http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:Lithiumfoxx&section=today deviantART RSS for by:Lithiumfoxx en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Tue, 22 Dec 2009 09:12:34 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://Lithiumfoxx.deviantart.com/journal/15289509/ http://Lithiumfoxx.deviantart.com/journal/15289509/ Tue, 30 Oct 2007 16:07:22 PDT
Hey Folks and Flyass Bitches, Check out the great animated short while I swear about my Shrink's incompetence.
[link]
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Dark comedy is the noctious sensation you get when you laugh at something that to the normal person would be immature and wrong, for example laughing at a tradgedy. Dark or Black comedy was created many years ago in the fictional land of Greece, the theeater then was strictly a community thing wherein normal folks would particpate, in fact the church did not like this at all and Labeled them to be Devils ( The Church ) but this did not matter for the people loved the " Festivites ", and they'd put on quite a show as well. There was originaly two forms of play that was acted out, one was of comedy wherein absurdity and mundane observations wereembraced with great joy by emotion. on an interesting note, other than the written form of communication and accounting The plague of laughter is what seperates us from the beasts with exception of the coyote,hyena, and the Polish like my fore fathers. However to the loathly animals there is no way of truly grasping emotion like the plague of heinous laughter which does at times clinch us. It's easy to get addicted to the contaminate because it is contagious---------the lack of it sometimes leads toward the other form of performance, the Tradgedy, yes that which holds the painful or morbid interest of life. Suffering death and the what not. Lovely comical things such as Disease, Murder, Malice, Masochism, Gloom of living before you, regret of not stopping it behind. The rib tickler of another man's peril or Hell planetly demise. Most folk dug this style for the emotional Rhythms of FEAR's chemical rush or interest in a state of shire suspense. All was balance, then one day a slight oddity did indeed happen, someone at some point in time began to chuckle or snicker during a dramatic tear wrenching tragedy, people had to turn their heads and mumble cruel words of miscontent. Someone actually found humour in a Horrible misfortune; " cLEARLY THEY ARE SICKENED! ", was the fake declaration made! Then that shit began to spread like wild fire on cocaine...All Hell broke loose aand everyone started laughing at perverted terrors ( Even though a few of them were actually funny. ) The Barrier was abolished and the line lost forever, the two blended together and became something entirely new! Babies were run over by carriages for bets, fire consumed all the water fountains, Shit turned to gold, weird shit began to happen at that moment. There was screaming not to be had as Hysteria of wickedness replaced it, it was an outbreak of a glorious thing. Before you knew it there was a motley roundup of every Known Trickster deity and demi-god...all leads were to coyote who had fire shoved in his mouth at the time. He was all like, " No way kokopelli fucking did that shit. " so poor kokopelli was put to the threats pretty intensely, He did not speak when the Authority deity asked him about the birth of the black comedy's chaotic results...Poor kokopelli just began swinging his head playing that fuck damned horn of his until he was grabbed by the wavy hair and slammed repeatedly a crossed the table until his hand was forced to sign a confessional and that's why they castrated him ( Altough we already touched base on this story before. ) Meanwhile Greece is being consumed by destruction and there's a sinful laughter everywhere to be heard because the birth of the Dark Comedy is truly fucking crazy.

Comedy has got to be the hardest human interest study of all time....when we as a wise species Iced the dodo's off maybe it was because the fuckers laughed at shit for no apparent reasons.

Knock Knock,
Who's there?
A Convicted Pedophile,
A Convicted Pedophile who?
A Convicted pedophile here to take your underage teen daughter out to a lovely four star restaurant where I shall continuously rape her inbetween courses then as an encore I'll permantly facialy like disfigure her face with a lanoleum knife I whimsically happened apon during a lost map tour in Poland, where the floors were made of aluminum coated in so un-detected coating of what seems to be rancid squeeze cheese and walnut finish, and of course she'll have me back here at say three o clock, after all it is a school night and I am a responsible person.

sure some will whince, but who cares who laughs, just as long as they do. Also, Spontaneously combusting is bad if you work on an Oil refinery. More so if it's rectal like.

Maybe It's true that This life is nothing but a real joke with no topping punchline to be held, then when you die you are goining to get that punchline, but then you forget the fucking joke in the first place. So life goes on natural like for years and in the end it's down to two living people dueling it out with... ]]> *Lithiumfoxx http://Lithiumfoxx.deviantart.com/journal/15280023/ http://Lithiumfoxx.deviantart.com/journal/15280023/ Mon, 29 Oct 2007 21:38:12 PDT
Hey Folks and Flyass Bitches, Check out the great animated short while I swear about my Shrink's incompetence.
[link]
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What the Fuck?

I thought I was the Crazy Dumbass.

I still am regardless.

next Journal: a piece on Dark Comedy.

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Check the FCC Song Out Folks and Flyass Bitches!, [link] ]]> *Lithiumfoxx http://Lithiumfoxx.deviantart.com/journal/14603526/ http://Lithiumfoxx.deviantart.com/journal/14603526/ Wed, 12 Sep 2007 13:21:41 PDT
Hey Folks and Flyass Bitches, Check out the great animated short while I swear about my Shrink's incompetence.
[link]
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A Bar Joke originally written on the back of a xeroxed page about goal setting.

A well shaven blond man in a brand new, expensive looking white suit is walking into a Hot Shit bar, under one arm he has a large Fire Extinguisher, under the other a well behaved, pedigreed, minature poodle that has a little pink ribbon on the top of it's poofy head.

After walking into the Bar, the Man stands and stares at the bartender. The bartender is a thin lanky man wearing all black other than the stained apron, he lifts his head and looks at the man in the white suit with a raised eyebrow while he cleans out a broken beer mug with a filthy towel all the time leaning back against the crumby yellow wall. The Man in the white suit just stands there starring at the bar keep who is now looking about the place as if to make sure he hasn't lost it. The only other patron of this fine licensed establishment is a grizzled old man who pays no attention to anything other than the glass in front of him as he sits at the bar with his back turned to the man in the white suit.

The Bartender Breaks the momentary quandry of the man's presence by dropping the broken beer mug on the ground behind the bar and the echo of it shattering triggers the unspoken answer to the man being there. The Old man of course didn't flinch at the sound of glass meeting hard wood.

Suddenly the Man in the White Suit turns away as the bar keep leans forward proping himself up by gripping the bar. He gentle like drops the poodle to the floor, The Poodle begins to arf and run around in a circular manner, the man in the white suit stands errect again and snaps his fingers at which point the poodle stands upon it's hind legs and begins to do a dance for it is apparently trained. The Bar keep at this time is very suspicious but nevertheless nods his head briefly to the side in jest, as if to say without words, " Aight. " The man in the white suit now looking down at the happy poodle as it playful dances on it's back legs with it's little mouth open. He Chuckles a little bit for a moment.

With one singular movement, The Man lifts the fire extinguisher high above his head and slams it down as if by supernatural speed and strength. In one violent manuever he smashed the poodle's head flat open on the ground, pinning it to the ground in a horrible scupture of grotesque proportions. Of course there's Poodle blood, shattered skull fragments, and tiny white and pink fluff all over the fucking place. Acrossed the floor, the bar walls , the back of the geezer's jacket, and a tiny single speck of blood on the barkeep's forehead. The Poodle's hind leg still quivering nervously like a headless chicken ( AKA: The Un-Offical Animal Mascot of the Libertarian Party. ). The Man in the White Suit Quickly Turns to face the bar keep in a single motion, wide eyed and gripping the Fire Extinguisher. The Bar Keep puts a hand to his chin and scratches his short goatee slightly nodding as if to say, " Yes, I see where you're going with this now. ".

The Old man Drinks from his Glass.

The Man in the white Suit Tears off his pants, Much to the terror of the bar tender by his expression. He Pulls the Pin out of the Fire Extinguisher with his teeth, Shoves the Noozle up his asshole, Then Clasps the trigger spraying foam in and out of his anus. He then dances around the whole place slapping his ass like he was slapping a horse's ass as the extinguisher leaves a trail of foam after him. The whole time he's dancing back and forth smacking his buttocks riding the fire extinguisher like a beaten poney, he's singing, " Camp town Races. " This continues for some time until he is out of breath, then he pauses again above the poodle's cadaver. He Wheezes, pulling the bloody noozle of the extinguisher out of his ass and dropping it to roll around on the ground. The Foam Clears and he stares back at the Expressionless Barkeep.

There's about a fifteen minute pause in which time the man in the white suit catches his breath and the bar keep refills the old timer's glass from the tap system without saying a word. Then the bar keep stares again at the Man. In exactly three and a half seconds after that, he says, " Well, I can clearly see that you are very experienced unfortunately we are not currently hiring at this point in time, Please try again. "

The Man in the white suit Castrates himself with his bare hands and screams, " I should've sang New York, New York! "

--

The Moral of this Little Story:
Entirely too many people are Bitching about the MotherFucking Gas Prices.

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Check the FCC Song Out Fo... ]]> *Lithiumfoxx http://Lithiumfoxx.deviantart.com/journal/14301525/ http://Lithiumfoxx.deviantart.com/journal/14301525/ Thu, 23 Aug 2007 09:56:59 PDT ---------

This one's non fiction. I have a friend who this past year has come to grips with being a solid Schizophrenia owner, Also a self hating Bisexual we suspect. Anyway he's been quite busy this year. He got detained for being and driving under the influence of cannabis which he possessed. He was thrown out of his house where he was living with his father, Which I should mention is a factor in his Illness because his father is also a Schizoid. His father believes that their neighbor, a frail one and a foot tall elderly women, Is working with a rogue sect of politically employed agents and has been pumping poison into their house for monthes. One night his father was arrested for smashing the old lady's front windows up with a bat and calling her out, Allegedly when the police showed up he was deliriously explaining how she was poisoning them as he held the bat. Anyway, He got his car out of impound only to race from the police while drunk, Ditch it in the forest about three feet away from his Aunt's house where he was now leaving. They knocked on the door until he answered pretending to be angry at then for waking him up and still wearing muddy boots from running through the woods. Before his upcoming courtdate he was then living with his aunt. One night he decided to have a few ounces out of a whiskey bottle up stairs. About five minutes later he came down the steps naked with an errection still gripping the bottle, This is when he proceedes to sit on his Aunt 's Lap and forcibly shoves his tongue down her throat. ASfter his uncle slams him to the ground he attempts to fight him off while screaming something like, " Back off She's my Whore!" They had him committed, where he claims it differently, He said, " I spent a lot of time watching TV and reading,But Those Nazis had other plans for me. "
So he gets out, They of course proclaimed him a bisexual, Potentially Homicidal, Schizophrenic. Now he Is angry because they told him he was gay. So now he's been Touching men's nipples in our bars and laughing. And A friend of Mine just told me he was accused of but not found guilty of assualting a gay man in his car, Which at the time was parked in a gaybar parking lot. I personally can picture him there with his arms crossed standing quietly with an angry look on his face as several fruits dance around him to crazy techno music before the savage attack. Then He told me ( Because I didn't believe him. ) That he actually saw blood stains in the backseat of his car. After asking him about the blood stains, this Homosexual Schizoid said, " Oh yeah. I had a nose bleed one day. " I say God speed you Schizoid who's life at this point is a prologue to a double homicide and a suicide.

" I Define Insanity more so as wiping the mud off of your shoes before leaving a house when it's raining, also you're dressed like a clown and have an axe. "

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Not all Jokes Are Funny.

But Abortion is Totally Awesome!
Fuck Damn Hooray for Abortion!
Hooray, Pull'em Out Pull'em out, GOOOOO Abortion!!!!!!!!!

Check the FCC Song Out Folks and Flyass Bitches!, [link] ]]> *Lithiumfoxx http://Lithiumfoxx.deviantart.com/journal/14292969/ http://Lithiumfoxx.deviantart.com/journal/14292969/ Wed, 22 Aug 2007 19:40:41 PDT
1. I have a rare Heavy Indurtrial styled recording of the Laverne and Shirley Theme song Performed by a former underground punk rock band called, " Channel XXX." Who laughed at my suggestion enough to actually play it.
2. I have at one time masterbated to a National Geograhic photo of a Kangaroo.
3. Although It's been a while , I actually like to Quote, Eat Out.
4. I am Both Agnostic and an active Satanist who doesn't believe in the Existance of such a deity.
5. I'm going to do my artwork and get an income from it or My Death will be public and I'll be the one who calls the newscrews to air it.
6. I have Masterbated to Fantasies of female Cartoon Characters, Babs Bunny keyly.
7. I am Leaving the country after Hiliary Clinton is voted into Presidentcy because the Clintons are in the same bed as the Bush Bringers of Shame.
8. I am mildly trained in Jeet Kwan Do.

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Aye, Some Horrid Dope fiend Friend has Finally Tagged me, I shalt Seek Revenge By the Souls of all dead squirrel breeders who also declared a one person war against the nation of Sweden:

The Pre-mentioned Good natured, Charming, well scented, Jerkass Jerkwad Jabroni whom Tagged Yours truly:

[link]

If you Were Viciously Assualted by me Tagging you, ( Sorry Buddy. ) Here's the rules Given to me from Handstanding ( A Decent being Supernaturally charged by forces men should not know which give this one the lustful rage toward small children. )

The rules ( If you were Tagged. ) :
1. Post these rules
2. Each person tagged must post 8 random facts about themselves
3. Tags should write a journal/ blog of these facts
4. At the end of the post 8 more persons are tagged and named
5. Go to their page and leave a comment telling them they're tagged
6. Go perform Cunninglingus or suck off a family member ( But Not you, You alone don't have to. )
7. Tell Handstanding what you think about being tagged, because I merely a broken vessel
8. Shoot your Local Congressman
9. prepare for a future life walking the streets of Cuba to distribute fliers which reviel the pros of capitalism.

The Victims of my Tagging Antics ( All Talented in their own right. ):

[link]

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Not all Jokes Are Funny.

But Abortion is Totally Awesome!
Fuck Damn Hooray for Abortion!
Hooray, Pull'em Out Pull'em out, GOOOOO Abortion!!!!!!!!!

Check the FCC Song Out Folks and Flyass Bitches!, [link] ]]> *Lithiumfoxx http://Lithiumfoxx.deviantart.com/journal/13860801/ http://Lithiumfoxx.deviantart.com/journal/13860801/ Tue, 24 Jul 2007 13:49:17 PDT
--

My Favorite Inspiational Quotes by famous people:


“ Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. When it Crops up, all of your irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place. “
-Mark Twain

“ Beware when the great God lets loose a thinker on this planet. “
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

“ I only Bang stamp bags to make the Voices go away. “
-Albert Einstein

“ We participate in a tragedy; at a comedy we only look. “
-Aldous Huxley

“ Happiness in intelligent people is the rarest thing I know. “
-Earnest Hemingway

“ Imagination was Given to man to compensate him for what he is not; a sense of humor to console him for what he is. “
-Francis Bacon

“ I don’t know man, some people loose their virginity to a fat chick on a merry go round and actually call the bitch back. “
-Confucius

“ Right now I’m Having Amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. “
-Steven Wright


“ I’m Still an Atheist, Thank God.”
-Luis Bunuel

" Whenever Someone hands me a Flier, It’s like they’re saying, “Here, you throw this away.”
-Mitch Hedberg

" It is better to be high-spirited even though one makes more mistakes, than to be narrow-minded and all to prudent.
Do not quench your inspiration and your imagination; do not become the slave of your model.”
-Vincent Van Gogh.

" The most merciful thing in the world, I think, is the inability of the human mind to correlate all its contents.”
-H.P. Lovecraft

" Maybe this world is another Planet's Hell. "

-Aldous Huxley

" That’s a Good one. I’m Actually Banging a Dead Bitch over here! And you got a picture to Prove it! That’s Wonderful! I mean My Cock’s Actually Kind of Stuck inside of her Freezing Cold, Bloated, Rotting, Festering, Gangrenous, Decomposing, Maggot Infested, Life less Cadaver Vagina. "
-Walt Disney

" Ain't this a bitch, We have all of this cocaine but we ran out of Rum, You know what, Fuck Tibet! "
-His Holiness the Dahli Lama

" I don't do drugs. I am drugs. "
-Salvador Dali

" Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted. "
-Former President Groucho Marx

" I'm sorry I can't speak very coherently. "
-Syd Barrett

" It's better to burn out than fade away. "
-Kurt Cobain

" Gay Sex Totally Rules! "
-Socrates

" When I was a kid I joined the circus. I did that. It is true. But it's not like you think. There was a guy, he had his own circus. His name was Carol Jacobs and he owned it. It was a small thing. "
-Christopher Walken

" Violence is one of the most fun things to watch. "

-Quentin Tarantino

" Sure I'll Give you an Autograph Kid, Just let me get out my pen which is still coated in dried blood from the Last Autograph. "
-mATT gROENING

" I'm SorryI caused all of that Lung and bowel Cancer. "
-Bruce Mcculloch

" Fuck Soccer Moms. "
-God

Not all Jokes Are Funny.

But Abortion is Totally Awesome!
Fuck Damn Hooray for Abortion!
Hooray, Pull'em Out Pull'em out, GOOOOO Abortion!!!!!!!!!

Check the FCC Song Out Folks and Flyass Bitches!, [link] ]]> *Lithiumfoxx http://Lithiumfoxx.deviantart.com/journal/13561725/ http://Lithiumfoxx.deviantart.com/journal/13561725/ Mon, 23 Jul 2007 16:05:01 PDT
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Dusty Clark ( A Charming fellow who once swore off Ice Cream during a Tequila, Paint Thinner, and Rocky Road hangover. Or actually he was when he wasn't a bloated, rotting, festering, Gangrenous, decomposing, maggot infested, pus loving Dead chunk of matter. . I’ve been very busy with a disastrous incident with the now deceased Zwepekote tribe in the Amazon basin and the quote, “ incident “ involving me on the today show with the " Non Electric " Queen and me impulsively instigating Dr. Phil into deep throating her.I hadn’t heard about the repercussions of Clark’s other works because of the trials for my medical break troughs involving the stapling shut of anesthetized people which I’ve filled full of peanut shells and thumb tacks. As a matter of fact I shouldn’t even bring that up do to the recommendations of my gun toting attorney who is currently under indictment for Bomb threats to the breast cancer awareness organization after the insidious incident with the mohawked dwarf refugees and the health department. C’mon, do you have any idea of what a completely obscene scourge of wholesomeness this fucking Mad rat bastard, corn chip eating, cartoon watching, chronic masturbating, kilt enthusiast Really was?!!! What else would you expect from a comedian who has an unexplainable cosmic ability to make serial killers laugh. A Man who made a beast of himself just to suffer the pain of being a man. He wanted to call this piece , “ Pyromania, Cannibalism, and funny hats. “
Dusty Clark was a Borderline Friendly Anti-Social Psychotic Manic Depressive with Obsessive Compulsive tendencies and a past history of severe drug abuse and an ever Growing Drinking problem.
As his attorney advised him, he refuses interviews with Weekly World News and The New Yorker exclusively.
When commented about the meager success that he’s mistakenly attributed for his comedy writing, he simply Laughs hysterically before crying pitifully and finally threatening to attack the interviewer regarding the un proven fact that he once defecated on Conan O’ Brien’s desk shortly after he Interviewed Kelsey Grammar.
His closest friends, neighbors, lovers, and the five or six clubs made entirely of his enemies, comment on his ability to set his own hair on fire while masticating his own nipples and complaining about the cost of High Times magazine.
He is also believed to have once threatened to annihilate all wholesomeness in a horrific fury of lust which involves his legendary collection of Rare mass produced novelty clip on labia rings which he included into his new classic generic name brand of good craziness.
Shortly after being crowned King of Anarchy in a land of no law and bling vigilantes, He Stated for this publication,

“ It is my Deepest held realization that this sick, perverted, violent world is so due to all of the evil craziness. I create The Good Craziness to take the edge off of the bad craziness, for there is certainly not enough of it to balance us all into the shire terror of mass sanity. Unlike the negative craziness of our reality and the bleak boredom of the sanity plaque. The straight edge of the good craziness is something you can never go over, although it does have a stupendously neat crooked handle.

P. S. :
To Everyone I owe Money to, I’ve just converted to the Hindu Faith, I’ll pay you back in the life after next I assure you. I'll see you on the Other Side Folks and Fly ass Bitches. “
-Dusty A. Clark

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Some Jokes Aren't Funny.

But Abortion is Totally Awesome!
Fuck Damn Hooray for Abortion!
Hooray, Pull'em Out Pull'em out, GOOOOO Abortion!!!!!!!!!

Check the FCC Song Out Folks and Flyass Bitches!, [link] ]]> *Lithiumfoxx http://Lithiumfoxx.deviantart.com/journal/13487500/ http://Lithiumfoxx.deviantart.com/journal/13487500/ Mon, 25 Jun 2007 16:05:23 PDT
The Other Day I was wandering about a Grocery store like a Good Consumer, Walked past the fifty some varieties of Oreo, I lost count at 38 myself, And stood there like a Catatonic Doorman at something I found Shocking. The Advertising Has exploded with this Shit now, They took this Idea to far as the Shit was about to hit the Fan and at the last second it blew back at them. There is Actually a Brand of Bland WHITEBREAD in a Foil wrapping Labeled, Extreme Whitebread. The Advertising Shit Slab Idea airborne Is that They can sell anything to Kids by plastering the word, " Extreme " on Anything. Extreme No Longer has meaning by definition. I stood there as My Mind stopped Time and thought.......HOW THE FUCK DAMNED BIZMARK CABANA IS whitebread Considering EXTREME????!!!!. < nOTE the Punction's Meaning.
I could picture it now, the glorious televised commerical I'd pitch fork for it... A man on the Toilet eating an entire loaf of whitebread by itself talking like a professional bodybuilder on cocaine and anabolic steroids at the same time screaming, " HEY KIDS EAT THIS , IT'S EXTREME WHITEBREAD, MAXIMUM WHITBREAD TO THE EXTREME!!!! ". mADNESS everywhere in the Country Gas man Bush ( Son of an Asshole from the Swine Family, more dirty than Nixon could be without slaughtering a puppy with a broken dinning room table leg for sport Attempted to murder. Master of The Ultimate Screwjob and leader of the largest Military Blunder in American History. And the Rat Bastard Who Made Republicans look Horrid's skull should be shot into the sun after his timely demise. ) Attempted to Murder while Raping the Public two fold. Fucking "EXTREME" whitebread, I need a smoke.

Best Left Answering machine message ever Submition: " BLEEP! Yeee-AHHH, I was just torching an Epithet of you Tough I'd Give you a Call. Bleep! "

I've learned that , " I'm really
good at beating four year olds. " Doesn't look good on a Job Application at Burger King.

I'll never Forget Luetinent Dan, Self Proclaimed leader of the Confederate Army. He was a rather large fellow, Nearly three hundred pounds. His most noticed feature was his large straw hat with the confederate flag mounted proudly on the band. His goatee was thin and covered his second chin well. I meet the man at a pool hall, It was quite hard not to miss the morbidly obese thespian Holding up a bottle of moonshine inside a sixteen ounce Mountain Do bottle and screaming in slurred drunken manner amist his Concreted Yokel accent, " White Power! " He did declare, directly before he took a sip of Real mountain do before losing his balance and properly landing his big fat Red neck ass backward into a large plastic trashcan that was against the wall. I recall not saying but rather thinking That it was clearly a great Pun. " White Trash Honkey. " He would be a quick person to show you how he could lift a chair with his tongue stud. " Here Check this out. ", He Yelled louder than the speakers of a death metal festival. Then You could only sit back and enjoy the show as he hat fell off and he almost falls over again while saying in quite a jolley manner the best he possibly could as the chair was clearly in front of him with all legs immaculate on the ground, " Ow, Eh, DAT ERT! ". Then off they'd take him, his lackie friends....Had a long night of barfighting and square dancing ahead of them before Lt. Dan Torches an entire field while they five remaining KKK members Flog him for Ruining their Cross burning Event. Good Ole' Luetinent Dan, Leader of the Confederate Army and powerful explaination as to why the South lost the " Cival " War.

I wish I had a large ferocious looking Bocor Tribal Mask to wear while I wake up the people who crash on the couch. Or a live Jellyfish.........

I didn't get a Driver's License Until recently. I feel that it's because of the Driving Instructer I'd hired when I had gotten the Permit. He was an elderly man and appearently he had a heart condition. I wondered why he was so quite after I hit the breaks at an Intersection. Son of a bitch a copper swine Fucker pulls me over and there I am Driving without a license with a dead old man sitting next to me.........Plus He must've smelled the rum on my breath from that morning.

I still think You could turn Gunslinging into a national Sport, But who has the time and Money anyway?

Having A headcold is like snorting Swimming pool Chlorine.

They make an energy drink called Cocaine which is supposed to have high levels of caffeine in it. The Commercial I was thinking of for it Was two guys in a college dorm room. One guy's Thirsty and the other lifts a fi9nger wide Eyed with an Idea. Quietly he says in a whisper, " Want some Cocaine? " The thirsty guy Gets real Excited because in thirty years he's going to Ove... ]]> *Lithiumfoxx http://Lithiumfoxx.deviantart.com/journal/12995991/ http://Lithiumfoxx.deviantart.com/journal/12995991/ Fri, 18 May 2007 01:08:32 PDT
The Geek Kingdom was founded on the key faith that one would have complete respect to follow the belief structure one suited well to in confidence. Of course I speak of the freedom Of religion as they clearly stated in the olde time rag, Including the exert that one would have respect if they themselves found it un-necessary to constitute personal belief in a Deity. This was Genius and will always be so, had it not been for the degeneration of the modern day public's intellect. You see that my point is getting to, They held dedication in this right because they understood that it was clearly a terrible thing when the current reigning government said by law what the religion of the times would be for the public thereby punishing those whom opposed what another attempted to force them to believe. Unfortunately This Kingdom Posing as a Democracy that is actually a Democratic Feudal system has created an all consuming bastard offspring religion of it's own that is cleverly disquised behind a veil of blood and manipulation. The CAPITALISTIC CANNABALISTIC country of the the geek has breed a shadow religion to reign supreme. In short, The doctrine of CONSUMERISM. Scare the people into buying, tell them what to buy, Make the rich wealthy and the average dead and subject to further stupidity because the rich own everything including the voters mind's. Points toward this Newly Breed geek system shadow bastard religion of Consumerism are quite clear if you look in the right places folks and fly-ass bitches. First let's look at the most common factor, the temple of consumerism....Every notice that there aren't many mom and pop stores at the local eighty nine pahmlet designed malls? Disregarding the mall's which all seem to have the same Fuck Damned storesby name brand... look in a more visible place. The Ultimate Temple of American Made Consumerism is the Re-directed Monopoly itself....WAL-MART. All you need to do is walk around a half assed Wal-mart and pay attention without planning to pay much at all. It's clearly the ultimate consumer temple, right down to the art prints at low prices in shitty frames and the very same outfits that everyone you work with and know where, ( Depending, of course. ) It's a complete lack of originality. But Fuck Damn it, the Prices are so Low! Compare them, they keep that " We'll beat all consumer's lower prices" Thing, That's when you'll notice some particular Items don't end in 99 cents but 98 cents. Yeah, a Penny, did some prick waste a whole day driving back and forth to compare this and bring it to their attention to save a penny? You bet he did. Wal mart also makes it very convieniant for you....So when you stop in to buy a small item that they offer because it's closer than the next place that sells it, you get the added delight of waiting for forty minutes behind some " Lovely" Twat who spontaneously decided to buy three monthes worth of groceries while she was there and check out in the express lane where there wasn't a grocery line. And Since it's, " The Future! ", All the shit in the rest room is sensor activated so It take you half an hour to get the fucking faucet to turn on, then when it does, the sinks designed in such a way that you get water spraid up on you at the speed of a cheetah on coke with a turbine engine up it's ass, however convience awaits since you the fucking paper towel dispensar is hand operated by a lever. That's why we have such Advetising in America, Consumerism. Maybe that's why I hate Nascar, It's a Quote American Loved Sport where Forty Advertisements go around in circles for three hours and it's also interupted occasionaly by other commercials. However it is a sport where someone can actually Explode, like to see Tiger woods do that on the Green. " Tiger lINES UP THE PUT, HE CAREFULLY SWINGS AND YES, HE HAS EXPLODED, As sure as I've been drinking scotch all morning Tiger Woods's burning organs are raining down about the green!" This just shows how stupid the public in our country has become,What's the President, an Oil Tycoon three times worse than Nixon's resolve of the education? No child left behind, Great Idea three out of four Kids are smart enough to skip a grade let's just keep them around until we make them dumb enough not to ask questions while slick here learns to draw an eight. Speaking of Advertising, why do you think they put those Infomercials on so late in the night and early in the morning? It's more than that, it's strategicly timed because that's the time period here most people in the public are listening to television asleep, in bed or pased out on the couch. This is subliminal Advertising, in fact it's like Hypnosis by power of suggestion folks and fly ass bitchs. I would know, A couple of nights ago I fell asleep on the couch with the tv on, and right before I woke up I had a Dream from the audio of the TV, I sold two vacuum cleaner before I woke... ]]> *Lithiumfoxx http://Lithiumfoxx.deviantart.com/journal/12840030/ http://Lithiumfoxx.deviantart.com/journal/12840030/ Fri, 04 May 2007 13:04:37 PDT
Drugs, I highly ( Pun. ) suggest never using anything that has it’s own theme song.But have you ever Noticed that, all of the really good ones end with, “ -INE. “ ?
Caffeine, Nicotine, Meth-amphedamine, Cocaine, Codeine, Morphine, Thorazine, Mescaline, Adrenaline.
A lot of people ask me, “ Dusty, How do I know if I’m in a Drug neighborhood ? “ . Which says a lot about my attire. I figured it out though. If you stop at a red light and roll the window down to ask a teenager for directions, And he suddenly runs away, Seek no farther. These are usually the places where you can stagger into any retail store and notice that there is only one ski mask left on the winter apparel rack, And it’s September.
I have a friend who unlike myself, Uses a lot of delightfully illegal chemicals. He once told me that he was applying a for a job as a life guard. I was like, “ Great now when some parent questions you about the accident you can say, Sorry I let your little boy drowned you see I was over there smoking crack at the time. “
Come to think of it, I sure hope he Overdoses, This dude once tried to explain to me that shooting smack at gun point was by far Holier than witnessing the birth of Christ.
The next time you call of work, try this. Call them up and say, “ Hey Work, yeah it’s me look I won’t be In today Because last Night I stuffed my mouth with a bucket of Peyote buttons and I’m afraid that I’m still Invisible. “ . You Might want to Rehearse that however. After all, Cactus Makes Perfect.
Remember that years ago During the Witch trials, Whenever someone asked, “ Wanta Go Burn One? “ It was completely Different. I love the Idea of a man starting up a grow lab in his attic using several sun lights, Then the Dea and Local Fashist death squad kick in his door and take him down, Later he sues them for attempting to confiscate two kilos of oranges.
Personally I’m Waiting until Dealers start using carrier pigeons to traffic narcotics. It would probably work until The homeless Rat people started murdering pigeons in the park, it would be like a two for one deal to them. Just Imagine an old woman feeding bread to a bird that has a vial of crack strapped to it’s leg. That would be genius, There would be an all out blood feud between the Dea and the Peta people.

A Head full of Acid Will However, cure a mild Head ache.

Prozac is Just a Laxative.

Just say, Maybe.

Also,

[link]

, Check it out Folks and Fly ass Bitches! ]]> *Lithiumfoxx http://Lithiumfoxx.deviantart.com/journal/12735133/ http://Lithiumfoxx.deviantart.com/journal/12735133/ Wed, 25 Apr 2007 19:30:13 PDT
The overly political correct modern society still has the horrid vice of Racism. I hadn’t given it much thought before being a Honkey cracker myself, I’m not always looking out for that sort of thing. I have however been a victim of Racism myself. This one time I was out walking around and it started to rain. There was this dollar store there so I Stopped in to buy one of those plastic rain panchos. I looked around and couldn’t find any so I asked the Eastern Indian fellow there if he had any.
He told me that he was sold out of them in his thick Irish Accent. Then he told me to wait a minute and he went behind the counter for something. I thought, “ Great this guy’s going to let me borrow an umberella. ‘ . Then he Pulled out this Garbage bag!
What a great world this would be if we could be rid of racism I thought later as I set that bigot’s shop on fire. It's Kinda Redundant when I eat Ritz.

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I recently got into a heated political argument with a chair, The chair won. I do however hold true to my belief that one should attempt to become active in local politics myself. This is why, whenever I hear about a public question and answer session with a running canditate, I like to dress up like a farmer and attend.
Then If they should so happen to call upon me, I feel a need to ask a real good agricultural question.
“ Yeah, I’m a Farmer, been one for many years now. “, I Say.
Then I’ll ask something like, “ I was just wondering, If I were to Vote for you, Is there any chance that you’d come out to my farm and suck off a couple of steers? “ . Either that or I put on a real nice suit and ask a good question about Education if I’m called on.
“ Yes, I would like to ask you if you intend to keep your stand on the debate between Creationism and Evolution being taught in our schools, And by which I imply that your stand was that you would solve the whole situation by simply sucking off a couple of principals. “ .

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I went to go see this Dream Analyst because of these weird Dreams, After I told him of my nocturnal unicorn sodomy situation he just sat there quietly stroking his beard. Then he Told me that he’s been having night terrors that some dude that looks a lot like me came into his office and discussed the same trouble, But in his dreams, This Character tossed him to his death through the window. After he finished I stood up to look at the time on his wall clock and he ran over to the other side of his office and dived through the glass window. His head collapsed like a grape getting hit with a wooden skillet, Good lord his guts splattered all over the parking lot it was fucking Horrific, Fuck Damn you should’ve seen it.
Anyway that’s what I told the Authorities, after all the late Doctor did tell me that the sessions were confidential. I didn’t pay the bill because he still owed me three minutes, and I’ve slept a lot better since his gut wrenching demise.
Man, I sure hope no one I know ever tells me about there dreams again. Last week a friend of mine called me up and told me that he just had a wet dream. He said, “ Yeah but the weird thing about this wet dream is that your Grandmother was in it! “ . I was horrified, then he said, “ The really weird thing is that you were there to! “ .

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A while ago it actually happened, People were Killed over a cartoon. These Dutch Muhammad cartoons, Man I thought that if these things had the power to infuriate some fucking insane religious fanatics to murder over them they were offensive enough to take a look at them. So after I looked these things up on line, I didn’t get it other than that one of Muhammad with the bomb under his turban. Then I find out later that to some Muslims, Depicting the warrior prophet Muhammad is a type of pure sin.
Then things got really heated when the Pope said those things that really pissed these people off. I really couldn’t be more taken back by that. They had Him out there reading the words of some other dead Pope who falsely blamed Islam for all that’s Evil. I was Like, “ Fuck Damn it! “ .
Then I considered that maybe he didn’t actually mean to offend others, Until he did that particularly unmentionable impersonation of the warrior prophet Muhammad. When He started to hop around drinking that two liter bottle of cola and rubbing his nipples and Screamed, “ Look at me I’m Mu-Hammad! “ .
You’d think he’d drop it there but no, He... ]]> *Lithiumfoxx http://Lithiumfoxx.deviantart.com/journal/12506114/ http://Lithiumfoxx.deviantart.com/journal/12506114/ Sun, 08 Apr 2007 06:40:45 PDT
The light at the end of the tunnel is a cosmic Bug Zapper.

Is there such a thing as an Un-Reasonable Doubt? I Doubt it.

You can comit murder with a platypus.

Bigfoot doesn't Exist. Crop Circles are man made, Just like flying saucers. Possetion is a moment of subconcious psychosis, Their are no Ghosts or Angels. All Dinosaurs are still dead like Elvis, Vampires are just living people with interesting Hobbies. Magick is Real, But Illusion is fake. The after life cannot be Life. Atlantis never existed. The Government is to Busy continuing to Fuck up to care about you, But they are coming after you. The Moon Landing was Fake, A Sterofoam cup destroying a space shuttle is real, unlike most of what you hear on the real NEWS.

Do Animals have Nocturnal Emissions? If they do I'd hate to be a Bat or Opossum.

Whenever A questionaire asks me to write Three words that accurately depict me, I write, " Made of Wood. "

I will Allow myself to submit to Hypnotic Suggestion,I will Allow myself to submit to Hypnotic Suggestion,I will Allow myself to submit to Hypnotic Suggestion,I will Allow myself to submit to Hypnotic Suggestion,I will Allow myself to submit to Hypnotic Suggestion,....Nope, doesn't work.

You know that you're in a bad neighborhood when you enter a retail store and notice only one ski mask left on the winter appearl rack, and it's September.

Giving a loaded gun to a chimpazee would be Entertaining.

I can't remember the last time I forgot something.

If the Cure for Cancer was eating Whale Shit, People would still Die from Cancer.

What would happen If, During an election year....No one Voted at all....Not even the people running?

Isn't being charged for hitting a battery a little redundant?

Mother Teresa was a Bitch.

Techniquely Yogurt is alive when you eat it, That's sadistic.

twenty years ago if you said you were going to take a picture with a phone...they'd have you commited. That's like today saying, " I'm going to bake cookies with a floor buffer then I'll nuke Swedan with an electric toothbrush but first I'm going to buy a taco with my IPOD."

Just once I'd like to see a bus load of Performance dancers on tour, get involved in a terrible traffic accident that left them all paralyzed from the waste down when they have at least three more shows scheduled. The Show must go On.

If you get lost, The worst place to get lost is a Map factory....In a bad part of Poland.

I wonder if anyone ever went through a mine field on a pogo stick....When's That Jackass show going to make it to the middle east already?

Here's a fact: You can Kill someone with a Plastic baby Jesus from a nativity set.

They actually sell Leather bags made out of Kangaroo Ball sacks.

You Rarely see a morbidly obese Dwarf in a tuxedo getting into a fist fight with Anemic Twins.

If you have any wooden Nickels that you're not using, I'll Take them.

You can't satisfy all of the people, all of the time. Clearly the people are to blame.

I'm bothered by this old Cliche, " Wish in one hand, and Crap in the other and see which one gets filled up most.". First, It doesn't make any sense to me, How do you measure wishes? I suppose I could write them down on something and hold it....But what? and I could determine how full my hand could get if I wrote small on something small enough...But If I were to right on something large enough I could fill that hand up first. The Whole thing seems arbitrary to me. Also wishes don't come true all of the time, and I'm also Constipated.

Never tell a blind man to see for him self, never tell a woman in a wheel chair to have a seat, and never tell a Hermaphrodite to go Fuck Themselves.

I'd like to someday go to Nowhere, But No Body knows where it is. And that prick never answers the camera.

I'd like to see the muppet theater burn down...Just Image those jeky stringed arms flinging around while they ran around screaming and bobbing their felt heads...Waka, Waka, Waka, Eat me.

I wish I was the one who thought of the pet Psychic scam, " Woof, Woof, Woof, He's afraid of the Vacuum, That's LL be Two Hundred Clams. "

I sure hope you're as Hopeless as me, But then again I don't care if you are Apathetic about it.

[link]

, Check it out Folks and Fly ass Bitches! ]]> *Lithiumfoxx http://Lithiumfoxx.deviantart.com/journal/12362819/ http://Lithiumfoxx.deviantart.com/journal/12362819/ Wed, 28 Mar 2007 13:40:03 PDT
-Francis Bacon

“ Right now I’m Having Amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. “


-Steven Wright

" I'm Still an Atheist, Thank God."


-Luis Bunnel

“ I don’t know man, some people loose their virginity to a fat chick on a merry go round and actually call the bitch back. “

-Confucius




Here's a Variation Of a Thing I did for your Sexy Eyes Folks and Fly Ass Bitches....

And Now here’s something from our sponser......

I remember this one time when Ned and I were at the mall. We were getting of the elscalator on the second floor and continuing our lengthy discussion on the works of Marx when this extremely eager perfume sample girl runs up and sprays Ned. She manicly begins to speak about the perfume she just dosed Ned with as he looked down at the spot on his shirt where she spritzed him. Calmly Ned Lifts his head and stares at her.
Then Ned Screams something like, “ Fuck Damn it I reek of an Ocean breeze on a Cuntry meadow! “ . Then the next sound I hear is the perfume bottle shattering on the tiled ground. He was Spraying her directly in her one attractive face with a can of Mace. She Fell to her knees screaming in shire agony and tearing at her Eyes.
Shortly after that, I watched from the Delicious Grape Brute, as the Police cuffed Ned. As they were Dragging him away, He Screamed back at her, “ There’s yer free sample you Fucking Fragrance Whore! “ . Ned always was so full of life that he couldn’t help but spread the bliss.
I was thinking about it and, I’m convinced that there should be a perfume called, “ Twat. “ . I can see the commercial now, a stretch limo pulls up to a suburban house and some guy in a tux gets out of the back holding flowers. He knocks on the door, and a gorgeous woman answers wearing her brand new black dress. Then this guy hands her the flowers and says, “ Maria my dear you look simply revenging, and my I be so bold as to add that your Twat smells simply delightful this evening. “ . Then they have an announcer come on and say, “ Twat, the newest smelly thing on the market. Available at your local drugstore, Buy some today and spray yourself down with it. Don’t forget to ask for it by Name.
Then again I don’t have a Twat, I have a Cock and that isn’t a good name for a perfume. I think it sounds more like a piece of gardening equipment myself. In that commercial you’d have an elderly woman wearing a straw hat, on her knees planting tulips with it. Then the Announcer would pop out from behind a tree and ask her, “ Say Gladice, what do you think of the Cock Lawn Utinsel? “ . Then she’d be like, “ OOhh, My, The Cock lawn tool is simply wonderful, I don’t know how I ever lived without it. “ .
Then he’d Look at the camera and say, “ There you have it folks, the Stiffy Brand Cock garden utinsel, Because a Stiffy will help you get the job done in a Jiffy. “ .

[link]

, Check it out or be an Un-Hip Asshole, Folks and Fly ass Bitches! ]]> *Lithiumfoxx http://Lithiumfoxx.deviantart.com/journal/12251757/ http://Lithiumfoxx.deviantart.com/journal/12251757/ Mon, 19 Mar 2007 21:37:20 PDT
I’ll Catch the next one.

Scene: A Man Carrying a suitcase and wearing a very nice white suit and Bowler hat is calmly Walking from the right to the left through a five star hotel lobby while a bell hop is pushing a rack of luggage past him in the background. He pauses a moment as an attractive French maid passes by where he tips his head and bows his head to her very politely.
The Man walks up to the elevator doors. Cut camera angle to behind him with his back to the screen in front of the doors as he presses the button and the floor meter above the doors counts down. He looks off to the side for a moment then faces the elevator doors. Cut shot to in front of him with the lobby in the background as he scratches his moustache and looks up at the floor meter while mildly humming. Cut back to his back as he’s standing in front of the elevator doors, slowly zoom in as the elevator doors open.
The doors open to show the inside of the elevator. Inside the elevator several completely nude female and male models are engaged in an orgy.
They are all moaning, Fucking in every position, Going down, slapping asses, and really into it. A naked woman wearing a bellhop hat stands in front of the elevator orgy, turns to the Man in the white Suit.

Naked elevator woman:
There’s plenty of room for one more. What floor are you going to sir?

A Random voice from inside the elevator:
Yeeah! Yeah!, Take it all you Sexy Bitch! God Yes!

Man in white suit:
I Think I’ll Catch the next one.

Another Random Voice:
Choke Man whore! Eat Me Faster, Uggghhhhh Yeah, you like that!

Naked elevator woman:
Very well.

The Elevator doors shut, and the man walks away very stunned.

Darkness Fades. The End.

[link]

, Check it out or be an Un-Hip Asshole, Folks and Fly ass Bitches! ]]> *Lithiumfoxx http://Lithiumfoxx.deviantart.com/journal/12191030/ http://Lithiumfoxx.deviantart.com/journal/12191030/ Thu, 15 Mar 2007 08:24:17 PDT
The City Of Glass.

It was not here, It was Elsewhere, this fabled land beyond the realm of Nod. It maybe be past, it may not have be as of now, in fact there may have been no thing such what we call Time. As for where it can be found, who am I to say, I haven’t the courage to seek it out for they say those who search for it become Mad to a degree in which there is no return. Altough they say it was somewhere near to the western seas of course it would dependapon where you were. It’s a place on no map that you can purchase after getting lost during a tour of a map factory.
It was an enormous metropolis larger than Tokyo and New York Combined and spread out, and it was even more populated than the fictional land of China.
The most peculiar thing about wasn’t the simple fact that it made entirely of glass in a fashion that to our modern architectural science and constructive possibilities wouls seem marvelously impossible not to mention utterly insane, it was in fact it’s inhabitants. It was the people of the City of Glass that were truly stranger than professionaly experience of studying and portraying that which is purely weird.
The People of the City of Glass were to the sight just as you are me, in fact our clothing was nearly identical other than slight alteration. You see the people dwelled in a society in which there was no privacy. They could see everything anyone inside was doing simply be glancing at them, People at work, people at home, people eating in a restaurant, people in a restroom, nothing was a secret. It was predominately this which made them different from us. Sure enough the had crime, and shameful habits that any society does, However it was all natural to them. The were indifferent to mundane life emotional toward one another, they themselves vein and apathetic to such an immeasurable level.
They lost all personality, Individualism, art and laughter did not exist at all for them. They were as people behaving lower than the nature of ants.
You would naturally Imagine that in this crystal clear and every being cleaned urban civilzation there would prove to many difficulties. Sure enough there were, however despite the average amount of simpler traffic and slight acceptable amount of petty crimes there was seemingly non. The Glare of the ultraviolet reflected lighting would be far much for us however through years of adaptation from generation to generation as the City developed the people were not bothered in the slight by the glaring light. The building were tall, amazing were the transparent skyscrapers, for the floors were also crafted of a crystal thick glass. One could get such vertigo if you seemily walk in and look up, or go up and look down to see rows and rows of people and furniture going on and on. It would utterly make me or you faint from lack of focus.
They did have plumbing and electricity different but the same as us, in fact it was off the very few things one could see as skeletons of the building structures. The Sidewalks and Roasways were concrete and stune, and most of the furniture was made of wood or some likeness, these things stand out clearly. Almost at one you would begin to notice these fewer things which like the people were not glass. There was one more bizarre thing here, you see there were no Birds or at least, very few birds on the outter regions, perhaps the birds new better than to breed with these streets. One can only Imagine the horror that would befall a bird at the center of this place, It would the endless prison of a funhouse style maze of mirrors.
It is That the City is no more by our sense of time, or so I am to believe. One day as normal as the soulless drones of the city of glass were awakening to the dawn that it was annihilated forevermore.

It was one series of unexpected Eartquakes that left it to be no longer standing. The first one struck shortly after the sun was fully visible and it was so tremendous that the ground cracked open acrossed the city. Stronger than even the highest one we’ve ever measured by our means, it moved along as fast as aflame on a stream of gasoline. There was so much noise anyone near would go suddenly deaf. Then the series of Quakes stuck each after the next all over. It was complete and unequaled disaster, Shards of broken glass actually raining down to a point where it actually blocked out the sun if you looked up from ground level. Shards of the Glass buildings Cutting right through the others, the streets below, and splitting people into halves from every possible angle. As the Great Destuction comensed, the people of the Glass City simply continued their daily activities as though nothing was going on about them, The fools even watched others as they were Impaled before them or crushed into pieces. And it went on for Hours, By night fall The Earthquakes ha... ]]> *Lithiumfoxx http://Lithiumfoxx.deviantart.com/journal/12164914/ http://Lithiumfoxx.deviantart.com/journal/12164914/ Tue, 13 Mar 2007 04:25:14 PDT
mistakes,

than to be narrow-minded and all to prudent.
Do not quench your inspiration and your imagination; do not become the slave of your model.”
-Vincent Van Gogh.

Apathy Pride Folks and Fly ass Bitches, Here's a comedy sketch reeking of Good Craziness:

What’s for desert? The Gas Chamber?

Scene: Have a man dressed as a clown give the monologue that explains the premise of the following sketch.

Clown:
Greetings and Salutations Downers and Losers. Here’s a fun Fact,
Before the evil Nazi party used the Swastika as their emblem it was a symbol that meant “ Life of Good Fortune “ in parts of Asia, most notably the Hindus in India. The Indian People have used this legendary symbol on their pottery and crafts for centuries.

Cut to the opening of the sketch.

An Elderly Jewish Couple join a young couple of Hindu honeymooners who’re new to the neighborhood and Invited them over for dinner.

Scene: The Dining room of a small but clean suburban home.
The Young Hindu man, Kali, is walking into the shot being followed by the old Jewish couple, Mr. And Mrs. Goldberg. Kali’s Wife, Nadia is finishing setting the silverware at the table where she has prepared a feast of Curry and is serving it on her family heirloom dishes. They all Greet each other briefly and sit down to eat the Curry which Nadia has already placed on each of the four plates. In the Background there is a Statue of Ganesha, the Remover of obstacles. By the way, Mr. Goldberg is a Rabbi. As each of them Speaks, the Camera focuses directly onto them.

Nadia ( Accent ) :
I’m very Honored that you’d come over for dinner, since we’ve moved here we’ve had nothing but discourteous interactions with everyone.

Mr. Goldstein ( Accent ) :
Oye, Well don’t it get to you, it is a mostly white catholic neighborhood, the other people around here will warm up to you keep in mind you’re the first Indian people who’ve ever lived here.



Kali ( Accent ) :
What did I Tell you dear? Give them time and I’m sure we’ll have just as many friends as we did in Bombay.

Nadia:
I Suppose that you’re right, we’ve only been living here for a short time.

Mrs. Goldberg ( Accent ) :
I Remember when we first moved here we weren’t immediately accepted.

Mr. Goldberg:
Oh yes, you see we’d just Immigrated from Germany after the damn Nazi’s Invaded Poland. But those were different times then.

Nadia:
How Terrible a thing Indifference is.

Kali:
Well then let us enjoy this Curry.

Mrs. Goldberg:
I sure hope It isn’t overly spicy, Mr. Goldberg gets the Runs something awful when he eats hot sauce.

Mr. Goldberg:
I’ll be just fine woman, besides I happen to Love Spicy Foods.

Mrs. Goldberg:
The last time we had chili he was in the bathroom for two hours yelling about crapping fire.

They all begin to eat the Curry except Mr. Goldberg who looks down to see a kitten brushing against his chair leg, he reaches down and pets it.

Mr. Goldberg:
You have a Kitten, I did not know that.

Nadia:
Yes we adopted her from the animal shelter her name is Mittens.

Mrs. Goldberg:
Mittens? Isn’t that a sort of Cliché name for a cat?

Nadia:
I don’t believe so. They had named her Mittens before we adopted her and we take a stance that if the animal was already named, it should keep it’s name.

Mr. Goldberg:
I’ve always been more of a dog man myself.

Kali:
We have a dog as well, we adopted him when we got the kitten. He’s tied up in the backyard right now or I’d Let you meet him.

Mrs. Goldberg:
That’s nice, what’s his name?

Kali:
Our Dog’s named “ Hitler “ .

The Goldberg’s Show an Expression of shock as the camera cuts to them sitting next to each other looking at Kali. Mrs. Goldberg Drops her fork on the Floor, Closes her mouth and slowly turns her head to her husband. Mr. Goldberg starts to speak quickly in Yiddish and looks at the ceiling.
They calm down and we return to close-up shots of each of them as they speak.

Mr. Goldberg ( Chuckling. ) :
Excuse me, Did you just say that you have a cat named Mittens and a dog named Hitler?

Mrs. Goldberg:
You have Hitler tied up in the backyard?




Kali:
Let me Explain, The Dog was at the shelter because his previous owner Neglected him. His original Owner was a White Supremacist who was arrested on an outstanding warrant after... ]]> *Lithiumfoxx http://Lithiumfoxx.deviantart.com/journal/12059971/ http://Lithiumfoxx.deviantart.com/journal/12059971/ Sun, 04 Mar 2007 20:39:24 PST Do not quench your inspiration and your imagination; do not become the slave of your model.”
-Vincent Van Gogh.

There after, A few exerts from yet another brand new classic throwing down book:

“ 331 Insidiously Unpopular places and times to be Under the Influence of D-Lysergic Acid Diethylamide-25. “


33. In a Collectable Knife Store, Because you may find yourself standing there for hours looking at a particular piece of merchandise while a mentally constructed voice is saying, “ Buy Me, Wouldn’t I look undisputedly stylish with a coat of warm human blood? “

100. A Corn field in the country side after watching the Twilight episode, “ It’s a Good life. “. Not only will you find shire terror in the fears of being lost out there forever, But then You’ll realize that at any moment a farmer might fill your ass full of buckshot. Let’s face it the Crows don’t help, they’re laughing at you, not with you.

47. Watching The Fake News, Because that is the very moment when it dawns upon you that not only is John Stewart the Devil, But the Apocalypse is nearing and you have a load of clothes in the dryer that you’ve completely forgotten about.

21. Visiting an elderly relative who is in the hospital, while trying really hard not to Un-involuntarily laugh in the company of their unfortunate failing health. Not only would that Haunt you for the remainder of your life, It might be hard to explain.


7. Shaving in a Carnival style House of Mirrors with the lights turned down low, Enough said.


And Now Here's, A Thing like thing.................................

A Simple Christmas Wish list.

A Shrunken head, a Zuni fetish doll, women’s lingerie, Jim Morison’s headstone, a burlap sack full of Gila monsters, Active dynamite, a sock full of lose candy, a pogo stick, a flame thrower, incriminating photos of Peter Jenkins, a nice fondue pot, a dead rat, a yoyo, Hungry hungry hippos, a broken whiskey bottle, several gallons of bleach, a snow board, a unicycle, a cheese garter, sneakers made out of aluminum foil and the tanned skin of a red kangaroo’s scrotum, a harmonica, a jar of preserved human eyeballs, an espresso maker, A pinball machine, a six pack of canned water, a football, a wood burning iron, A dilophosaurus’s right femur bone, a new haircut, a bull whip, a pair of x-ray glasses, an AK-47 assault rifle,
plaster molds of Drew Barrymore’s Nipples, a cheap pair of nail clippers, an expensive pair of nail clippers, a prosthetic leg, a real leg, a vial of arsenic, a cotton candy machine, a lock of Marilyn Monroe’s pubic hair, a Felix the cat lunch box, a switch blade, a Frisbee, the dead sea scrolls, a dead raccoon skin hat, a live raccoon skin hat, Plutonium, a whoopee cushion, a Singapore cane, a Barry White T-shirt, a strap on Vagina, a box of Tide, Throwing Stars, Play Dough, a wicker basket of hand grenades, a ping pong table, a hula hoop, a bucket of bent metal shavings and medical waste, A ceremonial Navaho Kantian Mask, ether, a bowling ball bag full of sawdust and spider eggs, wind-up chattering teeth, a lemur’s vaginal discharge, a Sherlock Holmes costume, a wooden frying pan, a Tommy gun, a rubber chicken, the legendary spear of destiny. the cure for the common cold, 3 dimensional Asian pornography, tampons that whistle and dissolve into a rice pudding,
an AA sponsor who happens to be a mountain lion, a concrete blender that is full of broken glass and moths, a side order of freedom fries, a pack of freedom tickler brand condoms, to be victimized in an Amish drive by ,again, A rabid wolverine with the plague that’s been shoved inside of a roller skate that has only three wheels, highly concentrated counterfeit placebos, viable human organs, un-viable human organs, a pair of salad tongs for masturbation, the holy bible, a slip & slide, a boomerang, a rotten potato, a paddle ball, a rusty disposable razor, a new video game system, an acoustic guitar, a bent up used hypothermic needle, a skinless pony, and, a sculpture of Ron Jeremy Deep throating Marie Antoine made entirely of used kitchen appliances and the bones of small woodland creatures.

I'm Dusty Clark, And I'd give you a piece of my mind but I'm fresh out baby.

Quote me on this one Folks,
" Sure we can sit here and explain the secrets of the universe, But can we prove them? ". ]]> *Lithiumfoxx http://Lithiumfoxx.deviantart.com/journal/11964481/ http://Lithiumfoxx.deviantart.com/journal/11964481/ Tue, 27 Feb 2007 22:39:01 PST
( Cue Creepy Carnie Music. )
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Love is like a delicate Butterfly, graceful and beautiful to look at, but as soon as you touch it, it Explodes.

The one Image that says Heartbreak is a Crying man buying a large sack of pornography at a convieniance store at four in the morning. He just slaps down all the smut rags and continuously weeps as he pays the cashier for them.
I have nothing but misery go lucky fortune with relationships. The last relationship ended unexpectedly, With a Gift. I bought my girlfriend a real fur coat. My only defense was,
“ I’m Sorry Sheila, The paint stains looked much less noticeable in the second hand shop. “ . So naturally, I’m single.
A while ago I went to this extremely boring party and found myself chugging a beer and sitting at a table a cross from this extremely attractive woman. She talked, and talked, and talked. I had absolutely no notion of what she was saying because I wasn’t paying attention, I was just starring at her rack. Then our eyes meet and I heard her say, “ So what about you? “ . I paused for a moment thinking about how to respond to her question and I said something without thinking. It came out something like, “ How can you call it complimentary douche if every time that ferret with the infectulicious eyelids sexually violates my shoe, I owe you a dollar? “ . She stood up knocking over her chair and started to cry, then as she was running away she screamed, “ Who told you about that, you’re an awful person! “ . I was like, “ What the Fuck did I say? “ .
The last date I had was pretty romantic, we found ourselves on a bench at the boardwalk, Watching the ocean at night. The I snatched a moth out of the air and offered it to her. I was like, “ Hey, want a moth? “ . Then for some weird reason I thought she’d laugh if I ate it. She never spoke to me again, Women!!!
By the way You’ll never catch me in a chat room titled,
“ Singles with Herpes. “ Z
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Yes Salesman, But with this Freezer hold three decapitated Bodies?

I read this article in a newspaper a while ago that said,
“ Crazed Axe Murderer still at large. “ . I remember thinking,
“ I sure hope he is Crazed, what kind of a sane man would kill an Inanimate object ? “ . I for one think that most serial killers are lazy because they use weapons like guns, knives, and poisons. You show me a serial killer who’s trademark is crushing people to death with pillows while using a plastic spoon to tear off their balls and pluck out there eyes, then placing their testicles in their eye sockets and crazy gluing their balls to their ass cheeks before drawing a picture of Bob Hope being eaten alive by beetles and saying, “ The Jews are a Superior Race. “, Inside of a cartoon bubble in exquisite detail on their cracks! Then I’ll say, There is one hard working man. Personally, If I ever had to kill someone, I’d wait until they were Vacuuming and Strangle them to death from behind using cinnamon flavored dental floss.
I’ve also had the thought that the best possible murder weapon would probably be an Icicle. How could the detectives locate a murder weapon that would melt? Another good thing about the Icicle being a practical murdering tool would be that, If you ever found yourself in a knife fight and pulled it the other guy would be laughing so hard he wouldn’t realize that you’ve impaled him several times in the aorta.
Personally I’m waiting to see a headline around Christmas time about a sociopath murder who uses an unusual object as a weapon. Something that reads, “ Vicious suspect continues to elude authorities apprehension while on bloody murder spree with baby Jesus. “. I’m sure the owner of the nativity set would have a few choice words, That is if they hadn’t been the first victim of the savage baby Jesus blood massacre. Z
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I think that the real reason why the Libertarion party isn’t taken seriously is because they don’t have an animal mascot. The Democrats have the Donkey, and the Republicans have the Elephant. So I propose that the Libertarion party adopt an animal mascot, And I think that the best animal to represent them as a whole is the Headless Chicken.
I do however hold true to my belief that one should attempt to become active in local politics myself. This is why, whenever I hear about a public question and answer session with a running canditate, I like to dress up like a farmer and attend.
Then If they should so happen to call upon me, I feel a need to ask a real good agricultural question.
“ Yeah, I’m a Farmer, been one for many years now. “, I Say. *Lithiumfoxx http://Lithiumfoxx.deviantart.com/journal/11879795/ http://Lithiumfoxx.deviantart.com/journal/11879795/ Mon, 19 Feb 2007 10:03:37 PST
Saw Dust Knob Head Dictator for life: A Fictional tale about a ventriloquist who joins the army and is honorably discharged due to a maimed groin. He Later uses his talent to assemble a Fascist death squad and takes Dover, Delaware by extremely brutal force.

The Adventures of Anal Lube Larry and Communist Maureen in outer space: A Classic Romance Novel about an alcoholic circus clown who uses his martial arts moves along side his, by the book, trained bear sidekick to solve mysteries.

The Day the Apple Tree Exploded: A Heart warming coming of age yarn about a small girl who befriends her face eating tumor which teaches her to read.

How to Turn an old toaster into a new colonostamy bag.

Placenta Cake: a Cook Book.

Frustrating Paper Cuts: an Introductory to the ancient art of Origami.

How to Completely Defile Yourself to Impress Potential Lovers and Friends: A guide to the Proper way of making your own family proud to disown you.

Banana, Sugar Cube, Touch Myself: The Journal of a Chimpanzee taught to Write.

The Worst War Crimes of the Twentieth Century: A full color picture children’s book.

4,742 Terrible Secrets that the Dairy Industry does not want you to Know!

All I could find was my middle finger: How to manufacture your very own fireworks.

I Like to Watch: The Memoirs of the Author’s youthful adventures Hitchhiking a crossed America with two Lesbians.

The Dairy Industry is completely Honest: A Court Appointed book apologizing for Mr. Clark’s Book, “ 4,742 Terrible Secrets that the Dairy Industry does not want you to Know. “.

Inanimate objects that I’ve Raped: A Lengthy Venture into the hobby of air brushing designs on top hats for the catatonic.

The Scientific History of Sexually Transmitted Diseases:
A Romance Novel about a Abstinent Quadriplegic who whittles wicker furniture with his teeth and sells them to epileptic acrobats who beat the children of grave robbers with kitchen appliances that’s set in the 16th century.

Suck me off you Dutch Whore: A Whimsical Children’s book about a Talking Wallaby who doesn’t take Shit from anyone.

The Humble Homemade Wooden Weapon: An Introduction to Advanced Quantum Physics.

Fish burn Eyeball: A Guide to practical jokes that all result in tricking a complete stranger to Have sexual intercourse with a brother or sister while you turn back the time on all of the clocks in the house.

The Gods Walk among us: A List of 4,743 Atrocious acts that the Dairy Industry is solely responsible for.

Death to the Ostriche, The Dodo's Revenge: Straight to Rental: The Sequeal to an apocalyptic tale ending in complete oblivion. It's a Wonderous non fiction story about the author's Travels to the fictional land Of Japan where he won a bet for video taping his grandfunk warlock butler drink urine straight from a dead monkey while a surronding turf war escalated between a group of renegade Skinheads for racial equality and a convent of bisexual nuns who not only fought in hardcore wrestling death matches but also took an oath to protect the scrolls of time which hold the secrets of the Universe along with the factual legends of a zuni midget warrior with an infected eyelid who saved Saint patrick's day by starting a riot at a closed casket funeral being held at a laundromat years before it existed.

The Dead spider in the nutshell here is, Read to a child day is more important than National perform cunninglingus on a dental hygenist's pet hedgehog day.

I'm Dusty Clark, And I'd give you a piece of my mind but I'm fresh out baby. ]]> *Lithiumfoxx http://Lithiumfoxx.deviantart.com/journal/11871187/ http://Lithiumfoxx.deviantart.com/journal/11871187/ Mon, 19 Feb 2007 09:36:01 PST Heres a filthy comedy sketch I wrote about a gameshow. I should Also note that they are horrible Cartoon animals in the Balanced Evenflow which follows like a blind sheep with a straw hat on and do not express any of my beliefs....Here Goes.

Loser’s Watching Winners.

Scene: The channel Changes to A game show as it’s starting.
The Set is a Jeopardy style studio.

Announcer (Voice over):
And Now you Disposable, Brain dead consumer’s favorite Game show,
“It’s Rigged Jackass” ! Watch it you Godless Uneducated Swine.

(Audience Applause)

The Host runs out of the back, Slides on his knees and screams as he looks up.

Announcer:
Here’s Your Coked up host fresh from his Daily Anal Bleaching!
Wink Rabblegranger!

Wink Runs behind the Podium. He whips out a small bottle, inhales Cocaine from it and tosses it away.

Wink
(As his head Twitches and his nose begins to Bleed while he reads from a card) :
Alright,alright let’s Fuck this bitch up tonight like all the teenage girls I Facially Disfigure with my Car keys!
(As the Blood runs down his nose and onto his suit)
Let’s bring out our first Actor, by actor I mean Contestant!

Scene: As the Audience Applauds the Camera Focuses in on a Mobster looking fellow who walks out of the back.

Scene: Back to The Host with his Blood leaking nostrils as he reads the card.

Wink:
Says here that you are Arthur Luigi and that you work for a Major Soft drink company in the Atlantic ocean. ( Twitches) But we all Know that’s Bullshit! And here’s our other contestant.

Scene: Camera Focuses on a Dirty Farmer looking type as he comes out of the Back. Audience Applause.

Scene: Expanded out Shot of the Host on the left and the Contestants on the right.

Wink:
He’s Bill Fakename From Mars where he’s employed as a Professional Anti-Semite!
Here’s the first Question.
Under the Category of Definitions, What is the Exertion of Force with Intent to Cause Harm or Injury.

Arthur Buzzes in.

Art:
Violence! (Sound of a Bell going off)

Wink:
Yes Violence is the Answer! You are absolutely Correct Sir!

Bill Fake name turns to Art and buzzes in.

Bill:
Faggot.

Wink:
And now Here’s a word from our Fucking Sponsors by way of Subliminal brainwashing to purchase shit you don’t need!

Scene: Commercial one, A Grizzled old man whose skin is rotting off is holding a Cigarette, wearing a Robe, and gripping the oxygen tank to which he’s connected. He Coughs and some of his skin falls off.

Announcer (Voice over):
Enjoy Cancerous Filth brand cigarettes!



Cut to a Large picture of the Old man Gasping on the Cigarette pack.

Announcer:
They’re like sucking the Bile right out of a Dead horse’s ass!

Scene: Back to the Game show where wink is Drenched in blood and Twitching allover. He’s Cutting up lines on the Podium with a Rusty Screwdriver. He tosses the Rusty screwdriver off screen.

Voice over:
Aaaaaa! My Eye!

Wink slams his head down on the podium and inhales through his nose loudly.

Wink:
OOOOOOhhhhh! That’s the shit!

Wink lifts his head back up looking at the screen, his wig falls off and he grinds his teeth.

Wink:
And now a word from our sponsor. Wha? Oh then onto the Lightning Round where all responses are put into the form of a question.
Ready Contestants? This widely know playwright was the first person, not of Royalty to be put on a stamp in the UK.

Bill (After Buzzing in):
Go Suck a Cock Yah Faggot! Then Kill yourself by bathing a toaster!

There is an ugly sound effect.

Wink:
I’m sorry that is Incorrect.

Art (Buzzing in):
Who is Go suck a cock you Faggot! Then Kill yourself by bathing a toaster!

Bells go off.

( Audience Applause)

Wink:
You are correct sir! Well you’ve won something or other like a check for acting on this Fake Game Show.

Wink turns to the screen.

Wink:
So long Bitches! ( He starts to twitch as the blood shoot out of his nostril then he grabs his chest and falls over) See you later when you tune in to this Nigger Ridden Faggot Hole! Kill Whitey!

( Audience Applause)

( Darkness Fades. )

I'm Dusty Clark, And I'd give you a piece of my mind but I'm fresh out baby. ]]> *Lithiumfoxx http://Lithiumfoxx.deviantart.com/journal/11853638/ http://Lithiumfoxx.deviantart.com/journal/11853638/ Sat, 17 Feb 2007 10:45:47 PST
Every thing in Life is Real Sad. They down right make you Mad.
When You Think of the Freedoms that we once had, You Complain and Bitch. Then You Think of why you’re not rich, Politicians Killed the American Dream! Don’t Mumble Just Scream. And this’ll Make things Bleed in your chest! And…….
Occasionally Look on the Dark Side of Life. ( He Screams in tone. )
Occasionally Look on the Dark Side of Life. ( He Screams in tone. )
For Life is quite a Turd. And Death’s a Funny Word.
It’s not your place anyhow. Remember that there’s no Sin. So Give the Audience a Kick in the Shin. ( He Runs over to some guy on the edge of the stage and Kicks him in the Shin, then runs back over. ) So Embrace it, Right Now. You Know,….Ssssssooo……
Occasionally Look on the Dark Side of Life. ( He Screams in tone. )
Occasionally Look on the Dark Side of Life. ( He Screams in tone. )
Prior to Smoking Criminal Meth. Life’s a big Fucking Hunk of Shit.
Remember before you Quit. I Beg of Eric Idle not to Sue.
Life’s a cruel Joke, And Death’s a Punch line, and it’s Fuckin' Funny too.
When Your mind’s about to Blow, Don’t start Crying under the bleached rainbow. Simply Forget that there might be a God UP there,he Hates You,You Know.
And…..
Occasionally Look on the Dark Side of Life. ( He Screams in tone. )
Occasionally Look on the Dark Side of Life. ( He Screams in tone. )
Occasionally Look on the Dark Side of Life. ( He Screams in tone. )
Occasionally Look on the Dark Side of Life. ( He Screams in tone. ) Occasionally Look on the Dark Side of Life. ( He Screams in tone. ) Occasionally Look on the Dark Side of Life. ( He Screams in tone. )
Occasionally Look on the Dark Side of Life. ( He Screams in tone. )
Occasionally Look on the Dark Side of Life. ( He Screams in tone. )
The F.C.C. can Suck my Cock. All Night.
My Nipples Explode in Delight!
Buy five copies in the Lobby You Consumer assholes!

Do,Do, Do, do, do, do, do, do......

I 'm Dusty Clark, and I'd give you a piece of my mind but I'm Fresh out. ]]> *Lithiumfoxx http://Lithiumfoxx.deviantart.com/journal/11784563/ http://Lithiumfoxx.deviantart.com/journal/11784563/ Mon, 12 Feb 2007 10:38:03 PST
A Nasty, Stupid, Vulgar little Fairy Tale

Once upon a time, then sublime as it was an age when Fairies and Goblins still existed. There was a vast Kingdom, it was a land of misery for it was ruled by a monarch who was iron fisted.
This was Emperor Zash’s dynasty, a savage reality with only his morality as law. Zash was a ruthless, Ill tempered man, Sadisticly cruel was his oppressive rule. Leaving a many cadavers for the rats to gnaw.
He publicly executed his people for seemingly nothing at all other than his shire delight. Needless to say, the people of his land lived in fear all day and night. Non of them dared stand against him after generations watched in vein, the murders of all he wished to be slain. Every way possible, Hanging, Stake Burning, Beheading, Impaling, Boiling in oil, even a little boy or girl. He had a particularly interesting execution one time, He made whistling a crime, and killed seventeen villagers by blowing them up with a custom made air pump device. Seventeen oppressed, Innocent people popping like balloons while he gripped his ribs in laughter as the intreals spraid the depressed crowd. Then he scattered his people with lice when they cried out loud. He wasn’t nice, and when it came to morbid abuse of power he was quite obsessed.
Emperor Zash was a true Monster, the kind of rule model no one would dare mimic. He was able to hold his peasants by force with the aid of his army, who were nearly as demonic. He had twelve evil knights, who each had twelve large knives, twelve evil wives ( One of which Named Marge. ) , twelve evil horses, and three evil children. They loved to upheld their Emperor’s every sin.
The poor Peasants of the land were taken by surprise by an outsider one evening, a jester decided by the look of his clothing. He arrived without saying so much as a word, and seemingly had no desire to lift a sword. They all attempted to greet him for he was the only drifter they’ve seen since the obscene Emperor ruled anyone visiting his land from outside, a crime punishable by death. The Jester Ignored them all and continued to walk by them without uttering so much as a breath. They tried to warn him of the Emperor’s vile laws, he only ignores them before he begins to sing. They Attempt to warn him that he could be killed for this, for the Emperor outlawed all music. The Jester heard the caution of scorn, holding his ignorance in sick contempt.
The Emperor was told of the jester’s interloping, while he was in the tub, soaking. He thought his advisor was certainly joking. After dawning fancy silk cloaking, he walked to his castle balcony to look down for himself. He looked through a telescope made of gold and caught sight of the jester juggling and gathering the attention of his people, Suddenly his mouth dropped open. He Cursed and swore the worst of any cur, each word rotten to it’s vulgar core. His personal advisor, an extremely tall, bird nosed man who he’d hired since he was far wiser, Whispered into his ear. It was clear that the man,
( Skeleton thin ) hand a plot which made the Emperor grin, showing his rotten teeth with the very thought.
The Emperor announced by horn to his people, that there would be a celebration, a Holiday for just one day. For the first time in decades the people gave a huge, Hooray, then spoke,
“ No Way! “ . They assumed that the Emperor had a sudden change of heart, with that the Emperor thought himself right smart knowing the jester was doomed.
The people had not the proper makings of a party, but the jester began to crack jokes about the Emperor, making them all laugh hearty. The Emperor had not counted on this joker taking the stage, every joke at his expense made his face red from rage.
The jester made such jokes about the Emperor being such an incompetant old fart, he vocally tore him apart. A sense of humor is something the Emperor never had, He was completely driven mad. He then gave command to his knights to execute the jester as his advisor had planned, like clock work they answered his demand. The Emperor had a delightful demise for the trickster, sick and sinister. The sour Emperor devised to have him catapulted from his highest tower to make all his followers cower, just as he was advised. He felt quite omnipotent.
The People stood back when the knights to be feared started to attack. They surrounded the jester. It was a terrible crime to tell any joke, particularly one insulting the Emperor, they spoke. Suddenly in a cloud of smoke the jester disappeared.
The Emperor punished the people for laughing by outlawing any bathing. Thought the Emperor, “ Let’s see what you think, when you all suffer from stink. “ . Emperor Zash was brash a... ]]> *Lithiumfoxx http://Lithiumfoxx.deviantart.com/journal/11752098/ http://Lithiumfoxx.deviantart.com/journal/11752098/ Fri, 09 Feb 2007 19:53:05 PST
Hey Folks and Fly ass Bitches.

The other day I was cleaning out my squaller hole apartment and came across my official Deed to the world. I was thinking about auctioning it off but I don’t think I’ll get much for it, It’s a Fixer Upper. I should be careful about who buys it, He might say something like, “ Well this concludes our business affair, Now everybody off of my property, You’re all Tresspassing. “ .

Have you ever been cut out of a will because you attended a birthday party? I have because I mistook a can of that Silly String with a can of black spray paint. Plus, I was the only one actually laughing.

When you go to a night club you have to wait in a long line for a long period of time. When you get inside and have a couple of drinks, what happens then? You have to wait in an even longer line for an even longer period of time to get into the restroom. I think that they should put up a sign on the stale door, or above the Urinal that says, “ Next time, Go take a piss on the propane tank in the alley! ‘ . Because that’s whats going to happen and if they had a sign the line to the restroom would be reasonable. The down side to this of course would be that there would be a line to the propane tank in the alley.

I think that when you’re proposing marriage, A bad thing to say would be, “ Hey, you wouldn’t believe how cheap I got this ring at the police auction because it was on the finger of some woman they found dead inside of a trunk! “

If you are doing your Laundry and your dryer breaks down, Never dry your wet clothes in the microwave. Otherwise your closet might glow when you turn the light out at night, And also you’d probably start to lose your teeth and your hair would start falling out after that.

If I was a world class chef and dating a Chinese Acrobat. I’d Invite her over to my place and cook her a world class dinner. She most likey ask me what I wanted for our anniversary, And as I was serving her I’d reply, “ Bone-A-Petite. “ . But before I cooked her dinner, I’d have to take the batteries out of the smoke detector.

I wonder if there was ever a mortican named Watson. I can Imagine the coroner bringing him a dead kid and the Mortician asks, “ Where did this dead kid go to school coroner? “ . Then the Coroner would light up a pipe and say, “ Elementary my dear Watson, Elementary. “ . Then they’d go inside and drain the dead kid’s blood down the drain.

They say, Nice guys always finish last. This is true, My bowling team was called, “ The Nice Guys. “ . After the results of the last couple of tournaments we changed our name to,
“ Those Cheating Rat Bastards. “ . Turns out it’s also true that, Cheaters never win. We’re still trying to find a way to Cheat at Bowling.

( Music stops. )

Now, Here's a western story.........................

The Ballot of the suicide Kid.

In a distant inbreed western town several minutes ago, There we find the fastest draw in history of the gun. He was a cold hearted monster of a man whose savage hatred of the human existence was only second to his love of show tunes which he drowned in hard drink.
The Bar tender protected his identity for he Knew that he was the legendary suicide Kid. That is until the bar tenders racism of the local Indian tribes was disrupted, as an Indian brave wearing a bloody cowboy hat that had an arrow through it entered the bar and said, “ How…Dy Parner.” A Monstrous Maniacal Murderer Named Nasty Gringo entered the saloon doors, Guns a blazing.
Nasty Gringo, Formally known as Dirty Sanchez leader of the Donkey Punch gang which despite being ruthless banditos stood up for woman‘s rights, had entered with the sole sounds of spurs Clinging on the peanut shell and thumb tack covered floor. Which was Peculiar Seeing as how Gringo didn’t wear any Spurs.
Gringo shot up that saloon and in a New York Second, Which often kills someone flat, That creep Bartender sold out the suicide Kid’s Identity.
Nasty Faced the Kid, and the Kid showed no emotion at all because he was under the influence of particular narcotics and a hardcore mind frame. Gringo called the Kid a Yellow bellied, Sap sucking, Half shaved, tangle footed, Mama’s boy. Which in those days meant a Cowardly, Drunken Mother Fucker. Then he Challenged the Kid to a Gun Slinging match.
The suicide Kid looked him straight in the Eye and said,
“ Maybe. “. It was high Midnight when the suicide Kid Faced Nasty gringo in the cardboard streets, For a Gun slinging match that would determine the fate of everyone in the town. Nasty Laughed for absolutely no reason and suicide said, “ Maybe. “ .



In a split second there was a single gun shot, For a moment time stopped. Somewhere out there in the world at the exact moment some one... ]]> *Lithiumfoxx http://Lithiumfoxx.deviantart.com/journal/11715346/ http://Lithiumfoxx.deviantart.com/journal/11715346/ Tue, 06 Feb 2007 20:08:36 PST
I open a new checking acount and they offered me a choice between several check designs. The List said, Express yourself on your checks. I cannot be well enough expressed with puppies and butterflies, That's why they need to make personal checks that have the background design of a stamping that says, " Void If written On. ".

I Think that a bad radio contest would be, The first person to bring the severed head of a known senator down to the station receives free tickets to a christian rock concert. Mainly because, You can’t give away tickets to one of those things. I was thinking, If a Radio station DJ accidently Swore on the air and lost his job because of the FCC violations, Who’s to say he shouldn’t file a class action lawsuit against the FCC for discrimination because he suffers from tourette’s syndrome.

You have to feel bad for a guy who gets sent to a federal penitentiary for violating a seemingly minor crime which happens to be enforced as a federal law. Image him sitting there in a prison cell with a seriously harden thug. He’d be like, “ After I dismembered all of their hands and legs with a hacksaw and a hatchet, As American Idol was playing on the television in the background I took some kerosene and set them on fire while they were still alive and laughed harder than I ever had in my entire life. “. “ Oh God, I still hear their horrible screams at night, haunting me and asking why!” . “ Ugh, So what’re you in fer new guy? “ . The guy would be sitting there all wide eyed and shooken up then he’d say something in a poor attempt to sound vicious like, “ Let’s just say that the mailbox had it coming! “ .

A while ago one of my jerk wad jackass friends and I were having a cigarette outside of a pool hall when this elderly woman across the filty street look at us and waved. He waved back at her and observantly I asked, “ So who’s that old lady? “ . He looked at me and said, “ Oh, she’s one of my supervisor’s at work, I like her because she always let’s me get off early with hardly doing any work. “ .

Whenever I see a commercial for an embarrassing personal hygiene product and they say in the ad that Four out of Five Doctors approve of it, I make a point not to buy this thing. I don’t know about you but I’ll wait until they offer a like product which Five out of Five Doctors Approve of. I saw through the Bullshit, at a tremendous risk to my own personal health.

This one time I got off at a bus terminal in New York and saw a man in a Superman costume go jogging by with a man in a traditional German Oomph outfit chasing after him and playing that song, The Eye of the Tiger, on a fruity Accordion of some type. I stood there in confusion for a good minute as most folk would, Then it Dawned to me, Some people actually keep their New Year’s Resolutions.

Most people seem to think that if homeless people handed out there business cards they’d have slogans like, “ Will Work for Food. “ . Me on the other side, I believe that if Bums handed out their business cards, The slogans would be things like, “ Will Vomit cheap scotch and bloody bile for charity. “, Or, “ Will Expose genitals at a children’s birthday party while talking to self in broken fluent Japanese. “ .

I recently visited this extremely bizarre Cementary. It was a Cemetary famous for having unusual epitaphs on all of it’s tombstones. There was one from some guy who used to work in television, It said, “ And now a word from our sponsers. “ .
There was one that read, Here lies the only known Jewish Pirate. He was known to say, “ Oye. “, a lot. He died from scurvy at a fruit market. Well, He Almost made it. I guess he was looking for a barrrrgggain. The weirdest one toward the end said, “ Can I borrow a cup of sugar, because I’m dead. “. My Favorite epitaph said, “ Wish you were Here. “ . That guy bled to death while trying to open a band aid.

I recently got a new book shelf. I was walking about one evening, A truck drove by and a brand new bookshelf fell off of the back. Miraculously it was in perfect condition, I waited but the truck driver must not of realized he lost it because he never came back. Suddenly a bus driven by a tweaker plowed through it breaking it into thousands of splintered smithereens. So I just kept on pushing the wheel barrow of cinder blocks and particle board away from the construction sight.

I was invited back to this incredibly attractive looking girl’s apartment one time. She went into the other room to change into something comfortable and left me in her living room alone. I accidently spilled a drop of red wine on her couch cushion, I tri... ]]> *Lithiumfoxx http://Lithiumfoxx.deviantart.com/journal/11703583/ http://Lithiumfoxx.deviantart.com/journal/11703583/ Mon, 05 Feb 2007 21:31:57 PST
It is my strong belief that there should be Reverse Greeting Cards. Image that, On the front there is a cartoon puppy with big tearing eyes. Open it up and it says, “ We have your Daughter, If you ever want to see her again without being permanently facialy disfigured by a rusty screw driver that was found in a filthy Men’s room stale at a pork product factory in Mexico, You’ll give into our demands. “. Or have one and on the front cover there’s a nice Japanese Watercolor background painting, open it up and it reads,
“ Sorry I Splooged on your antique dinner table and didn’t clean it up, Anyway, Merry Christmas! “ . Hallmark should really consider these possibilities.





Now here's a thing About Practical Jokes:

I am usually the victim of practical jokes because the ones I come up with never result in good times to be had by one and all. For example I think that a fantastic practical joke would be to put on a huge voodoo witch doctor mask. Then with the mask on, you carefully sneak up behind a complete stranger and ever so lightly tap them on the shoulder. Then when they turn around, you just start to stab them over and over with an Ice pick! Another good one would be to dress up like a repair man and go to an Arcade. Then pretend to fix a change machine, but you’re not fixing you’re just inserting a minature paper shredder behind the dollar slot! After that you go home and change then come back and watch the expressions on people’s faces when they get there dollar back in confetti form instead of quarters! Here's the worst possible practical Joke, Have a Friend's Email, Full Name and Address? Good, here you just go carefully around Gay And Lesbian sights signing them up for several Subscriptions to news and E-mails, Then you Play dumb with them whenever they tell you about the whole mess. It'll Drive them into a Wrath, and possibly destroy their social lives forever. Be all like, " Oh, Really? I Have AbbbbSollluuuutttteeellllyyyy NNNNNooooo Idea why someone would do such a thing! God Awful Rat Bastards!" HAHAHA, Then step back and say, " Look we're still friends I don't care, I'm Supportive but now you creep me out, Bye!" And run away Laughing at them. And If you find yourself a victim of any of these, Kill them.

One Fuck Damned More...........................................

You Find a way to trick a Brother into Having Concenting Sexual Intercourse With his sister who like him is of legal age, Cause welcomed Incest............But the Funny part is, while he's up stairs balling his screaming sister in an orgasmic fit of forbidden pleasure, HAHAHAHA, You turn back the time on all of the clocks in the house, leaving each of them at a different Time. Then when they come back out, Just Stare at them smiling.HAHAHAHAHA, they'll be so pissed off that they have to set all the clocks again, they might not even have the right time!

I'd like to state that I do in no way Advocate the Irritating habit of Willful Fraud, Destroying Lives for Personal Malicious Enjoyment, Or The lucky Coyote's face keychain. Altough I do support Slaughtering Prostitutes Now...........If they get greedy with the money. ]]> *Lithiumfoxx http://Lithiumfoxx.deviantart.com/journal/11674594/ http://Lithiumfoxx.deviantart.com/journal/11674594/ Sat, 03 Feb 2007 17:41:23 PST
I have an addictive Personality. I, like many others, possess a photographic memory. However when I Drink, it’s like I left the lens cap on. I used to Drink until I’d black out, then the next morning I’d wake up naked and handcuffed to a phone booth in the middle of the Pacific ocean.
If you have a night of Drinking, Wreck-Less-Ly you just might wake up in the woods with Leaves in your hair. Then you turn over and discover that the reason you’re drenched in blood is that there’s a mutilated deer next to you. At that point you should check yourself into rehab, just in case you aren’t a Werewolf. If it turns out that you are indeed a werewolf, Hey at least you have a good cover. Otherwise you might wake up in the woods with leaves in your hair, drenched in the blood of a deer again. However this time It might be worse because you get up and pull back the shrubberies to see the Highway sign that reads,
“ Welcome to New Jersey. “ . Then you’d just fall to your knees looking up at the sky and screaming,
“ NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNoooooooo! “, At the top of your lungs until you pass out again.
I’ve been trying to quit Smoking, I’ve gotten down to about half a pack a day. I used to smoke four, four and a half packs a day. Seriously, My Fingers were so yellow from the nicotine stains that it looked like I just got done Fingerbanging Marge Simpson. Now my hand just looks like I got done Finger Banging Willma Flintsone. I bought these Self Help tapes to help me break this bad habit cycle. You listen to them when you sleep and they’re supposed to subliminaly help you cut it out. They don’t work, Here I am Still Slaughtering Whores left and right but now I’m out two hundred bucks!

I'd like to state that I do in no way Advocate the Irritating habit of slaughtering Prostitutes. ]]> *Lithiumfoxx http://Lithiumfoxx.deviantart.com/journal/11641309/ http://Lithiumfoxx.deviantart.com/journal/11641309/ Wed, 31 Jan 2007 21:27:46 PST
... "Several good places to Dispose of a Dead Body."

In side of the otter exhibit at the city zoo, During mating season after dosing it in otter pheromones. The morning just before the school kids show up for the field trip.

In the Backseat of a close friend’s car. Just Imagine how hilarious their reaction will be.

The Kitchen of a five star motel during a health inspection, also It’s face was forcibly removed with a cheese grater.

The Ball pit at child’s theme restaurant, after putting a plastic Winnie the pooh mask on it.

O.J. Simpson’s front yard.

Dismembered and crammed into a used microwave on an appliance shelf at a thrift store.

The waiting room of a gynecologist’s office, wearing a plastic Winnie the pooh mask.

Robert Blake’s back yard.

A Ferris wheel, On Christmas eve with a bottle of Vaseline and a pornographic magazine shoved into it’s pockets. Also It’s pants are down and it’s wearing a plastic Winnie the pooh mask.

Out of an Airplane two thousand feet in the air, right above the streets where the Macy’s thanksgiving parade is being held. Hopefully The News cameras will catch it’s dismount.

...One Fuck Damned more..........................................
Dressed up like a clown and hanging on the edge of an active mulcher directed at a children's birthday party at the edge of town where a riot ensued from the mosh pit of a theater during a classical opera rehearsal, and just outside, a Toilet paper truck collided with a Truck transporting candy bars and then a truck hauling tampons and a blood mobile added to the pile up and exploded all over in front of a Health food store owned buy a morbidly obese Swedish poodle breeder with gang tattoos, During a transvestite pride parade where The Hell’s angels Got into a violent Shoot out with cops Because they tried to stop the Mock Satanist’s Genital Masochism convention acrossed the now littered street. Then those Hyena’s that escaped the zoo showed up and it’s sort of completely Fucking Chaotic! And I have to be going now, You Know I Simply Can’t miss all The Fun. ]]> *Lithiumfoxx http://Lithiumfoxx.deviantart.com/journal/11617207/ http://Lithiumfoxx.deviantart.com/journal/11617207/ Mon, 29 Jan 2007 21:19:37 PST
I’d like to tell you about this cat I used to know named Ted.
Ted was an older guy that lived near me at one time. This one night I’m over at Ted’s place and we’re watching this porn flick, “ Over stuffed and Hand dipped. “. I was Drunk and relaxed about to pass out on his couch while he was leaning forward in his recliner.
Ted said something like, “ Oh man look at that sexy bitch take it all, I’d like to Stick my entire arm up her and then lick…….
Wait, wha.. What the Fuck that is Katie! “. “ Oh my God that is my Fucking Daughter Katie! “, He Screamed leaping from his chair, grabbing his head and going ape shit crazy. He fell to his knees and started to cry like a little bitch when his wife came running into the room from the kitchen where she’d been washing dishes.
“ What’s all the….”, She Blurted out when Ted pointed at the screen hyperventilating and said only, “ Katie! “. Ted’s old lady stood there starring at the TV for a moment before she ran toward the Bathroom vomiting on herself as she ran. Ted Threw his arms up to the ceiling while weeping and screamed, “ She told us she got a job at a law firm and she’s in fact having raunchy hardcore sex for money while people film her! Oh God NNNNNoooo! “.
Then Ted Threw himself against the wall Screaming and Crying as he Punched his fist through it before running into the garage. There I was watching his daughter slurp out of a Dog bowl while a trans sexual dominatrix hit her in the ass with a live Raccoon. Then I turned to face the Picture of Katie in a gown with braces on as she smiled for a graduation photo that was hanging on the wall and back at the TV.
Sometime went by and I almost that I called Ted and in the spirit of a practical joke told him that I saw his son Kissing some guy that looked like Ted Nugent at the mall when I didn’t. Then one day I found myself behind Ted’s wife at a store. She was crying and I asked her what was wrong.
She said, “ Oh I’m sorry, It happened all so fast that I didn’t have enough time to call everyone we knew.
I was quite confused when she said, “ Well Ted Found out about our son’s latent homosexuality somehow and with the Katie thing it… “, Then she choked and cried.
She said that he came home from work one day answered the phone, Screamed, “ My Son’s a Queer and My Little Girl’s a Filthy Whore! “. Then He Ran into the Garage and Blew his Head off with a Shotgun.
I was to say the least, Stupefied. I Looked at her As she stood there Crying and a warm sensation Washed over my heart. I Put my arm on her shoulder looked into her deep eyes and said,
“ I Know how hard this period in time is, but I feel as if it would probably be a good time to ask you if you could get me your
Hose Bag Daughter’s Autograph. “.

If you can read this congradulations on not being one of those Fucking stupid Illiterate assholes. ]]> *Lithiumfoxx http://Lithiumfoxx.deviantart.com/journal/11592636/ http://Lithiumfoxx.deviantart.com/journal/11592636/ Sat, 27 Jan 2007 20:55:33 PST " Wholesome Family Entertainment. "

I’d like to for seemingly no reason bring up something odd that I just Discovered. There is an American Tribe out west that has this Trickster God Named Kokopelli. I’m Sure you’ve seen him. Kokopelli is this character with the wavy hair that plays the flute, You see him on a lot of Yuppie bumper stickers and towels. Kokopelli is an actually God, And long before his image was plastered on bathroom mats he had a Feature which he no longer seems to possess. You See the Original Cave paintings of Kokopelli are almost Identical to his modern depiction, Except that in the paintings he had an enormous erection. This is True, I assure you folks, Unlike the Beliefs of those fucking zany Scientologists.
The thing is, A while ago when the Yuppie bumper sticker companies bought the copy rights to this God, They realized they probably wouldn’t sell to much merchandise that had a picture on them of some dude playing a flute with a huge aroused cock. They Decided to keep the flute, But they Sliced off his Cock. Officially turning poor Kokopelli into the flute playing trickster God of the Cock-less. I personally think that it’s terrible when you have to Castrate A Deity!

]]> *Lithiumfoxx http://Lithiumfoxx.deviantart.com/journal/11570681/ http://Lithiumfoxx.deviantart.com/journal/11570681/ Thu, 25 Jan 2007 22:13:18 PST
And Now A few Moments ...........................
From under the Bleached Rainbow..............

If I opened my own Advertising Ageny I'd call it,
No Soliciting.

I Believe that there comes a time wherein it is clear that a friendship is over. This moment is often recognizable by the phrase, “ Hey, I’m moving in a week and I was wondering if you’d give me a hand. “.

It is my profound belief that it is always good to be positive, Except in regards to the results of the Super AIDS Test.

If you’d fly down to Australia and walk around the airport aimlessly for long enough, eventually you’ll see a novelty T-shirt which reads, “ Duck Billed Platypus Hunter. “

This one time we were driving along and saw this sign that read, “ Free Pussy one mile ahead. “. When we got there it turned out to be just some old woman giving away free kittens.

I Think that a bad radio contest would be, The first person to bring the severed head of a known senator down to the station receives free tickets to a christian rock concert. Mainly because, You can’t give away tickets to one of those things. I was thinking, If a Radio station DJ accidently Swore on the air and lost his job because of the FCC violations, Who’s to say he shouldn’t file a class action lawsuit against the FCC for discrimination because he suffers from tourette’s syndrome.

I am one to spread the harmony to others. This is why I save up my used disposable razors for a year and put them in a box I wrote the words, “ Help yourself. “, on with a felt marker. Then I drop it off on the receptionist counter in a psychiatrist’s waiting room.

I went to a yardsale at two in the morning, I bought a Nuclear powered pencil sharpener. You wouldn't believe how hard it is to get a hold of some plutonium.

People always look up to you as an important person if you ride in the back of a Limo, Unless It’s being Towed at the time and has, “ I Photograph Boy Scouts Showering. “, Painted on the side of it. I found out on my Prom night.

Ever see one of these Mickey Mouse novelty phones? These ones where Mickey’s holding the phone reciever in one hand with the other on his hip. I Wonder what the worst Tragedy ever spoken on one of those things was. There’d be some poor fucker on his knees crying and looking up at Mickey’s smiling plastic head, you know.
“ Good Lord, Right thorough the window tearing their heads off!!!?? “ . “ NNNooo, Burned to death while paralyzed, God Why? “ . “ I’ll Be right down to Identify my Wife and Children officer. “ .

I never Say Thank You, because sometimes Words get misinterpreted to other people and Thank kind of sounds like, Fuck You. This is why I hate being invited to a Thanksgiving Dinner.

( The Music Stops abruptly. )

....This conludes this segment, Until Next time, Keep a few packets of salt in your pocket just in case of a giant mutant snail attack Folks and Fly Ass Honies.

Also,..............................................................If you should just so happen to Claim to be the Queen of Something, You're an arrogantly unreasonable narcissistic Cunt who has no respect for her choosen artform despite the reality that she will continue to fail because she is a whore who can't imagine the reality that she is wrong and a hack at best. ]]> *Lithiumfoxx http://Lithiumfoxx.deviantart.com/journal/11536415/ http://Lithiumfoxx.deviantart.com/journal/11536415/ Mon, 22 Jan 2007 23:18:51 PST
Here's A wholesome Exert from a sketch I wrote:

Scene: A Gas station outside of town, a man in a suit walks in where the Female clerk faces him.

Female Clerk:
Hello, May I help you sir?

Stranger ( In Accent ) :
Yes Miss, Could you tell me where the nearest town is from here?

Female Clerk
( Pointing ) :
I could tell you weren’t from around here, you go up that way for a while and you’ll see a sign that says, “ Fuck “ Ten miles ahead.

Stranger
( Briefly looking away ) :
I See. I’ve been driving by my self for some time now.

Female Clerk :
So you’re Going to go to Fuck Yourself then.

Stranger :
Tell me are there any Motels there, I find myself somewhat exhausted.

Female Clerk :
Absolutely, there are many Surprisingly clean motels in Fuck. I Suggest you go to The Fuck Inn motel.

Stranger:
Fantastic, Would there happen to be a Five star restaurant near by?

Female Clerk:
Certainly, If You want something to Eat Try The My Diseased Crotch Diner. They have an award winning Sautéed Beaver under Glass. The world Famous Tuna Cake is so Juicy that you’ll gasp for air as It burns out your nostril hairs.

Stranger:
That does indeed sound quite Delectable Ma’am. You have been most Generous.

Female Clerk:
It’s only natural for we the Town’s Folk, Fuckers, are as Down to Earth as anal Leakage.

Scene: The Projected Film clip in the Background Changes to that of a completely different car and scene. The Car Explodes. The Clerk turns her head to witness this.

Female Clerk:
Heavens! Your Car seems to have Exploded mister.

Stranger:
Drat, I had half a roll of mentos the Fresh Maker on the dashboard. Dang it.

The Clerk Turns to him angrily,

Female Clerk:
I’ll Mind you to watch your Language Stranger.

Stranger:
Forgive me, I see that you Fuckers are quaint People of Powerful
Morals.

Female Clerk:
Yes Particularly Me I’m a parent, a Mother Fucker.

Another Stranger, wearing a Kilt made out of live snakes and a Top Hat made out of tin foil and wax paper that has a dead ferret Stapled to it, walks into the Gas station.
Nods to the other Man and faces the Female Clerk.

Other Stranger:
Am I Any where Near Fuck by chance?

Female Clerk:
Yes, where the Fuck you ever are. It’s up the road about a mere Seven hundred and Seventy nine miles or so.

....................It's In need of Revision Obviously.

I'm still Finishing a how to book called:

" The Scientific History of Sexually Transmitted Diseases:
A Romance Novel about a Abstinent Quadriplegic who whittles wicker furniture with his teeth and sells them to epileptic acrobats who beat the children of grave robbers with kitchen appliances that’s set in the 16th century. " ]]> *Lithiumfoxx http://Lithiumfoxx.deviantart.com/journal/11524570/ http://Lithiumfoxx.deviantart.com/journal/11524570/ Sun, 21 Jan 2007 23:53:35 PST
( Que Creepy slow circus music played on an accordion with a bass guitar and the bag pipes in the background. )

I went to see a Psychic lady at a carnival ground, She told me that in a past life I was Imortal. Then she told me that I'd die the same way I entered this world, Laughing at a Nature documentary on beavers. The newspaper article will read, " Local Asshole dies from major heart attack while laughing like a complete lunatic at a wildlife program, It's reported that he died from Sexual innuendo." This for no apparent reason makes me ponder........wither or not I should make out a living will. If I do I think I'll leave all of my earthly material possetions to, the Dali Lama. I can see him now Sitting in the lotus position wearing my, " I've reached ultimate enlightenment and all I got was this stupid fucking
T-shirt" embroidered baseball cap. He'd be listening to My taste in music, just headbanging to Motorhead's cover of the Laverne and Shirley theme song.

I think that the worst possible Career choice for me would’ve been, Phone Sex Operator. What a Job that would be eh? Just trying to seduce fat chicks over the phone all day. Then they’d probably fire me after a few customers commit Suicide. Fuck Damn it, I’d be up to my knees in dead fat chicks which I’ve failed to Sexually Satisfy from a distance. Then I’d later find out that it was indeed the Suicide Hotline that I was working at the whole time. Which is to say the least, pretty bad since being a phone operator at the Suicide Hotline is a volunteer position. I’d have been fired from a Job I was doing for free! It would still be better than quitting a job as a messengar boy because you got shot. Which reminds me of a time When I walked into a filthy fast food franchise and went up to the counter. The girl working there asked me what I wanted, I said, " To live in a world where the word " Yes. " Caused cancer." She asked me If I wanted fries with that. I said, " Only If they were hand cut by Schizo the cat headed God of choas to the Aborigines. " She Handed me an Application.

IF A KID IN THE HIGH SCHOOL CHESS CLUB BEATS THE WORLD CHAMPION CHESS PLAYER, Is he still a Loser?

I'm allergic to antihistamines and I'm addicted to highly concentrated counterfeit placeboes.

If you have any wooden nickels you're not using, I'll take them.

I have always thought that when a kid throws a baseball throw the window of house where someone he doesn’t like lives, It was indeed a wise decision. Mainly because it is by far eaiser to explain than a cinder block with a crudely written note attached that reads, “ Live in Fear. “.

If I ever open my own Advertising Agency, I believe that a great name for it would be, “ No Soliciting. “ .

I’d like to one day receive a Laminating machine as a gift, So I could use it to laminate all of the leaves on my house plants. Then I’d Invite people over and Say, “ Go ahead and Touch them, Don’t they look so real? “ . Without them Looking at me in Shire Horror!

I’ve discovered that I’m the only one who finds it quaintly Fucked up that there are reality shows on the Science Fiction Channel.

If you are a contestant on Jeopardy and you get a correct response by Saying, “ What is the exertion of force with intent to cause harm or injury ? “ . It’s Quite Clear that Violence, Is the Answer. Maybe it’s just me but, personally I believe that they should take the definition of the word “ Irony. “ Completely out of the newly published Dictionaries. Because that would be the perfect definition of that Fucking Word!

I think that people in glass houses can’t possibly work nights because the birds would keep waking them up while they’re trying to sleep during the day.

Think It’s weird that some guys have customized designer handkerchiefs that have their initials embroidered onto. Imagine if one of these guys was named, Vincent Demetri. “ ACHooo. “ .
“ Here use my Handkerchief. “ . “ Hey Thanks, Hey, This Handkerchief has VD on it ! “ .

( The Music Stops. )

This Concludes this segment from Underneath the Bleached Rainbow Folks and Fly ass Bitches.

I'm still Reading a how to book called:

" The Scientific History of Sexually Transmitted Diseases:
A Romance Novel about a Abstinent Quadriplegic who whittles wicker furniture with his teeth and sells them to epileptic acrobats who beat the children of grave robbers with kitchen appliances that’s set in the 16th century. " ]]> *Lithiumfoxx http://Lithiumfoxx.deviantart.com/journal/11508638/ http://Lithiumfoxx.deviantart.com/journal/11508638/ Sat, 20 Jan 2007 17:48:20 PST The in your face, out of sight, unheard of, odorless, senseless, and completely tasteless Alternative Kangaroo Piece.

A Big issue still seems to be the same sex marriage debate.
It doesn’t bother me. If some fruity couple would come up to me and say, “ We Got Married. “ I’d Grin and say, “ Fucking great, I don’t care. “. Then I’d simply purchase a sixteen millimeter camera with a quote, “ Borrowed “ credit card seeing as how they somehow know better than to give me one. Then I drive through three states to a zoo, after a quick stop at a jewelry store mind you.
Then I shall proceed to shot my first documentary while I fall to one knee, Grab a Kangaroo, and well check the plumbing get my drift. Whip out that expensive engagement ring that my landlord generously bought me without his knowledge, and profess my undying eternal love to that Kangaroo with a poem.
“ The Moment I first saw you, I knew without a clue that it was true, I’d fall Madly in Love with you my sweet Kangaroo. My heart paper yours glue, I want to spend the rest of my life with you my sweet Kangaroo. I can’t wait to whip out my huge didgeridoo and make sweet love to you until both of my balls are blue sweet Kangaroo. I want to screw, and I think you want to bang too, elope with me now from this very zoo, my sweet Kangaroo. “
Then as I Drive way up north with the Kangaroo that I’ve Kidnapped……Which to say is quite strange…….since I no longer have a techniquely valid license. I’ll successfully avoid the authorities and dawn my Cowboy hat. It is then, alone in the wilderness when I’ll film my first Independent film,
“ Buckaroo, Fuck-A-Roo mountain. “. No Animals were harmed during the making of this film, although they were made sweet love to that I assure you, oh yeah.
Then I’d realize I went to far…and was in Canada so instead of making a valiant statement I’d just come back and say, “ Canada’s Great, They let you Fuck Kangaroo’s up there. “.
….come to think of it maybe these are the thoughts that make it hard for me to find a date?
I was at a friend’s place watching something and a commercial for the Aussie brand shampoo came on. We both started to crack up because they have this purple lady Kangaroo puppet in the commercials. that’s whenever I actually said,
“ Man, I’d sure like to break that Puppet in Half. “ .
The weird thing about this concept is that If you did indeed have a Kangaroo for a girl friend, She’d never forget her purse. You see the Female kangaroo is a marsupial so she’d have a pouch. A provocative thing about that is that Marsupials don’t have a vagina, they have a cloacae, Which is the Pouch. So her using her Pouch like a purse would kind of be like a human using her vagina as a place to store keys, credit cards, cash, make up, chewing gum, and the like.

I'm Currently Reading a how to book called:

" The Scientific History of Sexually Transmitted Diseases:
A Romance Novel about a Abstinent Quadriplegic who whittles wicker furniture with his teeth and sells them to epileptic acrobats who beat the children of grave robbers with kitchen appliances that’s set in the 16th century. " ]]> *Lithiumfoxx http://Lithiumfoxx.deviantart.com/journal/11476458/ http://Lithiumfoxx.deviantart.com/journal/11476458/ Wed, 17 Jan 2007 22:50:09 PST
I remember that when I was a teenager, I possessed a great many philosophical questions that I had difficulty in answering. I’d heard tale of this old wiseman who lived all alone up on top of this one mountain. Apparently he had been a highly accredited Philosophy Professor at some university. Then one day he snapped and started to burn down churches and masterbate into the ashes. In short, my kind of guy.
So I decided to climb this mountain and discover if he was actually up there or not. I escalated it for what seemed like hours and finally reached the summit. Low and Behold he was actually up there, sitting calmly in the lotus position ontop of a ramshackle shed. He had on this humungous purple turban thing, and a long dirty grey beard.
He said, “ Why have you come to me my son? “ . Am we discussed everything from the existence of the Universe to the behaviors which appear in all of civilization. Feeling satisfied, I turned to decend the mountain and he stopped me.
“ Wait, If you are going back down, Do me a small favor won’t you lad. “, He confidently spoke in a very monotone voice while scratching his beard. I said, “ What is it you wish for me to do, Oh Wiseman? “ .
Then this dude pulls out an enormous burlap sack and says,
“ Take this here Bag of Suspicious looking packages with no return address on them, and Drop it in a mail box, but whatever you do Don’t Open them. “ .

I'm Currently Reading a how to book called:

" All I could find was my middle finger: How to manufacture your very own fireworks. " ]]> *Lithiumfoxx http://Lithiumfoxx.deviantart.com/journal/11453771/ http://Lithiumfoxx.deviantart.com/journal/11453771/ Mon, 15 Jan 2007 21:42:31 PST
Wishing wells are bullshit, I’m still not the first person in history to destroy all of civilization with a dirty penny. I’m one to admit that all superstitions are complete bullshit. I know this because one time I was hanging up a horseshoe and a black cat ran under my ladder and I fell taking the horseshoe down with me but when I tried to catch it, I only managed to accidentally launch it across the room shattering a mirror into thirteen shards.
Take the Lucky Rabbit’s foot for example. Now long before it was a cheaply died novelty on the counter of a convenience store counter, There were a few specific stipulations to the Lucky Rabbit’s foot in order for it to possess magical attributes. Traditionally, It had to be the left hind leg of a rabbit who was savagely murdered in the light of the silvery full moon by a cross eyed person. Of course this was also a particular time in which the only known cure for the gout was to climb to the top of the tallest tree in all the vast land.
I Say, Fuck Damn superstition! There is absolutely no reason why modern intelligent folks should have to exchange sexual favors to some cross eyed skank for an Enchanted key chain made out of a rodent’s severed appendage. Unless of course, You’re into that sort of kinky fetish.

]]> *Lithiumfoxx http://Lithiumfoxx.deviantart.com/journal/11436065/ http://Lithiumfoxx.deviantart.com/journal/11436065/ Sun, 14 Jan 2007 14:41:37 PST A heart warming memory.

I’ll never forget the old fishing hole. When we were kids about fourteen, me and Ned used to go out there and hang out. We were normally the only ones there but every once in while there would be this slightly older girl who’d show up. One summer in our curiosity we convinced her to let us see her naked, and to our surprise, she actually let us! That was a great time when our adolescent eyes first saw some perky breasts, a virgin vagina, and a girl with a huge penis. That was the summer when we first discovered what a hermaphrodite was. We now look back on that and laugh. However it wasn’t as funny when the same scenario played itself out in college. We ugh, Look back on that and cry.
That’s when I took it upon myself to distance myself from Ned, while I was Vomiting in terrible shock, He had an erection.
Come to think of it, I wish I hadn’t brought that up. Just like I wish that I hadn’t brought that up on a date once because she said,
“ Now I remember You! “ .

]]> *Lithiumfoxx http://Lithiumfoxx.deviantart.com/journal/11416337/ http://Lithiumfoxx.deviantart.com/journal/11416337/ Fri, 12 Jan 2007 22:47:32 PST
A While ago I was watching this television shrink show. This Psychiatrist had on his program a family dealing with the traumatic event of their father being diagnosed with a year to live from inoperable brain cancer. In order to help them cope with the angst and stress of this terrible event, he gave them a particular exercise. This exercise of course was to aid them in releasing all of their truest emotional scars toward this uneventful situation. This Fucker actually instructed them to write a letter to the Disease.

“ Dear Disease,
How are you? I Hope you’re doing fine, I am Not Okay! Although I’m sure you are fully aware of that as you are slowly destroying my father in a brutally agonizing fashion.
Yours Truly,
Sheryl. “

“ Dear Inoperable Brain Cancer,
I Have been very good this year, I’d like a dirt bike and a brand new video game system.
Love,
Billy.
P.S. I sure hope you like milk and cookies. “ .

]]> *Lithiumfoxx http://Lithiumfoxx.deviantart.com/journal/11397191/ http://Lithiumfoxx.deviantart.com/journal/11397191/ Thu, 11 Jan 2007 10:54:09 PST
I’ve given it some thought and have convinced myself that this world would be a lot more interesting if there wasn’t any funeral rights or death customs of any type, Someone dies you just leave them where they happen to fall and Ignore it like it was nothing.
Well have you ever had to stop in mid-day traffic and nonchalantly drag a Bloated, Rotting, Festering, Decomposing, Maggot Infested, Gangrenous Corpse off of the highway as parts fell off of it and disregard it in a filthy sewage drain on a daily basis? Well Maybe in Detroit, but otherwise probably not.
Just Imagine that, People’d be shoving dead geezers off of park benches and such. Folks would be kicking some dead teenager’s Bloated, Rotting, Festering, Decomposing, Maggot Infested, Gangrenous Corpse out of the way in a line at a fast food franchise. Good lord just think about what the Buses would be like, shit Bloated, Rotting, Festering, Decomposing, Maggot Infested, Gangrenous Corpses Would be piled in such a manner that occasionally one would fall out when the driver opened the door and he’d crush it’s moldy head open as he drove away.
Eventually all of the Bloated, Rotting, Festering, Decomposing, Maggot Infested, Gangrenous Corpses would pile up so bad that it caused a health concern. What with the Bloated, Rotting, Festering, Decomposing, Maggot Infested, Gangrenous Corpses the disease would break out and people’d step out of their buildings and Puke immediately without any thought of why the air reeked such a rancid stench.
It would be a Necrophiliac’s best Nocturnal emission.

The Evil rat faced swine in charge would have to do something about it. I Think that they’d have no choice but to create a new Holiday. A New Holiday just to distract people while workers in hardhats and yellow vests who had strong stomachs would go around loading all of the Bloated, Rotting, Festering, Decomposing, Maggot Infested, Gangrenous Corpses into the backs of trucks.
But what would the Evil rat faced swine in charge Call this new Holiday? Couldn’t call it Bloated, Rotting, Festering, Decomposing, Maggot Infested, Gangrenous Corpse appreciation day, although it does have a certain sound to it. No they’d have to call it “ Wholly Shit Look over here Guys, Day. “ or, “ Laundry detergent appreciation Day. “.
Why Not these people who recycle diapers want to create a Holiday for every day Like, “ Read to a Child Day.” or, “ National slice a mail courier’s cock off Day. “.
“ Sorry, Thought I’d show you how important your lose of only my important mail is asshole, say you remind me of a particular God! “ I wouldn’t Be surprised if they try to get us all involved in “ Perform Cunninglinges on a Dental Hygienist’s pet Hedgehog Day. “, Soon enough.
Anyway , What to do with the Truck Loads of Bloated, Rotting, Festering, Decomposing, Maggot Infested, Gangrenous Corpses? My Plan is quite simple actually. We send these work crews up to the Canadian border until they find a nice national forest that serves our purpose. That is when they just toss ‘em right off the back of the trucks, Right up into the Fucking trees.
They Don’t like it, Fuck’em, They can turn the national park into a tourist attraction. “ Bloated, Rotting, Festering, Decomposing, Maggot Infested, Gangrenous Corpse Wildlife Refugee. “.

That way all the Wholesome North American Families can go there to have their picture taken next to a Bloated, Rotting, Festering, Decomposing, Maggot Infested, Gangrenous Corpse that is hanging upside down from a tree with a bird’s nest in it’s mouth like a Grotesque Opossum with the mutilated entrails of a Scarecrow Crammed into it’s spit hole.
Then we’d all finally have a well cherished Wholesome Holiday for the whole family that everyone could agree on despite religious differences and ethnic backgrounds.
Since I’ve now shared with you Folks my Bloated, Rotting, Festering, Decomposing, Maggot Infested, Gangrenous Corpse Vision. With that said,
“ Can you people even begin to comprehend the Sexual Fantasies I Have? “

]]> *Lithiumfoxx