell. There are cities with no real roads, and absolutely nothing exciting in sight. It's like hell, while Vegas is the shit-hole of America. I could not believe the people I saw there..Yet.. I did.

Oh,well. Nothing unusual in my life at this point in time. Hopefully New Mexico is better, then again, what would my life be without taking the longest goddamned way around things?

]]> ~LifesDropOuts http://LifesDropOuts.deviantart.com/journal/24080558/ http://LifesDropOuts.deviantart.com/journal/24080558/ Sun, 05 Apr 2009 17:37:25 PDT

How's it going? I'm just as lost and confused with myself as always, although stuffing myself in the back of a truck with three dogs might not be all that refreshing for the soul.

I guess I'll just figure it out eventually.. I have a cell phone, so I'll get the number up for those who want it..Which is probably no more than two.

]]> ~LifesDropOuts http://LifesDropOuts.deviantart.com/journal/24045113/ http://LifesDropOuts.deviantart.com/journal/24045113/ Fri, 03 Apr 2009 17:36:28 PDT Fuck packing. Fuck it right in the ear. Fuck uprooting your life and moving your whole world from one place to another.

I am so tired. I want to vomit, but at the same time, everything seems funny.

]]> ~LifesDropOuts http://LifesDropOuts.deviantart.com/journal/23952217/ http://LifesDropOuts.deviantart.com/journal/23952217/ Sun, 29 Mar 2009 13:52:05 PDT
People start assuming shit, and then making stuff up, and then being cocks.

And then it all blows up in your face, and your day has been soured.

NOT TO FEAAAAAR.

My ego is untouchable. Maybe. Sometimes.

Upon occasion.

I think it's time for a little break from DA. Not like I have much to post since. You know, I'm moving.

-Point- I WILL RETUUUUUUUUUUUURN.

Edit: -Point- THAT DIDN'T STING NEARLY AS BAD AS I AM SURE YOU THOUGHT IT WOULD.

AHAHAHA-suckers.

]]> ~LifesDropOuts http://LifesDropOuts.deviantart.com/journal/23942919/ http://LifesDropOuts.deviantart.com/journal/23942919/ Sat, 28 Mar 2009 23:15:37 PDT
Or maybe I can, and they are just too fucking boring for me to comprehend.

KILLMEEEEEEE

]]> ~LifesDropOuts http://LifesDropOuts.deviantart.com/journal/23919044/ http://LifesDropOuts.deviantart.com/journal/23919044/ Fri, 27 Mar 2009 15:19:56 PDT
It's a rare morning- uh, afternoon, where I wake up not completely pissed out of my mind.

I'm guessing that the insane amount of lifting and other duties that have been handed to me, have been wearing out that grumble that always makes me the pissy Kass you all know, but then again, I've been wanting to do something other than sit around and play World of Warcraft all day. Being a Holy Paladin is awesome, and I am the pimp-master multi-tasker of conserving mana and keeping the tank alive, but you can always take so much before it gets boring and tedious.

Sarah and I are lazing around her room while my parents are out getting some work done on their car, and Little Brother, my truck. He's getting smogged today, and should be in running order soon. I need to fix the side-mirror on his right, but those are all technicalities..

So, instead of doing what we were told, and wiping out the fridge.. Which is disgusting, we've decided it best to watch Drillbit Taylor. Owen Wilson = the love of my life. FUCK YOU GUYS, he's awesome.

..Today is good.

-Floats off-

]]> ~LifesDropOuts http://LifesDropOuts.deviantart.com/journal/23766108/ http://LifesDropOuts.deviantart.com/journal/23766108/ Wed, 18 Mar 2009 15:36:45 PDT
Where hopeless idealism raises it's shiny head, I'll be there to kick it in the testicles!

Fan: HEY HEY, GUESS WHAT! I just wrote a fan-fiction about my character, Better-Than-Bella-Swan, and Edward Cullen having babies!

-Flies in- I bet it is devoid of proper grammar and common sense, isn't it, loser? Now that the smile has left your face, I'm off!
-Flies off-

Fan: You don't like Twilight!? -Gasp- That means that you are stupid because you hate the wonderful wonderfulness that is Edward because he is soo gorgeous and we all want a guy just like him!

-Flies in-
-Stares for a few seconds, in disbelief-
Oh yeah? Well run along and play with the rest of the mob you call fans, and don't forget the nyquil! Now leave me alone, I'M OFF TO DESTROY TEAM JACOB.

-Flies away-

]]> ~LifesDropOuts http://LifesDropOuts.deviantart.com/journal/23695960/ http://LifesDropOuts.deviantart.com/journal/23695960/ Sat, 14 Mar 2009 14:34:51 PDT
Now, I am sure that a lot of you know me enough to be able to say that when I hate something, or someone, I do not let it go. I can hold a grudge like no other, and when it comes to this series of books, I have hated it from the moment that I laid eyes on the last book, and the first crazed fan uttered the words 'I wish Edward cullen was real'. I won't lie in saying that I did not read these books. I did, I didn't think they were too horrid, until I got over the initial 'lolololvampire', and was able to pick out. Everything. That was wrong with the book. I don't even know why I bothered, I like reading, and they were all gifted to me. Which is why I will never burn the copies I have.

NOW. I had a few weeks where I felt down and out, completely lost in myself, and not sure what to do, or who I even was. I still feel a little off, but the worst part was.. I didn't hate Tway-layt so bad for that period of time. I doubted myself, wondered if I was doing the right thing in yelling to the world what a slight against God the books and fandom really are. I wondered if I was making more fans out of my hate..Maybe I should just.. Let it go.

And then a realized.. Wait a minute, my utter hate for the world is one of the things that wake me up in the morning, if I gave up on this now, what would I have to live for until I have found my place in the world. I can't just let go of everything I've worked for. So what if people make fun of me for what I think, I'll make them cry.

And so, I am back, friends, and ready to roll of my sleeves, and fight the fight of justice, and good literature. I want to make a shirt, hand-written, or some special place that says 'Team STFU about Twilight'. I want my friends to have these shirts, too, an am willing to pay when I have money, or make them.

What do you think? did a WONDERFUL job on a Team Charlie shirt that she created the night we went to crash the opening of the movie itself. She had so many comments, it was amazing.

Until my newest piece on the books/fans is finished, I hope you bitches are doing well.

]]> ~LifesDropOuts http://LifesDropOuts.deviantart.com/journal/23682955/ http://LifesDropOuts.deviantart.com/journal/23682955/ Fri, 13 Mar 2009 19:19:49 PDT I got two rats recently, one a medium white, the other a small, patchy colored.

Since putting the two in their new cage with Aspen bedding, one of them has been sneezing off and on through-out the day. Apparently, rats are prone to respiratory infections, and I need to stash monies away for emergency vet visits.

From what I've read, if it's just sneezing, it can be cause by a change in scenery and a brand new cage. So I'm hoping it will fade in the next week. If not, I need to find the cash for a cheap visit. I think it's the bigger white one that's been sneezing, but it doesn't happen often. One or two times every hour.

Makes me angry,because pet stores are shit..And I need to work. Fuck me running.

]]> ~LifesDropOuts http://LifesDropOuts.deviantart.com/journal/23670101/ http://LifesDropOuts.deviantart.com/journal/23670101/ Fri, 13 Mar 2009 03:31:35 PDT
Makes me want to slit throats that I have to wait so long to see it. I'm sure a lot of Tim Burton buffs are excited as well, even if he's just the producer. I saw a trailer for it when I went to see The Watchmen, and I nearly shit myself.

Most movies I go see I am.. Eh, about, I haven't been excited, nearly wanting to cry from having to wait, over something for a very long time, and actually getting to read about this movie, etc., I get all twitchy when I see trailers for it, and I JUST WANNA SEE IT SO FUCKING BAD.

The bands for the sound-track are AMAZING, and coupled with the animation, it keeps me watching the trailer over. And over. And over. I can't fucking stop. It seems like a movie that's kind of simple, for kids, but has a deeper meaning behind it all.

REGERG

FUCK YOU, TIME. GIVE ME MY MOVIE RELEASE.

-Impatient-

Edit-

From a journal on DA, I read that Twilight fans are getting violent, and are actually beating, slashing, and trying to KILL haters, because of these books. I did a little research, and it's all true.

People, Twilight fans, are getting VIOLENT. Crazy, fucking insane, and although I like to bad-mouth these shitty books as much as anyone else, when will it stop? I personally am not quite sure if I am willing to take a knife to the gut all in the name of bad literature.

Either way. Watch your asses, loves. I'd hate to see one of the many who hate Twilight go down.

-Salute-

Rant to come D< This shit is fucked.

]]> ~LifesDropOuts http://LifesDropOuts.deviantart.com/journal/23442556/ http://LifesDropOuts.deviantart.com/journal/23442556/ Fri, 27 Feb 2009 23:08:59 PST WHY.
;--;

]]> ~LifesDropOuts http://LifesDropOuts.deviantart.com/journal/23396857/ http://LifesDropOuts.deviantart.com/journal/23396857/ Wed, 25 Feb 2009 22:18:11 PST
Dear brain, the next time I am curious and want to look at someone's DA page.
Don't.

Just don't.

Edit - I posted..A LOT today. For some reason, I was just inspired to..
I'd like to say that one of the pieces helped my mood, but it didn't.
Fuckity-fuck-fuck.

]]> ~LifesDropOuts http://LifesDropOuts.deviantart.com/journal/23287509/ http://LifesDropOuts.deviantart.com/journal/23287509/ Thu, 19 Feb 2009 11:36:15 PST
My parents are taking my truck,since they ruined theirs, and are going to buy my dad booze and my mummy more soda. I asked her to pick me up either one, a bag of chips to last me the week,since I've been living off of mormon brand peanut butter, and sammiches, or a bag of salami to spice up my sammiches.

I shit you not. This was her response:

"I thought you wanted to lose weight."
Then when I pointed out that I haven't GAINED shit, so goes "I know it's not your fault that you've gotten chubbier."

It's back to looking at my scale twenty times a day and substituting water for meals for me.

]]> ~LifesDropOuts http://LifesDropOuts.deviantart.com/journal/23203184/ http://LifesDropOuts.deviantart.com/journal/23203184/ Sat, 14 Feb 2009 19:18:36 PST
I get more amusement out of the fact that this is one of the most popular days to off yourselves. I can't wait to see the statistics in the morning.

Me? I've had a craptacular day myself, which consists of digging our diesel truck out of the snow for two hours, and then having to do it over and over again whenever my drunk ass dad would get stuck, followed by him PEELING THE BACK RIGHT TIRE OFF OF THE RIM.

God: 10
Me: 0

This was after waking up around ten, after going to bed around eight (my sleeping schedule is FUCKED up without school,or any form of work), and when I finally do pass the fuck out until,oh.. A half an hour ago, I succeeded in having a comatose, cold-induced dream about one person that really,truly makes me want to down a bottle of pills, with a margarita chaser.

Then I was prodded awake to go out in the cold, and the dark, to dig -my- truck out of the snow, granted, it's not registered,but my father just wants booze that badly. Why?

He had a small stroke a week ago, and his doctor said it was due to him 'quitting the vodka-teet' and he took that as a go ahead to DRINK AN INHUMAN AMOUNT OF LIQUOR. I haven't seen my father sober in a good half a year. Maybe I sleep through the hours he is sober? Quite possibly.

Either way, the back-tire that had been ripped from our truck is a sure sign that, mmmaaaybe, I should just crawl back into bed, and pretend that I don't hate the lot of you.

Maybe.

Happy Single Awareness day, I guess.

Christ, I'm a lonely fuck -_-

]]> ~LifesDropOuts http://LifesDropOuts.deviantart.com/journal/23013217/ http://LifesDropOuts.deviantart.com/journal/23013217/ Thu, 05 Feb 2009 00:52:47 PST
I returned to my more old-school Star Wars roots and watched nearly all of the movies, not including the shitty trilogy that came out in the past.. Decade-ish.

I had forgotten how in love I was with some of the Star Wars races, one of my obsessive compulsive tendencies being the Togruta.

OH GOD.

-Throws hands in the air and squirms- Must not..

Fanart..
NO

MUST RESIST.

Shit.

]]> ~LifesDropOuts http://LifesDropOuts.deviantart.com/journal/22792485/ http://LifesDropOuts.deviantart.com/journal/22792485/ Sat, 24 Jan 2009 22:28:46 PST
I feel that I should say something about the books, in order to back my complete hatred for this 'cultural phenomenon', although I am not sure if I should even try.

All in favor?

]]> ~LifesDropOuts http://LifesDropOuts.deviantart.com/journal/22758282/ http://LifesDropOuts.deviantart.com/journal/22758282/ Fri, 23 Jan 2009 11:43:50 PST
There are a few tattoos I want, one of them being a set of wings on my shoulders. Yeah, it's probably over done, and a lot of people I know want them, but I came up with the idea when I was in the sixth grade, and the only thing holding me back is a design. What kind of wings? Who will draw them? A good friend.. Used to be, was supposed to do the design for me back in the day, but now I am glad that they never finished. I am sure I will find someone, or the idea myself, to do it, but until then, that's an idea on the back-burners, although I want it REALLY BAD.

Another one, I WILL most likely be receiving is a thirteen and a bar code on my neck, although snazzed up as to not look like a gang mark. Fucking.. I like that number, and 13 has been a part of my character for a LONG time, too bad that a bunch of black gang-bangers and spicks ruined it for me.

I want an arm piece, although I don't know what it will be. I want something drawn by a friend, or something that kind of reminds me of the good times. That has yet to be decided.

But in my glory, I have figured out what back piece I do want. It was either going to be an oak tree of sorts, but then I watched the old cartoon version of The Hobbit, then I read the first of The Lord of The Rings, and then I watched the movie. These books were one of the things that my father read to me when we were kids, my sister and I grew up on these stories, and the animated movies, and I saw something, and said fuck it.

The tree of Gondor. On my back.

AHAHAHAHAHA. Fuck you, Star Wars bitches.

]]> ~LifesDropOuts http://LifesDropOuts.deviantart.com/journal/22736318/ http://LifesDropOuts.deviantart.com/journal/22736318/ Thu, 22 Jan 2009 14:21:47 PST
]]> ~LifesDropOuts http://LifesDropOuts.deviantart.com/journal/22577831/ http://LifesDropOuts.deviantart.com/journal/22577831/ Wed, 14 Jan 2009 13:06:42 PST
I got back from my trip last night, at around midnight, due to a few delays. Yes, I went on a trip, yet again, completely ignoring the promises I made myself six months back. I seem to be doing that a lot, what with the lack of respect I have for myself, and, what the hell, anything to numb the feeling of complete pain, and utter hopelessness, if only for a little while, well, why the fuck not.

To start off with, I left California with my mother and father in a home, with no income, the only thing my home sees is a grand a month from my mothers disability, that is nothing close to what we need to live in California. At all. The 5K I had in my bank a month prior, was dwindled to 500, because of my inability to say no, and their ability to take my card while I am asleep and pay bills.

Back to the story, the trip was not so bad compared to the others. There was no real pressure, I wasn't harassed for things I did not want, and I basically just got to chill, versus being worked up over stupid things. His friends kept their drama to a minimum, well, for the most part, and I had the chance to forget that, you know, I wished I were dead.

Although, there were its quirks. I find it odd how I can't pay enough attention to the boy. I'll be staring at the back of his head, listening to him speak, and then I will get whined at for not having an opinion, or being so quiet, or looking so angry, etc,. The boy has issues, I can't tell what kind, but issues. He takes pride in belittling people, their likes, and all that, so I had to sit through a few rounds of 'let's make fun of you', I'm spineless, I'm a loser, yada yada, but one of the things that REALLY got to me, like, to the point where I couldn't sleep, was his nut to whine about his things, his money, when he knew I had none.

He got 250 in cash, two 100 dollar gift cards for Borders AND a game store, and a mini-fridge for his room. The only gifts my sister and I had were from each other, myself, and like, two things from my parents, that was it, and he has the NUT to complain to me? OH! And I'm playing the DS that -I- bought for myself, and he sees that I am playing Pokemon pearl, and decides he likes it. He walks down stairs at, oh, eleven-thirty that morning,and tells his mother he wants a DS, she nods, and walks out of the house to purchase a TWO THOUSAND DOLLAR 50 INCH FLAT SCREEN (note, she claims that their family is doing poorly), and upon her return, merely hands Adam, the boy I visited, a brand spanking new DS.

I couldn't believe it, I couldn't fucking understand how it works. Could I come home, ask for something, and have it handed to me? No, I couldn't, so for those of you who can go buy pretty shiny things out of nowhere, and ignore what you REALLY need, like putting your old ass dog down that can't even walk, in their case, FUCK YOU, AND FUCK YOUR SPOILED ASSES.I spend a little over five hundred on myself for a ticket, my sister for Christmas,and where is the rest of my money? PAYING FOR MY FAMILY. You all can choke on your fucking wealth.

I got gifts from his mother, which was nice, new socks, scarves, a new hat, so I made out of their with some fat loot, but only after I had to sit through two weeks of his mother whining about him not having his GED, or working, when I've heard her same speech for ONE YEAR NOW, she won't do shit, she merely wakes up, tells him to watch his brother, buy them things, food, games, then go hang out with her friends at the bar she works at.

Wtf, where's my cash cow?

Either way, it wasn't anything great, but not bad either, enough time to unwind from one year of instability, alcohol, and the hate I have for myself. So, I came home. I had two connections, three flights in total. It was hell.

I spend all day on a plane, and what do I come off with? My first flight consisted of me being crammed between two obese..Guatemalan, Korean jerk-offs, who decide that I am smaller,so I don't get to sit in the window seat that I fucking paid for. They were loud, and annoying. The one to my left spoke English so poorly, that I could barley understand what he was saying.

In Between the two of them ripping the book I was reading from my hands to laugh at the 'curse words' in it(I was reading Tucker Max), I am sure that the conversation I was carrying with the fat Korean man turned to sex.

Maybe.

I couldn't tell. All I heard was grunting and hand gestures, and somewhere along the way asked something about taking it all the way.. I just sat there half the time, nodding, agreeing,and trying not to make eye-contact.

The trip from Minneapolis to Sacramento was hell. three hours, alright, but this bitch in front of me decides that whatever schmuck is sitting behind her, doesn't deserve the precious three inches they have of leg room, so she leans back. This, of course,... ]]> ~LifesDropOuts http://LifesDropOuts.deviantart.com/journal/22415340/ http://LifesDropOuts.deviantart.com/journal/22415340/ Mon, 05 Jan 2009 13:50:36 PST
I bought myself a DS and Pokemon Pearl for christmas, you know, as a 'yay,me', for not trying to off myself once this year.

So, I'm playing, having a grand old time, leveling my pokemans, when I get two-on-oned by a pair of campers.

Caper Anthony, and Picknicer Lauren.

Yeah, FUCK YOU, POKEMON.

]]> ~LifesDropOuts http://LifesDropOuts.deviantart.com/journal/22370154/ http://LifesDropOuts.deviantart.com/journal/22370154/ Sat, 03 Jan 2009 09:10:15 PST
1. Introduction (I am from Sacramento, America's asshole.)
2. Growing up, anti-social tendencies, and being the fat-kid.
3. School PT1 (Elementary)
4. School PT2 (Jr. High.) Sub-chapter: The beginning of the end.
5. School PT3 (High school) Sub-chapter: Pessimism begins
6. Betrayal. I have issues.
7. "I am not perfect" Contradicting myself, sex, lies, procrastination. Misery is company.
8. I had a dream once.

]]> ~LifesDropOuts http://LifesDropOuts.deviantart.com/journal/22315186/ http://LifesDropOuts.deviantart.com/journal/22315186/ Wed, 31 Dec 2008 20:43:05 PST
I wish I could write the same usual, sappy, heart-felt piece that I normally do on New Years,about my friends, and my hope for the next lump of useless time I call a year, but I can't, I don't have it in me, and I don't think I have enough hope left in myself, and the people around me, to be able to come up with some sappy bit of drivel to spew out to the masses.

No, I think I'm going to skip that this year. Fuck it. Fuck the lot of you, and may those who have brought me down to hating myself those numerous times over 2008 get what they goddamned deserve.

I hate all of you,and I hate myself.

Let's just hope that this new year isn't as SHITTY as the last.

Kthx.

]]> ~LifesDropOuts http://LifesDropOuts.deviantart.com/journal/22201759/ http://LifesDropOuts.deviantart.com/journal/22201759/ Thu, 25 Dec 2008 23:30:05 PST
]]> ~LifesDropOuts http://LifesDropOuts.deviantart.com/journal/22030715/ http://LifesDropOuts.deviantart.com/journal/22030715/ Wed, 17 Dec 2008 11:18:04 PST __>


Dear Twilight Fags,


Please write your retorts to MY opinion in word. Spell check them, and for GODS SAKE, use a little punctuation. My post was thought-out, and is in use of my God given ability to free speech, so the next one of you who says I 'can't say shit about Tway-layt,' will be beaten with the ugly stick. Hard.

Please come up with better arguments other than 'Tway-layt is way better than your count dracula shit,' and 'you are in it for the attentions'. My goal is this to get back to Meyer herself, so as much attention as it NEEDS to get to her, I am not out to be popular,no. This is just a little piece describing me, the God of this blog.

Above all, I will give a gold star to the first being who says 'I respect your opinion'. That, right there, is what most of you tway-layt silly-heads lack. Common courtesy,and a mildly correct view on reality.

Thanks much,

The God of this blog.

]]> ~LifesDropOuts http://LifesDropOuts.deviantart.com/journal/21930584/ http://LifesDropOuts.deviantart.com/journal/21930584/ Thu, 11 Dec 2008 12:45:29 PST
I still hate you.

Can you ask your fans to stop losing their goddamned nut over ickle Eddy-kins and all out ruining vampires for me?

Thanks much.

]]> ~LifesDropOuts http://LifesDropOuts.deviantart.com/journal/21592963/ http://LifesDropOuts.deviantart.com/journal/21592963/ Sat, 22 Nov 2008 23:10:40 PST
I bet you can guess what I chose, my dear sweet lady..
I bet you can..

I woke up this morning, believing that your movie wouldn't be as much of a hack-job as I assumed it would be, I thought that I had possibly overreacted, and my ill-will towards your suddenly popular pieces of poorly written, googled vampires, was all just a big misunderstanding, and as stated in my previous note to you,Meyer, I had hopes, I had faith, I gave you my heart, baby, and you ripped it apart.

First, I start on the fans. Yes, I bought one of your silly shirts, yes I wore it to your silly movie, but it was Team Jacob, you know, the character that actually used the brain in his head, versus the one in his dick, and I waited in line the five hours, just to say that I did it, but what do I see, but a whole line of girls wearing these shirts with Edward's disgustingly botched face on them, and the sayings.. Fucking shitty ass quotes from your book, that I wished I had never read. "And the lion fell in love with the lamb". I CAN NOT TELL YOU ENOUGH, how overused this quote it. EVERYWHERE, what, Meyer, was the heroin quote just not enough for you? The reference to drugs just wasn't far enough out there for you, you just have to put it all on these shirts to have shoved in my face because OMG MY IKKLE EDDY-WEDDY POO IS SO ROMANTIC,HE KNOWS HOW TO TREAT A GIRL.

If I hear ONE more person talk about how they wished Edward were real, or they were a vampire themselves, I will drive a stake through their mislead little hearts, Meyer, and when I am taken to prison, I will blame it on you, all on you.. Your sweet, seductive voice told me to do it, for it smelled wonderful, of death, and stale blood, and I can not ignore what my master tells me to do.

Which brings me to another point.. The love of vampires used to be looked down upon, I used to be the weirdo in class, because I know who Vladimir and his father were, because I knew the lore, and knew the ways of all kinds of vampires. It was wonderful, and then you came along, and crushed on my love, you took the lore that I worked so hard to memorize, and you shit on it, by writing these books. Now that Twilight is so popular, all I hear about is how 'cool,' vampires are, and how 'sexy,' and 'mysterious,' they are. Do these children not know that a vampire is nothing but a deceitful aristocrat? A vampire is not sexy, he or she is capable of mind-fucking into making one believe that they are beautiful,yes, but in the end, they are monsters, and you, Meyer, have made Vampires a fad.

..How..How could you do this to me?..

All I ever wanted was a life with my Bram Stoker, Anne Rice, and an array of other vampire novels, to live in peace, where no one can look at my fanged fascinations, and want one just because of the 'romantic,' part of it. Meyer, a vampire can live forever, but he can not stand a companion forever. It is impossible, it is not real, and your vampires and their background, personalities, and ways of life, are nothing but a half-assed report from Wikipedia. Shame on you. And now, because of your ickle Eddy-kins and his undying love for some manipulative, selfish whore, everyone and their brother loves vampires. Everyone wants to be a vampire, everyone is lumping me in with the Twilight fags.

oh yes, Meyer, I said it. Because of debauchery, I am no longer 'the kid who knows things about vampires,' I am now merely a 'vampire wannabe,' or 'Twilight fan'. Let me get this straight, lady, I read Twilight, I read all four books, I watched your movie, but I know who Vladimir the Impaler is, I know the difference between a good vampire, and a vampire who was shat on, and called a character, I know lores and legends, and the many different names of vampires from all around the room, I am in no way, a creation of your books. I was here first, you cock-sucking whore, and I will remain one of the ORIGINAL. Ever since I was a youngin',bitch. Beat that.

Now, I had fun fucking with people, I proclaimed that my shit had more personality than your main character, but I couldn't help but worry about the movie itself. I heard that your actors proclaimed that 'sparkling,' was just too much, and I believed you, Meyer, I thought that you had done something right, for once in your miserable existence, but that is to come later...

I had to RUN to my seat, because your silly little thirteen year old fans thought it funny to PUSH and SHOVE people out of the way, ju... ]]> ~LifesDropOuts http://LifesDropOuts.deviantart.com/journal/21559938/ http://LifesDropOuts.deviantart.com/journal/21559938/ Wed, 19 Nov 2008 00:04:59 PST [link]

This is what I got:
Is it that you are working - or even playing - too hard? Because it would seem that you are experiencing a great deal of pent-up emotion at this time which could possibly take effect and lead to irrational behaviour.

Being a somewhat gentle, emotional and sensitive person, you are at this time experiencing a considerable amount of tension. What you really need is someone who can be close to you and to listen to what you have to say.

Enough is enough - but the problems never seem to stop. They never stop. You feel, and maybe you are right, that the problems seem to go on and on and you have indeed had more than your fair share of trials and tribulations. But to give you credit - you bounce back time and time again - you stick to your beliefs because deep down you have that inner knowledge, that 'belief' system that in the end, everything will turn out OK - and you are right -it will!

For whatever the reason, you find it extremely difficult to sustain relationships - that is to sustain them in the manner that you would wish. You are a very gentle sort of person, full of feeling, sensitivity and susceptible to love and affection, looking and longing for a partner with whom you can enjoy 'All things bright and beautiful' - someone with whom you can seek out the more esoteric things of life. But up to now this person has only existed in your imagination. You are very choosy, appreciative, refined and extremely artistic in temperament and it is your hope to seek others who will allow you to form and express your own taste and judgement and who at the same time may assist you in your intellectual or artistic growth.

Perhaps in the distant past your trust and belief in your fellow man was misplaced and you can now no longer accept anything as it appears to be. You are untrusting and you insist that before you commit yourself to anything, you examine the pro's and con's with critical discrimination. The situation has now progressed to one where you are apt to disagree yet not make any form of constructive criticism to every suggestion that may be put to you. As a result you are in limbo. There is a saying that goes 'The past does not equal tomorrow'. Think about it - and let go.

EDIT:
This is going to sound really fuckin' weird, and possibly make a few people cry,but I'm bored, it's the middle of the night, I am lonely, depressed, and motherfuckin' bored. SO STFU.

So, I was looking through porn tonight, yes. Porn. I look at porn,woopty fuckin' do, and I came across this tutorial of how to make a girl do something rather disgusting that I REALLY don't want to mention here,and I go, why the hell not,this could come in usefull when I give up on men and become a lesbian some day.

Anyway, I am watching this tutorial,and there is a man, and his girlfriend, the couple demonstrating the technique. At first, I was horrified, wasn't he attacking her vajay-jay a little too hard? But he explained everything like he was a goddamned professor, and was always asking her how she was, if he was working her to hard,etc.

And after each.. -coughorgasmcough-, he'd make sure she drank gatorade to be safe, he didn't want her to get dehydrated,then he'd kiss her cheek, stroke her forehead, tell her she was adorable,and all out be fucking cute,and just love on her,and then it hit me..

One thing that makes me RAGE.

Nowadays, most couples are in it for the money, or the sex, or just to have someone to throw in peoples faces.. They are mean, manipulative, victimizing shits who don't care about the other, unless it gets them a good fuck, or some shiney objects.. And what gets me the most, what PISSES me off the most..

Is the fact that I see a man so in love with his girlfriend that it's sickening,and it's in a porn tutorial.

Fucking kids these days..

]]> ~LifesDropOuts http://LifesDropOuts.deviantart.com/journal/21513437/ http://LifesDropOuts.deviantart.com/journal/21513437/ Sun, 16 Nov 2008 07:10:34 PST
I paid for , , and my sister and myself. I'm sure we'll have an awesome time quoting shit to the kids out there who actually think that Twilight is a good book, and the dinner before hand. We're supposed to be going to Denny's,and I'm paying for myself and my sister,cause ah can't afford to buy shit out the ass D< Must save, must hoard.

So, Meyer, I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt, but if I vomit in the theater, your god-loving ass is mine. You WILL owe me ten dollars, plus five or six for physical and mental abuse.

BRING IT,TWILIGHT-TARDS

]]> ~LifesDropOuts http://LifesDropOuts.deviantart.com/journal/21350395/ http://LifesDropOuts.deviantart.com/journal/21350395/ Wed, 05 Nov 2008 23:16:04 PST
My dad got his retirement today. Let's just say it's in the mid 50K's, and instead of just bringing me and my sister home food, like we asked, they brought us home a laptop each, and a 9 X 12 intuos tablet for me.

Needless to say, Sarah and I ended up just staring at the mad loots for a good ten minutes,wondering just what the FUCK my parents were thinking,but according to my mother, they were both sober when they made the trip to Fry's, so, my sister and I thanked them,grabbed our things,and made for our rooms. We have been fawning over our cheap and standard, yet AWESOME laptops for a good hour,and I am about to download the free photoshop I got with my Intuos.

I know it was a waste of money, I know that they must have blown an upwards of 20K today,including the brand new truck they came home with,and I feel like a guilty, gluttonous little shit for accepting these things, but I have what I've always wanted, I can't think of anything else I need,and the selfish part of me is glad that they wasted so much money on me..

But at the same time, I feel like shit.. All the money in the world,and we still have to thin it out throughout a number of years. All the money in the world,and they still came home bitching at eachother about alcohol and medication.

It's depressing when I take a step back and look at it. Look what my family has come to, look at what we are living with now.. How are we going to survive in three months when the money is all said and gone?

Oh,well..

I'll just numb myself with my 'I love you,' gifts,and pretend I'm okay <3

..I am a horrible human being >_<

]]> ~LifesDropOuts http://LifesDropOuts.deviantart.com/journal/21340330/ http://LifesDropOuts.deviantart.com/journal/21340330/ Wed, 05 Nov 2008 13:08:27 PST
California, I have stuck with you through the good times,and the bad. I have spent all nineteen and a half years of my life here, and although we have had some awesome times, I don't think I can continue on with our relationship. I am through with you,California, I am ashamed of you.

Fuck it.

I'm a New Yorker now.

]]> ~LifesDropOuts